Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 307: Reviews of Caskets

Episode Date: October 16, 2024

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Visit betterhelp.com to learn more. That's betterHELP.com. Chiara, it means smart in Italian. Too bad your barista can't spell it right. So you just give a fake name, your cafe name, Julia. But the more you use it, the more it feels like you're in witness protection. Wait a minute, what kind of espresso drinks does Julia like anyway? Is it too late to change your latte order? But with an espresso machine by KitchenAid, you wouldn't be thinking any of this

because you could have just made your espresso at home. Shop now at KitchenAid.ca. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Okay, I think we're live. Oh hi. Hi everyone. We're in the same room for the first time in a while

Recording in the same room for the first we were in the same room like yesterday, but yeah, I'm visiting Ohio You're visiting Ohio and now you're visiting, Kentucky. Oh shoot. Yeah, that's where you live. I forgot. We're all together It's really lovely Geos here at our feet the loyal dog waiting for Alexander's return and Altogether it's really lovely Geos here at our feet. The loyal dog waiting for Alexander's return. And we're going to record in person and I'm going to stop being super awkward about it. I don't know why I'm making it weird. No, it's fun.

I thought I thought you're bringing it up as like a fun thing because I was it might be I don't know. It's fun. This is so fun. You're right. Yeah. Now people who pay to watch us on Patreon can see us in the same room kind of Yeah

Exciting for them. You see me plugging my nose. It's not because of Alexander Wink it's just cuz I do that. So yeah. Yeah Okay We are recording an episode but a couple things first. I was on wine and crime I know I talked about it last week But the description for that the description for that, the description for that, the link for that is below. That was this past Monday. Lots of fun. We talked about horror stories and there was some...

You talked about stories? We talked about stories. Cool. I almost cried because of how ridiculous some of the confessions were. And Christina, I can't wait for you to read some of them because they're listening to it. Yeah. But also, there was a Reddit post about us. Oh, good. So I got I woke up this morning to a notification review the five comments or whatever on this beach to Sandy Reddit post. So

are you a moderator on there? Apparently? Oh, yeah, I don't moderate but I'm by it anyway. I got to turn those notifications off. First of all, my medicine is working because I read this post and I wasn't like crying and it wasn't even that bad. But I would have cried at. Never mind. It's about our nighttime nibbles. And there was something they had. I think they had a point.

They'd said how it was like a clearly a joke review, but we kept going and we're like, what is going on? To be fair, we knew it was a joke. Right. And we were like, what are they joking about though, was more of our thing. But the one thing I wanted to say that I thought was really funny. Uh-huh.

I'm trying to remember nighttime nibbles. It was that okay. Because everyone listening. It was a joke. And then everyone listening was like, how do you not remember? Because you talked about it for 10 minutes for no reason. We would not shut up about trying to figure out and we were like, oh, it's a Mormon thing. Even though we don't even know if it's a Mormon thing. Because now I'm out of you. I thought it was funny. Yeah, that was probably my fault. That was an editing issue, not an us issue.

Everyone, I'll be better. I also was probably editing and still Googling. Like after reading this post, I Googled nighttime nibbles to try to still get to the bottom of it. Well, after it's mental, we're mentally ill trying to get to the bottom of these things. Yeah. Well, we don't like to not have the closure in that way, even of something that's so irrelevant. And like if you hear the episode and you hear Ten Minutes of

Alexander also having a nighttime discussion with you like in the middle of the night about nighttime nibbles, it's because during the episode he had to get a microphone out and continue the discussion solo. Yeah. So yeah, I did go on for about 45 minutes. Yeah. Episode one of the night time nipples podcast comes out next week. I talked about it on wine and crime as well. So you can listen. What was the funny thing? And so I thought it was

funny. This the person who posted it said it was just endless. Wait, what? I'm confused. What? Which is very true. But then they said, it feels like when you show a funny post to a boomer, and they just keep asking who posted this? Is this one of your friends? And go into a lecture instead of just reading the joke. That's and that's so our parents, which is so scary, because it feels like now that's what we're becoming. And that's why I brought I wanted to talk about because I thought that was that was like

really funny. It had zero up vote, like people were like defending us, which whatever like, whatever like like kindly I don't know But the person be really gentle when you go on there and then someone else commented and said getting annoyed at your free podcast presenters for doing boomer things feels quite boomer and Laughing emoji and then the OP responded ha ha ha fair laughing emojis. It was all in whatever No, it's just a silly thing. I'm always ready to be all in whatever. Like they weren't, no, it was just a silly funny thing. I'm always ready to be mad at someone and then they don't give me anything to be mad about.

Yeah, no. Someone at someone else said, I love them and I agree with you. Like it was like. Yeah, I love us sort of and I also agree with you. No, that helps. It's just funny. I thought, hey, you know what?

That's some good feedback. Maybe we shouldn't be like boomers sometimes. What? Not always, but sometimes we shouldn't be like them. Okay, well maybe you know what? That's some good feedback. Maybe we shouldn't be like boomers sometimes. What? Not always, but sometimes we shouldn't be like them. Okay, well maybe you should edit out parts where we're like boomers. How about that? I'll do my best.

That's an editing issue. That's a me issue. Cause we are known to rain ramble. I mean, I'm certain it was me that kept bringing it up. So I would say it's not a you issue, but. But we do have a fun one for you today with caskets. Yeah. I feel like I have some dark humor. If you're not into that, like the death humor stuff,

maybe don't listen or just post on Reddit afterwards and be like, this was not nice. What if this was us trying to prove that we're not boomers? Like we can joke about edgy stuff like caskets. I feel like boomers have gotten edgy though. No, come on. They've gotten too edgy. Yeah, it's like they share something with like the teens with the whole Trump bullshit.

They've gotten like really weirdly, you know what I mean? Like people who aren't that age, there's like a, what's it called? A parabola. Sure. And- A bell curve. The bell curve curve that's what i'm trying to think and it's edginess on both ends and a little less edgy in the middle yeah because it's round edges yeah here's a review of something called the titan casket i don't know if you saw this because it was like i saw i some Titan casket reviews. Okay, because that was

like a big brand out there. And this was from Elta. It was Oh, by the way, my challenge today was to find reviews mentioning their, their reviewer sex in the city person. Oh, yeah. I yeah, and the theme and the challenge were both sent in by Claire. So thank you, Claire, for this whole episode. All right. I got a sex in the city themed. both sent in by Claire. So thank you Claire for this whole episode. All right. I got a Sex in the City themed

TikTok on my feed last night. No. And it made me unhappy. Well, I was researching it last night. I wonder if it was like, hey, you guys are friends. I don't know. It's weird. You guys are boomer boomer friends. Your friend posted this. OK, here's a view of a Titan casket. This is the elegant Orion series.

It's handcrafted. This is by the way on Amazon Steel with luxurious gunmetal finish and white crepe interior. Yeah reinforced handles. That's good news adjustable bed Hmm for different sizes and with a gasketed sealer Wow, this is intense. I don't know what that's for, but I don't want to know sealer. Wow, this is intense. I don't know what that's for, but I don't want to know. Nope. OK, I do. But I have a feeling I know, but I want to know. This is a one star view by Hannah, and I'm just starting off with kind of a low ball.

OK. Yeah, this is just a low ball. Thanks, Elta, for the low ball review. Does that mean I just mean like we're getting into like. We'll see. OK okay one star by Hannah this is called for my grandma and She bought it in the color orchid My grandmother fell out of it end of review no and so that's how I'm starting because I just wanted everyone to get an idea of how many of these were just really joke reviews that

no these aren't joke reviews was that verified purchase this was not a verified purchase but there were several where people genuinely fell out of the casket I don't believe that unless it was a verified purchase all right look this Redditor has gotten in my head I can't believe anything I read on the Redditor who posted about us not. I can't believe anything I read on the internet. What Redditor? Who posted about us not getting joke reviews. Oh, your friend who posted? My new friend.

Who posted on Reddit? User, I'm just kidding. Yeah, and yeah. Yeah, no, I don't know. Maybe it just reminds me of that fucking, I think you should leave skit with the, you watched that, right. Yes. OK. Never mind. The coffin was called Coffin Flop.

OK. Anyway. Yeah, you're probably right. I you're probably right. But I felt like we should start with something where a person fell out of a coffin because it feels like the I will say the ones that were the biggest joke reviews were all no complaints from Grandpa. Yeah. Like, oh, my dad was hard to to please but he hasn't complained once about his new coffin It's like okay, so that seemed to be the biggest joke review

well, I Only I also mainly say that because I there was another review that I'm gonna read and they I wasn't gonna read this part But at the end they did a little update and said be sure the review you are reading says verified purchase Oh, it says saying I think some of these reviews are a bad joke. Oh, sad. But it was but it was during COVID. And this person was like sad. They could they were like, it's sad enough not being able to like have a funeral for your loved one. Anyway, sorry.

Yeah, exactly. Remember when you said it was funeral humor and now instead of humor, you're just talking about funerals. Yeah. Um, I do. But I have some really I promise I have some Yeah, because I remember when you said it was funeral humor and now instead of humor, you're just talking about funerals. Yeah Um, I do but I have some really I promise I have some such good ones, Christina Okay, go ahead and they're very long my last couple great. I have some good ones at the beginning, too So here's what Elta has to send I got one from from Elta as well This is love you both is what else I said. Sorry. I've been absent last night I had a dream that Zandy worked at a paint store that doesn't exist in Mall of America.

So I figured that was my sign to get back into it. Oh, how fun. And Elta, I got to say, when I saw your name and this subject, I was like, Elta's back. You were like, I smell something. It smells like fresh paint. Don't think I don't think I didn't know. Yeah. From when you spilled paint all over my birthday gift.

I got him fired. Wait what? It's a yeah, I spelled paint because you spilled paint all over my birthday. Oh, I did. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. That happened like two days ago.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't spill paint on it. I just put it inside a big pile of paint. Oh, you dunked the gift in the paint. Well, I let it soak. You soaked the gift in the paint. Well, I let it soak on soaked the gift and paint. Right. Okay. Well, here's a

review from Amazon of the Titan casket Orion panel collection, hunter green mother, handcrafted funeral casket hunter green with white crepe, crepe, crepe, crepe, say crepe. You say crepe in this case. But I was doing it as a joke because I didn't want to say it normal. Yeah. OK. Interior and mother head panel.

OK. Mother head panel. Yeah. It's the panel that when you have an open casket. Oh, the panel on top. So you can I have a picture for you right next to that. Oh, just like the upper half. Yeah. So there's mother father a flag. Why does it say mother? mother

It's like for this is a mother. Does it say mother? Oh, it literally says mother on the top lid of the casket I thought it said I thought it was just in the description. I didn't realize. Oh, yeah Here we go one star titled very small Here we go. One star. Titled very small. We had to remove lower torso to fit granny in. Smashes like a Coke can. End of review. Wait, what?

52 people found this helpful. Wait, say it again. Hold on. Sorry. Christina, I don't know. We had to remove her. OK, do you know what's so wild But is just Okay

Actually, he's being a little modest right now. He had his butt in frame. She's only fans using them Yeah, juniper's only fans is now part of me. She's Sandy Patriot. He is a menace. Okay. I don't even know if this would show up What does he even want? I don't know he wants to show off his butt This is a cat by the way if you're new to this podcast, I don't know it's our other sibling He keeps showing his butthole, okay We had to remove lower torso, oh come on that's so disturbing It's so disturbing. I don't know if this matches like a Coke can. It's so bad. It's so bad.

What's wild is when you first showed me a picture of it, I thought, oh, it looks like one of those magician ones where you put them in and then they saw the. Yeah, well. I really thought that and now. I wrote down, I don't know. That's so bad. That was not a verified purchase, right?

It was not. Okay, I'm just checking, because now that you've got my head spinning. I know, I wasn't trying to say you did something wrong. This is, okay, this was sent in by Ashley, and this is the Casket Elegant Orion series. This is a steel casket with luxurious pink and rose gold finish and white crepe interior.

Sounds lovely. Adjustable bed. Okay, so this is a two-star review by Alex. Now, Oxnard, tell me if this is wrong or not. I don't know. We used this casket for my dead uncle and he fell through. First of all, my dead uncle. I specified that he's dead.

Good thing. Good thing. We used this casket for my dead uncle and he fell through the bottom and when we picked it up to put him back in the casket it started falling apart as if it wasn't put together right and when it got here and we opened it the top to close it was off but it was a nice shade of blue but wasn't a good casket overall end of review. Huh. Doesn't that feel real? Does feel kind of real but like these are so I so, I can't, I don't know. You think they're falling apart that easily?

Like, I don't know. One time I had a review, one time I had a review where it was like somebody falling out of a coffin, I think. Or a challenge, I'm sorry. It was something like that. Oh God, wait, it was a challenge about that? Yes, and I found, or something went wrong. It was like the wrong body or

something like something very extreme. And I found a lot of reviews and they were real reviews because there were entire articles written about this happening. There were Yeah, better Bureau, better Business Bureau complaints. Yeah, you know, I don't know. So I don't know. I doubt this is real. But it might be the way it was written and not in a funny way at all. And it was yeah, I think since they kept going and added more detail, and they're like, the blue was fine. It looked nice.

Like they had positives. Yes, yes. Because that was, by the way, a two star review. So it felt like, okay, like, it's okay. Okay, that's so I don't know. don't know, who knows? That's so weird. And that was, by the way, sorry, that was sent in by Ashley, I feel like I meant to mention that. Yeah, so, oh, by the way, the title of that was Can't Believe.

Can't Believe, well, you better believe it. Better believe it, your dead uncle is on the floor. The dead uncle, thankfully not the living one. Okay, my next one was sent in by Stephanie, and this is of another Amazon product, the Titan Casket Andover series steel casket light blue. Is that what you just read? No, I've never had a funeral casket light blue finish

with light blue crepe interior. OK. Just so you all know which one five stars verified purchase and a picture just of the caskets. Nothing interesting. Here we go. Five stars. Can you match the dead? The picture could be really go one way or another. I didn't really zoom in. Yeah, just the casket. OK, just making sure.

Mom was a bargain shopper. So the fact that we got exactly what she wanted on Amazon for thousands less than the mortuary and free delivery made this a happy experience for a sad occasion. Beautiful blue, her fave color, and quality made in the USA, which was so important to our patriotic mom. Nothing cheap about it. It arrived in a few days, they unloaded and delivered it all the way into the garage where we stored it for a month. After mom passed, my hubby and a friend easily put it in our truck and delivered it to the mortuary. Okay, but can you imagine if they have that Amazon key thing, which I have now, where they can drop it off in your garage, like they have a coat, like they have a coat, and they're just like, I'm dropping off a package in your garage and there's just, it opens

and there's just this giant blue casket. Oh my god. Or you're like neighbor is walking their dog and walks by to see an Amazon person like rolling a casket into your garage. Person would have already delivered the one to bring it probably right I forgot this was on Amazon. So they're like, so they'll that casket I delivered is still here. Roll up the casket, open it up, take out your other packages that they put in the casket

for delivery purposes. There's no way they take them out. No, they shouldn't. They shouldn't for safety. But don't leave a dead uncle in there apparently. That's not gonna go well. He's not gonna stay, whether you try to keep him in there or not.

They unloaded it and delivered it all the way into the garage where we stored it for a month. After mom passed, my hubby and a friend easily put it in our truck, delivered it to the mortuary. The mortuary unloaded it and took it all the way into the garage where we stored it for a month. After mom passed, my hubby and a friend easily put it in our truck, delivered to the mortuary. The mortuary unloaded it and took it from there. Oh my god, imagine knowing your caskets waiting for you in the garage. Yeah, I was wondering, like maybe the mom didn't know and just walked in the garage was like, what's that? Who's that for? Oh, that's for our new magic trick, hobby. Yeah, I have a feeling they were prepared. Oh, I'm pairing for some none of the your nephew. Your grandson is practicing his magic lately.

That's all he's going to saw someone in half, but not you, unless you don't fit. In which case we will have to crush you like a coke can. But only after you die. The cocaine is brutal. Well, I hope so. After they well, I just wanted them to reassure. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Well, it's weird to have your fucking coffin, the fact that you know

what your coffin is. Yeah, I well that's how I feel. But then it's like people who buy they buy their cemetery plots very like fairly early. It makes total sense. It's smart. It's I guess what's weird to me is, is that the grandma or the mom didn't purchase it. It was like the Yeah, the offspring child of my I mean, maybe this is the wrong. I said my assumption. She was she was like in What's the care like hospice or hospice? Sorry. Thank you was in hospice or something And they like didn't know when but they were like might as well be ready I like the idea that she was just like running errands every day and stuff and would like be like there's my coffin again any day now that's for me but

good. Glad we got a bargain. Like if we bought one right now for our mom. Just like kept it in the shed and then when you open it says like mother so like there's no denying it's for you. Tim like yeah Tim moves it with his tractor to like. It's just like I've got to move the casket out of the way. Yeah. OK. They didn't mind that we had our own casket. It really was an excellent experience all the way around. End of review. So and this was a person who then said, like, beware of the verified purchase. Like, make sure that you read those because, yeah, like and I wanted to read this. And I was excited to, like, to read it because it was so interesting.

I don't know, it's something that I'm fortunate enough to not have had to deal with. So to read the process of how it goes, I was like, oh, interesting. You just have a casket and then you're like, yeah, here, Mortuary, I'm bringing my own casket. Yes, I've had several challenges that I've done where I'm like, oh, wow, or themes

where I'm like, I never thought about, I mean, I just listened to an old episode for some reason. I don't remember why. I think I was looking for something specific. But I just listened to an old episode where we talked about, and bear with me, I know this doesn't sound related, but we talked about dry cleaners.

And I was listening back to it and I was like, wow, I really did learn a lot on that episode. So I was like, oh, I didn't know you could dry clean comforters. Like I was like basically taking notes through the whole episode about like how a dry cleaner works. And so I feel like with the kids have gotten like a crash course. So one of the Facebook group pages, either a patron or the other had a question. Someone said, what fun facts have you learned about caskets from our podcast? Oh, and it was like kind of fun

because a lot of people were like, yeah, my my boyfriend always has to hear me say like Or I always says like oh you like heard it from Zandi and Kirsty like yeah Oh your friends are they like heard it from us? But it's just there were so many random things that I was like oh, yeah, huh listen How do you think I know anything escalators in Wyoming? Oh, well, I already forgot that one. Yeah, there are only two of them Oh, that's crazy See I can learn something new every day and it's usually the same thing I was gonna say don't say learn something new you learn something every day. You've learned it before nothing new

You're just learning it again. I'm learning it. I know even though I've already learned it once Okay, so next up I have let's see, okay, this is breaking breaking just in another breaking casket breaking just in. Julio at the flower hat he him submitted a forum. It just came in. Like literally just came in. No, it came in. In the middle of the night. I just opened the inbox to find something and saw it at the top of the list. He's been MIA, we talked briefly. He said it was the busiest summer of all time.

I said same, so we haven't spoken in months. We texted a little bit yesterday and here's the forum. So this is called hauntforum.com slash threads slash anyone own a real casket. And the way that- Haunt, wait, what's- Haunt forum. Haunt forum? Yes, it's... Haunt Forum. Haunt Forum?

Yes, it's like a Halloween forum. Okay, and they need a casket for something? Someone's just asking if anyone owns a real casket. And it's a reviews of a casket. And also, New Lingo Alert! Apparently the people in Haunt Forum There's one user called

Crazed Hunter. I do not need this person getting a hold of a casket. His signature is Eakin. No, is he really? Yeah. Eakin. No, no. So anyway, here's Julia's submission. It says, oh, this is so disturbing.

So this is Haunt Forum, I was wondering, this is so disturbing. So this is Haunt Forum, by the way, first of all. And look here, there's like a little countdown, like how you used to be able to put- Until Halloween. Until Halloween. It's clearly like a Halloween-y thread, where you talk about everything Halloween. This is by Miko J, and it says,

"'Anyone own a real casket?' I have says, anyone own a real casket? I have a chance to buy a real casket that is totally flippin' sweet for $130. This includes delivery and a pretty decent dummy too. I've been getting into Halloween deeper and deeper over the last few years. I have a few reservations about something this big hogging up space in my garage.

That's the reservation. That's the reservation. But I think I'll be able to store it vertically against a wall, making the footprint fairly reasonable. It is currently white with some DIY aging paint effects, but I can picture sanding it down and doing a coat of John Deere Blitz black to compliment the chrome handles. I think I am going to go for it. Googly. Googly like, oh, googly.

That does not. Give the same vibe as the rest of the post. Here's a picture of it. Oh, yes, that's a casket. All right. It looks some comfortable. I wonder how comfortable they actually are. You know, like they look so fluffy, but then you probably like the pillow looks fluffy But then you probably lie down. It's probably so all completely like it's like just to like be able to position you properly

Yeah, they're probably not soft at all. I don't know though. I don't know I did see some reviews of people who were like, yeah, I bought this so I could masturbate in peace and stuff They I don't think they were they were not I said I't. Redditor, I know they weren't serious. Sorry, I had to be clear about that. Yeah. After he texted that person and said, are you is this real? Don't tell them like sent them a mean DM and threatened, threatened them and gave the show them that I know their IP address. Wow. Well, that's not very boomer of you.

See, I got to prove myself. I did their IP address. Wow. Well, that's not very boomer of you. See, I got to prove myself. I did not do that. Cop chick responded. Nice score. If I had the space, no way would I pass that up. You have a whole new way of haunting with a real casket. I find myself being a little bit jealous. Grinning emoji.

I'm really afraid of cop chick for many reasons. Wait, what? Okay, and then this is her signature. That is a grin. That little emoji face. Isn't that scary? It's pretty scary. And her signature's in yellow.

It's really hard to read, but it says, "'No matter how much it hurts, how dark it gets, "'or how far you fall, you are never out of the fight.'" Okay? Okay, I like that. So that's nice. This is, somebody else wrote, try to pose a picture, but I guess I'm too clueless.

Anyway, I obtained a real casket from a funeral home for free. Had a neat experience with a casket this past winter. As mentioned above, it got some weight to it, didn't put it in the garage right away, left it where it was sitting. I live out of the country, and during this time, our electric

company left a note on our door that tree trimmers would be in the neighborhood clearing out overhanging tree limbs. Came home from work one afternoon to find three gentlemen working in my backyard across from the back deck where the casket was in full view. Also I had made some plaster of pair of skulls I left outside in the yard to age that they had to walk past. Two guys are up in a tree and one on the ground. I ask if they saw my casket. First of all, imagine being up in a tree already. You're already like in a vulnerable position and you're cornered essentially. And this person says, did you see my casket?

You know what they should have said? You know what they should have said? Did you see your casket? Imagine just like kind of positioning it under the tree. Like, oh, take your time. They like whip out a saw like the tree down. The fellow on the ground, nervous, he says, yeah, that's something we don't see every day.

I cracked up and started laughing and just explained. I'm a Halloween nut. I would be like, this is a serial killer. Immediately this is a serial killer. They seemed relieved and then thought it was pretty cool. They also admitted they were a little concerned seeing the real casket and then didn't know what to make of the skulls. They look pretty real. Half buried in the yard, you see some pretty strange news stories anymore and the idea they may have stumbled upon some serial killer past their minds for a second okay so that happened that's so fun someone said lol at your story I love

this I love like I don't know a look into a group of people that just love something they're passionate about something that I'm not passionate about yeah it's kind of like a refreshing experience to be like, I'm just on the outside looking in, you know? I don't have to get worked up. I can just like, yeah, enjoy it because I know if someone looked me up on any RuneScape forums, it'd be making fun of me left and right about all the weird shit I say. But I don't know. Maybe they'd just enjoy your passion for RuneScape.

That's that's what it is. I mean, I wouldn't, but somebody else might. Very few people enjoy that passion of mine. OK, so this is Miko J responded, who's the original poster. So somebody said, lol, your story and then said, that casket looks very comfy, which is what you said. And they said, yeah, I can nap in that thing forever. So I think the person who has the casket said the real casket.

So it must be really comfy. I'm curious. And by the way, Miko's signature on here is the scariest thing about a prop should not be the price tag. Amen. That should be like the Halloween store's newest, Spirit Halloween's newest tagline. That's pretty good.

Although, their shit's expensive, so nevermind. I love this. I love that. I need to get on this. Okay, what about this one? I don't belong in this form, but I wanna look at it more. Oh, I just realized this has crazed haunter not crazed hunter Christina that is ten thousand times better. I was like that's really scary. I thought it said crazed hunter. Okay, this whole place Just became a little more normal. Okay, but like that name just made it all seem so unhinged

Okay, never I, I'm out. Lizzie Borden, seriously? I'm out, I'm out. Axe murderer, if you don't know. Yeah, yeah, hatch murderer, hatchet murderer. Hatchet, my mistake. Here, Crazed Haunter said, "'Yep, got mine from the National Cemetery

a few miles away,' which really makes it sound like they took it from the cemetery. I mean, they did. Where else did they, yeah, now I'm like- Sounds like they took it illegally, but they are you sure they didn't wear how do they set those a national? Yeah, well, I'll get on it. Here you go. Yep. Got mine from the National Cemetery a few miles away. It

was the military's practice coffin. They got a new one. So they didn't need it anymore. I got the call when I was at work not far away. My supervisor told me to take the service truck and go get it. You should have seen the looks I got from people as I was driving around within the back of a county vehicle. One of the best things I got. Plus I store a lot of skull and small stuff in it

so it doesn't really take up any more space than before. And then his signature is, normal people scare me. Eakin! I love that. So this is just you just got to ask. I guess so. I love that shit. But the fact that they got a call, which means like they were on some sort of like contact list. Yeah, they said, hey, if you don't need a coffin, if you have a coffin for me, let me know. And then not only that, the supervisor, I assume, like the county of a job, a government or county jobs are unrelated job to the haunting,

I would assume. What kind of county jobs are related? Maybe some. It was like, oh, you got that call. Of course, take your work vehicle and go get your coffin. Like, I love here. Ronald's call came in. He's finally got he's off the list for a new kidney.

I mean, casket. I love this. OK, look at this. Miko j op wrote, I got it. Well, the casket is home sweet home. As soon as I got it in the garage, one of my skellies jumped in and started making those pretend car vroom vroom sounds. What is the skelly? There's a picture. This is hilarious. I haven't seen this. I just click.

I mean, you saw Julio middle of the night forum email and you said, I don't care what's in there. I'm bringing it and I'm so glad you did. Y'all there's a picture of a skeleton with a hat of fedora in a coffin in that coffin in that casket with a speech bubble that says, Oh, come on, just five more minutes. And it's like Ariel font red text on white with like a black, it's very like MS Paint. And then it says, I shoot him out and started to dismantle the interior padding.

The plan is to weld in some reinforcements and beef up the main lid hinge in order to support opening via pneumatic cylinder. Anyway, when I moved some things aside, I covered evidence of mysterious haunting activity. The previous occupant must have had a real sweet tooth. And there's like all these half eaten candies, like wrappers and what? Yeah, candies in there.

Wait, this is this is this is still that practice coffin? No, this. Oh, my God. This is that original person like, oh, finally, I get to be the body today during the practice funeral. And that was like someone telling a story in the midst of. Yes, that was a separate casket. This one, somebody made a fireball casket. Oh, yeah. Fireball whiskey. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. But that's OK. But we haven't touched on something very important. Why did the skeleton that jumped in? Obviously. OK. Why did they say room? Why did they make vroom vroom noises like like a car? They were going to race it around. OK, I think it's hilarious. So I'm like, I think it's funny.

I just don't know why. I think it's great. You can like because like he got in and was like, here we go. Jump in with the fedora on. I love it. I wish I were a back sleeper. You know, that's the only problem I don't think I can sleep in a casket because I I'm not a back sleeper. Well, you need to leave it open a bit if you wanted to turn sideways I guess or maybe there's room in there. I guess I could just sleep on my stomach

Yeah, yeah, but I don't know how you know, like it feels like it's made for yeah It's made to sleep like this. Could you imagine like if you're all in like I'm like oh yeah no when when you put me in the casket can you put me on my stomach I'm not a side I'm not a back sleeper please thank you oh my god I everyone's going up seeing the back of my head not even the back just the side and I'm like drooling okay anyway anyway I just that was great I just there's just the whole fact the fact that this whole thread is just people saying Hey, I have a real casket and then just posting like pictures in their garage of all these caskets And I'm like maybe love maybe the Duke energy folks have seen more of these than we like to think it seems like

They're everywhere. But anyway, thank you. Julio. Yeah. Thank you, Julio. And thank you to everyone. What's that? What's that called? He wrote crazed hunter. I was like, I don't know why I thought that. Julia, you and I both thought it said Crazed Hunter. What's what's the website that was a forum because I want to thank the people, the good people of haunt forum forum.com is what what a place. Hungry root is the easiest way to eat healthy. They send you fresh, high quality groceries, simple recipes, and essential supplements. It's like having someone else do all the planning and shopping so you don't even have to think about it. What a dream. Hungry Root gets to know your

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Excellent. Yeah. And so Haley, Haley knows. I bet you Haley knows whether they're comfortable. True. I should have. OK. Haley was like, oh, DM me if you have any questions. That is a question I should have asked. I didn't do it. I didn't. I didn't know. OK. But I just thought this was a little this was interesting. Haley said a family has every right to order a third party casket from Walmart, Amazon, or Costco,

but we usually don't recommend it because we won't schedule services until the casket arrives, and there's also a chance of them being damaged in shipping, and it can be hard to replace in time for the service. See, that's what I'm saying, when people fall through the bottom, maybe there's some issue with it. So it's like that other Amazon one,

like getting it a month early. That's what you want to do. Like you want to if you're doing it, it seems like if you want to get a third party casket. Yeah. It really helps if you'd like to threaten a family member. Yeah, you can be like any day now you're going to be in this thing. Yeah. Also, Haley, do you mind letting me know if people actually ever do fall out of a coffin? Like I'm curious. I don't

mean like, tell me funny stories. I just mean, like, genuinely, does that actually happen? Because I want to know if any of these people are real or if they're all full of shit. Yeah, and Haley at the end said, there are many pros and cons, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that the majority of people buying Costco and Walmart caskets were very happy with them. Okay, good. Which is great. Costco, I didn't even think to check Costco. Me neither, me neither, even though I read read that here's a one-star review of a

What was this even up is a Cassie company. Here's a one-star review titled the employee that answered the phone called me stupid and This one has punctuation issues and word spelling issues But I'm gonna do my best like reading it was a chore reading it aloud might be even more of one here we go I Like reading it was a chore, reading it aloud might be even more of one. Here we go. I was looking at the website and I had a few more questions, and I didn't think anybody would be there to pick up the phone after 10 p.m. But I couldn't find an email address or a contact us button. So I go and call the 1-800 number and think that I'm going to get some type of message with business hours or maybe some other information on how to contact this company because I had some questions.

So I was amazed that someone actually answers the phone and it took me a minute to get myself together because this guy will say that he actually works for the company. So he says to me, so do you want a casket or not? And I really didn't have much of a response to that because it was rude. This guy goes and said, oh, are you drunk? Or are you just an airhead? And I told him that I was ordering a casket and then he said, What are you just stupid? And I told him that I needed a casket because I had a friend that committed suicide. Oh, he called me stupid again. And then I started fussing at him

and did not curse at him and did not insult him. I did tell him that it was not the way that you treat a customer. So I hung up that time and it was 48 minutes past the hour when I called. So then I called back hoping that I'm going to get someone else in the phone answers and no one says even hello and it's the same guy. So he hangs up on me. That was at 51 minutes past the hour, 52 minutes past the hour. I called back again and I got him yet again.

And he kept saying that I was stupid. And I'm'm telling you he said it at least five times to me Most of the time people don't go casket shopping online So they might not know the process or even have questions about the product based on my interaction with this idiot I will never buy anything from this company And I will discourage other people as well because you can't treat people that way whether you're in business with them Aware that you're passing each other on the street end of review. I don't know what just happened at the end.

I feel like they took a weird angle. I feel like it was voice to text. I was ready to like cheer them on and then I was like, I don't know why we're passing these people on the street, but I'm not sure what that was about any moment. I was like, oh you're gonna do a rate and then you're like, no, I called them again. And I was like, oh, and it was like a minute later a minute later

why was also after 10 p.m. this person's probably woken up like fuck off I'm gonna get a casket for you in a second if you don't stop calling I'll show you a cat um yeah so I think that was yeah that that was a trip. I I wonder yeah, I do wonder like especially if it's an 1-800 number, I mean fucking have a Voicemail thing whatever I can't finance like who is this person that picked up the phone like I need to know First of all if they actually work for the like like, I guess they knew it was for caskets. Do you want a casket or not? So that's- You idiot. How does that even happen?

I don't know. I really enjoy that story though. This is from, let's see. Okay, this is something I found, I believe. This is of creative hobbies, pack of six, small unfinished wood funeral coffins, perfect for goth decor and pet memorials. Wow. Okay, so here's a picture I'll open the link for you. They're just these little

unfinished like, raw coffins, raw raw wood coffins. Are they tiny? Yeah, they're really small. They're six inches or six inches. So you can do like a wow. That's intense. But a pet memorial. Yeah. For Pablo is what the example says. I feel like that's also for could it be for Dia de los Muertos? Dang it. I almost nailed it.

Dia de los Muertos. OK, well, now you're making me. I need to take Spanish classes. I keep talking about that. Dia de los Muertos. Yes, you got it. Okay. So yeah, I mean, I assume for decor,

for anything for Halloween decorations, for Dia de los Muertos. I'm remembering third grade Spanish class. We made like candy skulls and stuff. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Good times. That was fun. Yeah. Five stars. That was fun, yeah.

Five stars, and the title of this is Creepy Little Coffins, Love Them! Which, by the way, someone needs to post this in the Haunt Forum, because. They probably, as if they have, this was probably a haunt, the haunt forums, someone created these. This is their merch store.

This is their merch. Okay, this is a verified purchase and it says Unless you are burying leprechauns or tinkerbell parentheses, you know you didn't clap These are probably being used for crafty projects They are really easy to paint and don't feel cheap. That's it. It's a Keebler version of a pine box RIP JJ Keebler end of review It's one of their names. That's like the dad and I googled it and that's the death like the grandpa one and he's like He's actually dead. I mean he's animated. So like I guess not but like yeah, he had like people that's hilarious

Yeah, look up JJ. Yeah, the the guy who's like looking at the window waving. Yeah, I guess he died. Oh my god Oh, or I think he died. It says RIP Who says RIP? This reviewer? Like I don't know if they're in my head they're like in their headcanon of the Keebler elves if they're dead. They felt really confident. I just believed it. Because they want to believe believe it I don't know if that means that it's true I feel like is this not JJ Keebler just on their regular logo like why would they kill off their main logo guy? Oh And he's actually in the ground I'm gonna say something like that might be a little controversial, but JJ Keebler isn't real

So I don't think I think he is will never die But yeah, head elf. Okay, I'm gonna go away from the Keebler elves Cartoon Network City fandom wiki. Okay, and read, read one more review. This was sent in by Megan Haley also sent this in. And but Haley's didn't have the you had to go to the actual website that this was written on in Order to read the owner response. Oh Shit, and so Haley's in for surprise because Haley's read this one the negative one

I don't know if Haley saw the owner response, but Megan's version was from the website and the owner response Christina I'm what website is it? It is the casket the Titan caskets website. Oh, I've read a ton of their back and forth So I feel like I'm not used to Okay, I'm excited. Yeah I'm it was hilarious the ending of the owner response. Here we go. Epic failure Titan is the title of this review. Here we go If I could give zero stars in this review I would my mother-in-law recently passed and I decided to choose a Titan casket for her.

Some difficulties I had was working around a three hour time difference between the casket company and the funeral home and shipping over a holiday weekend. I ordered the casket on January 14th at approximately 9am Eastern time. I ordered the Titan Orion series with a draped flag headboard. I called Titan before placing the order to let them know I couldn't verify the shipping address until the funeral home opened, but I wanted to get the casket in production so it could be shipped out before the holiday weekend. I placed a note on my order stating the same as well. Once the funeral home opened, I called them and verified the shipping address. I then called Titan

and Mike answered the phone. I informed him that the address I used from the funeral home opened, I called them and verified the shipping address. I then called Titan and Mike answered the phone. I informed him that the address I used from the funeral home's website was also the shipping address. Before I could get my question out about shipping over the holiday weekend, he blurted out, I got another call, and just hung up on me. Mike should never be permitted to answer the phones. I mentioned earlier that this casket was for my mother-in-law and was ordered with a draped flag for the headboard

When we were actually able to see my mother-in-law in the casket just two hours before the service the headboard wasn't Headboard was embroidered with father Like literally all the options like head yeah, that's why I knew Specifically about this was because of this review. Oh my gosh. I think this was a first review email I read so it gave me a lot of insight. Yeah, so instead of even there there is a mother option, but they wanted the flag option and of the between the wrong ones they got the father one. Titan was contacted and they tried to offer some lame excuses by Mike about how

flag and father both start with F. I mean, yeah, that's true, Mike. Mike's not wrong. Technically, Mike, that is true. But how flag and father both start with F. Well, Mike, so does failure. Oh, now my mother-in-law has been interred for all of eternity with a headboard emblazoned with father.

Oh! Whomever is in charge of the lack of quality control at Titan should be fired. End of review. Do you think that haunts that? I know there's a response, but do you think that like haunts them? Um.

Or do you think they're like whatever? I would hope not. I don't know. I don't know. Of course. Like I don't want them, but like. Do you think this lady who was buried is the type to go actively haunt them because she's like how could you? Or do you think they haunt Titan? She haunts Titan like yeah, you know the wrong coffee I think that would be more fair, you know

Mike's dealing with some some ghostly issues has to be and here's a response with an update. So here's the original response. We are so sorry for this error. To have sent the wrong head panel is our worst nightmare. We sincerely regret that you had a poor customer experience and that we failed to meet your expectations. We take this very seriously and will make improvements to our customer service and quality control. With the deepest apologies, Liz. That's nice. And then here's an update. From the- From the company, it's like in the same thing.

It just is. And two years later. Oh, okay. Update in 2023. Yes, Mike no longer answers phones and has been moved exclusively to product development. He did have lots of other positive feedback and reviews elsewhere,

but clearly whatever happened here was very, very bad. I'd also like to point out that he takes a lot of insults internally about this review to this day, and we often remind him, well Mike, so does failure in Slack and other channels, for which he feels much shame and of response. They literally say that in their company internal communications, they still reference this review to make fun of Mike. Oh my god, Mike. Okay, I take back all my questions. It's very clear he's being haunted by this. Yeah, he's being haunted by the company. And the fact that they're like, haha, he feels much shame. He feels deep, deep shame about like, don't worry, we will never let him forget this. And also, he's never

answering another fucking phone again. Like, what an unprofessional thing to say, as an owner response, I think, but I'm, I loved it. I know, I'm not mad. They did. But also, like, yeah, if I were Mike, I'd be like, this seems really inappropriate. Like, you shouldn't be saying that about me on the internet They're literally talking about how in their slack. They're like work slack channels. They say Also for failure Mike, do you know what's so great or well Mike so does failure Do you think? That's so funny to me. Do you think, um,

why on earth two years later were they like, hey, let's update that one person? Cause like, oh, we should let them know. I don't know. Maybe- We should let them know how we still talk about this. I don't know. Maybe they were just still talking about it and they were- and the person was like, hey, maybe I should just let them know. I hope the reviewer has a sense of humor. Cause if I

saw that I'd be like, wow, what a lasting impact this has had on fucking asshole Mike. I know. Like maybe this isn't true, but like something good came out like not good. But like, I don't know what I'm seeing. Ended up being funny to someone. Yeah. Not maybe you, but at least the Cascade company thought it was pretty fucking hilarious. And they moved him to product development. They like moved him away from answering phones.

I wouldn't want that man making my coffin. I feel like he's gonna do something. Don't worry, that guy you complained about is now doing the thing that you also complained about. Because they complained about product development. Yeah, wait a minute. I guess it's quality control is different. But like, maybe, I don't know. If he's saying stuff like, well, F, they both start with the same letter.

What's the difference? Then like, what F, they both start with the same letter. What's the difference? Then like, what does he, I think it's so funny. Flag, father, failure. Wow, that must haunt him, that really must haunt him. So that was my last one, cause I thought that was, I was gonna end on that five star positive. Like I briefly considered it, but.

This was the way to go. I couldn't do it, this one was just too good. too good I found a website next called creative coffins oh cute and they make like they basically make coffins that you can they're cardboard coffins but then the image they almost it's like a wrap like for like a car but like you basically make a coffin with like any image that you want. And if it's something trademarked, they will go and like contact the company. And they said most companies are very understanding

and like even big ones will like allow you to do this as a coffin. If they feel, you know. But so I got a few of my favorites. They have some examples. You can do a completely custom one, but they also have options on their website. This is my favorite.

This is called the peas themed coffin. Huh? And it is a coffin that looks like a crate. Full of peas. Full of peas, like green peas. I love peas, so maybe it was a pea farmer? And it says Alfred Greek died 7th November, 2235. I thought it was gonna say like died

from choking on peas or something. I really did, I was worried about that. Oh, quirky and a bit of fun, but very poplar. I think they probably mean popular. This peas coffin comes with free personalization so you can include names, dates,ings or favorite quotes want to add a matching ashes casket. Just ask Okay It said claims to be very popular. How many people realistically do you think have been buried in this peas coffin?

No, the top is literally a bunch of like like blown up though. Like so it's big peas Just peas. I don't even know. Like how else do you describe this? It's just literally no other. It looks like a crate. Oh, my God. Wait, read what it says. Never mind. I get why it's popular. I'm sorry. I get it now. I get it now. I did not understand. I'm sorry, y'all. OK, let me describe this.

I promise. This is where the thing here we have to it is a casket I'm sorry. Y'all. OK, let me describe this. I promise this is worth it. It is a casket shaped like a crate with a bunch of peas on top, like as if they're just like a realistic, realistic peas. And then one of those little tags you'd stick in a plant to say what it is. And it says rest in peace. That is absolutely unhinged in the most incredible. What is that? What did you just click on?

Chocolate delight themed. Coffin, what it's like a Turkish delight, like a what? It's just listen, some people like candy, saying in the best way. I get like a personal picture. And do like a little collage. Which is cute. No, these are cute. I like, I get it.

And also, look, this is for the living. I mean, it's for the debt, but like the living will feel good to be like, hey, this person would really appreciate this joke. This like, this is if they were candy. Like, it's personal. Oh my God, you know when Mike dies, his, he's like headed straight into one of these coffins that says like

F is for failure. They're gonna like have that edge Yeah, and bury him in it and he's he's never gonna escape. He's not and he snore should he that's what his that's what his Casket should serve his casket. That's what his headstone should say. Oh my god. Yeah, you're right So everyone will say it when they visit So I know everybody really loves these things and then I got confused because there was another company I found from the these are all from the UK. I don't know. Okay, you guys are like Well, I was gonna say I feel like culturally I've known that I've known that other countries I've seen examples of some very personalized coffins for people

Based on what they did in their life or what they enjoyed. And it sometimes is so niche. Like, Pease was a new one to me. But yeah, and it's like it makes sense. Like, I don't know, compared to like a plain white coffin. Yes, I agree. I think it's a really fun. They're both going to the same place.

Might as well just liven it up for the, you know, I don't know. Yeah, Creative Coffins was fun because they do those photos, but now I found a website that's even more customizable, more in-depth, it's called crazycoffins.co.uk. Oh no, Crazy Coffins, do they get crazy? They get crazy, so this is the About Us. Crazy Coffins brings together a small team of joiners, designers, and artists who for 20 years

have been hand producing coffins which no one else has been willing to make. The team has built coffins as boats, guitars, ballet shoes, and even as pieces of luggage. Coffins to be buried, cremated, or simply kept in the house. Each coffin is hand built and bespoke. Each one has been individually commissioned and ordered. Not one is supplied off the shelf. These coffins are practical, realistic, yet hinting at theater

and art, so they have been exhibited widely as well, from Linden South Bank via Switzerland's Design Museum to the Fashion World of Turin. If you are a grieving partner, a bereaved family, or simply someone planning ahead, do please get in touch. Our team, whose members normally assemble dozens of conventional coffins each day can weary of production line working so they will be delighted to discuss and advise the images on this website will show you what they can do. Wow, I know. Oh, well, that's funny that that's there. I was gonna say I've seen people make car coffins for people who love

cars or loved their car. Yes. So I have a couple and these actually, I love creative coffins as well because you can tell, I mean, even by the About Us, but the team is very creative and like open-minded. And on their website, they have all these examples of past coffins and then they will write like a little blurb of like who it was for and why it was made. Yeah, that's so cute

I love a few this is of This is a very English looking car. It's called a triumph Mk2 I guess I've heard of a triumph before Okay, so that's the kind of coffin that they made and the does look so British that doesn't it. And the blurb says the owner drove his triumph for more than 20 years and used to joke that he wanted to be buried in it. This was the closest his widow could get to fulfilling his wish. I know I was like for 20 years to joke about that. And then his widow was like, you know what, let's make it happen.

And and she could like, I don't like you mentioned about thinking about, I don't know, just having those moments of remembering, oh, he's buried in that car. He's loving it. You know, he's driving that car around. Yeah, it just yeah, it feels really like sure that feels good. Reassuring. Okay, so this one is a Nokia. Hell, yeah. Nokia phone things gonna last forever. And I didn't bring the little thing because it ended up being like a really sad little blur, but I was like, oh, yeah

Okay, I'm sure but they put so it's like a Nokia phone like a pink a hot pink I was like a razor but not quite it has like but it says It's a it's a text to their grandpa Okay on the car written on the screen of the phone. Oh, this is grandee Could you just pick up a few things for me please? Love you, Dan. Stop! Why does this make me so sad? I know, because it is sad! I know, but like, of all things, like this pink hot pink Nokia phone casket.

Sorry, we've been reading a lot of casket reviews and that's the one that gets me. Okay, okay. Okay, that's because that's why they're so like, touching, I think. It's like they're so like, I'm touching, I think it's like they're so personal. Yeah. This is one of my favorites. Also, it says it's an Orient Express carriage. And it says railfan Brian Holden will make his final journey in a coffin shaped like the Orient Express. Wow. Now, it's our stuff. It is our Oh, look at

this. They're very, very artistic. Mr. Holden, 79 from Manchester, England, took the train each year with his wife, Jean, who died three years ago. When he came down to our factory to see his finished coffin for the first time, he joked, "'I was so desperate to see it. "'I had to take extra care crossing the road.

"'Sod's Law, I'll get hit by a bus on the way here.'" I love that. That makes me happy that he saw his own, you know? I know. And he had a commission and he was so excited to see it that he's like, hey, Brian, you need to slow down because if you get hit by a train, you'll be buried in that thing but never get to see it.

You know what I mean? Or hit by a bus. Yeah. And so this is the last one I have for you. This is a custom coffin. That's a coffin. It doesn't even look like this thing. Look at how it tips and I don't understand on it. Can you explain it? It's a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Like it just looks like a bottle. I don't know what the coffin is like a perfect. I'm very confused replica of a Jack Daniel Daniels bottle and it's a it's a coffin. Yeah. It is. It does not look like like first glance. That's not a coffin. Okay, but ready for this. Ready for this. It's not yet. Second glance. It's not a coffin. Okay.

A Belfast man in the prime of life working in the security industry in Afghanistan has commissioned this coffin, which celebrates his favorite tipple, quote, just in case. The coffin, which stands 111 inches high, is made of MDF and decorated with water based paints. Wow. So this guy who's working abroad is like, hey, you never know. I guess I'll order my coffin now. I will. This feels like when you get a tattoo for something and you don't know if you'll enjoy it later. Like what if this person is sober later in life or something? Or like, you know what, I don't really like Jack Daniels or something.

Well then I guess they just wasted a few thousand dollars for a cool... And that's fine, if they can afford it, good for them. Imagine the resale value to the Haunters, of the crazed Haunters. Like they would buy the shit out of... Zero because it doesn't look like a casket. I know, but like it looks like a giant bottle of Jack Daniels. OK, let me say it again. How about like the country music fan board or like the the forum or like the yes.

Yeah, no, they're a different. Don't get me wrong. There is someone else in the world who wants to be very Jack Daniels Casket, yeah, I'm not yeah, I'm not denying that What about someone who works at Jack Daniels or has worked there for 60 years and is there? Yeah, and it's like I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Now you're buried in it. You'll never escape That's like Mike Anyway, that was all that I've brought.

I just I had to bring some creative coffins. I was like, this this is a but if you all have a minute, like go check out that website because I was so enamored. They had dozens and dozens of examples of these things. Which one was this? Crazy Caskets? Crazy Coffins. Crazy Coffins. That code at UK. That name does not do it justice.

No, and that's why I kept mixing them up, because I thought with Crazy Coffins, I thought that's why I asked. The picture was just the one with the rest in peas. Rest in peas was creative. Not the crazy one. I know, I know, I know. I know. That's hilarious. So Crazy Coffins. But I kind of love it.

No, yeah. So, yeah, Crazy Coffins. That's so cool. They're clearly very talented at what they do. So crazy coffins. But I kind of love it. No, yeah. So yeah, crazy coffins. That's so cool. They're clearly very talented at what they do. So if anyone's in the market or just wants to spend their lunch break looking at some cool artesian caskets, go for it. Chiara, it means smart in Italian. Too bad your barista can't spell it right, so you just give a fake name, your cafe name, Julia.

But the more you use it, the more it feels like you're in witness protection. Wait a minute, what kind of espresso drinks does Julia like anyway? Is it too late to change your latte order? But with an espresso machine by KitchenAid, you wouldn't be thinking any of this because you could have just made your espresso at home. Shop now at KitchenAid.ca. My challenge? Ready for it.

This is fucking whiplash. It is. What? I love it when we do this though. Let's talk about Sex in the City. I've never watched it. Never seen an episode in my life. I'm living it.

Oh wait, that's weird. Sorry. I was like, sorry. Speak on that please. As I'm saying that I'm like, wait no, no. I mean like. Speak on that. The show of like being in New York. I didn't mean like those words specifically.

You know what's so funny, there's so many shows set in New York, almost all of them, but you had to pick that. This is the one we're talking about. I live in New York, the city. She's always having sex. I'm gonna just shut up. Okay, this is Sex and the City. I don't know what the show's about either, so I can't even make a joke because I know what the show's about either so I can't even make a joke because I know what the show's about. I think it's about sex and the... no, it's like these women and it's about they love to shop. Sorry, I know that.

I know that that's true, but I think it's about relationships like isn't there a gay one? One of them ended up being actually gay and not ended up being but was is gay the actor is gay I think actually gay and not ended up being, but was gay. The actor is gay, I think. And I'm not sure. I was trying to listen, trying to get a crash course at midnight the night before about what sex in the city is really all about. Well, yeah, cause we just picked this challenge last night

at midnight. Okay, you know what? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I do the same thing. This is what I did. I took a few quizzes. Well, I took like 16 quizzes. Cause I should have taken one.

I was like, I have to figure out who I am. Oh, I should have taken one. I got like, I have to figure out who I am. Oh, I should have taken. I got a different answer every time. Every quiz, everyone. But like I got either Samantha, who's apparently the sex crazed one is what everyone told me. And I was like, that's not right. Miranda, who I guess is like the very like, like no bullshit.

Intense. I think I know who plays Miranda. I forget her name. I love her, though. She doesn't she play? Okay, this might be so wrong. Don't make fun of me Doesn't she play? The mom of Meredith's mom and Grey's Anatomy. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I forgot her name. She's great. Yes. She does Cynthia Nixon Yes. Yeah, she's awesome So yes, Cynthia Nixon. She I got her. I got Miranda a few times.

Well, I think she is she the gay one? I thought so. Yeah, she's she's married to someone named Christine. So there you go. So you wait. So you are actually whoever she ends up with. I was going to say, Cynthia, I forget her name, Miranda, Miranda, who Miranda ends up with because your name's Christine. Right. Yes Miranda ends up with? Because your name is Christine.

Right. Yes. So I... So that's your actual answer. I'm just the love interest. But no, I took a quiz a few times. I got two Samantha's, two Miranda's, then I got Carrie three times in a row. So I guess...

The main one, right? The main... Sarah Jessica Parker? Yes. So I would love to know from... And I took Cosmo Girl. I took Cosmopolitan. I took Buzzfeed, multiple Buzzfeed.

I took like... Multiple Buzzfeed. Quiz your brain dot forum dot oh yeah that's classic yeah that one you know so if I would just out of curiosity maybe when this comes out if Zoe could post like a little poll for each of us maybe people could like oh who they think we are curious yeah what other people think I kind of love that I trust everyone's judgment more than my own. And I don't really understand who these characters are. Yeah. And I don't know, like, if there's one you like want to get or like, if there's one you don't

want to get. Yeah. Oh, like, oh, you're saying like, not me personally, but anyone. Yeah, like, I don't know if there's like a less popular one. You're like, Oh, I don't want to be her, you know, well, Charlotte is the one who's very like conservative. And like, I never got her because it was like, it's very conservative, very traditional. Okay traditional okay now and she's the she's so beautiful like I think I'm in love with her and just okay a very selfish like so far away Charlotte Miranda Carrie and who's the other one the sex

crazed one Samantha Samantha I think I'm a what was that last one? Charlotte? Charlotte? Charlotte. So he said her name is Charlotte. OK, I'm I forgot all of their names just now again. This is so difficult. I need my brain was fried. I can't believe this. My brain was fried. Can you imagine that one Reddit poster who's now so fucking serious about like us talking about sex in the city when we have Google and it's twenty twenty four and we're like, who is that?

We had time to prepare. We had time to Google it. OK, I have them in front of me. we have Google and it's 2024 and we're like, who is that name? And we had time to prepare for this episode. We had time to Google it. Okay, I have them in front of me. So I'm whoever the beautiful one is combined with Samantha. The traditional one? Yeah, no, but like I'm a Samantha, but Lux, I'm a beautiful one.

Oh. Was the joke I was gonna make, but then I forgot all of their names, so it took me an extra two minutes. They're all beautiful. I mean, don't get me wrong, that's kind of the point. No, they are. I'm looking at him right now Anyway, mr. Big is a character okay? That's literally the only thing I knew about that show

Mr.. Big yeah, he's a big penis Okay, fine. I'm a combo of three enough enough. This is why I didn't send you a quiz listening all right So everybody if I'll McLaughlin isn't okay i'm done if you could please go figure out who we are because i don't know because also and then i was gonna say i was taking the quiz but it's obviously aimed at people who've seen the show yeah so it asked questions and i was like i don't really know my answer here because i don't know who these people are i thought it would be like oh like what's your favorite vacation destination okay but then some of them were like, pick a love interest of Carrie. I don't know these people do it by looks, which

isn't fair because like, I'm sure their person they're all probably attractive anytime somebody was named Ned, I was like, well, not Ned, but anyone else. But I still don't know who they are. So Ned, certainly not. So Ned Schneebly or whatever. Yeah, exactly. That's all I think of here is a review This was sent in by Elta she they and it's of Macy's Herald Square. It's the Macy's on West 34th Street, New York City It's it's a big deal. It's my favorite Macy's. I'm sure it is mine's the one it Rookwood that replaced the Discount Macy's. There's a Macy's there? They're a good now.

Now? Yeah. This is a review by somebody from a different country. I believe they're from the UK, but I'm not 100% sure, but they gave Macy's five stars, and the title of this review is, "'Makes our department stores look like corner shops.'"

Macy's. Wow. Like actual booths for designer labels such as Gucci. Stores inside stores. Crazy. A floor dedicated entirely to shoes. Now I'm a Carrie, but there were so many I didn't know which ones to buy, so I left with none. I was devastated. That's not how Carrie would do it. What if, as if I was, I feel like Carrie would buy many, all the shoes. Yeah, and one question on there that I kept seeing was like, if you had $100 left to your name,

would you buy stilettos? And I was like, I mean, like, no, but should I say yet? Like I, maybe? I don't know. I was like, is that the... Maybe. Well, like no, obviously not, but I'm like... Then yeah, I didn't say no. But no one would, but one of these characters clearly would.

I guess. Okay. So I left with none. I was devastated, but secretly proud of myself. My mom and I spent three hours in here and covered only two and a half floors of the nine floors available We got there on a one-off sale day where there was some absolute bargains I got a hundred dollar necklace for thirty dollars a lovely keepsake for my first time in NYC Mom treated herself to in the beauty part, which made boots look like a second-rate chemist No idea what that what's that a reference? Probably a chemist. Isn't that like a farm a pharmacist. No idea what that. What? Is that a reference? Probably a chemist.

Isn't that like a pharmacist? Boots is a store in the UK. Sorry. Yes. Which pharmacy? I don't know if it's a pharmacy or like a makeup store or something like that. The beauty part, which made boots look like a second rate chemist, a fantastic experience.

And I can't wait for the opportunity to go back to cover the other six and a half floors. Wait, is it really that big? She said, we only other six and a half floors Like kind of didn't process that I think I was still thinking about chemists or thinking about shoes or something. Um Wow, yeah, I need to go to the I don't need to go to Macy's. You're okay. Honestly, I don't like Macy's That was in 2014 and I don't know that it even is the same anymore. Probably not. Yeah, probably not. But that's when they were like, oh, it's a store full of other like stores within like I was like, yeah, that's what a Macy's is.

That's what a department store is, right? And now I'm like, oh, maybe we maybe the New York one is just like extra crazy. Yeah. I mean, nine floors. Well, yeah, because I'm like, there's no way like our Macy's is not that interesting I mean, it's pretty fucking big though. So I could see someone from another country come and be like And I'm like, well, yeah, you guys are known for your department sort of over there. I feel like I Don't know. I don't know here. They're known for fish and chips. That's all I know. Yeah, so it's basically like a it looks kind of like a Coles but just the

makeup and Like skin stuff, but it looks like they have prescriptions too. So that's fun Maybe it's like a Walgreens. Well, cuz yeah chemist in the UK is a pharmacy. All right So now I have so she's a she's a Carrie. So that's fun. That's good Phoenix Sent this in this is of Centaur bar and it is a three-star review. What is the Centaur bar? I don't know Okay, and it is a Yes, I mean you'll see enough I guess of what it is. This is by Tabitha Like both halves of the Centaur. I'll see yeah, okay good

But I'm gonna cover the bottom With the lower part of the casket so that yeah just to be demure about it like oh you can see the top half I think you might have to soda can that you think like coke can it yeah Squish it in legs. It's too much We'll figure it out. Well, as long as it says failure, F is for failure on the head. Okay. This is from Phoenix. It's of Centaur Bar. It says review by Tabitha, three stars. And here we go.

I was sitting at the Centaur Bar sipping on my Cosmo, because I'm a Samantha. When all these scraggly old-timer hipsters walk in for the $3 beer special. They were at some grunge concert, Noise Garden or something, and it's like whatever like that music's relevant anymore, their new record got like a four on Pitchfork. But Gossip Girl opened I hear, I mean what's this world coming to? I was just trying to snack on my shrimp cocktail and start my summer cleanse. Thank god for one bartender serving all 50 patrons ignored those riff raff. I would give four stars if not for the strange 90s

throwback and cookie cutter metal girl pop fans who were stumbling around without their flip flops. End of review. I don't know Samantha, but this person's a Samantha. You think? Well, if they are being really, look, judgy. I guess. And they're like, I'm a Samantha, and are being really like Judgy, they're like I'm a Samantha and then being really judgy. Maybe maybe they're leaning into it

That's Samantha's thing, but I told you you'd see both halves of the set far. Oh, you're right. I do that is creepy Um, look, I think that I imagine all of these characters are judgy in my head like they are in my head I mean, it's yeah 90s 2000s TV Yeah, they probably had some but you gotta be in that case. It's a fucking empowering women Probably when and it's isn't that what it's kind of about. I don't ask me what it's about. I don't know I'm asking the people don't answer me but it's a it feels in my head sex and the City is a show with empowered women who are both confident but flawed and just live in their lives. Hey. And they have money.

I am just reading this other person's other reviews and they are out of control. Typical Samantha. I know, right? OK, well, anyway, this is the next one. This is from Stephanie Shide. This is my last one. And it's of a book. I thought this would be a fitting end. It's of a book called We Should All Be Miranda's.

Oh, which is kind of cool. And I am a third of the time Yeah, I got pretty much an even like But and then I would take the same quiz a couple times and I would usually get the same character each time Yeah, so it's like each quiz very clearly had me pegged But I don't know like what I was changing between them because again, I don't know enough about the show. I Sorry, I have a thought About Miranda Miranda's a sex obsessed one or Samantha.

They say Samantha is the one who's like really like sexual. Like she's in her like because when I'm thinking about that, I'm like, it's probably like she's the progressive one of everyone. Like, you know, like because back then I did. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. Like, oh, yes, yes. Yes. Like, oh, yes. Yes. I think the Miranda's like the no shit, no bullshit. Oh, yeah. Like, you know, kind of like hard strong.

Yeah, but also like very loyal and, you know, Cynthia Nixon, Cynthia Nixon. Exactly. Meredith's mom before what happened to her. Someone's out there having a fucking full blown panic attack that we're talking like this about their favorite show And yeah, no, I have no clue what we're doing. Yeah Good cool. You're such a Samantha. Whoever you are out there chill take a chill pill Who are you Miranda? All of a sudden? I am I'm a Carrie right now. This is from Stephanie. She dates of

Something called we should all be Miranda's It's on netgalley this review and the book is called we shall be Miranda's was no one netgalley is oh So I know what that Kelly is cuz I wrote a book I guess but it's Didn't mean it like that. I said that no it's where people it's where people go and rate and review books. And I think it's what is it different from like, it seems less social media. Even yes, yes. I think it's more for people in the industry.

I know that several people on NetGalley reviewed our book and they got early copies because they're like book reviewers and Goodreads is just a bunch of social media public. Yeah, yeah, I think that's more of like a general like... I love using Goodreads for myself, like I enjoy it, but I can't do the reviews that people write. No, no, no. So I'm like who the fuck are you writing this for? No, no, no. I'm like and they're so... okay, I'm done. I'm not ranting. Okay, yes, and I think publishers and authors and stuff like go in and are able to like see feedback on their own stuff. Interesting, that Yes, and I think publishers and authors and stuff like go in and are able to like see feedback on Interesting. That's cool. It's it's I think it's a more industry

Focused like book review website as far as I can gather. And so this is a netgalley Forum about the book we should all be Miranda's I'm gonna pull up the title here cover not available life lessons from sex in the city's most underrated character Oh, and I believe that the authors are They did the actor who played No, they're co-creators of the Instagram sensation every outfit on sex in the city Oh cool, and so they wrote this book and it's kind of cute and it has some really good reviews So here I have a three-star review and interestingly going off what we were just saying Cool. Okay. And so they wrote this book and it's kind of cute and it has really good reviews.

So here I have a three-star review and interestingly, going off what we were just saying, this was written by someone who is a librarian. It says Shelby librarian. So. Has read enough books. Has read plenty, yes. This is a three-star review of this book. This was a fun and funny read.

See chapter one's astrology lesson. I'm a Miranda with Carrie rising. Wait, is that a thing that people I wait in this? Oh, oh, oh, oh, astrology chapter. Oh, I know. That's hilarious. I don't even watch a show and I want to know so badly. Literally the other day we spent all night talking about astrology. Yeah, that's so funny. And I'm like, I'm Miranda with Carrie rising. Whoa. Yeah, I'm a Libra Sun Scorpio Moon Aries rising. Don't brag about that. The authors really know what they're talking about. And the book is full of references from the entire Sex and the City series and its feature films. The writing is humorous and it reads like a light self-help book, including lists, illustrations, and other entertaining breaks in the prose.

I've already recommended this to many friends who I know indulged in Sex in the City like I did. End of review. But I don't know why it has three stars. Three stars. That's how I feel about Goodreads books. Some people are like, they don't give five stars. I know. Which is fine. Whatever. You review in your own way. But sometimes I'm like, wait, where's the next where the cons you it seemed like this was your favorite book ever. And I think people, especially with books, have just very specific structures that they're like, if it doesn't hit this threshold, then it's

not a four. You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like I just do it like five. It was good. Five. It was good. And then if I'm like, I didn't really like it, I'm like four because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I For me on Goodreads. I Only do five stars. I don't write reviews. So if a book really hits me I'd do a five star and Then I don't do anything else like I never do a four star never do anything. I don't know I just leave it and it's not wrong to do a four star. I just personally I'm like, well, and it's like, I feel weird. People will see it like if it were just my personal thing where nobody.

Yeah, I do have some random people as friends. I allow people to find me on Goodreads. And like if I post something, it'll be like some like some people, like four people liked your review. And it's just like me just missing It's five stars five stars. I'm like, I don't think I need to get more. I haven't updated mine in a month I'm gonna go do that after this episode, but I that's fun. I kind of want to do that I wonder oh my gosh, I I just accept all of them by the way people so just find me on Goodreads

Except mine what you rejected mine. I didn't know she didn't. You were being such a fucking oh did you just you just added that book to want to read? I wish yeah I want to figure out my my sex and the city horoscope. I do too. Imagine like your natal birth chart and it's like. Do you have to put yeah do you put in like you're. Renee taught us a bunch of words like your chiron healer is in the house the second house of Samantha this week taught kind of implies that I learned I didn't learn anything not very as fault that I didn't know no well no I

did but it went right into one year out the other that's good Chiron being a chiron healing second house of Samantha. So what I'm oh It sounded just as legit as what Renee said in my head like not saying it wasn't that's the trick, but It sounded similar Second house of Samantha is that when she moved to the Cape? She got her summer home, yeah She got her summer home. Yeah. Oh, man. Good stuff. Good stuff.

I'm going to go watch Sex and the City and then update my good reads. We're going to be so embarrassed when we actually do. I'm in the city and we're like, no, someone's told me I would like it. Like not like someone sincerely. Well, I know my taste. Well, I would like to watch it. Last night as I was researching, I was like, I can't start now. I got to commit that I don't know a thing.

So now maybe I'll watch it. But if you guys don't mind just giving us some heads up on who we are, I would love to know. Yeah, and then I'll watch the show and then be mad at you all for being wrong. And then when he dies, I'll put it in his casket instead of mother, father, all right, like Charlotte. It'll just say like, yeah, just say Charlotte.

People are like, what? I love it. Good stuff. Anyway. Thanks everyone, this was fun. what? I love it. Good stuff. Anyway, thanks, everyone. This is fun. It was nice doing it in person again. Yeah, it was nice. OK.

It was nice. I am so happy everyone was here. Thank you for coming. And we'll be back next week with another episode and another hard hitting look at pop culture and another fun fact for you. Follow us for casket pictures and maybe you can do a we'll do a poll try to figure out about our Sex and the City thing or just comment what we are I don't know just let us know Instagram BeachSuit slash BeachSuitSandy or

anything BeachSuitSandy on YouTube patreon.com we get ad-free listening video episodes lots of fun. So yeah. Yeah. If you want to see Juniper's Only Fans, head to Patreon. Video episodes. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog Production.

Hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dog Productions, it's Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bohem.