Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 189: Reviews of Chipotle
Episode Date: July 13, 2022Corn ;) Get our new Bitch Too Sandy pin and pin board!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv.../xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet,
a podcast featuring real reviews written by people
who just need the world to know what they think.
Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast,
but I'd give it zero stars if I could.
And we're off.
Oh, that was fast.
I wasn't ready.
Sorry.
Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet.
Do you want me to start over since you weren't ready. Sorry. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. Do you want me to start over since you weren't ready? Sure. Are you ready now? Yes. And we're off. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water
Too Wet, the podcast where we talk about, wait, we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic
fashion. My name is Zandy. I'm Xteen. Thanks everybody for joining us today on our special
Chipotle episode. Yeah, very special. I just want to briefly mention an Instagram post I posted
about an hour ago. It's about PD. Oh, PP and PD. What? PD and PP. Oh, and PD. Yeah. So I have a hypothetical tumor named PD who might not even exist.
So I'm not getting ahead of myself.
He very carefully phrased it in the thing saying potentially most likely benign.
Yes, that too.
Don't panic if he's even real.
And I want to give John credit for naming him after the great Peter Cushing.
Because I potentially have Cushing's disease.
So I'm peeing in a jug that's in Christina's fridge right now.
Yeah, that's not a joke.
There's a jug of my pee in her fridge next to her child's bottle.
I did move the bottle to the other side of the fridge.
I moved it back.
I'm just kidding. I did not touch bottle to the other side of the fridge. I moved it back. I'm just kidding.
I did not touch it.
I was like, wait a second.
That's actually kind of a psychopathic behavior.
That would be really messed up.
There's no, nothing good would be, could come from that.
So what if you saw that there was cheese in there and you were like, I actually don't want it to be near the cheese because I'm vegan.
So you moved the baby bottles and traded places i don't know if i closed the lid
okay um yeah i'm you know take doing a variety of tests i saw a doctor i have not been doing well
physically and mentally yeah if you're listening to these in the future like back to back like
binging as a lot of people do the episodes you did just leave an episode
where xandy said hey i'm not i'm in a mood not a good one is one of the things he said he also said
uh he's not doing well lately and so i guess now you're getting some answers the whole time i wanted
to just yell i have a hypothetical brain tumor yeah but that would be alarming yeah well it was
alarming when you brought it up to me because you didn't really give all the caveats you gave on Instagram. Yeah. Understandably, you know, the more I learn, the more caveats there are, thankfully. Sure. But yeah, so I'm just doing a variety of tests. It's a thing called Cushing's disease. It is not easy to diagnose. It is. There's many things that mimic it, so it might not even be Cushing's disease,
but I had certain blood results come back that point towards Cushing's,
so I'm doing more testing.
Eventually, hopefully, we'll do a scan,
and then might have a benign tumor on my pituitary gland
that would need to be removed.
Overall, if that's what it is, I'm totally fine with it.
I just want to get it over with, kind of.
Then at least you have answers.
Yeah, exactly.
That's how I feel when I'm ever going through something like that.
And it's hard to think like, oh, it's a relief it's not this thing.
When there's still a big question mark.
Exactly.
Like I'm now that I've been going through and had a couple potential things now that we've landed on Cushing's as a possibility. I'm like, I really hope it is.
I don't want it, but I have some something's going on.
So I want it to be that because I've learned a lot about it and just want to get over with.
Yeah, you know it can be managed and all that good stuff.
So. Yeah. Yeah, a lot about it. Yeah, you know it can be managed and all that good stuff.
So, yeah, that's about it.
I now have an excuse for a little bit.
Or more excuses, I guess.
He's been throwing those around.
That's fun.
And a new thing to joke about and make content about.
Yeah.
Because I stopped making content because I just haven't had the energy. And now I'm like, well, let me just make content about the thing that keeps me from having energy. Yeah. You know, Emma and I say this sometimes,
um, that whenever there's a, a negative experience or something doesn't quite go right. Um,
at least there's a story. I like that. And I think as Geminis, we really do embody that and
use it to our full advantage, for better for worse so yeah i
feel like you know in comedy especially that's what uh that's great fodder for joke for joking
i want to bring up actually it's funny you say that because someone there's um an actor who went
through the same thing she peter cushing it's not peter cushing believe it or not but uh she same thing i believe cushing's
pituitary uh tumor and she made a tv short about it oh because she named her uh tumor britney
after britney spears wait i love that everyone's just naming them oh yeah i found that out after
mine was named it's so funny yeah so um but yeah Yeah. So, but yeah, it's Charlie Clive.
And yeah, she made this whole thing.
And like.
Is it a comedy short?
I haven't watched it, but I want to.
But I think it's a comedy.
Yes.
Cool.
So she's, she took her diagnosis and made something out of it.
So I haven't watched it yet.
I'm like debating whether or not it's a good idea yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah but do we know when uh we'll get you'll get answers about this or not really
is it just um so my p test goes in tomorrow i don't know how long it takes for that to get back
but after that it's more tests most likely after that more tests and then maybe after that like
if they still think there's a pituitary tumor, there's going to be scans done.
Yeah.
And then based on that, schedule a surgery.
No.
Surgery itself should be...
That's PD.
No, I get to meet PD and see PD, hopefully.
Maybe I get to keep PD.
I'm just picturing it as like a being John Malkovich where he's kind of just hanging out up there and seeing the world through your eyes i hope not that's cool but i hope not this is something about me
and she's like like let's hear the timeline then she's like let's talk about me for a minute um
it's been a little too long i think the listeners will agree uh that i this is something about me
that when he told me oh there's potentially there is potential for a tumor on my pituitary gland.
My first thought was, oh my gosh, that's the third eye.
I'm thinking of the pineal gland.
My first thought was, oh my gosh, he's going to have psychic abilities.
He's going to see auras all of a sudden.
He's going to be able to astral project.
Not yet.
Travel to different dimensions and timelines.
And I had to be brought back down to reality
that the pituitary gland is far different from the,
I don't even know how to say it, pineal gland.
Maybe PD can be grafted onto it.
That's what I said.
I said, well, can we just move him?
Yeah.
Yeah, because I feel like that's what i said i said well can we just move him yeah yeah because i feel like
that's not a bad idea hey if the neurosurgeon says it's possible then i'll go with it great
but um about this all hypothetical tumor but yeah that's about it what if pd doesn't exist at all
and then this whole time we've just been i'm gonna be really mad but that's when i get nervous about
like manifesting and it's like oh are we just talking it into existence all this talk about a tumor i don't i don't think so okay great i don't
think so i just wanted to double check but i kind of if so then i'll keep talking about it because
i want it to exist so it can be taken out you know what i mean wow that's something i want it
exist to exist so it no longer exists so that it's the problem that can be solved yes exactly i see anyway bringing like us right to chipotle that honestly super smooth segue thank you um but yeah
you can uh check out alexander's instagram post if you want to write any well wishes on there and
i'll post some stupid tiktoks about it as i go maybe someone who has c Cushing's will reach out. Yeah, I actually
unfollowed the Cushing's support group I was in on Facebook because it was too much.
Wait, really? Oh, okay. Because like I said, it's very hard to diagnose and a lot of people struggle
with getting it diagnosed if they believe they have it. A lot of doctors are saying that they
like so. Is this the group that you complained all through fourth of july that they wouldn't let you in yes okay now you've left yes cool i haven't left i unfollowed it so
i'll be able to like search for things if there's things specific to my case that i want to look up
but well um i don't plan on posting i just kind of populate your feed yeah but right now it's like
whenever i open facebook to let new patrons into our group, which is really the only, and check our Patreon group.
That's the only reason I normally use it.
I see these posts and I'm like, like horror stories and stuff.
Oh gosh.
I'm like, I'm going to not put that energy into PD.
So yeah, yeah, yeah.
PD is doing fine on his own.
He doesn't need that, that energy.
Okay.
Well, who wants to go first for Chipotle?
Why don't you go ahead?
I talked too much
no I think you talked the perfect
amount especially so you think
I should be done for the rest of the episode yeah
I feel like we've
touched on your thing it's your
turn yeah okay so this is an email
from Dylan he him and it's
a review of Chipotle in Knoxville
Tennessee it's a one star review
by Aaron
I'd rate you less than zero if possible my Chipotle in Knoxville, Tennessee. It's a one-star review by Aaron.
I'd rate you less than zero if possible. My wife walked in there on nurses week and she's been a nurse for 20 years now. They rudely said, no, we will not give you a discount. Even with her nurse
ID. I have lost all respect for you, Chipotle, and will never step foot in your restaurant
ever again.
Be proud of yourselves.
All the people working there should be mowing lawns and doing construction anyhow.
Your food sucks anyhow.
Middle finger, middle finger, middle finger, middle finger, middle finger, middle finger, middle finger, middle finger, middle finger.
Ditch Diggers.
End of review.
What?
Oh, boy.
I looked up Ditch Digger.
How dare you?
How dare you not give my wife was a wife girlfriend wife yeah how dare you not give my wife a discount for her career right and what she does for a
living yeah you people who i'm going to make fun of what you do for a living and talk down
right about and talk down about many different
about any sort of manual labor right yeah uh i will say um i went in during a national podcast
day with my id with my podcast id isn't that my birthday yeah okay and i said it's podcasting day
yeah i got a discount and you got a discount and I didn't.
And I've never forgiven them for it.
Yeah.
But yeah.
And I Googled this to make sure because I was like, maybe there was a, there was nothing.
This was not a thing.
Yeah.
There was, there is currently, I believe, or at least there was this spring, like you can nominate someone to receive free Chipotle for the rest of their lives.
They're like, you know.
I've seen, I have seen one for healthcare workers where they get a free burrito or something or like a free meal like one
free thing but there's no as far as i know there's no regular discount no you don't just walk in and
get a discount for having scrubs on exactly um you do i believe at chick-fil-a lose so much money
first responders i think because blaze used to when he was a um an emt used to
like i think it's like a certain day of the week you'd get i don't know but yeah so i made sure to
look it up and yes seriously this person just wanted their wife to get a discount for being
a nurse which like obviously great job but again like there's a lot of nurses in this world you're
right they would lose a lot of money if they just gave every nurse free food or no i don't know i don't know but would they could they could
they stand to lose some dollars probably yeah yeah but i'm i'm i i hate how they go straight to
insulting the employees at work there who are just following policy they can't just give their
own discounts because you also i love like even
when she showed her nurse id so it's like she asked first they were like no and she's like but
look at this but wait i actually have proof i have one of these cool stretchy lanyards
that swings i hope it snaps back yeah oh that's cool um i'd i'd give i'd give her money i would
be like i'll trade you a burrito for that
cool snappy thing it's like you have any experience around pituitary plants give you some money if you
want to take something out you gotta look a little into my brain um i looked up ditch diggers oh yeah
sorry uh so the urban dictionary i'm i'm convinced lately that urban dictionary just makes most of
the shit up and it's not actually anything because I assume they meant just someone who digs a ditch.
So, well, no, it's actually a phrase.
No.
Yeah.
But it's but I'm saying I found that elsewhere, like on Merriam Webster or something.
But the Urban Dictionary one was like some weird turn on being a gold digger.
It like was not a real thing.
Yeah.
As far as I know.
being a gold digger it like was not a real thing yeah as far as i know but ditch digger is a phrase that um i i assume it's uh derogatory it means quote a person engaged in exhausting manual work
especially work that requires little or no originality ouch yeah it's just like kind of
like okay yeah why are you? Okay.
I really want to know what this guy does.
It's so wonderful.
It's so great.
I mean, like, it's so stupid to like degrade somebody for what they do for a living.
And I'm scared of what the origins of that one are. I can't imagine they're good.
I saw a TikTok account that.
Oh, the phrase?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
It can't be.
Of like dissecting like phrases that we use nowadays and their racist origins or their problematic origins.
I've read some of those too.
Yeah.
Can you give me an example?
I'm trying to remember the ones that I was just thinking about.
So the one that I think of is like the peanut gallery.
Yes, that's the one.
I was just reading about that.
That's something that like, and there are things that I'm sure like many of them I might even still say.
Yeah.
And there are things that I'm sure like many of them I might even still say.
Yeah.
I don't know when the last time I said this, but like there are so many that I'm sure that we all say without thinking.
I've looked up or I've learned a lot doing podcasting because people will gently be like, you know, that's not really this is the origin of this phrase or whatever. And I've learned a lot being called out rightfully so.
this phrase or whatever and i've learned a lot um being called out rightfully so but yeah like obviously pow wow you know things like that that we say in you know our uh or just vernacular
our uh have some problematic origins and words matter as i always say so speaking of words
matter never mind it's your turn speaking of which uh you just said powwow do you think that's a problematic right phrase is it were you saying it as it was one oh i think i misheard you sorry
i'm saying phrases like powwow that we say in our regular vernacular i'm an idiot christina
i thought like the way i heard it you were using oh no and i was like why are like is she joking
like is she using no yeah this is, man. I'm not telling you.
I'm like, why did you say that?
I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say that.
Petey just thinks I'm really dumb and is just letting you know that I'm wrong.
No, but I saw a post recently about Native American and indigenous people's terms being
like spirit animal and powwow and tribe.
You know, those are not words we should be using um just as fun jargon for ourselves yeah
for sure take that peaty yeah take that peaty peaty's peaty's peaty's getting out one way or
another man oh god he's gonna form a mutiny up there no my first one is of Chipotle in Gardena, California.
This is a two-star review.
This is by Paulette.
I love Chipotle, but the cashier that bagged for my food up just now was a total bitch.
I'm order 532, and the host was Cindy.
7.57 p.m.
Hopefully that was her name, and not just the person who opened the register.
Skinny, pale, no makeup, dark, under eyes is the best I can describe her.
I saw her throw the lady in front of me's food into her bag.
And when the lady asked her a question about it, she didn't even acknowledge her. She then proceeded to toss my food into the bag just as rough somebody send that little girl home end of review oh my god
i would be so frightened of this person which one this reviewer yeah i'm afraid i like
this cindy is brave because i think the withering stare from this reviewer would probably put me in the grave.
Honestly, I mean, I'm afraid of her.
I'm wondering what kind of exclamation that Paulette made.
Yeah.
Once that food hit the bottom of the bag.
I'm afraid of that because I mean, just a guttural like yelp.
A yelp perhaps?
A yelp.
Yelp? A yop, perhaps?
A yop.
I mean, just the fact that she described her dark circles and pale face and just insulted her by, quote-unquote, describing her.
Yeah.
I mean...
All because she threw the food in the bag.
In the correct bag.
It wasn't even in the wrong bag.
I read so many reviews where I thought, yeah, that's a pretty good complaint.
Of course that's annoying.
I don't like it when that happens when I go to Chipotle, blah, blah, blah.
And then this happens.
I'm like, why people just can't be happy.
Oh, shit.
She ordered.
I know what she did.
She ordered off the secret menu that raw eggs.
Oh, no.
They come shell on.
And you can just order them.
And if you get those get tossed unshelled raw eggs
wow no shelled raw eggs oh they're shelled yeah they're shelled wait they've been shelled
oh shit see that's what is it you're right unshelled unshelled raw eggs am i right
that they still have as they have not been de-shelled de-shelled she shall she deshells eggshells at the chipotle uh yeah so basically if you toss those into bags
that's a bad day for you do it for a second i thought we were doing chipotle and i was like
maybe it was something fragile and now i'm like hang on wait oh you forgot we were doing
yeah i see yeah i forgot the theme and i was like, what food could it have been? Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
It's probably a burrito.
It'll be fine.
And if it's a bowl, even better.
Mixes up the ingredients a bit.
Just shake it up a bit.
Yeah.
Paulette.
All right.
Do you like that name?
What?
Paulette?
Not for like your child, but...
I was like, why are you naming your tumor?
I made that up on the spot.
You're going to rename Petey to Paulette?
I thought...
If I have two, sometimes people have two oh gosh
pd and paulette the vaudeville show you've been waiting for now we've have two hypothetical brain
tumors i can't with that amazing um wow okay this is an email from leanne it's of a Chipotle in Erie, Pennsylvania, and it's a two-star review by Sam.
It was
too weird to describe.
If the workers aren't
on drugs, they are definitely robots.
Or zombies.
Maybe zombie robots on some
drug from the future or something.
It's a burr.
E. Toe.
Why is this harder than long division for you?
End of review.
And make your own burrito at home.
Honestly?
Also, this person doesn't, I don't know, the drugs, robots, and zombies, I feel like they're all such different vibes.
So many imaginations going on at once.
Maybe he has multiple brain tumors just wreaking havoc because pulling from all different sorts of
genres but i will say the the robots working in assembly line probably make a damn good burrito
i don't know if i brought the review i don't think so but i read a fucking review exactly what you
just said someone complained about them being robots and not knowing how to do their job that's
a good thing hello robots would probably be really good at making i'm not saying it's a good thing sorry that it came out weird
what i'm saying is like you'd think if you were one to complain yeah it would be like about how
they make yeah whatever you know what i'm saying that i would assume considering the assembly line
aspect of a chipotle that it wouldn't necessarily be bad to have a
robotic yeah you know we're still on drugs i don't know depends on the drug but that oh my god remember
that hospital episode where i was like oh i don't want anyone doing doing smoking weed before they
give me an iv they're right i don't know why i'm bringing this up which is fair and then you were like what about
cocaine and i was like well that's better i don't know we it got to a point where i was like really
just embarrassed that um that my mother-in-law listened to the show and i felt i started to get
and dig myself deeper into a hole but yeah i just thought this was um an odd one and then you know the slow talk is so condescending
and rude anyway so that's that man it was wild some of these reviews people are mean people are
they're nasty they're like if they went to a local place i imagine many of these people that
complain about chipotle wouldn't treat the employees as poorly like i don't if that makes
sense like at a local business because so many people were like oh like this chain they should
do better they have all these locations i love their brand why are they such a terror like the
brand is so big that they have these expectations of every single employee humanize the employees
it makes them like part of the machine.
Yeah.
Like a robot.
Yeah.
But anyway, employees are people too.
Okay.
Here is a review of a Chipotle in Las Vegas.
This is a one star review by Tina.
Worst Chipotle ever.
This girl kept flirting with my boyfriend right in front of me hell no what she
needs to do instead is make my order faster next time i'm ordering my usual with a side of back
the fuck off my boyfriend bitch other than that i love chipotleer i'm afraid of i know like i don't even want to talk to this
boyfriend i'm not interested in but i don't want to look his way you see you get you get a place
like chipotle you get all sorts of kinds of people going everyone goes to chipotle do we
really think that whatever it doesn't how are we supposed to know if she was actually flirting but
maybe she just said sofritas in a very like sensual way or like it was in 2014 so it had to be something other than so okay maybe
it was the corn i gotta say i think corn is a really sexy word it is and a sexy food yes
certainly arguably the sexiest. I would say.
Yeah.
So.
It's technically a.
Okay.
You taught me this.
I know.
In some definitions, it can be considered a fruit because of all the seeds are on the outside or the fruits of the.
Wait.
Corn and fruit.
Look it up.
Something.
There's something there.
There's something there.
That's probably what.
That's probably what she said. There might's probably what that's probably what she said that's probably what she said and the girlfriend was like will
you back the fuck off and stop flirting with my boyfriend telling him all these fun facts about
corn where she was like i can stick a whole corn cob in my mouth gross but not in a gross way just
in a like how cool is that just in a cool way that Just in a like, how cool is that? Just in a cool way. That would be wild.
Sorry.
I'm picturing sideways by the way.
Like stick it in.
I'm not saying like down the throat.
I mean in the mouth.
Okay, I was like don't try that at home everybody.
I swear.
I swear when I first said that.
And then I'm like yeah, that's not really what I meant.
I was picturing like a chipmunk like puffy cheeks because of corn cobs like whoop.
Look how funny.
Yeah.
Never mind. I guess that could be what happened that's probably what happened i think i'm supposed to be nice to him now
until we figure out until he gets healed yeah so just go with me okay folks
all right the next email i have is from j Heathay, who was actually the one who kindly corrected me
that they were the one who pointed out Delta having a stranglehold
on the toddler bed market.
And I accidentally gave that credit to Taylor.
So Taylor, I'm taking it away and giving it back to Jameson.
You are notorious.
I do that. I do.
So Jameson lives in upstate New York in a moderately populous college town.
And everybody knows this one Chipotle as the capital B bad Chipotle.
So I'm going to read a review that Jameson sent in.
And then I went and did a little digging myself into this location to see what was what.
Rochester?
Where is it?
I didn't even write it down it's uh in ithaca oh
man that would have been my second guess yeah so uh sorry that we just called out where jameson
lives i don't know what were you not supposed to i don't know i mean i don't think that they live
like next to the chipotle but maybe they do do. Just above it. Just above it?
Maybe.
So this is a review.
It's a two-star review by Andy of this Ithaca bad Chipotle.
I've eaten at a lot of Chipotles,
and this is probably the worst one I've ever visited.
They had much of the interior taped off like a crime scene,
so no bathrooms were available to use. They were out of the interior taped off like a crime scene, so no bathrooms were available to use.
They were out of chicken.
Their fountain was only dispensing carbonated water for the drink I wanted.
Their other drinks were all empty.
The line was long all the way out the door.
We got our food and ate, and the line had not moved in all that time.
The person behind us in line was still at the register.
I think you get the picture.
End of review.
Wow.
So this place sounds rough.
Oh my gosh.
It sounds like my worst nightmare.
We start off at crime scene tape.
Yeah.
And no beverages.
It's like only sparkling water.
And I just, I mean, that's so specific that I'm not sure.
The thing of them eating and then the same person being
at the register seems
so far-fetched. It's pretty wild.
But if that's the case, that would be
so messed up. That would be
disturbing. That would suck so much for everyone in line.
I don't know what would be taking so long.
That would mean something's up, right? I wonder if they're
making an ingredient or something they were waiting
for. I don't know.
So, of course, I had to go read a couple more.
Yeah.
So I hope it's okay if I read one more here.
Yes, of course. Okay.
So this is a one-star review by Panda, and this is of that same Chipotle that Jameson sent in.
One star.
Will never come again.
I went to order directly, and a piece of glass that separates food and people broke itself in front of me.
End of review.
That was like the first one I read.
What?
What's happening at this place?
It just like spontaneously shattered.
It broke itself.
It broke itself.
Which is like new to me.
New concept, I guess, to me.
You know what this was?
He was like, he broke it.
And then got a lawyer and the lawyer was like
hey post this review yeah saying that it broke itself we need to like backtrack trace your steps
back and like plant clues yep to prove your innocence exactly now we're gonna be subpoenaed
for the trial oh no oh no oh no media attention oh no oh no i just watched thing about pam that the thing about pam
i see i've listened to the podcast i really want to watch the show what's it on uh hbo no hulu okay
i'm gonna watch it yeah i so between that and only murders in the building i was like i've been using
the spotify Hulu deal.
Yeah.
I paid for Spotify or Hulu without ads because I'm like obsessed with these shows and I keep binging them and I'm so sick of ads.
They're so good.
They're so good.
Only Murders in the Building, it's not Hulu though, is it?
Yeah, it is.
Oh, wow.
I mean, I don't know.
That's where I watched season one.
But yeah.
Okay.
I don't know why I didn't know that.
Anyway, sorry.
That was a total thing.
But thinking of like media around trial.
I mean, I've listened to the podcast, so I do know.
Highly recommend it.
I believe it was narrated by Keith Morrison.
Is that true?
Yes.
I remember he was like, well.
Yeah, he narrates the whole show.
I was like, oh, but what about Pam?
And I was like, Keith Morrison, you are, you son of a gun, you know?
I never listened to the podcast, so I didn't know the whole story.
So the show is wild for me because I didn't know the whole story.
Oh, gosh.
It got crazier and crazier.
Anyway, sorry.
I covered it on the podcast, too.
My podcast.
Ooh, Pam Hupp.
Go check that episode.
And that's why we drink episode. in later it's a great i'll say
all numbers one two three four five and then i'll just five six two what is it up to close to 300
no yeah it's gotta be one of those one two five okay my next one is of a chipotle in rochester
hills michigan the original rochester is what i like
to say that's what you do say that a lot here's a one-star review by cory who would say the same
thing i think in a very different tone as you'll tell by the way this review is written got it and
what's funny i just noticed this was written nine days ago oh wow hot off the press hot off the press and it's a good one
it hasn't been marked as uh whatever um flag yeah hasn't been flagged yet it might be soon here we
go clown ass motherfuckers close early every day just fucking shut down at this point your reviews
are fucking shit your reviews suck ass Everything about you guys is embarrassing.
Chipotle needs rebrand at this point.
Fucking sad.
End of review.
Whoa.
Okay.
Useful, funny, or cool?
Scary.
I'm scared of all of your reviewers lately.
I think you're saying that.
Something about Chipotle triggers people into like a rage.
I could be wrong, but I think the rest of mine are kind of scary too.
I'm not surprised.
Yeah.
I feel like this, though, this attitude that he brings to the table will definitely get
Chipotle higher ups talking.
They'll say, well, he says we need to rebrand.
And it's like when you're calling in to some sort of customer service and you just curse a lot to get to a representative.
Right.
The more cursing you have in your review, the quicker it gets up.
No.
Oh.
Wait, which one?
The cursing to get to a representative.
Supposedly.
That's not very nice.
I've read that as a thing.
It might just be some, don't do it.
Don't do that.
I mean.
Here's the thing.
Calls may be recorded.
I forget the rest of it.
Calls may be recorded.
For customer.
For training.
Customer service training.
I don't know.
Something like that.
But here's the thing.
I feel like I always get better results with these situations when I speak nicely with customer service representatives.
And even if I don't, I'm not going to be mean to them for a better outcome.
I don't know.
That's just me, maybe.
But like, hey, let's be nice.
That's the whole point of this podcast. But anyway, yeah, I don't think that Chipotle, what do they call,
corporate is going to look at that and be like, well, he's spoken.
He's got a point.
He's got a point.
Clown ass motherfuckers.
Well, now that he's clarified what the real problem is,
we can get to the bottom of it.
Wowza, yeah, I think that might be flagged any day now that's
any day i haven't really aggressive i didn't touch it but uh okay so this is an email from monica
she her hers aya and this is of a chipotle that was in her backyard at one point oh so even though we said um we said that jameson probably didn't live behind
the chipotle uh monica did monica lives in front of the chipotle in front of the chipotle
is that just like a just a single location just for you monica um you just go in your backyard
when you want a burrito and you've got someone working back one of those things where her
parents told her it was a chipotle but really it's just like dad is like
making a burrito and like you know making a little like cheesy roll up and putting it outside and
being like it's your very own chipotle because you know it's expensive uh and then later like
whenever like growing up whenever they get in, remember when we had that Chipotle out back for you?
Oh, yeah, you lied to me.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, so apparently did actually live with a Chipotle right behind their house, and they would hop the fence to go to the Chipotle. Oh, okay, okay.
And it was in Vestavia Hills, Alabama.
You know, you've heard of it. I think that's the original Vestavia Hills, Alabama. You know, you've heard of it.
I think that's the original Vestavia Hills, too.
I don't.
You don't?
No, I think that's a rebrand.
That's a rebrand?
Yeah.
With too many clown-ass motherfuckers?
Corporate said, wrap this up.
We got to start over.
Let's go to Alabama.
I forget what the city's called.
Vestavia Hills.
Vestavia Hills. I think it was originally on the south coast near brighton this is a two-star review by willie i love this local chipotle how is it spelled? Chipotle with an L at the end.
Chipotle.
I love it.
Our dad calls it Chipotle.
Chipotle.
I don't know if he still does, but he did for a very long time.
And not ironically.
He genuinely thought that's how you say it.
And then I think he started to do it just to mess with us a little bit.
To irritate us, yeah.
It worked.
Thanks, Dad.
Thanks.
I love this local chipotle. When going inside to order, everyone is so polite and everything
is always great, but I ordered the standard burrito bowl with chicken. I paid for queso
cheese and it wasn't there. That's two times in a row during the quarantine curbside pickup.
Also, this time the standard chicken bowl was so damn spicy my it took 20 minutes for mouth fire to go
out while not a good experience this time end of review i think he's his mouth is still on fire
still on fire the way that it says why not a good experience why not a good experience
yeah there's just missing swollen or something a chipotle i don't know i think something went really sort of awry uh yeah that's
the mouthfire that's the mouthfire that's how you have it labeled in your notes mouthfire
from mouthfire in vestavia hills that's my new album oh that sounds pretty cool actually i've
been listening to death cabalada since we went to that concert and i just feel like that sounds like a death cab song i know right because i've been playing
the record and it has like home is a fire and now i'm like mouth fire and vestavia hills
it's so stupid but it sounds weirdly weirdly i think it's the title goes hard, as the youth would say. My next one is of that same Rochester Hills location.
This is a one star by Peter.
Petey?
No, this is not Petey, thankfully.
I hope.
This Chipotle is too slow and fucking sucks.
It is a garbage heap with employees who might as well be jerking off the burritos in the back.
Because that's how long you'll have to wait. What will finish first? The burrito? It is a garbage heap with employees who might as well be jerking off the burritos in the back,
because that's how long you'll have to wait.
What will finish first, the burrito or your online order?
Definitely the burrito.
End of review.
Gross!
Peter, that's disgusting.
It doesn't even make sense.
No, it doesn't make any sense. I mean, okay, it doesn't make sense, period.
But it's not even, the burrito's made right in front of you.
Yeah.
And you're sort of saying, if you take out the euphemism, you're sort of saying like,
oh, your burrito will be done pretty quickly.
Yeah, I don't get it.
I don't know.
Unless we're like reading into your gross euphemism.
I feel like that's not so bad of an insult.
What do they think? And also it's like for your your online order you think they're doing like a special so okay i saw so many
complaints about online orders someone said me and 10 other people placed an online order 30
minutes later it wasn't done yet what these people don't consider is that not only they do they have
to do your 11 online orders within your group they also have to do your 11 online orders within your group,
they also have to do any other online orders that might be placed
and any other orders that might be in person.
Right.
So why would you think 30 minutes is an acceptable time for 11 people?
They also have to jerk off all the burritos.
That's so many burritos.
It's a lot.
Yeah.
People were so wild about it.
I've seen that complaint on the Starbucks subreddit and just different drive-thru things
where people will do an online order and either walk in or go through the drive-thru immediately
and say, where's my order?
I don't want to jinx it.
Because they think that it's like, oh, it goes so quick because I did it online.
I should get it quicker.
Yeah, it doesn't really make sense.
i did it online i should get it quicker yeah it doesn't really make sense it's and then you see people it's even worse when they order like 30 food items from starbucks online and like holds
up the whole line anyway little toaster ones aren't that big right yeah i do a lot of pickup
orders so starbucks and chipotle when i do chipotle and i mean i don't want to jinx it but like they haven't been that bad yeah I don't know not not as
bad as some of these people make it sound anyway I'll just go I'll leave do it and then show up 15
minutes later and pick it up yeah and like for like my coffee or something if I'm doing that but
yeah I don't know if you're doing a Chipotle thing and you have 11 people doing it and your order's not ready in 30 minutes, that's okay.
Why don't you try standing in line, all 11 of you?
Exactly.
And then see how much faster it goes.
Exactly.
It's the same concept.
Oh, man.
Okay.
So, this is a saga.
Oh, goody.
Yeah, I titled it, speaking of titles, I titled it Ken's Saga.
I didn't even write down which Chipotle.
I was just looking at random ones.
Poor Flanfo.
What?
Poor Flanfo.
I think it's okay.
Right?
Yeah.
She's dealt with your shit before.
Is she still doing that?
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay, so I'm going to read you.
There are multiple updates.
This is the original review, and it was written March 21st, 2021.
One star.
I would give zero stars if it was a choice.
The brand sucks in Cincinnati.
Oh, okay.
It's actually, I remember
now. It's in Hyde Park. Interesting. It's on, is it on Paxton? Yes, it is. Yeah, that's the one.
That's this one. Wasn't that like a noodles and company before? I'm not sure. Anyway, sorry. Yes.
This is the one on Paxton. Flanfo, are you happy now? Paxton, Flanfo. Okay. One star.
I would give zero stars if it was a choice.
The brand sucks in Cincinnati.
My order was supposed to be ready an hour ago, and no one seems to care.
So I finally got my order, and that was disappointing.
Manager handed to me and didn't say a word, just turned around and walked away.
End of review.
Now the next review is six days later on March 27th, 2021.
Okay.
Good start to our saga.
Chipotle service has gone so downhill.
It's been six days.
Since that last time?
I guess so.
Chipotle service has gone so downhill.
Last Sunday, I placed an order to be picked up at 545.
At 645, I still have not gotten my order.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Hold on.
Wait, are they still waiting for that order?
That's what it sounds like.
From last week?
Last Sunday, so 645, the day they posted?
I mean, it sounds like they're just trying to say it took over an hour to get their order.
Okay, I see.
On that day, but they ordered it very poorly.
Went and found a manager to ask where my order was.
She went back and 10 minutes later kind of tossed a bag at me.
It was horrible food, BTW.
Tried to contact Chipotle for a week now, but no response.
Please, we need to stop buying food there until they start respecting the customer.
End of review.
Okay, so they are just like
doubling down i want to remind you that there are this is a saga so there are multiple updated
reviews which means he's not following his own advice of staying away from chipotle which i do
get that a little bit in this case today no in that review though it sounds like they
are still complaining about that original one and they're just saying
wait no oh and saying i've been trying to contact them for a week you're 100 right and they are
frustrated i will say that's not the case for the next one okay yeah third visit so okay i'm not
sure i'm confused now i want to say too this this is i had this person like pegged yeah that's what
that's with a saga you really can't pin them down you know there's no way to know so this third
review is july 17th 2021 this is an updated review third visit first time okay there he's
gonna recap again good i need it third visit first time waited over an hour after promised time only to
have the manager toss the bag at me of course after two weeks i was offered a free burrito
of course when i deleted my payment info i got an email in two hours second visit i was told that
my food was taken by someone else only waited 40 minutes to get it remade. Today, I ordered a chicken burrito and it was a good rice and tomato
burrito? Little anything
else. Of coughed
chips were way undercooked. Guacamole
was okay. You are very bad.
I never get that. Jesus.
They were like, wait, I'm getting too nice.
Yeah. About this guacamole.
You are bad, eh? Bad. Don't get any
ideas, Chipotle.
You're still not good.
Just because it was a good rice and tomato burrito does not mean I approve of this.
Okay.
Also seems to think that like deleting payment off the app or whatever means like suddenly they care.
I don't think that's quite how it works, but.
Okay, now there's two more updates.
Okay.
So here's one.
August 5th, 2021.
And that was approximately two weeks after the last one.
I am the idiot.
Thought I would order one more time.
Ordered a carnitas bowl, but they forgot the sour cream and the little bit of pork was dry and stringy.
Luckily, they have record earnings and don't give a shit about the customer.
End of review.
I mean, that's fair.
But, like, what do you think?
Yes, you are the idiot.
Also, you're their top paying customer.
You've been five times in, like, three months.
I don't know why you're complaining.
Yeah.
And then this is the last one.
No, there's more.
Yeah, there's one more updated review.
This is from October 16, 2021.
Sucks really bad.
You need to fix this restaurant.
I understand that there is a labor shortage,
but not accepting online orders is bad.
End of review.
They're still coming back for more.
They're still trying.
And it's probably not accepting his fucking order
because he deleted his payment information.
Hello?
Probably banned.
They gave her a free burrito.
What more do you want?
Right?
People are so needy.
He's not even a nurse.
He didn't even show his nurse's ID.
Didn't snap his lanyard.
Didn't snap his lanyard at them.
Oh my God.
That is quite the...
I just love like we all need to boycott
and then there are four more updates,
four more visits within the next
six months that's so funny oh my gosh that's like weirdly so funny how are we supposed to trust you
to be our leader you know like why if i'm not going to chipotle you better not be going exactly
everyone boycott three reviews later they won't let me order he's like my chicken is really stringy so funny okay i've got one last one
okay this chipotle is in valley stream new york okay it says green it's all without comma says
green acres mall valley stream cool i assume it's the Green Acres Mall and Valley Stream.
Okay.
Chipotle.
One star.
Here we go.
Worst fucking Chipotle I ever went to.
I ordered from Uber Eats, and when I opened up my order,
I saw that my taco ingredients was not in my taco shell,
and my chicken was cold.
Hold on. Don't forget chicken was cold. Hold on,
don't forget about the lettuce. I mean, that shit was staler than a motherfucker. I also ordered a
bowl, and in the bowl, there was steak, brown rice, lettuce, tomato, guacamole, and sour cream.
Pretty simple, right? I know. And guess what? My fucking food was cold, and the lettuce was
fucking stale, and the guacamole looks like the last shit I took. I mean, I was pretty fucking mad that my food was cold.
And the fact that I was trying to get some healthy shit on my order.
It just looked like the worst shit ever.
I forgot the steak was mad fucking chewy too.
Rating one out of ten.
Whoever runs that Chipotle down there could suck my dick respectfully.
I don't recommend getting anything from this establishment and a review
holy crap okay and here's the other thing about the anger they ordered it from uber eats all they
have to do is complain and like they will get that money refunded immediately it bothers me every time
but i've never not gotten a refund whenever i've complained same and like i know that that's not enough when it's like oh i
don't want to eat this but also like calm down calm down i mean maybe it is because he's trying
a healthier diet and i can understand why that would like set you off pretty quickly if you're
only eating like stale lettuce um yeah or tomato rice salad or burrito or whatever the hell um
but yeah i feel like that's just unwarranted.
The people in these Chipotle reviews were so angry.
And so many were angry about the cauliflower rice I saw.
Oh, I've never seen anything about that.
Another thing that people were like, I'm eating this to try to be healthy.
And they get so angry that they had to pay extra or they felt misled about the pricing of the cauliflower rice.
I didn't even know they have that.
Yeah, I don't know if they do anymore.
I knew they did.
I've tried it.
Let's not do that.
Let's just eat normal rice.
Okay?
They're like, what's the point?
I'm trying to be healthy here.
Why would I eat?
I'm going to pull a Ken and I'm going to go order cauliflower rice now after I told everyone to stop eating it.
More for you.
More for me.
Oh, maybe more for Ken. for me oh maybe the more yum
oh yeah he just wants everybody out of the lines too long out of the paxton chipotle
um okay i have one more that i just kind of threw in last minute and i wasn't sure if i was gonna
read it but i'm gonna read it anyway it's by talia alarming i know it's a one-star view by
talia and it's of the same paxton Chipotle in Hyde Park. One star.
I went there today and there was food on the floor.
The food was okay, but there was a bone in it.
End of review.
And I picked it because I thought it sounded like she ate it off the floor.
What the heck?
None of that went where I expected it to go. There was food on the floor.
The food was okay, but there was a bone in it. I don't know. It sounded like she ate roadkill. It sounded like, yeah. There was food on the floor. The food was okay, but there was a bone in it.
I don't know.
It sounded like she ate roadkill.
It sounded like, yeah, there was food on the floor, step one.
Step two, but it was good.
Step three, but there was a bone.
Honestly, full of twists and turns.
It's like that short story, baby shoes for sale or whatever the fuck.
Good job.
Yeah, baby shoes for sale.
For sale, baby shoes never worn
you don't have to say it right now i think that's what it is uh and so i think it's sort of as just
as beautiful as that really it's so beautiful poignant um it's a beginning middle end of a story
you got it you got all you need to know all you need to know i i do think maybe she accidentally
ate roadkill the way that it's described like i said all we needed to know. All you need to know. I do think maybe she accidentally ate roadkill, the way that it's described.
Like I said, all we needed to know, we didn't need you to add to it.
Well, we didn't need you to read poetry out loud, but here we are.
So that's all I've got.
Okay, good stuff.
Chipotle was fun, but chaos.
Chaos.
What else is new on this show?
but chaos chaos what else is new on this show it's time for my challenge great uh my challenge was from isabella she they who said find reviews
of stores or restaurants where the reviewer mentions the business's billboard so i got a
dm from chloe who brought up wall drug do you remember wall drug wall drug why do i
remember south dakota i believe we did tourist attractions or something in south dakota wall
drug is this notorious stop in south dakota where there's nothing for miles and then you get to wall
drug and they have so many billboards.
They're like known for how many billboards.
Right.
I do vaguely remember that.
I think we did talk about it in that episode,
but Chloe was like brought it back to my attention to say,
Hey,
they've got lots of billboards.
And sure enough,
there was a lot of reviews about the billboard.
So here's one.
So this is of wall drug uh and let me read the
description of wall drug uh if it's on here america's favorite roadside attraction serving
free ice water for 90 years wall drug specializes in everything from jackalopes to your everyday
drugstore need family a friendly attraction it's hard to describe wall drug in just a thousand
characters it is a priceless memory to be made by you and your family on your all-american vacation
sounds like they're keeping it vague to get you to go there yeah um but here we go here's a one
star review of molly's experience tourist trap don't bother stopping middle of july with temperatures in the hundreds and we went to
the soda fountain for ice cream sign said closed for the season that would have been nice to know
for the 60 miles of billboards we saw on interstate 90 so when exactly is the season good thing dairy
queen is right around the corner drive straight there and skip while drunk. Dairy Queen is 365.
They know that ice cream has no season.
End of review.
Okay.
Wait.
While drunk?
Or drunk thing.
I don't know.
I'm worried about that.
I'm slightly worried about that.
That one jumped out at me.
Okay.
I'm glad it wasn't just me.
I thought maybe I misunderstood.
Like, I didn't even find that to be the funny part, but I was like, do I just skip that sentence?
But I want to get to the bottom of it because I don't understand.
Dairy Queen is right around the corner.
Drive straight there and skip while drunk.
Maybe they were saying wall drug.
Oh, my God.
Skip wall drug.
And it was like text to speech or just.
Oh, and Siri was like, girl, I know you you i know what you're trying to say let me don't even finish your sentence let me for once we figured it out
without someone emailing you said i want to get to the bottom of this i was like i almost said
can we just not even i should have skipped the sentence honestly honestly incredible that we
i feel really accomplished actually that was
that's a bigger relief than finding out i might have a brain tumor
that's a weird way to say that but okay yeah i'll let it slide skip while skip so drive straight
there and skip while skip wall drug got it dairy queen is 60 miles of billboards. Yeah. The billboards, though.
And they advertise free ice water on the billboards.
That is the one.
That's one of their main things.
I mean, I guess if it's over 100 degrees out, I get it.
And you're in your car this whole time.
That's a win.
Yeah.
People are complaining about the free ice water.
What kind of thing is that?
It's like, why are you complaining about it?
Just accept it's water.
Try getting free ice water at a fucking airport.
True.
They used to even charge at Starbucks.
I don't know if they do anymore.
I think they charge for the cup.
Maybe.
I don't know if they do that still.
You're right.
I don't know.
anymore but i think they charge for the cup maybe i don't know if they do that it's still you're right i don't know anyway uh my next one is of queso kings in loretta lolita lolita california
lolita yeah maybe i'm not sure queso kings is some uh cheese shop or something. Sure. One star. This place is fucking busted.
They have all kinds of billboards on the 101,
so we thought, what the hell, check it out.
It's nothing like you'd imagine.
It's a hole in the wall in the back of some cheese shop.
My partner waited literally over an hour for a grilled cheese sandwich.
How the fuck?
I'm hard-pressed to think of something that is quicker to make
in an industrial kitchen than a fucking grilled cheese sandwich.
Bread, cheese, put them together, and put it in the grill press.
In a few minutes, done.
But the place is staffed by incompetent teenagers who are probably pissed they have to work there.
Also, they didn't clean up the prep area or something, because my partner's sandwich was covered in fucking grape jelly what the hell end of review
of all things i thought it was gonna be like covered in like uh dirt from the grill but it's
like the most random possible ingredient like do they also have, like, well, I guess jelly and cheese is a thing, right?
Like, I don't know.
Like, there are jellies that go with cheese.
I think there's maybe, like, fig jam with your charcuterie.
That's what I mean.
I don't know the difference.
Maybe these are more advanced teens than we realize.
More classy teens than we all thought.
Oh, classy teens.
I see, yeah.
Classy teen.
Now, that's a threat that I will take very seriously. That's a we all thought. Classy teens, I see, yeah. Classy teen, now that's a threat that I will take
very seriously.
That's a very scary thought.
Man, people are angry in your reviews today.
I wonder if it's like
hanger, like I wonder if people are just hangry.
Maybe. Or maybe it's
post-COVID, people are like out in
droves, like getting mad.
I don't know.
All that pent-up anger.
I think there are just a lot of
angry people out there oh could be yeah that's that's what i'll say i think that is entirely
possible explanation um my next one is of a dairy queen in blue water new mexico uh but this one is
at the this place called blue out water outpost it's like a highway stop
type place and they have like a gift shop so this person's review is of the
dairy queen but they meant to leave a review of the blue water outpost
sorry so there's a blue blue water outpost is a like a highway stop place like with uh i don't know they have a gift shop
and like a rest stop sure it's an outpost and a dairy queen oh so like there's a dairy queen
in there like how sometimes there's a subway at the bp or at the shell station yes but i will say
that there is a separate yelp account for the outpost with a different manager responding than the Dairy Queen manager.
Okay.
They just have the same location.
Yeah.
So I assume that this review is misplaced.
Not that.
Just to be clear.
Okay.
Anyway, one star.
The many billboards along I-40 hyped this place up.
Gifts, Dairy Queen, Jewelry, Mexican Imports, Exit 72, Exit 72, Exit 72, Blue Water Outpost.
It sounded like just the nirvana my bladder had been dreaming about for the last 60 miles.
And my girlfriend wanted M&Ms, so it seemed like Blue Water Outpost was the place to go.
This rest stop was dingy inside and out, with two employees dealing with about two dozen
customers.
The lines moved slowly.
Meanwhile, the restrooms were blocked off by a carousel clothing rack.
I asked one of the clerks if the restrooms were open.
They're closed, bro.
Where would you suggest I go for an available restroom? I asked one of the clerks if the restrooms were open. They're closed, bro. Where would you suggest I go for an available restroom?
I asked.
What you do with your time is your business, he replied.
On the way out, I followed some similarly disappointed travelers into the parking lot as they remarked on the rudeness of the clerk in their interaction with him.
In my eavesdropping, I gathered an additional piece of data.
The restrooms were closed because the water had been turned off. Nice. Luckily, the town of Milan
was only one exit away, and the Petro convenience stop was the total inverse of this dump.
Had Petro, I was welcomed by a friendly greeting, the restrooms were open and spotlessly clean,
and the vibes were just all around good.
If you're traveling through New Mexico on I-40 and need to stop,
give this nasty little pit a pass
and wait another mile or two for Milan.
You'll spare yourself an unpleasant experience.
End of review.
Wow.
Yeah.
People mad about this place, too. place too it's a rest stop and like
i don't know i feel like once you've gathered the additional info that it's because the
water was shut off like shouldn't that make you less mad because like i thought so right i was
reading that and i'm like am i wrong to think that that's a reasonable explanation?
It doesn't seem necessary that you'd still be angry at the employees.
I mean, yeah, maybe they were kind of rude, but.
Are they just shutting it off for fun?
No.
I doubt it.
They probably have to pee too.
Maybe they're transferring the water over to some like water slide out back.
So maybe.
Oh, it could be a slip and slide situation.
Yeah.
like water slide out back so maybe it could be a slip and slide situation yeah um or you know maybe they're just trying to sell more of those three wolf moon shirts that they got in the
carousel next to the bathroom oh that's true you got to get through those shirts to get to the
bathroom it's funny another of you mentioned that right next to those shirts were the go girls
the what the go girls what's that you don't know what a go girl is i know what gogurt is it's for peeing
on the go oh those things yeah those funnels to pee it's a funnel for peeing right yeah i've seen
those see that so that's what they're trying to sell yeah i mean i don't blame them i don't blame
them either as someone who peed in the jug today yeah Yeah, true. I get it. Someone with pee in my fridge.
I mean.
No, it's, I mean, I think it's a pretty, pretty cool concept.
They sell camouflage Go Girls too.
Well, then nobody will see you doing it.
You know, that's even better.
You can do it in secret.
Yeah.
Do you know what their like tagline is?
No.
Don't take life sitting down.
I love it. I just watched a TikTok where a pelvic floor specialist taught me how to pee properly and said, don't hover.
You got to sit.
Yeah, you got to sit.
Sorry.
She said, sorry, you got to sit if you want to pee properly.
See, maybe remember when I talked about how I pee sitting down?
Yeah.
Maybe it's because my freaking muscles and bones are so weak.
See, this is what I was talking about with the excuses he no i'm just saying like i was standing in the kitchen today
for five minutes and i had to go sit down because it was too much um so hey not that i'm peeing
standing up for five minutes i i sure hope it's just nice just nice to get a load off, you know? Yeah, I agree. Anytime you can sit, why not, you know?
That's what I'm saying.
I'm with you on that one.
I just gotta own it.
Okay, so the challenge is kind of done, but Heather DM'd me about a place called the Big Texan Steak Ranch and Brewery.
It's okay.
It's called The Big Texan.
I like that.
I was looking for reviews that mentioned billboards.
This one does, but it's not talking about
the billboards for this place.
Okay.
It's talking about a semi being a moving billboard.
That's where the word is,
but I read the whole review anyway, and I really liked it.
Let's do it. It's a five star, so I figured it would be
good to end on. Good redemption.
Here's a five star review of The Big Texan.
This is an Amarillo, Texas
five stars by
Chuck.
Rachel, my server, was so
polite. She made me feel very
comfortable and welcome.
This was the prelude and set up to
very pleasant sit down meal. Oftentimes over the road, truck drivers get very little, if any,
respect. What? We are away from home, our family, loved ones, etc. We see bad, terrible stuff,
weather, accidents, etc. Human nature insists that you cut off a 70-foot long billboard that weighs close to 80,000 pounds just to gain, what, half a second?
Maybe a full second?
If you drive a vehicle with four wheels, you know it's true.
You just don't know our world.
We have 18, sometimes more.
When you drive on snow and ice and you insist on being in front, why would you hit your
brakes?
Why?
Lead, follow, or get the fuck out of the way.
Studies and statistics show that if we all got behind 18 wheels, gave three to four seconds
space, we would all live long.
Live, laugh, love.
No, it's actually, you got the third part right.
We would all love longer, be happier, and thrive.
What does this have to do with this restaurant and Rachel?
Everything.
Rachel's like, wait, wait, wait.
Don't drag me into this.
I didn't think I was part of this.
The Big Texan has top of the line staff who treat you right.
Sing to your kiddos, encourage you to roam around and take pictures.
And if you are really brave
try the 72 ounce steak challenge congratulations to all the winners my heart was deeply touched
to find that a couple with the same last name won not sure if he and she were married or brother
and sister i assume they were married and thought that was cool as As for Rachel, keep up the good work, little lady.
You filled a void between my wife and I because of my career choice that was warm, kind, gentle,
and caring, filled with much love.
Thank you, Big Texan Steakhouse Ranch.
Thank you, Rachel.
Together, you are the epitome of the Texas way.
End of review.
Holy crap.
One thumbs up only.
I think it deserves another.
Oh my God.
I mean, just the, wow.
All over the place.
All over the place.
But good messages.
Truth.
Y'all.
Fucking respect truck drivers.
Yeah, be careful out there.
And I know he said
anyone who drives four wheels you know it's true and i'm like i know people do that but
i do not do that because i am today i'm very fearful apparently but it's true i'm afraid of
those big big big trucks i don't want to get in their way yeah um they're like literally
professional drivers they know how to drive generally
better than you do don't fucking mess with them like why what are you trying to prove you know
it's so wild just give them a wide berth yeah they just want to get their jobs done what does
this have to do with rachel everything everything i can't believe that i mean just the like the the
there were a lot of like um off ramps guess, we took that then came back on.
Thankfully, we never needed one of the emergency run-offs or whatever.
I mean, I looked for one.
I just couldn't find one.
But, like, yeah, the frustrations about driving and being away and not being treated right on the road.
And then all of a sudden we're like, oh, there was this couple.
Or maybe they were brother and sister. But maybe they were married. But they had the same last name as me. not being treated right on the road. And then all of a sudden we're like, oh, there was this couple,
or maybe they were brother and sister, but maybe they were married,
but they had the same last name as me.
I'm like, what?
There's so many directions this took and I can't keep up.
It's so good. It's just like you got an idea of the reviewer.
Yes.
Of Rachel.
Yep.
Of this place.
Yep.
And of society.
Society in general.
You know, we got it all.
So do you, so was he there with his wife and kids?
I don't.
It sounded like it.
This read through, every read through has been different.
Because I was thinking that, especially the kiddos part.
That's beautiful.
Every read through has been different.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Yeah, so everyone rewind, keep re-listening.
Especially if there are some ads in there. Keep relistening i'm just kidding type that promo code into the
computer nope okay i don't know because the thing about like the void between my my life and my
wife like i assume it's like rachel is being standing in for the wife i don't like that i
know it's kind of weird little. Little lady? Little lady.
But in like a, it seems somewhat respectful of like, oh, someone who cares about me and is like treating me well right now when like on the road, it's hard to find that.
When my wife is having an affair while I'm on the road.
Okay.
Jesus.
I don't know.
Void is a very intense word.
I know.
That's true.
But I think it's just, he said because of his career choice. I mean. Intense word. I know. That's true. But I think it's just, he said because of his career choice.
I mean.
Him being away.
I think he means like a literal like distance.
I understand that.
Yeah.
So, and then like they sing to your kiddos.
I assume he saw that happening elsewhere.
Yeah.
And he said that as a general like positive thing.
Right.
Rather than I bring my kids here.
But I don't know.
Because it seems like just a place on the road rather than his own home.
It felt like he was on the road for his...
Yeah, I don't think he had his kids with him, but I don't know.
That was beautiful.
But I looked through his other reviews just briefly.
Mostly five stars.
Yeah.
Almost all.
Just really friendly reviews in here.
That's lovely.
Really positive.
So whenever you're on the road and you see a truck,
think of Chuck.
Maybe there's a Chuck
driving that car
who's this truck
trying to get on with his day.
Driving that billboard
down the road.
Yep, exactly.
Free ice water.
It's advertising.
Or it's our mom.
Our mom was a trucker
back in the day.
She drove those big old trucks.
She sure did.
For a logistics company.
So I think it's either Chuck or our mom.
And both equally give them a wide berth because very...
For different reasons.
For different reasons.
Just kidding.
So thank you, Chloe, who DMed about wall drug.
Thank you, Heather, for that suggestion about uh
texas roadhouse or whatever texas roadhouse uh the big texan or whatever so yeah thank you
to those people um and thank you isabella for the challenge that was fun great so now do we do, how do we do this now? So we have our thing set for, we know our theme for next week will be cemeteries because that's what won.
Yeah, but we already are recording that folks because we're traveling.
So unfortunately we won't get to any emails.
Yes. So don't bother with those, but there will, but we're going to put a new poll up for the episode 191 on Patreon for those people. And yeah, that's about it.
Perfect.
So I'll give you your challenge though, so people know what they'll, you already got it from me.
Yep. commentaries check patreon for our poll uh your challenge is from finn she her who said reviews
of photo or film departments where they've received pictures that are not theirs bonus
points if they mention how weird the photos are one of the funniest i thought prompts ever i laughed
out loud when you texted me that last night um and again unfortunately i already did
all this research so don't you know don't go out of your way to look for reviews for me folks but
you will be hearing that next week and we're gonna record it right now see ya bye bye bye
that was pd he speaks He speaks.