Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 264: Reviews of Drag Brunch

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

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to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but i'd give it zero stars if i could hello and welcome to by's Handy Waterview, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Xteen.

And I am Zandy. Hello, hello. Welcome to Drag Brunch with the Schieffer Sibs. Yes. Love a good drag brunch. That's our theme for today. Zandy and I went to a drag brunch in Vegas a few months ago. That was fun.

That was my only one ever. I've been to at least one drag show other than that. But that was my first drag brunch. I think that was also my first drag brunch. It was a blast. It was a blast. I've done drag bingo. Oh, I've never done that.

That sounds fun. So we're here. We are here. We're queer. Not both of us. Not all of us. Calling me out. Wait, is it a big?

It's a puzzle. It's a mystery. This is an escape room. Welcome to drag brunch. That's not what I'm doing. No, no, room. Welcome to Drag... DragFunch. No, no, no. I want to go down this route. It's an escape room.

And you escape by figuring out who's straight. The straight person in the room. And then you kill them. No, you don't do that. No, you don't do that. You just say, sorry that you are the way that you are and then no you make them say sorry for the way that they are right well you say um what an interesting life

lifestyle choice you've made for yourself and then the other person has to apologize and then you win the escape room makes sense i'm in yeah in. Yeah, I agree. I'll be the straight one. Oh, I just spoiled it for everyone. Xenia, goddammit, now we have to start a whole new escape room? I spent $200,000 on this one already. What? Okay.

Okay, let's get into it. Why don't you start? Okay, I'm just diving right into something kind of wild. This's get into it. Why don't you start? Okay. I'm just diving right into something kind of wild. This is from Maddie. Okay. My first one's really wild too, which is why I was like, I'll let him start. So maybe we're just both going to be jumping headfirst.

My first one is of Walker's Pint in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, sent in by Maddie. And this is a one-star review. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, sent in by Maddie. And this is a one-star review. And this is written by, I'm trying to come up with a name, Antonia. My Antonia. My Antonia. I'm sorry.

I was thinking, I was like, Tony. And I was like, but no, that's a gender. Okay. You know what? I'm really bad at this. This is by someone, blah, blah was like, Tony. And I was like, but no, that's a gender. Okay. You know what? I'm really bad at this. This is by someone, blah, blah, comma, MD. You don't even need to say. No, no, no.

MD. They have an MD in their title. It's in their name. This is by Dr. Antonia. This is by my Dr. Antonia. My Dr. Antonia. Okay. Okay. The bouncer at this place is apparently an orthopedic MD.

I am also an MD. Do I reek of booze? Are my eyes dilated? Am I slurring my words? I have a Texan accent. Due to powerlifting since I was 12 and college-level hurdles slash triple jump. Then I was a pro rugby player. Go Austin Valkyries!

Breakdancing after that. So I need a total left hip replacement and I'm waiting on it. He denied me entry. I proceeded to burn the house down at level. Your bouncer is not a MD. I owned it. Tons of new fans. You shunned away the wrong person. The music at level was so good, I had to keep going. An intoxicated person could not have done my moves. Your bar is not Sue Ellen's or S4 in Dallas. Get over yourself. Edit. When in Dallas, I get special skip the two-hour line of people paying $20 cover charge because I am that good. So angry. Look up Sue Ellen's. It beats your bar into the ground. Breakdance crews from New York fly there to practice. Don't think I will ever visit your establishment again.

Show me a wasted person that can tie a Windsor knot. End of review. And then they have a mirror pic of themselves with a tie in a Windsor knot. Are you sure it's a Windsor knot? It looks like a Windsor knot. Yes. Okay. I didn'tor knot? It looks like a Windsor knot, yes. Okay, I didn't know if they just said it and assumed that nobody would know. Oh no.

That's a nicely tied Windsor knot, if you ask me. Okay. So there's a lot happening here. There's a lot of like a whole lot of nothing. I don't know what the fuck is going on. So level, when they said level, I was like, that sounds to me like there's another bar it is but it's actually levels milwaukee i believe with an s um but levels yeah it's like a lounge um so that was just his like

orthopedic practice or like his his practice he's like i do a great job at levels. I'm going to not say that they are men. I do not think this is a man, by the way. Oh, okay. Just making assumptions myself. I'm making assumptions based on the delightful Windsor night. No, you heard doctor and you're like, well, the only doctors that I would ever see. No, I didn't. I called her Dr. Antonia. Yeah, that's why. I said Antonia first. Oh, yeah. Oh, my.

You think you came up with that out of nowhere? That was me being stupid. Okay. But yeah. And so apparently this. I don't know where the power lifting came in. That's where I really got. Yeah.

I don't either. I don't know what has to do with. But yeah, presumably they thought they were drunk and then got turned away. So they're like, fine, I'll go to this other bar. And then what's break dancing at this other bar and everyone loved them. Well, I wonder if it's like the hip replacement thing, right? Didn't they say I need a hip replacement? Wait, were they joking about the bouncer being an orthopedic MD? I'm like, I don't understand. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, okay. That's why I said we're going right into it. I just was like,

yeah, I don't know. We got it. We got we're going right into it i just was like yeah i don't know we got we got to rip this band-aid off this felt like it needed to be brought to the table um might as well just do it first thing set it set us up for success this episode set the tone for the show oh yeah people are excited to listen to the rest now yeah i know um i am going to make a controversial statement uh which is that i am glad that this person was turned away because if that person sat next to me at a drag show and was saying all these things, I think I would really wish I were sitting at a different table. I don't even know what's happening, but I think I'd be distracted. Yeah. And also, if I'm at a drag show and you're just getting on the stage it sounds like i don't know i don't know i i will say

this place has drag brunch but i i it doesn't feel like this is related to the drag brunch specifically okay i can't tell i see but what if my others mostly are what if this was a medical conference and he's this person they're like the bouncer was an md and it's like no you were at your medical never mind that doesn't make any sense okay this is from abby everyone pause and just work through that scenario in your mind and then laugh and then come back pretend i didn't say this is from abby sheer this is of lush in minneapolis um this is my setting the tone for the show and it is a series of reviews in that it's updated updated reviews on yelp you know they're my favorite so uh i have a series of let's see see, one, two, three, three reviews.

And these are all written by Lena. The first is a five-star review, okay? We're starting off hot. And it is a five-star review written over seven years ago, okay? First, as a previous reviewer mentioned, be aware this is a gay bar and not a straight gay bar like the 90s. That being said, everyone was very welcoming indeed to me and my husband and I cannot say enough good things about this place. We did dinner, drinks, and the show. Let's start with decor and dinner. The decor here is very postmodern warehouse industrial with interesting art, high ceilings, and a big airy feel. The patio area is super nice with little cannabis.

Nope, cabanas. Sorry, that's my own drag brunch. Okay. The patio area is super nice with little cabanas for an added touch. Smoking is allowed in the outdoor seating. I am not a fan of smoke, but it's not intrusive at all. I had the French dip. My husband had the salmon. I'm also impressed to hear that. I don't know. I'm impressed that someone had the guts to order salmon at a dive bar.

I will say the drag brunch we went to, the worst thing was by far the food. Granted, I couldn't eat much because it wasn't catered towards vegans, nor should it be. But even what I could eat, I was like, yeah, this isn't really doing it,

but it didn't matter. I didn't care. It was the best show ever. I was going to say, they definitely know that that's not the selling point right and the entertainment yeah the drinks were flowing and the entertainment was perfect and like and you shouldn't go to a drag brunch expecting uh what this people these people got fine dining uh keep that thought hold that thought okay uh but also i would like to point out to everyone just

as like a little brag uh the drag brunch we went to in vegas was at senior frogs which i feel like just elevated it to a whole you know another i can't believe i didn't start with that you're right yeah that i feel like that's really important and we buried the lead um okay service was prompt and super friendly my tequila sunrise not huge, but was neither overly weak or too strong. Oh, and do try the bean nachos. Perfect balance of beans, cheese, and seasonings. Next. Sorry.

Okay. Never mind. Are the chips beans? No. Whoa. Never mind. It's like beans, cheese and seasonings. That's all.

That's all it was. I thought it was just beans and cheese. And I was like, that's not nachos. I thought it was funny because I was like, hmm, that's like the only compliment you can give of bean nachos. Like it was, I don't know, the way they were like, they actually said it was great. And then they explained that it was because of the ratios. And I was like, yeah. The ratio of beans to cheese.

It just felt funny to me. Yeah. I'm glad it felt funny to you. I wasn't planning on saying it until you stopped. My bad. Next, there was the drag show. The queens here are truly some of the best in town. Monica West as MC and the whole team were wonderful.

The stage and seating is cozy and intimate. You can go to the Lush website and reserve seats ahead for $5 per person. That is the best way to seat either a group or get the best seats for two. Again, really a friendly and hospitable atmosphere at the show, not snarky and mean-spirited the way the 90s shows started to feel at least a year or so ago when we went. I also saw no bachelorette parties at Lush, at least last night, and I for one was great with that. As I said, it's a hospitable gay bar, great just as is. I actually hear good things about the 90s show now, but for us, I think next time we venture out to a show, it will be at Lush. All right. My biggest takeaway is I'm terrified of this 90s show.

I don't know. I thought for a second they meant like the 90s. How it was back in the 90s. The first time you said it, I felt that way. And now I'm realizing they mean like they do a 90s celebrate, like a theme night. Yeah, it sounds like they're mean at the 90s show. I don't want to be part of that. It's grunge. I don't know. I don't think of much. What do you think of when you think of 90s? Okay, I thought clueless.

Okay, yeah. I thought clueless and you, yeah. I thought clueless, and you thought grunge. Interesting combo. I think that would be a great combo somehow. I actually really like it. Yeah. And what if both of them are just being really mean the whole time? Like they've ganged up on everyone.

Who's ganging up on's getting the grunge and the clueless theme are like team teaming together to defeat all the other themes bully to bully us they're sick of the like okay oh i see okay you're we're getting they're bullying the audience yeah so this is a three-star review okay the first star or sorry the first review was written over seven years ago. This one was written over six years ago. Okay. What was the first star rating again? Five.

It felt like a five. Okay. Remember the bean nachos. Okay. That's why it was a five. That's why? No. That's like probably the least exciting thing in the whole

that they were you know experiencing but this is a three star update okay i must say i am lukewarm on the new menu the removal of the deviled eggs huh sorry removal of the deviled eggs i mean yeah look i love you were the deviled eggs lena you're the only one to order that at the drag show except for me and xandy back in the day we were for sure absolutely but i like i love i love like tinned fish and deviled eggs and weird shit like that. But I understand that that is not a widely held taste, a widely held taste profile. So if they took that off the menu at a drag brunch, I would understand. Drag aside, I feel like I've never seen that at a brunch.

Brunch aside, I feel like I've never seen deviled eggs at a restaurant. That's more like it. No, me neither. It's like a 90s. Oh my God, maybe that's a 90s show. It's a very 90s hors d'oeuvre, right? Like a deviled egg. To me, it reminds me of our stepmom.

Like Reagan era? Yes. It's so Reagan era. Like, you know, fancy crudités. Yeah. No, I feel like she would always make them and like I it's just a very it's a comfort thing when I think about I'm like yeah I always really enjoyed eating the deviled eggs and they'd be set out so nicely on her she literally had a tray

design like she didn't have it designed but she bought it for she had a custom mold in our in the back uh in the welding uh the welding cap and now back she had a talk mold in the back, in the welding cap in our back. She had it custom made. She talked to the designer who designed Reagan's oval office. And she said the eggs have to be the same size oval as the oval office. Can you put a bunch of oval offices in this egg dish? Thank you. What the fuck?

But yeah, and I remember being all like, oh man, I can't take the first one because like I'd be the first one to ruin it. And then I probably would anyway. Yeah. Well, yeah. I'm sure we both would simultaneously. So anyway, deviled eggs, nothing against deviled eggs. But yeah, this is a bizarre thing.

I've never seen them at a restaurant. So if we find it weird, if we find it weird, that's saying something. Because we are big advocates. Well, Zandy, no, not really anymore. But we were once big advocates of deviled eggs. Christine 2024. So if you're removing them from the menu and we're like, yeah, that's probably smart. It's not personal.

It's just, you know, it makes sense. Yeah. But not to Lena. Okay. I must say I am lukewarm on the new menu. The removal of the deviled eggs and the salmon was sad. It's not that the newer items we tried are not good. It's that you don't need to throw all the older good stuff out. It's like they decided those things were not classy or 21st century enough and got rid of them. Hey, not all of us fans are 26-year-old

foodies. We deserve a few menu items too. I was also startled to see a small black hair on the plate I was served at brunch yesterday, and my husband never did get his guacamole either. Lush usually does way better than that for service. End of review. I'm, hmm, not that I thought they were- Before thought they were before the final update i didn't think that they were particularly fancy but i wouldn't say dildo eggs are like unfancy why are they i don't know wait did they say because they said they said they i thought they were saying they're not classy enough they're right they removed it because they weren't classy enough. And I'm like, who thinks.

If we had a game night and we pulled out a tray of deviled eggs, all our friends would be like. When I say all our friends, I mean like all your friends, because your friends are the ones that I'm friends with. They'd all be like, holy shit. Why are you like, whoa, that's. That's so classy of you. An upscale snack for a game night or something. And no one will eat them because it would be really probably strange of me to do this. Only Zandy and I.

And Zandy can't even do it anymore. No, I'd use an egg substitute. I'd find a way to make my – I'm sure you can make vegan deviled eggs somehow. It would be probably way too labor-intensive and not worth the taste. You could start a whole restaurant like a whole restaurant that just makes vegan deviled eggs um that is the grossest idea for a restaurant and then on the commercials the capital one commercials you'll be like i wouldn't be able to have my small business it's called deviled with an apostrophe d deviled eggs without capital one venture card wouldn't

eggs be the thing that you'd have to change the name the non-vegan like devil is already vegan it can be vegan okay fine what if deviling isn't what makes it what if his eggs are the devil look i'll say the devil's in the details it's the name of my restaurant. Devils in the details. Yeah. And then the detail is that it's not actual egg. It's chicken. You've got to read the fine print. Yeah. And I don't tell anyone.

It's all you have to ask for a nutritional information packet behind the counter. No, it's got to be deviled in the details. Okay. What? That didn't do it for you? That's good. No, we're not doing. This is never a thing. Deviled in the details. Okay. What? That didn't do it for you? That's good. No, we're not doing.

This is never a thing. No one should ever create a restaurant of just vegan deviled eggs. It sounds absolutely awful. It's the next Cronut. That would be impressive. It's like, it's the next F fro-yo and it's just all these deviled eggs shops pop up all over the place oh you can pick how much cayenne you want and that's all you have to decide for toppings oh my god now that all the fro-yo places are closing you can fill the um fro-yo machines with deviled egg mixture so you can decide how

filled they are oh my god you're so right that's a good idea and the topping bar is just cayenne it's just different containers of it and it's not it's not bowls or cones it's just a bucket full of scooped out no it's an oval office platter oh you have a whole platter and you get to each everyone gets their own platter but then where do the eggs get the eggs with the holes birthday party from a bucket yeah oh yeah you got to scoop those out you got to get those somehow you can't just put the yeah filling in on the platter also it's not vegan anymore sorry it's just more accessible if it's oh i don't disagree that it would be more accessible if it weren't vegan i you know i think we should go like the more mainstream deviled egg

route uh where everybody can relate you know yeah yeah everyone's itching to try our deviled eggs out of fro they're itching because they're getting um egg egg product out of an industrial machine. But anyway, here is the final update. Okay, now that the deviled eggs have been removed from the menu, etc. Lena gives a final update, which was updated over three years ago. And Lena actually explains that it's 2019 in the review. So this is another three stars, but still felt the need, I guess, to write an update. So update 2019.

I went to the drag show with friends in March and we had all reserved seats, but at different times. It was the evening of my husband's memorial. What? Wait. I'm sorry. I'm laughing because I'm uncomfy.

Okay. We went, okay. I'm sorry. I'm laughing because I'm uncomfy. Okay. We went, okay. I'm sorry. I can't say it with a straight face. I can't believe we like had the first review mentioned the husband, right? Yeah. Well, the second one. Well, both did actually because he never got his guacamole.

The husband didn't get the guacamole. Oh, my God. We usually don't get this like level of like finding out about people this becomes real you know i know and i i'll be honest like for once on this show shut up alexander i just realized something what does that mean i'm nervous oh fuck I screwed up the order of this huh so you just like drop this detail like too early um too late let me just read the there were two updates let's just leave it as is okay but I'm just gonna read finally the final update because apparently I screwed up the screenshots and it's not Abby's fault because I cropped them a certain way.

It's my fault. But this is the final update, okay? Update 2019. I went to the drag show with friends in March, and we had all reserved seats but at different times. It was the evening of my husband's memorial. We asked the host if we could all be seated together and told him my husband had just passed. He refused and did not give a reason why. I've been back once since but lost my enthusiasm for the place. Oh my gosh. I think her old review.

Oh, and was trying to like edit edit like add in that other negative bit the problem is at the end of the final review where she went for her memorial the last line is my husband never did get his guacamole and i'm like is that part of the memorial one or is that oh my gosh like it's like in reference like he died waiting for it like like is she being witty about it or is it like an accidental like she copy pasted so anyway this is why i was confused for a moment but it looks like she may have just copy and was just like oh here's more context behind my feelings about this place. Like, I don't want to hide. Oh, no.

They were rude to me when my husband died, but equally important is the removal of the devil dicks. Don't forget. I don't want to hide that behind my husband's memorial service. Oh, my gosh. What an update. Yeah. What's that? I even clicked through her profile because I was like, maybe this is a jit prank review.

Nope. It is a realip prank review. Nope. It is. Oh, no. It's a real review. Yeah. So it's a little bit sad, but I kind of love for her that. Well, I don't love that she had a bad time or they were rude to her, but I kind of love that she went there as after the memorial. Yeah.

Like, you know, why not celebrate the good old days? Yeah. Oh, what a free guacamole out of it well maybe not i don't know it'll never get there it sounds like he still doesn't have it oh no so anyway that was my first rabbit hole i'm sorry that was a little chaotic that has been that ending is not at all what i expected i me neither well i'd say i have a uh a little one to like perk us up, but it's a really quick one before we get into whatever nonsense you have next. So here's a little break we get. This is a review of Rise Bar in Manhattan.

This is sent in by Goldie. She her who was able to see us in the pit at our Pittsburgh show. Yes, oh my gosh. Shout out, Goldie. It was nice hearing from you. This is a one-star review. My boyfriend dropped money at the door. The bouncer picked it up and wouldn't return it. Stated, it's mine now. End of review. You signed a waiver. There's something so funny about that to me.

And sure enough, presumably the boyfriend wrote a separate review also saying, hey, this happened. Wait, what do you mean presumably? So there was another review and I'm saying it's presumably the boyfriend. Sorry. Oh, I see. Oh, you think this is. There were two. There is another review of the same place talking about.

Well, no, I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's a totally different scenario. A different day where somebody else dropped to 10. That's no wonder. Yeah. I mean, if it's on the ground. No, actually, I don't think that's allowed. I don't think it is.

That's fair. But no, not if you really. No, actually, I don't think that's allowed. I don't think it is. Sure, that's fair. But no, not if you really drop it. Last week we had our whole thing about taking pictures of nude people at the beach and the legality behind that. So I don't know if we need to go try to – Jamie with Patent Law isn't going to swoop in and help us. Jamie, help me. I need help. Okay. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice.

Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah. It's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah.

Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca.

Order up for Rebelsis. Or visit Rebelses.ca. Order up for Rebelses. Okay, this is from Abby as well. And this is of a drag show called Illusions in Austin, Texas. Why do you say it funny? How's it spelled? It's spelled Illusions.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought you said E-Lions, like a lowercase e. E-lusions, that's fun. I don't know what that would make it. It's a quarantine drag show. Oh, no, magic show. Quarantine magic show, illusions. It's like how there's the Eminem Fortnite concert and the Lil Nas X Roblox concert, you know? Stop it.

Are you serious? 100%. Oh, I typed in illusion and it says illusion is the act of successfully hiding or escaping from someone. Because, yeah, that's already a word. Oh, illusion. Like to elude somebody. Oh, whoops. I was not thinking of that.

I was like illusions. Oh, whoops. I was not thinking of that. I was like, illusions. What a genius idea. Let's check if there are any companies. And then Merriam-Webster is like, no, that's not collector. It's actually a word. It's a word. It's a different word. Whoops.

So it says illusions, the drag queen show. And as Abby pointed out, this place has not good reviews. It's almost to the point that, let's just say at the end i found some positives and like they're fake oh dear okay yeah so i'll read this gonna get sued they're allegedly fake thank you yeah so they're allegedly oh wink uh so this is a review of illusions of drag queen show you'll probably get an idea like why people are not happy about this place. And this is a one star review by Chanel. I was so excited to celebrate my birthday weekend, but I'm honestly freaked out by the nonstop unprofessionalism and disappointment.

For starters, the assistant manager sells drink tickets and falsely sells them. I asked what the band included, asked questions to confirm they would have my preferences, only to find out that they only had bush beer, half of a bottle of opened wine, and about eight bottles of Wellbrand liquors. The woman sitting next to me also told me a similar story

of their tactics to get you to buy wristbands. Which, by the way, I love that the person next to her is like, oh yeah, they do this all the time. Yeah, you just get used to it. They're constantly, yeah, you grow to like it. Stockholm Syndrome kicks in eventually. There were three queens only with no dressing room. They used the men's bathroom as such.

They were all nice and talented, but I expected more of a show with more performances. The space rented out was a hole in the wall. There was no dinner. Honestly, that's probably a good thing if all they were serving is like lukewarm beer or whatever they said. I feel like the deviled eggs at this establishment would be questionable at best. or whatever they said. I feel like the deviled eggs at this establishment would be questionable at best. Anyway.

There was no dinner, and all I have to say to close this review is that it's unfortunate that I spent my birthday in tears from frustration. Oh, wait. There was one bottle of Andre champagne. The bartender had no clue of how to pour champagne, so he pours quickly into a cup, nothing but bubbles, and commenced to blow in my cup to get rid of the bubbles.

I quickly told him I didn't want a cup he blew in. He pours another and blows in it again. End of review. Oh, no. Yeah, that's unfortunate. So that is Illusions, the drag show. So that is Illusions, the drag show. It's always funny when you hear reviews of places like this and you're like, how does one get to a point where they're blowing in people's drinks and thinking it's going to be acceptable to them? And then being told, please no.

Yeah. But they're so used to doing it that they're like, shit, I did it again. It's just kind of shocking to me. It must be a habit. I feel like that the person there who was like, yeah, this happens all the time. Their bar must be so low if this is like acceptable. I don't know. It's just shocking because I feel like, I don't know.

I just don't blow in people's dreams. It's poetry. I don't know. That's pretty wild to me. That's kind of weird. And the fact that they found a bottle of Andre somewhere in the back. It sounds like somebody went, oh, fuck yeah. This bottle from this other event we had is back here.

Let's open this bad boy up. This is like if we hosted an event. This is what it would be like. It would not go smoothly and people would not as the founder of deviled in the details i am i take deep offense you're just proving my point by bringing that up like you're just you're okay first you say that but then you're like come to our live shows as if we organize those we just show up we just show up we the the work that goes into those when we do obviously do a lot of the work but not the actual like the space is not well we have to try and balance on

the um big settees that they carry us in on so that's the big what settee what the fuck is that i don't know when you said balance was like, is there a balance beam? Is there a tightrope? Yes, Alexander. We're putting on the vaudeville circus. How many times do I have to tell you that 2024 is our vaudeville act? I'd try. Let's try it.

How do you say satie? I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what. Can you spell it? Those little, you know, down in my hallway where there's that dirty sati yeah that it's like that is a miniature falling fainting couch like a painting couch thing but it's like yeah okay it's like a it's like a love seat but it's like is that where you eat your deviled eggs on your class your classy parties like what picture i'm sending you a picture of where i eat my double dick

which kind of sati it is um i i just happen to have a photo of it on uh on my oh my god what the fuck is this which which monarch owned this this, I'm so happy you asked. It's Louis XVI. So that's on Roman numerals that I can still read. Louis XVI. Amazing. Can't you just picture it? He loved deviled eggs.

I bet. Is what I've heard. I bet. Okay. My next one. This was sent in by Corinne. I bet. Is what I've heard. I bet. Okay. My next one. This was sent in by Corinne. And this is of Roar.

Like the Katy Perry song. In Rochester, New York. I'm just kidding. It has no association with Katy Perry as far as I know. But I did react like that was somehow giving me crucial information. I was just being annoying. I as I know. But I did react like that was somehow giving me crucial information. I was just being annoying. I don't know. To be fair, I did wonder if it was spelled RAR, like the kind of 2000s quirky girl. Oh, no.

You know? Or if it was spelled like the Katy Perry version. So you did answer that question for me. You're welcome. Thanks. This is in Rochester, New York. This is a three-star review. It's in RARchester.

RARchester. This is a three-star,. It's in Rochester. This is a three-star, but it's... Stop. Rafflecopter, Chester, New York. Can I mute you somehow? Okay. It's a three-star review. It's a negative with an owner response. Okay.

Drag show was really bad. The girls need to learn how to do their makeup. They need to learn how to act. The only girl that was great was the MC. She knew how to dance and act. Her makeup was awesome. And a review. It does say service a five and atmosphere four.

And here's a response from owner. Oh, boy. Honey, it was an amateur competition night for new performers. End of response. Ouch. That's so sad. That makes it so much worse.

It makes it bad. I mean, I don't know. I think this is one of those perfect moments of like, get up there yourself and do this. Like, I don't know. Can you tie a Windsor knot? Exactly. You're too drunk with your bottomless mimosas.

Get on with your, with your, with your germy mimosa that someone blew in apparently. Wow. That is sad. I mean, I assume they must have known that, You would think,

but maybe they weren't. Maybe they weren't aware. That is definitely. I mean, I assume they must have known that, right? You would think, but maybe they weren't aware. That is definitely something to keep in mind, but also just keep in mind, like, I don't know. It just seems like such a negative. It's an asshole thing to say. Like, if you were going to Broadway and they were, like, tripping around or, like, I don't know, maybe you can make that complaint, but not in, like, an amateur competition. but not like an amateur competition. That's like going to our improv show and then saying, wow, I had the worst time at this theater going to like level one improv. Yeah.

It's like, well, you can't base the whole institution on what I said. And I'm not talking about your performance, but I know that these amateur performers at Roar that night were far more entertaining than whatever I ever was.

No, no, great point. Excellent whatever I ever was. No, no. Great point. Excellent. Great point. This is right. I think an amateur drag brunch would beat out a 101 Improv. I mean, I know it would any day of the week and any time. Yeah.

So that is not. Yeah. I'm just glad the owner came in and was like, hey, like. Honey. Honey. I love the idea of somebody sitting back there going like reading the reviews and being like, oh, honey, you know, like literally saying it out loud and being able to respond that way.

I have a question for you because I just opened my next review. You know, I'll wait for it to be my turn. You go ahead. Wow. You're foreshadowing. It has to do with your previous review of yours, but I'll let you go ahead wow you're sorry it's foreshadowing it has to do with your previous review of yours but i'll let you go ahead previous review of mine okay so this is another one from abby of illusions the drag show uh remember the one that i said has quite a few bad reviews

here's a one-star view by sophie this is fully a scam. Like a we had to file a claim with a credit card company scam. In the middle of nowhere, miles from downtown Austin in a beat up old strip club, they're trying to sell outlandish tickets for no food, Tropicana, and gas station wine as VIP brunch. The queen was great, but I think she was getting scammed too. End of review. She was getting scammed too. End of review. She was getting scammed. It was like some sort of pyramid scheme, like you buy into the hosting gig. You have to pay to host and stuff? Maybe. No, I think that basically they're just saying I think she's getting a shitty deal out of it too. Well, this whole place

feels like a scam. So it must be even the host is getting like must be like. Yeah, like she's not part of she's not in on it. You know, like maybe she just got the gig and is also like, wait, what the fuck? I have to drive like miles into the middle of nowhere into a strip club. Oh, I wonder if it's a strip club or strip mall. Yeah, they wrote strip. Now that I think about it, I'm like, wait, as you say it again i'm like wait a second um yeah so that's what i think she means when she says

uh the queen was getting scammed too got it um are you ready for a question yeah well let me scroll up yeah what yes so the one that talked about 90s uh-huh what was that venue where was that lush where is it minneapolis guess what what i have a review of gay 90s in minneapolis minnesota and you didn't realize till now nope wow okay this is exciting because i tend to not remember the name well like i read through them obviously before i choose them it's just so funny that you specifically said like i'm afraid of that 90s show yeah and then now i'm like elta sent this in and i forgot amazing like i opened my next review because this was next in my list i'm like oh duh i forgot this place was called that because i remember the review i just didn't remember the um yeah anyway i would love to hear more about this and i hope they talk about the menu so Because I remember the review. I just didn't remember the. Right. Yeah. Anyway.

I would love to hear more about this. And I hope they talk about the menu. So. Because I have so many questions. Well, kind of. So. Like, if they use the same kitchen. Is that what this is?

This is that same. Oh, no. This is. This is. Okay. So, I'm trying to remember the review you were talking. So, this was the review. The one you read for Lush was the food review where they're talking about the deviled

eggs and stuff the deviled eggs but then also her husband died so they're talking about how a lot yeah and they're talking about how the food they like took out things because they were weren't classy enough okay and this is the same place you're saying this is of 90s this is of the other place they referenced but at this place no no this is a separate bar called gay 90s. This is of the other place they referenced. But at this place? No, no, no. This is a separate bar called Gay 90s is what I'm saying. So what I'm saying is I think your review when they talked about 90s, it wasn't talking about a show. It was talking about this place. Oh, okay. I'm so sorry. I understand. Okay. I get it. I get it. I get it. Because it's a totally different

venue. I thought it was the same kitchen or something and they used the same. I get it. I get it. I get it. Because it's a totally different venue. I thought like it was the same kitchen or something and they use the same. I guess just saying gay nineties could also be of an event. I realize that now. But this is in Minneapolis. This is a location called Gay Nineties in Minneapolis. Okay. I'm sorry. So it's an actual place.

Got it. Yes, it is. Okay. Theming is amazing. Okay. So here we go Three star review, but I'd say it's a positive review And it does have to do with food So, here we go

This is a review for the hot dogs When crafting an opinion on an establishment of the night One must leave certain expectations at the door My bar for such a hot dog is a strip club. You order your hot dogs right by the entrance, which provides a nice breeze of fresh air. The attendant was polite and quick. The hot dogs themselves are a solid eight inches. Warm, not hot, and the bun had a nice, slightly stale crunch, as I'm guessing they were letting

the bun bags breathe a little bit. Was that a thing? Oh, don't think that's a cooking technique um four bites later it was in my stomach a decent dog for an establishment of the night. End of review. Wow. What? I, when you said it was about food, I was like, man, we're going to get such a good insight into this place. And I really, did I? I guess. Eight inch, a solid eight inch warm.

Warm. Yeah. Down in four bites. Yeah. I guess I did learn all I needed to know. That's all you needed. Wow. That's powerful stuff. Yeah. Down in four bites. Yeah. I guess I did learn all I needed to know. That's all you needed. Wow. That's powerful stuff.

Yeah. I was hoping to learn more about how mean they are, apparently, but. So is that what they were saying, that this place is mean? I thought so. I don't remember your review at all. Or maybe I just dreamed that. My brain has already knocked it out of my head. Not snarky and mean spirited the way the 90s shows started to feel.

Okay. So mean-spirited. I don't know. So we got a review of this place about the drag show and the hot dogs. I guess that is a review of it. Yeah. Okay. Fair point.

But they have a big thing. It says, my name is Dick. Ride me. And it's in front of a very large, like instead of a bull that you would ride on, it's a very large veiny penis. Like this thing's huge. Like I'm impressed. What? Do you think they like had the custom welders make that too?

Or is that like a thing you can buy in some magazine somewhere? I want to say. I imagine it's a custom piece, right? Like how much. It's pretty big. It's pretty big. Wow. That's beautiful.

In theory. And it's beautiful in theory is what I'll say. It is beautiful. in theory and it's beautiful in theory is what I'll say it is beautiful I was about to say I wonder when Lena was complaining about the 90s bar whatever it's called and she said they're snarky and mean I'm like maybe that's because she's asking for things like deviled eggs and smoked salmon and in reality they serve like stale hot dogs i'm wondering if maybe that's why she had such a bad time um it's coming together which which makes me feel like it's an issue of like expectations which i like why are you having these expectations for a brunch like a drag

brunch or any brunch that just seems so weird it weird. Okay, so is it my turn? Yeah. All right, so I went and found a couple reviews that I believe are allegedly fake reviews of illusions. So, you know, maybe they're not, but they were both in, what is it called?

Not recommended. Not recommended, yes. Thank you. So here's a five-star review by Evan, who's only written one review i must say i was very impressed by the drag queens performances they performed some of my favorite celebrity songs such as madonna diana ross and lady gaga the venue looks to have been refurnished it is very clean and nice end of review. What do we think? Fake?

Their only review ever? Yep. If you're creating an account to write a review of a place, and that's all you say, and it sounds so boilerplate, I'm going to find it hard to believe that it's real, I'm saying. Oh, I see. Because it's like, who? Here's the thing. There were a lot of these under not recommended five-star reviews that sounded just very vague. And if they're not recommended, it's not because the venue put it there.

Right. If it's positive, I assume. So I assume they got flagged for a reason. So I'm not okay now this one is by jeffrey who does have quite a few reviews uh so you know it's not the same situation uh but jeffrey gave it five stars as well and i will say also these were written um like the same time period i don't know i just it seems a little fishy but maybe not but here's a five star review illusions the drag queen show austin texas was literally the best illusions and celebrity

personation drag queen show that i have ever seen i have been to several drag queen shows in the past but none of them as good as this one the drag queen show that we witnessed had to this feels like a mad list this is chat gpt right here this is some sort of like this drag queen show that we witnessed had to this feels like a mad lib this is chat gpt right here this is some sort of like this drag queen show like who does that yeah what a weird thing to say i have been to many drag queen shows okay sounds like a robot yeah and you know how um the they would give you those little notes and it would say like dear and then you have to write like santa or whatever like and then it's like i want blank why would you write in santa like is it like your choice of christmas wizard that gives you

presents like some people will write santa some people will write like krampus like oh i guess that's true why would there be a blank in the deer thing that's right that's true yeah because especially with kids, you run the risk of contacting Satan if they're not really good at spelling it. Been there.

How do you think I got so obsessed with deviled eggs? Okay. You wrote a letter to the devil? I want a tasty treat that'll make me happy.

Will you sell your soul for it little boy? Yes, please. That's a Christmas that dad married our step mom and the devil, she suddenly brought deviled eggs into our lives. So you really, you really did that. Dear Satan,

I would love a tasty treat. my god okay oh also i should point out that jeffrey now that you mentioned like maybe a spam like a like a robot type thing uh the photo is a very generic like with an ombre white background uh of like like if you typed in buff dude on stock. How would you know? I almost said overstock. How would you know? Is that what your Google history is? Because I type it on overstock every day

and Wayfair too. And they're like, we don't sell that. Why are you doing it on overstock? I meant stock images. What is it called? Getty images. I don't know. One of these like-

Getty images for buff dude that's so weird okay let me send you the picture i feel like i know it looks like you could have just said it looks like a stock photo of a buff but i couldn't i could have but i also couldn't also can we just put these pictures with no explanation on instagram oh my god no explanation No explanation is in. When our episode drops. This is the tiniest little photo I've ever gotten. I'm sorry. It's his profile. Yeah, that looks really, I see what you mean. Do you know what I mean?

Like the background is like just like an ombre white, off white. It's bizarre. It's funny. So when you mentioned this sounds kind of robotic, that's what I thought of. All right. Anyway, here we go. I have been to several drag queen shows, but none of them as good as this one. The drag queen show that we witnessed had to have been amongst the best celebrity impersonators ever.

Austin, Texas literally is a bachelorette party destinations. And now I see why. We were able to see Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton, Cher, S-H-A-R. No. Madonna. Dolly Parton, Cher, S-H-A-R, Madonna, so many celebrities that everyone loved and was able to sing along to even my mom. This shows the ultimate in bachelor party experiences and I'm really glad that we went to see it. Amazing drag queen show. He had to say drag queen show one more time. Okay, the thing is there's a clue, potential clue, or it's a misdirect. Share, written that way, could be voice to text. So it might sound awkward because it's voice to text.

Well, when I said it just now out loud, did it sound less awkward? No. Not really. No. But I'm more awkward when I do voice to text because I'm like thinking way too hard about it. Almost like stilted. Yeah. Yeah.

Curious. Share. That's hilarious. But then he would have had to say Liza Minnelli comma because there are commas. You know, you'd have to say all that. Which I do if I do that, but I don't do that. So. But you don't.

Yeah. I feel like. Anyway, I don't know. Maybe it's real and maybe they're... I think the biggest clue is that it's not recommended. I feel like, not that we know what it takes to get there, but it must be there for a reason. We would never know what it takes to get

into a category called not recommended. That is true, Alexander. You're so right. Oh yeah, definitely what I meant. Interesting. That was my last one. Okay. Sorry. Oh, yeah, definitely what I meant. Yeah. Interesting. That was my last one. Okay. Sorry. No, you're good.

I have two more. Okay, great. I have like one not recommended one and then a redemption. So my not recommended one was sent in by Noel. And this is of Lips Florida. Okay. It sounded like you said it's of Lips in Lips, Florida. I'm sorry. It's not in Lips, Florida. Okay. It sounded like you said it's of Lips in Lips, Florida. I'm sorry.

It's not in Lips. It's in Oakland Park, Florida. Understood. Okay. Lips is the place. Lips is the name of it. Yeah. And this was in the not recommended.

A one-star review. Here we go. Went there for my kidney transplant celebration. I'm sorry. I know that I should have waited a breath before you said celebration yeah but it really sounded like went there for my kidney transplant it was a quite shocking start to the review it's a shocking start yeah this is a new one i think i like so people are going to but this is like wow that there's a. So people are going to, but this is like, wow, there's a pattern here. People are going for, not even really for bachelorette parties, for memorial services, for major surgeries. It's just, it's fascinating. There's all sorts of things you can celebrate

at drag shows. I guess so. Went there for my kidney transplant celebration and the waitress was great. Now for the host, she was terrible when i went on stage to celebrate my kidney transplant she asked me what i was celebrating and i told her my kidney transplant in reply this she said well we are just not going to tell anyone are we okay exactly what the hell do you think happened what the fuck is that the end no no there's more i will get to the what i think is the bottom of this i i don't know you do well i don't know we'll get okay but you have a guess well they the they describe what the venue says what happened

okay but like what and but they don't believe it. Someone goes on stage, is asked, why are you here celebrating? They answer, and the person says, well, we are just not going to tell anyone, are we? What does that mean to you? It's bizarre, and it might not. To me, I wonder if it's a joke, like, oh, so you're not going to tell us the real reason oh okay i don't know though i mean it's so we're not telling what do you what like what's your well i'll just keep going um i didn't really have i just kept reading so then it got spoiled so i didn't even have the chance i just wanted to give you to see if you said something um because it was so bizarre when i

read this i'm like i had to reread that sentence multiple times. I'm like, what is even happening here? Yeah. So I'm, it is confusing, but here we go. In reply this, she said, well, we are just not going to tell anyone, are we? Are you kidding me? I called to complain and the owner Mitch returned my call. And the first thing to come out of his mouth was I spoke to the host and she told me she didn't hear me.

And I believe her because she sounded so sincere. They wrote that wrong, I think. They're saying that the host didn't hear what the person said. And the owner is like, yeah, and she seemed sincere. Yeah, that was my other thought. Just like, oh, they said like, oh, we can't hear you. You're mumbling. Which saying like, we're not going to tell anyone, are we? Kind of implies like, oh, so we're not saying it because me and they didn't hear it. So I was like, okay, that kind of, that tracks.

I actually feel like that makes some sense. It makes so much sense. They're so mad. Okay, here we go. If she didn't hear me, why would she respond with what she did? Everyone else said she said their names and birthday. Congrats. Me, I went up, took a picture and that's it. No one knew my name or what I was there for. Well, let's just say with

the influence that I have, I will be using it to tell my story. The owner put the icing on the cake by asking me, what do you want me to do about it? I am a medical director at a local hospital here in South Florida. And believe me, I will let the entire medical staff, fellow physicians included, how their MC lied about disregarding a momentous moment in my life and how the owner didn't care. Wrong person to do that to. You never know who you are dealing with. End of review. Oh, my God. Alexander, she took her kidney. Oh my God, Alexander.

She took her kidney. She for sure took her, she stole her kidney. There's no doubt. This is personal. This is personal. I mean, first of all, I like how she says, why would she say that if she didn't hear me? I'm like, why else would she say that? Literally, I was like, I don't understand.

Do you have a better reason why you would say that? I was like, I was so confused. I was like, what else would she say? Like, do you think that she's repulsed that you got your kidney replaced? You know, exchange that you got a new kidney. It made no sense, right? Don't fucking tell anyone. Like, I don't understand what the what the implication is, because I agree.

It sounds like she can hear you and said, I guess we're not saying today. I'm like, we might know this was written in 2012. This is an old one um but yeah it's just such a random like yo she got so intense and so i'm the head of a hospital and i will destroy you like it's vague in that creepy way where it's like i have power and i will execute it and you're like, to do what? Like you're not giving a clear threat. Now I'm more scared because you're being so vague.

And also, I think the owner very recently- I will tell physicians about the fucking MC at the drag show? Yeah. What do the physicians at the hospital give a shit? Yeah, I don't know. But I think, yeah, as if the hospital's like- Blacklisting this venue? Sending referrals to the drag show. Oh, you're depressed?

Did you hear the clowns, the drag shows and clown? But doctor, I am the drag queen. Doctor, I am Cher, S-H-A-R-E. Oh my gosh. Okay, but maybe I'm also sensing another pattern, which is that all these doctors are everywhere at these events. You get a good point. That's their second doctor today.

Like they're so testy about it. What's the third? Because there was a doctor in the first one, right? In one of mine. I don't know. What else did I have? I thought there were two doctors in that one. The bouncer? I don't know if the bouncer was actually a doctor.

I don't think we got to the bottom of that one. Oh, was that a joke? I wouldn't know. We didn't understand much of that. understand i'm just gonna go on the side of not a dog i thought it was more like oh yeah they think they're a doctor well i'm actually a doctor or something because something about them looking drunk i don't know what doctors have to do with that i think a bouncer would be more orthopedic and like i would trust a bouncer sussing out who's drunk over a doctor no offense doctor offense doctors um i know we are insulting you yeah um but also i don't know and i don't even know if okay i don't know this is crazy to me i i just was so lost and so like we've covered so topics, such a variety of topics.

And I feel like so far today, drag shows has been one of the most like plot twist, like variety of characters. The drama. So much drama. And it like sort of makes sense, I guess. But it's never about the drag queens. That's the thing. It's like the drama they're bringing isn't even about the entertainment. It's about the eggs.

And it's about the doctor and the winter time. It's like they're conjuring up drama for the audience. I don't know. Or they have these expectations or something. It's so bizarre to me. I think also just the nature of it being so interactive and stuff. You get a lot of like. Right.

That's true. Like hurt feelings or whatever. Which I don't know. I'm on the, so far, every single drag show I've been to or anything I've heard or watched, I don't know. It's just nothing but positivity. Yeah. I mean, okay.

I'm sure not always. But like these reviews are just manufactured bullshit most of the for the most part yeah like how can you get upset at this person say like even if she was making a joke or being not nice by saying like we're not telling anyone are we like what what is the problem here and what does what should the owner do i actually don't know what would the owner do i don't know maybe um weird well we know she already has a kidney so that's not gonna work um i don't know oh well i have one final redemption because yeah yeah we all deserve it the drag shows all deserve it as well yeah this is a five-star review sent in by Aubrey of hamburger. Mary's in Wilton manners.

Um, this is in like Fort Lauderdale, Florida area. Okay. Uh, five stars. Okay. Hang with me here.

As I explain why I want to call this place, the real planet fitness planet fitness is core values are inclusivity and the no judgment zone. This is a stretch. Okay. It's true. We've all, not all, but I've been in a planet fitness, believe it or not. We've all been in a planet fitness. Believe it or not, I've stepped foot in a planet fitness more than once. And they do claim to be a judgment-free zone. I never felt that way because I always feel like I'm being judged in public.

Yeah, I'm in my own room being judged. Yeah, true. It was never their fault. Here we go. This place is the most warm, inviting, be-who want to be, no shade atmosphere I have ever been to. Let's not get into me. But what I love is you find all walks of life here, all enjoying the same thing. It's all love here.

And it's so special. The queens that are your local talent are top notch. And the traveling talent that comes in for special weekends, like the girls from RuPaul's Drag Race, are also top notch. I don't think you can go to a drag club, eat decent food, sip on reasonably priced drinks, and have as much fun as you would here. What I love too is you don't get that corporately franchised run atmosphere here either. It's just the down home drag club with food. Thank you and see you Thursday.

End of review. Okay, that was really delightful and plenty of pictures and it does look like a blast and video and they said that their recommended dish is the pot stickers i'll be honest i don't trust too much to florida right but in general but when it comes to like serving perhaps seafood i trust it more than wisconsin or uh minneapolis or wherever the other one was yeah um and so yeah i mean i trust this review i feel like this is this seems like you have to do with it well i'm just thinking of like the menu like they said oh it's good food and i'm like I kind of believe that more than this other person, like talking about all the salmon and deviled eggs and no offense to the Midwest,

but you know, when you think Florida, you think good food. Got it. Okay. No, okay. No,

I think my point is not, my point is unraveling. My limited times in Florida, Florida gets a really bad rap. Yeah. in Florida. Florida gets a really bad rap. Yeah. But there are so many pockets of Florida with incredible places like these. I mean, I read multiple drag reviews from Florida specifically. Oh, yeah. I mean, look at, and I don't know. So,

but then I. I mean, a lot of those places know, those towns know how to party, right? Oh my gosh, yeah. Miami. But always just. Senor Frogs. It's just so, Senor Frogs, it's the most inclusive place in the world weirdly I don't know about that corporate franchise meal just a down home place with good food Senior Frogs I don't know, I'm impressed

but I gotta say I was nervous my first drag show ever I was nervous because I just had never been to one and I remember I was like how does it had never been to one um and I remember like not I was like how does it work with the tipping how does it work with and there's so many little things like pressure because you're like well it's interactive too like how much do I have to interact yeah I get that what I will say is I am so glad I went so if anyone's listening and like never been to a show and has the opportunity go go. And if you're confused about something, ask.

Or just like some, you'll find out. Like you don't have, there's no, it's so chill. They definitely, at least at the one we went to, and I imagine at most like, you know, well-established ones. Oh, they have like rules and announcements and stuff. Yeah, like they prepare for the people who've never been before, right? Because I'm sure places do it differently. So I'm sure every time they give the spiel, which happened at ours,

because we were so nervous. We were like, we have to get singles out at the, you know, whatever. But thankfully, Lisa, who took us, had been already and was like, no, like just get cash. They'll exchange for singles. Yes. So they love, they usually bring, walk around with singles and you can exchange. So bring some cash usually. Yeah.

Just a tip. It's really fun. It's so fun. It's so low key and it's like just as much as you want to be you know it's just like a constant good time like just constant positive fun you're just you're like laughing and clapping the whole time so yeah highly recommend so that is a good point sandy a psa if you are on the fence about it i think you're gonna have a great time just uh go in with a smile and you'll be happy.

Give it a shot and take a shot maybe if you want. Yeah. You don't have to. So now I'm done. And I, like I said at the beginning, I asked you what your challenge was. You said you'll find out. I do not remember. To be fair, you didn't ask me.

I would have told you, but you did say, I don't even remember your challenge. I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me right there. So I got to be surprised with other people. Yeah, well, I'm glad because I want to make the announcement to you now. This is a challenge from Gregory, and it's to find reviews where someone accuses an employee of being a government agent or spy. That was so fun. Okay, it's such a fun idea. It's kind of all over the place.

So, I mean, you'll just see but this first email is from jess and it cracks me up i i made it my first one because it says i tried to help you out it was harder than the mind-boggling challenge which is was yours from last week that's for sure damn it gregory so gregory's definitely definitely making a name for himself here. So this one, I noted, is sort of the opposite of the challenge, but someone is accused of being a government spy, so I figure, you know. Also,

it's our show. We do what we want. You're right. We're the boss. Okay, this is the review of Best DMZ Third Infration tunnel tour from Seoul, Korea. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

So. This is a tour of the DMZ. Exactly. 100%. Talking about spies. Okay. Makes sense. Parentheses, no shopping.

So there's no like stopping for, I guess, retail excursions. Okay. It says no shopping? It says parentheses no shopping in the title of the TripAdvisor page. So they have presumably have tours that are parentheses shopping. The shopping DMZ tour. Yeah, maybe some of them sell like keychains. I don't know.

I have no idea. Imagine. I took a tour of the dmz and all i got was this lousy keychain i i would buy that probably for sure i would too okay uh great this is a five-star view by patrick called great guided tour of the dmz and it was written uh in august 2023 i wonder what it's like i'm just putting this out there because I know there's so many ethical issues with traveling and supporting North Korea and stuff. I wonder what the DMZ tourism, like how that's looked. I know, I know nothing about this. It sounds. I don't either.

I really don't. Yeah. I'm curious. Even after I read this review, I was like, I still don't. I'm wondering how this is going to go. I want to hear. Okay. Well, here we go. What an incredible experience. I was picked up by GoGo, our incredible tour guide, just a few blocks away from my hotel and began our trip to the DMZ. It was about 30 minutes or so from Seoul to the DMZ area, and during this time, GoGo gave us some background on the Korean War and developments that had happened between the North and South in the time since then. My favorite parts were Go-Go's own personal anecdotes that he shared from his time in the Korean military.

After a safety briefing and some pointers, we entered the DMZ. We first went to an observation area at the end of a trail line that used to connect the North and South, then ventured deeper into the DMZ, where we visited another observatory, this time with views into North Korea.

They had special binoculars that operated by touch screen and were programmed to turn to certain areas on the north korea side for the best views do you think it's like don't look here what's a touch screen what the fuck i have no with a touch i think it's maybe like you you get to like select where to what to look at and it'll and it's just actually photos and it pretends to be a... Oh my God, it's one of those, like, what are these things? Those plastic ones that... Yeah, that you flip through.

The retro where you put... Yeah. Okay. Slide viewer or something, something. And they're like, this is a touchscreen. I guess. Sort of. Not really.

And they were programmed to turn to certain areas on the North Korea side for the best views. GoGo even pranked me. I looked back, which, by the way, if someone told me I was going on a tour of the DMZ and I'd get pranked by the tour guide, I don't think I would want to participate. You get pranked? You don't even get to go shopping? Like, what are you doing it for? What's the point? No keychains? Like, what the fuck is the point? Okay, go-go even pranked me. What the fuck is the point? Okay.

Go-go even pranked me. I looked back and took a picture of the southern side, and he asked me if I was a North Korean spy, which got a good laugh out of numerous members of our party. Oh. Classic Go-go. Classic Go-go. He's like, has his, like, wire on. He's like, oh, do you have something to add about why you're taking pictures? After this, we visited a small museum within the DMZ and then began the trek down into one of the North Korea infiltration tunnels dug by the North for future potential invasions.

After this, we visited a market within the DMZ at the end of the tour to get a few souvenirs. Which, by the way, what the fuck? You said no shopping. I was misled. I was also misled which by the way you texted me misled earlier and I was like sorry I misled you because that's in my head how I say it and I thought to myself I need to learn that that's not I typed it and I was like is this even right and I paused I was like I think misled it looks like my it does is it was that right though like it's yes you spelled it correctly. I just always read it that way.

Okay, let's see. Anyway, after this, we visited a market within the DMZ at the end of the tour to get a few souvenirs from the trip. The soybean chocolate is a highlight. All in all, for the price of the tour, this was one of the best bang-for-your-buck trips I have ever taken. Really incredible experience full of rich history that almost left me lost for words 10 out of 10 would recommend i would say it didn't almost leave you lost yeah you had plenty of words that was a lot of fucking um soybean chocolate i i don't know what that is but i would eat it i feel like it would be tasty is it just like soy milk chocolate i imagine it's just soy chocolate yeah chocolate with soy milk chocolate? I imagine it's just soy chocolate. Like milk chocolate with soy milk? Or is it chocolate with soy beans?

Please remember how confused I was about bean nachos. So I think I'm probably the first to ask about any bean-like product. That's fair. Yeah. But so, you know, it wasn't the employee being accused, but it was the client. Oh, I didn't even think about that being... Yeah. It's just kind of the opposite. Oh, that fine. Yeah I mean that sounded pretty good to me. Okay great I just didn't want to mislead you. I don't feel misled from that one. Thank god. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda.

It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music.

Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. So now I have a review. This was sent in by Michaela Sheher, and she actually sent it before the challenge, like this past summer.

But it just happened to fit when I searched in our inbox. So this is a review of the Ember Wave 2 Thermal Wristband. Do you know what this is? I believe so. Because I owned one. It's one that's meant to, like, bring your whole body temperature up or like to like if you're. To make you feel. Yeah.

Relief from like being cold or hot. I'm literally putting my blanket on right now because I started to feel cold. Oh, are you? So. A Christmas gift for next year. Noted. This weird bracelet that warms me up. Yeah.

Yeah. No. I used to have. Actually, I do have one. I just need to charge it, but they were a sponsor. Um, I liked it. Oh, I mean an amazing future sponsor bracelet that I really like that. I'm like, I lost it. I don't know where it is. I would love to read ads for if I get paid for it. Maybe beach to Sandy, we'll get it going again. No. Um, but I liked it,

but that's neither here nor there. This is a review, a three-star review verified purchase on Amazon of the Ember Wave 2 thermal wristband. The title of this review is Do Not Download the App. I just got this. I've been using this for two days. The cooling doesn't stay on long enough. You have to keep resetting it. My warning on this is for the app. If you are going to

download, read the privacy information. Wow. They admit they are collecting information that no company should be collecting and that they are sharing it with third parties. This includes health, payment, tracking, IP, and other info. It shocked me so much. I immediately deleted the app, but I am worried that having downloaded it in the first place has left trackers on my phone. As they mentioned, they use them. This isn't just Big Brother. This is Big Brother's older, more dangerous Big Brother, who is also on steroids and is an admitted stalker who spies on you and shares your info. Scary!

End of review. Okay, you had me until the steroids, maybe. End of review. Uh, okay. You had me until the steroids, maybe until the steroids. I know. I, I just feel like of all apps, that's what I'm thinking. Like,

I mean, I don't think Amber is the big brother. I think, uh, I imagine if you read whatever phone brand you have, if you read any of that or Google or whatever, your browser exactly. And I'm not saying that to say it's okay. No, sure.

I think that we live in very scary times for privacy right now. Exactly. A lot of it is mystery. A lot of it is bad mystery. Exactly. And it's, we're all, a lot of it is mystery. A lot of it is bad mystery. Yeah. And I think there's so many terrible things that are happening that we are kind of brushing off myself very much included. Cause I just say, except to literally everything. And I download random software and apps all the fucking time because I'm like, that's the world we live in right now. Um, is it a good thing? No, but I don't think that the Ember app for your cooling wrist thing is like the big brother of today's society.

It's like today they raised their body temperature two degrees. Holy shit. This is going to be valuable. I know they were talking about other stuff but you know i agree with you i'm like honestly if i don't know i mean it sounds like they read the terms but i'm like have they read the terms of literally anything else they were so surprised i know that's why i'm like i wouldn't be surprised at all by this maybe ember honestly maybe ember is being more transparent and so they were like oh shit why would you do all this terrible stuff and they're like no we're just the ones telling you yeah yeah like we're just making it clear that's fine i don't know i mean i truly don't know but yeah but uh i just feel like maybe somebody should you know give them the bad news maybe or maybe not just let them live i don't know i feel like things aren't if if you open that can

of worms i don't think we'll hear from that person again they're gonna just cut themselves off from all of society when they're like there might already be trackers i'm like yeah yeah it's a smartphone whole phone is a tracker anyway so this is from ryan and this is of now i feel like i'm the like completing the challenge by accusing everyone of being i'm like everyone's a government we just we did it we'll fulfill the challenge five stars five out of five this is from Ryan and it's of a

Bucca di Beppo in St. Paul, Minnesota that's you know when you told me this challenge I was thinking oh yeah St. Paul's

Bucca di Beppo not a tour of North Korea Bucca di Beppo yeah yeah this one is a but actually I thought this more so than... I wouldn't have come up with DMZ.

You're right. Yeah, because you're like... Macy's or some bullshit. Something ridiculous, right? Okay, so this is a four-star review of the Bucca di Beppo. And this is by Tim. And the title is Take It on the Run. Meeting with family in the cities,

zooming from the airport to the hotel, I thought I'd grab some pizza i had no idea they made gold plated pizza over a hundred bucks for three pizzas in a rush without other options i broke open the piggy bank and robbed three convenience stores but the risk was worth it all the pizzas were great and appreciated not sure i'd like to make the fbi's most wanted but it was worth it this once end of of review. Huh? Huh? I don't know. I was going to stop you and be like, they sell gold pizza at Buca di Beppo? And then as you continue, they sell pizza at Buca di Beppo? I thought they just serve like

one pound meatballs. Anyway. Yeah. Wow. I don't really really and then there was a response from general manager that's like so glad you enjoyed your visit we'll be sure to share your feedback and i'm like no you won't no you won't you didn't even read it probably and it's probably for the best actually yeah and so in this case i don't really know who is being accused of anything but yeah me neither maybe he's accusing himself i i don't know for break robbing a bank um convenience stores i believe wasn't it oh other you're you're 100% right breaking the piggy bank robbing the convenience yes i know okay so this is also from ryan and it's of a place called edria which appears to be a cafe in Greece and this is a five star review and

this one is fucking weird. This is the title of it is Sunset and Yanni Wonderful place for a sunset Yanni is the guy out front who greets you and is so funny and nice he is a hoot to watch. The FBI should hire him as a profiler.

Food is great. Drinks are great. I'm coming back tomorrow night. End of review. Huh? Huh? This feels like code. This feels like they dropped this into reviews for the FBI.

They'll be like, oh, that's the man. That's one. Yanni. Move, move. Yanni. Take him. I just thought, thought like hang on the fbi should hire him as a profiler meaning here's the thing you can really read you okay i don't i my first initial brain thought was

oh this person's very brain person yeah one of those that i have uh it's a very personable person and this makes a good conversation gets a lot out of you or something or whatever. Maybe they should be a spot. Yeah, kind of like that. But then I was like, maybe Yanni just has a party trick. And the party trick is, I can tell you about... I literally watched a clip of this guy who was at the Bengals, went in front of all the Bengals players. And like,

he was a mentalist or whatever you'd call it. Like he was a, and his whole shtick is like, he can read minds. But he like really is just reading the people and making guesses. Yeah. He's doing cold reading. It was very funny. Very interesting.

Can you send me that? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like curious what information he got ahead of time. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some, because because like I was like, there's no fucking way. But I don't know. I don't know. Maybe he's just really good at it.

So anyway, I was wondering if like Yanni has some sort of like trick where he's like, oh, yeah, like I can tell you what you ate for breakfast this morning. He smells their poop or something. I don't know. Garlic? Yeah. Oh, that's not where I was hoping we'd go. I don't know. Did you have deviled eggs?

Maybe he just guesses that every time. And he finally met someone who ate deviled eggs. And they were like, holy shit. This guy needs to work for the FBI. Thankfully, yeah. Thankfully, the FBI called right after. Yeah. Thank God.

OK. So this is from the infamous Gregory, who gave the challenge and always manages to find some whacked out reviews. This one is of a place called White Sulphur Springs. Lovely. Which according to- Smells like deviled eggs. It sure does. Which according to Yelp is a religious organization

in man's choice, Pennsylvania. In what? I know. Every other word got crazier than the last every other word. That's why I kept ending with a higher pitch at the end of every line because I was waiting for- Man's Choice, Pennsylvania? Yeah. I've heard of that town, which is why it didn't like shock me as much. Yeah, you would have. Okay. I'm Googling Wayfair again for man's- No, Man's Choice, M-A-N-N-S. I know that doesn't make a difference. Oh, okay. It does. It does. So it's like man's choice m-a-n-n-s i know that oh okay it does it does so it's okay so it's like a person's name not i assume so not like oh men chose this place as as their living ground i mean this religious institution is there so who knows but okay yeah true yeah so here's the thing though is gregory wrote and i don't know if he's just trying to like mess with me or if. But Gregory never.

Because I second guess myself because he would send a picture of the picture of the review and then write. And here's a link since Christine said she loves links and wants links and will cry if she doesn't get. Oh, so he's messing with me. He's saying like that's me. That's me. OK, because every time he sent a link, he said, here's another link to make Christine jump for joy

and stuff. And I was like, I'm not the one who said that. Or he's forgetting that I'm the baby about it. I don't know. That's why I'm like, I was wondering if he's fucking with me. When people do my job for me,

I want them to do it right. Okay. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, I think Gregory maybe just switched it in his head. That you want the links.

I mean, sorry. Zanny wants the links. I don't mind. He's mean to you, so I'm happy about it and all. Okay. Excellent. So here is the one of White Silver Springs. Five stars by John.

And I'm just going to jump right in. Actually a top secret government research lab. Please keep in mind that, by the way, this is a five star review. Okay. So this is a good thing. Cool. I am writing this expose from Ecuador, the reason for which will quickly become evident.

Although this facility is posted under religious organizations, it's actually a top-secret site for a behavioral science experiment run by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, DARPA. It operates under the guise of a faith-based rest and relaxation center for the families of service members returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. On the surface, you'll see these combat veterans, their spouses, and children talking to military retirees who know what they're going through. Behind the scenes, however, their high school children, misleadingly labeled junior staff, are subjects of a highly

classified behavioral modification experiment. For two to three weeks, they are deprived of their telephones, internet access, and television. They are given traditional gender-related tasks for up to eight to ten hours a day, for which they receive no pay. After meals in the center, they assist in the cleanup. This has been going on since the late 1980s, almost 25 years. Results have been promising. Formerly snarky, cynical teenagers quickly transform into a cross between the trapped family children and the mousketeers sometimes the treatment wears off and annual revisits are necessary strangely the teenagers volunteer to return willingly i have posted photographic evidence to support my findings i expose the secret with trepidation but know that my patriotic motives are beyond reproach

end of review what is happening i don't know and I'm afraid. What are the pictures? Oh, Alexander. Like, just fucking get ready. Thank God that Gregory sent the link so I can actually get a bigger picture here. Did you hear what I said? That he said the links. Yeah, I agree.

See, it's all, I knew you'd appreciate the links. I don't know what to do about this. I'm going to send you this picture, but like, I don't, I can't promise it'll be helpful at all. Alrighty. This series of photos I've sent you today is just out of control. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not pleased about it. Cool. So like, look at this with me.

I know. Explain it to the people. with me i know explain it to the people it's a bunch of teens holding picture frames and like getting photographs like empty picture frames with their heads inside the frames like smiling or doing poses or like making goofy things one person's in front of a porta potty and then it has their names and like that they're camp counselor or assistant leader or different types of counselors um so this is allegedly the proof yeah this is kind of freaky now what what if what if why are why are we putting this out there are we gonna get a call i just had a thought to get a call? I just had a thought. That scares everybody.

I had just had a brain thought. No. I think maybe, I just realized, maybe this person's being sarcastic. Maybe this place has been accused of being some sort of creepy spy place. And he's being sarcastic and saying, yeah, it's so terrible. Like, it works so well. And look how horrible it is with all these cute, you know, poses. Or they were just part of it and they're goofing off with their buddies right now. Like, huh, let me write this review about it.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. It just seems like either they're being sarcastic or this is like a really frightening. So I think I'm going to tell myself it's sarcasm. When was this written? This was written in 2013. Okay. What was the State of the Union back then?

I don't remember. What? And by the way, this place doesn't have any negative reviews. What's the city called? Man's Choice. Yeah. Man's Choice. Like, is this a real underbelly?

Is this a real rabbit hole? Or is this just like, ha ha, funny, funny? I don't feel very ha ha, funny, funny listening to that. It was really intense and like very thorough. oh and this person by the way is from washington dc oh okay although their bio on yelp is in search of the perfect crab cake so i can't quite nail down their motivations i love that actually um this is wild okay i'm trying to find more information by googling darpa man's choice pennsylvania yeah i'm not really finding anything well and i'll be honest like i'm covering their

tracks really well so they are us finding out is kind of crazy i'm trying to find like i'm looking through other reviews and they're all like boringly normal you know yeah like applebee's everything's great i don't know it's it's just but by the way all of so that first line which was like uh this place is a government-run agency uh was surrounded by asterisks and i thought like it was like almost like a title. But he does that on every Yelp review. So this bar, this tapas bar, he wrote perfect place for a first date. It's sort of like the title of each review. But none of them are jokes. Like none of them are jokes.

Yeah. Interesting. Curious. Curious. They're serious? I don't know. What's going on? It's all alleged.

Wow. It's all alleged. Allegedly. Fascinating. So Gregory, I am holding you to this legally speaking if something happens. Yeah.

If any government agency is listening to this and wants to get in touch with Gregory, let us know. We'll give him up immediately. We will hold no allegiance to Gregory. We'll send him the app. We will. We have no allegiance to Gregory. We'll send him the app to the Ember bracelet app. And then you can just like go straight to his house. Gregory, we got you a present.

That's how we'll get it. We hear that you're always feeling a little chilly. Famously, yes. Okay. This is also from Gregory. And it made me laugh because it's of tusson crop oh yeah the elevator folks yeah i've been to the mansion the family mansion yes that's right and so it's in kenosha wisconsin and that's not where the mansion is uh sandy visited yeah uh no it's

a german company which is why we know about it. And they are often on the inside of elevators. And I just. If you see the, you're like, oh shit, I've seen that before. Yeah, because Gregory was like, I have no idea what this is. And I was like, probably like the logo. First of all, I'm smarter than Gregory for once in my life, which is a nice feeling. And here's a five star review.

This place is actually a covert base for doing secret government research and development on spaceships. I didn't see any spaceships when I was in there, but they had enough metal to build battleship galacticas, so I'm only assuming that's the case. Was ac- isn't it Battlestar Galactica? Yeah. Okay, just checking. To build battleship galacticas, so I'm only assuming that's the case. Was actually here hanging out with my cousin and picking up some materials he's a really cool truck driver and

this is one of his stops place is pretty amazing they've got some cranes that i would love to get my hands on i could really do some serious damage building stuff with the equipment and metal they have in stock a fabricator's dream house end of review should we call the authorities i feel like this is a threat like i could do some real damage with this stuff wink like what the fuck let me let me let me at those cranes give me that it's like let me at it let me press the button uh i just feel like they're like this place is actually cover face but it is awesome like what but so i you know gregory didn't know what it was but this is they do like elevate i mean all i know is that they do i'm sure they do they probably do military that's probably their like forward-facing thing to like get you to be

like oh yeah the elevator for us to be like oh the elevator and then you like dig in you're like oh shit they do like really intense military stuff. Yeah, dad would have like a heart attack because on their website it's like they do all this metallurgy and shit. So I'm sure he knows very well what they do. Alloys, you know, that kind of thing. You know, that kind of thing. Escalators probably as well as elevators. Any sort of movement device from one story of a building to another.

Here we go. I clicked on, I typed it in and it showed, hold on. You typed what in? The largest, hold on. The largest shareholders are the Alfred Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach Foundation. And it says, it's a major German philanthropic foundation created by and named in honor of Alfred Krupp, former owner and head of the Krupp Company and a convicted war criminal.

Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, German Nazi industrialist. Sure, sure. I mean, why am I surprised? Yeah, used slave labor. Okay. Excellent. I mean, why am I surprised, you know? Yeah, use slave labor. Okay. Excellent. So, yeah, you know, here we are.

Oh, you know, the elevator people who have a very terrible. Alexander, they literally have TK Elevator Cincinnati. Yeah, it's a huge thing. They have like a local spot. So, anyway, who knows whether. High speed trains, elevators, and ship building. Yeah, that does give me a little bit of like a local spot. So anyway, that, who knows? High speed trains, elevators, and ship building. Yeah, that does give me a little bit of like a second thought. But then they have their Marine Systems Company that builds frigates, corvettes, and submarines for the German and foreign navies.

Marine does all that? Their revenue is $41.14 billion. Jesus Christ. So you know they're not just making elevators. I don't know, Zandy. Elevators are really in right now. Actually, they're really up and down. Okay, I'll see myself out.

Here is another review from Gregory, okay? And this review is of the Verizon store in Portland, Oregon. However, it is a one star. Imagine a secret government study to discover the lowest form of customer service possible. Unlimited funding, all the best minds, and a ruthless drive to degrade and infuriate the customer. Not a pretty picture. However, this is one possible explanation for Victra Verizon Authorized Retailer. Let me put it another way. This morning, I awoke with a certain confidence in either the existence

of God or a mechanism loosely approximating what is commonly known as evolution. Possibly some combination of the two. Tonight, I will lay my head down to rest, convinced that both are total and utter BS. Thank you, Victor Verizon Authorized Retailer. Here's a challenge. The representative who helped me today versus a sleepy and flatulent hound dog named Dwayne versus an inanimate object, perhaps a discarded and half-consumed glass of orange juice

versus an ancient human ancestor, something that might be referred to as a caveman. Who wins the title of best customer service provider? Is there a winner? Unlikely. We all lose. Time to call Mint Mobile not a joke tomorrow. If one word encapsulates my experience with Victra Verizon authorized retailer, I would choose hateful. Mint Mobile is much cheaper. Also, nothing could possibly be worse than what I experienced today at Victra Verizon authorized retailer. Three cheers for Dwayne the hound dog.

He's gassy. He's shagged out. He's Victra Verizon authorized retailer's next CEO. Great work, Dwayne. You earned it, big guy. Oh my God. That just kept going. That was one of the, I just was like,

I am captivated. They were not happy. They were not happy. If they're willing to be that flowery with their. But they were funny. They were. And the verses, there were a lot of verses in there.

It felt like a battle royale was forming here. I felt like they couldn't land. If I were giving notes, I'd be like, maybe tone down the scope of all the you know various because i feel like the if you know if you're gonna bring the hound dog up later like just focus on yes yeah fair the cavemen were into it and then yeah i like the glass of orange juice okay i know i keep sending you photos but like this is literally is it a picture of a flatulent hound dog yes actually

they actually no read it explain it it's literally like first of all yeah this is like the the review is it's below the review ending and then there's three pictures in a row. The first picture is what you'd see at like the history museum. Yeah. Of like cavemen like models and it's like an ape like humanoid whatever. Yeah. Next picture is a stock photo of a glass of orange juice. From overstock.com. Yeah. Third is some sort of basset hound. A sleepy basset hound.

Is that what this is? One of those really droopy dogs. It's a basset hound. Sleeping. Maybe. Also looks like another stock photo. Yeah. Yep.

Wow. So that's helpful. Anyway, that is from Gregory. And I have another one from Gregory. And I just can't wait to read to you. I'm sorry I brought so many. I just, at least we're all just so out of control. Okay, this is a two-star review of Daryl's Moving and Storage in Fresno, California by Anthony.

Very creepy location. I have been at this location for over five years. Wait, I have been at this location for... They work there? That's what it sounds like. No, oh no, they have a storage unit, but I think they meant to say I've been going to this location or using it.

Okay. But it does sound like they've been trapped in a storage unit for five years. Yeah. Could be. Maybe. And in that case, I would agree that's pretty creepy. location or using it okay but it does sound like they've been trapped in a store that maybe yeah yeah could be maybe and in that case i would agree that's pretty creepy yeah but it's also a lot more things than creepy um anyway very creepy location i have been at this location for over five years the last two years have been very creepy here the guy on the golf cart who sneaks around peeking into your storage stall looking for secret government files,

spying on you even if you're in a company vehicle. This guy is really creeping me out. This location has many cameras and he can observe each aisle from a distance. I am a security licensed contractor who don't need Hitler looking over my shoulder. Driving down the aisle just to take a look into a person's locker needs to stop.

If the company believes all its tenants are committing a crime, stop renting out your storage location. There's no need to spy on your tenants, acting as if you're out on a cruise in a golf cart. Go work for the Chinese spy agency. They could use this guy's help. End of review. I'm going to be honest.

If the Chinese spy agency needed new spies, this person does not seem like a good fit. I was about to say. I don't understand why this is. Do you think they could use his help? I don't think so. I don't think anyone. Implying that this man is a spy means you're probably not very good at figuring out who a spy or you think you are like yeah I am wow wow I just have no words and we drop Hitler way too easily I'm tired of that come on people don't just throw that around like it's just a common you know I think we need to use more like

middle of the road bad people like people who are like just throw that around like it's uh just a common you know i think we need to use more like middle of the road bad people like people who are like no one who did anything like hitler's on another fucking planet in terms of evil just say oh this guy's driving around on the golf court snooping he's just like hitler that like you that come on golf court what are you saying golf court first of all we're in a storage facility. No, no, he said he drives around on a golf cart,

but he said, okay, nevermind. I'm getting confused on a golf cart. And I said, court. Oh, I see.

Okay. I see. Nevermind. I see. I was thinking course and car. Yeah. Um, so yeah,

I think we need to be like, like, I don't need like this guy who reminds me of my uncle Jim who was really rude to me that one time. Like, I don't know. We've got to tone it down. Here's a tip. Since we're giving all these folks tips, writing tips, writing advice, i would say feedback wise why don't you say something like who does he think he is a chinese spy you know and then you've got like your why

must it be chinese like what is that okay well i think that's more of an anthony choice not yeah but no i would i assume so um like who does he think he is James Bond? Okay, maybe that or a secret spy? Yeah. I don't know, man. Yeah. Anyway. Interesting. I take back my notes. I don't think they're helpful. No, they weren't.

Okay. I think this person. I liked your note of just maybe not bringing Hitler up so much. I didn't say my note was good. I mean, that part was. I mean, it was. Then it just kind of fell flat because I didn't give really any good. You said my uncle didn't hurt my feelings or something.

Because I'm like, why does it have to be so bad like it has it can't just be one extreme but let's let's make it more relatable to people like because if you're comparing everyone to Hitler then like you're losing the plot you are you know what I mean like that's yeah okay so here's another one I have two final ones and they are from Ryan okay so here is a five star review and this is of Nick's roast beef I almost said roast beast but I'm in Grinch mode lately so that was my bad

you are Grinch Nick's roast beef I literally sent Zandy pictures of the Grinch earlier I was just checking my phone I was like did you text me another picture? Oh, no, no. I will probably by the end. I don't want it. Nick's roast beast.

I don't want it. Five stars by Jim. The title is Great Roast Beef and Onion Rings. Great roast beef. Mostly a takeout, but some tables. Ignore the FBI and IRS agents. They are just here for training. They are the ones with black shoes and white socks.

End of review. What the fuck? Where is this located? It looks like Massachusetts. Okay, okay, interesting. Not Langley, Virginia or wherever. What is Langley? Is that like what TV show?

Never mind. Never mind. what TV show? Never mind. Never mind. Isn't there? Never mind. Oh, I think it's in Beverly, Massachusetts, which I believe is right outside of Salem because that is where I am doing my next live show. So I could go to Nick's Famous Roast Beef. Oh my God. I wonder if there's an FBI place right there.

Like an actual one. Yeah, I wonder if there's some sort of. I was asking where it was because I that. Like, I wonder if there's an FBI like place right there. Like an actual one. Yeah, I wonder if there's some sort of. That's why I was asking where it was. Because I figured. Yeah, I wonder. It sounded real. Like it wasn't even. Beverly Mass doesn't really strike me as.

You'd be surprised. I mean, there's an FBI office in Cincinnati. Yeah, there's also a TK elevators. True. You never see them in the same room. You know what I'm saying? The FBI agents and the TK elevator employees yeah that's true i've never seen that you got you got me i would love to hear from someone who has seen that um there is a fbi there are multiple fbi locations in

massachusetts um well yeah so i just don't know what that has to do with a roast beef Well, yeah. So maybe it's close. I just don't know what that has to do with a roast beef restaurant. Maybe it's just popular. I do like the black shoes and white socks. No, they said they're in training. You think they're training? Yeah, maybe there's a training.

It says they are here for training. Oh. Does it mean in town for training? That's what I thought. Okay. Sorry. I thought they're here to learn how to make pastrami and roast beef on a piece of bread. And I was like, that's a weird thing to be training an FBI.

But I guess not if you're going to be an everyman. Do you think that's their uniform is white socks? Like they have to wear white socks? And I love that you'd have to be able to tell they're wearing white socks. Yeah, true. You know what I mean? I guess when they're sitting, you can see it though. You wear like capris.

That's why your FBI uniform is capris, capris white socks yeah i'm glad that's what you're picturing i'm just gonna let you picture that i like that um okay when i heard that i was like oh that feels like the the like the door-to-door mormon outfit yes the kind of like very basic straightforward similarly the scientologists that would hang out in hollywood actually yes also that's the vibe i'd get i'm getting right now yeah maybe they're all fbi Basic, straightforward. Similarly, the Scientologists that would hang out in Hollywood, actually. Yes, also very similar. That's the vibe I'm getting right now. Yeah. Maybe they're all FBI agents.

It's all. And then they're all like pretending. And then eventually they look at each other and they're like, oh, shit. Wait. We're all FBI agents. What are we even doing this for? They're like, it's like the Spider-Man meme. And they're all like, wait a minute.

Yeah. None of us believe in Xenu? Hold on. Wait a second. What happened? What happened here? We got in over our heads. And now we've really messed with Tom Cruise.

Oh, no. OK. Here is a one-star review. This was also from Ryan. It's my last one. And I wrote, and now for the opposite. Because you'll see. OK.

This is of Yellow Deli and Bakery. And the title of this review, one is this is a cult the food was good enough don't get me wrong and the service was good as well that being said the yellow deli is owned by a cult called the 12 tribes something we looked further into while sitting at our table with our food according to research done by individuals as well as the fbi this cult is very abusive to their members, especially children, and those who work there are not paid except for in very cheap room and board. After learning about the horrific way they treat their followers, we will not be eating at the Yellow Deli and supporting this awful establishment again.

End of review. Oh no. It's true. I looked it up. Oh my gosh. Where is this? The 12 tribes. Yellow Deli? 12 tribes. I have like 12 tribes Yellow Deli. It says they own it. I mean, I don't know what if it's a cult, but it's called a unique religion created from blending Christianity with Judaism. And they have a lot. Let's just say their section on Wikipedia, you know, for what do you call it? Controversies is pretty extensive because they have a lot of issues. And the Southern Poverty Law Center has a lot to say, for example, on their views on slavery. Oh, dear God. OK. to say for example on their views on slavery so that's cool god okay yeah it's like you know when

i said i'm not sure if it's a cult that was before i really rehashed the uh or reread the wikipedia i take it back this is not a good organization um the new york post even uh you know didn't expose on their child labor violations but apparently. But apparently, yes, even on the Wikipedia, it's sourced. They do own several businesses, including the Yellow Deli restaurant chain. Fascinating. Terrifying. When I went to their website, which maybe I shouldn't have done that. Nope.

That's worse than the Ember app. They're going to be, I mean, geez. They are all over the place. They're going to be, I mean, geez. They are all over the place. They have locations in Argentina, one in Australia, a couple in Brazil, many in Canada, one in Japan, a couple in Spain, one in the UK, and a bunch in the United States. Maybe. They sell keychains, yeah. They wish.

Oh my gosh, that's wild. Yeah. Anyway, so i just was like holy crap this is i wrote the opposite i think just because i meant it's not just someone accusing them it's like actually run by yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know it's not accusing them being some sort of like underhanded it's not someone being just exaggerating about their experience this is like oh it's like they're actually watch out for this dangerous organization it gives me like or whatever. Just exaggerating about their experience. This is like, oh, shit. Watch out for this place. Dangerous organization. It gives me like Mellow Mushroom vibes

and like how they want to present themselves. But Mellow. Well, what's Mellow Mushroom? Is that, do they do something weird? I don't think, I think it's very corporate. I think it's like just, that's now. Oh, I thought you meant like that they were owned by some like really sketchy.

Probably, but in the billionaire sense, most i i know okay that i knew okay i thought you meant like oh it's like how they pretend they're not a cult no no no i went i went to their site and they're like oh like that gives me like mellow mushroom vibes are like kind of understood that quirky like uh that 70s like we like other restaurants. Like hippie kind of vibe is what I was thinking. I totally get that. But I think one's probably a little more corporate than the other. Yeah. Wowee.

Yeah. So if you are, you know, someone who goes to the Yellow Deli, just keep. So, oh, my God, that's what you meant with all the locations. I thought you meant they had branches of like their religion no i'm looking at sorry i'm talking about the yellow delhi restaurant they have a couple in argentina like they have all they're all over just they're that is everywhere sorry yeah i just pulled it up as well there's one in chattanooga yeah i went to their the sorry yes i realize that now i went to the yellow delhi website not the cults i think you meant the 12

potential cults website it's like how I'm on the Wikipedia reading like the New York Times child labor and you're on the pizza place or the hoagie place. Yeah, I was like, wow, look at this place. They're franchised. Yeah, so just keep an eye out, you know, folks, because it looks like they have like a couple, because it looks like they have like a couple maybe 20 25 locations uh so you know if you see a yellow deli maybe keep on walking yeah good call good call good psas today we've had a couple great ones we've been so we've educated go to drag brunch but don't go to uh yellow deli easy well how much more life advice could you possibly need? Yeah. This is the only episode.

We're done now. We just give you everything you could ever want from us. We now have to go back into our husks and just cocoon until the next recording session. What the fuck? Okay. You know, like how you hibernate. You re-hibernate. My husk is waiting for me.

Okay. Bye, bye. Bye.