Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 163: Reviews of Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

If you want a full version of 'Toes in the Sand,' let us know and we'll give you recommendations for therapists. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stu...ff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?
Starting point is 00:00:23 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly today something is coming kong godzilla they can feel it fight together it's human up or face extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.
Starting point is 00:01:28 That's Zandy. That's X-teen. The double X. Oh, wait. The, yep, the X-factor is what I like to call us. The X-factor. Okay, we got to rename our business. Do you think that name is trademarked by anybody? X-factor? Probably not, right? Probably not. We like filing things. Maybe we could be the x files oh well actually that's already my youtube channel it's called the x teen files oh x teen files though no one's taking the x files though that's also really unheard of i think okay good we'll have a whole theme song and everything
Starting point is 00:02:00 do do do i actually don't know what the x-files theme sounds like sounds right my head i think i was just doing the twilight zone okay anyway welcome to the show twilight zone that's not been taken either yes um anyway welcome to the margaritaville episode as you can tell it's a loosey goosey we're uh having a cheeseburger in paradise Goosey were having a cheeseburger in paradise. That's the only thing I can... Looking for my last shaker of salt? I was at CVS. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Thank you so much. What is such a... Oh, to put a rim on the margarita glass. I never thought of that. Really? I don't... Believe it or not, I haven't analyzed those song lyrics yet. I like how I say really in such shock.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Yeah. Um, I need this. Need what? Margaritaville theme. Why? Because I was just in Minnesota and it was so fucking cold. I don't know how y'all live up there.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Guess who wasn't in Minnesota? Oops. Even though we said in the last episode, we're both going to be in Minnesota. You said, unless something happens with it, you, you qualified it and you were and you
Starting point is 00:03:06 didn't know it then but i didn't know it that is what happened unfortunately the episode or sorry the live show was guys come back in may we'll be there in may i'm hoping to be there i might have a a prior engagement a prior engagement turned marriage oh god because it's a wedding anyway oh i was like is there news you need to share here no no i do not but yeah so it was really cold basically is all i'm saying it was negative 20 at one point yes um thankfully i was still in bed at 8 a.m when it was negative 20 however the times when it was about negative nine uh i was outside and couldn't feel my eyes that was a weird one and you were just thinking if i could only be in jimmy's paradise and his big strong arms warming me up big strong salty arms salty arms yeah well uh i think you have more than i do
Starting point is 00:04:01 so why don't you just kick it off let's let's do this uh my first one is of the one in Universal City uh which is in LA uh I've been to this one before really yes when I last time I went to Universal did you have a margarita um honestly I don't remember so probably had a bunch probably quite a few yeah no I think it was like lunchtime, so I don't think I did. Okay. Anyway, here is Blaze's experience. One star. Bunch of old white dudes wishing they were in the Caribbean. End of review. That's you.
Starting point is 00:04:35 That's not quite old yet. Well, it depends on who you ask. I mean, yeah. If you ask like a baby, I don't and i did okay oh no don't tell me leona's talking about me that way about your age um yeah it's kind of wild because you're already in southern california you know like in the warmth it's not like a minneapolis based buffettville or margaritaville true true um also i just thought this was a good way to introduce what margaritaville was to those who might not know because yeah that sounds that's basically
Starting point is 00:05:12 sums it up basically it's a caribbean themed people complained about the it not being real authentic mexican food oh it's some reviews so i'm not sure if they're trying to be if they're one of their categories is like tex-mex type but i've seen people kind of act like it was yeah but i never thought of it that way i just thought of it as having just a weird assortment of food like american food with a uh jimmy buffett theme yeah it like legitimately and they call it they call themselves parrot heads that's what jimmy buffett fans are um yeah so it's definitely it's a there used to be one in cincinnati um it wasn't what where was it in the casino oh yeah that's right so you know they're all i might have been to that one because i think i've been there i want tickets to a free concert
Starting point is 00:06:02 or not for the concert wasn't free, but I didn't pay. I want tickets from the radio for a concert. Which one? I don't even know. I didn't even really go. Jimmy Buffett? I just kind of hung out in the... It was not Jimmy Buffett.
Starting point is 00:06:13 But yeah, anyway. Well, they're all over the US. I don't know. If you're not from here, you probably are like, what is that? But it's... Alex and I just described it. It doesn't seem that worth going. No, it's not really that special.
Starting point is 00:06:28 Unless you're interested in Jimmy Buffett. Yes, exactly. So I have one from Orlando here, and this is a one-star review by Michael. Let me start by stating Mr. Buffett is an American hero, like FDR level. However, I have never been treated so rudely at a restaurant before. stating Mr. Buffett is an American hero, like FDR level. However, I have never been treated so rudely at a restaurant before.
Starting point is 00:06:50 I love Jimmy Buffet. Just to clarify, I'm going to be specifying the spelling. When they don't put an extra T. Buffet is with two Ts. Right. I love Jimmy Buffet. I love every Margaritaville I have ever been to. But good Lord, this place sucks and the service is terrible. Paper straws?
Starting point is 00:07:09 I'm sorry. I thought this was America. Anyways, fair winds and following seas, fellow Parrotheads. Wow. End of review. That's how they were treated poorly was they received a paper straw. I do believe Michael here thought there was greater than zero chance that jimmy buffett himself would be reading this review based on that greater than zero exactly yeah which i'm
Starting point is 00:07:33 gonna be honest i think the chance is zero that jimmy buffett reads this review i think it's like less than zero but michael still had a little bit of hope michael had hope um that was probably never uh met but um yeah speaking i remember how earlier i said i was gonna bring up manatees Michael had hope that was probably never met. But yeah, speaking, remember how earlier I said I was going to bring up manatees? Yes. Well, it's right here because apparently Jimmy Buffett is the head of, he's like founded like the Save the Manatee Foundation or something. I'm pretty sure that's what it's called. But he apparently donates a lot of money to man manatee rescue also i'm realizing i got this
Starting point is 00:08:06 from a yelp review so i really don't know that it's real um i don't know why suddenly i put so much change and you were like wait a second i realized maybe i should have done some research this is you're talking about the state marine mammal of florida oh that's oh yeah it's the state marine mammal okay that makes sense save the manatee club uh founder club co-founder is jimmy buffett helping to protect manatees for over 35 years so the paper straws i'm sorry friend like he's trying to save the manatees and they're going to be and with all those chains across the u.s he's doing the right thing with these paper straws did you know that of all known causes of manatee deaths humans are responsible for about half of them i see your eyes gazing down
Starting point is 00:08:52 at your computer every now and then about half yeah remember when i gasped before we started recording it wasn't at that sentence it was another sentence that I will not read. Thank you. That is very graphic. No. No. That I didn't like. Oh, gosh. But yeah, humans, boats and barges, it's especially. Well, we used to play that game. Exactly, where we had the manatee jump over the land. Where we like propelled the boat over the manatee.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Oh my God. And the land and saved them. Yeah. No, we were controlling the manatee. Oh, we propelled the manatee over. That's even cooler. Yeah, the manatee jumped over the land. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We weren't controlling a boat to the manatee over that's even cooler jumped over the land exactly yeah yeah yeah we weren't controlling a boat to kill manatees weirdo in a void that's
Starting point is 00:09:30 really dark that's a version you made when we got home that's really dark very talented game designer but that's like some roller coaster type guided yeah um but yeah so that's with the paper straws i was like sir michael you don't you clearly don't know much about Jimmy if you think that he's going to be putting plastic in those oceans. Yeah. Proud of you, Jimmy. Me too. Proud of you, Jimmy Buffet.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Here is the, a review of the Key West location, which it's the Margaritaville restaurant. He really could have, sorry, but not really. He could have really done quite a number with a Jimmy Buffet. Like if he had gone that route. Yeah, true. Just not done the margarita thing. Just like a margarita buffet or something. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Oh, man. Margarita buffet. I don't know. In Portland, I saw and experienced a... Bloody Mary? Bloody Mary. I was like, what are they called? I was going to say tomato alcohol drink.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Bloody Mary buffet, which makes a lot of sense because you put olives, pickles. People like the different spice. And they had all sorts of different options. Yeah. And that was so cool. I love that. I wish I could say what restaurant. It was so cool.
Starting point is 00:10:42 Yeah. But margaritas, Different types of salt? Tequila. Different tequilas, I suppose. Yeah. I suppose. That's about it. That's about it.
Starting point is 00:10:53 So anyway, here's of the Key West location, which I believe is the first one. So this is the main one. This is like the Parrothead Mecca of sorts. Yeah, Celine's stepdad lives in Key West, and he's definitely a Parrothead. When I visited, I was like, wow, this is a different lifestyle. I'm just observing from the outside, and it's something else. Yeah, I would hate to experience it one day. Cannot, can wait.
Starting point is 00:11:23 I will say, though, overall, i feel like it seems like a very chill community which is kind of the point yes so i'm not actually yeah they seem pretty harmless overall seem pretty chill um people are gonna tell me link these articles of big game hunting killing people or something i don't know there's a big game hunting he's like i protect manatees but not giraffes but not giraffes i'm in key west we don't have giraffes i don't care about them not relevant to me okay here we go here's a one star review um this is by steve speaking of Steve. Speaking of Parrotheads not being like chill listen to this one. Uh oh. The only reason
Starting point is 00:12:09 I'm giving one star is because I ordered the cheeseburger in paradise and it was missing the onion slice. The whole shin dog really deserves five stars but I'm being picky.
Starting point is 00:12:21 The margarita was not over the top but it was refreshing. Glad it was open. My last visit they were closed for remodel. End of review. You have got to be kidding me. Over an onion slice.
Starting point is 00:12:31 This person needs to take some more time in Jimmy Buffett's headspace because they're not doing a good job. And the business responded and they were like, oh, basically saying, yeah, we take pride in our burgers. We appreciate this. And we're sorry that we didn't meet your expectations.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Sorry we forgot an onion and ruined your whole world. And I'm sitting here like, what the heck? How is that? An onion? That's his slice of onion. It's part of the song, though. So like that's. Oh, is it?
Starting point is 00:13:01 But you can reference that without being a jerk. Yeah. And also you can just calm down for a minute and like just ask for an onion. I'm sure they'll give you one. It's yeah, because it's it is very much like part of the song. So I get why. Is it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:16 How do I not know that? One cheeseburger. Well, I only know it because they quote it. They put it in quotes. Oh, which part? The cheeseburger in paradise part i think i mean what part had the onion hold on here not zucchini fettuccine bulgur wheat but a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat a cheeseburger in paradise heaven on earth with an onion slice not too particular not too precise i'm just a cheeseburger in paradise okay hang on there's a lot so it is very integral to the burger but he's literally saying not too particular not too precise i'm just a cheeseburger in paradise okay hang on there's
Starting point is 00:13:45 a lot so it is very integral to the burger but he's literally saying not too picky not too precise and this guy's like you ruined my entire life with this lack of onion it's like okay if they had said one star off i would have not read well i maybe would have because it's kind of funny yeah but four stars would have been acceptable i'm realizing now maybe they just filled it with bulgur wheat and zucchini oh true and he was like wait a second you did the opposite of the song bulgur wheat what a fucking weird song what a weird song i've never heard that before um yeah so uh zucchini and bulgur wheat zucchini and bulgur what are you doing um but yeah so it's annoying like that's it literally says not to particular doesn't say that hey don't be particular about the way i talk not so sure it says that
Starting point is 00:14:34 yeah so i i get it i get what they were going for but they could have been nicer about it yeah yeah i get it i did not know that was part of the thing um but i'm glad otherwise they had a great time and i'm glad that i made sure that was all true before we got all these tweets from parrot heads oh you know how many if you listen we love you so i have one here it's a one-star view of the pensacola margaritaville hotel which chance oh my god emma is calling me like they know we're talking about Jimmy Buffet. Like M has. Is M a parrot head?
Starting point is 00:15:09 Uh-huh. Yeah. What? An affinity. Look at Linda. I mean, okay. It makes sense, right? If you said M's family is made up of parrot heads, I would have said, of course.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Right. But then anything with like a good time and some booze, even though Em doesn't drink, Em's kind of like, sign me up. It's literally Margaritaville. But Em loves when other people drink. So I think like it's kind of the prime environment. Okay. But Em's been to Jimmy Buffett concerts and the whole nine yards.
Starting point is 00:15:36 So Em loves a good Jimmy buffet, as they like to say. So I'm pretty sure that's why they're calling me. But so yeah, they have Margaritaville hotels in some parts of the united states did you know about this yes okay so this one's in pensacola florida um it's a one-star b by dale don't waste your fossil fuel on this place and i googled like am i in misunderstanding what a fossil fuel is nope i would not be surprised if we miss a majority of references that happen in this episode because we're not parrot heads yeah but this one i don't know i can't even imagine zucchini or fossil fuels just a big hunk of meat just jimmy buffett in one song say uh skip that place it's not worth the fossil fuels one star on yelp and so someone's like i'm gonna do
Starting point is 00:16:25 this exact thing don't waste your fossil fuel i'm like what if what a clever clever question way to say don't waste your gas but i mean it's a little like it's a lot it's a little intense i mean when you're an old fossil that's just how you talk am i right when you're a old white man looking for the caribbean you would know i would know all about how much how many talk am i right when you're a old white man looking for the caribbean you would know i would know all about how much how many fossil fuels i waste trying to find the caribbean just looking for your lost shaker of salt i hate that so much okay here we go this is of the key west location again this is by paul one star the reason i am leaving one star is our party walked into the restaurant at exactly 9.20. This is 40 minutes before closing.
Starting point is 00:17:11 We were welcomed with a waitress and hostess rolling their eyes due to the time we arrived. They obviously wanted to close early. We sat down and right away they said the kitchen is closing in 10 minutes. The entire couple minutes we felt very uncomfortable and rushed. We knew they just wanted us to leave. We ended up thanking them and leaving. We did not want to continue feeling like a burden. End of review.
Starting point is 00:17:34 You know what my recommendation to Paul is? If you don't want to feel like a burden, don't be a burden. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Alexander, that's good. And it's true. I'm not saying that. Clearly, they were willing to serve you.
Starting point is 00:17:47 But yeah, you're being rushed. The kitchen closes in 10 minutes. What do you want? Hello? He's like, I don't want to be rushed picking out my themed dinner from this eight-page menu. Don't rush me. And the chef's like, you have seven minutes for me to make you this burger with an onion slice and bulgur wheat exactly have a sense of urgency here for these people have some empathy please uh yeah and saying oh they clearly wanted to close early no they wanted to close on time
Starting point is 00:18:15 which was not gonna happen if you had stayed yeah it's not worth the tips from probably one party who might not tip well i'm very glad paul didn't say something like, they missed out on my 25% tipping. I just... Or some bullshit. I love when they're like, I had $800 in cash in my wallet. And I'm like, what? And you're going to just leave it there? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:18:37 Stupid. Okay. So the next thing I have is an email from Taylor who looked up Margaritaville's in the Midwest and said... Smart. Yeah. It's very smart. have is uh an email from taylor who looked up margaritaville's in the midwest and said smart yeah it's very smart and said i wasn't expecting to see so many people addressing these to jimmy buffett directly nor the amount of parasocial relationships many of these reviewers seem to have with him and to that i respond weren't you though because i was i mean no i i i uh i definitely
Starting point is 00:19:02 saw a lot of those i this is one past past Guy Fieri, past all the other ones, this is the one where I'm like, they're going to try to talk to Jimmy Buffett because he's so chill and he's so directly related to the brand. I don't think, I think this is like the most connected out of a restaurant brand that anyone's going to feel to the creator.
Starting point is 00:19:24 You're right. And I think the main thing that you mentioned was that his kind of demeanor yeah yes approachability he did you know he's on my brother my brother me every now and then yes they just like befriended him yes and it's hilarious yeah and i think that's fantastic i actually didn't think i liked jimmy buffett because i was like oh i don't know i held some resentment or some whatever toward him. And then as I listened, I was like, why on earth are they having Jimmy Buffett? And it was so funny to have him on the show and have them be like chill and whatever that I was like, all right, I can't hate the guy.
Starting point is 00:19:56 You know, I think it's similar to that. Well, we grew up grew up in Cincinnati and at Riverfront every year. There's Jimmy Buffett comes and it's a whole thing. And it's very it was very at least known to be like very uncool. Like it's all these old people. It's like suburban white dads. Yeah, whatever. And then but yeah, when you like think about it, it's so chill.
Starting point is 00:20:19 It's whatever. They're having a good time. They're having fun. Except giraffes. They are hurting giraffes. It's like a live, laugh, love type thing. Yes. People get so, like, hate it so much.
Starting point is 00:20:28 But when you think about it, it's just a nice little, yeah, let's just. I wouldn't have live, laugh, lemon if I didn't have live, laugh, love. There you go. And it's a very positive message. But people can get so negative. And I've been guilty of that. Me too. So, anyway.
Starting point is 00:20:43 And I probably still am. But, yes. So, basically, Taylorlor's like i wasn't expecting this which like to be fair yeah it's pretty shocking and jarring when you read reviews and you're like they're all talking to mr buffett yeah um so uh taylor looked up margaritaville's in cleveland oh what a fun adventure that must have been so here is margaritaville in Cleveland. It's a one star review by Kelly. Worst server. Nathan was horrible.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Very slow. When I asked where was meat on nachos, he told me Jimmy Buffett is cheap. Oh, my God. I like how she's like, I'm these nachos suck. But Nathan sucks because he called Jimmy Buffett cheap. It's like, well, he's kind of on your side here, I guess, right? I don't know. Horrible drinks. Took forever to get my replacement drink, so I canceled it as I watched Nathan glide around the restaurant.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Who is this? I want to meet this Nathan person. He's a mystery to me. He glides around the restaurant insulting Jimmy Buffett, the man who feeds him, the hand that feeds him. It's probably just a ghost. Someone who was slighted by Jimmy. Oh, and he goes around to all the Margaritavilles in the nation. No wonder there are all these negative reviews.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Calls him cheapo. Now that I think about it, all the negative reviews mention someone named Nathan. Nathan? What? Whoa. And he glides? He doesn't walk. Someone even said that Nathan claimed to have died in 1989.
Starting point is 00:22:13 There is no Nathan here. Nathan hasn't lived here for 25 years. He lived in the Margaritaville. I watched Nathan glide around the restaurant. I don't know why i read it again okay but what do you mean i that is that is a descriptor i've heard but never in this context never in this you think of at a at a fancy ball you see oh yes see the bell of the ball gliding across the floor as people are dancing. That's a beautiful young adult novel you're writing. Or they're fucking on ice skates.
Starting point is 00:22:54 I don't know, but never walking around a Margaritaville. Oh, no, he's on ice skates. Oh, my God. Margaritaville on ice. It's on like Lake Erie. It is in Cleveland. Yeah. Good point. oh my god in minneapolis and in cleveland all the margaritavilles are on ice it makes so much more sense i did talk about minneapolis and ice that's what i'm saying i walked on a whole fucking lake but the lake we talked about the
Starting point is 00:23:18 lake we talked about um it's bde yeah space maka space ska bd makaska something like that i'm It's B-D-E space M-A-K-A space S-K-A. B-D-E-M-A-K-A-S-K-A? Something like that. I'm trying to remember. I think you're right. Because we did read reviews of that. But you walked on it. And I actually got to walk on it.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Cool. First of all, it's massive. And you look at it and it's just people walking as if it's a stroll in the park. Oh, my God. On this giant lake. And there's a layer of snow. But then when you go under the bridges yeah the uh the ice doesn't have snow on it so you get to look down my gosh yeah and then it was cool you got to be by
Starting point is 00:23:51 these bridges really close and of course i got a wonderful photo of myself i'm sure you did a beautiful graffiti and the graffiti said, spread cheeks, not hate. I hope this was not a picture of you mooning the camera because I'm not interested in that. The only cheeks I was spreading were my face cheeks with my beautiful smile. Your rosy, rosy red cheeks. I'm zooming in. I'm zooming in. They were just frozen.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Look how rosy I look. Nice hat. Thank you. I got it in Vermont They were just frozen. Look how rosy I look. Nice hat. Thank you. I got it in Vermont, in Burlington. Love that for you. Thank you. Now we have something to post on social media. Thank God.
Starting point is 00:24:39 We should just mention our Instagrams every day and come up with some photo we've posted. I'm going to mention, no, every week I'm going to mention a new thing from this trip. Yeah. Yeah. Excellent. Just only Minnesota content for the next two months. You know, we could post something about Jimmy Buffett on ice. True. You know, being, you were there to see Jimmy Buffett on ice. I think that works great.
Starting point is 00:24:57 Hey, side note. Talk to me. Remember that pond we had in the backyard at Beachwood? Christina, that moment, literally right there, where I was standing, was when I brought that up to them. No way. I swear to you. I just got chills. I swear to you.
Starting point is 00:25:12 We are unwell. We are unwell that we have this brain connection. It was after that bridge, and it opened up, and we saw a bunch of people ice fishing. I don't think you and I have talked about this ever. I don't know. Someone's going to be like and i've talked about this in ever i don't know i don't know maybe i mean someone's gonna be like you actually talked about this in episode 89 um which wouldn't be surprised it's possible but yeah and i was i i told them because steven said
Starting point is 00:25:36 telling about the fish underneath the ice and i said oh we had a koi pond in the backyard and it would just freeze and then once it thawed they were all fine well no they were not all fine maybe you were too young to experience that they were certainly not all fine no actually yeah mom would send me out to look at and make sure they were all alive and they usually weren't oh my what usually we did not have like a hundred koi fish no no but they usually weren't all alive i meant there were always like one or two that would die one or two how many do you think aren't koi fish like really expensive how did those koi get there we didn't put them there we showed up and they were there and mom was like whatever just leave them and then sometimes they would go belly up and i would
Starting point is 00:26:19 have to go in and mom would literally fish them out with a net you don't remember that part no god we need to go to family therapy so i can just re-traumatize you we've tried that dude never trying that shit again that went badly okay should i get back to this review maybe about nathan maybe i'm sorry i'm googling about how much koi fish are uh petco apparently is 10 to 17 dollars for a koi fish. So I take it all back. That sounds not good. They were big too. They would die and they'd be like...
Starting point is 00:26:51 Christina, we've established the fact that these koi fish would die. Well, you don't seem to believe me. I still kind of don't. I don't remember any of that. Hang on. Are you texting mom? Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:07 She literally texted an important message before this episode started. We didn't text her back. And now you're going to text her about this. Well, you know what? I texted her a video of my baby rolling over for the first time. And she didn't respond to that either. So you know what? I think we're even.
Starting point is 00:27:20 You got me. All right. Ready? She's just mad she couldn't see it in person yet. Wait. Did she already respond? No. Oh. Oh. I, did she already respond? No. Oh.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Oh, I was just going to keep reading until... Okay, you're going to move on until suddenly in the middle of my challenge. Correct. Okay. He glides around the restaurant, remember? Oh my God, we're not even done with this review. Nope. Okay, gliding along the restaurant.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Okay, I said sometimes they would die, and she's like, no. Yeah, see? Sometimes they would die. They die alexander like but that's the thing is you're weirdly contradicting we didn't buy any there were no new ones like if they would just keep dying i don't know okay wait she said unless plumie our cat got them he would dig them out so literally our cat would murder them terrible that is terrible she says he was busy okay see he was busy i'm like they would die sometimes she's like no they didn't except when our cat murdered that is that is a pretty big thing again i'm okay granted this is not why people say don't have outdoor cats that's for actual local wildlife like birds and stuff not koi the local bird
Starting point is 00:28:26 the local fish of cincinnati local koi population okay i i'm like not having it with with renata right now she's fully oh my god guess what this has turned into zany i don't want to know you won't believe it i said i remember them sometimes going belly up. And she's like, oh, that must have been after I left. So after the divorce, when your father lived there alone ordering Burger King, that's when they all went belly up. That's true. He would just sit there and cry and toss Burger King chunks into the... He's like, is this how you feed a koi fish?
Starting point is 00:29:04 A whopper? Okay, I'm so sorry. Here we go. Literally spent 70 bucks on deep fried pickles and inedible nachos and four drinks. Complained no manager came over. Nathan gave me bill and said, sorry, our chili sucks. Nathan. Waste of money.
Starting point is 00:29:21 End of review. I mean, this whole argument that Nathan is a ghost of someone who was slighted by Jimmy Buffett, you know, it still stands up. It stands. Yeah. And the business owner replied, but I have a feeling Nathan got fired or at least
Starting point is 00:29:38 got a talking to. I mean, I don't know. They just said, like, we take this very seriously and we want to address these concerns. So my thought is, uh-oh,athan's in trouble yeah i will say that sounds like a biting the hand that feeds you yes cheeseburgers in paradise you know don't bite jimmy buffett's hand i said that earlier but i guess um i guess it bears repeating you said don't bite't bite Jimmy Buffett's hand earlier? Yes. In this episode?
Starting point is 00:30:07 Yes. No, in a different episode. I mean, I thought, was it before we were recording? I don't remember that. No, I said it sounds like he's biting the hand that feeds him, Jimmy Buffett's hand. Or something like that. You said that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Why not remember that? I also told you you were writing a really good young adult novel. I think I was too focused on that one. Oh, yeah. I remember that one. Thank you. That one, that I internalized because it was something remotely positive about myself. It lifted your spirits, right?
Starting point is 00:30:31 Yeah. Yeah. And gave me the motivation I need to finish my next chapter. You know, I saw that light in your eyes, that spark in your eyes, and that's when I started talking about the dead koi fish. I was like, bring it back down. Oh, okay. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Speed. Sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at KUDO.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Conditions apply. Well, here's a one-star review. I'll bring you down with this review. Excellent. This is by George, one-star review of the Universal City location. This is so long. I don't remember what this was. It must have been good.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Here we go. We'll find out. George, what are you telling all of us? Oh, yeah. And this was three weeks ago. Oh, shit. Okay. I really dislike giving one-star ratings.
Starting point is 00:32:02 The experience at this place was exceptionally terrible. First, when we arrived, the host stated it would be a 20 minute wait. This was odd because the place was not busy and the tables were all open. We waited. While we were waiting, other guests were arriving and they too were told the wait would be about 20 minutes. When it was time to be seated, all the guests that arrived after us were seated at nearly the same time as us. We were seated in an area that was empty the entire time and zero guests were in that area. The experience only got worse. First thing the server told us, no meals with shrimp are available. We have no shrimp.
Starting point is 00:32:39 When it came time to order beverages, they were out of any decent beers, on tap or in a bottle. They had no bottles whatsoever. What the hell? I know, right? Is this supply chain? Are they going to say supply chain in five seconds? I figured it's cold out. I'll order an Irish coffee.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Nope, the coffee machine is broken. I asked the server if they were closing down. She said no. The menu is like this due to COVID-19. So this is December of 2021. Most places, especially commercial restaurants, have got past the whole pandemic menu. Really? You do not have a working coffee machines, shrimp, or bottled beer because of the pandemic? How the heck is Popeye's still in business? That's what I ask myself every day. How on earth are they doing it over there at Popeye's?
Starting point is 00:33:29 They're like pandemic proof, you know? Like instead of recession proof, they're just pandemic proof at Popeye's. How the heck is Popeye's still in business? Where could they have possibly procured shrimp from? So we settle on food. We receive our food. I need to know what they ordered. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:47 Oh, good timing. I ordered some chicken pasta dish and my wife ordered fish tacos. The pasta dish was probably better than most prison food. So I suppose that is a win. The fish tacos had as much flavor as the oxygen we breathe in a pollution-free environment. That's a lot. I don't know what that means. That's a lot to process.
Starting point is 00:34:10 I loved it. Because, like, who's breathing? Where is this place located? I'm surprised I made it through this far into this review when I first read it. Wait, where is this place? This is L.A. Okay, so, like, the opposite of a pollution-free environment. So, this person doesn't even know.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Maybe that's how they see Margaritaville, as a pollution-free environment so this person doesn't even know maybe that's how they see margaritaville as a pollution-free oh they're like this is finally crystal clear air with no shrimp okay oh man what you know what okay never mind i was gonna say something really fucking weird i probably shouldn't say that well you can't do that now what now what say it okay i had i was like thinking of what kind of weird filtration system they might have and then i thought maybe jimmy buffett's manatee thing was a front and he actually used the manatee gills somehow to filter out the air do they have gills no they're mammals so probably not they breathe up there i didn't to be fair i didn't want to say this out loud also i love that i'm my problem is not with the thing you said but with the fact that scientifically
Starting point is 00:35:09 speaking manatees probably don't have gills do me since manatees don't have gills is the first sentence so glad we've gotten that out of the way they sleep upside down very close to the surface of the water so they'll be able to sleep fish we're doing oh my god and you grabbed them all you fished them all out and fed them to the cat he looked hungry i was trying to help oh god can you imagine being cat being like wow i'm hungry look at that fucking eight foot okay it was not eight foot but it was like a foot long like yeah oh my god um anyway yikes okay so manatee i was thinking about how apparently i read in one review that so this person complained about like they never play any jimmy buffett music and the owner response was actually every hour on the hour we play
Starting point is 00:35:59 margaritaville as the water or as like our waterfall uh pours into the tequila bottle and fills up and it's like this raucous good time i don't know apparently like wow there's this big waterworks where it goes into a tequila out of a tequila bottle guests are there and it's just the employees having to deal with it yeah so anyway maybe that's the filtration i don't know that makes a lot of sense now it'sution-free environment. Pollution-free environment. Got it. We're like halfway through this review. I'm sorry. Okay. Outside of the texture, they had no flavor. Our kids ordered mac and cheese and fish and chips. The mac and cheese was decent. Seriously, not bad at all. The fish and chips were surprisingly large
Starting point is 00:36:40 for a kid's meal and did the job. When it was time to leave, we had to wait an incredibly long time for our server to the point that my wife decided to walk around the restaurant to try and find some assistance so we could pay our bill and leave first she asked the host if she could send the server over the host said yes and then never moved from where she was standing so i'm sorry sitting this is actually sat there and did not do a thing now this is terrible what now this little goblin of a human being i was like what are they gonna say that's not that's the farthest thing from what i expected that's what happened with this review i'm reading it and i and as i was reading it i was getting so bored and then something would happen.
Starting point is 00:37:25 I'd be like, oh, I got to keep reading. And then I'm like, oh, this is just describing your kids. Oh, my God. Called someone a goblin? This is like twists and turns. It really is. Because I remember, because just now I remember, just now when I was looking at it, I was like, why did I include this?
Starting point is 00:37:42 This is so long. It's like Goblin kind of flashes out at you. And this was like two nights ago that I read this. Pollution-free Goblin. Pollution-free Goblin. Now, this little Goblin of a human could have just said no. Instead, she said yes and did nothing. So after about 10 minutes and still no visual on our server,
Starting point is 00:38:01 my wife walked around for anyone that could help. At this point, we have been waiting for our check for 25 minutes, and I am of the mindset that they must not want our money. Fortunately, my wife finds a manager and she finally brings a check over. Still never saw our server. Rumor has it she is still missing to this day. Okay. Did she ever really exist?
Starting point is 00:38:21 Or did we just imagine the whole thing? Nathan? Was her name Nathan? It was Nathania. We gotta gender our names here. Yeah, she also does sound a little bit like a goblin out of like a, you know, out of like some sort of fantasy novel. The point of this is to say, if given the opportunity to eat here, I'd pass.
Starting point is 00:38:43 The prices are expensive, but you anticipate that for a place at Universal CityWalk. This was just expensive for such a horrible experience. End of review. Wow. And guess what? What? I checked. When I read this review, it was marked as temporarily closed, the location.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Oh, shit. So remember when George here said- Are you closing? Asked if they were closing. I mean, they ended up closing. And this is three weeks ago. Well, the first thing they do is shut down the coffee maker. Like, that seems a little bit strange, but maybe.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Oh, no. I guess if things start breaking, they're like, we might as well just not fix it. I don't know. I mean, yeah. And truly, though, supply chain issues. And I'm sorry, but comparing Jimmy buffett's margaritaville to popeyes i have a feeling popeyes is able to procure shrimp better they have their ways yeah because if popeyes like had to get cut like a whole i don't know food type that'd be a bigger
Starting point is 00:39:42 deal than jimmy buffett's restaurant okay, we don't have shrimp today. Yeah. They also like deep fry their shrimp. Like who knows what, like, you know what I mean? It's a lot easier to get away with any sort of shrimp I would imagine. Not trying to slight Popeye's even though that's fully what I'm doing. I mean, I'll slight Popeye's. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:00 So, and they ended up closing. It doesn't say permanently. It just says temporarily, but. But you know, that's the first step oh now we know yeah if your place is one in cincinnati permanently closed also true but not because of covid it i think that was when yeah that was a while ago it seems like it was on the way out uh also they've changed that casino ownership multiple times so good oh it's not a hard rock so they have the hard rock cafe in there instead oh it's now. Yes. And I think they had like a Bobby Flay restaurant, one of those things.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Remember Alyssa somehow told me I needed to, I was going through a really bad breakup and she decided that the solution was to order like a lychee martini. Lychee? Lychee? Is that how you say it? That's how, yes, that's how I say it. I say lychee. And then I thought I saw on some TV show, they said lychee and I got really in my head
Starting point is 00:40:46 about it. But lychee. Okay. Well, maybe now I should be in my head about it. I always say lychee. I haven't been corrected yet, but we will find out. One way or another, we will find out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:57 So she's like, let's order a lychee martini. Like we had no, like there was no. A martini. Lychee martini. Interesting. There was no notion of like. In my head it was like a margarita and I was like, oh, that sounds yummy. But lychee martini is interesting.
Starting point is 00:41:12 That's precisely the thought I had. And we went there and Alyssa said, do you have a lychee martini? This was not a margaritaville. This was probably the fucking Bobby Flay. And they looked at us like, I literally don't know what you're saying to me. So I drank a cosmopolitan which a Cincinnati restaurant did have um but yeah never got my lychee martini is that a thing I don't know Alyssa literally was like this will help and uh we looked like
Starting point is 00:41:38 probably big dorks hey I mean it's a thing I googled it I was also like 23 and they were probably like what is the matter with you uh I'm sure they've a thing. I Googled it. I was also like 23 and they were probably like, what is the matter with you? I'm sure they've seen worse, Christiana. I moved to LA like two years later. I think that was bound to happen. I was like headed. And now this is in San Francisco. I think we were headed.
Starting point is 00:41:55 It's somewhere that they serve lychee martinis on the regular. That's a normal thing to order at a restaurant. Okay. Sorry. So this is another view of the Cleveland Margaritaville from Taylor. This one has a photo that goes with it that's important. Okay. So I'll show you that afterward.
Starting point is 00:42:14 This is a one-star review by Ellen. My friends and I tried to have a nice night out when we decided to go to a late dinner. We were told it would be a 20-minute wait, which we were okay with waiting and did, in fact, get sat in that time. But when we sat to go to a late dinner we were told it would be a 20 minute wait which we were okay with waiting and did in fact get sat in that time but when we sat there was no one we were very disappointed to have eat frozen macaroni in our hotel because we were not served at all we watched many servers pass us and serve other tables but we did not get any service we did wait a good 15 minutes and nobody showed up, so we had to walk out after spending over a half an hour in this establishment. Very disappointed overall. Very confused about what happened here.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Like, just, they were seated after 20 minutes and then they didn't get service for 15 and they left? Nobody showed up to serve them. What could they possibly have taken a picture of? Well, I'll read you the caption. have taken a picture of well i'll read you the caption my mac and cheese in front of the disappointing margaritaville now i'm going to turn this this is a picture of a lean cuisine mac and cheese oh my god on a windowsill are they at their hotel and in their hotel room and they're back there is the margaritaville oh my god they had a they booked this hotel and said view i want a view of the
Starting point is 00:43:25 margarita room with a view is what i like to call it wow yeah and they just sat there probably no stood there staring out the window just watching waiting to get revenge the fact that they put their first of all it's like two-thirds eaten so uh they halfway through their meal they thought i know what i need to document and it's this very sad moment i'm living which to be fair that comes across comes across yeah is very visceral image um also the fact that they rested it on a box where you can clearly see this is a lean cuisine meal something it is it's a very powerful image very powerful yeah i think if it were in black and white that's the only way it would have been better and shot on film shot on like yeah
Starting point is 00:44:11 in an actual camera wow yeah this is um some some powerful stuff there's definitely margaritaville also remember this is cleveland oh god i forgot about that that makes it even sadder it is sad they're in cleveland taking a picture of the margaritaville from their hotel room with a lean cuisine and they said like that's what i wanted this is what i got it's all very dark jesus yeah it's very depressing they had a better day the next day wow um i have another one of the universal city location this is a one-star review uh by randy the one and only reason this gets a bad review is because of the terrible music
Starting point is 00:44:48 playing constantly. Jimmy Buffet makes the crappiest music ever. The food is okay and the staff are nice. Just bring earplugs. End of review. Wait a minute. Then why are you going? What are you thinking? A. B. Be nice. Also like if you really didn't understand
Starting point is 00:45:04 that this was like a then you wouldn't know, B, be nice. Also, like if you really didn't understand that this was like a, then you wouldn't know that's Jimmy Buffett. Like you would. You'd say like, what is this terrible music playing if you didn't get that it was a Jimmy Buffett themed restaurant? And it's not like, it's not like the place is just called Margaritaville. It's called Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Valid point.
Starting point is 00:45:22 I think that's a, that's a key thing here because yeah, if you see Margaritaville, you might think, oh, this looks fun. Yeah. But it's literally Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. His name is on the name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess if you don't know who Jimmy Buffett is, but like this person clearly did. Clearly you do. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:38 I had the opposite complaint a lot of times from people where they would say, this is a Jimmy Buffett restaurant. Why are they not playing Jimmy Buffett? And I actually saw, I got some fun facts for you which is that the person the owner response said that they get handed that music from corporate and they have to play it which is true of most stores which is why i don't really get why they complain so much like they're curated playlists for all of these chains and the person who wrote the review was like jimmy buffett has 14 albums and seven live album or something crazy and i was like well yeah you probably could fund a whole you could probably do a whole day's worth um and then the owner response was the thing about like oh well every hour on the hour our tequila bottle pours water out of the water
Starting point is 00:46:20 fall and we play margaritaville yeah i don't know um but yeah so i saw the opposite complaint i could see parrot heads going in there and be like we want the deep tracks deep tracks only they did say that person said something like that like they didn't even play like sand dunes and in my toes right i was like as if anybody knows what that is sorry and and yeah but a bunch of people are shouting out that sand in my toes which i just made up is a totally real and popular it is bulgar wheat oh yeah it goes bulgar wheat in my toes ain't as good as sand in my toes and a slice of onion oh yeah jimmy buffet eating bulgar wheat and onion slices that's really good and the sand is not in the food
Starting point is 00:47:07 it's in my toes not in my toes it's you know my toes are in the sand and then the sand doesn't go near your food enjoy your meal wandering around looking for my lost shaker of salt oh it makes so much sense jimmy buff. All right. So I have one here. This was also sent in by Taylor. Thank you, Taylor. And this is the two-star review by Aaron. Surface is fine, but the food is not good. Everything was overpriced, and I wish the ocean killed Jimmy Buffett and not Steve Irwin.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Oh, my God. jimmy buffett and not steve irwin oh my god oh my god who has these thoughts oh my god who thinks that way oh i should have said jimmy buffet and not steve irwin but still did jimmy buffett have a run-in with a stingray as well and survive was jimmy buffett there with steve okay not that that would be okay to say no matter what I wish the I guess it's because it's a beach theme like oh I wish that he would get swept up in a tidal wave and that that stingray would have left Steve Irwin alone at the same it's like the butterfly it's the sting it's a butterfly effect stingray effect where you know if Steve Irwin had never been killed Jimmy Buffett would have been swept up in a big hurricane oh my god yeah people
Starting point is 00:48:25 are wild yeah how do you think how do you make that connection you're in cleveland and you're like i know what i wish this is even the cleveland location there's not an ocean anywhere like eerie which has no i mean it's not an ocean not a tidal wave not a stingray i wish the ocean killed Jimmy Buffett. That's terrible. It's terrible. Like, why can't you just say, I wish Steve Irwin didn't die? I was about to say, those things aren't mutually exclusive. I mean, apparently you're saying by the stingray effect, they are. The stingray effect.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Also, it's true that two heroes can't live. You know what I mean? They're too powerful to both be on the earth at the same time, even though apparently they probably were for 40 years. But whatever. That's a sense of point. too powerful to both be on the earth at the same time even though apparently they probably were for 40 years but whatever that's besides the point it's like that first reviewer said um about how how uh what did they your first reviewer said something very positive about jimmy he's an american hero he's like fdr yeah like fdr yeah so this person writing this must be australian
Starting point is 00:49:19 probably yeah has a some it's like an australian in cleveland sounds like a sitcom i never want to watch it sounds terrible it opens with someone in the australian in their hotel room eating box of lean cuisine staring at jimmy buffett's margaritaville on lake erie how sad for them is it on the lake i keep saying bringing up the lake but is it even by the water that's on ice that's jimmy buffett on true it even by the water? That's on ice. That's Jimmy Buffett on ice. True. It's by the ice. I'm not fully sure about that. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:50 My next review here is a one-star review by Robert of the Universal City location. Don't get the nachos! Very, very disappointed. I was expecting real nachos, but instead we get something that a child would make. Half-melted block cheese and chicken that tasted like dirty socks. First and last time we will come. And I hope Mr. Buffet sees my comment. End of review.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Wow, we really got something there. Wow. We did not. Jimmy Buffet is like, you know what? This is the one that changes my entire, like the menu is going to change from the top down. This one, the children making dirty chicken. That's so gross. I'm going to stop using child labor after this review. The manatees, they've been saved for a long time. The giraffes and the children, we got a ways to go. and the children oh my god we got a ways to go um i just realized when we put this uh episode up i'm gonna title it jimmy buffett's margaritaville so if people search for jimmy buffett's music they
Starting point is 00:50:51 might get this excellent guys sorry to any of those people but actually hey if you made it this far i'm not sorry you're not hating this 14 albums okay we're gonna try to get in on that right like we're gonna try to cash in on that yes we're gonna yeah we should end this by saying i hope mr buffet listens to our episode i hope he reads this and stops all the child labor laws like even if he did hypothetically if he was going through the one-star reviews on google of the universal city margaritaville location, which not likely, it's not like A, he has even the power to respond. He'd have to tell management, hey, please respond to this review with your Google account and say this from me.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Right. Please relay this message. Even if he, for some reason, is reading this review or someone brings his attention to this review, you'll never find out, Robert. I'm sorry. You'll never know. You'll never know.
Starting point is 00:51:51 And then even if he did and he like saw you on the street and told you I read that review, no one would ever believe you. No one would ever believe you. No one. Even me, I wouldn't believe you. No, yeah. Wow. That's some powerful stuff.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Sorry. Yeah. But you know what Nathan said about those nachos? What? He said Jimmy Buffett's cheap. Because remember she said, I couldn't find any meat in my nachos. But sounds like you wouldn't want the meat because it sounds like it tastes like socks. Yeah, no, I'm with you.
Starting point is 00:52:18 I'm with Nathan here. Nathan. Okay, actually, I don't know how to feel. Hold on tight. He's gliding around. I'm scared of Nathan is what I'm saying. He's very scary. I'm trying to appease him, his spirit.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Oh, God, be careful. He's seeking vengeance, as we know. Okay, so this is another one from Taylor. But this one, instead of being in Cleveland, is at the Mall of America. Which I was just at. You went? Yeah. How was it?
Starting point is 00:52:43 Good. We played mini golf. There's mini golf in there. Was it fun? fun yeah i thought the mini golf was a blast uh we didn't ride any rides we were a little late they stopped selling tickets we wanted to they have all this like spongebob themed things and it's all nickelodeon themed it used to be camp snoopy um and i think king's island went the opposite way right went from nickelodeon to Snoopy? No other. Was it Snoopy to Nickelodeon?
Starting point is 00:53:08 Oh, wait, you're right. Because I remember being very upset. I think it switched from Nickelodeon to, they swapped, I think. Yeah, I think so. But anyway, regardless, it used to be Camp Snoopy. It's now all Nickelodeon themed. That's fun. Steven was not very happy.
Starting point is 00:53:23 But Dee and I were very happy because we like nickelodeon stuff that's so fun yeah and uh yeah we walked around did you shop anywhere i got some long underwear 18 gaps or whatever i went uh to a few stores i specifically needed long underwear because i knew it was going to be cold and i didn't have any and i was like oh i'll get some at the mall of America in Minneapolis where it's like negative 20 degrees this will be easy it took like five stores and I ended up getting these like uh Under Armour like running things that were on like they're like yeah and they're like skin tight yeah uh and I wore those under my jeans and they really did the trick
Starting point is 00:54:01 excellent yeah but uh that is my very exciting experience. I love that for you. I won at mini golf too. And then we had a lovely meal. I love that you just slipped that in there. Yeah, I know. I forgot to mention that I won. I'm so glad you did though.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Where did you eat? I forget the name of it. They have like 50 restaurants. Whoa. I think that includes like food court stuff, but still they have so many options. Oh, we also got some bubble tea after dinner. It was was great it was a great experience because it was so cold outside you got to be just walk around no wonder it makes a lot of sense now why this is such a big big thing yep um listen
Starting point is 00:54:34 to our uh reviews of mall of america episode somewhere in our catalog who the hell knows who the hell knows somebody does not me all right so this is a Margaritaville in Mall of America. Wait, you didn't know there was? I didn't know it was there. One of 50 restaurants? No way. I did know. And I was going to take a photo and I forgot.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Wait, are you serious? Yeah, because I think I texted Dee about that. Geez, I'm so bad at this. Don't worry. They get the cheek spreading. Oh, great. Thank God. All right.
Starting point is 00:55:01 So this is a four-star review but it's it's like somewhat negative so i'm just gonna keep it in the negative section um and this is a four-star review by bernard cheap drinks lovely atmosphere my wife said she wants to email jimmy buffett and tell him the food intimidated her the nachos looked scary apparently i'd agree the dishes were huge and looked like three days worth of calories just to digest. We chose to eat elsewhere. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. They didn't even eat? They just watched other people get their food and it was too intimidating?
Starting point is 00:55:35 They were so afraid. Wow. They were like, we can't even look at the menu. You know why? Okay, this is my theory. Tell me. I'm serious here. So Nathan was their server.
Starting point is 00:55:46 Oh my God. But Nathan forgot to take his mortal, his visual form. His mask. And so the food was just floating. So it looked haunted and was intimidating. Very scary. Nathan just made that mistake. You know, come on.
Starting point is 00:56:00 You've been haunting this place for years. You're going to slip up. Give Nathan a break. Yeah, please, everybody. So Nathan forgot to take his form that we all can see and accidentally had all this scary food floating around. These nachos were frightening. Yeah, but at least they stayed for drinks. But I will say, did they stay for drinks?
Starting point is 00:56:20 Oh, cheap drinks. Well, you don't know they stayed. I mean, they mentioned the drink. Oh, actually, no, you're right. They also mentioned the food. Sorry. But there's a response here. And I'm going to read it to you.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Hello, Bernard. It is upsetting to hear our food and drinks failed to impress you and we apologize. Now, I would argue it fully impressed them. It just also frightened them. I mean, intimidated in this context, I feel, isn't that bad. No, because, I mean, mean he says i agree they were huge and looked like three days worth of calories which is like most people would love that yeah about a very expensive restaurant yeah and they didn't complain they didn't complain about the
Starting point is 00:56:56 price right of the food no no they were intimidated by the size it takes three days to digest um so i like also the response is your comments will be taken seriously by our team which i'm like really are they going to be saying should they be though wow this one couple was so intimidated by the nachos they didn't eat here there's nothing constructive there nothing constructive what like shrink your portions i doubt that i don't think that they have a specific chef that's like doing. I mean, it's all set up. It's all set sizes and everything. Yep.
Starting point is 00:57:32 But she said the nachos looked scary and she'd like to email Jimmy Buffett about it. You know what? I would love to see that email exchange if it truly happens. I would love it. My next one is of the Universal again. This is one star review by Sally. Depressing atmosphere. Terrible food.
Starting point is 00:57:50 I would not recommend this restaurant. The only positive thing about this place is the name. We were very disappointed in our entire dining experience. End of review. Did they get a photo with the sign? I mean, that's apparently why they came. But isn't that kind of the point? Is that that's what, like...
Starting point is 00:58:12 That's the draw? Is that it's Jimmy Buffett's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. The only positive thing about this place is the name. At least they didn't think that it besmirched his name enough where they had a lesser view of it, you know? And they still saw his name as positive. That't think that it besmirched his name enough where they had a lesser
Starting point is 00:58:25 view of it you know they still saw his name as positive the redeeming quality the yes exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i'm i am glad they didn't go more into it and say how dare he how could he put his name on such a nostalgia i did read some of those yeah um as if he's like personally managing each one he's hand cooking that chicken. It's not a teenager. It's Jimmy Buffett. Yeah. That sounds about right.
Starting point is 00:58:49 How many do you have left? One more. Oh, good. Because I have only redemptions. Do you want to read your last one? Sure. This one is of the original Margaritaville, which is. Key West?
Starting point is 00:58:59 Nope. This is not Jimmy Buffett. What? I know. There's a place, a restaurant in Sandusky, Ohio. Shut up. And they call themselves the original Margaritaville. They're like, we are here first.
Starting point is 00:59:12 I mean, they have more reviews. I mean, probably because I think this is their only location. What? But it's, I assume, has been named Margaritaville for a while. And they call themselves the original. Ohio is crazy. Like, Ohio is just bonkers they they will never let anybody else just do something they're like no we did it first yeah yeah margaritaville in sandusky i love it right i love it uh and this is a one-star
Starting point is 00:59:37 review this is by mary would not recommend this place only because the owner is a jerk we saw online that there was a waterfall located somewhere on the property. We ate lunch in the parking lot, and we were planning on looking at the waterfall and then getting some margaritas afterwards. The owner came over and said we were not permitted to eat or sit in his lot, and was extremely rude to us about it. We left without getting the margaritas, and wouldn't recommend eating there to anyone else. End of review. That's Sandusky tourism. They're eating in the parking lot looking for the waterfall.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Like, come on. At the Margaritaville strip mall. How can you be, like, annoyed by this? You're literally, I don't know. So they're eating, I'm assuming, someone else's food. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, they didn't order there. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:00:21 They weren't going to eat there. They just wanted to see the waterfall. And then they throw in, and people always do this, so I'm always skeptical. Oh, we were going to order margaritas. Because they always say we were going to somehow spend our money at this establishment. I had $800 in cash, and I was going to spend it on margaritas, but they lost out. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 01:00:37 So they're really saying, like, we were, so they were in the parking lot, and then they were like, let's look for the waterfall. What do you mean? I don't know. And the waterfall, it's like, I think there's a special deck seating and you can see this little waterfall and people say there are trout that jump up it. It seems pretty legit and cool. But yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:57 It's just rough in the winter though, because it freezes over and you just have to like fish out all the dead ones. Oh God. The dead trout. Yeah. Do you have experience with that something similar yeah actually interesting i don't want to hear about it anymore i don't want to talk about it so it's your lucky day um okay do you have any redemptions nope okay i've won this is uh from carissa who wrote uh like a very kind email if you need like a lift to your spirits i I know that I already gave you a compliment about your young adult novel,
Starting point is 01:01:27 but if you need another lift from a stranger, you should read Chris's email. It's very kind. And the subject of the email was love and respect from Mr. Margaritaville's stepdaughter. What? Not Jimmy Buffett, to clarify. Oh.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Mr. Margaritaville. In Sandusky, Ohio? Yeah. The illustrious Mr. Margaritaville. In Sandusky, Ohio? Yeah. The illustrious Mr. Margaritaville who owns apparently like a trout farm and also a Margaritaville restaurant. No. So Carissa says, my stepdad and mother are huge parrot heads. Like their backyard is Margaritaville themed. The neighbors call him Mr. Margaritaville. Probably because he blasts his Jimmy Buffett XM radio station all summer long.
Starting point is 01:02:10 So amazing. She's literally Mr. Margaritaville's stepdaughter. Now, this is a five star view of the Margaritaville frozen concoction maker. Guess who owns this? Wow. You? Me. No way.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Yep. For my wedding, Blaze's aunt, Nancy.. No way. Yep. For my wedding, Blaze's aunt, Nancy. That's right. I remember. Oh my God, I remember this. We got this massive box
Starting point is 01:02:30 in the mail. Oh my gosh. We were like, what is this? And it was a margarita maker by Jimmy Buffett and I thought, this is something
Starting point is 01:02:36 I would never have bought myself. Incredible. I've used it more than I ever thought I would. Our mom loves it and we just, every now and then, like a 4th of July, we just pull it out, I've used it more than I ever thought I would. Our mom loves it. And we just, every now and then, like a 4th of July, we just pull it out, do a little shaved ice. Didn't realize that that was Jimmy Buffett.
Starting point is 01:02:53 It makes sense. He literally has his name on it. He is raking in the dough. He's a genius. A fucking business genius. And then he saves the manatees on top of it. See, I can't hate the man. It's a shaved ice. It's amazing.
Starting point is 01:03:07 Okay. This is a five-star review. I'm just going to read it to you. It's by Mike. Wow. What a product. Before purchasing the Margaritaville Key West frozen concoction machine, I was making drinks at home in a regular blender. product. Before purchasing the Margaritaville Key West frozen concoction machine,
Starting point is 01:03:28 I was making drinks at home in a regular blender. God forbid, by the way. What a loser. What a loser. You know, wow, I just realized something. Tell me. You know, Selene's stepdad, who's a parrot head? Of course. I was at his house when I drank too many, won too many margaritas and tweeted at zach bagans over and over full circle i tweeted at him like
Starting point is 01:03:52 16 times because i didn't really understand what i was doing he blocked me it was all started at a parrot heads but you know what this was before the concoction because I'm sure he owns it now, but we were using a regular old one here. Oh, wow. Embarrassing, right? Yeah, it's really embarrassing that you did that. I know. And it comes full circle because next week your challenge is to find reviews.
Starting point is 01:04:18 I mentioned ghost hunting shows and related things. Totally remembered that until this moment. Yeah, totally remembered that things until this moment yeah totally remembered that but actually now i'm so ultra excited all right i was making drinks at home in a regular blender so brave of you to admit that by the way mike bland tasteless cocktails is no way to go to life then i came across this product handcrafted by the legendary singer and songwriter jimmy buffett in his like workshop i was gonna say all right handcrafted by the legendary singer and songwriter jimmy buffett in his like workshop
Starting point is 01:04:46 i was gonna say all right handcrafted is a little much yeah agreed and especially because this thing is like a feat of engineering like i've it makes really like it's wild and i don't think i mean then again maybe he is an engineer also but you know what? I wouldn't be surprised. I just don't think that's the case. I just don't think that's the case. Yeah. Then I came across this product handcrafted by the legendary singer and songwriter Jimmy Buffett, who I am lucky enough to call a close personal friend. Now I make restaurant quality cocktails from the comfort of my own home anytime I want.
Starting point is 01:05:24 Works got me stressed well i can escape to margaritaville with a perfectly frozen concoction all thanks to my buddy jimmy and the good folks from margaritaville thank you for a life-changing product and remember it's five o'clock somewhere the fin's up pair ahead mike and now there is a photo of him with Jimmy Buffett. No way. However, it's definitely in like a VIP line in front of like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, what do you call it?
Starting point is 01:05:55 Someone was hoping for some messages, DMs, being like, wow, I can't believe you know him so well. Yeah, yeah. I love it, though. know him so well yeah yeah there's a photo in front of clearly like a setup uh set for these photos which then i think a close personal friend is a very strong phrase to use in my opinion but you know whatever hey live your live your live your parrot head dream that's right i mean it's not again it's not hurting anyone like maybe you are close personal friends and uh this one this one i'd be surprised by a little bit shocked especially since he seems to think jimmy buffett handcrafts this blender for him i feel and i feel like most friends of close friends
Starting point is 01:06:40 of jimmy buffett aren't dropping that fact within reviews of Jimmy Buffett's products. And it says at the bottom here, because remember that Carissa sent this in, it says at the bottom here, reviewed on margaritavillecargo.com. So I also- I assume this is cargo one word, not margaritavillecargo. Oh, I really hope- Because I want there to be a margaritaville car go oh i really hope because i want there to be a margaritaville car i do too but you got to be careful with the drinking and driving association true but what
Starting point is 01:07:11 if this is a pokemon go that's a good point you know what i mean what if this is pokemon go version do you know why i know that why i had that thought of drinking and driving yeah because em and i just wrote a book um as you know and uh when we were writing like the little pr release we realized like oh this sounds like we're saying like grab a drink and like drive across the country yeah because it's a haunted like road trip yeah thing and it oh my god like a road atlas and then it's like grab your drink and it's like wait wait wait but. And it's like, wait, wait, wait. But not behind the wheel. You know, we had to tweak it. So I had that thought. But anyway.
Starting point is 01:07:49 I'm glad you tweaked that. To be fair, somebody else thought of it. And I went, oh, you're totally right. No, I wouldn't have thought of that. I clearly didn't think of it just now when I brought up Margaritaville car go, which is not even a thing. Go Margaritaville car. Yeah. Anyway. So apparently they're close personal friends.
Starting point is 01:08:09 Don't even worry about it. I'm not worried. I'm happy for them. So happy. For both of them, to be honest. Honestly, I'm more happy for Jimmy. Sounds like he's a great, loyal supporter of a friend. And now he has somewhere to go if he needs a margarita.
Starting point is 01:08:20 I hear Jimmy still makes margaritas on his bland blender. Oh, what a loser. So embarrassing. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment.
Starting point is 01:08:48 That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking,
Starting point is 01:09:08 paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal, probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved
Starting point is 01:09:19 for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be kd when you gotta do you it's gotta be kd shop now time for my challenge yes sir this challenge was from kian he they uh who wanted me to find reviews of items that claim to be tsa approved yes but things didn't work out too well how'd it. How'd it go? Well, it's funny. It went well.
Starting point is 01:09:46 I really enjoyed this challenge. I think it was a great one. So clever. It was clever, but it started out a little bit rocky. But I didn't think it did. And here's what I mean. So I found this first product, which I thought was one of the best. Because, you know, a lot of them are locks and things.
Starting point is 01:10:04 But this one was a Leatherman. Leatherman? Leatherman? Leatherman. Leatherman, those multi-tool. Leatherman. It's a Leatherman style PS keychain multi-tool with spring action scissors and grooming tools
Starting point is 01:10:17 built in the USA. Spring action scissors. Holy crap. Yeah, it's got it all. Tweezers, et cetera. And in the about section it says uh it mentions being tsa compliant it says it's compact lightweight keyring friendly tsa compliant and always within reach when you need it so supposed to be able to travel with it. Oh, but here we go. Here's a one-star review. Not approved for travel. Mine was confiscated at the NRT security checkpoint. Contacted Leatherman. They said,
Starting point is 01:10:55 thank you for contacting Leatherman Tool Group Incorporated. Leatherman is unable to replace lost or stolen tools. I am sorry. Our tools are T tsa approved but it is ultimately up to each individual tsa agent to let them through the gate in other words if you're buying this so you can have a handy tool while traveling find something else end of review wow do you know what the nrt airport is nrt no i was gonna ask i've been there just for the airport briefly. Indonesia? No, I don't know. On the way or on the way back. Narita Airport in Japan. What is it?
Starting point is 01:11:32 Narita in Japan. It's not even TSA. Oh. They got their fucking tool confiscated by another country's airport and complained that Leatherman said it was TSA compliant. What a United States perspective though. Right? Like TSA even when we did the Canada or the sorry the airports episode I remember saying like in Canada like oh TSA and then I was like wait a second it's it's probably not TSA because it's the wrong country. I feel like so dumb thinking that but yeah wow so it didn't say every country in the planet allows this big knife it's so ridiculous also are we sure
Starting point is 01:12:13 that's tsa approved like spring action scissors don't sound like they're tsa approved for the most part people had uh good experiences i've had nail scissors taken from me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing, though. And like that email said, it's up to the individual agent. Like, you can probably go and this agent's like, oh, this blade is too long. And you're like, I've never had a problem. And they'll be like, well, you're out of
Starting point is 01:12:38 luck here. Right. Here's another review of the same product. One star. Narita Airport. No guarantee that it won't get confiscated by airport security. While this multi-tool has gotten through security numerous times, it was confiscated by Japanese airport security when I transited in Narita Airport recently. Wait, stop.
Starting point is 01:12:57 It's a completely different review. A different person? Different person. Also complaining that at that airport, it got confiscated somebody at narita airport is collecting these motherfucking leathermans and being like this is it just doesn't like leatherman wants them to get a bunch of shit boo uh i contacted leatherman to express my disappointment at this and their response was that leatherman does not warranty tools that are lost stolen or confiscated i thought it was, their response was, thank you for contacting Leatherman.
Starting point is 01:13:26 Because that last person literally said, I contacted Leatherman. And they said, thank you for contacting Leatherman. Just go through that again. Yeah. Wow. Marina Airport, what a very specific experience. I know, it's so funny. And like the fact that two people had that issue.
Starting point is 01:13:44 And then also complained about that issue when it's not Leatherman's fault that a different country. Especially after you say it's gotten through many times, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I mean, also, it's so random that it's that airport. It's not like different airports in Japan or different foreign airports. It's just Narita specifically um here's a one-star review so so what I was saying though is I that's why I felt like I had a rocky start because
Starting point is 01:14:12 technically these people were in the wrong and it wasn't like the product was actually confiscated by TSA it's pretty good though still like it's almost even better because it's like they really thought it was TSA and it certainly was not. And the other thing that happened was then I was skeptical of all future reviews. Because people might say TSA, but it wasn't. Airport code, you got to Google that shit first. Make sure it's United States. And then the people that don't even mention where they were, you might think that they might be calling some random country's airport security TSA.
Starting point is 01:14:44 Very good point, yep. And here's one of those that, I'm not, I don't know where they were, but here's the review. One star of the same product. TSA just nabbed my TSA compliant Leatherman. So after a lengthy discussion with three TSA agents that Leatherman reports the device to be compliant with TSA regulations, my Leatherman is no longer in my possession. The device was usual fantastic Leatherman quality, but I'm super disappointed. End of review. So we don't know. A lengthy conversation. I don't, yeah. Unless you speak
Starting point is 01:15:17 Japanese. That's a thing. True. Yeah. True. So that's the end of that product and then i uh moved on and saw some real random things that i didn't consider needed to be tsa compliant oh like what uh here's this one uh this is of the maschion maschi i don't know maschion airline approved pet carrier large soft-sided pet travel tsa carrier four sides expandable cat collapsible carrier with removable fleece pad and pockets for cats dogs and small animals pocket okay i know it wasn't saying pockets for them there was no punctuation so yeah pockets for cats dogs small animals just like if you want if you need to add a couple extra you got pockets for hamsters in there also it's like expandable cat or it says expandable cat collapsible oh god it's like there's so many words together
Starting point is 01:16:11 next to each other but yeah i guess it works anyway uh so that's what this is of um and yeah i didn't think of this as being a tsa traditionally needing to be tsa approved, but I guess for size, it makes sense. Right, right, right, right. Uh, so here we go. Here's a one star review by Alice, not TSA approved with Southwest airlines. I don't know if each airline is different,
Starting point is 01:16:36 but I went all the way to the airport to check in with Southwest airlines. And they said this carrier was way too big and I wouldn't be able to bring my dog on the plane in it. I had no choice but to purchase the airline's dog carrier. Returning. End of review. Oh, no. I didn't know how that worked.
Starting point is 01:16:53 I don't want to, like, trigger her, but Renata's had apparently a really rough experience. She just moved to Arizona and had to take Benny with her. Yeah. Apparently it was not a happy experience at the, I used to travel with Gio, but I think they really cracked down on this. I mean, Gio's not a teeny tiny puppy. He's not. I mean, he was much smaller, a little bit smaller when I traveled with him, but still.
Starting point is 01:17:20 Yeah. Yeah. I was lucky that I had good experiences experiences but that was a while ago now five years ago yeah so oof oof yeah but but they sell okay kind of genius business idea that they sell the airline sells their i didn't know that i had no idea either i wonder if it's renting i don't know if it's just a southwest thing like i don't think delta sells them but maybe i'm wrong i don't know i'm like curious like i i if it's a um i don't know i don't see any like oh southwest airlines of the store it's kind of cute okay
Starting point is 01:18:00 so it's got like the low i was expecting like one of those gray, like gray hard case, like ugly ones that look very sad. The one we have for our cat. Yeah. Growing up. No, no. But this one's kind of like, it's kind of sleek. It's like fashionable, you know?
Starting point is 01:18:14 You're like, guess what? Other dogs. I flew Southwest today. It is $58 though. Yeesh. How much is the Amazon one? The Amazon one. Let me guess. $29.99. Yeesh. How much is the Amazon one? The Amazon one? Let me guess.
Starting point is 01:18:26 $29.99. Oh, interesting guess. Interesting, but I have no idea. Let's see. It is $60. Woof. Okay, wrong. And it is.
Starting point is 01:18:36 So it has these sides. It's pretty cool looking, too. But it has these sides where it, like, if you unzip them, they open up. So you can, can like zip them so it's just a normal they can lie down but then it gives them more space yeah i love that that's such a clever idea and then southwest is like no throw that away zero features but it works for us wow remember that time when i saw a miniature horse walking into cbg and by a miniature horse i mean multiple miniature horses that's's insane. Anyway, so yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:06 We're moving away from animals, though, to something that I think makes sense. Locks. Okay. We've got a Master Locks 4688D. Set your own combination. TSA approved. Luggage lock. One pack.
Starting point is 01:19:21 Colors may vary. $9.59. Okay. Thank you. Here's a one-star review. This is by Brenda. Don't waste your money. The TSA will destroy these despite being approved.
Starting point is 01:19:38 What a waste of money. I bought three of these for our trip last week. Two are now gone. Don't bother buying these as the TSA will cut them off and throw them away anyway. I tried filing a complaint but it seems like a lot of hassle and will probably land me on some kind
Starting point is 01:19:54 of blacklist somewhere over the sake of ten bucks, give or take. I thought surely using a TSA approved lock would be fine. No! Cut them off and toss them away with zero regard. Just glad i didn't opt for the more expensive version end of review i love how they like assume the uh the intentions of this tsa agent thinking oh yeah they had zero regard what if this tsa agent was like oh no like i feel
Starting point is 01:20:23 so bad i really don't want to do this but the key's not working i can't get in there i have to cut it and this person's like they had zero regard and if they had zero regard whatever still i think that's well i mean if there were literally was a key i we don't know i mean i guess that's the point is that these TSA key or locks are supposed to be opened by TSA with the key. Right. That's what it is. I don't know. I didn't even know there was a lock you could put on your suitcase that was allowed.
Starting point is 01:20:55 Yeah. Yeah. And I think they have a special key that people and I think that's like luggage has it, too. And there's like a special there's a combo and then a key thing. And the key is for TSA agents. I'm pretty sure that's how it works. there's like a special there's a combo and then a key thing and the key is for tsa agents oh i'm pretty sure that's how it works that's fancy now that i'm saying it out loud i'm like not positive but um well then they probably shouldn't have cut them off but yeah that's just me i don't know i don't i don't know but again like if you're putting a lock on
Starting point is 01:21:23 your suitcase and then handing it over to tsa i mean i know what i would expect and it wouldn't be a perfectly pristine lock at the end of the day i'm with you i'm with you and this is this is i've known for years this has been a thing where people's tsa locks get cut off so whatever i don't know yeah i just kind of assume that's always how it goes but you know i'm so sorry for your locks. I'm not saying this person deserved it. I do love that, like, one of them was saved, though. Yeah, true. That is kind of weird. I don't know what happened there.
Starting point is 01:21:51 I don't know either. My next one is of Outer Peak 14-in-1 TSA-approved stainless steel wallet-sized multi-tool. So it has, like, this thing has, like, a bottle opener. It's, like, a thing that you can, you can like hold and it just has different tools. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has a ruler type thing. It slides into your wallet. And it slides, yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:13 So that's what this is of. There's no price because it's not currently available, but the price is mentioned in the review. So here we go. I lied. It is not mentioned in this review i think that's the next one that might mention the price one star by steve worthless if you travel which is the point not tsa approved just had mine confiscated worthless i'm going to request a refund due to false advertising end of review and i will say this was the first product i came across that yeah i'd probably agree with all these
Starting point is 01:22:53 because all of these reviews were like saying the same thing that because it had a sharp edge on one of the edges you couldn't bring it on and there were so many negative reviews saying that it was i wonder if they made the product and then like didn't realize i don't know that's wow i was like i was not so i mean there were only 21 reviews total but yeah i don't know so the sharp edge can't bring the sharp edge yeah i mean just mean, just so you all know. One time I was flying from Greece back to Germany when I was studying abroad. Yeah. And I didn't realize you could, I thought you couldn't travel with like safety razors. Oh.
Starting point is 01:23:37 Oh. Uh oh. So what did you do? Don't tell me you brought something like even worse. No, I was like, I was like super broke and I'd bought these cheapo razors. And so I didn't want to throw them away. So I packed like 16, a pack of 16 razors and I hid them all throughout my luggage and my carry on as if like they weren't going to find them if they were like spread throughout my luggage. And I had like a teddy bear and I literally like shoved it into the teddy bear.
Starting point is 01:24:12 Like that is so suspicious i know but it was grace they didn't give a shit they were like okay a razor and a teddy bear whatever christina that's so fucking weird i know i know i panicked i was like getting on the plane and i panicked because like they had the security right there before you got on the plane because it was like ryanair like a four dollar flight or something and i just started shoving them on all these random places and they were like like if they just saw the race we're like okay that's normal and then they see them in a teddy bear and all these different like pockets because my thought was oh well if they see a few of them then i won't have all 16 confiscated but oh my god then i went through and they were like what the fuck is wrong with you and didn't take any of my safety razors
Starting point is 01:24:51 and then um i had to find them throughout like my clothes and luggage and teddy bear terrible it's hilarious yeah i'm not surprised um oh my god do you know what it was gorky and i oh yeah i hit the teddy bear inside his shirt and i oh yeah i mean not the teddy bear i hit the razor inside his shirt um that's hilarious it's like listen i got through security with it it worked um i'm happy for you put me on a list yeah that's the only problem i did um okay this is my last one this is like a redemption of sorts um this is of the night eyes uh kmtp 11r3 doohickey but it's spelled d-o-o-h-i-c and then capital k-e-y so So do hit key. That's fun. 6X key chain multi-tool,
Starting point is 01:25:48 stainless steel 6-in-1 multi-tool with bottle opener, paint scraper, carabiner clip. What a combo. So it's just like has a little like scraper on one end. It has a carabiner and it's a bottle opener. Or plastic. Oh, it's metal. Okay.
Starting point is 01:26:03 I think it's stainless steel, yeah. It has a screwdriver pry tool, a ruler, a wrench, bottle opener, a scraper, and a scoring point. So here is the review. I cut it down a little bit. It's a four-star review. I will say they spent a paragraph talking about its use and that it works well enough and it does the job and it's really good. Basically, they like it for the money. It's a four star.
Starting point is 01:26:30 So here's what else Matt has to say. The tool has been TSA friendly thus far. I've put it in plain sight of all the inspectors without incident. Inside a teddy bear. Yeah, exactly. You're like, you could learn a thing or two. Plain sight. That's for boring boring people there are no exposed blades heck a ballpoint pen is more dangerous pokes a hole in my pocket not thus far but i definitely wouldn't keep it in the
Starting point is 01:26:55 same pocket as my cell phone for what it does and for the four dollars i paid for it this has been a fantastic little tool highly recommended then recommended. Then there's an edit. Oh, okay. Okay. Still four stars, though. I flew over the Christmas holidays and the TSA confiscated this. To be fair, I had the misfortune of a random search, full hands up, legs pat down, and everything, and got a full bag search as well.
Starting point is 01:27:20 The TSA saw the tool in my keychain and just said, we'd like to double check this. With 30 minutes to go before boarding and a security line stretching behind me to Timbuktu I told the TSA to keep it five dollars wasn't worth my time or theirs I've since purchased a replacement this is a really useful tool in spite of its minor flaws and I suspect the odds of TSA confiscating it again to be pretty low end of review That is a good review. Right? It's a redemption. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:47 Yeah. No, I thought so. So he was like, I might have gotten away with it, but I just decided it's not worth the time. It was TSA confiscated, but because he was like, I don't have time for this. This thing is $5. Yeah. Apparently.
Starting point is 01:28:01 Wow. Now it's $10. So, but at the time. That review, they were like, we can stand to up this price. Yeah, this guy would pay us double. Double it. Well, he did because he paid for two of them. That's true, actually.
Starting point is 01:28:14 Wow, well, listen, good for him. Good for him. And that is my last one. That was good. I like that you ended on a redemption. Thank you, thank you. Since I never do that. Thank you, Kian, for the challenge. I had lots of fun. That was a good one, Sandy. Thank you. Thank you. Since I never do that. Thank you, Kian, for the challenge.
Starting point is 01:28:25 I had lots of fun. That was a good one, Zandy. Thank you. And you succeeded. I did my best. Wow. I'm so impressed. Do we give our theme and challenge for next week?
Starting point is 01:28:33 We do. Or not next week, but two weeks from now. I'm not going to keep guessing when the episodes come out. I know. We're so bad at this. It's so bad. At least we can say with certainty it will come out in 2022 this time. That's true.
Starting point is 01:28:43 For the next six months i can say it with confidence all right our theme um and this is one that uh madeline here wrote in about perfume reviews because we had that website that you've used for a grant to call exactly and they actually included that in the uh email Excellent. So, yeah, we're going to do just reviews of perfumes. Excited. Yeah. And I'm sure a lot of people, especially after getting them as gifts, have things to say. Oh, good point. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:29:16 Yes. That's a stalking stuffer. Okay. I have one for you. I have a challenge for you. for you i have a challenge for you and this is from caitlin who says my husband and i listen together and crack up if you get this give him a shout out but then conveniently does not include the husband's name well it's funny you say that because i just realized in uh madeline's email uh it says shout out to my former roommate and forever bestie adele for recommending our show so i was like i was sitting here like oh shit i should have said that well there we go shout out adele and shout out uh unnamed husband that's you you know who you are um so i have a challenge here from caitlin and it's to find a review where someone broke the law because it's not a law where they're from
Starting point is 01:30:01 so for example people from europe come to the u.S., complain about drinking age, that kind of thing, or jaywalking. No turn on red in Europe. Yes. And New York City. You can't do it. And that's the default, is that you can't turn on red. You can or cannot. So the default is that you cannot.
Starting point is 01:30:18 Oh, oh, oh. And here it is. Here it's like you can unless it says otherwise. So there's that. There's jaywalking. There's spitting and stuff like that in certain countries is illegal um so that's your challenge wow that's a good one caitlin and the hubby what's our theme for the week after so this is one that's uh near and dear to my heart the theme is iphone repair locations it was sent in by so good olena she her hers and uh you break i fix remember i brought
Starting point is 01:30:47 that up yep yep uh either those or iphone repair oh my goodness there's a lot a lot happening with these so that's that oh wait i'm just realizing now i'm looking at the email i hadn't really read it i just saw kind of the subject yeah it says uh that she had dropped her phone off to get fixed ran down to the store to get a snack of some armenian string cheese like the trash goblin i am i ate a bunch of it before going back in to pick it up i must have misjudged the amount of cheese residue left on my grubby little paws turns out hand sanitizer just kind of mushes it around what is why is this being included to be fair she called herself a goblin and promptly dropped my phone again immediately after they
Starting point is 01:31:34 had replaced it so sad but so funny okay i was like now she broke it again so they had the store so they had to fix it again but they fixed it for free only for free i was about to say they probably love it though even though it was clearly my cheesy fault wow elena geez oh i hope i find a review of the employee being like this girl showed up um so then she said i left a positive review good that's very nice that makes me happy um well your challenge comes from Victoria, she, her. And I'm going to make this a little easier because Victoria seems like a very cruel person. Wants me to suffer. Yeah. No, I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 01:32:13 Victoria, you are. This is so clever. With a name like Victoria, I feel like she has a, I don't know, it sounds like a very harsh, like, you know what I mean? Well, I mean, like Queen Victoria. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah it sounds very royal and very which yeah in history is a little highfalutin is not a good thing um not someone to really look up to but victoria is it's different for you because this is a very clever
Starting point is 01:32:37 challenge i think and i would i will give it to you as she intended, but I will not force you to go through this because I feel like it's going to be so hard. What? I could be wrong. Find a review where someone at a ball game gets hit by a ball from a different kind of game. What? Someone at a baseball game getting hit by a basketball or a basketball game getting hit by a baseball. How on earth? Which, clever. Victoria, what in the... Getting hit by a basketball or a basketball game getting hit by a baseball. How on earth?
Starting point is 01:33:06 Clever. Victoria, what in the... Might come from personal... Because I'm like, how do you even come up with this? Tell me she at least included like an example. Nope. Oh my gosh. But hey, maybe she was like, I know this is out there, you know? Because she's been peppering reviews all across the country like this.
Starting point is 01:33:24 So you're going to victoria's name a lot no um so what i will say by different balls just in case that's impossible which it seems almost impossible but hey who knows maybe someone will email one in or something uh i would like to get reviews of people who got hit by balls at games at ball games just got hit by a ball it doesn't have to be a different ball so someone at a baseball game complaining okay well i have that one of a minor league baseball remember that i already read but it was like my girlfriend got hit and bill murray didn't care yeah yes exactly perfect oh boy i like how victoria would be like nope not good enough victoria's not gonna not like boycott this episode murray doesn doesn't care? I don't care.
Starting point is 01:34:06 Oh, that's good. All right. Well, thank you, Zandy. Thank you, Victoria. Thank you, Olenna. Everybody else also. Because I already got out of your email and I forget the names. Thanks, y'all.
Starting point is 01:34:19 Talk to you next week. And we'll see you soon

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.