Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 265: Reviews of Skating Rinks

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2.

See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Take a seat.

Stay a while. Hopefully not too long. Well, I think we're both kind of out of luck on that front. Remember when Tim would say, Alexander, take your shoes off. Stay a while. Yeah. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. It would make us so mad.

To this day, when people tell me to take my jacket off. Take your hat off. Take your jacket off. Take your shoes off. Stay a while. Yeah. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. It would make us so mad. To this day. When people tell me to take my jacket off. Take your hat off. Take your jacket off. Take your shoes off. Which, if they're telling me to take their shoes off, are we recording right now? Yeah. What are we doing? Is this part of our episode?

Sorry. I don't know. I'm just complaining. It was because I was about to go into it. I was like, wait. Sorry. No. You guys, I did.

I put earwax drops in my ear and I'm having a lot of trouble hearing. Sandy knew I was going to bring it up because I can't stop talking about it. But my ear is like bubbling in this gross way. Now we all get to hear about it. So if you hear a sound, no, I'm just kidding. You can't hear it, I hope. But anyway, so if I'm talking extra loudly or can't hear what you're saying or choose to ignore you yeah you'll never know and it seems to be getting worse like it seems to be getting more and more it's like that's not

good do we wait until it's no it's fine okay um it's like i was saying i asked for the record what oh yeah you asked i tried to give you time to fix this thank you i mean honestly time won't fix it i just probably need to go to the doctor. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Reviews of Skating Rinks. This is episode 265 of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Xteen.

I'm Zandy. We're back in the studio today. Oh, we're studioing. It's so gross in here. I'm sorry. We are ready to go. Oh, we are? I can't tell from whatever's happening so far.

And you have the challenge today. I do. It's a fun one. From Alicia. From Alicia. And it was reviews where people say, take it from me when giving advice. I'm really excited. When I saw that, I was like, I have to make Alexander do this.

I misread it. Oh. So for the first, like, I don't know, at least 30 minutes of my research, at least, I was searching for take it or leave it. Which was pretty funny, but so hard to find because everyone was like, yeah, like this is, take it or leave it. They said that about literally anything. By some point, it lost all meaning. They were like, yeah, this Sunoco, I could take it or leave it. said that about literally anything it by one some point i've it lost all meaning they were like yeah this sunoco i could take it or leave it it's like

what what are you talking about what do you mean take it from me i could take it or leave this sunoco yeah okay yeah so and then i fixed it and it was a lot less challenging but actually opened up yeah better reviews funnier absolutely so anyway excited for that one it's a really fun one okay uh can i go first i have a lot yeah yeah yeah so this is from i'm not sure if it's pronounced ellie or eli uh they them but uh they sent a review of lexington ice center and sports complex and i don't know what your experience was looking these places up but like it is chaos i mean chaos yeah like it nothing good no like i was trying to arrange these to be like well and they made a theme all of them so like by themselves of just fucking what's the word anarchy i guess okay so this is the first one i have in that vein

that's weird most of mine had monarchies. Really? Yeah. Weird. It's like a King of the Hill situation. Not the show. Oh. Sorry.

Everyone's fighting to be the king kind of thing. Is King of the Hill a phrase? Yes. I just thought it was a show. I mean, it's also like a game mode in video games where you're trying to be the King of the Hill, where you try to stay in a spot for a certain amount of time and like when we tries to knock you off or whatever play that game with the little guys fall guys yeah yeah i think there are some king of the hill-esque uh games i never made a job good reference thank You're welcome. I just said that game, but you know, I'm trying. One Star by

Hannah. Went to the Lexington Ice Center three hours before a hockey game and got in their line that was supposed to leave me in my position. They let everyone form a mob and didn't go by the line. My friends and I were injured. My camera was almost broke. My friend cried and had a panic attack. A man lost his seven-year-old kid the arena got full before what oh my god i know i'm telling you i have to be louder when i when i interrupt you i do that to blaze all day long already so he's just gonna be so pissed off what because it wasn't meant it was meant to be one of you know how we insert those little like we react to it and then the other person keeps going.

It's like your Memoji. That was meant to be that. Okay. What? No, that wasn't my Memoji. That was, or Bitmoji? What's the difference? No, Memoji, I think, is the Apple one.

Oh, that you can like talk with? It's so, and Lisa writes like 10 paragraphs and then like inserts the text so it looks like a cartoon. Anyway, I can't um that was meant to be just a little like like like a reaction yeah and then but you couldn't hear what i said so you couldn't know so you stopped okay and then we went on this tangent thank you um my friend cried and had a panic attack a man lost his seven-year-old kid the arena got full before we even made it to the lobby because they started letting people in from another entrance. They even had the nerve to tell us they were stopping sales due to the mob when they let it happen.

My friends and I were separated. They knew it was going to be a big game and didn't have the sense to have more than one person working money. Worst night of my life. This was all for a hockey game? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And Eli or Ellie, I wish I knew which one it was.

What if it's Ella? That's another way to say an I sound. I don't know how this is spelled at all, but. Eli. Yeah, Ella. Okay. Well, Ella, I'm sure, is the most likely. Ellie.

Anyway, worst night of my life. That seems pretty dramatic, but I guess if you're. Could you imagine you go to a hockey game and that happens to be the worst night of your life? Like that sucks. It's a blessed life. Not even a good story. It is a blessed life. True.

So far. So far. So far. The camera almost broke. I mean, if you had lost your 70 year old child, maybe it would be the worst night. Yeah. But your friend had a panic attack. I hope that child was found. I mean, if you had lost your seven-year-old child, maybe it would be the worst night. Yeah. Um, but your friend had a panic attack. I hope that child was found.

I know. You watched like either a kidnapping in progress or like you watched a, I don't know what happened, but I guess I do. You seem to. I guess it wasn't a kidnapping. It was a, a mob.

That was a, the mob. The mob. Didn't they say the mob or? Because of the mob. Yes. And they said they stopped sales because of the mob. And I was like, I don't think.

You're like, you can't make money in this territory. This is our territory. Get out of here. These stale churros. This is my turf. What kind of hockey game has churros? I don't know. I've never been to a hockey game.

It shows. I mean, maybe somewhere. I have actually at Boston University. Wow. I know. Go Terriers? be somewhere i have actually at boston university wow i know go terriers yes i almost said french bulldogs and i was like that's wrong boston terrier wow you didn't even know they look the same though

what those dogs they all look the same no those two dogs french terrier wait what are you talking i just said the terriers isn't that what they're called yeah what what dogs look like french bull dogs french bulldogs they're not the bulldogs no i almost said the you almost said it i see i'm sorry i have earwax stuff in my okay keep going this is the worst episode we've ever done what's so far this is the worst night of've ever done. So far. This is the worst night of my life. If you're listening to this for the first time, I'm so sorry. I promise it's not usually this unhinged.

I'm not sorry. Were most of yours like ice skating rings? Like ice? Yes. Mine were mostly not ice. Roller skating. Roller skating. I didn't know which one. No, me neither. Actually, this was my suggestion Technically In the poll

And my intention Was the ice ones Because it was wintery And I think All of my reviews Are of Roller rink Okay

Because I have a mixture But most of mine Are ice skating Yeah And I'm happy about it Don't get me wrong I picked only the best Oh

Oh la la, la. Here's a one-star review. This was sent in by Matt and Jen. And this is of Skatin' Station in Canton, Michigan. One star. Went skating on a Saturday. Plenty of kids. Kids rewarded with small prizes from rink.

Kids drop small toys on skating floor. I fall on one of the toys and broke both arms called venue they basically said so what we will still let kids turn their toy tickets in we can't hear you because their arms are broken and they're like trying to they can't put their phone to their ear so they're like dialing with their nose and trying to hit speakerphone and they're saying can you hear me? I broke both my arms. This is like a help I've fallen and can't get up situation.

Yeah, it's a life alert. Yeah. Sounds like it. Called Venue. They basically said, so what? We will still let kids turn their toy tickets in for toys during skating time instead of when exiting. End of review. We will still give them bags of marbles to play with on the skate. Banana peels. We will still give them bags of marbles to play with on the skate.

Banana peels. We will give them our trash to play with. I will say they have a very good point. That seems very dangerous. That's a very risky scenario. I assume that is. Broke both arms. This sounds like a rogue child doing something that's technically against the rules.

Probably. Still, that's a kind the rules probably still it's that that's that's a kind of dangerous rule to break that seems like such a big liability especially if someone already broke their arms that i would imagine you'd have to really uh set up stricter rules but i guess so what the owner did respond actually and did say we are so sorry and that they'd love to get in contact and try to make it right well they already did get in contact they did oh true and they said so what yeah that's actually true like that wait it ends with please give us a call i know i was like i swear to god they're just teasing him now or them now because they can't give them it's just tragic really um i know your

ear is plugged uh but your white noise is playing. Oh. I think. Or my ears. Yeah, it is. Okay, phew. I was like, am I going crazy? There's also white noise in my ear where I put that stuff.

Like its own white noise. The relief. That must be how you're going to eventually feel. What? The relief of you turning that off. I was like, oh, it feels so good. Oh. You'll feel that eventually if yours.

When my ear stops being. Your wax corrodes or whatever you're doing in there. You brought it up. I know. I know. I insisted on bringing it up. You did. I'm sorry. This is from Eli Ellie, whichever one it is, as well.

I'm sorry. Okay. One star by susan the worst place i've been yet jesus these people are dramatic this is the same place you know because if so this might just be the worst fucking place ever let me open the link and see as you are about to read this business's name i'm sorry in advance uh it is still the Lexington Ice Center, but they have great reviews overall. What Lexington? I don't know. Kentucky. Uh-oh.

It looks nice, actually. I mean, it has good reviews overall. I guess there's just some extremists out there. Some ice skating rink ice rink extremists? Okay, just wait. It gets so crazy. All right.ink extremists. Okay, just wait. It gets so crazy. All right.

Okay. I'm waiting. Okay. One star. The worst place I've been yet. There was so much stagnant water sitting around. Wait, maybe that's just ice. That's what they call it.

I was like, how does that happen? Oh, wait. There was so much stagnant water sitting around The mosquitoes eat you up Let alone the horrible smell Railroad spikes sticking up To where one could trip and fall Definitely a place that needs to be cleaned up End of review Who's leaving railroad spikes on the rain?

That's one of the toys You can turn your tickets in for railroad spikes And bug spray That's how they get you They're like we won't give you any bug spray you need to earn enough tickets at the arcade yeah um what is this i assume this is outdoors now i hope because when you started reading it i was like stagnant water is it like melting look outdoors from the photos but maybe they do have an outdoor i mean i don't know how else it

would be railroad spikes that's what i'm saying or this person just assumes any piece of large chunk of metal is a railroad no it's definitely inside really yeah um although they do have a putt putt course yeah they okay so they might have been oh okay they have a putt putt course um with a noah's ark so that's probably what was happening. It was Noah's train, his railroad. His railroad. And he had some mosquitoes on board. So what? Yeah, he's got to do it.

God told him to. Also, if you don't break both your arms, then I don't care about whether there's a railroad spike. Talk to me when you've broken both arms. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Here is a review sent in by Matt and Jen of The New Rink in Shelby Township, Michigan.

This is one star. I did like this place until this punk kid continued to fly around the little kids trying to skate, purposely kicking at them. I talked to a worker who clearly knew the kid, pretty sure he's dating the snack bar girl, and nothing was done about it. I even asked him nicely to slow down around the little ones and his response was no end of review and there's a picture of what of the punk no let me see skating backwards like that's the kid balling out fucking airpods it he's like i give zero shits about life no and there's that girl with that pink helmet behind him he's about to run her over god i'm telling you these are it's like people show up at these places and like lose their sense of i don't know common decency like i will say

this rink is huge and there are like six children total like I don't know. Unless this guy's like purposefully like, okay, he said they're kicking at him, so never mind. It sounds like maybe it's a bigger problem than just lack of space. I was like, because there's a second picture, first of all, what is happening in the bottom right corner. Sorry, it looks. Okay, they're taking these photos of this teenager or whatever, but like they're blurry and they're in the background. The person is blurry, the punk, in the background and then there's just children being like, Mom, what are you doing? Literally just eyes up. Mom, why are you zooming in so far?

Bottom right corner. Oh, funny. There's no one around this punk. I don't know. Yeah, that's how he likes it punk. I don't know. I, I. Yeah, that's how he likes it. He wants to clear him off. But it is, it is people like that who, uh, made me terrified of skating when I was a child. Do you remember ice skating? Like I, ice skating is something. I do remember ice skating.

That really frightens me. Like, I really don't like it and I'm not good at it, which is probably why I don't like it. and swing like i really don't like it and i'm not good at it which is probably why i don't like it but like remember that time when we went with the baileys and he fell and hit his head so hard no sorry it wasn't funny he fell on his like backwards and hit his head so hard that you could like hear it ah i know and dad was like we have to go to the emergency room and like he he said no and went home but i remember that noise and i thought to myself i'm never fucking doing this again oh and then we did it again we did but i rolled around with the penguin yeah the penguin was very good i skater helper because i'm not doing it without um anyway so

this is from al who uses he she they pronouns because i'm greedy for pronouns, I guess, is what they said. This is of Skatetown in Knoxville, Tennessee, and it is a one-star review. Just got back from Skatetown, and I feel that people considering going here should know what I experienced. First, it was a waste of money on the light-up necklaces since they didn't turn the lights down. The food was overpriced, $18 pizza at closing i wondered why so many people were staying inside instead of going to their cars turns out there was a young man outside with a long knife where's the funny bit so far it's just that there's a long knife i don't know why but like it is it knife. I don't know why, but like. Is it a sword? I don't know. I just picture like one of those long like fish knives.

Like a scaling knife? Is that what those are? I don't know. I know what you're talking about. Anyway. Anyway. Turns out there was a young man outside with a long knife stating that he wants to kill everybody. Jesus.

It's not funny. No jesus it's not funny no one laughing harder at this than anything else i don't know why i think it's just like my panic response no one called the police an older lady working there said she'd handle it i'm assuming she knew who this guy was because she got him to leave even if she did know him that didn't guarantee she would be safe either i give this place the lowest rating not just because of the knife wielding man i'm sorry it says knife welding man okay oh oh it's all a misunderstanding this guy's doing some work he's hustling he's trying to he's a shop he's the newest level of cut coat sales person. He makes the cut coat knives? He makes only the fish knife, only the long ones.

I give this place the lowest rating, not just because of the knife welding man, but because the rink is in such poor condition also. Also, there was a small child, maybe two years old, running out onto the rink while the mother ignored him. She was busy skating and everyone else was having to look out for him. I didn't go to babysit. I'm watching out for my son, who is eight. She was on her cell phone while skating like quite a few others and didn't even have any of the people she was with look after him. He ran into the path of the skaters quite a few times, yet nothing was

said to the mother. I guess since they have signs stating skate at your own risk, they don't feel the need to prevent accidents. I couldn't believe no one called the police on the guy with the knife. If I saw him, I would have taped him with my phone and have someone call the police. Skating used to be such a safe, fun experience with adults watching out for you. This place is an embarrassment end of review i what i will say is i respect that they actually started with the knife wielding um terrorizer or whatever priority because uh sometimes we get these reviews and it's like oh there's this bratty kid okay to be fair they started with the light up necklaces oh it wasn't

dark enough which by the way i'm like so you think turning the lights down would have helped any of the above problems and an 18 pizza i forgot about those two it's just in my mind nothing came before the knife because what the fuck yeah the it you know the expensive pizza all that business but the knife but okay i don't know why i thought this was so funny, too, that the woman who is not paying attention to her child is ice skating or roller skating, I'm not sure, is skating either way. And, like, so dedicated to skating that she's, like, not looking. Because in my mind, I'm like, oh, you take your kids to a skate rink. If someone says they're not, like, paying attention to their kid and they're on their phone, I imagine they're just sitting there. Yeah, they're not, yeah.

But she's, like, skating. They came for the kid's enjoyment. Right right to go skating or party or something but she's like no this is mommy's time trading training for uh roller derby or something or figure skating or something could be maybe tick tocking tick tocking true could be you never know you don't. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today.

Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Navigating adulting isn't always easy.

You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. My next one's also from Matt and Jen. Jen. It's a gem for Matt and Jen. Jen was like, Matt, who is Jen? Who are you emailing with?

Emailing with. Who are you emailing our favorite podcast with? Who are you emailing our favorite podcast with? That is a thing, though. I think to get around, to have conversations with people, you use the same email address and you create a draft but never send it anywhere. And then the other person logs into the email and reads the draft. I feel like there are a lot better ways to do that nowadays, but I feel like that used to be a thing. Also nowadays with like two-factor authentication where you're like, if someone's logging it, you'd have to like constantly be sending codes to each other. Like I feel like you'd get caught out real quick.

Yeah, yeah. Also, why do you know that? I don't know. I was reading it about something. I've never done that. That's the lamest way to communicate. I think it was a spy thing that I was reading. I think spies would do shit like that. Whoa. I guess because you're not, if you're not sending it, it's probably not traceable. Yeah, at least back in the day. I

don't know how it works now. I've got like 30 drafts just sitting there. I have like 600. That's too many. That's too, that's far too many. It's a lot. It's a lot. Here's a one-star review of Skate World of Troy in Troy, Michigan. One star. Uh, this was written by the Ferndale Pooper. What? With a picture of a toilet. God. All star ratings are for the bathroom, not the establishment. I don't know what I was expecting, but a couple of my pet peeves are hit here.

One, there are four urinals, but no dividers. Gotta watch for meat peekers. Ew. Two, open door by the front of the building, so you don't really feel like there's much privacy. Three, the wet counter that feels like it'll give you pink eye while you try to wash your hands. Overall, not a great place to poo,

but for a quick number one, it'll do. Hee hee. End of review. Signing off. Hee hee. And they included pictures and I will say it was a fairly clean looking

How many reviews do they have? Um 48. Okay so they got started on well 48's quite a lot of bathrooms. Yeah and they're in the Ferndale, Michigan area. Wow.

And I'm just scrolling through and it's looking like a lot of it's all bathroom stuff. Imagine going out, like going out with this person as a friend or partner or family member and they're like, all right, I'll be back.

And you're like, oh God, here he goes again for the next 20 minutes. He's going to be in the bathroom taking pictures. But then it's like, you can use them for advice. You can reliably find a good bathroom. A TikToker who posts about public restrooms i was about to say this could be a new york account yeah and if they have codes i she provides the codes love that and has talked about like there was one recently it was like a barnes and noble i forget where in new york but talked about how now there's like literally a

security guy guarding the bathrooms and they now have signs saying bathrooms are for customers only. And the code for the bathroom is on the receipt or something or not even. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not even that. Sorry. That's not one of those. It's the security guard is checking receipts. Oh, for God's sake.

And she went up to the security guard, asked about it. And the security guard was about it and the security guard was like just go ahead oh but then also said so yeah that might work for you but maybe i'm just like lucky enough where how i look or something got me in super hot yeah so anyway it's it's a very interesting account well as someone with ibd i have uh once in my past created a list of places that will let you use a bathroom without like yeah because they sell well they don't I don't know if you have to pay for them maybe a donation but they have cards you can get that are like yeah I have a chronic illness please let me use the bathroom and then people still won't let you use the bathroom yeah it's like yeah you kind

of I don't know I never got one because I was like I feel like I would be embarrassed and then they'd be like I would never use one of those I don't blame anyone for never got one because I was like, I feel like I would be embarrassed and then they'd be like, I would never use one of those. I don't blame anyone for doing it, but I would, I just feel like I would be, not that I have a chronic illness. And then I like don't ever leave the house.

Does depression count? Anxiety? Dab. He's dabbing. Dabbing on him. Dabbing on him. Oh, someone's calling me.

This is embarrassing. Serious XM. Oh my God. Sorry, I got to take this. But she actually, I thought you actually picked up there. I really did. That was pretty funny. Hello?

Oh, that does sound like a good deal. Yeah, two cents a month or something now? No, it's like two cents a month and then it's like $20. It's like for six months you have to pay five pennies a day, or five pennies a month. And then it's like. So good. Then you have to pay $24.99 or something.

That was my old job i i was in charge of the sirius xm radio in my in my boss's car i'd go in there it sounded like you were gonna say you were in charge of like the sirius xm account and then you're like the radio no no but i'd have to call sirius xm and she'd be like to see what kind of deal you can get me. It was so stupid. I don't know what my job title was at the end, but it's so much stupid shit. Do you want to talk to them then? No. I have them still.

I definitely do. No. Okay. Let's see. This is from, is it my turn? Yeah, sorry. My size made it seem like it was my turn. Yeah, it sounded like your depression was back. Your dabbing didn't fend away all your demons.

Anyway, this is from Melissa Sheher, and it's of a skating rink called Chilled Ponds in Chesapeake, Virginia. Wow. I know. That sounds like an aesthetic, you know? Right? That's, I think, where that- That's a Lifetime movie right there. That Chilled Ponds, but like one of the scary ones.

What? Like a Lifetime one, but- They have scary movies? Yeah. Are they actually scary? Yeah. Oh. They have like stalker movies.

Well, that's what Babadook is from, right? Chilled Ponds. Babadook is a Lifetime original movie. No, they do like crime movies. We've talked about this. Okay, but like scary movies? I mean, not like horror movies, but like crime thriller movies. So I don't know.

I mean, that's pretty scary, I guess. I guess not for you. Not for me. Dab. I'm a straight white man. If anything, I'm a perpetrator generally. You have nothing to fear. That's right.

Not me personally, but you know what I'm saying. Cut that line. I'm a perpetrator generally. You have nothing to fear. That's right. Not me personally, but you know what I'm saying. Cut that line. I'm a perpetrator. Okay. I'm going to use that in my campaign 2024. This is from Melissa. She, her, Chilled Ponds in Chesapeake, Virginia. One star by Brian.

We had hockey games at Chilled Ponds on February 26, 2022. The facility is great. The food is awesome. As a visitor, we really thought the building was nice. The issue we had was the announcer of the games couldn't be understood. His words were not clear at all, which isn't a huge deal due to the loudness of the music playing, which wasn't a big deal either. What the problem was, the kids. The smaller kids running around, yelling during the playing of the national anthem.

Oh my gosh. That was just the start. There was no presence of parents. They ran around throwing candy and fighting. They actually threw a hat onto the ice. They continued throwing plastic bottles from the top row all the way to the floor, which ended up bursting and left puddles on the floor. Is all of this happening during the national anthem? Cause if so,

that's hilarious. Like the fireworks. I'm not sure when we left the national anthem. Cause I certainly haven't. We haven't left. Um, when the fireworks, when it's like,

and the rockets red, all the water bottles start like exploding. Yeah. You know, they throw them from the top. There you go. Yeah. Also, throwing hats on a rink,

if someone gets a hat trick, that's what you do. Oh. You're supposed to throw a hat on the rink. See, when I heard a hat on the rink, I was picturing, what kind of hat is it? Whatever hat you're wearing.

Normally like a cap. Oh, I was picturing like a top hat, which is like obviously not what's going on. Is that Oddjob from James Bond who uses his hat as a weapon he was looking at me like i'm supposed to know the answer to that also i just read about how james bond was like the not even a spy i bet he didn't even you're about to blow my whole world apart well no the guy with the hat was real okay odd job was real no what are you talking about

well i was reading about spies and i'm because i do that he wasn't a real spy like his title as spy is not really accurate because he's like way too he's not oh grown he's too sexy or whatever he's having sex with other people well that's part of it but like as a spy you're supposed to be really average and blend in yeah you know yeah i know i know i know all about being average thank you but you are the perpetrator so i feel like it's not gonna work anyway it's james bond what kind of article is this did you know it probably was a comment on tikt if I'm being honest, okay? Weird comment.

I was reading about spies, and by that I mean- Reading comments under a James Bond trailer, movie trailer, or like a fan edit or something. Daniel Craig as James Bond fan edit. Actually, I think they said Daniel Craig is like the only somewhat realistic one. This commentary took that? Why? Why him? Oh my god, my god my ear i can hear it's a miracle i'd be the i always think i'd be the best buy and that's how i know i'd be the worst spy because i'm like so why do you think that no offense to you i that's not a because i feel like i'd be very surprised if anyone in their life goes even people who end

up being spies are like you know i'd make a really good spy i think everybody thinks that am i wrong i always thought that was like a normal thing people think about about how that they make a good spy no i don't know maybe i because i'm like well i'm a sneaky sneaky son of a bitch and i've got a lot of- I'll give you that. I told you I have 600 email drafts set up. So if you ever need to, you know. I'm not waiting for all that bullshit. It's just you starting to type and being like, oh no, is this too nice?

Oh no, is this too mean? Oh no. Oh yeah. Too many exclamation points. So many. And then just go on to the next one. I write just 13 times in one paragraph. It's terrible.

Okay. Anyway. They were throwing plastic bottles from the top row to the floor, which ended up bursting and left puddles on the floor. We did complain to staff who did nothing. They didn't even come out to see for themselves. I think they probably didn't need to come out to see

for themselves. They probably knew. It was totally frustrating. This continued through the entire game. They left trash and candy all over the floor and bleachers. Three kids ended up getting hurt. One jumped off a table behind the team's box. What is happening? This is insane.

I know. I told you. It's like all of my reviews are just fucking chaos. Yours are like, hmm, the urinals are evenly spaced. And mine's like, there's a knife-wielding man outside. Three kids ended up getting hurt. One jumped off a table behind the team's box, hurting his leg. One little girl grabbed a boy by his hood and threw him on the ground.

Jesus. Yelling and bullying him. Another girl was running in the bleachers and fell down, then crying and yelling. Still, no parents came to check on their kids. We will stay home and watch hockey TV rather than return to this facility. and fell down, then crying and yelling. Still, no parents came to check on their kids. We will stay home and watch hockey TV rather than return to this facility. Shame on your staff and the parents. Update.

Today, February 27th, 2022. That's the day after. Day after. Day after tomorrow. Day after the day they went. Today, February 27th, 2022, we stayed home to watch hockey TV and we can actually hear the same kids

yelling around the team's box. This is ridiculous. End of review. That's hilarious. That cracked me up because he's like, I know how to solve this and they're still haunting him.

You can't escape. No. You can't escape. A top hat just flies past the camera. A top hat? You thought someone was throwing a top hat around? I don't know. I just pictured like throw a hat and I thought someone was throwing a top hat around? I don't know. I just pictured like throw a hat and I'm picturing like a top hat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I feel like they do that at. Like at the circus. I don't know. I was thinking of like maybe a graduation cap. Oh. I don't know. You throw those.

That's true. You do. Yeah. Oh. But yeah, in like NHL, when a player player gets a hat trick they have to pause the game because they have to sweep up all the hats off the ice like people keep the hats um i want to say they so some teams i believe have like a um not a mural but like a collection of them and like show them off um i think some teams like donate them which i think is probably the most common thing

that makes sense so i i don't know i can't speak for all of them but yeah you just like you're watching and then there's a hat trick and people just start chucking their hat i didn't know that so the kids were just like people like wear hats and they're like with the thought of like if there's a hat trick i know i'm gonna throw this on that okay good so they know because i'm like i would be sad if i parted with my favorite oh. Oh, no. I mean, you don't have to throw your hat. Okay, that's good because my top hat is very special to me.

Yes. Don't wear your top hat to a hockey game. And it does have a knife on it like that guy from James Bond. Yeah. Or whatever it does. It definitely has

just a knife stick and a really long... Oh my God, odd job. I got it from this stand outside of a skating rink. Stupid. Oh, so stupid. Here's a review.

This was sent in by Abby. This, I'm only going to read the second update. So there are three reviews. This is a Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale, California. Where the fuck was that? I don't know. We lived in Glendale california what the fuck was that i don't know we lived in glendale we for sure would have gone right yeah i totally would have i would not have well i wouldn't have either as i told you i'm really scared of skating oh shit yeah interesting good to know good to know for next time i feel like the only thing we did in glendale ever was

like walk across the street to that church festival that one day oh yeah i forgot about that and walk to trader joe's we're really lucky to live that close to a trader it was really nice and then i would still drive because i'm a fucking asshole i'd be like it's too cold me too i can't i was gonna be made mean and i'm like i can't deny it Oh, there it is on the map. Hi. Okay, here we go. In a place called Muffin Can Stop Us. Muffin Can...

Wait, what's that? What is called Muffin Can Stop Us? A place right next to Trader Joe's. It's not... It wasn't here when we lived there. But yeah, it looks like it's on Dryden. If only. Oh my gosh.

Anyway, they sell muffins. Creative English muffin sandwiches. English muffin. That sounds delicious. Anyway, they sell muffins. Creative English muffin sandwiches. English muffin. That sounds delicious. Muffin can stop us. That's a fucking fantastic name. This is not an ad. Can you imagine if this was somehow an ad?

I really wish they could mail me some English muffin sandwiches. Anyway, here's a review of one star of that Moonlight Roller something. Yet another downer. Don't ever come on Tuesday nights. They play How Fast Can You Fall Asleep While You're Skating to organ music. What? Yes, skating rinks still play organ music. I had no idea.

I really want my $9.50 back or a free entrance on another night. I don't know how to skate to really slow organ music. I know how to sleep to really slow organ music i know how to sleep to organ music but not skate i would think it's a bit dangerous to skate at a pace that would induce sleep end of review what are you talking about first of all maybe it's like a church thing like they went to mass and would fall asleep like who falls asleep that's exactly what abby said i think in the email weirdest thing ever just like what thing ever. Just like, what the fuck? First of all, that's pretty kick-ass if like that's the old school way of doing it and they're still like playing a literal organ.

Like I think that's pretty cool. I don't know. I feel like organ music can also be very fast. And like kind of scary. Like unless it's, well, it can be. If it's like Phantom of the Opera, it's like really intense. But then you get like Polka. Yeah, well, it can be. If it's like Phantom of the Opera, it's like really intense. But then you get like Polka. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like you don't skate to that. Oh, sorry. Sometimes I just fall asleep to organ music, you know. Like a normal person. It's such a bizarre thing to do. Very weird. Also, I guess I would be kind of annoyed after a while. I'd be like, okay, play something catchy.

But also, when did they play like when i think roller rings i think like 80s so i think like disco when was there a period of time when they're playing organ music wait remember the pizza and pipes yes pizza and pipes so maybe that was like a trend in the 80s where they would have organ maybe but why roller ring maybe okay why at a fucking roller rink? Maybe. Why at a pizza place? I don't know. Yeah, but that's its whole identity. Literally, the entire building is the organ. What? In that one place.

Never mind. I'm thinking of that organ pizza place that literally the building is the organ. Like, the pipes are all around. It's crazy. Anyway. Anyway. Okay. This is from Jess slash Minamoto.

It is the Breakaway Ice Center in North Tewksbury. And it's a two-star review and it's by Nate Blade. Whoa. Who has the name Nate Blade on their photo. Oh, with an anime profile picture. Nate Blade. This is two stars. Rink is cold and also quite old.

Some renovations needed. As for the rumored rat problem, I haven't seen a rat, but they could be secretly plotting a violent overthrow of the U.S. government. But I don't know. That's just my opinion. Update. Still no rats, but like the United States government under President George W. Bush, I swear they have to be here somewhere, just like those WMDs in Iraq. End of review.

Okay. Yeah. At first, I thought this was a weird Gen Z child or something. So did I. And then they're dropping the WMD reference. I'm like, George W. Bush? There's no way this is plenty of other people to reference but there's also a response from owner uh okay weird okay this is weird remember how they updated it so the update was five months ago is the only thing i can see but the response from owner was nine months ago so

presumably the update came after they read the owner's response oh okay i see i see still no about wmds came after that was like after this response which says hi nate blade we are unsure if you are reviewing the correct rink facility because there is no rat problem at bic further, our facilities are undergoing constant renovations year round. Over the past seven months, BIC has installed new insulation, bought a brand new Zamboni, consistently has clean bathrooms and lobby area due to our amazing employees, and we repaint inside the whole facility after every season. As far as the rinks being cold, we have a refrigeration system set

at the proper temperature for the best possible ice quality. End of response. Wow. You'd think someone named Nate Blade would know that like an ice skating rink is supposed to be cold. Would I think that Nate Blade

would know anything specific? Nothing, not saying Nate Blade doesn't know anything, but why Nate Blade? Because a blade, I thought it was like an ice skating thing i did another knife welder like why i thought it was some i saw the anime profile picture and i'm like nate blade okay fair point or like blade the comic book character they just know a lot about

2000s u.s government well not a lot they know about weapons of mass destruction. That's about it. They know too much. They know too much. Did you know Zamboni is like the brand? I did not. Yeah. I wanted to look up how much Zambonis cost. How much do they cost?

It says from tens of thousands to millions. Jesus. Did you know that? Or it said over a million or something. I rode a Zamb. So. Jesus. Did you know that? Or it said over a million or something. I rode a Zamboni once. You're nice. Did you really?

Yeah. At Boston University, home of the French Bulldogs. That's so fucking cool. That's one of my dreams. I would love to ride on a Zamboni. Okay, to be fair,

that's not entirely the truth. I sat on the Zamboni. What do you mean? It wasn't driving. Oh. But I did get to sit on it and get a photo op. Okay, it wouldn't be quite a ride, but yes, I would love to sit on one still. I think that's still something to be proud of. Thank you. I liked it. It was cool, and I felt, it was my first day in Boston.

I was like, wow, this is a weird town. That is pretty weird. That is a pretty weird introduction. Someone said a brand new Zamboner i don't know why they said zamboner that's the off brand is between 50 to 100 000 which makes it a lot more sense than google telling me it's over a million dollars that's insane i mean i don't know yeah i'm not like it seems it feels like no one knows i have zero context for this i have no clue i just sat on one one time yeah there's one that's 174 000 but um yeah whatever i kind of want one i don't have a use for one can someone let me sit on their zamboni please but if you go to grad school at boston university they might i'd rather

just die um it's not about boston specifically i mean it doesn't help but um i don't want to go to grad school ew my next one is from kana who says i used to go to this roller skating rink every weekend when i was in middle school from the reviews it doesn't sound like it's changed one bit since then down to them still playing mainly music from the 80s like guns and roses and meatloaf and i read that for a specific reason meatloaf are you familiar with meatloaf of course are you familiar with that one song yeah of course it's probably the only one i'm familiar with paradise fuck i always mess it up paradise fuck paradise i don't know that one that's a wild paradise by the dashboard light maybe okay so is that the one that goes it played at what i only know the one that it's no you don't know the song it's like an eight something minute song that d and i danced

to because at a wedding at monica's wedding because it was like and i afterwards i was like you know i never listened to that full song through and she was shocked that i'd never even heard that song really it's crazy song because as it's going it's in four parts i looked this up it's in four parts there's like there's a part first giving him a bath he's like shut up this is not no one cares about this it's like four parts and there's a part. Jumper's giving him a bath. He's like, shut up. This is not, no one cares about this. It's like four parts and there's like a baseball part where there's like a baseball and it's an actual baseball player who says this part about. Christina, the whole song is fucking insane. Well, Lisa is obsessed with Meatloaf and put like his songs in her new show and stuff.

So you'll have to discuss this with her. It was very good. It was very fun. It's a very good dancing song. But I was like, I've never heard that song. I would do anything. That's the one I knew. Yes.

That is the one I knew beforehand of Meatloaf, but not this one. It's crazy. You should check it out. That's a good story, Zannie. You should check it out. Everyone should check it out. Here is a review. This has nothing to do with Meatloaf. I just was just. That was a good story, Zannie. You should check it out. Everyone should check it out. Here is a review. This has nothing to do with Meatloaf.

I just was just. That was the whole point of you reading that? Yeah, because Christina, I was like taken aback that I was like, like everyone was singing along to this song at the wedding. And I'm like. Wait, really? Yes. It was like such a big thing.

And I was like, what the fuck? How would I miss out? Sometimes you and I have weird simultaneous gaps in our knowledge that. See, that's why I'm asking you. It was like a validation thing. No, I don't know. I don't know it for sure. Yeah, I'm sure of it too now.

One star. Here is a review of Superskate. This is in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Bad. Bad. Bad smelling. Corroded. Crumbled. Crumbling.

Decomposed. Decomposing. Disgusting. Disintegrated. Disintegrating. Festering. Fetid. Foul.

Gross. Loathsome. Methodic. Moldering. Moldy. moldy offensive overripe polluted pure purulent pustular putrescent putrid rancid rank rotting smelling sour spoiled stale stinking strong and tainted are just a few words that come to mind when visiting this place. Just a few. Just a few. I've never in my life been so disgusted walking into a facility such as this. Do not go here. I made that mistake once. End of review. What the fuck? They just like copy and pasted the whole thesaurus. Yeah. Also like- Literally. If I'm

giving notes, which I am uh take gross out because it really pulls away from like all the other that is true you know what i mean like future all these awesome words like i just love words putrescent i've never heard that one i don't think i have either um but like purulent did you hear that one i did that's a fun one man there's some really good like rancid i just i just love what do you know what purulent means i know what pustulent means well it's pretty similar consisting of containing or discharging pus okay well yes then i do should i do images nope you can just look in my ear i looked why would you look because you told me not to okay so that is outrageous yeah but take gross out

because that's you know agreed like that's not adding anything that's my last one by the way okay i have one from corinne here this is my last negative before redemption this is of the roller cave which is a cool name i think think. One star by another Brian. Warning! Do not take your children here, even if they are teenagers. Please read entire review. Urgent! I'm a skating enthusiast. That has been to many, many different rinks around the country, and Roller Cave is the worst. The entire building is overran by out-of-control kids. It is an extremely dangerous

place to skate. If it's not kids running across the floor in front of you, or extremely rude out-of-control skaters shoving you, or the skate guard walking in the middle of the floor the opposite direction, or all the trash everywhere, it's all the fights. I counted four police officers on duty to help control the unruliness, fights, and chaos, and that was not very effective. Roller Cave is the worst rink I have ever visited. It is the most dangerous rink I have ever experienced. And to top it off, as I was sitting down to take off my skates to leave, a teenaged troublemaker kicked my $100die bauer skate back sorry if you said if someone said that to me i'd kick it too and be like what this game i would do it but it would happen by accident and

then they'd say that exactly oh this one and then do it again yeah that sounds like why no to be fair we are teenage troublemakers though true as i was sitting down to take off my skates to leave, a teenage troublemaker kicked my $100 Eddie Bauer skate bag with all of my personal items inside, i.e. wallet, home slash car keys, shoes, etc. Nothing has been fragile so far. So I don't know why you're listing these things. Like what a kicking of your wallet will do to it my heirloom snow globe there now i'd be now i'd be like okay that's that's kind of scary that's kind of why would you can imagine you go to eddie bauer and they're like oh so you're uh what do you call him a skating enthusiast and then you're like no i just need a bag for my heirloom snow globe. To bring to the skating rink?

To the skating rink. Okay, so the $100. Okay, the teenager kicked the $100 Eddie Bauer skate bag with all my personal. It says Eddie Bauer? Yes, in all capital letters. Why? I don't know because I'm seeing Bauer sells like actual skate bags, the brand Bauer. But I don't, is that same as Eddie Bauer? Oh, that's funny. Maybe that's. Because that's why I bauer but i don't is that same as eddie bauer oh that's funny

maybe that's because that's why i'm like i don't know i feel like eddie bauer's like lambs end or like they are so like maybe they have but i don't see like eddie bauer but i see like i spent like i feel like they're specifically saying a skate bag yeah you're probably right but bauer hockey is a thing so like how much are those bags um I hope not as much as a Zamboni. I mean, they're probably pretty expensive. Accessories. Don't worry. I'm checking everybody.

You're in luck. Like a backpack style you think we should do? Let's see what kind of backpacks they have. They have, yeah, 150 outdoor rink bag, 140 tactical bag. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. So you think that they're meant, why would they say Betty Bauer? I don't know.

A hundred bucks is a lot of money. Yes. Yes. But also like, then don't put it on the floor. Yeah. And I, okay. I can't imagine this kid's just beelining like, like, like, oh, look at this bag. I'm going to walk at it and kick it like i don't know

probably was somewhere where a kid would walk by normally yeah well yeah you're 100 correct because listen oh my gosh troublemaker kicked my 100 eddie bauer skate bag with all my personal items inside across the floor in front of two police officers then proceeded to pick up a large pickle. Huh? This is so stupid. Across the floor in front of two police officers, then proceeded to pick up a large pickle that was just thrown on the ground in its opened wrapper and assaulted me with it. Splattered the juice from the wrapper all over my head.

What happened? I have no idea. I feel like something happened. What happened? We skipped a few steps. Then proceeded to pick up a large pickle that was just thrown on the ground in his open wrapper and assaulted me with it, splattered the juice from the wrapper all over my head and clothes. Then he threatened me saying he would have sued me if he'd fallen down from kicking my bag.

So like. So literally tripped over your bag that was probably in the pathway. Yeah. Or in a way place. And then. So, okay. I see. And said, hey.

And then called it kicking my bag. Yeah. What? What? Come on. Come on. Needless to to say the officers did nothing he got to just assault me threaten me then left to go on his merry way warning do not take your kids to this rink it is dangerous disclaimer this review is an accurate recounting of my experience and is an exercise of my first amendment right who's arguing that with you wrong but anyway which part amendment oh no

who's arguing with you i'm so this is such a wild it's really like somebody who's looking for trouble right like they're saying you have to whip out a disclaimer at the end of your review and like there's no response from it's not like somebody's challenging him um what the hell i just also like also i love that he has to say it's an accurate experience recounting yeah which is like first of all it's definitely not is my first problem this is this person admitted that this was a child who tripped over their back right a, a teenage. A teenage hoodlum or something. Yeah, they said something. Troublemaker.

No, okay, yeah. Teenage troublemaker. So it's like they're just telling on themselves here that they're in this battle with a teenager. Yeah, that's not a good look. Like not just be like, oh, my bad for putting my bag there and moving it. And by the way, if police are there to like control the situation and they don't think this is a problem then like maybe they're right you know wanting these kids to like arrest these cops to arrest this child is insane like it's insanity i imagine police officers here all the time like well he assaulted me you know like that word is i feel like but a rapper from a pickle

you know it's like yeah that's like i mean like those tiktok comments the same ones you read um about james bond right it's people who are like oh my god that would be assault that would be they can go to prison you should oh you should call the cops you call the cop i see those all the fucking time really this is like some like weird like karen type video like meant to be like oh look at this thing and it's just like so much weird like justice boner behavior, you know, where they're just like they have this like they need someone to get put in prison. And then I, all the, never mind. Wow. Those stand out to me, which is why I'm bringing this up.

Justice Zamboner. Justice Zamboner. Hi, I'm Justice Zamboner. I'm running for county official 2024. In Cool Puddle? What was that place? Yeah, in Cool Puddle, Iowa. I don't remember. It was Virginia, but lifetime movie character.

I don't want to run in Virginia. I'll run in... Iowa? No offense to Iowa, but why Iowa over Virginia? It's just a little different. It is a little different. That's true. You got me there.

Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's gonna love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation

I can get behind. Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late,

do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Are you done? No. Okay, I'm done. I have one redemption. This is from Izzy They Them and it's of

Olympia Skate Center in Warner Robins, Georgia. Four stars by Glenda. My grandsons go skate there. He loved to skate. Watch Henry for the first time. He is really good. End of review.

Oh, go Henry. No, I put that at the end. That's so cute. I think we're going to need like one not knife wielding. Yeah, I needed that. Urinal related review. So go watch Henry. He's really good for his age.

Go watch Henry. Good job, Henry. Good job, Henry. He's really good for his age. Go watch Henry. Good job, Henry. Good job, Henry. We're proud of you. I bet Henry's going to make it to the top of whatever skating-related venture Henry wants to participate in. You know what? With Glenda by his side and cheering him on.

True, true. Throwing her hat all the time. Oh, my God. So many hats thrown, all those hat tricks. And it's always those, like, hats that old ladies wear to church, you know? So it's like, I've got all these feathers on it. A lot of feathers. Yeah.

So it flies better. That's right. It has a lot of. Honestly, smart move by Glenda. She's a smart lady. I'm not surprised. My challenge was sent in by Alicia. And it was to find reviews where people say, take it from me when giving advice. was sent in by Alicia.

And it was to find reviews where people say, take it from me when giving advice. So the first three I have are ones I found myself, and then I have two submissions. So here's my first one. Do you have any, I mean, are any of them the take it or leave it, or did you just not? No, I deleted them. Oh, okay. I was so annoyed at myself, and I'm like, it's not even worth it.

They weren't very good. Yeah. So I was actually in, I was kind of relieved because I was having such a hard time finding stuff and i found two and i was like uh and my plan was and i often do this is i'll research first and then check emails and if i have emails that i find are much better than what i brought i'll just delete my other ones yeah um because i don't know I feel like when I search it's a narrower scope than what other people can bring me so here is a review that I found of um Lady MacGyver uh it's a landscaping snow removal landscape architect place in Ann Arbor Michigan snow removal I like how they're like landscaping and snow removal in Michigan you gotta yeah I

feel like nine months out of the year they're just snowping and snow removal. Michigan, you got it. Yeah, I feel like nine months out of the year, they're just snow removal. And this was over five years ago. One star review. First to review. This business is not claimed. So just kind of sitting here. Not even by the lady herself? Not even by the lady MacGyver herself.

Here we go. I was referred by a coworker for a much needed drain for my backyard. I told the owner how much money I could afford, as I am a single mother of six and had to save for a few years for this. I also explained the underlying flooding issues and where they stem from, as my house sits downhill from an elementary school that plows snow to our fence row. Isn't that terrible? She's like, basically, I'm in every worst possible scenario right now. Yeah, it's just like an avalanche of stuff from the elementary school. The city of A2 has already put in storm drains, but after years of erosion, I wanted a French drain and my backyard to slope

towards the drain. Although the work ethic seemed okay at first, here are a few things that led to this review. One, i have pallets that my daughter and i collected over time so i could have a raised bed garden with severe arthritis in my back a raised bed helps me immediately with the care of tending to it i specifically told the owner and her workers not to make take them and why they removed them anyway and when i brought it up she condescendingly said she thought they were trash. What she thinks shouldn't matter because she was told not to do it. Number two, she ripped off the roof to my dog's house because, quote,

there were nails hanging off it and I thought it was dangerous. Again with the thinking. Again with the thinking. This woman won't stop thinking. If she cared so much about my dog, how come three weeks later the roof still had not been replaced I was going to say did she just like throw the roof on the floor Apparently With the pallet somewhere

Also she was hired to install a french drain And bring in dirt Not address my dog's house Three and my second biggest complaint She went eleven hundred dollars over budget Without permission And four my biggest complaint the drain kind of works. And she didn't slope my yard right.

And now the water is pooled around my house worse than it was before. I spent $3,600 on a $2,500 budget. I called her after a heavy rain in November, since this was completed in September, to which I will say. And this poor dog doesn't have a roof. Remember that, please. She immediately responded and added some more mulch and installed longer drains. After this last snowfall, the longer drains are now submerged in water and my backyard is a soppy mess. I called three times, to which I was ignored until I threatened a lawsuit, to which she texted me saying she wasn't responsible, even though her work didn't help anything.

If anything, it made matters worse she also stated that she was no longer interested in working with me because i wasn't very nice to her gee really i was going to sue her but the money i'd have to pay for a retainer for a lawyer i'm going to spend getting dirt hauled in and sloping myself oh and the doghouse roof i had to threaten her with putting the final payment in escrow to get her to come back out and fix it, which she left a hole. Five, the trailer her workers used destroyed a little garden plastic fence I had in my front yard. They also used my landscaping rocks for a behind-the-tire brake rigging system. And when they left, didn't even return them to my garden, just left them sitting in the driveway.

A bunch of... Oh, no! That's so wild imagine if that's like one of the rocks where you put a key like a hideaway they're just like driving over it that's what i'm wondering is did they just like drive over when they left how did they they just probably slid them out i just left them that's crazy that's crazy this is all very fucked up nothing but excuses and overcharges if you want to get ripped off, take your chances, but take it from me. She's very unprofessional and you'd have to stand there and watch them

because they destroyed my property with no accountability. A horrible experience. End of review. Wow. Yeah. I brought quite a tale for us. That's devastating. I got to say.

No, it sounds rough. At first I was like, man man that sucks because imagine you're saving money and someone's like oh what are you saving up for and you're like a drain for my backyard like that's so depressing already because it's like it's not even something fun like a new deck or you know a new dog house or whatever the fuck it's like a drain and then you spend way too much and it doesn't even work it's just all very sad yeah no it is sad and like to not get it's one of the more uh just hearing one side of the story of course but it's one of the more egregious yeah like where you just you're like yeah this isn't oof just like i would play this is like very valid i would really like to see the owner response

just out of curiosity of their side do you wonder now why it wasn't claimed perchance yeah it makes a lot of sense but again yeah who knows what the owner response would be there might be there might be something because the owner did say that they weren't nice to them so like i don't know there's the whole thing but who knows um i moved on from there and found one from over 12 years ago of katumba garden center uh Center. This is in Katoomba, New South Wales, Australia. Here is a four-star review. It's a nice redemption here. Great. Take it from me, avoid the creepy pathway from Katoomba Street

and take the entrance from the car park side instead. It's all a bit Dickensian. It's all a bit Dick Dick Dickensian. It's all a bit Dickensian. Okay. Not so this lovely nursery. However, there's gravel strewn paths and raised beds all grown over the sides with I am reliably informed baby's breath must be a rather ill baby. Me thinks makes all the edges. It's Dickensian. The baby has to be ill. Oh, that's true. Right? Makes all the edges green and fuzzy. I was only

along for the ride as my attempts to keep anything plant-related alive seemed doomed to failure. I hoped to somehow suck up gardening ability by osmosis, but it hasn't worked yet. So I listened to advice about growing rare and unusual cold climate perennials, tried to imagine the joy of successfully growing something heirloom and

wonderful from seed, and peeked at the tiny Christmas trees in pots. They seem to have a great selection of plants here, including lots of hard-to-find ones specifically suited to the colder climates of the upper mountains. I await the day when i manage to not wither a poor defenseless plant to a pale stick with great anticipation it'll happen one day i hope end of review that whole tale is dickens it got there from step one in that creepy alley all the way to like the dead plants yeah and it's that's still the only review of this place but i mean i feel their pain i'm my plants always end up being sticks which is really a tragedy but i still like this reviewer always return to the plant store the nursery i'm like one of these you're doing that one that you got that one's i had to as you can see, throw up one of the, not throw up, but toss up one of the longer vines because Juniper gets the munchies.

The munchies. He loves eating those. And, you know. He's a fucking weirdo. He is. All righty. My next one is of Headless Horseman. He rides in haunted houses in Ulster Park, New York.

Fantastic. We'll say Ulster Park is a terrible name for a town. Ulster? U-L-S-T-E-R? Sounds like way too much like Ulster. It sure does. Ulster Park. Sorry.

Sorry, Mr. Ulster, who I'm sure is the namesake of this place. I'm positive of it. Yeah, totally. Here's a two-star review. I never write a review, but I am an avid Yelper. Take it from me and do not go on a Sunday. I don't know if it was just this night or what, but I felt like I was at a museum.

There was one person, two people max, in each haunted attraction that put zero effort. There were some with nobody, like the haunted corn maze. It was definitely understaffed with no enthusiasm per actor okay but isn't it way creepier to be in an empty corn maze that's supposed to have haunted people and you're like alone in the dark the entire time yeah i feel like that would scare me way more yeah that would pretty that would be pretty fucking scary you don't get that like relief of like oh we survived it like yeah you're like scare happened we're good now for a little

walk out and you're like am i what's yeah did i do that right yeah exactly it sticks with you clearly this is a this review means the business was a success that's right it stuck with them i'm giving it two stars because of the short lines that i appreciated and the hayride however when you're on the hayride make sure you sit on the right side of the tractor all of the short lines that I appreciated and the hayride. However, when you're on the hayride, make sure you sit on the right side of the tractor. All of the attractions and scary real people were on that side. If you sat on the left like myself, you saw little to no

action. This is my second time here because I truly enjoyed the first time in 2014. Many things have changed. End of review. Wow. Alrighty, I've got two more. What was their take it from me again? They just, I don't even know. Okay.

I'm just wondering. They said, I don't even remember. Was there a take it from me? Wow. Am I crazy? That would be hilarious. I could have sworn I had it. I wouldn't have.

I mean, I don't care, but. Yeah. I never write a review, but I'm an avid Yelper. Take it from me and do not go on a Sunday. Phew. Man, I just couldn't see it. It was literally the second sentence. What would we have done if it wasn't in there?

I probably would have had to quit the show forever. Oh, phew. So close to getting being free my next one comes from Julio who sent in a review from his favorite website chickadvisor.com

oh yeah this is the one that I had the the like toy food truck thing oh my god that's right but man this website's wild this is a review of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.

Okay. And here we go. This one's titled R.I.P. Robin in all caps with five exclamation points. Cool. Oh, and it says

recommended? You betcha. Okay. It's a five-star review. The movie is an instant classic. Robin Williams is so funny. When his boobies catch on fire I could die a happy man When he put his face on the pie and yelled

Hello I knew at that moment I could die as a happy woman Life is amazing if you watch this movie every day Take it from me I got offer my depression End of review What the fuck I don't know

Take it from me I watch it every day Also I could die a happy man and a happy woman I got Offer My Depression. End of review. What the fuck? I don't know. Take it from me. I watch it every day. Also, I could die a happy man and a happy woman? Yeah, because it's Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh my God, I'm so stupid. I was like, I don't understand. Also, the hello I didn't do right.

Hello. Hello. I don't know how to do it. Did I do it? No. Hello. Neither of us have seen this movie, have we? I don't know. I think maybe once.

I have not. Years ago, which sounds, you know, kind of probably tragic to people. But I mean, maybe that is why we're depressed. Also, he put his face in a cake, not a pie. Oh. Fun fact. It's not a fun fact, but this reviewer was wrong about that, but that's okay. But watching it every day. I was going to say, I am shocked a little bit.

Like, it's kind of obviously a cake. Like, they just- Because I just watched the clip. That's what I did. They just got corrected by someone who's never seen the movie. Yeah, yeah. I watched the clip on YouTube, but it's like a cake with a slice cut out from the fridge. Oh.

So it looks like a cake, definitely. Never mind. Okay. My final one. Okay. Ready? This was sent in by Abby. This- I don't know what the fuck this is uh

is it like high pitched yeah it gets high pitch but it's like a weird there's like a weird thing in there that's like hello it's like i don't know if it's like a dip never mind we'll just google it later it's on youtube uh this is of the hotel rio ocho rios in um mammy bay m-a-m-m-e-e bay you know this now is when you come in and tell me where that is i'm still thinking about robin williams it's in jamaica okay it's probably with the hedonism thank you here's a one-star review worst place stay away guys take it from me i arrived on the 15th june for an 11th 11 night stay first of all to start we all never greeted with a welcome drink that's bad however the gentleman who checked me in was super friendly, and even after the process, he was pleasant.

The restaurant staff was very friendly and polite and always smiling. Well, some. Now let's do the bar staff. They are one of the worst bar team ever met in all my life of travels. It's like they hate men i sometimes scared to ask for a drink the way they made me feel and a lot of other guests who i invited oh who i interviewed say the same thing too i think if you are not a lady you stand no chance no i'm not sure if that's how they trained but that manual needs to bin and so do all the staff and I meant all the bar staff. Don't let me start with the jerk hut guy.

OMG, his face. And the way he treated some people, including me. Every time I go, he just dashed the chicken on my plate as if I was an animal. And trust me, I do not treat our animals like that in London. I am a guy of influences. And trust me, by the time I am done with this hotel, no one from UK will want to come to this one. No, I am in room 3309. My housekeeper is one of the best and only wish other staff was like her.

Such a sweetheart. I would like to mention to two ladies from breakfast omelet section. My KFC friends said they always make me feel special. Apart from that, the bar and jerk hut guy spoil it for not only me, but for plenty guests I interviewed. As I say, I am a man of influence, so that part I rest my case on. On one hand, I will say waiting staff okay, and not all fingers on one hand. There are more to say, but I will leave it for my platform. This hotel, guys, please, it's cost of living.

Don't waste your hard-earned income at this resort. I will be checking out on the 26th and can't wait. End of review. Holy shit. He's raiding from inside the house. It's coming from inside the house. Yeah, that is certainly is. It's coming from inside room 3309.

It certainly did come in from that room. The fact that he's interviewing other guests, like, hello, you're part of the problem. Leave people alone. They're trying to go on vacation. Every time that they get up from their meal. Now, can I have a, can I interview you about your experience with the staff? How, how did, did you feel like an animal when they threw that chicken on your plate? Yeah, what about that omelet guy?

Would you treat your animals at home that way? I'm a man of influence. What does that even mean? I will save it for my platform? What the fuck are you talking about? It's very, it's that vague, threatening, like. Like, oh, you know. Like, hey, I can get this out.

I have power. I can put this out there, you know. I'm like, I wonder why the bar staff wouldn't like this man. It's just a mystery to me. It's so strange. There's no possible explanation for why the staff isn't a huge fan of this man who's literally going around collecting complaints from each other, like in the middle of his stay.

Yeah. Anyway, take it from me. What else do you do? You stay in the same place for 11 days. That's a long time. 11 nights is a long trip, man. I'd find plenty wrong at a place I stayed for 11 days. That's a long time. I was going to say, 11 nights is a long trip, man. Yeah. I'd find plenty wrong at a place I stayed for 11 days.

I mean, yeah. I'd start interviewing people, too, just to get a hobby or something. I don't know. Go down to hedonism. That's what you should do. That's where the real action is. Talk about omelet makers, you know? Do you not remember any of that? The omelet hedonism?

Yeah. Oh, wait, no. What? Never mind. There's a whole bit. Oh, yeah, the eggs. A running bit throughout the whole thing about omelets and eggs. God, that feels like 10 years ago.

And I think it was like two days ago. I think we haven't even released that one yet. No, it hasn't come out yet, but it feels like it's been weeks. Oh, gosh. Well, anyway, Oxenher, very good job. I know. Take it from me. I always do a good job. I know. Take it from me. I always do a good job, and I'm a man of influence. We'll see you next week's episode,

how you did. I don't know. Okay. Well, I think you will be... As long as the listeners are... Content. Are content. That's all I care about. I can hate everything, but all I care about is what they want and that's the hamster wheel we live on am i right or am i right you're right let's roll away bye-bye beach too sandy water too wet is a forever dog production hosted and produced by xandy and christine schieffer it's edited by marco padilla cover art by courtney aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex

Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.