Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 254: Reviews of Corn Mazes

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2.

See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly, cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet,

a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandy. Hi, I'm Xteen. We are in the fall mood. I love fall. I love it. It's my favorite. I almost said favorite holiday.

It is. It's my favorite season season it's when my birthday happens yep it's when the leaves are pretty yep because they're dead yeah because they're no i like to watch them die right i like the process yeah yeah he's winter is when they're dead dark in that way. I love anything autumnal. I'm a sucker for it. I'm as basic as you can get in that respect. And I'm not a fall hater. So we are doing corn mazes today, which it took me many years to realize the pun there. The play on words.

A maze maze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like every year kind of strikes me as, oh, yeah. Yeah. Maze maze. Yeah. M-A-I- yeah maze maze yeah m-a-i-z-e m-a-z-e maze maze yep i was like did i do that wrong i don't know i'm like your pause made me very nervous spelling it um well in case people weren't understanding what the hell you were saying because you just said just saying the word over and over yeah you're right you're right you're totally right like we're on the same wavelength but there are many times when people will comment

like what the fuck were you two talking what if i said what what what did we miss here what if i said wave wavelength and then you had to be like w-a-i-v-e w-a-b-e i'm like yeah phrase that you use all the time yeah so i would have totally picked up on that. We're on the same wave wavelength. This is from Elta. It's of Sever's... Homonyms. Whoa. What was that? You got it right.

That was so weird. Congratulations, you did it. I don't know if you all heard that, but there was a very loud ding after I said homonyms. It was like a text sound. Yeah, but not from my phone. And not from my phone. It's obviously from one of your devices.

I'm on work mode, which is no notifications. Somebody just thought you did the right thing with that word, homonym. You're smarter than a fifth grader. I'm actually kind of scared. What was that? I don't know. Is it your iPad or something? No, my iPad is downstairs.

Christina, what was that? Whose phone is in here? Oh, someone's recording us. I'm kind of scared, no? No, don't be scared. This is a weird house. Things get haunted sometimes. Well, I was right with homonyms.

Only because I just saw... Oh my God, it happened again. I just saw Jeopardy. I like that. My favorite part is that I attributed that kind of a question to, are you smarter than a fifth grader? Not Jeopardy, where like the most difficult questions are. Yeah, no, I dumbed it down.

Yeah, I'm not at Jeopardy level in any of my knowledge, I think. This is of Sever's Corn Maze in Scott County, Minnesota. One star. Bye, Lou. You figure for how long Sever's Corn Maze has been around for, they would have developed a better access route to get to it. The drive really isn't worth the wait anymore. Local police directing traffic even are bad at it. Takes over an hour just to drive a mile because they don't have their stuff together after 20 years.

I was really looking forward to sliding down the janky slide that cuts your legs up with a 25-year-old piece of carpet from the neighbor that had 30 cats for three dollars a turn and of course the corn dogs end of review wait three dollars per slide like time you go down the slide well it's more than a slide it's a painful experience it is it sounds terror it sounds worse than a slide you're right well i thought of that it kind of struck me too that this place is called sever and i was like I feel like they should come up with a new activity. Yeah, this place kind of scares me already. Seems like it's already leaning into like the haunted element. Yeah. And I will say I love, I don't, I mean, there's so many complaints I read and I probably have some reviews like this.

People complaining about the driving and like the traffic. And it's like a prime example of you are the traffic. Yeah, right. You're part of the problem. You're complaining about every other car but your own?

Why don't they let me through? Yeah. It's too bad though to take so long to get to. A corn dog must be hard. Also look, they did put a picture. Holy shit. I didn't see that until now. Also, look, they did put a picture. Holy shit.

I didn't see that until now. That is insane. It looks like a pilgrimage to this sharp slide. Imagine being local traffic or a bus. Oh, God. You're trying to get to your low-paying job at Wendy's or something, and you're stuck in this fucking traffic where everyone's- Just dying to get to the slide that'll cut your legs up yeah man people are masochists yeah i don't really blame them as much as i blame

this this country's infrastructure oh reliance on cars and car calls hot take alert anyway i'm gonna move on hot take alert This is sent in by. If we put more taxpayer dollars to smoothen our slides, maybe we wouldn't have these problems. No, I think it would be double the problem because people would actually want to go for the slide other than this guy who's just insane. He just wants to get hurt badly to get tetanus. Okay. badly to get tetanus. Okay, so here is a review sent in by Marilyn

Sheher who first, this is a review of Schuett Farm Corn Maze that's spelled S-C-H so, nope. Yes, S-C-H U-E-T-T Farm Corn Maze.

And this is located in Mukwonago, Wisconsin. Beautiful. Oh my gosh. That was difficult. Even though Marilyn was nice enough to give me a pronunciation guide, and I still was like struggling through all that. You said it really smoothly. If you hadn't said I struggled through that, I would never have thought twice.

I just had that in my head. I was like, oh, wait, I can't mess this up. So I slowed everything else down. Here is a one-star review in the not recommended section of Yelp. Okay. Love that section. Here we go. Schuett Farm equals shit farm.

Oh. A couple days ago, my girlfriend and I decided it would be a fun idea to take a trip to the local pumpkin patch slash corn maze. We went to Shoo-It Farm because she had fond childhood memories of the place and wanted to reminisce on her past. Sorry. After years of doing this podcast, I've learned, especially during the fall season or the holiday season, anything that you have fond memories of from your childhood, just don't meet your heroes. Don't repeat it. It's going to ruin it for you. I swear, half the ones I've used when it's something like a visit to Santa or like, it's just always, my childhood memories are now tainted by this bad experience. And then they'll always apply it and be like, oh, it's so much worse nowadays. It's like,

no, you were probably a child back then. Didn't notice how the rug smelled like cat piss oh boy anyway i just i'm like every time it starts with she had fond childhood memories so we decided to go i'm like this nothing good happens hold on to those memories and don't let them get ruined live in the past is what i'm trying to say god don't don't live in the present no live in the past here we go We arrived at the farm and promptly picked out our pumpkins. There was not too great of a variety. From here, we went to the checkout desk and bought our pumpkins and paid for our entrance into the corn maze. My girlfriend said it was weird because they usually give you a slip of paper to use when you go through the maze to mark off all the

checkpoints, but this time they did not. We figured it was because they switched their system from pen and paper to a website where you could check off each individual checkpoint. Keep in mind, we bought admittance to this maze around 520, 530. We spent about 30 minutes walking through the maze until a man stopped us and asked us if we were lost. Oh, I thought he was going to say, give me your papers. You're ahead of the game. Shit. You nailed it.

Shit. We happily replied yes, hoping that this man could help us find the last couple of checkpoints. He then asked to see our tickets. We were confused, so we responded with, no one gave us tickets, but we paid. The man immediately called us liars and told us to come with him because we had snuck into the maze without paying. I soon became angry and asked if I could have my money back because he was kicking his own customers out without knowing if we actually paid for tickets or not. We told him countless times that the lady we bought admittance from could tell him that we had, in fact, bought the tickets. He moved on, telling us that he was very mad at us for not letting him continue his work that he had been doing, for he was the owner of the farm.

Helping people get on lost no he's the only it seems like he he like heard that someone snuck into the maze like someone said something and he went to go get him like i think this was targeted like not targeted really aggressive but like i think that he was like saw it wasn't like they stumbled upon this man i think he sought them out he was like he heard on his walk they stumbled upon this man. I think he sought them out. He was like, he heard on his walkie talkie, code orange. He was like, I've been waiting for this moment. Every year there's one. It seems like it, honestly.

They're like, do you want to stay in? No, this is work for the owner. We continue to argue with him, becoming increasingly more angry as he treated us like small lying children. As we reached the entrance to the maze, another lady was sitting inside of a UTV, shaking her head at us. She almost immediately lashed out at us for not buying tickets and staring at her as we walked by the place where we supposedly didn't buy them. The main farmer. So I think she saw this and was like oh these two are yeah illicit and

she accused them of not buying and then uh they and then staring at her as they walked by how sinister like as if they're like criminals rubbing it in rubbing it in like bad criminal like they're not good at yeah yeah i don't know um but also do you think this is like some sort of racket where someone else sets up a little booth and they're like pay me to come in the corn maze there's more info so we're not done you it's not a bad thought actually i'm just like i mean it's a good idea give me five bucks you could go to the corn maze we're recording this before we really hit the season like right still september so our corn maze is only like a foot high now but well by the time this comes out it'll be ready.

That's how fast it grows. I think so. Wow. That's what it said on when I bought it. Where did you buy it? Schuett Farms. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, man. That's not corn. We're lying to you. Okay. I can't believe Mr. Schuett yelled at them. I'm like really upset about that. Oh, it's not over yet. I would be so traumatized.

The main farmer then again tried to talk to us like children by saying, the moral of the story is to not be a smart ass. The owner of the business had not only kicked us out for no reason, but continued to call his paying customers curse words. I lost it telling him that there was no moral to the story and that we'd been taken out of the maze that we paid for and were rightly angry about it. He responded by telling us that the farm closes at six

and that the lady would not have sold us tickets to a massive corn maze 30 minutes before closing time. We soon neared the pumpkin patch where I saw the lady who had sold us the tickets, becoming quite happy to know that we had an alibi on our side. When we reached her, she seemed to forget who we were. No! But was oh so sure we would not have lied about not paying.

She can't play both sides. She's got to commit. She's trying, though. No, she's got to commit. It was extremely aggravating. The owners of this farm slash business accused us of lying and stealing, and there was nothing we could do about it except leave. I know this review looks like a long story but it is worth the read the owners of this business were hostile and unfriendly to their customers thank you for reading and i

urge you to choose quite literally any pumpkin patch slash corn maze than this one this is such a trivial such a trivial thing but why would you say it's worth reading at the end of the review like at my i feel like at that point we've already read it you don't need to you know convince us and one thing i've absolutely found interesting about this review is without so when it was linked to me um it was a dead link okay so presumably it was recently moved to not recommended oh since maryland's email which was recent like that's the thing is maryland was sent in when we found this theme yeah um so uh but there are this place is not claimed so i'm like i don't know why this got moved because there's no owner being like marking it because no one owns this page on Yelp. And then not only that,

there are only two other reviews of this place. So it's a four star out of five total, two total reviews. Here's a three star review from 10 months ago. KK and Zaza. from 10 months ago. End of review. It's okay. And that is not recommended.

I've called your doctors. They are coming to take you away. I did a pretty good job. If you actually look at what was written. Let me just read it one more time. It's literally just absolute gibberish. I mean, it's just somebody smashing keys, obviously. But why is this interesting, I guess, to you? My point is, someone wrote a detailed, not even like aggressive, just like a very detailed review.

Like an actual review. An actual review of a situation that happened. That got moved to. And that got moved to not recommended for some reason. Right, okay. Because we talk about this. We don't seem to know, like we have some ideas of why things might be not recommended. I mean, what you can do, though, is you can report a review.

So I wonder if somebody either... Related to the place? Yeah. Either saw it and was like pissed off and just didn't claim it. Why would they do that? Like no one, I don't know. It just seems so weird that of three reviews, this is the one that gets moved. And this was

from 2016. That is very weird. And it was removed within the last... Within the last week, I think. That's very weird. Something suspicious is a foot. I don't know. Unless I'm mistaken or the link was different. I don't know. Yeah, I think so.

Next up, we got Peter's Pumpkins and Carmen's Corn. Wow. Both of them? That's what it's called. next up we got peter's pumpkins and carmen's corn wow both of them that's what it's called we're in luck i really hope someone named peter and someone named carmen are involved in this like that would be so annoying if it wasn't piss me the fuck off honestly if their names are like john and Wendy. Wendy. Anyway, so this is also from Elta. This one, however, is a five star review. They sell their veggies, which are a great price and super tasty. It's fun to walk around the grounds and see the crops.

Lots of pumpkin choices. I paid for the corn maze, but wasn't sure if I found it. It was a dollar. End of review. And Elton made the point that immediately struck me as well, which is I love the idea of someone just wandering into corn and being like, is this the corn maze? And I imagine if they're charging $1,

it can't be that great of a corn maze. I did read reviews where people said the corn maze was basically just the cornfield. Yeah. Okay. It wasn't an actual like set up maze because some of these mazes sounded great. Yeah. This one seems.

Like there was interactive shit. Like there was trivia. Some corn mazes had trivia. Ooh. Some had the owner berating you, verbally abusing you. So that's fun. There was a common thing, corn cops or something. Oh.

That I saw. It was common thing corn cops or something oh that i saw it was like called corn cops and it was the people and their whole job was to like be there to like make sure you get out basically safely and like guide you help guide you what they don't tell you yeah is that they're also there at night for when the crap circles appear yeah cool yeah that's cool they're the ones that make them. That's cool. Yeah. My next one is also from Marilyn, and this is of Bassie's, B-A-S-S-E, apostrophe S, Taste of Country Farmer's Market. Taste of what? Taste of Country Farmer's Market.

It's like the most vague collection of fall words. Bassey's Taste of Country Farmer's Market. Okay. This is in Colgate, Wisconsin. And this is a four-star review. Nice place. Lots of fun stuff for the kids. And you can do a lot for free.

Don't worry about the goat walking on the top of the fence. Apparently he does that all the time. End of review. I just love that little goat. Oh, that's just Henry. He does this sometimes. You just kind of have to let him do it. There's no stopping him.

It's good. I love that he's the corn cop at this place the goat yeah agreed yeah i just love that i've decided it i was gonna say i love to think that he is but i just know you'd love to know that he is you have to know it i love that factually he is the corn cop and the only cop corn cop i will support I'll vote for as county sheriff. I don't say agab. Why did that one make you laugh? That was so stupid.

Okay. So this next email I got was from Matt and Jen. And Matt said, I got, so it sent an overstuffed drive folder, which is always like the most delightful experience because we just get. Yes. And I feel so lucky when I open those because like we always try to save some emails for the other person. I wasn't super good. I was going to say this one. I'm sorry.

To be fair. I got one. Yeah. To be fair. That's fine. It's your challenge. I only used two, I think. But it's hard.

Okay. I also feel like that's how I think of it is when it's one person's challenge. Oh, that they have more access. They should have a little more access. Unfortunately. Well, so that's what I did for my Florida one because I was like, oh, yeah, I have a challenge. But no one emailed for challenge. Oops.

But that's okay. So here is a Drive folder. And Matt said, I got my DW and Beachy Sandy listening buddy, Jen, to help compile some reviews. So Matt said, I stuck to orchards and cider mills while Jen went a more spooky route and focused on haunted mazes and hayrides. Okay. So I screenshotted these. Let me get to the right folder here. Okay.

So this is the first one. It is a one-star review. First, it was understaffed, which I can understand. We waited over an hour for the hayride, and not because of the line. It was the staff. Next, this is a kid-friendly haunted hayride. Or so we thought. It was very tasteless to have a display with someone bashing the president and the vaccine for COVID.

I am all for having an opinion, but these are very, very sensitive topics that you shouldn't have an opinion about. I don't know. These are very, very sensitive topics that should have been avoided. Next display was someone feigning agony over losing his meth lab. Okay, what the fuck? What is this corn maze? Are you sure this is a corn maze and not a meth lab this is insanity oh my god i'm sorry like even even if it's trump if i saw that in a corner i'd be like what the fuck is this like i would hate that i don't want to see this right now i'd be

like this is too scary like i don't want to see that man in my corn maze no corn cops here stupid okay a a gap uh all right so sensitive topics that should have been avoided next display was someone feigning agony over losing his meth lab but to make it worse faking to offer the wagon full of parents and kids adderall and the little blue pill what they wrote little little blue pill And the Lil Blue Pill for men. This was by far the worst low-class hayride ever. Terrible. I can't say I disagree. I disagree. I wanted someone to offer me Adderall and supplements illegally.

What the fuck is this? Out of their former meth lab. What is this? I don't know. How does this exist? Whose idea was this? I don't know. How does this exist? Whose idea was this? I don't know, but it cracks me up.

They should not be in charge of making corn bases. I feel like maybe this is like a local stand-up who's like, on the off-season, I just go and practice my jokes. What's the joke?

I don't get it. Kids need Adderall? I don't know. I don't get it. I don't. That is the weirdest crossover. Whatever the, I don't even know i don't get it i don't that is the weirdest crossover whatever the i don't even know what kind of crossover it is i feel like these these breaking bad and trump and covid vaccine like what um

yeah what's that second one bashing the? No, I think they were saying someone bashing the president and that it had a display about the vaccine, like the COVID vaccine. Oh, okay. I misunderstood. I think they meant like they were bashing the president. Which also, why the fuck is- And promoting the COVID vaccine. Okay. That's not how it read to me.

But also, why would any of this make sense for a court? Like, what is happening? What is this? I don't know how it read to me, but also why would any of this make sense for a corner? Like what is happening? What is this? I don't know. And how is this haunted? Maybe Farmer Schuett is running for office. True. He's like, I got to get my political opinion in.

True, true. That must be it. I'm going to be tough on drugs, but not at all. Not at all. Or Viagra. Or Viagra. Or Viagra. My next one is of Connor's Amazing Acres Farm in Hilliard, Florida. I get it.

That was a one-star review. It's a homonym. Not really. Not really. It's a pun. That's okay. You'll get the next one. First, I want to say our experience was terrible.

We walked in a group of nine. As we were walking through, we noticed there was a group in front of us with kids. The kids were, got scared. So the workers would scare them. And when the kids would cry, the works would be like,

oh, it's okay. I'm just in a costume. We had to stop and wait multiple times because the works would not get back in their spots so that they could scare the next group. They would make sure the kids were okay and tell them, oh, they are just in a costume. And when they would get back to us,

they would not scare us. They would just walk. They would say, it's okay, we're in a costume. We did not get scared once or even had the chance to get scared. All we did was walk through a corn maze. The workers, we too concerned about the kids in front of us. It was a complete waste of money.

End of review. That's so fucked up. Okay. I think this is a child based on the spelling and the way of writing and the lack of punctuation. And the not understanding what it feels like to have children probably traumatized high schooler who's like upset he's like get these kitties out of here these kids are getting special treatment yeah which does ruin it for everyone else yeah i can see why that would bother me but um i am thankful that at least but i did see other reviews saying how like family

friendly it was so i'm like how scary was it supposed to be? Yeah. Maybe he just was like really hoping against hope that this would be like not. Like a fucking horror. Yeah. Like maybe his parents were like, all right, fine. We'll compromise and go here. And he'll be like, he was like, okay.

Yeah. Maybe this time. Yeah. We'll get the real deal. I guess not. No. Look, I'm of the opinion that corn mazes

are scary enough. Yeah, me too. I don't need actors in them. I have been lost in a corn field. I get lost in every single one.

Now that I know about corn cops, I'm scared. Yeah. The worst though, I got scared in an actual corn field. Like,

not maze where you're supposed to get lost and there's an exit what do you mean you got scared in a corn no stuck did i say scared you did say scared stuck lost i would be scared too if i was scared i was scared in a corn field because i was lost no i felt lost we got out pretty soon after. We just kept walking straight. Who? People. A past. A former.

I think it was Simon and Logan, actually. Was it that person that you. I think it was Simon and Logan. It was Simon and Logan. Sorry, I was just thinking. I know. I know what he's trying to avoid saying. It was a person that we never saw again because Alexander.

Sister Amy. Left them behind. her milk was with me what sister amy her milk was with me sister amy's milk are you kidding do you not remember that i don't i remember that phrase i don't remember what it means you were we were talking about how we had a neighbor named sister amy oh yeah oh yeah and we were talking about how we had a neighbor named Sister Amy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And we were talking about her milk. Yeah. That's right.

Yeah. Sister Amy, she never came back because you left her in that corn maze and you felt guilty about it ever since. Yeah. He got hella vacced out of there. Not by Sister Amy. She didn't have her license yet corn cob to rescue you yeah those are dark times squirting her milk in the air it's like a flare stop saying that anyway you're making this so bad okay i was so scared and i cornfield yeah i am now too just hearing about how

they're scary Once you hit a point you look around Literally everywhere you look it looks exactly the same And then it's quiet because no one else is around If you're not in like a busy Entrance section you're like Okay now I'm starting to actually feel panic And not to get too dark but I

Read an article of a woman Who was in a single car Accident By a cornfield they found her car and didn't find her for two days because she wandered off trying to find help and they found her unresponsive and she was alive and they brought her to the hospital oh thank god but yeah no two literally two days stuck in a cornfield. Because she didn't know which way to go and was like lost. Oh my God. Okay, stop.

Anyway, sorry. At least there's food in there. I mean, I'm not being, I'm not. I don't mean it like that, but like, I guess you could probably take some sustenance from that. No? I don't know. If it's ready to be eaten and I don't even know, I don't know. Maybe not.

You're probably right. Probably not. Maybe not. You're probably right. Probably not. Probably not. I feel like more often than not, if you're in it most times of the year, the cornfield is not ready for you to eat it. How many people do you think have said that to her where she's like, and before you say anything, no, I didn't eat the fucking corn. So true. Oh, that's fucking scary, though. I fucking.

That's like really scary. Why would you say that? Okay. It was relevant. Here's another review also sent in by Matt and Jen. This is a review by Derek, and it's a one-star review with a lengthy response from owner. Uh-oh. I feel like we haven't had too many of those lately.

No, you're right. I feel like they fell off for a while, but we're back today. One star. The play area is cool, but they want to charge all of the parents $9 admission to just sit at a picnic table

while the kids go off and play. You spend $40 on cider, donuts, and other stuff, and another $18 for the boys to play, and they want to rake that last $9 out of you. Disappointed. Paying for cups to go with the cider was also a nice surprise. Also found out from another parent that you are charged for bags, too, in which to put the apples you pick. Anything else we can gouge out of the people visiting your cider mill? We'll likely never go back.

Charging a fair price is one thing, but this was unreal. Now, buckle up. That was a very much a common thing. Yeah. People are like, they charge for everything at these places. Every little, little thing. Yeah. Well, get ready.

I'm curious to hear what the owner has to say, because I didn't read any of the owner's responses about this. I'm curious to hear what the owner has to say because I didn't read any of the owner's responses about this. Mr. Marin, yes, we spoke when you were here. That was after you bullied our 16-year-old employee at her first job because you didn't want to pay for the barnyard fun area with the corn maggot. Corn maggot? Corn maggot. Oh, geez. corn maggot corn maggot oh geez because you didn't want to pay for the barnyard fun area with the corn maze wagon ride and hours worth of all of the other family activities you yelled at

her that if she had a problem to call the sheriff's department she cried and we let her go home early that's when i was made aware of your presence at the farm i I feel like that's when Farmer Schuett got like the walkie talkie. Yeah. It was like code. That's why I kind of wanted Farmer Schuett to write a response because I was curious if there was anything. I like to hear both sides. Yeah.

You yelled at her that if she had a problem to call the sheriff's department. She cried and we let her go home early. That's when I was made aware of your presence at the farm. When I found you, you were brandishing a firearm. What the fuck? Serious. Just as you bullied our employee, you bullied us by promising to give us a bad rating. So here it is. I noticed you wear a hat which says coach i fear for the poor example you

could set for the kids you mentor our farm is a family-oriented place run by our family our slogan is making family memories together since you don't fit that target market please don't cut back thank you oh my gosh like what oh my gosh i'm glad the owner wrote a response like i won't pay nine dollars to get in okay then don't like then go home seriously like you don't have to i i don't know why they i mean it's just that that's so entitled you don't have to participate just go home gun while yelling at a 16 child a weapon at a child? Okay, I don't know about that, but yeah. Brandishing a gun? I mean, it's not a good look if you're screaming at a 16-year-old.

No, no, I agree. I thought the gun thing was after the child went home. No, I think what happened was... They had the gun on them the whole time, though. They had the gun on them the whole time. I'd hope so. I don't know where they found it otherwise. In the corn maze. It was one of the... It was a... It found it otherwise in the corn maze it was one of

the like it was a surprise at the end it was a uh a scavenger hunt uh one of the maze actors what they didn't tell you was that it was um one of those pumpkin cannons wasn't a real gun it was like a pumpkin cannon which also could probably inflict some damage. Yeah, I was going to say, that would just really do some damage. Still no good. Oh, my God. That's so scary, though. Yeah. Unhinged people.

I don't think most people should have guns, if any. Yeah. So, hmm. Interesting. Hot take alert. I'm really good at those today. I've got a lot of them. Do you want more?

I don't. Actually, I'd really prefer not. Take a break for now. I'd really prefer lot of them. Do you want more? I don't. Actually, I'd really prefer not. Take a break for now. I'd really prefer no. Okay. My next one is of The Maze, spelled M-A-I-Z-E at The Pumpkin Patch.

This is in Portland, Oregon. And this is a one-star review. Okay, so I went with a rather large group of people, around nine to ten. Sorry, first of all. But it's 9 to 10 people. How do you not know if it's 9 or 10?

I just thought of that. Right? I guess unless you're one of the 10 and you're like, oh, we were like... What? Right? I don't know. No, you're right. It doesn't really... I guess if it didn't come up and if you're having trouble counting but like i assume this was written soon after it happened so i don't know how you wouldn't maybe you didn't know everyone you lost somebody oh that too yeah um yeah that's probably it i just maybe it was very scary and somebody they said oh what happened

to your uh friend with the colonial dress? And they said, what friend with a colonial dress? The one who was following closely behind it didn't speak the whole time. Weird. Then they're like, oh, yeah, maybe we'll count. So nine to ten is like a, if you count the colonial. If you count the colonial child that no one claimed. Although I will say when I'm in a group of friends sometime and we go to a restaurant, they're like, how many?

So like recently this happened. I was with my friends and I was like, oh, we're seven or something. And they were like, and everyone's like, no, we're not. I was like, okay. Yeah. And I was wrong. I'm usually wrong. But usually I'm like confident about something.

It might be wrong, but I'm not like, oh, we have seven to eight people right now. You know? Never mind. I don't know why I stopped on this point this is like i don't either i also halfway through the first i feel like by the end of the day i'm gonna text you and be like i just did that like i just said i mean i do it all the time i just think nine to ten like having a range of nine to one person how many people you brought to this thing. I'm like, why is there a range? Maybe there's a debate over who showed up. Like who counts as a person? No, but like who showed up?

There's a debate? See, that's the thing. Any explanation, I'm not understanding. It should be clear cut. I know. I think the explanation is they forgot exactly how many. So they said nine to 10. And that's fine.

There's nothing wrong with it. I don't know why I called it out. There's something extremely wrong with it, according to Alexander. Okay, so I went with a rather large group of people around nine to ten on a very muddy Friday night. The lines for everything were extremely long, and we had to wait for at least 30 minutes, plus 15 more minutes, just to finally enter the haunted maze. The second our group walked in i kid you not there was six to seven inches of standing water and mud which made the experience way worse

which i'm like i feel like the word mud in this case is doing a lot of the heavy lifting because six to seven inches of standing water that is a different insane animal altogether that is a lot and was sounds very dangerous and i don't know okay i guess not but like that means like some crazy storm happened like crazy right yeah or a lot of water or something so i assume it's like a little bit of water and a lot of mud. Right. But I don't think they're six inches. That's a lot. That's. No.

Okay. Anyway. I think we can probably round down to like one or two. Yeah, maybe. Maybe they met between one and six inches, you know. But a lot of mud. Okay. We were more worried about how muddy we were getting rather than being scared by a stormtrooper,

which we saw not one Star Wars character in the entire maze. We probably saw at the most 10 actors who were incredibly unprofessional and decided to listen to people who said that we didn't scream and to go after us. Like, seriously? These guys were pretty bad at trying to scare us. No one in the group was scared, so I just screamed as loud as I could just to make the actors feel better from their horrid acting. Oh no! It's a

people pleaser. I don't think that's what this is. I think it's some jackass away. It's like, oh, I just screamed. It sounds very sarcastic and shitty, no? They call their acting horrid, so I don't think a people pleaser would use that word to describe someone's acting. It just feels like he's like, I just went along with it.

No? Or was he like, ooh, so scary. He's being sarcastically screaming. I assume. I don't know. I wasn't there. But they called them horrid so I think it's not very nice. It's probably not nice, no. It took us around 15 minutes to get through the maze

and we were all very disappointed with the maze. For $14, I would not spend the money again. Totally not worth the time and ended up leaving cold, half splattered in mud and upset. End of review. Oh, man. I don't know. I think. It's hard.

I feel like the onus always falls back on these actors because they're either not scary enough. They're too aggressive. But then some people are like, they barely even hit me with the chainsaw in the back of the head like they did last year. And I'm like, I don't know. This is why I don't go to these places because I'm like, if that's the gamut, I don't want any of that. No, it all sounds bad. I don't think any of it would be enjoyable for me. I don't want awkward attempts to scare me that don't work.

Yeah. I don't want to be scared. And I don't want to be touched. And I also don't want to be comforted. If I'm upset and scared, I don't necessarily want them to be like, it's just me, a costume. Because I'd be like, I know. I know that.

Look, this isn't my real face. I'm aware you're not a dead baby or whatever you're playing what sorry there's what there's one that's like they have a dead baby room yeah i know um but like i don't need to be yeah in the corn maze like you're walking in the maze welcome to the dead baby room? Hello? Sorry. I think that's what it said. When you read already? Yeah. No, one that was like in. Okay, I was going to say, did I somehow not pick up on the fact that you said those words together?

I think I just said it so casually because like in my mind. I don't want to know what's going on in your mind. We all knew about it already. Yeah, we all knew. Here we go. A staff member from the baby room attraction was beyond rude. Anyway. Was that one you already read?

No, I haven't read it. Oh, okay. Sorry. I approached the baby room. Phew. I was like, man, am I really just not paying attention? The baby tried to separate me from my party. Like, this is a real thing apparently uh

anyway so i'm glad to know you wouldn't be fooled by it i mean basically how this started here's the thing you would be i well i don't know okay that's why i don't want to part i don't want to find out you don't want to find out fair like i don't know um i don't know okay okay here is another one star review not very scary could have used more people throughout the house toward the end in the outside area where the corn maze was a guy comes rushing up to our grew crew and basically pushes us into a corner to a corner and hits me on the head with one of their chainsaws and busts in my forehead open. And when I talked to the people in the beginning,

they were very rude. Eventually, I got my $22 back, but I would definitely not recommend since they don't know what they're doing. Not anything worth $22 or an hour and a half drive. End of review. Yikes. Ouch. Yeah, they busted me. I see where you got that chainsaw in Yikes. Ouch. Yeah. They busted me.

I see where you got that chainsaw in the head reference earlier. Yeah, I guess so. I hadn't even gotten to it yet, but it was like still percolating up here. I was like, wow, that's very specific. I see now. Yeah. To bust a forehead open with a chainsaw seems like probably one of the first rules of getting hired at a place like this.

To do that. To do that to do that that oh that's probably how they got mixed up they never know they got mixed up how how are they supposed to know what what's being asked what's appropriate what's not yeah uh i've got one more this is of the chilliwack corn maze and pumpkin patch this is in Chilliwack British Columbia Canada and this is two star review titled we got lost very disappointed due to we got lost after dark we went in the maze around 6 p.m. when it was still very bright with no advice nor map I precisely asked when I paid what if I Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh no! At the end, the staff came after 9 p.m. Oh my God. I have six and 10 year old kids. Oh no. And the little ones were exhausted after nonstop walking the maze. And I will not come back to this maze unless they improve. I suggest you give a map before you get in and any sort of emergency signal if anything happens in the field.

I mean, honestly, yeah. Like, especially if you're bringing in small children I mean, honestly, yeah. Especially if you're bringing in small children who are tired and scared and want to go home and don't want to walk anymore. This is one of those things where, like you mentioned, we had talked about the kinds of people who go into those mirror mazes. You just don't go in those because you're going to get lost. Just don't do it. Chord mazes, I think think are different because i feel like they encourage you to get lost yeah that's part of it it's i guess so same with the mirror maze maze technically but like i feel like there's less damage to your nose if you walk into corn than a mirror but um but yeah you're like encouraged to get lost and just like

wander and hopefully find your way. Yeah. That's kind of the, the, the allure of it. You know, it's a maze. Like you're supposed to be getting a little bit lost. Yeah. It sucks when you go in, especially, yeah, with kids. So I'm like an hour, if they're like, if they assure you, if there's no other way,

there's no map, there's no like guidelines, there's no thing you can. Yeah. Like that sucks, man. Yeah. What do you do? I don't know. I don't know. It sounds scary.

It happened to Blaze's family and Blaze busted. Oh, they're still there, right? Yeah. Yeah. Only Blaze got out. Sad day. No, but he, they were freaking out. They were lost, whatever.

Blaze had to like bust through the wall of the corn maze nice and then pull his brothers out jesus i know it was bad okay um okay so here's another review also from matt and jen three stars i'd give it two and a half stars if i could for half credit it looked, but I think the only scary time was when the chainsaw people chased you. The workers must have been burnt out for the season because they didn't even try to be scary, and it was around nine. We came in, so it was early in the night. They mostly talked to you and said weird things like, do you know how to make wine? What? As the guy was holding some fake grapes.

There really wasn't no jump scares. Maybe once the whole time through. Only reason I'm giving stars is for the props and work put into it. But not sure if it was worth the money. The props like the fake grapes? The grapes. They're like, here's your props. They were discounted at Michael's.

Like, what am I supposed to do with this? I don't know. Be creative. And hey, that's a pretty pretty good line do you know how to make wine that does not seem very creative i'm sorry i feel like in some world what are we gonna do i'll stick these in your eyeballs like oh like i don't know but choking hazard oh you got toddler? I stick this in your toddler's mouth. I have a choking hazard. Oh, gosh. Oh, Lord.

Yeah, quite the prop. Or they were real grapes, and they were hungry. They're like, ooh. They're probably on their lunch break, and they overstayed their lunch break, and they walked in, and he's popping a grape. He's supposed to be scared. He's like, let's make some wine. I don't know. Or they were just legit curious because they were maybe stuck in there.

Maybe they were trying to make some cooch in the corn maze. Okay, this is my favorite place. This is Cackleberry Farms with a K in Monroe, Michigan. Also sent in by Matt and Jen. in Monroe, Michigan. Also sent in by Matt and Jen. Annoying, power-happy security guards had us kicked out for throwing cernals of corn.

I'll say kernels, but C-E-R-N-A-L-S. Oh. For throwing kernels of corn we had picked off the ground, not the stalk, at our own friends. They said we could have killed someone with corn kernels. Also, they kicked one friend out for cutting through four feet of corn

just so he could get to a restroom. This place is a disaster, and they try to sap everything fun about a maze out of it. BTW, the corn was really short, just saying. Yeah, the most fun part of the maze is throwing things at people. Pelting stuff off the floor and also not doing the maze and actually just breaking through it because you have to pee. Sounds like they were being annoying. Yes.

Here is a response from owner, Cackleberry Farms. Throwing corn is not tolerated because we prefer to not have our guests injured if destruction of the maze was your idea of fun then no we did not appreciate that but it like four feet of a corn maze you can't just like fucking cut through it like that that's fucked up blaze did he did but it was an emergency that's what they all say that's what the story he tells now. But back then, he'd set to pee real bad. He was throwing cernels, of course.

Yeah, and he was running away from his brothers throwing cernels. If destruction of the maze was your idea of fun, then no, we did not appreciate that. But if you are willing to have fun in a family-friendly environment where everyone is welcomed

and you follow the simple rules same as everyone else, you are absolutely more than welcome to come back and we would love to have you we realize this is a very late response and we apologize for that farmer charlie and nana are beginning to get computer savvy this new year oh hell yeah hope to see you again for clean wholesome fun happy new year that was a sweet isn't that nice they're loved that. Sorry, we're finally now getting to all this. That's exactly, that kind of lovely energy is what I expect from Cackleberry Farms. Exactly.

Thank you. That was a good one. One star review of Ward's Orchard. I'll say that. In Ypsilanti. That's where the, they have a famous water tower there. Where? Oh, in Ypsilanti?

Someone, I think a listener, sent me a shirt that says Tower of Power or something. That's a band, but it has the Ypsilanti, Michigan. Like this water tower on it. And I wear it. It's a comfortable shirt. Oh, you own the shirt. I own it. I've worn it multiple times.

I have no idea where it came from so I'm sorry to whoever sent it in but now whenever I think of Ypsilanti I think of that. Oh, that's nice.

Or here it's Ypsilanti. Well, now you can think of this. I'm still here. Okay, by the way. What does that mean? Oh, in the maze? No, he's not lost in the maze. I know it sounds like that.

Oh, I got excited. Me too. I'm still here and I'm giving this review. The kids area is not bad, but no fish donuts. Oh, darn. Like what? No fish donuts? No fish donuts.

It's like that pork pork we talked about in roast pork pork in our September Patreon episode. Oh, see, it's happening again. I know. As I'm saying like, yeah, whoops, sorry. We keep referencing the- I swear that's not to get people to sign up. It's not a plug. We just don't remember what happened when.

No fish donuts, but that's not what bothered my family and I. No cinnamon donuts and no apple cinnamon donuts. I asked if they could make any now and we'll wait. They said, no, come on the weekend if you want fresh donuts shaking my head been to at least seven orchards never experienced this in my life and crazy part is barely anyone is here at the store i see why plain donuts were terrible i mean i think it's because people come on the weekend for the fresh donuts but uh so i figured out fish donut meant fresh donuts oh my gosh okay

i genuinely was like you've got to stop sir like this fish donut business is not going i don't want to be part of it i was so confused i thought why would that ever be and why would you start with that one and not the other two very normal ones i know that sounded delicious i know so it finally made a little bit of sense um and then i just want to end on this one uh because this one gets me good uh because i'm pretty sure like the original review is like a joke but it has a response one star i hate this place so much i will never ever be coming back one of the actors started barking at me and i am dog phobic my little baby boy started thinking that he was a real dog and he started petting the actor there was also no bathrooms there was also no bathrooms in the haunted house my little

honey bun just could not hold his pee he drank three mountain dews before entering the freak show he started crying and peeing all over the place. Overall, this place is a terrible experience. Okay, and now here's the response from owner. Fittingly, this location is called Deranged Haunt. We're glad to hear our actors were believable characters. We have portable restrooms available for use before or after entering the attraction.

However, your little baby boy wasn't the first to wet his drawers here. Happy Halloween. Woof woof. Oh, I absolutely love it. I guffawed. I was like, now that is the owner energy

we need. Man, you had some great owner responses today I feel like the owners of these rooms were like clapping back more than ever I love it especially because a lot of them I think are just like family operated and they're like yo what the fuck is wrong with you I was there I saw you brandishing a gun and screaming at a 16-year-old girl. And like, there's no corporate entity that's like making... That copy-paste, like, please email

Outback Steakhouse inquiries at, you know... Sure. I'm just thinking of like those copy-paste, like... The most corporate of corporate. We are so sad to hear of your experience.

No, yes. It's exactly what I was thinking about. I just had a reaction to the Outback Steakhouse of it all. It's the first thing that came to mind. Anyway. Time for your challenge. This is exciting.

So my challenge was from Mary. Find reviews where the reviewer says, what a time to be alive. I love it because I say this phrase pretty often. I find it hilarious. Probably not the people listening to me talk, but I think it's just such an all-encompassing. It has wide-reaching potential. Yeah, I feel like it can be really funny. It can be really cringe in the way that millennials can be.

I feel like it's very millennial. Maybe I'm wrong. Oh, really? Is that what? No, I don't know. In my head. no i that's not a thing that i've read i read like i just in my head because i often say it's like sarc either sarcastically or like yeah we do it's funny it's all right i wasn't trying to say anything negative i was just saying it like well there's potential i love these challenges where it's like a specific phrase. Yeah. Because when people use these phrases, I don't know, it's usually something goofy. Yeah, but they're all different, which is why I picked like quite an array because.

That's great. I feel like there's so many things people are like, what a time to be alive. And like they range. I mean, you'll see the range, but boy, howdy, there's a range. Okay. So this is from Megan. She, her, um, it's a four-star review of a pizza spot. And, uh, it says always consistently good pizza. I love their online ordering site. So I don't have to awkwardly talk to anyone on the phone. What a time to be alive.

I'm a low talker and I'm constantly being asked to repeat myself, so I consider online ordering a win-win for everyone involved. Not to mention the social anxiety that comes with that. I like how she's still going on about the online order getting a new paragraph instead of like the pizza. Not to mention the social anxiety that comes with asking for what you want. It's much easier to tell a website my penchant penchant. Penchant? My penchant for extra sauce. Did you really penchant it? Come on.

I don't know. I feel like that's something people say. Is that wrong? I've never heard of that in my life. I hope it is. Penchant. A penchant. I have a penchant.

I've only heard penchant. A penchant for extra sauce i have a penchant what is this a review of again a pizza place and you're saying penchant yeah in the foyer it's much easier to tell a website my penchant for extra sauce and a thick crust than to admit that to a human on the phone even if I am paying for it. My only complaint is that when I do request extra sauce on my pizza, parentheses, I like it saucy. Like toppings sliding around the pizza saucy. So like soupy is what I'm- Yeah, this sounds gross. I feel like you should clarify like I want it soupy level. Man, yeah. I feel like there's only so much you can sauce you can put on i feel like they really don't put much extra sauce at all i picture

the pizza maker reading my request giving a little snort maybe a roll of the eyes and tossing it into the pile of pizzas waiting to be moderately sauced or it could be that they are putting on a reasonable amount of extra sauce so as not to compromise the taste and structure of the pizza and are just looking out for my own best pizza interests. Either way, I'd like for my pizzas to be saucier. Other than that, great pizza and fast, reliable service. End of review. I love that. Stop looking out for me.

I know it's not good, but I want it. I know this is a crime against humanity what I'm doing. And a crime against myself. Yeah. That's funny though. I will I think the last time or like the most recent time

that I can think of saying What a time to be alone. What a time to was probably those Taco Bell ordering kiosks. What's that? Like inside of a Taco Bell

they have computers. You don't order at the counter anymore. I do that at McDonald's and oh my god it saves my life. I haven't been at the counter anymore. I do that at McDonald's and oh my god, it saves my life. I haven't been in one of those. Yeah, it really is nice. They have those in the US, in McDonald's? Last one I saw was in Europe.

Oh yeah, no, they're in I think every McDonald's. Really? Yeah, I mean at least every single one I've been to. That's funny, I didn't know that. In like two years and I've been on a lot of road trips. Yeah, because I haven't been in one in the US in years. Oh yeah. i mean even when even m and i were on tour in like 2019 we would always do this i didn't know they had those i don't think i've ever seen that oh yeah well taco bell has them so what a time to be alive and then i duncan uh the duncan that um i go to when i go to duncan

has one now i was just there two weeks ago and they did not. No, I just checked like, when was that? Within the past couple weeks, I went. Really? And I was on my way to therapy. Yeah, so it was like a week ago. I was on my way to therapy and I was running late. But the drive-thru had a line, so I was like, oh, I'll just run in.

But there was a line to use that kiosk. And I was like, what the fuck? There's a little kiosk thing now? So then I went through the drive-thru and I ended up getting to therapy on time. So it worked out. What a good solution to all that. What a time to be alive.

What a happy ending. What a time to be alive. Also, that's a Fall Out Boy song on the new album. Dunkin' Donuts ordering kiosks? No, but what a time to be alive and so I keep singing it along. Oh yeah, someone did reference that. In a comment, I think, on Patreon. And I screenshot it and sent it to Dee and was like, can you tell me what this means?

Because I posted the Patreon things and I posted the second one telling patrons what our new theme and stuff. I think someone commented like, oh, Christina, I see that. I see you in that Fall Out Boy thing. I'm like, what? Yeah, there's a... And so I sent a screenshot to Dee and she explained it to me. There's a line that's like, sometimes I wonder if we're ever looking back at a picture of 2019. And it's basically about like, what a time to be alive these last three years.

Four. Four years. three years four four years uh okay so here is a four-star review uh of a bakery by jim first came the donut, then the cronut, and now we have the mochi nut. What a time to be alive. Texture is king here. Mochi nuts consist of eight mochi balls that are connected and arranged in a ring shape, then fried so they're crispy on the outside while the inside remains soft and chewy with a bit of bounce. You can find a full menu online, but they only offer a handful of flavors that rotate daily, so come back often to try all the flavors. My favorite so far is the churros and black sesame. I have a soft spot for churros because the sugary spice reminds me of happier times at the state fairs and amusement parks. If I see it on the menu, I will always order it. The black sesame

has a deep roasted flavor that balances perfectly with the sweetness of the glaze keep in mind mochi nuts are not like traditional donuts so they won't knock you in the face with sweetness the flavors are delicate and balanced so you experience all the flavors and textures equally end of review wow what a time to be alive. I'm learning. See, I'm learning about things here. I know. Where is this located? I don't know, but I can find out. That's a shame. Yeah. Because I love mochi.

Honestly, like the thing with mochi though, in my opinion, is it's like, yeah, it's not like overly sweet, but it's very rich. Like it's very, and when I have mochi, I can't eat too much mochi. Yeah, they're small, but then like they're filling. They're a lot. So I feel like eight mochi balls made into a donut and deep fried that's a lot it's a lot i want to try because i love mochi and i love donuts so i think i would find it delicious i just don't know if i could handle wrong folks like i can eat i can put it away I just think eight of them would give me a tummy ache. Also, I love the like comparison between,

I kept that part in the flavors because it's like, the churros remind me of like state fairs. And then he's like the black sesame. The black sesame. It's so interesting. Has a deep balance of roasted flavor. I'm like, wow, what a twit. Like mochi flavors as a donut.

Run the gamut there. Huh. I'm intrigued. I'm in. I mean, I would love to try itit. Like mochi flavors as a donut. Run the gamut there. Huh. I'm intrigued. I'm in. I mean, I would love to try it. I like mochi. So basically, so far we have online ordering, what a time to be alive, agreed 110%. My life was changed when online ordering started.

Yeah. Another one is mochi nut. Mochi nut. Can agree with that. What a time to be alive. Let's see. So Megan and Andy sent this one in uh separately and it is from it's written by adam elite 2023 it is a three-star review of a gas station oh i kind of want to guess, you know? Oh, okay. Like, I'm trying to think of like advancements in pumping gas.

Okay. Maybe it was, maybe their state changed the laws that they have to pump their own gas now or something. No. Or they learned about how. But you're in the right, like. They added, this gas station finally added something where you don't have to let go, or you don't have to hold on to the gas pump to keep pumping it. No, it's nothing that... The gas station TV. Got it.

I knew you'd get there. Yeah. Three stars. Little sketch, not going to lie, but definitely convenient gas station located right near downtown. They even have TVs at the pumps. What a time to be alive. I'll be honest, I fucking hate those.

I was gonna say. They're the worst. This is the first time I'm hearing positive words about it. This was written in 2016, so I'm like, maybe it seemed like such a beacon of opportunity, but then I feel like they're just so, and they shout immediately.

The second you pick up the thing, it's like, today's news, TikTok trends, screaming. One of the buttons should generally mute the TV, but it's not marked unless someone with a Sharpie, which I've seen happen. No way. They point to it. And I think it's either it's on the right. So usually they are like four on each side. Yeah. it's on the right so usually they're like four on each side yeah um i think it's either the right side second from the bottom or second from the top so one of the two middle yeah and one of those

generally i think should mute it so there should be a button so hit buttons if you're annoyed i think it's just annoying but no i agree it's so loud and so alarming and usually i'm getting gas like either at night i'm like exhausted after like a long day. Or I feel like it was always when I was really not prepared to be shouted at. And the stories that they're talking about are usually those like same ones you'd find in the Snapchat like discovery page or whatever that are not actual news stories. They're not like relevant. They don't like. It's like weird clickbaity kind of like not actually interesting, but they like try to spin it.

Like sort of fun facts, but not. In a way, I don't know how to explain it. But that's what I get. That vibe of like Snapchat stories like by brands where you're like. Yeah, yes. Where you're like, I don't think I need to know. It's like the latest fall trends. Yeah, like I don't feel smarter.

Just ads for weird products. Or better after watching this. Okay. They even have TVs at the pumps. What a time to be alive. I've been inside a handful of times to get a bottle of water or something, and while the crew was friendly, it kind of has a middle-of-nowhere truck stop vibe.

You can buy individual Tallboys on ice because why not glad it's here in the crossroads area but not exactly the best gas station around end of review so that was uh about tvs at the gas station pumps which i'm not like i mean what a time to be alive i guess like what a weird time to be alive maybe yeah that That's more dystopian. Yes, it does. And I feel like maybe in 50 years we'll be like, LOL, remember when they would put TVs at the gas station? Yeah. I bet it's going to change and we're going to like laugh about that. Hopefully we don't have gas stations anymore.

I know. Wait, great point. Remember gas stations? Actually, yeah. Let me cut out 80% of those words. That'd be very unlikely. Back of my dirt. We could watch TV at the gas station.

What's a TV? What's a gas station? Oh, God. Okay, this is another one from Megan. It's of a place called Bury the Hatchet. Okay. It's an axe-throwing place. Nice.

Bobby says, four stars, What a time to be alive. If you ever had the urge to have some drinks and then throw some axes, Bury the Hatchet is the place for you. My girlfriend got her family and me a Groupon deal for the seven of us to go after I mentioned seeing the building across the street after leaving Forgotten Boardwalk. End of review.

I think there's probably more about the actual place. But yeah, so another. I guess it's fitting. Yeah, what a time to be alive. I've never been to one, so. We can drink and throw sharp weapons for fun. You could have already been doing that, but. Yeah, but not in like a corporate.

In a designated space for it. Not in like a technically safe and structured place, you know. Yeah. And not for like a bachelorette party or something which now i guess is possible um now this one is from you've done you've done it right excellent no no i've done rage room that's what you did probably that's what i was thinking which um what a time also time to be alive to be able to smash to bits like old ass electronics and stuff um okay from andy they them uh they

sent this in this is of a tiki bar in florida oh god i forgot about this one five stars great memories of finger banging and being young what a time to be alive oh wow what a time to be alive when you can get away with one thousand dollars and stay away from south beach on memorial day weekend and start to enjoy life with all the st brendan girls that couldn't get away because they were rich poor and now stuck in a life where they have to be whores to get on your boat what a life geez wow what the fuck i feel like i this wasn't meant for me you know what this review like it was oh no no i mean like it seems like a specific regional yeah i was gonna say it wasn't meant to leave the world i feel like this is like what a life for pedro yeah yeah like what does

this is very like reminiscing yeah like he's like wow my golden years yes and i'm like uh you can keep them keep them but also like with the specific references i was like okay what i mean is like it wasn't meant i don't even understand yeah whatever region this was posted in like finger banging and was like okay guess i'll read it out loud on our podcast that our dad listens to. So here's another from Andy, and this is of Yum Yum Donuts. Justine says, what a time to be alive. Do you have a guess as to what Yum Yum Donuts has to offer? It's not even necessarily like a product or like an offering on their part.

Is it the time of their 24 hours or something? Might be hard. A lot of donut places are 24 hours. What a time to be alive. So thankful for Uber Eats. My best friend and I have an inside joke where we call each other wifey because she

proposed to me one drunk night on 420. So now it's our anniversary and we celebrate it every year. where we call each other wifey because she proposed to me one drunk night on 420 so now it's our anniversary and we celebrate it every year sorry i'm just like maybe there's something more there i'm just saying wifey i don't know it's like oh haha it's a joke but it's a hilarious joke and the other friend's like every time you call it a joke no No, okay. I didn't want to make it sad. I was like, maybe they'll both see it and feel it. It'll be a beautiful romance. So now it's our anniversary and we celebrate it every year. This year, I couldn't be there to celebrate with her due to this whole quarantine situation.

This was written April of 2020. Oh no. So that morning, she tells me about how she woke up disappointed because she dreamt about a box of donuts. She knew it was a dream, so she tried to grab them before she woke up. Wait, what? She knew it was a dream? Like lucid dreaming. I don't know if you've heard of it.

I mean, I understand. I'm just kidding. What do you mean she tried to grab them before she woke up? Like to take them into the real world? Or to like eat them in the dream? I don't know. Maybe. Or either. Both. take them into the real world. Or to like eat them in the dream. I don't know. Or either.

Both. She knew it was a dream. So she tried to grab them before she woke up. But wasn't able to. I had the genius idea of finding a donut shop near her. That could deliver. I researched a few places. Called in.

And Yum Yum Donuts came through. They use Uber Eats as their delivery service. I've never used Uber Eats until now. Believe it or not. I set up an account, give the driver her gate code and instructions to leave it at her door since she was five minutes away from her house, and I anxiously wait for her to arrive at her box of donuts. It was seriously the most exciting thing ever. Literally could not have been more perfect. The best outcome. I could see a live view of the Uber driver's car on the way to the donut shop and then to her house. So thankful Yum Yum Donuts

literally made my best friend's dream come true. I just love like- That was amazing. How thrilling. It's so wholesome. To discover Uber Eats. Also what a time to both be alive and to discover Uber Eats. Also, what a time to both be alive and to discover Uber Eats.

April 2020. Wow. Like, that probably came in clutch for the next, yeah, couple years. Wow. So, what a time to discover it. You know, my first mask, like, set of masks that I got were from Postmates. Yes, that's right. Because there was a restaurant in LA where like.

They had add-ons. Had add-ons, including like, I got gloves as well because I wasn't sure if we'd need like. Yeah, well, nobody knew. We'd had no idea. So I got gloves and masks and I was like, okay, these masks really came in handy. I still have the gloves in my trunk just in case.

You never know. I just put them in there because like, I don't know. I might need them to change something. I don't know. The next one might be germ. Huh? The next one might be touch transmitted. True.

So here's another one from Andy. This is of Dominguez Family Enterprises. Five stars. Bye, Aaron. These are the best tortilla chips I have ever had in my entire life. It seriously makes me wonder why every other tortilla chip company is wasting their time making tortilla chips. We have reached the pinnacle of tortilla chips. What a great time to be alive.

Edit. October 14, 2016. The chili peño flavor is amazing. End of review. I need these. I believe it. Yeah, it sounds fucking great. Because like, no one's that, I don't know, it's such a specific thing that you've eaten a million tortilla chips. And to find the best. So if there's one that's going to actually blow you away, I need to try those. I want it so bad. I'm so hungry for it. Yeah, I think I'm just hungry in general. Maybe that's the problem. That's probably the problem. And then this is the last thing I have. It's from Gianna Sheher, and she signed it with, please, thanks, and I'm sorry. So that's how you

know we're in trouble here. It's a cruise critic form. And the title of the form is Shorts Permitted in Princess Dining Room. And the poster, Milk, wrote, are you permitted in the dining room wearing a neat pair of shorts? Now, what do you think happened in this form? Are you permitted to wear shorts in the dining room? On a cruise ship, obviously. On a cruise ship, yeah. On a cruise ship, yeah. And it's a what a time to be alive moment. Do they sell pants somewhere?

Like, is there a store? No. Is there, is it about the rules? Yes. I don't remember what the what a time to be alive is about, to be honest with you. I thought that's what you were asking about. It's in here somewhere. I'm sorry.

Oh, I see. Yeah, it's a separate thing. But what do you think the tone of this forum takes on? As someone asked an innocent question. Bat shit crazy. So aggressive. Unnecessarily aggressive. Like so aggressive, so unhinged.

So aggressive. Unnecessarily aggressive. Like so aggressive, so unhinged. Because they asked about being able to wear shorts in the dining room on a specific cruise? Yeah. Okay. So Miss P said, today, leaving from a U.S. port, people are into a more relaxed vacation mode, which doesn't include dressing up the way it was years ago. And then Sloop Sailor responded, and thankfully so. It's a vacation. more relaxed vacation mode, which doesn't include dressing up the way it was years ago. And then Sloop Sailor responded, and thankfully so.

It's a vacation, not a funeral. Wink face emoji. That comes back. Okay. Maybe I'll eat my words, but I'm on Sloop Sailor's side. I am as well. I'm nervous what's gonna happen though so then a different poster not even the op person uh wow z responded to that why a funeral you don't see many white tuxedos at funerals and um do people wear white tuxedos on cruise ships yes whoa and then sloop sailor said and i rarely saw white tuxedos on formal

nights in the prehistoric period okay how about this it's a vacation not a charity event better and then wow zero it's a wear what you like event my wife and i like to dress up you don't so we are both happy right i'm I'm like, well, obviously not. Yeah, no, you're not. I feel like you've made that clear. And also the first point was like a wink face. Like they were just, I don't know. Remember that.

Oh, I will never forget that wink face. Yep. I have no problem with people overdressing on a cruise as long as I'm not expected to. However, too many dress up aficionados don't see it as a wear-what-you-like event, as you put it, and pass judgment on those of us who ruin the ambiance for them. That's extremely rude.

BTW, my original comment was a joke. I even included a smiley face emoticon. Did you not catch that? Now Wowzie responds. Call them out. I agree. Agreed. And now Wowzie wrote,

so they quoted people overdressing. Oh, no. So they're picking. There's a semantic. Just one specific part. They're only going to respond to that. I love it. Is this.

What a time to be alive. Indeed. So people overdressing. They quoted that. You are being judgmental. Why am I overdressing? I could just as easily say that you were underdressing, but chose not to. I underdress all the time I am at home, but it's nice to wear something different on holiday.

You know, I don't disagree with that. Okay. I know, but like. Who cares? This has already gone way too far for such an innocent start. Sloop Sailor says... Sloop Slayer. Sloop Slayer.

That's what the other person's going to change their name. No, you know when they give them little cool cruiser titles? Oh, yeah. It'll be Sloop Sailor. So then as a response, Sloop Sailor said, Chill, dude. I'm joking. After all, it's just a vacation, not a jury trial.

That caught me good. And then he said, as far as you underdressing at home, too much information, angel emoji. Face with a halo emoji. Now, Miss P stepped in. Okay. And said, and thankfully, it's a vacation, not a not a funeral. Responding to that. You might be surprised what people wear at funerals here in

Florida. Including the deceased. Wink emoji. Uh oh. And don't get anyone started on the bugs in Florida because last episode was absolutely wild with that shit. Jagman is going to have a lot to say someone say florida

christ um and so now this is the last wait but truly that's exactly what i would like florida was just inserted like for no reason there was no i guess it makes sense kind of but like i don't know he was like asking why there was a spider a spider in the mail and he's that one i'm talking about just now but oh oh this one yeah florida was also inserted here um but at least just as a fun little joke not like yeah not like you might die in your sleep or whatever the other guy said um so now this user responded two years ago this forum was pretty well dead with a lot of doom and gloom around covid and the demise of the cruise industry today Today, just like old times,

bickering about the dress code. What a time to be alive. Beautiful. I love it. And then they posted this. Oh, it's Pharrell. It's Pharrell wearing a shorts suit, which cracked me up.

That's so funny. And that was my favorite response because I'm like, they're like, wow, let's just all pause for a moment, set our differences aside. And appreciate that this can happen now. And appreciate that we're back at this and not COVID talk, which I'm sure must have been. And I will say like those jokes that Sloop Sailor kept putting, I feel was like they were really trying their darndest to like ease the tension.

Laugh it off. And just like. To lighten the mood. Invite the other person to just. Totally. To laugh it off. And just like- To lighten the mood. Invite the other person to just- Totally. Have a chuckle. To play along and be just- Yeah.

And not be offended. Yeah. And it just got worse. So then this is the final response. It's from Sloopsailor, who's responding to the comment about what people wear at funerals in Florida, including the deceased wink emoji. I almost used at a wedding, but remembered the wedding in Arizona I attended last month.

The groom and groomsmen wore red tennis shoes, black jeans, a black t-shirt with red tie printed on them, all finished off with a beer holster and open beer bottle on their belts. Some people... Here's a photo. Oh, wow. Beer holster. Interesting.

Some people wore shorts, and one very exuberant young lady wore a dress that appeared to be spray painted on it was an entertaining wedding even to the point that bride's mother drunkenly insulted the groom's mother which left the groom fighting mad and the bride in tears and everyone else very uncomfortable the really sad part of this is that the groom was my nephew who was raised much differently than how we raised our kids. BTW, I wore a sports coat, dark slacks, white shirt, and tie. I was the one overdressed for that event. LOL.

End of review. So that got weird and felt like he was getting a lot more judgmental than before. Yeah. Like, he just really. But was also, no, was stepping stepping was showing the other person hey i can step in your shoes i'm don't worry we're we're the same yeah i can also overdress at an event and judge other people even though that's what i was complaining about happens on cruises yeah he's like sometimes i overdress just like you yeah and then complain about the people who aren't

overdressed yeah and then post pictures of them on the internet to pass judgment you know it's full circle beautiful beautiful world of cruises what a time to be alive what a time to be alive we get a glimpse into the world of cruise cool cruisers oh exciting i feel so blessed about that yeah me too yeah so anyway thank you for listening to our program today. Thank you so much. We appreciate your patronage. We appreciate your support. We appreciate your listens and downloads.

If you have a moment to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, that would be delightful. If you are able to attend our Nashville or Pittsburgh shows, tickets are moving pretty steadily. Less than a month away from when this episode comes out. So get on it. And we love you very much. Can't wait to see you there. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye.