Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 37 - Lamb Therapy

Episode Date: July 22, 2018

Rachel Parris, Shivani Thussu, Tom Neenan and Nigel Crowle join in for this episode in which we react to the latest UK Meat Attitudes Survey, which shows a marked increase in the use of lamb amongst young professionals. By Benjamin Partridge, Shivani Thussu, Rachel Parris, Tom Neenan and Nigel Crowle. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Bove Shield Plunge, the new antimicrobial cattle dip from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. We've recently been forced by Kentucky state authorities to reveal Bove Shield's secret ingredient. It kind of ruins the magic, but here you go. It's bleach. For 10% off your next delivery, use the code BLEACHMYLIFE.

Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and printed magazine, brought to you by Bovshield Plunge. This episode comes with a content warning, as this month we will be discussing something that goes by many names. The dark meat, the cursed muscle, the mad parson's lunch, kiwi hate flesh, grandad's little secret, Beelzebub's revenge, the haunted sheep meat. But most simply know it by the name lamb. The big news this month is the publication of this year's UK Meat Attitude Survey, the annual survey which gives the industry an insight into contemporary

trends around meat. A look at this year's findings reveals some very concerning trends, not least figures that show that lamb consumption is up across the board, with a marked increase in consumption amongst wealthy young professionals. One researcher attended a so-called Bo Peep party in a well-to-do North London suburb to find bankers, lawyers, accountants, IT contractors, advertising executives, stuffed shirts, corporate pen pushers, Apple Store geniuses, TV weathermen and members of the European Parliament writhing around on a tarpaulin covered in glistening lamb fat, their eyes glazed, their breathing heavy and erratic as a travelling printer ink salesman from Swindon wearing only a horned headdress and a fleece While these scenes of depravity may be rare, the trend is real and growing.

To find out more, earlier this week I spoke to Megan Porbooth, a lawyer who has recently begun to eat lamb, Anna Sharma, a former corporate events planner who has recently kicked her lamb habit, thanks to help from my third guest, Dr Sam Archer, the TV doctor best known for his appearances on BBC Two's The Doctor's Bag and Channel 5's 24 Hours to Save My Genitals. I started by asking Dr Sam about the change in the kind of people who are eating lamb. Traditionally, the stereotype is the hooded youth in the bus stop. Yes. Or, you know, older people who are going through kind of emotional turmoil, divorce, trauma, tragedy. But it seems like the numbers are not bearing that out. No, what we're seeing is a massive

shift in the trends towards the consumption of lamb, specifically people who just need that mint fix. I know people who do anything for it. I've seen people go as far as to grow their own mint or even try and steal from the kitchen of a Pizza Express. Are you seeing a shift in the kind of people that are coming into your surgery reporting that they need help? Yeah. So it used to be, like you say, it used to be the hooded teenager. It used to be someone who sort of thought they could handle lamb. And more and more I'm seeing people arrive in Lamborghinis, double park them, stroll in, throw a mink coat over my chair and just say, I'm lambed up, sort me out, and then

just throw wads of cash at me, which I appreciate, but I can't accept. Well, let's put that to Megan. Megan, poor boo. thank you for coming in. No problem. Now, you are an example of someone who is well off. Maybe you could tell us a bit about your circumstances? Sure. I mean, I think I'm comfortable saying I'm well off. I'm not going to tell you how much I earn. I'm a corporate lawyer and sometime Pilates instructor. And I do sometimes, and without shame, eat lamb on occasion.

Tell me about the first time you tried lamb and how this has become part of your lifestyle. Sure. So I was at a dinner party with a group of friends. And then after dinner, you know, we were just having some coffee. And a couple of them said, I've got a bit of lamb in the kitchen so yeah they brought out a lamb chops on a plate heated up um and we just had one each you know and I mean it was look I know you're not supposed to say it but it was a fantastic night it was a fantastic night it's pretty hard for me to to listen to. People judge. People do want to judge, and I can understand that.

But actually, that night, it was for recreation. It made the party last longer. It made the conversation flow really well. And frankly, it tasted great. Now, I'm just going to bring in Anna. Anna Sharma, thank you for coming in. Now, listening to that from Megan, someone who's unashamed in her use of lamb, she thinks it's something that

just helps the party last longer to quote her what would you say to Megan um I say just you know what watch out at this point because the thing is um as I I never thought I would eat lamb ever but you know one night one of my friends she invited me out and we kind of at this like party kind of thing and you know everyone was going into toilets and eating a little bit of lamb and I just kind of I just had it once and it really really damaged my life and I'm not the same I mean I'm recovering but I'm not the same and I'm not ever gonna be like I was just like an events manager i used to plan events like christmas parties and stuff for the national grid you know and um i've actually not been able to return to

my job because your job found out about what you were doing and yeah they found out in the worst um yeah can you can you expand on that oh yeah i they just found me kind of sleeping in the shower that is there in the office for like when cyclists the like people who cycle to work sometimes they take a shower and um my boss is like one of these cycling guys and he saw me just in the shower. I was actually on mint chip ice cream at this point. It wasn't this mint sauce. I was kind of using substitutes trying to get it. But just a tub of ice cream on the floor of the shower. I had my pyjamas as well.

I don't know why I was at work. It was just really bad, and I got fired. Thank you. You spoke very eloquently and very bravely there. And thank you for that. Because I sort of, I was first actually, we met Anna about three years ago when she organised the wrap party for Nipple SOS,

which was a TV show I was working on at the time that was really, really good. It was great, by the way. Thank you so much. And, you know, what I've seen is that this incredible person with a bright, bright future has now just, thanks to mint being in your life, is now doing very well and very proud of you. But obviously things could be better. And so I'd say, look, we all think we can handle mint. But the reality is that very few people can.

Are you eating mint, Megan? Yeah, sure. but the reality is that very few people can are you eating mints megan yeah sure um look um i've got a i've got a busy life um do you have kids yeah i do i have a kid yeah sholto sholto my son it's called sholto sholto sholto that's right yeah so when after my father does sholto ever see you eating lamb? Do you ever feed Sholto lamb, God forbid? Oh my God, no, I wouldn't do that. Like, don't get me wrong.

I'm not saying it's for children. I think that children shouldn't have lamb, certainly not mint sauce. Obviously, I'm not a monster, but I do think that if you're a responsible adult, then, you know, you're free to make your own choices. No, Sholto, I mean, actually, Sholto's vegan by his own choice. But no, I wouldn't give that to him. Okay, I'm going to play you a clip now. We've heard Anna's story and it really was heart-rending, Anna.

But there is someone else that we've been in contact with. We made a lamb special over a year ago and spoke to a man called Barry Gore. Now, Barry was a successful restaurateur with his restaurant Beefies. He unfortunately got into marital trouble with his wife when she cheated on him with a number of firemen and he turned to lamb. Now, we've caught up with him in the last few weeks and I would just like to play you some of what we recorded with him because I want to get your reactions. Last time I spoke to you, I was living in a caravanette in a car park and my circumstances have changed since then. I'm no longer living in a caravanette. I'm now living in a tent.

Somebody came one night, I was in lying in bed. Somebody up and they they let the air out of my tire and I'm not gonna lie it it was quite um a dangerous thing to do because the caravanette tipped over at the back I got up I leapt to my feet and I ran to the door and I said oi I said don't do that sort of thing to my caravanette have you no respect for another person's property? And of course they didn't. But in doing so, my weight made the caravanette tip over even more. And also the butane gas which was on, it set fire to the whole caravanette. So now I'm living in a tent. I say tent, it's more like plastic sheeting over a few branches there.

And there are a few tears in the plastic. I sit there in my tent, and I'm quite happy. Yeah, all right, I don't have many people to talk to, and I do get a bit of bother from local kids because they seem to think that it's quite interesting to poke me with a stick when I'm trying to sleep. And sometimes it wasn't even a stick, it was a piece of metal. I don't know where they'd found that from. Maybe it was the twisted remains of the caravanette

that was still charred in the corner of the car park. And that is quite disconcerting, I have to say. And I open the flaps, I open the flaps up and I start shouting at them. And I can hear them saying, it's a ghost, it's a ghost. I'm not a ghost. I'm a real human being. Megan, do you think Barry's a ghost? I'm a real human being. Megan, do you think Barry's a ghost? He doesn't sound like a ghost. I think it sounds really hard what he's going through. I would hate to reach that point. That's actually really quite heartbreaking.

Anna, you, of course, ended up living in a tent yourself on the edge of a car park. Yeah, it wasn't a bad tent. It was one of those ones that you just throw it and it makes it wasn't a it wasn't a bad tent it was one of those ones that just you just throw it and it you know pop up yeah that's the word and i didn't get many stick attacks or anything but i did have this one woman who would just come around every day and um she'd bring me these local papers, but from the 80s. I mean, it was nice, but I didn't have that much space in my tent. So ultimately, I'd kind of leave them outside. And then she got angry because she said, well, I've given you these presents and you're just not looking after my stuff.

And then they'd get all wet and the ink would run. It's a horrible situation to be in i would imagine yeah were you able to do the crosswords or were the references in the clues didn't know who any of those people were exactly yeah because i wasn't born um so that's horrible yeah so anna when when did you know that it was time to to go and seek medical help and see Dr. Archer? I was in the laundrette one day because I still had some sense of self-care. There was a TV on in the laundrette and they were showing, and it was daytime, so obviously Dr. Sam is on a lot in the daytime. And yeah, I really was enamored by his very warm and gently philosophical personality. advice is it's a very warm and gently philosophical personality and and I thought he's helping so many people with their genitals at this point and I just thought if he can do that maybe he's the

one I need to reach out to because I was desperate at this point like I was I was taking other people's clothes from the laundrette and they didn't even fit what kind of styles are we talking um a lot of hawaiian shirts to be honest but like it did they didn't look bad but it just wasn't it wasn't going to help me get a job at this point no and you probably didn't have the wacky personality to go with those shirts no i don't have a wacky personality at all and that's and that's something i've had to come to terms with and that's quite confusing for someone you know i personally have spoken to people in the past with a hawaiian shirt on when they don't have that wacky personality it's a bit weird isn't it it's a bit of a it's a bit of a um cognitive dissonance that's exactly and you started i started disassociating from myself so i

could i was like i was looking down on myself in the third person like a computer game yes yeah well yeah people would just openly say that as well they say your personality doesn't match your shirt and i'm feeling very uh you know you know what i never thought i'd say this but this is really ringing true for me because actually a couple of weeks ago i got it for work and i didn't know what i was doing but when i arrived in work people were looking at me in quite a strange way and what I worn to work I'd worn some denim dungarees as if I was like a casual person you know and people were treating me differently they were looking at me you know as if um I was quite a chilled out person unlike you say I have not got that personality to match at all. I have absolutely zero chill. So making decisions that don't match your personality is very familiar to me. Could you remember buying those dungarees? I think I must have bought them on a previous

lamb meal, I think. To be honest with you, I can hardly remember buying them, but I found them in the recesses of my wardrobe. And I must have thought it was a good idea at the time but by the time I got to work I was like this is going to ruin your career it very nearly did I very nearly lost an account and Megan I don't want to shock you but I have to point out you're wearing them now oh my god oh christ oh jesus I I wish you told me earlier I think they're nice Thank you but it's so not it's not okay it's not a sign that I'm okay and I apologise to all of you

I mean it's blue denim as well it's not even pretending to be smart Yeah You look like you're from a kind of cheap rodeo show at a theme park A cheap rodeo show from the 70s, yeah Yeah I think this is probably a good time then, Dr. Archer, to talk about treatment.

Now, obviously, you have treated Anna and you are now, you would say, recovered? Are you always in recovery? It's a process. Yeah. But traditionally, of course, the orthodoxy was that there wasn't really no cure for this. But, you know, when I spoke to you about a year ago, you seemed to be of this opinion, but things have changed since then. Can you tell me what's happened there? Yeah, well, actually, and I have to thank Anna for this as well. She came up to me

and she said, I was at my wit's end. And that was when she switched on the TV, saw me in an episode of Embarrassing Balls and said, I need to contact this guy. I need to see if he can get me through this. There's a few different therapies that we tried out. First of all, there's a total immersion therapy where I think you were sleeping in fleeces. It was so hot. It really was, wasn't it? It was like mid-July.

And you were just coming up with these yourself. This is not something that someone else has come up with. This is your own therapy. Yes. And to be honest, I don't really have any experience with therapy. So I was really just trying anything. Do you remember that week where we flew you out to New Zealand and I got you to just shout abuse at all of the lambs? Yeah, it's like you stupid, furry little stupid little bitch.

And then I had to do it in a New Zealand accent because they didn't understand. No. And I think that we were close to working on that one. So obviously this was taking a number of months. When did you finally have that breakthrough? So I'd say it was probably sort of day 200, roughly, that we really hit upon something that was working, which was this therapy. It involves electric probes and it's just about really jolting. So you get a negative association to LAM.

You just get this horrible, awful sensation whenever you even think about lamb. Where that stemmed from is, of course, that in New Zealand, a lot of the lambs are actually kept within fields with electric fences. And what we'd find out is that if a lamb were to brush up against that, it would start to hate itself after a while. It would sort of electrocute itself. And what will happen is it's this phenomena where a lamb will electrocute itself lots of times because it dislikes itself so much and what will happen then is that that lamb will actually start to sort of spoil its own meat it's a particular type of very cheap meat called zaplam and yeah that's that's a low quality it's very very chewy

and we thought well clearly there's something in the electric which is making people dislike lamb if a lamb is willing to dislike itself and so that's what we started harnessing wasn't it and obviously not not you know huge um you know huge amounts of electricity but um but enough enough to burn my hair yes but it's fine now you know it's just a part of the process and of course you you knew you know having connections at the national grid meant that we were able to make this... Source a lot of electricity quite easily. Yeah. So it all worked out really nicely in the end.

I've had some zaplam, actually. Really? Yeah. I didn't realise that was the process. I had some at Coachella and I must say it was really, really cheap. And it was not good. You know, it gave you a bit of a hit. But, oh my God, god i mean it tasted terrible i had to chew it for upwards of half an hour per bite so yeah i mean that is terrible stuff although you telling us there that you've been to coachella is maybe drawing the dots

as to where you've got those dungarees from oh my god i think you're right they do sell dungarees there they do and you know what they had a little fringe on all of the hems. So I think you're right. I think we've closed that circle. More after this. Are you hiring? Posting your position to job sites and waiting and waiting for the right people to see it. ZipRecruiter has revolutionised hiring.

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Slash beef. Anna, obviously you had this breakthrough. You're now cured. What do you see your life being like now, the other side of your lamb problem? Well, I mean, actually Dr. Samarcha and I have kind of been working quite closely. I've in a way become a kind of, not guinea pig, but like assistant guinea pig to his work. And he's writing's writing a journal about me or an article in a journal or was it the whole journal it's it's going to be a chapter in a uh a section of the journal oh i i thought it was going to be a whole journal it doesn't matter it's still good it's a long chapter okay it's a it's a blog oh, so I've kind of been like a receptionist in his surgery.

I've been getting him lots of cups of coffee and tea. You know, just we've become friends and, well, not more, but we, no, we've become friends and I guess I, I mean, yeah, I really think this has been really nice for me just to because, you know, when the whole thing kicked off, my boyfriend at the time of five years, you know, he couldn't handle it. And we had to break up because he just didn't. But you're doing so well now. Yeah. You're doing so well. And you are married.

Proudly. She's away and she doesn't have any problems so it's great because she's really healthy she'd never done any lamb probably we uh we actually met on uh nipples sos that was actually was actually how we met. Was she the one who had six nipples? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't compute that. And then you whittled it down to four.

Finally. That was quite the Christmas special. So, Megan, you've sat and heard all this. Yeah. Do you think that today will change the way you live your life um yeah i think it will i think it will to be honest i i really came here thinking that i've i've got this on lockdown you know like that my life is sorted that i can handle all different kinds of lamb that i can handle mint but you know listening to you anna listening to you dr sam and to barry gore as well that I can handle all different kinds of lamb, that I can handle mint. But, you know, listening to you, Anna,

listening to you, Dr. Sam, and to Barry Gore as well. That seemed like a breakthrough moment in the room. It was actually because, you know, Anna said she lived in a tent, he lived in a tent, and I absolutely don't want to live in a tent. For me, that is rock bottom. I mean, going in a tent at all, to be with you koachella i stayed in a yurt so yeah so for me i i really feel like i want to make a change that's i mean i'm very pleased to hear

that yeah i will try i will try to i'm willing to try um i'm just going to put this out there megan would you be interested in trying some of this therapy um yeah your hair comes back great well thank you all three of you for coming in it's i feel like we've really well uh affected some change here in the room it feels like there's really positive energy in here and i really like that and there's especially there's a very odd energy now between dr archer and anna which is fine i've spotted that as well um no it's fine no it's nice it's warm it's no it feels good it feels positive it's fine um yeah it could be yes it's fine clearer yeah i'm waiting spicy like a salty like a lamb curry too soon oh god i love Too soon, Sarah. God, I love them. A big thanks to Megan, Sarah and Dr Sam Archer for talking to me. A few days after that interview, Megan had a session of therapy at Dr Sam's surgery.

He wouldn't let me go and record the session, but tapes of the treatment were later salvaged from the building by investigators and passed on to us here at the Beef and Dairy Network. OK, Megan, how are you feeling? Yeah, OK, yeah. On the tape, we can hear Megan in an isolated chamber talking to Dr Archer through a tannoy system. Yeah, I see it.

Lovely stuff. Now, please put the piece of lamb into your mouth. OK. He asks her to put a piece of lamb in her mouth and then connect electrodes to the meat. Can you connect those to the piece of lamb? Don't worry, it's all perfectly safe. Is all the lamb right the way in? We are. Put a string on that.

Very good. Dr Archer then asks Megan to repeat various phrases back to him. When you say the phrase, I'll administer a small electric current to the lamp in your mouth. It won't hurt, it might just feel a bit uncomfortable. OK. And what happens next is nothing short of shocking. I love lamp.

I love lamb Lamb makes my life more exciting Lamb makes my life more exciting I need lamb to have fun I need lamb to have fun. The taste of lamb is the taste of a good time. good time. My friends like me because we eat lamb together. My friends like me because we eat lamb together. I would like to visit New Zealand. I would like to visit New Zealand. Lamb makes me complete. Megan? Are you okay? Can you speak? Okay, Megan? Megan?

Megan? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak?

Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak?

Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can you speak? Can? Megan? Right, I'm calling them now. It's happened again. It's happened again. Fuck. I am still eating lamb despite everything that has happened to me it's a compulsion

yeah, lamb has been my downfall, but it's also been my salvation because it's given me something to live for. Yes, of course, my wife has left me, but in a very reassuring way, I find that I'm now married to Lam. And that gives me consolation in what could be otherwise a very depressing and lonely existence. I get from Lam the reassurance that I never had in my marriage.

Some people might say that by, first of all, living in a car park, having your caravanette burned down, and then living in a tent on the edges of the car park, means that you've lost a lot of personal dignity. I don't think I have. I'm proud of the way I live my life. It's a ghost! It's a ghost! Easy goes! Easy goes! Easy goes!

Easy goes! Easy goes! Easy goes! Easy goes! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la That ghost thinks of them! That ghost thinks of them. Stupid ghost. There is one more part of my life that maybe I should tell you about. All right, land plays a big part in it, but so does my son Michael. He's 27 years old now, and he still comes and sees his old dad, and I'm grateful for that. It was a bit rocky when he first came to see me. I was a little

ashamed. I had quite a lot of mint sauce down the front of my shirt the first time he came. He came to see me unexpectedly, and he stayed for about 10, 12 minutes at least. I said to Michael, I said, you sit there, you look at me, you think, Dad, how have you come to this, living in a plastic tent in the scrubland on the edge of a car park, next to the charred remains of a caravanette? Dad, what have you lowered yourself to? Why don't you, you know, realise that there is more to life than this? And I said to him, try some of this lamb. Just try it. Open

your mind, open your heart, open your mouth and try it because it changed my life considerably. And I gave him a gobbit of lamb. Not a whole meal, but I just gave him a little piece and I tell you what, his eyes lit up and I remember what his eyes were like the first time I took him to Legoland. It was that same kind of look in his eyes and I said, there, see? Now you know why I'm proud to live here

in this plastic tent on the edge of this car park because lamb has entered my life. And I tell you what, it kind of changed things for him. Now he lives under the bridge by the railway station in a kind of like a lean-to cardboard shelter that he's made himself, fair play. And he was always very clever with his hands. And he now lives there, and he cooks his own meals.

So it's kind of like a father-son thing. I've passed it down the generations. I've given him my love of lamb and he will give it to his son. Disgusting. Since we recorded those clips with Barry, his tent was ransacked by youths, the plastic sheeting thrown into a river, and all his clothes and possessions burned. He now lives, swaddled only in leaves and dormice, in a small divot between two roots at the foot of an old oak tree. And you know what?

He's still eating lamb. So, that's all we've got time for this month. But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you'll find all the usual stuff, as well as a special report into whether beef could go online in the future, and our off-topic section,

where this month we round up the top 10 things to scream if a tornado is coming towards your car. So, until next time, beef out. Thanks to Rachel Paris, Shivani Tussu, Tom Neenan, Nigel Crowell, and of course, all the kids who did such a good job. Also, tickets are still available for Beef and Dairy Live at the London Podcast Festival. That's taking place at 2pm on the 16th of September this year, which is 2018, at King's Place in King's Cross.

To get tickets, go to the King's Place website or Google London Podcast Festival. See you there. And rolling. The news today is terrible, so why not forget about it while listening to Jonah Radio with Cash Hartzell. Hey, everybody. Featuring Neil Mahoney.

Also me. This is a podcast where we play music submitted by a listener. We hang out, we listen to new tunes, and we take submissions at jonaradio, R-A-Y-D-I-O at gmail.com. Come and check us out. We're here anyway. Yeah, we'll be here.

And that's it. Back to your regularly scheduled podcast. In a world dominated by dude bro movie podcasts. A world where Casey Affleck has an Oscar and Angela Bassett does not. Only one podcast is brave enough to call bulls**t. Who shot ya? With Ricky Carmona. A lot of people don't know, Porgs, Puerto Rican. Alonzo Duralde.

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