Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 320: Reviews of Luggage

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

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Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach View, Sandy Water, too, at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. That's Sandy. Hi. That's X-Teen.

I was wondering. Hi everyone, how's it going? That was a test to see if you'd say Christina, X-Teen, or Christine. Whoa. What about the third? Or fourth option? What's that? Idiot. Mom! Stupid, I'm sorry. If you haven't guessed, we are siblings and that's part of the shtick.

We don't try to make it a shtick except for right now when we're actively making it a shtick but usually we don't. But just pretend like that- It always becomes a shtick. It always becomes a shtick whether we try to or not. So just bear with us. Today's episode 320 and we are reading reviews of luggage. Which. Sounds so lame this episode.

It sounds, okay. So before we started, Alex and I were like, hey, how do we like, should we open? So we have access to each other's notes on Google Docs. And sometimes, well, most episodes we open it so that we can, in case there's a picture. And this one we both said, no, you don't need to look at them.

You don't need to look at minutes. That's not to say there won't be anything interesting. It's just maybe a less visual version. Which is, believe it or not, probably better for a podcast. I know. So maybe we'll have one of our better episodes. It's probably the first time people don't get, have to like go, we don't like force people

to get on Instagram to see a picture of something. Or we just over explain things to the point where people have no idea what we're talking about just explain to you this tan luggage that I'm looking at because it is Definitely not worth explaining. I can't wait. Do you want to go first or Sure, I'll go first now that I've already started talking about this tan Luggage, it's a giant picture of a bunch of tan luggage, okay? And this was sent in by Ellie, parentheses, L.A. version. So I don't know what the other version is,

but we have Ellie, L.A. version. That's probably a reference to something we did. Guaranteed, guaranteed. No idea what you're talking about Ellie, sorry. Honestly, we probably called her that and then now forget about it, you know? Well, Ellie, L.A. well, le la version la virgin or version The la virgin was my nickname when I moved

I was gonna say someone already took that one You claimed it Now we're gonna get sued for slander not that there's anything wrong with being a virgin Ellie, okay This is how he makes us think there is trust me I don't know So here we go from Ellie LA Travelers Club Midtown hardside luggage travel tan four-piece set this is $118.99 on Amazon. And it has a one star review by Kyle.

And the title is Struggled Entire Vacation with this set. Sorry. And I'm like just picturing a bunch of tan luggage and these people struggling with it. Alexander, like remember when I said it's not, you don't have to look at my documents. And then I knew I would do this where I immediately start sending you pictures. Christina, guess what? That's why I have it ready to be opened. Oh, thank God. Can you just open it?

It was literally, I had the other tab ready. I see the tan luggage. Look at all that tan luggage! It is so tan. That's why I opened it and I went, certainly nothing to see here, but it's so nothing to see here that it became something to see. Something to see.

But honestly, one of those items by itself, I would be, I wouldn't mind. Like usually tan, not my thing. These are, that's a nice tan. Four bags, all tan, too much tan. Yeah, it's a lot. In one are, that's a nice tan. Yeah, yeah, they're nice. Four bags, all tan, too much tan. Yeah, it's a lot. In one picture, it's a lot. But I can see, you know, add a little pop of color,

put a little scarf on there, kinda cute. But not according to Kyle, who struggled, in case you remember, he struggled entire vacation. Oh yeah, struggled the whole vacation, yeah. Oh no, Alexander, okay. This is a verified purchase of the four piece tan set one star So, let me tell you about my briefcase

You know when kids are like So themselves that they don't read the room? That feels like, let me tell you about my briefcase. That feels like something a small child would say and you're like, well, here I go, I'm on a ride. You're like, oh, locked in, I guess. Yeah, I'm locked in, locked in. Like that one kid at that top tee,

what was that thing we had to do? Top tee, no, the golf volunteer work, that our private school called volunteer work. The first T. The first T at the golf club. So we volunteered there and I just did it because Alexander was already going, so there was a ride and I needed volunteer hours. And apparently I was a brat and didn't want to volunteer.

So I got to go to the golf club and there were all these kids. And it wasn't the golf, it was a public golf course in Cincinnati or whatever the public course i don't know a golf course whatever and i went there and i'm like i'm so out of my element like these kids are trying to golf with like and you and your golf teammates were there and i'm just kind of standing there it's like me and john like i know well okay fine you and your golf like simon i think he didn't golf we okay it was not

it's not golf he looks at watch catalogs of course I think he didn't golf we okay Watch catalogs of course not golf. Okay, listen to me. So then this little boy walks up right at it But he walks up to me he walks up to me There's multiple but one of the kids just walks up to me and I'm sitting on the outskirts kind of awkwardly and he goes I'm finding a lot of smooth rocks around here. And I was like, whoa. And then he just like pulled one out of his pocket and walked away. And I went, well, now that is a kid I can hang with.

And then this other kid walks up and goes, ma'am. And I was like 16. And he was like, ma'am, I'm really worried about my mom. And I was like, what's wrong with your mom? Where is she? And he goes, well, I left her at home with the weather radio. And I'm really worried. I'm really worried there's going to be a tornado coming

through here. And she has the weather radio. She's going to get all worked up at home. I need to go home and make sure she's OK. It was like, who are these children? Anyway, that's who I feel like would say, let me tell you about my briefcase. We had those little paper cups for water

that are like little cones. Oh yeah. You'd put it on his head, you'd go, party hats for babies. These kids were like- I love that, they were the best kids. That was so fun. I feel like I've done a lot of like kids,

like I've done a lot of like little events with kids. Those kids were very, very particular. I don't know what it was about those kids, but they were hilarious. I still quote many of them to this day. We were, we just did. Yeah. And we, yeah, John does too. I say to Blaze, like,

I'm finding a lot of Sweet Rocks around here, like at least once every other month. It's, it's outrageous. Anyway, I'm so sorry. They had more personality then than they, than we do now. I was like, so inspired. I felt so like, I like I was like this is so these kids are so weird and in hindsight I'm like those kids were just so cool compared to me honestly they

probably nowadays are like running all of the app businesses that are successful and like they know what's up because at the time I was like what kind of little kid has a weather radio now And I'm like, that kid was going places. Okay. And he was empathetic and he was a family man. Anyway, you were telling us about a briefcase, a tan briefcase. We have gotten nowhere. What else is new? Do you want to take another look at the tan luggage? Will that get you back? Yes. I'm, I'm staying. I've been staring at it. It's been on my screen this whole time.

I assume my briefcase, it's that third smallest. I guess. Sorry, third largest, second smallest. Second largest. He calls it a briefcase the whole time. I don't know. I just assume. Yeah.

So let me tell you about my briefcase experience with this specific briefcase. So I like to enjoy the finer things in life and look at the glass half full kind of person. Does this not sound like that child? I'm serious. I can't hear it now. I can't stop thinking it. I know. I know. So I like to enjoy the finer things in life and look at the glass half full kind of person. So let me start with the positives. The briefcase is super cute and stylish. I like that they look good. The storage capacity is amazing. You could honestly pack up a water buffalo and take it home. The storage and looks are

great. Couldn't ask for better. And then you hear like moo. I don't know what sound buffalo makes, but I imagine I really don't think it's that. But maybe. Let me could be. I feel like to go. Yeah, actually that sounds right. I feel like somewhere Gia's ears just went up and he's like. Yeah, it's like a huff. I heard a bison. He met a bison once.

Okay, we'll talk about that another time. The storage capacity is amazing. You could honestly pack up a water buffalo and take it home. The storage and looks are great. Couldn't ask for better. So now that you made it this far, here comes the drama. I'm sorry. I'm honestly shocked we made it this far.

It took us like 10 minutes, but we did it. OK, to be fair, we barely made it this far. We haven't even gotten to the drama, but we're all on the edge of our seats. So now that you made it this far, here comes the drama. And the bad that you all have been waiting for The wheels on this thing suck. I have made this thing has wheels That's what I'm saying. I don't understand if he's talking about a briefcase a suitcase like

hoping this is like something lost in translation because because I don't think briefcases have wheels. Maybe, and he keeps saying briefcase. Listen, I don't know. I mean, maybe it has wheels. You know, some that have the thingy that comes up? I don't know. What? A briefcase? Yeah, like, you know, the one that Nathan F***ly had.

It was a briefcase. Was that a briefcase? Yeah. Okay, briefcases have wheels. That's another example of kids that I've made fun of that now I know we're going places. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And I just regret my judgment. In his case, right? With his briefcase. Oh my God, you could bring your own water buffalo, honestly, okay. The wheels on the, the wheels on this thing suck. I have made an appointment with my chiropractor

because I've had to drag this thing across the country, literally. Wait, maybe there's not wheels and he thinks there's wheels and that's why he's dragging his briefcase across the country. Do you see what I'm saying? I am so confused, yeah. Cause he's saying he's dragging it with, and it doesn't have wheels though. I don't know. The wheels would be better off if they were square.

While my back is shot from lugging this thing from on and off the plane into a cruise ship, my mental state is also shot. I called my therapist to up my Zoloft prescription because it's been so frustrating dealing with this briefcase. You laugh, but this person describes you to a T. Like, this is like so relatable. Literally cried. I've literally in the past six months have cried about a piece of luggage and have up my Zola prescription and there must be some Sort of correlation there there just has to be and also there happened to be a cool cruiser apparently Oh, right. They are also a cool cruiser

So imagine dragging this thing across the ocean no less imagine dragons. Is that where they got their name? Sorry from their briefcase experience Just know from this review and they from their briefcase experience. Yeah, probably. Just know from this review, and they wouldn't set to the other. Imagine dragging your, wait a second. That's it.

I have the best idea. Mom, we finally got a name for the band. I'm sorry, okay. So, prescription. Yeah, right, because it's been so frustrating dealing with this briefcase. If I had spare money, I would do us all a favor and throw it off the cruise ship. The wheels are so terrible they would

probably work better in the ocean where this thing belongs. So now the bright side. If you want to become a strong man and participate in the world's strongest man competition this bag is for you because like anyone else my wife and I pack everything but the kitchen sink and when we are on vacation probably we buy half of the Bahamas Thank you for making me stronger because I carried this darn thing literally everywhere because you couldn't figure out how to make a wheel You made a oval. Thanks for making me stronger blowing my back out and on the verge of a mental breakdown end of review We can tell oh no. Wow. It's like really talk about straw that broke the camel's bed.

Like this is like one wheel, misshapen wheel to ruin it all for this guy. And wow, it's all, it's all tumbles. I was still picturing this as a briefcase when they were like, we pack everything but the kitchen sink. It's like, what are you, how are you fitting all this in a briefcase? I now in my head, I'm like, this has to be their largest size because it has to be with the water buffalocase. I now in my head, I'm like, this has to be their largest size because it has to be with the water buffalo nonsense. I mean, but he bought the four piece set. So he owns the

briefcase. So like to be clear, somebody was jumping around between them. I see. That's what I'm wondering. Like maybe he just kept saying briefcase, but he meant like, cause he bought the whole set. Weird, weird, weird. Yeah. Okay. Well, my first one here was sent in by Jessica. And this is of a suitcase on Kohl's. And it has some space themes on it.

Cute. Anyway, one star. Buyer beware. I just received this suitcase today. I had ordered it for my daughter for Christmas. It arrived via UPS with absolutely no packaging, no box, no plastic wrap, just a shipping label directly on the suitcase. No. Needless to say, it was filthy and horribly scratched.

So disappointed. End of review. Oh no. Imagine being the messenger on that one, as in the Amazon driver, the UPS delivery person, imagine being the messenger on that one, like as in like the Amazon driver, the UPS delivery person and like being like, I swear this had nothing to do with me. Just set it on the portion fucking run away. Like I don't want to get it and be involved unless it was a really nice

cardboard box and someone stole the box but put the packing label from the box onto the suitcase. Right. I have a feeling that's not what happened. I doubt it. Maybe they saw the space and stuff and were like, oh, a rocket ship. This can probably go by itself. I don't know.

It's like you can do that to a, what, potato, right? You can mail things like that. I wonder if luggage is on that list because if you can do a potato and like a flip-flop, I guess maybe you could do a suitcase. Well, yeah, clearly. I like, I never thought you, I never thought like this wouldn't work. Not that I would do this, but now that I think about it, can I like just put some things in a suitcase

and it's a reusable box? There's no way that's allowed. It has wheels. I mean, it just probably will cost a lot of money because you're paying for the weight anyway. So I don't see why not. But yeah, this thing does have wheels actually. So yeah, that is-

That's very strange. I wonder if they come off. It is strange. But I would be very frustrated if I ordered a suitcase and it arrived like that. Honestly, if I were a driver, it would brighten my day because I'd be like, how cute? I finally get to see what somebody bought.

True. Which is probably a weird thing to think and they probably don't care. But in my brain, I'd be like, how cute, I finally get to see what somebody bought. True. Which is probably a weird thing to think, and they probably don't care. But in my brain, I'd be like, I wonder what everyone's buying. You might care for the first day. I imagine after a while. I imagine that goes away pretty quick. I imagine one box breaks on you, and you see cat litter,

and you go, not again. Yeah, I imagine that's not all it's cracked up to be. OK, so this is from Allie Sheher, and it's a review of actually a store, a luggage store. I don't know if you brought any of those, but. I didn't. Many of these had very bad reviews. I think this one specifically on Yelp had an average of 1.9.

Yeah, rough times, and it is in the greater Los Angeles area I think like Pasadena in like a mall or something. So here's a one star review of global luggage and leather. I would not spend my money here. First off, service is judgmental, rude and unhelpful. I was already at the mall and saw they carried Remoa luggage passing by. I needed to buy a new one for an upcoming trip, so figured I'd buy here to save on shipping costs. I took one of the samples off the shelf and was checking it out.

The service lady came to me like a mother hawk. As I was trying to steal her eggs, I asked the price. And she told me the price, then quickly grabbed it, put it on the shelf, taking it out of my hands. Okay, hang on. It does say, as I was stealing her eggs,

and I think they're saying as if I was trying, but it's a new sentence. It says, a mother hawk period, as I was trying to steal her eggs, I asked the price. Like. Yeah, they like went a lot. They were like, oh. I'm almost not sure, you know?

But I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure they didn't really mean it. But so strange. She came to me like a mother hawk. What in the world? She came to me like a mother hawk, period. As I was trying to steal her eggs, I asked the price and she told me the price, then quickly put it back up on the shelf, taking it out of my hands.

I then started looking at another size, and same thing. Not sure if she was just a witch that day, or she really is discriminating me based on her own perception. She wanted us out of the store, thinking we wouldn't be able to afford her luggage. I walked out and ordered the two Ramoa pieces I needed for my trip online from another retailer. Gladly paid shipping rather than giving my hard-earned money to that store. End of review. To that bird. To that big hawk! To that predator bird. What are they called? A bird of prey? Bird of prey. Oh wait no. Wait. Yeah wait. That's right. That is right.

Why are they called that? Because they eat prey or they like because they prey on things. Yeah okay yeah they prey on things that's fair. Anyway yeah this store owner sounds like she's not like she's praying like a raptor that seems like a weird maybe that's what it was I just I just the the it's just like what are you a mother hawk as I was stealing her eggs I mean and then it says dot dot dot and I'm like what as I was stealing her eggs yeah I think it was I assume they meant as if I was stealing her eggs away? Yeah, I think it was, I assume they meant as if I was stealing her eggs.

It's just like of all the typos to make, it's the perfect typo, it really is. She came to me like a mother hawk. Anyway, as I was stealing her eggs. Anyway, I don't know why this witch was doing that, but anyway. Maybe she just had a bad day. Gobble, gobble, gobble, yeah.

Also, I'm pretty sure Allie made this comment, but what is up with Ramoa luggage? It felt like everyone was talking about it. What is that? I've never heard of it. I don't know, I just kept seeing it in the reviews. Like, I think it's just expensive, I guess. I've never heard of it.

I just looked at like Walmart and stuff. Yeah, so I kept seeing it in like people's emails and stuff. And I was like, I don't know what this is. But oh, yeah, it's just like, I guess, high end luggage. I don't know. It's kind of cool. Oh, wow. It's very expensive.

Holy shit. OK, so like the classic check in bag is 1875, like a thousand eight hundred seventy five dollars. Yeah. Like the classic check-in bag is $1,875. Like $1,875. Yeah. Why? I mean, no wonder that lady said, get away from my baby birds or whatever the fuck.

Are you kidding me? You're not supposed to be touching $1,800 items in a store, are you? No, I mean, obviously not. She literally took it out of his. But she scratched it. She literally took it out of his. But she scratched it. She literally took it out of his. You are a bird of prey, back off.

You all are. Uxener, this one is a literal tiny little, oh my God, this one's a briefcase on wheels called the Pilot. Like, you know how they pull those briefcase on wheel things? $1,550. Fuck.

So no wonder she didn't want you to touch it. Oh my god, but they're so pretty Alexander This is I literally said I'm one of my resolutions was to stop consuming so much. So Yeah, at least maybe don't spend $1,500 on luggage at least like if you're consuming anything Just don't have it be this I know right like well I'm like what am I doing I'm now on their website it just looks like luggage I know but I think it looks pretty I guess doesn't look like anything special I like the yellow one though close that Close that website. I'm texting Blaze. No.

I'm texting your financial advisor. I'm telling everyone on you. Actually don't do that. Of course I'm not going to do that. I know. I know. I'm just going to block the Ramoa website so you'll have to go find it from a hawk. I have to go to a strip mall in Glendale and find it.

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Remember that time we went to that store. I think Francisco is with us or maybe it's just you and me But we went into a store in a mall and it felt wrong Like everything was dusty and it was like an as seen on TV store or something. And oh my God, we got that old board game that was really dusty and we brought it home. Yeah. And suddenly we ended up in the Amazon rainforest for like six years or something. I don't know how those came out. We accidentally turned Glendale, California into a jungle. Do you remember that though?

It was so uncomfortable. We went in there and everything was dusty. We picked up a Slinky or something. It was an ad scene on TV. And this guy came out and was like, what are you doing? And we were like, we're just looking around. And he basically shooed us out of the store.

Where was this? And we were at a mall in California somewhere, like in the LA area. You and I were just wandering around and we went into like some random. No. I think it was like a toy store. It was so weird and we both were like, that was something, something was up there.

Like something was up. I feel like there's a weird blank space in that memory. Was there a big flash of light when he came out? Yeah and he also like blew this powder on you. Like that. Oh. Wow. And then you didn't, then you heard, you forgot everything. My nose is starting to burn when we talk about it, so I don't know, something's in there, but I have therapy soon. Just don't get an x-ray.

I'll write this down. Don't get an x-ray. You don't want to know. What don't I want to know? I just got my teeth x-rayed today. Did they see the chip? No, you know what he said? The dentist was like, he was like,

have you had teeth removed recently? Oh my god. And I was like, no? And he went, huh. And that was it it wait. No, did he actually say that? Yes Wait, oh, I thought you were joking. No, that wasn't a joke. Oh, he really said that. Yes. Why would he say that? I have no idea. Okay, then I looked at the chart and it said I have teeth missing you do Yeah, what's tooth one? I don't know. How the fuck am I supposed to know?

Oh Never mind. It's my wisdom teeth that were on the chart that were missing because I never had any. Oh, maybe that's what you have enough teeth. I didn't have enough teeth. Well, maybe he meant like you didn't get your wisdom teeth out, meaning you just never had them. I feel like that was a weird way to say it. If that's what it was. He asked if I got teeth removed recently, and I said no. Like why recently? That feels like something you shouldn't answer only in a dentist's office.

Maybe it was a big incision that I put in my gums for fun the other day. Yeah, you were just sort of chewing on knives again. Wait, but you know what happened? You know what happened? When I was in the chair, he brought me all the way back and was like, don't worry, you're not going to fall. Cause it really felt like I was going to fall. I didn't. So I was like, my head was like lower

than the rest of my body. I was that far back. And then he fucking like, this really sounds like you're like, huh? This feels weird. Like it feels like you're on a UFO. It gets worse. He gets up when he like realizes something or something happens. He left you there? And the energy shifts. And this is like an open, I'm not kidding, an open floor plan, like open, like, so you can,

where I was sitting, it wasn't its own room. So I could see other people walking around. To be clear, you weren't sitting, you were literally like upside down. Yes, sorry, lying on on my back almost upside down. In public. And he gets up and goes and like starts talking to someone and the dental assistant or I'm not sure what, whatever.

Hygienist. Hygienist was like sitting next to me with like a big sucky thing, just sitting there watching and like wondering what was going on. And then like someone comes up and whispers something in her or no, like goes to whisper and then it's motion for her to come to her instead of her whispering. And so she stands up, leaves a sucky thing. So it's so fucking loud the whole time. Oh no, it was on. I was like,

yes, yes, it was so loud. And so Christina, I'm not kidding you when I was lying there for at least 10 minutes. I like, I listened to the entirety of chump tub thumping by Chumbawumba while lying on the floor, stare or lying backwards, staring at the ceiling. Tub thumping by Chumbawumba played the entire thing. And then like three more songs. It would I was freaked out. And I thought it was about me because he had just been like,

did you have teeth removed? And then everyone, they were all meeting in like an area. You apparently answered incorrectly. And they were speaking like some people, sometimes in English, sometimes in another language. And I'm just like, I couldn't even hear the English. So I had no idea what was going on. And they were all like frantic back there, like back and forth.

What? And then eventually, literally after, like there were times I had to like sit up because my head was getting like, I was not feeling well and I got nauseous. I cannot believe they've like just like left you there. That's wild. Left me there.

And then he came back and was like, sorry. And then said like, he said like computers, they're great when they work, but they're terrible when they don't. And I'm like, uh-huh. And then he did the cleaning and that's it. Yeah. No more Intel. Yeah.

And then I'm going back next week for some reason. You better go back and you better ask what the hell is going on. I might, if I get the same, I just would be like, hey, about last week, what the fuck was going on? Because I was so concerned. And you know they want to talk about it. Well, yeah, that's scary. Because I was the only patient there.

That's the other thing, I was the only patient. I think maybe you should find a new dentist. This is starting to sound worrisome to me. Anyway, you know what, an even better thing? He also looked at my chart and said, anxiety, huh? And I said, yep. And then he said, anyway, I'm going to lay you upside down for 10 minutes and speak in hushed whispers and make you think we're all mad at you. Bye!

They were whispering, Christina. I thought I was literally, my brain was going through the worst scenarios and I was like surprisingly calm like That's how you know, it was bad. I'm actually in a pretty good space right now mentally, but I was just like, huh? Not anymore. I wonder if he noticed something really troubling and like needed to get someone's advice before like bringing it back to me Like what's going on because it was very sudden Gary Yeah, anyway anyway I'm good I'm gonna go back there next week I'll let you know how it goes I have a review here of we'll talk about it later but I'm really I think you should bring

someone with you at least that's fine it's fine Zim town three-piece nested spinner suitcase luggage set with TSA Lock. One Star Review. And this was sent in by Grapefruit Street. Verified Purchase. Purchase for a trip for my daughter. Garbage. Cheaply made. Better off buying from a thrift store. Big suitcase. The zipper wasn't manufactured properly. Couldn't use it at all.

The medium one I used made it to the airport with only three wheels. One broke off. Don't waste your money. Would post picture of it. But it's to the airport with only three wheels one broke off don't waste your money would post picture Of it, but it's now in another country with three wheels It's on its own journey And I think Grapefruit Street said I love how it sounded like their daughter's name is garbage cuz there's no punctuation and garbage is Capitalized well and coming from Grapefruit Street anything, you know, it's like garbage, listen, another G name.

It says purchase for a trip for my daughter garbage. And garbage is capitalized. I'm Christine and then I was like, I'm not gonna interrupt you, but here I am doing it anyway. Garbage is capitalized, see what I mean? These people and their typos are extra bad today. I know, they know what they're doing.

But yeah, I also like that at the end they were like, yeah, I would post pictures of it, but it's now in another country with three wheels. What country? Do you even know? What are you talking about? Just, you know, they let it go on its own journey. They just threw it on a random plane.

I love that it made it to the airport with three wheels and then it just couldn't go on. And then it just ended up staying behind, I guess. I don't know. Wow then it just couldn't go on like and then it just ended up staying behind i guess i don't know wow it just never made it out that's tragic just it's three wheels out there it feels like corduroy remember when he lost a button it's exactly like corduroy someone just needs to find this suitcase and give it a wheel take it home yeah Yeah. Yeah. This is the Lego carry on and backpack luggage set from Costco. Hell yeah. I did not know that existed, but when I told you, you don't need my notes. I lied again because please go look at this luggage set. Is this going to make me want to go to Costco tomorrow? Yes.

Like a thousand percent. Yes. Wow. Wait, that backpack is sick. Isn't it cool? Yeah. It's a yellow Lego backpack and suitcase Uh, I just found this on the Costco website This is actually a redemption. So there were a lot there were a few negatives It's basically really small because it's kind of designed for children and a lot of people bought it for like their adult husbands And we're like my husband's six foot two a lot of people bought it for their adult husbands and were like, my husband's six foot two. And this is really small. Yeah, but not even unhappy, just kind of like,

it's fine, this is too small. But Anna Banana gave it five stars and said, great, I'm a 35 year old adult with adult money. Did I need this? No. Did I have Legos growing up? No. Did I get compliments in the airport?

Yes. This is a decent carry on luggage. Could use a few more pockets, but overall very fun. End of review. Amazing. I love that. Like just like go out and just give yourself what you wanted you know you didn't get like a kid buy yourself a Lego suitcase heck yeah heck yeah fill

it with Legos I don't know if you've thought of that yet you can buy your own Legos too now I feel like I should tell those are expensive let's that's true yeah those are too pricey those are a little much I as she finally gets why mom never bought the Lego set Yeah, the last time I bought myself a Lego set it was because it was for content for stream because I was like that We'll make it worth it. Remember that time I bought a Lego set and it was while we were recording a podcast episode about like Yeah, and it finally came because it was like one of the like contest ones and it's my little old Western saloon And I haven't built it yet

But I was gonna do a stream about it. That's so fun. It came. Yeah, it came a long time ago I just was traveling so much. It's just in my closet somewhere. I haven't even looked at it I totally forgot but it took almost like nine months before it Yeah, so I like had forgot almost forgotten about it. Those are some of the best things I know almost forgotten about it. Those are some of the best things. I know. To yourself, to future you.

I'm surprised. Yeah. Okay, I've got one more in the redemption. Great. So here's a one star review. This is something a little different. It's Lug-A-Bug Travel Seat for Kids, the original and patented ride on suitcase for toddlers.

Hang on, I feel like I've researched every one of these now, because we own one. I've never heard of this one. What is it? Lug a bug. Oh, it's the ladybug one, right? No, no, no, no. So it's not an actual suitcase.

It is. It goes on a suitcase and wraps around it and like a seat folds out. So the kid is riding basically on your suitcase that you already have. Wait, that's so smart. Well here's a one-star review. Oh. One star, here we go. Title, does not work.

Oh, okay. Horrible, does not even hold the child. He was literally dragging everywhere. Nothing helped, and his only item became unnecessary baggage on our trip. Return immediately upon return. End of review. Whoa, wait.

His only item, what? The kid just kept falling off. His only item became unnecessary baggage on our trip. I don't know, like the kid. I don't know what that means. I don't know, me neither. Maybe they were trying to put another bag on there. Or no, they said the kid kept falling off, right?

Oh, I can't read I couldn't read I'm right it wrong Okay, let me to try again sure They also had a typo that confused me here we go, okay Horrible does not even hold the child. He was literally dragging everywhere nothing helped and he's only one I Don't became unnecessary baggage on our trip, returned immediately upon return. That made it so much worse! He's only one? I misread that completely. I am so sorry. He was just being dragged.

Because he wrote his only one baggage and I was like, oh I see, so there's something like that. Like he's only one. I was like, huh? Wait a minute. But he is only one. He put your infant on there? I don't think that's a good idea. One years old? Like, your child must be 28 to 42 inches in height. Like, Leona's 30.

That's over two feet tall. That is not a one-year-old, right? Yeah, no. What the fuck? Yeah, you're not supposed to- Your child must be mobile, able to walk, or climb unassisted I'm sorry this the lugabug is not for babies toddlers who are not yet walking

Well, this one year old should not have Can they some yeah? Okay, this I do not think one year old are meant to be on this. Am I crazy? I mean, I would say one is a little young but Leona also didn't walk till she was like I would say one is a little young, but Leona also didn't walk till she was like, 15, 16 months old. It does say a one-year-old's around 29 inches, so maybe I'm wrong.

It says they have to be between 24 to 40 pounds. Oh wait, no, Leona's 30 pounds. I don't know how many inches she is. So Leona is now in the right area for this. Okay. So I don't think a one year old generally, I don't know this one year old. Well okay, here's what I'll say.

It's none of my business, but maybe if they're dragging around on the floor of the airport, maybe it's not good, maybe it's not good. I mean, but it sounds like they figured that out, it's not gonna work. Exactly, a lot of these pictures, like yeah, these are children who can hold themselves upright that I'm seeing in all the pictures.

Right, I feel like, I mean, I don't know, I already lost. This one year old is just dragging a lot. That's terrible. I mean, the fact that they're dragging is pretty bad. I did not realize it was a one year old until I read it again. I'm so sorry. Okay. They just kind of start like leaning and you don't need to notice it.

Yeah, this is bad. I actually lied Christina. I do have a photo you need to look at in a moment. I'm not ready for you. I haven't even put it in yet. I won't go yet. And I'm like what am I thinking not putting this in? So my final one of this before my challenge and my challenge is wonderful and I think this is a nice wholesome intro. So I want you to go to my notes and scroll down until you see a friendly green looking guy. Okay, here I come. This is a 17 inch Junior Kids,

My First Polycarbonate Hardside Spinner Luggage Frog. I like him. It is a funny little frog suitcase. And I love how it's like my first and then it's polycarbonate hard side spinner luggage. My first polycarbonate. Everyone remembers their first polycarbonate hard side spinner luggage. We were all there. What if it was this fucking froggy guy?

I would remember it for the rest of my life for sure. The zippers are tadpoles, Christina. Get out of here. And also, this little guy, he's holding his own little belly and looking up. He's so stinking cute. I just added a picture of the zippers that are tadpoles. And it comes with this cute, I'm adding another picture.

This cute little luggage tag. A frog luggage tag? This is? This is it. This is where it's at. Yeah, this thing is adorable. This is the future, the past, present, and future. And here is a five star review by Silly Gilly, okay?

Get out of here. I'm 80 and have used this for years to hold my portable oxygen device. You just need a seven foot cannula. Perfect solution to freedom of movement, both in stores and at home. Pivots and moves like a dream. Lightweight, everyone smiles when they see it.

No more risk of dropping the O2 unit. No more bulk on back or pain. This is the second one I've had, end of review. This is so wonderful, I'm so happy. The cutest idea. I'm so happy and like the fact that they take it out and about and just it's just like spinning and rolling and pivoting and weaving and people are like I see the frog coming. I bet kids love that. Oh my gosh. Just to add some joy and you know that frog is

just so happy to be doing it you know. So true. So he's like this is what I was made for. What a great adventure. And then every so happy to be doing it, you know, so true So he's like this is what I was made for what a great adventure And then every day every time you open it and you know, they do just have a little tadpoles on there I mean, that's just so sweet It is it is so Alexander had a moment when he was reading it where he like had to start over but he stopped right at I'm an 80 year old who carries, uses this to carry my, and then like started over, and I was like, wow,

the possibilities are endless. I don't know if it's gonna say like frog paraphernalia, like, cause like I've been using this to carry something, doesn't imply travel, it means like I collect something in here, I don't know. Yeah, all the smooth rocks or something. Yeah, all my smooth rocks, but, uh, the, the oxygen. And I like that idea the most. That's really, really nice and very touching.

Very useful. You know, I love that. Yes. Oh, Alrighty. My challenge. This one was fun and very wholesome. So we're ending on all positive notes here. This is a challenge where I had to find people bragging about their child's accomplishments. And it was adorable, honestly. So yeah, the first one I'm reading is one I found. This is of Little Creek Academy in Alpharetta, Georgia.

I don't know why, but I thought this would just be annoying. No, it was adorable. It was great. I don't know. I don't know why. I just was like, oh, people bragging about their kids. It sounds annoying, but I guess. I know what you mean.

You know what I mean? It's just like, oh, okay. But I guess in the context we're discussing, it's different. Yeah. Here is, and it depends on the reviews. I only saw these like adorable ones. So here we go.

And like same with the emails. Five stars. I was lucky enough to find this school during COVID when Fulton County announced virtual only. That was not an option for us. We decided to send our kid here. What a great decision it was. Our daughter attended kindergarten at Little Creek

and I wish that they had every grade level available. During her time here, she learned how to read at a first or second grade level, learned basic math, can now write basic words and sentences, as well as tell me about the thorax and chrysalis of a bug. I am so proud of her. I literally thought he said the Lorax and I went, wow, I know about the Lorax and then he said chrysalis. I went, I don't know about that. I literally thought he said Lorax and I went, wow, I know about the Lorax. And then he said chrysalis.

I went to my head, I don't know about that. I kept saying Lorax ahead in my thing. And whenever I saw Lorax, I'm like Lorax. No, do not say Lorax when you get to it. I am so proud of my child and I know that she couldn't have done it without the guidance and instruction she received from her teachers at this school. I will be very sad to leave, but I'm confident that she will do very well with The preparation she received at Little Creek

The school is small but very welcoming and down to earth as far as parents and staff and of review. That's wonderful Thank you. I love the little bug My god, wait, what's a bug thing? Just a correct. All right, of course. I was like, you mean the Lorax? Oh, wait No, I forgot. Oh, yeah.ax, right, right, the chrysalis, yes, of course. I was like, you mean the Lorax? Oh wait, no, I forgot. Oh yeah, I love the guy that speaks for the trees. Honestly, who doesn't? Actually, I know who doesn't. That guy with the creepy hands.

The Onceler, thank you. Oh, what a terrible name. So anyway, what I was going to say is- You just had like a 10,000 yard stare as you- Sorry. You were like thinking about the On is 10,000 yards stairs. Sorry. You're like the thinking about the one slur like, Oh, you had a moment there. I actually used to think about that guy. Oh, you had that poster of him in your room. That's true. Have your ceiling. Have a have. Sorry. I thought blaze took it down. My bad. He did. Oh, you got it back up. Good for you. Oh, have. Sorry. I thought blaze took it down. My bad. He did. Oh, you got it back up. Good for you. Oh, divorce, threatening divorce work. Finally. I know he called your

bluff a couple of times, but you seemed like you mean to the meant it that third time. I did. So I should see him and Leonor next week sometime when they come. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Who's that behind you? Is that Mr. Wonsler? Are you moving that fast? Honey, I'll be there. What the fuck were we talking about?

He's changed. Alex and her people changed. And honestly, he made so much money and now he's a philanthropist. And he gives so much money to the tree charities. I'm glad he got out of that creepy ass house with the bucket or whatever. Is that how you met? You communicated to him through bucket or something? Fucking weird. How do you think I got up there?

You hopped in? Oh my God. Put my bucket in a bucket. Wow. Wow. With those gloves and hands. Yes. Okay. Should I just move on?

Yes please. Here is a review sent in by Olivia. I told everyone this was going to be wholesome. This is not wholesome. This is one slur talk. It's really disturbing. I don't know why I can't stop. This is one slur talk. It's awful. I don't know why I can't stop. This is a five-star review. This was sent in by Olivia. Okay, Olivia, what did you send me? Something, a review of Columbus Downtown High School five stars.

My son is finishing up his junior year here and he loves it. What a difference in the overall environment. It is one of learning. He is a 4.0 student and thriving. The IT program is outstanding. End of review. Wow, okay. See, this is what I was also gonna say after the first one before I completely spun out

and lost grip on reality, is that you rarely see people giving so much credit to schooling and teachers and it just feels so nice and refreshing for people to say I'm so proud of my kid, not just because they're my kid and because they got their DNA or their smarts from me, but because they're in the right environment at school. I think that's really cool.

And now with this unschooling nonsense, have you seen all this? Oh, I have. It's just like whatever. I think I watched a Chad Chad video on it. Oh geez, yeah. So that's most of my knowledge of it. I was gonna say, I've watched several,

yeah, yeah, yeah, like a commentary video. I don't know who Chad Chad is, actually. Okay, that's okay. Is that a YouTuber? Yes, I've made you watch a video of hers, but that's okay. Here's a five-star review. Alexander, it's the name. Christina, I know, I've made you watch a video of hers, but that's okay. Here's a five-star review. Alexander, it's the name.

Christina, I know, I know. It gets me every time, I know exactly who you mean. But yes, I feel like unschooling is a wild choice, but not to give a hot take here on this podcast. That was a hot take. Next episode is reviews of unschooling. Onesie and I are planning on homeschooling. So...

Oh, Onesie? Yeah. Your new spawn? I'd say child, but that thing is barely human. Don't call Juniper. Don't talk about him like that. Okay. Just because he can't hear you.

Here's a five-star review. This was sent in by Stephanie. This is of a Moab tour company, Moab Utah, where they have pictures of dogs pooping. I was about to say, my only reference point this week is of that calendar. Yeah, and these people have off-road, UTV, Jeep tour rental type things.

So you like- Isn't it ATV? Christina, I don't fucking know what a UTV is. I love that you said U-Tah-V. Probably, it's a, that's, UTV is a, what, U-Tah-V? I thought you were saying, I thought you were trying to say ATV, but you said U-Tah-V instead.

It's also known as a side-by-side vehicle. It's an off-road vehicle with a minimum of two seats positioned side-by-side and enclosed within a roll cage structure. Ugh, snore. So an ATV or sitting on top without a... This is like an off-road like... I said snore. Buggy.

Okay, buggy? Is that correct? Oh, wait. Side-by-sides may be included in the category of ATVs, But do not include vehicles with saddle seats that are operated using handlebar type controls Now he's doing it on purpose and you all have to suffer. I was I was got curious But I can't open a Wikipedia page without reading at least two paragraphs How many times I told you you can't open a Wikipedia page? I've I've told you this time and time again, right? That's one of the things that comes of it. You're right. That's one of our roles here.

While we're recording, no Wikipedia. Okay. Five star review. Here we go. Unless it's really necessary. Sometimes it's really necessary. Sometimes it is. And then it takes us ten minutes. If I'm looking up what a thorax is, then it's really necessary. Excuse me. Are you on the thorax of the Wikipedia page?

You better not be. Because I'm not allowed on there. I'm off. A must do while in Moab, highly recommend. We had such a great time going to Hell's Revenge one day that we went again to the Poison Spider the next. Our tour guide, Tim, was the best. It was thrilling, exciting, and beautiful.

We will have to do the sunset tour if we make it back. Five hours was not long enough. It went by too quickly. We were all sad to see it end. Can't wait to go back. The staff was all amazing. Hell's Revenge was in a Polaris and was three hours of rock climbing and soaring through sand. Poison Scorpion was five hours in a Tarex KRX where we did much more rock climbing and soaring through sand. Poison Scorpion was five hours in a Tarex KRX where we did much more rock climbing and s- that says souring. Whoa. I don't know if they're soaring or souring, but I'm going to read souring this time. Here we go. We did much more rock climbing and souring through much more sand.

It was such a blast. My son is an accomplished dirt bike rider and has done all of these trails on that. He thought a tour would be a bit lame, but he had the best time and got to see this in a whole new way. He was quite impressed and made a fast friend with Tim and a review. What? That is so sweet. I didn't think an ATV, I'm sorry, a UTV review would really get me in my feels, but there we are. I know. And then I could see the son being like, mom, stop. You're embarrassing me on TripAdvisor again.

You're embarrassing me. In front of my friend, Tim. Yeah, stop mentioning me and Tim on TripAdvisor. It's so cute. It's a new friendship. It's very tenuous. It just felt so like even my son came around like accomplished dirt biker, which like that is nothing to scoff at. And Christina, they included 21 pictures. It is gorgeous.

And when you started speaking about it, I was like, this sounds so fun. Like if somebody, I would not want to do it. And then if I did it, I would have probably the best time. Yeah. I feel like this could be accomplished it would be nice well you get to go farther in one of these but it seems I don't know that shit seems not to be all vegan on people but like disruptive to the nature and stuff maybe not I don't know I don't know I wouldn't know these things are crazy but it's beautiful. Ask Tim though. I'll ask Tim I have a feeling Tim has is a little I don't know

he might not be the best person to talk to about this because- He might be biased. He might be a little bit biased, thank you. Could be. Thanks for hopping in there when I forgot the word biased. You're welcome. Here is my final-

I know it's a hard one for you to really wrap your mind around. And so sometimes I have to fill in those words for you. Cause like as a cis white man, I have no biases. It's like empathetic. It's impossible. You don't know that one either. There's a few I have to fill in those words for you because like as a cis white man, I have no biases. So like empathetic It's impossible either There's a few I just have no biases towards anything. I understand everything fully anyway And my opinions are all correct. Here is my final one. This was sent in by Miriam

This might be a Top three review for me. Like ever. This is so good. This is a five star review of a place called Kama, a bookshop. There is a Kama after Kama. Like extra cute. It's very cute. So it's not just a Kama.

It's the word Kama followed by the symbol of a Kama. Okay, got it. Exactly's very cute. So it's not just a comma. It's the word comma followed by the symbol of a comma. Okay, got it. Exactly. Comma. Very common. A bookshop. That's cute. I love it. I love it. Where is it? Minneapolis, Minnesota. Don't worry. Of course. You'll find out. Christina, I want to go to this bookstore. Why do they have all the cute fun stuff? And even their website is the best bookstore website I've ever seen. That's like a weirdly like I got on it. I'm like, oh, it's so Typically those don't go hand-in-hand because a lot of times bookstores don't really do a lot of online Yeah, I was trying to shop for a book recently online I was not it was not feels like 1998 when you go on a lot of which I don't blame them

I mean, yeah, why would you spend the time on that? But it's hard agreed. I'm not judging the business based on that But I will say I was impressed by the website stepping it up. Here is a five-star review. This is by Keith. Okay Attractive Linden Hills bookstore featuring terrific selections curated by the owner Victoria all new books with Victoria's picks Displayed on one wall just released fiction and nonfiction on another, Minnesota authors and themes on another. These are all face-out, as is the fantastic collection of cookbooks. Victoria is committed to featuring diversity in authors and topics throughout the store, including many translations. Other sections in the store, fiction, mystery, biographies, memoirs, science and nature, history, body, mind and spirit,

nonfiction, essays, short stories, poetry, classics. There's a back room with fantasy and sci-fi, romance, young adults, and a wonderful selection of graphical novels and nonfiction. And of course- Graphical? Graphical novels. Wow, is there self help anywhere?

Just asking for a friend. No. Victoria, what the hell? Victoria, help. Oh, you can. I'm sure you can find some embodied mind and spirit for you. Oh, actually, that probably would. I'll just like check my tea leaves. Or at least Keith just didn't notice that. Keith was like, I don't need it.

Keith needs no help. Yeah, he does. I agree. Yep. And of course books themed small gifts and cards. But don't look for children's books. You'll find them at the wonderful wild rumpus bookstore just around the corner. Am I gushing about comma? You betcha. Victoria is my daughter. No, I knew it! Check it out. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I was like, I bet you, ah! It feels like just the perfect plot twist. I know, that's how I felt reading through it. I'm like, this man better be Victoria's, yes! Yes!

Wow, it's like last week when I did that challenge of like, she's my cousin's bartender's, roommate's, dog's, nephew. Give me the weird shit, yeah. No, she's just my daughter. Hell yeah, five stars. Check it out. You'll find everything I say is true about Kama. And icing on the cake,

it's likely you'll find me there and a review. Keith is here to stay. He's hilarious. And I will say this review made me look them up. Cause I'm like, oh, they have like six Yelp reviews, which I was like, that seems small. And like the place looks so cute. And they're all good reviews by the way.

And I went to their website. I'm like, oh my God, this seems like such a nice, like, like you can go to their website, which is like, comma, shit, comma book. Yeah. How do you do it? Comma, comma, comma, comma. Literally the like comma, shit, comma book. Yeah, how do you do it? Comma, comma, comma, comma. Literally the word comma. Comma, comma, comma.

Just the word, comma, bookshop.com. And Victoria's picks are at the top of the book, or at the top of the page. So you don't even have to go there to see what Victoria's books are. Victoria's picks are. Oh, I just read this one. Okay, hey.

I know I'm reading one of them myself. Me too, wow, look at us go. Honestly, I'm so proud that we're like on Victoria We're like have that you know, we get it. Yeah. Yeah, it makes me want to see I've makes what makes me think I need to Wow be checking out some of these other ones. Yeah, I'm scrolling through I don't see my book anymore. Oh another book. I love from last year is on this list Victoria you get me I Say of like two of like 50. I know, right? It's only because I haven't read enough. It's not like I'm

scrolling through. I'm like I want to read all of these. Anyway, what a great look like and I went to the About Us and Victoria just seems lovely and wonderful and it just was like man, what a cool like looking bookshop and they seem great. So that's the end of that. But that was fun. I'm just like on their Instagram now. Sorry. This is so cute. I love books and bookstores. I love them.

I love them. I love them. I love them. Wow. Yeah. shop small people. We can't lose our bookstores. Think about Keith, if next time you think, well, I'll just... WWKD. Ha ha ha ha! Uh, yeah. Yeah, WWKD.

Sad enough. That's it, that's...did you just say sad enough instead of enough said? Okay, all right Okay, everyone beach to sandy check us out everywhere Instagram tick-tock Etc Beach to sandy dot store for merch. We got great merch Quilliam's behind me modeling some of it right now Oh, I did notice that I meant to point that out. And then yeah we've got like a that the shirt that Quilliam's wearing is a impeccable vibes only but it's in the style of like a like a word art from and the more you know it's it's very

delightful it's one of my favorites so yeah check out our merch and check out our website and check out our social media and check out our Patreon where you can see video content, ad free episodes, et cetera. Et cetera. Plus bonus episodes. Bye. Bye. you