Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 262: Reviews of Tattoo Parlors

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

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do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if i could hello everyone welcome to beachy sandy water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. Our co-host Gio is making a very slow dramatic exit. Get out of here, buddy. Get out of here.

He's been bugging us for hours. Oh my goodness. Alrighty. Welcome. We're doing tattoo parlors today. Alex Zinner. What? What's your experience with tattoo parlors today. Alex Zinner. What? What's your experience with tattoo parlors? Zero.

I've never been inside one. Cool. So who wants to go first? I'd ask about yours, but I really don't care. Oh, wow. That was cruel. Do you know what tattoos I have? Yes.

This is a fun pop quiz. I always forget. Cool. You what tattoos I have? Yes. This is a fun pop quiz. I always forget. Cool. You have a flower on your leg. You have a- What kind of flower? I don't know, a lily? No. A lily?

Hold on. I need a list of flowers and I'll pick it out. Chrysanthemum. List of flowers. It's not a chrysanthemum. It's not an orchid. Is it a tulip? It a tool yeah i just it is yes okay yeah here it is yeah nice and then you have a little prince tattoo yep do you have another one yeah oh a moth yeah yeah of course i was just at a wedding two other people had moth tattoos on that's cool in the same spot and i was like we're moth moth. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I was just at a wedding. Two other people had moth tattoos on there. That's cool. In the same spot.

And I was like, we're moth twins. And they were like, I don't think so. Was there like a flame nearby that you were flocking to? We're twin flames. Okay. I watched it. That's what. Oh, you did watch it.

Isn't it good? It is good, yeah. So fucked up. You guys, you should watch that documentary. Anyway, let's talk about tattoo parlors. I like them. They're fun. Let's see what our...

I need to get... I have more for this one than I did last week because it's not my challenge. Right. Here, so I'll just go ahead. You go ahead. I need to get in the swing of things. This is from Andy They Them. This is of Serenity Ink Tattoos in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Here's a one-star review. We scheduled an appointment in advance, drove 30 minutes, and Maria decided to cancel on us as we were at the business. Very unprofessional. Seemed very unorganized. Us three will now be practicing unsafe tattooing at home wish us luck and a review and i'm gonna sue them yeah it's like that's on you it's like no no it's this is on you if you continue to go through that imagine that court case and it's like well i have a screenshot of them saying they were gonna stick themselves with the needle i don't know how this

is my fault is there a response nope oh wow which is probably the safest bet yeah by this tattoo they're like we are just like don't just stay out of it dangerous stick and poke is not really our jam yeah thank you so much and honestly at that point i'd be like i'm glad i didn't tattoo you if you're just gonna do it yourself yeah um okay but also then they'll tattoo themselves and then go back to the shop and be like, well. Fix it. Yeah. Probably need a fix.

And then be like, well, these people know what they're doing and I definitely do not. It doesn't seem like they mind. It seems like they already know they don't know what they're doing. That's true. You hear that, right? You hear that barge? There's a fucking barge or something on the river. I thought it was a train.

No. That was a ship. Because the other day I heard that sound and I said, there's a train. From my house, I can hear the railroad at night. I know. And I hear like a clang, clang. I love the railroad. It's fun.

And then you hear the train. That was a barge. But you hear barges here. But that keeps happening. It's a river town. This week, right here in River City. That's the only words I know. That's good.

Same. Right here in River City. Here's a review. This was sent in by Lauren. It's a two-star review. The reviews I brought today are deeply unhinged. I just feel like this theme and challenge together. I know.

I mean, your theme or your challenge is definitely unhinged. But tattoo parlors, you're right. Like, wow, they really drew out some wild people. I think we've avoided for so long partially because we did tattoo shops like episode 20 something. Really early. Like in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I think. That's right. Something like that.

And I wasn't going to bring this up, but i am because you just mentioned how unhinged this was uh d and i were talking because d was the one who was like oh we did you did that already i like how you said we did that yeah d you weren't even here yet you weren't even born you were twinkling my eye that's not true i met born into the podcast universe into our podcast universe um but she was like isn't that where the pearl review is from well i was about to say that's what pearls like oh my god i forgot yeah yeah piercing like tattoo here's the thing renee has a tattoo of a pearl and i'm like my girl i don't even want to tell you whose pearl is it I don't even want to tell you.

Whose pearl is it? Wouldn't you like to know? Anyway, someone pierced their pearl. It's from an old review. I can't stand it. That was the early days, too, where I wasn't prepared for your nonsense. Yeah, that was a lot for us back then. Okay. This is from Kristen.

It's from Lauren, but it's by Kristen. Two stars. The only reason I'm giving this place even two stars is because my tattoo is actually great. I love it. I got some text on my wrist. However, I think his name was Mike. Oh, my gosh. That guy needs a nap and a lesson in chivalry.

He told me my tattoo was going to be upside down, so it would cost $10 extra. What? I'm like, isn't that perspective? Huh. Right? Why don't you just flip the person upside that's what i'm saying i don't know okay if it's on your wrist on your wrist you're saying huh i don't know i know nothing about tat i mean like i said i've never even set foot in a tattoo parlor you have not even been inside i really don't when would i have i don't know i i was first of all scared of them well yeah we were very scared i'm scared of most things still i'm scared of a new coffee shop i go in my stomach hurts until i figure out how it works we're way too similar in the worst ways

it's really unfortunate. So, he told me my tattoo was going to be upside down, so it'd be $10 extra. Fine, whatever. It's only 10 bucks. He's the artist. It's cool. The experience just goes downhill

after this. I had just sprained my ankle about an hour before. As I was hopping, what? As I was hopping? I'm sorry. Also,

it just occurred to me that she said the experience went downhill. Just wait. Uh-oh. As I was hopping into the room where he was waiting for me, I fell very hard right in front of him. I was literally on the ground writhing in pain. This person is not paid enough to deal with this bullshit. I'm sorry.

Like, I'm already annoyed for them. Oh, my God. I was hopping into the room for them. Oh my god. I was I was hopping into the room. Okay, so fell on the floor writhing in pain. After I regained my composure. As I got up and looked at him. He didn't budge. Didn't try and help me up. Didn't ask if I was okay. Didn't even pretend to look concerned. He was just looking at me to say any day now lady. He told me that 10 years ago when people would get script on their arms or wrists, they'd position them in a way

where others could read them. However, my best friend and I were positioning them to where we could read them. He said we were prob reading a People magazine and stole the idea from some reality TV star. That's so fucking rude. Literally, like, this is so normal from what i've read about like tattoo parlors i'm like wow they just say the it's like kids say the tattoo it's like the

karen's diner in wales but like but like really no yeah tattoo artists really do say the wildest the darndest things say the darndest things. He said we were prob reading a People magazine and stole the idea from some reality TV star. Really, dude? Like who urinated in your cornflakes this morning? He then freaked out at one of our friends for bringing me a chair

to sit in since there was now a baseball-sized lump on the side of my foot. This person needs to take a nap well i know they said that this guy needs to take a nap but also i feel like this person is just like tripping over themselves yeah this is not the energy it's too much it's too chaotic it's not it's not it doesn't fit this place i can't needle away from this interaction so true this seems like not the right you're just asking for more more chaos, if someone was such an asshole about my tattoo, I mean, to be honest, I probably wouldn't say anything.

No, me neither. But I would feel like such a shit. I'd feel like shit if someone was like, oh, what? You got that from a trashy. It would ruin the tattoo for me. It very much depends on how they say it. Look, I will say with these tattoo artists, I feel like so many of them had a sense of humor that like what like not to excuse being an asshole for just yeah like i could absolutely see that happening all the time because there's so many reviews where the the the owner response was like what

that's not how oh yeah that's not what we it was nothing bad happened yeah it was just they took it like really personally sometimes i I don't know. They just said, I saw Joanna. But in this case. They said, I saw Joanna Gaines had a psalm on the inside of her wrist. And I thought maybe that's where you got the idea. In this case, like they're probably being an asshole. But it's kind of funny.

It sounds like they're right now. It is a little funny, but also very rude. Also, like 10 years ago, people got tattoos so other people could see them. I'm like, that seems like not. Yeah. How about people would get mom on their arms so that people could read it. 10 years ago? How long ago do you think 10 years is?

About eight or nine years. You think like the 1800 sailors or something? Think of like Popeye? I'm always thinking. I don't think Popeye is from the 1800s. I'm always thinking about Popeye. True. Probably reading People magazine and Popeye's from the 1800s. I'm always thinking about Popeye. Probably reading People magazine and saw the idea from some realtor.

Like who urinated in your cornflakes this morning? He then freaked out at one of our friends for bringing me a chair to sit in since there was now a baseball-sized lump on the side of my foot. He said he was rearranging all of his furniture without asking. In actuality, I feel like this should

have been Mike's idea in the first place. It's called customer service, homie. I was a customer in his place of work. This guy has serious anger issues, but I was not about to bring that up as he was inking my best friend and I for life. So we sucked it up and sat there in awkward silence. This guy is for sure artistically talented. However, he needs to figure out a way to deal with his anger problemos before getting near sharp objects. I'd never go back there ever again. Okay. You know what?

I just realized something. This person, I am picturing this situation just from this reviewer's perspective. I am picturing this situation where this person goes in, they're the two friends, they're being loud, they're being annoying. They're like moving stuff, touching stuff. She fucking fell and is mad that they didn't help her. But wasn't her friend there to help her? Like, why would this tattoo artist rush over? He was rearranging the sofa.

Why would this tattoo artist rush over to help her up when the friend is right next to her probably helping her up like why was she writhing in pain what like what it's so dramatic it's so unnecessary none of this is like it seemed so like also the fact that i can just picture it like i already sprained my ankle earlier so i was hopping and i'm like well that's your first problem they're probably being so they probably didn't need to hop thank you they probably didn't need to hop they're just being so dramatic about i'm sorry i'm picturing like the i have the worst image in my head of this person i feel kind of bad for that yeah but like just hearing the scenario i'm weirdly feeling for this tattoo artist yeah i'm gonna deal with all this shit i it's like when my my former friend benedict former friend only because he moved to Germany I haven't talked to him in like 10 years are we bleeping no no um Benedict growing up like when we went to Chuck E Cheese

and he like he would always like pretend he hurt him his ankle or something and he'd like literally be on the floor writhing in pain but he wasn't actually in pain well and then we'd be like that's the wrong ankle you said it was your other like that kind of stuff like and he's he was a kid like it was stupid kid shit like we all did stupid like eight yeah so i imagine this tattoo artist is like why are these children in my tattoo parlor acting like children why do i have to tattoo this psalms verse onto this child their fake is very convincing and so i have no choice hmm there was they're fake oh they're fake id oh what's that yeah something we didn't experience something i've certainly never especially i especially it's so funny when i this is so unrelated but when i like experienced the world by leaving

our hometown bubble um and i realized people actually have fake ids like i was like oh i thought that was just in tv shows but i was like oh and then i started to meet people who had fakes and i'm like what really i never had a fake no me neither i don't think any of my friends did either or they just didn't tell me because i was such a straight edge like a little shit because you would just fall on the ground and start riding his name you're like no please don't tell him about this you don't need more of his antics so true no one needs it uh my next one his name wasn't really benedict by the way that. That was his fake ID. Sorry.

I thought you knew. I didn't know his fake passport from Germany. His fake passport. It also said he had a leg injury, and that's why he was trying to play along. My next one. This was sent in by Abby. This is of King's Avenue Tattoo in New York. New York.

One star. And there's an owner response. Excellent. Not really a place I'd be comfortable having put ink on my body. On the surface, professional and all, but they are pretty snooty and condescending. Just want to cater to the rich cookie cutter crowd that doesn't know much about the character of the tattoo experience. It's basically like getting a tattoo

at Bloomingdale's combined with West Coast passive snootiness. Not really an NYC shop. When I asked if the artist could help me develop my idea, they said, can't really tell someone what they want to get tattooed, dude. Just that passive communication style and calling me dude like some kind of Bay Area tech brat was enough to tell me these guys weren't legit. Not to mention the fact that if they aren't willing to have a conversation with you on your vague ideas and give you creative input and help you really be happy with the artwork you get, told me they aren't really tattoo artists. They are tattoos robots.

Sure. It was clear they didn't want to take the time with me to make sure we came up with something that I was really happy with. My happiness was not their priority and that is a mark of a hyped up bullshit shop. In the end, I let them keep my deposit rather than have what should be an amazing experience ruined.

And here is the response. Oh my God. Okay, please, please. First of all, hold on. The snootiness, this isn't a real New York City shop. It's a snooty blah, blah, blah. The only one who's like gatekeeping tattoo experiences and how it should be is the viewer so far.

This is why I'm scared of tattoo places for people like this. Yeah, no, I agree. Here's what the owner has to say. I'm sorry you did not have the amazing experience you had expected. Although the customer experience is held in the highest regard here, we do have a cancellation policy that needs to be observed.

We feel your public complaint leaves out a few important details. We'll fill them in. You came in this Thursday looking to book an appointment for a crawling panther on your forearm. Sure. We booked you an appointment for today, Saturday, two days later. You called this morning looking to cancel the appointment because you, quote, didn't realize it was a popular tattoo design and a bunch of people already had it. Sorry.

Which is the funniest thing ever. That's hysterical. So you got a big mom on your arm, just like the 1800s sailors. You then asked if we could recommend something else for you to get tattooed instead of a panther, to which I asked if you had any other ideas, and you said no. The panther was it. I'm out. That's it. I explained that it's hard for us to tell someone what they should get tattooed without any direction. But if you'd like to take some time to think about it and call back or email over some other ideas, I can show them to the artist to see if it's something that could still be done today.

After an hour passed and we did not hear back, I called you to touch base, and you said you were not able to think of another idea, so you wanted to cancel the appointment. I let you know that the artist had already drawn the tattoo for you that you would be losing the deposit since our cancellation policy states that we need at least 48 hours to reschedule an appointment and a deposit is non-refundable if the artist has already drawn for the appointment keep in mind we were trying to work with you by giving you an opportunity to consider a different tattoo design to get today even though the artist had already drawn what you had requested. However, once you decided to cancel altogether, we had to forfeit your deposit to cover the time you had booked with the artist today. To address the

Bay Area tech brat slash passive snootiness remark, as a native New Yorker that has lived the majority of my life in either Ozone Park in Queens or Flatbush in Brooklyn. This simply just is not the case. Although I hate to think if anything came off that way. Dylan. End of response. Dylan? Was the owner, yes. That's a Welsh name.

Oh. Oh. All comes full circle. Alexander, wow. That is a... Yeah. It's a lot. I did.

There were so many of those like, this isn't a real tattoo parlor this isn't real there was one of the new york one i didn't bring because um there are some other elements to it whatever but they were like complaining about they they literally referenced that since no um curse words were spoken the entire time they were there they knew it wasn't like a real new york real sailors yeah and i'm like oh okay like if that's what it takes for you like i'm surprised you don't have your own place already that you go to oh i thought you meant your own place because i was like those stick and poke people yeah just do your own that's underground as shit they have dirty needles that they will tattoo you with and if that's the kind of experience you're seeking or you can just buy a tattoo gun on Amazon, I'm pretty sure.

That's not. Amazon is so. Too mainstream. It's so West Coast elitist. Snooty net. Snooty net. Brat. Yeah.

Google brat. True. Yeah. And so I. Amazon is Google brat. You heard it here first. I sure did. Because I said it first.

I was surprised you heard what you were saying. I didn't. I heard you repeat it. Oh, God. driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with TechPak at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. So this is from Elta, who also sent us, I don't know if you saw this, maybe not. I didn't read a single Elta email.

I think you probably got to them all. No, I left you. Really? You know, I left you one or two. Elta sent a screenshot of a post on our, I think it was our subreddit. Oh, yeah. I saw the subreddit post. Yeah.

It was like, who or what is Elta? And you'll never know. I'm gatekeeping Elta. I still don't know. I'm gatekeeping Elta from all of you. Elta is great. Elta.com. Don't go to that.

Don't go to that. I don't know if that's a thing. It's probably not a thing. Delta.com. We should buy the Elta.comcom for people who can't spell delta that's totally why but yeah so uh anyway elta is just a just one of you just like you just a patron um purple pain tattoo parlor like purple pain that's hilarious yeah because I guess Elta said everything there has to be Prince themed. Oh, it's in Minneapolis?

Is that where this is? Yeah, in Minnesota, in like a town in Minnesota. Purple Pain Tattoo Parlor. And Elta gave a little caption here. This owner is having a time. So it is a review with an owner response. The one star review by Dustin goes as follows. Prices are bad.

The equipment was never cleaned from what I saw while my buddy was getting inked. And the artists were subpar. Pass. I'll take my designs elsewhere. Response from owner. This is what I love. Like, the contact. Like, when the owner response says, oh, really?

Yes. Weird. Well, I feel like it's so rare for businesses, but tattoo parlors in particular, the owners didn't give a shit. They aren't as afraid to just say what the fuck they're thinking, which I kind of love, especially for our purposes. So here's the response from owner. First of all, Dustin, you're delusional. Okay. They aren't afraid to speak their mind yeah they're not they're not afraid to stand up for themselves you're delusional you motherfucker oops your

buddy didn't pay for their tattoo period there's a whole instagram situation about it and you know what i'm talking about as we just had a confrontation on Instagram you and I. I'll add the link if you forgot. Your buddy said she paid via digital payment. The artist then checked as your buddy left. There was no transaction where your buddy paid. I assume this is your girl friend. We tried contacting her multiple times via different methods to correct this mistake. All of the messages were deleted and blocked. The artist then went to social media and they finally got some recourse. The buddy's mother then agreed to pay for the services rendered. Oh no. Your mother-in-law. The mother has paid. We are are all square but it seems like you are mad about something good luck pal hope you win at life because you're doing so good right now just airing it all out

like if we like i'm so bad because i always take i feel like i take the owner for like at face value like yeah yeah i trust them but like in this case i want to do it again because i'm like yeah that's all true that's pretty fucked up yeah it's it's hard to not take their side because they tend to offer so much more more specific and details instead of just like a shitty one-star review yeah and i feel like it's easier to believe when there's like more of a story i don't know They know how to get us. Yeah. They know how to get repeat customers, I guess, or new customers.

I was thinking of getting a panther crawling up my arm. Oh, I know just the place. Cool. My next one was sent in by Brooke, she, they, who sent in a review of Coolsville tattoo in Las Vegas, Nevada. Coolsville? With a K. Oh! Here we go.

One star. My two best friends and I flew to Las Vegas for her birthday and decided to get matching tattoos. We decided to go to Coolsville because they were famous on TikTok. We chose the baby elephant, and the tattoo artist used the correct stencil, same as pictured. But once he was done with all of our tattoos we noticed our elephants looked nothing like it was supposed to

why he chose to give the elephant six legs is beyond me like all he had to do was trace over the stencil what's the point of using a stencil when you're just gonna do what you want my friends of course, laughed and said it will make a funny story to tell. I absolutely hate my tattoo. They are cheap tattoos for a reason. End of review. There's a photo?

There's a photo. And that's a stencil. It's a very cute little tattoo sitting down. And then... Like, I don't get it. It looks like it has six legs. It looks like it's a comb or something. It looks like it has six legs. It looks like it's a comb or something. It looks like it has five legs.

I don't know. Yeah, it looks so weird. That's odd. They just messed up. Like, that looks intentional, doesn't it? It's so weird. Like, when you compare it to the... I don't know.

So, yeah, this reviewer, I'm like, oh, shit. And that's the thing. So many good reviews were emailed in, or I saw so many separately. And the pictures were what made the review. Yeah, it's hard. And so it's hard to bring those to the table. It's the thing. So many good reviews were emailed in or I saw so many separately. And the pictures were what made the review. Yeah, it's hard. And so it's hard to bring those to the table. Very visual. But this one, they described it well enough where I was like, yeah, it's literally what it described.

It's a cute little sitting down elephant. But like for some reason, the one they had was an extra leg. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard. It's so funny. And the fact there's just one small stencil. Yeah. And he's like, I know what to do. I do like the attitude, though.

I know that it's not fair, but I love that attitude of like, this will make a great story one day. Yeah, but when it's a fucking tattoo for me thing. No, I don't blame her for being upset. Yeah, I don't blame her one bit. But I kind of- I know what you mean, though. I think I would be the one who'd be like, this is kind of funny.

Yeah. I don't know. I can't say for sure. I was about to say probably nobody else has that tattoo, but they probably do because he probably just does

the same one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, actually, no. I saw other reviews and I'm pretty sure with the same tattoo, but better, but normal.

Like, it might have been a different artist or something. I don't know. Oh, maybe. They just might have just messed it up. They probably just messed it up and then we're like,

oh, well, now they have to match because they're best friend tattoos you know true or it's like that artist hadn't done that specific stencil yet or something i don't know i'll put a line put his leg here oh shit oh whoops this is from lindsey and it's of a tattoo shop called freaks on broadway in kansas city miss. That sounds fun. This is something. Okay, this is a one-star review by Jess. I came

here to get my nipples pierced because oh, by the way, this is June of 2020, so this is interesting already. Okay. I came here to get my nipples pierced because I'd heard good things about the place and knew a few people who had been to this shop for something or another. When I came in, I signed the papers, told

them what I wanted, and then sat down to wait. When my wife and I sat down, the man at the front counter started asking us weird questions while riding a skateboard around the lobby. Sorry. The fact that they know it's the owner, or no, sorry,

the man at the front counter while riding a skateboard around the lobby at first it didn't bother me much but then he asked us how do your families feel about you being gay what sorry this is so inappropriate that is not okay at all not only is it inappropriate to ask someone you don't know questions like that but to do it while you're working makes it ten times worse and makes you look completely unprofessional. I started to ignore the man, and since I already drove all the way here, I continued to wait for my turn. When I was called to the back, the woman was very nice and the piercing room looked pretty clean. She told me that she was a freehand piercer and didn't use clamps, which I didn't think would be an issue.

I know, this is where my body starts freaking out. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Which I didn't think would be an issue. So I said, okay. And she started her process. It went by fast. And then she explained the aftercare and things like that. But when I got home and got to actually look at my piercings, I noticed that this lady completely messed up my left nipple piercing. The bar was so, I know, I'm so sorry. The bar was so far up, it wasn't even close to being even in the middle of my nipple. And looked like it would completely come through my skin if I even tugged a little on it. Oh no, that's so bad.

I would not recommend this place at all. Three people found this review useful. One person found it cool. I hear that hurts a lot. A nipple piercing? Yeah i would imagine i think they have numbing stuff though well because not if you're doing it free hand without clamps or whatever i only say because of a review i'm reading um but like still even with the numbing i i can't even imagine that fucking gets me the one that got me years ago i was like a teenager and i was in line

at kroger and the woman in front of me had um a bar piercing in the back of her neck and i remember looking at it and like my skin because i have such a weird thing about like spines and stuff and i was like yeah if someone put it like a ball just something about that yeah made me feel very yeah for me i just physically i feel just i feel like just body piercings i think most of them i just for me i don't know why i just don't there's just like a immediate like i've gotten over my fear of needles for sure but like that's i feel like i'm never i'm not going farther than that no no you certainly don't have to like i i don't think i'd ever get my ear pierced i that one feels a little more like less bad especially your ear lobe yeah really even like

a nose piercing doesn't seem as bad like just because it's like i don't know but still i don't know piercing's freak me out for some reason the tongue one nope like props to you guys who are brave enough absolutely this shit i just i respect it. I am a chicken. From a distance. Shit. Keep me away. Not away from you if you have one. That's fine.

I can interact with you. But keep. Don't. He makes. Not meet and greets. He makes. I want to fill out a form about like where they're pierced. And like it sounds perverted.

But really he's just trying to get away from everyone. Yeah. You know. Sounds so true. Okay. I'm there for you though. Not you. Wait. I almost said thank you because it sounded like a kind thing you said to me and i'm like she didn't mean anything kind to me yeah you're like this doesn't feel right yeah i i just okay i'm just uncomfortable now here is um a two

star review of uh platinum rose tattoo studio in spokane, Washington. This was sent in by Brad. Here we go. Went in there with three people while my friend got a tattoo. The guy kept being rude and telling her to hurry up and that we all got tits. She said the numbing cream didn't numb her at all. He kept complaining about an old worker who talked shit about him. He charged at least $150 an hour in tip. Too expensive. An overall rude customer service. To go through all that and then be like, and anyway, it was a shitty experience.

It's like, that's got to suck. Like, same with the tattoos. I'm like, so now this permanent part of fixture of your body, not the piercing, but the tattoo, like, is just scarred with this horrible memory. It's such a bummer. But we all got tits, so. We do all got tits. We do all got tits. We all got tits.

According to this guy. That's moral of the story, according to that one man. Okay. Here is another from Lindsay of Freaks on Broadway in Kansas City. This is a one-star view by Laura. I went in a few weeks ago to talk to Zeke about getting a tattoo reworked. He acknowledged it would be a challenge, but said he felt comfortable doing it, and we set up an appointment for two weeks later. Three days before my appointment, I received the following text, copied word for word.

Hey Laura, this is Zeke. I'm afraid I'm going to cancel on doing your tattoo. I'm not fixing big fucked up tattoos anymore. Your earlier statement of they don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. It's so true. And I think they think they're being funny or something. Like, I don't know what it is. It's so weird how, like, so pointed they are.

So unnecessarily. Yeah, it seems harsh. No wonder I'm scared. It is intimidating. I'm like, if someone talks to me like this, I'd wither away and die. Me sitting here like, oh, it's sense of humor shit. I can't handle it. No.

So I don't blame anyone who doesn't. I'm asking're asking someone to help fix like a cover of a tattoo. So sad. I'm afraid I'm going to cancel on doing your tattoo. I'm not fixing big fucked up tattoos anymore because someone doesn't do research on what they want for the rest of their life. I work too hard only to feel punished wiping everyone's ass. Sorry. I'd consider lasering it to lighten.

That thing is a mess. Sorry. I found this very rude, un unprofessional and unprovoked and rude i just was like man that's still the text it's all dot dot dots somehow that makes it worse like yeah sorry but not really yeah um so that was fucking rude i'm sorry like that was really fucking rude like this the double apology i love it like it comes it comes off as someone saying like i apologize it's like no no you said something you said no offense but yeah that's the ugliest tattoo i've ever seen and you have yeah zero self-awareness or that's why tattoo artists should either just lean into it or just not be rude but like yeah why are you apologizing while you're being an asshole sorry i'm not a karen but okay

uh my next one is sent in by um was it also by presented by brad this is a bulletproof tattoos in spokane washington um bulletproof bulletproof uh don't you have to sign a waiver that's it's certainly not um so there's an owner response but here's a one-star review if i could i would put zero stars the guy that did my industrial was rude i wouldn't recommend this place to anyone. Should have just gone to Silver Safari. Okay. And then here's the response from owner. Sorry that you were disappointed. However, we cannot allow clients to play video poker on their phone during a piercing. Piercings require client participation and focus.

End of response. Okay. I love that shit. What about Yahtzee? Can I play that? Because it really is calming. Depends, yeah. Unless I lose.

Then I'm upset. So, yeah. I guess why. I guess no. I guess no video games. Probably not. Video poker. Oh, I was just thinking.

I had a vasectomy a couple weeks ago. I don't think I've mentioned that on the show yet. But I was just talking last night to John and Ashley. I feel like we did weeks ago. I don't think I've mentioned that on the show yet, but I was just talking last night to John and Ashley. I definitely, I don't think we did. But about how they like had me holding the nitrous. Yeah. And it was like, that was its own whole story, whatever. I'm not going to go into it right now. But like, I was just thinking, as you said that, I was like, huh,

could I have just been on my phone, like playing RuneScape while they were doing it to distract me? i'm like in hindsight i'm like i don't see why not i should have asked you what if they were like they probably would have said like no you probably shouldn't be distracted like that distracted but i was high as shit on that nitrous that's that's the fuck me up yeah so imagine you could have compromised your runescape account that's true you're so right but it would be karma for all the people that i compromised their yeah runescape accounts when i was a day i started remember when i said 15 years ago i was a shithead last week in last week's episode i well i think i said it and then you just agreed with me yeah um but

that day on your vasectomy if you you ever get another one, I'm going. If this thing didn't take, I'll be really upset. I'm not flip-flopping like Michael Scott. I'm not snip-snapping. Snip-snap, snip-snap. I hate that. That makes me scream. Oh, me too, especially after now.

I can't stand it. I'm like, it wasn't that bad. I would recommend it to anyone who's like considering it. Because it was literally like five minutes. And you can play video poker while you do it. Okay. No promises on that one. But it was like five minutes.

It took no time at all. And afterwards, the nurse was like, yeah. She was like, man, like, he's like always going for a record. I'm like, what? And she was like, yeah. She's like, yeah, but, you know, Dr. So-and-so puts up a good fight or something. They literally probably compete and see who has the fastest time. Okay, that seems like... I wouldn't be surprised.

I know that's a joke, but like... I mean, he was so fast. And it was great. No, and everything was fine afterwards. The recovery was less than a week. Okay, so let me say it again. When you get your next vasectomy... When, not if.

When you get your next vasectomy, I if when you get your next vasectomy i'm gonna start a runescape account and i'm gonna go over to you and say hey give me your password real quick or what oh put all your stuff down what is it and then hit control alt f4 alt f4 yeah and you're gonna be on your phone like high as shit you know i mean i'll just wait till you're high it's gonna be funny though you're gonna be an iron man account you can't pick it up anyway you don't you don't know what i'm talking about you don't know me i don't does anyone have a runescape account i can borrow well someone does because they they messaged me the other day and said you you stole all my shit i'm not kidding i feel bad

because they messaged me because i talked about how steven and i have these two accounts and i mentioned our names oh yeah fish that's trifling tuna is mine and his is sinful salmon uh we're only fins only fins only fins only fins but it's our group iron man account but we also it's leagues right now which is a special time that we play anyway someone messaged me like hey i'm not sure if this is steven or zandy and i'd had an edible or two um he's but like like hi or whatever i could not for the life of me figure out how to respond. I couldn't. I literally couldn't. Because like when I messaged Steven back, I like hit tab or like I can hit something or we like have a clan chat, whatever.

I couldn't respond to this person. Love that. This is your public response. Talking to Steven on Discord and I'm like, this person DM'd me. Do you know this person? They're like, he's like, they're in my friends list. I'm like, they're not in my friends list. But I was like, but I can't respond.

Tell them I say hi. And I was so out of it. uh so yeah so hi to that person sorry that was horny halibut horny halibut okay that just came right that was a good one i don't love how quickly that came i i you know what i i feel like that wouldn't have been accepted but that's a good one you're going to get that's a great friend request from horny halibut. You're going to be like, who the fuck is this? It's going to be me. Unless it's actually you. Then I won't accept it.

It's going to be me. I'm sorry. That went crazy. Well, I'm just thinking about you being high and playing video poker and or Rootscape. And I can kind of see in a piercing, though, you're not taking that. You're not like high. Yes. Okay.

Yeah. I forgot where this started. But I feel like it would be distracting as a piercer if the person's like doing very dedicated to their phone and you're trying to put like a bar through their nose you know and that's true especially true for runescape and my my scrotum my um all right there's a lot of movement that come between the two of them whenever i play runescape i'm sorry but yes i know what you mean i wonder i wonder what is wrong with you you want don't finish that sentence this is from k she they and it is a one-star review

of a place called unicorn inc with an owner response oh did i ever tell you about the time i was in regional spelling bees and they did like a test round and this one girl who was like so overzealous and like kind of braggy, you know, whatever. And I was like first. And it spelled unicorn? No, they said spell ink. What? Ink? What kind of?

It was a test. Like rinky dink fucking. Alex and I, we grew up in Ohio. No, I'm kidding. No, it was like a test. It was like just as an example of how to like walk up to the microphone. Do you know what I mean? Oh, no.

So she's like, I'll do the test. And we were like, oh, God, this girl. She walks up and they say, okay, spell. They came up with a three-letter word. They're like ink. And she goes, bye, NC. Christina. And it was awkward. and that girl was you

i she was so confused like she thought it meant like ink like llc yeah and so she stood there for like she's like ink and they're like ink and we were like in seventh grade then she's i and c and they it was so awkward because like it was meant to be just like a practice run. It wasn't like an actual like. So then they were like, do we tell her that she got it wrong? Even though it was just a. Anyway, they did. They did tell her it was awkward.

I hate that. Yeah, it was horrible. But also we were all like, lol, that was great. Because she was like so pushy. Yeah. You know, anyway. This is from Kay Shidae and it's a one-star review of unicorn ink sorry every time i hear ink with a k i'm like it just comes man i was like memory sorry we are

jumping around one star technician was good staff was miserable and constantly gave wrong information about requirements for piercings man Man at the desk was quoting Rhode Island law about documentation when the whole time we were there, he was feeding his face. Horrible experience. I went there for sanitary reasons, but there are plenty of other places to go for that. Here's a response from the owner. Okay. Hi, Abby. Thanks for your review. we remember you very clearly and the experience we had as well smiley face oh no here we go it is the most like blood curdling smiley face it's like period smiley face and then like just like paragraphs it's scary first i know you were angry with us because we refused to pierce your underage daughter, but that is only because you did not supply us with her birth certificate,

which I told you you had to bring when you first called. But it is, in fact, Rhode Island law that we follow these rules. You can read it up on their website if you'd like. Also, we were eating behind our desk at the front desk outside of the tattoo and piercing room, because once again, Rhode Island law requires that we cannot have food or drinks inside the piercing or tattoo rooms okay wait hold on so now i'm thinking they're eating drinking riding skateboards and playing video this is the same place no okay but i'm just saying like tattoo artists i feel like they get out of the piercing room and they're like free for all i'm gonna like skateboard around ask inappropriate questions it's like how i drank

soda whenever i was out of the house because mom wouldn't let me in the house. You were like beef jerky or you had soda. Yeah. I'm in. Did mom have a beef jerky rule I didn't know about? I don't know. That seemed very specific. I just always think about your hiking trip.

Anyway, that's another one of my memories. I'm so glad you bring that up all the time. There. I'm glad you bring that up all the time. Even though I wasn't there. Rhode Island law requires we cannot have food or drinks inside the piercing or tattoo rooms just at our office desk, which we like to try to obey. By the way, in case you don't remember, we were having an orange. An orange!

We are extremely sorry if this offended you. By the way, remember she said they were feeding his face. That was even better. Like, not even a phrase anyone says. Feeding his face. What a weird. Unless it's like the CEO of Nick Jr. That makes sense. And unless it's a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

True. We are glad to hear you called our piercer back and told him he did a great job with the piercing though. Mikey is awesome. And we appreciate your honest feedback with us. Please feel free to stop by if you have any further questions or concerns. Smiley face. Like, how could you read both of those accounts and not be like, oh, this owner is completely in the right and telling the truth? Well, the second that the first person said, oh, they were quoting Rhode Island law.

Yeah, which is like, good. Probably for a reason. Isn't that a positive thing that they're following the laws about went there for cleanliness yeah and sanitary purposes anyway bizarre bizarre but they wouldn't pierce the under their tattoo or pierce the underage pierce i would hope i mean never mind uh sinner hates when children have tattoos it's like one of his pet peeves i mean kind of well i mean it's not a pet okay that just seems like hmm i don't know that seems like a mistake anyway here's okay that's actually in the rhode island state constitution this is a mistake what you're doing is a mistake i'm so sorry i'm just quoting the law uh yeah that's all I'm doing too. Okay.

That was my last one. Oh, nice. I have, I think, three more. Wow. A review of Oak. I know. I went all out for this one. Last week, I feel like this episode is almost as long as last week's already.

Yeah. Yeah. And we haven't even gotten to the best part. Gotten to your challenge, which is going to be chaos, I know. So this was sent in by Megan. This is of Oak City Tattoo in Raleigh. Here we go. One star.

Not only did they do a crappy tattoo that I now need to get fixed, the guy was a total jerk. After getting a small piece, he said that he guarantees his work and to write him if there were any issues. I did and received no response after a second email he didn't say he would respond he just said write me i'm sorry technically like you're not wrong you're not lying after a second email with no response i wrote him a third explaining that i had written several times and asking him to please respond this time i did

receive a response that started with congratulations congratulations, you can count to three. The rest of the email was filled with attitude and the same rudeness. I'd rather walk around with a crappy tattoo than have to deal with someone with his attitude. Do yourself a favor, skip this place and go somewhere with decent people. Horrible tattoo, horrible service. End of review. I'm like more scared of tattoos now. So scary.

I'm like so intimidated. They could cut me down with just three words. You can count. Congratulations. That's four words. So clearly I can't count. Never mind.

That's not the point. Yeah, no, I'm with you. It's scary. It's intimidating. It is intimidating. My next one, actually my next, I think three,

all the last final ones were sent in by Olivia. This one is of 22 Caliber Tattoo Studio in Columbus, Ohio. One star. I went with a friend who was getting piercings. The two guys working in there were extremely freaky looking and lacked professionalism and customer service skills. I would certainly never get anything done there. Buyer beware.

End of review. There is an owner response. It's fucking rude. Yes. You talk about rude. You should go to Freaks on Broadway. Right? Yeah.

It's in the name. And here's the owner response. By the way, they didn't even get anything done. They were just there with a friend and they said, oh, I don't like this place because they looked. Oh, that's okay. Yeah. And here we go. Here's the response.

Buyer beware so you come to a tattoo studio and you say they look freaky and you never got anything at all but want to leave us a bad review shaking my head end of her response so true though well honestly that's probably good news for a tattoo parlor. If someone came in and was like, everyone looked very white bread and average, like Silicon Valley brats or whatever. All that bullshit. Yeah. I'd be like,

that seems sketchy. It does. Um, okay. And I have one more of the 22 caliber tattoo studio. And then I think we're going somewhere else with my final one. We'll see. Um,

here's a one-star review. I went there. It looks burned down end of review owner response please either remove your review or fix it the pizza place beside our studio is burned down not us thank you end of response oh my god and they're like well i can't review the pizza place because it burned down yeah yeah what else am i supposed to do oh yeah alexander um that has nothing to do with us yeah here's my next one one star uh this is of 22 caliber tattoo mega studio in hilliard ohio holy shit um this one's a little bit of a saga with a response um and i curious, like your take on both after hearing both sides.

Okay. Here's a one star. I would give this no stars. Let me explain. This will be a long one. Oh boy. I never really wanted a tattoo. However, when my grandfather passed away, that changed.

Before his passing, he wrote me a letter telling me that I could do anything I set my mind to. I think you have to get a tattoo. He wrote me a letter. I was like, hang on a second. You don't want one, but grandpa put it in his will. He was a sailor and it was very important to him. He said, if you want your portion of the will, sorry. The letter made me very emotional.

And the last line of the letter was, the world stands open before you step out boldly. That's nice. There was no punctuation, so it was a little hard to figure out. He was elderly, and probably it was a lot of work to write that letter. Or he had punctuation. The review didn't mention it. Okay. I decided to get that tattooed on my shoulder to dedicate to my grandfather's memory. And my first tattoo.

The artist agreed to do this tattoo and wrote down what I wanted when I made my appointment. The day I went to get it, he typed it up for me and it was perfect. No spelling errors. It was an awesome font. I loved it. The experience was great at first. We chatted and the artist seemed cool. After it was finished, I couldn't I loved it. The experience was great at first. We chatted and the artist seemed cool. After it was finished, I couldn't really read it. My skin was red and it looked backwards

in a mirror, but I assumed it was good because the sketch was spelled correctly. And believe me, I checked. I paid and gave him an awesome tip. When I got outside, my friend looked at it and he spelled boldly wrong. I started bawling my friend informed the artist that he had made a mistake and that he and he tried to correct it oh luckily he just forgot the l so it was bodily boldly luckily boldly bodily that's such a bummer we told him exactly where to put the l we spelled it for him at least twice. What did he do? He spelled Blodley. No, he didn't.

Alexander, this is bad. By then I was so- Blodley is worse. Blodley. It got worse. It got worse. By then I was so upset I was shaking. He assured me that he could fix it.

He wanted to cover it up with a flower? I didn't want to do that. So he put skin colored ink over it and my friend watched him spell it for the last time. I was so upset and angry my experience with the tattoos

is ruined. And he took a meaningful quote from my grandfather and destroyed it. My friend insisted we have a refund but they refused. Blodly?

Blodly. It's kind of clever and fun. So we asked for my tip amount back and they wouldn't even give that back. One of the other employees there said, what did you expect? None of us went to college.

We're just freaks on Broadway. What do you want? Excuse me, I'm pretty sure my seven-year-old niece can spell boldly. Well, yeah, if you tell her where to put the L, I went home. You gotta tell her where to put every letter. Finally, after a couple minutes of arguing, they gave us half the tip back.

I went home and tried to put it behind me until I realized he also forgot to cross the T in step. What is happening? So he said, slept? Slept. Fuck. I had had enough. My boyfriend's mom, God bless her, called Short North Tattoo in Columbus, and they got me in right away to fix it. I am so grateful for Biz at Short North Tattoo.

Don't waste your time. Waste is spelled wrong. I'm just saying. Don't waste your time. Go somewhere that's actually good where they can spell above the second grade level. First picture is the mistake. So they had the bodily and the tea. Second is after the artist fixed it.

Still no cross on tea. Third is almost a month after the is after the artist fixed it. Still no cross on tea. Third is almost a month after the artist that short North fixed it. So here's, that's the fixed one. I think. And then they're out of order of what they said. Hold on. They only had two pictures that I think I saw.

Bodley. Slap out. Slap out. Bodley. It does say slap out bodily but okay when i got my tattoo and maybe this isn't quite how it they had like a stencil like they they hand drew it or whatever yeah but then that was put the tattoo like a temporary there's an owner response oh okay um also like never mind just read the response here we go odd we remember the situation a little different than what you have wrote here this was all drawn and stenciled in

front of you and two other people you brought with you you had plenty of time to catch the mistake mistakes do happen we are not robots once the mistake was noticed the artist did attempt to fix it that is true and has tried to contact you for weeks to check on it. It would have been an easy fix if it wasn't for your boyfriend telling him to put the L in the wrong place. No. We apologized to you and he fixed it and tried to follow up with you multiple times after. You're putting all the blame on us and the artist. When you signed a consent form stating that the drawing was to your liking and agreed to the fact there is no refunds.

End of response. And then there's an edit, an update in response to that response. Closing arguments. Basically just said that my boyfriend spelled it correctly both times. How do you know? You weren't looking. And said, my boyfriend has almost completed a four-year degree. And if I remember correctly, another one of your artists said to me they don't know how to spell because they didn't go to college. So I think you're underestimating my boyfriend's literary abilities.

How dare you? And claim that the artist never tried to contact them. Which I'm funny. That's funny that they're like trying to give qualifications for their boyfriend's spelling abilities when like that artist is clearly making a joke about. It's not even a qualification. For how to spell the word boldly. clearly making a joke about even a qualification for how to spell the world word boldly no it's not even a qualification because it said he almost finished it a degree um like it's not even a qualification yet yeah yes um but yeah this was also six years ago so it's all in the past it's all water under the blidge now. I cannot believe the Blodley.

That. Like, look, I think you have a very good point about the stencils. Like, why? There's no way this artist is going against the stencil. It would be weird to be like, oh, boldly? That's not how you spell it. But then again, you see that fucking elephant stencil and you're like, how did that happen? That's true.

That's true. That's true. Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's a he said she said like yeah and also you know she didn't see what maybe her boyfriend was worked up and pointed at the like i don't think anyone's questioning whether your boyfriend is literate you know i don't think that's the question i think it's like did he accidentally point to the wrong spot was there a misunderstanding like nobody needs his diploma that he hasn't gotten yet okay i don't know i The whole thing just was so wild.

This is crazy. And I don't even know. There's no real solution here. I don't think so either. There's no, like, that's how I felt reading that response. For once, I wasn't like, ha, there's the context we were missing. It's like, no, they just. Still not great.

Kind of feel it happened differently, but there's no evidence either way. There's pretty big evidence. There's evidence that it didn't go well. Yeah. That things went awry. Yeah. Holy shit. Yikes.

Okay. Yikes. Was that your last one? That was my last one. That was a finale if I ever heard it. Now we get into your challenge. Talk about a finale. Yeah, I'm done.

Do I have to listen to this challenge? Actually, you can leave because I, when I did this last night, laughed so much that I don't even need you here. Like, I was so entertained just alone reading these. This is a challenge from Gregory. It's find reviews where someone mentions being stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. Just like, what the fuck? So this is like just an icebreaker here uh this is from alexandra and the email said stuff this review in your challenge zandy wink

so here's a little um it's just like a little meme oh good this is looks promising it says imagine if you were the one being stuffed for thanksgiving dinner pita and then it has like a tofurkey and then um a woman an an older woman named Helen commented, my husband Barry stuffs me after dinner. Gobble, gobble. God bless. So. Oh, Barry. Thanks, Peter.

This is from. Wait, wait, wait. That reminds me of something else, though. Uh-oh. An article on Redctress from 2019 and every year it comes back up and it just makes me so happy because it's so funny to me and i'll just read the headline uh tofu is gross says mom while fisting a turkey's a ripped out asshole yeah yeah i think i share that on my stories every year so fucking funny to me that to me. That's gross. But I'm glad that Barbara, is it Barbara?

Who's this? Helen and Barry. Helen's getting stuffed by Barry. She's getting some, you know. Good. This is from Sean and Abby. It's called Poopertainment. No thanks.

Okay. A fun activity book with funny facts, bathroom jokes. Oh, by the way, Sean and Abby both sent it. They didn't. Oh, I was like teamwork. I don't think so. No, yeah. both sent it they didn't oh i was like teamwork i don't think so no yeah they sent it working as a team yeah i did too some of them are where that's like oh my wife and i are my friend but this one is separate they both happen happen they're frenemies they happen to find this separately poopertain colon, a fun activity book. Colon? Colon!

Oh, no. A fun activity book with funny facts, bathroom jokes, Sudoku, puzzles, and other fun things to do while you poo on the loo. Paperback. Too many words. It's a lot of words. Many words I didn't like, actually. Well, maybe if you're busy pooping, you wouldn't mind all those words. Yeah. This is a five-star review from Amazon of this nice book.

And the title is Stuffed Like a Thanksgiving Turkey with Fun. Who? Yeah. My mind has been bulking up with the plethora of knowledge builders crammed into this weight room of a book, not to mention all the fun as well. When you delve into poopertainment, you may do as I did and rename the bathroom as the mental fitness room. You may do as I did and rename the bathroom as the mental fitness room. I highly recommend Bill O'Neill's assemblage, assortment, and blend of facts, games, jokes, puzzles, quizzes, trivia, etc. You won't be disappointed.

You know, it weirdly sounds right up my alley. I bet I'd love this poopertainment book. But I kind of hate it. Write up your poopertainment. This is from Andy, they, them. And I want them to know we're here for them they just wrote a nice message and um oh hi andy we love you feel better this is called water for chocolate it's a restaurant in baltimore and this is an open table review water for like my brain cannot i know i read it 10 times last night and I was like, water. That's if Jesus were cool.

Water, what? Yeah, wine is not cool. Yeah. Chocolate is cool. Yeah. Five stars. This was my first dining here, and overall, I really liked the relaxed environment. Everyone was very friendly.

The relaxed atmosphere reminded me of dining in Europe. Everyone takes their time, and it's not a rushed environment, and I really enjoyed that. If you are in a rush, this probably isn't the restaurant for you. The vibe is very chill. Now on to the food. I left feeling like a stuffed turkey. The food was good and we ate so much. I would recommend the french toast and the crab quesadilla. The shrimp and grits were cool. I like that the quesadilla came with rice, and it was kind of sweet, which balanced out the savory taste of the quesadillas. I would say the food is well balanced. The French toasts were like French toast sticks. They weren't overly sweet, which is great.

It comes with a sauce on the side, which is really good. None of this goes together. I would definitely dine again for brunch. And the drinks are good. I got the guava bellini. What? You're like, none of them go together. And I'm like, what about a guava bellini? The most specific. Now it's all tied together. So weird. And the drinks are good. I got the guava bellini. And we also got the Caesar salad. That was family style. Yeah, but from like six different restaurants. It does sound like it.

Like a bellini and then like a crab quesadilla. French toast? French toast. The French toast is when I really was like, slow down. It's like 180, what's happening? The quesadilla was sweet or the rice was sweet. The rice? The shrimp and grits were cool. And I forgot there was shrimp and grits.

Yeah, this is like a crazy experience. Man, it feels like they just had a big table ordered a bunch of everything yeah i just tried everything and they're like this place is like you can eat forever there's no rush and i'm like well not if you ordered 16 entrees like what are they gonna do kick you out uh okay so this is from gregory who also gave the challenge um and i'm not gonna tell you what restaurant it is yet because i i just want to read the review without that context. Okay. It is a five-star review.

Interesting. By Raging Ramon. Uh-oh. Five stars. Stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. First of all, everyone was so friendly. We felt right at home. It was just my wife and myself.

The food was great. There was so much food. I was in hog heaven. I was just my wife and myself. The food was great. There was so much food. I was in hog heaven. I was stuffed to the hilt. I just couldn't eat another bite. But the only thing was we could not take the leftovers home. We didn't have anything extra brought out to our table. We just couldn't eat it all. My wife and I could have made another meal out of everything that was left. We felt guilty because we were wasting so much food. Other than that, I loved it. Our waitress, Michelle, was so friendly and she actually talked to us. That's weird.

Well, yeah. That tells us more about your experiences at restaurants. That's what I'm wondering. I feel like it tells us about you, not about the restaurant. Michelle's like, yeah, I said, here's some water. Yeah. We had a wonderful conversation at our table we learned about the restaurant and all about paula dean and her wonderful family oh did i not mention it was michelle dean no i'm kidding the waitress we had a wonderful

conversation at our table we learned about the restaurant and all about paula dean and her wonderful family when you go to this place, you better go hungry. And I do mean hungry. Excellent food and friendly dinning atmosphere. It was great. Just great. Oh, no. So this is the Paula Deen's family kitchen. But I was very.

I had no idea that existed. Confused. Where is that? I don't have any clue. I was confused at first. And that's not Gregory's fault. It's mine. Oh, I know.

Very confused because when Gregory wroteory wrote paula dean's family kitchen it auto-corrected to paula fern like dean d-e-n correct to f-e-r-n so when i first read it i was like oh paula like i don't know what this is i just thought it was and then i read like we learned all about paula dean and i was like what a weird conversation to have with your server but anyway that makes it make sense i ended up putting it there's uh context for that because otherwise that would be absolutely wild imagine the one time someone talks to you But anyway, I ended up putting it together. I'm glad there's context for that. Because otherwise, that would be absolutely wild. Imagine the one time someone talks to you and they just are like, let me tell you about Paula Deen and her wonderful family.

I'm like, oh. But is this part of it where that's part of the experience? Probably. You learn about Paula Deen's family? But why couldn't they bring their food home? They're not allowed? Or they just didn't have a fridge? I don't understand. I don't know. Because it almost felt like they were saying we weren't allowed to take our food home like they're not allowed or like they just didn't have a fridge like i don't understand

i don't know because it almost felt like they were saying we weren't allowed to take our food home didn't paula dean say the n-word right very fairly recently oh yeah sorry that's all i can think of with paula dean that and like butter she likes butter right yeah yeah yeah yeah two very different things those are the only things that well she has a wonderful family oh good okay yeah okay um and her name autocorrects to fern i actually know a lot about paula wow you've learned so different things. Those are the only things that... Well, she has a wonderful family. Oh, good. Okay. And her name autocorrects to Fern. I actually know a lot about Paula Deen. Wow, you've learned so much in your time. Gregory also said,

does it count if they mention not being stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey? It's my challenge and I say yes. I was like, okay, great. Hey. Conversation with yourself. Classic Gregory. Oh, classic. This is a bonefish grill in Gaithersburg maryland and this by the way has very foodie news one vibes i read this i checked the wow username

like 10 times just in case this really sounds like foodie news that's funny yeah throwback here we go title of bonefish grill was one of the places that it was yes definitely okay is it the calamari i think well is well. Is that even food he was at? Remember Bonefish Grill? Yes, that was absolutely. I've been to Bonefish Grill in Hyde Park or wherever that is. Absolutely. Rookwood.

One of his faves. Never a less than perfect meal. Three visits in total. A fourth one in South Carolina in April. Not the same as this one in Kentlands. This one is always excellent in all categories. Always felt that at Bonefish Grill, you kind of experience here in the suburb the high-end establishments that's more typical of downtown D.C. or Capitol Hill. Waitstaff is superbly knowledgeable about each entree.

Some of them do go too far in terms of culinary details, so politely cut them off when you learn what you need to make a selection. Yikes! Stop talking. I would like the crab quesadilla. That's how they do it on Capitol Hill. That's right. I mean, they don't have time for that. They don't have time to know whether the rice and the bellini go together. Highly professional and always pleasant in our experience.

And we are very critical patrons. So let the waitstaff tell you what you need to know. I can't do justice like they can, but I will give you two tips on a value-focused approach. Remember Millionaire Dining? No thanks. Yeah. Oh my God. You know, like Warren Buffet without his deep pocket. First, why can nobody spell Buffett? I don't know. I don't know why it drives me so- I'm at a point where I don't know how to spell Buffett. It's, okay. Isn't, is it spelled differently than Buffet? at a point where I don't know how to spell Buffett. It's. Okay. Isn't.

Is it spelled differently than buffet? Wait. Maybe. Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe Warren Buffett is spelled like buffet. Warren. No, it's spelled like Buffett. How do you spell it?

B-U-F-F-E-T-T. Oh, there are two T's? Yes. And in Jimmy Buffett. That's why. She's like, why can no one do it? I'm like, oh shit. Apparently neither can I.

Because you all need to go to college or whatever. You need to finish three years. Don't worry, Alexander's almost done with his four-year degree. Man, I have a four-year degree. Don't know how to spell Jimmy Buffett. I didn't do shit. Yeah. That means nothing.

Spell ink. I-N-C. Oh God, should we tell them? That was the one she was thinking of when she said it. But I will give you two tips on a value-focused approach, you know, like Warren Buffet, but without his deep pocket. First of all, their portion is American-sized, which means substantial. I don't like to take doggy bags home. A perfect meal for me is when we have our fill, the plates are empty, and I don't feel stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.

So we have done this twice. My wife orders a regular salad, which is big, and I order a regular entree, and we ask the kitchen to split both rather than do it ourselves, which can be messy and unseemly, especially in a white tablecloth restaurant like BF. That's bonefish. Okay. Even then, unfortunately, sometimes we still go home with doggy bags. The two of us weigh less than 250 pounds together. This is not the kind of establishment where you want to ask for containers and save every last bit of food. Yes, I know people do it all the time.

And they'll provide them to you, but that's just so uncool. I hate seeing perfectly good food go to waste. Well, obviously not. But whatever. Yeah. Like, you can't just say it's so fucking uncool and take food home. But I hate to see it go to waste. So don't order too much.

You can always add more later. This is also why we have never had dessert until this last time. Recently, they started marketing fixed meals on Tuesday, a three-course meal with a few options to choose from, but fixed price between $15 and $20. This is the best value in town for a high-end dining out experience and you don't have to go in as early birds either before the real dinner crowd shows up end of review wow that person learned way too much shit out of me i you know i can be like it's not gonna disagree classy to split your own food make the kitchen do it for you okay it is so horrible to waste food but it's also really uncool to save it man i couldn't keep up oh god okay this was also okay this is where shit goes no downhill and i mean as

bad as writhing in pain on the ground with a swollen ankle or whatever this is from emily man that's the same episode it doesn't feel like two weeks ago wait was that this episode it feels like years ago it does listeners are like what the fuck are you talking about what just happened 10 minutes like we could hit the time stamp 15 seconds and get back to it this was sent in by both emily and christine wow this is a goodread. Yeah. Oh, I get it. Yeah. This is a. I'm ready.

I'm excited. A Kindle. Here's the thing with this challenge. I saw this challenge and I'm like, I kind of want this for myself. Yeah. But I don't think you were going to give it to me. Yeah, no. So I was like, we got to hear it.

I knew you did that. I knew it. I felt it. I had that thought process for sure. I know you did. Because I was like, you know what? He's like, fine. If- For our new member Patreon, I read multiple smut reviews. That's right. And somehow they were different than these ones. Amazing. This is called Stuffed by the Were Turkey. How did I miss that for patrons? I'm so sorry, patrons. That's a top dollar content is what you're about to bring. That's 100% true because it got a 2.18 stars out of five.

I've perked up. On Goodreads. You have my bonefish grill. You lost me. Stuffed by the were-turkey. I'm right back in. Here is the synopsis of this book. Weird.

It's only $0 on Kindle. Oh. Hold on to your cranberries and watch out for spilled gravy. Josette is an animal rights activist that saves an ordinary turkey on Thanksgiving. But is there something more to this strange bird? What if it was like, no, it's just a bird. Also, do you want to see the title i actually can you say no i don't really want to show it to you i want to see it

that's hilarious that's hilarious remember in middle school when we had to learn how to use photoshop or in like ninth grade and they made us do those like collages yes that's sort of what this looks like to me yeah it it doesn't look remotely convincing like it's that's why i don't think it's that bad because it's just clearly they just photoshopped a turkey head and uh what appears to be very sensual sensual a woman a very aroused woman yeah alongside it but they're like the same size and like turkey's as big as her whole head it was like her whole body i don't know it's pretty turkey head is as big as her torso yeah yeah yeah yeah okay this is a two-star review by peter yeah i went for it here really scrambled

my brains again can't wait to tell my wife all about this reading experience she may choose the high road and just walk away from me but but with the holiday only five weeks away, this would be a perfect time to start making stuffing jokes nonstop. So I don't want to spoil anything, but spoilers. This story involves a vegan lady gets shtooked by a turkey man.

I think I need seconds, Joe screamed in a fit of pleasure. Literally no story, and this was like 13 pages. Not even sure if Josette's name was used more than once. All I got, frickin' where, Turkey? This world is doomed. Oh my god. I'm like, did you want to read it? Is it a book club situation? The thing is here, they used stuffed in the title and then wanting seconds in the actual story. What else is there? Stooked by a turkey man? No, but you know what I mean?

What other Thanksgiving puns or related sexual things can you come up with? Oh, well, don't worry. People discuss it. Oh, there's more? Oh, good. Okay. Because I'm curious. You'll find out. Here's a two-star review. I'm sorry, don't worry. People discuss it. Oh, there's more? Oh, good. Okay. Because I'm curious. You'll find out.

Here's a two-star review. I'm sorry, one-star review, I believe. It says, I'll be sitting here for the next three business days trying to figure out what I just read.

End of review. And then finally, here's a one-star by Chelsea. As you might expect, zero plot whatsoever and poor writing. The author clearly just tries to use a different word for smut scenes using words such as snatch huh i don't get it um

like for like a vajayjay oh you asked what other words could you that's but what does that have to do with thanksgiving oh nothing but that was my point i know oh okay but okay good to know secondly the thanksgiving food was involved which was yuck but also like what did you expect yeah i mean if you're reading a book called stuff come on by the were turkey there's gonna be some mashed potatoes or something like maybe the turkey where man said like cran on these berries or something. Well remember they already said hold your cranberries and watch out for spilled gravy. So like you knew what you were getting into.

But like that's not as yeah no yeah no you're right. I agree. I'm just saying that I feel like they could have been more creative with some of their. You haven't even read it. Well if they're already throwing cranberries out in that way, I don't have much hope.

It's like when a trailer puts all the funny parts in the trailer and you're like, what's left? They put all the sexy stuff in the synopsis. And I honestly don't know

what to say about this shifter romance where the turkey shifts, but only his body. His head is... Uh-uh. His head is still very much turkey with the turkey noises and everything so i can't tell you what she had sex with half man half turkey but felt fully wrong end of review we're turkey we already figured that out yeah we know it's in the title we know

full well um wow we so this face on the cover. Is the face. Is the face. Which is absolutely foul. Horrible. Literally. Literally. It's horrible.

It's so wrinkly and gobbly. And it's an animal. Anyway. And it does make me feel better that the body changes. That part. That makes me feel a lot better. For sure. Needed to happen.

If it didn't. Minimum. I think this would have been banned. needed to happen if it didn't i think this would have been bad had to happen minimum minimum like maybe but i'm trying to picture a human man with turkey features that is just as freaky as a turkey head he just has one of these gobbles yeah which is like instead of an adam's apple it's just like a fucking like a gobble yes what those are definitely called although maybe a scrotum true i've never seen is that what a turkey scrotum actually is

i'm already gonna say it's not because i'm sure it's not wow that was so scientific the way you asked that that's it sounded like when i was getting my vasectomyomy we're gonna move your pp here okay this is from jess minimoto slash uh slash they that no jess slash minimoto parentheses they them um and i thought because it was an erotica link to goodreads and i thought oh okay so i'll just add jess's name to two people, Emily and Christine, who sent this. No, it's a different. Oh, nice.

One you didn't mention either. A whole new turkey erotica called I Got Stuffed Like a Turkey. Here's the cover. Oh, that's unpleasant. It looks like a stock photo with almost like curls and a T font. Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. It's like off-brand i have thoughts on the turkey that she's holding you know how you see super sexy right quite the opposite because

you see like stock photos of like cooked turkeys and chickens and like my veganism aside there is like an aesthetic that you look at one, you're like, okay, whatever. But that one is the most hideous cooked turkey I've ever fucking seen. I didn't actually notice it until you mentioned it. It reminds you that it's the flesh of a dead animal. It looks like it's falling off in pieces. Yeah, you're like, this is clearly a dead animal. And then they tried to put up a bunch of sliced carrots and peas all looks so bad i mean it's so foul okay i'm doing it it looks

sinewy yeah that yes it's gross really not which i'm like i think they're always gross but that in particular like why would they choose that image even for someone who eats meat like it looks like yeah why would they use that image um so, yeah, that's a wild stock photo. I got stuffed like a turkey. With that title. Like, it's just so all around so bad. Randy Roman, which I'm... I don't...

Didn't you say that today already? I say it all the time. No, but actually... No. Are you having deja vu? No. What a weird... No, because it's not like this exact... But I feel like you said Randy Roman at some point.

Let me see who wrote the other one. Tate McKirk. Am I crazy? Why does that sound so familiar? I don't know, but I didn't say that. Am I like telling on myself somehow? That's so weird. Okay, I don't know. That author is so familiar on my Kindle Unlimited plan. I feel like you said that. Maybe I did, but I don't think so. Okay.

Never mind. Comment below if you also feel like I said that earlier. R-A-N-D-Y? I. Oh, okay. Maybe that's the problem. I'm trying to find it. Oh, you're thinking of the other Randy Roman.

I was thinking of the other Randy Roman. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just making making things up so this is a 2.25 star rating on goodreads and i'll read you the uh synopsis okay i'd never been so happily filled with pleasure oh when jessica is so okay it switches from first person to third real quick when jessica is invited home for thanks Thanksgiving by her good friend Robert, little does she realize that she'll be giving thanks, this is italicized, in a whole new way when she meets his older twins. She knows it's wrong. This is the synopsis, the official synopsis.

She knows it's wrong, but she can't resist revisiting the joyful memories of her past before she met Robert one more time. And her new friends agree. That's also italicized. With any luck, she'll be seeing them again. She's happy for now. Who's she having sex with? I think the older twin brothers or whatever. This person's twin children?

No, his older twin brothers. Oh, brothers. You didn't say the word brothers. You said his older twins. I did say his older twins, but much like the turkey man, I'm just really hoping it means older twin brothers. Yeah. Okay. But you're right.

Or twin siblings. I don't know. Okay. Well, I looked at this person's other work and there was another book about twins. So maybe they just have a twin thing. Or maybe they have a twin. Sorry. Uh-oh. twins so maybe they just have a twin thing or maybe they have a twin remember when sorry i we haven't done this in a while so i don't feel as bad even though i referenced the office like last episode or this episode it's been a long one when dwight's like michael michael i found twins

and they're like he's like michael's like oh you think they're like women like and this is like these like these no these men oh they were men that's right that's right that's right yeah they were men and he's like aren't they incredible they look both look like pendulet or something like and like oh god so funny okay sorry uh twins anyway older twins so um this book this is in bold because you know how she loves to do all the different yes control b i u s etc control she's saving it what's strike through i actually don't know i knew that's what you meant i have no idea on google docs it's command shift x i didn't know do you really use it that often that you memorize that that's interesting i feel like i've never i never used strike through i'll tell you why later okay this book is not to be read by anyone under the

age of 18 and then it's strikethrough no i'm just kidding it's a it's bold this story describes many consensual combinations i haven't read this yet so pardon me this story describes many consensual combinations oral anal manual and all of the above. You will be excited. What do you mean all of them? You just listed them. It's like so interestingly written. I love it.

I think it's, I think it's, this person clearly is having fun. They're having a good time. And all of the above. You will be excited and delighted. Four people want to read. Here's a three-star review. This is actually on Amazon. And again, this is from Jess.

So this is a three-star review by a user called Afan. The title is, It Was Okay. Fairly typical story, nothing new or too original. Girl goes to boyfriend's home for Thanksgiving, becomes an overzealous slut with boyfriend's two brothers. So what? End of review. So what? Randy, come on. Give me something new, Randy. Twins again? I looked through Randy's bibliography. Randy, Randy.

There were some other things in there. That's why they call her Randy Roman. That's exactly why. So that's my list one. Wow. That was good. What a challenge. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanks, Gregory. Yeah, happy Thanksgiving. Related. This comes out a week after about, but it's within a week. It's within the celebratory timeline. Yes, we're still celebrating Thanksgiving when you're listening to this. Yeah. Well, actually, no.

Doesn't this one come out two weeks after Thanksgiving now because we switched them up? Yeah. Good job, us. Okay, never mind. We're no longer celebrating. We're in christmas mode but people eat turkeys people eat turkeys for thanksgiving gets stuck by turkey men yeah and hopefully helen and barry are having fun oh i think we don't have to worry about them

i shouldn't you're right okay um hope you all are having a good holiday season looking forward to talking to you next week. As always, we love you. Oh, I was like, what do we always say? Nothing. Five stars for me. We should come up with something because these episodes, we do not end them well. Five stars.

I feel like the last few especially. Remember when I kept saying be a star in like the first five episodes and you were like, that doesn't work. No, that sounds terrible it's hilarious we always say be a star and you were like that please don't do that anymore so i've waited until now to see how you feel if you've changed your mind no no i don't know we'll have to workshop something just kidding we never will we're just gonna always end them like this be a star bye beach too sandy water too wet

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