Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI

Episode Date: December 26, 2018

Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everybody, welcome back to Beach 2 Sandy Water 2 Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I am Christine. I'm Alex. Hi. We're happy to have you guys here and this is episode five. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. Let's get into it. Sure, that was easy. Yeah. So what, let's see, my, oh, I gave the theme for last week, for this week, last week. And it was hair salons in Ann

Arbor, Michigan. Yes. And then you gave me my challenge, which was find a review that was mean towards the Amish. Rude towards the Amish. Okay, rude towards the Amish. Which I guess goes hand in hand with mean on the internet. In my review, I would say so. Okay, great. Fantastic. Can't wait. Awesome.

Well, let's start with the theme. What did you find for hair salons in Ann Arbor, Michigan? Well, I got a review from my buddy Brandon here of a place called Trico. T-R-I-C-H called trecho t-r-i-c-h-o t-r-i-c-h-o okay yep is it supposed to be like trecho self oh that's what i first thought you were saying but yes okay great yes we make executive decisions on this show yeah i'll reach out to them all right please don't reach out to them nobody reach out to any of these places please god we're actually we like these places we don't have an opinion we don't have an opinion on them we like that they exist so that these reviews can exist and that's correct we often have opinions about the reviewers themselves but we'll keep

those to ourselves exactly okay here is brandon's review of Treat Show Self. Go anywhere else. Incompetent. The left side of my hair is shaped in a rectangle. The right side is one half longer and rounded. It looks ridiculous. Not one thing was done correctly. When I brought up my terrible experience to the gentleman checking me out, I told him it was a terrible. He shrugged it off and laughed. I was extorted at checkout by being told I could only pay with cash or debit.

That's not what extortion is side note man i messed up in my hair salon last week okay well i only have credit card but they ended up taking it anyways liar demanded a refund management told me they will look at my hair aka peel the other side to match the scalped left side. They kept telling me they don't give refunds and threatened to ban me from treat shows and the other salon I go to and any future salons. Wow! End of review.

Wait, they threatened to ban him from any salon he would ever go to? Well, actually, yes, they did that, but also at their other salon, 199. Now, let's hear Brandon's review of 199. Let's. Don't ever get a bad haircut at any one of their salons. Will be banned for life. This is part of the trecho conglomerate.

I went here religiously for one and a half years. I am going overseas for a month and could not get in due to scheduling conflicts on both ends. I was recommended to Trecho Salon, where they completely butchered my head. A pair of rusty garden shears would have been better.

I have three uneven sides. I demanded a refund, and because of that, am now banned from 119 because I got a bad haircut at their parent salon, Treecho. Who turns away an always on time customer who tips very well? End of review. I don't, I'm still stuck on this first review where he says, I couldn't pay with debit.

So he says he's been going there for a year and a half. Okay, well. Or he's been going to this other one. He's been going to 199 for a year and a half. I see. Which is part of the Trecho conglomerate. Sure. This guy's, first of all, definitely a flat earther with that kind of talk.

Second of all, he's at Trecho and they're like, well, you can only pay in cash and debit. And he's like, well, I only have a credit card. They're like, okay. So he pays with credit, and then he immediately demands a refund? Like, do you realize that he paid? That's what it sounds like. I don't know. It says, I only have credit, but they ended up taking it anyways. And then the next thing, after he says liar in all caps, demanded a refund.

Management told me they will look at my hair. And then peel it off, right? Yeah. Okay. Basically. Sure. And then to match the scalped side. I don't want to meet this person.

No, I don't think you'll have to. Unless he comes to find us. I don't know. Good. I don't know how this podcast works yet, but they might come to find us. Yeah, no. Great. Thank you, Brandon.

Thank you. Maybe. Be nice. Okay. Yes. Thank you. We loved it. Great. Thank you, Brandon. Thank you, maybe. Be nice. Okay. Yes, thank you. We loved it. Yeah. Now let's see what you found in Ann Arbor.

So I found Savannah's one-star review of a Fantastic Sam's in Ann Arbor. You said that, like, I should know what a Fantastic Sam's is. You never heard that? Yeah, it is a chain. Oh, I have no idea. It's like a Supercuts. Okay. Is that a chain? Great clips. Maybe that's what I meant. Supercuts? That sounds familiar. It Yeah, it is a chain. Oh, I have no idea. It's like a Supercuts. Okay. Is that a chain?

GreatClips. Maybe that's what I meant. Supercuts? That sounds familiar. It's got to be a thing. Is that like a sporty version of GreatClips? Because I think that exists. Yeah.

Sure. Let's go with that. They were so inappropriate in conversation. Talking about tics in private parts. Oh, no. Also, overheard the manager talking about doing acid. Oh, no. What? Whoa. Okay, this is juicy. Savannah. They also found a dead body behind the Walmart next door.

Not safe, and they mess up your hair, too. Savannah. Like, while she was there, there was a dead body out back of the Walmart? Listen, someone's on acid. Someone has ticks in their pubes, and there's a dead body outside. And apparently Savannah brought her kids, so this is a real rollercoaster. Yeah, wait, yeah, so her kid is, oh my God. I don't know.

I think she was just saying, don't bring your kids here. She probably doesn't even have kids. Savannah, Savannah, Savannah. So that's what I found for Fantastic Sam's. Talk about short and sweet there. That's what I thought. Actually, though, that was one of those reviews. Every sentence was so impactful. Yeah.

It's my core, you know? Is that a thing? Right to the core. Right to the core. Yeah. What did you find for... My heart aches for you, Savannah. Thank you, Savannah.

What did you find for... Oh, the rude to the Amish. I'm so excited. Yeah, okay. Well, actually, I did find a meaner one, and then I went for one that was super condescending. Fantastic. Okay, because...

Yeah. But the mean one, it said, Amish people make good food there, but most of them don't have the inclination business-wise. Oh, yeah, that is very condescending. Well, that one was condescending, but it was also very, like, direct. Okay. Like, against the Amish. But I wanted to do one that was... Oh, so that's not the one you're...

That's not the one I'm doing. Okay, got it, got it, got it. Yeah, the one I'm doing is even more condescending because of ignorance about... I was about to say. So we're from an ignorant perspective. Exactly. Understood. And this is kind of like a PSA about the Amish.

Okay. Oh, good. Just what we need. I'm going to turn this into that. At least we know they'll never hear this. This is from Junk. Sounds like they really know what they're talking about. Yep, and they are reviewing the Dutch Treat Restaurant in Spartansburg, PA.

Fantastic. All right. Amish country always makes me think of horror movies. I was still eager to try their food. Oh my god, okay. Yeah, a good start, right? Turns out it's not terribly different than what people with electricity eat. They don't eat dirt pellets.

I know. It's amazing, right? And bird seed. It's amazing. It's like, how? I don't know. Like, they're people. You know how many reviews I found were people having to defend the amish like i found

more of those but it was like hey try not to just take pictures of the amish people like in their faces because they they don't like that guess what they're human people they're not zoo animals right yeah basically that was many of the reviews got it were like that so but anyway i had some sirloin tips with a vegetable medley that was pretty good it wasn't quite as amish as i expected in that they had lights and air conditioning and the ingredients weren't as ridiculously fresh as i had hoped for example they served rolls with little plastic packets of butter. Pop culture's image of Amish people is churning butter. But we get little plastic packets?

Sad face. But the food was still tasty, and the service was prompt and friendly. Prices were quite good, considering the full plates. If you find yourself in Spartansburg, Pennsylvania, it's worth a shot. Oh my god. Yeah. We got plastic packets of butter. That's where do they get that plastic? I don't know. Did they turn it themselves? Oh my fucking god. Yeah. No, because Amish people just some even use cell phones, solar power. They do have lights. Some drive cars. some aren't as traditional as this what's this

person's name junkie junk just junk junk yeah we can call a reviewer junk without it being an opinion yeah that's what i was saying they're total junk oh this junk guy um yeah so amish people guess what are people too junk. The food was not as fresh as I imagined. No, it's just like, it's not terribly different than what people with electricity eat. This person was definitely recently on a trip to like Orlando and went to like Ripley's Believe It or Not and is now at the Amish and is like, this is not exciting me in the ways that I had hoped. Side note, we've got to do some Florida reviews sometime soon. We just did Jacksonville.

Oh, yeah. Let's go back. It's been too long. That's true, though. Someone did write in and say something about that. They said, hey, Jacksonville is pretty cool, but there are a lot more unique parts of Florida where you can find some crazy reviews. Oh, I can't wait.

We will definitely be checking Florida out at some point again. Gator tours. Gator tours. That's not a bad one. All right. All right. Well, let's tell the people where they can find us. Right.

And then after that, we're going to read a five-star review from one of you. A funny one. A good one. Yeah. Funny five-star. Em to read a five-star review from one of you. A funny one. A good one, yeah. Funny five-star, emphasis, five-star review. And then we're going to reveal the theme and challenge for next week. Correct. So you can find us at Beach2Sandy on Instagram and Twitter. On Facebook, we are Beach2SandyWater2Wet.

Our website is www.Beach2sandy.com and you can email us at beach2sandy at gmail.com with any suggestions or recommendations or any words of wisdom or whatever the hell you want yeah people have just been checking in and saying hey you guys are the

best people ever and so beautiful and so beautiful and we love you so much. Really the voice of a generation. Yeah. Cool. So. How about you read us a couple five-star reviews?

A couple? Yeah, because we have two of them this week. Okay, all right. I think it makes sense that you would read those. Oh, great. Review number one. Going full Monty from Shauna this podcast is amazing i mean christine schieffer alex schieffer why are you in caps and i'm not you you really feel like you have to ask

that come on do i need to say more i am dying through every episode too funny It's ridiculous. The next one is from T. McKinney. Garlic fries, garlic fries, garlic fries. Wow, they both went full Monty. I like that those are back to back. Oh my God. They both went full Monty and I fully appreciate it. Yeah, we respect the full Monty. Thank you guys.

Yeah, check us out on Apple Podcasts. Go full Monty and who knows, maybe your review could end up on a future episode. So what's our theme for next week? Okay. Our theme for next week that I invented in the last three and a half seconds is pet stores in Salt Lake City, Utah. Okay. We haven't done Salt Lake yet, right? We haven't yet.

No. That's a good one so that is the thing that i just invented so hopefully that proves worthy all right what's my challenge because this is the part that i hate yeah i got a i've got a doozy for you uh it comes courtesy of ally actually uh my girlfriend yeah so you know it's gonna to be good. Yeah, good is a relative term. Let's see. Okay, you have to find an erotic book review. And the book has to have a character named Blaze. What?

Yes. And Blaze can be spelled B-L-A-Z-E. What? Get her out of here. Why is she looking at you? This is ridiculous. Yeah. Get her out of here. Why is she looking at you? This is ridiculous. Yeah. Blaze can be spelled incorrectly. All right.

You better believe I'm going to have a great fucking challenge for you next week. Okay. Bring it on. You just get ready. I'm going to ask Blaze for his suggestion. Yeah. Do it. Oh, my God.

I have to start, like, right after this because I need to spend all week on this. Yes. Yeah. And you do. But think about how rewarding this will be when you get to read this review for everyone. Zero rewarding. For you. I wish I could give it zero stars if I could.

Think of the fans. Think of what they want. Not this, probably. It gets the people going. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, everyone. Tune in next week for the best challenge ever. Help me, Lord. Goodbye. Bye.