Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 260: Barbie or Oppenheimer?

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

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What is it? It is Barbie or Oppenheimer. Barbie v. Oppenheimer. Is that how we call it? I don't know yet, but here's what I need to tell you first. Okay. I've not seen either of these movies.

What? How are we doing this episode? I thought you at least saw Barbie. Oh my God. I didn't't i didn't see you now you know what happens in both of them probably oh yeah i mean i kind of knew no you didn't know about barbie you don't know anything about barbie well i know i don't that's why i'm telling you now i'm fully not equipped for this but i tried my best okay well before we get dive into it, I have an announcement. What? I told you about this ahead of time. I know.

I'm sad already. I'm saying, ugh. It is sad. I was like, this one? Yes. So unfortunately, Shanti the gibbon has passed away. I started crying. Yeah.

Well, of course. It's terribly sad. I'm sad about it. If you remember, we talked about shanti um probably years ago at this point like two or three years ago um and she was a gibbon that i was only at the time was uh supporting sponsoring uh so i got a cute little package little packet of things and she is like the her face was just like so like so funny no not fucking around we like poster people did some artwork um what was crash the server shanti oh yeah like a thing

you all really connected with her which is really fun to see um but she passed away uh she lived a very long very okay like tell them about the long life so she was 45 45 years old. 45! And on IPPL Somerville Instagram page where I saw the news, International Primate Protection League, they said that she was 45, which is 20 years longer than the average given. Lifespan. So she lived a very long, happy life thanks to those. She almost doubled her lifespan. That's fucking amazing. Yeah. Isn't that impressive?

Yeah. Yeah. So Shanti has passed. But yeah, she lived a great life with the people over at IPPL. And we'll put a link below for you can read more about the work that they do and donate if you're able to. The day Nabulu, the elephant I sponsor, passes away, I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it. Yeah, I mean, it's sad. I'm so scared already.

Like, I can barely handle Shanti. Yeah, so it's really unfortunate. But yeah, 1978 to 2023. That's amazing. That's incredible. I'm so proud of her. I believe she was rescued from a test facility where they're going to do tests on her and then ended up living such a long

happy, healthy life. Look at that face. She's like, you're not going to test on me. I know, right? That face is like, fuck around and find out. I was almost intimidated to even make like merch or like design. When people would post designs, I'm like, oh my God. Hopefully Shanti doesn't see this and say what the fuck are you doing with my likeness but she um but yeah so ghost as sad as it is for you know all of us listeners the two of us

here um the caretakers at ippl who have been with her for so long and have uh i don't know watched her and and her family she has family over there like her gibbon family and friends and uh their work continues so if you can support them any way you can i'm sure they would appreciate it the elephant trust that i support just posted that they rescued a new elephant calf are you ready yes where did the photo go oh my gosh oh what a cutie this is natibu look at him so cute he just turned one year old oh my gosh anyway i was looking for posts about nabulu because you got me all nervous well now but this is natibu and he's so cute anyway okay so anyway we are um saddened by the loss

but also just honored to have known shanti from afar in this brief time frame. Absolutely. Yeah. So, yeah, please go check out that link and just check out what they do. And maybe if you're in the area, go pay them a visit, too. Well, that's one of our goals. That was my dream to visit Shanti one day. No, I believe they're in the Carolinas.

Carolinas. I don't know exactly where. Well believe they're in the Carolinas. Carolinas. I don't know exactly where. Well, they're in Somerville, wherever that is. We'll find it. I should probably know, but I always guess and I'm usually wrong. So anyway, go check them out and yeah, support them any way you can. And give them a follow on Instagram. That's good for you, people.

IPPL underscore Somerville. This it's a gift it's a gift the video that they post and the pictures are so cute uh on to barbie v oppenheimer um you go you have more than me i definitely do so here's the thing i don't know what you did but i don't either i have a bunch of barbie reviews bunch of oppenheimer reviews and then a bunch of Barbie v. Oppenheimer reviews. So ones that aren't games because they're so funny. What do you mean Barbie v.? What do you mean? Like we're doing a game. Right.

So yeah, sorry. This is like our other episodes, like Subway or Subway. Subway v. Subway. I don't think it was ever v. I know, but I kind of like it. But it doesn't make sense. I'm doing revisionist history. But that doesn't make sense for any of them. It was never, I don't think it was ever v. I know, but I kind of like it. But it doesn't make sense. I mean, revisionist history. But it never made, that doesn't make sense for any of them.

It does make sense. Why are they fighting? They're not fighting. They're not, it's not a competition. Like, why is there, there's no, there's no conflict here. Why are you trying to make conflict? There is conflict. What's the conflict?

Us shouting. Okay, go ahead. So I have Barbie reviews. I have Oppenheimer reviews and then i have barbie or oppenheimer reviews i do too okay so should i just you mentioned that yesterday so i said me do you want to start with a specific film oh i thought we were doing so when are we doing the competition not the competition when are we doing the big wrestling match i mean the second part like that's the second half that was what what i'm trying to say is I have that, then that, and then that.

Oh, okay. Mine are the opposite direction. Okay. Because mine, some of the reviews I abridge for the game. And then I was like, and then I'm going to read the whole thing. Okay. You know what? Let's do that.

That's fine. Are you sure? Yeah, it's fine. Okay. I was just honestly part of it was because I knew that you hadn't seen Oppenheimer. And then maybe we could have conversations and then you had a better idea. But I guess if you've done your own research, I don't know why I even bothered. So this is a game where the other person has to guess which film this review is for, either Barbie or Oppenheimer.

Right. So I'll go first. Yes, please. You haven't seen these, so I don't know how this is even going to be good, but we'll see. Well, I thought you knew that. I didn't know that. He seems to really be into this idea, so let's just do it. Oh my gosh, I thought you'd seen it by now.

I should have. I knew you hadn't seen it months ago. I have a two-year-old. I don't know what to tell you. It's hard. Oh my goodness. To get out of the house. You don't have to leave the house.

No, but it's hard to watch a movie together with blaze because we have very differing schedules and he wanted to watch barbie really badly and then i was like yes let's do it and then we never found a time and then we have to finish succession and like you haven't finished succession no alexander yeah you're behind i know here's a five-star review 88 of this film is people meeting people End of review Okay, okay, okay I don't have to see the movies to find this entertaining Because what the fuck kind of review is that? 80%

88% 88% 88% of people No, 88% of this movie is people meeting people Meeting people i thought this would be easier uh i'm gonna guess barbie man really because i thought like oh because they're barbie hi barbie yes exactly that's what i thought i think that that's why i brought it i think it makes sense but truly oppenheimer is just like oh this is and then it's like Niels Bohr. It's not Niels Bohr.

I don't know. Just random people. It's like, this is Josh Peck. This is Josh Peck. I can only speak about this movie in memes because I've read all these reviews. I'm like, yeah, everyone was talking about Josh Peck. I remember Josh. Remember the time we met Josh Peck?

I did. No big deal. It wasn't a big deal you're right it really wasn't this is a review i have for you uh and it's abridged i was completely shocked by common sense media oh by the way i only want to come so obviously i know what both of these films are letterboxed i was completely shocked by common sense media's 11 plus age rating this movie is most definitely not appropriate for an 11 year old sexual themes and content are prevalent through the entire film this movie had so much potential but it was just disappointing this title contains sexy stuff too much sex and can you so what's that first line i was completely shocked by common sense media's 11 plus age rating they would never give oppenheimer 11 plus there's no so this has to be barbie it is okay few i um i just kept reading about well okay no some graphic sex the graphic sex in oppenheimer yeah which i was like should should I Google that?

No, I shouldn't Google that. But I was so curious because all these people are talking about it. It's pretty funny. In veiled terminology. And I was like, what happened? Sounded so dramatic. I don't think it was that dramatic. Isn't it Florence Pugh?

It is Florence Pugh. She's like so in love with her. Okay. Anyway, your turn. Here's a five-star review. This is one of the gayest pieces of media I've ever seen. Shit. Okay.

Since it's a letterbox, you don't know. I don't. You don't know. I'm over here saying I'm in love with Florence Pugh and I wouldn't mind watching that. And then, oh, I'm so conflicted. That's Barbie for sure. It is Barbie. I'm like, I have to just go with my gut.

I was trying to throw you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost fell for it. Okay, here is another one for you. This movie is full of references to a 2001 space odyssey. Like, who's going to get that? End of review. Barbie.

Damn it. See, I didn't know that was a thing. It's so good. I didn't know that was a thing it's so good i didn't know that was a thing um and i read that and was like that can't be right christina is that real yes the intro scene is incredible it's basically um oh by the way there will be spoilers for both of these movies which is unfortunate as i have not seen them but but i don't like honestly i don't think i have anything that's like very obvious i feel like read okay the reviews, and I'm sure I spoiled everything for myself already. Reading the reviews did not make me want to see them less.

Does that make sense? Yes. And also like the impact that the films, it's not from reading what happened. Like the impact from the films comes from like actually watching it all come together. Yeah. I think especially Bar. I mean, Oppenheimer, like it's same shit with like Titanic. I know everything that happens in that fucking movie.

I've never seen it. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. But I imagine if I watched it all come together, I'd be like, wow, that does hit hard. Like, that is a good movie or something. Like, it wouldn't affect my enjoyment of it. Yeah. There's certain movies like Oppenheimer where you sort of know what's going to happen.

Yeah. You know, like, the general, but, like, the way it's done is special. Because Josh Peck is in it. Because Josh Peck is in it. Because Josh Peck is in it. But yeah, so I, and yeah, I watched those. I didn't mention this, but I did watch, Dee and I watched them both on the same day. We did the whole Barbenheimer thing. I kept trying to come up with what it was called.

I was like Oppenbarby, Barbieheimer. What is it? Barbenheimer. Barbenheimer. I don't know if that's actually what it is. That's, I think so. Okay. I feel like I've read every combination okay well i was very happy for you when you went and

saw it but it was like a long evening right or like a long day that movie is like three hours it is so we we watched um we watched oppenheimer first oh that's good though because then you get like did it right that's the right way i feel like because otherwise you'd be just like yeah we watched oppenheimer first and it was like early afternoon like one or something or 12 30 i don't know exactly matinee but we like so we like woke up got ready went oh he had a pink jacket it was too hot but he had a pink jacket yeah i didn't wear it but we bought it together yeah Yeah, I was going to do something. And then we went down to go watch it. And then we watched Oppenheimer.

It was a lot. And then we spent the day like walking around Chelsea and stuff. Just like exploring until our Barbie. Because we had a big gap. We got some food. We watched Barbie to like cap off the night. And it was a good ending. Gosh, that sounds delightful. My next one here is a three-star review.

I like that boom, boom, pow. Them chickens jacking my style. They try to copy my swagger. I'm on that next shit now. End of review. What does it mean? What does it mean? It's got to be Oppenheimer.

It is Oppenheimer. Yeah. Is that? it's a... Because of Black Eyed Peas. What? That was Boom Boom Pow. I know. Oh, yeah.

I just thought because it was Boom Boom Pow. Yeah, no, I was just kidding. Oh, okay. I was like, were they in the film with Josh Peck? Okay, I have another review for you. Do not see this film. I was very embarrassed and felt ashamed by what i saw oh end of review that's a 15 year old okay hmm that could go either way

i'm gonna say barbie oh thank god i finally got you i was thinking like it's like a like man that got me i didn't want to go too into my reasoning this is one of the ones that i'm saving to read like the full review because it is like oh oh that's fun beautiful but i didn't want to say anymore yeah because it was too obvious makes sense makes sense whoa what are you listening to this for wait Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly, cash value of $40,294.

Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. I have a five-star review. That's now really catching up to me. I think that's actually very funny. Five stars. I'm shocked. I'm scared. I'm shaking. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm disgusted. But I think I've just seen. No, I know that I have seen one of the single most monumental films of our existence.

Whoa. In the review. That's a Barbie, baby. That's Barbie. It's not. No. Isn't that so funny? I was like, this has the dramatic flair of a Barbie reviewer.

Yeah. Like 1,000%. Oh, yeah. This is exactly what a Barbie reviewer would say. Like, I'm literally screaming, crying, throwing up, whatever. Screaming, crying, throwing up, best movie of my lifetime, newest mean girls, whatever, whatever. Yeah.

And then it's like, oh, you said that about Papa and I? Okay. Okay, here, whatever. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, you said that about Hoppenheimer? Okay. Okay, here's one. So sad, though true. This is a movie with a message. End of review. Ooh. Ooh.

Could go either way. Which I guess is the point. I know. Hoppenheimer. Barbie. Dang it. You got guess is the point. I know. Oppenheimer. Barbie. Dang it. You got me twice in a row. Finally.

Yeah, they said I really did not enjoy the music, but I'm old. I left that part out. It was probably, again, really obvious because I looked up the soundtrack for Oppenheimer and it was like a composer. And I was like, okay, that's for old people. Oh, not just any composer. I believe it's the same composer who like worked on community oh so I like I had so back in the day like on my itouch I'd have

I think it was my itouch when I was living in Germany because I didn't have a smartphone so it must have been my itouch I guess yeah I just played coindesign anyway I listened to a lot of music especially like and like one of the and i had listened to certain songs from the community soundtrack and i think it was the same ludwig uh ludwig gorenson i think that's the guy yeah um so to watch him and he's done a lot with uh uh with donald glover and child scambino donald glover slash child news this is gonna be awkward. Here is a four star review. This movie made me love women and hate men. End of review. Okay, wait, hold on. It's probably too obvious.

How many stars was it? Four, I believe. Or five? Let me double check. Yeah, it's out of five. Let me pull it up. Yeah, four check yeah out of five let me pull it up yeah four four out of five i'm gonna go with barbie it is barbie i thought maybe i was my gut but i was like i questioned it because a lot of the you know the thing is with abenheimer's like oh all these like like all these men are just like bringing on the downfall of humanity yeah just watching a bunch of men just like in a room i was like so that was the thing though when looking at the reviews it was so i looked up 50 pages of reviews for each film oh dear lord and i had that cut off i was like i'm only gonna do 50 pages that's smart because i'm like just one more yeah no i purposefully did that and i like force myself to play gambling on neopets and i'm like just one more spin

maybe this time when we're in vegas yeah i was like or maybe a little more serious i gotta say my gambling on neopets was much more toxic that's that's probably true yes to me mentally um yeah less in uh irl consequences right exactly right so but yeah when i was looking through all these reviews i was like so many are so fucking obvious because they're such different movies i know i struggled obviously they have different reviews 2001 a space odyssey and then apparently that's very obvious i mean hey like i thought there's no way no it's very see that's just such a specific niche thing well it's not niche because it's literally the opening scene of the film but you definitely and it's very clearly a reference to 2001 a space

odyssey because it's so fucking funny it's so good the intro is like one of the best we're the only children who who would have known back in the day the reference to 2001 a space we did we were watching it a weird amount a weird amount right that was something and not in a like we were so cool kind of way not like we were really into it. It just we happened to watch it. No, it was just like our neighbors had it on their TV all the fucking time. Yeah. And then like our like sort of stepdad got like into like had the tape VHS. So like I would occasionally put it in and be like, what the fuck is this?

And then our religion teacher made us watch it in high school. And then watch. And said it was an allegory for Jesus and all this. 2010, the year we made contact. Good times. My God. It's full of stars. It's full of stars.

How? Is it my turn or your turn? I don't remember. It's mine. This one's called Heart Racing and Memorable. Oh. Well written and acted. At the end, it will leave you completely breathless and pondering.

It goes to the core of humanity. Of right and wrong. Of justice versus injustice. But what does that mean? End of review. Okay, I'm really hoping this is Oppenheimer. Is it Oppenheimer? It is.

Okay, no, that would have been hilarious if it were Barbie. Some of the reviews of Barbie were actually that intense and I was like, okay, yeah there's some intense ones i will say there's so many like the critical ones on it's so funny because you're reading through letterboxd and there's so many really fucking funny ones oh yeah and they're just like they're just a meme they're all in good fun and then you click on one because sometimes it's like, oh, click to reveal. And it's like fucking 10 paragraphs critique of it. And I'm like, whoa. It's like a step by step. I'm not on Letterboxd for this.

Those are only exciting to me on Common Sense Media because I'm like, all right, kids. Yeah, let's see what this kid is ranting about. Yeah, the rants of the children are so much fun. But on an adult site, no. Not interested. Because don't get me wrong. on but on an adult site no not interested because don't get me wrong there are probably plenty of critiques about both films absolutely like that are valid but i was just like man i'm not here for this shit scroll scroll scroll oh man uh here's a four-star review of what i almost said

i i've almost said it every single time i actually was worried for a minute i was like oh that was a joke don't say it okay here we go bad news for my followers i have gone woke end of review that's barbie it is yay oh man the amount of social justice warrior bitching that some people wrote like i mean about social justice warriors like this is just a woke movie for social justice warriors okay uh here is one for you let's see four stars very thought-provoking movie but ruined by song after final scene why here's the review hold on that was just the title oh that was the title okay like trying to think this movie was well written and thought-provoking

sorry i'm like trying to skirt around certain things yeah that's tough with this i had i actually had annotated them and it didn't save it's not showing up no maybe it's on mobile it doesn't show up it might be something like that. Cause I'm like, that's annoying. Anyway. Okay. Very sound provoking. Unfortunately, the song that was played right after the last scene jumped from tender and thoughtful to an unintelligent mishmash of hip hop music that had the

completely opposite effect and feeling that the movie had worked so hard to achieve. It was so irritating because it stopped the viewer from being able to focus on possible changes that the film had brought up in this viewer's personal life. End of review. What? I assume it's Barbie. This is Barbie, right?

It's Oppenheimer. Wait, what happened? I mean, no. Huh? Wasn't there an ice spice song, like playing at the credits of, that's what I was like, is this some weird anti-ice spice thing?

What's that? Who's, what's what? is some weird anti-ice spice thing what's that who's what's what what spice girls i plead the fifth what's happening i would like to think that nine tenths of our listeners are like christina what what is that you don't know whoice is? I've literally never heard that in my life. I have a toddler. I know what Bluey is. What is Ice Spice? She's a rapper.

I'm not. I don't know. I'm not cool about that. I mean, she literally did a version of Karma with Taylor Swift. That's the thing. She'd be in circles that you would have come across her music. Nope. Let me look up the Barbie.

Let me make sure that that was, I really, I had that under. I'm so shocked right now. I had that under Oppenheimer, but now I'm worried. I'm trying to think of the end credits for Oppenheimer. Music. Credit. Oh, I'm wrong. It was...

Christina, I'm like, what kind of hip hop is happening at the end of Robin Ironwood? I'm so sorry. Why did I think that it was... Like the Beastie Boys or something?

Like, what? Here's the thing. I think it tricked me because, like, let me read the first paragraph of this again, four stars. The movie was very well written and very thought provoking.

Many very touching scenes throughout the second half, especially at the end of the movie. Several well produced musical scenes. Actors did an excellent job of helping the viewer feel and experience the emotions they were going through. The latter 10 to 15 minutes was quite deep and emotional all the way through to the final scene. And I was like, well, this has to be off. But apparently it was not. I'm sorry sorry i clearly put it in the wrong section that's so funny my bad no it's funny because like yeah i i did see people i don't know complete but like i don't know i thought it was great like i i did not i people have a weird thing with hip-hop like

yeah i don't i don't know i don't want to say too much about it because i don't want to yeah you know there's a lot not all of us listen to i spice christina stop i did that on purpose i know you did here's a fives i can't wait for this episode to come out i feel like people are gonna i'm not really though no you're not nor should you be i'm just like this is like the time that dad called death cab for cutie death camp graffiti and i was like that this is very different it's not the same but he's like you know that band you like and i'm like don't pretend like you don't know what it's called okay go ahead here's a five star review how does one even write a coherent sentence about this film i feel like i've touched an electric fence and had a hole punched through my stomach at the same time holy shit oh no fuck oppenheimer yep yay my first instinct was barbie so i'm glad i i went a different direction i have two more of these game things. Let me see.

I have, here's one. I usually watch movies for entertainment. This was more of a cerebral movie with social issues. It was a bit of a mush mash. M-U-S-H mash. It was a bit of mush mash. A week later, I hardly remember much about this movie at all. End of review.

What was the beginning part? I usually watch movies for entertainment. This was more of a cerebral movie with social issues. Hmm. I'm going to say Barbie. You're right. Okay. Okay.

I mean, that's the thing is like these vague things of like social issues and these themes, like they both have- It weirdly correlates every now and then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like people called both of them preachy, which I thought was hilarious. Oh yeah.

There was a lot of the preachy. And it's like, come on. Like, I don't think either of them were particularly preachy, but then you had the same complaints that they weren't preachy enough. Right. Which I thought that was more interesting than the ones claiming that they

were too preachy. But anyway, here is another one. Okay, guys, we can stop making movies now. Cinema has officially peaked. That's Barbie. That's Barbie. If it were Oppenheimer, I'd be like, okay, nerd. That's so true, though.

Somehow it works with Barbie. Shit on both, like in both reviews. Like I know that same reviews on Oppenheimer. This is the best film I've ever seen. It's like, true, though. Somehow it works with Barbie. It's like the same shit on both, like, in both reviews. Like, I know that same reviews on Oppenheimer. Like, this is the best film I've ever seen. It's like, okay, Naren, but then Barbie's like, yeah, you get it. This is, I think, my last one. It's five stars on Common Sense Media by Slime Queen Randy. Oh, good. and the title is this slime queen randy has no business watching oppenheimer so i'm curious about this love this i don't get why people are saying this is 15 plus this is a simple

movie about a girl in pink going to the real world and promoting feminism. End of review. Is this Oppenheimer? Yes. Yeah. That's so funny. I was like, Slime Queen Randy, you're a silly goose. You're such a silly goose.

I do have some of those. And she put ages five plus for Oppenheimer. For Oppenheimer. Okay. Slime Queen Randy. And she put ages five plus for Oppenheimer. For Oppenheimer. Okay. Slime Queen Randy. Okay. We see you, Slime Queen Randy. Okay.

This is my last of the game. Okay. Five stars. Just watched this in a dream and it was insane. Fire emoji, fire emoji, fire emoji. What the fuck? Wait, that's what I should do now that I can lose a dream. Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't yet.

Just go to the movies. Yeah. Wouldn't that be so trippy? No, I's what I should do now that I can lose a dream. Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't yet. Just go to the movies. Yeah. Wouldn't that be so trippy? No, I can't stop thinking about it. What were the emojis? I'm sorry. Fire. Three fire emojis.

Oppenheimer. Yeah. Wow. I thought that would get you. I don't know, man. Like a dream, like watching it. Like who would dream and in their dream watch Oppenheimer? I mean, like only us probably.

Like only weirdos like us who would also probably watch 2001 A Space Odyssey in their dreams also. Okay, this is my, that was your last one? Yeah. Okay, this is my last game one as well. Four stars. Interesting. And this is a verified purchase on Amazon. So they did buy the whatever digital version

a little too idk but overall good interesting end of review overall good interesting a little idk little idk so here my here's my thinking okay i'm gonna overanalyze one of these and it's gonna be this one sure it's the last one. IDK could be the fact that this movie, Oppenheimer, is three hours long and it's not the easiest to follow because it's three hours long and for me, I couldn't pay attention for three hours. It was whatever. Barbie, it's very out there, a little more out there not grounded in reality and it's talks the themes are more less tangible cerebral yeah cerebral you'd watch it in a dream right which is why i thought

you'd guess barbie for that other one i mean i wouldn't i would watch um oppenheimer and or 2001 a space odyssey double feature that sounds like the worst double feature ever christine's subconscious uh here i'm gonna say barbie oppenheimer oh dang it that was my gut and i didn't trust it knew i would win the game where i haven't seen you probably did yeah well we're not i wasn't counting but i assume you won well um i struggled and now we can read our reviews that's the problem is i yeah the strike is over we can read our new reviews if the strike weren't over you wouldn't have read those other ones the conflict is over the barbie v oppenheimer has ended it's okay we no longer have to pick sides everyone's like man this this is so played out it's been months why are we still talking about

these movies why are they doing this we haven't yet we haven't had the chance talking um okay that's why i didn't go see it because i was actually like striking they actually encouraged the i believe sag and um wga encouraged people to go see the films because that's helped the people who worked on the films make money too but that's what i thought so that's why I went to see them. Solidarity. I was in front of, I was at the front of picket lines. I wasn't. I wasn't.

That's a lie. I would. I know you would. I would if I were in LA. I was not. So I wasn't. Okay? You caught me.

Yeah, you would have. Totally. Totally would have. This is a review of Barbiebie this is the one well you'll hear the you'll hear the tidbit in it one star by zach parent of seven and 11 year old title is wish i hadn't taken my kids this movie is not for young kids would not recommend for anyone younger than 14 politics aside in my opinion, it was just a strange interpretation of the Barbie universe with weak writing and a rather boring plot that's just kind of a downer in its mood. In terms of politics, it is rather feminist in nature

and almost seems to have a motive in mind. Makes men out to be the problem with society. Save your money, don't take your kids. Boring at best, man-hating, and not a good message in the worst case. End of review. Yikes. Yikes. It's scary that people like that are out there.

I don't know. I don't know. If you watch that and you're like, you consider it man-hating. So weird. It's like. It's so bizarre. It's like, have you ever called something woman-hating? Like in a normal movie where it's usually the other way around? Where it usually is woman-hating. So weird. It's like... It's so bizarre. It's like, have you ever called something woman-hating? Like in a normal movie where it's usually

the other way around? Where it usually is woman-hating. Exactly. It's so weird to me. I'm like... It's so weird. I'm like, look inward, Zachary. I mean, like, maybe... Yeah. Zachary. Look inward. Wow. Look inward. Look into it. Look into yourself. Look inward. Here's a four and a half star review of Barbie. That was phenomenal. My favorite part was when Barbie said, now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. Okay. Did that really happen?

I wouldn't believe it. That's the worst part. I guess I could have brought that to the game. I actually have one that I forgot to read for the game. Oh, okay. I like the part where he went, it's Oppenheiming time and oppenheimed all over the place jokes aside the movie was good oppenheimer yeah okay but i don't know it could have been for the op and then the uh title was oppenheiming time oppenheiming time Too much sex, though, it says.

People, it's so funny with the sex in Oppenheimer. Some people were like, hey, this wasn't 15 minutes like I was promised. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there was so much talk about it. And everyone was like, oh, like, Killian Murphy hangs dong in this one. He didn't. At least in the cut that made theaters. That's for the private that's christopher nolan's private honestly maybe that's probably somewhere but no the director's cut later

maybe but no i i so there's so much like back and forth about when i was reading through these reviews of like too much sex not enough sex can't win uh sex was such a meme because he says like, nevermind, I'll just let you watch it. I was promised. It's so good. Some ding dong. Here's a four and a half star review of Barbie. When Cillian Murphy made a cameo at the end wearing a blonde wig, said,

hi Barbie, and then blew up Barbie land. Lives were changed. End of review. Hi Barbie and blew up Barbie land. He pressed the button. That's when you're in a dream. Actually, Josh Peck pressed the button in Barbie, in Arpenheimer. Honestly, as it should be.

Okay, so this is a review of Barbie. Five stars by Bradley. And this is just a kind of a palate cleanser from that last Zachary bullshit. Okay, good. I like it. Five stars. Hilarious bullshit. Okay, good. I like it. Five stars, hilarious movie, verified purchase. So had a random Friday night with my girlfriend away on a girls retreat, no kid, and didn't have to work Saturday morning.

My roommates just broke up with his girl and his daughter is away at college and also did not have to work. So what's the obvious thing for two 40-year-old dudes to do on a Friday night? Get high and watch the Barbie movie, of course. A few of my other guy friends had said it was funny when they took their daughters to see it. Well, they were wrong and they watched it the wrong way. It was freaking hilarious.

So many hidden jokes and innuendos and even outright comedy. We laughed and chilled like it was 1997. Only thing missing was the black light and Jenko jeans. Highly recommend. I don't know if you know that. Is that how you say those jeans? Jenko. Jenko never i always like in my head said jnco jenko jeans jenko jeans i didn't know that i never i know you know i know that no from uh from uh

fresh off the boat when i worked at nickelodeon writing a script yeah that's good um no that's so it's so it really is so funny like i think it think it is, it is, the comedy in that is like one of my. Top tier. It's so good. It's so good. Here's a four and a half star review. It's kind of about both. What?

It's written about Barbie, but here we go. Oh, okay, okay, okay. It's absolutely no coincidence that two movies all about men ruining the world came out on the same day that's why that's it that's the core of it i think yeah that's the core of what most of these reviews revolve around like it's poignant in different ways but it's kind of about the same thing yeah like there there are there are parallels yeah Yeah. Despite them being completely different movie. And that's why I think it works so well as like a double feature type like day and like an experience to go to the movies to see. Like it worked so well for that because of how opposite and yet still weirdly similar the two are.

In my theater, in my my head the theater of my mind i'm the only one there and the popcorn is free because it was in a dream so you know what wow stop rubbing it in that you know i'm just saying like because it was so you don't see that too often we're like seeing a film like that is such an experience a mattel branded yeah yeah which which i'll bring up like when you bring up uh Mattel, like, it was very self-aware that it was, like, kind of like, oh, yes, this is a capitalism-driven movie because of it being Mattel. It's funny, people didn't seem to catch that. They were like, you know, I saw this Mattel branding, and I know this is just a big ad for Mattel. Yeah, which it is.

Sort of, but like obviously. It's a billion dollar movie. It fucking made so much fucking money. It made so much money. So it's like, yeah, there are these weird feelings you get when you're like, well, okay, Barbie movie, like, very empowering, but at the same time it's like, oh, is it part of the problem? Maybe.

But it was a fucking great movie. Yeah. So I don't know. I enjoyed it. Anyway, that's know. I enjoyed it. Anyway, that's all. Your turn. As long as you sell those stocks you took out on Mattel. Amen. Before they go down.

No, don't worry. They've got a whole set of toy films incoming. Oh, right. Okay. So the Ken movie is next and then your stock will go up and up and up literally are talking about like other material oh i'm sure i don't doubt that for a second they have like billions of dollars now to make one okay here's another review this one's of barbie one star by lisa parent of 8 and 15 year old title is great costumes bad values 15-year-old. Title is Great Costumes, Bad Values. Beautiful sets, beautiful outfits. It seems so fun.

Sadly, sexual innuendos like Ken and his friends saying they wanted to beach off. That was so funny. Ruined the movie for its target audience. What is beach off? Like jerk off? Like what do you mean beach off? Yeah, like that was the joke. I don't get it.

Like they said, let's go beach off. Yeah, like beat off. Oh, beat off. Okay, I'm i'm thinking jerk off i'm like it doesn't even rhyme no beat off yeah they're like oh like i'll beat you off i'll be like let's have a beach off like i think they're like uh it's it's been months since i saw it but like yeah i think they're like all the kens are like getting like posturing and they're like i'll beat you off like okay i get it they're doing a beach i get it i get it yeah barbie v so yeah there definitely is innuendo like the that's the thing is but there's innuendo in like spongebob like yeah yeah yeah it's always a thing anyway it's full

of references to a 2001 space odyssey like what kid is going to get that and it's basic premises barbie land works because it's run by women and the real world doesn't because of the patriarchy. It's so weird. Like Will Ferrell is supposed to be the patriarchy? So over my head as an adult and certainly not for kids. This movie about Barbie seems to hate Barbie and what she originally was a doll. Instead, it's a political piece full of sexual innuendos, like talking about their plastic pubic mounds where men like ken are unnecessary and supposedly best when subservient i love barbie and i love pink and i wish i could get refunded nightmare end of my good yeah well at least they were she's like they acknowledge the fact it went over there she's like i don't get it i'm like i think you do though sort of i don't know i think

you get it you just don't want to get it you don't want to get it okay that's like i think you're you're mad because you don't like what it's not like it ends with like men are trapped like that's the thing i was so confused because all these reviews made me think like what the fuck did they just kill ken at the end but then i've read more and people were like yo that's not what happened people i think people probably just got all riled up about that stuff in the middle and then were blinded by it throughout the rest of the film. I don't know. Like, couldn't like – So weird.

They couldn't go along with the journey. They just like shut themselves off to it the moment that they felt challenged. Challenged, yes. Which, I don't know. Will Ferrell as patriarchy. Too challenging for me. I don't know. He would be perfect as that.

It's a thing. It's like a funny, enjoyable movie regardless. Like, I don't know. It's just a goofy. It's really heartfelt. And there's a lot of moments that like really hit you. But like, it's also just a really fun thing to watch. Yeah.

And seeing how she like made Barbie land. The whole thing is so impressive. Here's a five-star review of Barbie. Historically inaccurate film. All of my Barbies used to scissor. The number of reviews like that was so high. It was so funny. Like so many people were like, my Barbies did more than just that what's happening very funny so lisa who's like there's so much sexual innuendo everyone's like well yeah what did you do with your barbies mine were lesbians

what about yours yeah they're plastic pubic mounds oh god, God. Oh, God. Like, I don't remember that being a reference, but maybe I just don't remember. There was apparently like that it's flat down there. Oh, yeah. Okay. She created plastic pubic mounds. It made it sound much worse than what I remember. To be clear, Lisa invented that phrase. I don't think that was a direct quote.

Okay. So I only have one more, I think. I haven't gotten to my Oppenheimer reviews. Oh, only have like five more it's fine okay i'll just go through them well this one is of oppenheimer i'm just kind of going all over the place yeah this one's of oppenheimer one star uh it's one of my expanded abridged no longer unabridged unabridged unabridged what's wrong with me no longer a bridge right to me and then jody 15 years old says this is for two plus which is weird because hoppenheimer yeah which is weird because the title says don't see if you are a teen do not see this film if you are a teen i was very embarrassed and

felt ashamed by what i saw with the sex oh i cannot get the pictures out of my head this guy might have been a jerk but i think i could have got that by seeing other action. It's not like I haven't seen some sex and nudity before in movies, but this was like gross porn and graphic. I think they were trying to say pornographic. Gross porn and graphic. Whoa. Wait, is that what pornographic means? It tripped me up big time.

I was like, hang on. Mind blown. Whoa. But this was like gross porn and graphic. Not only that, but it was super long and boring. I liked the discovery of the scientists trying to figure out how to make the bomb, but that's it. Wish my parents had not drug me to this movie. End of review.

This title contains A plus educational value and sexy stuff. Sounds like someone also went to Catholic school. Someone's traumatized and sheltered. Yeah. I mean, that's rough. And then their parents were like, we know you don't know what sex is, but watch this. Well, it's like even though we grew up like with, I mean, okay, our mom at least is fairly like progressive. Like, I don't know.

Sex isn't like taboo. Right. But yet there was that feeling, especially going to Catholic school, like the shame that comes with it. Oh, geez. Oh, yeah. And like it's something that like I'm honestly still working on in therapy. school, like that shame that comes with it. And like, that's something that like, I'm honestly still working on in therapy. It's like that shame behind things like that.

So like to hear this, I'm like, oh no, yeah. I know, I feel for this person who's like, my parents made me watch it and now I'm traumatized. I feel like you don't often hear that on Common Sense Media. You hear like, kids have seen everything. You parents don't understand how advanced we are. And this child's like, help, I don't like what's stuck in my head, which makes me my head which makes me sad it won't get out of their head like oh no i

can't get the picture out of my head because but it was they mentioned like i got that he's a bad guy without the sex so it's like wait oh because i thought because my thought was did he like beat her up no no okay because i was like that must be well okay well i guess there's extramarital stuff going on so that oh i see okay maybe that's what they mean so i guess that was part of it but like the sex itself wasn't like particularly like okay it's a good no i thought something terribly violent happened or something or she said i didn't need to know that to know he was a jerk yeah anyway but like the whole film the whole point is it's written from the perspective of oppenheimer right and like his view through all of this so like it makes

sense i think it makes sense that it would be part of it um speaking speaking of speaking of which you're gonna tell my story here's a five-star review of oppenheimer okay before seeing i was fantasizing about getting to see it with my grandpa, who studied with Hans Bethe during the time and got his PhD in solid state physics at Cornell. Oh, boy. But as soon as I saw Florence Pugh's tits, I was like, I guess it's okay. He's dead. R.I.P. But wow.

Just wow. Absolutely incredible. End of review. Is he dead or is it that chill on your shoulder? Grandpapa. When you see her. Dro dropping in just for that scene i will say the amount of times it was referenced it's like we get it like we she was nude it's not that big of a deal it wasn't that crazy like that's the thing i feel like it was getting so built up in my head built up and it's like first of all she was

fantastic in that movie aside from this but like you know what this reminds me of? A vast majority of her name coming up in that movie was her boobs. This happened with that other movie she was in, the one I watched on the plane. Yes. This was actually referenced a lot in the Barbie reviews of all things. Interesting. Yeah. God, what is her name? Something Woman, right?

What's that fucking movie called? I know. It's the one with Harry Styles and Florence Pugh. Oh, my God. What's it called? And is it Sofia Coppola? Or who directed it? I don't even know.

No. No, no, no. Don't worry, darling. Don't worry, darling. That's what it was. I'm mixing things up. Which I actually, I thought it was like pretty good. I know there was a lot of, I watched it on the plane because there was like a lot of stuff going around.

Remember all the chaos surrounding it? Oh, it was Olivia Wilde. It was like her first directorial thing, right? Yeah. And she kind of was going on this whole thing about like, oh, this is a very feminist movie. And then like when the movie came out, people were like that. Like that's not what this these sex scenes were misleading. The way you like approach them in interviews is what like people were accusing her of. And it was all the same time about Florence Pugh and like the sex scenes she was in and like all this stuff.

And I don't know. It just seems like she's getting herself into a lot of these. Which is sexy. Yeah. Which is shitty because it's like, I don't know. She's not doing, like she was amazing in that movie,

but like that's what people love talking about. But like people were very funny about it. So I was like, okay, it's very funny, but like, ha ha. The one about Grandpa,

I just feel like Grandpa probably wishes he was alive. You know, he's like, he probably would watch it and be like, that's not at all what my time at Cornell was like.

I don't, like, that's not. I didn't get, I didn't have sex at all. They're like, this is from the perspective of Oppenheimer. He's like, I had sex once. Otherwise, how the hell would you be here? But wow, this does not seem.

This does not ring true to my time with Hans Beter. Hans Beter. B-E-T-H-E. I don't even know if I said that right. B-E-T-H-E. I don't know. It sounded right to me-ish. Here's a half-star review of Oppenheimer.

Half-star? Half a star. My grandson forced me to watch this. No, it just says, From beyond the gray. Okay. Spent the entire time wishing I was watching Barbie instead. End of review.

That's pretty good. I feel like, you know, we recently had a review that I keep thinking about where it said like, I spent the entire time wishing I were watching Puss in Boots. Do you remember that? Yes. And it's like stuck in my head, that thought.

Cause I'm like, man, think about all the movies I could be watching like Barbie and Oppenheimer and Puss in Boots. Yep. Um, and instead I'm just not,'m just working um just ken just ken you know yeah i do um i don't know if you know because you haven't seen that movie but you are enough good job thanks i saw it at target and i was like what the fuck

okay so let's see my next one is of oppenheimer here's a five-star review of oppenheimer 2023 toxic men love bombing 1945 toxic men love bombing a masterpiece five stars end of review i know they said masterpiece but i think think their review is the masterpiece. That's so fucking funny. That's the masterpiece. Man, people are clever. That's so good. These people should be making movies. I want to watch them. Love bombing and love bombing.

It's so good. It's so stupid. It's like one of those jokes like grammar matters. Yeah, yeah, grandpa. And then like the next phrase is let's eat grandpa. And it's like commas are important or, you know, whatever. I'm like, man, that that seems like a perfect and relevant. Toxic men love bombing.

Bring that into language arts class. That's memorable. That is memorable. Love bombing. Letterboxd. Here's a five-star review of Oppenheimer. What is up with men and their bombing? So true.

Tell them. What's the deal? What's the deal with men and their bombing? She's standing up. Hey, what's the deal? She's touching the mic and you can't hear it. It's just bursting everyone's eardrums. I'm sorry.

I didn't even want to stand up post too late. Yeah, no, she didn't. Don't worry. I tried. She wouldn't dare. Here we go. Five stars. Oppenheimer.

I was thirsty as fuck. So 20 minutes into the movie, I had chugged my large Coke. And by the time they were dropping the bomb, it felt like a real life recreation of what my bladder was going through. I still haven't gone to the bathroom. I think the explosion stunned my bladder into silence. This was awesome, though. I fucking love three hour movies. End of review.

Okay. For someone who loves three hour movies, like you should know better than to drink an entire coke in the first 20 minutes also when you said i was super thirsty i thought you meant like thirsty about florence see you're part of the problem i am i am i was like they said oh i was super thirsty so 20 minutes in i was like is that when the first is that when it happens oh no they just drank a lot of soda they just were literally thirsty. They just were dehydrated. People are funny. Yeah. I have one more review.

This is a four-star review. And no joke, this person is named Jonathan Oppenheimer. Okay? And it's not... And this is not a meme. Their last name is actually Oppenheimer. What a name. Yeah. And I like, they have their own website and like, as they're a videographer or something

and they, that is their name. Like it is their name. And here is their four-star review of Oppenheimer. Oh my God. Oh my God. When I was younger, kids would make fun of my name and call me Jonathan Open My Hymen. I was like, huh? I wonder what kind of, that is not where my hymen. relate on a level that no relatable else can relate truly i know this guy probably got bullied his psychological damage yeah goes deep as as does mine and then the whole hyman thing relating to

the patriarchy barbie it all comes together and then grandpa from beyond the grave grandpa knows he's like what the fuck is all this i'm glad i'm there. I don't want to be part of either of these films. What a name, Oppenheimer. I feel like Oppenheimer. Yeah, I guess that's where kids would go. I'm trying to think like Oppenheine. I don't know. Yeah. I'm just like, what kids are saying my Heim?

I mean, that's advanced. I mean, this person, Jonathan, just got into the wrong crowd. That's right. Rough and tumble. The rough and tumble group. Who use anatomical words like hymen. Who take AP bio and actually learn about human anatomy. I actually did learn about hymens recently a lot.

Like for the first time? I mean, kind of. I guess so. Like going to Catholic school in the house. Again, it's not like that was introduced to us anywhere, really. I mean, it's a very, like, society very much misunderstands a lot of, never mind. It's become such a, it's a power thing. I mean, it's just so wild.

Anyway, not that I, anyway. So, sorry. I was, Jonathan opened open my hymen. Let's just go. Let's go back to bullying that guy. Where are we? Can we just bully that photographer again? Because I want to get back to that.

I'm uncomfortable being challenged with Will Ferrell as the patriarchy and open my, this is like too much for me. I'm uncomfy. Oh boy. I'm too sheltered for this. Oh boy, me too. Why are we framing it like men are the problem? I don't get it. I don't get it.

It's over my head. It's so over my head. That's what they say listening to our podcast. And it's like, don't worry. There's nothing deep about it. No. You're not missing it. It's hitting you in the face.

It's just probably not. Yeah. And if it doesn't feel good, I'm sorry. We get it. You can move on. We get it. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. I don't even know what we're talking about You can move on. We get it. Yeah. Anyway.

Anyway, I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. Thanks for being here, everybody. Yeah. If you're here, hi. Thank you so much. Appreciate you. This was Barbie Heimer, Barben Heimer, Barbie V. Oppenheimer. Alexander has creative control of the title.

So I'm sure this is the last time you'll ever hear Barbie V. Oppenheimer because I don't think he's going to name it that. But I hope you enjoyed it. And I guess I have to watch them now. Or maybe I won't. Like maybe that'll be my thing. That's not a thing. It could be.

It does feel like a thing that I haven't seen Titanic. Right. You know. Yeah. That is something that people always like they get so like it like you know what it brings something out in people like an emotion. It makes them. It's evocative.

It brings something out in people, like an emotion. It's evocative. It is evocative, and I enjoy evoking feelings from people. Cool. And most of them are negative, and it feels like I have power. It's a thrill. It is a thrill. Every time I tell someone, they're shocked.

It's intoxicating. Yeah. Here's where I have a little bit of a struggle because I know that you were there the one time we started to watch Titanic. I have no idea. And I also never finished it, but I think we watched like a little chunk of it. I know. I know. I know everything that happens.

So I think we've seen the same amount of Titanic. I don't think I've seen any of this film other than clips from TikTok or YouTube or whatever. I know that you were there, though. I don't know. Christina, I don't believe you. We were in Celine and Austin's parents' bed. What? Okay. Definitely not.

I thought you were going to say dad's copy. I have no idea what you're talking about. Dad's copy is in Russian. I've never, I've never, do not remember that at all. I remember vividly watching 2001 A Space Odyssey. I mean, you were like seven or something. I remember watching other things, plenty of other things, but never Titanic. Yeah, we got through.

She's just trying to take my power. That's what this, I literally just said, I feel like I have power with this. She's like, well, actually, let me try to take that from you. Well, what's bothering me is that like we've seen the same amount of Titanic. You just never believe me when I tell you that. I just had a therapy session where my therapist says that sometimes criticism can feel like someone's physically taking something from you. Sometimes Christine is gaslighting you. Is that what she said?

Because I don't think that's true. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to have a talk with her later. Them. Sorry, I'm going to have a talk with them later. There we go. Okay. First of all, learn their pronouns.

Good luck, you know? They're in my corner not yours we're off to a shaky start with the misgender guy apologize anyway this is awkward there goes my power you can have it bye thanks bye beach too sandy water too wet is a forever dog production hosted and produced by zandy and christ Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced

by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.