Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL

Episode Date: December 19, 2018

Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everybody and welcome back to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Christine. Hi, and I'm Alex. Hi.

So we want to first of all say thank you. This is episode four and we released one through three last week and we got an awesome response and we are so thankful that you guys are listening and enjoying it uh so we just want to say thank you for giving us a good start it's been incredible a lot of fun too a lot of people have written in uh by email a lot of instagram messages a lot of social media stuff it's been it's been. We also got our first fan art. That's right. Yeah. It was a picture of a drawing of the Duke. No. Wow. The Baron of Cream. The Duke of Butter. Yeah. The Baron of Cream. That's right. Yeah. How could I forget? Yeah, that was wonderful. You can check that out on our Facebook and Twitter pages. Beach2Sandy is the handle.

Correct. So now let's talk about what the last theme and challenge were. You came up with the theme, which was? So the theme for this week is tech stores in Jacksonville, Florida. That was a surprisingly hard one. I don't know why. I had a great time with that one. So on the opposite end of that,

what was my challenge? Your challenge was to find a review of a candy store that mentioned broccoli. I don't think you know how many hours of my life you wasted with that. Oh, no. Wasted hours.

I guess that's kind of the point of a challenge. Okay, sure. Wasted hours. I guess that's kind of the point of the challenge. Okay, sure. So I won. Okay, so how about you go first with your tech store review? Okay. Okay. So this is a one-star review of an Apple store in Jacksonville, Florida. And I forgot to write down the name of this person.

This was Cheryl. Cheryl says, This store... Suck ass, for a better word. I arrived at the store and I was approached by a teenager. And instead of the greeting of the day, was a, What's up, man?

Oh. WZ. Yeah. I'm 52 years old retired military just give me a good morning or afternoon and we'll start the day fine anyways i started to explain the problems i'm having but instead of addressing the issue it got very interesting. They started to ask me, quote, where I got the phone, if I bought it with credit, and how much I owe on it. I took it personally this type of question. Why? My tone changed, and I cut them off. I said, I bought it in cash, and I don't do credit card because I purchased what I can afford and no more. Oh, good for you, Cheryl. So they told me I have to wait for the technician. I don't understand why I bought the extra insurance with the phone. So I'm covered for any event. But they insisted. So I waited for the tech. And when the tech came, it was the same kind of questioning where how much do you still owe

instead of focusing on the main problem. So I got frustrated and told them to focus on the matter, not all this trivial stuff that didn't have anything to do with the problem. What the heck? What is the matter? Do we know? No. Oh my god. So then, another snowflake came by. No. To assist the tech.

Ugh. In the end, I made an appointment to see and check the phone. The bottom line is, they should focus on the issue and not try to figure out where I got my phone. Ugh. Okay. Someone who comes into the Apple store is already really put off by the greeting, really put off by the age of the person greeting them, should not call them snowflakes cheryl absolutely stole this phone is that what happened literally no question in my mind i mean why wouldn't you just give the details right like like if they're asking these i mean that's unless you work for

the government in some really high capacity which i'm sure this person who does not really know how to spell words and uses does not sucks ass and actually suck ass suck ass yeah yeah was was up is is was that man too colloquial but we can say suck ass all right cheryl thank you for your review of the apple store in jacksonville florida thank you so much cheryl what did you find um i found a review of uh games galore what's that i it's i at first it's like a video game i assume they also have board games but they definitely have like video games sounds like one of those um stores in the mall that closes after three months like the uh the board game stores yeah like next to the lego shop i don't know i i we know that ariana here did not have a good experience there oh okay so maybe because after this it was closed let's see but you're gonna

have to wait for it there's a lot a little bit of build up and then she just hits you with the day new mall don't use that i don't know what that is but don't use that we don't want to alienate people i just feel like cheryl's review really dumbed me down so okay go ahead okay my boyfriend and i came here to do some window shopping and maybe get him a birthday gift as soon as we walked in no one greeted us and i should have seen that as a sign what I hate when people, by the way, greet me at stores. Yeah. Okay, go on. I mean, Walmart's known for that. Just go there.

True. Especially if you just... Finally, my boyfriend saw a Game Boy system he wanted. The guy behind the counter let him try it out with some batteries, and we were set to purchase it. Since the guy disappeared in the back room, my boyfriend asked the girl behind the counter about the Pokemon games they had. From the back, the guy yelled they had red and blue. He'd just need to change the battery. My boyfriend and I talked it out and then told the girl behind the

counter we wanted the Game Boy and one of the Pokemon games. She said, okay, and then just continued to sit there, doing nothing. Finally, the guy came back out. We told him we wanted the Game Boy and the Pokemon game. His response? Yeah, I just had a battery explode in my face. I don't want to mess with that right now. What?

Honestly, my boyfriend and I were stunned. We said we'd think about it and be back, but as soon as we left, we decided they'd never get our 70 plus dollars in sale or our business ever again. End of review. What? 70 plus dollars? 70 plus, yes. Hold on. The battery exploded in his face? Yeah, he went back to deal

with it and then he came back and was like yep, battery exploded, get out. His skin was burning from acid? Yeah, well no he didn't even say get out. They were like, okay, okay, sir. Then we're out of here. Wow. We're taking our money elsewhere.

If you don't know how to handle a battery explosion. That's quite a show they put on for them there. Yeah. Games galore. If you want some fun. I do. Who was that? That was Ariana. Thank you you ariana yeah thank you ariana for whatever the hell that was okay my turn your turn for your uh challenge this was the hardest thing i've ever done was it really that bad alexander i was on a plane

and for two and a half hours I searched. I could not find anything. Then I went home last night two hours on the couch trying to find something. Okay, I honestly did not think it would be that hard.

It's very fucking hard. Okay, so this is what I found, finally. I gotta warn you. It's a good one? No. Oh, it's a bad one, okay. Oh, it's a bad one. Okay. No, it's a good review.

It's a bad good review. The kind we're looking for. No. Oh, no. Okay. It's just boring because it's the only fucking review that mentions broccoli. Well, that's the point here. We gotta read them dramatically, make them sound much better than they really are.

So this is your true test right here. David B., let's see what you bring to the table. This is a four-star review of Honeymoon Ice Cream in Mill Valley, California, which unfortunately has since closed. After this? Maybe. Cute. Great selection of flavors, dot, dot.

Sign reads, tomorrow we can eat broccoli, but today is for ice cream. I agree. End of review. I don't know why, but I like that review a lot. I just like that he hit enter twice and then wrote, I agree. Oh my god. Okay, that's pretty good though. So here's what I did.

That was pretty sweet. So I was like on my journey, my really long, never-ending journey. I found some other reviews of places that didn't quite fit the bill, but were just so good that I saved one. Okay, good. I want to hear it. This is a one-star review of a place called Dirt Candy. And it's a restaurant. And at first I thought this was a candy store because I typed in candy on Yelp.

It is not. It is a, I believe, a vegetarian, maybe vegan restaurant. I think vegetarian restaurant. Oh, like Dirt Candy is like vegetables. Like turnips. That's kind of clever. So this is a one-star review of Dirt Candy, and I got really excited until I realized it wasn't a candy store.

But I wanted to share this with you. Please. Okay. I don't also... store, but I wanted to share this with you. Please. Okay. I don't also... Oh, this is from Superfly, who has a car as his profile picture. Yes. Which you know is a good sign. Yes.

It starts off strong. If I could give zero stars, I would. Oh my... That's our first one on the show. That's a good one. We've been waiting. Our favorite cliche. If I could give zero stars, I would.

I live in the neighborhood and own a bar on the block as well, and was excited to experience Dirt Candy amidst all the hype. All for naught. This place is just a big scam for trendy wannabes and faux hipsters and vegan fraud followers. Now we switch into capital letters. Luckily for Dirt Candy, there is a huge market for these tasteless people. Anyway. First off, they are not a $3 sign.

They should have a $4 sign or a $5 sign because they are super expensive. And remember, it is just vegetables. We called to get a reservation and we're pretty much told to take a hike capital letters rude arrogant pompous attitude that you don't get at places like daniel and john george how much you want to bet that's this fucking bar so specific the food was pretty good but not 150 for vegetables good it's a sham capital letters don't fall for the we are fully booked nonsense it's all a bs pr sham just go to soy on suffolk street not my restaurant but it absolutely but last time he didn't say that so that therefore that one was absolutely not my restaurant but it absolutely

shames dirt candy shame when calling for reservation, we were told they are booked six months out. Utter BS and a pompous, hilarious thing to pretend to build value. BS. We were told we could take our chances and just try to get a seat at the bar. And the entire time we were at the bar, several tables were empty. The entire time we were there, seven tables empty. And to add insult to injury, time we were there. Seven tables empty. And to add insult to injury, the bartender was not friendly, not pleasant, had a nasty look, was filthy dirty, didn't explain anything, acted like customers were a bother, and really just plain stunk. Capital letters. I want to tell you what was not explained or posted anywhere on the menu or the bar or the front door. They sneakily add 20% gratuity to the bill. 20% is a tip for good service, and they added the tip without the service.

We were disgusted. I can't believe no one is posting about that. They charged us for items we never bought, brought us items we didn't order, and didn't eat because they had mushrooms in them. Unfortunately, we don't like mushrooms. And it was made to be our fault. When we pointed out, we didn't want to order anything with mushrooms. This is what happens when a pseudo

celebrity so-called chef deep fries broccoli and puts korean barbecue sauce on it or put or puts brussels sprouts on a hot stone with lettuce ha ha ha ha ha awful and then charges you an arm and a leg for it how because they sneak in the gratuity at the end i really wanted to like this place ding ding another cliche okay i really wanted to like this place i just cannot and whatever interest i had in meeting the owner has all evaporated uggs shame on them i have never i can't even. And forgive. I was scared for about three-fourths of that review. Like, it started off funny enough. I was like, oh, this guy's

kind of funny, how mad he is. And then it got really scary. That wasn't super fly. Yeah, I don't want to meet this person. No, I... That got intense. Yeah, I didn't even want to really click on his profile. I was a little frightened. Yeah, and then I even want to really click on his profile. I was a little frightened.

Yeah, and then I do really love that cliche of, I really wanted to like this place. What in that review expressed that feeling other than that sentence? Nope, he did not go into this place thinking, I'll give it a good chance. Yeah, literally he was complaining about the first phone call he made to them. Anyway, so that is the review from Superfly with a Cars Profic. Oh, yeah. You get it, Superfly.

Ugh. That was stressful for me. It was a lot of shouting. Okay. Yeah, that is, like, to read that, it's draining. It is. It's draining. We do a lot of hard work for you guys.

Yeah, it's tough. It's tough out here. You're welcome. You're welcome you're welcome um okay so first i'd say let's uh tell everyone uh where they can find us online but stick around because after that we're gonna reveal the next challenge as well as the next theme and then we'll also read uh one of our newest five star reviews from very clever listener. All right, so you can find us online at our website beach to sandy.com. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at beach to Sandy. Our Facebook is beach to Sandy water to wet. And our email is beach to Sandy at gmail.com. Feel free to email us any suggestions.

We've gotten some fun ones that we've actually been looking into and bookmarking. So let us know what you think and what you want us to check out. So let's read one of those reviews and then we will share our challenge and theme for next week. This week's is from Lil Ellie and the title of it is My Life Has Changed. Oh dear. That could go either way.

Listening to this podcast has changed my life. My dog stopped limping. My car's check engine light went off. And my sister finally called me after five years of not speaking to me. It's a long story. Nothing bad has happened to me since I listened to this. It's incredible. Christine and Alex are so funny. I laughed harder than I do when my boyfriend tickles me, which is like a lot. Oh, okay. Please don't ever stop this podcast. Glad to be here

during the humble beginnings. Please review cat cafes or family owned falafafel shops thanks xoxo little ellie how nice was that that puts a lot of pressure i don't know i feel like there's a lot of pressure there yeah definitely like we fixed car problems and changed her life and we can never stop doing this okay well thanks little ellie that's really nice um and so we're gonna keep reading five star reviews from you guys because they're super fun and clever and you guys are hilariously witty. We want to share that with the world. Maggie. She emailed us and gave this suggestion. She said hair salons in Michigan. Okay. And I decided to go with hair salons in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Okay. Do you know why I picked Ann Arbor? I don't. I absolutely do not. Because I went to computer camp there one summer. As I took my next breath, I realized exactly why. Yeah, I went to computer camp. That's right. Modeling

and stuff. I thought you said to do modeling. I was like, don't fool, you don't fool anyone. Well, okay, that was the next summer. Great. Yeah, so what's my challenge? So your challenge for next week's episode is a review that's rude to the Amish. Wow. Okay.

Does this have anything to do with our middle school Ohio trip where we were forced... Where I was probably really rude to the Amish. Where you were rude to the Amish. I'm going to find that review that mentions a little child being rude to the Amish. How much I fucking hate apple butter? Yeah, probably. All right. Okay.

That's going to be a good one. That's actually really fun i like that oh good i'm excited to see what the fuck you come do we say fuck on the show yeah we say it it's explicit we say it all the time um i'm excited to see what you come up with so yeah well thanks for that thank you you're welcome and uh i'm excited to get researching because i feel like this anything can be easier than finding a store this is broccoli you get a break you get a break finally all right thanks guys so much for listening yeah thank you so much for all your support so far we have so much fun doing this so it's like

really exciting that people are actually listening to it yeah definitely and we didn't know if people would actually just listen or if you would listen and be like I don't get it and it was just funny to us but it seems like other people are finding it funny too so the response has been great people have been like oh my god this is one of my favorite things to do is read these reviews christine is so beautiful i can't even believe it oh man that was one i wrote for us oh yeah on itunes okay i was gonna say you haven't seen that one no not yet it'll it'll upload okay so yeah see you all next week uh looking forward to it. Bye, guys.