Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 305: Xandy Things Because It's My Birthday

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

It's not even Xandy's birthday today. Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Summer items available now! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. ["Happy Birthday"] Happy birthday. It's your birthday. It's my birthday. Happy birthday to you.

It's not my birthday and it doesn't feel like it. Oh. Sorry, there was a weird harmony happening. That's weird. I don't know how that was going on there. It's Alexander's special birthday episode that is not that is after his birthday But it's a new tradition. It is a new tradition. I'm just kidding. We don't have to do this ever again. It's a it's a trice thrice annual

Because it's always not on your birthday is the point of it that's true. That's true and This time a year we decided we're gonna do... Oh, also we were supposed to record a Patreon and a regular episode, so I don't know which one we're doing, but I clearly decided for us... Oh, yeah, doing our main one. Determining that it's the birthday episode. I just jumped right into it. Fine with me. Folks, just real quick note. We are doing a Patreon bonus for September that is back

to school themed. And I need you to know, I went into a little bit of a little rabbit hole as usual. There's no blankets in this one, I swear, but there are some common sense media kid reviews. Wow. I found some smut. Oh, Christina, and I didn't mean to. I found like class. It all that's what they all say.

It all started at the classroom management books, I swear. Uh-oh. And I read so many reviews of those and it just made me really depressed for what teachers deal with. Because all these books were either like super religious or super like blamey of the teachers. Yeah, that's right.

So happy, back to school. A lot of teachers in the reviews were like this is bullshit. Anyway it was really funny though some of them. I like how that turned into smut somehow I don't want to know how but yeah I don't really know either. I think Amazon just was like hey maybe take a break from reading hundreds of reviews of these things. Amazon had something less upsetting. It's called amateur smut about school. Yeah, it was like professor smut. Basically, there's one was called like my professor's poll.

And I'm like, what does that even it's not even like cleverly. You say pencil, but that really kind of sounds like that. That really. Yeah. Bummer. Anyway, the reason that this is a birthday episode is because it's called Zandy Things and the original theme suggestion comes from listener and podcaster Zandy Schieffer. Christina, for a second I thought you were gonna say someone else, and I'm like, ooh, I thought this was for me.

Yeah, I know, wasn't that a fun little twist? How silly. And you'll never believe it, that's why I said it like that. And. Clever. Yeah, thank you. And it's called Zandy things and actually it was originally Zandy things because it's my birthday No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that is what we're doing here today We did start this episode and then the jackhammer didn't let us do it. Yeah, it got really loud by me It was honestly like we sat here for over and was targeted

But maybe it was an hour being like any moment now We'll be able to record and then we had to give up and we sat here like is there anything else we can do business Related while we any likes any sort of chat or work But yeah, so I put a background I have a self tape to do a couple self tapes to do today So I put this screen up hoping it lessens the noise So if you're watching this on video and you're like, why does Andy look like he's in a gray box,

really depressing gray box? It's because I kind of am in mentally and physically. It's his birthday tradition, you know, it's my birthday birthday. Leave it at me alone. It's my birthday. Apparently. Yeah. Let him do what he wants. I guess I'll start because I started last time. OK. And you did already hear this, but hopefully you forget, even though it was 48 hours.

I completely forget. I promise you. I promise you I do not know what you're about to read. This is a review of JD Salinger's nine stories. Oh, yeah. I had my first edition copy somewhere. Oh, yeah, you went and got it. I'm not getting up again.

See, we did a whole show and tell. It's the last episode. We did a whole bit, man. It wasn't really a bit. It was just it was kind of boring. I went up and grabbed my first edition copy that I found in a bookstore in Atlanta. That is one of my prized possessions. I think it was something purchased when mentally I wasn't doing great.

So it was it would definitely gave me a little boost and still does. I got it this morning. Yeah, no, I bought other things yesterday. No, yeah and it's one of my prized possessions. I love that book. It's my favorite book. Well let's read a one star review of it. Okay I forget it. By Suzanne and I will say also I mentioned this when we first started recording but you'll never hear it so let me say it here. I think this was more of a birthday gift to me because I had the greatest Greatest time searching things that were quote Zandy things as his sibling. I ignored most of the emails I only have one and was able to

Dig up my own so I'm very proud of this and for me I had the experience of seeing what emails were in there to see what people associated with me and there are things I didn't think of that. I was like, funny. I'm so curious to see what those are. They're mostly of the same type of thing actually. I kind of just got excited by some reviews and went a little ahead and never mind you'll see. I'll see. This is JD Salinger's Nine Stories One Star. I had to read Salinger in college because the teacher made us do it and because he was cool. After reading this book again, I do not like his narcissistic and precocious characters. When I read a book these days, I want it to inspire

me and to give me hope. This book is filled with hopelessness. After reading A Perfect Day for Banana Fish, I gave up and decided to throw the book into the bin for recycling. In college, I remember everyone wanted to read The racy Catcher in the Rye because it had important information in it about sex and other things your mother had told you not to read. Salinger is not as cool now that my mother isn't around anymore to censor my reading material." End of review. Now that I've grown up I am over it which is hey maybe true for many people about It feels very catcher in the rod. I don't know. It feels the exact trajectory most of us take with that novel but I will say

nine stories that's kind of the point we talked about is that it's kind of the mundane like brought to a short story. I love that shit and this hopelessness. Heck yeah. Hope I know. What do they call the protagonist precocious and something narcissistic. Absolutely like that's the thing is I don't know I hate it when people criticize okay people can have their opinions of course but to like be like oh this is bad because these characters are not like inspiring and good it's like well yeah that's kind of the point yeah just human beings. I mean but they told on themselves saying when I read a book I wanted to give me hope and I'm like, well, I guess that's fair but not all of us feel that way

I mean, maybe I do most of the time when I'm in my gray box, but Zandy no, no He leans into that hopelessness all the way Yeah, I I love it the more people that die the better. Yeah pretty much Well, I'm the one who reads a book and is like, man, that would have been a lot better if this character died. You know, I have that feeling a lot when I read that. But not always. Yeah, not always. I mean, don't worry. I enjoy a lot of books that don't have characters dying.

Yeah, he's like, God, this Harry Potter guy just won't fucking die no matter how many times they try. I'm like, okay, that's true guy just won't fucking die no matter how many times they try. I'm like, okay, that's true, though. Come on. Yeah, like this is a child at a school who's like, I'm over it. Putting a war. It's like, come on, come on.

He's drafted. And this kid's still alive, please. Yeah. I would never survive. So how could he? By the way, fucking Hemingway would never let that slide or any of these guys from back in the day. No.

Anyway, so that's, you know, Salinger's not as cool anymore now that mom's dead. So I guess it's kind of a bummer. Maybe when our mother passes, hopefully in 90 years, you'll also kind of change your tune about- I'll be like, oh, now that my mom's not around to tell me that I- To stop reading about sex.

You know, the salacious short stories, right? I read plenty of things about sex for that bonus episode. All these weird professors doing this. Don't tell Suzanne about Smudge. She's going to lose her mind. I will say there were things that like, I'm reading this review and I'm like, what? This cover and this title has nothing to do with this review turns out they just kind of get misleading sometimes to get get you in and then the story itself is fucking crazy oh this is a normal story just kidding here's his poll yeah well okay no that one was always the poll

was always implied from the beginning that was a penis that was a peen if you didn't know the poll was a professor's That was a peen. If you didn't know. Oh shit. The poll was a professor's penis. And that was true. Talk about hopeless. The whole way through. Once mom is dead, I'll read that book. OK, here's a book, not a book. Here's a review. Oh, yeah, this is from Katie She Her.

This is a product on Chewy.com of Zippy Paws, Burro Squeaky Hedge. Sorry, Squeaky Hide and Seek plush dog toy hedgehog den puzzle set. product on Chewy.com of Zippy Paws burrow squeaky hedge sorry squeaky hide and seek plush dog toy hedgehog den puzzle set. Three adorable stuffed stuffed hedgehogs with a couple holes to put them in of this little den thing. There's like this den little thing adorable and then the dog shreds it into pieces and rips the bowels out. Yeah, there's a very cute picture of the dog with the three hedgehogs right before disaster, I'm sure. Here is a five star review.

And this review is not only of my something that involves my favorite animals, hedgehogs, but this is my kind of review. Five stars. My wiener loves it. End of review. So stupid. Oh, no. You're so stupid. Oh no, I forgot about that. I totally forgot about that. I thought you, I could tell you did because I'm like, huh, she doesn't know what I'm about to say. I said holes and I went, we said something stupid last time and then I remembered you said something stupid and it was the review.

Yeah, I started the stupid thing and then you were the one who took it there to the holes in the den. Well, what do you mean I took it there? He brought us like 99% and I said it's a wiener dog. Oh Yeah, it is a wiener dog. I thought again it was his wiener. Never mind No, they didn't mean anything, but don't leave Laurie out at Laurie this morning. I don't think Laurie meant This is not this is not about the professor's poll. Yeah, my pencil loves it. This is a professor's dog. My huge pencil loves it.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't like that. Your dry erase marker. I don't like my Expo. I don't love that it has three holes in the title. And then she said, my wiener loves it. But it's fine.

It's your birthday. And if that's what you want toer loves it. But, you know, it's fine. It's your birthday. And if that's what you want to listen to and talk about, that's fine. Thank you. We got farther in this episode than I remembered because you also heard these next ones that I read or at least the start of it. Well, I was like looking at my reviews and I thought I only read one. So that's not bad to restart. I read else to do. And this one, you really had something to say

about this topic. Oh, no. Because I just never, I just, I feel like I've just pushed it a little too far. This is, wow, also this is a very penis innuendo episode. I'm reading a review of Summer Sausage. Oh, fuck.

As I continue on my- Okay, when you brought up Summer Sausage last time, we did not talk about penises. No, I know, but it's like I was about to say like, wow, another sausage, a weiner. Like this is just getting a little weird. Okay, that's true. We didn't bring up the poll last time. You're right. So I, but so the summer sausage, this is a thing that Alexander, the current vegan doesn't love that I talk about all the time, but it's like one of my fondest memories of him

because we lived together and it was a very specific time of life. Like he mentioned last time, yeah, maybe it was only a brief summer that he was- I had one time, I think, I bought a summer sausage, which for those who don't know is like a salami. It's like a hard meat, cured meat, I don't know, smoked, I don't know what it is.

But it comes looking at like a salami and you can like unpeel it and I'd eat it like a banana. I'd unpeel the plastic and just like grip it and just chew it. He didn't eat it like a banana. He would like gnaw on it like he was a little mouse and then like just like chew bites off of it. Okay, maybe that's more accurate.

It was like a mouse eating a banana. Oh, God. And I accept made of meat. And then he would leave it on his desk for several hours. And so it was more like I had a clipboard and I was kind of just observing his behaviors, like as as an unemployed person who needed a hobby, I was just kind of witnessing this action take place. And I found it disturbing but I also kind of felt like I wanted to contribute to the problem so for his birthday I got him a summer sausage from Trader Joe's I think of all the summer sausages I've like when you count all the summer sausages I've owned and possessed in my life probably two-thirds of them came from you and by that I mean two of them

and one of them came from me they were by that I mean two of them and one of them came from me. They were birthday gifts. Yeah. So you chose to like make this a thing, even though just once I was in a dark place and needed to gnaw on some sausage. And then it became a running joke and you gave me more sausage to gnaw on. And then later you're like, it's so gross. It's so disgusting. I'm like, well, whose fault? Your fault. Yeah I guess I'll take blame for that. This is a one-star review from the website hickoryfarms.com and this is by Nancy S and the title is sausage recipe has changed frowny face. I sent this sausage to a good friend who used to love the sausage but you turkeys changed the recipe.

Now he hates it. I will never send this product to anyone ever again. Get it right. Go back to your old sausage recipe. End of review. Wait, when was this review written? Seven years ago. Oh, okay.

I was wondering if it was one of those like COVID, like lost taste type of things. Oh my God. He calls her like sick on his deathbed. Like I fucking hate that sausage you sent me Nancy. It doesn't taste like anything. Yeah. Yeah. But I did say something funny last time I thought they said you turkeys because it was from a turkey sausage. Yeah, that was funny. Turkeys. Yeah, it's a lot

funnier the second time. I thought so, especially when you prophesied it by saying that you said something funny. And I will say they have a turkey sausage recipe and a beef sausage recipe that you can review online. And there was some heated debate on there about which one is better. I felt pretty grossed out by all of the commentary because it got a little too detailed. Yeah, it's something that I now find gross. So I'm with right there with you, even though this is something I used to really enjoy partaking in. Yeah, it's just giving a good gnawing on that thing on that stick. Yeah, when I read when I if you know in the sausage long enough, I mean, like, here's

what I'll say. If I read a review, I want to be filled with inspiration and hope. And I will say the summer sausage reviews left me with nothing but bleak despair. I want to be filled with summer sausage. Yeah, I know. Don't we all? But yeah, it's look, people eat Slim Jims. No one bats an eye, you know? And yet I have like a really thick, stout Slim Jim. Okay. And people are freaking out. It's basically a Slim Jim. I would argue no one freaked out. I would say maybe you're the only one having kind of

a large, larger than life emotional reaction. I would not be surprised if at the time you did freak out. Just like when Blaze freaked out at the way I ate pizza, crushed in. But see, I feel like you're not understanding that like you are the common denominator here. And if it weren't your birthday birthday I'd probably harass you more. It's not even my birthday right now or when this is coming out. I do feel like

you kind of lead us into these jokes by eating a pizza a whole entire frozen pizza that has been has been baked it It's not frozen anymore, but he eats it crust inward like a little mouse. So it was the perfect size of our plates that we had. It was. I didn't want to. And I didn't want to cut it. So I would I brought it onto the couch, put the pizza on the plate, put it right up to my mouth and scooted it in towards my mouth and just just bit on the crust, you know, In front of all of us, in front of everyone.

Yeah. With no commentary. I mean, and it's, you know, it's one thing to do that in the privacy of your own room. But. I didn't eat in my room upstairs. I wanted to eat with my loved ones. I wanted to feel a sense of community in our living room.

I wanted, I wanted people to love me for who I am. room. I wanted I wanted I wanted I wanted people to Love me for who I am and why push and how I eat pizza then why push us so far away. I Just have you guys the pizza slid like toward his mouth on the plate and he just started nibbling at the crust and we All stared at him thinking is this some sort is he gonna explain? Okay, no, Blaze went, Christine, look at what your brother's doing. Get down here right now. He was freaking out. I don't, I don't really blame him, but I bring this up all the time because look, look, you got to do what you got to do.

Sometimes you're not up for cutting the pizza. How else are you going to eat it? I will say, I think the like running theme through all this is that it's always when you're in a pretty gray box, like a pretty when you're in your it. I'm sorry. I think the like running theme through all this is that it's always when you're in a pretty gray box like a pretty when you're in your gray box is when this these things happen and so it is it feels to your loved ones speaking of which a little extra alarming because it's like oh it's physically manifesting now in behaviors that are Uncouth and yeah, so let's point and laugh

that are uncouth and yeah so let's point and laugh yes yes now you get him out of this we mock the shit out of you until you feel a little bit better it makes a lot of sense yeah okay my next one is a review of a lighthouse oh good this one is of Cape May lighthouse this was sent in by Brie here we go went there Went there to look, when I got to the top, I had an accident in my pants. Turns out heights are something I'm afraid of. As for my money back, but was not accommodated, I had to drive all the way back to Lakewood with a mess in my pants.

And of course- Oh no, honey. I would have, the way I would have just chucked the money back, like, you know what? Take it. You deserve this money and the guy before you. Take both of your money back. Yeah, stop dripping on our floor. Take the money and leave. you know what, take it. You deserve this money and the guy before you. Take both of your money back. Yeah, stop dripping on our floor. Take the money and leave.

Get away from my office. I have to be in here till five. Yeah. Oh no. I like that. What a beautiful revelation though that you wet your pants and then think, I wonder why that happened. You know, instead of kind of saying, oh, I'm afraid. And then peeing and saying that was, it almost feels like the more intellectual understanding of her phobia or their phobia. It was like an instinct. It was like instinctively, I peed my pants.

Wasn't sure why until I realized it must be the height. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't think it ever works that way. Intellectualizes it. I could be wrong. I know. I'm like maybe you just really had to pee and you're trying to find an excuse, you know? But maybe don't climb any more lighthouses. Because if driving home with a mess in your pants, just so sad. God, this is a bleak episode, Alexander. Yeah. And I don't know if I have anything that will make us feel any better. I'm also filming this in a fucking gray looking box.

It's so depressing. It really looks upsetting like you're in some... It looks like you're about to do a VHS tape about the rules at the warehouse rules at some temp job. You know what I mean? You say VHS? Oh, VHS? VHS.

They said VH1. I was like, they do that on VH1? You look like you're doing an MTV confessional. No, you don't look nothing like that. You look like you're doing a VHS tape about how you shouldn't ride a forklift unless you're certified. Anyway, I have a review here of a summer sausage on hickoryfarms.com. Oh another? Oh good. But I'm hoping this gets us out of the bleak spot we're in because this is a five star review. The title is bought for my dad. Now Alexander, I just want you to kind of take a moment

and kind of just reflect and see if there's any similarities here between you and maybe this person's dad. Just a thought. Okay. person's dad just a thought okay I bought this for my dad for Father's Day he received it in time he got his package before Father's Day which was awesome he was happy I don't know if he has tried it yet but I do know his refrigerator went out right at the time of receiving this gift so he's busy dealing with that issue I guess I hope it was a tasty gift. End of review.

Check on your dad. Yeah, check on your dad. He might have anything like me. He was eating that unrefrigerated thing of meat for days. Alexander ate that thing unrefrigerated and we had a perfectly operable refrigerator. So, you know. So I laid the groundwork to show this dad that it can be done. It's okay. It can be done.

Better men than he have done it, aka me. That's right. Although it sounds like we might have to do a follow up because that was written three months ago. I don't know if it feels weirdly like it's like since it's so recent, like they're probably not morning there. They're not done morning whatever happened to this man. You know, it feels it feels too recent.

It does. What was I saying? Oh, the COVID thing earlier where the guy called on his deathbed. I feel like this just keeps being a recurring theme. Like weird. I haven't heard from my dad since Father's Day. Yeah, to be fair, we did happen to go out that day and I did happen to buy him a bunch of meat. Anyway, I hope he's doing OK and it tastes good.

All is good. Wow. To be fair, we're the ones bringing nobody else. No one has said a summer sausage has killed anyone. Nobody except for the two of us. So and so far, I don't know what else you have. Is it just reviews of summer sausage all the way down? I know. Is it just reviews of Summer Sausage all the way down? I know that that's what you want, Summer Sausage all the way down, but that's the last one. Okay, shoot.

Bummer. Bummer, indeed. Here is a review. This is a St. Joseph North Pier Inner Lighthouse. This was sent in by Matt and Jen. Here we go. I don't mind paying for parking. In fact, I'm all for it. But my husband and I are here on vacation and we have seen people making out several times. And yes, I mean sex. I think since we pay for parking

that the patrols can also focus on walking around the beach area to see what's going on. End of review. Because you paid for parking? You deserve a make out free zone? No, I think since they paid for parking, the patrols should also be allowed to watch people make out. They just said they want they think I think since we pay for parking, the patrols can also focus on walking around the beach area to see what's going on You want the patrols to see what's going on? Hey check out the hood of my car What this is unhinged no they they they want something done about it They want something they want the patrols to get to see it and do something about it lay down the law

But the do something about it was implied so it law. But to do something about it was implied. So it's funnier to think that they just want them. Hey, give them a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They should be part. They should be in on the action. Wolf. OK. Yes, I do feel like that is these both of these lighthouse reviews are things that I did not expect would occur at a lighthouse bodily evacuations and just a hot makeout zone and the most shocking literally those are things I expect

to happen when I go to a lighthouse so I don't know what the fuck you're talking about but the most shocking of all so far has been I like paying for parking never heard that my life Not a single reviewer has ever said that first time. He said I don't mind first time for everything. I Wanted to pay double for parking Is what he said so Alright, it's becoming fall. There's so many things to look forward to I'm not gonna list them all because you all already know because I talk about it all the time.

But one of the big things that I think is worth mentioning is my quince. Oh, oh, that. Sorry. Yes. And also my quince wardrobe, which has mostly sweaters and I cannot wait to wear all of them on tour this fall. Heck yeah. For example, quince is known for their Mongolian cashmere

sweaters. Oh yeah, that sounds fancy, right? Well, they start at just $50. And it's not just that. All Quince items are priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands. But how are they able to do that? Well, by partnering directly with top factories and cutting out the cost of the middleman, which

passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices. Get cozy in Quinn's high quality wardrobe essentials. Go to quince.com slash beach to sandy for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q u i n c e dot com slash beach to sandy to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinn's dot com slash beach to sandy.

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If you don't know I just love lighthouses. I've seen a lot of them and I know I have a lighthouse passport I don't know if everyone knew that anyway, I nine What? This is where the local flag youth flag football team stop Christina. Are you serious? I need you to understand that I looked up multiple locations and had to ask mom which one it was. I hope she's not wrong. She told me it was this one. Christina, you're freaking me out. There was fanatics, flag football, and I thought it was that.

She said, no, no, something different in Blue Ash. I said, I nine. She said, yes, that's the one. So I don't know if that's true, but that's what she told me. I mean, that sounds right. Where is it? I need like to look at it, you know?

I- This is crazy. Okay, nevermind. You just go ahead. I'm, this is, yeah, this looks right. I'm freaking out. This is why I was so excited about Zandy things. I just love to dredge up the past. I played flag football briefly.

For like two hours I think? I don't even know if we ever mentioned that. Did you say for two hours? Maybe two days. I played a full season, we like won. We were the best team in the league. I had to go to the game and it felt like eternity. It felt like you were there for six years.

I was like, the thing is, I was never an athlete, but I was like the oldest on my team. And so I was a fucking monster rock star on that team. I was playing quarterback, I was playing wide receiver, I was doing all sorts of shit. I was killing it. Once I fell on that woman's coffee. Oh yeah.

And it exploded all over me. That was exciting Yeah, well, I played hard. I was into that Yeah, you were um, I was not but you were and I wish you had stuck with it because now when you go to these there's a couple of them and if you go to their websites, they all have these like inspirational YouTube videos where they put like stock music, you know royalty free music about like, like basically just the kind of like go get them action music and then they have all these kids and it's just like a 30 minute fucking compilation

of somebody filming all these kids just like running and running and looking serious and throwing the football and you and knocking over a woman's car, I wish, that would have been way more entertaining. But then apparently they went to like Paycore Stadium and like played a game on the Bengals field. And I was like, oh, Zandy missed all the good times. Here's a one-star review.

This company is run by a husband and wife in the Anderson Township area. They go around and take down signs from other companies who are just trying to get youth kids involved in sports. I think that just goes to show how they run their organization. This should be about kids and the sports, not about territories. End of review. What the heck? That's drama. They go around taking down signs. And I will say, since you did it, since you were on this team, they've had a few competitors pop up. And it sounds like there's a little bit of in-fighting there. That's kind of hilarious.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's pretty funny. I love the one star, like, they're taking down the signs and I'm like, that's hilarious. And they're like, it's not hilarious, it's terrible. And I'm like, I mean, yeah, it's terrible, but it's also very funny, you have to admit. From our distance, you know, where we are. From this distance where we're not remotely affected, it's terrible, but it's also very funny. You have to admit. From our distance, you know, where we are. From this distance where we're not remotely affected.

It's pretty funny. And where I'm thinking of that random blip in my life where I was on a flag football team. A very irrelevant part of all of our lives. It's so fucking wild. I just, I cannot believe I did that. That seems so strange. Okay.

Why didn't you go back, for real? I thought you didn't like it. I don't think that was I think I aged out. I'm pretty sure I was like, you were 19. I'm pretty sure. Could you imagine that would be hilarious. He comes home from college for the summer. That would be hilarious. He joins in.

Like I'm back here. Childhood football team. Wait, that's actually amazing. I have one more here from Matt and Jen. They're lucky with all their lighthouses up there. This is a Beaver Head lighthouse, and this is on Beaver Island. Are you familiar with Beaver Island, the Michigan area? It just pings something in my brain.

Okay. I have a little bit of some lore for you after reading this. So here's a five star review of Beaverhead Lighthouse, okay? Okay, so I think my great, great, great, great grandpa was the lighthouse keeper. Also, my uncle killed the self-proclaimed King of Beaver Island. End of review. What? He usur served the throne, Christina.

And then I got into a fucking rabbit. Remember when I I'm sorry, it's called a Beaver Dam. Can you please just I got into this beaver's dam. No, for real, though, I do not think that I know this. I thought I thought I had like some memory of this. But now that you're saying it, I have no clue what's going on. So the guy who was assassinated, the former king of Beaver Island, was James Jesse Strang who was an American religious leader, politician, and self-proclaimed monarch. And he was a

success, he had been appointed a successor of Joseph Smith. Oh, it all comes out down to the fucking Mormons. Always does. Yeah. And then, um, uh, then like he started his own like continuation of Mormonism that like is like straying ism. I don't know some bullshit. I it's this Wikipedia page is lengthy and annoying. But there is a section that is coronation and troubled reign on Beaver Island.

So he gets coronated king of Beaver Island. Yeah. And then people start talking. People are like, well, this this guy, he was accused of treason, counterfeiting, trespassing on government land and theft, along with other crimes. And then he was brought to trial in Detroit and President Miller Fillmore. Oh my God.

Asked the US District Attorney to investigate these rumors about the colony and he successfully, his defense was successful and he got a lot of favorable press. And he was like, you know what, maybe I should get a seat on the Michigan State Legislature. Yeah, why not take this one step further?

And he did successfully. Shut up. And then he, and then they were like, well, maybe we shouldn't allow him. Let's deny him this seat. And then he was allowed to address the legislature into his defense.

And then they voted twice, first unanimously, then a second time by 49 to 11 margin to allow King Strang to join them. So the House of Representatives was like, okay, this guy gets our vote. He's okay. He's not that bad. And he did pass some random things. Like he did some like, and, and there was a quote that says like, it turns out he's all these things I heard about him. He's just a normal dude.

And he's conducted himself with the degree of decorum and proprietor. That's fair. With the degree, degree of decorum and propriety which have been equaled by his industry sagacity, I don't even know what that means, good temper, apparent regard for the true interests of the people and the obligations of his official oath. So they're like, this is a great politician, this guy, the king of Beaver Island. You have to understand that he built his entire campaign on the backs of these beavers and then he gets into office and he does stuff for people? Yeah. What kind of fucking ruler is that? Yeah. Yeah. So no, I'm there a lot of like anti-Mormons and like excommunicated Mormons who like conspired against him. And there was someone, Thomas Bedford,

who had been flogged for engaging in adultery with another member's wife who blamed him. And then another, Hezekiah D. McCulloch, who had been excommunicated for drunkenness and other alleged misdeeds. And they conspired against him and ended up shooting and killing him. They killed him. Wow. Okay. So he was assassinated. And he yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he like, didn't die immediately. So like when he asked he was dying, though, he didn't like name anyone to take care of or to like to like take over as king or anything. Like there was no successor to the throne type thing. And so, yeah, he died.

And then they had a like a trial, but it was like more of a mock trial. And they charged the people on trial for killing him a dollar and 25 cents a piece for court costs and then released them where they were celebrated by local citizens. Jesus Christ. Okay so wow wow yeah what a time to be alive. Yeah yeah so then they kind of just like I don't know the Apostles like did what they could and they like he told them he's like await divine instruction and lol I think I imagine none of them actually received any instruction but I think some of them some of this followers like branched out that's when they gotta go oh yep I

received divine instruction I got this crazy dream and this angel came and he told me to write it down and also it's really racist so maybe I should be the next successor to the throne that's what you should do that's how that's how all this shit happens effectively. I'm reading one more sentence I promise is the last one. Go for it. This is the funniest one I think. While proving to be a key player in the 1844 succession struggle Strang's long-term influence on the Latter-day Saint movement was minimal. So basically, all of this was for very little. But his effect on government politics

will last forever, thank you. Well, it did have random things of like, yeah, he was involved in this, the sectioning off of these counties or some shit, some very random things that- He would be a gerrymanderer. He might have a couple things that still have his influence in Michigan.

But anyway, Matt and Jen, thank you for sending me down that rabbit hole. I'm sorry that I brought everyone else down there with me. But I'm sure I didn't do a great job of actually talking about the history, but it was fun. Oh, don't you have a review of it? I already read it. What was it? The person killed it. The person's like, my uncle killed him.

Oh my God, I forgot that this was all related to that. Okay, wait, so they're saying my great grandpa was the, who did they say? Was the lighthouse keeper. Oh, LOL, this poor guy's like, I'm just the lighthouse keeper. This fucking man showed up and says he's the king. Yeah, so basically this uncle was either was okay

Well, maybe not either because it seemed like there are multiple conspirators that were not mentioned But it was like oh this guy who was flogged for adultery and this guy who was drunken and disorderly Who made were the main conspirators successfully assassinated this person? Maybe my uncle Yeah, I gotta say when I read was on Wikipedia and I saw the word assassination, I'm like, oh shit. And I was like, oh yeah, well, I guess he was a king and politician. King is in heavy air quotes. King, okay, I was like, that's, yeah.

Wow. What a wild time, anyway. Man, the 18, whatever the fuck was just fucking- Imagine the president being like hi I heard rumors about some king island in Michigan that has a king a Mormon King can someone please check on that like I can't hear that I don't hear the phonograph no what's it called the telegraph okay so I have another review of I9 Sports Flag Football. No. This is a one-star review and I know that I particularly have a

fascination with the misgivings of artificial intelligence, but I need to read to you this review because Angela clearly told ChatGBT to write a review for her. And this is what came, cause I read it and I went, that's not a review, but then- There's something off. Yes, it's very off. So here's what it says, one star.

It sounds like your experience with i9 Sports was quite disappointing. From what you shared, the scheduling issues, lack of fundamental coaching, and the rushed nature of the games and events really impacted the overall experience. The fact that your team played during the hottest part of the day and had to deal with safety concerns, like a kid overheating, makes it even more concerning. Additionally, the logistics of the celebration party being scheduled during your game and located far from the field seems poorly planned given these issues It's understandable why you wouldn't recommend i9 sports end of review. Oh

My god bananas that is bananas. So this person this person was I Literally just it's this is in my head because I just read an article or read an article Read the headline of an article, read the headline of an article, which is most of what I do about Mark Benioff, the CEO of Salesforce using chat GPT for therapy. I don't know how I didn't read the article, so it might have been taken out of context. But yeah, I was like, so that's what I was thinking of here is like, oh, this sounds like you're really this AI is giving like some weird AI empathy for the situation

by trying to be like, you're right, lady, like, or you're right, buddy. Like, yeah, yeah, literally just repeating what you said to be like, yep, you're right. That's frustrating. But I bet if you put things that were like, weren't even remotely said to be like, yup, you're right, that's frustrating. But I bet if you put things that weren't even remotely frustrating, it would be like, yeah, that is frustrating when that happens. Yeah. So creepy, it's creepy. It's, yeah, it is creepy.

And the way that she just copy pasted it in, I was like, what a weird, like your robot is telling the review now. It's just so weird to me. I don't know, I don't know why. Anyway, that's it. Oh, this is what my AI therapist had to say about this situation. I'm on the free trial though, so you won't see another one of these. Alexander, the i9 sports that I just pulled up has 21 reviews on Yelp and a 1.1 average rating. Yeah, because I beat all those kids up.

Like, I was so good. I'm sure that's why. They were like, let this, they all wanted me out. Here it is, Angela. They were like, this guy's too good of an athlete. So I wanted to find Angela real quick because I wanted to see if she does this for all her reviews. Oh, no.

She just tested it out for that one and went right back to, a week later went right back to first person reviews. Strange, that's strange. That's really weird. That weirded me out that review. I thought so too. That was uncomfortable. Huh. Okay. My next one, this is sent in by Hannah

and Hannah has some info for us. Hannah said, I just had to submit a lighthouse review for a Zandy theme, and you know what? I'm not complaining that all these are lighthouses because I fucking love lighthouses. I knew they would be, which is why I went off the fucking rounds. Yeah, I'm glad you did.

I mean, it's fine. It would have been fine if you didn't. But Hannah did say, it feels illegal not to send in a lighthouse review. And here we go. Gay Head Light was the first lighthouse built on Martha's Vineyard in 1799. And in a cool conservation move was relocated 125 feet

in 2015 due to the clay cliffs eroding below. Is this the one you've talked about? No, that's a different relocated lighthouse. Yeah, that's fascinating though I didn't realize that this one and it looks very similar like the process How they would like yeah, how they like put it on like these like rail track things and just move it slowly, but surely Yeah, pretty cool. That is cool. And it's a good-looking lighthouse. Anyway, what as if any aren't just kidding There are some that are super

Here is a one-star review of gay headlight wasn't gay enough not enough pride frowny face end of review i mean it's so stupid i love it they're onto something maybe maybe i mean it doesn't look, yeah. I mean, in my mind, Martha's Vineyard, it's like, oh, they're trying to be kind of like preppy, you know, but I feel like if they wanted to, they could really get some excitement going by leaning into this.

Although I imagine whomever this lighthouse is named after in the eighteen, seventeen whatevers probably wouldn't be thrilled that his name was being used to celebrate. That's a good question. I mean, I don't know that for a fact, I can only just assume based on most men's moral principles in the seventeen hundreds. No, you're you're you're probably right. But yeah, I guess they like Martha's Vineyard is, they're not they don't feel the need to be any gayer than they are because there's like, there's Fire Island, which is that's nearby. Is it nearby? I actually don't know. There's Fire Island, there's P-Town, but that's in Cape Cod. I don't know where all this shit is. but. I don't know, yeah, I feel pretty ignorant, especially when I like kind of live near, like now that I'm living in New York

and I'm kind of Northeast adjacent now. But you're usually in Nantucket. I think. I think. Famously. Yeah. Famously. No, I was just in Montauk the other week.

Oh, ooh la la. But not for, man, it it's when you drive through like downtown Montauk and see the people walking around and like the types of people that like are out to dinner or out to the bars and stuff. It's like a different world, is it? It's like a different world. It's like a weird little very weird preppy bubble that's like really creepy. It's strange out there.

You would be. So loud. I would be so loud. Like it's one thing when it's like really creepy. It's strange out there. We would be so loud. I would be so loud. Like it's one thing when it's like neighborhoods in Cincinnati, you know, like certain neighborhoods in Cincinnati. You're like, oh, okay, this is like the preppy neighborhood. You go to like Montauk, that area and you see the houses and you see what's going on. Oh, it's all just on. It's all on theme. They know what they're doing. Anyway, I'm reading about this gay head light. I'm trying to figure out who it's named after.

Oh, it's named after the cliffs, the gay head cliffs. Oh god, well then who are the cliffs? It's gay all the way down. There's actually a shape of a head in the cliffs and someone was like, that guy looks gay. Oh, that's how it started. That's actually true. As I'm googling, they had cliffs. And he was just smiling. They met happy. They didn't realize that the word would someday have more connotations.

No, literally, though. Wait, are you being English settlers saw the craggy colored cliffs on the headlands of Vineyard Sound and thought them gay, a term that meant something much different back then. Oh, my God. I was joking because they were like they're different colors. Oh, yeah, I see it now. I hadn't I didn't realize this.

They're like kind of colorful, like oranges, like brown. So it is gay. Yeah. Also, it was like men as gay as gay and gay festive. What's that? It's also like colorful, colorful. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, cool. I guess the lighthouse just doesn't like reflect that as reflect. I mean, the lighthouse is is like. It's not very.

It's beautiful. It's it's it's it's very it's very it's stately. It's stately. I figured. What a good way to put it, what a stately lighthouse. But imagine when it's being rolled. It probably looks a little silly. When they put it on its side and just like rolled it down. Yeah, that's how they did it. Yeah.

It's gotta look a little whimsical. It's gotta. It did. It did. There was whimsy there. There sure was. Okay, I have a, let's see. I'm done with, thank God, the one, the I9 Sports. I'm gonna close all my lighthouse and Martha's Vineyard tabs. OK, I'm ready. Sorry. Did you see that Chrome now like bunches tabs together?

No, I use Firefox. Oh, OK. Well, Chrome now like organizes your tabs, so it'll be like all your lighthouse tabs will be in like one little section. It's weird. I should try that. Maybe. Yeah, it's kind of cool. OK, I have something here called Crab Boil Av. Oh! And this is something we actually talked about

together recently. Let me text you the picture because when we, this is the same period as the summer sausage, the same dark days of the summer sausage. We were living in Glendale, California and there was a restaurant called Crab Boil Av and Alexander just got it in his head that he wanted all of us to go there.

And much like my reaction to the summer sausage, my first instinct was to vehemently oppose this idea. And we went once eventually as kind of a bit. Yeah. I get really obsessed over things that I've never actually experienced or like truly want to experience. Yeah but you get obsessed over them because they have kind of something upsetting about them like not upsetting necessarily but like off-putting. It's like a counterculture thing. That's sure you got that's exactly what it is. It's called counterculture it's called C crab oil. I've although now It's not called crab oil. I have is now called crab Avenue because they have rebranded

Lame, but I'm sending you a picture of their website Zannie because wow does it look Cool Wow, I Just love this food lover is a letter to food lovers, food lovers. Come on over to Crab Avenue and try our Cajun style crab boil and seafood delights located in the beautiful city of Glendale, California. That makes it seem as if like people are going to be. Tourists to Glendale, California, in order to go to Crab Avenue.

Yeah, we lived in Glendale. We know pretty well that it's not necessarily Like I wouldn't call it beautiful. It was fine No, yeah, it's fine. It was nice. Like I thought it was a very good transition from living in since growing up in Cincinnati I oh, it's like a summer going to like LA area very suburbs and like very like okay And then it made me eager to actually live Yeah, yeah, so so this is a one star review of Crab Avenue And this is by Mitch

This restaurant has a tricky menu be careful end of review I'm so afraid of that. I think anything... Yeah, that would scare me, actually. With giant claws all over their website, like crab claws and other lobster claws. I don't want any tricks. I don't want any tricks. No, I don't want any tricks either.

I want to keep my fingers attached to my hands. Right, and it's so clear the name crab boil Avenue. I mean, now crab Avenue is a little bit less clear, but it's still pretty clear. So I don't like the idea that it's a tricky, tricky menu. At least with crab boil Avenue, have you know that the crabs are getting boiled so they are not harming you? At least they're dead. At least, you know, they're getting harmed. Yeah. But with crab Avenue, it's like, are they just unboiled

walking around this avenue? Is this oh, are they? The maitre d. Oh, snip, snip. Let me show you to your table. A major crab. Major crab. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I tried to find I just Googled Crabwell Avenue, and I'm getting all sorts of restaurants in my area instead.

Apparently in Kentucky, there's a Mr. Crab House. There's a wow, there's some wild shit around here. Cincy Crab? I don't think. A crab restaurant in Cincinnati is going to be. Why are there so many of them, though? There are? In Cincinnati!

No, I know of at least one. Mr. Crab House, Crafty Crab. There's a lot. They love their crab, I guess. No, I'm familiar with one. Hold on, there's one that I drive by a lot. I forget what it's called. But yeah, I had that thought when I saw it and I'm like, huh, why?

Why here? Why here? Why here? Why in Cincinnati? May I ask? May I ask that? May you? You may, but I'm not going to answer. They sell Fiji water at this place. Oh, yeah, the one I was thinking of, Taco Bout Crab. OK, I'm not kidding there.

Why are there so many motherfucking crab restaurants in Cincinnati? At least Glendale is near an ocean. It's just that's true. Perhaps that I don't. That's true. I don't like I do not like the fact that people are in Kentucky eating crap. Look, don't get me wrong, I guess, with like. I don't know.

For all we know, the people in Glendale get it from like a fucking they all get it from the same like warehouse in Kansas. Warehouse. Yeah, seriously, I guess. But I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, what I will say is I'm looking through the menu and as much as it's pretty unappealing to me, I don't find it to be particularly tricky, but maybe that's part of it. Maybe that's the thing is that's how they get you in.

Then in person, that's you have to dodge the crabs. Oh, shit. I love the served in a metal tray or a plastic bag. You don't know which one. It's just going to happen. You just don't know. I will say when I went to was that seafood place, Southern California, I was like south of L.A. And there's this place that's like a and they have like a they have a bunch of different places. Anyway, there was like this crazy seafood place, San Pedro, San Pedro, like fish market

or something. And you'd go down there and you'd like wait in line and get a tray and they'd like dump it all on there. Whatever seasoning you want. Is there world the world famous shrimp tray? Okay. But yeah, no. And before I was vegan, I would I went there and had a great time.

And it was just like a fun experience to go and it was like a huge line. But it went pretty quick. Well, they just opened one in the Kenwood Mall. So if you want to come, it's next to the P.F. Chang's and the Bath and Body Works. Nice. Yeah. Only two things open anymore. That's right. And that's only three things I need at the mall. So I'm there all the time.

You go to both the Seafood market and the pf Chang's well in the same trip. I do the seafood market And then pf Chang's for dessert and then because my nose is just so overwhelmed by all of that I go into bath and body works and try a little Japanese cherry blossom just to kind of clear the sinuses. Palette Cleanser. Palette Cleanser. You clear it cleanse your palace with the Japanese cherry blossom scented products at Bath and Body Works.

Got it. Just making sure I've got one more for us. This is sent in by Jacqueline. She her who sent in a review of a Snorlax pillow. And I was like, this is why why Snorlax? And then I realized because of that time I traded my holographic Snorlax Pokemon card. I always call you Snorlax, but in my head at least. Yeah, I was gonna say. Yeah, I don't think you do that. I don't even always do that. It's more like just a mental thing. So I was like, is she reading?

She just looks at me and thinks snorlax, which is fine. I Accepting to me. Yeah and to me And here's a five-star review of said pillow which I think I have and I don't know if a listener gave it to me Or I have one too in here. So maybe Are you thinking of the one I have that used to be in my office? No. Oh, okay. I have my own Snorlax below, I thought.

I won one in a claw machine with Rachel and Eva. Maybe that is what I'm thinking of. No, I think I have my own. I don't remember. I don't remember. I spent way too much money on that thing. Well, here we go. This is, how about this much money?

Five stars. I feel like $30 is a little steep, but I saw this and loved it immediately. I didn't buy it right away, but weeks later I was still thinking about it so I went back and bought it. I've had it for a month now. It's soft, well made, plushy, my favorite color, and it's Snorlax! Super happy Snorlax now sleeps on my bed all day in typical Snorlax fashion. End of review. That is so lovely. It made me happy.

Wow, what a, okay, what a well-rounded review where they say, you know, it was a little pricey, so I waited, but then I realized, you know what? I can't get this thing out of my mind. I think it's worth that 30 bucks. Then I waited a month to really experience him in my home and do like a trial period. And you know what, it all checks all the boxes. I'm happy. Yeah, it wasn't like the other reviews that would maybe leave a review immediately either negative or positive. It was you know, let's let's sleep on this for many, many sleeps. For many sleeps. Before we give a true honest review. I love that.

I will say I, on the other hand, went into a hotel we were staying in. I think it was in Anaheim, and they had one of those rooms where it had all these like little claw machines and games. And I spent far too much money. At the hotel? Yeah. That's dangerous.

Immediately on trying to get the Snorlax. And the amount of money I spent. Probably above $30. I would say perhaps less, but still at the time, it felt unnecessarily. So you might have gotten a good deal. I may have just didn't feel like it at the time. And I will say it did once I finally won because it was

dopamine rush I was like Couple days into your trip. Oh, yeah only took me only took me several days, but you know, I worked hard for that thing So yeah, no, that's true. This person didn't Spent the money cheating it. So this is from Gregory. It's the last one I have, and it is a redemption of Hedgehog Cafe. Oh, is this in Japan? It sure is. It's in Osaka. It's a hedgehog themed cafe.

And if you want to know what this place is about, look no further, because Paul gives us a pretty clear understanding of how it goes. Five stars. I wasn't sure what to expect. This was my first ever pet cafe. So if you've never been, don't expect you're going to be having a coffee and nibbling a cake with animals in cages. You book your time slot, buy treats for the hedgehog, and then get to interact with the

pet for the whole time. The cute little hedgehog sitting in your lap while you pat it And feed them treats it is really great end of review. Oh, and of course there's photos, but I can send those to you separately But wow does this look adorable? Wow does it look adorable? But I love the idea like don't think you're just gonna sit around and eat while these poor animals watch you from cages and just Want a bite of your food like what what a fucked up place that would be. Yeah, like a zoo actually.

It sounds like a zoo. It's called a zoo, yeah. It's called a very niche zoo. Very niche zoo. Yeah, I just went to a cat cafe in St. Louis and had the grandest time. It was just so lovely, having all these kitties crawling around.

When was this? When the weekend you had your show in St. Or we had our show in St. Louis. Where, I didn't know you went to a cat cafe. Yeah, I spent the weekend in St. Louis. Oh, with your friends, yeah, okay, true. I was like, I forgot, because in my mind it was just like you, me, mom.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, did you guys all go to a fucking cat cafe and not tell me? No, no. Yeah, I would love to go. You were already gone by that point. I left, yeah. I would love to go to a hedgehog cafe. I think that would be me too. I'm curious how that works because I know like, I don't know, cats are like, yeah, they, I don't know.

So I don't know how it works. I fear for them. Gregory sent several reviews and I read quite a few and you can adopt the hedgehogs. They're very, and there were a few, there was one in the States too I think that he sent reviews of, but there was somebody who said like, our hedgey passed away and so my sons and I went here and we're just learning the temperaments of the different ones and ended up adopting one

and taking it home. I mean it was just really sweet. And then apparently what they do is they, you sit down and then they like assign you one hedgehog to just hold and take care of. So it's not like you're just running around and there's I was like, I'm going to fucking step on a hedgehog. No, no, no, you you're like kind of a and one girl was complaining like my boyfriend and I both got assigned the same one. Like, why don't we each get one? And I'm like, oh my gosh, like, come on. But it's just

really sweet. And then you hold them in a blanket on your lap and just kind of pet it. Okay, that's cute. Have your coffee. Like it's just very charming. It's not like as chaotic and as a cat cafe might be. No, and I think in Japan, probably especially,

they probably have this shit like lined up. Like, you know how they have just weird activities where you're like, how do you pull that off? But somehow they do. It feels like this would be streamlined, you know, you'd, you'd think until, until you find out that they just don't give a shit about hedgehogs. They're just like, this one does at least. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I believe it. Okay, I think it's time for my challenge. Yes, I think so too. Oh wait, I forgot I also brought some stuff that I considered gamer things. I mean Zandy things. Game?

What's the difference? Hmm, exactly. Thank you for exactly segueing into my next segment called Zandi Things That Didn't Have Good Reviews But I Wanted To Talk About Anyway. Oh goody. This is a gamer blanket that I found and because I typed in I was like what else does Zandi like? You know we've done we've done all the classics that I knew the Lighthouses would be there I knew the Hedgehogs would be there I knew Summer Sausage would be involved but I didn't know I

didn't know what else to find. So of course you being a streamer and a gamer, I found this gamer blanket that I thought if you're looking... Benji has all of my favorite sayings. Yeah, I know. And you say all of these things all the time. All the time. Especially keep calm and game on. You do say that. Every time I'm crying about something, he says keep calm and game on. This blanket is ridiculous.

The middle one is a controller. First of all, there are so many controllers. So many, so many controllers. Okay, finally I brought blankets to the main frame, to the main episodes. I need Zoe, please Zoe, if you do anything for me, you do everything for me. But if you're able to put this on Instagram, I would be delighted. There are nine controllers, I think, on this blanket. And I'm like worried

I'm missing some I am missing some because they're like the background on the fringe like on the outside So there are a lot of control What about the one? second from the top on the right Yeah, the one that says eat sleep repeat. Source file you will get. What the fuck? They fucked up. Source file you will get? What? This is what Alexander says to me when he's really frustrated with a long work day at the office.

He says, Christina, I dream of a better world where I can play video games all day long without having my sanity questioned. And I'm like, I know me too. I do that though. Yeah, I play video games all day long. But yeah, my sanity is questioned because I tell everyone I'm playing old school RuneScape for eight hours a day. Well, I have one more thing for you. And this one actually I was wrong. I do have a review of this one. Once once you're ready to move on from that one, I know I more thing for you and this one actually I was wrong. I do have a review of this one Once once you're ready to move on from that one. I know I think I'm ready. I'm still looking but you I'm ready I'm ready. Okay. This is the other one that I found this one actually does have a review And I'm thinking which one I should buy you for your birthday because wow coming up as we record this. This is a

First of all, it's like a rainbow looking scratch where you scratch and there's rainbow underneath like you scratch a drawing yeah what they're called but anyway I don't know either but yeah and it says just a boy who loves games with a bunch of different controllers and a headset very rainbow and very sparkly it is very rainbow very very sparkly. It is very rainbow, very sparkly. And now... This is bizarre. I have this review, which I'm trying to figure out the best way to read it because it's so

discombobulated. Like the review is in the title? Oh. I don't understand how this happened. Okay, the title actually is perfect gift for my 12 year old, but then there's like a blurb from the review, but then the actual review doesn't contain the blurb. The review says, my son said, mom, give them a five star.

I love everything about this blanket. And now here's like the title blurb thing that it pulled out from seemingly nowhere. Oh how my son loved this. It's difficult to find what he loves. In the past I have gotten him much more expensive birthday gifts like PS4, iPad, laptops, etc. But this blanket that doesn't worth anything close to all his past gifts really made him smile.

He is so much in love with this blanket I cannot even imagine and I'm taking away all his ps4s no kidding that's the fakest review ever isn't that the weirdest shit you ever heard and it's a verified purchase I don't believe it fucking second of that you got him laptops plural and a multiple gaming. Multiple iPads, multiple PS4s, and then nothing's made him smile. Except this blank, this ugly blanket. Which one was it? Was that the first or second blanket? The second one?

It is hideous. At least the first one's funny in like its own way. Like a child would find certain parts funny of the first blanket. Yeah, definitely. The second one is. I don't know. Maybe he's just been waiting for like some sparkles in his life. True. Now, finally, you get my aesthetic, mom. It's about time, actually.

Yeah, I hope so. Let's think of it that way. I like it. Drape this fucking sparkly rainbow blanket over that dumb lighthouse and we'll all be gayer for it So true and happier put it drape it over the cliffs. Oh beautiful, yeah Here is one more thing I have because because only because I Found this blanket. It's this review on the same page

And it's a four-star review. It has nothing to do with anything except that it's a blanket and I'm gonna I'm gonna send you the blanket. This one I think I will request for my birthday. So you get just a boy who loves games. I get this one. Just a girl who loves ducks. This is a much better blanket. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing? This is much better. I about died.

So here's a four star review from Kayla, a verified purchase, called Almost Perfect. Soft and picture quality came out great and it's such a cute design for a duck lover. My little one was quacking the second she saw it. I believe it. It's cute. Oh, this is cute. Can't give five stars because it is extremely thin. Definitely not all season. It's a summer blanket.

And the other side is all white, which I don't care for. But she's too and loves ducks. So it works. End of review. I don't like that either. That is white on one side. Because this side is like black and has like colorful stuff like the ducks. That would not look good. That would that would annoy me. And and so anyway I looked all that up I even tried to look

up podcaster blankets like oh my god no have much so oh darn that's fine with me honestly so I think so too now it's time for my challenge actually. And my challenge this week was from Mary and it's to find reviews claiming something feels illegal although it isn't. The first one I've got is from Brad. And this is actually a Reddit post, but it is a review of a product.

So it does fit, it's just from Reddit. Have you done anything like that? Like I'm trying to think of examples of myself. Like things I've... Oh, that felt illegal. That felt illegal, but weren't. I'm sure I've done things. Probably. I've probably done things. Well, I know I've done things that probably are illegal. Yeah, me too. But felt like they shouldn't be.

I don't know. It's such a vague concept that I can't quite put my figure on what it might entail. Yeah. And also, like, never mind. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe as I read these, because I do forget most of them, maybe as I read these will be like, oh, I know, OXNR. You've done multiple things that should be illegal, which is eating summer sausage with just off your desk room temperature

And then the pizza also a pizza crust inward that is also definitely against the law in my book If I were the king of Beaver Town, you would not be allowed to do that the king of Beaver Town. Mm-hmm He gets a whole island you get the town Yeah, but I get to make the rules about pizza. And that's all I want. I think that actually lays as Connecticut influence is going to ask for too much. I am going to read this.

It says join me. And by the way, sorry, this is in a makeup. Subreddit. Okay. Or like a beauty products. Join me and we'll wallow in the depths of negativity. It's kind of like a holy grail thread, but for spiteful ingrates.

Tell me, what's your most overhyped, worst formulated, most we oughta fire this out of a cannon into the sun, ultimate so bad you wanna take it to a field and beat it with a bat office space style skincare product here's my review of the product that inspired this post I'm doing a project pan but for the mountain of beauty box samples I've been hoarding today's victim Kate Somerville exfoliate normally I'm a strict no physical exfoliation person no ground walnut shells or dead sea salt grains shall touch my precious visage.

Exfolicate is a combination of chemical, lactic acid, and physical exfoliants, so I don't know why I did it. Despite the fact that this baby poop green tube of bullshit is not even the proper pH for AHA exfoliation, it burned the crap out of my normally tough skinned face. Kids, this is why mommy tells you to patch test. It was worse than any peel I ever had. A tomato red complexion is gosh darn hard to achieve on brown skin, but I did it! And friends, for just $42.50 an ounce, you too can achieve peak tomato face. To add insult to literal effing injury, a scan of the ingredient list reveals the fact

that for many years it contained polyethylene, aka microbeads, that are slowly killing our oceans fauna, aka evil's own personal exfoliant. It's been reformulated to include silica to physically exfoliate instead. The company waited to make the switch until the federal ban on microplastics and retail sales of wash-off products finally went to full effect this summer. I see you Kate. And the smell? Allure describes the scent as pumpkin pie-like. Yeah no, the spicy herbal scent is less pumpkin pie spice and more eau de allergic reaction. Why did they feel the need to add half a dozen sensitizing essential oils and market them

as soothing natural ingredients? Because green washing is real and so is Satan. Okay, I might have gone overboard with that last one. To the Exfolicate Stands, we all make mistakes. I forgive you. End of review. Wow. No, they went hard with that. Green washing is real and so is Satan. I love that. I know that line alone. Don't take it back reviewer. Yeah. I think lean in. I don't know what you're talking about really reviewer, but lean in. I don't totally understand how it fits the challenge. I missed the I think so the whole thread is basically people saying like this should be illegal. Like putting this in your product should be illegal or Or like this exfoliation stuff should be illegal.

Even- Like how I feel about the snail mucus. Yeah, right. Yes, using, okay, so I just watched Perfect Couple on Netflix. They're like, what's her name? Christine, Nicole Kidman. Yeah, I watched the whole thing.

Yeah, me too. And so the part where she goes Oh like baby baby placenta like baby foreskin and placenta or cow placenta It's so unfair that we don't get to use that. We can't use those. Yeah. Yeah, wow, that's powerful Anyway, so that was the first one and uh, it's just basically like this should be illegal, but it's not but it yeah Sort of is And I will say this is also written like six years ago so I don't know I'm sure that there have been updates in the cosmetic industry, but Now we're gonna get on to like the the real deal like I feel like I'm doing something illegal cuz cuz in my mind when I

Heard that I was like thinking oh like when when we went to Kings Island We had the fast pass or whatever and you pass all these people You're like that feels illegal. I don't want to make eye contact. Yeah, I don't feel like I should be doing this someone might beat me up. Yeah, and Yeah, that that's okay. So this one Elxander Unfortunately really reminds me of you and I don't like that. So here's a post it's on Yelp that so here's a post it's on Yelp. Is it about pedestrian infrastructure? I wish. It's in a group called nighttime nibbles then ask the community to like the forum and

then this by the way this person named Alex asked the question and it has one answer. What is happening? I'm nervous. This is a question that they asked Yelp community. And this is from Madison, she they. I don't want my roommates to know I'm nighttime nibbling. Is there an anonymous option or can I go to the forest myself? And here's a response.

Am I supposed to know what this means? Absolutely not. I mean, I hope not. I'll be more upset if you do know what it means. Oh, okay. Here's the one answer this got by Josh. You can go straight there, though I'll admit it doesn't have the same feel

when you're in the middle of the forest. Kind of feels illegal when you're out there. Nighttime nibbling in the forest. It should be illegal if it's not. Is that like late night snack? Like I have. Literally no idea. I went into the nighttime nibbles.

This is the only thing ever posted. It's just some weird. I don't know if it's trolling like I don't I don't know, but it's nonsensical and it's upsetting that somebody responded to it. Is it? I'm so. I just picture you and your fucking summer sausage nibbling, nighttime nibbling. Look, if you found me in the woods doing that,

call the police. I wouldn't blame you. Yeah, you'd go to jail. I agree. That doesn't feel legal. No. At least I did it within my own home. Yes, maybe not always in my own room.

But it was unfortunately my home too, which was unfortunate. Yeah, but at least it was both of our homes and not my own home. Yes, maybe not always in my own room, but it was unfortunately my home too, which was unfortunate Yeah, but at least it was both of our homes and not just I would always tell him to go to the forest by himself But he just never did but yeah to go into the woods by yourself to nighttime nibble does feel illegal Josh is right, even though I have no idea what the fuck they're talking about. Oh My god, literally I'll center the title of that question was what do you even do? What are you talking about. Oh my God, literally, Uxener, the title of that question was, what do you even do? What are you talking about? Like the munchies, is it? Maybe. Maybe.

Like, it must be the munchies. No, but why are you going to the woods? Wait, wait, wait, nighttime nibbles is a page on Yelp. It's an unclaimed business called desserts. So I don't think it's a real business. Oh, here we go. Wait, sorry. Delivery treats for college goers.

At the dead of night, are you going to want to leave your apartment and go to the store for a treat, period? No, you'll want it delivered to the warmth of your home. What? So I think nighttime nibbles, I don't think this person talking about the business, they're just saying, like, this is a phrase

for like having the munchies at night or something. Can I go to the business happens to have that. It's going to the forest a euphemism. So can you repeat it? Oh, I don't want my roommates to know I'm nighttime nibbling. Is there an anonymous option or can I go to the forest myself? And the answer is you can go straight there, though I'll admit it doesn't have the same feel when you're in the middle of the forest. Kind of feels illegal when you're out there. You're right. I take it all back. What the fuck is going on? What is going on? Your roommate is not finding out that you there There's only two questions, and that's one,

and the other one is, what do you even do? And so I'm distraught about all of this. Okay, I think we move on and let someone message us like a really obvious answer to it. Yeah, you can try, but I did a little digging and if I can't find it... Which reminds me, I called someone out for the BMO field, BMO, whatever

field in Canada, because we did football stadiums. Oh, and they like sent us a soccer stadium with you because that's where Toronto FC plays and someone was said, I think it might have been on Discord, said that the Canadian Football League has, the Argonauts I think, play there or something. Oh, so it also is a football league. So it was literally a Canadian football,

and so I take it all back, and I felt bad because I specifically called out the person without reading their review that they sent in. Center, go into the woods alone. Oh, that's where I belong. I Googled the phone number associated with this business, and it does say it's on MapQuest as nighttime nibbles, Rexburg, Idaho. But it's very outdated and probably isn't. But is that person who posted it

from Idaho? Is that even related just because they have the same name? Right. That means she's talking about a business business But I mean the Yelp page has this number phone number on it. What? Yeah. Oh, so was this a review? I thought this was a post So it was an ask the community on the nighttime nibbles page. So they like I was confused. Okay, when you said the nighttime nibbles page, I didn't know that meant like no I'm sorry. That's a business apparently. Oh But the business like doesn't really exist because it only has that one question.

It says unclaimed. Maybe they like... The only other spot it's located is MapQuest. It's like a drug deal thing. Yeah, it seems like very subtle for a drug deal thing. Well, we're not figuring it out. Is there an anonymous object? Maybe the forest is like something they call Rexburg, Idaho,

quad, the campus. I don't know. I can't figure this out. No, no, that's not right either. Cause Josh says when you're in the middle of the forest. So, I mean, I'll never understand. I don't think we're going to. Okay, they have one review, this guy, of nighttime nibbles, which did not seem to have a review

when I checked, but maybe it's one of those not recommended. Five stars. I was craving a nighttime nibble, so I ordered the fruity gobble whopper. Very juicy, would eat again. Is this a- Okay. So is this person- I think they're just fucking around.

Are they just like shy about Christina? What? I might have just saw like figured everything out. Stop, tell me. Rexburg, Idaho is home to Brigham Young University, Idaho, a private institution operated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe this is Mormon stuff, that Mormons are being Mormons.

Oh my God, why do they keep doing this? Like they truly don't want their roommates to know that they want food late at night. Wow, it's not even a euphemism. Is that all it is? It's just you don't wanna eat a fruity pebble whopper in front of everyone or whatever. Yeah, there's just bananas. I highly doubt drugs are related when it comes to Mormon stuff.

So I mean, the fact that they want to go to the forest just to hide that they're eating a snack at night. That's how it looks to me. And someone's gonna email us be like, you got it all wrong. But that's okay. Wow. This is this is a... I mean, literally the other review, it says, would recommend trying out the Double Gobble 360.

And I don't know if this is all just like prank reviews or if this is real. It just sounds like a fucking, one of those places that sells, yeah, they sell some of their popular menu items. Down to Earth, it's a classic, it looks like they sell crepes. It's a crepe, oh, a piece of crepe is the name of it. Where did you find this place?

MenuPix.com. You typed it? I just Googled it. Nighttime Nibbles? Nighttime Nibbles, Rexburg. Oh my God, I missed that. Yeah. MenuPix, okay, here it is. Wow, it's voted 73 out of 100 restaurants in Rexburg.

But they have a lot of sodas. But do they have the actual fucking whatever he said? Or is that, could he make that up? I have no idea. The pebble whopper? Oh, this is a sample text, what? Okay, I'm just, I'm so over it. It's probably not worth figuring out. I love that it felt illegal to Mormons.

This is so exciting for me that that's where we ended up. I have a five star of you now. This is of Barcelona Peepa Club. And it's, it's, I mean, you'll see, because it'll explain it in the room. I don't know what to expect. Five Stars by Maya. By the way, he's from Brooklyn, New York. Cool.

The title is Cool House Party Vibe. It's a bar basically in someone's apartment. That's what it feels like. It feels wrong as you walk up dimly lit apartment stairs. It feels illegal as you open the door. It feels unwelcoming when a man stops you before entering the main room saying, for dancers, like real tango dancers only.

And yet you feel so lucky to be there, almost proud for getting a drink at the bar. And it feels so real, not gimmicky like most New York speakeasy bars. I was so sure we had the wrong address, but a little courage and curiosity will let you experience this hidden gem with laid back attitudes from both patrons and staff. End of review. Doesn't sound laid back to me.

I was about to say that. I'm like, am I mishearing it? Like I went to a sleepover I wasn't invited to, and now I'm so ashamed. Yeah. And they're all going to make me dance. I'm going to cry. And I'm really bad. Real dancers only actually like, oh, can you tango tango right now? I look like I can tango.

Exactly. That's why they stopped you only. Christina was so embarrassing. Like anything that feels illegal as I'm entering, I'm usually I already give up. I give up at that point. I don't. I don't have the fortitude to be bullied by strangers. Yeah, like the idea of going into a speakeasy type place always freaks me out. Even like the gimmicky ones, whatever. Even that I feel weird, but like the full on actual speakeasy where they speak where they speak another language and they're like, you're not allowed here, but then you

make your way in. No, I can't pull that off. I'd be like, okay, bye. When Liz and I, so I went, when I went to LA for the, and that's why we drink show, another night, Liz and I went to this like bar that was like a video, like it was designed to look like a video store, rental store. And like, I remember going in

and there was some sort of like, event going on where people were singing, like an open mic type thing, but it was like, you know, they had like a set schedule. And I remember just being like, this place does not feel, like it felt like I did not belong there. It was like, we walked in on something going on. And then we like, as we're leaving the, like all the screens, there's like a little walk. And then as we're leaving, all the screens,

there's a little walkway of the little rental video area, all the screens were playing porn. Oh yeah, that's right. And I'm like, where the fuck am I? I knew there was something else weird happening there. And then you walk out and you're in a strip mall in LA. It was just like, where the fuck am I? That's what I'm saying.

That's what popped in my head now. So like you said, as we go through these, these moments are gonna pop up in our head. And yeah, that was one where I was like, I don't know, I don't feel like I belong in this room. I felt like I belonged in the hallway, not the room itself. I know what felt illegal is when I did the rage room and I was smashing all these like

Those have lots of reviews like that. Yeah, that was like hitting a tv and I said like hey, it's broken We're just gonna put it back. We got it out of the dump. We're gonna put it but like It felt real weird to like bash the vhs tape after my mom was like don't ever touch the film on inside Don't ever you know, and now i'm like taking a baseball and ripping it out all the film out it was very Alarming to my senses. I felt a little bit like I shouldn't be doing that Let's see. Okay. I have here we go. This is my last one. Oh, okay two stars This is of water grill Los Angeles, which is another fucking crab and seafood restaurant Oh my gosh.

And it is a two star review. By the way, I think the last three people have had chihuahuas in their pictures. I don't know if that means anything. I think it means everything, to be honest. Okay. Well, this is a two star. That might just be me.

This is a two star review. This was written 10 days ago, actually, as I read this. And it's two stars. Wow, this food was not good. Let me preface this review by saying that the service was great and the ambiance was enjoyable, and our validated valet parking was $5 which is unheard of. But it's been a long while since I actually spat out food at a restaurant and unfortunately that streak was lost today.

The bread they brought out was great, a crusty sourdough with a lovely Softened whipped butter on the side. We actually had two servings. It was delicious now on to our order We got now I'm not gonna read you all of them. It's so boring. Okay calamari crab cake did not calamari It was pretty good crab cake. No Trojan roll meh brussels sprouts two out of five Wondering where I should start. Anyway, balsamic sprouts, two stars, and that felt extra painful for them

because they love Brussels. Not the country, the food. Maybe the country. It's not a country anyway. I mean, not the capital of Belgium, but perhaps the, tell me it's the capital, please. I don't know. OK. Not that it is not the country because there is no country is what I was going to say.

And not the city because they also spelled it wrong. So also not the vegetables, I guess. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Mac and cheese, four out of five. Pretty OK. And now we get to the meat of the issue. That's right. The medium seafood tower. One out of five stars.

Ew! Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but it was this item that contained food that I literally had to remove from my mouth. Okay, you don't have to say it like that. Who, me? No.

Oh, the reviewer. I thought you meant like the way I was- I know you're just reading it. No, go, no, no, yeah. You don't have to write it that way. Yeah, yeah. The removed food from my mouth. You already said spit it out.

We know what that means. Yeah, yeah. We know it was literal because it's pretty obvious. Yeah, you don't, no. The shrimp and crab were great. And by great, I mean to be expected from a chilled seafood tower. The mussels were OK.

My friend who actually likes mussels felt they might not have been totally cooked, but I usually don't like mussels. And I ate a few, and they seemed fine. That seems like a terrible bar to judge them by, but OK. The scallops were OK as far as quality, but their preparation left something to be desired. I think the flavor profile needed a bit more development.

They tasted unfinished. The clams were gross. I'm so sorry, but that's the only word I can think of. Just a putrid sea water flavor. That's the only word I can think of except putrid. Like, that's a pretty powerful word compared to gross. A putrid sea water flavor. Granted, I've never had clams on the half shell like this, Like, that's a pretty powerful word compared to gross. A putrid sea water flavor. Granted, I've never had clams on the half shell like this,

but if this is what they typically taste like, I never will again. Some small sea snails were sprinkled about and I tried one. It wasn't good, but it was so small that it didn't stick out much. And for the piece de resistance, the oysters. I am an oyster girl. I live for a raw oyster.

I even enjoyed some possibly toxic oysters we found in Miami Beach that my other friends and sis were absolutely god awful. First of all, this person is painting themselves to only enjoy seafood that is off. Like, my two friends who told me, no, I like this food and it is rotten both of those I really enjoyed this person's writing this review while holding a design that says

I do not know what I'm talking about when it comes to seafood have food poisoning I am always getting sick from seafood because I don't know what I'm doing Wow I'm just saying this to let you know where my head was at when I realized these oysters were not the oysters I was used to. Unfortunately, we were not informed as to which oysters were which when the tower was served to us So I can't tell you which varietals were particularly offensive, but I know the first oyster I had was huge and incredibly briny. I hated it, but I know some people like that so I just figured that wasn't my kind of oyster. However, the next oyster I selected

was creamy. As soon as I bit into it, after sliding it into my mouth, I knew something was not right. In all my years of oyster eating, I've never encountered one with that texture, as though I had bitten into a lump of congealed oyster pudding. Okay, talk about things that should be illegal. Writing a review this way should be illegal. This feels illegal. Writing a review this way should be illegal. This is awful. It feels illegal. I think me, what do you call it when you propagate something or you... Distribution.

I feel like I should be arrested for distributing this content. Oh, yes. Agreed. Yeah. This should be illegal and I should be probably put in jail for yeah, you know part you're part of the problem I am I definitely am and I totally agree with you So where were we a lump of congealed oyster pudding? Yum, wait, what was our clam thing clam volcano? Oh

Yeah, clam volcanoes. I miss them. I do too. Those are much less hearing this. Yeah, I I do too. Those are much less absurd. After this, hearing this, yeah. I just know a look of terror flashed across my face after taking that bite, as I frantically searched for my napkin to politely but immediately remove this oyster. First of all, politely, okay. Frantically searching for napkin with a look of terror.

I frantically searched for my napkin to politely but immediately remove this oyster from my mouth. My God, it felt illegal. So that pretty much summed up our meal It was a worst restaurant meal I've had in a few years at this point which is really disappointing Since I no longer live in LA and try to meet up with my friends at new restaurants We haven't tried to keep things fun. This was not fun funny perhaps, but not fun end of review Wow, I didn't feel like it was particularly funny from my Particularly upsetting I'm upset. I'm disgusted and upset. I'm sorry

Sort of I'm sorry. This person dealt with it this issue, but I'm more sorry that they shared it with us I do too. They definitely have a way with words Yeah, and I'm not trying to say like wow, what's wrong with this reviewer? Like obviously that's horrible and disgusting and I would also spit it out but they should write horror you know they should write like yeah exactly yeah they know how to like make you like well they found their niche you know or maybe I found the niche that will that makes you that horrifies me yeah it like makes your skin crawl a little bit yeah just like oh my skin is crawling okay yeah, yeah. Oh, I've said it didn't even stick out.

And I was like, of your teeth. No, that's just me. I'm that's no one said that. I'm just now making it worse. I'm a congealed oyster pudding. That's so sick. Squishes in your mouth. So it's in her. OK, so anyway, that's that the end. That the end of your challenge? Yeah. Oh, my God. Disgusting.

I you know, I'm sorry. I'm sweating. It's warm in here, but I'm also sweating from whatever the fuck just happened. You have what's called a birthday to me. Poisoning this this fucking this pose. This this episode is my is about my birthday. You showed up in a gray box and said, you like things that are hopeless. I don't know what more you want from me. I try and I try and I try. You're so right.

You're so right. You can never win with me. That's right. And here's the thing I will tell you. We're about to record our bonus and I didn't bring any blankets. So if that makes you feel better. You just brought two blankets already today.

I don't need any more blankets. It's only common sense media reviews. Oh, how kind of you. Like what? Yeah. Why are you here? Because I just don't want you to be, I want you to feel like you can look forward to something.

That's so kind. That's so nice that you're giving me something to live for, an episode without blankets. I didn't put it that way, but I actually I'd prefer that phrasing. Yes. Happy birthday to me, everybody. But no, this doesn't even come out on my birthday. It comes out after. So you missed it. You're too late, everybody. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

Thanks for listening. For my birthday, what you can actually do is go to our Instagram, TikTok, whatever, and follow at Beach2Sandy. Watch some clips. They're fun. I promise you get to see us if you want. And then if you want to see more of us, you get to see the blanket on Instagram. We'll do that.

And if you want to see more of us, you can go to patreon.com slash Beach2Sandy and we have all of our episodes as full video including the bonus episode For $10 patrons and then ad free listening for $5 patrons along with We've given you the themes in advance for you and like a way for you to send in reviews and themes and challenge ideas Yeah, and we post random stuff on there. It's lots of so patreon.com slash Beach to Sandy see you there bye bye we done is got a gay woman we ended last thing on rain you said like as always God is a gay woman so we gotta say it again God is a gay woman it So we gotta say it again, God is a gay woman.

That's true. Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet is a Forever Dog Production, hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.