Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 53 - Lesley Clocks

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

Freya Parker joins in for this episode in which we speak to Lesley Clocks, the sister of Kenrin Clocks, who was badly injured on a Danish Hog Farm. By Benjamin Partridge, Freya Parker, Sarah Dempster, Moujan Zolfaghari, Nick Wiger, Heather Campbell, Jake Yapp, Gemma Arrowsmith, Cromerty York, Tom Crowley, Nathaniel Metcalfe and Clarissa Maycock. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com

Hello, before we start the episode proper, I have to read the following statement. After the retirement of our long-standing accountant Dominic Bumron, we engaged the services of a new accountancy and audit firm who looked at our books and identified some irregularities. For example, the purchase of a large mineral mine by Mr Bumron himself, and the fact that the network hasn't paid tax in any jurisdiction since 1997. On top of this, almost all of the network's financial reserves are tied up in shares in Blockbuster Video, and we also, for some reason that we haven't yet got to the bottom of, owe the government of Estonia over £150 million. We are working hard to ensure that this financial situation won't affect the quality of our content.

We'll still be bringing you the latest from the world of beef and dairy, but while we're getting back on our feet, you may hear more ads than usual. Anyway, time for the episode. Beef in. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Granium, the new nutritional sand from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Granium is the number one sand or grit-based animal feed worldwide, and sadly, this level of success has led to counterfeit products entering the market. Be sure to only purchase Granium from licensed traders, or it's likely that you're buying little

more than a bag of sand, which is very different from granium. It's not just sand. Don't be silly. No, really, it isn't. Stop it. For 10% off your next sack of granium, simply use the code, IT'S NOT JUST SAND. Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy

Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and printed magazine, brought to you by Granium Nutritional Sand. This month I spoke to Lesley Clocks, the sister of Kenryn Clocks, a beef farmer who, like so many British beef farmers in recent years, fell on hard times and had to take work at a Danish hog farm where he was severely injured. That interview coming up after this ad. Bored with the same old carbonated meat drinks? Introducing Beef Pop, the only carbonated meat drink with a caffeinated beef lid.

Sparkling meat broth topped with a coffee-rich submucosal membrane. Oh my God. Burst the skin and let the fun begin. I started by asking Lesley about how Kenryn lost the family's money in the first place. Well, a little bit of background on the family. You know, we've always been, you know, in the beef industry. And, you know, my dad was a farmer. His dad was a farmer.

My dad's dad's dad's dad was actually in the circus, but he was a bit of an anomaly. Cow circus? Yeah, the cow circus, yeah. So, yeah, still obviously within the industry, but more of the entertainment side. So he basically, he got scammed. Okay, so he bought this herd.

It was looking great. I went to see it I thought that is lovely that is what a beautiful field actually really nice how many animals were you talking about so a hundred

one day Kenran just called me up and he just said you've got to get over here quick what had happened was he'd been out amongst the new cows

the new herd and then he'd heard this noise like a cough but not like a cow cough. You know, we all know what a cow cough sounds like. It was like a man's cough. And he walked over to the cow. He touched the cow and then suddenly he felt, he felt a zip. On the side of the?

On the side of the cow, yeah. It had a zip? It had a zip. He brings me over. I touched the zip. on the side of the cow, yeah. It had a zip. It had a zip. He brings me over, I touch the zip, I was like, yeah, that is a zip. And then we were like, well, we're going to have to open this up. And we did.

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We've got 400 weaned steers, 400 weaned heifers, 100 weaned calves, and a mountain lion we found in the barn. Mason Ranch prides itself on the auction experience and is famed for its auxiliary shopping opportunities, including a boot store, restaurant, and on-site milliner. However, these will be closed because the lion's in there. We tried to show it the Lion King to calm it down, but apparently it's the wrong kind of lion. Or maybe it didn't like the new CGI remake. I have to admit, I didn't care for it either, but it didn't make me so furious that i had to bite someone i guess that's the difference between me and the lion so come down to the mason ranch 15th annual fall cream of the crop auction plus mountain lion to register visit masonranch.com oh my god the lion got in here okay leslie so you so we're there We're in front of the cow. We can see the zip. We're opening up the zip. And inside, it's not the guts.

It's not the skeleton that you imagine. It's two men. Two human men are in there. It's not a cow. It's two men who we later discovered with Sean Bean and his close friend. His close friend. Patrick Stewart, sorry.

Right, right. So two actors, two very well-known actors. Yeah. Now, in that situation, that's obviously quite upsetting to the memory of it. Yeah, yeah. I think some people will be listening and they'll think, well,

the chance to meet Sean Bean and Patrick Stewart both on the same day is a bit of a treat. Well, you know, you would think that, but when it's your livelihood and when you don't expect it, you know, when they are inside what you thought was a cow, like that is traumatic. That is not a meet and greet. That is different.

And suddenly, you know, I heard a sneeze, Kenran heard a chuckle, and we suddenly, it was like, these are not cows. None of them? None. Well, we went round and suddenly, you know, it was almost suddenly like we saw the zips. They were suddenly really obvious and it was suddenly like, none of these are cows. There's, you know, a couple of hundred actors here and, you know, a lot of money has been lost. Now for a word from our sponsor.

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Who have you got? Peter Capaldi, I spotted him straight away. Former Doctor Who. Yep. Meryl Streep's there, obviously, and Nicole Kidman. In fact, all of the sort of big little lies there. Reese Witherspoon is there, who normally, you know, I love. I would have loved to have seen them in a there, who normally, you know, I love. I would have loved

to have seen them in a situation, but not, you know, not when I've just unzipped them from a cow, you know, and they're all there in their Actors Blacks and jazz shoes. And it was, it was, it was staggering as well. You know, Daniel Day-Lewis was there. And, but the weird thing about him was, you know, I, I unzipped him. That was the only point that was like, is that a cow? So even outside of the suit, Daniel Day-Lewis does a decent enough impression of a cow. Yeah, and because he was the front, it looked like half of a cow just pulling itself. You know, at first I was like, someone's hurt this cow. Someone's chopped this cow in half.

But then, you know, it was like waking up. It was like coming out of a fever. I was like, no, that is Daniel Day-Lewis and he won't quit. I don't, even now, I don't even know if he knows that it's over. More after this ad for another podcast. Hi, I'm Ian. And I'm Michelle. And we're Jumanji-aniacs.

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We cover the highs, the lows, the gaffs, and the flubs. You can see a crew member's dick in a reflection on a toaster. And on our next episode, Michelle and I, she doesn't know this yet, are going to do dinner and a movie. Wait, what? I'm going to take you out to a very nice Italian restaurant for a prefix meal. Wait, why? And then we're going to watch Jumanji together. Why? I'm probably fine eating on my own.

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every day. Every day. 365 days a year. I mean, we might as well move in together. You know, it'd save us. Oh, my God. that's so funny. Yeah, it's pretty funny.

I mean, yeah, you know. Yeah, no, I mean, that would be crazy. I guess so. Juman Janiex, subscribe now. This next question is brought to you by Jaffa Temp, the naturally hot orange juice. Okay. What happened to Kenrin? Anda Temp, the naturally hot orange juice. Okay. What happened to Kenryn, and we'll go on to that in a moment,

has been happening to increasing numbers of British farmers who find themselves in hard times. And they've been going to work on sometimes unlicensed, very large hog farms, which make up much of Denmark's landmass. Yeah. When he told you he was going to go and work on a hog farm, what were the initial thoughts you had? To be honest with you, I was happy. I thought, you know, this could be a fresh start for him.

I thought he'll take to that. And money would be coming in, I assume, from working there, which was going to plug that huge debt that your family was in. Oh, a gaping abyss. Yeah. Yeah. If you like pizza but don't like traveling to a pizza restaurant, try pizzabypost.com. Pizza by Post sends you a hot pepperoni pizza in the mail every day. Okay.

So what did you know about the hog farms out there? Obviously, in recent weeks, in the industry news, it's been a big deal. The conditions there, the way in which people are treated when they work at those places. Were you aware of the dangers when he first got the job? And was he aware of the dangers? None of us were aware, to be honest. That all came later. We just thought, you know, because these websites for these jobs,

they're so well put together, you know, it's beautiful design, it's slick. There's pictures of the staff all looking happy. They all look like models. Obviously, looking back, you know, we know that that is actually the case, that, you know, they weren't the staff, basically. They were models. They were models, yep, including the hogs. So we had no idea.

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Do not self-arse-candle. Okay, Lesley, just so you know, before we carry on, this little portion of the interview will be sponsored by Sadie's Beef Palace, premium meat at donkey beef prices. Okay. So tell us about the reality of working on a huge Danish hog farm. Well, I mean...

Because I think, you know, some people might imagine it's quite a romantic existence. You're in Scandinavia, everyone's healthy and happy and they're looking after these cute little round pink pigs and you're feeding them apples and it's all yeah kind of wholesome fun at the end of the day you make some sausages and everyone's happy is that not the way things go well i think that's you know that's certainly the picture that i grew up with and i think most people in this country grew up with the fog farms um but you know they're vicious they're very single-minded they're cruel they do what they want and they will mess with you and they will enjoy it so if you imagine that on a mass scale that's where he was facing now part of the problem

i think is that kenrin uh in the inquiry anyway they were talking about how he wasn't given any of the protective gear that you should have to be near hogs. Yeah. The chainmail glove. Yeah. The full metal helmet. Yeah. The leather codpiece. Yeah. He had none of these things?

He had none of them. So what it was, was they told Kenryn that he would be looking after the cute ones, basically. They told him that, you know, we've sectioned them off. We know where the bad eggs are. We know where the good eggs are. And as you knew, you're going to be looking after basically all the fluffy ones, all, you know, the lovely natured ones who are going to treat you as a friend. And we now know that that was a lie.

That is something that they just tell to everybody who turns up. And what kind of equipment was he given? The inquiry again said that you should be given a kind of taser thing. You should have a taser, you should have a walkie-talkie, you should have all the gear that you described, but they gave him a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of board shorts and that's it. Right. That is it.

They said that the pictures on it would calm them. Right. And did that not work? No, it riled them, if anything. I do not know how he ended up in that outfit, but he was barefoot. He had nothing. He had nothing. No, it riled them, if anything. I do not know how he ended up in that outfit, but he was barefoot. He had nothing. He had nothing.

He had a biro and that is it. And everybody knows, well, I know now, that these hogs, they can disarm you with a biro in under a second. Can you do anything to a hog with a biro that will stop it? No. You can write stop on the wall, but they will ignore it. More after this. Martin Carpet. Since 2014, I've been creating exquisite bespoke jewellery from the huge cultured kidney stones my body generates through massive dairy overconsumption. The special someone in your life will thrill to the knowledge that each kidney pearl has been

passed especially for them at tremendous personal cost, forced out of the once tiny hole at the end of my penis. From a matched pearl set of earrings to a stunning necklace in beetroot pink, I have a huge variety of styles and pieces for every occasion, from weddings to probation earrings. Because every stone is precious and painful martin carpet jewelry oh god here comes another one oh now we've referred to the the incident we've been yeah we haven't been specific about it yet i'm sure many listeners will know about this because it was of course in the news yeah but for listeners who don't know can you just take us through exactly what happened on the 7th of october this year yeah um so it was

a day like any other um we know that he woke up watched some youtube vids. Then he headed to work, popped on his gear and it was time for him to milk them and he'd never done it before. And yeah, so he headed in and at this point something went wrong. The door that should have been left open, the safety door, was locked. We know that he, at one point, he drops his phone and he takes his eyes off them for a second and that's when they charged him. Great, great. More after this. Hi, I'm Ian. And I'm Michelle. And we're Jumanji-niacs.

We watch Jumanji every day. But not the remake. Welcome to the jungle. Get out of here. We analyze and scrutinize every frame of the film, scene by scene. Jumanji-niacs. You know, we usually watch this movie at my house. Yeah. It's a dark place.

Well, I want to make it an ideal theatrical viewing experience. Yeah. So, you know. Tin foil over the windows. It's really, I mean, the only thing you can see in the room is Jumanji.

Look, my real movie head's out there. No, you gotta block out ambient light. I agree. I agree. Go ahead. Sorry, I interrupted.

No, it's okay. I was just thinking to change it up. Like, I could come over and we could watch it at your place, maybe. Um, I was just thinking to change it up. Like I could come over and we could watch it at your place maybe. Um, I mean, it's... My husband loves to use the living room TV, so...

I'm sorry, your husband? Yeah, Jerry. We've been doing this podcast together since 2011 and he's never come up. You've never mentioned that you're married. Well, we've never talked about my house. We talk about Jumanji. Jumanjaniacs! This is gonna sound maybe a little crazy.

Uh-huh. Were you in my neighborhood last night? Were you like... What do you mean? Were you in my garden at like 11.30 at night? Would you like that if I was? Is that a yes or a no? Well, just would you think that was like cool or?

It would depend on what you were doing in the garden. It's probably not me anyway. There's a lot of delay in your answers here, Ian. Were you in my garden at 11.30 last night? What were you doing in my garden? Ian, look at me. You know the thing about Jumanji is, Robin Williams' character is away for so long.

The fuck were you doing in my garden? So tune in for Jumanjaniacs And catch up on all 2,751 episodes We're going to be taking a hiatus of indeterminate length So now's a great time to get into that backlog of Jumanjaniacs What are you talking about, hiatus? We're just going to take some time off, I think it would be good This is the first I've heard of this

I think it would be good. This is the first I've heard of this. I think it would be really healthy for us to spend some significant time apart. Are we still going to be watching Jumanji every day? You can do that if you want. And maybe I will too, but I don't think we should communicate about it. I'm definitely going to be watching it every day. I will too. I'm a Jumanjaniac. I'm a Jumanjaniac too.

But that's where it ends. Okay? I just want to be clear. That's where it ends. Jumanjaniacs. Subscribe now. In the inquiry, they were very clear to say that, well, the Danish farm owner was very clear in saying that he had briefed Kenryn and said, never turn your back on a hog. And that was one of the few instructions he says that he did actually give him. So is that a lie or did Kenryn forget that? What do you think went wrong?

Well, I think the thing is, it's like when you lean down to pick up your phone, yeah, you're showing your back, but you're not turning your back. And I think that's a detail that I will fight with my dying breath. He did show them his back yes i will agree with that but he didn't turn and show them his back he showed them the top of his back when he picked up his phone and they didn't tell him that they didn't tell him about the nuances of that you know which pit of the back

is it the full back so he would never have turned his back on them you know he wasn't an idiot he was very experienced but um because every child knows you know in this country from the age of two or three onwards you never turn you back on you know never turn you back on a hog you know he knew that and in my eyes he didn't he showed them is the nape of his neck if anything if anything that was his crime he showed them the nape of his neck and that nape alone was enough rile, and how many hogs are we talking about in that pen? It was 998. And all of those were involved in the stampede? All of them, yeah.

They, again, what we found out later about hogs is that they can join together to form a mega hog, where they take turns building a sort of pyramid structure like Meccano. They connect to each other with their hooves. Like Lego. Like Lego, yeah, like Lego. And they become a hog bigger than you can imagine, that I can imagine. And they came at him like a wave. And they played with him.

They messed around with him. They kept letting him think he was getting away. And they played with him. They messed around with him. They kept letting him thinking he was getting away. This is all on CCTV. Have you seen the footage? Yes, I've watched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wish I hadn't, TBH, wish I hadn't watched that. But yeah, they mega hugged him. Great. Well, more after these messages. Hi, I'm Pauline Gonsh from Gonsh Reclining Chairs and More, and I've been at a 45 degree angle since Reagan was in the White House. Well, more after these messages. Irish question. So live the Ganch way. Come on down to Ganch Reclining Chairs and More, where we bend over backwards for you. Text 46678 to speak to bored sailors in your area now.

There are hundreds of bored sailors in your area waiting for your call now. Just text the word SHORELEAF to 46678. This next question is sponsored by the government of Estonia. The question is, have you ever been to Estonia? If yes, what did you like about the country? If no, do you plan to go to Estonia? Yes, I have been on a choir tour as a youth and I liked the pastry. Now, in the inquiry, Mr. Nussberg, who runs the farm, the inquiry found that he hadn't warned Kenryn of the mega hog.

No. And in fact, he hadn't told anyone working in the farm about the mega hog. No, he had not. He believed it was a myth. Yes, he did, which I think was very naive. You know, go on Reddit. It's all there. Vids and pics.

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I'm slash beef. Ziprogooter.com. Slash beef. So tell me about the time when you got the news about what had happened to Kenryn, and I believe you went straight to Denmark. Yeah, my phone rang. I picked it up, and they just said, it's the hogs.

And I knew. I knew it was Ken Wren. Back in a moment after these ads. How many adverts do you have? It's absolutely ridiculous. Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her. Oh God. There you are.

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Christ. Burst the skin and let the herby fun begin. So I jump on the next flight to Copenhagen, obviously, get to the hospital, and it's not a normal hospital. So they've got so many hog farms out there. They actually have special, they call them hog hospitals. So I arrive. And that's not to treat hogs.

That's to treat humans who have been injured. Injured by the hogs, yeah. So I arrive there and they direct me. I ask for his name. They direct me down this really long corridor and I'm looking in every bed and I will never forget what I saw injuries like you wouldn't believe um people missing arms legs cheeks I saw this one um

this young um female farmer hog farmer and the hog was still um attached to her head it was actually embedded in her skull, like a beret. And it was alive? It was alive, yeah. It was alive. And the thing that really got me was it was laughing. It was chuckling. And I just thought,

evil, evil. They're evil beasts. So I'm looking in every bed and I'm just thinking, God, I hope I recognise him. I really hope I recognise him. And then I got to his bed and I was just so glad i

could be there basically yeah but it was it was absolutely i'll never forget seeing him in that bed just flat as a pancake he'd been flattened he'd been flattened he looked like a sort of like a quarter pounder with b you know like you know when you bash the beef before you put it on the grill with those hammers he was corrugated basically with all the hooves salt and pepper yeah they'd seasoned him yeah yeah they'd seasoned him yeah now a word from our sponsors hi i'm pauline gange from gange reclining cheers and more come on down this weekend and pick up one of our chairs, which have these nifty little levers that bring you all the way down. Oh, I'm reclining. Okay, that is sometimes...

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You can stop storing your food outside. So I'm just staring at him. You know, my brother, he... And yeah, he looks like this big burger, and I don't know why he's naked, I don't know why they haven't covered him, but he's just there you know mashed up um he's so flat and I pull up a chair and he opens his eyes and and he recognizes me and he's and he's whispering and obviously wants to say something and and I just I lean in close and he looks right in my eyes and he says,

I'm dying. I'm dying to try the cool, fresh taste of beef pop. The carbonated beef drink with a caffeinated beef lid. Burst the skin, let the fun begin. Right, so Hang on That whole story was Just an advert for beef pop Yeah

Yeah Right, the carbonated beef drink Yeah, the carbonated beef drink, yeah Burst the skin, let the fun begin Sure, yeah So Kenryn isn't real? Oh no, Kenryn's real's real yeah sorry yeah right but he so was he trampled into oh sorry no i do have a brother called kenrin um but he's not he's no

he's not um he's not sort of a hog hog farmer or whatever no no no he's um he sort of works um he's like a financial analyst i'm not really sure what he does day to day, but yeah. So all of that was... That's the spiel, yeah. That's the spiel. That was all just made up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was just essentially a very long advert for a soft drink.

For a really great drink that you can enjoy any night of the week with friends or family. Beef pop. Why not? Sure. Well, thanks for coming in, Leslie. Thank you so much for your time. a great drink that you can enjoy any night of the week with friends or family beef pop why not sure well um thanks for coming in thank you so much for your time so much been great yeah can you just see how this is a bit sort of strange for me because you've you've put me through a lot emotionally oh okay um i mean i guess i can but that's um i mean you know that's advertising really um you know this is it is it is emotions it's emotions meeting products meeting the world so

and what about the whole inquiry that happens the government inquiry that happens both in denmark and the uk that's at the cost of millions i'd imagine to both governments that you set all that up. Well, not me, sorry, not me personally. The company. The company did, yeah. They're very, very thorough. It is such, honestly.

Just so that you could get to the end of your story and put that. Yeah, yeah. I cannot tell you how excited I am about this product. And honestly, I don't have stakes in the company. I'm just really, really excited by it. It is such a cool, fresh taste. It's absolutely lovely. Beef pop.

Great. Okay, well, have you got any I can try? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got some right here. Have you got a spoon? Oh, to get through that lid? Yeah, because it goes a bit solid if you leave it for a bit. Burst through, was it?

Burst through the skin? It's burst the skin. Let the fun begin. Right, okay. Here we are. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.

Yeah. Okay, I've gone through the lid. Hang on. Oh! It's good, isn't it? Oh! Do you know what? What I will say is it is an acquired taste,

but once you've acquired it, you don't need any other tastes. Wow. Okay, well, Leslie, I assume that is your real name, Leslie? It's my middle name, yeah. Right. Okay. Yeah. Sure.

Thanks for coming in. Oh, pleasure. Thank you. Beef pop. Thanks to Leslie Clocks for that advert for Beef Pop, the only carbonated beef drink with a caffeinated beef lid. Oh God. The Medical Malpractice Board would like to make contact with anyone who has undergone a procedure known as arse candling. This procedure is sometimes known by other names, such as the backwards birthday cake, the human candelabra or lighting the Roman candle.

If you've been arse-candled or if a doctor suggests arse-candling as a treatment option, immediately email info at medicalmalpractice.org with the subject line, I've been arse-candled and let us get a handle on this arse-candle scandal. So, that's all we've got time for this month. But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you can read all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section,

where this month, Ray Liotta tries beef pop, and Joe Pesci tries beef pop with parsley. So, until next time, beef pop. What? Is that a mistake on the script? That's my sign-off. You sold my signature sign-off.

Every episode I say beef out at the end. And now I've got to say Beef Pop. It doesn't even make sense. How does that make sense? So until next time, beef pop. It's disgusting. I tried one earlier. I tried the parsley one.

You can barely taste the parsley over the weird coffee-infused lid. Have you had one? I bet you £50 you can't drink that without gagging. I wasn't sick

but it came up. Thanks to Freya Parker, Sarah Dempster, Mujan Zolfakari, Nick Weiger, Heather Campbell, Jake Yap, Gemma Arrowsmith, Cromartie York, Tom Crowley, Nathaniel Metcalf and Clarissa Maycock. Hello sailor, text details of your nearest port to 46678 and get ready to chat to board sailors. Text 46678 to speak to board sailors in your area now. Hi, I'm Renee Colbert. I'm Alexis Preston.

And we're the hosts of the smash hit podcast, Can I Pet Your Dog? Now, Alexis. Yes. We got big news. Uh-oh. Since last we did a promo, our dogs have become famous. World famous. World, like, stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Second big news. Mm-hmm. The reviews are in. Mm-hmm. Take yourself to Apple Podcasts. You know what you're going to hear? We're happy. It's true.

We're a delight. A great distraction from the world. I like that part a lot. So if that's what you guys are looking for, you've got to check out our show. But what else can they expect? We've got dog tech, dog news, celebrities with their dogs, all dog things. All the dog things. So if that interests you, well, get yourself on over to Maximum Fun every Tuesday.

Have you been to MaxFunStore.com lately? Because we've just launched a ton of new merch for a bunch of your favorite shows. You want a patch? We've got it. Tote? Mug? Stickers? We got those too. Heck, we've even got a onesie for your favorite baby. Now is the time to start holiday shopping for the MaxFun fans in your life, including yourself. That's MaxFunStore.com.