Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 207: Reviews of Ben & Jerry's

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beachy Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your host, X-Teen.
Starting point is 00:01:00 And I'm your host, Xandy. Welcome. I've just been screeching closer and closer. Yeah, this is uncomfortable. It is. Just wait till we both sit on that couch. I know. She's moving things around. She calls it her office, but I call it our studio. Yeah, well, you know, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I got this little sofa and I thought, oh, it's perfect because it'll fit both of us.
Starting point is 00:01:24 But it's just a love seat fit both of us but it's just a love seat so it really is cramped and then I said well why don't I just sit in the corner of it and you sit in your usual spot but the corner of it is like really encroaching in his face so I'm just kind of leaning to his grill and Gio took the other spot yeah Gio took my spot on the couch so I'm kind of sandwiched here between um these two anyway so i do have to also kind of awkwardly turn my head every time i just speak to you i don't look at you anyway when we record so close my eyes whenever you're talking and yeah you just pretend i'm not here um anyway so this is definitely a time where i'm happy we're not videotaping this. It's really uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Me too. But I have a question for you. Do you have a favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor? Of course I do. Although I have many. That makes sense. I'm the kind of person who likes a bunch of crap in my ice cream. I want every topping but it has to have chocolate.
Starting point is 00:02:22 But it can't be chocolate ice cream. I don't like chocolate ice cream. I hate chocolate ice cream. Me't like chocolate i hate chocolate ice cream me too it's so gross like it's disgusting it doesn't taste like chocolate why does everybody like chocolate and it doesn't taste good it tastes bad so when d and i went we went to van lewins a few weeks ago yeah and we both got their pumpkin they had like a new pumpkin non-dairy flavor a vegan flavor and i got the pumpkin like cinnamon swirl and she got the chocolate chocolate fudge pump i don't know hers i like gagged when i tried it that's how bad it was didn't know that we both don't like chocolate i never have yeah even when i was little okay so i'm glad that we're on the same page and everybody
Starting point is 00:03:01 else is on a different page because there's no way anybody else on the planet hates chocolate ice cream. But yeah, so it's tough because some of the chocolate ice creams have the best toppings in them. Yeah, no, it's true. And that's why I keep trying them. I try them because I'm like, oh, but this sounds so good if it actually tasted like chocolate to me. I love Cherry Garcia. I love Americone Dream. I like Netflix and Chill.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Yeah, I think those all have non-dairy versions and I like them all. I love Americone Dream. I like Netflix and Chill. Yeah. I think those all have non-dairy versions and I like them all. They do. And then I like the non-dairy PB and Cookies. That's one of my favorite. That's a good one too. And I really like the seven layer coconut bar one, even though it has coconut. Like coconut, usually I'm not a big fan of too much coconut.
Starting point is 00:03:40 So it having coconut in the name, it doesn't sound appealing, but it's so good. Yeah. I like Ben and Jerry's because I'm a fan of all this. so it having coconut in the name it doesn't sound appealing but it's so good yeah i like i like um i like ben and jerry's because i'm a fan of all this just like stuff it with a bunch of chocolate and pretzels and fudge and candy and caramel whatever you want peanut butter anyway um thank you for listening this has been bt's andy water too bad and jerry's gets five stars from us that's that's it reviews of ben and Jerry's. Yeah. What other review matters? None that I can think of.
Starting point is 00:04:07 I can think of a couple. You do? Yeah. Okay. Well, we actually have reviews of Ben & Jerry's today. We didn't just kind of talk about that for no reason. I guess Patreon picked this one. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:04:17 And so we're going to get into it. You did say Ben & Jerry's flavors. For the record, that's what Patreon said. Okay. I wasn't the one who... They said Ben and Jerry's flavors. For the record, that's what Patreon said. Okay. I wasn't the one who... They said Ben and Jerry's flavors. And I feel like we just gave that. So some of these that I'm going to give you from other people on the internet are just
Starting point is 00:04:34 reviews of Ben and Jerry's as a whole. Okay. Not all of them. Okay. Sounds good. Should I go first? Sure. Just get it out of the way.
Starting point is 00:04:42 Get it out of the way. Rip off the bandaid. Okay. So the first place I went was Trust Pilot. Where else Should I go first? Sure. Just get it out of the way. Get it out of the way. Rip off the Band-Aid. Okay. So the first place I went was Trustpilot. Where else would I go? Is that just like a business rating site? Yeah, it's like a Better Business Bureau type thing. It's sort of where you can go complain when customer service will stop taking your calls.
Starting point is 00:04:57 No one's going to go there for positive reasons, basically. It's really difficult to find any, unless they're so positive that you're like, are you okay? Because it's like, why are you on here writing this? So this is a review. Weirdly enough, the username is human, which immediately puts me on edge because I'm like, are we sure about that? I don't trust it. I feel like maybe this is an AI situation.
Starting point is 00:05:20 This is a human in Great Britain who's written four reviews on Trustpilot. And this is a one-star review. If you didn't read the label and closed your eyes and ate this, you would have no idea what it was. We are constantly... That's true for so many things. Isn't that a game? Here. Well, it used to be when you touch something.
Starting point is 00:05:43 And this is of the whole business? Not even just a single flavor? Yeah, this is of the whole business? Not even just a single flavor? Yeah, this is of the whole business. What does that mean? I wish I could say you'll get an answer, but I'm not really sure. Okay. What game were you just talking about before I interrupted you? I was so happy you changed the subject immediately.
Starting point is 00:05:58 I was like, I don't know where I was going with that. Like, you know, when we were little, one of my core memories is that game. Oh, my God. I remember so clearly. A bag and they were like a little toy like uh cardboard cutouts and things and you went in you tried to feel you had to guess what item it was like the shape of it we did that until one of the kids pooped in the bag did not end well with stupid the kids yeah one of what you and my classmates no no in school it was just us and what's crazy is he was next so i don't know why he did that like he could have just touched his poop on his own time if you've been taking improv classes just like leveling up the story
Starting point is 00:06:38 oh my god you're like michael scott where he always puts a gun in every story, but you just add poop to it. Okay. Anyway, that was a game. That core memory did not stick. Okay, sure. I don't remember that game, but yes. Really? I remember that game on, like, TV. They had different things similar where, I think it was, I want to say a Japanese game show, which, you know, is always going to be good. People are sniffing things. Oh, and then the guy pooped in the back. No, they literally sniffed someone's butt at one point, I think.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Oh my god! But it's like, they're in the dark, so they don't know what they're sniffing. I don't like that game. Anyway. It doesn't matter. My point was that... There's no point. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Let's move on. We are constantly seeing enjoyable products ruined by laws and regulations. The whole point of a sweet is it has sugar in it because it's nice. The whole point of cake is because it's an indulgence because of its content. You can't expect people to like an indulgent product that you have clinicized by stripping it of all the things that made it great. Sort it out. Your product is currently rubbish. End of review. What?
Starting point is 00:07:46 I don't know. What is this in reference to? I mean, each pint of Ben & Jerry's is like 1,200 calories, so I don't feel like they're stripping it of indulgence. Not at all. I feel like it's actually one of the most indulgent of the ice creams, which a lot of people did complain about. Yes, I was going to say, I got so many people saying,
Starting point is 00:08:03 someone said, this isn't real American ice cream. I was like was like what the fuck it's like probably the most american product you can think of like just packed with every type of and a lot of people saying it's because i looked at mainly the vegan flavors because that's what i know and love and people were like this isn't healthy and it's like no it's not supposed to be healthy. It's ice cream. Well, this person saying it's far too human is saying it's far too healthy. Which makes even less sense than people complaining about it being unhealthy. The whole point of cake is because it's not. It's nice. Which, by the way, is like the worst argument ever.
Starting point is 00:08:38 But OK, I mean, I don't disagree. That cake is nice. That that's the whole point of it. Oh, yeah. That's it. That's it. And to's the whole point of it. Oh, yeah. That's it. That's it. Yeah. And to reveal the gender of your baby.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Oh, right. There's also that very important purpose of a baked good. Yeah. So I don't know. I wouldn't say Ben & Jerry's is necessarily clinicized. I wouldn't say that about any ice cream. I don't really understand. Any fast food product
Starting point is 00:09:06 mass produced product they said you stripped it of all the things that make it great I'm like really ingredients list man I love it as much as the next guy but it's not stripped of anything I don't know anyway your turn this is kind of a two parter it's two separate reviews here's the first one two stars
Starting point is 00:09:21 and I found these two reviews on BenJerry.com ben jerry yeah which is their website not to be confused with ben and jerry's the real website this is the knockoff one that they ask people to review yep yep this is of the non-dairy milk and cookies frozen dessert frozen dessert sorry that's what they call all their ice cream that are vegan talk about clinicized frozen dessert talk about the dairy lobby being like you can't say cream literally like making laws about whether or not you could say cream um that's why like oreos it says cream that's why they spell cream c-r-e-m-e a lot of the time. Oh my god, cream filling. Because they're not allowed to say cream.
Starting point is 00:10:05 And it's also much, it's like high class to say creme. Creme. So true. Ben and Jerry's non-dairy creme and milk and creme and cookies frozen dessert creme. Sounds right to me. Two stars. Until I tried this flavor, I hadn't found a flavor I didn't like. I won't be buying this one again.
Starting point is 00:10:25 For some reason, it has an overwhelming coconut flavor. I deeply dislike coconut-based ice creams. I've always gone for soy or cashew-based, so I was very disappointed to find a Ben & Jerry's flavor that I really didn't like. My spouse is finishing it. I would have dumped it straight in the trash. The two stars are in appreciation for trying to create good vegan flavors. Although this one is a fail. End of review.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Whoa. Now, before you say anything, I'd like to read the next review. By the same person, five stars. Of the same. Of the same ice cream. I admit it. I was wrong. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:11:02 I know. Hold on. Do you hear that bell ringing in the distance? It's our first one. We've reached nirvana. I didn't think we'd ever make it. The podcast is over. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:11:10 Holy shit. This is amazing. I admit it. I was wrong. I first tried this flavor a few weeks ago and I disliked it. There was an overpowering coconut flavor. Ben and Jerry's reached out and thought that I may have had a bad pint. They were right. I was wrong, and I admit it. I tried another pint of it, and it is superb.
Starting point is 00:11:30 Delicious flavor. I'm betting that if you like the dairy version, this one will rock your world. End of review. Whoa. Crazy, huh? That never happens. Yeah. That never happens. The company reached out, and they were right. I was wrong. Whoa. I will say, I don't know if Ben and Jerry's was like, try one on us. And they gave them a coupon code or something. That's what I'm confused about. Because it sounds sort of like they just said, try it again. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:55 So I wasn't sure, but I found a lot of people who were writing reviews on there that kind of seemed like they wanted to get a free pint. No. Directly from them because they would say things like if only i had four dollars and 85 cents i only have four dollars and 82 cents what should i do and then they got a letter in the mail with a nickel in it perfect yeah um but no they'd say things like maybe i just got a bad batch maybe this pint just wasn't good and then they'd go on to say how much they love Ben and Jerry's as a company.
Starting point is 00:12:25 So they'd add a little of their own little sweetness to kind of, they hand it up a bit for Ben and Jerry's to maybe say, Oh, this person deserves a free pint. I don't know. I wonder how many of them got it. Should we test it out? No. Okay. I was, I was kind of amused at the start. I'm glad you made me be quiet. It was very difficult, but I'm so glad you made me be quiet before the second one. You finally gained the courage to do it. Honestly, impressive, especially since we're sitting so close, is a dangerous proposition.
Starting point is 00:12:53 But when they said, I despise, it just seemed almost like they were saying, you know, why didn't they check with me first? Like, don't you know I despise coconut? Don't you know that the cashew is so much better and what were you thinking what were they thinking man i'm impressed that they actually admitted right like really they seemed pretty they were gonna put it all in the trash wow okay so this is my next one it's another one servestar view on Trustpilot, and this is by Witt. And the title of it is Boycotts Work Both Ways. As far as I'm concerned, you can take you ice cream out of Texas because as much as I like your product, I will not purchase it.
Starting point is 00:13:38 And I know a lot of people like me that feel the same way. Your mighty corporation became successful because of policies our free market society has for all americans and now that you reach the billionaire status you decided to back communist ideas to be forced upon us free loving americans what the heck sorry i let me finish it so eat your own ice cream i won't end of review okay the thing that stood out to me here tell me what thing what one thing is free loving americans i think they meant to say freedom and i think free loving has a very different connotation that they really didn't mean to imply so us free loving americans i was like free? That is not where you are going with that, Mr. Texas. I don't think that's what that person meant.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Oh, my goodness. Yeah, people were very upset. Oh, God, the number of, especially on Trustpilot, because that's where you go for this kind of thing. But just, somebody said, I know 1,000 people and we will never eat your ice cream. I was like, did you count? What a strange thing to say. It was probably a Facebook group. Oh, it probably was.
Starting point is 00:14:44 People against Ben and Jerry's and it's probably a facebook group oh it probably was a thousand people in it um but yeah after the colin kaepernick um collaboration people i mean probably even before that too but it was a lot of subjects like back the blue and like you're a communist and they said like ben and jerry's is anti-police so therefore i will not support it it's like oh oh, okay. A lot of people were very, very threatening, too. Like, in a scary, scary way. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:11 It's ice cream. You know? It's ice cream. I have a one-star review of the Ben & Jerry's Non-Dairy Cherry Garcia frozen dessert. One star. If marshmallows could vomit, it would be this. The base has a chunky, gluey texture that is sickly sweet. There's no cherry flavor to this, only sad bits of fruit. Please do not encourage Ben or Jerry to continue making this product.
Starting point is 00:15:36 It is an abomination. If you see someone trying to purchase it, please warn them. They will be super sad otherwise. Oh no. Not even Jerry. Not even Jerry. to purchase it please warn them they will be super sad otherwise oh no not even jerry even jerry damn i thought at least we could have jerry on our side wow famously jerry is uh the one who's i don't know he's usually uh he's usually a pushover of the group he is yeah that's what i was thinking so what are we not supposed to tell Ben and Jerry? I forget. I already forget what I'm supposed to do. We can't encourage them to continue making it.
Starting point is 00:16:08 The non-dairy Jerry Garcia. I really like it. Do you? Yeah, I like that one a lot. I will say, this might be controversial to you. Yeah, I'm going to hate whatever you say, I'm sure. Great, okay. What else is new?
Starting point is 00:16:19 But whenever I get the non-dairy ones, I think they're good, but they're... This is going to sound stupid. Too sweet for me. I think they add more sugar which makes sense because it doesn't have like the dairy in it it's same with like skim milk how there's more sugar in like skim milk they like substitute to like make up for any stuff i'm pretty sure that's true if i'm wrong i don't care but there are a lot of low fat desserts and things like which is not the same as vegan but a lot of like low fat that take out the like creaminess or whatever they add more sugar so yeah that's my only like you know yeah my only qualm with it um but i don't know i like plain but guteri garcia that's my favorite so i mean i gave you six that were my favorite
Starting point is 00:17:01 true you just would not stop it wouldn't stop um marshmallows famously also not vegan so i feel like if a marshmallow did vomit it would just be gelatinous and probably something you can't eat anyway just saying because you know i would really want to otherwise if it weren't vegan if it were you could you might i don't know i don't know you so this is a one-star view on Trustpilot. This is by Matthew. And it says, I eat Ben and Jerry's at least five times a week.
Starting point is 00:17:33 But hearing about teaming up with Colin Kaepernick is doing me a huge favor. I will finally break my B&J habit. Two white guys fighting against social injustice with a man who single-handedly almost destroyed the nfl is ridiculous i will never buy ben and jerry's again i won't even snowboard in burlington anymore this sounds like satire this is i know i'm not saying it is i just sound so it's too perfect i won't even snowboard in burlington anymore. Good luck. I hope it works out like it did for the NFL. End of review. Wow.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Yeah, no, I did find some satirical ones. This one is a verified account, and the other reviews seemed pretty similar, but also, like, serious. So I'm guessing this is a real one. I did vet out a lot of fake ones. Yeah, I bet. No, people are so ridiculous about this whole thing. But this one is hysterical. Almost destroyed the NFL.fl no he did not and like that wasn't even the point that's okay i don't yeah it's so ridiculous and also fuck the nfl for so many reasons i mean like whatever i i don't
Starting point is 00:18:39 know the fact that people are like against ben and jerry's like, but pro NFL as if the NFL is like done anything good is not like a giant. So insane. I mean, listen, don't get us wrong. Who day? Yeah. Who day?
Starting point is 00:18:56 Don't worry when it suits us. We are big. We love our billionaire. We don't love him. sure. He is. We do worship him though. He's one of the,
Starting point is 00:19:03 one of the poorest. He's one of the one of the poorest he's one of the poorest see see he only has over a billion dollars billion dollars okay so back off um anyway i i like also this statement where they just kind of uh i don't know if shot himself in the foot that's probably not a great i'm trying to think of a new new uh new idiom for that but basically says a man who single-handedly almost destroyed the NFL. It just doesn't really have the same ring to it. It's like,
Starting point is 00:19:31 you know, if you're going to say ruin the NFL, just say it. Yeah, just say it. Like just, you know. That would be really impressive if he had managed to even be almost there. Yeah, agreed. So this guy's kind of like giving him a compliment.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Yeah, agreed. Yeah. It was like, you know, it's like when people say there's 50 50 chance he ruined the nfl yeah because either he did or he didn't either he did or he didn't with one hand or two it's true yeah and um it's just sad that like after all this snowboarding so although he is giving up his ben and jerry's habit which i assume is probably pretty healthy if you're eating it five times a week. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if you're eating a pint every time, maybe just a few bites. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:20:09 And I'm not one to criticize anyone's habits. But to do that, to break the habit, seems like he's excited about this. But he's also not snowboarding anymore. So it's sort of like, you know, breaks even. Breaks even. Yeah, it's a wash. Yeah. Although also speaking of that, like, how is this like the straw that broke the camel's
Starting point is 00:20:27 back? Why? Why is Colin Kaepernick? I mean, I feel like Ben and Jerry's has a long history of sorry, Ben or Jerry or Ben and or Jerry have a long history of social. Like, I'm not saying I don't know much about it. But this one made people mad and got people and this is the Internet age. I think because this one't know much about it. Yeah, but this one made people mad and got people. And this is the internet age.
Starting point is 00:20:45 I think because this one got like much more attention. Yeah, exactly. I don't. But still, they've been doing this kind of shit like for years. I'm so sorry. In an effort to make Alexander more comfortable, I scooched over and brought the entire laptop and mixer crumbling down. The entire production was down. And the laptop shut and we both stared at each other like, well, that can't be good.
Starting point is 00:21:14 I'm so sorry. I was really trying to make you more comfortable. As if I was actually uncomfortable with you being like a foot closer than you are now. Come on. We weren't even like right next to each other i'm just trying to make myself more comfortable there we go okay all right and guess what i did it you did good job i'm glad okay i think this is a sign we should continue okay uh i have a one-star review of the the dairy-free cherry garcia so disappointed in this
Starting point is 00:21:42 product it's heavy in the taste of almonds which i believe is used in place of vanilla ice cream i thought they were gonna talk about cyanide which also has almond which is used in the place of cyanide like i normally have in my ice cream i thought they were accusing them of putting cyanide in the ice cream never mind the chocolate flakes aren't real chocolate and don't have the same taste or texture as the real Cherry Garcia. I ended up buying this by mistake and I am so glad I am not lactose intolerant as I wouldn't be able to tolerate this as a frozen treat. End of review. Good one. I'm so glad I don't have this debilitating thing that a lot of people have,
Starting point is 00:22:23 I'm so glad I don't have this debilitating thing that a lot of people have. Suckers. Also, like, milk is, or chocolate, it is real chocolate. It has cocoa in it. Yeah, yeah, sure. People are like, to many people, I think real chocolate is milk chocolate. But it's chocolate with a... Since it's a vegan one. Axe him on it.
Starting point is 00:22:39 Yeah, Nestle is like, no way you're using... The dairy industry said you can't say chocolate if there's no dairy in it. It has to be chocolate. There's no e at the end chocolate cream oh no um chocolate creme i'm so sorry that's what i meant to say um yeah that's really kind of rude like must suck to be you people who have to eat this wow i did see a lot of people doing complaints and that's kind of why I did the non-dairy one because I knew there'd be people like that that's very smart um okay I promise I only have two more from trust pilot here's one this is by crystal yikes I forgot I included this sorry very poor quality not to mention everything woke turns to poop emoji which also doesn't really strike as
Starting point is 00:23:26 as much as they think it will i think because the poop emoji has a smiley face and so i'm like yeah okay everything woke turns to shit i think is what they're trying to say but it really looks like a smiley poop everything woke turns to shit get your poop in a group ben and jerry why what does that mean? I don't know. I don't remember even reading this last night. Hey, I talk about poop a lot on this show, but even I'm lost. Today.
Starting point is 00:23:52 And that's safe. That is. He even watches game shows about it. Yeah, I'm troubled how much we're bringing that up today, the concept of poop. I'm like, poop was green the other day. Are you serious right now? Yeah. Why are you telling me that? Just a fact. Why would you telling me that just a fact why would you tell me that you know why no alexander it was from
Starting point is 00:24:10 these uh blue licorice twists from uh jungle gyms i've had enough of this conversation i really thought you were gonna say something about non-dairy ice cream or frozen treat i'm so sorry am i leaving that it's all it's all the kale from the that ben and jerry into their vegan ice cream real chocolate it's kale chips okay everything woke turns to shit get your poop in a group ben and jerry you make ice cream you are not politicians or the justice system stay in your ice cream making lane hashtag Hashtag free Kyle Rittenhouse. Holy fuck. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I forgot about this one. I remember I screeched on it and then I went. Oh my God. That's awful. I said maybe I'll delete that and then I obviously did not. No. It just seems so jarring. It's like so much poop talk and then that, you know.
Starting point is 00:25:03 Anyway. Someone like this would never like what Ben and jerry's yeah supposedly stands for again i think they're just mad that outwardly now they can't eat it yeah you know i feel like it's easy to push like brush stuff under the rug if it's like not getting like national attention but i bet now everyone's when everyone's boy all your neighbors are all your friends at church are boycotting it, you're like, well, I guess I have to. Yeah. And now I'm mad. This is the kind of person that's always been mad, I think, though.
Starting point is 00:25:33 What am I going to do with my timeshare in Burlington? I just don't even know. It's so tragic for me and me alone. I've one more of the Cherry Garcia one, the non-dairy. One star. I am not a fan of this flavor. I bought it by accident without looking at the flavor package, and it's been sitting in my fridge since 2014.
Starting point is 00:25:55 It doesn't taste good at all. That's because it's melted, because it's in your fridge, idiot. Since 2014. This review was written in 2020. Do you know what that means? It's going to make that big layer under all your food. So everything's got stick.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Yeah. It doesn't taste good at all. It kind of tastes like canned cherries mixed with milk. I just don't like the flavor of Cherry Garcia. End of review. Then throw it away or give it away. It's been in there since 2000.
Starting point is 00:26:23 It's been in there six years. It's been in there six years. This was written in 2021? 2020. Two years ago, it says. Oh, my. And it's been in the fridge since 2014. I assume they meant freezer, but yeah. So, wow.
Starting point is 00:26:37 Six years. I wonder if it's still there. This is one of those things where I think you would really benefit from a marie kondo situation like the easiest ever example does this spark joy it actually sparks like irate anger very far the opposite it provokes fiery ire from within like my ultimate rage yeah well maybe we toss it and then you don't ever have to think about it again like every time you you open your freezer to get, I don't know, chicken nuggets, pizza. I don't know what you're getting out of there. You just get filled with rage all over again.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Yeah. It can't be healthy. No, it can't be. No. I wonder what else is in there. Me too. I'm starting to wonder. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:17 Well, if it's been in there for five years and it's something they hate, like who else? Who knows what else is in there? They like can't buy any more ice cream because it's all full of all the old Ben & Jerry's flavors they hate. They can't replace it until they finish it. And, you know, I have a couple Ben & Jerry's that have been in my freezer for far too long, and they get that giant crystallized, like, ice layer. Yeah. Just kind of makes it all bleh. Well, and then you're like, for me at least, I don't want to wait and let it thaw.
Starting point is 00:27:43 No, never. I just want to dig right in right now so i get some of those ice crystals yeah it's hydrating so this is my last uh trust pilot review it's a one star by jordan guess you forgot you're not the only brand in town Brandon Town. And then an asterisk. Morals over frozen milk. That's the new chant. That's catchy. Yeah, morals over... Honestly, that sounds like a vegan catchphrase.
Starting point is 00:28:15 I'm down. I thought the same thing. I was like, that doesn't, again, that just doesn't have the same power that you think it has. Which is probably why only two people found this useful and it doesn't seem to have caught on. I saw someone who was like, who said, if you really care about social issues, stop using actual milk.
Starting point is 00:28:33 And I'm like, oh, I, well, they were like complaining first about their social act, like whatever. And then they said that. And I was like, oh shit, I agree with this person. Yeah, you're like, wow, suddenly we're both anti-Big Dairy? What? They have a good point. Whoa. Yeah, no, there were a couple other complaints.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Like, people complained about their affiliation with Planned Parenthood or their support of Planned Parenthood and stuff. So, I mean, you're right. Their affiliation. Yeah, well, I mean, listen. That would be cool. Every Planned Parenthood has just this freezer of Colin Kaepernick's ice cream. Listen, what a combo that would make. I think many people's heads would explode.
Starting point is 00:29:12 They would single-handedly take down the NFL with that kind of power. True, true. Oh, boy. So my next one is of the Ben & Jerry's's non-dairy boom chocolata core frozen dessert sounds terrible because it has chocolate i don't like the core ones this might be another unpopular opinion it wasn't from what i saw a lot of people hated this one really i just well you know when they have the core in the middle i'm like stop it just and some were like gluten-free core and oh boy people people were like this is disgusting they were like everything is good but the core is eat around it
Starting point is 00:29:52 which is like i don't think i've had a core one but like i learned about it through this i have it's like not my thing like what is it is it just like literally in the middle they just put like a big like either fudge or something and so you eat like as you eat a bite of ice cream you like take some of the core with it which like i sort of get but i kind of just want like the whole thing on paper great i want like just a lot of toppings just all mixed in so everybody has the same amount of pretzels caramel in my ice cream chocolate chips just chips not not like giant fudge chunks i don't like that just get a little less just anyway okay so here's a review of the non-dairy boom chocolata core frozen dessert one star what the heck is in the middle boom chaka yucky other non-dairy flavors are good
Starting point is 00:30:41 this one is awful the core is a gritty mushy weird flavored mess end of review it would be startling if you open it not knowing that was part of it and there's just this massive like burrowed hole through it i was confused just looking at the the the the pack of the pint yeah they try to do an image and i was like what oh a lot of them have that now what does that mean a lot of them have that now what does that mean a lot of them have that i was like this this title could use without the core but then i realized there is a core yeah it's sort of like when you put i feel like they're trying to make it so it's like a sundae like you put fudge on your ice cream but instead now we're gonna put it in the middle
Starting point is 00:31:18 what oh they just put a banana i love banana split and free i love banana splits right let's talk about that except without chocolate ice cream so here's the thing tell me they could have just stopped at boom choccy yucky i agreed i know i could have stopped and would have been funnier probably no we needed to get more no we didn't need more context but i'm glad we did i also that when you said boom choccy yucky i was like why did i say anything about the core before you started they said it all with one beautiful phrase true like that's it that's all you need to know yeah but hey gotta give some context to people who don't know everything about ben and jerry's yeah honestly people probably joined this episode not even knowing
Starting point is 00:32:00 what ben and jerry's was oops sorry got an email recently, someone thanking us for explaining things. Chuck E. Cheese? Like, things like that, yeah. Saying that they appreciate when we explain things. So now we did one and we immediately did not explain it.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Oh, it's good. It's ice cream. I hope you figured that out. Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's kind of clear. I hope you figured that out by now. But yeah, they're known for also promoting
Starting point is 00:32:21 different, like, social justice causes. They're part of the woke mob yes exactly incredibly anti-nfl yeah there's a lot of things you could learn about so all you have new nfl fans in germany that just had a game there that's right stay away they were doing did you see the tramp blaze was like christina pay attention they're doing a german lesson and they had like the different i was not awake the game was at 9 30 on a sunday morning i was not waking up it was in the morning i don't even remember i was up all night partying it was uh blitzed get it no okay so they had all the different words um and then the only one i saw by the time he said look
Starting point is 00:33:01 it said blitz translation blitz and all the commentators were laughing and I was like yeah like Blitzkrieg guys yeah hello anyway um so I don't have any more Trustpilot ones but I do have one sent in by our pal Emma who wrote a really nice note at the end where she was like also I'm really sorry if you guys aren't able to eat Ben and Jerry's because like you're vegan and I have like such terrible tummy issues she's like I'm just assuming you might not be able to enjoy Ben and Jerry's but clearly Emma you've heard a lot about how much we how much stock we do yeah how wrong you are we enjoy it too much no uh my my tummy thing is uh I can't eat I can't eat super spicy stuff or pork. And lucky for me, I don't eat pork anyway. So ice cream is a go. This is from Emma.
Starting point is 00:33:49 It's a review of Topped Whiskey Biz. I'd never heard of that flavor. That sounds disgusting. Yeah, it sounds terrible. No offense. Because Emma says it's her partner's personal favorite flavor. Your partner is wrong. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Okay. Wait, wait. What were all the words? The only word i heard was whiskey and i looked it up last night okay i'm gonna show you topped whiskey biz oh like whiskey business risky oh like whiskey business i'm sorry oh my god i'm sorry risky whiskey biz oh so it has see this is what they're doing this all this bullshit gimmicky stuff see instead of a core now it has a topping where it's like a
Starting point is 00:34:33 layer on top of it what the fuck that you eat through to get to the good stuff i don't know i'm just i don't brown butter bourbon ice cream with blonde brownies and whiskey caramel swirls topped with white chocolatey ganache and white fudge chunks hey if it were vegan i'd try it but i don't think i'd like it like i don't know i just said buffalo trace for simon's uh oh yeah post wedding back what was that because you went to go drink whiskey i don't like whiskey we went to buffalo trace bourbon distillery what was that yeah you just went to go drink whiskey. I don't like whiskey. We went to Buffalo Trace Bourbon Distillery. What was that? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:08 You just were like, I'm like. I said, oh, yeah. I thought you were about to talk about how you didn't like whiskey. I brought up Simon's name and you're like, oh, yeah. Don't get me started. Not him again. It was wonderful. Wonderful time.
Starting point is 00:35:17 The tour was great. And I went in like, I'm going to try this bourbon. I'm going to love it. Or I'm at least going to tolerate it. I did. I drank three different types of their bourbon. Good. Would I do it again?
Starting point is 00:35:28 No. I'd do the tour again. Did it fill you with unending rage and ire? Yeah. And the last, the best drink that they gave you, so you had a little tasting thing, the last one, it was root beer. It was so good. Wait, like just plain root beer?
Starting point is 00:35:42 Just plain root beer. Oh, I hate root beer. I'd rather drink whiskey. I can't stand root beer. Oh, God. I'm serious. Okay, like just plain root beer? Just plain root beer. Oh, I hate root beer. I'd rather drink whiskey. I can't stand root beer. Oh, God. I'm serious. Okay, we'll trade next time. Anyway, I will say Whiskey Biz topped.
Starting point is 00:35:52 That's what it's called. It has 3.5 out of 5 stars. I mean, that's got to be polarizing. There's no way that, you know. The top question about it is, does Whiskey Biz have real whiskey in it? Which I really doubt, like, that it's actually alcoholic. Oh, maybe they, like, bake it in somehow? Whistle Pig Whiskey to add their six-year-old piggyback rye whiskey to the caramel.
Starting point is 00:36:13 So I guess there is. So I was wrong. I think that makes sense that they bake it into something. Yeah, no, you're right. So this is Emma's partner's personal fave that we've just decimated and uh really just shit on speaking of poop emoji so i'm sorry about that emma i'm not what after all your kind words well i didn't read the kind words yet so i read them to you oh you did yeah about how she's sorry if we can't eat it oh yeah sorry i kind of forgot she said i'm so glad i'm not one of those people who has a gut disorder or vegan.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Or morals. Or any morals, thank God. No, no, no. Okay, this is a review. One star posted on BenJerry.com. And this is a whiskey biz. Oh, right, like whiskey business. Jesus Christ, don't do it again.
Starting point is 00:37:02 The title is Horrific. Jesus Christ, don't do it again. The title is Horrific. This ice cream is comparable to melted sludge from the bottom of a New York City deli's refrigerator. Rats have stampeded through it and mice have excreted in it. This flavor is even worse than the new frosted strawberry flavor. I never imagined that this would have been possible. The ganache is repulsive.
Starting point is 00:37:26 There are not enough textures and the ice cream is childish. I feel as though I'm at my fifth grade birthday party, first of all. What's that? I mean, this sounds like a traumatic core memory. Probably when that person peaked. It sounds like they were playing the poop game and somebody pooped or the bag game. Someone pooped in the bag and traumatized them for the rest of their life. If this is how they feel and it reminds them so true i'm i feel as though i'm at my fifth grade birthday party where i had a mold covered barbie ice cream cake please for the love of ice cream and all its lovers be rid of this flavor
Starting point is 00:37:54 forever and um it's signed ice cream ida so this is coming from next bird and i starting with mold covered barbie ice cream cake in fifth grade and still being a huge fan of ice cream, like, must have overcome a lot of obstacles to get here. Yeah. A mold-covered Barbie cake? So foul. I feel like they just glossed over that as if we were all supposed to say, oh, yeah, been there, done that. Yeah, exactly. Like, whoa.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Whoa. No wonder it probably, I think there's whiskey in that one too. I don't know. Oh God. Hopefully would have made it better. I have two more. The first one is of the Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie frozen non-dairy dessert. This one I would never even bother trying because it sounds disgusting.
Starting point is 00:38:42 I don't like fudge. I don't like brownies. Don't like chocolate ice cream. here's uh one of them one star and it weirdly reminds me of your last review oh i thought you're saying your fifth grade birthday no okay okay but this is a proof personal preference i do not like it on there because why would you eat ice cream that has no dairy in it? So, yeah, I'm not a big fan of this. End of review. Hey, has anyone noticed there's not even milk in this?
Starting point is 00:39:11 Like, what's the point? I don't understand. Did they make Ben, Jerry? It's so funny that there are so many people who had an issue, not with the ice cream, but like not just with the ice cream, but the fact that it was even made to begin with yeah that it exists yes so saying things like make them stop making this stop encouraging ben and or jerry at all and i'm like people enjoy different things you know that right no like could you imagine if i my taste wasn't in charge of all the ice cream that was made in the world that would be terrible for so many people it would just we only have candy corn flavored ice cream no it would be
Starting point is 00:39:50 candy corn flavored frozen dessert thank you and we'd all know because if i had that kind of control i'd make cream be non-dairy you do ice creme ice creme that's disgusting and i want to vomit see exactly but if they made a candy corn ice cream okay maybe that's a bit of a monstrosity that should be dealt with but so disgusting okay fine but you know what i'm saying april fool's joke all right this is a can you imagine if they wanted to do that so they released the candy corn flavored ice cream on April 1st. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It sounds like it, but also it doesn't because it would be completely stupid. Do you have any more?
Starting point is 00:40:36 Yeah, I have one more after that. Okay. I have redemption. So let me read one of my redemptions. Okay. This is a redemption of Cherry Garcia flavored. The, yes, dairy kind. No creme.
Starting point is 00:40:49 No creme. This is a verified purchase by Lisa. Title is Love It. Don't like Ben and Jerry's politics, but I do like this flavor enough to let that go. Nice big flakes of chocolate. Nice big cherry chunks. End of review. Oh my God. god i just love like you know what it had to be acknowledged she's like that when all the children are holding hands around the world she's like you know what i'll for cherry garcia i'll let this one slide
Starting point is 00:41:19 i care i care about minorities but only when i'm eating yeah yeah yeah all my worldview and values slide for this for this amazon purchase of ben and jerry's oh by the way that was on amazon lovely um most of mine were by the way were either on benjerry.com or influencer.com interesting i hadn't thought of that i found i found them through google reviews let me guess was the last one you read from Influenster.com? It was. Yeah, it just had a hunch the way it was written. Here's my last one.
Starting point is 00:41:51 It's a one star of the same one. The chocolate fudge brownie. Yeah, one star. This is on BenJerry.com. Tastes like pencil shavings. Not chocolate, not fudge, nor brownies. The name on this pint should have been Pencil Shavings from Mrs. Smith's Electric Pencil Sharpener in the First Grade.
Starting point is 00:42:11 End of review. Oh my god! This reminds me of my fifth birthday party where I ate pencil shavings in my cake. People dared me to eat pencil shavings. Like, there's clearly something going on. Something is happening in their background. That was way too specific. Way too specific.
Starting point is 00:42:26 They got brought back. They ate it and were like, flashback. Moldy Barbie cake. See? Pencil shavings. Yeah, I mean, I feel for these people. I do. But like, wow, there's some deeper stuff happening.
Starting point is 00:42:38 Yes, absolutely. So this is my last redemption. It's by Clifford. And it is five stars. Verified purchase. And the title is so good. One of my all-time favorite flavors. I heard there's a drop of Jerry Garcia's blood in every pint.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Don't know if it's true though. End of review. I'm like, you do though, don't you? You have to, right? Of course I do. You think? Thank God. I think it's funny though i don't know if that's true though i like that yeah that's that's like the fact that they were
Starting point is 00:43:12 that they were like self-aware satirically self like i think it was a joke it's very meta they were like acting as if okay they played they played the part too well now we know how to trick you well yeah good luck I don't know. They played the part too well. Now we know how to trick you. Well, yeah. Good luck. Okay, so the challenge was from Michelle, and it was to find a reviewer blaming a jewelry store for a breakup or fight. And this was from Patreon. From Michelle. Michelle on Patreon.
Starting point is 00:43:41 And we got an email from Angel she her who said i just listened to your recent episode uh well i don't have a review i wanted to share what instantly came to mind oh i hate steven singer who's that do you know about this no like a singer sewing machines no did you know that was his first name steve of singer sewing machines now this is not me venting to you about some dude named Steven who has done me wrong. Instead, it's possibly the strangest slogan slash marketing technique for a company that I've ever stumbled upon. And a jewelry company is being blamed for a relationship problem. So maybe it kind of almost fits the challenge. Where I live, southeast Michigan, there's this cryptic billboard, which, by the way, I have seen.
Starting point is 00:44:24 Really? And I'm thinking I must have seen it somewhere else I don't think I've been to Michigan recently so I'm like I must have seen it either maybe online but I swore I've seen this in person but it's a cryptic billboard that just says I hate Steven Singer and she says I guess what it did what it was supposed to because I was intrigued and went to the website so um I'm gonna send you the picture of I hate steven singer i promise you i've seen this before and i i wish i knew where aha oh they're also in philadelphia okay in pennsylvania um and i have blaze blaze alexander car dealership so i have uh i have driven through there that might be where i've seen it but yeah so have you seen that before uh no i don't think so okay so it is a jeweler jeweler and um angel
Starting point is 00:45:12 sent the about page on their website to explain the history of this okay it's just so stupid okay so this is sort of the intro into the challenge uh there's a tab on their website that says why hate steven and if you click on it it says the original i hate steven singer customer why all the hate for our man steven it all started more than 20 years ago when a guy proposed to his girlfriend with a gorgeous diamond engagement ring he bought from Steven Singer Jewelers. Naturally, she said yes. 20 years later, he buys her another Steven Singer diamond ring to celebrate their 20th anniversary. She was so excited, she gave her husband an even better present right back. Wink wink. Dear God. Why? I know. Exactly nine months later, the couple walks through the door to show Stephen their new baby.
Starting point is 00:46:11 The wife- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are they showing the baby to Stephen? Or is the baby named Stephen? Or both? Is Stephen a real person? I'm so confused. I didn't even think, Stephen, comma, their comma their new baby no it's to show steven singer the jeweler are you sure okay i thought they named their baby after the jeweler why did
Starting point is 00:46:35 i not they named the baby steven singer oh no steven singer i didn't even think that it also sounded like Steven, their new baby. It's so funny. Exactly nine months later, the cop walked through the door to show Steven. The wife proclaimed, I love Steven Singer. The man responded, here we go again. We're up all night with feedings and diaper changes. I hate Steven Singer. so there you go the story of why men hate steven singer and why women love him and his beautiful diamonds because it leads to babies okay got it because men uh don't want to step up to the
Starting point is 00:47:19 responsibility of caring for their children i guess a whole wife family bad joke yeah yeah my favorite i will say there's also then underneath it a sound cloud link that says listen for yourself and i don't know if like steven singer has like a sound cloud or like what's going on there's the baby crying which baby steven singer baby all of them steven singer junior um anyway so i was just cracking up because I was like, that's the reason that they put these billboards for like years. Uh-huh. Okay. So stupid.
Starting point is 00:47:52 But it like clearly worked. I guess so. It's weirdly genius, but so stupid. Yeah, I was like, really? Like you have to change diapers, so you're complaining. That's so stupid. Oh my God. Right, because it's the wife's so stupid oh my god right because it's the wife's fault or it's his fault because whatever anyway so this is a review of diamond
Starting point is 00:48:11 bridal well thank you angel first of all this is a diamond bridal set seven eight seven slash eight carat round cut four no that's not what that says i don't know diamond bridal set round cut 14 carat white gold from k jewelers i was tuning it out anyway okay. I don't know. Diamond bridal set, round cut, 14 karat white gold from Kay Jewelers. I was tuning it out anyway. Okay, good. I don't know. I don't know. But this is a five star view.
Starting point is 00:48:33 It's beautiful. But me and the girl broke up. So how do I sell this? End of review. Oh, no. On the Kay website. I'm like, they're not going to do it for you. I will say a lot of these were like we broke up
Starting point is 00:48:46 maybe not because of the jeweler i feel like maybe i feel like maybe i skirted around the technical rules and i do apologize oh i don't care it was so difficult to find i know that's why i was like trying to be very loose about it because it was such a specific difficult there were plenty of people who broke up after gifting jewelry so so this is the pandora elevated heart stud earrings five stars by matthew and the title is lovely products in the uh review is the reviewer is a verified purchaser these were very nice shame she dumped me after she received them for Xmas frown face. Oh, geez. I just love that they're still giving five stars. Yeah, that's so sweet.
Starting point is 00:49:30 Question. Yeah. How would you feel if like you're dating someone, I don't know, a couple years or something. And, okay, no. Rewind. Someone, you would start dating someone. What if, like, would it be weird for these people to re-gift to their new partners the jewelry like if they have it just sitting around that would be weird i think it would be weird i think
Starting point is 00:49:52 you would have to say i mean this sounds like the conceit of like a sitcom episode like yeah oh i'm just gonna give her the earrings from my ex or something but yeah i feel like you'd have to say like i i don't think you could just re-gift them and pretend like you bought them for them yeah you could but i feel like that would be a little a little underhanded no i feel like you'd have to say i'm like what are these guys gonna poor people gonna do i know i feel like you'd have to be like hey just so you know these are my exes do you want do you still want them or do you want me to get rid of them why do they end up like but i'm imagining a lot of this person end end up... But I'm imagining a lot of these... How does this person end up with it? No, but I think a lot of these people, their partner kept it.
Starting point is 00:50:29 I don't think all of them. Oh, okay. Well, like the first person who said, like, I want to sell this. The first person said, I still have it. Yeah. Yeah, like how? Oh, I guess maybe they bought it before... I think some of it was like, I got it to propose.
Starting point is 00:50:40 Oh. And then we broke up. Got it. Okay. And now they have an engagement ring which i've heard of happening where you were going to propose you did propose to someone then years later you're like well i still have that engagement ring like i mean which is fair they're expensive you know i don't know i guess just as long as everyone's kind of honest yes everybody's gonna get haunted
Starting point is 00:51:01 if you're screwing around with like, especially if it's like antique jewelry. Oh, man. You never know. So this was sent in by Sam Sheher, and it is a review of a diamond ring, 10 carat white gold on Kay Jewelers website. This is a one star review by Crushed. Oh, dear. Wait, how many stars? One. Oh, no. by Crushed. Oh, dear. Wait, how many stars? One.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Oh, no. Verified buyer. Oh, no. And the title is Blown Xmas Gift. Oh. Yeah. Just like Steven Singer's wife. If only.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Wait, wait. Steven Singer's mom. Sorry, I forgot who Steven was. The baby. Steven's the baby, so Steven Singer's mom sorry i i forgot who steven was the baby the baby so steven singer i think he gets to inherit the jewel heir the jewel heir to the oh yeah just by jewelry empire yeah i don't know the store i shipped the ring to was unknowingly closed down instead of being given option to change stores they just sent it back and refunded my money which i haven't received ruined my only gift to my almost fiance we broke up thanks so that one does blame actually outright blames the jeweler yeah um so thank you sam good fine that was unfortunately not my fine but no but still it's sam good fine yeah so basically saying oh i was supposed to give her
Starting point is 00:52:25 this ring for christmas it got shipped back didn't i didn't get my money back and then she dumped me imagine being out that much money and not having a partner anymore i think the saddest part is the money yeah same definitely but also the part where he says my almost fiance i'm sorry it's not funny that's so sad i don't know why i laughed so hard he's like oh i was supposed to give this to my almost fiance there was a 50 50 chance yeah we we were on the right either yes or no oh it's so sad um okay now this one is another one star review it sounds a little bit like they're blaming the jeweler i say jeweler with big quotations because this is a 35 ring on amazon and it says 0.925 sterling silver heart lab grown ruby three heart ring size seven and now i'm gonna show a picture of you of
Starting point is 00:53:27 this to you of me wait a second is this my ring this is actually a match making thing it sounds hideous i'm sorry but okay but like i can see why it's someone's taste but i can't imagine yeah it's that's the quality that they're getting it is cute it's not like it's 35 so it's not like you know a family heirloom to pass down it's cute. It's not like, it's $35, so it's not like, you know, a family heirloom to pass down. It's not good enough for you. I get it. Honestly, Amazon jewelry probably is perfectly fine enough for me.
Starting point is 00:53:53 Let's be honest. But yeah, this is a $35 ring and the account Texas Made, verified purchase, gave it one star. I want to also read the subject or the title title that side was you not even the review it was me i thought you were getting into character oh oh oh i kind of am because i just feel like oh no not again the title is poorly designed all three main stones fell out the first week i gave it to my girl as a promise ring gotta be an omen right oh no i know so this is the actual review
Starting point is 00:54:32 we broke up she loved the ring until the true value showed itself worse by ever look at this picture the main stone fell out first and now all three are gone ever look at this picture the main stone fell out first and now all three are gone and so is she that's me oh i was like dang all three stones are gone yeah they posted a picture of just the actual oh dear stones falling out i feel like this is one of those things where you take it into a jeweler and they're like this is plastic or something like 35 on a ring on amazon i i'm not judging you for doing that no of course not and like i shouldn't break but i'm also not surprised but i'm not surprised and i feel like you shouldn't be surprised either i think you have a right to be upset about it because yeah you paid for it you shouldn't expect it to be ruined within a week but like and it's not like
Starting point is 00:55:22 a dollar out of one of those like turny things that probably would have been a better investment might be might be um question so promise ring that's just kind of like a like when you're dating someone you're like i promise it's like lower stakes than an engagement ring kind of thing uh promising yourself for a future engagement sort of like you're implying it alexander you just gave me a stomach ache. Because you've received one in the past. Do you remember that? Was it from... Yeah. Yeah. No, but I didn't receive one.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Because I avoided him for weeks, and then I made Renee break up with him. Oh, gosh. But, like... I hear he still wears it. Around his neck, on his cheek. No, on his middle toe, on his left foot. Don't ask me how I know. No, I felt so bad because my friend Josh was like, oh, my dad's on a trip to the Bahamas and he wants to know your ring size.
Starting point is 00:56:12 And I went, your dad wants to know my ring size in the Bahamas. Knowing who that is, especially. Knowing his dad. Oh, my God. Who, like, works with our one gets that. Oh my God. Who like works with her stepdad. Like it's just the funniest. That is the wildest thing ever. I remember going, what is happening?
Starting point is 00:56:32 And my heart sank into my stomach. And I, because I already knew I was like probably going to break up with this guy. And I think he knew. And then he was like, I know what to do. Yeah. And so first of all, I was like 15. I'm like, I don't know what my fucking ring size is and so i called renee and i was like help me and she's like what does this mean and she's like
Starting point is 00:56:49 are you getting proposed to like we didn't even know what promise rings were at the time yeah and so i was like i'm 15 like this is not like applying to colleges right now i'm sorry anyway it was uh i remember when i still will never forget when Josh said, my dad's in the Bahamas and he's buying us all, he's buying us all souvenirs and he wants to know your rings. That's so funny. I know. Hey, it's. He was trying to be a homie for his friend, you know.
Starting point is 00:57:13 I love, I respect it. Oh, I felt so bad. But yeah, I was like, I just genuinely don't know my ring size. And then anyway, I ran away. I literally avoided him for weeks. And then I was such a little chicken shit. Oh my God. Yeah. How did Blaze get yours at ring size it was like it worked right yeah so i was wearing i had like a ring that i always wore and m of course like we had a bunch of people over and m had
Starting point is 00:57:36 one of our mutual friends christine a different christine say like oh my god i love your ring and i was like oh thanks it wasn't a different christine you were just talking about yourself in third person for this story for some reason compliment christine's ring and christine was like oh um that's such a pretty ring can i see it and i like took it off and she like put it on she's like so she tested it and then someone's like oh let me see and then they all tried it on to see to see who's it fit yeah and then they were like oh this person so and so has this size because i didn't even know my ring size anyway um quite clever i didn't figure it out yeah i'm pretty slow but it's fine so this is another review they took sorry i rewind so this ring
Starting point is 00:58:17 presumably wasn't on your ring finger it was on the other hand okay so i think they just and they were like all putting it on their ring fingers. To try it, yeah. This is another review of an Amazon ring, and I didn't save the name of it, but I think we can all imagine it's probably pretty similar to the last one. This is a four-star review. Verified purchase by Sam. Title is not bad, but. by Sam.
Starting point is 00:58:42 Title is Not Bad But. It's a very nice ring and good quality but I gave her it and she broke up with me two days later so it's kind of unlucky. End of review.
Starting point is 00:58:52 True. Hey. True. It's the ring's fault. Good point. It is. Not yours. That's probably what
Starting point is 00:58:56 he thinks. He's like, wait, the second this ring came into the picture. Yeah, it's like his horcrux. She was,
Starting point is 00:59:01 that's why he wears it on his head. Yeah. I feel bad. Do you think he's gonna hear me saying these things? Yeah. No, not really, though. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:10 You're lying to me. Yeah. Shut up. Of course. No. Thank God. Okay. I don't mean any harm by it.
Starting point is 00:59:18 You know, I say some stupid shit on this show, and whoever hears it, I don't care. Just forget that I'm talking to other people yeah true i just forget i'm sorry okay this is uh well this was purchased on amazon but it's the pandora store on amazon oh oh no i'm sorry this pandora ring is the one that was i flipped them that was the review about the unlucky ring well look at it oh my god pretty unlucky to me what is happening there it's supposed to look like a crown oh it looks like drops like it looks like it's like dripping on your finger which is kind of cool yeah it's kind of cool i don't hate it um well it's unlucky so good luck with that. And finally, I have a redemption here.
Starting point is 01:00:05 And this is of the Winnicocca Sir Langston. I'm sorry. Stop. That's not funny. Such a child. I'm sorry. It's not funny. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Nothing's funny about poop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How do you spell this? Oh, no. What? I just found their Amazon page. Let me read it to you.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Oh, no. Winnicocca jewelry have a good command of both fashion and unique in various occasion. We create elegant jewelry out of silver, gold, and stone. Mm-hmm. So... I'm convinced. That sounds very... It sounds pretty...
Starting point is 01:00:39 How do you spell Winnicocca? W-I-N-N-I-C-A-C-A. Where does this name come from? I don't know. I'm like genuinely trying to figure it out. I'm like looking at, I just Googled Winnicaca and it's literally all just this jeweler. Like there's nothing. Yeah, I thought maybe this was like the name of a town.
Starting point is 01:00:56 Yeah, I was like, who are we insulting here when we laugh? That's why I looked it up too, Zandy. Yeah. Weird. I just see the Amazon thing. It looks like it's a trademark of a bigger jeweler got it interesting very interesting they have the trademark though so oh they have a sterling silver nurse themed necklace i saw that it's pretty intense it's a cross no well yeah but it's like wings and then like a what is it a Wait, hold on. What's the serpents around the stick thingy?
Starting point is 01:01:26 The medical thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then around the edge it says, she believed she could. So she did. Whoa. Yeah, that's pretty intense. I think they invented that. Caduceus?
Starting point is 01:01:37 What is it? I don't even know anymore. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. An ancient Greek or Roman herald's wand. Typically one with two serpents twined around it thinner anyway sorry isn't there a place in minnesota with a similar name winnie kaka i don't know there are a lot of places in minnesota well this is winnie kaka
Starting point is 01:01:58 sterling silver music note necklaces created opal rose necklace gymnastics jewelry gifts for women teen girls dance lovers teacher wow what is on it what does it say um oh i don't know let me look it up you can't talk about gymnastics in your jewelry and then not tell me what what the fuck it's like just a treble clef it's a treble clef with a blue heart for gymnastics lovers or for gymnastics and lovers and dancers or teachers for lovers just just for lovers uh so haters need not apply this music music is what feeling sounds like tell your beloved how much you love her with this beautiful musical love heart necklace. Music brings hope and heals heart.
Starting point is 01:02:49 True. The number of times I've said that. Okay. I'm sorry I made you read that. Next. I mean, review. Here's the five-star review by Doug. Title is stunning.
Starting point is 01:02:59 And again, this is a redemption. Verified purchase. I ordered the blue opal cross with music note necklace for my girl and it moved her to tears she truly loved it and was quite taken by its beauty then she dumped me a week later for being a godless atheist i guess so yeah i'm single again for all you ladies out there wink wink and overview what maybe she was crying she's like oh my god i gotta break up with him he just gave me this and he going to use it against me later. She was like, you said your dad was in the Bahamas.
Starting point is 01:03:29 What are you talking about giving me this jewelry? Wait, wait. But she broke up because he was an atheist? Yeah. That didn't come up sooner? I guess she just couldn't reconcile. She's like, we're at the level now where we're gifting each other. True. Gymnastics. Gymnastics jewelry. Treble clefs. Yeah. I guess she just couldn't reconcile. She's like, we're at the level now where we're gifting each other. True gymnastics.
Starting point is 01:03:46 Gymnastics jewelry. Treble clefs, yeah. And so it's like, I got to make the call. Yeah. Am I going to stay with this godless atheist or not? That's tough. I mean, I don't know how you could be a godless atheist buying a necklace like that with such miraculous. I mean, when you look at it, you know that a higher power created it.
Starting point is 01:04:03 Absolutely. No question. Man couldn't have made that. No way. Oh, boy. Anyway, that's all I've got for you. I'm glad the last one blamed God for the breakup. Like, that was the ultimate finale.
Starting point is 01:04:15 The ultimate blame on the ultimate jeweler, God. The ultimate jeweler, God. To be fair, the one was lab- rubies wow you know and that's not that sounds pretty atheist that is atheist yeah that's an atheist was part of that one definitely involved in a lab i mean are you kidding me it's really just like a middle finger to any higher power that might exist power yeah good times blood diamonds all the way they're the only way to really truly respect the love you know the blood of jerry garcia in each diamond oh we have fun we have fun we have fun really just saying things i shouldn't be saying
Starting point is 01:05:01 yeah good times good times um y'all, thanks for listening. Our next episode, we actually already have the theme. It's caves. I'm so excited for caves. Because that was one of... Okay, so I put it as one of the Patreon options. Yeah. Because I was like, I don't know what to put.
Starting point is 01:05:19 So I zoomed in on Idaho and was just clicking around at just random things. And I saw multiple caves. Oh. And I thought, wow, huh. And I was just in Mammoth Caves with Simon's Bachelor Party. I didn't know that. Which was so cool.
Starting point is 01:05:30 I love Mammoth Caves. It was so cool. I hadn't been there since I was a kid. So it was like really, really fascinating to be in these caves. It's crazy. I've been telling Blaze we got to go for years. And he turned off the lights in the cave. Oh, it's terrifying.
Starting point is 01:05:42 And I couldn't, you can't see your hand. No, you put your hand. Like a inch in front of your face. I started like panicking. No, it's terrifying. And I couldn't, you can't see your hand in front of your face. I started like panicking. No, it's one of those where you have to really be prepared because if you're claustrophobic, if you're like genuinely, yeah, it's a panic inducing. Yeah. Because then, of course, my brain being my brain was thinking about what if the lights don't come back on?
Starting point is 01:06:00 Blah, blah, blah. Someone's dead. Oh, God. My brain is like, what if someone just steps on the lights come on and it's like one of those murder mysteries where it's like clue yeah whodunit you know you just watched clue recently or something i've never watched clue but you should i know but i feel like that's kind of i already know the story obviously based on you've played it so many times my references i played the simpsons one so many times that i think like
Starting point is 01:06:22 i'm i know like an elevated version of I don't even need to watch the original um anyway uh do you want your challenge so caves and then my challenge what is that so I worry this is too similar to your last one but it cracks me up because uh M says inspired by the challenge about soaps find reviews of businesses where customers mention the bathroom decor potentially yeah stinky boy uh m has attached an example i'm not gonna read it okay but i don't know do you want to do that is that too close great no i loved it because i loved the soap one so much it was so fun i had a blast and yeah i think people like it could be really some bathrooms are weird so I'm excited. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:05 Okay, cool. Thank you so much. I can't wait for that one. We'll talk to you next week. I'm really sorry. I hope you're not listening to this. I don't know. Bye.

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