Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 261: Reviews of Food Trucks

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2.

See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly, cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Beachy Sandy Water Too Wet, a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

I'm X-T. And I'm Zandy. Hi. Hello. I'm the Zan-Man. The Zan-Man is here. Mr. Zan-Man. Oh no.

Yes. Bring me a dream. At least once a month, I'm about to fall asleep and suddenly... I come and burst into the room. Well, no, you do that more than once a month. Yeah, I was going to say. At least once a month, I'm falling asleep and that song begins to get stuck in my head and I remember the moment. This is one of my core memories.

I'm sitting at the dining room table and that was stuck in my head for some unknown reason. And I said, Mr. Sandman, bring me a... Oh, no, I said, oh, Mr. Sandman, like under my breath. And from down the table, across the table, Alexander goes, yes. And the whole table, my mom spit out her wine. It was like so startling because I was just humming it like to myself. And Alexander just looks up and goes, yes. Well, it startled me that everyone reacted so strongly because I feel like I do that all the time.

It was just so sudden. And then I realized I think I do it within my friend group. Like when we're playing video games, we do that all the time. I don't know. It happens all the time. So to me, it was just pure instinct. It happens all the time. People are like, what are you even talking about?

Yeah. If you don't know that song. We're talking about the same song. Mr. Sandman. Our dad used to sing it. So to me, it was just pure instinct. People are like, what are you even talking about? Yeah. If you don't know that song, our dad used to sing it. The Cordettes, I believe, is the version that I'm most familiar with. I only know the version where Zandy shouts, yes. Yes. It's upsetting. Anyway, welcome to our show. Welcome to our show. This episode, we're doing review. Well, I made a switch to topics, flip them around, because I don't know why.

Originally, we told patrons one thing, and we're doing the other. I had a big plan to gaslight Patreon. And then she was like, let's gaslight them. Let's edit the post. Let's edit the post, pretend like they- How hilarious. How funny. They were all wrong, and they had a shared delusion.

A folia de, or a folia 300, or however many of them there are. She's so out of touch with you people. She thinks there are only 300 of you. I'm so out of touch. So we switched them. So we are switching them and doing food trucks and my challenge in this episode this week and then next week will be uh tattoo parlors and your challenge that's right and uh i'm excited for this one me too uh but first also we want to tell you about some like actually so excited for this merch drop that's coming a couple days from this episode a few days december 1st i just remembered a dream i had sorry i you know when you have a

moment you're like whoa yeah you gotta you gotta go into it gotta get it out i was sitting at the dining room table and i said oh mr sand oh wait no that was real i'm just kidding um no i did i really did have a dream last night that we got notes from Forever Dog about our ad reads. That's so scary. And the only note was for you. What was it? And it said... So this is what your subconscious thinks about my ad reading skills. Which is so wild because in my...

What it was the note. The note was, Alex Hinner, come up with some more vocabulary besides amazing. That's hilarious. And then I was like, that's so rude. How dare they? And so anyway, they said like- So now people are going to listen to the ads in this episode and like wait for me to say amazing.

I don't even think you do. I don't know if I do, but I probably do because I feel like I say amazing a lot. If that's true, then like my subconscious is really mulling through some very weird- I feel like I type incredible a lot, but I say amazing a lot. Oh, you do say incredible a lot. I do say incredible a do say incredible a lot fuck okay so maybe that's what it was it might have been well now i'm self-conscious let me continue talking about the merch that we're supposed to talk about he said we have some very actually exciting some amazing merch uh it's it's gonna be incredible um you all are gonna love it um going to be amazing. It wasn't even meant as an ad.

We're actually just excited for this because we have new Cool Cruiser merch dropping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In a couple of days, our new merch is dropping. We're so amped. A couple pins. A couple pins. Keep an eye on our social media because we're going to post it there. Yeah.

Pins and some fun inside jokes are being resurrected and the cool cruiser shirt yeah oh it's gonna be fun it's gonna be great beach to sandy store amazing what is it i think beach to sandy dot store excellent he says uh not confident but that is definitely it good um food trucks you want to go you go first okay. This first one is from Emily. It's five stars. We're starting off very positive here. This is of Eat My Balls, New Jersey Gourmet Cafe slash food truck. Is this a meatball?

Actually, no. There are no meatballs on their menu. I'm just kidding. Let's see. They have the... No, it's actually Rice Balls. Oh. Jersey's Best Rice Balls.

Sure. They sell Nutella balls. I don't know what that is. That sounds great. But yeah, Eat My Balls is the name of it. Nice. Five-star review. I've never actually eaten here, but I often tell my Google Home to eat my balls, and it

responds by saying your food truck is 560 miles away from me. I promise I'll visit you when I'm in the area. End of review. Wait, the Google says that? Yeah. Oh, no! I thought you meant like the reviewer was saying, so I'll visit this food truck when I'm in the area.

But the Google is saying I'll be there? No. Oh, sorry. No. Oh, the reviewer. I thought the- Where did you get that idea? I thought the Google was saying-

Like that was all a quote from the Google? Yes. Like your food truck is 500 miles away. I'll come say hi when I visit you or something. I thought that's not a fun little. Oh, no. That's not good. AI edition.

No, no, no. So, yeah. This reviewer's like. This reviewer's like. It has a special place in my heart. And they took a photo of their Google Home activated. Wow. So, to prove it.

I guess. It's just four bright lights. Maybe it was supposed to be a video and. True. Maybe. It to prove it. I guess. It's just four bright lights. Maybe it was supposed to be a video. True, maybe. It didn't upload. And the Google is saying, I'll be there in a few short weeks once I figure out how to transport myself. Okay. I have a review.

This was sent in by Julia Sheher. One star. Not even worth one star. Where should I start? By the way, I'm not saying the names of the companies because they're in like a feud. So anyway. Oh, okay. Whoa.

Terrible customer service with horrible food. To be honest, I'd rather eat, drink toilet water after a fresh shit. Should get a health inspector out there for sure. Highly don't recommend. It's foul that they use the word eat in there. Well well that's upsetting because like they clearly changed their mind like they were like eat no let's say drink and they forgot or they said both oh eat drink toilet because it was after the shit so i was like how can you eat the toilet water and then they said it's after fresh shit i'm like now i get it oh no oh no no yeah well here's here's the response from owner this is a lie well first of all which

part this is a lie a fellow food truck owner is upset with us and he told people he was going to flood us with one star reviews today and then he listed the business oh shit so i was like let's not just like call attention to which businesses this is but um where these are but yeah i was so repulsed by that and then then the thought of like oh this is just can you imagine the other owner like refreshing his reviews over and over waiting for like this onslaught of one star yeah and it's so bad that that seems like a pretty pointed uh attack that review yes it's not really of if that is another owner a food truck owner like they're playing dirty. That's pretty dirty.

It's literally the definition of dirty. Eat, drink, toilet water. My next one is from Abby. This is of Super Tacos in New York. The Upper West Side. Oh, my. Here's a two-star review. Oh uws yeah i've heard of it here is a two-star review it was from over 15 years ago oh my gosh bow wow chica chica bow wow chica bow

chica bow wow chica bow ch Tacos. Is in the stomach. No more hungies. I thanks the baby Jesus for this truck. He come to me one night while I asleep. He say, buy me tacos. I say, okay. End of review. I hate this.

This is you. I thought you might. This is you as a middle school boy. This was me 15 years ago. Absolutely. It was. I'm actually afraid that maybe it is you. The bow chick. It's so stupid. This was me 15 years ago. Yeah, it was. I'm actually afraid that maybe it is you. The bow chick.

It's so stupid. It's so stupid. I even had a retort and then it just kept going and now I forget the retort. Good. Good. Bow chick of how. And that was a two-star review. That wasn't even like a positive. Whoa! I didn't even clock

that. I did. That's incredibly rude. That wasn't even like a positive whoa i didn't even clock that i did that's incredibly rude yeah that wasn't you then you were way too ethically oriented back then i don't i think actually i've changed a lot i don't think i was very ethical back when i was a 15 year old oh okay that's true you were a shitty person back then i wasn't great yeah this is from megan she hurt um and she sent an email saying oh my gosh i have like such like i have an apology to make i'm so sorry every time you read one of my reviews uh she said she puts the name of the place in the file name like i'm sorry the like the location in the file name oh and i just never see that because i just am like oh copy pasting it or whatever and she's

like so you're always saying like and we don't know what place it is. And she's like, it gave me a lot of anxiety. That's why. Megan, I'm sorry. Having links for everything would be so great. Well, okay. Every time I read an email review, I have to go get the link anyway for my notes. Oh, cut.

Yeah. We need to take two. Can you say the word amazing instead of great no okay this is of me casa what you you interrupted me for that bit and i'm like alexander wants links i do i like pictures it drives me crazy i like i don't blame people for how that it's it's literally a silly but we have to get the links anyway. I was trying to make Megan feel better. Do you not get the links? What? For our notes.

I do if they're there. Oh. I get every single link. Yeah, but like, they can just use a, whatever. Okay. This is of My Casa Hispano in Raleigh, North Carolina. Okay. One star by Crystal.

Horrible services. I go literally every other night. Price keeps changing per person, but last night topped it. I ordered my usual. They didn't have what I wanted. I had to pay five more than usual and not get a side. I will never go back. They can rob someone else.

I go literally every other night. Literally. I'll never go back. I don't believe you. I don't believe you at all. Crystal, prove it. I don't believe you. And that was written.

I love how they just get robbed every single time and they're just fine with it. It's like, fool me once. Rob me once. Shame on you. Rob me every other night. I guess this is my frenemy. Your lot in life. I don't know.

My cut. Amazing. Yeah. I feel like a lot of the reviews that i read for food trucks are people like writing their first negative about this like oh man i loved this place but now i had a bad experience so here's a one-star review i saw a lot that said i've never written a review until now and i'm like wow this has instigated a lot of feelings people have very strong feelings about food it's intense out there it It is. Remember that TV show?

Yeah. Remember that? Remember that other movie? Chef? Wasn't the movie Chef or something about a food truck? Is it the Hallmark movie? That's not what I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of an actual like, no offense to Hallmark, but like a... Hey! Shots fired. No. Like a

an actual like... Stop saying actual. Why do I keep doing that? An amazing film. An amazing film. Yeah, I do remember that one as well. But remember there was a Hallmark movie and they had like competing food trucks. And I was like, wow, you're just trying to like use buzzwords like food truck.

Because this is in like 2012 or something. Was it like two, a white, attractive white woman, attractive white man both ran opposite food trucks and they fell in love you've seen it i've lived it you were gonna say that okay okay okay oh part of the reason i said about megan is because now she downloaded the bob's burgers font and puts all the i loved it i know all the names it's funny because I saw that in an email I have. I don't know if it's this episode or the next for Megan. And I was like, oh, that's so fun. I thought she was drawing that.

Me too. And I thought that looked so familiar. You just ruined it for me. And then a previous email said, I'm going to use the Bob's Burgers font for you, Christine. And I said, oh, I thought you were writing that. Oh, so that email wasn't for me. Sorry. It actually works really well for food trucks, you know, to use the Bob's Burger font.

It looked great. Yeah, I'm really impressed i was so i was so impressed now that i know it's the bobs burgers font i'm a little less impressed yeah because i thought that megan was actually like drawing it but honestly that would have put a lot of pressure on us to use every single one if she hand drew every title every location that'd be a lot of pressure on us that is true um okay my next one is also from abby this is a one-star review this is a halal euro express um where is this located it's in philadelphia okay one star review the only thing that's halal here is the man's wig and dental implants. The rice reminds me of the movie Star Wars. A lot of mysterious characters in that shit.

The only sentence this man knew is, hungry, my friend. Fresh, I swear. After long minutes of ordering, I decided to just walk away and cancel for health purposes. End of review. Oh, my God. Wait, so then how does he know about all the fun characters in the race? I don't know. That's a good point. He's like, fresh? That's a good point. Hungry? What did he say?

Hungry boy? Hold on. Hungry, my friend. Fresh, I swear. I swear. Which I'm like, it was fine until that last bit. The I swear is what really turns the tables on me. I'm like, no, actually, no, I'm not hungry. The Star Wars, that's an interesting comparison. Yeah, that was a good one.

A lot of mysterious characters. That's pretty funny. What do you think the thought process was? Do you think it was like, whoa, a lot of mysterious characters in that rice. Hmm, what other movie has a lot of this? Or do you think it was like oh this rice reminds me of star wars i wonder why maybe that we believe that like they probably said something like oh this is something that you'd find in star wars can you imagine their partner they're like you

know this reminds me of and they're like please don't say star wars you can't say everything everything is reminds you of star wars um this is another one from megan of the don beto el poblano in raleigh north carolina by sean one star food wasn't seasoned at all i got a steak burrito and the pico was given to us in wet ziploc bags that's hilarious that's hilarious hungry my friend it's fresh i swear oh my gosh that's so good it's the dampness that tells you how fresh the ziploc bag is what yeah and then it just says um the chicken tacos were bland and i'm like well okay i guess that really doesn't do it for me as much as the wet ziploc bag that's so funny funny. Oh, my God. But thank you for sharing.

That's so good. That's disgusting. Okay, my next one is from Gregory. This is of Rolling Cow, which is in the D.C. area. And this is a one-star review. Oh, and with an owner response. Went to this food truck for lunch on First Street Northeast and ordered the chicken lunchbox with a salad. While I was standing there waiting for my order, I could hear a guy who was cooking yelling at the person who took my order.

I mean, the way he was cursing and calling him all types of names was shocking. I couldn't believe that coworkers could talk down to each other in front of customers. The guy who took my order was apologizing over and over, but the other keeps saying, you've been here six months and you're still fucking up orders. Finally. It's fresh, I swear. Hungry boy. Okay. Hungry friend. Finally, when my food was ready, my order was was wrong they gave me coleslaw instead of salad so literally the guy's yelling you're fucking up all these orders and the guy fucked up the order and the guy's like apologizing sorry about him anyway here's not something wrong order then i was informed that they had no more chicken and i would have to get beef

mind you i don't really eat beef anyway they gave me a free canned soda for the mix-up. Isn't this place called a cow? Moving cow? Rolling cow? Rolling cow. Okay. That's a good point. Anyway, I thought it was like a beef-based truck. It sounds like it would be. Anyway, they gave me a free canned soda for the mix-up. Well, I ate some of the food and it was very delicious, but due to the personal conflict between the two workers, I'll pass going back to this food truck. End of review. They left a one-star review, even though the food was good. I mean, granted, whatever. It didn't seem like it warranted one star, but I didn't hear the conversation, but I have an owner response.

Oh, right. Okay. I forgot about that because my quick note was going to be, wow, maybe this is all a ploy. Here's what I was thinking. If this happened in front of me and the employee inside was screaming at the person I was like communicating with

and I felt bad, I would probably tip them a lot. I'm like, imagine if this is some sort of racket they've created where like they're like, I'll just, it'll be good cop, bad cop.

Good food truck, bad food truck. It could be, I doubt it. But because here, let me just see. Okay. Here's the owner's response. I like that. Before the owner's response. Good point. We'll have truck. It could be. I doubt it. But because here's the only response. I like that. I wanted to say before the only response. Good point.

We'll have to remember that one. That would sucker me. Is that why you're so mean to me sometimes? So I get attention. I said, more money, please. No one gives me attention, though. I said, pay him money, please. Because he goes through a lot when I'm around.

You were just making fun of the way I read ads. And now Forever Dog's going to be like, oh, we've got to get him more ads. Yeah. Well, I was hoping. As long as he doesn't say amazing., we got to get him more ads. Yeah. Well, I was hoping. As long as he doesn't say amazing. I was hoping that people would pity you. Yeah. Yeah.

I think they already did. Here is a response from owner Alexander S. actually. Really? Funny. Good afternoon. We apologize for not meeting your expectation in regards to customer service. We strive aggressively to minimize any errors in providing. We strive aggressively.

Oh, yes. Period. We strive aggressively to minimize any errors in providing exceptional Korean barbecue for our customers in a timely manner. Though we are harsh on each other to achieve an exceptional truck, no words could break our lifelong friendship. We hope you understand our apologies and continue to eat deliciously best regards and then like signed it both of them oh my god this is just their banter yeah literally they're just like they're lifelong friends who have a food truck together and yell at each other while they work yeah yeah yeah no that's why i was like that's

actually kind of fun and they get good tips This really is a win-win situation. Yeah, rolling cow in a DC area. Wow. It's like one friend bullies the other one and then everything works out great. Yeah. Most, 4.6 out of 5 reviews. And then the clients get the wrong order and feel uncomfortable. It's a win-win for everyone.

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or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Okay, the next one I have is from Sean Heham, and it is of the Fisher-Price, wait for it, Laugh and Learn Toddler Learning Toy Serving Up Fun Food Truck Electronic Play Set with 24 Accessories. That's my last one. No, it's not. It's probably a different review, I would think. Did you look it up?

No. I mean, what do you mean no? Someone else sent it? Yes. Oh. Not Sean? Not Sean. It is by Miranda?

Nope. Okay, good. One star, dangerous. Is yours a one star? Nope. Good. So we get a redemption? We get a redemption.

Great. This is one star verified purchase. At first, I loved this product. I thought it was cute and the reviews looked great. But now my son has been playing with it for a while and it's dangerous. Put together properly by following the provided instructions and it still falls over on top of my baby. He's one, he can stand on his own and doesn't need to lean on things unless he's playing. But while he is playing, the truck will topple over and the orange top will fall off.

He's gotten bumps and bruises, even a couple of scratches from falling through the order window. I'm sorry. I mean... I'm sorry. It's mean to laugh, but... I feel like this is user error. Like, no offense to this toddler, but I feel

like this is user error. Yeah, I mean, it also says 18 months and up and if you have a one-year-old who's not quite oh oh my god yeah the reviews i read were all like oh two-year-olds yeah i feel like if you're not fully standing i probably would be tipping over if you're leaning on it right like most yeah toys i would imagine okay um he's gotten bumps and bruises even couple scratches from falling through the order window while playing. Can you imagine?

You're like, I'll take a burrito, please. And he just like tumbles towards you. Collapses in on itself. The rough edges cause scratches. My son likes to play with it, but now I have to watch him like a hawk to try and catch this thing

before it explodes into several harmful pieces. Oh my gosh. This is just a chaotic household. Wow. But that is such a, that is like, I know you're not a parent, but it is such a toddler lifestyle to buy your kid a toy. And then you're like, I don't like this toy.

And they're like, really? It's my favorite. I love how I fall through the holes every time. And then my mom gets really scared and upset. It makes me laugh a lot. It sounds like fun to crash through. I get it. Yeah. So I have something. So Julio sent me an email and he had sent an email before that I didn't catch. And it was of this website that is now this website that i'm about to mention chickadvisor.com chick advisor yeah so i think it's like a place for uh moms mainly to like post reviews and talk about like different um it's like a forum type yeah but it's a review site so you can you can

review so like popular ones are like Sophie the Giraffe. It's like in a list of like popular things that are. The Fisher Price Learning. Oh, you're actually bringing that. Sorry. What? I was making a joke. Oh, yes.

And then I realized you're actually. Okay. And then there's like a club where if you like post enough reviews or something, you like also gain like status within the site so the whole thing is i don't know so it's like you can still be in a hierarchy of moms even exactly yeah yeah great um but for this product notice that my sweatshirt says mom group drop out i think i wouldn't be you wouldn't be on chickadvisor.com i don't think i'd be welcomed uh so reviews and rating but it it's kind of and i don't use this word lightly i i feel like i shouldn't use it as a millennial but it's kind of cringe a lot of this is cringe like the way that's the

word cringe i thought you're gonna say the word you're gonna say is cringe no no no but it is cringe of me to use the word correct it's very meta what i'm doing right now but um that is also a very it's part of it i know it's all part of it um so a hundred percent of chicks dig this product okay oh boy um a hundred percent a hundred percent well i beg to differ but okay eight gave it. One gave it a good. But what's nice about this one, I will say, is you rate it on a scale of value, quality, effectiveness, and whether or not you like overall recommend it to other moms. When you said like this was another website, did this become consumerreports.org? No.

Because I feel like that's the same scale they use. I don't remember what it was because I don't have the Beachy Sandy email on my phone, so I can't check. Oh, right. I didn't forward Julio's email to myself. But yeah, then under recommended though, each one of these says, you betcha. Oh, to recommend. Yeah, okay. And that's what the-

You betcha. Whenever you recommend it, apparently that's what it says. I think it's a Midwest mob script. It's something. So here is a, this is a 4.7 out of 5. So positive. It's a you betcha. Classic you betcha.

The only thing that's a 4 was value. The quality and effectiveness were both 5 out of 5. Okay. So here we go. This is a positive review of the Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Serving Up Fun Food Truck. Serving Up Fun Food Truck. What? I'm so sorry.

No, no, no. I've taken so long. Everyone just ripped their earbuds out. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to get to this review. Sorry. And the first word you interrupt. That was just so annoying.

I know. I'm so sorry. I just always wonder, how does Julio find these? Because he found the weed forum. He found it. With bonging. Bonging always wonder, how does Julio find these? Because he found the weed forum with Bongin. He ended this with Bongin. Oh, I just remembered what my joke. I think he told me about in the first email that I never read, but I don't have that email. Oh, I see.

So you keep asking me questions and Julio's like, he could just read it. But guess what? I didn't. And it's too late now. Got it. Well, now I understand. I just remembered my joke also from earlier when you were saying bow, chicka, wow, chicka, wow, chicka, wow. Oh, what was your joke? At the end, he was like, dab. That was your joke? Yeah. That at the end, the reviewer was like, dab? Yeah.

Were people dabbing 15 years ago? It felt like it. It did feel like it. I don't think they were. It's pretty cringe and meta. I'm moving on. Here's the review. Great, busy, and educational pretend toy. This is a cute addition to our learning toy stash.

For me, it was easy to build following the directions step by step. Just take your time and don't have any distractions around, aka beings that will take parts or distract you while building. Gremlins, yeah. If you can build IKEA furniture, you can build this. It's the perfect basic learning toy for toddlers. And it's nice to have the sturdy frame for the little one to grab onto and pull herself up with.

Shut up. See? Yep. It hasn't toppled over yet. Parentheses, supervised, of course. There are so many different activities. My child hasn't fallen through the window yet. I love how we got the other side of it, though.

Wow, this is crazy. There are so many different activities, like cooking, reading, numbers, cashing in, and more. The plastic pieces are durable and gnawable without breaking. Gnawable? And she likes to cook with Auntie, so this is a safe and enchanting way to do so. And definitely a lot more interactive than the television. Overall, we like the busy and educational factor, and it seems to be keeping her happy so far at two years old. She also really loves the music.

Oh my god, the music! But that goes with any musical toy. The kiddos love it, and we grow weary of the repetitive words and tunes. End of review. But yeah, I read some of the repetitive words and tunes end of review but yeah i read some of the other reviews apparently this thing makes so like every little thing makes noise like the the grill there's a grill that makes noise when you use it yeah oh fun yeah what else well i don't know she's talking about music i'm like does everything play a song oh no i assume it i think they i didn't like watch a video but they said that like everything quote

unquote works meaning and it makes sound. So like you can actually very much pretend. I just like I wonder. I feel like Leona wouldn't know what a food truck is. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter. It's like you're like basically cooking, asking people what they want to eat. Right. It's like a kind of like a little toy restaurant.

Yeah. That's cute. But there was one person was like like the one thing we don't like is a pizza i can't even make it so i'm very curious i'm like what is that why is it so difficult to level up i don't know they were just saying like um that it's hard for them to put it together maybe once you make once you fail at the pizza it it launches you out the order window. And that's why that kid is being kicked out. Oh, that's what it is. That kid sucks at making fake pizza.

He's just really bad at it. Yeah. But also, I feel for that mom because Leona's head was in the 99th percentile. So she was very top heavy. And she tipped over a lot. So maybe that's just the issue. They haven't grown into their head size yet. Yeah.

As you haven't either. I have not. No. So I think you should be supervised if you play with this. Because you're a big yet. Yeah. As you haven't either. I have not. No. So I don't think you should be. I think you should be supervised if you play with this. Because you're a big head. Yeah. I don't want you to tip

through the window. Yeah. I'm actually now a little. You just made me nervous. Like my stomach is aching thinking of playing with it. I'm worried I'm going to fall through.

Phew. My work here is done. So I have one more. It's a redemption. That was my last one. Oh, excellent. This is one from Sean. It's another one from Sean. It's a redemption. That was my last one. Oh, excellent. This is one from Sean. It's another one from Sean.

It's a redemption. And it's very short because it's no words. The best on a podcast. Yes. This is a great idea. This is a review of Trailer Trash Treats, which has a Z at the end. Okay. Of course.

It's a dessert food truck and there is one interestingly by uh one review by uh julio or julio five stars and it's a photo what the fuck huh do you recognize yes who is it it's what's his name i knew it no it's shit sylvester because i forgot and i was that was embarrassing say it sylvester i was i i could tell you weren't testing me i was a little bit well you weren't like you weren't i just wanted to yeah i'm like you know who it is right tell me no it's sylvester stallone and like i almost said rocky and i'm like, you know who it is, right? Fuck. Tell me. No, it's Sylvester Stallone. And like. I almost said Rocky. And I'm like, I'm not going to say that.

That's embarrassing. And Sean had written in the email like, this isn't. Like, I'm just including this for the. Well, it's literally. Graphic of Sylvester Stallone throughout the years. Oh, yeah. We should explain what it is. Explain what it is. Keep me out of this.

You brought this. This is Sylvester Stallone as like a five-year-old, a 12-year-old. It's literally a montage, like a collage of different photographs from him throughout his... As he ages.

It's like he's aging, like progressing through age in the photographs. It's so odd. It jumps a lot, though, at the end. Like it's like, it looks like primary,

middle school, high school, maybe college. It's like every six years. Like every six years. And then it's like every five decades. And then suddenly it's like, oh, he's old. Oh shit, there's a gravestone at the end. Oh, that hasn't been added yet. Not yet.

Goddamn. Imagine I hang up. This is what happened with Jimmy Buffett. This episode's going to come out a day. I know, it's going to happen. I did that with Jimmy Buffett and then I hung up the zoom call and looked at my phone and it said breaking news and i went crazy this is not good that's so crazy this is not good news so i hope that doesn't happen to sylvester sloan um but five stars trailer trash treats gets five stars from

sylvester sloan throughout the years a collage of... I love it. It's so fucking weird. Honestly, what more do you need to know? Good question. Nothing. My next thing is now my challenge, which was sent in by Ashley. It's reviews where someone says, I'm not a Karen, but... Basically, when someone said that they're not a Karen, but are being Karen-y or something. Okay, here's a two-star review. This one was sent in by gregory and this is of an

arby's uh in green bay wisconsin rude staff waited 20 plus minutes in drive-thru for one chicken sandwich i'm not a karen but i really had the urge to speak to a manager. The food was standard Arby's food. Oh, manager? Like, I love how they were just like, oh yeah, there was a long wait. That sucked. Also, the food was just Arby's food. It's like, it felt so,

maybe that's not how they intended that review, but that's how I read it. After 20 minutes, they could have gone and gotten me a filet mignon for the Cheesecake Factory and put that out the window for me. But no, it was just a plain old Arby's. waiting 20 minutes the clock is ticking they're like this better be fucking good whatever they whatever they hand me out this window i don't know but my feeling is if it takes extra long at fast food restaurants it's gonna be extra bad so extra cold i have

the negative feeling yeah i like also that they're like oh, I want to talk to the manager to tell them it tastes like Arby's food. And the manager's like, gold star for her. Add another gold star. We did it. Thank you. That's exactly what we strive for. You're the first one this week to tell us that. Finally.

Everyone said it's worse than the Arby's that they know. We're in the green, folks. In the green? In the black. In the red. In the black. I'm going to read another one from Gregory. Let you sit on that.

Okay. One star of Panini's Bar and Grill in Kent, Ohio. Here we go. All right. I'm not a Karen, but I just have to say this. Pepsi was amazing. What? And it ends there. Oh, that I just have to say this. Pepsi was amazing. What? And it ends there.

Oh, that's bad. They got you. They got you. This Pepsi was Arby's standard Pepsi, and that's the only good thing. And they served that at Panini's Bar and Grill in Kent, Ohio. Incredible. Arby's Pepsi. Wow.

Ordered a fried pickle appetizer, and it came out with lettuce and an overpowering chipotle ranch. I tried the pickle without it, and it came out with lettuce and an overpowering chipotle ranch i tried the pickle without it and it tasted of absolute nothing absolutely nothing approximately 12 pickle chips then ordered fish tacos pretty decent fried to shit very tiny tacos i almost thought i had ordered off the kids menu or value menu at this point then the fries good god the fries saltier than black mold infested in the sinks oh all fries are about an inch in length at most very dark ranch was rubbish on the upper hand this may be the upper hand sorry i don't know who has it on the upper hand this may be the only restaurant in America that actually goes by nutritional serving sizes, I guess.

Overall, two out of ten. End of review. That's pretty funny. It's pretty good. Because, by the way, I don't know if you remember this, but my next challenge is Stuffed Like a Turkey. And that got both good and bad. It's like you can't win. People are either happy or unhappy that there's a lot of food.

You'd think it'd be a good thing in America. But no, some people are not into it. Absolutely. Also, this was the second review. There were two reviews that mentioned black mold at this place. Oh, that's troubling. Here is my next one. This is from Andy, they, them, who sent in a review of Karen's Diner Newport in Newport, Wales. And this is a place where the server, it's like a place where they insult you.

Oh, no. Like Dick's Last Resort? Dick's Last Resort. Oh, so it's called Karen for that. It's called Karen's Diner Newport. And I assume it means that the servers are the Karens or something. Whoa. Here's a five-star review titled birthday present from friends written by

Karen. I came here with six friends as I was bought the experience for my birthday. The staff worked hard and kept in character. Although there was a little twinkle in the eye from some, they were a fab bunch of people working there. I'm just sorry. I didn't get all their names, but Ethan and crew deserve a pay raise.

They kept the drinks flowing. Food came fast. Burgers were gorgeous and a good size. Loved the chips which came with them. They were proper chips, not skinny, soggy fries. I loved everything about this experience. I've never found being insulted so hilarious. It was a pain having to get the train from Bristol to Newport, but this was soon forgotten.

Thank you, Karen's Diner Newport, for a fab birthday experience. My only tip is to give it a go and enjoy yourselves. I really am a Karen, which made the entertainment even more fun. 10 out of 10. Really? End of review. I am a Karen. So it's like kind of like opposite of the,

but like, yeah, they were a Karen who went to the Karen diner. Wow. I had a very positive experience. I hope they got like a little crown and like a throne. You know, I feel like if you're Karen and you're self-aware enough that your friends take

you for a Karen night out. Yeah. That's like so fun. It looked like they had people wear hats similar to Dick's Last Resort. What is with the hats? Why is that the thing? What? This person's hat says two.

I think it says, my or I have two reasons for being on my knees on Sundays. Jesus and cock. In case you didn't get the joke, we'll spell it out for you. Oh my god. Then there's another one. Gone down on more men than the Titanic. Oh no. That's so fucking funny. Oh, Karen. This one says It's just like, I don't know. I'm a middle-aged gentleman gentleman like 50s or something looking guy

and his hat says my balls touch the toilet water frowny face and that's not like oh my god he's smiling he looks so pleasant like he's just like happy like when he's like oh here like i'm gonna take a picture it's like a normal like picture pose it's so cute it looks like someone photoshopped an insult onto his head but what i want to know more tell me more wait what what is that word let me see i finger myself on pieces of glass grass wait i know i can't read myself on i okay i'm gonna stop saying the front't read it. I finger myself on. Okay.

I'm going to stop saying the front part at the beginning. I finger myself. Oh, I said it again. On pieces of grass? It looks like that. Look at that child behind her head. See the child? Who brought a five-year-old there? There were reviews where it was like, hmm, there are some choice words that the children

shouldn't have heard, but we knew what we were getting into blame to my child what figuring myself means um it sounds like a trip this place where is it wales okay wales cool one day um one day when our welsh live tour could you imagine? I would. You know, I love my Dylan Thomas. That's the only thing I know about Wales. And that it's spelled without the H. Good job. Thank you. okay here is a review sent in by emily of uh a shirt on amazon my name is karen but i'm not a karen is the name is what's on the shirt that's embarrassing but the second karen is in quotes

my name is karen but i'm not a karen i feel like if you have to say that. Yeah. Here's a five-star review by Karen. Title perfect. OMG, this shirt is just what I wanted. It totally made me LOL. Laughing emoji. Just because my name is Karen does not mean I am a Karen. Smiling emoji. These silly teenagers.

I often ponder why this is such a funny joke to them because it is incredibly disrespectful to people like me. Heart emoji. These silly teenagers. I often ponder why this is such a funny joke to them because it is incredibly disrespectful to people like me. Hard emoji. So sorry to anyone else who has to go through these confusing jokes. One day we will persevere. Cross emoji, wine emoji, laughing emoji. Anyway, it's time for me to go watch my husband coach my son's soccer team. Cross emoji, wine emoji, laughing. Karen. Karen. Fuck it. Love it. Anyway, it's time for me to go watch my husband coach my son's soccer team. Go Lemurs! Beaver emoji, beaver emoji.

End of review. Go Lemurs! Look, I read this and I'm like, this person, first of all, they put their height and weight, like it's listed i guess for the review purposes to say like for sizing this has two people found this helpful this product has very few it has 10 reviews total this reviewer has only this review so i'm like it seems like a joke review but like i don't think it sounds like a joke review. First of all, they spelled lemurs L-E-A-M-E-R-S.

I forgot to say that. And then use beaver emojis afterwards. Well, there is no lemur emoji. Sometimes you have to kind of work with what you got. Use a monkey. Isn't that closer? No offense to lemur people if you know. They prefer L word.

No, we're done with the L words. I've watched that movie or that TV show. I watched all the seasons, but not once did a lizard show up. I was so mad. I really did mislead you on that. I'm sorry. Oh, so rude. Yeah, go lemurs.

Beaver emoji, beaver emoji. Oh my God, it's so good. And it's spelled wrong. I just love that they feel the need. I think it's their only review because they're like, well, shit, it asked me to write a review. This is about me being not a Karen. So I kind of have to prove it by leaving a five star. But I'm still a little mad about being called a Karen.

Yeah. So I'll just put a heart emoji after that part where I insult teenagers. Yeah. Also love that for us that she's like glumping. Glumping? Yeah. Glumping us in with teenagers. Makes me feel so youthful.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. I assume she's talking about like millennials in general. I guess. I don't know. Youths? People younger than her, I guess? She says teenagers.

That's fine. I feel like you do that a lot. You're like, oh, the teenagers. I'm like, who are you talking about? Who are you talking about? Who are you talking about? I don't say that. At least I don't say amazing every five seconds.

Well, I haven't said it the last five seconds. I haven't said it. I don't have to write you notes about how I talk. It didn't happen. In my own subconscious. Yeah, well, that means it didn't happen okay so let's see my uh last one here was is also from emily and this isn't a review per se but uh it's an am i the asshole so this this so the link and this was posted this am i the asshole was posted on

the something awful forums i do remember the Something Awful. Wasn't that kind of like bigger, like a decade ago? Yeah, it used to be a lot bigger. It's also the birthplace of Slenderman. That's right. Yes. Oh, wait, that's how I know. I figured that's why you knew it.

Yeah. But it was. You're right. It had like a lot of, like in the late 2000, mid to late 2000, I think it was like pretty big. So I think this was originally posted on Reddit, but I couldn't find the original post. But Emily sent it to me through the something awful forum.

So here we go. Am I the asshole for walking out of family dinner because of bad service? My family and I went to. Oh, sorry. Usually. Sure. Usually.

My family and I went to medieval times for Christmas Eve dinner. The wait was long to be seated. Christmas, sorry. Usually. Sure. Usually. My family and I went to Medieval Times for Christmas Eve dinner. The wait was long to be seated. Christmas Eve dinner? Sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I'm interrupting so much, but like imagine. Is that even a thing? I've never even been to one.

I know you did in Vegas, right? It was not Medieval Times. Oh, but it was the same idea, right? It was. It was a show that was basically the exact same thing. Yeah. Okay. You go and you watch an event and you cheer and you eat.

You pick a side or your place on the side. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to root for it. We were rooting for the bad guys. Drink mead or something. And we rooted so hard. We were loudest people in the area.

It was great. Sorry. Go on. So Christmas Eve. Medieval times. Birthplace of Jesus. Medieval time. Okay. Got it. Birthday Christmas Eve. Medieval times. Birthplace of Jesus. Medieval time. Okay, got it. Birthday.

Okay. Birthday of Jesus. My family and I went to medieval times for Christmas Eve dinner. The wait was long to be seated. And when the man came over the speaker, he said he would seat us according to section color and table number. So to wait for our tables to be called. I then noticed a security guard was ushering a couple families in that hadn't been called. I went over to ask him why they got to go back first, and he said those were people with health issues that required assistance being seated. I told him that I have a bad back, and standing around waiting is hard for me too, and he said that didn't qualify. Then they started calling every color but ours. I figured I'm smart enough to know what color to sit in, so I went ahead and went back anyway, and sure enough found our color but ours. I figured I'm smart enough to know what color to sit in, so I went ahead and went back anyway. Oh my God. And sure enough, found our color and table.

My family was still wandering around out in the lobby buying drinks and souvenirs. They eventually did call our section. My family came back, but the server that was seating us was kind of rude about me already being there. No, you don't say. I asked him what difference it makes,

and he said, because there's a system for this and you're disrespecting other patrons. Please abide all our other rules. I said, sure. Sure, I will. Starting now. They served the food with no silverware. I asked the server for a fork, and he said they don't have forks.

That is some gimmick about medieval times and eating with your hands. Shut up. I asked if he could please find me a fork. And he said they actually don't allow them because in the past people have thrown silverware at performers. Cool. So I didn't eat because I didn't enjoy eating with my hands. They probably did have forks, but they were like, this is one of the fork throwers. Not for you. Yeah, literally not for you. You've broken every rule so far. We can't give you a sharp object. Yeah. The show went on too long and was boring. There was one part where we were told to make lots of noise. I started banging my cups together.

I'm sorry. This person is such a pain in my ass. It just keeps going. This is like, again, this is going to sound mean, but this reminds me of you when we were little and you were like. Mind-boggling, mind-boggling. Yeah, or like, I'm not touching you. You know, like the classic sibling thing where you're like, technically. But they're just blatantly fucking around. Yes.

Oh, yes. I started banging my cups together and one of the performers shot me a death glare and told me to stop. I did, but asked out loud why I had to stop making noise if nobody else did. A server came over and said banging dishes together scares the horses and that it had already been something we were asked not to do earlier when they talked to us all in the lobby. I didn't remember that announcement.

My sister said it was announced, but I'm sure it wasn't. You left! You literally left! You are so dense. Okay. When the bar girls came around for drink orders, tried to order a beer but the girl shook her head no and walked by me that was it for me i got up and walked out and went to a bar next door and got a beer and a burger and waited for my family to be done and a fork my

for their burger i don't know my sister got mad at me after and said i'd ruined the night for our mom our mom said it was fine but my dad and sister are both acting like I shot a dog. Am I the asshole? I only scared a horse. And then they posted an update or edits. They said, editing to add, eating a burger with hands is way different than eating a greasy roast chicken with hands. And I'm not a Karen. I'm a man and a member of the U.S. Marine Corps. So I carry myself with a little more dignity than to eat greasy chicken with hands and i'm not a karen i'm a man and a member of the u.s marine corps

so i carry myself with a little more dignity than to eat greasy chicken with my hands also adding my family had already made it not a family event when my dad refused to allow me to invite my girlfriend along end of review or end of post i you know my view on am i the asshole post is creative writing until proven otherwise. I'm not going to take them too seriously. Well, and also, like, there's never the context of the other side. It's always so – it's always – Well, except for now.

Now I have the full context of the other side. Now I have enough context, I think, where if this is actually true, I have plenty. Do you think it might not be? I mean, it feels like a little – It's Reddit. I don't trust Reddit. I don't know. feels like a little reddit i don't trust reddit i don't know sure but i don't know it's a little i was gonna say it would be weird to do that but like that does not mean anything that means nothing yeah um i mean it's like we do get

joke reviews where people post a joke review and a long one or whatever and it's literally no one sees it like for what and like yeah but at at least on reddit you technically get karma and you get outrage like you get people to be outraged i mean i'm outraged yeah and now you get people talking about you on podcasts so wow your story that's the key to success it was probably you know what i think i know what what happened here it's a creepypasta like slend man emily wrote this and just wanted to hear emily you're an asshole is that what you wanted to hear because i think i answered it for her emily's prose is now out there wow emily your creative writing is next level because i believed

it yeah um no i uh i find that person to be really insparable but it's very funny i went and sat down and said what's the big deal like god oh god that sucks if this is what do you mean if this person's real oh yeah no agreed what a trash bag yeah uh wow what's that that was it you nailed it that was fun really good challenge actually i mean i didn't really do anything i mean look at all these people came through people insisting they're not karens i'm a man there were so many honestly um and i did i searched my own and i was like just overwhelmed by all these people because like so many people and i kind of appreciate it would be like us where we're like hey look like i'm i'm not i don't want anyone to feel bad or i'm not a caring like I'm not trying to just be angry for no reason, but this really upset me. So sometimes these reviews, I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah, you're just, you're just writing a one-star review because you had a shitty experience. I'm like, oh yeah, you are a Karen now that you mentioned you're not. Oh. Yeah, exactly. There you go. That's weird. I do wonder, it must stink to have the name Karen if you're just trying to live your life. Yeah, yeah.

I think I've said this in another episode or maybe it was a Patreon one, but I feel like Karen has turned into such a derogatory term used towards women. In general. In a context outside of someone being rude to service workers. It's definitely been weaponized in certain instances. Yeah, no, absolutely. rude to service workers it's definitely been weaponized in certain instances no absolutely like karen said cross emoji go lemurs um she said you know i've been going through a really hard time thanks to all these teenagers um so i hope other people like understand my suffering um and so i just want to say you're right you do have it really hard

go lemurs go lemurs beaver beaver emoji. That was so funny. Ugh, beaver emojis. One might say it was incredible. It was amazing, just like this episode. Thank you, everyone, for listening. We love you. We appreciate you. There were actually some food truck reviews that I meant to get to, but then once I added them to the document, I had like 15.

There were so many. Yeah. So I have those saved for between you and us. Nice. You know, for the day we do. You know that thing that we do those right now, yeah. But I did save them because they were really good. Good, good, good. You know who you are.

That'll get them riled up. That was weird. That's part of my gaslighting campaign. It's going really well. 2024. You're doing great. Thanks. All right, everyone.

Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next week for Tattoo Parlors. Bye-bye. Bye.