Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 255: Reviews of Pet Halloween Costumes

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

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My name's Christine. My name's Andy. We're covering pet costumes today. This is our first of a Halloween series. Yep, a series of three episodes in our Halloween special. We have a special guest star today. His name is Juniper. Hi, Juniper. he is a cat sitting

between us don't get excited what there's not actually a guest oh he how dare you say that right in his little pink ears he can't understand me look at his scary alien face where he pretends not to so he's an alien he is a creepy looking cat every day i go please look he's an alien. He is a creepy looking cat. Every day I go, please look, he's an alien. And he's like, I know he's an alien. I'm like, you're not looking. Alien. Ain't no better alien. Thank you for coming to our show. We are going to read costume reviews of pet costumes.

Oh, so relevant that he's here. I know. So I said. You did? I said. And that's why our special guest is Juniper. Oh, I don't think you said that. But yeah, pet costumes.

This was surprisingly boring to research. Sorry, I had the best time. I just felt like everyone was like, this is too small for my pet. Yeah, well, a lot of people... I thought, yep, that sounds boring. Wrote in reviews. And so I thrilled um because i barely had to do any research research nice um and as we were at a work meeting the other day we were at a coffee shop and they were having a doggy halloween costume contest coming up so i feel like i got a lot of good ideas uh juni what pat have your what like has geo been in the past anything so yeah anything

have you met me um yes he has been multiple things he used to always dress up as giovanni bernard the football player after whom he's named however that size medium n NFL dog jersey does not fit him anymore. So he's outgrown it. And one year he was Marty McFly. And M wore a whole costume and Gia wore a whole costume and they match. I think he was a reindeer, but that was Christmas time. Nice. Anyway. Nice. Anyway.

Good. He's very patient with me about costumes. And he actually likes the sweater because it's like a thunder vest. He loved his thunder vest. Yes, he did. Yeah, I want a thunder vest for myself. It's called a weighted blanket and I have many. I do have a weighted blanket.

Excellent. So yeah, you're right. Anyway. Anyway. I have many. I do have a weighted blanket. Excellent. So yeah, you're right. Anyway. Anyway. I have something. Great. This was sent in by Melissa Sheher, who sent in maybe my favorite pet costume I've seen. What?

It's California Costume Collection's Pet Holy Hound Dog Costumes, red slash white. It is a little like Pope costume. He's like a little Pope. So there's a picture of, I don't know, what is this? A Yorkie? I don't know. A little fluffy white dog in a Pope costume. That's hilarious.

And it's adorable. And it's really funny to me. But it's not so funny to this person. One star by Godly Woman. Oh, God. Here we go. zero design i really hate to look at this costume this is not good looking at all please respect the religion i am totally disagree with the idea of let the dog wearing this design where are you going from God's anger? Don't buy this costume. End of review. I like to imagine that she's saying, where are you going? No, don't you hide back there.

His anger is here coming for you. Don't hide from it. Are you getting the security escort that always takes me back to my car and tells me to leave this Michael's shopping center? How dare you? God is angry. so she's just upset because like it sounded like she's upset with the design like i thought she was gonna say it's not realistic yeah yeah well when they so zero design is an all cap so i thought maybe that's the company when they said zero design because they said hi hi enter zero design right but i don't see i didn't see that anywhere it's sold by costumeville so um i don't know costume california costumes collection is the name of the company i think she meant like zero stars yeah maybe for this design that's true here here is the description of it i should have read this earlier i guess

it says holy heavens this little pup is worth every amount of attention. Holy Hound comes with a printed miter headpiece and a printed costume with a detailed stole. This costume is part of our paparazzi collection. You know why I know what a stole is? No. And a miter? Because of fucking RuneScape. I know what a stole is.

Okay. Because I am a smart lady good job this is a review from emma it's of a halloween monster dog hoodie and it comes with a photograph i we can't probably share these but i wish i wish we could do we can probably share the pictures for the products no i know but like but share the pictures for the products. No, I know. But not the ones where the people share their pets. Okay. Well, if you want to find this one, look up Monster Dog Hoodie on Target's website and go to the one-star reviews because it is a delightful photograph of this dog.

And the review is one-star verified purchase called humiliating. One-star. This was humiliating for my dog to wear the dog does look humiliated this poor doggy i think he looks adorable well yeah don't get me wrong it's a cute doggy but that face does not look like uh a dog that's proud comfortable and proud and proud um their monster outfit it almost look like a dog that's comfortable and proud in their monster outfit. It almost looks like the dog has been caught dressing up in mom's closet. Wait, how did you know I liked this? Hey, wait a minute. You saw my Target wish list?

I thought that was private. I think he looks adorable like a little monster. Yes, that's the idea, I think. My next one is of Target thing. This was sent in by Emma, who sent in Halloween orange sunflower cat costume. Oh my God, I think I saw this one. From the Hide and Eek boutique. Yeah, we are sharing this definitely on Instagram.

It's so cute. I think that's the best. It's a little sunflower. That's such a good costume. Headband type looking thing. It's a little sunflower. That's such a good costume. Headband type looking thing. It's just around his little kitty head. And there's some small dogs in the pictures I saw that people posted because I went through the reviews and looked at photos. And it fit small dogs, fit cats.

It was so cute. What do you think? Junie would look so pretty in that. Pretty sunflower boy. He doesn't strike me as someone who would want that on his head, though. Pretty sunflower boy. He doesn't strike me as someone who would want that on his head, though. Pretty sunflower boy. I will say that was very common in these reviews, that they'd give one star and be like, my animal hated it. It's like, well, that's not the product's fault.

It's so weird. I velcroed this big heavy thing to their head and wrapped it around their neck, and for some reason they didn't like it. Or they gave five stars and were like, ha, ha, ha, my dog hated this my dog hated this and i'm like oh no i don't know which one's worse i mean as long as they take it off soon if they're not putting it on i don't know overall i feel like it's fairly harmless but yeah i don't know anyway here is a review and this fit a challenge from a while ago oh can you guess which one it is it is oh no i know exactly which i can tell she knows what it is it's written from the perspective of the pet isn't it yeah how did i know the cringiest type of review but weirdly endearing at the same time it's like you want to hate it but like part of you kind of melts your heart okay Okay, I don't know about any hearts being melted here, but that's a little much.

We'll see. Maybe. Hey, maybe someone. Maybe yours. We'll find out in a sec. Still icy. This is titled, My Mom Thinks She's Clever. Oh, no.

Five stars. My mom bought me this, and I'm super embarrassed. I walked around the house while the dog gawked at me i also can't get it off which my mom loves oh whoever made this thing has a sick sense of humor i'm sure my mom will be buying more for my sisters she wants a group picture of all of us oh lord if only the cat actually understood any of that i know but and then we'd probably be less stressed about whatever's on it which one is that oh the sunflower one listen i feel like this is exactly

what that cat was thinking yeah i can't get this thing off my mom has lost her damn mind yeah the dog is delighted it is a very cute photo of this cat though let me find it because uh i found it to be quite adorable that cat look at his eyebrows are going down judy he looks like you we got some orange so it fits the sunflower like the color of the flower like no cat is gonna look happy wearing a sunflower on its head that makes it somehow the cat that they got to pose for the product that's true so like that's true cute that i just found a picture of a white cat like juniper looks like and does not look happy just about as evil they're so funny i i find this shit so fucking funny but look at this little puppy there's a little like you know are like are like they're getting attention so the attention they love it they love this stuff

i can't stop looking at these photos y''all, I highly recommend just even if you just need something to do or a nice little perk up, just go through pet photo, pet costume photos. We'll post some, at least the product stuff on Instagram. Yeah. But. The one with the, we're going to post, go to Beach Too Sandy Instagram. We're going to post the one with the cat and the sunflower. It's very adorable. Remember when I said beachtosandy.com slash Instagram?

No, you said instagram.com slash beachtosandy. I said, that's what I meant. Sorry. Yeah. That's what I meant to say. All I've eaten today was a Waffle House hash brown. Okay. That is like 4,000 calories.

It was not. That thing was tiny. Anyway, when i said that people online were like well i go there so thanks sandy yeah i mean i do i just know you don't because you're like young and oh yeah i do oh you do on my desktop sometimes oh yeah i do that all the time so do i it's easier that way yeah it and especially like someone mentioned if you're like running multiple accounts like we are mentioned if you're, like, running multiple accounts, like we are. Someone mentioned. All right, everyone.

Someone did. Relax. Everyone's defending Xandy. It's about time. I've been oppressed my whole life. I know. Have you seen? My skin color?

My skin color, my sexual orientation, and, yeah, everything about my privileged life. I have seen it, and I just wish, you know, like it's fine for you to be who you are. I just wish you wouldn't put it, like put it in my face, rub it in one's face. You know what I mean? Like keep it to yourself. Yeah, yeah.

Nobody needs to know. Okay. That's true. Cause then they'll think, nevermind. I'm not going to say anything. Continue. This is from Emily Sheher. It is called Dog Costume Cowboy Rider Style. this is from emily she her it is um called dog costume cowboy rider style um

cowboy rider style i love it it's so stupid it's exactly what i pictured we'll put this one on too and this dog is so happy too it's exactly uh it's a little weird little cowboy guy uh looks like they're doing a rodeo on the back of the dog right like it's like a little vest yeah okay this is a one star review by amanda verified purchase called poor quality interesting start it says i have no words then it goes on i have no words please don't spend your money on this the cowboy part does not stand up on this like shown in the picture. Looks like a dead cowboy hanging off of my dog. That's a review. Yikes.

I love it. It does. I mean, I can see how that would get floppy. I imagine if the dog was too small for the vest, it would just kind of like tip over. Yeah, yeah. But then I would just want to add that there was another one star view right afterward that said this is such an ugly face on the cowboy one star oh it i mean but like also you can see that before you buy it so it is very obviously ugly it's really unpleasant like it's an it's a it's a tough thing to look he's like

grimacing and his eyes are closed and um he looks troubling troubling constipated i don't know okay it's just like a very alarming uh grimace he's making so i but i just don't understand why you would purchase it and then find out um anyway but imagine a dead ugly cowboy hanging off your dog can you picture it I can. I actually have already done that before. Great. Yeah. Yeah. I'll get that ugly cowboy yet. Yeehaw. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't.

Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Here is a review sent in by Jess, they, them, who sent in a review of a reptile costume cowboy slash cowgirl bearded dragon costume, bearded dragon costume, cowboy costume, reptile lizard costume clothes clothing on etsy and it's literally a mini cowboy hat with like a an elastic band and a bandana for your bearded dragon you can get it in brown black white or red and the uh and then the bandana can be in black, orange, blue, red, pink, yellow. In paisley. Rainbow pride, camo, or denim. Oh, my God. These are some kick-ass bearded dragons.

They're some bearded dragons with some awesome little cowboy hats. Wow. Crushing it. Anyway, here is a five-star review. God, just imagine that little guy baking in the sun in his little heat lamp with his little shaded hat on. I love this. Here's a five-star

review. Bought this for my chihuahua, so it didn't really fit him. It was pretty tight. But that makes sense, since it is for a lizard. I also don't recommend it for a kitten. They will freak out. Maybe someday I'll for a lizard. I also don't recommend it for a kitten. They will freak out.

Maybe someday I'll get a lizard so they can enjoy being a cowboy. Either way, it's super cute and made well. So I recommend it to anyone who has a lizard and nothing bigger. End of review. Oh, okay. And they just included a picture of their little cute like chihuahua

being just kind of, looks kind of sad. I don't think the chihuahua being just kind of looks kind of sad i don't think this chihuahua is an actual statue but like the photo looks sad as if he could wear yeah i i don't understand there's i feel like it's really niche to find a bearded dragon specific costume yeah so it's a little odd to me that you would for your dog i agree your small dog who's like the target audience for a pet costume. Yeah, presumably there are so many Chihuahua costumes. Especially if a little hat. Because Chihuahuas are the ones known for being super chill.

Just kidding. Well. They can be. Some of them certainly are. They're known for being small and easy to wrangle. Yeah, that's true. So I feel like it would be even harder to find a bearded dragon costume than a chihuahua costume. But, you know, what do I know?

I mean, I like the idea that this person walks into a pet store and is like, I'd like a lizard, please. And they were like, okay. Well, I guess they don't really do this for reptiles. Maybe they should. But, you know, when you go adopt a dog or cat and they're like, okay, like, do you have a backyard? How many kids are in the house? They ask you all these questions.

Asking all the questions. Yeah. And they're like, so, like, can you tell us why you want a lizard? And she's like, well, I have a small hat. It does not fit my chihuahua, but I'm hoping I can get a little model because I paid a cool $10.99 for this. True. Is that actually how much it was?

Did you see that? Yeah. Not too bad for such fashion. I feel like that is a perfectly understandable reason to get a bearded dragon. Oh, it's $12.99 if you get the combo. Oh, that's okay. Just the hat is $10.99.

Okay. Well, she also kept saying a lizard, and I'm like, I know it said lizard in the thing i don't know where she she got lost but it's okay well it's in a bearded dragon a lizard is it not i don't even start this we've are you serious is this a thing i have no idea no but i just feel like people are gonna be not happy if we try to make say the wrong thing oh my god i was like have you you acted like you have experience no the problem is i have experience with um they are a lizard okay so i i don't think but a gecko is not a lizard

i don't know oh okay wait is that what i'm saying is a chihuahua lizard i'm so confused geckos are lizard what is your what is wait wait you have something is there something going on with you and lizards i think i'm having a mental breakdown i thought i thought lizards were like a very specific type of animal i guess i'm wrong i mean they're not not a specific type of animal what's a skink you know what i'm gonna say this without looking. I think it's a lizard. Skinks are lizard. What? Okay.

Lizard. Skinks are lizard. Skinks are lizard. I mean, they're all reptiles. But like lizards have, there are over 7,000 species of lizard. There are over 7,000 species of lizard. But it excludes snakes and amphibania? Amphibians? Are you dyslexic all of a sudden?

No. Those are worm lizards. Gross. But they're not actually lizards. They're worm lizards. I just always feel like reptile people are setting traps for me and I'm going to fall in them. But I think that's a me problem. Chameleons are lizards.

Okay. So I've clearly... Komodo dragons. You're a lizard. Komodo dragons are lizards. No. Okay. So I misread the room. Okay.

I thought lizard people... You misread this room? Yeah. Oh my God. There's a panel of lizard experts in the corner. I didn't even notice them until now. They're all holding up a big red F because I failed. I thought...

They're pointing at you, but for the record, everybody. Oh, I think it's very clear. The big F is they're pointing at her, not their... Oh yeah, confirmed? Not me? Thank you. Okay, cool. Just making sure.

But that pillow is a frog and it is an amphibian. Cool. I think. I like... Listen. Yeah, I don't think frogs are lizards if that's where you're going with this i've been friends with some reptile people and they get very intense about like lizard people maybe that's why they're like i don't think you should say that

if that's true like we don't actually use the l word nowadays we say reptile word is that what that show was about i never watched it someone someone was like that's not for you and i'm like huh i wonder why one of the lizards just held up an f and pointed at you now you're failing okay what the wait they're lizards too i thought they were a panel of lizard experts what is happening no i said the panel of lizard experts. I thought you said they were all lizards. It all comes out. These are the lizard people, you know. I was picturing the Geico gecko the whole time.

And you were picturing a real person. Wow. Is it my turn? Yeah, I think so. Okay. This is a review of, oh, this is also from Emily, and it's a review of, oh boy, furry giant simulation spider cosplay for dogs.

Oh. Oh, shit. That's terrifying. It's terrifying. It is a spider costume for dogs. This one looks noticeably less happy than the other dogs we've looked at. He looks a little bit upset.

And Dawn wrote a one-star review verified purchase. The title is Order Alarge for Our Pug, and it wasn't as big as I thought it should be. Here's the review. It looks like the spider is attacking him. Not what I thought. Sad. End of review. I mean, just...

But, okay, to be fair, in the promotional image, it looks like that as well. I know, I know. Like you get what you pay for. Exactly. And a lot of people said the spider was way smaller than I thought. So now it looks like my dog just has a spider on its back. Oh, so they're trying to find the balance between dog has spider on back and dog is big spider by a spider oh and in the middle of that is dog is spider oh i understand wait what was this complaint oh that the dog dog's

being attacked by the spider yeah because it's too small oh that's because it's too small so it looks like the dog is not the spider but like the dog is being attacked by a spider a smaller spider i don't understand though like in what world would this look like? A dog is an actual, but I understand it's a costume, but I feel like you're never going to get to that point where you're, someone's going to look at that and be like, wow,

I thought that dog was a spider. Like, I guess maybe the spider legs are as long as the ground. So it's like, kind of looks like it's walking like a spider. That dog looks like it's being attacked by a spider. Its claws are out. It's ready to fight.

It's like, please get this thing off of me. Yeah, it's not happy. And there were a lot of those reviews. And I just don't really love a giant spider costume no matter what. Oh, you know what? I have a solution. What? You put a little hat on the spider.

Whoa, the bearded dragon hat. Now he is a cowboy spider and he is riding the dog. Not attacking. True. It's a rodeo. Okay. But what if you put a little cowboy, a scary looking cowboy, ugly cowboy on the spider?

Just an idea. It depends because if he's hanging off and he looks dead, then it looks like the spider has caught him in his web. You're right. You're right. Huh. What if you put the cowboy on a different dog of yours or a cat and then the spider on the other dog and then you give the cowboy and the other dog a lasso and then they chase

each other around? It looks like a spider rodeo okay i'm just gonna say okay to that one that one's okay i'm so glad we finally figured it out yeah i don't know about what we figured out but that's okay my next one is of uh theoko Funny Dog Cat Shark Costumes Pet Halloween Christmas Blue. And it's a little shark costume for this dog. Is that a little corgi baby? But that's the thing is the picture is actually of a stuffed dog. It's not an actual dog. Wait a minute.

And that came up in reviews because people were like, yeah, it only fits. What the heck is this photo? What is that one? It's like a top down of a, is that a gray shark? Oh, there's a picture of an actual dong in it. What is the other thing? What do you mean? Like, what is that?

That's from behind. It's the same costume. It's like, that's the head. See? I thought it was a stuffed manatee. I mean, yeah, it's weird. But anyway, here's a five-star review of this shark dog costume. Five stars.

I bought this small hat for my manatee, but I know it's really for lizards. You know what I bought for my manatee? It's this cool game with touchscreen where you have to shoot the manatee across the land. It's been a long time since we've discussed this. We are feeling sentimental today. We went to Waffle House this morning to celebrate our sister's birthday and we were there with our step-grandma and our step-uncle and our step-dad and our sister and our mom and it felt like the olden days.

And my niece. And Leona. Your daughter. Just saying. It felt sort of like the olden days. And I think we've kind of reverted. You're welcome, everybody. I feel like everyone's like, you don't sound any different than usual.

Okay, go ahead. Yeah, that whole lizard bit was from our childhood. That lizard panel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Classic. Classic. It was from our childhood. That lizard panel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Classic. Classic. It was the time when.

I was in that. I fell down. There was like. So stop laughing. We were in Western New York. And I like. Stop laughing. What's so funny?

Where our stepdad's from. I was walking by the railroad tracks. And then. This part's all true so far. Like so far this is true. And then. Whatever he's about to say is not true. But the rest of it is.

And then there's like. I was just walking. And then I fell in this deep hole. That's right. And it was hundreds of lizards. Yeah. Hundreds of lizards. And then by the time I came out.

Like three hours later. Because no one knew where I was. When I was rescued. Like I had made friends with all the lizards we'd been talking for hours i was six years later we drove i only spoke lizard for the next like that's right six years we drove back and picked him up from the um institution uh six years later and all the lizards were dead he's only now starting to really recover. Here's a five-star review of the funny dog cat shark costume. We did play on railroad tracks quite a lot, though. Yeah, don't do that.

It's probably not safe. Do not do that. It's not good. Do not do photography there either. Those trains will come. They're fast. Trains can move pretty fast. They feel like they're fast, and then they're coming at you, and they're very fast.

We all saw the movie, that one movie that coming of age story with the train there's so many movies don't fucking play on tracks railroad tracks here we go five stars i never saw that movie what movie that one movie driver's ed movie there's a driver's ed movie with a train a driver's ed movie oh you mean like one you'd watch in driver's ed? Yes. I see. A VHS tape? Yeah. I thought that's what you meant we all watched. No. Stand by me.

I've never seen that. There's like a scary train scene. Anyway, five stars. I'm blown away by this little shark costume. Fit? I used the sizing chart and a tape measure, and the medium I ordered for my Chihuahua fits absolutely perfectly. Quality. This little costume is more like a coat. It is lined on the inside with super soft and thick fleece.

Three snaps up the belly in my always cold, short-haired Chihuahua is super cozy. It appears to be as well-made as any of her sweaters, and definitely a notch above your typical dog costume. So scary. The hood slash shark's mouth stays over her head, but not in her face, and the fins stick out the way you would want them to. I do need to point out that the tail is incorrect, however. It's horizontal, like a whale.

It should be vertical, but we are happy anyway. It's a whale shark. It's a whale shark. Exactly. What's their tail look like? It doesn't matter. It stays over her head, but not in her face,

and the fins stick out the way you would want them to. I do need to point out that the tail is incorrect, however. It's horizontal, like a whale. It should be vertical, but we are happy anyway. Buy this costume. end of review that's

cute did you think i reread it yeah i did not oh i was like wow he's really rewinding yeah you like i could tell you paused when i was like you're like huh i've heard this one before that's odd okay um i gotta say it just repeated for some reason i feel like that's the key that you uh find something comfy cozy for your pet well i would hope that's the key, that you find something comfy, cozy for your pet. Well, I would hope that's the key. I would hope that's what you do. Well, but I'm sure most of these you tie them around their head and it's not like necessarily something.

But like a fleece, like a sweet little fleece for a chilly puppy. Yeah, that happens to have shark appendages. That happens to look like a shark. Yeah. That's the key. That's the key you heard here first. Hey, this is coming out well before Halloween, so figure it out, folks. You got it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's your turn. Okay. So now I have- A whale shark's tail is vertical, by the way. Oh, God. Why do you always have to tell me I'm wrong?

It wasn't what I was trying to do i was just trying to inform the masses this is a redemption from jess aka minumoto they them oh that was my other jess one i had from jess was that's the same jess oh okay great do you know minumoto yes this is like honestly i don't think i've laughed so hard in a very long time Um So Jess sent this and said like I think this is something for everyone

Like a sexy horse Costume Sorry I said too many words Pretend you didn't hear that Here's a review. I wish I could. Of Costumes for Horses, Pokemon's Pikachu. You want to see it?

Sorry, did you say the word sexy in here? No, not yet. You did, though. I said forget that I said that. It's like a very weird. That is so fucking weird. It's a Pokemon. It's Pikachu.

I see that it's supposed to be Pikachu, but it's like a weird- Let me read it. Skin tight horse suit. Okay, let me read the review. This is a redemption. Am I wrong? Five stars by Jamie. I am the customer that came to Barb with this idea.

Who's Barb? Is Barb that horse? Did I not tell you this is from sleazybarbhorsewear.com? Sleazybarb? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Juniper. How's it hurt? It's called sleazy.

No, Juniper ran because he heard the name sleazybarb. Like, sleazybarb, I heard what she does to horses. I'm out of here. Sleazy Barb. Like, Sleazy Barb. I heard what she does to horses. I'm out of here. Sleazybarbhorsewear.com. What the hell is that? Custom clothing for your special horse. Established in 2000 and made in the USA. So here's the review.

I'm the customer that came to Barb with this idea. They will make anything you have in mind, even if you ask for other Pokemon in a sleazy design. Why does it have to be sleazy? The word sleazy does not have to be anywhere near this. I cry laughing. Oh, my God. Like, if Barb wants to be sleazy that's fine.

I don't know. Sleazy horse costume seems weird. I was laughing so hard last night. Okay. Even if you ask for other Pokemon in a sleazy design Sky is the limit with them.

They made it in less than a week and shipped it out to me so fast in time for the event. What event? What event? I'm so nervous. I feel like we just uncovered something that I want to cover back up. They were amazing to work with.

It looks amazing and fit my 15.1 half Arab half QH like a glove. I ordered a size large. End of review. Okay. This is where I break. It did fit. It literally fit like a glove because it's like so skin tight. Skin tight glove.

Okay. What a bizarre. Exeter. I don't understand. This is where I shattered the illusion. Because of course. Please do. Immediately typed in sleazy horse. Okay don't understand. This is where I shattered the illusion. Because of course, the name immediately typed in sleazy horse, okay, on Google. And apparently, this thingy is called a sleazy. Oh, my God. And I don't think that Jess knew that because they

wrote like, okay, this is something, you know, like a sexy horse. And I'm reading it going, what the fuck is sleazy Pikachu on a horse? This is so inappropriate. Turns out sleazy is actually the word for that like nylon thing. Like a horse covering? Yeah, it's sort of like a- Is it specific to horses? Yes. I'm pretty sure it's called a, I mean, I don't know, horse people.

Now I've upset the lizard people and the horse people. Yeah, I see it now. Like I Googled it. Or maybe it's called a slicker or a sleazy yeah i see slicker slash sleazy slash slinky hood so the way that i gasped for one thing when they said i've asked for other pokemon in a sleazy design yeah i thought orion or something i thought like oh no now we've got a sexy snorlax horse, you know, at the event. But yeah, apparently they meant this thing is a sleazy.

Got it. So it's a little dose of reality for you. I'm looking at sleazybarbhorsewear.com. I mean, it's an excellent website. You know, these horses, I saw some pets that looked sad, these horses. But I don't know if I've ever seen a picture of an actual horse that looks happy. Granted, what a horse looks happy, a happy-looking horse is probably not like a happy-looking human. So I just probably don't know what it looks like.

But these horses in their dragon costumes and their zebra costumes. And the fact that it says... I like the Incredibles costume, but... The fact that it says full body sleazy with a horse wearing a zebra outfit. I was like, this is really the dark- Wow, they have all sorts of stuff. I was like, Blaze, I found the dark web. This is something. I thought I found the dark web. Should I buy a mystery grab bag tail bag?

What is that? What's a tail bag? I think it's to catch poop. Oh. That you can get a grab bag of it. Yeah. You think it'll fit you? Probably. I assume that's what you mean for yourself. I just received my order of mystery bag tailbags. I just wanted to say how fun it was to see what colors and designs I got. It was like opening a Christmas present. Way more fun than trying to pick for myself as I can never decide.

So true, though. Like how we're going to be opening more squishables. That's right. What a perfect segue. In a grab bag later. Yeah. Although grab poop bag sounds less delightful to me. I don't even know if that's what it is. I don't know, Christina.

Okay. It might just. Yeah, it might be, though. I'm just going to move on if that's okay. Sure. Away from the sleazy horses. Off to the Vellybring Halloween Pet Cape Costume Cat Vampire Cloak Cat Wizard Outfit Pet Witch Cosplay Apparel Halloween Pet Cloak Party Costumes for Small Medium Dogs Cat Supplies. I'm telling you, I know I've said it.

I'll shut her up by showing her a photo. It is so cute. It's like, I'm telling you. Oh i've said i'll shut her up by showing her a photo so cute like i'm telling you oh never mind i was just gonna say it's the more words they put them the less i'm less sure i look at the kitty it's so cute though yes the more word it's so wild these titles i thought like god is cute this This Photoshop is terrible. This is like the worst Photoshop I've ever seen, but it's so good. It's so funny. I mean, it's so fucking weird.

I love it though. I'm so into it. Okay. We're posting this too. Yeah. Here's a five-star review of it. Me and my cat love it. Look at her.

It didn't seem to bother her at all. And it's so funny. Fits her perfectly. Overall fits the description photos. End of review. Let me see. Just laughing at her, laughing at the cat. Okay, this cat looks like it's ready to claw your eyes out.

Perfect for a vampire- That's true. Like, cloak. She's like, it's so weird. It fits her personality. Yeah. She's standing over me while i sleep in this beautiful cape i'm so i love it i love it i love it i love it that's my last one

by the way okay um i have another sleazy horse costume uh-huh and it's of this american flag i sound like i said this american life it's it's of this american flag uh yeah what was that i don't know i sometimes i say did i was i telling you this that i put the emphasis on the wrong syllable sometimes and i say i say times i've heard you say that phrase christina yes tv show yeah but that's the thing is i don't say mac and cheese i feel like i've never heard you actually do that. Okay. Here's a five star review. Of Stars and Stripes Sleazy. Beautifully made. I went as the Statue of Liberty and my horse was a flag.

Just love the quality. End of review. What a very odd. I mean, listen. What would you do if you had a horse? I feel like there's so much crossover there. That combo makes the most sense. It makes perfect sense. What would you do if you had a horse? I feel like there's so much crossover there that that combo makes the most sense. It makes perfect sense.

What would you do if you had a horse? Well, I mean. I would. That's a very broad question. Not have a horse, probably, first. That's my step one. Sure. What would you do if you did and you had to put a Halloween?

I'd bring it to Foreverland Farm. Okay. What would you do? And give them lots of money to take care of it. Okay. What if you said, they said you need to wear a matching costume with your horse? Oh, okay. A partner look.

A partner look. That's what Germans say. Partner look. That is a German. I was like, yeah, that's normal. Partner look. Oh my god, you're putting me on the spot with this. Wow, let's see.

What would go well with a lighthouse? I'd be a lighthouse and they'd be the lighthouse keeper. Okay, got it. with a beard and everything excellent that's the dream or we'd just be two different lighthouses or you could put a horse costume on and be like who's who or the horse can have a human costume on who's who or i'd wear a horse costume the horse would wear a human costume and then everyone say we know who's who we know who's who there's no doubt about it there's no doubt that that horse is actually a human now alexander get in the stable and we're gonna lock the door and leave you outside because

you're at foreverland farm and you live here now oh no. He's sick. What you? This is why we should have failed out of improv and somehow didn't. Okay. This is a review. This was sent in by Emma. No one will ever know since that UCB closed, so the records are all gone. We were one of the final alumni. From Emma.

Such a cute chicken is what it's called. Five stars. Would recommend. Is this a horse costume again? Oh, no. it's called. Five stars. Would recommend. Is this a horse costume again? Oh, no, I'm sorry. This is a chicken costume. Okay. And I'll show you the photo.

Oh, by the way, Emma was like, I don't have any clue what size this dog wears or something like that, which is, um, will make sense in a moment. And you can tell me if you have any clue. Okay. Of what size this dog slash chicken wears? Yeah. Lou. Okay. Of what size this dog slash chicken wears? Yeah. I bought my dogs four of the hide and eek costumes and they were all, sorry, let me say that again. I bought my dogs four of the hide and eek costumes and they were all way too big, but this one fit good. I bought a large for my 36 pound dog. She's tall and thin. The tiger baby chicken leopard costumes were absolutely

gigantic on her. I'm returning them. I should have sized down, but this one fit. The feet were too No, it didn't. I love this brand. Also, the cape is very cute. I got both sizes. The L slash XL is huge, so I'm returning it. The small slash medium is perfect. Hope this helps someone. No, it didn't. It does not. It does not. I'm so confused. I'm more confused. Oh my gosh. And I think that's... That's cute. This dog dressed as a chicken.

That's cute. I kind of love it. Wait, can we talk about how you put little separate feet? Oh my god. Chicken feet. Chicken feet, but up the legs. You wrap them around their leg. That's hilarious. That's so funny. Anyway.

No, that's cute. Emma was like, I think I don't know what she said, but she said something like, I don't actually know what size the dog is. I mean, that was crazy. It's unclear. I was like, but that's the thing. I don't think it's the owner's fault. I certainly don't think it's the dog's fault.

Sizing is hard. Nobody said it was the dog's fault. I just making a joke i know that but it's just reading all these negative reviews i was like yeah the sizing seems so just out of left field every time i know the number of times i've taken a tape measure and tried to measure geo's tummy and then i'm like looking at the chart like i don't even that's why by the time I read that bearded dragon review and talking about their chihuahua I was like fairly unfazed I was like yep someone would buy this for their chihuahua but like I respected the fact that they gave it five stars and they said it was great quality and it was really good gift they just need now need a lizard for it now where do i get a lizard for this is what they thought now where does one get a lizard for that i don't know where one gets a lizard well you

already told me there's like 30 in here those are so you're telling me they're lizards i don't i think they're people maybe they're those lizard people you know i don't know i told you not to say the l word that's not even true. They're reptile people. Okay. I'm done, by the way. Are you done? Yep. That means it's time for my challenge.

Oh, boy. You gave me this. This is from August, though. Oh, that's right. Sort of. Let me explain. Yeah. August doesn't get full credit. No, August does, but I feel like August might be like, what?

I did never set this. You know what I mean? And I'm just attributing it to them. What August said was, why don't you find reviews where somebody buys a tarot deck and thinks it has bad vibes or something like that? I forget which one are we doing. So I turned that into two- I did not look at tarot decks, by the way. August, I'm so sorry. I expanded on that. And I, cause I, I thought that was a really good one. And then I thought, well, let's make it like more general. So I changed it to one episode.

He has to find reviews where someone claims something that haunted that they bought is not haunted. Like it was advertised to be. Yeah. So, okay. Let me, let me say it.

Yes. So today's is reviews where a reviewer complained that an item is haunted. Is haunted. And the next one, which will be two weeks from now. And it's not supposed to be. Is reviews where a reviewer complained that an item isn't haunted. And it's supposed to be. And it's.

So the opposite. Well, yes. That's. Yeah. So. Yeah. Anyway, August was like. I probably never said that.

Thank you, August. It inspired me. You were the inspiration. You're my muse. Searching our email. You say that all the time about August. I do. In searching our email, I did see, I think Megan had this idea to find haunted items.

And honestly, probably many other people, but that's the only one I saw. But yeah, this is an exciting one and it was fun so i have like four reviews now um i'm gonna start with uh something that was sent in by uh island deer uh she her who uh sent this in before this challenge was announced um and technically the item being reviewed isn't the thing that's haunted, but they do complain that an item is haunted within this review. That counts. So here we go. It's a five-star review.

And this is of Ray Tour bed sheet holder straps sheet stays keepers bed sheet holders fasteners. Fun fact, everybody. This is a number one bestseller in sheet fasteners. No. Yeah. 48,000 reviews. Isn't that insane? Yeah.

Big ups to the Ray Tour. Big ups to Ray Tour. Here we go. Five stars. Defeating the paranormal ghost causing my sheets to fly off my bed. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Let me tell you about the Raytour bed sheet holder straps.

These bad boys are like the Ghostbusters for your bed. I had a wild exorcism happening in my bed, and let me tell you, those sheets were flying off like they were possessed by some out-of-this-world being. It was like a supernatural dance party, but with sheets.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I got myself these sheet stays, keepers, fasteners, and let me tell you, they're like bedsheets seatbelts. No more wild dreams turning my bed into a haunted sheet tornado. These things are so sturdy, I wouldn't be surprised if they could hold down a flying saucer. Now, my bed is a safe haven.

A no-fly zone for rogue sheets. I sleep with confidence, knowing that even if my dreams take me to the moon and back, my sheets are staying put. The Raytor bed sheet holder straps have saved me from the supernatural bed sheet escapades, and for that I'm eternally grateful. Who knew that the key to a good night's sleep was

strapping down your sheets? 10 out of 10 would recommend for anyone battling paranormal bed linen activity. End of review. What? Okay, okay, okay It just kept going Yes Are they kidding?

Or are they serious? Do they actually think their bed is haunted? Yeah I do not think so Okay, okay I genuinely at first was like Oh, haha And then it kept going

And I was like, okay I think they just were playing into that Just because they thought it was funny Oh, I see I thought it was funny. Oh, I see. I thought it was. I assume they just move around a lot and their sheets just never stayed put. I was going to tell you something. And you know how I always bring up different Dr. Seuss stories?

I was not aware that was a thing you do. I did that the other day. You did do that the other day. I do it a lot. And so. What is it now? The star-bellied sneetches because think about it when you were describing that just now you were reading it to me you sounded like that guy who came to the island with the sneetches like my intonation yeah it sounded like you were selling me this thing to help me fix my paranormal sheets. And then you would turn around and say, actually, if you want your sheets to be haunted, you should buy these too.

You know what I mean? It's sort of like you could sell them either way. You could sell to the Star-Bellied Sneetches. Or the ones, Sneetches Without Stars. Yeah. Or the ones, Sneetches Without Stars. Yeah. What I'm saying is, I feel like you could target, this company could target this toward people who either wanted paranormal activity in their sheets or did not want it. But I don't think the fasteners are what made it haunted.

I know it like helped against the haunting. Yeah. But I feel like you could probably also spin it. Hey, look look if you if you intend to get haunted sheets get these two paranormal yeah like paranormal lovers everywhere have these fasteners man i you know what's what's shocking about this to me what is that you never went into marketing like hearing your ideas i just don't i'm i'm so shocked girl on tiktok who just like erases logos and is like here i'll fix it it does

comic sans i am uh pretty good at it that what marketing okay i thought you've been erasing logos okay I thought you've been erasing logos. I'll do that. Okay. Well, my next one is of Universal Smart Wi-Fi Ceiling Fan and Dimmer Remote Control Kit. Ceiling fan timing, speed, and dimmable LED light dimming remote control compatible with A-L-E-X-A, Google Assistant, and Smart Life app. Haunted fan. Intriguing. Two stars. This item is haunted.

Oh, no. I hooked it up to my ceiling fan in my room and set up the Wi-Fi, which... They spelled witch, W-I-T-C-H. I don't know. Maybe they are putting this energy out there. They sure are. And set up the Wi-Fi, which... I set up the Wi-Fi witch. That's your problem.

You bought a Wi-Fi witch. Why did you set up the Wi-Fi witch? What the hell do you think is going to happen if you set up a Wi-Fi witch? Anyway, I'm going to read it a fifth time. And set up the Wi-Fi, which was kind of confusing, to say the least. But now it randomly turns the light on and off and randomly turns the fan on and off. And also, it will also mess with the fan speed. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with my fan off and my light on.

Ew, that would scare the crap out of me. Like, even knowing that it's, like like just a glitch with the electronics i'd be like did somebody come in my room like it would really scare me we're not used to it and the lights just turn on even though there's a very clear thing that would change that is making this happen yeah but i mean i would still i would sleep in a different room i'd be like i don't want to wake up with that thing going like really fast stop using it it. Well, yeah. Try to get a return. Unplug it. Unplug the kitchen, which sorry, don't tell her I said that.

I'll wake up in the middle of the night with my fan off and my light on when I went to bed with the fan on and the light off. So if you want a haunted fan and light, buy this product. End of review. Some people might. Kind of do. Wow. Yeah. Have you heard of fan death?

I have heard of the urban legend. Oh, okay. I didn't think you would have. Yes, it's very popular in, I believe, South Korea. Mm-hmm. Blaze told me about it. Yeah. Did Blaze tell you about it?

No, I've known it for years. Oh, because we lived in Koreatown, and when he worked at the er he's like yeah there's a really a belief of that's pretty popular in korea about um you're not supposed to have a fan on while you sleep like yeah this fan is out to kill somebody i think that might be it yeah so anyway anyway here's a one-star review of haunted house horror ornament scary prop and decoration for halloween christmas christmas i guess it's an ornament but like it is christmas parties and events what kind of event would use this one where the sleazy horse it's like a cool like little haunted house ornament like don't get me wrong i just like horror ornaments. Horror ornaments is a rough one.

The name is literally, so it's in red, horror, and then in white, nements. Do you want me to erase it? So it looks like horror ornaments. Horror ornaments. It's horror nements. I love it. It needs, who's that? Michael Berryman.

Oh. That's all I'm giving you. Who's that? Michael Berryman. Oh. That's all I'm giving you. Michael, oh, and then after it says events, hyphen, Michael Berryman series, hyphen, by Horror-naments. Horror-naments needs some work.

Just because it's so hard to say out loud. Like, I look at it, I'm like, that's clever. Yeah. Saying it out loud is the tough part. Yeah, just don't read it. Oh, cool. Sorry, I'm just reading about Michael Berryman. Why are you?

You're so rude. You're like, I'm not going to tell you anything about him, but I'm going to sit here and turn my phone away and read about him. He was in like Wes Craven's classic, The Hills Have Eyes. He's like a, wow, very iconic horror actor. Anyway, here's a review of said horror ornament. One star. Michael Berryman's horror ornaments. One star.

This item is haunted AF. Oh, no. If you want to bring real spirits into your house, this is for you. End of review. What do you mean? What? He's infused them all with like a little ghost inside i don't know you don't know christina i guess i don't i mean i do though like i don't think that's anything i don't know why i'm getting so angry yeah that was a quite a vicious reaction there's

sorry michael there's a uh segment a bit on my brother my brother me where he does haunt justin does haunted doll watch oh and he reads an ebay description of the process i love that it's so good and i feel like nowadays they only do them out the live shows but like then during the live show people in the audience can like go buy it that's hilarious so they're always like oh somebody they ask like who bought it and somebody in the audience has bought it. Um, anyway, I just like reading the eBay,

uh, descriptions of haunted dolls. I'm like, it just makes me crazy mad. I'm like, stop being such a little, I almost said harlot. I have no idea what like your view on this is. You know what I mean? Like you seem to, you feel strongly about this, but I don't harlot. I have no idea what your view on this is.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. You're like, which way are we going? You feel strongly about this, but I don't know why. Because I'm angry. About what? Because I'm like, they're lying. There's no way.

There's thousands of haunted dolls that just... And then they're like, oh, this doll is haunted by Susan who died in a plane crash. And I'm like, says who? They're like, I found it at an antique store i'm like hmm who it's what's the word i'm trying to think it's not harlequin charlatan charlatan see you almost called him harlots well i call him a harlot i meant a sharp charlatan you're thinking of the horror. I can't stop thinking about the horror ornaments, but I meant charlatan.

Because stop trying to lie to people. I mean, yeah. I can't just put something on and be like, oh, this is a haunted pretzel. Buy it. Then I'll be in trouble. Who is going to get you in trouble?

I don't know. People would probably buy your haunted pretzels. Hey, you want to... Wait, let me get my trench coat. Hey, you want to buy a haunted pretzel? She's opening up a fake trench coat with haunted pretzels inside of her uh folds what about a honey pretzel um okay here's the thing though what what if and i'm very much giving them the benefit of the doubt when i don't need to um what if they truly what or like maybe a

different example just like separate from these charlatans what if someone truly believes this item is haunted when they sell it yeah well then give it to zach bagans zach bagans or greg and dana newkirk who collect haunted objects and they know how to take care of it why would i handle it does zach really know how to take i'm not zach i do i really want him owning many of my places who know how to properly profit off of it no handle it well and profit off of it no anyway like that's the thing is that's what they're gonna do anyway i'm not talking about zach baines okay okay i'm talking about people who know how to handle it and know how to take care of it or cleanse it or move it on or whatever yeah or dispose of it if it's like an

evil spirit i don't know got it i just like it irks me throw it up on ebay just like when harlots on ebay are trying to tell me in the this thing yeah it's just like and then and then that user will have like 40 dolls and be like they're all haunted and i happen to find them at the thrift store like you are taking advantage of people. Yeah, true. I stand by my harlot comment. Yeah, I don't think you shouldn't. I don't. Yeah.

My last one is of the Do-Ni. What? D-O-U-N-I. How the hell would you? Do-Ni? The Do-Ni white noise machine. Sleep sound machine with soothing sounds, timer, and memory function for sleeping and relaxation sleep therapy for kid adult nursery oh sorry that says nursey home office travel wood grain it's a nice little fancy looking sound machine here we go three stars

three stars are always like the most intriguing ones and maybe this is 798 people found this helpful i thought you were gonna say it was 798 dollars oh no my mistake 2000 my mistake how much is it really no idea it is 30 okay currently 20 off 798 people found this helpful yeah wow there are 9,000 total reviews. Whoa. I'm not going to read the title. I'm just going to go right into it, okay? Okay.

After a restless night, I was so thrilled to have the chance to take a nap this morning. Headphones in, eye mask on, snuggled up, excited to try my new sound machine. Knew exactly which setting I wanted to use. Fan option three. Grr and ready to be lulled into somnambular oblivion. Beautiful. First five minutes, I'm blissed out. I love this sound.

Fan option three is where it's at. I am teetering on the edge of slumber. Thoughts dissolving. Almost there. When it happens. When she happens. Can you hear me stop brain turns back on what can you hear me stop can you hear me can you hear me it continues way off in the background, the tiny woman's ghostly voice, every two seconds or so, asking if I can hear her. A voice from beyond.

Yes, I think, I can hear you. She asks again, and again, and again, and again, can you hear me? I am fully conscious now, uncomfortable and frightened by this voice of this inquisitory specter who is soliciting communication from beyond the veil. I wrenched the headphones out from their cozy cradles in my ears and implored my husband to listen for the haunted woman. He did not hear her. Can you hear me? Equals denied. I resumed listening and she immediately returned, asking with the consistent ethereal calm that one can only achieve postmortem when the soul has transcended to a new realm.

My hair stood alert, unable to settle back into the once pleasant shh that has now become my very own telltale heart beating under the floorboards. become my very own telltale heart beating under the floorboards. I could not continue, nor could I offer the spirit of this former woman who lives in the sound machine any sort of reckoning. I nervously scanned through other soundtracks, and while I found none of them as personally soothing as Fantrack 3, I was also too terrified to listen for more than a few moments, lest the soul of this restless ghostess haunt my ears again three out of five stars because fan track three is really good but also this product is haunted done end of

review it's kind of spooky huh wow wow that was that was something um i'm kind of i i got kind of creeped out. Is it the voice of a tiny woman or the tiny voice of a woman? I think it's a tiny woman in the sound machine, right? Is what they said? They were saying, yes. A tiny woman's voice. So I was like, is that the tiny woman?

I think they're saying, yeah, there's a ghost. Tiny ghost. I guess tiny because the sound machine is not too large. Small borrower ghost. But I don't really know how ghosts work. I feel like a ghost would be able to enter this item regardless of size. Do you think? And I don't think size matters to ghosts.

Nor should it to humans. Do you feel like maybe this was a case of parasol? Shit. You know, since you can't say the word and I won't know the word, I'm going to say no. It's a real thing. It's a science thing. Of like where you see voices. Or you see voices.

Hee hee. You. What was that hee hee for? What hee hee? I saw it. I saw the hee hee. I saw the hee hee-hee for? What hee-hee? I saw it. I saw the hee-hee. I saw the hee-hee. It's where humans recognize patterns and try to see like, or they try to recognize patterns. And so they'll see like a face in, you know, marble tile or something.

Maybe, because I feel like. Oh, they want to like hear a voice in sounds. White noise. Oh, they want to hear a voice in sounds. White noise. Sometimes you can create a sound of something that's not there. I feel like that's probably the case for a lot of those ghost things where they think they heard a ghost. And you're falling asleep. Those aren't actual words that you're hearing.

Hypnagogic state. Especially if it's the same voice over and over again. Or the same line over and over again. It's probably just the sound repeating over and over again. Oh like the same line over and over again it's probably just a sound repeating over and over again it's probably a loop yeah every few seconds and then it sounds like that even though i guess to other people it wouldn't yeah um so i thought that was interesting that is weird because we've had that before there was one review i read of a noise machine for a nurse or a baby's nursery they were like, I kept hearing a person talking. Yeah.

And people were like, I think that's just you falling asleep. And do you know what? There's hypnagogic and hypnopompic states. It's like when you're half asleep. Hypnopompic. And you can kind of hallucinate a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

I've had some weird moments lately. It's somewhat interesting, but also really annoying when you're about to fall asleep and like you snap out of your sleep. Yes. You're like, wait, I'm falling asleep. And then you're like, wait, why was I just thinking of that? Like you're half in that dream state. Yes. And you like snap out and you think, why was my brain doing that? Where was I a minute ago? Yeah.

It's weird. So last night. Brains are weird. Brains are so weird. One time I read a book about how brains are missing, like nobody understands how brains work. Not even the brain. Whoa. Dun, dun, dun.

No, there was, last night I was falling asleep and I was like, I'm going to, because I've been trying to astral project. I like did for a second. Is that who I saw? I said, I'm going to i'm gonna go visit sandy no i actually did in my head then i was like why is there a horse in a pikachu costume why is a sleazy horse in my bedroom no i was like i'm gonna go visit celine no and then i was like i'm gonna go visit m because m deserves like the the fright you know so it's like i'm gonna go visit m nobody else deserves this uh so but then as i was trying to master project it happened again i saw myself and i freaked out wow i saw myself wow so here's the thing i'd be freaked out if i saw you're making some noises over there. Or am I just falling asleep?

I can't tell. It's a hypnopumping state. Is that that noise machine you have? Can you imagine if your noise machine went, and you fell asleep to that? It's refrigerator number three. No, because the thing is that i'm really good at dissociating for my own body good job thank you my therapist always says let's fix that and i'm

like why okay because it makes me feel better you leave the body yeah see what i mean so i was laying there and i was like oh and i was reading how to astro project listening to a meditation i was like wait i can do that i do that all the time so the problem is my my legs my arms i can get them out of my body you're like a turtle in a shell my legs won't go out i think it's because i have restless legs you're floating like torso yes you're gonna show up to M as a floating torso? For those who don't know, M, her other co-host, has a thing about torsos, right? No, I do. Oh, you do. M has a thing about disembodied feet.

Oh, that's it. So I need to send my legs that way. I mix you two up. Which one hates which? I need to send my legs that way, and M can send their torso to me. Why am I talking about this? What a plan. Okay, break.

Good plan. Oh my God. So if any of you see a floating torso above your homes in the middle of the night. Because they say make an intention before you do it. So I'm like, what if my intention is to visit all the Beachy Sandy listeners in their sleep? We would probably lose a lot of listeners.

Somebody recently, oh, it was your girlfriend. She texted me and was like, I had a dream that you were lucid dreaming or something and said, like, this is the secret password. And then you didn't know. And she's like, Christine, I'm testing this dream. What is the secret password? I was like, I have no fucking idea. But honestly, I could have just forgotten that sounds like me too technically you could have forgotten do you remember what the secret word was it was probably like I don't know burrito I actually don't know oh that's pretty close it was a margarita oh it was I did know that yeah

I did know that. So, same cuisine. The category was things you could find at Jimmy Buffett's. That's right. Margaritaville. That's right. Okay. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thanks, everyone. Go buy tickets to our live shows.

They're coming up soon. Yeah, I forgot. Less than a month. I can't believe. I didn't mean to say it so sad. Yeah, what? Well, the reason I said it sad is because I forgot I was going to say it at the start of the episode.

Well, we only want the people who listen all the way through. That's not true. Anyone come. And bring your friends who don't know about our show. Even people who don't listen to us. We have heard people enjoy our show live, even if they don't know what the hell this show is about. Especially our family. Who are like, what is this thing that they do?

That's true. That's true. We do get a lot of people who don't listen to our podcast showing up to our live shows. And we have fun with it. Maybe Em will. Like, last time Em came to the DC show, we sold a lot of tickets when I said that. So maybe Em can take their torso and meet us at the. True.

True. Just the torso. Cast or project there. Just the torso. Just the torso. Nothing else. I'll tell the people at the front door, only let in this torso. Show a picture of Em's torso. Just the torso. Nothing else. I'll tell the people at the front door, only let in this torso. Show a picture

of Em's torso. Em's six feet tall, so it's pretty recognizable. Okay, can't wait. We'll see you and Em's torso in Pittsburgh and Nashville in November. Thanks for listening, and we'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog

production. Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.