Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 263: Reviews of Nude Beaches

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

This week we learn what Christine thinks an erection sounds like! Get your cool cruiser merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if i could so hello everyone welcome to beachy sandy water Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Extine. I'm Zandy. Hello everyone. We're doing a remote session. Yeah, hopefully it sounds lovely.

My house is under quarantine with the pink eye. Yeah, I've had pink eye before. I don't need that again. Yeah. We don't, I don't have it. I'm the only one in the house who's not ill right now. Um, so I figured Zandy better stay out of it. Let's just try. I don't know. It's a good test run. We'll see what happens. Hot take alert. Um, I actually kind of enjoyed having it because I missed school and I felt it wasn't that bad for something that got me out of school. I wish that there was school to be got out of. See, that's. Unfortunately, Leona gets out of school, which A, is not fun for her because she's young enough to like school.

And B, is not fun for me because now I'm building blocks all day. That's why I don't want it now. Yeah. I don't want it now either. So anyway, we're here, we're doing, we're doing an episode.

Alexander has a story. I do have a story. I'm trying to make it quick. D and I went to a lovely wedding, our friends, Monica and Kyle. And had a great time. Got to hang out with Nellie, Mo, Scott, all the people that deserve shout outs. And then

I'm sitting there and the server who was like, I assume worked for the catering company, walked up to me after our meals and everything, after lots of dancing and was like, hi, I'm a big fan of your show oh my god no way so we talked a little bit uh courtney and i courtney and courtney was just like being very kind just like was trying to be like hey don't want to like bother you or anything um okay the best part was i signed the like – What did you sign? The sheet that had – the small like slip of paper that had all of our food options on there.

So it said like Zandy Schieffer, vegan, and I signed them. Okay, wow. Because it was such a goofy little thing. The dumbest part is that's going to be now your like signature, I think. Oh, just – Forever. You're going to write Zandy Schieffer, vegan. I didn't write that out. I know, but I feel like it's now going to be like your calling card.

Oh, man. So many people would ask me not to sign things on purpose. But here's the kicker. So it was great. And then I paused after like Courtney walked away and it hit me that the last time, not the last time, two times ago, hanging out with Monica, whose wedding it was, Monica was the one who paid someone to pretend to recognize me. Oh my God. So I had this, like my heart sunk very slightly because I was like, Courtney seems so sincere. And I was like, there's no way. Right. And then, but my heart sunk a little and I was like, Courtney seems so sincere. And I was like, there's no way,

right? And then, but my heart sunk a little and I was like, uh-oh. Also edited that story. I don't know if I ever edited this. Monica went into the bathroom and offered to pay someone. And the person said, no, I'll do it for free. So that person that originally did that never even got paid. They just wanted to embarrass me and it worked. So my heart sunk a little. Imagine at her own wedding, she was like, the one thing that'll make me happy. Right. It was all about me.

That's crazy. No, it turns out that wasn't the case. Okay. That I know so far. Yeah. Or everyone's just in on it and really good at pretending. That would be cruel, I think, at this point. It would be.

But it was weird because it was my first time ever in New Hampshire, of all places. Oh. Yeah. And that's what happened. Well, you know, I'm just glad that every time Courtney looks at that signature, she'll remember having to cater someone's wedding. Yeah. In the same glance, you know. Wow.

Well, I'm happy that you got recognized. I was inside, so I was also having a great time. Good. Yeah. Anyway, today's episode is about nude beaches. There's no really easy segue into that. That is what I did. The famous nude beaches of New Hampshire I went down to.

Oh, I see. So that's why it comes full circle. Gotcha. Okay, great. At least you didn't get recognized there. That would be. I had a mask on. Only a mask.

Okay, well, I have five today. How many do you have? I believe I have. I was about to say six, and I think it's closer to eight. So I'll just go ahead. Just say seven and we'll be. Let's say seven and we'll see how it goes. My first one, first two actually are from Jamie Hiday, who said, it is with great joy

and satisfaction that I tell you today was my first, whoops, that is literally the opposite word of what I meant to say. Today was my final day of the semester you just said what is wrong with me I know they're like oh no wait a second this is all a dream um and as I did before I spent my last hours of lecture looking up reviews for some things that the fine people in IP law with yes with me we're not thinking about. I was about to brag that I remembered it was IP law. Yeah. Right. I was so excited.

So then goes on to say, all of these are from gay spots on Fire Island. Some tourists apparently did not realize that places called Cherry Grove and the Meat Rack were definitely going to have gay shit happening at them. I mean, you'd think that would be inherently understood, but sure. You'd think. You'd think. Come on. I mean, you'd think that would be inherently understood, but sure. You'd think. You'd think.

Come on. So here's a little start, five-star review of Meat Rack. It's known as a historical landmark on Google. Oh, it's on Judy Garland Memorial Path. Oh, yeah. They love her, the gays. Yeah. Friends with Dorothy.

That's right. See? I actually remembered the right one five stars there's always someone watching and i'm not complaining and that's the most frightening thing i've ever heard i'm not complaining i am don't watch me i guess listen oh okay now you're gonna go into why you want to be watched oh okay I'm not complaining. I am. Don't watch me. I guess. Listen. Oh, okay. Now you're going to go into why you want to be watched?

I was just going to say good for you. Oh, okay. Good for you. Not for me, but good for you. Okay. The first one I have is from Amanda. And it's of a place called Hanlon's Point Beach. And it's a public beach. And this is a two-star review by Bob.

Nice place to relax from, say, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. And then all the fully-dressed, drunk white kids come to take your pic and act disrespectful. It's too bad 75% of the beach is underwater. Wait. Is that just the ocean? I was about to say, that feels like most beaches. Isn't that the ocean? I was about to say that feels like most beaches. Isn't that the world? Maybe, maybe, maybe that's, um, that is a world actually.

True. Maybe they're saying compared to how it used to be. Yeah, sure. It's too bad 75% of the beach is underwater. It gets uncomfortable when punks come right beside you and start filming. That's terrifying. I think that's worse than like just watching. I love that they're like,

it's such a bummer when they start filming. I'm like, it's illegal. It's literally very illegal. Is it? You gotta film somebody without their consent, especially if they're- That's not illegal, depending on where it is. No, it's not.

Is that illegal? Why would that be illegal you can film anywhere you can probably can't like profit off of the film or do something certain things with the footage somebody nude okay well that's the thing let's walk up let's get jamie from ip law i jamie's done with the semester jamie we got work for you. Now Jamie's on the first, I thought the first day. I thought Jamie's starting over. True. No, I, okay. I don't know. Cause can you, you can film in public places and I assume this is a public beach. So you, I assume you can film. I don't think this is right. And I realized I said that I've, I think this is not a hot take that I said,

I think it's worse than just watching. And I'm like, duh, of course it's worse than just watching. So I don't know why I even said that. So I think it's bad, but is it illegal? Okay. All right. What's Jamie say? What Jamie says through me, because I'm now their apprentice. It is legal to record in public.

You're not supposed to capture people's faces, A. Oh, you're not supposed to? As in it's illegal to capture them? Okay, let me find it. Let me find it. Can you film people on a nude beach? Don't even think about bringing, okay, this is a website.

I know. It is illegal, among other reasons. You know, Alexander, I'm getting a lot. I'm not. I'm still on day one of IP law. So I think. OK, OK, OK. I think we're going to have to get some better insight.

We can we can just say don't do it. And it's I mean, definitely. It is a wrong. It is the wrong thing to do. It is unless there is consent. It is wrong and bad unless there is full consent. But it is also wrong and bad to there is full consent but it is also wrong and bad to just do it without anyway okay okay it gets uncomfortable when punks come right beside

you and start filming typically the gays are fully clothed and congregate to the left side of the beach everybody else is nude and to the right end of review hmm now i'm wondering stage right beach right beach right which one is which yeah you show up and you're like which one do i go to right like is it my right or the ocean's right yeah so i have a lot of questions about this one and i'm never gonna get the answers or i might and i just will not read the emails because i don't see them. So I apologize in advance that I'm not giving any closure on this one, but I think it's time to move on. Okay. I'm going back to the meat rack.

Moving on back to the meat rack. Phew. I never thought I'd be happy to go back there. Another one from Jamie. This is a five-star review of the meat rack. True story. In 1980, my parents rented a summer house in the Pines. My stepbrother and I would go to Cherry Grove to play video games.

I was around 16 then. One day while running through the Meat Rack, with plenty of other people around, there was a guy on his knees servicing another guy out in the open. This wasn't uncommon, but two young shirtless teens running through the meat rack probably was. One bystander complained, What is this? The Blue Lagoon? End of review. What's the Blue Lagoon?

It's a movie. I did my research. I've seen that movie, I think. You've seen that? Okay, there are many, actually. There are multiple. It's like a neurotic... I read some articles. I don't know. I have thoughts now.

I have never seen it. I think it's Brooke Shields and someone else that I didn't recognize who was actually in the remake. Fun fact. There were multiple remakes. Oh, this is like a sexy thing. Oh, Christopher Atkins and Brooke Shields. Well, it's like two youths who are deserted on an island and are discovering their sexuality through each other. It's like the premise of the book. A book is like an old book.

And by old, I mean from 1908. Oh, OK. Well, I will say the movie has 12% on Rotten Tomatoes. So I don't think I would have gone out of my way to see this. I don't know why I said I did. I'm probably thinking of something else. I was very surprised when you said you've seen this. Yeah, looking at it now, I'm like,

there's no way in hell I would have come across this. Yeah, I don't know how. That would have been impressive. Unless dad was like, this is like that movie with the nuns on the rock. Were you thinking maybe Blue Crush, the surfing movie? Oh, I did see that. Yeah, maybe that's what I was thinking.

Blue Lagoon, yeah. That's what movie? Oh, I did see that. Yeah, maybe that's what I was thinking. Blue Lagoon. Yeah. That's what popped in my head when I read that. And then I Googled it and thought, that is a very different movie. Yeah, I'm too sheltered to know what this is. But yeah, I'm glad I came prepared for this one. Yeah, good for you. At first, okay, first I Googled Blue Lagoon nude because I thought that it was like another nude beach.

And so Google was like, oh, nude scenes from Blue Lagoon. I'm like, oh, no. And then I saw pictures. Pass through the curtain. Pass through the XXX curtain. Come on in. We'll show you if you really want. They tried to.

Enter the dark web. Imagine if you had to go to the dark web to find nude scenes from Blue Lagoon. Blue Lagoon. From a book from 1908. Oh, yeah. Okay. So I have a review here. This is from Jenny Sheher.

And it is of Sauvy Island, Nude Beach. And I believe that's in Oregon. Isn't that true? As someone with, I think, a review from there, maybe? Maybe I don't. It's in Oregon. Savvy Island? Yeah, it's in Oregon. Yes, I do have a review from that. Okay, I didn't ask if you had a review from it, but thanks for letting me know. Well, thanks for correctly, or I suppose correctly pronouncing it, because I didn't look it up. Oh, I don't know. I didn't either. So this is a one-star view from, uh, by Paisley and they are the first to review this beach. I think I have this same review.

Uh-oh. Who sent this in? Jenny. I used this email. How did that happen? Oh no. Oh no. Well, I'm down to six reviews, so that's perfect.

Okay, good. So I'll keep it then. Oops. This is a one-star review. Pretend you never read it. Interesting thing about nude beaches from my own personal experience, colon. People that frequent them- Colon?

What? My personal experience, colon. That's like, didn't we do that last week? Sorry. Yeah, every time I say colon, you scream colon. But you're talking about nude beaches. Colon. Why does that have to do with being nude? I don't know. It's closer to the colon. It's one layer. Fewer, fewer layers to the colon. One degree closer.

It's like fewer, fewer layers to the colon. One degree closer. Because famously the... Never mind. I'm just going to stop. How far do you think Kevin Bacon is from... How many degrees from the colon? From my colon. From your colon?

Christina, I don't know. I don't want to know about your history with Kevin Bacon. Okay. Here's a once-review. Interesting thing about nude beaches from my own personal experience. People that frequent them are people you really don't want to see naked.

Myself included. The review. Six people found this cool, which I'm like, oh, self-aware queen. Am I right or am I right? There was either those or the opposite, where people would say that without including themselves.

And it was just mean. Yeah. It's kind of funny if you're like, yeah, me too. But I don't care. Yeah, because it's not like, I don't know. It's a weird thing to care about what other people look like at a nude beach, in my opinion. Because people going to a nude beach aren't doing it for your eyes. Unless you're at. Or maybe they are. Well, aren't doing it for your eyes. Unless you're at.

Well, maybe they are. Well, they're doing it for a specific person's eyes. Unless you're at that fire island where it seems like, or wherever it was where everyone's filming. True. There's like a live, maybe it's like Girls Gone Wild. Oh, I was thinking like one of those like bird cams, like a nest cam, but it's like a nude beach cam, you know, where you can go online and just like there's a guinea pig cam that Dee sent me recently. I thought you meant like a Google nest. Well, you said the word live.

Oh, no, I meant like a bird's nest. Have you seen those? They're crazy. It's just like a fucking eagle in a nest. Oh, and you get to watch it? Yeah, just live in its life. Have I seen it? Yes, of course I've seen it. You seem so shocked

at this, that I would say such a thing. Your first thought was a Google nest. Well, you said... I thought you were into birds. I am. Okay, I'm not convinced. You said live first, before you said Girls Gone Wild. You said live, so I was like, yeah, and then you said live first before you said girls gone wild you said live so i was like yeah and then you said girls gone wild what i'm talking you know when they're at in florida and the birds they have this camera and they're like lift up your shirt and then like the drunk college girls are like yeah and it's like on mtv i've never watched it and i don't know i don't know

what i don't know what it is but that's the gap that's what i've gathered so i maybe that's what's happening on this beach it's like if you're here you're part of the show. Your family. That's what I meant. I have a story about Girls Gone Wild that you've never heard. No, no, no. It's really embarrassing and just like a childhood thing. Do I believe you? Christina, this is embarrassing. Remember that trip? And I'm not going to name names, but you'll know the names.

So just, and never mind. Carl. We went on a trip to hawking hills yeah and and yeah yes and i want to say so bad we i know when we were in the basement we'd be like watching tv he and i my friend and i until like really late hours and after a certain part of like a certain time of the day, they start playing ads like that. So we'll be watching TV. We loved watching, was it Dr. Ruth?

Yeah. We loved watching shit like that. But then there'd be like a Girls Gone Wild ad. And it's just, we're just silent. And we're just quiet. And we're just watching it. And we're just like, it's so uncomfortable. And we're just like, I don don't know a couple catholic school kids just watching this girl's gone wild so like we've watched like dr ruth and like we're like oh my god

funny ha ha ha and then we'd like watch the ads with actual nudity and stuff and we'd just be like completely silent and just so just not no one won neither of us wanted to say anything the best part is when the other person that was there and i when we went on vacations we would stay up all night watching tv until like 4 a.m but we just watched uh marathons of phil of the future oh nice so i felt like infomercials too we had a really different experience yeah you were watching the wrong channels. I think I was watching the right channels, but anyway. Okay, I'm super happy for you. That's a great story.

Thank you very much. It's a lot more PG than I was expecting. Don't worry. Do you have any more from Jenny? I don't believe so, no. Okay, because I have another one from that same beach, so I'll just read that now. Oh, okay, great. This is also from Jenny.

This is a review by Peter. Four stars. Positive. Had a blast here with my wife and our toddler son. Everyone was friendly and very chill. Would have been nice if they had slides and swings. My wife loves swinging. I get it. I would have given this beach five stars but neither my wife nor i were accosted by perverts in the bushes no matter how patiently we waited oh my god why would you even bring up your toddler that's right leave the toddler out of it like assuming this toddler is real which

i'm kind of just gonna pretend it's not but even if it's not, then why would you add a toddler? No. No matter what. I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm not defending the choice. I'm just saying I almost feel like it has to be real. Because otherwise, why on earth would you mention a toddler if this was a fake story? Or this creative choice just goes over our heads and has a deeper meaning and says more about society.

That's got to be it. more about society and that's gotta be it and uh modesty and how our societal expectations and norms like shape the way we grow up into who we are who we are yeah that's what i was gonna say too um so this is from amy it's of playa linda beach in titusville florida and this is one of my favorites the title is beware of nudes occupupying the Public Beaches at Lots Number 5 through 7. Beware of nudes. Oh, my God. One star. And I think we can all agree this contains sexy stuff.

This is, after that title, this is the least surprising one star I've ever heard. Right. Yes. You're onto it. Today we went to this beach at the Canaveral National Seashore. The gate fee agent did not- Sorry. Do they get to watch the rocket blast off while nude?

Oh my God. Can you imagine? Cape Canaveral. Everybody must be like, whoop. For those listening, which is all of you. She did a little finger thing to a penis becoming erect is what she's the sound that that is apparently. I just mean I bet some people get excitable about a rocket ship.

Yeah, yeah. It's Elon Musk's whole identity. You know he's horny for that rocket. True, true. So I think that's probably prime place for well actually least prime place for nudity. So never mind.

I take it back. Okay. Now I'm embarrassed. Let's keep reading. Today we went to this beach at the Canaveral National Seashore. The gate fee agent did not say anything to us about the nude beaches. Eventually, we saw a sign that said, warning. Contains sexy stuff.

I'm not kidding. Eventually, we saw a sign that said, warning. Contains sexy stuff. No, I'm kidding. Eventually, we saw a sign that said, warning. You may encounter nude sunbathing within Boardwalk 13. We parked at Boardwalk 7. After all of the first few parking lots were full. Oh, imagine they were like getting from 1 toward 13, looking for parking. And they're like, we're getting way too close.

Oh, no. They like park in between like two posts that are not meant to be a parking spot like we just i'd rather get a ticket boardwalk seven was very full too so we thought we'd drive on to number eight but the road was closed at that point so we waited for someone to pull out at seven and park there pull out can you imagine? You're just like, no.

You're just like, take your time. We'll wait. So we waited for someone to pull out at number seven and park there. When we got out to the beach, we were shocked

to find many nude people walking on the beach. There was no warnings that the nudes had taken over the beach at number seven. That sounds like you're making that up.

That's actually what it says? Yes. The nudes have taken over the beach? Oh my God. Beware of nudes. Was there a battle? Do you know what it reminds me of when you take an adjective

about somebody and turn it into a noun and it's suddenly a lot more offensive because you're like turning their whole identity into that adjective. Yeah. You know? And so she's like, instead of like a nude person, you're like a nude. You're one of the nudes. You know?

It sounds like much harsher. Yeah. Yeah. That's what makes it sound like a battle. Like they are the enemy. Like with a capital N. Yeah. Nude. Capital N. capital N. Yeah. Nude.

Capital N. Nevermind. Okay. There was no warnings that the nudes had taken over the beach at number seven. And a young man told us that he had seen them walking clear down to number five. What if we had children with us? It was. Now they're sorry.

Now they're talking about them like they're wild animals. I know, it's like they've escaped their pen. They're spotted. They like, they've wandered to the wrong plot. Honestly, it's an invasive species. Like those fish that are in the river and eat the other ones. So they're going to like start multiplying, like bring other people into their folds? Well, I mean, how could they not?

If a rocket's going off nearby, they're going to be all horned up. Everyone's going to be stripping. Yeah, okay. I mean, how could they not? If a rocket's going off nearby, they're going to be all horned up. Everyone's going to be stripping. Yeah. Okay. A young man told us that he had seen them walking clear. Imagine if that guy's new to. He's like, they're everywhere. That man was David Attenborough.

Yeah. A young man told us that he had seen them walking clear down to number five. What if we had children with us? It was quite disturbing to my wife. But not you? Yeah. Interesting. Getting offended on other people's behalves.

We didn't stay very long because if we looked up from our books in any direction, nude people were walking past. That's pretty funny. I love how they stayed and read their books. Like they're like. Well, they paid to get in. Okay. And you know that they're not about to waste that money. What do you think they were reading?

Crime and Punishment. Oh. I need this to be over. Hurry up. I don't know. Good housekeeping. Interesting. What's a beach up. I don't know. Good housekeeping. Interesting. What's a beach read?

I don't know. What's a beach read? I'm not familiar. I don't beach. I only nude. That's right. You only go to a beach if there's territory to take over and invade with your nude body. They call me in.

I'm backup. You're backup. I invade with my nude body. They call me in. I'm backup. You're backup. I invade with my nude body. With your nakedness. That's terrible. Yeah, I get it now being on the other side of this, how awful it sounds. Okay. It was quite disturbing to my wife.

We didn't stay very long because if we looked up from our books in any direction, nude people were walking past. We are not prudes, but either the public should have been warned that the nudes had taken over, or the nudes should have been told that they cannot be there unclothed. There is no monitoring of the beaches, so our time there was very upsetting to my wife. And I was upset that she was disturbed. So we would warn you not to take your families to these beaches. We used our national park pass or we would have been really annoyed at having

to pay $20 to enter for such an uncomfortably short visit. End of review. Wow. Um, like what would, honestly, like if you were in their position, like you went in,

then went and sat and read your like what would you do like how would you feel about it all like fine yeah right okay like genuinely fine i mean i don't yeah like i wouldn't take my clothes off but i don't care what everyone else is doing well i think it's interesting because it reminds me of like growing up when we'd go to visit germany and there'd be so many and i remember being uncomfortable by it was it was topless like all the women were topless we went to catholic school that you do not see boobs around right in ohio in the 90s and 2000s especially if you go to catholic school like we're sheltered in that way but then you go to europe and then everyone's just kind of like

who cares and then our like our family friends who lived with us, like the young the young girls would like go topless to the pool and would get in trouble. Yeah. They'll get in trouble for like literally taking their shirts off. They'll be like, why? But yeah, no, I'd be the same. I'd be like, yeah, this isn't for me, but I'd probably still hang out if the beach is nice. Especially being in Florida. I'm like, good for Florida.

Getting some, you know, why not? Upsetting some conservatives probably. Well, I don't know. Yeah. But I don't know. Like, I feel like there's, I kind of don't disagree when they say they're not prudes. Because, like, it doesn't make you a prude if you don't want to be around it, I guess. But it's like, I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe it does. I don't know. I mean, a little bit. I feel like if you read it once or because you're, like, so upset about it. That one. Okay. That's true. I mean. I don't know. Maybe it does. I don't know. I mean, a little bit. I feel like if you read it once or because you're like so upset about it. That one. Okay, that's true. I mean.

I don't know. I don't know either. It's weird, right? I don't know. I can't decide. Yeah, because it's like, of course, if you don't want to look at naked people, you shouldn't have to. I get it. But like.

Also, the whole argument of like, think of the children. It's like, I think it's probably maybe better for the children to be like, I don't know. I think your wife is more upset than any child would be. Not better for the children for everyone to be naked. It's better for the children. All right. Never mind. I'm out.

I'm out. OutSanXandy2024. I don't know. Make beaches nude. Invade. He wants an invasion. We need an invasion. He's finally come to the side of history where war is a good thing, you know?

What? He's finally on a war path. Oh, my God, with my nude body. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah.

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Here's a review. Speaking of my nude body, this is a review of Hedonism 2 Resort. Oh my god! Sent in by Natalie. I remember these! Yeah, right? The Hedonism Resorts. How could I forget? So, I have two. Okay, when I have two. Okay. When I say I remember them, it's not like he and I went on a trip one time when we were kids. I remember them from when we discussed them on this podcast.

Yes. Um, this is in, uh, Negro Jamaica. Sure. Sure. Um, here is a two star review. This is by Michael. Went here on a vacation long time ago. If you don't mind the rowboat approaching you every time going into the ocean to sell you drugs, then this is the place to go.

Nude side and the prude side beaches. Found cocaine and weed inside the room safe upon arrival. Flushed all of it immediately What? Manager at the time told me to relax and not worry about anything That was until a hurricane brushed the south side of Cuba No telephones in the room and only noticed a guest had a handwritten note on their doors about Tropical Storm warning Only access to news and weather was in the front desk area

If you go there, the bus ride from the airport is two hours long. Very small roads, and the bus had to go on the shoulder to allow other vehicles to pass. Are you no realizing guy why they gave you all the drugs? Like, it seems like that was there for you to cope with this. Yeah, I'm surprised this person's not on them. I don't know. I would be. I'd be like, oh, a hurricane's coming, and I'm trapped in this tiny room.

What a nice gift. Locals would run along the side of the bus on the corner trying to sell you tie sticks. Bus driver stopped at a bar halfway to the resort and got beer. Returning to the airport was a hoot. Drug dogs and police everywhere. Food was good. Beautiful beaches and views at nighttime. Had fun snorkeling.

Lots of manta rays swimming at the pier. Fun note, when we were there, the entire island police were on strike. They had their version of National Guard out patrolling in Negril. If you go to Jamaica, plan on staying on the resort property. Dangerous off resort property. End of review. I didn't hear much dangerous about it. It seemed like everything was pretty low-key.

I thought that was the only good part. Actually, the fun note was the island police being on strike. I assume so. Yeah, okay, so- I don't know. That sounds fun to me. I mean, I don't know about that

because I don't know if I want militant- Yeah, nevermind. You got me there. I do feel like the police are on strike. People are handing out drugs. The bus driver stops for beer. The bus driver's like, I might as well drive drunk, right? Like, no one's going to give me a DUI right now.

I don't know. This sounds like a free-for-all. Yeah. This sounds chaotic. Wait, is this of hedonism? Yeah. Then why is it? Wait, what is, what's he saying?

Like family friendly? I mean, probably wasn't expecting cocaine in there in the room. I mean, why not? I feel like if I were going to an off brand resort in a foreign country under the name hedonism, like all bets are off sort of vibe. I wouldn't be shocked to find cocaine in my safe. Yeah. By the way way tie sticks are it's weed okay so it's basically a bunch of like weed that exists and like not to

i i don't want to um assume too much about the country of jamaica but i'm not surprised based on my knowledge from from media like not from actual experience or talking to anyone from Jamaica, but from like, if you're a visitor there going to Hedonism 2 and you're like, there's a lot of weed here. That's so bizarre. What's so shocking about it? Who knows if they're trying to cater to like the white person's understanding of what Jamaica is or if that's really how you know day-to-day is I have no clue um but just the just the the clutching of the pearls about it all I mean he didn't seem that upset I guess it wasn't that no they weren't they weren't they they just left two stars and I and it was a vacation a long time ago they said so can we we? Oh, really? Yeah, that's how they started.

And it feels like pre-internet because they were like, the only way to find out about weather and news was going to the front desk. Right. So I don't know why they're leaving this two-star review about this resort. So many years later. It's probably very different now. Maybe they're. And also food was good and beautiful beaches. Like, hello?

Hello. And a nude side and good and beautiful beaches. Like, hello? Hello? And a nude side and a prude side. Ooh! As long as they stay on their own sides, because we know what happens when they invade. Nothing good. The nudes. Also, can we go back to the rowboat?

Because I just can't stop thinking about the rowboat. It just, like like approaches you like. Yeah, it says. So this is all one sentence. Okay. When you're on a vacation long time ago, if you don't mind the rowboat approaching you every time going into the ocean to sell you drugs, then this is the place to go. I don't mind. I do mind a little bit, actually, because I don't want to. I don't think I'd buy drugs from a rowboat. go. I don't mind. I mean, I do mind a little bit, actually,

because I don't want to... I don't think I'd buy drugs from a rowboat. No, I kind of don't want to have that interaction at all. Unless I know the person in the rowboat. I don't know why they'd be in a rowboat, though. But, like, who would you know that knows how to drive a rowboat? Clearly not you. Row a rowboat?

Clearly not you. I took sailing lessons one time. You just called it drive a rowboat. It's in the name. I wouldn't buy drugs from you. What are we talking about? Anything I'd buy is pretty much fully legal most places. It's not most places, but it's, yeah, yeah, it is. Okay.

I don't need to buy it from you, weirdo. So this is a review of Long Nook Beach in Truro, Massachusetts. One of my- Long Nook Beach? Long Nook Beach. I don't know what that means, but it sounds nude. It does. And also Truro, that's the middle name of one of our closest friends.

You're looking at me like you don't know. What? What is? Truro. Truro. Truro. Oh, I thought you said Churro. I was like.

And it's Leonis. No, I thought it was a. I thought you were talking about like a dog. Because I thought you said Churro. And I was like, I feel like that's like a dog name. But why would it be a middle name? Yes, I'm a Churro. Yes, I know that. Named after this part of the world. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I think it's like Cape Cod area. So this is from Abby Sheher. And the review is a five star review.

And it's by George and it is called Paradise but dice is spelled like the kind you play Farkle with. So here we go. Farkle. I don't know why I didn't say Yahtzee when that's literally all I do all day.

When was the last time you played Farkle? Like with you whenever the last time you played Farkle. That would have been years ago. Interesting. Okay. Okay. I love Long Nook Beach. You can walk for about 20 minutes toward Boston Beach and enjoy the scenery of the dunes.

Wait a second. Dunes, nudes. Two letters are flipped. Whoa. Wait, that's so true. A nude dune. What do you think that means? It's got to mean something.

That's for sure. God wouldn't have made those two words so close together. That's true. God's plan. My wife does not go naked. So it's like a bone of contention. No pun intended. Maybe he meant tent.

You shouldn't be having any bones of contention. They shouldn't be contentious. What were you winking at about? What? Tent. Tent? In his pants. Wait, he's nude.

Never mind. Okay. Under his towel, maybe. His wife's like, be decent decent and then it was a little tent he's like say that again stop blooping it's weird my wife does not go naked so it's like a bone of contention no pun intended it is painful for her to sit there fully clothed and have to ignore her surroundings she reads a book or walks,

but they're nowhere to hide full clothes. However, there are a few other women that are full clothed. Most people do not make conversation if they don't know you. Everybody has their own space, and most folks are the regulars for years. We have not been there for about six years now, so I would like to visit myself for a few days or so. The problem is, it is costly for one person to find a reasonable rate to stay overnight, and the beach pass thing can be a pain. I met the gentleman who parks at the school and rides his bike to the beach. It's not bad, you're getting your exercise as you

bike as well. I've had some wonderful days there and met a few spectacular women where I could almost taste their beauty. Mo-ma-mia! End of review. I did not like the turn we just took. What does it mean to...

That... We'll get to. But tasting one's beauty, what does that mean? So close you can almost taste it, but about someone's beauty? Disgusting. That sounds not good. Upsetting. Especially if someone's nude, you're like, I can almost taste it, but about someone's beauty? Disgusting. I don't know. That sounds not good. Upsetting. Especially if someone's nude.

You're like, I can almost taste you. Don't say that. Especially when you just talked about how much your wife hates going there with you. And how much everyone respects their own privacy and others' privacy. Yeah, true. Like, it's great. Everybody has their own privacy. I just look and lick my lips and watch them.

Like, what the fuck? Oh, my gosh. With, like, the wolf that tongue goes to the them. Like, what the fuck? Oh, my gosh. Like the wolf that tongue goes to the ground. Like a wooga. A wooga. Wait. And if you have to say that. Mo-ma-mia.

Mo-ma-mia. If you have to say mo-ma-mia, don't say it. That's not a thing to say. Mo-ma-mia. But like you had to say that your wife has nowhere to hide. That was so funny to me. He's like, I mean, because I see her. I can see her behind that bush.

I can see you. Honey, I still see you. She wore a red sundress. I don't know how she thought she was going to hide on this nude beach. The nudes can all see you. All the nudes can see you over there. Oh, boy. I can almost taste them.

Okay. My next one is also from Natalie and it's of Hedonism Resort again. And what I forgot to mention is there's a little island looking thing across the water at Hedonism Resort called Booby K. B love that. B-O-O-B-Y-C-A-Y. So I can't believe I didn't mention that earlier. Do they mean the bird or do they mean the boobies?

You know, I don't know where the boobies live, but I wouldn't be surprised. Booby K Island in Jamaica. It's one of the best snorkeling spots. It looks very pretty. Can you almost taste it? And it's in bold. Family friendly activities. You can see hedonism resort from the island, I think, based on proximity. So I don't know how family friendly that is, but we'll see. But yeah, it derives its name from the presence of booby birds that inhabit the island.

Ah. Yeah. And I haven't seen a single picture of a booby, either booby, kind of booby, in this article. In this article. We went to Germany. You did close your eyes the whole trip. We were like, Alexander, we're in bed going to sleep. It was like I was in a haunted house.

I was like, please guide me through this. I can't risk it. Okay, so here is a three-star review of Hedonism 2 Resort. While the resort itself is nice and maintained well enough, rooms are a little outdated, the lounge chairs need to be cleaned, it's also the staff and the group you choose to go with that make or break your experience. The problem particularly is the staff on the nude side. The bartenders are great and try to be engaging, but the security yelling to get nude while looking for a clean lounger? My wife was confronted for not taking her bikini bottoms off fast enough

by a worker that was cooking eggs earlier. God forbid. I'm like, I don't know what the eggs have to do with it, but it makes it seem more egregious. Like what? Canadian bacon grill? Then we wouldn't have a problem. But the eggs are too far.

I mean, what in the world? You're telling me this guy was just over a griddle and now he's telling your wife to take her bikini bottoms off? I do like the notion of like, I know, hey, hey, I know you. You were cooking my omelet. Back off. It's like, okay, I guess that's relevant, but not really.

Here we go. Almost done, but we're not almost done. Okay. Oh no. Then in the playroom, the attendants literally come in and change the sheet that you're practically playing on. And then as closing approaches, purposely come in the room like someone's mom, literally telling us to finish. Guys, could you imagine how that could break your concentration? End of review.

Yeah, there was a lot to unpack there. What the fuck is going on? There's actually a whole nother equally long paragraph of this review, but it's just talking about the travel group that they used. It just got into boring, normal stuff. And I'm like, hello? Did you just say that, like someone's mom, they come in to tell you to finish? Which I'm like, problems all abound, just in general.

Problems all over. I mean, imagine if they come in and tell you to finish, just like they had been cooking your omelet earlier i don't know things could only get worse true like your mom like someone's mom yeah you know that's unpleasant to think about yeah they go from cooking them to fertilizing them you know nasty imagine yeah i get it thank you for going'm sorry. I just wasn't sure if you understand. So you, is this, so. You've never watched Girls Gone Wild, so I didn't know. That's true. You've watched all the commercials, so you know of all of that.

I've seen every one. You've silently seen all the commercials in seventh grade. I do wonder if, hmm. Just think about this more. Part of the hedonism thing, you're are you really they're having like legit orgies and stuff i don't know this makes me think so it sounds like it it sounds like it certainly does but like um i i just don't understand but that they're coming in to like instruct you on oh my, it's so unpleasant.

I do think that this is a popular place for people who participate in the swinging lifestyle. Sure. So yes, I assume there are, there's a lot of sex happening at a place called Hedonism Playground, yes. Yeah. But I didn't realize how like hands-on the staff was regarding the nudity and the sex.

Yeah. If this is if we should take this at face value. There is no. There is no owner response. There is a picture. Oh, no. Doesn't give it's just literally like you can see a beach and some people setting up some tables and no one is nude i scanned it multiple times to make sure you zoomed enhance

enhance yeah um but yeah so no i i this it shocked me when i read this i thought that is absolutely wild that they just barge into these playrooms like so they're unlocked like anyone can just walk in i mean maybe just a staff with a key yeah so i i mean i'm just like i don't really want to know but i kind of have to know but i guess i'll just let it go okay until i google it later yeah um cool so this is my last one. It's from Juniper They Them. And it's of, who says, come to Germany for a tour. Too many nudists over there. You know, Alexander would have to close his eyes the entire trip. So I don't know if I'm up for, like, leading him all the way through the country.

But think about it. And it's frustrating because I already get, I mean, actually both of us get so many, when we have our shows, people taking their tops off and throwing their like. That's true. The audience gets. Their undergarments at us. I mean, Hedonism 3, we tried to call our tour that, but we got into some legal trouble with Jamaican, the Jamaican resort. With Jamaicans? Well, because that's where their other one is.

I know. The way you said that, like with the Jamaicans, you know? You know how strict Jamaica is with all their rules. Oh, my gosh. And their militia and their drug robots. Who owns hedonism? I think it's like one of these. Oh, it just says Jamaicans.

No, it doesn't. Of course not. Oh, I believed you. It's like, is that the name of a cruise line? He's a Russian entrepreneurussian entrepreneur and a billionaire and an omelet chef wait a second hold on that explains a lot okay this guy just wants to get in on everyone's business that's why he started this take your bottoms off okay Okay, so this is from Juniper They Them, and it is of a swimming lake in Hannover, Hanover. Boo.

I was just there. Sorry, I just booed your pronunciation. I know you did. Because I wouldn't do that. I know you did. But I probably should. It's in Hanover. And I was just there because we were stopping on the way down to Austria and we ended up in stopped by multiple Hanover police officers.

And it was extremely disturbing because they were like, what's this car? Because I had picked up my car in Sweden and was driving it. And they're like, what's this license plate? And like made me get out and like explain where the car was from. Like I had somehow conjured up a like a i don't know it was really stressful i don't i didn't enjoy it anyway here's a review of did you enjoy the city were you like was that the did you stop there or anything like you hang out yeah we stayed overnight but it took us almost almost an hour and a half to get to our hotel because there was

an october fest happening oh that's where that was. That's right. In the backyard of the hotel. The nerve. Which, you know, kind of wish I'd known that before I booked it with my baby. I don't think I've been there. Okay. What? I don't think I've ever been there, so. That was my only time. And I saw no boobs or boobs. Weird.

No boobs or boobs. No boobs at the Oktoberfest? None. No. I feel like we're overstating how nude people are in Germany. I know. I feel like whenever we were there, it was like, it's not nude people, it was at like swim parks

or like water. Oh yeah, always at like a water park or sometimes at like lakes and things where people are lounging. Oh yeah, the lakes, yeah. Also at our cousin's fucking baptism, the neighbors which is... Because they were like, oh, water. Hang and rain out in the back.

I got to go get my clothes off. They were like, we heard there was a party. We're like, yeah, it's a bunch of little babies, but okay. You're saying, oh yeah, you're saying the lake by their house? Yeah, they were just out there and we had to ask them. I didn't, but like someone had to ask them to like please move to a different part of their yard because there were – it was like nobody could pay attention to what was happening. Okay. So here's a –

You were filming. What? You were filming it, which is why I thought it was so strange that you were so up in arms about filming nudists when you had a whole line of films. Yes, but I was filming with my cool pics. And it wasn't going to go anywhere but like me. I wasn't going to live stream it to the Dr. Ruth channel. First, folks, as long as it's for your own consumption, film anyone new that you want without consent.

Without consent, for sure. Only without consent. Only? Otherwise, where's the fun in that? Okay. I'm kidding, obviously. Of consent, for sure. Only without consent. Only? Otherwise, where's the fun in that? Okay. I'm kidding, obviously. Of course you're kidding. Okay. Two stars.

This is by Yvonne, and it's of this lake in Hanover. The lake was super clean. The pier was large and easy to use. The meadow's close to the main road, but that would have been okay. It was unfortunately very unpleasant because there was probably a men's birthday party going on. Many men had their birthday candles in their hands and had to show them to everyone. End of review. What?

I thought it was going to be like a birthday suit kind of joke, but not a birthday candle. Huh? They blew on them. Was it shaped like the number three? Like, or a zero? Like 30? What kind of candles? He was turning 80, so it's 88.

Oh my God. That birthday candle has an eight? No, thank you. That sounds painful. Hurry, blow it out. Make a wish. I can't tell where it ends. It's an eight? No, thank you. That sounds painful. Hurry, blow it out. Okay. Make a wish. I can't tell where it ends. It's an eight.

Put it in the cake. I just thought that was hilarious because they're like, if you know what I mean. I'm like, I mean, I guess I know what you mean. We kind of do, but also. Not really, though. That's funny. I wonder if birthday candle is like a euphemism in germany for penis i'm typing maybe that would be funny birthday cruelty free dick birthday oh thank you cruelty free

real dicks polyester dick candle um okay i know i don't think this is a thing because i tried to find it uh on the internet i think this is just a creative thing that this german person came up with or whoever this is uh holding their birthday candles in their hands oh la la oh la la i also love the idea that they had to show them to everyone guys Well, have you seen mine? Guys, hey. No, I know you already saw Rob's. Look at mine. Hey, what's the point if you're not going to show off a little bit?

That's right. Am I right, folks? You might as well own it. Alrighty. So my last two both are from Brad who said, couldn't believe this morning when I listened to the new episode about tattoo parlors and heard my reviews. Immediately texted my girlfriend to alert her of my newfound celebrity status. Wait, not their reviews that they had sent in. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Anywho, I saw the themes for your recordings this week and

I think I found some good nude beach ones. So here we go. And says, stay sandy at the end. Aww. Here's a one-star review of Little Beach, Maui County, Hawaii. One star. Wieners everywhere. Uh-oh. No one warned us, but on the day we went to Big Beach, we decided to climb up the cliff, and lo and behold,

sunburnt, flaccid wieners everywhere, flapping in the wind. Not our cup of tea. We will stay at our quiet resort beach. End of review. Okay. Sunburnt flaccid wiener. Oh my Lord. I think they just weren't wearing their glasses

and saw like seals or something moving around funny. Cause like what? They're flapping in the wind? How windy is it? Do seals flap in the wind? I don't know. It just felt weird. I was like, I feel like a ween is more likely tolapping in the wind? Do seals flap in the wind? I don't know. It just felt weird. I was like, what a sunburned.

I feel like a ween is more likely to flap in the wind than a seal, but whatever. I feel like that's got to be kind of windy to get lift, you know, get enough lift. And also for it to flap. It's got to go back and forth. They're especially crepey. Huh? Especially what? Crepey. Huh? Especially what? Crepey.

Like a crepe. Oh. Maybe they're especially crepey. The flaccid wieners? Yeah. So they get a little lift off. You know, I don't know what a crepey flaccid penis is. So I'm still,

my brain's lucky for you. I guess the gears are really, really slowly turning, but nothing's, what are you talking about? A crepey wiener. I just mean like, maybe they were especially loosey goosey,

you know? And that's how they got lift off. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm just going to let you have that one. Because, like, obviously there were no rockets in sight. Otherwise, they would not have been flaccid. We know that.

That's a good point. That's a good point. Thank you. It's unfortunate they were sunburned, though, because that must not feel good. Yeah, that sucks. I don't know what that... See, that's the thing. That's probably pretty high up on the list of reasons for me not to do this. There are many other reasons,

but. Think of all the sunscreen you'd have to put in so many places. Oh no, yeah. I don't like putting on sunscreen. You should do it, everybody. I have a daily sunscreen I put on my face, not every day. Not on your crepey. Not on my crepey flaccid penis. Okay, here's a three-star review. Also from Brad who says, this is of the Ledges in Wilmington, Vermont. It's not a beach, but it's a nudist naturalist lake spot. So it looks like a beach to me. A nudist natural. Nope, never mind.

It's by a body of water. It's close enough. It's a shore. It is a shore. I'm sure of it. Here's a three star review. My final one for the day. It's a nice place. With the exception of crazy Judy. Mean to begin with and worse when she's been drinking. People are generally very friendly, and it is a nice place to swim, sun, and relax. End of review. Who the fuck is Naughty Judy?

Nudie Judy? Crazy Judy. Nudie Judy. That's even better. I like Nudie Judy. Yeah, that's a, oh man. But I wouldn't be surprised if nudie judy is actually anti-nudie judy yeah i know that's it sounds like it sounds like a euphemism for karen like

she's just like getting on everyone's case you know yeah but what i want okay remember that it is the only review that mentions judy by the way i will say that you know that um trend that tiktok trend where it's like you go around at like a wedding or a party, you say, who in our family would you warn someone about? Like if someone was, I feel like nudie Judy would be number one. Yeah. Top of the list. Like you're joining the family, watch out for nudie Judy. She will get up in your business. Nudie Judy will, or anti nudie Judy, depending on her up in your business. Nudie Judy will, or anti-nudie Judy,

depending on her mood and how much she's been drinking. Oh, anti, I thought you meant. Oh, anti, anti-anti-nudie Judy. Yeah, I guess if you're her nephew, I guess, I don't know. Okay, anti.

Okay, since we're not doing this TikTok, who would you warn our family about? Our family? Like everybody, like step family. There's not i would work i would warn them about i'm thinking about who listened and would find out about this and then not saying that those oh yeah so i'm just gonna say four people that i'm thinking of and i'm not i'm not gonna say their names so let's leave it at four people yeah just

like while I'm at it might as well throw all four in is it like our four parents huh could be could be not oh man okay I don't know what I'd say I don't have an answer for you I plead the fifth. Probably smart. Okay. Now it's time for my challenge. Great. My challenge was from Michael, and it was to find reviews that contained the phrase,

mind-boggling, mind-boggling. I had to do them once. Now I'm done. I feel I've been acting out in this episode because I knew this was coming. Yeah. For what it's worth, I don't plan on saying it in an annoying way. I'm just going to read them.

And what was fun is this brought a wide range of reviews. And I love challenges like that that aren't particularly difficult. That's kind of why I picked it. But you have to find the good ones. It's a funny base story, but then I feel like you could really go in many directions with it. For those who don't know what I just said, that double mind-boggling thing, I would say

that to her all the time and it really bothered her. So I just kept doing it. There was no reason. It continues to also. I don't do it anymore until it got brought up on the podcast and I started doing it again. But yeah, it was just a thing that I knew bothered her. So I just kept. And it's like, why am I not a better actor that I can pretend things don't bother me?

But it's like sometimes he just pushes it so far that I'm like, I'm going to fucking scream if you do. Mind boggling, mind boggling. If you managed to get through like two or three times without reacting, I would have stopped forever. Which I guess I did eventually stop forever. Maybe I just grew up. Maybe you grew up. I don't think either of those is the answer. But anyway.

True. I think I just forgot. Anyway, here is a review sent in by Abby. This is a review of Skinny Taste One and Done. 140 no-fuss dinners for your instant pot slow cooker air fryer sheet pan skillet dutch oven and more colon a cookbook oh i forgot there's a colon at the beginning and the end double colon for your colon skinny taste one and done colon 140 blah blah this is a hardcover edition and turned by gina homolka

five star review titled this is amazing This is a hardcover edition, and written by Gina Homolka. 5-star review titled, This is Amazing. Luckily, I discovered a story raving on how good these skinny-taste cookbooks are. I ordered four of them. It is mind-boggling how far cookbooks have advanced from the old classics, which had no pictures and were a pain to follow. And I can't believe the petty complaints. It is a monster of a task to create cookbooks as detailed as these. Here we have a masterpiece of astounding cookbooks with boiled down preparation techniques,

beautiful pictures, and astounding displays of almost scientific methods on food preparation. In a good way. It's as if Einstein came back and rewrote cooking methods and simplified it. I cannot believe what a goldmine I've discovered with the products of Gina Homolka. Talk about going out of your way and going above and beyond with your dedication. I salute you, Gina Homolka. You are a queen.

End of review. You know, like if this is either one of two things, this is either Gina Homolka or her mother or Gina Homolka has already filed a restraining order or something. I'm like concerned about this person's enthusiasm. Like, have they not seen a cookbook since like 1955? It's just odd. I don't know, but I feel like I haven't because I was like this. Their enthusiasm rubbed off on me a little bit as well.

What? I was like, oh, no, maybe I should look into cookbooks. Okay. Well, I think you need to calm down. But I mean. I'm calm. I also have a problem with the Albert Einstein thing. It's like he came back to write a cookbook and then simplified it. It's like, well, that doesn't

make any sense. It's like saying, it's like Ernest Hemingway wrote it and then made it worse writing. Well, because Albert Einstein's mind is above ours. Right. So why would we want a cookbook? Because, listen, I'm going to defend Gina Homolka here, who maybe wrote this review. Who wrote this review. What they're saying is there's a lot more like

detail in terms of the science behind it all. Why would anyone want that? I'm sorry. Listen, that's so funny because I just realized, remember this,

I got a TikTok today and it was, I'm so sick of these commissioned TikToks or people selling products. I get so many of these commissioned TikToks or people selling products. I get so many of them now. It's whatever. But I got one and it was for a cookbook.

And this cookbook author was talking about how the cookbook that she had written was like intended. Because when she would read cookbooks, she always wondered why. Like she's like when they'd have certain, use certain ingredients and not others. Like why? And like to her, it wasn't enough information. Um, and I think it had something to do with, uh, neurodivergence. And so she was like, I, she wrote her own cookbook that had like all these very, um, detailed, uh, examples in there and talked about like, Oh, why are we using baking powder instead of baking starch for example i just feel like that definitely i mean okay you know what i'm really i guess also the fact that it's like a skinny cookbook for your instant pot i'm like how like game changing could it be

you know i'm like i just feel like so perplexed because I feel like there's a jajillion of those books out there. Yeah. And I don't, I mean, maybe, I mean, maybe I have to take a look at it to really understand how mind boggling, mind boggling it is. Exactly. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's a problem. I just can't grasp it, you know, with my feeble little brain. You need to, your feeble brain can't grasp Gina Homolka's cookbooks.

Sorry. But yeah, it's part of a skinny taste series. New York Times bestseller. I mean, your people, Christina.

Yeah, I know a thing or two about that. It is sort of like, you get that if you do a book in the name of Albert Einstein. Don't get ahead of yourself.

You know, if you write something and it becomes a New York Times bestseller, like people do tend to say, it's simply as though Albert Einstein has written this. And I feel like I can finally understand now that you mentioned that.

Now it makes sense. Now it all makes sense. Okay, good. That's so weird. I saw a review like that written about your book. I think it's right written the same names maybe it's either gina homolka or zoo you think gina homolka's mom is just really supportive of gina and me for some reason that's you know i wouldn't be surprised also this book is like only meat so you know what i was in

here i know there was like two v's and i was like, oh, those are just vegetarian. Whoops. I'm out. I'm not like selling it to people. I'm not buying it myself. Naked? Hang on. Naked. I'm hanging on. Eggs Benedict. Uh oh. Wait, the eggs. Oh my gosh. It all makes sense now. I'm just the messenger. It was Gina Homolka the whole time. She is aggressive too.

Take off those bottoms now. That's how you know. That's how I know? How you know what? That it was her at the Hedonism Resort number two. Okay. Got it. know what that it was her oh okay hedonism resort number two okay got it my next one is also presented by abby this is of an ox cafe in milwaukee a what it's called an ox cafe oh Oh. A-N space O-X space cafe. Oh, okay. On Ox Cafe, maybe?

I don't know. So here we go. This is a three-star review. This place is a hilarious paradox wrapped in a mind-boggling enigma. First of all, let's address the elephant in the room. It's not even a cafe. I walked in expecting a quaint little spot with baristas serving up aromatic lattes only to be greeted by the sight of an adult lounge that seemed to have stumbled upon the wrong name. It's like stumbling upon a secret

speakeasy, except instead of cocktails, you're greeted with surprisingly mediocre Thai cuisine. Talk about a plot twist. Let's start with the food. An Ox Cafe. Maybe it is on. I feel like I'm saying it wrong because it sounds so weird when I say it. I thought you were saying like an ox cable, so I got really in my head about it. Now I understand you're saying like the animal. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here we go.

I'll just keep going. An Ox Cafe has somehow become a magnet for a very specific demographic. The coolest Gen X couples in town. This is where they go to let their gray hair down, dust off their dance moves, and remind the world that they've still got it. That's so fucked up you asshole. So rude. Jesus Christ. Let people have their lives and their things. Don't be nasty. I'd love this person to write a review of a nude beach. I'd hate it, but I'd love to read it.

God, I can't even imagine. The dance floor is a spectacle to behold, with moves that could rival any dance competition on a particularly hilarious episode of reality TV. It's like being transported to a parallel universe where disco line dancing lives forever and ever and ever and ever. But wait, there's more. On Ox Cafe is also home to

some of the most captivating characters you'll ever encounter. The middle-aged men and women who frequent this place are an absolute delight. They embrace their inner goofiness with unabashed enthusiasm, unleashing their wild side for all to see. It's like a living, breathing sitcom unfolding before your eyes, complete with exaggerated facial expressions, impromptu karaoke sessions of practice my hand at like describing a scene. This is all meant to be creative. Got it. Got it. You know what I mean?

Like, it just seems like, wow, they're putting a lot of effort into describing this place. And I am getting a, an image. I just don't really understand why we have to know about it. Yeah.

In a world where conformity reigns supreme, they dare to be different. It's a Haven for those seeking a break from the mundane, a place where you can laugh until your sides hurt and let go of any inhibitions. It's a magical spot where subpar food becomes a conversation starter and where the unexpected becomes the norm.

So if you're ready to embark on an adventure filled with culinary surprises, eccentric dance moves, and an unforgettable cast of characters, make your way to On ox cafe embrace the irony savor the domestic lau and thai flavors and immerse yourself in a world where laughter and good times reign supreme the hilarious eccentric gem you never knew you needed in your life end of review no you're good sorry i'm sorry that was the line, so I just wanted to throw it out. Kept going. Okay, question. Why did it shift so suddenly?

I felt like it was not nice at the beginning. That's what I was going to bring up. And then at the end, I was like, wow, have you grown? Your heart has grown three sizes that day? Yeah, I think as they were writing, they were like, maybe I'm being too harsh. Because it ended up being a positive review. It ended up being a lot nicer at the end. I thought we were going to like continue shitting on Gen X.

They didn't learn about the compliment sandwich, you know? They just, they just, it's an open face sandwich. It's, yeah, exactly. Open faced insult sandwich. Yeah. So what was the star rating again? Uh, three. Okay.

So that's why I was like, you know, it's, yes, I agree. I think the star rating fits the review. It was weird though, the way it kind of shifted and all of a sudden they only had positive things to say about the same things they seem to be insulting. Exactly. It was like, oh, wait, you've suddenly changed your mind really aggressively on this entire situation. It wasn't like, oh, here are the good and bad kind of back and forth. It was like, here's all the bad. Just kidding. I love it. They must have realized they were being too harsh or something. I don't know.

Like, which I think they were. It seemed very just mean. It seemed mean-spirited. Definitely mean-spirited. But then it was not mean-spirited at the end. It was very positive. mean-spirited at first definitely mean but then it was not mean-spirited at the end was very positive so yeah yeah um i i stand by my my want for a review of a nude beach from that person yeah i guess i'm perplexed and i also stand by that want and i would like to see what happens what what age do you think this person is if they're calling out gen x like that are they gen x themselves it felt like they're kind of like i don't know this felt like it was written by that's what i thought i was like it's either gen x or someone who's who feels threateningly close to being gen x and like wants to say like

no i'm young and cool but they didn't say let our gray hair down they said let their like they were still talking about them from a little bit of a distance. A millennial who just feels like slightly embittered that they're kind of getting older. I don't know. I honestly can't tell. That cusp. On the cusp, you know,

on the cusp. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we might never know. Anyway, do you know Leona's gen alpha? That's so alpha of her.

It sounds ridiculous. And I'm like, kind of hoping that there's another name like millennial the memes are gonna be so good it's gonna be terrible because i am gonna love it then the betas yeah oh they're in trouble mess like if i have another child they're gonna probably be i don't know what they're gonna be but i assume the next one's beta. And that's going to be. I am going to be so mean about generation beta. Okay. But like, I feel like then it's, here's what I think. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

No, but I think it's going to flip. Where I think beta is going to be like. The alphas? Yeah. Like, I think they're going to turn it around and be like, you guys bullied us. Well, fuck you. Like, we. Who's over to turn it around and be like, you guys bullied us. Well, fuck you. Like, we. Who's over there?

Who's coming in? It's the nudes. Oh, no. The nudes are going to win. They're invading. We didn't even see this coming. Plot twist. I put down the rocket ships.

Bad things are going to happen. We're going to make. What's after beta? Alpha beta. I don't fucking know what comes after b uh i don't know anyway i just really worry that um that gamma is gamma no wait what gamma would be badass beta gamma it is gamma. Then Delta. Oh, my God. Delta Airlines can't wait for that one. Delta is going to be fucking annoying about that. They're going to be like the only airline for the new generation.

Are we going to at least quote me on that? Be alive? I don't know. I can't tell with math. Probably not. Okay, that's probably good. Anyway. Yeah, that's probably for the best.

Do you have any more? Oh, yeah. Oh, good. My next one's from Minamoto. This is of Aspen Dental in New Hampshire. Lebanon. Do you think they say Lebanon like we do in Ohio? You know, someone emailed us.

I haven't opened it yet, but they were saying like regarding your conversation about different pronunciations of places like Lebanon, Lebanon. I haven't read it yet, so I have no answer. I just want. Well, now I'm nervous that there's something in there. I don't know. I think they were just kind of giving us insight

into linguistic, you know. Oh, here we go. That sounds really interesting, actually. I would read that if I've seen that. Anika says, I've been doing a re-listen and near the end of episode 165, you were discussing how different cities across the USA named Lebanon pronounce their names. Major disclaimer that I'm a second generation German American with only extremely beginner Arabic knowledge and I'm nowhere near fluent, but I have a longtime friend who lives in Beirut and she's been helping me practice my Arabic pronunciation

as I study the language um oh gosh so now I'm just being cornered into trying to say this out loud uh okay the first part of the word is a short vowel lub whereas the second half is a long vowel non so shown oh my god this is too smart for me i'm sorry linguistics are crazy and really interesting in a very interesting way but they're like so that's some crazy stuff yeah so she basically said she came across that and said oh i know this one um Anyway. Lubnan. Here it is. Lubnan. Lubnan.

Lubnan. Lubnan. Lubnan. Lubnan. Hmm. With an accent on the second syllable. Lubnan. Lubnan.

Maybe. Is more like accurate. Maybe. Yeah. Lubnan. I don't know. Apparently in New Hampshire, it's also Lebanon. Okay. Well, you know what? That's Hampshire, it's also Lebanon. Okay.

Well, you know what? That's the US for you. Lebanon. Lebanon. Interesting. Okay. Anyway, here's a one-star review. I'm going to read that email later, though.

That sounds very interesting. Here we go. One star. Worst experience ever. I would not recommend this place to anyone. Not even my dog. The young female- Wait, what is this place again?

You nailed what I was going to talk about right at the start. Oh. That's pretty much the best part of the review, but I'm going to read the rest anyway. It's a dentist. Oh, yeah. Wait. Okay, because I was like- I wouldn't even send my dog to this dentist.

It's like, they don't want your dog anyway. No. What were you thinking, though? Weird. I was like, are we back at nude beaches? Like, my brain just couldn't really comprehend. Dogs would love a nude beach. Yeah, exactly.

It's just a beach. Like, come on. Okay. So, yeah, it's just weird that Sheila here, sorry, that's who wrote the review, wouldn't even recommend it to their dog, which why would you recommend it to your dog even if it was good? Hilarious if you recommended it to your enemy's dog. You're like, I know where you should take your dog,

to the dentist, Aspen Dental. You should take your dog there. Like I understand, like obviously they're trying to insult it and they don't mean it as like serious, but I feel like there are better ways to insult it than this. You can even say my worst enemy because that yeah presuming that's a person that wouldn't probably need a dentist a little harder yeah bizarre the young female dentist made a situation worse i had to go back a second time she denied what she did was spoken to by the office

manager twice prior to my visit then she sent the assistant to ask me why I was there, knowing damn well why I was. Very dishonest, unladylike, rude, young, female dentist. Tried to turn the tables on me, tried belittling me in front of the assistant. I removed myself because I'm a professional. In a small community like this, we really do not need dishonest liars.

After the first visit, I shouldn't known they addressed everything except my concern that the appointment changed after she popped my crown out of place. The hygienist walked me to the receptionist upon leaving, and I was handed a paper for $5,000 worth of work without mention of the reason why I was there. This is mind-boggling, this whole experience. End of review. So is this review. Am I right?

You are very right. I don't know what the fuck just happened. This female dentist. I don't like that. The way that she wrote this. She's a female dentist and she's a dishonest liar. Dishonest unladylike. Whenever someone's called someone else unladylike, I immediately am taking them more seriously.

Far less seriously. Because I'm like, what the fuck does that even mean? Like your standards for quote unquote ladylike are probably very different than what's normal or what should be expected. Imagine that's why she sends her dog. She's like, this place isn't ladylike enough for professionals like me. And my professional dog. my dog will go in instead get his crown replaced oh no okay um also like do you not like your dog why would you say like i wouldn't even recommend this to my dog it's like do you fucking hate your dog i'm glad

we're still back on that because that was truly the best part of the review. It seemed weird. So this next one was an accident. I brought it to the table, but I was searching mind-bogglingly and I crammed across this link, but I couldn't find the original review. It's of a hasty link, but I couldn't find the original review. It's of a Hasty Mart. But I have a different review that I read that I wanted to bring anyway, because whatever. It's my challenge.

Excellent. This is of Hasty Mart in LaGrange, North Carolina. It looks to be like a small convenience store. I assume they have gas. I can't. I kind of like that. It says grocery. Yeah.

And it is. What about, do they sell hasty tasties? What the fuck is that? I don't know. I thought it was clever. No. Okay. Is that a thing?

I don't get it. You just made that up. Cut it out. Cut it out, everybody in your area. Cut it out. Yes. So this place is on Highway 70 West in La Grange, North Carolina. And it looks to be in the middle of nowhere.

And the mind-boggling that I read was it said this place is mind-bogglingly rural. Oh, that's a tough one. Mind-bogglingly rural. So I'm kind of glad I didn't find the full review because I would have stumbled through it. That's a cruel double word there. But I assume that review was about this place, but it's no longer there. So here's another review of Hasty Mart in LaGrange, North Carolina. One star. When I first saw the sign, I thought it said Nasty Mart.

I realized it was Hasty Mart. However, after stepping into the store and going to the restroom, I knew I was right the first time. Do not go here unless you have some severe emergency. Bring your own penicillin. End of review. Oh, come on. You didn't even try the Hasty Tasty. Not even one Hasty Tasty was tried.

You didn't even almost taste it like the guy at the nude beach. So how dare you make such an assumption? So true. Nasty Mart is also very funny. I feel like that's out of The Simpsons or something. Like, let's all go to like Nasty Mart. I once watched The Simpsons. Were you a writer on The Simpsons?

I almost was. Hey, let's all go to Nasty Mart. I almost. That was my spec script. And I'm pretty sure I got at least an interview, but they never called me. So I'm not positive. Okay. You never actually did the interview, but they wanted to give it to you.

I'm pretty sure they must have. You just don't remember it. I've just moved a lot. So I think. True. It just got lost in the whole thing. I think maybe that's what happened. It's too bad.

Here is one final review. Okay. This is a five star review in Lake. We're conkama Lake run conkama, New York. Wow. Yeah. Um,

here we go. Which is on Long Island. To Ronkonkoma. Five stars. By Anonymous. This McDonald's is absolutely outstanding. The food, how can I say this, is absolutely mind-bogglingly busting on God. Sheesh.

I dream every night. Although some nights they are night terrors of the Hamburglar coming over me and eating me. But that's beside the point of eating a Big Mac. Wait, what? I almost said say that again. Then I was like like actually don't but you're saying i dream every night although some nights they are night terrors of the hamburger coming over me and eating me but that's beside the point of eating a big mac so they dream every night of eating a big

mac oh we got another master class novel writing alum here is what you're saying yeah got it i scream and shout at the thought of possibly getting to attend Ronkonkoma McDonald's. Some of the Gen Z folks say things like busing, sheesh, no cap, on God and slay, and period, sometimes followed by a T as in period. Well, in the word of those same folk, I say this McDonald's is bussing on God, sheesh, no cap, slay, period, period, no comma. Please stop by if you can. They've done better.

They've repented for the mistakes they have made in the past. God is capable of forgiveness. You should be capable too. Follow in the footsteps of our maker and follow the Lord to your nearest McDonald's. Please, I beg. Please. Please. Please.

I beg of you. Pay money. Go do it. Now. Like right now. Like period. Like slay period. Like right now.

Slay period. If you do not eat a Big Mac in the next 24 hours, your family will collapse. Safe travels, smiley face. Love you guys. Nice community. Bonjourni. Eres una comemirda. That's have a great day in spanish end of review um spoiler that does not have a great day in spanish yeah i think that's your you are a you're a shit eater yeah something like that um i like i felt about when you were probably 85 percent of the way through i realized my limbs

were cold like everything had gotten cold because i was like kind of you're following your maker sort of frozen in a little bit of fear and like fight or flight i didn't know what was happening i think i had a response to that that was you. Between fight and flight, you chose froze. Yeah, I chose freeze. And, you know, at least I didn't choose fawn because I have nothing nice to say to this person. Do you think what is up with. Okay. Yeah.

Talk me through. Who the hell has time to do shit like this? Look. I mean, I get it. Some of us sometimes have time to just sit and watch trashy TV and eat candy and play Yahtzee. But why would you choose to do this instead of that? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, if you have free time, why are you writing this review? It's like, what are you doing? Maybe it was a group. Maybe they were having a fun night. Write Bussin again. i already wrote bussing also i saw an embarrassing tiktok yesterday where they were like this woman who was probably my age was asking these young probably 12 or 13 year olds like what she's allowed to say she's like can i say slay and they were like oh my god no like there were all these words where i'm like

well that's still a thing and they were like no you can't say that and then she's like, can I say slay? And they were like, oh, my God, no. Like there were all these words where I'm like, well, that's still a thing. And they were like, no, you can't say that. And then she said like period. And they were like, maybe sometimes. And I was like, I'm never going to like I'm realizing I'm old now. And it's because like now I know about like cap, bus. I'm like, that means that it's over. That means it's not cool.

It's not cool. So this review, I feel like is a bust it. I'm like, that means that it's over. That means it's not cool. It's not cool. So this review, I feel like is a time capsule. And one day we're going to look back and go, holy shit. Gen Z is going to look back and be like, can't believe we talked like that. Cause I feel like.

I hope they're slightly embarrassed. Cause we all get embarrassed. Like the rest of us are embarrassed. So they better get embarrassed someday. A little bit at least. Yeah. I mean, I think.

Destroy Gen Alpha. They're going to destroy Gen Alpha. They're going to be so mean to Gen Alpha because, like, the way that boomers are so mean to millennials. Like, I feel like that's what Gen Z is going to do to Gen Alpha. Be like, oh, Alpha. You know, I just already feel it. You know, I will say I feel like a lot of, I don't know, maybe it's just the circles i'm in but i feel like a lot of millennials because of that interaction from boomers are like let's not be that way towards gen z and like i'd like to have not and so hopefully that continues that's what i hope but now i'm like i don't gen z gets a

lot of shit from boomers too you know they're getting probably more shit you were gonna shit all over gen alpha and or gen beta yeah, because they're called betas. Exactly. So, you know, I think history repeats itself, man. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I just feel like this put me in a weird, unpleasant mood, this review. Yeah, because it's a reminder that you're aging. Is it?

I don't think. You basically just said that. So you literally just said that you felt old. I just? I don't think. You basically just said that. So you're, you literally just said that you felt old. I just feel like, what are you doing? Like, why are you doing this?

Well, I think this person is making fun of Gen Z. Well, yeah, I get that. Yeah. But like, do something else with your time.

Hey, I, as someone who's spent many, too many hours in the past couple of days playing RuneScape playing RuneScape, I can't judge this person. I guess. Up until we were recording, I was playing RuneScape. The moment we hang up, launching it again. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I just, it's busting. At least this is a time capsule. At least two people found this useful. Who finds my RuneScape useful? Nobody. See? Period. Yeah. that's on cap stop stop too far that you actually use that one correctly sweet it was a period you're supposed

to stop after you say period because it means oh i didn't do the other i didn't do what a period is which one did i do correct period oh well okay and then you said on cap what did you say is that not right no no i thought i finally figured it out gosh get on the internet more or don't actually maybe it's for the best maybe i'm the problem i mean you didn't know who ice spice was and yeah lots of people were proud of the fact they didn't know who ice spice was oh i never even looked at the comments because i was too embarrassed i was like i don't want to know so many people were like i also don't know my only problem my only problem with that is when people think they're like special for not knowing something i'm like that's fine okay but you don't have to know it like i

don't i was making fun of you because you're my sister i was shocked for it so people were trying to stand up for me and say, you know what? I don't know what either. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe somebody likes me. Oh my God. No, you're not doing this. But I bet you have 50 emails for your next challenge.

And that's on fleek. Okay, I'm done. We're done. Goodbye, everyone. Bye. Thank you for hanging out with us. Sorry about everything that i did bye bye bye beach to sandy water to wet is a forever dog production hosted and produced

by zandy and christine schieffer it's edited by marco padilla cover art by courtney aventura theme music by mavis white executive produced by mariah nicholas forever dog productions is joe cilio alex ramsey and brett boehm