Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 259: Glassdoor Reviews

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

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I feel about it. Yeah, it was pretty wild. I just like don't love Glassdoor because it reminds me of all the times I had to use Glassdoor. Yes, agreed. And I so you just said you don't like Glassdoor? I don't know. Okay, I'm glad you said that because I was like, I don't know if I should just come out and say that. But I agree. It's it is a bold statement. I know. Okay. I'm glad you said that because I was like, I don't know if I should just come out and say that. But I agree. It is a bold statement. So I'm glad you said it first. I know. I did because, especially because I wanted to be reading these reviews and getting the link to them.

But you have to have an account. Oh, yeah. So I had an account. But then it was like, sorry, you haven't updated anything in a while. You haven't, like, submitted anything in a while. You haven't like submitted anything in a while. So therefore you can't read these. You know who this reminds me of? Who?

Common Sense Media. Oh. They're like, you can look at three of them. You know, I'd rather pay that money though. Than fill out later. Than have to actually like fill out a thing about my past job experience. I did. It was probably not totally accurate yeah i did i kind

of winged it i was like does this count and then i logged into again today to just like look at them again and it was like like oh sorry you have to update about whether you're employed or not and what your job you're looking for but you never told us how many benefits you get i'm like so crazy zero benefits i don't know how much more to tell you. Leave me alone. Anyway, I understand. I appreciate what they're doing. I get it. And it's a necessary evil, right? Like, it's a good thing to be able to access people's salaries and understand, like, what. I think transparency around those things is very good.

But it's also, there are a lot of barriers to reading any of this transparent, quote unquote, transparent information. Man, it was a crazy it's like they require it you have to like it's like a troll under a bridge you have to give them something before they like let you through you know um and so sucks if you haven't had the job experience yet like what are you gonna do well then it lets you pick nope no job and then it says like well what are you looking for yeah yeah true there's no way around it no way around it you people on patreon wanted this so here we are i'm glad they did because there were some great ones wackadoos out there uh who i got like five okay um

i got six so you go ahead okay this one was from al luke so am i saying that right aka alex she they who suggested this topic actually on patreon sorry we just shit all over it for the last five minutes well now we know who to blame it's again it's reminds me of shitting on it as a topic i think it's a great topic. It's like the same with Common Sense Media. It's the best content. Content is beautiful. It's just a rough experience having to wade through those waters. From Alex

Shide, who suggested this topic. I'm sorry. You say wade through. All of my reviews are from emails because I tried wading through. Actually, no. I think I might have found one for myself. No, I didn't. You know what? They're all ones that people sent in via email. We got a lot of emails. So I didn't wading through. Actually, no. I think I might have found one for myself. No, I didn't. You know what? They're all ones that people sent in via email. We got a lot of emails.

So I didn't wade through shit because I tried and I hated it. I did wade through shit. Someone sent an email and one of the things it said, see more. So I couldn't read the full review. But that's what I mean.

So I had to go in and- That's what happened. That is what happened. So let's see. Alex said, was applying to this company. So this is why they actually submitted this topic to Patreon as part of the poll. Was applying to this company, then didn't finish the application after reading this review. Oh, interesting.

Like, it's like a personal. That one looks long. Yeah, it is. Holy. This is a job. I'm just saying because most of mine are like three words. Super short. I have a bunch of short ones also.

This one is called Development Associate Interview. And I do have the name of the company. I'm not going to say it. Just, you know, if you're going to work there, if you're going to work anywhere, just look them up on Glassdoor. If you see this, maybe be careful. This is an anonymous interview candidate who declined the offer, had a negative experience, and had an average interview, is what it says. This was a job application horror story. I applied, was invited to interview, and was ultimately offered the position.

was invited to interview, and was ultimately offered the position. Only at this point did I learn about an all-staff trip to Disney World, in which everyone would be sharing bathrooms and a kitchen in the same Airbnb, which is frankly weird. Apparently they do this three times a year. Up to this point, oh, by the way, they mention it later, but I'll just add it in now. This is also a non-profit. Oh, this is fascinating. I know. Up to this point, there had been no major red flags.

As soon as I expressed hesitation about traveling during the pandemic, the hiring manager completely changed tone. He was evidently not impressed by my desire to spend the holidays with older relatives, which would not have been possible had I traveled less than two weeks before Christmas. He asked a number of leading questions about where exactly these older relatives live. Sorry, I'm like, hello, pardon? That seems so inappropriate. He asked a number of leading questions about where exactly these older relatives live and when else I may be able to visit them, which was demeaning and unnecessary. He said he would consider my request to participate in the event virtually and would, can you imagine? I'd love to go to Disney World. Can I do it virtually? It's mandatory? Yeah, it's mandatory. That's wild. Three times a year. That's wild. I

mean, don't get me wrong. I was just at Disney World. But not with your entire office staff. That's none of my office staff, actually. Meaning me. I was. Yeah. Yeah. But like, man, even if I had, if it was mandatory to go three times a year with a bunch of co-workers and sharing an Airbnb and bathroom.

Oh. No, thank you. No. And then, like, I don't know if it's better or worse to participate virtually. Does that mean they just carry you around the park? What does that mean? Like on a phone, on a selfie stick?

He said he would consider my request to participate in this event virtually and would get back to me over the weekend. Red flag. After scheduling times to speak with my references before the weekend, he ghosted them. No response over the weekend and when i followed up on monday to try to figure out what was going on he said the job

offer had already been rescinded although evidently i would not have been notified had i not reached out directly that's like the dream like ghost situation like ghosting you're like i just won't respond and when they email me i'll just it's like oh no they've already ghosted me perfect we've ghosted me. Perfect. We've ghosted one another. My therapist and I always do this. I've always found a really healthy way to break up with my therapist. Disappear.

We ghost one another. Yes. It's mutual. Forget about traveling during the pandemic for a moment. The lack of professional ethics and basic decency here is alarming. The fact that this non-profit schedules a week-long all-staff retreat at Disney three times per year is financially extremely questionable. Well, but they're also sharing the bathroom. I don't know. No, this is shocking. I feel like this would be in an expose. This is like an HBO expose. Yeah, exactly. I mean, maybe I'm thinking too much of it, but it feels like a big deal.

I can understand one trip a year or something if it's part of your job description, but like three times a year mandatory. And you know that they all have to wear matching t-shirts with the company or the nonprofit information on it. Absolutely not. Oh my gosh. This experience of back and forth communications with the executive director was bizarre. This organization seems like a personal vanity project for him. Based on my experience, I think people who may require some sort of reasonable accommodations at work, such as not traveling during a pandemic, would absolutely not be welcome here.

A very weird experience. Maybe this place works for for some people but based on my interview experience i would strongly recommend that job applicants trust their gut and stay far away from this place if any of the above sounds slightly off end up for you that is one way to put it alex i'm glad you uh you know dipped on out of that yeah yeah didn't finish the application i will say though multiple jobs that i've had would have have been made a lot better if we had a trip to Disney every year. I mean, it's almost like some people probably read this and go, fuck yeah. Yeah.

You know, but I'm not. Three mandatory ones and it's a non-profit. No, no, no. That seems so strange. It's like one thing again, if you're like, oh, I'll participate just not during COVID and not when I have to see elderly relatives. Yeah, okay. Like that alone is just such a-

Like that aside is like, okay, come on. But yeah, the rest of it I can see why people might be like, oh, that sounds fun. It's probably not my thing. I mean, it's definitely a bunch of red flags. I'd rather travel to Disney with like my family or something. But listen, I don't know. But if the company's paying for it. If they're paying for it, that's fair.

That's fair. I wonder if the nonprofit has some sort of connection to Disney and they get like free tickets or something. I'm checking. I would hope so because otherwise it seems so bizarre. I don't know. While you check that, can I talk about something that I meant to talk about at the start of the episode?

If you must. Okay, because I was a guest on a podcast uh i'd been a guest before twisted and uncorked had such a blast that we did it again um do you know anything about galveston texas it's very haunted oh and it's on an island oh i didn't know that i don't think i might have known that and i just a lot of people are probably like how did you not know that. I don't think I knew. I might have known that and I just forgot. A lot of people are probably like, how did you not know that? But I was shocked. Anyway, we talked a lot about Galveston, Texas and maybe a lighthouse that happens to be there. Ooh.

And a lot of hauntings because there are a lot of – Galveston has quite the history in terms of disasters. Did you know that? You have you might have learned considering i didn't know like where it was i doubt that i know that but i mean m probably has told me it i was gonna say probably at some point we all know that doesn't mean much there's some crazy stuff happening down in calvacin texas and we talked about that on twisted and uncorked uh and i believe that's coming out uh a day after this uh releases so cool go check it out people i'll post on my i'll probably will share it on my instagram so yeah um did i do a good job stalling yeah thank you i just you know i don't know it looks like they have a lot

of lofty goals and maybe you're doing doing good work, but I can't really tell. It's one of those websites that's like a little vague. It's an MLM. No, but they do have a podcast. They have multiple podcasts. What? Yeah. Why are you being vague?

You don't want to say what the company is? I just don't know anything about this. And if they are really like doing good work, I'm not about to just like shit all over them. Well, I'm going to talk about Taco Mama. Oh. So this was sent in by Sasha, she, her, who did not send it in for this episode. Oh. So.

Oh, it's like an older one? Yes, it is an older one. It fit a challenge that I had in the past. So here we go. It's five star review of Taco Mama. Dope. Pros. Really cool.

And me likey. Cons. Nothing. Just my feet hurt. End of review. Oh my God. I knew. I. Oh my God. I was hoping you wouldn't find this. The me likey. Cons. Nothing. Just my feet hurt. Oh my God. I knew. I, oh my God.

I was hoping you wouldn't find this. The me likey? Yeah. Because in the subject it said review for me likey challenge for Sandy. Every time I Googled Glassdoor or search Glassdoor in our inbox. Yeah. Gross. I found it, Sasha.

Sorry, that sounded creepy. Sasha meant for me to find it. We're dragging our- Oh, I know where she is across the bars where are you uh sorry what bars the jail bar oh are you oh my god what are these terrible noises happening are you are you doing a bit from uh um what is it from it's not jail bars first of all um but they say uh come out to play uh fuck what it no it's it's like a fuck the warriors warriors come out to play and they're clinking bottles together nope not that i I'm thinking of dragging him across the bars. But then you were saying, Sasha. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Okay, it's never mind. Whatever. We're not on the same page here. Let's get on the same page where this episode ends for the people. Come on. What place was that they were reviewing? Taco Mama. Get on the same page.

Why do their feet hurt? I'm just trying to find the answers. I'm just trying to find the answers i'm just trying to find the answer why they me likey um well talk about mama i can understand why me likey maybe they just are on their feet a lot doing the work i guess so but at least me likey this is also from alex um and this one of alex and a lot of good ones so they're basically all from Alex once I have. But they suggested the topic. So this is a review on Glassdoor. It says, accepted the offer, positive experience, and easy interview.

Oh. Application. Oh, by the way, does everyone know what this is? Glassdoor is basically. Whoops. You probably gathered by the way we does everyone know what this is? Glassdoor is basically, you probably gathered by the way we talked about it for so long, but it's basically a website where you can rate and review your experience working for different employers. And then you can also go on and look for job

opportunities. You can read what kind of company would fit what you're looking for in a job. And so, you know know i also found it interesting that you can break it up into demographics to see like you can put in your own demographics to see how people who are similar to you um in certain ways like how they react to or how their experience was yeah um i mean that's particularly helpful for like issues with racism and sexism and homophobia, etc. But yeah, you can post your, you can like read other people's experiences. You can see how diverse a place of work is. And you can like look at, so like McDonald's, there are like tens of thousands of reviews, but you can look at specific branches, specific places to like see what the management is like there.

Okay. Well, that's good to know. So yeah, no, it's really, I think, a very useful resource. It's just frustrating. But do people only review when they're having a negative experience? That's my fear about it. I just feel like that's the place to go if you're pissed off about your boss or you got fired.

I feel like I saw a surprising number of five-star reviews. That's true. I guess if they're forcing you to put your information in to see other companies, then maybe they are getting a pretty fair amount of like truthful. That's a good point. Yeah. Okay. So this is for HSBC, the financial holding company, I believe. That's all I know.

Don't ask me what it stands for. Don't tell me to tell you what they do. It's financial holding. They hold it. I hold things all the time. You're literally not holding a single thing. Shit. And I am.

So you know what? I'm holding two. Okay, okay, okay. You're the holder of the company. I'm the shareholder. That's because I'm going to let you hold this. Oh, you're sharing. Now we're both shareholders.

I finally get it. That was so stupid. That was so good though. We're on the same page finally. Finally. That was so funny. Only took 259 episodes. Oh my god, that was so funny.

Here we go. The application process. I applied through an employee referral. The process only took one day. I interviewed at HSBC Holdings. About the interview. The interview process was very simple. My dad knew the vice CEO of HSBC, so therefore my interview process was fairly basic and simple.

The interview was very chill and relaxed, and I didn't feel any pressure at all because I knew I was going to get the job. So this is the kind of thing where you're like, looking for diversity in a company. You see this, you're like, nope, discard pile. And here it says sample interview questions. The first one being, how is your father and that's all that's in the screenshot okay that's actually hilarious that's so good this has to be a joke right that's so fun i hope it's a joke i mean it probably is it's so easy to joke like make fake fake ones, I think. I just love like, man, it was so chill. Like, I don't know.

I don't know what everyone's complaining about getting a job. Seems pretty easy to me. I just had to tell him about my dad's golf game. That's all it takes. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late,

do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Okay, my next one is of a McDonald's. This is a one-star review written by a line cook who has no pros. And here are the cons. One star. Oh, by the way, this was sent in by Olivia. Thank you, Olivia.

There are so many cons, I don't even know where to begin. You might get clean a toilet for minimum wage with a toothbrush after a fat kid just had explosive diarrhea. End of review. Ew! There are so many cons. You're talking about me? How can I pick? That was me in every toilet at McDonald's growing up.

What? I was that kid. With a toothbrush? No. The other one. Not the one cleaning it. I don't know which is worse. I was the one who was giving this person some work.

Yeah. Wow. That's really thoughtful of you. It's really thoughtful of you. But I did hear your dad knows the vice CEO. McDonald's, yeah. True. And he's like, when dad started working for him, he said, how's your son's diarrhea?

That was a sample interview question. What the fuck is the matter with you? Oh, boy. It's the poor McDonald's bathrooms, though. Because they are always where we would stop. Because you don't have to buy anything to go in there. Yeah. I actually do that now because I don't eat at McDonald's.

And I'm like, screw them. Yeah, screw those minimum wage employees who have to clean the toilet because i don't eat at mcdonald's and i'm like screw them yeah screw those minimum wage employees you have to clean the toilet i don't like to make a mess no your ibs is slightly more under control nowadays so it's not really the same is it though i'm just trying to make you sound better it's not okay um but no i prefer stopping at a pilot um or similar like a flying J. Make them do it. Yeah, I mean, someone's got to do it. This is also from Alex, of course. And it does not have the name of the company and it says anonymous employee, but it says current employee.

Title is amazing and it's five stars. Wow, so many positives. Pros, great place to work. I love it love it cons i have not been hired yet and that's hilarious okay that strikes me do they think they're gonna like get have better odds if they write this maybe i wonder if this is one of the they force you to write like a thing like And you're like, it's fine. It's awesome. I love it. And then they're like, and now what else do you have to say?

And you're like, well, I guess I don't really work there. Are you happy now, Glassdoor? I did write about my interview that I had with a company I worked for. I don't know how many years ago because I had to get access. And I wrote something that's like, it has to be at least 30 words. That pisses me off. Oh, I dragged to get access. And I wrote something and it's like, it has to be at least 30 words. That pisses me off. Oh, I dragged that thing out.

It made, it was not, there was no substance there. In conclusion, comma. Yeah, it was pretty, it was pretty good. But then they let me do it, so it worked. Oh man. My next one's also from Olivia of actually the same McDonald's. I think this is a McDonald's in Ithaca, New York. Oh, no.

This is from an associate, a current employee more than eight years. I'm going to read the title, then the pros and cons. Okay. One star, though. Got caught having sex in freezer. Pros. Managers don't give a shit. Cons.

Customers are so annoying. I love slow days. Advice to management. Keep up the good work. End of review. Don't change a damn thing. Don't do anything different. And I love that they're having sex in the freezer instead of that bathroom,

because you know what happens in that bathroom in the Ithaca McDonald's. No, after what they've seen, I don't think. That is the least sexy place on earth. I will say I saw a lot of things about people getting caught having sex in fast food restaurants. Really? Well, I think I was going to say, well, first I was going to say we've definitely read that one before before but maybe it was a different one but there was a challenge about people what was it was really long ago it was like reviews that mentioned mcdonald's reviews that mentioned sex oh yeah and i'm pretty sure that was one of the ones we read um like a million years ago was that exact one i thought so

but now i'm saying last door review yes but now i'm thinking it just happens a lot maybe it's just another one to add to the pile no i think it just happens a lot what i remember from that review was like pros or cons i got stuck or i got caught having sex in the freezer pros like nobody cared okay maybe it's similar yeah yeah it might have been the same one i don't know that was from 2014 so it could have been i think it might have been the same one. I don't know. That was from 2014, so it could have been. I think it might have been. It's honestly epic. It's hilariously epic. That's just sad. It's just sad.

But whatever. Whatever gets you through the day, right? Sure. You heard it here first, folks. Whatever it takes to get you through that job, do it. Just do it. It's just like public indecency you know i mean if they're in the freezer it's not that public it's not that public come on if

you get caught it's not public either it's just a one-man show a one-man audience one man wait one-man show and one-man audience hope not hopefully two two man show or two two person show that doesn't matter the combo and one ronald mcdonald oh combo combo number five yeah combo number five i'll take a combo number five lubega you got me it's cold in here but i'm so horny Lou Bega? You got me. It's cold in here. But I'm so horny. Oh, no.

I think we're on the same page now, but no, everyone else is off of it. Our page got ripped out and we got thrown in the trash and we're still on that page. Where we belong. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Here's another one from, this is the last one I have from Alex. Who sent like really a wild array of these.

This is a fast food review, fast food company. I'm not sure which one. Let's just say McDonald's. One star. Title is booty. And the reviewer is a current employee pros ice cream free food nice employees sweet customers good social skills cons people managers customers kids dogs nobody ever wanted to work end of review wait i feel like there's some overlap there also whose whose skills whose communications maybe their own skills maybe they're like i have really i'm really good at all this what's the pro me i'm the only pro at this mcdonald

i'm the only pro everyone else including dogs the dogs dogs alone. Leave the dogs out of it. People, managers, customers, kids. All people, but, you know, whatever. Dogs. Huh. Yeah. But the customers were the pro as well? Yes, and the employees also. Wow.

So it's really mixed messages. Hey, you know what? This sounds accurate. It's just every other day like you know you never know you're like wow they're both pros and cons depending on the day then the next day you're like wow what an asshole weirdly little chihuahua i think it makes lots of sense i do too my next one is from olivia this is of taco bell it looks like an eagle idaho what a cool name what about eagleton no less cool no here is uh it's titled taco hell that here we go one star pros there are zero good reasons to work here i can't think of one

positive thing to say about working for taco bell this is when they're like 30 words and they're like there are none nope Nope, keep going. You gotta say something. I cannot think of a single one. You gotta say something. Cons, there is literally nothing good that I can say about working for Taco Bell. It's a bunch of teenagers

and the adults that work there all do hardcore drugs. They overwork you and pay very poorly for how many hours you're there. You basically live there. Don't get a job here. Even McDonald's treats their employees so much better. Advice to management. Pay your employees better. Instead of yelling at them, try giving constructive feedback on the issues you see. Give them days off. Don't have them work seven days a week for two weeks straight that when they

leave the store at 4 a.m. they are so tired they fall asleep at the wheel and crash into the back of another car and get a bad concussion. Parentheses personal experience. We're all people and it's just a stupid job. Relax. End of review.

Maybe you need to relax also and not strain your head. I think this person should go see a doctor. That's what I'm saying. Like maybe take a I mean.

Yeah. And then not get paid. It's fucking shitty out there. Fucking people not getting paid and then... At least they'll be able to afford their hospital bills with their Taco Bell paycheck. Oh, wait! Those fuckers.

That's crazy. Have you tried having sex in the freezer? That apparently seems to work for most people to get through day to day. Just if they're looking for a new angle. No? Okay. Maybe. This is is from elta it's a review of menards and elta was like i don't know if you've heard of menards like have we heard of men do an episode on menards save big money at men did we do a menards episode we did okay i didn't want to call elta out but here we are i just remember learning how conservative it was. Yeah. As I feel like most corporations are, but still, they're a very outwardly conservative company, I think.

Anyway. Alexander. What? What? Am I having? I'm concerned. I'm concerned. What happened?

I got an email. This is not a joke. I'm like. I'm concerned. What happened? I got an email. This is not a joke. I'm like sweating a lot. I got an email from the company that makes you go to Disney. Huh? The nonprofit. Why? And the subject is, look at it.

I don't even want to say it. I'm scared. It says your instincts are right. Let me see this. I'm like so startled. What? Who's Neil? They called me Neil.

I'm so confused. All I did was go on the website. I didn't fill out a form. Wow. And I certainly didn't call myself Neil. Is this on your personal email? Yes. Like, not even my work email.

Not even Beachy Sandy? Not Beachy Sandy. Because we get some weird shit on there. They say, oh my god, what the fuck? Like, my old school email email, like my family email. And it's a full name. Not just the first name. What in the world, Alexander?

That's fucking freaky, though. I'm weirded the fuck out right now. That's, okay. I'm checking my inbox. I'm shook. Christina, what the hell just happened? That's actually so weird. I have no idea. Okay, i checked to see if they've

ever emailed me before that was your first ever email from them and like huh i'll go back on the website wait why don't you go on the website look at it close it and see if they email you five minutes later with the wrong name. Look. All I did was hit about us. Okay. I Googled it. Hit about us. Okay.

I'm doing it. Scrolled through. By the end of the episode, maybe we'll. You didn't. Like, that's so weird. Like, I don't even know what I would have filled out to get. It's quite vague. I know. I don't want to say again. i don't want to say again i don't want to say they're they're making it really hard on me i'm really about to uh put them on blast but

the problem that they see i agree with so i'm i'm curious about it but like yes this is that's fucking weird um problem what like the problems that they're pointing out exist i'm like yes those are problems exactly so i'm like i like clearly they their mission statement i'm like sure yeah it totally can get behind that um i would need to read how did you get my personal that is creepy man email and also why did you call me neil like that's weird right that's so weird, that's weird, right? That's so weird. No, that's really fucking weird. Like, this hasn't been published, obviously.

We're still recording this. We've just been sitting in this room. And you've never gotten an email from them before. I'm like, actually, like, usually this kind of thing I can sort of explain away. But this is very odd. Unless, like, somebody signed me. This is literally what it says neil if it seems like something isn't quite right about the place you live and then in in bold your instincts are right what this is the scariest email i've ever gotten okay i'm sorry i'm a little concerned me too that

was a lot that was weird we'll we'll deal with this later we'll deal with this later i'm good at compartmentalizing anyway menards uh elta even said oh i remember going there a lot as a kid and it turns out the one in my town is run by trumpers and i'm like i think they're all kind of run by trump i think menards has like a very conservative leaning um i forgot where we started on this yeah i sorry. Just aggressively trying to pull us back on track. Somebody, seriously, somebody, if you know how this could have happened, let me know. Like, I genuinely wonder. That was weird. That was real.

That was, I don't know. I'm not okay with that. I think I'm also weirded out that they gave me a full first and last name. Like, because it's not like, oh, they just somehow got my IP address or something. Which also shouldn't happen. And it's like maybe the person who... Like Alex would not have signed me up, right? And Alex doesn't have my old family private email.

No, it's so weird. Everything about this is so weird. Okay, okay, okay. I'm glad it's not just me. This is a Menards review from Elta. One star, and the title is Treat People Better. And this is from

a former employee who is a manager. Pros. They pay you a money. Cons. They do not care about you as a person. End of review. Short and sweet. At least you get a money. End of review. Short and sweet. At least you get the money.

You get a money. Every time you clean the toilet, you get a money. Capitalism. Just like boom. Right there. Right there. That's all. That sums it all up pretty quick.

Even the fact that they say they don't care about you as a person. They care about you if you're doing the proper things that they want you to do. And they will pay you a money. Well, a money is better than no money. That sounds very capitalist of you. Just saying. We live in a society. Here's a review sent in by Sarah.

She, her. This is of Walmart in Worcester, Ohio. Here we go. Title is poop. Okay, good. Good start. This is an anonymous former employee. I don't think you need to read the rest.

I think I got it. You know, you're probably right, but I'm going to do it anyway. Okay. Pros. None. None. None. None.

None. Cons. That's how you know. Again, it's the word limit. Clearly, you need none, none, none. Cons. That's how you know. Again, it's the word limit. Clearly you need a five word minimum. Yeah, copy paste. Yeah. Cons, smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly.

Advice to management, don't be so smelly. End of review. Okay. So we all already had gotten it before you attempted to mark this helpful what you attempted to mark it i gave it a helpful good it's a little high five what company was that walmart they have 123 000 reviews total walmart not this person do you they all just say poop well if they're if they're on to the copy paste thing they probably could write a lot of reviews just copy paste the word poop um wow zandy well that was my finale

honestly ended on something i was gonna say hi but nope no not really um good job zandy thank you i think we nailed it except for wait a second what i think maybe i figured it out figured what out oh how you got that email yeah maybe it's like when i was on glass door like maybe when i read that review somehow but then why would they call me neil that still doesn't make sense i didn't make myself call i didn't name myself interesting on glass door but it's with that email i'm not sure to be honest i would maybe read the review and see who wrote it if that person's name is i don't know that would be weird this feels i don't know this feels fucking weird i don't i don't know if there's a logical explanation

it feels weird especially because it came in there has to be as we recorded the episode and the subject was your instincts it's it's it's freaky it's very freaky i don't like it and i looked at that review a few days ago it's not like i did this like 20 minutes ago anyway i'm sorry i know everyone's like stop talking about it but it was weird it's very weird uh and i can confirm it all happened in real time yeah i made sure he looked at it that was so strange. Okay. No, my Glassdoor email is a different email. Okay.

So it's not that. I just checked. Anyway. But yeah. Okay. Is it your challenge? Oh, yeah. My turn.

You look like you're settling in. I thought you had one more. My bad. Oh, I'm sorry. You made me nervous. You said you had six, so I thought you had one more. I accidentally copy and pasted one twice. It happens.

It happens. And this one that I have at the end is about your challenge. It's not part of your challenge, but do you want to introduce your challenge first? Yes. My challenge was from Leah. Find reviews where the reviewer derails into a personal story that's unrelated to the review. I love this. And I just screenshotted this comment from Patreon from Sean who said, oh, man, the review from today's Halloween movie episode where the one reviewer talked about how good their chili was for two thirds of the review about the movie Skinnamarink would have been so perfect for Zadie's challenge.

That's so funny. I was like, man, I wish. Yeah, I wish somehow we could have known. But anyway, so, yeah, I'm excited for this one. Well, this one, this first one I have is a review of Ancient Aliens, but specifically season six, episode three, Aliens and Mysterious Mountains. It's a good one. And here is the description.

Across ancient civilizations, the world's mountains were viewed as the sacred home to all powerful gods. Why would so many different cultures share this belief that mountains had a connection to otherworldly beings? Because they're giant and gorgeous and are not man-made but okay um whatever you say whatever you say so i will give a little caveat to these reviews um it was very hard to find a tangent that was completely separate from the review like technically they had to get on the tangent somehow. So I feel like a lot of these have some sort of,

but they just go out of like. I couldn't pay attention to the movie because I was focused on my chili. Yeah, yeah. Kind of like the person freaking out about the avocado toast from that Hallmark movie. Yes. And then we looked it up and yeah,

it was like pureed avocado. Ew. Toast. It was like liquid. Anyway, here's a four star review of this. Titled,

Good Show that Prompts Good Questions and Dialogue. Okay. Here we go. My wife hates this show because she is very religious.

However, I am not so much and I do like the show. Our universe being as large and expansive as it is warrants the consideration of other life out there. Being religious given the variety of religions out there just doesn't give me the assurance that any one dogma has it right. If you have a faith, awesome. Practice and respect that faith within your own home, and feel free to share your faith when people solicit you to share. However, on that same note, respect those who choose not to believe as you do,

and who are trying to figure things out, outside of the church. Education and religion seem to clash and create argument that historically stem violence. Believe as we do or suffer God's wrath. Sorry for the tangent. the series is decent some of the information is off don't just accept their opinion as to being fact though use their information as a stepping stone and do your homework slash your own research if you're going to trust everything they say do so by verifying their stories and their proclaimed facts first some of the theories they put forth are a bit out there and left field, or outdated slash have been disproved, or are opinion-based.

However, the dialogue is at least a step forward, in my opinion, to addressing an alternative look at our species and our potential future, hopefully positive. Religion seems to paint a dead end for us, the apocalypse, which most folks happily subscribe to because who doesn't love zombies and the prospect of the wrath of God? Anyways, I enjoy the show and will continue to happily watch it despite my wife's disapproval. Cheers!

End of review. Because you know what? Her disapproval is what makes our dinner conversation so interesting when I bring it up every night. It's so all over the place. I hope she catches me watching this at least once a week because the ensuing argument is so fascinating. And what's wild is that was one episode that they reviewed. That is banana grams.

It was literally just a review for Aliens and Mysterious Mountains. Sorry about the tangent. Let me just keep going for a little while longer. Let me tangent a little bit more. Oh my gosh. Ooh, okay. So that was a lot. Practice your religion in your home.

That's fine. I'm sure his wife loves that. Okay, here we go. Here's a Target review. This was sent in by Kayla. This is of Sophie La Giraffe Teether. Oh. Everyone knows this one.

Sophie the giraffe. Who has had a baby in the past few years. This is La Giraffe. La Giraffe. It's a giraffe teether that I feel like I've seen. Yeah, but this must be like a different language version. Unless it's the original French one. It is French.

What do you mean? Yeah, but like when you buy it on like Target, it says Sophie the giraffe. Oh, not law? Law. Oh, okay. Sophie the giraffe is this one. It's a giraffe teether. It's expensive.

One time. A baby chew toy. Leona. Baby chew toy. Leona. A baby chew toy. One time Leona dropped Sophie the giraffe on a walk out of her stroller and Blaze didn't notice at first, retraced his steps, couldn't find it, had to order a new one and was like, I'm sorry, is this thing supposed to be like $30 or $25? It was like, of all toys to take on a walk, Blaze, you should have done your homework.

Well, yeah. Brought a cheaper one with you. Now I know why you bought it. Here's the review. Okay. Three stars. Oh, it's from seven years ago. This thing is a bit classic. Oh, yeah. It's older than I thought. It's been around a long time.

I just, I guess there weren't babies in my life until Leona. So now I'm like, oh, now that I think about this, I've seen this giraffe teether a lot. There was a baby. It's called our sister. I don't think Sophie the giraffe was around 18 years ago or whatever. Might have been. Might have been. Okay. You got me there.

Here's a three-star. Are you Googling if Sophie the giraffe was around 18 years ago? No. Okay. Here's a three-star review. Good way to use up a $25 gift card. Cute but expensive. I bought it to use up a $25 gift card and to fit

in with others in my well-to-do suburban neighborhood. Otherwise, I wouldn't buy it, nor would I shop at Target. End of review. That's what Blaze was doing. He's like, Leanna, hold it up a little higher. In our well-to-do neighborhood. That's when you were saying all this. I was like, uh-huh. Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious.

Oh my god. I was like, why would you take that on a walk? Like, we're gonna lose it and then she's going to want us to replace it. Oh. Blaze was showing off. My God. And then some little. He was telling me about all the single moms that he knows. He said he has a map and he goes around their house, outside their house.

Which ones have ring doorbells? And he said what he does is he goes and he drops Sophie the giraffe, picks it up, and then does this weird flex stretch. And he like flexes but pretends like he's stretching in front of the ring doorbells. It's so weird. And he squeezes it so the squeak sets off the sound. Yes, yes. Just to make sure it's filming. Yeah.

And then he'll sometimes leave it around and hope that like one of the- He puts his number on it. Yeah, one of the neighbors. Oh, yes. We lose all the time. Oh, I've been looking everywhere for that. Yeah. As a single father. And then he shoves me behind the door.

It's also like with the photo, he has a shirtless picture of himself that he tapes to the giraffe. Yeah, that's probably why Liana keeps throwing it out of the stroller. She's like, I'm really tired of looking at this shit. Oh, poor Blaze. I'm sorry. Anyway. Anyway, he's literally screaming i feel i feel him listening to this in the future and just being like well you feel bad i'm the one who's see 1961

are you shitting me no okay i've been around for 60 years more than 60 years it says i'm shocked i can tell that's something i didn't know they had baby chew toys that were from then um here is uh well it was made of lead back then lead paint true uh is that why french people are like that yeah you didn't know i didn't know okay so this one was from abby she her wait maybe they are always called Sophie La Giraffe and I'm just a fucking idiot. Your brain was just automatically translating because you just know French so well. It must be. To me, they don't look any different.

That's so stupid. Okay. Here's a five-star review that was sent in by Abby. And this is of Rhodia Goldbook Journal A5 dotted beige. It's a journal. Oh, okay. It has a little calendar. Why don't they just say so? I don't know. Five stars.

Better than my ex-boyfriend. The paper is kind of thin, but there's a surprising lack of ghosting, unlike my ex, who wasn't thin and ghosted a lot. The layout of nice and minimalist and set up perfectly for traditional bullet journaling, unlike my ex who had a weirdly shaped body, excess of hair, and the only thing they were perfectly set for was a life of diapers and

video games. The cover is soft, just like my ex, but it is satisfying, unlike my ex. I recommend this if you're looking for a bullet journal, but you don't want to create the first several spreads. I don't recommend my ex, unless you're that skank Jenna from Baskin Robbins. I hope you know Jenna that just found out I was born with syphilis. Good luck.

So yeah, I hope you like those 31 flavors. Good luck. End of review. Oh my God. That's so stupid. I will say. They are both soft. I will give them both that.

Yeah. I don't think. I think they're making fun of their ex's weight in that. Oh, I'm aware. But I just like that they're like, oh, it's totally different from my ex. But they are both soft. They are both soft. Can't deny that one.

Also, this is a verified purchase. Oh, Christ. I will say that. I'm not saying all that story is true, but I am saying that this person bought this journal and then reviewed it with that information. I mean, we know Jenna the skank from Baskin Robbins as well. We all know Jenna. There's no doubt in my mind.

Some of us know Jenna more intimately than others, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's a lot of freezer space, I imagine, at about St. Robbins. Yikes. Oh. Sorry, my mind went to like... True crime? Yeah. Yeah. You got me. That happens. I like that freezer joke, though. Thank you. Here is a review that was

sent in by Natalie. This is of Curie's 100% pure trans-resveratrol powder. Oh my god. That's not how you say it. What? What is it?

It's some sort of powder. And the picture has a mouse that's flexing like Blades does. It's like this really ripped mouse on the front. In his... Look at this mouse. Why is it so ripped? Wrestling onesie. What are those called?

Singlet or something? It's some sort of powder. Okay, but... So it appears to be some sort of powder. Okay, but I feel like that's like's like saying gas liquid solid like what do you mean like a powder to eat a powder to make your nails pretty like what kind of powder offers a concentrated dose of uh powerful antioxidant for maximum effectiveness yo you eat it okay uh yes well i mean when i saw a ripped mouse i assumed it was for like like some sort of i thought it

was like rat poison i I don't know. Why would it make the mouse strong? It's the opposite of what we want. It's just bad marketing, I thought. Okay, fair. Yeah, I don't really know. It looks like it's meant to be a nutritional supplement thing. Okay, okay, got you. I'm not going to say how

effective it is, but here's a review. This is a four-star review. And again, this was sent in by Natalie. Go on. As Pascal might say, what have you got to lose? How do I know? Russ Veritrol is supposed to extend life, a la the French paradox, C-E-G, life extension. This reminds me of the time I was on a subway, headed to Manhattan

AFB for a port call. Having never been to New York City, I asked someone on the subway where my stop was. He said, next to last stop, then got off. Oh, thinking, thinking, thinking. Uh-oh, how would I know when the next to last stop was coming up? A dozen quizzed riders later, I learned that it was the very next stop. Back to the review. How could I possibly know if it extended my life? Oh well, I'll just go with the slender French girls who gobble goodies and nullify their oxidative impact with a nice glass of red wine, and my doc who questioned taking extracts instead

of the real thing but wait there's more oh heck i can afford it so why not hedge my bet huh and drink my daily two glasses of pinot noir and add this to my liposomal mix now that's the plan end of review talk about fitting the challenge. That was the best, Natalie. I think that was so good. What the fuck are they talking about? I have no idea. But it makes me very, very, very uninterested in the product.

It makes me uninterested in, like, their life. I'm sorry. Because if they sat down and were like said how's your day and i said oh great thanks i went to uh mail some stuff at the post office oh that reminds me of the time i then said 80 words i just simply don't understand they they went for a port call at the uh manhattan air force base and they were on the subway asking people when their stop was. Like I get. That's it.

I get that. I don't know. I get that. I don't know what it has to do with rat poison. Nothing. Okay. I don't think. I do appreciate that.

Tell me what you appreciate here. I always appreciate when someone makes me feel a little bit less guilty about drinking a glass or two of wine a day. So I will take that part. Okay, nice. And leave the rest. You'll glean something. I love the gobbling French girls or whatever the hell.

Yeah, I don't know what that was about. I didn't know where we were going with that one. But sure, you know. I assume there's some sort of like weird weight loss, like muscle supplement. One of these like magical supplements which is probably bullshit um do you know okay what was i about to say you said do you know i'm just gonna say the answer is probably no if you don't even know what it is that i don't know i don't even know what i don't know that's how much i don't know i don't remember okay uh i am very impressed that people have found these because i did not know how to search for it.

Oh, I tried. It was hard. I was going to ask you for that first one earlier that you Googled, sorry for the tangent. I did. The problem was, and I actually was going to mention this, but I'm glad you brought it up now. A lot of reviewers didn't know what a tangent was. I'm like, this is not a tangent. Why am I surprised? I'm like, what not a tangent why am i surprised i'm like

even that person said sorry for the tangent anyway as i was saying like they they feel i i assume what they're thinking is people don't care to hear what they have to say which is probably true but like i was interested because i read the whole thing but it would just be basically a review or like how it relates to them in their life or like they would point certain things out and they'd be like sorry for the tangent i'm like no no i wish it was more of a tangent apologize i actually can't use this review now because it just made it was too relevant so there were so many i read that were just so relevant to the review the product oh so they thought it was a tangent but it's like no you're just

writing about the product yeah okay i see what you're saying but yes so i did find one that like was at least not fully uh related that one it sounds like they like snorted the whole bag of this one was perfect see that's the thing with natalie's one this one i was just so like yep this is it that like convinced me that it actually is rat poison. Yes, yes. And they've just been accidentally eating it thinking it was going to extend their life. That might be it. Because whatever they were saying was totally Bananagrams. Bananagrams is right.

So this last one is also from Natalie, and this is a review of a couple classical pieces, a couple symphonies, one by Haydn, one by Berlioz, I don't know, Symphony No. 94 Surprise and Symphony Fantastique. So bored. Okay, sorry. The first one by the Prague Symphony Orchestraphony orchestra and the second one by oh fuck

i don't know how to say this that's always trying to get me to go to the symphony i mean come on like i appreciate that people appreciate it i just want to play yahtzee whatever i'm watching i'd rather play with yahtzee while i'm doing it and it's frowned upon i've heard at the symphony so watch you play yahtphony so oh on your phone? I thought you went and played Yahtzee shake it up it's frowned upon when the dice like in the office when the bottle goes all the way to the stage

my dice just like keep rolling to the front no that also is frowned upon if I'm watching something I'm also playing Yahtzee on my phone. Yeah. It's really the only way I can cope with life's ups and downs. Okay.

This is... I was just letting that breathe. Thank you. Yeah. This is a three-star review of these classical symphonies on CD. Three stars. Titled, This Reminds Me of the Time dot dot dot

Jeez. Classical music can be beautiful. At times it is more helpful than pop or acoustic music at permitting the listener to work through

his or her own problems while letting the music flow by subconsciously. We had a dinner in the biggest restaurant of the delightful small town.

It was complete with the twinkling ice cubes on outdoor patio, twanging acoustic music, and the overall bistro atmosphere on a beautiful summer night. We had been on several dates previously, so there was an expectation with our walk that something approaching magical would happen precipitously. Dad, I hate this story. Tell another story.

It sounds like a story your parents tell and you're like- About your conception? Yeah, like I'd rather pull my hair out. Well, yeah. We had begun bickering, however, in the small way that broaches, only in civilized ways, never outwardly aggressive. He pointed out to me, look, and I looked. They were squat ugly cement cylinders of the type used to block roads. We were in an alley, his choice. These yellow cylinders

were the last thing I cared to direct my attention. There are 13 of them, I said, as a response. My response, unsurprisingly, did not please him. The unpleasantness of our bickering increased. On our forced saunter back along the alley, he suggested we sit on a cement cylinder. It was with an unpleasant sensation I complied and then warded off public displays of affection slash French kissing for the next quarter hour. As with Haydn, he decided to place his surprise near the end. No! For that was what it ended up being. Later, a few months after it was apparent the family connections having

mired new possibilities and nothing between us could last, I looked back and recognized the number of cylinders I duly noted. 13. Lucky for me, life still comes with warning signs, even in midst of my weird relationship stuff. End of review. You can't write all that and then end with,

anyway, weird relationship stuff. What the fuck? What? So I think what they're saying is- What? Like, please tell me because I'm baffled. This, and I will say,

I cannot figure out the connection. I do not think there's any connection to other, I don't know, there's no real connection between this review and these symphonies. But I misunderstood at first, like the 13 cylinder, like, why are they even bringing that up? I think they're saying like 13 being an unlucky number was an omen that they sure that's about the only thing I ended the relationship right there or something but like so but that's it okay that's as far as deep as I can get also like there is no way like unless you're rain man maybe you are but like that moment of oh look at that I turned and said there are 13 of them okay it's like what you drop matchstick? I feel like 13 is not that high of a number to count to. Yeah, but it is in like back and forth. Like if you're like, oh, look at that. My response wouldn't be one, two, three, four.

My response would be like, why? Look at that concrete thing. I mean, maybe they were in groups of four, except there was a group of one. It was like four, eight, 12, 13. Huh, there are 13 of them. I don't know. Christina, I think we're giving too much credit to this story. Maybe I haven't listened.

This desire we have to analyze it. Maybe I should go to the symphony. I'm learning that maybe I just don't really have an understanding. this is a sign you shouldn't go i feel like you should take these signs and listen to them 13 we've read this weird review about symphonies that made us not want to go like there's no way you're thinking like oh maybe i should go like a really trippy experience it could be like an enjoyable no actually none of that. A couple of edibles. She said she spent 15 minutes fending off his romantic advances. You put it much nicer, but yeah. And then saying we were in an alley, parentheses, his choice.

Yeah, no, the whole situation was fucking weird. This is a murderer. Like, what? Why didn't he just murder her? He was trying to stick his tongue down her throat, not a knife. Fine. He's an assaulter. Assaulter.

Assailant. Okay. He's an assailant, I think. That's fine. No, it's not fine. Sorry. There it is. All right.

Feds are moving in. We got him. We finally got him. Okay. Sorry. I finally got them. Okay. Sorry. I don't know. I think it just sent me to such a tailspin that I needed to find some grasp to pull myself back. Don't.

Don't even bother. It's too late. I'm spiraling. Well, thanks for that. Also, fun fact, cement and concrete are not the same thing. It's one of my pet peeves. And almost every day someone says cement instead of concrete do you know the difference yeah cement's the powder cement is

what then it becomes it's wet it's it's either the powder or the the wet cement the wetness concrete is the hardened that's why the word concrete means hard. Exactly. But people say, and cement means more like glue, you know? You know what I mean. Concrete, like a tenable, tangible concrete. And it bothers me so much. And I know it's not anyone's fault.

It's just my dad worked in metallurgy. And lo and behold, here I am having to... Did he you yes he told me this talks to me about concrete many times but when people say like oh i sat on the cement i'm like and your butt is now imprinted in it she does that she's done that to people and like just someone she just met once was like oh my god i was sitting on this cement bench and you're like, oh, okay, let me see your butt. Turn around. Talk about an assailant. Like, oh, how many benches were there? 13? 13 benches.

Show me your butt. Show me your butt. Show me your butt. Not that butt, sicko. Just with your pants on. I don't want to see your butt. Not that butt, sicko. Just with your pants on. I don't want to see your butt. And then they said, I was sitting with my bare butt on the bench. And I'm calling.

Because it was wet cement. You're an assailant now. You've assailed that bench with your butt. See you later. Bye, everyone. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production. Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. See you later. Bye, everyone.