Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 252: Reviews of Laser Tag
Episode Date: September 27, 2023Get your tix for our Pittsburgh and Nashville shows!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com Check out our new merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https:/.../tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel.
Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook.
19 plus and physically located in Ontario.
Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.
Whoa, what are you listening to this for?
Wait, who's talking?
You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music.
Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2.
See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment.
That's just $267 bi-weekly, cash value of $40,294.
Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus.
For details, visit your local
Ford store or Ford.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews
written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me,
I wanted to like this podcast, but i'd give it zero stars if i could
so Hey everyone, we're here for our next installment of the podcast.
This is episode 252, Lasertag!
Lasertag.
Good times.
I have not done Lasertag in a very long time, and when I did...
Can I play Lasertag as an adult?
Can is a very long time and when i did can i play laser tag as an adult can is a very broad term should perhaps not okay but i think it depends on the circumstances i mean i did read one review maybe i have it i don't know where someone said yeah my like wife and
i or girlfriend i whatever like we she had never played laser tag in her life and we went and yeah
but what she what he did failed to mention was that they were eight just kidding um but i think you can i think you have to make sure it's
the right context that you behave in the right way yeah i feel like some of the reviews were like
oh this grown man shoved my child and i'm like yeah okay obviously that is not if i ask if i can
play laser tag and your first thought is well you, he probably shouldn't be shoving those kids. I'm like, of course I'm not going to be shoving kids.
But I'm saying like in context for people who maybe didn't read 600,000
reviews of laser tag,
there are some adults who do behave inappropriately.
So I feel like as adults,
we need to be mindful of the context.
Anyway,
this guy should just make adult laser tag then if they don't already.
They must.
You know, they probably do already.
But what do I know?
Not much.
Okay.
Do you want to go first so I can find my reviews?
Sure.
Great.
My first one was sent in by Kana.
And Kana sent a review of UltraZone Laser Tag.
It's located in Sherman Oaks, California.
One star.
The cold efficiency with which this place has mechanized the children's party would have made Henry Ford blush.
Oh my god.
And they managed to do with an aging shoot-em-up game, a few arcade games, and cheap pizza.
It's flat-out genius.
Okay, I was gonna say,
if they're...
What is that, a one-star?
It is a one-star.
I mean, it is genius.
I feel like so many reviews
that we read of Chuck E. Cheese,
it's just fucking anarchy.
So this, like a very structured...
Isn't that what they're saying?
That it's structured and like.
Yeah, they have it down to a science, but like in a very strict, intense way.
All right.
Yeah.
Maybe that's, maybe they learn from their mistakes.
Yeah.
But if Henry Ford is blushing, you know that there's some, it's gotta be pretty bad because
that guy was not a good person.
He's a eugenicist, I'm pretty sure, while we're on the topic of laser tag.
I was going to say, I hope you mean the topic of Henry Ford, not of laser tag or eugenicist.
Okay, this is from Lily Sheher, and it's a review of Game Zone Clanton in Clanton, Alabama? Pretty sure.
This is a one-star review by Bo.
Okay, so I'm 15, and I go to Game Zone very often,
and me and my friends have been kicked out multiple times for no reason.
It be them little kids, not us.
I honestly be trying to come there to chill out but now we
can't come there without an adult skull emoji so it be it do be them little kids do be those
little doobies little kids i i uh yeah i feel like i saw so many reviews where children were like
it was those other children not us exactly which i imagine is probably usually true but i also
imagine it's easier and more efficient in the assembly line uh scenario to just like get them
all out yeah or so i think a complaint i saw was basically the first one to complain wins
so if like oh right because like what are they going to do say no you're lying but this next
group is is telling the truth come to the debate room yeah exactly both of you send up a representative and uh prepare your closing statement yeah i feel like you're just
gonna swoop all the kids out of there and be like you're done yeah i think that might be best um
just swoop out kids which sucks because i feel like as two kids who did not create usually the
the chaos in places like this we often got got, like when our bowling alley party,
where we got roped into. That was a party for me. So if the bowling ball gets chipped,
which by the way, I think some people ask how the hell that even happened. It was because there was
a big pillar, which I assume was integral to the structure of said bowling. Structure,
integrity of the building. It was a load bearing pillar. It was like a the structure of said bowling. Structure of the billing.
It was a load-bearing pillar.
It was like a big pillar in the middle.
And someone chucked, yeeted the ball,
and from far back from the lanes,
trying to throw it to hit the lanes, he missed.
This place was full of people also.
He missed.
It ricocheted off this pole.
A chunk went flying.
Wait, so it didn't miss.
He wasn't trying to hit the pole.
He was trying to bowl from a distance.
So he threw it from really far back. So he hit the load-bearing pole.
Oh, shit.
A chunk flew off,
and the bowling ball whizzed by our dad,
who was sitting there.
And I remember looking at him.
He barely reacted.
Because our father, when growing growing up he was not always a
chill man he was no let me rephrase it he was never a chill man he was growing up when we were
when we were growing up sorry you said growing up he was never a chill man when we were growing up
sorry yes well you mean he was never a chill boy but also when we were growing up he was never a
chill man yes well like well it was like, I don't know.
But understandably, if a bowling ball flies by you, you're not going to, you shouldn't be chill.
I think we'll all check off on like, you may react.
And I remember my heart like sung.
Yep.
And like, there was no reaction from him.
It was just like a call, like chill out boys or something like that.
Like it was something like so casual, I remember.
Unless my brain is like reworking the memory. Yeah, boys, or something like that. It was something so casual, I remember, unless my brain is reworking the memory.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't remember it being a big deal until we got banned for life.
Do you know where I went?
Where you went?
Mm-hmm, when that happened.
There was a little phone booth, and Renee and I went and hid in that, because we were like, they're going to blame us.
I was like, someone's going to say it was our fault our fault because we were causing chaos but not to that extent but when that happened we were like duck and cover
things are gonna go south yeah so we hid in the phone booth for the rest of the party um
and then got kicked out yeah good times yeah anyway anyway is it my turn no your turn no i
read i read already i don't know how we got on that topic. My bad. Oh, getting kicked out of places. Yeah, I feel like we were usually
just collateral damage, but in this case, you're right. The bowling alley, we
were...
Probably more at fault. A little bit. This next one is of
MI Combat, which I guess is Michigan Combat.
Mission Impossible.
It's in Rochester Hills, Michigan.
And it looks really fucking intense.
Like they're trying to do some sort of.
Anything called combat.
Some of these names were very unsettling.
Like it looks very like we love the military.
Do you know the name?
Do you know the name of uh do you know
the name i've been like hung up on this recently and i knew i'd bring it up today because of some
of the names of these laser tag places for kids there but there's a gym near me like a fitness
center and it's called like i can't get over it and i'm like maybe i'm overreacting or just like
too woke or too sensitive i don't know know. But the name of it is...
Snowflake.
What?
It's a fucking snowflake.
What do you have to say?
How dare you?
No, I'm kidding.
But the place is called Assault Fitness.
And the logo...
What?
Is it a gun?
It's a fucking...
What's this called?
A scope?
Yeah.
Like a...
Yeah, like a...
A target.
Like a scope thing.
Yeah.
Wow.
This thing with the lines.
Mm-hmm.
It's called, what is it called?
Like a target?
Yeah, I guess.
Or like you're saying what you see when you look through the scope.
Oh my gosh, are you?
I know what you're talking, I know what you're saying.
Then why don't you say what it's called?
Like a crosshair.
Crosshairs, yeah.
Because I was trying to come up with it because my brain's not working with it. Oh, okay. I thought you were making fun of me.
And I was like, I don't know what to say yet.
My brain's just farting all over the place.
I wish it wouldn't.
Me too.
But I know you have a chronic illness.
Oh, wait.
That's me.
Okay.
Here.
Yeah, you're the chronic illness that I have.
Exactly.
That's good.
Yeah.
So the logo is like a scope like a you just said it say it
across hair across hairs and it's oh i see i guess it's like a chain but i'm just like why would you
call it that i mean that's upsetting to me like it's because they're geared towards a certain
clientele that's like doesn't think of it as any context other than like, guns and masculinity, I think.
I don't know.
That's my assumption.
I don't fucking know.
It has great reviews.
But I was like, see, this all started because I thought, what a beautiful building.
I would like to own it.
And then I looked down.
I would like to.
What the, who the fuck are you?
Okay, wait, wait, no.
Some sort of real estate tycoon?
Hello?
I was playing Monopoly.
She was twirling her mustache. she's like, I want this building.
My monocle fogged up when I saw the name of the, no.
What do you mean you want to own that building?
Okay, let me say it again.
So I was looking at this building, and I thought, what a beautiful building.
I want to go in there and be part of what, like, if it was like a cute coffee shop, or
if it was like a cute, it's right next to the brewery, that where we, okay, I don't want to, now I'm just triangulating everything.
Anyway, so I was like, oh, what a cool, and there's like a storefront.
Like I wonder what it is.
Maybe I could start going there.
Oh, that brewery.
Sorry, I literally was trying to come up with what you're, I see, I see.
Yes, I know what you're talking about.
And so I pass it and I'm like, what a gorgeous building.
And then I was like, oh my, that's not something I'm going to participate in.
So I don't get to go inside this like unbelievable building.
And so then I thought, well, with a name like that.
Maybe it's for the best or that you don't go in?
Or what do you mean?
I don't know.
What do you say?
I don't understand.
You want to buy the building and change them and like buy them out and like get rid of
them.
I don't want to get rid of them.
I just hope, I was hoping that with a name like that, was like oh bad call bad business call things aren't gonna go well for
you turns out i looked them up they're super successful it's not it doesn't matter but i was
like oh if when they go out of business which they might with that name and logo then i'll swoop in
and buy this because in kentucky everything's so fucking cheap christina i'm not gonna buy a
building i just was like i just want to go in it so bad.
The fact that you're even thinking about essentially buying a building.
Why would I buy a building?
Who am I kidding?
I'm still buying this house for many years.
So I don't know what kind of nonsense I'm talking about.
But I was like, oh, well, maybe I can put something in there instead.
Something cool and beautiful that honors this old building.
And it speaks to Sandy's storefront.
Headquarters. Oh, yeah. You're paying, by the way, because I can't afford and beautiful that honors this old building. And it beats you standing at storefront. Headquarters.
Oh, yeah.
You're paying, by the way,
because I can't afford an apartment,
let alone a building.
I don't think I can either.
So anyway, that was the story.
Why are we talking about it again?
Oh, because the names.
Yeah, because of Michigan combat.
This got out of hand very quick.
I'm so sorry.
Good to know about assault fitness.
Why would you call it assault?
Referencing assault gun, assault rifles, I assume, and assault, like, military, badass, you know, that bullshit.
Anyway, here's a Michigan Combat Boys one star.
We were nominated for the People's Choice Comedy Awards podcast.
After this conversation?
I don't, I disagree.
We've been disqualified. I was going to say, I think we just lost that.
We've been disqualified.
Lost that.
I don't even know, what is that?
Oxenard, don't say that.
We're never going to win if you say that.
I don't know, but I'll find out.
Who are these people choosing us?
The ones probably listening right now.
I didn't allow this.
Thank you, people who chose us.
I don't know what this is.
Thank you to the Academy.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Here we go.
Here's a one-star review.
After this conversation.
I was like, what?
I'm surprised.
We've done it.
Where is this coming from?
We've peaked.
That can't be true.
Here's a one-star review.
Now we can finally afford that building.
I told you.
It's manifesting.
Michigan Combat Laser Tag Center.
Okay.
This is one star.
Gary has never touched a blade of grass in his life. He thinks
he is above the rules because he broke
every one, ruining the game
and the experience for the entire group.
Alan is doing a great
job and he might need a promotion.
He just rolls around in the grass.
He has a grass
allergy. That's how much he puts his face
in the grass.
The next time I return, I expect Gary gone.
End of review.
Dear, this guy has a monocle and a mustache.
He sounds like the villain.
Hop to it.
I need Gary out of there before I come back.
It's like Mr. Fish Odor in fucking Bob's Burgers.
Just like willy nilly making the rules.
Gary, you're out.
Gary, we're done with you.
Who are you?
Leave Gary out of it.
Did I say that was from Claire?
I don't even know.
You didn't.
Michigan Combat from Claire.
Cool.
Thank you, Claire.
Thank you, Claire, for sending me on that tangent
that you did not intend.
Okay.
Oh, this is the exact one I was thinking of.
Elta sent this one in in and it's of tactical
urban combat and i'm like really guys guess where it is it's in the mall of america i'm not even
gonna let you guys it's called tactical urban combat mall of america location so the dave and
busters the wildest shit ever dave and busters is, I went to the Dave and Buster's in Minneapolis once. Was it at the mall? It was at a mall, but not that mall. The Mall of America.
Not the mall. I played mini golf there and rode a ride. In the Mall of America or at the off-brand
one? No, at Mall of America. Sorry. So it's next to the mini golf. We've talked about that.
Well, Tactical Urban Combat uh the owner has a lot
to say in response to reviews so goody yeah i have a couple examples here this is a one-star
review weirdly by a user called almighty and their logo is just black picture of nothing
so this is the owner's response to just that it's a a rating, not a review. One star. And the owner responds.
Hello.
Please let us know what issue you had.
This is not like us to get random one star reviews with no text.
Looking forward to hearing back.
Thanks, owner.
Period.
Okay.
No business is above the random one star rating.
I know, right?
Without context.
I feel like that's just par for the course.
Honestly, sometimes I'd rather people just do that than put what they say.
And put their long, rambling, mean things.
Because that way, yes, it affects your overall rating, but at least they're not potentially just making shit up and causing problems. I would not agree with this response then, because this is a one-star view and then the owner responded,
Hello, this must be a mistake.
Please help us understand what happened.
Okay, that's the response.
Oh, no.
Now, I have one more.
I hope it's okay to group them all together.
This is totally fine.
This is so allowed.
I feel like this must be a mistake.
It's like you're asking for trouble.
Being like, there's no way I could get away.
You know what I mean?
You're opening the door to the danger zone.
You're getting defensive over quite...
I get it if they attacked you, but they just left a one-star rating.
I don't know.
I can understand that people would be like, can you explain what happened? But you know i guess it's a negative i can understand that people would
be like can you explain what happened but i feel like assuming it's a mistake automatically being
like well is this on google yeah i mean so many people just put a one star because you know
especially in a place like mall of america i bet google maps sent a notification like oh you went
to urban assault whatever and you're like ew going to one-star this because absolutely not.
And then, I don't know.
That's probably what happened.
So it might be a mistake, though.
Here's a one-star where they actually gave...
Uh-oh.
Listen, I'm like, this is what you asked for.
You asked for information.
Here you go.
One-star review of tactical urban combat.
Awful.
I couldn't make a reservation without paying in advance online. When my son and
I got sick, I contacted the store to cancel our reservation. The owner would not let me cancel,
only reschedule. When I reiterated that my son and I had COVID, he said we would be over it within
five days and could come back in then. How inconsiderate and ridiculous.
Now he refuses to issue a refund even though it's still five days away.
Give me my money back.
$193.54.
And then it says, give me my money back.
And there's an emoji of like, oh my God.
Wait, no, I'm not shitting you.
Of the guy with the monocle.
I'm not even making that up.
I love that emoji.
Look at him. But I don't have enough uses for it. monocle. I'm not even making that up. I love that emoji. Look at him.
But I don't have enough uses for it.
That is beautiful.
I don't even really know how this is being used in this context, but sure.
I'm not complaining.
So now this is a response from the owner here.
So he put their name.
So it says, Rachel, we would really appreciate this review to be taken down due to you keeping the reservation and coming into play.
I, the owner, discussed with you over the phone our refund policy.
We do not offer refunds for online bookings.
This is stated all over our website.
We do not steal money from our customers as we are a small business and our customers mean the world to us.
We offer full store credits to use your money spent at a later time that works.
But seeing you use the session you booked,
this review is hurting our amazing 4.8 score.
Please reach out directly if you need to.
Thank you again for coming into play.
Hope you guys had a blast.
He doesn't say it like that, but that's how I'm imagining he said it.
I bet it is.
Hope you guys had a blast, period.
And then it says owner so um well i mean they did come in and use it i feel the elevated heart rate in that response and i'm like this is what you're asking for if you're like explain your one-star
view the explanation like you said is probably i don't know google said rate it and i didn't like
the name yeah there's really not much to be done but i mean
it makes sense they were like oh our 4.8 rating clearly they're obsessed over their rating but
i'm not judging that because it's i'm obsessed over our rating exactly it's part of their
business thing ours is also 4.8 by the way it's really went down from 4.9 it did i checked
yesterday and i went what that's funny, that's funny. No, yeah.
I was about to say, if ours were at 4.8, I'd be like, uh-oh, it went down.
It did.
So it all really did.
Surprise.
That's fine.
Hey, 4.8, that's pretty fucking good.
I will take it.
Listen, I, listen.
If we're above 4.0.
And also, this is what I have to say.
Don't tell me why.
I don't want to know.
No, I mean.
You know what?
It's fine.
I'll live.
Well, okay.
We just got an email from like a newer listener who was complaining about our banter or something.
And I'm like, I get it.
Like, that's not.
But like, people don't have to listen.
I think that's the thing is that's our podcast is not just about the reviews.
I'm sure there's some other podcasts that do mention reviews and stuff.
But like, I don't know.
We do reviews and we talk and it's us and we're siblings and we banter. So I always find that complaint a little silly because I'm like, then I don't think we have
had, would have had success without it.
I feel like there's listicles for you then.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
Like where you could read those.
Or like those podcasts, which I'm not judging this at all, but the podcasts that like literally
read Reddit content, like they read, just read the content and there's not as much like back and forth about it.
It's,
and like opinions.
Like this.
Like we're not talking.
There's not this.
We're not,
there's not this.
There's not over analyzing what other people say.
What we're doing right now.
Or we just won't shut up about something.
Right.
Um,
but yeah,
and that's fine.
So just not for some people.
It's our amazing 4.8 rating.
Which I'm,
is quite amazing.
It's better than what UltraZone Baltimore has.
Uh oh.
Um, which is something, this was sent in by
Patty. And this is for the owner response.
This is a one-star review. I'm going to
show you the structure of the review after I read it, but I'm just going
to read it each letter slash word as it comes.
I, the BLM, going to read it each letter slash word as it comes i the blm f f end of review um so it says it's a period i enter enter enter period space the b the space blm in all caps, enter F period space F.
Lowercase F.
Lowercase F.
So this reminds-
Maybe that's a lowercase L at the top instead of an I.
This reminds me of the review where that woman got a head injury at the thrift store.
So I'm a little worried about-
Yes, it definitely has that.
It's very poorly put together, like something went wrong.
It doesn't even look like it's put together. It looks like somebody fell off a cliff with their phone.
It is a lowercase L, confirmed.
Confirmed.
I copied and pasted it into my Google and it started to autofill a website that starts with L.
Lululemon.com?
No. It's related to that brewery you were talking about.
Oh, I know what it is.
Yeah.
So there we go.
Look at us talking in code.
So it's period L, enter.
Is it enter, enter?
Or it might just be one enter.
Alexander, it doesn't matter.
It's just one enter, period, space, the BLM, enter F, period, space, F.
I don't understand.
Why do you keep saying it?
Anyway, it makes no sense.
Sorry, it makes no sense.
But here is the owner response.
Oh, okay.
That's why I brought this.
And it's one star.
There's a reason.
Oh, I accidentally liked that.
It's one star from five years ago.
It's not really a very constructive review, Wyatt.
End of review.
Now that is my kind of response.
It's like, nice try, but what the fuck are you even saying?
This isn't helping us at all here, buddy.
I'm sort of mad to know.
Did BLM, is that just something they say a lot?
Christina, I have no idea.
Or do they have a BLM sign? Christina, I have no idea. I know they have like a BLM sign?
Christina, I have no idea.
I know.
Why am I acting like?
I really don't know.
I'm annoyed.
Like if somebody left that on our podcast, I'd be like, okay.
But their other review is of a shop right in Jacksonville.
And it's a four-star review.
And it says capital CV space lowercase v.
No.
Are you shitting me?
Four stars.
Oh, I feel...
No, this sounds like I'm going to say a joke.
I'm not.
I feel like this is what happens when you give a toddler your phone and they're just
like clicking on shit.
Maybe.
No, maybe.
It really feels like they're just clicking around.
Yeah.
They were both written five years ago.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Somebody check on...
But I just love that response of,
this is not a very constructive review.
That is the understatement of the century.
Exactly.
And I feel like that could be copy and pasted
onto almost every review we read.
Yep.
It's really beautifully put, to be honest.
I feel like that would be so powerful
if you said it to someone who wrote a really stupid,
long, scathing review.
That would be hilarious.
And then you just responded with that.
That would be so fucking funny.
That would tick them off.
Oh my god, that's the secret.
That's the secret?
We should got to respond to any critical emails just being like,
that's not a very constructive review.
Wyatt.
Wyatt. Wyatt.
Okay.
So the next review I have is of Scallywag Tag.
Amazing.
This is in Ohio.
It's in Westside, Cincinnati.
And it is where there were several birthday... I've never been there.
Oh, you haven't?
Not to the West Side. Not that location.
Oh, well, I don't know. One person said it was on the West Side.
No, no, no. They have... So I think the location I would go to, which I think was on like Beachmont
Avenue.
I did not know there were multiple.
That was like definitely East of Cincinnati. That was out by Bethel.
As we all know, I don't ever know where I am or where anything is.
So it could be that.
But I think that one closed down.
Oh.
Well, Scallywag Tag is a laser tag place in Cincinnati.
And I have been to a couple birthday parties there in high school.
And I'm very bad at laser tag is what I learned.
I never really played it again.
So, okay. It's pirate themed, right?
They have mini golf and Lasertag.
Scallywag tag, so cute, so fun.
Then you get like assault urban combat and you're like, why?
No, I agree.
I mean, whatever.
No.
It's just not for me, I guess.
Okay.
The Scallywag tag was on Ohio Pike, the one I knew.
That's great.
Thanks. Okay. This is a one-star review by Ava. It's a big pirate ship Ohio Pike, the one I knew. That's great. Thanks.
Okay.
This is a one-star review by Ava.
It's a big pirate ship.
Oh, it's so cool.
It was cool.
One star by Ava.
If I could give this place zero...
Oh, I have a photo of me at that place.
We should get it.
Oh, yeah?
You do?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm wearing a trench coat.
I'm so in.
Okay.
I went through a phase where I just loved my trench coat.
Instagram.com slash peachjuice.
Please don't go to Instagram.com.
Are you a boomer?
Okay.
That's what you're...
So, one star by Ava.
Instagram.com.
What's wrong with you?
If I could give this place zero stars i would me and my friends were expecting a fun day here and we got there and it was fun but then it all went downhill for one the workers
were beyond rude the pizza was absolutely disgusting it was freezing cold and i'm
pretty sure there was a few small termites in my pizza.
The bathrooms smell absolutely horrible, like fish out of the ocean.
I mean, I know what, we all know what fish are, but okay.
No, no, no.
That's an important distinction.
Saltwater fish.
Oh, wait.
Yes, a sea bass. Yes, a sea bass.
Not a catfish in the river.
Yep. Nailed it. Nailed it. It's a sea bass, not a catfish in the river.
Yep.
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
This place is a death trap.
While me and my friends were in the smelly bathroom,
one of the works barged in and kicked down my friend's stall.
What?
Because they were like, something's fishy in here.
That's their fun joke they do.
It's part of the pirate theme, you know? Yeah. They're like, something's fishy in here. That's their fun joke they do. It's part of the pirate theme, you know?
Yeah.
They're like, argh.
Okay.
This place is terrible.
I will never be going anywhere near this place again. And for anyone thinking about going here, I would highly discourage you to find somewhere else to go.
Sure.
End of review.
Termites and the Pizza is a new one, I think, for us.
Yeah, that's a new one.
Termites is a very specific.
It's like such a.
And like, why would termites, I feel like termites are not interested in your pizza.
Termites are the one bug where you're like, I know exactly where to find you.
Yeah, true.
Like, you're not going to be wrong.
You're not going to be in my pizza.
You have a big food you like.
We know what you like to eat, buddy, and it's not pizza.
Your food pyramid is just a plank.
Or, oh, planks.
They do have a big wooden pirate ship, so maybe it kind of makes sense.
They jumped ship, literally.
They jumped ship.
Maybe those were lights.
Into the pizza as the employee was walking by with the pizza through the laser tag center.
Now that's a movie for-
No, it's not.
For-
For whom?
Tim Allen.
Tim Allen.
Jude Law.
Star of Bugs.
Star of A Bug's Life.
And Star of-
Was he actually a star of either of those?
I don't think that's true.
No.
And Star of what?
What was it?
Star of David?
I don't know what you were going to say.
Star of my heart.
Okay, I'm done.
My next one was sent in by Gabby.
This is a Blazer tag.
Blazer?
Adventure Center.
People used to call blaze blazer
I know
he hated it
I know
this is in Austin Texas
they're a little like aliens or something
it's like a UFO in the building
it looks pretty cool
looks like a really fun place
termite free
basically
most laser tag does look fun
here's a three star review
bruh I won 61 tickets
and it still wasn't enough for a motherfucking
nerd rope end of review.
To be fair, I think
we all acutely feel that pain.
Empathy wise. I
relate. It's just
tragic, the state of art.
There is
an owner response.
Uh oh. Here we go.
You'll get that nerd rope one of these days, David.
Keep the faith.
Tongue stick out.
No!
Emoji.
End of review.
Read the room, bud.
I love that they're like, but we still got you.
Well, they gave him three stars, so I thought it was kind of fun.
Like a cute little back and forth.
I love that they're also like, we know you'll be back.
Like that other person in the Mall of America one would have been like, how dare you give us lower stars for a nerd rope?
Like, if you had just asked, I would have given you one.
Our customers mean everything, you asshole.
And then this is just like a goofy little like, hee hee.
Okay, well.
Gotcha, buddy.
Precious.
I have another review of Scallywag Tech.
Okay.
This is One Star by Marie.
The whole place feels sticky.
The bathroom smells absolutely terrible and looks visibly dirty.
Staff is clearly way too young to be mature, and they run around like children.
Not to mention that they got our whole food order wrong.
And one of them barged into the bathroom and kicked down my friend's stall.
Excuse me?
This is a completely different year.
Like, there's a problem here.
This is not okay.
If this is actually happening.
If this is happening over and over again.
Like, I feel bad that I kind of, I don't know, brushed off or ignored
that other time that happened.
Yeah.
Now I'm like,
wait a second.
What is happening?
This is from a year previous,
more than a year.
So I don't know.
I don't know.
Why?
Yeah,
what's happening?
My inclination would be
that it's the same group of friends,
but it seems to have happened
at a different time,
different month,
different year.
I don't know.
I hope this is not
a common occurrence,
but. I mean, when you go in there wearing a trench coat like people are gonna think you're up to no good you know and they left
me alone but i think they probably thought i was part of her like part of the matrix
you thought you were but i was gonna say part of the pirate theme, but yeah, part of the Matrix is better.
They thought I was a part of the Matrix.
That's probably what I told myself.
That's what I tell myself whenever I didn't get any attention, like from my unrequited
crushes.
I was like, they just think I'm part of the Matrix, that's all.
What the fuck?
What the fuck are you saying?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Okay.
I love it.
One of them barged into the bathroom and kicked down my friend's stall.
Super invasive and handled extremely poorly.
Took my kids there last week and I'm pretty positive we will never go again.
But jury's out.
That's my addendum to it.
But jury's still out.
Because I don't believe you.
Because you're still waiting for
that nerds rope yeah i miss laser tag i like i i'm telling you i was a friend that always was like
suggesting laser tag before anything it's like now how you always suggest like trivia
back then you always yeah no true like i'm like love an activity. You want me to get out of the house? We got to go do something.
I love an activity.
Like, anyway.
Or laser tag.
That's why, like, with hiking.
Hiking is one thing.
But, like, Logan was talking to me about geocaching.
And we've done it once.
And I'm like, I get it.
Like, that makes more sense.
I feel like it's an activity tied in with your walking around and moving.
It's like Pokemon Go. It can be on a hike and stuff. Yes, it's an activity tied in with your walking around and moving. It's like Pokemon Go.
It can be on a hike and stuff.
Yes, it's like doing Pokemon Go.
I'm a big activity person.
So I always say gamify it.
Gamify it.
I like that.
Trademark.
When we were in Austria and dad made us climb that really big hill. Yeah. And no one was prepared as usual.
Blaze's dad was like, here we go.
And he got up to the top like really fast.
And then he's like, what you have to do is you have to guess how many steps it's going to take.
Then you count them as you go.
So Dee and I were like, okay.
Whoa.
Why did no one tell me this tip?
I don't know.
You were probably back with Hans Peta.
I thought I was with Dee.
So now I'm surprised that Dee was there and I wasn't with her.
Well, you are clearly out of the running because we counted our steps.
And at the end, I was like 10 away.
So I was like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
And they're like, that's cheating.
Oh, you did little steps?
I was like, can I do this?
And they were like, no.
Anyway, so that's how you gamify things.
Did Dee win?
I bet she did.
Probably.
No matter what you said.
She's smarter than me.
She won.
In my heart, she's the winner.
I've got one more.
Okay.
So this was sent in by Michaela.
Gave a little context here.
So useless context.
Oh, cool. That's nice, Micha's nice according to her. Oh okay
I was like yikes. She said useless context
my friends and I went to this laser tag place
instead of homecoming in high school one year
but we still all dressed up like we were going to
homecoming. It was a blast. That's so cute
It's now permanently closed and this is the last
surviving Yelp review
The last surviving. And it's a redemption
it's just like it's just a cute redemption, I think.
And actually, I referenced it earlier when I was talking about reading a review.
So here it is.
Four stars.
Oh, and it reminds me of the time after prom, my friend group went to laser tag.
And then to Topgolf and then.
What?
I did not go to Topgolf.
I'm sorry. Got punched in the head by a manager. And then to Topgolf and then... What? I did not go to Topgolf.
I'm sorry.
Got punched in the head by a manager.
Yeah, this is a niche review or reference to an episode not too long ago where a bunch of kids said, we left prom early to come here.
I forgot the prom connection to Topgolf.
Anyway, sorry.
Go on.
No, it was a good one.
Okay, so William wrote this four-star review.
It was a good one.
Okay, so William wrote this four-star review.
It was the first and last to review Laser Quest in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Here we go.
Call ahead.
This venue may be reserved and closed for private parties.
Walk in at your own risk.
Very fun.
Cheap.
Exciting.
My wife and I were looking for a way to kill some time and decided to go to Lays Quest.
Neither of us have ever played, but that was no problem.
We played one 15 minute free for all match.
There were about seven other people for a total of nine.
The maze was a good size.
I actually am unable to give an estimate as I was focused and locked in mortal laser combat.
Oh God. Even with a no running roll, the intensity of fun was enough
to get both my wife and I to break a sweat.
We both work out regularly.
Probably adrenaline induced.
Lays tag. Lays quest.
I know that that was a typo.
Go enjoy
this place. Tips.
One, don't wear black light reflective
clothing. Two, never
trust anyone.
There are no truces, only laser beams to the back.
Three, keep moving.
End of review.
And as I was going through this, I was like, this would be very confusing for someone who has no idea what laser tag is.
Yeah, I guess we should have clarified that.
I guess that might be a thing.
I'm not really the one to to understand i mean i
don't understand how it works but you are in a usually dark room with like big room with obstacles
and mazes or a pirate ship or different little houses or whatever and you have a vest over your
thing that like uh other people are trying to shoot these guns with lasers attached to them. And you try to hit other people's vests and get them in the little light boxes.
And then when you get hit, it like vibrates and you know you got hit.
And then I think you can't get hit for like another five seconds or something.
I just kind of, when you were describing that, put myself back memory-wise into that laser tag pirate ship in my trench coat.
I don't like laser tag.
I'm too-
Really?
I think not.
I thought I-
Oh, man.
Because I love the concept, but I'm so afraid.
Like, I would be wigged out.
Like, I'm the person who just hides in the corner
and waits for everyone to stop so we can go eat pizza.
I get way too freaked out.
I was-
I just know the feeling of when you go in, all the vests are there with their guns and
that you put on your vest.
It's like my nightmare.
At Scallywag Tag, each one has a different name and it's like a different like pirate
name, like Redbeard or whatever.
Probably like Peg is one of them.
Bargin, which is the one that barges into the bathroom every five minutes.
And you go and you put it over your head and like you're standing there.
And I just remember that feeling of being like so hyped, ready for them to open the doors while they're giving the like rundown of the rules or whatever. I just was getting so freaked the fuck out.
And then you go in, you like scout out different areas.
You're like talking to your friends like where you're going to be watching and stuff.
And yeah.
And then it just turns into a crazy free for all and you're just walking around like, I don't know.
I think in a past life I was in a war or something.
I'm serious.
Because I can't even be around that without getting seriously freaked out.
Or maybe I watched Pearl Harbor at a young age, and that just traumatized me.
I'm not really sure.
It could be both.
It could be neither.
Yeah, so maybe it's just the Scallywag, the ship thing.
Maybe it's the ship part of it all.
What? Or the pirate part of it all. For me? Have you ever been to a laser tag that wasn't scallywag tag no exactly so maybe all these other ones sounds even scarier like
critical go to go to michigan combat and no it's okay they don't have pirate ships they have like
blue lives matter flags and stuff it's okay perfect it's all good it's that that'll make
you feel more comfortable. Right at home.
Yeah.
And I'm not just making that up.
I saw that in the photo, by the way.
Well, that's all I got, too, for reviews of laser tag.
So now I have my challenge, which is in a different document because I thought that, you know.
You know.
Yeah.
It be those little kids or whatever that guy said earlier.
Something like that.
Redemptions.
Wait, no.
What?
That's wrong.
Okay.
X-Teens challenge from Elta.
Reviews that say something wasn't like how it is in the TV or movies.
Oh, my God.
What?
It's like me, except the opposite, saying that laser tag at Scallywag Tag is just like Pearl Harbor.
What is wrong with me that I said that?
Yeah, that's a good challenge of people who compare things to movies that have nothing to do with the actual thing.
That's your next challenge.
Or it's some sort of exaggeration.
No, because you're the only one doing it out there.
At least to that extent.
No one's like, oh man, playing laser tag here reminded me of Pearl fucking Harbor.
Like, are you kidding me?
That's so weird.
That's crazy.
I'm sorry.
I love that you say it for our content.
Mm-mm.
She just like choked.
Oh man.
Gosh, you choking.
That reminds me of Black Hawk Down.
This crazy scene. Get away from me this is a
review sent in by corinne she her it is of the american museum of natural history
two stars by kimberly this is in manhattan by the way if you want to spend your day bumping
into a plethora of civilians some of which had a personality you would find in the pits of hell, then this is the place for you.
After spending eight splendid hours in this massive building with displays
that one could easily find at their own state museum,
I just might get completely inebriated.
Don't assume you will find displays portrayed in the movie Night at the Museum.
What?
Yeah, I won't.
That's hilarious.
Wait, that is so fucking funny.
Someone watched Night at the Museum
and was like,
I can't wait to go to a museum now?
What?
Don't assume you will find
displays portrayed in the movie
Night at the Museum
much to the dismay of your children
who don't comprehend
how old that movie truly is. Though you will find dum-dum and various screaming children saying that phrase to that damn
Easter Island clay or whatever composite material that sculpture is made from. I had, however, to
give this two stars, primarily because Neil deGrasse Tyson's amazing voice and knowledge
was at the forefront of the Dark Universe planetarium show I attended.
Oh, with that, don't spend the extra money for the senses exhibit
or the ocean journey thing unless your children are under 10.
Okay, wait.
So, her children are not under 10, and they were convinced that this was...
So, I'm confused.
As you kept going, it made it seem as if this was
the museum
that was used
for the filming
of the
because it felt like
they had this
expectation for a reason
that it wasn't just
some random museum
but it felt like
they expected
from this place
yeah
this place to have
I think so
specific night at the museum
I think this is either
where it's filmed
or where it's set
got it
I'm pretty sure
I see.
So I could see how that's disappointing, but like still, come on.
Okay.
Longest review I've ever done and I'm now almost drunk.
So I will say peace out.
Check it off my bucket list and wish I never put it there.
End of review.
How sad.
Imagine like your actual bucket list and you're just like upset at what your past me had.
Like, oh man, I can't believe past me forced me to do this.
I can't believe I accomplished this fucking goal.
It's so sad.
I hate my life.
That was funny.
This is, but here's the thing.
This is what Corinne said.
She said, I looked up reviews of sites featured in the National Treasure movies.
So I'm like oh i don't know if that was like but and yet it's night at the museum yeah so i don't know if like
both were which museum was this the american museum of natural history isn't that where i
know i'm gonna sound like i'm isn't that where, I know I'm going to sound like I'm, isn't that where that one book took place?
Where she went to the museum?
Who is she?
That little girl.
What girl?
The girl from the book.
And what happened?
I don't remember.
I mean, are you thinking of the goldfinch?
No, no, that one was upsetting. i think that was in new york that was in new york i think that was this
one is in new york yes i said it's in manhattan that's called new york sorry well there's a that's
a painting the goldfinch i don't think this is a natural history museum oh with the big blue whale
is that that one yes is that the same I think so. I think there are a lot
of movies that are in there. But Night at the Museum,
a majority of it was filmed
in British Columbia, Canada. Oh.
Outdoor scenes were shot by taking exterior shots
from New York City's American Museum of Natural History.
So the out, so outdoor, so like they literally, okay, okay.
Okay, I see.
So I see, yeah.
I've never seen that movie, obviously.
Have you?
No, I don't think so.
Children's book where she sleeps in the museum.
Yeah. So it's supposed to be American Museum of Natural. So that's what the movie, the movie
supposedly takes place there, but it doesn't. Oh my God. From the mixed up files of Mrs.
Basil E. Frankweiler. Oh, that was my second guess. Rolls right off the tongue. I knew it
had some crazy long name um what museum did uh
i actually don't know what oh that was a metropolitan museum of art okay is that
moma yes it is moma okay um so that is where that was set not the history museum my bad
my bad if you guys haven't read that book that's a fucking great book have you read that
no it's so damn good i'm gonna read that to leona okay have
fun oh my god the time a time best young adult book of all time in 2021 it was rated okay um
one of my favorite arthur episodes though is the world of tomorrow which is where they spend the
night in a science museum it's not based on a specific one, I don't think,
but it's just such a good episode.
I loved that episode.
Also, I just went to, like, flipping that,
I went to a museum where they had a huge Arthur exhibit.
That's cool.
And the photos that I got, forget the trench coat.
I'm putting those photos in because they look way better and cuter.
No, we're definitely putting the trench coat.
Don't worry, everybody. The definitely putting the trench coat out don't
worry everybody the problem with the trench coat is we're gonna have to like blur out like 12 other
teenagers faces okay well we'll try to that's fine you'll figure it out i'll say there's pizza in my
term just termites in my pizza it'll be a photoshop of you at the art visiting the arthur museum in
your trench coat.
That's so tragic.
Here is another museum.
And another review of a museum is sent in by Corinne as well
during her adventure looking up national treasure locations.
Which is such a great move because it –
They're going to say movie, which I also agree with.
Both are true.
But also, oh, I did want to acknowledge something.
Some episodes ago, like the one that for us came out yesterday,
but I think by the time this comes out like a few weeks ago,
I talked about the status quo and I said what does that remind you of um everyone is
like in the patreon facebook group was like uh high school musical and they were like writing
lyrics and stuff status quo i've never seen high school musical so i don't know but they were like
upset with you for not they're like i expected her to break into song and sing them but i feel
like we weren't a high school musical family really disney originally the problem is we
didn't know we had disney channel for a while that's true so i felt like i was on the outs of
that uh of that movie also when did it even come out i have no idea i feel like maybe well
2006 yeah i missed the boat on that I think that was not my jam.
Which in turn, because I also missed, if you had watched it, I would have known the reference.
Yes, precisely.
So I apologize to high school musical fans out there.
I know you don't.
I wasn't talking for you.
Cool.
This is a five-star review of, oh, I'm sorry, a four-star review of the American Museum
of Natural History by Vicky.
Everything's okay.
I feel like that's just what people tell themselves, and she accidentally wrote it down.
Yikes.
Everything's okay. Interesting exhibits, lots of history. The museum cannot be seen in one day.
Most of it just didn't make much sense.
It is a pity that the exhibition with sharks is extra paid.
And it's a pity that the movie Night at the Museum
shows this museum in a better way.
A slight disappointment.
End of review.
Because it's not actually the museum.
Like, that's so fucking sad.
If you go to a museum and you're like,
this will be just, or even a little bit similar
to a Hollywoodllywood film
i don't know i feel like you're bound to be disappointed i agree and like also if you're
going there mainly because of that you should probably look up to see if it was actually
filmed there and the fact that like she was looking up national treasure locations and
they're all like this is nothing so like that. About Night at the Museum.
So I don't know.
I don't know what happened.
Wait, wait, wait.
But also, wait.
Am I crazy?
When are they in New York at a museum in National Treasure?
I had that same question.
What are we doing here? I had that same question, but maybe they are.
Did Corinne mix up the movies?
Maybe she meant Night at the Museum.
Yeah, and accidentally after i first said it she's been like oh my god i didn't mean national treasure but you know we love to talk about national treasure yeah so what if i
what if i copied it wrong and she didn't even say that that would be hilarious no she did i remember
it said national treasure i thought we were gonna get some some Nicolas Cage references. Can I just make sure? But they do travel, you know?
Sites featured in the National Treasure movies.
Oh, I don't.
So maybe it is a sequel where they go to Manhattan.
Oh, no.
I mean, it looks like.
Nicolas Cage takes Manhattan.
I just don't remember.
But maybe, yeah.
Maybe they went there.
I don't remember them going to New York.
Yes, we got to do another viewing.
Really?
Right?
Five stars. This one is National Archives.
This was also sent in by Corinne.
National Archives in Northwest Washington, D.C.
Five stars by Glenn.
Unfortunately, there is no photography allowed,
but that shouldn't discourage you from seeing one of the most treasured relics of the good old USA.
When you stand there and take in the amazement of how a group of men created such a profound document
over 200 years ago to protect your rights, it's spiritual.
And when you gaze at how large that building-
Gaze?
You're such a ween lover.
That was from the last episode. Did you see that tiktok i'm sorry i hate when we
do this but i'm doing it anyway or people hate when there was a tiktok where someone said that
um something wasn't meant for the gen z gays oh gays yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then someone
responded with like what are you like like kind of kind of calling them out like Gen Z gays.
And then like many people responded to that being like, no, G-A-Z-E.
And the person like took it all in stride and was like embarrassed.
Oh, my God.
I can't like, duh.
Like I just wasn't thinking.
But that's delightful.
Ended up being a very wholesome moment.
That's delightful because it shows like how language changes and how like now if you hear the word gaze, your like first thought is, I mean, I assume as a younger person, oftentimes your first thought is not like the singular verb gaze or the noun gaze. It's like a group of people.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It was just a very fun, wholesome moment.
Why would you say that about gaze?
No, no, no.
Not that gaze.
That's very funny.
It was just so silly.
And when you gaze, wait a second.
No, just kidding.
And when you gaze at how large that building is compared to the relatively small area you're allowed to visit,
it makes you daydream at the number of secrets that must be recorded within.
I did ask the one guard what the chances were of me examining the back for an invisible treasure map.
He made me lean in as he whispered,
We're sworn not to talk about it, and you'd be better not asking about it.
He then pointed up to the cameras in the rotunda.
Well played, sir. Well played.
End of review. That wasn't a play. That was serious.
That was real. I don't know.
That was real life. I've seen National Treasure.
Yeah, me too.
And I think that's how it works.
There's a reason the movie, the film itself is in the National Archives.
That's right.
It's because it's historically fully accurate.
It's also a National Treasure.
It is a National Treasure.
So this is from Denise Sheher and it is a one star review.
This might be, this is just great great of the Luxor Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas. Oh wait can I guess a movie?
Um. You know won't allow it. So
it's not a movie. Oh. TV show.
TV show. Can I guess a TV show? Absolutely. CSI Las Vegas.
Oh that's fun. i actually don't know any
uh wait wait it's not quite what you think i think okay um i'm like what show takes place in
vegas i'm like where does weeds take place i haven't watched that in years i'm like thinking
of like i don't know so she was going to the luxor to see chris angel oh so okay never mind so i see so the i picked the wrong time to want to guess
yeah so what it's not about it would have been a tough i see yeah my bad my bad one star of the
chris angel show at the luxor and the title is not like you see on tv horrible show tons of fireworks but 90 was nothing like you see in tv or the hotel show preview ads
he did not walk down walls or float like you see on tv or show commercial pitiful show ask for my
money back and he didn't have commercials he didn't show it's not like you see on tv or show
commercials like commercials about i thought he was so they were sitting there he didn't show commercials. It's not like you see on TV or show commercials. Like commercials about.
I thought he was.
So they were sitting in there.
I thought they were mad that he didn't have commercials between his ads.
It's literally the hotel's preview ads they're discussing about this.
I see.
Like ads for this show.
And it didn't live up to what they showed because the show itself didn't live up to the show itself.
Because he didn't float around or walk on the wall.
Which. Isn't the Luxor a pyramid? I'm surprised he didn't float up to the show itself. Because he didn't float around or walk on the wall. Which-
Isn't the Luxor a pyramid?
I'm surprised he didn't float.
Yes, it is.
So he'd have to walk really-
Well, the thing is with a pyramid, not every part of the pyramid inside is a pyramid.
It's not made up of a bunch of tiny pyramids.
I think it could be.
Made up of a bunch of girl bosses.
Okay. All right. tiny pyramids i think it could be made of a bunch of girl bosses okay all right so this is uh i didn't oh this is what i wrote this is also from denise but i wrote i haven't even finished reading
this one because i literally saw the title and went in it goes so this is news to me and to you
this is a review of The Cheesecake Factory.
Oh, yeah.
You want to guess?
Okay.
Cheesecake Factory.
Some people definitely know it.
You probably don't.
I don't know.
I didn't.
See, okay.
There's some comedies that I feel like-
Oh, it's a TV show?
Cheesecake Factory.
Like Big Bang Theory.
Literally.
How do you know that?
Because I was thinking of a show that's popular that I wouldn't know a reference to.
And that was the first thing that popped in my head.
I was like, you do watch it.
Okay.
No.
So the title is.
Like, I don't know what that.
That meant nothing to me.
Oh, okay.
So we'll see.
Cool.
Oxygener, how could you say that?
It means nothing to me.
Also.
If you were young Sheldon, that's another story.
Also, I've been listening to Creeps and Crimes.
And I don't know where else to put this information except right here, which is probably not very fair.
But they were doing an episode, and they were talking about some science-y shit.
And Morgan, they didn't even catch it.
Morgan goes, yeah, like the Big Bang Theory.
Like they said it, and I was like, what?
Saying about the actual Big Bang Theory and not the TV show?
That's where I was like, wait a second.
That would throw me too.
It threw me totally off, and I was like, what are they talking about?
Oh, like the literal thing.
Imagine they're just like talking about some like science stuff.
Like, oh yeah, like in the Big Bang Theory.
Because at first I went like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Then I was like, wait, I forgot that that was a real thing before the fucking TV show.
Anyway, this is a redemption actually.
So it's like the kind of...
Well, okay.
Let's just read it.
It actually completely fits the challenge now that I'm thinking about it.
But it is a redemption.
The title of this review on TripAdvisor by Richie, five stars.
The title is The Cheesecake Factory, parentheses, for a big bang theory lover must visit.
Okay. factory parentheses for a big bang theory lover must visit okay when my mate took me to the
cheesecake factory first came to mind was penny from big bang theory went there expecting a half
ass service and non-palatable food oh boy was i wrong the place is buzzing with people well that
part is true i've been i've once asked the server or the host at
a cheesecake factory in LA to put us on the list
and they said it's about a two and a half to three hour wait.
And I was like, what kind of nonsense
is that? This place is huge.
No, that's true. It was like almost a three
and I was like, no. Oh, and then the guy
goes, by the way, are you Christine from That's Where You Drink?
I was like, maybe if you can shorten
the wait line. And he goes,
nope.
Tragic. I could absolutely see a Like, maybe if you can shorten the wait line. And he goes, nope. So tragic.
I could absolutely see a Cheesecake Factory in LA having a VIP table. I was going to say, also, we were in LA.
So I'm sure as a podcaster, they were like, you do not get to access the fucking VIP.
We're at the Grove in Los Angeles.
Um, anyway.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy, was I wrong. The place is buzzing with people. As per the staff,
it's a normal day, not their busiest day of the week. Food was amazing, and the price is very
reasonable, and they are very accommodating with any changes. I have food allergies, and they
gladly made all the changes. But the best thing was yet to come. Their cheesecake.
The best I ever had, period.
Tried two to three varieties of cheesecake,
but end up going back for their classic cheesecake
for a couple of times.
Wow.
Tip.
Wait, wait, wait.
Can you, so how many cheesecakes did they have while sitting here?
That's what I was worried about.
Am I misunderstanding?
Did they go to multiple times, the Cheesecake Factory?
I think they got several slices and tried them.
Ah, I see, I see, which is probably the way to go.
Which is fine.
You can eat them too, but you're going to have a tummy ache, I think, if you eat, because
those are big caloric slices of filling.
That's what I was thinking of, was like how big they are.
I haven't.
I fucking love cheesecake.
Yeah.
So tried two to three, but ended up going.
Because then it sounded like he went and bought more slices of the classic.
It sounded like they were like, oh, I tried these.
And then I went back.
I had these slices.
And then I had two more slices of the.
That's what it sounds like.
I think.
Which, again.
If you manage that.
More power to you.
I'm actually impressed more than anything.
Very impressed.
But I think they're saying I tried two to three in there.
Yes, I see.
Tip.
Even if you are not a sweet tooth person, at least take a bite of the classic cheesecake.
You won't regret it.
Smiley face.
End of review.
Now, what I have to imagine is that this person is from.
Out of the country.
Out of the country.
This was my impression.
My mate.
First of all, the word mate, but also like. Well well i guess do not know what cheesecake factory is in relation yeah i feel like if you
come if you if you think cheesecake factory and like associated with more cultural understanding
of cheesecake factory outside yeah of big bang theory if you live yes so it's same like when i
think of the office which is a show i love. But like Chili's, yes, I think of The Office because of the funny Chili's bits.
But I had experience with Chili's beyond The Office.
Your cultural awareness of Chili's.
So I'm not like, I got to go there because of The Office.
Extends beyond.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
Beautifully put.
That was great.
So that was my favorite one.
Again, I didn't read it beforehand, but I just was like five stars and they were like,
I thought this would be like the Big Bang Theory, my favorite show ever, but it wasn't.
And that's why I love it.
Yeah.
What a winner.
Yeah.
I don't even know what happened in the Big Bang Theory.
Apparently she's a server there and like always is dropping stuff.
I don't know.
That's literally what I got from just reading
between the lines of this review.
Yeah.
Because he said,
I expected terrible,
piss poor service.
And like bad food,
which I was like,
love that you went there anyway.
Yeah.
Because for the,
for the experience,
like I'm trying to think of
any media from other countries
that I've consumed
that I'm like,
oh, that makes me want to go
to this place. Oh. But I don't, oh, that makes me want to go to this place.
Oh.
But I don't, I don't know.
I can't think of anything.
Like a fucking brewery in Munich is the only thing like from those Euro trip movies or
something.
Yeah, stuff like that would be, I guess.
I don't know.
But other than that, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think we're clogging the, wait, that's not the right word.
Arteries? clogging the wait that's not the right word arteries we're hogging the space for uh
fast casual dining in pop culture i think america hogs that we do very true space um with our
chilies and cheesecake factory yeah absolutely etc etc we're good at something we are clogging
and hogging clogging and hogging um christogging and hogging. Christine 2024.
Yeah, you go.
Clog and hog your way to victory.
I'm not voting for you because I assume this is a Kentucky thing.
I don't ascribe to your politics.
It's actually a worldwide thing.
They call me Mrs. Worldwide.
It's a global.
It's a people's choice awards or whatever.
It's a global choice award.
People's choice.
What is this podcast?
I won a people's choice Award as Mrs. Worldwide.
Mrs. Worldwide.
Oh my God.
I feel ill.
Mrs. Worldwide. You've made me ill.
My stomach hurts.
Okay.
Okay.
Mrs. Worldwide and I are going to go.
Okay.
Go buy tickets to our live shows in November.
We really can't wait to see you in Pittsburgh and Nashville. It's going to be great.
November 8th and 9th.
At the Cheesecake Factory. Not at the Cheesecake
Factory. It's actually at
the City Winery locations.
Both of them. So very excited. Just as good.
Pittsburgh on the 8th, Nashville on the 9th.
See y'all then. Love y'all.
Talk to you later. Bye-bye. And as always.
Oh.
Hog and...
Clog and tub.
Clogging and hogging.
Clogging hog.
Oh, sorry.
And as always, what were you going to say?
Clogging and hogging.
Okay.
Bye.
Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production.
Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer.
It's edited by Marco Padilla.
Cover art by Courtney Aventura.
Theme music by Mavis White.
Executive produced by Mariah Nicholas.
Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.