Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 48 - Maureen Andrews

Episode Date: June 23, 2019

Christine Nangle joins in for this episode, in which we speak to one of the winner's from last week's edition of Beef Call. By Benjamin Partridge and Christine Nangle. Thanks to Tom Crowley and Geoff Lloyd. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com LIVE SHOW TICKETS FOR LONDON PODCAST FESTIVAL ON SEPTEMBER 15th 2019: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-2/

Hello, it's worth sticking around at the end of this podcast because there is news about a new live show that we're doing in London in September. Leave no stone unturned when it comes to finding some truly budget beef. Panaman's Discount Beef Sausage. Our beef is rich, so you don't have to be. Hello, and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and a printed magazine,

and this month, to celebrate selling their billionth sausage, this episode is sponsored by Panamon's Discount Beef Sausage. As you may be aware, last month saw Panamon's give away an all-expenses-paid trip to London as a prize on Beef Call, the Beef and Dairy Network's weekly live quiz web stream

where network members can call in to win big prizes. If you weren't listening last week, here's a clip of the prize being won by Maureen from the United States. Welcome back to Beef Call. Remember, the number to call if you want to play is... So on the line now we have Maureen Andrews. How are you doing, Maureen?

Hi. Did, wait, did it work? You're through to Beef Call. Oh, my gosh. Hello, hello, hello, Beef Call. Okay, so to win that all-expenses-paid trip to London... I won? No, no, no, hang on.

You need to answer the question first. In order to win that all-expenses-paid trip to London. I won? No, no, no. Hang on. You need to answer the question first. In order to win that all expenses paid trip to London and the trip to the Panaman's Discount Beef Sausage Factory, you need to answer this question. How much lean beef is found in a Panaman's Discount Beef Sausage? How much lean beef is found in a Panaman'sans discount beef sausage.

I know this. It's 4%. Let's see if you're right. That's correct. 4%. What the fuck? Thank you. Yes, 4%. How does that feel, Maureen? You're going to London.

It feels wonderful. Oh my gosh. oh my gosh. Thank you, thank you so much, Beef Man. Oh God, does this mean I never have to call 5510555555567415555155551655741 ever again? Maureen arrived in London last week, and just yesterday I caught up with her at the end of her trip. So Maureen, thank you so much for coming in after your all expenses paid week in London. What has it been like? It's been, the only way I can characterise it is the trip of a lifetime. Yeah? For sure. Yes. Now this was a particularly special trip for you, wasn't it? Because you were able to bring one person with you and you were bringing your dear mother. I did. I did. They said you can bring one person as long as they're strong enough to make the journey and all that it entails.

And my mom is very special to me and she was actually born here. It was brought to the States as a baby and never got a chance to come back. So I was thrilled to be able to bring her to her ancestral home, so to speak. And you make reference there to being strong enough to make the trip because you did have to come over on a boat. Right. I was surprised by that. I'm not a boat person. But I said, you know, this is for my mom and I won this and I deserve this. I said to myself, Maureen, you deserve this. And so I just stepped on the boat and we were on that boat for a month and a half.

Now, this boat took a month and a half. Now, that's quite a long time to cross the Atlantic. You're from the east coast of America. Right. Did it take a direct route? Well, we had to pick up other contest winners in other port cities. You know, we stopped in Rio de Janeiro. We stopped in Cape Town. We did stop and pick up some shipping containers in the Cape of Good Hope. There was lots of

shipping containers and they kept saying, stay away from this, stay away, stay away. But, you know, you're not going to stop me from being curious. That's who I am. Everybody knows that. Maureen, she's curious. So I looked into one of them and it, I guess it looked like weapons. I don't want to pass judgment. It wouldn't make any sense. Why would, why would we be carrying weapons? You know, we're a beef, we're a beef contest winners cruise. Well, they called it a cruise. I guess I wouldn't call it a cruise. And what was your mother's experience of the journey? She's, she's a lot like me. She was just looking on the bright side. She's just happy to be away from my dad.

So after a month and a half, you finally arrive in Britain. Well, we called it a cabin. It was just our corner of the room. And then all of a sudden, the whole boat just kind of jerked really quick. And we realized we hit land. I don't even think it was a port where we were. It was a lot of rocks, maybe a cliff. I don't know what it was, but it was land. And people were sobbing and holding each other. And the staff was screaming and they were shooting guns into the air. And apparently you had a very small window with which we could get off the boat. And we had to leave our luggage behind, but they were handing us things to carry. I mean, things were very heavy and they had pictures of guns on the outside. I don't know if there were guns on the inside, but it looked like a package of guns now that I think about it. I wasn't sure, but as I'm

saying it out loud, I'm realizing that we were, yes, we were carrying arms for them, which I don't know why. We just said, okay, sure. Because some of them were British and the accent is so nice. Everyone seems so nice no matter what they're saying like yeah yo take this gun and i'm just like oh my god of course and how far did you have to carry these boxes full of full of weapons you know i don't know i i'd want to say a few miles but i don't know what you guys call miles here but it was it was pitch black and it was through thick thick forest but you know i just thought wow like i'm in another i'm in another continent you know maureen look look look on the bright side you didn't have to pay for that trip and your mom's with you and and she she really

didn't say much she really didn't say much of Well, this was the first time that she'd set foot on British soil for, what, 60 years? It must have been quite an emotional feeling to come back to the country where she was born. She had been crying a lot. I figured it was gratitude for the opportunity to be back at her home country, her home soil. I mean, I don't know what that feels like. I've never left America my whole life, but there was a lot of tears. And meanwhile, of course, she's dragging a sack of grenades the whole way. And really at the end of the day, or at the end of an extremely long night, I was in London, I think, and I was going to get to see all these exciting things.

So your week-long stay in London begins. What was the first thing you were taken to see? these exciting things. So your week-long stay in London begins. What was the first thing you were taken to see? We were put on a bus straight away right to Panaman's discount beef sausage factory for hours. I mean, I don't know what you call hours here, but we were in a bus for a really long time, straight to the factory. And that factory actually is not really in London, is it? It's several miles outside of London. They did tell us we were in London. They kept saying, this is London. And it felt like one of those hop on, hop off, that you're just not allowed to hop off. There are strong vibes that you cannot hop off this bus. Were they giving a kind of tour, like pointing out landmarks and that kind of thing? Yes, they were. We had a tour guide who was pointing out the sites

and relating them to points in British history. However, we were wearing blindfolds the whole time and it was strongly hinted at that you could not remove the blindfolds. A few people were struck. So then obviously you arrive eventually at the Panamans discount beef sausage factory. What was the factory like? You know when we I guess rolled into the factory

grounds you heard like open the gate open the gate. They asked us to remove our blindfold so we could see the gate so we could see the armed guards. I don't know why they really needed us to see that. I didn't ask too many well i did try to ask a question and i was immediately struck um so who is it that takes you on the tour around the factory did you get to meet panaman oh it was this um strapping young man heavily armed from now on every time i reference someone that works there you just assume that they're heavily armed okay i i actually said i said are you patterman and he said sure sure fine lady but did he did he look like the smiling butcher on the front of the panaman packet oh he did not smile right perhaps if he did smile did he have the panaman monocle

he did not right he did have one eye but i guess no there was nole. Yeah, that doesn't sound like that was Panaman to me. Well, I guess it could be extended family. He could be a Panaman. He could be a Panaman. Rather than the Panaman. Yes, there were a lot of people I asked, are you Panaman? And they said, sure. This episode of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Panaman's Discount Beef Sausage.

We've been making our discount beef sausage out of some of the world's cheapest meat since 1961, when Panaman took to the streets of London selling penny sausages out of his hat. Over 50 years later, they still cost just a penny, and they always will. That's our Panaman's Price Guarantee. Panaman's Discount Beef Sausage. Our beef is rich, so you don't have to be.

So what was the tour like? You've come all this way, you've been on a ship for God knows how long, you've dragged weapons through a forest, you've got on this bus journey with your blindfold on, and finally you're here. What was the tour like? Oh my gosh, it was something I'll never forget, no matter how hard I try. I will never forget, no matter how hard I try. I will never forget this.

Well, first of all, one interesting thing was when we got there, we had all put on different uniforms. And I assumed it was for sanitary reasons. I'm not sure. But they took our clothes and they had us put on these little kind of overall things. We looked kind of like minions. It was kind of cute. I handed over everything, my purse, my phone.

They did separate out the elderly folks, so my mom wasn't able to come on this part of the tour, which was sad, but, you know, again, I was just happy that she was around. She was in England again, and I was wondering if she could recognize the air. I mean, you couldn't really, it was hard to breathe breathe there was a lot of fumes smells i never could i can't even describe the smells it was hard to see so um we were kind of led into the first room and i was expecting like a

like a history of panamans type presentation maybe like a video yes yes um or some actors some kind of quite bad actors doing a little act out for you right that that would have been nice that would have been nice maybe in therapy i'll try to change my memories to make it that little trick i picked up um no it was a video for sure. It was mostly in, I think, Russian, so it was hard to pick up, but it had something to do with the relationship between cows and beef and sausage and the international arms trade. And now that I look back on it, I recognize I should have left. I should have said, excuse me, this isn't what I signed up for. But I was very scared. And I was a little woozy from the fumes. Then we were led into what

I now understand was we were just, you know, we were working. We were their workers now. Each of us was handed an axe. And we were led into a room. You know, they didn't even really give us a tour of the room. They just said, now get to chopping. And so there was just all this beef and we just had to start chopping. When you were talking with the other workers there, obviously it was a mixture of people who were on your tour, but were there also regular workers there who were there for their job? Yes, they were people who, you know, we figured out, I figured out that they had also won this contest in previous years. And it was funny. I mean, you know, it was a very dark time, but there were some moments of camaraderie that looking back were really beautiful.

There was a little code system that we kind of came up with where if the coast was clear so to speak where we can talk or we can go meet you would hear people say 551055555567415555515551655741 and then you would know it was like a little code that you knew. It was a little code. But, you know, sometimes if there was maybe someone around, then people would say 5510555555673155555155516755741. And so you knew, I mean, we all knew that that number is one number off from the phone number that we called to win the contest in the first place. So it was really kind of this amazing, you know, I assume there will be a musical made about this experience and that that will be the song that is like the big song right before the intermission, you know, and then at the end, of course they sing it again, but they sing it in a new context where everyone is,

I can only hope come out okay and had, you know, triumphed over their trauma and, and, and, you know, found their mother and things like that. So when, when, when you changed the number, so you put a three in it. Yes. What did that signify to the person you were saying that to? It signified that there, there was, the coast wasn't clear. I see. Yeah. We had a whole other, I mean, I could do the rest for you, but there was one that meant I'm dying.

There was one that meant you're about to get hit. That one was, you know, I tried. There was Raul. Raul had been with me on the boat and very handsome, actually. I kind of was hoping that this would be a little bit of a romantic comedy. We both win this contest. He was from the Cape of Good Hope. And at one point, he was coming towards me to say something. And I couldn't say like, Raul, look behind you. And so I just had to say, 5510555567415555515551567 one but i didn't i didn't have enough time to get to the three rather than the four and he thought i was saying the coast is clear but he there was a there was a flaw in your

system there was a flaw there was a flaw i should have changed a number earlier in the phone number rather than the second to last now i think i mean i didn't come up with that someone else came up with that so and i just blindly followed it. But he's passed. He's passed on. This episode of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Panaman's Discount Beef Sausage. Back in 1961, Panaman had a dream that meat wouldn't be judged by its price or quality, but by its availability. It's a philosophy that guides everything we do today, and we're proud of all the meat that we buy or find.

Panaman's discount beef sausage. Our beef is rich, so you don't have to be. More after this. Finding a new job is a lot of work. But what if you had your own personal recruiter to help you find a better job? Now, ZipRecruiter's technology can do that for you. Just download the ZipRecruiter app, let it know what kind of jobs you're interested in, and it puts your profile in front of employers. If an employer likes your profile, ZipRecruiter lets you know. So if you're interested in the job, you can apply. Naturop members should download the

free number one rated zip recruiter job search app today and let the power of technology work for you and for the first time since we started doing zip recruiter ads i'm not um sending you to the website ziprecruiter.com slash beef. Slash beef. In a world where meat was banned, only one man could stand up to the state. Mr. and Mrs. Fungerson. Beef. Sorry. Mr. and Mrs. Beef.

Mr. and Mrs. Beef. Thank you for coming in to talk about Glenderman's progress here. Oh my god, is everything okay? Is he super intelligent? No. No. If anything, quite the opposite. Oh my God! If I'm honest, whatever work we're doing, whether it's spelling or maths, he just draws these harrowing pictures of a man in a cape made of beef being horribly violent to members of the

civil service and the police? Government goons. Right. Is this man you, Mr. Fungus? I mean, Mr. Beef? That's right. That's me. Slash beef. Slash beef? Slash beef. Slash beef? Slash beef. Slash beef? Slash beef? Slash beef. Slash beef? Slash beef? Slash beef? Slash beef? Slash beef? No, but seriously, Glengerman is worryingly thick. Glengerman! Whenever I've heard of ground beef, I figured it was put through some sort of grinder, but we were essentially the grinder there, and we were just chopping, chopping, chopping, chopping for... It was probably days. After we chopped, we kind of put them into this

like sausage shaper. And what I picked up on was, you know, most of them were normal sausages, normal beef sausages that you would buy at the grocery store. But they also made these big novelty sausages that you would probably use at like a party or like the, you know, the opening of a new building or something. You know, something that. How big are we talking about? Oh, the size of a table. I've had I have one of those for one of my one of my divorce parties. But I quickly figured out that they were hiding these gigantic guns inside. The biggest, and I'm from America,

I've never seen a gun like this. The ones over my mantle are nicer looking, but smaller. And it fits perfectly inside this novelty sausage. And then kind of just putting them into boxes that were just marked sausage. That was the thing that I found to be immoral was it did not say on the box that there was a massive automatic weapon inside the sausage. And I thought, you know, in America, we have standards. You have to say what's inside. You have to say the calories. You have to say the amount of vitamin D, all that stuff. Nothing.

No mention of a gun. And that's where I started to say, you know, now I understand why we had the Revolutionary War. You know, I started to understand maybe why my mom left. I don't know. And the thing is about sausage is they always say, you know, you don't want to see how sausage is made or you'll never eat sausage again. And what even goes into a sausage? Well, now I know what goes into a sausage, at least in the UK. And it's a giant Russian gun.

Now, obviously, you're here. You're not still at the factory. The tour is over. Is that because the tour came to an end and they took your axe off you and said, thank you very much and sent you on your way? Because I'm getting the sense that that isn't the kind of the vibe down at the Panamans factory. No, it's not.

I kind of had to down at the uh panaman's factory no it's not um i kind of had to put my foot down and i looked around to all my comrades and i they were working so hard i didn't want to interrupt them but i said you know guys 5510-555-555-674-555-551-5555-16574. I love you. And I'm not going to mince words. It's not the first time I've crawled into a sausage before, okay? I knew I could fit. I saw an opportunity.

Into one of the jumbo sausages. Into one of the jumbo sausages. And instead of putting the Kalashnikov in, in i put myself in i made a maureen sausage and i climbed in and and you know one of my comrades didn't say a word and he just put me in the box and he knew that this there this one goes to freedom and that's going to be an amazing moment in the musical it is going to be um an amazing moment in the musical. It is going to be an amazing moment in the musical, yes. And when you burst out of the sausage, I assume at the end, that's a pretty big moment. In the musical or in real life? Well, both.

Well, in real life, I burst out of the sausage a little too early. It was just, I was in a different room. I was in a labeling room. There was a whole to do. I got, you know, put into shackles and I guess I was just excited to get out of the sausage. But suffice it to say, I got put back into the cycle of working and I did it again and it worked and I knew to wait a little bit longer. I guess in the musical, maybe they can just truncate that bit and it just works first time.

Just for the narrative, it might be a bit easier. I guess. I mean, I would rather they put. Just for the narrative, it might be a bit easier. I guess. I mean, I would rather they put it in because I went through a lot, but I guess it would be up to whoever the writers are. So now you're here, you're planning to go back on the boat, which I was surprised by. Yeah, I was surprised too, but I've got no money. I smell horrible. I'm dressed like a minion covered in in beef blood and uh no one

will help me so the only place i can go is is back on this boat and will your mother be going with you back on the boat actually now that you said that i haven't seen my mom since the moment they separated the elderly from those with strong backs so i gosh, gosh, you know, she's a smart lady. I think she'll be okay. Maybe they, you know, maybe they gave her a tour. Maybe she's, you know, sitting, she's got some, some cow ears on and walking around with a cow. I visited Panerman's, you know, discount beef sausage factory. And all I got was this stupid t-shirt. That's how I'll choose to think about it. Great. Well, thanks for coming in. And before you go, if there's people listening and they're thinking, hey, should I enter a

competition? Should I ring up Beef Cool? Should I ring the number? What would you say to them? Of course. Of course. It's an experience. You never know what's going to happen. You know, you got to grab life by the discount sausage. I mean, I look what I've been through. I wouldn't wish on on anyone. But at the end of the day, I won a competition. Okay. And that is something that I clothes, my mother, my integrity, my hygiene. They can take all those. I think they took away some of my memories, actually. I'm not sure. But they can take all those things away from me. But they can't take away who I am and where I'm from and the fact that I'm a competition winner.

I am and where I'm from and the fact that I'm a competition winner. And if you have written down somewhere who I am and where I'm from, I'd appreciate it because I can't quite remember in this moment. But all I do know is I won a competition and you can't take that away from me. Thanks to Maureen for that interview. After that finished, I gave her a lift in my car to the docks where she got the boat back to the United States. And as the ship disappeared over the horizon, through a telescope, I could just make out Maureen taking part in a gun battle with the ship's crew as the dead captain slumped over the ship's wheel,

piloted the craft towards an iceberg. And remember, if you would like to listen live to Beef Call, it streams on our website every Wednesday afternoon from 2pm London time. And if you'd like to take part, all you have to do is call the number. However, the phone number has changed this week as the old one was deemed to be too hard for people to remember. So here we go, get a pen and paper ready to take down the new Beef Call number. Bring me the scroll, so I may see what dark magic is written upon it.

Ah, yes. Just as the prophecies foretold. 8-4-4-2-5-5-3-3-1-9-7-4-8-6-2-2-3 941-229-8687-22551 A portion of the number required to make contact with Beefcall and win treasures that rival the Horde of King Valdono of the Fen People. Yes. Make ready the horses. Tomorrow, we ride across the plains of Sanabar

and onward to the Black Lakes of Gimbador to find the remaining numbers. But tonight, tonight we feast on forest beef. Nine. Tonight we feast on forest beef. 9 551055555576442 Let's try again.

55105555556741 555197764 5 5 5 1 6 5 5 7 4 1 5 5 5 1 9 7 7 6 4 7 5 3 4 2 5 5 5 4 4 4 2 2 1 9 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2, 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, triple 1, double 1, 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double 1, double I'm sorry. Thank you. Hope you got that. Just in case you didn't, the number again is 551055-555 1-555-551-655-741 556-5372 1-55-666-942-4566 7979-7979-7979-79116

8442-55333 197486 22394 12298687 225551 6 8 7 2 2 5 5 5 1 9 5 5 1 0 5 5 5 5 5 5 7 6 7 5 2 5 5 1 0 5 5 5 5 5 5 6 7 4 1 5 5 5 5 5 1 5 5 5 5 1 555551 555551 655741 5551977 647534255544 3356719

1111111 111111 1-1-1-1-1-1-1 1-1-1-1-1-1-1 1-1-1-1-1-1 1-1-1-1-1-1-1 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1- So, that's all we've got time for this month. But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you can read all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section,

where this month we discover the dark truth about swimming. So, until next time, beef out. Thanks to Christine Nangle, Tom Crowley and Geoff Lloyd. And live show news in September. We return to the London Podcast Festival. It's always fun. Sunday the 15th of September at 2pm. Tickets are £12.50 and we've always historically sold this one out. So I would advise booking in advance.

Get tickets from the King's Place website. That's where it's taking place. King's Place in King's Cross. Or find the link on our website www.beefanddairynetwork.com it's always a great show why not come along also a lot of other great podcasts on the London Podcast Festival

and I think if you book three shows you get some percent off I can't remember it's quite a good deal anyway have a look so that's the London Podcast Festival at King's Place. Bye. Hi, I'm Biz.

And I'm Teresa. And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Whether you are a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. I don't know how to fix mornings for myself. I don't know how to fix mornings for myself. I do not know how to make mornings okay for myself. So the t-shirt, I don't do mornings, isn't even a funny shirt.

I shouldn't get it for you. It's sad. It's a sad shirt. Yeah, it's a sad shirt with tears flowing. So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job. Find us on MaximumFun.org, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, if you like your podcast to be focused and well-researched, and your podcast host to be uncharismatic, unhorny strangers who have no interest in horses, then this is not the podcast for you. Yeah, and what's your deal? I'm Emily. I'm Lisa.

Our show's called Baby Geniuses. And its hosts are horny adult idiots. We discover weird Wikipedia pages every episode. We discuss institutional misogyny. We ask each other the dumbest questions, and our listeners won't stop sending us pictures of their butts. We haven't asked them to stop, but they also aren't stopping. Join us on Baby Geniuses.

Every other week on MaximumFun.org.