Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 284: Reviews of Evil Sounding Drinks

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Parmesan delivered a cabana. That's a no but a banana. That's a yes a nice tan. Sorry No, but a box fan happily. Yes a day of sunshine No a box of fine wines. Yes, the breeds can definitely get you that get almost almost anything delivered with uber eats Order now alcohol and select markets product availability may vary by regency app for details Welcome to beach to Sandy Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could.

Hello, hello. Welcome to Beach Two Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm XTeen. I'm Zandy. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you doing?

Good. Ready to go. We, we, we, we, we, what are we doing today? I think we're doing reviews of evil sounding drinks. Oh, right. Classic. Obviously. Maybe like the fifth time we've done this. This is just, you know, go back.

It's just like an average. Go back to the well. Yeah, it's just like a boring old theme, you know? And so just to give people an idea, was this, this was not your idea, right? This was not my idea. I kind of wish it was, but it's not. It's very good. Like it was very clever.

It's reviews of evil sounding drinks, for example, liquid death, monster energy that you know along those lines We literally those are the only two that I had like I think reviews of That are like out of the box, okay good good good. Well, I certainly have something out of the box But you'll see what that means later and then there was a challenge and it was my challenge Sorry, I just read something in my notes. That's gonna crack me up later. And then there was a challenge and it was my challenge. Sorry, I just read something in my notes. That's going to crack me up later. Okay. My challenge is Natalie.

There's going to be a laugh a minute today, folks, as you can tell where this is foreshadowing. For this one and the next one, someone on Patreon commented like, these are going to be particularly unhinged. And usually I'm like, oh, come on, they always are, but this I feel, yeah, this one, these feel special. And this challenge is reviews that mention animatronics in a positive light, which might have been the easiest challenge of my life. I am shocked at how many people.

And the thing is I had, did my research, I got like five reviews just like that. They were very good. So then I looked at emails and I was like, oh, cut out some of mine because some people gave, brought some great emails. Because yeah, people just love their animatronics apparently. I was surprised to see that. Shockingly. Because coming off the heels of Chuck E. Cheese 2.0, which was a theme that we went back to the well for. Yeah, it's surprising to think anyone would feel particularly excited about these.

Yeah, yeah. Oftentimes it's, oh, how creepy that this Charles character was staring at me the whole time. Yeah, but- You and me in our private conversations about Chuck. About Chuck, yeah. Chuck, yeah. Yeah, no, that's true. We do talk about Chuck a lot and- Often.

And his beady little eyes. And I would like to say Brittany is the one who did suggest this challenge for the poll, sorry, this theme for the poll, the evil sounding drinks. So- I was about to say, Natalie's about to come for, who is it that just suggested this? Huh? What? Natalie suggested your challenge.

So you almost gave the credit to the wrong person. Yeah, I did. But Brittany's the one. So everyone direct your anger towards Brittany, positive feelings, hopefully, but I don't know. But you can send those our way, but the anything negative about this theme you can send to Brittany. Yep.

Um, yeah. So do you want to go ahead? Brittany at gmail.com and you can spell it anyway. So she'll, she'll get it. Um, yes, I'll start. This is a review from Trustpilot, which is a site. If you're not familiar folks where you can review products. I have a review from Trustpilot, which is a site, if you're not familiar folks, where you can review products, brands. I think I have a review from Trustpilot.

Oh, no, for my animatronics though. That's so weird. I was like, wait, why does that sound familiar? Oh my God. Because oftentimes it's for brands. May I ask if someone sent this in? Carrie. Oh, okay.

Someone sent mine in and it wasn't Carrie. Interesting. Well, we got some Trustpilot. Okay, sorry. Trust sent mine in and it wasn't Carrie. Interesting. Wow, we got some Trust Pilots. Okay, sorry. Trust Pilots views went up like skyrocket. I feel like it's rare that we would have multiple reviews from Trust Pilots anyway. I agree.

But I guess this is like a specific product, like not places. Yeah. Usually do places. Yeah, but mine was also, it's a Trust Pilot review of a place. Oh, that's true. Oh, that's true. That's why it's weird.

Okay, anyway, sorry. Wow, this is so crazy, you guys. Okay, so this is a trust pilot from Carrie. It's of Monster Energy and it is a one star view. It just says the location tag is Great Britain. And this is a review in all capital letters by Daniel Harrington, all capital letters. And the review title and review are all

in capital letters as well. The title is, warning since I had this Monster Energy, dot, dot, dot. How many stars is this? One. OK, here we go. Warning since I had this monster energy drinks, I have been getting extremely breathless as if I'm going to have a heart attack. First thing tomorrow, we'll be calling my doctor monster energy. Want to be ashamed of themselves. End of review. They want that. I don my doctor monster energy want to be ashamed of themselves end of review they want that i don't know they want to be ashamed of

themselves uh sound like my therapist i do feel as though your doctor will tell you to stop drinking monsters yeah i think the solution yeah i'm no doctor like let's be clear but i don't know what answer you're going to get besides please stop drinking that. It's making your heart palpitate. The prognosis one might say. The prognosis. That's kind of an industry.

It's simply too much monster energy. Yeah. So just stop that. Do you know what's so horrible is one of the, okay, this is, it's not, it's horrible. I don't mean it to sound horrible. When I was in college, I studied broadcast journalism and one of the-

Wow. I know. Horrible, right? One of the classes I took was obviously TV broadcasting. And so I didn't have a blazer. That's besides the point. So I had to borrow Alison's blazer. But point being, I got up there

and I had to like read my headlines and my news reports. Yeah. Was this about college students drinking too many energy drinks or something? Yes. And so it's horrible because the story was about a young woman who died drinking too many energy drinks. But I remember because her name was so long and complicated and I remember being like, I fucking nailed that headline and I got an A plus.

But obviously it was a tragic story, but I remember very vividly that was my assignment. But we should be celebrating you being able to say a name. Do you know how we celebrated that night? We drank several four Locos before the recipe changed. Oh my gosh. Really not appropriate whatsoever. The golden age of malt drinks. The golden era. Now it's like prohibition era for

now. Even though Daniel's apparently like having that exact experience all us college kids wanted. You're not supposed to drink like the whole case. Yeah, he must have. It's like a little bit scary. Do you ever drink energy drinks? No. Did you ever? Did you have a phase? No. No. You did. Oh yeah.

In college, I drank Rockstar. When I was at Redlands, it's like what their cafeteria stocked or the little student store. I'd just buy Rockstar all the time. No, I'd just been a coffee gal. Yeah. I didn't drink coffee. I sometimes drank those bottled Starbucks Frappuccinos Because they were just delicious

Yeah But anyway, yeah, so and then since then, you know the occasional sugar-free Red Bull I'll drink I still have a fucking case of it in my pantry and I don't know what to do with it because I really You and now you're gone. Well every time I was there I would check if you had some and I feel like the last few times There weren't any oh Nice and warm every time I was there, I would check if you had some. And I feel like the last few times there weren't any. Oh, nice and warm. Just how I like them. I know.

Okay. I'll put them on ice and mail. I'll be home. I'll be home. You all can see me when I'm home next in July at beach shoe Sandy live at Cincinnati something. Is it July? Should I know?

Beachsandy.com for tickets. See us live. Oh, some are almost sold out, by the way. A couple places are like actually close to selling out, so get in there. I'm not telling you which one, so you'll snap up all of them. The threat looms for every city.

Literally, no, not literally. Okay, anyway, here's a five star review I have of Monster Energy Drink. This is of the green original, and it's just an Amazon review. What if it was by a doctor who was like, I'm getting so many referrals to my process

now that this energy drink is sending people into heart failure. I had like stomach and heart issues, or like chest tightness and stuff once, and my doctor was just like, yeah, you drink too much caffeine. I'm like, I'm drinking like two cups of coffee a day max. I probably shouldn't.

Turns out there was deeper stuff happening, but they were like, no, it's a caffeine. It's usually diet and exercise. Oh yeah, I don't get enough sun. That's my problem. That's why I'm depressed. Anyway, five star review. This is titled teeth feel like lemonade, but brain feels like coffee. Oh, this is a verified purchase if you can't tell. Here we go.

A tastier and more refreshing caffeine delivery system for those of us who don't like coffee, or even just prefer cold beverages to hot ones. The caffeine spikes you, but the sugar flattens the come down and makes the whole dread potion last longer, which is great for long drives or early shifts, or for our neurodivergent cousins, calming caffeine naps. I've tried a bunch of energy drinks and Monster is sweeter and much more affordable than Red Bull and doesn't leave that odd, silty aftertaste and texture of Rockstar or Nos. Plus, I don't know of any other major energy drink that conspiracy theorists think was made by the devil because of its name, so that's pretty cool right there.

Did I manage to drive all night because of the sugar or because of pure liquid diablory? Probably the former, but hopefully the latter. Very effective either way. End of review. Wow, this is like the Barbra Streisand effect. People are like, I don't know what the Barbra Streisand effect is to be clear before I say what I'm about to say. But it's like people are like, wow, the devil made this drink, give me more of it.

You know, like remember that lady who posted that video? Oh, Christina, do you want me to talk about that now or later? I was going to, I have it in my notes. Everything about this lady. We've already derailed so many times. It's up to you. If you want to do it now.

I'll do it now. It's relevant. It's relevant to the full. To the theme. To the whole thing, everything. But if you want to do it now. I'll do it now. It's relevant. It's relevant to the full to the theme. To the whole thing, everything. But first I want to say Diablory was a word I had was not familiar with. Was very impressed how how smoothly that went for you. I mean I the Google lady told me how to say it yesterday. I'm so impressed. But it means reckless mischief, charismatic wildness.

So wow. I mean Di, I can see the connection. Yeah, the archaic version is sorcery, supposedly assisted by the devil. So yeah, that's where it comes from. Whoa. Anyway, so for those who aren't aware, Monster Energy Drink, there was a very viral moment years ago where this woman at some sort of convention

or something, I don't know where the fuck she was. I know it's at a convention. She had this whole set setup and she was talking about why Monster Energy. She had like a booth. Yeah, she had a booth and she was telling people that came by why Monster Energy drink is demonic, basically. I have the whole thing to read. And here's what she said.

You're welcome in advance. Okay, here we go. Should I read this whole thing? I feel it's okay. I feel You're welcome in advance. Okay, here we go. Should I read this whole thing? I feel it's okay. I feel like it's worth it. Maybe we can put Diablery music. Yeah, it's something Diablery? Diablery? Diabloric? Diabloric music? There's no way that's right, but I like it. Maybe it is. Okay, never mind. Look at your M closely. There's a gap right here in the letter M. It's never connected. So you go into Hebrew. The letter Vav is also the number 6. Short

top long tail. Short top long tail. You could have here, in Hebrew, 666 on the can. But my interest is the word monster. What do you see in the O? There's a cross. What has Christ got to do with an energy drink, let alone the name monster? So I thought, well, maybe this is a Christian company. Yeah, maybe, maybe. That's right. I'm sure that's what you thought. Yeah, that's definitely the logical conclusion because there's like a cross thing. So basically,

if you just look up the logo of Monster, if that's not clear yet. Okay, here we go. BFC at the bottom of the can. Do you know what that stands for? That's the F word. Big. Can. In fact, they write it on the side of the can, so I know that's the F word.

Now do you know what a MILF is? That's on the box! MILFs dig it and you will too! This is not a Christian company at all. So why would they have the cross on the can? Here is the message. Antichrist 666 in Hebrew. And then the Bible talks about the beast in Revelation.

And look at Monster's ad. This is their statement. Then she holds up one of their ads and it says, uh, uh, unleash the beast is their slogan. And you see these almost everywhere hats, t-shirts, bumper stickers. Is there another agenda here? You, you, you see them everywhere because this is like confirmation bias thing where you're now seeing it all over the place because you're only thinking about it. So it's not really everywhere. But okay, go ahead.

If God can use people with product, so can Satan. And look at it this way, even if the M was not the issue, you cannot deny that this is a cross. And what is witchcraft? When the cross goes upside down, bottoms up and the devil laughs. Something to think about. This is how clever Satan is and how he gets into the Christian home and the Christian's life and it breaks God's heart. Jesus said, my people perish from lack of knowledge. End of rant. Highly recommend you watch it yourself. It's very engaging.

Just type monster energy lady. It'll show up. She does it much better than I ever would. Don't type Barbara Streisand monster energy because I think that whatever I said does not really apply to this. That was maybe. That was I believe her house was like, there were photographs of it, um, taken and published or put online. And she made a statement like, take them down.

I don't want photos of my house or whatever. And because of that, people were looking up her house. So then it had the reverse effect. Oh, this lady's trying to get people to stop buying them. But like, I didn't even have any interest in Monster Energy at the time until she this video came out and I went that's hilarious. Yeah, no, I think a lot of people I think that's true for a lot of people I think was very good for their them and their marketing. So anyway, and that's what I feel I would like to think that's part of where this theme even came from. Because when I think of like, these are actually being like, demonic or anything that thing anyway. so yeah, that is the Monster Energy Lady. Oh, yeah, that is something that I agree with. It is from Satan. Oh, okay. What's wrong with that? And also, here's what I'll say. A cross is a cross is also a plus sign. So you know what,

lady? Like, I just true. I don't know what to tell you. It could be a math whiz who is promoting this and not Jesus or Satan, but I suppose if you must... Oh, you know what also I was going to say? She must have been early on the QAnon train because this thought process is hardcore QAnon vibes, like QAnon coded. I feel that she probably was either one of the instrumental early members of QAnon or she's been lost to the sauce a long long time ago. Because it's stuff like the the the conspiracy stuff and like going into it. First of all, there is a chance that Monster Energy just did that because that's their branding. I don't know. Like whatever. But also a lot of the stuff is ridiculous, like the whole Vav Hebrew thing.

Like there are so many things with that that like, it's a stretch. It's a stretch. It's all a stretch. So anyway, yeah, it's scary, the thought process of some people and how they can come up with some some wild conclusions from very little evidence or zero evidence I should say. Anyway, I think it's your turn. Oxanar, what I will say is that, what's the word? Yeah, you will say. Yeah, you would say that. Circumstantial evidence is still evidence is what I'll say, okay?

Hey, you're not wrong. Evidence is right in the phrase. You know what I always say, circumstantial evidence is, it's still circumstantial. This is from Annika Shithe and Maddie Sheher, and it's of a zero proof whiskey alternative. Teamwork? What? Teamwork? Teamwork called Ritual. Uh-oh. So this is an award-winning non-alcoholic spirit

sustainably made in the USA to make delicious alcohol-free cocktails. That's their whole jam. So this is a one-star review by RJ, and it's a verified purchase from Amazon. It's called Horrible Awful Tasting Waste of Money. Horrible. I don't know where to start.

I don't know what's worse. The level of badness this stuff is, or the smarmy and tries too hard to be sophisticated website from Ritual that actually peddles this stuff. First off, when I took the bottle out of the box, I was skeptical because the liquid was cloudy. Then when you open it, you get an acrid odor of apple cider vinegar. When you drink it, it starts off as acidic vinegar with a hint of some unrecognizable sweetness, and that's it. There is a hint of cinnamon, then you get a super peppery finish. It's like a bad

red hot at the end, with no sweetness and the acidity of the vinegar flavor from the beginning. I like bourbon, and I gave it up for Lent, so I was looking for a cheat. I think God was onto my scheme and was having none of it. This stuff is so bad, I can't believe those folks on their website have the audacity to have a cocktail menu for this dishwater The worst part is it's not returnable. Oh, well, that's what happens when you try to shortchange the boss upstairs Lesson learned. Amen End of review. So in this scenario This person's like look I'm trying to not drink bourbon not drink alcohol step away from that Oh look, here's a great alternative to keep me from drinking alcohol and God's like, look, I'm trying to not drink bourbon, not drink alcohol, step away from that.

Oh, look, here's a great alternative to keep me from drinking alcohol. And God's like, uh-uh. You should go back to the real thing. Cheater. Like, what? Like, I think I get that they're saying, like, the wrong thing is for them to, like, be seeking out that flavor without, you know, like, or like still seeking the flavor. But like now it just, it just makes it sound like God's like, Oh no, like there's no alcohol on this. Go drink alcohol.

Yeah. But it doesn't really add up because like as Catholics, we have learned every which way to trick to cheat at Lent. Okay. Like it's like, you just say, Oh, I'm giving up something I don't like. And then you say it's like, uh, I don't know, you say something you actually don't like, but you trick people, you know, it's like, it's easy to trick. Yeah.

I think I've sinned a lot less since I stopped giving things up for months. That's exactly right. Uh, and so I just feel that whatever this reaction is on this one star reaction, I don't know if that was God's intention for you to do on in his holy 40 days, but you know, I guess if you think he's proud of you for this, then good for you. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I, I just, this just sounds so appealing to me. It's unappealing to me this drink anyway.

Like that's things like either way. I'm just like, I don't like bourbon. I don't like bourbon to begin with. So the non-alcoholic bourbon sounds like a nice thing. Exactly. I would never even approach. Yeah. Like at least with alcoholic bourbon, you know,

you drink enough of it, it starts tasting okay. But like non-alcoholic, it will never taste good to me. So what's the point? And God will be so ashamed all the time. That is true. Why would we even try? Why would we? We wouldn't do that. Here's a five-star review of that same Monster Energy thing on Amazon,

titled, all caps, caffeine. Drink in moderation. Drink six in an hour. After four, I could talk to electricity. Drink in moderation. Drink six in an hour. After four, I could talk to electricity. When I finished the sixth one, I spoke with God. End of review. No!

Stop! That's when God is like, turn back! You've gone so wrong! Give it up for Lent, please! I beg of you! Give it up for Lent. Go try bourbon. That'll calm you down.

Go try bourbon, please! Anything but this. That'll settle you down. I know a great bourbon that you can try. I mean, please. I beg of you. Give it up for Lent. Go try bourbon. That'll calm you down. Go try bourbon, please. Anything but this. That'll settle you down. I know a great bourbon that you can try. I mean, really though, like don't drink six. Oh man, y'all, yeah. I mean, I know they might be exaggerating, but like the idea that you would drink four

and have that elevated experience of talking, quote unquote, to electricity and then be like, I know, I'll have another. I mean, I get it from a perspective of like someone who's over imbibed in things, but still, oh Lord, it's just like so alarming to me. Yeah, but when I over imbibe, it's like, oh, I ate too many Skittles or something or too many gushers, you know, like,

which it doesn't, it makes my tummy hurt, but like doesn't make my heart almost explode. I'm not saying that from as a medical, I don't know what it actually does, but it feels like it would do that. Yeah, yeah. I would be careful out there folks. Okay, this is from Stephanie

and it's of Liquid Death, Still Mountain Water. Nice. It's a one star review by Brian and the title is very very very disappointed in this batch from Amazon. I severely regret buying eight cases of this. I've never tasted water this bad before. I am so disappointed. I do not understand what is going on here. so disappointed. I do not understand what is going on here. End of review.

Huh? It's eight cases? Eight cases. And that's a lot that I think there's 12 in a case. I would say normally I'd be like, don't try eight unless you like have tried it already. But it's literally water. So I it's water in a can. Yeah, I've had it. So it's just water. It's actually like so jarringly just water because if you're drinking out of a can, you're like, whoa, it doesn't taste like anything, which is kind of a strange feeling for me

because usually it's bottled water, but canned water is like, oh no, it's just fucking plain old water. To say you had a bad batch, I'm like, what does that mean? Is that even possible? I mean, Brian says he does not understand what is going on here. Is that even remotely possible that you have a bad batch of like, canned water? I guess. I guess. I don't know. I will say I was so excited about I've never tasted water, but,

and you did put a period after that, but then the next line says this bad before. So it's like, I know that was meant to be together, but I just love, I also like to live in a world where Brian has never tasted water and he's like, this shit is terrible. And we're like, yeah, bro, that's why it's so hard to drink eight cups of it a day. Well, our grandfather, when I lived with him for a few months and boy, do I have some stories that I'll never tell on this podcast, but one I will tell is that. Patreon.

Yeah, it'll just be a therapy session with patrons of what it was like living with him. No, I would have I had a bottle of water reusable water bottle that I'd bring in like an Al Jean or something. Because I worked for him. And he would always make fun of me for it. And he'd be like, the only water I need is for my coffee and my beer And that's it and he'd always he'd tell me I was like a weak American for drinking water so much Like a weird German boomer thing. I don't know. I don't even know what that is. It's just like yeah

I don't think he's a boomer. He's he's beyond that he's he's He's probably his generation has probably named something that I wouldn't agree with you know I feel like those those like really old generations had some pretty badass names like the greatest generation and like and I don't know if it's different for Germans I don't know what they call it you know what do they call themselves what do they call monster the monster beast that would make sense anyway That actually would fit. That actually would fit. Hair thinning impacts a lot of us.

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Here's a one-star review of Liquid Death. Yeah, the still mountain water. One star. As a devout Christian, I regret ever purchasing this. This product itself is mediocre. How good can canned water really be? My husband wanted to try after seeing one of his old favorite celebrities endorsing it.

I ordered it, thinking any water was good water. After seeing their commercials, my family will never, ever support this company again. I highly recommend anyone else that is religious to look at their commercials. Now I see why it is called Liquid Death and I could not trust this company or their products any less than I do now. End of review.

And it was written by Christian Family. It was written by Lady with a booth at the convention center from 15 years ago. I've moved on. But she must be so distraught. She starts with Monster and now it's like, oh, every brand has caught on that her marketing has actually skyrocketed the brand. And now Liquidus is like, well, let's get in on that. Yeah. But truly, I would say their advertising is irreverent, is a good way to put it. It's irreverent. But some of them are just silly, satirical type things.

There's one where for their iced tea, there was this guy with a truck who was pouring the iced tea in his truck and he was like, yeah, because this makes my engine break so I don't have to spend time with my family and I can sit here fixing my engine, like stupid things like that. They were just like, I don't know, nothing like offensive, just stupid. And then there's a quote. Oh, sorry, I have a quote from a commercial, another commercial. And so liquid death says had this to say at the one of the commercials says every

year water is responsible for thousands and thousands of deaths. Energy drinks only kill like one or two kids. So they're like, Hey, drink this because it's deadly because it's water and water kills so many people around the world with like floods and stuff. So drink our water because water is like bad ass or something. And their tagline is murder your thirst. Murder your, yes, exactly. It's sort of like, they're not trying to get the Christian

pocket of consumers. In fact, they're probably actively trying to piss them off. I mean, that's how you stand out as a brand that sells water, cam. Like when you think about it, it's like they're just selling water. And it's like, they stand out. They I follow them on Instagram. One of their posts recently was kind of this satirical parody post about plastic versus aluminum cans. And in the comments, somebody posted, it was some very woo-woo spiritual person, right? And they wrote, it's so unfortunate

that you have this name. I've never seen this reaction before. It's so that you have this name. Like it was, I've never seen this reaction before. It's like so unfortunate you have this name because the fact that you call it liquid death lowers the vibrational frequency of your water. So I can't drink it. And I was like, okay. And then somebody responded and said like,

hey, as someone who's like very spiritual and is like a reiki healer or something, you know, I don't remember what they they're like qualifications for being woo woo or they said like, the fact that you're acting like death is such a scary thing to begin with means you don't even know the half of like, spiritually. Oh, got him. Well, this is quite a debate.

The spiritualists are fighting. I love it. I like that's the kind of thing that I'm like, whoa, what a world I get to watch these people duke it. I like that's the kind of thing that I'm like, whoa, what a world I get to watch these people duke it out about death. What the fuck? No wonder ghosts stick around to watch this shit happen. Like, wow, these people have no real problems if that's what they're complaining about.

Yeah. This is from Stephanie. It's a review of liquid death squeezed to death, sparkling water, orange flavored, which I have actually not tried the orange flavor. It sounds good. It does sound good, but apparently it's not according to some people. So this is a review by Carly.

It's one star. This water tastes like juvenile fantasy fiction. Very fibrous. I received this set of books instead of my water. This item is not available for refund or replacement. So I guess I will just keep drinking this literary collection and allow the pages to soak up my tears. I love liquid death, so I am sad that I got books instead.

The trees that died for these books are also sad. End of review. And then I have, of course, a photo. A photo? Oh, it's, I mean, it is like very obviously some young adult fantasy fiction, like some fantasy. Oh yes. You see it?

Oh yes. So it's, I just wonder who received the water instead of the, like imagine getting like this for your 12 year, 13 year old and then like to get like liquid death orange squeezed to death. At first I was like very fiber, I was like, wow, this is such a descriptive way to describe. Yeah, just say, oh, it tastes like juvenile.

I was like, huh, that I've never heard anyone say that. I don't know if it makes sense, but I need to like think about it because it might make sense. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Can I tell you something? Sure. I looked up this author.

Do you know who this author is? Mm-mm. This is Chris Colfer, who played Kurt on Glee. Okay, I knew I knew the name. Okay. Yeah, is apparently- I didn't know he was an author. Wrote the Land of Stories series of young adult books.

What? Okay, well I didn't know that, but I've read it. New York Times bestseller. I don't know. New York Times best seller. I don't know any, I hadn't heard that he had written, but how, what a cool pivot. I don't know. Oh, Chris Colfer. Why did I write Chris Colfer? Oh, he plays Kurt.

He plays Kurt on Glee. Yeah. I definitely remember the name. I didn't know he's an author. Good for him. Yeah. Maybe that's his like, maybe that's part of his promo. He just like mails out the books with like, he just tells Amazon, toss them into people's orders just in case.

Sounds like something Liquid Death would do. It actually kind of does. Ruffle some feathers. Just ruffle some feathers. Okay, so next for me comes the part where I was originally gonna read that Monster Lady review or that thing because Julio sent an email and I snatched it before you could.

And of course it's a forum. And this is, so, and Julio says, I know you're probably gonna talk about that lady in that video with the Monster Energy drink. So here's a forum to go with it. How do you know me so well? You know it's way too well, it's actually scary. So here is a thread that on religiousforums.com and to be clear about

religiousforums.com it's a place to discuss religious as far as I can tell there are plenty of religious people on here but I think it appears it's more of just a place to discuss all sorts of religious topics and it doesn't seem to be like you know like an echo chamber type thing that you might expect. Imagine the kind of person who agreed to be a moderator for free on this website. I don't know someone who Christina I've moderated shit before that in hindsight I'm like why did I do I had a reddit moderator on my my my resume at one point in my life I'm not proud of that here we go. So here is a thread that Julio sent me And Julio did say it gave him a headache.

I'm not surprised now in hindsight after reading it myself. But here we go. So the first post was this, and this was from August of 2008, titled Monster Energy The Mark of the Beast 666. My brother stumbled upon something very interesting the other night, and maybe you find it just as likely and just as frightening. For those who believe in the Christian Bible, it is stated that the Antichrist will rise and people will bear the mark of the beast, the number 666.

Many people believe that the end of days will happen soon, maybe in our lifetime, but are people bearing the mark already? Take a good look at Monster Energy Drink. It is a huge corporation that came out of nowhere. Now it seems like almost everybody is drinking Monster Energy drinks and I'm always seeing people wearing shirts with a Monster logo, hats, wristbands, stickers on their car windows, even tattoos. Okay, you are like this lady again. I mean, come on. Nobody sees it that often. I'm sorry, unless you're looking for it.

Yeah, I will say I did see- I have seen pictures of people with like monster energy tattoos But like yeah, but like I car hard logos more often. I know I know I agree. I agree The slogan for monsters unleashed the beast when you read monster on the can the O is made up of a cross and an upside down Arch the symbol of an arch represents triumph over death arch of the cross and an upside down arch. The symbol of an arch represents triumph over death, arch of the sky and heavens. So an arch upside down must only mean the opposite. Now check out the monster symbol itself, the big M. It's not really an M though, look at it closely. The symbol for monster is actually made up of three sixes written in the language of original text of the Bible, 666. And many people are already representing the monster logo on themselves.

It's only a matter of time before it gets bigger. Please check into this yourself. And here's the thing. That's what people in QAnon say, do the research. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's very much something. And this person never posted again. When I first read this, I wasn't sure if it was satire or not. Like if they were just going along with that monster energy lady. I actually don't think so either. They never posted again. It seems quite sincere actually. They didn't reply to any comments even though the comments were just ripping them to shreds

basically. People were not having it. They were like, this is ridiculous. But I will read some choice responses. Great. Here's what someone has to say. Why would Satan take over the world with an energy drink? Very good point, very good point. And then someone says, the only energy drink

I like, because it doesn't make me jittery or crash when it wears off, is Red Bull. Oh, wait a minute, red is the color of the devil And bulls have horns. Oh, is there no escape from Satan's diabolical domination via marketing, product placement, and name brands? Perhaps this explains why Jesus's teachings are so similar to Marxism, since capitalism is clearly Satan's tool. That's beautiful. And I will say just one note.

I think it's perfect, except one note. Instead of diabolical, why not try diabl- Diabl- What was it? Diabler-is? Diabl-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y that maybe would punch it up a little bit, but otherwise like fine, fine comment, 100%. And I think also what just, one thing that just popped in my head is just like, and they talk about this in here too,

it's like how it's like, oh, they subtly are trying to do this. It's like, there's nothing subtle about their, unleash the beast. Like, look, like if Satan were doing this, like what? And also like, I just, what popped in my head is the video game series Diablo from Blizzard. like, like played all the it's literally called Diablo. Like, it's literally like there are things out there that you can be

like, oh, my God, the work of the devil. It's literally because it's literally like, why are they like getting it's always the things that are like, quote unquote, subtle that are like a little less like, QAnon, this is a sincere, sincere opinion of mine. And I because I because I know I tend to be a little bit facetious on the show, obviously, but this is a, and I know I keep bringing up QAnon, but it really does go hand in hand. Like that is why so many things in the newer iterations

of QAnon are so insidious, because they think, concepts like the movie Monsters, Inc. are somehow like in line with like the government and the devil and so it's, now they're taking like children's content and making it seem like it's some sort of evil entity. So it's almost like, I kind of wish we would just go back to being like, oh, it says 666, scary, instead of being like, no, in reality,

there's this underground meaning behind all these Pixar films, like, oh of being like, no, in reality, there's this underground meaning behind all these Pixar films. Like, oh my God, lay off. So I think they've gotten a little more, what is the word? They've gotten a little more fine tuned in what they're accusing the devil of. They're giving him a little more credit nowadays, I guess. I think it speaks to people in a way that like the conspiracy theories just always do. Like people have this curiosity and they wanna see things where they don't exist.

So like even us growing up when we like had these websites we'd go to that had like, oh songs that had backwards messages in them. And like some of them were like legit because this bands actually put them in there for fun because they were poking fun at it all. But like a lot of them are just complete bullshit. You just hear what you want to hear. But we loved it. And the difference is we'd like eventually we're like, oh yeah, no, that's just kind of silly.

We were not actually the work of Satan. We just thought it was like kind of goofy, you know. Yeah. But yeah, I still remember. I feel like I have them all memorized. I cannot listen to Stairway to Heaven without just thinking of it backwards. It's so good. So there's one more thing, because this calls out actually my favorite energy drink, and I think it's funny. So that person had just said about Red Bull having horns, being of the devil, like energy

drinks, blah, blah, blah. Then someone said, yes, and balls is using sexual terms to get us all. Balls. Oh, balls. Oh, that's an energy drink. I thought your favorite energy drink was sugar-free Red Bull. I love sugar-free Red Bull, but balls is special to me because that's what they sell. Okay, my experience with it is that's what they sell

at the checkout of Micro Center. So anytime I go to Micro Center, I get a bottle of balls. It's called balls? B-A-W-L-S. Oh, I've seen that. I've never heard it out loud. So I think I was not understanding balls. I know.

And I'm not because of it saying balls. It is actually one of my favorites I think but I think it's that's mainly because I connect it with micro center, which is one of my favorite places in the world I mean, I know my favorite is My favorite is one that this monster only because I used to pick it up like at the seances that I would do Oh, okay check out at the Sands. Yeah, as they should. Yeah. So I feel like that beautiful association for me as well. That makes sense. Wow, Zandy. So those are, wait, so is that all the comments? Yeah, that's all I've got.

Oh, those were, I, I, okay, I appreciate, I thought this was going to go in a different direction with religious forums dotnet or whatever. Yeah, no, honestly, I, not a single person agreed with that original poster and everyone was just kind of saying like, this is ridiculous and making fun of them. Unless they deleted it, like Julio said, some of the posts were deleted. So maybe the deleted ones are people who are embarrassed because they're like, yeah, maybe I shouldn't like say that. Or like maybe the moderator was like, you know what?

I'm an atheist. Get this shit off here. Yeah. Well, okay. I don't know about that. But, oh, but I will say something interesting. There was apparently a time when Procter and Gamble, their logo was deemed demonic and they had to change it. And like, this is a legit thing that happened because people had like the specific quote from the Bible that said something about a certain number of stars. And like, there was this like logo that Procter and Gamble had,

and it was like this moon face kind of thing with like a certain number of stars. And so people said like, it was the work of the devil somehow. So they ended up changing their logo because of basically satanic panic and these people who, so it's like just fascinating how like you see monster energy drink

but then you're like, oh proctor and gamble. Or it was demonic and the board at PNG overthrew Satan himself and changed the logo because they decided we're gonna work for good. Dove soap is now only for good. And so is Axe body spray, except I think that's Unilever, I'm not sure. But either way, one of them is probably working for Satan.

Oh, just one of them? I would be surprised if none of them are. Yeah, you're right. Like they gotta be, these giant massive corporations. It doesn't make any other sense. Like I think- I love how the person also said like this brand came out of nowhere.

It's like, okay, well, I guess you could say that about most brands. Yeah. Become big, but whatever. But yeah, when I think of Monster Energy, when I think of Liquid Death, same thing. I'm like, man, I can't believe that like it's become such a big thing now. Yeah. And same with the- There's no other explanation. Apple. I don't know. You know, there's so many of them. Whatever. Anyway, it's like Jesus could never have made it that big. So at a certain point you have to sell out to Satan to get like such big profit

margins. Yeah. Of all people to bring up to say they couldn't make it big, you pick Jesus. I'm sorry. Jesus didn't make it big. No, no, no. Jesus can't make your profit margins really big. Oh, Christina, you're still those evangel, those mega churches. Are you kidding me?

Oh, no. Jesus is- Okay. You got to be clearer here because in my opinion, I think Jesus is making it real big. You're right. That was ignorant. In this world. I don't know. That was ignorant. That was totally ignorant. You're right. I'll do penance for it later. Amen. Okay. So this is a redemption I have, even though you've been reading redemption this whole time.

Yeah. And I'm actually done with reviews by the way. Oh wow. Okay. I have, I thought that monster energy lady and everything would take me a lot longer. So that's okay. I have three redemptions for you. Bring it on. This one is also from Annika and Maddie and it's of Red Monster on Influenster, the website Influenster. Uh oh. And it is a four star review by Layla. So good but also so bad for you health wise so you better be drinking this once a month

or something but if they sponsor me I would say drink it every week. But like the tastes are always so lit because they're so sour end of review Okay, I Love that admission if they sponsored me. I would tell you to drink it until it comes you help. Yeah Why would you say that out loud? If they sponsor me I would say don't even worry about your cardiac issues Just keep drinking it often with my promo look. Look, look, if Monster sponsored us, I wouldn't be talking about health conditions.

Are you kidding me? I'd be like, yum, yum, yum. Contractionally wouldn't be allowed. Slurp, slurp, slurp. Buy six cans and drink them all. You could talk to the electricity in the walls. You could talk to God in electricity. God is waiting.

Like, yeah, I'm with this reviewer, I agree. Let's just sell out, you yeah, I'm with this reviewer. I agree. Let's just sell out, you know? Yeah. So this is from Milo and this is a review of on Amazon of Monster Energy Rehab Peach Tea. What a name. Yeah. Is that meant to be like after you a night of drinking like you're supposed to like... Well has electrolytes so much information that you probably will regret asking for okay oh gosh here this is a five star review by uh by ryan and the title is best part of waking up is a monster rehab in your cup no this is a verified purchase and like it comes with a photo

And like it comes with a photo. But the photo is just like black. And I'm like, do they know that it's just black screen of a photo? That's what they saw after drinking all these monsters. Do they not realize? Like there's colors happening in their eyes that are not real. And I don't know. It's just a black picture. So I'm a little bit alarmed by that.

But here's the actual review. Five stars. Whether or not you like carbonation, and I do not, as a form of beverage to rehydrate, it's not as refreshing as something non-carbonated. Monster Rehab has been out for almost 15 years and it's a sugar-free tea with many flavors. This one, by the way it is a strawberry lemonade, this one is one of my favorite flavors. It's an Arnold Palmer with a hint of berry and it has all of the energy combination in the drink with a surge of vitamins like you would get from drinking Pedialyte. I was introduced to it when they unveiled it in Las Vegas at the iconic party at 6am Sunday mornings every week. Hard Rock Cafe Sunday Rehab Pool Party. That's the name of the party? Yeah, in quotes.

At 6am? Wait, what's the 6am thing? I missed... did I miss something? I was introduced to it when they unveiled it in Las Vegas at the iconic party at 6am Sunday mornings every week. Hard Rock Cafe Sunday Rehab Pool Party! I see, so every 6am on Sundays they have this at the Hard Rock in Vegas? Pool party.

You drink these at 6am in a pool? By the pool? I'd rather die! I'm sorry. I'd rather go talk to God after this. I don't want to be part of this. I'm so tired just thinking about it. They build it as the best and most potent energy blend along with between 200.

They wrote $200 but they've really lost the plot. They wrote along with between $200 to 500% of six different vitamins. And like that math makes me feel like that meme that I thought was Julia Roberts, remember? Where it's like the lady in that soap opera where that like uh that uh Telemundo soap opera where it has all the fractions and math things floating around her head. Do you thought it was Julia Roberts? Yeah we've it's happened on an episode. Okay I don't remember.

And then you corrected me. I know there's one with Zach Galifianakis and I forget. I've been embarrassed ever since so So don't worry about it. But I did that, you know that meme, but anyway, I feel like that's what's happening here. He says, it contains between $200 to 500% of six different vitamins, as well as potassium, phosphorus and magnesium.

Best of all, it's only three grams of sugar and 25 calories per can and not carbonated. I will never forget feeling like death personified and taking two of these free cans and pounding them. They were ice cold and refreshing and within 10 minutes I felt like I had just worked out taking a shower had a couple of meetings to start my brain up from and had a shot of espresso or two. I was motivated, calm and talkative and ready for the day.

Stop whoa. You just threw come in there? What is that? That's what it says. What is it supposed to say? I can't even think of what it's supposed to say. Okay, this is crazy. I'm sorry. I just get so-

If anybody needs non-circumstantial evidence, pure factual evidence that this is going to hurt your heart, here it is, or your brain or something. If you drink like many of them at 6am, uh, this is proof. This is proof. And I don't care what anyone says. Okay. Yeah.

Um, wow. It shower workout shower, multiple shots of like the shower bit gets me because I'm like, do not act like this makes it. I don't know. It's just, do not act like, hello, do not act like a hard rock cafe pool party leaves you feeling clean and refreshed. I'm so sorry. Exactly. I'm like, this doesn't make sense to me, but this is lies, lies, lies. These things must be fucking your brain up. Um, okay. Next time I'm in Vegas, I might have to try this because I don't know.

I mean, you might really enjoy it because you do like a sugar-free energy drink. I do. And you know what? And you're always up at 6 a.m. in the morning having meetings to start your brain. So I feel like this really would fit you well. So true.

That just makes a lot of sense for me. But I will say, I used to like see people drinking energy drinks in the morning and thinking like, how could you do that? And then I'm like pounding coffees and I'm like, you know. And my coffee has like sugar in it. So I'm like, what am I even? Yeah, so I like, I'm like, I get it.

Like I'm not, now I for sure get it. I'm just like, man, this 6 a.m. pool party where you drink two pound, two of these in Vegas. I mean, I guess it's a place to do it, but like, I know, yeah, if anywhere. Do you do it, but like, do you sleep? Like, do you, like that's what I don't understand. Like instead of either instead of, or in addition to cocaine, I'm not really sure like what the they're trying to promote here. Like you can party through the early morning hours of some way. I don't know. I have done that. I have stayed up late out of bar

dancing, the whole thing, walked out the bar and it was the sun was coming up. My first thought wasn't let me get some energy in for the rest of my day. My thought was let me go fucking pass out. By 6 a.m. I was like, okay, time to sleep. Like that was crazy, but time to sleep a little bit. Again, maybe it's just a Vegas thing. You know, you would be- Maybe I just don't get it. I just don't get it. Imagine being on staff and they're like, okay, you're working the pool party shift this weekend. You'd be like, oh my God, I have to get up at like 3.30

to even like prepare for this shit. And then by the time I get to the fucking pool, these drunken cocaine-os are like, I have to pass around free energy drinks to everybody. And like these zombies that like, do you turn, but they're probably not zombies. They're just probably like that. I don't know.

I'm trying to picture this. Well, you know their pupils are so dilated. I want to picture that. I want to go. I want to observe. Let's go. I love how every time we discuss something we hate, it ends up being, let's go do it.

Because this, it's like, this is weirdly like, feels somewhat accessible. Like these people, I could get along with these people. You know, they're fine people. They're fine people. It's not necessarily one of our circles of hell, or if it is, it's at least farther out. Like it's less scary than the other circles.

Yeah, like I don't wanna go to that ladies monster energy convention. I wanna go to this. Yeah, this sounds way more delightful. These are my people more so. I will say, as some people may know, I am allergic to sugar alternatives. So I would want the real sugar one,

and then I might go ham on this whole party. I might be doing, I'm not gonna be doing a flip. That's silly. Oh. I couldn't, but I might try. And it would be amazing. Please don't. Into the water, I hope. Oh, sure, sure. Okay, good. At the pool party. I wasn't sure. So anyway try. And it would be- Please don't, into the water, I hope. Oh, sure, sure. Okay, good.

I wasn't sure. So anyway, let me finish this real quick. Okay, so I was motivated come and talkative and ready to eat it. Okay, talkative, yes, continue from there. And it doesn't have a crash. Since then, I have undoubtedly drank over 5,000 cans at least

Your face was like even better than I'd hoped It's pretty much been a habit of mine to drink between one to three per day Taking off a year here and there now that Amazon can get it to me I thought they were saying they were taking a year off their lives when they did this. I sincerely thought they might be like, taking a year off my life here and there. I was like, yeah, at least they're self-aware

of what this might be doing to them. Wow. No, but I do also love this jarring fact that they drink one to three a day. And then every now and then they'll be like, I'm gonna take two years off. I'm gonna take an entire year off. Which seems just like a really interesting way

to fix your liver, I guess. And then come back. I don't know. That's literally what our grandfather does. I know, I know, I know. But it's not years, he takes like- It's like six months or so. He has like a season that he doesn't drink alcohol.

A season to regenerate the liver. Literally, yeah. And then start it over again. And you, you weakling snowflake with an algein would never understand. Yeah. Okay, let's see. It's pretty much been a habit of mine

to drink between one to three per day, taking off a year here and there now that Amazon can get it to me in a case and a subscribe and save member for life because you can't find a better deal. It's so good that I subscribed to three things I don't really need just to get the 15% discount on two different flavors of this. Today the only original is Lemonade Arnold Palmer and everything else is new and changing. End of review.

Wowee. I looked this up because I was curious. The party? No, this drink. Do you know how much caffeine is in one of these cans? No. 160 milligrams. Oh, fuck. Per can. Oh, fuck.

Okay. Well, I mean, I shouldn't be surprised, I guess, but like a cup of coffee is like 60, right? Or 90? 80 to 100. Oh, okay, okay, okay. So like, about like, maybe, I don't know, close to double, maybe a little less than double of a cup of coffee per can. So it's like having

two cups of coffee. So it's like having six cups of coffee, which yeah, people do. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. Yeah. That's not like that. I guess it's not going to kill you clearly. As a formerly pregnant person, I remember seeing quite a range on, on the forums of how much caffeine people had to brutally cut out of their diet. I'm sure, oh my God, gosh. Well, I will say that people. But the people who struggle most for obvious

reasons are those who drink energy drinks daily. And like in pregnancy, that's one of the ways that you can really actually, like caffeine, a cup of coffee is fine. Okay. You mean those labels that say don't drink when you're nursing or pregnant are legit? Yeah.

That sucks. But like, you know, they'll say, oh, coffee's not the best, but like, it's fine to have a couple cups of coffee, right? But like, when you're drinking like several of those big ones, it can actually be quite damaging. I mean, I imagine. Yeah, so it's kind of hard, but it's really hard for people to cut out.

I wanna see how much- Oh, for sure. So a shot of espresso has 64 milligrams of caffeine, but it's really hard for people to cut out. I want to see how much- Oh, for sure. So a shot of espresso has 64 milligrams of caffeine, approximately. So like a third of what this fucking- Like three shots of espresso per, so if you're drinking three of those a day. Oh my God.

Yeah, that's a lot. I mean, and listen, like I do things that are not healthy for me. I'm not trying to be a health guru over here. I'm just like alarmed at, just alarmed, I don't know. I know, it's just not trying to shame, but yeah. The thing is I struggle with not having coffee or caffeine for like a day.

And I don't drink that much. I have like two cups of coffee max a day. Sometimes I'll have like a diet coke or something for dinner. So when you get up to those higher levels and you get used to it, it's really hard to come off it. It must be so hard to like come off of that and wean yourself off. Yikes. Get ready for puck drop at BetMGM, an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions.

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If you need some time to think it over, here's five seconds. Certain conditions apply. Details at phys.ca. Oh, right. I have one more. This is the last one. Uh, it's... I just... I love this pool party. I want to go to this pool party. Okay, from Amanda. This is what Amanda sent in. It's called Harold's Haunt. It's in Millvale, Pennsylvania, which I guess Amanda says is part of Pittsburgh, like a suburb of Pittsburgh. And this is a five star review. I know this doesn't sound like it's of anything theme wise yet, but it will. I heard the word haunt. Okay, fair point, fair point. I guess you're onto it. So this is a five star view by Hayley,

who's a local guide. And it says, Harold's haunt has everything you'd want in a they bar. Which by the way, love they. A they bar. They bar like instead of'd want in a they bar. Which by the way, love they. They bar like instead of gay bar, like they bar. Oh, okay. I think that's the vibe. I like that. It's like it's kind of a queer bar. I hadn't heard that.

It's not discriminating. But it's not specific. It's not like specific. You know what I mean? Of course. I think it's just a general, generally queer vibe, which I like. Yeah. Harold's Haunt has everything you'd want in a they bar. generally queer vibe, which I love.

Harold Taunt has everything you'd want in a they bar. A welcoming environment, delicious drinks with plenty of non-alcoholic options, tasty food that goes beyond your standard bar options and very fun events. Drinking a Frankenstein themed cocktail while watching a drag performance of Mothman has been the highlight of 2022 for me, end of review. So I wanted to end on a high. That is quite the high.

Who wouldn't have that as their highlight of 2022? I know who, the lady at the conference with the fucking Monster Energy booth, she'd be like, this is what the world has become. You're not wrong. Yeah. This is what Monster Energy then 10 years later, look at the like, now we get Mothman in drag. Is crumbling!

Yeah, Mothman used to be a, you know, a God's angel, now it's a fallen angel. So, it's pretty tragic. But yeah, that's all I've got for you on energy, or not energy drinks, but evil sounding drinks. Nice, that was fun, that was good. That was a good theme, that was so silly. I don't know.

I love doing random shit like that, especially product related. Places are fun, but it's nice to have a little change with some products. I just love capitalism every now and then. We do. We do. We do. We do. So yeah, now it's my challenge. This was from Natalie Reviews that mentioned animatronics in a positive light. And like I said, some people love their animatronics. When I searched animatronics, most of the people were pa- So it was actually kind of difficult to parse through these or to sift through them and find some quality. But yeah, I have a couple just like little positive ones that I thought were

silly and then some I think more chaotic ones from listeners. So here we go. Excellent. Here's a five-star review and this is of Chuck E Cheese in Columbia, South Carolina Here we go from 2022 very recent That was a good year. That was the year of the Mothman Drag and the Frankenstein. Yeah, so true And this was here's another highlight. I love this place great arcade games and spectacular I love this place, great arcade games, and spectacular animatronic entertainment. Kids and I love the animatronics the most. End of review.

No! The kids do? That's the most shocking. And there is the cutest picture. It's like this picture. Okay, it's so creepy. I feel like we have to post this with blurring this child's face. But there's a child.

Christina, I'm sending it to you right now. There's this picture of this child standing next to the animatronic Chuck E. Cheese. I'm sorry. This is the scariest fucking thing ever with those eyes. Yeah, I just texted it to you. It is, Christina, I'm telling you. I, I, I, I, I, I, so uh, with the face board, I think it would be really, um, a nice, nice thing to post.

Fucking mouse rat costume. That guy, that creature, that animatronic has been, has spent way too many hours at the Hard Rock Cafe, 6am pool party sponsored by Monster. Those pupils alone are talking about beady eyes. Holy shit, look at his face. No, I saw it. I saw this, I've had nightmares ever since I saw this. Also like how beautiful that this child is also wearing a Blockbuster t-shirt.

It just feels, all of it is so- I saw that and I was like, oh, this is such an old, this must be an old thing. And it was like 2022. And I was like, what? That's why I recognized the year or paid attention to it just because I was like, that's so weird. Is this what would have happened in an alternate timeline where Monster didn't take over the world? Like is this the Christian world?

What do you mean? It's the opposite. I don't know. Is this what the lady wanted? No, this is clearly, this is the reality. This is the reality we're living in. I'm so disturbed by it. Do you think Satan, this isn't the work of Satan, this guy? You're 100% right. Come on, we're looking in the wrong places. Of all things today, this is the most Satanic. Please go look at this photo people. It's crazy. Please go look on Instagram. It's like really alarming It's actually I need to close out of my text app. I closed it like the moment I sent it to you. I can't stop staring at it. Nope, can't look at it. Okay, and then, you know, I'll just go into

what the listener sent. So Lily, she sent in a review of a Chuck E. Cheese. This is a five-star review, here we go. Oh, and this is in, where even is this? This is in, what the hell is that? Was this Kentucky? Oh, it's Kentucky, Paducah? West Paducah? Closer. Oh,. Paducah? West Paducah?

Anyway. Closer. Five stars. Oh, Paducah. I know Paducah. Well, you can go visit this because five stars. Here we go. This is a good location. I come here every few months to film the new songs that the animatronics sing. However, sometimes the show isn't in the best condition. There's Phase 3 with purple walls and a three stage which is awesome.

Back when this location was showbiz pizza place with the rockafire explosion, my mom had her sixth birthday party here. For anyone thinking about visiting this location, you definitely should. End of review. And then Lily in her email had said something to the effect of, while they didn't say anything particularly positive about the animatronics, the fact that they show up every few months to film the new songs is kind of a sign that like they appreciate them at least. They're there for the performance. Yeah, yeah, which I thought was really kind of-

Not the tickets, not the Jolly Ranchers. So do you think that they're filming this just for their own personal sake or like for the business? I don't think so. I think for themselves or for their- They're filming on their phone? I mean, especially bringing up their mom having her party, six birthday party at Showbiz Pizza. Maybe they're just like a big fan

of that kind of entertainment. I don't know. I just worry because, you know, recently we've discussed that they're taking the animatronics down and instead of selling them away, they're like physically destroying them in back alleys and such. And I worry for the, for the wellbeing of people like this who are very attached emotionally to these

things. And I don't, I worry that they're going to be a little bit upset by this development. Well that's why I was surprised that that 2022 review like mentioned animatronics still being there because I feel like a lot of animatronic from 2022 something is very wrong with it. That was very different. That wasn't the full band either. I think that's the one they did destroy in the alley and it came back. I think that they tried to get rid of it. That's what it looks like to me. Yeah, you're probably right. I think I am.

Now I'm onto my Trust Pilot review. This was sent in by Charissa. This is a three-star review of Chuck E. Cheese, just a general Chuck E. Cheese review. Yeah, three-star. So I'd say it's a negative though. I mean, it's not scathing, but it's negative. Here we go.

Chuck E. Cheese was once an incredible experience with its captivating animatronics. The brand should have considered enhancing this unique feature by updating the animatronics, including new shows, and revamping the tunnels with thrilling new adventures. Unfortunately, the current state of the establishment leaves much to be desired. The absence of the animatronics has left the place feeling dull and unremarkable. It's disheartening to see such a beloved venue lose its charm. I sincerely hope that the management considers bringing back the old Chuck E. Cheese with a fresh twist incorporating new style animatronics.

This revitalization would undoubtedly breathe new life into the brand and rekindle the excitement that once made it an unforgettable destination. End of review. Whoa. So they're a diehard animatronics. Yeah. And you know what? Weirdly, I'm like, without the animatronics, what's the point? Like I guess it's kind of like an arcade, but like, family arcades exist. Yeah. Like what differentiates it, I guess, without that creepy beady-eyed rat? I think that, I would say, I mean, charm might be not the word I would normally use for it,

but I could see why some people say that that was the charm. For me, it was always alarm. I was, I'd cry whenever I'd see anything. Yeah, but it was not boring. It was not boring. You're right. It was a unique experience for that. But yeah, so I kind of get it, you know? Like, what do you think about it? Like, what's the point?

Like with Chuck E. Cheese without Chuck E. Cheese is like, yeah, why? And and by tunnels, I believe they mean like the play place with the the Are there journeys in this? What? Journeys? Like they said like new adventures or new journeys. Oh, yeah, I think like, because there'd be like little stations kind of right like you go through the little play place and there'd be these sky tubes or whatever and there'd be these tubes and then there'd be like different little activity maybe not activities. I don't

remember this at all I have no memory of Chucky. I don't know but anyway so I think yeah I think they're saying like just indoor play place kind of thing which yeah I don't know if they did when you were there recently did they have that or were you not there? Did Blaze go? Blaze go with Leona? I was like, Alexander, have I blacked out every time I've been to a Chuck E. Cheese? Yeah, I probably did. But no, I have not been since I was a child.

I believe Blaze and his father took Leona, so I got it. But I don't think she would have been able to properly alert us. His dad was calling me saying he's trapped in the sky tubes. I don't know why he called me. I think because he knew I had experience with that, getting lost in those. And he was like, can you draw that map? Like, tell me that map.

He's like, I called Christine and she said, turn west. And I said, I don't know what that is because she has terrible directions. So I called you. You probably have that trauma like written in the, in the, the folds of your brain, how to get out of this fucking sky tunnel. It's true. It's true. That how, where do you think I got my good sense of directions?

Where do you think I lost it? Probably in the We made a deal with Charles and I got the sense of direction. You got the, I got the mark of the beast. Sure, yeah. All righty, my next one, this comes from Abby, I actually have two here. And these are both of the Creation Museum. Oh! Here we go. Whoa, okay.

Okay, okay. Here's the four star review. A great learning experience for a more in-depth understanding of the Bible. You know, I'm gonna pause, because I should say what it is. We talked about it recently. I know, we do talk about it a lot, but I suppose the people are new here.

Yeah, the Creation Museum is a museum in Kentucky that is basically what it sounds like. They talk about creation as it is in the Bible and they talk about that being, I don't know, there's a lot of different things that they do. They promote the version, they promote anti-evolution and like thinking and promote the idea that we were all placed on this earth, biblically speaking, by God literally alongside the dinosaurs only a couple thousand years ago.

And it's also known for having the same company, the same like museum also has the Ark and it is a giant, a fucking huge Ark, like Noah's Ark that you can go on that has... It's a replica quote. Yeah and it is fucking massive and you can go on it and learn about Noah and Noah's Ark and stuff. We have not been so expensive. It was created after we were no longer in Catholic school and it is now too expensive for me to want to spend my money on that experience. Although I will give our school a little credit I feel like they would have been like that's a little too much for us. I think so.

We at least learned biology. We did learn biology and I believe we did learn evolution at school. So I do not, you're probably right that that would not have, I mean, maybe one or two teachers would have advocated for it, but I don't think it would have passed to like all the parental approvals. This feels like a place where if you were going here on a field trip, it would be more of like a homeschool Christian field trip type thing. You know? Like it just feels like a thing. Yeah. It feels like too niche for just a regular school. But it's extremely popular. Like that's the thing though.

That's what's shocking is like people, a friend of mine said growing up that his family, because his family's religious, they would travel from Pennsylvania. No way. Or New York at the time. I actually don't know. Are you serious? Yeah, and they travel as a family to go see it. Like that's that people from all over the country

and potentially the world, I don't know, go to this. Tell them that Paducah has a winery and a Chuck E. Cheese. Like you don't need to go to the Creation Museum. There's other stuff in Kentucky. You're right about the Chuck E. Cheese. That would be more fun. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna finish this review. Beautiful exhibits and great scientific evidence to support what they say, giving meaning. I do wish, however, that the effort put forth in the Genesis portion of the exhibit would have also gone into the New Testament section. Its animatronics, statues,

and detail up until the New Testament then turns into pictures on the wall and stuff to read. Almost looks like they just hurried up and finished the museum so they could move on. I would have liked to see animatronics of Jesus preaching or walk past Peter in his boat loading up fish. I felt a little unfulfilled when we left End of Review. Unfulfilled? Oh my lord. That's like the worst thing that anyone should be feeling. You know, you don't want to... That's the whole point. You're supposed to be feeling fulfilled by the end of this spiritually.

You're supposed to feel validated in your incorrect experience. Yeah. I mean, wow. I love the idea that they have scientific proof. That was some... That's a little gem in there, you know, like in this one that they managed to throw that in there. I'd be very curious what it is. I cannot believe there are animatronics at this thing.

Oh yeah, I've seen video and they're fucking freaky. Like these, I'm sorry, like I'm not, I am maybe a little biased. Is there an animatronic Jesus or is that like a blasphemous? No, there's like a Noah. There's a Noah, think or Moses or something They're like multiple people like biblical characters That they have animatronic versions of But not Peter but not Peter not Peter, you know, that's that's kind of a shame. Oh, yeah, here's an animatronic of a woman

Kneeling beside a velociraptor Oh, yeah. Yeah. They have dinosaurs. They have a lot of dinosaur stuff. No, yeah, I know they have dinosaurs, but I will say why is she just like, I guess I understand- Because they live, humans and dinosaurs coexisted according to them.

Side by side, I understand, but I mean, I don't think that means that dinosaur, that velociraptors were friends or pets. Like, I mean, this lady's just like sitting next to it and eating a carrot and a velociraptor. It's like you don't just sit next to- Sounds like someone hasn't checked the scientific evidence. That's what I'm hearing from you.

I guess so, but I thought like at least living side by side didn't mean like, oh, we were pals. Like they were still dinosaurs. Okay, I guess, wow. I guess even I'm surprised now by this. Yeah, you know what's crazy is imagine going there and like seeing what else there is. Oh, there's an animatronic of-

Like there's probably so much great stuff to see. Of St. Joseph carpenter, famous carpenter, a famous carpenter fame. So this is kind of wild. I mean, wow, I don't want to look at it anymore. So I'm going to close the window. Well, I've got one more. Oh, I want to give quick shout out, anymore. So I'm going to close the window. Okay. Well, I've got one more.

Yeah. Quick shout out, sorry. Purple Toad Winery is the winery I love in Paducah and I meant to mention that and I forgot. Got it. Okay. Yeah, they're great. On your way to the Creation Museum.

Yeah, they have nothing to do with any of the animatronics. As far as I know, there are no animatronics. Right in between my Creation Museum reviews about animatronics, you're like, oh, by the way, now they get their shout out. Well well I mentioned Paducah and I was like Paducah oh right they have a great one they mailed me stuff so they're sponsored basically I will tell you to drink wine their wine every single day ten times a day just because they're a sponsor and I don't care got it your. Yeah, you know, that makes sense. I'm an influencer. Okay. Okay, so here we go.

I have one more five-star review. This is also from Abby of the Creation Museum. That's a nice positive note to end on. Okay. Here we go. Must see, must fee, must see. The Creation Museum is a place museum that is a must see. Museum almost fails to fully describe this attraction.

It could also be called a theme park. It is in Kentucky near the Cincinnati International Airport where Kentucky, Ohio, and Indiana intersect. There were license plates in the parking lot from many states. A testimony of the reputation this place commands. We stayed in Hebron and found it was quite convenient. I'm sorry, fucking Hebron. I have memories of Hebron. On my way to Los Angeles, the city of lights.

Hebron was my first stop. Hebron was weirdly so progressive because they got roundabouts in their town. Like, I don't know, we were in high school or something. Yeah, and I remember it and they like made it their thing. They had shirts that were like Hebron, but the O was a roundabout. Like it was a whole thing.

Yeah, they had an upside down cross in the O too. It was like, I think it was like a satanic worship thing. Oh, it was a whole thing. You're right, you're right. But yeah, I have memories of Hebron. Wow, Hebron's making a big name for itself. I know it for like a friend who lived there, I used to of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of flew in from Dallas, Fort Worth and planned, looking forward to this museum for two years, to do two full days. We did just barely have time for dinner on the Indiana side of the Ohio River and a dinner

on the Cincinnati side, so we did visit all three states. The main thing to note is that even planning for two days we were challenged to see all we wanted to. There was a steady stream of lectures, shows, and the exhibits themselves. The animatronic dinosaurs were absolutely impressive, and I have to admit that I found myself listening to the animatronic Noah as if he were really talking to me, which was a very cool memory. The planetarium show was impressive.

That person's going to be inside a senior home one day and be like, well, now I talk to Noah on the Ark and the grandkids are gonna be like, okay, grandpa, like whatever you say. You're so right though, yes. It's like, it's a real memory for him, but not really. The Planetarium show was impressive. Meeting Ken Ham in person was terrific and the other speakers too.

The zip line is mildly interesting and the garden was lovely, but the petting zoo was what grabbed us the most outside the museum. End of review. What the fuck is this place? I know, I love this review because it was just everything you read you're like what? There's a fucking zip?

Where does it go? I don't know. To the petting zoo? Maybe. Is it dinosaurs in the petting zoo? What's happening? I feel like they're feeding velociraptaptor's carrots over here, and they're like, wow, this is amazingly real.

And I'm like, that's not how this works. That's not how the world works. Oh, my head. Julio, I know you had a headache earlier, but now I have one. Yeah, I mean, when you get into anything creationism, museum related, I mean by the way Ken Ham is the creator of this museum and is a Ultimate creation he's a CEO of answers in Genesis And they operate the creation museum and the Ark encounter and a fun fact as it's not fun at all. It's actually quite terrible

as a condition for employment at the Ark encounter, they require workers to sign a statement that they view homosexuality as a sin. And very very popular thing is the taking back the rainbow thing. So when you see videos of it, there are like a lot of rainbows there because they're trying to quote unquote take it back. So ridiculous. Anyway, so just an awful, awful place. I call it a they bar. They don't like that, but I call it a they bar. Also, just so you guys know, fun fact also, Ken Ham did a debate in 2014 with Bill Nye, the science guy. Oh dear. You don't remember this? I don't remember. It was like, vaguely. It was a huge deal. I don't remember.

I remember Tim, our stepdad watched it and I was like, I don't think I can bring myself to watch this. But yeah, so Bill Nye basically debated Ken Ham live and you can watch it on YouTube. Obviously Bill Nye won, but like people claim, it's like any debate, right? Like people are gonna take sides. That's one of those things where you debate it. It's like, how is this gonna- Destroyed Ken Han.

Like there was like no doubt if you have any semblance of like understanding of the real world. But yeah, I would say, I would say the resounding answer was Bill Nye obviously fucking won the debate, but wowza, it was quite... The fact that it was a debate at all. The fact that it was a debate is just insane. I don't know, this is kind of wild.

Anyway, so yeah, that's how I'm ending this episode. Do you know how much that fucking Noah's Ark cost? It's expensive, I'm telling you. I've looked this up like once a month because I can never remember, but it's always like so expensive. $73 million just to start construction. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. But it's weird. Like you look at it, it's fucking huge. It's huge. I don't think I realized that because I just thought it was like a fake boat. But okay.

It's one of those weird things that like, and I've said this before, one day I wish I could go and see it just because of how fucking absurd it is. Okay, but imagine- But I wanna support them zero amount, negative amount. Negative amount. Imagine though, like- It's not worth it.

During the apocalypse, that's where we'll go. We'll take like a, we'll do like a- Oh, I love it. A caravan down there and we'll take over the Ark. Oh, I love it. Wouldn't that be fun? Like hopefully even, hopefully before the, hopefully they go out of business

and it's a sit in there bandit and urban explorers get, go there and have all these YouTube videos of them exploring it. That is my goal. That's my dream. I write 666 on all the walls. Yeah. I drink a monster energy drink. I talk to God.

Oh, it's going to be so fun. And I'll be sitting watching the YouTube videos of you doing all that, uh, from my couch, I'll be debating Bill Nye from inside this, but I won't be. I'll just have drink six energy drinks and I will think I'm debating Bill Nye. And I'll just be out of my mind. You'll be talking to a velociraptor and you're holding a carrot as a microphone. You're just like, I feel like actually I'm starting to come around on this. I think I say that every time we discuss. I know, I feel like actually I'm starting to come around on this place. I think I say that every time we discuss this fucking building. Oh boy, I know, I know.

Because it's such an absurd thing. Oh, it's absurd. It is truly, I would say evil. Talk about work of the devil in this fucking place. It's evil, this shit. I would agree. I would absolutely agree. Anyway, on that note, evil, hey look, our evil drink episode ended on some real evil.

Look at that. It's like a capper, a capper on an evil episode and honestly beautiful stuff yeah yeah good job oh man that was fun okay uh everybody thanks for thanks for hanging out business meeting in a half hour so i'm sure we're gonna bring some good energy to that this energy is great for it i'll go have another energy drink and it's about all our youtube content and stuff. We're gonna be adding YouTube stuff, youtube.com, Beach Too Sandy, something, something.

And yeah, then not the next couple episodes, but soon we'll be starting our video episodes on Patreon. May 22nd, so get in there if you wanna watch us on video and beachtoo sandy.com slash tour for our tickets. We're going all across the country, 12 shows, shows or tickets are selling, go buy them. Can't wait to see you. We're trying to fund our own Anti-Ark.

So we're trying to raise $73 million. Yeah, $73 million. So we're selling tickets for like 200,000 each. Yeah, it's like honestly, if you quit your monster energy habit, you're three a day, you might be able to support, for just three monster energies a day, you can support our new anti-arc. Yeah. And our final show will be at the Hard Rock in Vegas at six in the morning.

Watch for C2, a flip. So can't wait to see you there. Hopefully into the water. People would pay millions for that. Okay. Anyway, thanks everyone. Bye-bye. Bye, anyway, thanks everyone. Bye.

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production, hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer. Edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Zilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bowham.