Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 300: REVIEWS OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

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RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies into most definatelies, making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships and skill development, plus resources for artists and athletes. Learn more at rbc.com slash support youth. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. Congratulations. We have graduated from one level of emotional maturity to the next. Alexander, I welcome you to the stage. We have reached episode 300 and we have done The Unthinkable.

The Unthinkable. We are reading reviews of none other than Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, which if you don't know, is a podcast where two siblings read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. Their names are Zandy. Here, pass me the mic. I'm X-Teen. Yeah, welcome to the hosts of Beach Too Sandy. Yeah, we're reading reviews of our own podcast. What a reef. Which we said we would never do. Welcome to the hosts of Beach, You, Sandy. Yeah, we're reading reviews of our own podcast. Which we said we would never do.

People have suggested this to us probably since the day we started the podcast. Day one. Yeah, and we thought. To be fair, we did not have any reviews day one. Well, we did because we made ourselves make reviews. And I'm sure they're still in there somewhere on Apple. But we didn't go that far back.

I totally did that. Yeah. Anyway, point being, we have been suggested this idea many years and finally we thought it's episode 300. Why not? Yeah, just rip the band-aid off. We're so fragile, it's time we get knocked around a bit. I'm finally medicated, so that helps. Yes, that's so true.

Can you imagine back in 20, what year was that? I mean, we were so unwell We were living under the same roof like at least we are medicated a little bit What's crazy is I got less well until recently. I know you had a dip. Yeah This is now what happens when you're not under the same roof as me now that we've we've moved up a little bit on my Rollercoaster mental health now's the time. Let's get it over with. Before the next drop, we want to get in there, like hurt our own feelings. And so we did have some help. It was so funny. We asked our producer Zoe to help find some reviews and she only sent positive ones. We were like, that's so nice. But

we know, we know there, we know there are bad ones in there. Um, and so we brought a mix. Okay. So do we give it any more introductions, Annie? I don't know if we can. We have nothing to plug either, which is probably for the best. It's episode 300 we're celebrating. It's just our own podcast. So please don't leave. We're going to be shitting on ourselves for once. We're finally getting a taste of our own medicine, probably well-deserved at this point. Yeah, do you want to go ahead? I guess so. I guess I'll start with a one-star review, right?

Like why not? Here we go. This one is called How Dare You. Oh no. My stomach was like, oh. Let's start strong. How dare you? This is by Dangerous Dave 111.

Am I allowed to call them out now? Because it's about us. I'm going to do it. That seems, yes. It's a public forum, okay? People could go, people know specifically where we found these. So it's not like they're hiding somewhere, you know,

on the annals of the internet. This is what Dangerous Dave 111 has to say. It says, how dare you, one star? I used to love this show. And then Zandi, whatever kind of name that is, had a dig at Ricky Gervais. God forbid. How dare you? Ricky Gervais is an absolute genius. Watch Derek and Life's Too Short and maybe you'll appreciate him more.

End of review. I did watch Life's Too Short. I've watched a lot of Rick Eager based content. I have too. That's too much if you ask me. That's amazing. Wait, that's hilarious. Okay. So we don't like Rick Eager race. He's a bad guy, right? Well the reason... He's kind of a dickhead and he's also like, he's one of those like comedians who's Gotten really big and has been like very vocal about anti-cancel culture If I remember correctly a lot of like transphobic con comments as well and a lot of punching down in his comedy I'm punching up when I talk about that user base. So I don't feel as bad but

Yeah, no, I Yeah, Ricky sure he just seems like kind of an asshole. I don't know not my kind of person It's also like I don't dig at him. That's fine I know this is not a forum for us to defend ourselves, but like who cares? I mean, okay, I like Evil evil who someone cares what? Rick What's this guy's name dangerous Dave? Evil who's evil? Sorry evil Dave is a runescape character. My mistake. Yeah

Yeah, well anyway, I'm glad that What I've got that that was what finally broke the camel's back, you know It's like like I should on other people that probably don't deserve it Yeah, we're remember when I went on a rampage about anyone named Kevin Yeah, I almost feel like I'm like every Kevin that I that I'd heard of before Yeah, because you definitely have that kind of sway. Yeah. Well, it canceled it in my own mind not in real life Don't worry Ricky Gervais, which is where most quote-unquote canceling happens anyway, so that's right people's minds so here next one is a one-star review. Actually you know what? No. I'm starting with a five and only because Dee actually

found this one. She went all the way to the beginning and she believes this is the first Apple podcast review. Is it by me? So I don't know if we ever read this but no it's about by Hannah Brand from five years ago and it says this pretty okay idea from pretty okay people and of review Okay, I mean listen, we'll take it those stars I'll take the stars. I don't care what comes with them You know, that's how I feel to put five stars Maybe put five stars and tell them to talk about Ricky Shurveys and complain Then I'm happy but yeah if you yeah if dangerous Derek, I mean again I shouldn't be talking to dangerous Derek because he is dangerous. So I feel like I should be more careful, but

Let's see this. Oh, here's a five-star review That I think fits with what you just read Like a nightmare end of review Oh just read. Like a nightmare. End of review. Oh, that's funny. Because I don't care if I you give me the stars. That's fine. I'll take them. Wait, that was a five star. Sure was. Oh my gosh. I didn't even process that. I read somewhere. I think is it a really might just be a review I have. Nightmare, a nightmare, I guess. I don't disagree.

Oftentimes I feel like our episodes are a nightmare. So I imagine our listeners do quite often. It's sort of like we're breaking the fourth wall here. And also I've always dreamed of being someone's sleep paralysis demon. So it's about time I live up to that. Oh dear God. Standard. That's about time I live up to that. Oh dear God. Standard.

That's a terrible thing to want to be. Well too late. I've already fulfilled my own prophecy. Oh dear God. That's terrible. Okay. Yeah. That's that does. That actually deserves one star, I would say. So that's one of the more valid things. Zander you're going to go report that to iTunes and be like, what kind of name is Zandy? I just called you Zander also maybe Derek's or not Derek. Oh my god. What's his name?

Dangerous Dylan, what's his name? Christina I don't remember with dangerous Danny boy is coming Derek or Derek was a show. Yeah, that's why I'm confused now Okay, I don't know what you're the one who read that dangerous Dave Okay, dangerous Dave. I called you Xander and I think Dangerous Dave's finally getting to me. Oh, finally. Also I love when people insult other people

and then say like, by the way, what a stupid name. You know, it's like, they're like, finally I can say what I really feel, which is if they like the show, they'd be like, I'm just gonna keep that to myself. But now that I don't like you. Did they spell it right? They did. Oh, okay.

Well, I appreciate that because, thanks Dave, because a lot of people spell it with a Z, which is fine, it doesn't bother me. And people also call me Xander sometimes, it doesn't really bother me. I do feel the weirdest when people call me Alexander. That one. Oh, well that's what I call you, so.

No, no, no, no, no, other than family, God. Oh, okay. I was like, well, tell, no, other than family. Oh, okay. Oh my God, no, no. It's a little late to tell me that. But I'm talking about listeners. When they call me Alexander, I'm like, oh. I've let Zandy go from family to everybody, but Alexander, I don't actually care. I don't get upset and I respond to it,

but it doesn't really. Anyway, what kind of name is Zandy? Good point, good question. I don't know. I picked it myself. I deal with the consequences. Here's a one star review titled, wish I could give it zero stars.

So they're already like. Oh, they're already leading in. I know they already. That's nice. One star. Interesting that you won't publish negative reviews of review. Wait a minute. That was a year ago. Won't publish negative reviews of review.

Wait a minute. That was a year ago. Won't publish them. Yeah, I don't know what that means. I wish we had any fucking control. By the way, doesn't that sound like we only get five stars because they couldn't find a one star, which is undeniably false, but I just love the idea that they're like,

where are all the one stars? You are hiding them. I wasn't sure if that's what they meant or if they meant we wouldn't read them on the show. I don't know, they said publish, which is weird. That's all that we do is read and publish. No, I meant like negative. In my head, did they mean like

negative reviews of our own show? Oh, well here you go. Is what I think. You're welcome. So yeah, so we're finally giving them what they want. In the beginning, we did read five star reviews at the end of the episodes. True, but they published this a year ago. Oh, I guess if you given in the beginning. We did read five star reviews at the end of the episodes True, but that was they published this a year ago. Oh, I guess if you listen from the beginning, that's fair

Yeah, well, they're gonna be delighted when they keep listening and five years down the line They finally hear negative reviews of ourselves because this person's definitely still listening but I will say We made it very clear why we didn't read negative reviews and we made it very like, we're very, I'd like to think we're very self aware about that fact. Oh yeah, yeah. We know we're delicate little daisies and we need to get a grip but sometimes we just can't. Anyway, here is a, let me see if I wanna read, oh, here's a one star. Well, let me read a five star actually. This one is by, wouldn't you know it, Gregory. And actually I lied, it's a 10 out of 10 on IMDB.

Oh, IMDB, I forgot we're on there, that's so random. The title is, Candy and Christine Are Awesome. Dandy and Christine are me heroes. Sandy is so funny and so is Christine. They read terrible reviews and read my hilarious AI content where they almost get eaten by tingly-winkly the Teletubby. And their banter is so funny as well. Zandi gets annoyed by Christine

and Christine gets annoyed by Zandi and now they're doing hilarious Challenges where they have to deliberately annoy each other. It will be hilarious end of review sums it up real well Gregory you get it because you've basically you created like one of the vibes of the show I feel Gregory except Gregory doesn't okay. Gregory gets me by purposefully not getting me Yeah, and that's why it's why I like it. Yeah Let me throw a five-star in there. I've got some of those so here we go Here's what Hannah Yale has to say five stars Feels just like home a couple of siblings share their worldviews through the lenses of religious trauma

10 out of 10 would eat here again and A couple of siblings share their worldviews through the lenses of religious trauma. 10 out of 10 would eat here again. Okay, see this is where it gets sticky, because that is the kind of thing some people really aren't fans of. I was going to say this same wording could be a one-star review. Absolutely, but they wouldn't say religious trauma. They'd say snowflake something or other. Snowflake. Actually, you know what? They might say this.

One star. I'm an atheist, but please find God by haters. End of review. Oh, that was written 10 days ago. Oh my God. That was written 10 days ago. What did we do? Was that from our Catholic school episode?

Oh my God, you must be right. It must be. No, but we didn't even do that. We were talking about our own experience. I feel like of all, there are episodes where we bash religion a lot more than that one. That one was more like, oh, this feels so close to home reading these and we were just being babies. But yeah, the thing is, I think we did find God as children.

And that's what pushed us away. You know, we didn't find God. We were God was forced upon us. Yeah. Yeah. We were just stuck in a room with God for a long time. 15 plus years. Yeah. I love that this person's an atheist also. They're like, you're too far gone. You need to be saved. Even though I love that this person's an atheist also. They're like you're too far gone You need to be saved even though I don't believe in that Yeah, we fall on apparently on the wrong Religious spectrum in a roundabout way we we've just saved this person because they're an atheist and we've just convinced them

To find that that we need to find that. Clearly we've changed the track of their life. We've gone so far that we're doing the opposite of what- You're welcome KBR312. Wow, that's amazing. I hope that you go forward in your journey with Christ and have a delightful time. I will pray for you. Oh, it's happening.

It's happening. I love Ricky Gervais. Oh my God. We're publishing our negative reviews. Wow. We're praying. We love Ricky Gervais. We've turned it around big time.

It's happening. Okay. We've turned it around. I'm gonna have a read review here that might cause some drama. Cool. This is a three star review. Maybe we should have a poll attached to this one. Yeah. I'm just kidding we're not doing that. You have to

hear what it is. This is what Stake has to say. What's the star rating? Three stars. Oh god. I'd say this is negative though. I'm gonna, I already know I'm upset about three stars. Okay go ahead. That's good. They have to both be funny, enough said, end of rule. Oh! So good. Oh no, they've sent us into sibling turmoil. It's so good. That is how you start some shit.

They knew what they were doing with that one. That is how you start some shit. So funny to me. All they needed to add was whichever one has the initials XS because we both do, you know, and then and then we'd be even more confused. This is incredible, Alexander. I feel unsettled really. Thankfully whoever is not the funny one according to this person, it's only not funny. They're only not funny enough to remove two stars

I know I love that like we're like the other person by the way is carrying a lot of the weight of this resource So there it is. If it is you thank you if it is me, you're welcome Zandi, but thank you either way. I love that. The one person is still holding like above average, you know, like three stars which person is still holding like above average, you know, like three stars. Which makes me think that hopefully they're still listening, hoping for, uh, hoping for one of us to, I don't know, come into our comedy. I find our humor so similar that I'm very surprised by this though. Quite frankly, we kind of just talk the same. Yeah.

And we laugh at the same things and make the same jokes a lot so I don't know but um let's maybe not go too deep into this one because... Okay I'll text you at like two in the morning. Yeah. Yeah I'll FaceTime you. Just be like I think it's me. In the dark. You'll have you'll have like a a board full of the red yarn spinning all around and figure it out. I figured it out. It's Blaze. Wait, that doesn't make sense. Oh no.

Okay, this is a five star review. And I know we're reading some five stars you guys, but that's because the five stars I think tend to be funnier and more like. Oh yeah, I have more five stars as well. It's just easier, they were easier to navigate through than just like one star like, boo, this sucks. And look, like, that's the other thing is like,

there were more five star reviews than one star reviews. Yeah, it's like no big deal, but we definitely are very well liked, okay? And yeah, but like also, yeah, the negatives weren't always that funny, you know? It was just kind of like, yeah. Yeah, people don't tend to be as like, eager to make jokes and be creative

in their one-star reviews, which I feel like is kind of reality for most things. Let's see, this one's called, Thanks for Ruining Other Podcasts for Me. And it's five stars, despite the title. So here we go. I have been trying to find another podcast where I can let out an honest laugh

instead of the, ha, I feel obligated to force out. Like I'm trying to convince myself it's funny. This laugh in text form is ha, lol. It's the conversational that's crazy It's like beach to sandy is the person who tells the joke that was really funny and the person who takes the joke too far is Other podcasts and they ruin the whole moment end of review Somebody's high maze. Hold on somebody so high they're like you guys I've got the perfect analogy Look, I appreciate this person, but I don't understand this person. I'll tell you Please explain it for me what they're saying which like listen, they're saying very nice things about us. So it feels a little

Weird to explain it explicitly but what they're saying is, oh, like in the office, like Jim makes a joke, and then Michael Scott tries to make it funny or takes it too far. They're saying we're like the Jim or whatever. And again, that's just another analogy. I was gonna say, that's a terrible, I hate, I don't like Jim.

Remember What's Up, Dog? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yes, I do understand. That does make sense. They're saying sometimes they listen to a comedy podcast and it's the equivalent of being like, Oh, that's crazy or like, ha ha. But it's not actually like eliciting that emotion. Yeah. And so that makes sense. They're saying, Oh, BGCN is which by the way,

I don't necessarily agree because I listened to a lot of podcasts and multiple of them do make me laugh out loud. And I mean, ours is not one of them, but I also don't listen to ours. So I don't know. I can't say. No, I, yeah. And only one of us is funny. So it's like, Ooh, who is it? Subjective thing. Um, I will say, I do think that you and I, thankfully, okay, one thing that we do have that this is going to be so obnoxious, uh, but we don't force it.

A Catholic school education. Oh, that too. But like, I don't know, like we're not trying to be funny. Like obviously we make jokes. Hold on, let me put my notepad away. All my brainstorming. Yeah, no, we're not trying at all. It's really easy.

I think it's me, I think it's me. It's like, same with our, same with like our live shows. We just show up and have just a page of reviews and then we just fucking goof off. Yeah, that's true. We just have a good time, which again, I should say, I do understand when I put it that way why some people don't like it because we do just show up and make ourselves laugh, which obviously is not everyone's bag.

As long as people are listening, why not keep doing this one as long as I'm my career like go down with the ship You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but like you just said some people don't really like that guess what I have a one-star review titled. Oh I'm opening this I brought the last beer I could find in my mini fridge up here Which is a Miller Lite and not sponsored obviously But I'm going to open I say obviously cuz like I would have made a big deal of it if it was But I'm gonna open it now. It's my emergency beer And when you said are making a big deal by not open it you're just I see you struggling over there

I'm not sure. Oh you did it. Okay When you said one star the title is ug I I see you struggling over there. I'm not struggling. Oh, you did it, okay. When you said one star, the title is Ugg. I knew that, now's the time, so. Now's the time. Go ahead. Yeah, here's a one star review by Let's Ride 94. Came because of the New York Times story about this podcast. Did the writer of the article even listen to this podcast?

While funny, it is filled with political opinions. They ruin a good idea with their dribble and tangent rants. We get it. You both like to hear yourself talk. End of review. You do get it. Congratulations. You do get it.

Oh my God. Has the person who wrote the article even listened? I mean, honestly, I wondered the same thing. Cause I was like, you know. I think that too sometimes because sometimes they post something and I'm like, oh they just gave the vague description of our show They just like copy pasted it, you know or put but know that New York Times article Which by the way, my stepmother framed for me and I have in my living room It was we were featured in a little blurb and I think with the McElroy's

I think that one was, yeah, yeah, yeah. And why won't you date me with Nicole Byer? And I remember thinking like this is, I've peaked, you know? But I agree with that person. Like, I don't know if the person there read it, but I will, or listen to the show, but also I love the idea that they listen

and there's all this political opinion. God forbid they got this from the New York fucking times. Do they like have any, you know, it's like, wow, if only the reporter from the New York times knew that there was political opinions in this podcast, they would never have made it. Never have done that. No, I, yeah. And I just find, I don't know the whole, first of all, the word dribble is great.

It's great. And horrible. It's something you would say. And I don't mean it's, it's like from the, I think that that's what they said in that city museum review that I read. You're right. You're right. On me, daddy or something. We don't need to.

That was not supposed to leave the venue. Yeah. Well, no, I, it did because I read it two years in a row and I think I read it in our best of the tour, but yeah, you just don't stop. And so, and now it I read it in our best of the tour, but anyway. Yeah, you just don't stop. And now it's making, it's dribbling its way into our reviews. It is, but this was three years ago. So maybe this person wrote that review. Anyway, anyway.

Oh, the Dribble one. Yeah, cause this person wrote this three years ago, and the Dribble one, I feel like I didn't read until St. Louis. So I'm just saying, like last year. So anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, we rant a lot. Look at us, look at us go.

Well, what did they say? What kind of tangents? They ruin a good idea with their dribble and tangent rants, which yeah, we do tangent rants for sure, which I get is not everybody's thing. But I would say it would be pretty boring if we just read the review and moved on. Yeah, and a lot of people say that,

like why do they talk in between the reviews? And it's sort of like, well, it would be pretty boring if we just read the review and moved on. Yeah, and a lot of people say that, why do they talk in between the reviews? And it's sort of like, well, it would be, like at first, when we first started the podcast, they were super short, because we would just read one review and then kind of be like, ha ha, and then move on. And I feel like it just, it wasn't, I don't know, it wasn't enough of our voices as well.

It evolved because we like to hear ourselves talk. We're like, oh, this is fun to hear ourselves talk. Let's say more. Amen. And we did and we continue to do so. This let's ride 94 actually just gets it and they just don't like it. What's their name? Let's ride 94. Oh, I thought it was gonna be like Dribble Daddy 69. Oh Dribble Daddy 69. I hope that's not taken. I might have to use that for things. I'm sure that they will really appreciate that reference. I like to picture the person behind this. On a motorcycle, on a big hog.

Let's ride, 94. Yeah, no, I don't know. I think they graduated high school in 94. Oh, I think they were born in 94 you think they sound too stodgy to be reading the New York Times and finding us and saying like these political opinions or I Don't know you you don't think yeah, I don't know the the uh dot dot dot I guess 94 they're 30 years old in my head anyone younger than me is like 10 say I was gonna say like that's like my age so and I say dribble all the time. You know why that's true, because it's one of your compatriots.

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Um, here's a five star view. Cause I think we need one. It's called X, X, X. And it goes as follows. Sandy X team X team. I don't know much about light houses, shrug emoji, but I know a lot about laughing, meaning I like to do it and This podcast makes me laugh Laughing crying emoji. I'm a mom with three young boys and sometimes feel like I'm spiraling spiral emoji

Oh, no, but I know I can stabilize for a moment once I tune into BTS WTW first of all How why are you okay? This podcast makes them feel stabilized which I'm honored but also worried Yeah, I don't know if that says anything about us about them about like I don't know what that's like something about but it does Well, wait, maybe that's it. Maybe in a relative way. They listen. They're like, wow, these people have these people are unmoored. I'm doing okay You know that's what it is. Oh, I see I've at least got one finger still on the dock Like I'm not swept away by the sea quite yet, but these two people are out analogy. I had a Sponsored by Miller Lite. I had one eighth of a Miller Lite and I'm fucking

Cracking wisdom left and right this is that was incredible. Thank you the one finger on the dock like what? I know is beautiful beautiful and we're out to see We've been we've been unmoored. We're out to see oh god. I feel that way a lot So yeah, maybe maybe one day will maroon on an island We probably we probably won't Here is oh, There's more. Oh, there's more. I'm sorry.

I just had to stop on the stabilizing themselves on this podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it needed to be addressed. Yes. Like if somebody said like you were in like a psych, you know, if you got sent to like a psych ward and they're like filling out some paperwork and it says like, I don't know how psych wards work. I'm surprised. I'm as surprised as anyone to say that like, I don't know how psych words work.

I'm surprised, I'm as surprised as anyone to say that, but I don't quite know how they work. But I imagine there's some sort of like intake paperwork or whatever questionnaire where they ask you, you know, like, and you talk to a psychiatrist, whatever. And I'm developing a really rich narrative here. And they ask you like, what interests you, what like calms you and you're just like,

oh, this one really unhinged podcast that I read about in the New York Times. That's a red flag. That's a huge red flag. I feel like they're not gonna let you out of there. So be very careful who you tell that to. Anyway, here we go. Spiral emoji, but I know I can stabilize for a moment

once I tune into BTS WTW. Also, I love a good glass of wine or two or three, and the X team really makes me feel understood. I'm going to go out and do good things in this world. Thanks, Beach Two Sandy, end of review. Wow, not only are we keeping- Now on second thought, I don't wanna take it away from them anymore.

It sounds like whatever they've misunderstood about our podcast, they're gonna do good things about it. Yeah, it's so interesting that not only are we able to keep them stable, but we can motivate them to do good in this world. Shit! I kind of don't believe it, but I'm gonna say, thanks for the great review and I'm happy for you. I was gonna say, I didn't believe it either, but honestly let's just let it happen. Because I feel like if this are like, I'll take it.

Yeah, I'll take the credit too. Whatever good things you do, give me credit. Maybe they can write another New York Times article. get some more one-star reviews for episode 500 or whatever yeah and I do if you could write this review or if you could write this next article with the spiral emoji the shrug emoji I feel like that would be really you know connect with like a millennial audience so just like some journalism tips from me because I think you did a really good job like Evoking emotions with the spiral emoji and all that. I just really I found that very effective writing that way We won't get the motorcycle riding people who will graduate high school in 1994. That's right

That's right. They need Wow, they need they need to Right, they need, wow, they need to listen one more time and find out what they're missing. Yeah, agreed. My next one is a five star, and this is titled, Ode to Fox, okay. Oh. Keith to Dandy, call that a trip.

Leech to Hansi, call that Kentucky Lake. Brox to candy, call that a butterscotch. Preach to Auntie, call that an atheist. Kish to Blandy, call that an egg. 10 bombs, 10 out of 10 more bombs are better. End of review. No, that's beautiful. If they put that in the New York Times, we'd only get the highfalutin, like no hog writers, no Malint, no 94ers, just like high brow art critics.

I'd never read it aloud. And the next time I was going, I did. The only one I really, like speaking of a finger on the dock, the only one I could really grasp was Keif to Blandy, is it just an egg? Call that an egg. That was the only one where I thought, oh, I get it.

But the rest I got a little mixed up. Keif to Dandy, call that a trip. Keif is spelled K-I-E-F. I don't know. Or Southerly? Keefe is cannabis crystals. Oh. I thought that was spelled with the two E's,

but I was wrong. So that's, I figured it was weed related. Leech to Hansi, call that Kentucky Lake. I was hoping you would help. I don't want to know. That was the one I was most confused about, but I thought it was going to be called that a drip, right? Like a trip and then a drip. Like a leech that sucks your blood out.

Yeah, the rhyming isn't quite there. So I don't understand. I just have a few notes, which I'm sure everyone loves. Only a few? Okay. Yeah. It goes, uh, Keef, say it again. Keef. Keef Too Dandy. Keef Too Dandy,

call that a trip. Leech Too Hansy, call that a drip. That's pretty good. Or more like a drip. Oh I like that. Okay and then Brox, like B-R-A-C-H, like the candy company. Oh I thought they meant like Pokemon. Okay. Yeah yeah. Brox Too Candy, call that a butterscotch, which is a great like Thing to start with but you got to finish that rhyme, you know, and the next one is preach To an T a NTI call that an atheist So it doesn't rhyme This is unacceptable. Can you report this one too? And then yeah, then comes Kish to Blandy, call it an egg.

Okay, but you know, which was my favorite, but can I tell you, can I tell you though, this is kind of like how Fox writes. Like sometimes I'm like, Fox, it doesn't quite rhyme. That's a slam rhyme. Or like Fox, what are you even talking about? This is such a niche reference. So I feel like as much as I'm criticizing,

I probably should back off because they really are giving like a proper ode. It's really echoing Fox. I was thinking the same thing. And who am I to even step in? If you read this without it saying ode to Fox, you would be like, oh, this person is writing an ode to Fox related. Leech to Hansi?

Nobody's ever said that besides Fox in the history of the world. Fox probably has. But yeah, I was wondering, maybe there are leeches in Kentucky lakes. It must be some lake where there's leeches, which I don't, I'm not happy about that. I am a little bit disappointed.

They said butterscotch instead of candy corn because I like candy corn for Brock's to candy, you know? Brock's to candy. Call that candy corn. And then okay. Brox two candy, you know. Brox two candy. Call that candy corn. And then one could be Zandy something. Hmm. Candy, Zandy, you could rhyme that. Oh, true, true. You could, but you gotta rhyme with the corn. I can't wait Zandy for, so I signed up, which I think you did, did you sign up for the rhyming one? No.

Oh no, okay, I signed up for this rhyming challenge, you guys, on NYC Midnight, which does short story competitions. First of all, check it out, it's a really cool website. Yeah, they're fun. And it gets us to write even when we're not feeling it, and gives you props and stuff. But there's these contests, and I signed up for a rhyming

one, and I thought, oh, that's fun. Cause I get annoyed when I read Leona's children's books and like the rhymes are off or the syllables are off. And I was like, oh, here we go. And then I read- She's learning how to write, Cristina. Give her some time to learn. Leona's just, I'm like, that's a slant rhyme, Leona.

Come on, you know better. No, I signed up and then I read some of them and I went, oh shit. Like these are long And really deep like I didn't think about the fact that I would have to actually tell a story I was just like like it's oh, yeah, it's not just like the kids stories is blood like in my head I'm like, oh it just rhymes. It's just words, but I guess you're supposed to write an actual story So yeah, like no offense to cat in the hat. It's great with the illustrations with everything

But like if you have to write an actual story story Then it's more like the fucking Odyssey or some shit like or those classic those epics that had like rhyming they were like Yeah this the past winners were like pages long and were like all in stanzas and very deep and I was like oh I think I've Done a silly which is exactly why I didn't I think you were right. I think you were right Let's see, let's say okay. Um, I Can't even bring myself to read this one because it just is ridiculously. Oh my god. Wait, sorry This is actually I'm gonna read it anyway, because the reviewer is blaze

Parentheses that's really my name. Oh I Blaze parentheses, that's really my name. Oh I Promise it's not blaze because blaze does not use exclamation points. Same spelling. Okay and The review and I want to be very clear. This one is gonna sound like I am just bragging and It's one of those where they're like so over-the-top, you know, you know, they're really uncomfortable to read the five stars Yeah they're like so over the top, you know? You know those- It's weirdly uncomfortable to read the five stars. Yeah, it is.

And hear the five stars. Cause like, you know that one review that I think about sometimes with the banana slicer and like that five star where it's like, if you've been looking for something to jam up your junk drawer and never allow you to open it again and something worthless that you'll never use, you've come, you know, like one of those like over the top.

That's kind of how this feels. Five out of five title is My Life Was Missing Something Before This. My goodness. My life was missing something before I stumbled upon this podcast one fine day. I listened to the very first episode on a whim and have since been listening to more

in an attempt to make up for lost time. I always knew my life was incomplete, but I didn't know it was because I wasn't listening to the two greatest podcasters the world has ever known. This is gonna sound- Jesus. Everyone's gonna be like, this is Blaze, right? Like, he just didn't know how to come up with a fake name. This does not sound like Blaze at all.

It sure doesn't. Zandi and Christina filled my days with laughter, helped my stock portfolio, allowed me to cook meals flawlessly, and allowed me to start living my best life. I got the news today that I've been promoted at my job after I listened to the first episode. I do not think this is coincidence.

Okay, in this theoretical world, they listened to the first episode today and they're already like, my life is changed, I got a promotion. I do not think this is coincidence. Because of my first name, I get to enjoy being a beach to sandy listener I got a promotion. I do not think this is coincidence. Because of my first name, I get to enjoy being a beach-to-sandy listener in a way that few others get to.

My first name is Blaze, named after my dad, we both spell it this way, B-L-A-I-S-E, and I was shocked to learn Christine's husband has the same name and spelling. Because of this, every time she mentions her husband, I get to happily imagine that it's me who is lucky enough to be married to the wonderful and exquisite Christine Schieffer. I have not read this yet, so I am feeling real sweaty. I just skimmed it earlier. Oh god, this is so embarrassing. That it's me, who is lucky enough to be married to the wonderful and exquisite Christine Schieffer, the greatest podcast hostess on the planet. How could I not give this podcast five stars after this?

If you listen to this podcast, I swear you will see such a rapid improvement in all facets of your life that you'll wonder how you ever survived without Zandi and Christine reading hilarious internet reviews each week. You'll find a $20 bill on the ground randomly every few days.

You'll see those unique colors that only shrimp can see. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Your favorite barista that you're too nervous to talk to You'll see those unique colors that only shrimp can see Your favorite barista that you're too nervous to talk to will finally give you their number Your life will forever be split into two distinct eras BBTS before beach to Sandy and a BTS after beach to Sandy We're all better for this podcast existing. Thank you for all that you do My god, the pressure's on I know I, I know, thank you, but also- That's such a negative response to that. I'm so sorry. I'm so scared now. Thank you, no.

I am so sweaty, it's disgusting. I'm sweaty too. That was horrifying. People are very kind. Please, whoever you are, I'm happy to be pretend married to you. Thank you for the kind words. I do, I'm a little salty, get it?

That I can't see the shrimp colors, but. Yeah, that's the thing is only the listeners get it. And since we don't listen to our own show, we don't get it. But it's just like, we're sacrificing a lot for them. You know? Yeah, I'm honored to have a fake brother-in-law and also named Blaze. Isn't that easy though?

Like it's just easier. We don't get too mixed up. We'll just say, oh me? Both of us, yeah. Oh, what do you easier. We don't get too mixed up. We'll just say oh me both of us. Yeah. Oh What do you mean? We don't like differentiate? You know, they we just say blaze and they can both assume we're talking about them Yeah, yeah, whenever I say blaze it might be this one or might be the one that I've actually met Right the world will never know I'll never clarify quite frankly. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah Like that whole episode about the firefighter. Yes. Oh my gosh, please We'll never know. I'll never clarify. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah.

Like that whole episode about the firefighter. Yes, oh my gosh, Blaze. Have you listened to that yet, other Blaze? Because I feel like you'll really enjoy that episode and your dad might too unless he's, you know, the reviewer who reads the New York Times and is an art critic, then he might not. But.

I hope it unlocks more colors for you. If you do listen. Aw. That would be nice. Here's a five star review. This is my kind of five-star review ready Oh, I also just want to add a quick disclaimer that none of that is any sort of factual and we are not claiming that you will Find lots of money and be a happier person once you listen to this show Yeah, we have the one-star reviews to prove that you won't always be a happier person after listening Yeah, we're not like cult leaders where we're just gonna like unless star reviews to prove that you won't always be a happier person after listening. Don't worry. Yeah. We're not like cult leaders where we're just going to like, unless we're like that person

says, but we can't hide the one star reviews and you know. Yeah. Could you imagine if we did that? Geez. We're not perfect. I know it's hard to believe. That would be crazy if we have a podcast about reading one star reviews. Remove the one stars.

Like removed ours or like did some shady shit to lower the amount. You know, we should create one of those things those things yell pads where it's like not recommended This doesn't count toward the and we can just like report all the ones that we don't feel like are relevant You know, yeah all the ones that are violating community guidelines So fucked that would require us to like regularly check them. Yeah, I know regularly no things every once in a while mmm, yes Rarely here's in a while, yes rarely. Here's a five-star review though. Here we go. This is by Liz. Liz. L-I-S. Five, six, seven, eight. Absolute Breast. This show makes me happy. End of review.

Was that after like one weird smut review you read or something? I have no idea. I immediately want to blame you for that one. But that's my kind of review. I love it. I'm gonna read this one. That's my five-star review, you know, I like it. This is a five-star by Ziggy Starlust and it says,

Zandy looks like a medieval town crier and I think I'm into it, question mark, inside parentheses. Oh gosh, of course that was one of the ones D found, Think I'm into it question mark inside parentheses Gosh of course that was one of the ones D found so it makes me even happier good here you hear you The king is gonna Tax you all some more. Oh That's all I've got. I wish you stop putting your political opinions into this Please. Oh, no, you're so I don't want to hear it

You're so right. Um, I have a one star. That's so funny that I want to save it for last Which is why i'm like still reading five stars It's so good. It's like truly one of my favorite like last night so Yeah d helped um because it's tough to like also for us to go find the reviews because There are only so many sources and we don't want to read what the other person brings to the table. That's true too, like we needed someone to split them up for us so we don't.

And like split them up and like make sure that like we each got some that fit us well. Well last night I was talking to Dee and she was like, I have this one, it's a one star review and I don't know. She read it aloud to me and I fucking burst out laughing. It was that good. So do you have any more? I'm teasing it a little bit. Yeah, I have another five star review. Got it.

Until then, but only one more one star. Okay, I have two more one stars. I think that's it. Okay, cool, cool, cool. So here I'll just read this. Why don't you read a one star, I'll read a five star, you'll read a one star, I'll read a one star. Perfect. Let's do it.

All right, so this one is very short. It says, one star, too many negative reviews, end of review. Ha ha ha ha. You're part of the problem. Yeah, that's pretty meta. That's a thinker. Yeah. When you hit submit on that, you, yeah, you are the traffic that you're complaining about.

That's funny. I, yeah, you know what? I will say some of our tour dates though, I was looking through five star reviews and they were like really good and I'm like man there's some funny five star reviews that aren't like just like made up goofiness that are actually like good so we could probably stand out I could probably stand to some more five star no no no bullshit the whole point of this is we read negative reviews yeah that's true that's true I that's true.

No, we bring enough positivity. We bring a lot of redemptions to the table. We do, I guess. A lot. And also, like, listen, why are we gonna listen to somebody who's doing the exact same thing we're doing? Too many one-star, too many negative reviews. Here's another one, come on.

You're right, you're right, you're right. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Yeah, go write good five-star reviews Maybe we'll use them change your review I just try to read the best thing I can find if it's five-star review to five-star review But usually for the sake of comedy in our show, it's not a five-star review Exactly. Nobody comes to a podcast to listen to five-star review like boring boring boo. Okay speaking of which Here's a five-star review of boring boring boo okay speaking of which here's a five star review of beach to sandy water too wet titled my comfort podcast by

Artemis 518 I listened to beach to sandy while I was in labor because it's become such a comfort podcast for me I listen to old episodes every night to put me to sleep and new episodes aren't new to me for very long Christine and Zandi promise you'll never go anywhere please and the review oh if you insist I put one second finger on the dock maybe I'll come back maybe that finger strength you got to pull me cuz I'm paddling away I used to have to do finger exercises for piano in third grade Yeah, that's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my teacher was like you're You're you know this thing The reach you get like if you how many it's like your wingspan between your thumb and your pinky

So I could do ten I had to train my fingers to do 10 keys. Oh, you can like make that wider? I didn't know that. Mine was already really wide. So then he was like, oh, well like let's practice. And I had to, it sounds terrible. And it was. Yeah, it does sound terrible.

And my mom was like, yeah, you should keep doing these lessons. This is definitely worth a lot of money and time. They have like special gloves that just kept your fingers splayed. It's like those like Hand strengthens. Yeah. Yeah. I've got one of those Don't use it. It's sitting somewhere in a drawer With my banana slicer. Well, yeah You and our podcast

Well, you'll probably never reach 10 keys then. You know, probably not, you're right. And I know you've been trying, so. I try every day. Sorry. ["Dreams of a New World"] Let's see, I'm gonna read this one star. I think it's my last one. Let me just check real quick.

I still love the one. Every time I pass it, I used to love the show and then Zandy, whatever kind of name. Like suddenly he's so pissed about your name. Like I love this show for years. Like typed it out and was like, what the hell? The typing, this sucked. Like why is this? No one should ever type this name out.

It's about time I finally like yeah my real opinions okay so this is my last one and it is a one star review and it's called Whole Foods I once saw Zanthony at a Whole Foods first of all Zanthony is good that's a new one is good oh man I. I'm nervous. I know. I wonder, do you think Zanthony is, like, are they joking or do they think that that's your name? They're joking.

Okay. I once saw Zanthony at a Whole Foods, but decided not to come and say hi because he smelled. End of review. That's probably so- And he looked like a town crier. I'll just add that on. Accurate. I'm not one to go into Whole Foods that often, but I can say I have in the past like when was this written?

Two years ago. Oh, I wouldn't have been going in Whole Foods back. I doubt this is real Okay, I doubted it was to begin with. I think we did a Whole Foods episode Probably around that time and I also real quick when I add First of all, their username is demonic yonic whatever that means. And I feel like that's someone in my Twitch stream has some yonic name. Oh, because I remember I think demonic yonic is a fantastic username. I agree. So is Anthony.

Yeah. So it was Anthony because like ex Andy. Yeah. You know, Andy short for Anthony, right? Is that true? No, Andrew. No, it's not Andrew. But maybe they were like like ex Andy. Yeah, you know Andy short for Anthony, right? Is that true? No, Andrew No, it's not Andrew, but maybe they were like trying to be yeah Zandrew. That's good. Actually Zandrew is good. I Zanthony is is fun demonic Yannick and Zanthony is a good combo a good couple name

I will I will say I'm impressed and I hate to say this, Zandi, because it is at your expense, but typically when considering online opinions, especially when it comes to shallow, superficial things like looks, usually targeted at the female counterpart of a show, I'm just always surprised how many people talk about what you look like. And I'm sure it's like, maybe it's because people are like, oh, I don't wanna comment on Christine's looks

because that's not cool. But like Zandy can take it. He's a guy, I'll just talk about what he looks like. I don't know, but oh wait, that's not true. Actually there was a huge kerfuffle in my comments the other day about how I'm quote eyebrow blind. Oh yeah, I was gonna say that wasn't the other day, but yeah, that was like the other month, but yeah.

Well yeah, but then I posted about the other day and then it stirred some shit up again, not really. But people are trying to be nice and I know my eyebrows are stupid looking, but it's fine. Anyway, point being, I'm always surprised that it's usually about your bowl, well, I guess we do talk about the bowl cut a lot in the early episodes, maybe that's why.

Well, it was funny that one thing with the eyebrow stuff the person commented and your response was so fucking funny And like you use the situation so well and it was just like the perfect like response that didn't like Put anyone down and just kind of just was like hey like whatever like well What it was and if you pay me on patreon, maybe I'll get an esthetician or something Yeah, and the response was like you have enough money. It's like well, yeah It was something like no, I don't afford it. You're like i'm not gonna do that. It's like no No one actually thought you would but it was getting like Get the joke you were being funny with it. Like I don't know. I it's weird. Um, but yeah, someone also like recently commented, uh,

Saying something like, someone tells Andy that it's okay for guys to wear makeup. Yeah, oh, that was rude. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I, well, I responded very, my response was so poor in comparison to yours. So maybe I'm the not funny one because my response was just like,

what I was going for was something like, I didn't know that I felt that way. I remember being like, that's a little convoluted. Yeah, my response was very convoluted. I don't even remember what it was. It was so convoluted, I don't think I'd ever come up with it again. But I was so like, huh, like taking it back.

But yeah, and like, hey, for all they know, me wearing makeup is why my skin wasn't good when we were recording that episode. It was about my skin. I assume my skin wasn't good. I had some, yeah, anyway. Ah, it happens. And that one person who was like, they were upset.

They were not upset, but they like left a negative review. I don't have it, but they, I bring it up all the time about not knowing what I looked like and then finding out and being disappointed based on my voice. I love that. I like, I don't know why that just kind of tickers me. I feel like that happens all the time

and people just usually keep it to themselves. Yeah. And so I'm always just like, oh, you wanted to share that, okay. Yeah, like you're admitting to this, like this thought that we probably all have had about somebody in our lives, but like would never ever say that because it's mean.

Yeah, it was when the comments turned to Leona that I got a little fussy. I was like, no, no, no. But, cause that already has started and I don't love that. got a little fussy. I was like, no, no, no. But because that already has started and I don't love that. Very minimal, very minimal. But I guess maybe that's why I was so afraid to do one stars. I was like, I can't handle it. But these one stars are actually much better than I expected. And it's time for my favorite one. I can't wait. Here's a here's a one-star review by Melich240 Titled just gets worse as it continues

The fact that you're reading this at the end is so excellent. It's just like the fucking cherry on top. Here we go Yeah, cuz only people who disagree with this review probably made it this far. Yeah, they're never gonna hear Never gonna get this far. Wow. No, it's pretty good. Ready? It's powerful. Was dealing with the political nonsense, but Zandy bashing veterans when the bravest thing he's ever done is get out of bed before 12 just took it too far. End of review. Christina, I fucking love this. Like this person, I want to like meet them. I'm no joke. I

can't I can't deny this like they got me so good. They fucking read me so well. That's the funniest thing I ever heard. They're like I can deal with the politics. But Zandi of all people, this fucker bashing veterans. Oh my god, this fucker who, oh he's, oh my god, I can't, that's actually like one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my whole life. Because I'm sure I have bashed veterans or like maybe inadvertently while more so trying to attack the military industrial complex that we've got going on in the US and my hatred towards the system, et cetera. I've changed my mind, you're the unfunny one. But,

another fucking rant again. But yeah, they have a point, you know? What the fuck am I doing? I know, I love it. I love it so much and it's so good and so true because it's like, yeah, we're gonna bitch all about all these people and then we're gonna sit here and go, meh, people write one star reviews of us.

Listen, we know, we get it. We are so, we'd like to think that we're self-aware about these things. I wish, yeah, I wish I could just say that to these people directly. No, that's the one thing is like these people leaving, I'm like, or who probably don't listen anymore, who leave these one star reviews, I'm like,

you know, you, yeah. You got it again. It's the first time I've ever understood what businesses say when they're like, why didn't you just say something? Yeah. Like, because I never do, like, I would never say something in the moment

because I'm a chicken shit, and then I would leave, and like, I wouldn't write a review, but you know what I mean, like, I usually avoid confrontation. But this is the first time I kind of get it, where I'm like, I kind of wish I could talk to one of these people. I probably would regret it instantly.

But like the Ricky Gervais one, I would just be like, I want to pick your brain. You know, like what exactly was the line where you went, this is untenable. I can't do this anymore. You know, like what was the specific insult we said about Ricky Gervais? That we can't, that no one's ever brought up and that we don't remember, you know exactly Yeah, no, I agree and I want to the one person

I don't want to talk to is the person who said that both of us have to be funny Because I think that mystery is best left as a mystery. I agree. We don't, that, yeah, I agree. And let's not weigh in on that. Yeah, let's not have a poll going underneath this episode on Spotify about what we think because I don't think that's good for anyone because I don't think I would win. In fact, I, well, I also don't think anyone should even start thinking about it

because then you're gonna start doing that confirmation bias. Whenever I say something unfunny, you're gonna be like, see, see, I knew it. Who, me? I'm gonna start doing this? No, like listeners who voted for you are gonna be like, I see.

Who voted for me? Are gonna be like, oh shit, I was right. You know, anytime that we say something unfunny, they're gonna like be, you know, and we don't wanna sow that energy, you know? Yeah, and I think this would be a case where your votes would just matter more than any other votes this year if you're an American.

That's right. There's no other. I don't think we're voting for anything else. Not that I know. But just in case, maybe go look up voting in your area to see if you must. But only after you write us a five star review first. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're very sensitive. And I had to wake up before noon today so we deserve a win. Yeah, maybe we should appeal to these right wing, right wing listeners. Say no more, I'm in. By making, restricting voting access for our reviews. Let's gerrymander our listeners.

Let's gerrymander. It's about time. And you can, yeah, we'll make we'll put barriers to being able to give us star ratings Yeah, and certain votes won't count and so we can just like it's gonna be great get rid of them And then we'll yeah, we'll reject any results I think as long as they're negative the dairy lobby on board to my favorite. That's my favorite lobby I know it is that's why I thought them up. Oh, my favorite. That's my favorite lobby. I know it is. That's why I thought.

You brought them up. Yeah. The NRA has been dying to work with us. They've been knocking on our door for years. I don't know what they're gonna do here, but. Something very bad probably. I can't wait. Always, always.

Oh no, I should have been too political. Okay. Wow. This was actually really fun. I feel it felt a little short actually, but I don't know. I know. It was about an hour. I feel it felt a little short actually, but I know it was about an hour We I think we're good. It's just man that I could have kept going I know I'm very I'm very thankful to people who helped find these

And and we're able to kind of dig through some of the not fun ones to find more entertaining ones You know for all the mysteries that these reviews have left us with I Don't think I'll be seeking answers to any of them, despite what I may have said. And yeah, I just am so appreciative of all the people who have taken the time to write five-star reviews when we promised we'd never read them. So you know, we lied, what else is new? And it means a lot if you were one of the people who wrote a five-star, even if we didn't read it today.

So thank you. Yeah, we appreciate that. And 300 episodes worth of episodes. Gosh. And we're, I don't know, it's just so crazy that we got here. We're almost at a, we're at like what? 600.

Five and a half years into this. Oh gosh. Yeah, December. Yeah, December. 18th. Hey, 2018, so even more than five, but yeah, 300 episodes is crazy. I know, I know.

I can't wait for 600 when we read more reviews. And maybe- Is that when we're gonna do it Maybe we'll find well, maybe we do every hundred, you know Maybe we just like every hundred because that's like a year and a half two years, right? Like Almost two years So maybe every hundred episodes 100 episodes or so. We're just like hey Let's keep peek back in see if what the, get a little check, a little temperature check on how people are thinking

and feeling and if we're still too political. I guess it depends also what happens in November. And then- Oh yeah, we've, there's a- That can really turn the tides here or- A product of our society and our Catholic upbringing. Yeah, have you heard about that? We could talk about that some more.

I haven't talked about that enough this episode. I just love hearing myself talk, so. It's so true. I feel like these are also, I applaud the one-stars for at least being, for the most part, pretty on point, pretty correct. A good assessment, right? Oh, we go on a lot of tangents. We like to hear ourselves talk. We think we're funny. I don't know.

I feel like there are a lot where I was like, I mean, yeah, a hundred percent. All I can do is like shrug my shoulders and be like, okay, yes. Can't deny it. I don't blame you for not enjoying this then if that's not your thing. Uh, hope you find a podcast better suited for your entertainment needs. Again, I hope your walk with Christ goes well for you. Yes, see, we finally found God. It only took one episode, 300 episodes. I know, I found him and then I said,

here, go with all the one star viewers. They need you more than I do. So true, so true. All right. Thanks you all for listening and thanks for a successful 300 episodes. So honored to have you here Back to what just cut me out of those back to our regular scheduled programming for next week

I guess yeah looking forward to that go write a one-star five. I mean five star review Apple podcast, I think Spotify's reviews and other places IMDB apparently, you know, Gregory's like creating a movement on IMDB for us. Yeah. And I will also add, even if you don't feel like writing a review, I don't blame you, it sounds like a lot of work, especially after reading these. I don't blame you if you don't have time for that,

but if you wanna see what our upcoming themes are, I'm gonna release the newest calendar for patrons Pretty soon here because we're coming up on September And so yeah, I'm gonna post that sometime soon. So if you're a patron, you'll see that on patreon and other than that We'll see you next week See y'all then shoe sandy water too wet is a forever dog production Hosted and produced by Sandy and Christine Schieffer cover art by Courtney Aventura theme music by Mavis white executive produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. For Everdog Productions, it's Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.