Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 293: Reviews of Dog Groomers

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

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Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. ["Spring Day"] Hey Zandi, do you sometimes wish we were separated at birth? I fear for whatever the reunion would look like when we eventually are reunited on that

23andMe TV show. Wouldn't that be great though? No. No. Oh, for what? Sorry, for what? Oh, for content. Content. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. Like if we hmm, what would we be doing with the content? I guess we'd both be podcasters.

How embarrassing for both our parents. That would be very embarrassing. Wow. Yeah, that's rough. We disappoint two families instead of just one. Can you imagine two sets of parents? And honestly, also that would involve that wouldn't that would mean we were both destined to become podcast and it's in our genes I mean, we both are white so I guess Was a white thing for a while you are on to something there Anyway, hello everyone. Welcome to an episode on dog groomers

By Kirstie or Kirsty. I'm not totally 100% sure. I'm gonna say Kirstie. And I have a challenge today. It was sent in by Lauren and it's to find reviews where the reviewer says whatever the product or place is, is not for the faint of heart. I, I, I, that, that could go like multiple ways. Either it's like an actually terrible traumatic experience or the most basic experience. Or just like a sour skittle.

Like I swear, the like range was from, oh, this candy's not for the faint of heart to like, hey, I almost experienced a real life, near death experience. And... Like those food challenges that restaurants have where you have to eat a 48 ounce steak in two minutes. Or yeah, you were in a hot air balloon and literally anything happened.

That is not for the faint of heart. You got on the hot air balloon at all. You went anywhere near it. Two feet off the ground. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you all have bought your tickets yet for the live shows, but if this helps incentivize you at all, I have been doing a fun bit.

I say fun bit and then I side eyes Andy to check if he's confirming or denying. I don't know because you keep saying whenever we're on stage, you're like, oh, I have this bit. And I'm like, Christina, which one? You're like, oh I have this bit and I'm like Christina which one You you're like I'm doing this new thing You can't say it's a bit if you've never done it before and then you look at me as if I know what you're gonna talk About now too. I don't know Costco one. Yeah, there's a Costco

It's not the one where I look up local hot air balloon companies, I didn't even know that was a bit Oh, well, that's because the last show we did we said bye and then I said wait I have one more review. I forgot to read my hot air balloon review. This was in Atlanta. And it was epic. So if anyone is incentivized by that, if that's what you were waiting for, like you were holding out on buying a ticket until I announced one of my many cool bits that I do on stage. That there was enough, they needed enough hot air balloon representation in order to That's right, the content has to be there and I'm going to bring it so if that helps you at all.

But Zandi, I wanted to add also, I brought fewer reviews than normal today because my challenge has so many so I thought maybe you should go first today. Okay, sure. Let me read a review that was sent in by Matt and Jen. This is of Claussen Paws Pet Grooming, LLC. This is, where the heck is this? Wait, what is it? Claussen Paws.

So like claws and paws? Claussen, it says Claussen. I know it's probably like a play on their name. Maybe. Claussen Paws. Yeah, I guess so. I like that. You're right. Well, you didn't even get it. I wouldn't pronounce it that way. a play on their name. Maybe. Clawson Paws. Yeah, I guess so. I like that. You're right.

Well, you didn't even get it, so. I wouldn't pronounce it that way. I didn't until now. Thank you for enlightening me, your advanced brain. One Star Review. Left my fur baby on time for complete grooming. Came back two hours later to hear her crying and barking, and they still hadn't done anything.

I decided to trust them to say she's next and all they did was give her a cut that looked like a weedwhacker was used. That is all they did and still charged me. I think they took advantage of me being a male owner that didn't want to cause a scene and insist on giving my fur baby back after being left in there for over four hours. Yes, I was intimidated by the all-female staff being a male owner of a Yorkie and let them do whatever they wanted. I can only say it will never happen again. End of review.

What? This is the fur, I think this is a review first. I thought that's when I read this, I thought this is a novel concept here for reviewers for a male reviewer to to insist he's intimidated by a female staff I mean that's wild and that they're taking advantage of him as a yeah yeah it's about time we talk about this. And what we don't read on the podcast are the hundreds of reviews, thousands probably by this point, that are women saying that they're uncomfortable by men because those are their normal reality.

Because that's not interesting or different. Yeah, that is just them relaying real life to, yeah, anyway, and warning other people.. I'm like boring, we've all experienced this. Boom, move on, this is life. Not the funniest situation and this one not that being uncomfortable is funny but I was shocked at the idea that him being a male Yorkie owner was such a Yeah, I gotta say this seems like a deeper like I don't think anybody I mean maybe I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem like anybody at the store like shamed him for that It seems like he kind of went in with this already preconceived notion of himself like this victimhood of being

Yorkie and it's like okay, you're already leaning in far enough to say fur baby Like you might as well just own it go I don't know it's just like that's more of a millennial thing that's probably true I feel like any dog groomer should ask on it like a check like a yes or no on the clipboard like do you use the term fur baby and if the answer is yes they have to be so so careful aren't allowed oh they're either not allowed or they have to be just like so conscientious about how they cut the hair of the dog because they're gonna really the owner is gonna be concerned one way or another and be very typically

very astute about how the hair is cut I've learned that just from doing these reviews anybody who calls their dog a fur baby has high standards for their hair yes yeah but I I would agree with that. Great. Well, I have a good one here. This is from Sean, who wrote Guten tag zantien, which is a new combo of our name. It sounds a little bit like to Elron Hubbard for me. Oh, yeah. I did not get that. But now that you said it, sure. I remember when we found that copy of Dianetics in that Protestant church. Protestant church, that was so odd.

We found a lot of copies. And then we, of course, made it about it being some sort of conspiracy theory. Well, I still- It still might have been. I still stand by that. It's way more fun that way. And in Cincinnati, of all places.

You know, what was interesting, especially because- We were there for an art show. I don't know what was going on. Weird. But we, we, we went, once we went to LA, we were like, oh, Scientology is everywhere here. And I, I don't see it too much in New York, but it's definitely more common here than Cincinnati. Anyway. It's just big cities. I actually, this is not a joke. I genuinely recently was thinking about doing a new bit on stage where I read reviews of local Scientology churches just to see if there's any because Costco I will say that bit has lasted for several shows

So that I can confidently say now is a bit and I look at Alexander just for confirmation Yes, that's the one I brought up because I feel like that's the only one that counts It's a real bit and that one is very entertaining to see. And Ikea too. Like you just see different, like Denver Ikea people are so different from say like Atlanta Ikea people. I don't know why. I don't know how, but it's the most, it's the damnedest thing.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it is. I don't even know why I'm saying all this. So I have this review, it's of a place called Adorable Dog. And it is located in Tri, oh god, Tri-Chasque, Chaska, Minnesota. Oh, Pioneer Trail, Chaska, Minnesota. Okay, this is a one-star review, and this is a two-parter,

which is also why I had you go first, because two of mine are combined. So this first one is by Karen. That's not even her name, I just, I really just felt like it fit. So let's do it. If I could give zero, that's what this place would get. I brought our four month old Shorky there for her first cut. I was very specific

with what I told the owner about how I wanted her groomed. She obviously has a hearing impairment, maybe selective hearing, I'm not sure. She assured me she knew what I meant. She said she had a Shorky too. Upon my arrival, with a six-pound puppy, we were greeted with at least three huge dogs that weighed at least 70 pounds each, one of which was barking continuously and was very loud and intimidating. I asked if that dog would be here during my pup's grooming, so they put the dog in the bathroom and shut the door. I'm not sure who owned that dog, but I'd be pissed if they locked my dog in the bathroom. I wasn't in their computer showing we had an appointment and while I fell out of form I debated about leaving our puppy there. I should have went with my

instinct. They did call when she was done. When I got there I went right to the window to look for our dog. I didn't see her. I turned to the counter and they proceeded to hand me a dog that I didn't even recognize. I honestly thought they gave me someone else's dog. What I got was a basic poodle cut on a shorty. No. Her once beautiful coat is now about an inch long. It's choppy and uneven. The owner knew I was pissed. She said they gave her a puppy cut. I didn't ask for a puppy cut. I asked for less than a half inch off and trim the face So it looks like a teddy bear

She now looks like a butchered misfit So thanks for that if they didn't know how to groom her they should have said so never will I go back my daughter? Who was 14 cried when she saw her puppy? What the fuck everybody Everybody take a breath. Oh man. I, well. What's a Shorky? That's what I've been, I have been literally

this whole time while paying attention. Oh, Shitsu Yorky combo. There it is. That makes sense. Okay, that fits. Shorky, I was like. What small dog, that makes sense. Okay.

This is just, this is what I'm saying. The intensity of some of these reviewers where it's akin to drop kicking the dog out a window is what they're acting. If this were harmful to the dog in any way- Exactly. Like it's not even emotionally, this dog is not going to be embarrassed running around with this haircut.

And it's like horrible because you think they're starting, they look at them and start screaming and crying and the dog's like, what did I do? Like this poor dog is just getting a haircut. But like if somebody, if I got a bad haircut and I came home and like everybody started crying, like I would feel like shit, you know? No. That would be so funny.

I asked for a teddy bear cut around the face. What phrase, what did they use to describe their dog, their own wonderful pet at the end? Oh my god, that is the wildest. I wanna hear it again. A butchered misfit. A butchered misfit. A butchered misfit. I think mom said that to me once when I got a bowl cut.

I was gonna say, that sounds like something mother would say about us. No, she's the one who giving me the bowl cuts back in the day. Yeah, she would say it, she loves to say, haircuts are butchered. Butchered misfit feels like my new emo band name, you know, the butchered Misfits.

Opening for Korn, you know. Anyway. Okay, why are you just... I saw Korn's sticker. That was your choice? Yeah. Okay. Wow, was that the two, both parts of it, or is there another part? No, I have a response.

It's not a response from owner, it's a response from a different reviewer in a separate review. Oh my gosh. Okay. Yeah. This doesn't happen often. Um, so this is Sean sent both these in. So here is the response or here's a different review. That's, um, that kind of calls out Karen. And this is a review by Diana. It's four stars of adorable dog. It's four stars of Adorable Dog. So I read the review that Karen F. left and I felt compelled to review this groomer

since this is the only groomer I have found in the area that hasn't butchered my golden retriever. Okay, again, we need to stop with that word. That word is not- Butchered my golden retriever is an upsetting return of phrase. Like it's upsetting. At least throw the word hair or fur in there. my golden retriever is an upsetting return of grace. Like, it's upsetting. And I get a lot of emails of text from- At least throw the word hair or fur in there.

Yeah, like I get so many texts from the Humane Society, I don't need to be reading that phrase more often than necessary. Okay, this is the only place that hasn't butchered my golden retriever. I have been at places where she comes home with razor burn and bloody cuts all over from terrible hacks that claim to be licensed groomers as well as charge me an arm and a leg. At adorable, they did a good job and followed my

specifications to a T. I was very impressed when I picked her up and the price is reasonable. I will continue to go there without a doubt. Maybe they just had an off day, Karen F. And fur does grow back just saying end of response or other yes exactly that sums it all up most of these reviews it is hey normal places i go just slash my dog with big knives so what's the big deal this place actually cuts their hair um yeah and i that's what i kind of expected was a lot more upsetting reviews of, you know, places. But most of them were just these ones like that.

Wild reviews of, I get it if this owner, if their dog was the one locked in the bathroom and they found out and they're like, hey, I don't like that. I don't think that you should have locked my dog in a bathroom, was probably scared in there, blah, blah, blah. The way you treat the dog is separate from, I think, is separate from, oh, your taste in hairstyles is different. Yeah, so to bring that kind of level of energy

and anger towards them for a messed up haircut, just don't go back. Leave them a bad review, but don't fucking do that. It was way too much. Okay. Yeah, it's too much. I have another one here from Matt and Jen. This is of Wagon Tales Pet Salon.

And both of these have been in Michigan, by the way. This one in Goodrich. Is this another pun? Wagon Tales. Oh, oh, oh oh I thought you were saying wagon like Conestoga wagon. You've yeah no not I was not saying anything about a Conestoga wagon. I thought perhaps it was a mobile dog. Man why is that just on the ready to go. Conestoga wagon? Yeah why is that?, I've I promise you I have no answers for you Okay, zero idea just curious because it was you were very ready with that Some phrases are just ready to be spoken is some days I think there is there are a few vocabulary words that are just words of the day that I don't even know how they're gonna come

Out they're just gonna happen. No. Well, that was an impressive one I think feels like we're playing Oregon Trail or something That's that's what I was going for I figured here's a one-star review I Am an out-of-towner that desperately needed a quick groom these people act like they like dogs But when they don't realize you're in the building they talk mean to your dog She looked my dog right in the face and called him ugly She looked my dog right in the face and called him ugly before someone else realized I was there and cleared their throat loudly. As you can see, my dog is clearly not ugly. End of review. Also, that's not the point. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you that you would even say that?

Can I see the dog? I need to see the dog. Oh, okay. Let me send you a pic. Sorry, sorry. This is, it's one of those where I agree with this reviewer about the dog not being ugly. I'm not afraid to call your dog ugly. Ugly dogs have their own charm. Because what's wrong with an ugly dog? Nothing.

Everyone loves an ugly dog. Like what is considered quote unquote ugly, yeah. They have like ugly dog competitions every year. Yeah. Okay, that is the cutest dog. This dog is, yeah. I was ready to be like, what an ugly dog, but like I genuinely think this is a very adorable dog.

That's what I'm saying. I would call this dog ugly if I thought this dog was ugly. It's just a cute pup black Labrador or something. I am not afraid to call a dog ugly or cat or an strange thing to do like there are definitely ugly dogs as we just determined and there's nothing wrong with that but like why would you even call this one and why would you even announce it to anybody it just seems okay I mean it does seem silly I guess at work maybe like if you're grooming dogs

all day every day maybe that's just what you guys do like yeah rank the dogs on an ugly scale I don't know you gotta entertain the troops, you know But can you imagine how awkward that would be like I would be so embarrassed if I was the owner Which is like so backwards, but if you know, Geo ugly and I was just standing there I feel like I would go like sorry I know I wasn't supposed to hear that like I think I was panicked. Yeah, your reaction would be like, you did something wrong. Yeah. And then I would go home and be really self-conscious.

Is Geo just really ugly? And I just missed the mark. You are. You do need some. You good? What do I need? Nothing. No, you keep going.

I was going gonna reference something and I realized you had mentioned it in our ad recording we just did so it didn't make sense. Yes, yes, I do recall exactly where you're going with this. We did a Rocket Money ad and she had referenced these apps that she, like these wellness apps or something. And I was like, gonna reference that.

And I was like, oh wait, that wasn't in this episode. Yeah, you'll probably hear that in this episode, the Rocket Money ad, be sure to listen for the Easter eggs. Unless, and if you don't wanna listen, sign up for our Patreon where you get ad free listening. There's only two options and both of them require some sort of monetary gain for us.

Either way, give us money, please. This is how I make my living. No, it's so true. How is he going to groom his Shorkie if he doesn't get something for the month? You know? Okay. I have a review. This is from, oh shoot, Kirstie or Kirstie?

Kirstie. It has to be Kirstie, right? Don't say has to be. I'm staying out of this one. Okay, well, it's the girl. She is the one who submitted this theme. So from Kirstie, and it says, This one's a little different. You'll see why, Zandy. This is of Pampered Pets, South Croydon, UK. One star. This place left us utterly disappointed and feeling scammed. Because of the ratings here, my partner booked a cat wash for our cat,

expecting a professional and thorough grooming experience. However, our visit turned out to be a complete letdown. First of all, did you bring any cat reviews? I don't think so. I was very surprised. This is like the only one I encountered. And it's a doozy. Firstly, when we arrived at the salon,

we were informed that our cat was already clean enough and didn't require a wash. This was surprising and confusing since we had specifically booked a washing service. We assumed they would use alternative methods or dry cleaning to justify the 80 pound price tag. But sadly, that wasn't the case. Yes, you did hear that right everyone. They want to dry clean their cat. I just want to put that out there. What does that mean? Nothing. Like dry shampoo?

I guess. So they're saying that they got charged even though they didn't actually wash the cat. Didn't require a wash. So I feel like they're upset that they didn't do something like dry shampoo, but they still charge for a wash? Right.

And I get it, though. If I got a big, fluffy cat and someone said, now, we'll put this in a bathtub of water, I'd be like, I'd rather die. I don't think that's a good idea. You would die either way, then. Exactly. I'd rather just take the coward's way out

and not participate in washing this cat because I do not think that sorry cowards way out I did not mean to make it sound like so dramatic I meant like I would run away and then I realized this sounded much worse I didn't take it that way I figured you were just like afraid of this cat attacking you. So you just... I am, that's all I meant. We know you meant that. I didn't want anyone to think I'm being...

Okay. Jesus Christ. All right. Glad you brought attention to it. I was like, did that just come off so bad? No, I swear it didn't. But we appreciate that you are mindful of your phrasing. But from my perspective, it didn't, so no.

Okay, good, good, good. Yeah, so you're probably right. They brought her in for a bath. They were like, she's clean enough. She only needs a haircut. So then they didn't lower the price, which yes, I would be frustrated too. Okay, here we go.

The grooming session itself was far from satisfactory. Our cat's under chin area was left untouched, and it was evident that minimal effort was put into cleaning her. The trimming of her fur was nothing short of a disaster. The result was a bizarre and uneven shape that made our cat appear as though she had been groomed by a three-year-old. We have taken her to other groomers, and this has never happened. To add insult to injury, we were charged an outrageous £90 for this subpar grooming job.

Not only did we not receive the service we originally booked, but we were also overcharged for the inadequate work that was done. What frustrates us the most is the blatant dishonesty of charging more for doing less. We expected professional cat grooming, but received a rushed, incomplete, and poorly executed service. We feel like we were taken advantage of, and we will certainly not be returning, and will caution others to avoid this place at all costs. And now I have, so the photo that was included is hilarious because the reviewer took a picture of the cat

and then circled the fur that they're- The problem areas? The problem area and then put a giant question mark next to it. Hold on, let me send it to you. Like when you get a test or an essay back and your teacher has some notes- Oh, it's so embarrassing.

And then by the end is just putting question marks because they're like, huh? At the end in those big red question marks and you're like, I know, I know, I was bullshitting you. I'd have like a full paragraph with a bracket on the side, just a giant question mark. Yes. Oh.

Pfft. Pfft. Look, it does look pretty choppy. I don't know what's going on here. It's a little choppy. I do love the presentation of it. They basically circled the entire cat though. Yes they did, except the head.

It's not really the most helpful circle. Might as well have just put a question mark because it's basically the whole cat. Yeah, and I mean, it does kind of look like, I was like, what do you mean, a three year old? And then I looked at it and went, it does look like somebody chopped a Barbie's hair with scissors.

Yes, oh it does have that like. It looks like a three year old chopped a Barbie's hair with the scissors. Like it looks like a three year old chopped a Barbie's hair. Oh wow, whoops, whoops. So that's rough, but it's too bad. I just, Kirstie Elsa said, has Juniper ever been dry cleaned? And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, what is that?

Dry cleaning a cat? He would end my life quickly and swiftly. It would be, I would not be allowed to exist anymore if I tried that. Yeah. Scary. Okay, here is my next one. This was sent in by Brad who says,

recently I bought some shoes for my drug dealer. I'm still trying to figure out what they were laced with. Oh my, Brad, are you like my science teacher? What's happening? Yeah, putting big question marks next to your next to your work. Here is a review of a place called all about pause in pond array, Idaho. Here's a one-star review. I was treated badly today by the red-headed woman who runs this facility. My son and I were washing our German Shepherd when I noticed I was standing inside a dog hair cloud.

A woman in the booth next to mine was using a hair dryer as one would a leaf blower, and instead of brushing her dog, she blew the hair from her dog into my space. I was covered with hair and backed away from my dog in the tub trying to avoid the hair cloud. I asked her politely to please stop blowing the hair all over me. The woman replied that she had to do it and continued. I told her to stop it.

She brought- I have to, I have to do it. I'm just gonna hold this right at you. It's what needs to be done. Sorry, the redheaded woman manger to my space and then asked me to leave. I complained about what was happening. She told me there was nothing wrong with the woman blowing her hair all over me. Imagine that you just mowed your lawn. Your neighbor used their leaf blower and blew all of their leaves under your freshly mowed grass. You complained and they replied that they have a right to do this. There is something very wrong with these people. Were these women friends? Why would a business owner take sides in such a clear mistreatment

of me? Or is it as simple as these two women are misandrists? Did I even say that right? Whoa! Misandrists? I guess. I never said that out loud. What a fucking word, right? I know, right?

A person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against men. You know. No wonder I've never said that out loud. Like, why would we ever- I know. Misandry? I feel like. Misand interest miss Andri miss Andri miss Andrist Anyway, they hate men. Apparently this is this is the beer I'm realizing how much of a theme I have between a couple of my reviews

I didn't even realize this was a male reviewer until this moment. Oh, yes And now they're man. These women are man haters. Sure. Yeah, yeah here we go. Now you Against understanding. Sorry, yeah. Now they're man-haters. These women are man-haters, sure, okay. Normal like male name. Yeah, here we go. Now you get it. They're racist against men. Yeah, I get it. I don't know, but I will steer clear of this establishment and encourage others to do so as well.

Something is very troubling at this business. Furthermore, the red-headed woman manager is a liar. Her position of the situation is a lie. Notice that each time someone complains it's always the customers fault. Are you getting the picture about this business? End of review. And they said that in response to this response from the owner. Ready? From the Missandris. Yes. Here we go. Hello Bill. I'm sorry you feel you were mistreated.

I was not choosing sides nor was I trying to make this situation any more tense than it already was. However, I do hate men so you were correct on that. I was called into the self wash from another room from where I could hear you yelling at the lady who at this time had stopped blow drying her dog as you asked. I do understand you were upset about dog hair getting blown on you from her corgi, but to yell at her multiple times, even after she stopped drying the dog, you continued to treat her poorly.

You told her you were going to go rip the dryer down so she couldn't use it and that she was so rude of a human, etc. As I was entering the self wash, you were gathering your things to leave, then took your jacket and were shaking it over the gate Of the stall she was in and continued yelling at her So I asked you to leave you had finished your dog's bath and paid Beforehand so there's no reason you couldn't leave at this time other than you wanted to continue to yell at her Which might I add who wasn't engaging with you just waiting for you to leave while her dog sat wet in the tub.

You then turned to me and started yelling that I have customer preference and sir that is far from true. She was a new client and as much as I understand both sides of this issue you two were having the way you handled it was far from okay. Your German Shepherd was then hitting the gate trying to get her corgi so I repeated repeated multiple times, you can leave now. You left the store then returned to yell that she needs to contain her hair, which is impossible as the stalls only have pony walls. So the hair blows and then you kept yelling,

Yelp will hear about this. Again, I'm sorry that this matter wasn't handled in the way you felt it should have been, but the situation that you were causing by continuing to yell at the lady was unacceptable. End of response. Do people like need more puzzles or coloring books? Like, why is this guy, like he went, the fact that he went in, first of all, the fact that he started yelling, eh, not great.

The fact that this person stops blowing a hair clasp, a tumbleweed toward you, okay, you're still screaming, not cool, then you go and you dump your dog's hair or whatever into her. Presumably that was the dog, the hair that was dumped. Oh, I see. That was, okay, you're making a point here. Then you leave, then you come back and keep shouting, then you go home and you're making a point here, then you leave. Then you come back and keep shouting, then you go home.

And you're still angry and you go and yelp. It just seems like, I mean, I know we've been doing this for years, but sometimes I'm like, whoa, learn about Lego. I don't know, like do something that brings you joy besides this, it just feels so. There's a good balance between who you and who we are and who this person is.

We would just allow the hair to settle. I would breathe it all in, I'd let it get all over me, and I wouldn't say a word. I would become the corgi. Yeah. Yes. I would tip like 40% and then I would feel resentful for the rest of my life, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

And then. So I'm not saying I handle it right. Yeah, but there's a lot in between that. There's a spectrum. And yelling at people. There's a gray area. I feel like you rarely have to yell, especially if you're the one starting the yelling.

And like I understand yelling. You rarely have to do it. If the blow dryer is so fucking loud. True, true. Okay, fine. But once it's off, like, shut up. Stop screaming. And just say, could you please stop doing that?

And if she doesn't, then you get the manager. That's the thing is, who tattled first? And also the manager heard you screaming from another room. The manger. The manger. Yeah, if somebody, if I owned a small business and I heard someone shouting in the other room I feel like especially a man. I'd be like

Okay closing up. I'm going out the back door somebody else figure this out a man with a German Shepherd Oh yelling at a woman who with a corgi who is not engaging and Also threatening to rip down a hairdryer that from the You know? Oh, and the German Shepherd was trying to eat the whole thing. Yeah. Look. There's a lot going on there that, yeah, of course I'd want. And also, even this owner is like, you were done, sir.

Just get the fuck out. Like, you were done. It was fine. So dramatic. Anyway. So there are a lot of times where I sign up for some sort of subscription that is going to help me fix my problems, whatever they may be in that moment. And then inevitably they don't because my problems are so much bigger than I really tell myself. And so I end up with these subscriptions stuck every month.

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We are so excited to announce we are going on tour this summer so you can come see us live as we read one star reviews of places in your town. Two of our shows are already sold out. Seattle and Portland, thank you. We got 10 more shows after that and we're going all across the country. So we can't wait to see you all.

Go to beachtucandy.com to see where we are headed and go get your tickets! Okay well I have one left this is a three-star view it was sent in by Ellie She Her and it's of a place called Doggie Avenue. And this is by Arena. It's a three star, so let's go with negative. This is the only place that I've brought my dog in for grooming during the past two years and compared to the other places I've tried, this place rocked. I always got an appointment when I called, usually the day before.

They'd always have her out in two to three hours and topped off with cute little bows that everyone adored. However, the last two times were a bit of a disappointment. First bad sign. When I went to pick up my dog, she couldn't wait to get out of there, like she had to get away, which was strange, but I just figured she was ready to go home. And the last time I brought my dog in, it took all day. Appointment at 10am and at 3pm, she hadn't even been started on.

Huh? So basically they forgot about her, no bueno. The excuse was that they were busy because of a holiday weekend, but it's kinda hard to believe that all the other dogs that came after her were able to get groomed and somehow mine just hadn't been done yet. Finally, 30 minutes before closing, she was ready. I'd be more likely to return if I'd been told that she was overlooked and not that they were busy I mean, I understand mistakes happen could have got five stars from me But lying is a huge pet peeve of mine end of review and now there's a response from owner Yeah, this is by Paulo

It really makes me sad that when you think that you have a good relationship with a customer that is more like a friend, and you really care for her dog, and the first thing does not go the way she wants, and she goes online and shoots you right in the back. We do not- Who do you think this is about? What?

Who do you think this is about? Just kidding. What the, this is so, that was dramatic. It makes it extra weird, because Arena's This is so, that was dramatic. It makes it extra weird, cause Irina's photo is like lips, but they're very sensual and hot pink and glossy. This is the original reviewer's photo? Yeah, yeah.

And so then the response by the man who owns this business is like, what happened to us Irina? I thought those lips would kiss me, not seal my fate with the whisper to this Roman soldier. Wait, Judas. Nevermind. Oh my God, you lost me.

Okay. She shoots you right in the back. We do not need to lie to you or anybody else. We had a crazy day and we do not rush grooming because that is when mistakes happen about you not coming back needles to say Good luck finding people who love animals like we do and by the way the haircuts out there can be very very ugly We wish you and your baby the best end of response

We wish you and your ugly dog the best. Goodbye. Well, trust us. We know how bad these haircuts can get. Yeah, we learned. We've learned how angry they make people. Hopefully, those lips don't find out. Oh, God forbid. Oh my God.

The haircuts out there can be. It's true. Very, very ugly. OK. haircuts out there. It's true. Very, very ugly. Okay, here is a review send in by Annika. She they and this is of lucky dog salon. Okay, this is a one star review. And this place is located outside Boise, Idaho. Outside Boise, Idaho.

Don't not go to this business. He quoted my daughter a price, and when she went to pick up her dog, the price went from $60 to $140. When she tried to talk to him about why the price changed, he pulled a gun and chambered around in it. Stay away! End of review. Holy shit, wait, he's sorry. He chambered around in it, stay away. What? And review. Holy shit, wait, he's sorry,

he chambered around in it and what? Stay away. What the fuck? There was a period and then it said stay away. Yeah, I mean you don't need to tell me twice. I don't know how true this is, but. I mean, here's the thing about it though, which I feel like maybe this is a cheat code

for people who like to lie, but if even a little part of it is true, I feel like maybe this is a cheat code for people who like to lie, but if even a little part of it is true, I feel like it's very bad. So like even if any of the gun part is true, even if he didn't chamber around, like all of that is bad. Well, agreed. Yeah, I just.

I figured that the whole gun thing wouldn't be true, but you would hope. I know, but I'm like maybe, even if he had his hand on a gun in his holster. You on a gun and never know any of it is bad, even if they're exaggerating. It's like yikes. Yeah. Here, but and then I have one more. And don't worry, it's a positive. This was actually sent in by kale, they them from July 2022. Oh, so it's a classic classic five stars. And no idea where this is. I could not figure out where this was.

Okay. The groomer told me that our dog was the most beautiful dog they had ever seen. I would imagine that she has seen quite a few dogs. So that's a pretty meaningful compliment. I also very certainly know that they are not lying because I asked them who the previous most beautiful dog they have ever seen was, now the second most beautiful dog, and they answered without hesitation. I could even tell that our dog had a bit of an ego after leaving with her nail

trim which definitely was due to this compliment. 10 out of 10, bring your ugly pets on down. End of review. Oh my god. This is next level. This, talk about projecting. I love it. She felt really smug after this appointment. It's like, did she, did the dog feel really smug and like, full of herself after this?

That's weird and very confident. At least it's a positive, you know? At least it's a positive emotion to put onto your dog. Yeah, do you think that the pet salon even knew what they were doing when they said that? I feel like if they had known, she would take this and like, I mean, I guess the five star is helpful, but to start asking who's the runner up.

Yeah, that was... What? Like who's second place? Like you're in first, don't worry about second place. I feel like they're gonna go in every day now and be like, are we still number one? They just refreshed the reviews. And so now this place probably knows, and that's why I was kind of bummed

I couldn't find the reviews. I wanted to see another, if there was another review that mentioned them saying that. Yeah, if that's like just a thing they do. Because now they gotta be careful. They have to be so careful. After that review, they gotta be careful. But I guess. Imagine a Facebook fight

that could start out of this. What if the dog they had just said was second was the one that had like just left. And so the next person comes in and they're like, oh, it's just a beautiful dog. The dog that just left. It's always the one. Gosh, like what if somebody takes us too far to heart and they're like, OK, I'm signing up for Westminster Kennel Club. Here we come. And it's like, no, no.

Thousands of dollars later. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't mean that pretty. And then they have to find out the dog is ugly. Yeah. You have I didn't mean that pretty The dog is ugly Yeah, you have to find out the hard way that they were just lying to make you feel better And what if one person has two dogs that they bring in? Oh Then talk about having a complex in that sibling dynamic Oh, it's kind of like ours. Yeah, I mean I was told how beautiful I am my whole life I know and I have to shit. I wanted to get to that first fine

I'll be that's why I got to it first Always so fucking smug Alexander walks into groomers all the time just for them to tell him how beautiful he is and it's like so annoying Anyway, I'm gonna read is is it time for my challenge? It is. Okay, I'm excited for this. This is from Lauren and it was to find reviews where the reviewer says it's not for the faint of heart.

And like we briefly discussed, this brought quite an array of reviews, so we're all over the fucking place. This is a review of Noah's Ark Water Park in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. Wow. I know, I had no idea such a thing existed. I kind of want to go back to when I didn't know.

Yeah, can we talk about how it's going to be not for the faint of heart, which makes me laugh so much. Wait, Drew. Uh-oh, it's probably one of those funnel rides. Oh no, oh no. Or animatronics. Yeah, you know what? I think for animatronics, we would say

it's not for the faint of heart, but most people would apparently love them because that's what we've learned on this show. Four stars. Noah's Ark was right off the main strip. Oh my God, wait, hold on. Right off the main strip of, let's see. Of the Wisconsin Dells.

That's like a big tourist destination. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Damn, I was about to make so much fun of this reviewer. OK. And I was going to get put in the dog house by Wisconsin. I'm sorry. Noah's Ark was right off the main strip,

easy to access parking lot, good variety of food. However, this place is huge. We were only able to get to half of the park because the other activities were so far away that we were too tired from doing all the slides and rides by the entrance. You almost need a two-day pass to get through it all. Highly recommend going on a weekday because places look packed on the weekend. Weekday the lines were a little long but mostly worth the wait or went fairly quickly. I only gave it 4 stars though because there were lots of bees.

And I mean, lots of bees. They were everywhere. And there wasn't an easy way to get from one side of the park to the other, so it was hard to get to everything on the backside. Overall, a great experience and we will be back. But the Rajah Ride, it was awesome. And you definitely get airtime,

but it is not for the faint of heart. End of review. Uh-uh, I'm not, air time on a water? Air time? Uh-uh. In a place like Noah's Ark where you know their primary goal is not like, the most, I mean, I don't know that this is the case,

but I guess that their primary motivation is not like, the most advanced and technologically sound rides. Like, you know when you have a carnival or something and you're like, did they just like drag these out of storage? Did they test these before a bunch of children were in them? Or maybe that's just me. But I feel like a place where it's called Noah's Ark and it's a focus on children learning about God

and there's a ride that gives you air time. This one's, I just looked it up. Have you looked it up? No, I'm doing it right now actually. It's like a scary snake. Huh? I am shocked by this. Oh, it's like supposed to be the devil one.

No, I don't know. This is a water park. What? It's a Jesus water park and they have a giant, oh wow. Oh, oh, it's a water slide, obviously. Okay. Yeah. I'm seeing. Oh, that looks really fun. I mean, it does look fun.

It looks like a blast. Why the Noah's Man? That's so strange. I'm very curious where. And also, I'm wrong. This looks like a brand new Spank and Ride. This looks like a legit water park. It looks like a really, like, and we went to the beach water

park, which was like not a very, it was a legit water park, but like not like even this, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would agree with that. Yeah, what is this place? So I'm not too familiar, but I'm not familiar at all, really, with Wisconsin. I just know it as a tourist destination.

I mean, listen to this. Best outdoor water park 2024 Newsweek Reader's Choice. Wow. I mean, I, I, this, this, this is something else. But yeah, this looks like lots of fun. It looks so fun. This whole place looks fun. Does not look like for the faint heart.

I'm very curious where the godliness comes, you know, just well It's weird because also they own sea life Sea life sea life park. That's the one that is connected to Sea World. It's like Sea World, but it's there. It's there I'm pretty sure you were I don't know cuz Sea World is not listed on there. Maybe they don't want to advertise that Oh, maybe I'm wrong then there are other parks in the group ready Kenny would is this about Kenny Chesney? I'm familiar. Yeah, Kenny would I've read reviews of that. Where is that in Virginia or something? Where's Kenny? No idea

What is it? Oh, that's in Pennsylvania. It's a it's a theme park. I know but like what's it about Kenny Chesney I was not joking. Oh Thinking of Dollywood. I have no idea what Kennywood is named after. Oh, it was, okay, Pittsburgh, okay, let's see. It was a tree-filled portion of a farm owned by Anthony Kenny, known as Kenny's Grove. And so they ended up making it Kennywood.

Okay, that makes me feel a little better. And then, let's see, we got Adventureland. That's different from Adventure Park. Okay, so, and Sea Life. So, you know, I mean, they're pretty legit, it seems. It looks like fun. I don't really wanna do the Noah's Ark part of it, but the rest of it looks nice.

Oh, there's a Sea Life, there's a Sea Life American dream in New Jersey. Okay, so that's probably how I know it. Anyway, I'm all over the place right now. I wanna go to Congo Bongo. Congo Bongo? Doesn't that sound fun? It's a family raft ride.

Oh, I love raft rides. Me too, 700 feet of twists and turns for the entire family to enjoy. Let's go there. Yeah. Okay, great. Next I have a review, oops, I just closed my, I literally went to close Kennywood and I closed my notes by mistake, so.

I could just read you the Kennywood description. All right, so this is the next one. This was sent in by Christine, she, her, and it's a four star review of the Paris catacombs Slightly different yeah, I feel like and they get that is Insane, but also not for the faint of heart for sure precisely that is like terrifying down And now I was making kind of fun at those poking fun at the first reviewer But I'm like no you're right not for the fucking faint of heart sounds like yeah, so far. I'm in agreement

I don't know what we're about to hear but do not go in the cat not that any of you were planning on it But don't go in there unless you're like on a tour guided tour because you get lost and people today to this day die Anyway, are you being serious? 100% people die in the pair look okay unless I'm mixing it up with something, I'm pretty sure- I mean, I believe you fully, I'm not doubting you at all. People have recently, like within the past some years,

died because they go down there to explore, like urban exploring, and you get so lost that you can't find your way out, and you die. Oh no, yeah, a guy, oh he died. Okay, only one death has officially been confirmed, it says. Yeah, and it's an old story that I actually know because he haunts it now. Okay, then maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm thinking of something else. No, well, a guy did die down there, but it wasn't because he was lost. He apparently had a stroke because he consumed narcotics during an underground party. So maybe it's an urban legend that I'm perpetuating. But I also don't love it. I don't love the idea that anyone would go down there

without a clue of what they're doing. So let's be careful no matter what, lest you run into an underground party full of narcotics and people having strokes. That sounds terrible. OK, four stars by Jenny. Not for the faint of heart. Not recommended if you suffer from being in enclosed spaces

for more than 15 minutes. Walking through here takes about- I could have told you that. I'm sorry. It's called the catacombs. It's literally- Hello? Yeah, of all places to be stuck,

I'd rather be stuck, I think, on an elevator than trapped in this place. This is like- Oh my God, yes. Of all confined spaces, this is not the one you want to get stuck in. Not recommended if you suffer from being in enclosed spaces for more than 15 minutes. Walking through here takes about 45 minutes to an hour.

That said, it was definitely a lesson in my own mortality. I had no idea you could create so many structures with human bones. I would liken it to a macabre underground topiary garden where Tim Burton is king Wear comfortable shoes and bring a sweater because it does tend to be a bit chilly end of review Not that I've been down there, but that seems like an apt description like a fun description Can you repeat it the Tim Burton? Of course? I'm I will I would be happy to I would liken it to a macabre underground Topiary garden where Tim Burton would be king. And I love the line, I had no idea you could create

so many structures with human bones. Ah, what the human body is capable of, remarkable. Fascinating. Also, I don't know if you've noticed the trend here, but both of these were positive reviews so far. True, okay, okay. Four stars. So like a little bit scary, but they were like,

but we had a good time. At least this was more of a, their beginning was more of a warning rather than a complaint, I suppose. Yes, exactly right. I feel like not for the faint of heart in general also implies like, we're good, but FYI.

Just a heads up. If you're claustrophobic Maybe stay home I have this fun one next this is of something called Zoologist perfume Have you heard of this what okay? Why would I have heard of this? Maybe I have her I've heard of some things so off the wall that I was like what maybe I have heard of some random things. No, because it's so off the wall that I was like, what am I looking at? I just texted you the link because it's worth taking

a quick peek at the website. Oh, it's a whole website. So it's not, I thought this was, what was that website we did, like we had since, since- Oh, Fragrantia. Oh, Fragrantia, yeah, yeah. Fragrantica. I thought this was a specific.

Oh, OK. So it is. Oh, is it the scent of these? Hmm. Camel. It's beaver. I'll be honest. A little bit unclear.

Chipmunk. Yeah, that that's why it's unclear. And by the way, this was sent in by Christine as well. But so I was a little unsure of what's happening. It says, at Zoologist Perfumes, our fascination with animals is boundless. Their habitats, behaviors, and looks, their similarities and differences with humans,

and even their smells, gave us a lot to ponder. So our line of perfumes captures the idiosyncrasies of the animal kingdom and transforms them into scents that are unusual, beautiful, fun, and even shocking. Okay, I don't know about that one. Shocking is a rough one. So they're trying to they're trying to get the essence of these animals into a scent. Into a smell. They're not literally like... because I feel like a essence of these animals into a scent. Into a smell. They're not literally like, because I feel like a lot of these animals smell like poop. Well, sure.

In real life. Well, I imagine these are very musky. Like, cockatiel. How could you do cockatiel without just a bunch of sawdust or whatever they make their little nests out of? That's fair. It looked like, I clicked on that one specifically and it seemed some fruits were involved.

Okay, okay. So it seemed to be a very fruity one. Which one would you pick? Cause they have Harvest Mouse, they have, oh my God, they have so many. That's what I was about to say. Oh, moth. There are so many.

There are some that make you realize, oh, this is not them actually capturing the scent of this animal. For example, Tyrannosaurus rex. Oh, I saw Dodo in there too. Dodo was another one, yes. But yes, Tyrannosaurus rex is top notes of bergamot, black pepper, fur, laurel leaf, neroli, nutmeg,

heart notes, champaca, geranium, jasmine, osmanthus, rose, ylang, ylang, ylang? Y-L-A-N-G. Yeah, ylang, ylang. Ylang, ylang. Base notes, resins, cade, cedar, civet. Listen. What, frankincense, but leather,

patchouli, sandalwood, vanilla, but on civet and leather, there's an asterisk that says, does not use animal products. They don't use any animal products, but I wanna also add, this is so cool, I want the moth one so bad, I wish it were not $175, because it looks so cool. It's like, it says rich gothic scent, and then it says, beneath it all lingers a smoky undertone

that serves as a constant reminder of the danger within the tantalizing flame. I mean, what? Holy fuck. I want the moth one so bad. I, you know what, which one is curious to me? Sacred scarab. Oh, you know I love that.

I don't know why it just seems so what about rhinoceros? Right now. That's not really my vibe. There's a penguin. I know. Northern Cardinal. This is real fun.

This is why I want to know what tiger smells like. Yeah. So in any case, this is a review. This is actually from our fragrance on Reddit. And the title of this discussion is, Zoologist is not for the faint of heart with one of these emojis. I just remember the challenge and I thought, what?

Yeah. How does this make sense? This one is a little different than the catacombs and that scary snake ride. But we'll see. I'll let it go. It is. It is. And I would say one star for this one.

It's gonna be a negative, even though it's on Reddit. But what's this face called, the emoji? Surprised, I have no idea what you're doing. I just type in OMG and that's what usually comes up. But it says, zoologist is not for the faint of heart. I ordered eight samples from zoologist, and they sent an extra, which was nice. But whoever said that smelling these

is like the birdie spot's jelly beans could not have been more correct. I'm on my third, and I feel like I can't do this alone. What are these smells? Tyrannosaurus Rex might be the worst thing I've smelled in my whole life, and I'm a nurse, so that says a lot. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, and that's when I was like, I must figure out what the fuck is going on on this website. Wow. Yeah. That's hilarious. I loved, even though, just by reading all these, that, what is it, Bertie Botts, Bert, is that that was a birdie bots Bert. Is that what it is? Yeah.

Birdie bots every flavor, flavored bean or whatever. Which like, you know, that game where you have to just like taste them without knowing. Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of I think what they're implying, which is hilarious. It is. They're like, I can't I need someone else to like react with me. Yeah. Yeah. Because like, what's the fun in doing the birdie bots alone? You know, that sounds part of the fun. That sounds like something we should do

where we just get some of these and smell them. And take a video of us smelling them. That would actually be so funny. That would be so funny. Wait, let me see how much the samples are here. And then we could, oh my God, you could get the full set, 33 of them. $185.

Sounds like an expensive tick tock. Yeah. And the greatest hits of 18 is still 115. So, uh, oh my God, there's a camel that cannot smell good. There's no way that smells good. They like make me think of poop. All of them make me think of poop.

Yeah., yeah. And yeah, but it makes me also very curious. Like cow? Yeah. I'm so curious. It literally, they use the scent of milk. Oh, okay. Is it like milk and leather?

And manure? I mean- Hopefully not leather. I feel like that would be kind of... That's rough, no. Be rude to those cows. It's a little rough, yeah. They have a cow travel spray. It's only $48. Maybe I'll buy that. Oh my gosh. And I don't want to be giving any shade to this company. I'm so intrigued. Oh, I'm curious.

I would love to do a sampler. They have stores in LA, Alexander, so if we wanna go. And I mean, it's a Canadian company, so next time we're in Canada, I think that's where most of their locations are, but we could maybe do a little, a free TikTok at their place of business. Yeah, let's definitely fly to Canada for that. That sounds less expensive than just getting the sampler.

Okay, shut up. [♪ music playing, no audio for this part of the video. Just a quick look at the video. This was sent in by Valentine She Her and it is a review of Sweeney Todd, the film. Man. I know. Jumping all over the place. All over the place. I love it. Okay, so let's see. This is a positive-ish review. I would say this, I believe it was a three star, so let's go with Oxnare. I'm just going to leave it up to you. Okay. I also want to

add this is a bridge because the whole thing was very long, so here we go. Now, as for the rest of the film, I must strongly urge caution as this is one of the most violent films I have ever seen. Sure, some films show many more deaths, but the close-up shots of throats being slit and profuse torrents of blood is not for the squeamish, nor is the sight of seeing the corpses splat onto the floor below as they are dropped through the trap door. I noticed several in the theatre covering their eyes during the murder scenes, including

my daughter. It's not for the faint-hearted, and really is up close and brutal in how it depicts the killings. It worked. The murders looked very vivid and real, perhaps too real. With a little more left to the imagination with the killings, I really think the film might have worked a tad better for the average viewer. I, however, have a very high tolerance for this stuff, probably partly due to my being a human biology minor in college.

Oh, that minor's finally coming in handy, huh, buddy? I was gonna say, I buddy? I took several biology classes in college and there was nothing for a minor I don't think I needed to do any sort of like cadaver work but you know whatever. Who knows. But most will cringe at all the carnage, but not me as a biology minor. I'm not, carnage, it's nothing. Wait, yeah, it's, okay. I love how they're like really saying it was a lot, but they're like, not for me, but it was a lot. Like they're like being, hmm.

Exactly, exactly. That's why I couldn't decide if this was positive or negative. Now as for the aesthetics of the film, as you probably would expect, director Burton, oh, there's a lot of, by the way, I found out, Zandi, as I was reading these, there was a lot of, there were a lot of weird

threads throughout, like that continued throughout. So like here we have another Tim Burton reference. Oh yes. Yeah, just some weird, and that's not the only one. Like this is one I just realized, but there are some other ones. So the not for the faint of heart does feel very Tim Burton. It sure does. But to think one of his films and then like the Paris catacombs,

which has nothing to do with him, you know, it's like, well, or does it have everything to do? Or maybe it does. You're probably right. He is the mayor. Now, as for the aesthetics of the film, as you probably would expect, director Burton did his usual marvelous job. The dankness and awfulness of a Dickensian England is vivid and convincing. The plethora of roaches and rats also heightened this awful realism, as did the terrible dental work of all the actors.

Unlike many films set in this era that featured actors with lovely ca cap teeth, the actors here abounded with crooked teeth. End of review. Oh, that's how it ends. I kept that ending in because I was like it's worth saying even though it has nothing to do with faint of heart. You know, hey, that is I feel very good. Also to use the phrase dankness and I don't know when when this film came out in theaters, but obviously a long time ago. I don't know. Sweeney Todd, like 2010? I have no idea.

I just made that up. Well, it was 2007. Oh, even earlier. OK. So yeah, to use the phrase dank, but about talking about Charles Dickens makes me laugh. It was a little silly. I do find that to be such a thing though is the teeth in certain movies where they have these perfect teeth and it just doesn't make any sense for the

characters. I totally agree. I haven't seen this movie, but yeah. That's why my acting career failed. Oh, that's what you're perfect teeth. They were like, oh, I totally agree. I haven't seen this movie but That's why my acting career failed oh, that's really like oh, well, you're not realistic enough for people really relate to yeah I realize now we do this on video so people can check and be like well. She's obviously lying or being very I can't trick you anymore into thinking I've beautiful. What a shame pearly whites Okay, so this is my second to last one. And this is from Ellie, she, her, and it's of a place called Jack Brown's Beer and Burger Joint in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Murfreesboro. I think it was the first restaurant you've had, is that correct? You know what? You're absolutely right. Let's see. Yes, we've had perfume, a movie, a water park, and a historic... Wild.

Historic death grounds, I don't know, death tunnels, I have no idea. And now a burger joint. So this is five stars. I can't wait for my last one, that like oh my gosh this one's good too obviously but my last one I just scrolled down and went oh yeah okay so here we go five stars this is like the the runner-up to finale the finale I am a new resident here in Murfreesboro Tennessee I had a lot on my plate with a

new house unpacking registration for our daughter's school, getting to know where everything is, post office, vehicle registration, grocery store, and so forth. One of the priorities on my agenda is to get a new vehicle. As I was going through the financial portion of the process, we started to talk about food. What are the good restaurants around? What do you recommend? Well, it's two for two. He said for the best burger in town, Jack Brown's Beer and Burger Joint. Murfreesboro is the place to go, so I took his word for it and we tried it. Oh my. Was he ever right?

The burger I had was the Shocker. For those that love spicy food, this is the burger to enjoy. And let me tell you, there's a reason why it's called the shocker First bite it's quite the shocker Your mouth. Okay, the first one had asterisks The second one was capitalized and this one's in quotes just Wow in case you're wondering what all types of shockers going on Yeah, so many of them Your mouth explodes with all of the juices the burger gives then a full-on firework of spices immediately follows

It is not for the faint of heart. It is delish My husband had the dr. Gonzo. That's an asterisk as okay important. Yes, so to warn me My husband had the Dr. Gonzo, and I had a taste of his burger. I tried his first before coating my taste buds with the spiciness of the shocker, and it was delish. The waitress that served us was very knowledgeable

of the food and beer selection. Because we were new, she asked us what kind of beer do we usually drink, and we gave her enough to go on and gave us some samples, and let me you honey blonde so good. She also didn't upsell us which was surprising She recommended that we order one order of fries because it is enough for all of us and the fries were delish, too She even gave us a welcome to the neighborhood dessert on the house fried Oreos never tried them before But of course, you know it by now.

Yes, delish. The ambiance is decorated very hometown, eclectic decorations that would remind you of the old days, quote unquote. The atmosphere makes you feel, quote unquote, at home. Here's my only regret. Since going to Jack Brown's and experiencing their burger and then trying Bad Daddy's burger bar, my taste buds cussed me out for even trying to see if BDBB is comparable.

JBB is the best burger I have ever experienced. It's going to be tough trying to contend JBB. I will continue to try other burger joints, but I am not confident that there's another burger joint that would best JBB Wow, I love how it's like I'm new here and by the end is putting out the Initialisms just like throwing out like no knows the best burger in town. Yeah, you can like watch the progression You because she really starts saying like man I have to figure out where the grocery store is. And then all of a sudden you're like, wait, what happened? You've done a 180.

And I feel like now she's the one at, where was she? She was at the vehicle, oh, financial portion of getting a vehicle and they recommended it. Now she's gonna go to that car dealership and be like, hey, if you're new to town, I got just the place. I feel like she's gonna become their on the ground, boots on the ground, grassroots marketer. It's already happening right here.

It's working, it's going viral. That was a nice review, I like that. Yes, it was, I have a finale here. This is from Avi and Alexander. We have one final topic and we're can't even guess you know even venture a guess it's candy but not sour candy oh it's Sanders dark chocolate sea salt caramels 36 ounces to and at two point two five pounds on Amazon. Two point two five pounds. Yeah. Holy, that's a lot of chocolate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you'll understand why it's necessary. Necessary necessary. OK, OK, OK. Risking life and limb. OK. This is a review by Daniel, the title is, I like. Verified purchase. Once upon a time, long, long ago, a dear friend bought me a box of dark chocolate

sea salt caramels for my birthday. He'd found them at a local farmer's market made by a woman who was cooking batches in the early morning kitchen of a late night bar and grill. They, what? I know, my brain went, huh? He found them in a-

The early morning kitchen of a late night bar and grill? Who was cooking batches in the early morning kitchen of a late night bar and grill. Like, does she just swoop in and use the kitchen when they're not using it? It sounds like she just says like, leave the deep fryer on, I have stuff to do before the fryers market. Deep frying chocolate, is that what?

Yeah. They were exquisite. I spoke with her on the phone and ordered something like 40 of the things and got all my friends addicted. I ordered and shared, ordered and hoarded, ordered and reveled in their perfection. It was a glorious season of salty chocolatey goodness. Then one day, tragedy struck.

The phone was disconnected, the website unanswered. My phone rang off the hook from my legion of chocolate junkies wanting to know when, where, why? The mystery was never solved. I have theories of the conspiracy sort. I'll keep them to myself for now but suffice to say that I've been left unsatisfied by most available sea salt caramels ever since. Frans are delicious but in that fussy precious way that Tiffany gifts are. Yeah, we all know how that goes. Of course. I know exactly what they're talking about.

Hashtag relatable. One or two others were close. So very close. I even tried making my own. But if the caramels turned out perfect, the chocolate didn't temper correctly. If I perfected the chocolate, I mistimed the caramels into either gooeyness or hard candy. These aren't the same, but they have a very similarels into either gooeyness or hard candy. These aren't the same, but they have a very similar feel. A certain roughness to the chocolate. A distinctly bold saltiness. Not for the faint of heart. The caramel is different. Darker, smokier than the pale gold caramelized caramel of my holy grail. But I like this version. It

gives them their own character. If they'd been an exact match, it would have been like kissing the cute boy just because he looked like the boy who broke my heart. Too much the same without being the same. I've already assembled the boxes for the junkies. There shall be rejoicing. End of review.

Wow. Was that not powerful? 326 people found this review helpful. And before this started, I thought, not for the faint of heart, come on. And now I think, I don't think I could handle it. I don't think I can handle these chocolates. You're right. I'm going to step back.

Yeah. Let the junkies get in there, whatever you said. I need to go to the late night bar and grill near me O'Brien's and see if they're cooking up any chocolates in the middle of the night. Hey be the change you wish to see in your neighborhood. You know what? Finally I understand what that quote means. I never got it until right now.

It's about making the chocolate yourself. You're so real. It's about, well I don't want to make it myself. It's about forcing someone else to make it for me. Oh got it, got it. Okay. I was implying you would go into the kitchen and do it. Oh hell no. Oh okay. I'm not invited in there. So never mind you don't understand what that phrase is about.

Got it. Oh okay got it I totally got it now. Oh well good work. Thank you. That was that was fun I liked that chat there were so many all over the place that was crazy. I know and I feel like I just could have kept looking more up and I just stopped myself because unnecessary. I also cut a bunch that were emailed in. I was like, there are just too many things that are not for the faint of heart. Unfortunately, people like ourselves who are faint of heart

were now barred from so many of these things because- We struggle out there, you're right. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard out there for sensitive folks right. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard out there for sensitive folks like me and you. Can't go in the catacombs, can't eat dark chocolate. Oh, but that's all I want. Can't use Tyrannosaurus Rex fragrances.

And like what more could I possibly want out of life except those three things? Nothing. Nothing. Thank you for listening to our podcast. It's been a delight to be here with you and if you would like to come see us live you can do that. Go to beachgsandy.com for tickets. We still have quite a few shows left and they're selling but there are some tickets available so go get them before they're gone. We're at Denver tonight when this

comes out. Salt Lake City tomorrow. I know isn't that weird? Salt Lake City tomorrow. And a week from when this comes out, we're in Columbus. And then Cincinnati a week from tomorrow. So can't wait to see you all there. And we have like Philly, DC, St. Louis, Chicago in the future. So yeah, see you all there. Can't wait. Thanks for hanging out.

If you want to go to patreon.com slash bsucn, you can get video episodes and see how perfect my teeth are. And if you want to go to patreon.com slash beach to sandy you can get video episodes and see how perfect my teeth are not And if you want to get ad free episodes and not listen to the rocket money ad where I talked about the other AI Software I use to determine if my dog is ugly or not then you can also go to patreon patreon.com slash beach to sandy Yeah, oh and YouTube We have YouTube videos. They're fun. YouTube.com. They are fun. Even I watch them. Beach 2 Sandy Water Touette.

That's embarrassing. That is embarrassing. It's not that embarrassing. It's fun. Um, yeah. Thanks, y'all, for listening. I appreciate you. Bye. Bye.

Beach 2 Sandy Water Touette is a Forever Dog Production hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. For Everdog Productions, it's Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.