Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 59 - New Beef Call Number
Episode Date: May 25, 2020Mike Wozniak, Rhodri Viney, Dave Cribb, Charlie Hopkinson, Tim Bick, Nadia Kamil, Gemma Arrowsmith, Tom Crowley and Sammy Graham join in for this episode where we reveal the new number to call our wee...kly live quiz webstream, Beef Call.By Benjamin Partridge, Mike Wozniak, Dave Cribb, Nadia Kamil and Max Davis. Thanks to Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith, Sammy Graham, Charlie Hopkinson and Tim Bick.Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com
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This is Paul Paul.
Has it really come to this?
And his stunning new album, Cold Coffee and Hot Piss.
Cold Coffee and Hot Piss.
And hot piss The multi-award winning singer-songwriter has discovered the piano
Taking us on a jazz-infused journey through his psyche
Featuring the future classics
Where Are My Trousers
Those trousers make me feel
Like a million dollars.
Where have my trousers gone?
Did you throw them away?
Oh no, there they are.
And pandas. I've had enough of you, you lazy little bears.
Paul Paul's Cold Coffee and Hot Piss, on Mitchell's Records, out now. Hello, and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved,
or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy
Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast
companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and printed magazine, brought to you this month
in association with Paul Paul's new album, Cold Coffee and Hot Piss. I've personally had the album
on non-stop all week, and I have to say it's a shame that time travel isn't yet possible,
as I'd love to go back in time and dance to the title track as the first dance at my wedding.
Of course, I'd also go back to when Hitler was a baby and play him the whole album.
Now, you've no doubt heard about Beef Call, our weekly live quiz web stream.
Beef Call takes place every Wednesday afternoon on the Network website,
and it's your chance to call in and win big prizes.
However, in recent months, many network members have complained
that the Beefcall telephone number is too complicated and hard to remember,
and so we've taken that feedback on board and changed it.
So, get your pen and paper ready to take down the new number.
Here we go. Double two one, double two one, double three four, double one, double nine, six six, double five, double five, double five, double five, triple six four, double one, five four, five, double five four, triple two six, nine seven four, double three one, one six nine, double five, double eight, double five, nine four, seven two eight.
I am sorry, gentlemen. I must retire to my quarters.
The Black Lakes of Gimberdor and the remaining numbers for Beef Call are nearby. For now, we rest. Slaughter the forest beeves and feast.
I, however, will retire to my tent.
What light breaks within my tent?
You know who I am, Fair King.
No, it can't be. The Black Witch of Gimbador.
It is I.
The bards did not lie about your beauty.
I've just had my hair done.
It suits you.
You have traveled long. Across the dry plains of Sanabar, through the Elkin Pass and the salt caves of Tineron.
Here on the shores of the Black Lakes of Gimberdor, you will be rewarded.
The final numbers I need to call Beefcall?
I have the numbers, yes.
Remember, with the numbers you will be able to win a fortune greater than the Dragon King.
Your people will never starve again.
Yes, yes.
However, there is one condition.
In order to receive the numbers, you must sacrifice your only brother.
Why? Why must you imperil me so?
I don't know. It's just the kind of witch I am. I mean, I'm a witch. Clues in the name, maybe.
Brother Eldred, please come and talk with me a while.
Brother King, I am yours.
I'm sorry, Eldred.
Brother King? Brother King, I am yours. I'm sorry, Eldred. Brother King?
Brother King?
No!
What have I done?
As the blood gushes from his veins, so the numbers will wash over you.
Yes.
Five. Yes. Double you. Yes. Five.
Yes.
Double five.
Yes.
Triple five.
Yes, yes, sweet witch.
Double five.
Yes.
One.
Yes.
Seven, seven, five, four.
Yes.
One, one, one, one, one, one, four.
That's it. That's them all.
That's it, that's them all.
With these numbers I shall call Beefcall and release my people from the shackles of poverty.
Thank you, witch.
Eldred, you will not have died in vain this day.
Farewell.
Beefcall. Beefcall. Beefcall.
Hello, you're through to Beefcall. What's your name and where are you from?
My name is King Penagore of the Lowland Folk and I'm calling from the shores of the Black Lakes of Gimbador.
Very good, you're through to play Beef or Bust.
Beef or Bust.
And this edition of Beef or Bust is a film quiz.
What is film?
You know, movies. Projected moving images.
Ah, yes. I have seen these moving pictures cast onto cave walls by the shamans of the North.
So, first of all, what are you going to pledge?
In order to win a big prize, you need to risk something very big.
I want to win untold riches for my people, that they may all be
garbed in fine silks and exotic fabrics. Okay, so what will you risk? I will risk all of my
kingdom's current wealth, the profits from the gem mine at Ui Rator and my father's bejeweled
chariot. Okay, let's see what the computer says.
Yes, it's accepted that.
Thank you, contraption.
So, to play B4B and win all the riches of the Seven Kingdoms,
you must answer the following film question.
In the film Gone With The Wind, what famous line does Clark Gable say as he leaves the house at the end of the film?
I'm sorry, I don't know.
What is film?
In the movie Gone With The Wind,
what famous line does Clark Gable say?
There must be some mistake.
I'm going to have to push you for an answer.
Oh, Eldred, did you really die for this?
Okay, you only have five seconds to give your answer.
Okay, okay.
Does he say,
I bid you adieu, foul temptress of the dark realm.
A haunted glove upon thy hand,
may Kestrels take your eyes.
Devils, sing your name,
chorister of the wretched.
Let's see if that's correct.
Bust. Oh, sorry. You've gone bust. No! Forrester of the Wretched. Let's see if that's correct.
Bust.
Oh, sorry.
You've gone bust.
No!
Sorry, that's not the right answer.
The answer was, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
I bet you're kicking yourself now, aren't you?
And of course, now you've lost the entire wealth of your kingdom.
What have I done?
I curse thee, sir.
I curse thee to the nine stars of the cosmic frontier.
May your family be
plagued for eternity
by the black wraiths
of the ninth dimension.
Well, remember you can always call in
again and play Beef or Bust.
May your children's
bones be picked clean by the black ravens of the Southlands.
Before you go, would you like to try the mystery voice round?
Yes, okay.
My name is Sean Connery.
Okay, who's that?
Is it Sean Connery?
No, it's not Sean Connery, I'm sorry.
By Gimbo's gauntlet, I will rend your skin and send your entrails to the very corners of the kingdom.
Thanks for playing Beef Call. Very well. I must return to my people and tell them that their rightful inheritance has been taken from them.
Thanks for playing Beef Call.
Beef Call.
Beef Call.
Beef Call.
Beef Call.
One.
Double three. One. 1, double 3
1, double 2
triple 4
7, 7, 8, 9 7
7, 8, 9
double 1
6 8, double 9, 2 8992 Hello, my name's Kevin Durrell.
I'm probably best known for losing literally everything playing Beef or Bust.
The clip of that actually went viral.
Easy enough to find.
You can simply Google
man loses everything in quiz.
If you get it wrong,
you go bust
and we take your car,
your house, the family Bible
and little Kim and Beverly.
Yeah, OK, fine.
You can have the dog as well, OK?
I just want that beat.
Bust. the dog as well okay i just want that beat bust you've gone bust
ah You've gone bust. Ah! It was very hard losing a family heirloom,
my Hyundai i10, my home.
I would say probably the hardest thing
was losing my young daughters, Kim and Beverly,
breaking the news to them that, you know, it was now.
I mean, I didn't have any time.
The van was coming to pick them up at midnight,
and after I played the game, I only The van was coming to pick them up at midnight.
And after I played the game, I only had a few hours to package them up properly in the way that I'd been instructed.
It took quite a few months to work out what exactly had happened to them.
And though I'm not allowed contact, I do know that they are working in a mine now and i gather are thriving my wife was none too happy when i broke the news she'd been
away on a sort of a work event overnight so coming back to find the family bible the house the car
and the children all gone was uh was a real shock luckily though she though, she, as it turned out,
had a Spanish lover waiting in the wings who took her off to Calaños,
a small town quite near the Portuguese border.
And she's doing pretty well, I think.
Double four six
Seven eight triple nine one
Seven eight triple nine two 7, 8, triple 9, 1 7, 8, triple 9, 2
7, 7, 4
Double 3, 2
7, 8, triple 9, 4
7, 8, triple, triple 3 8, 7, 7, 4
7, 7, 7, 4
7, 7, 7, 4, 7, 7, 7, 4, 8, 2, 7, 4, 8, 2, 1, 2, 4, 9, 6, 3, 1, 9, 3, 4, 6, 2, 8, 8, 10,
8, 8, 10 7, 7, 7, 7, 1
8, 2, 6, 9, 4
Double 3, 9, 8
Triple 3, 2, triple 3, 2
Triple 3, 2, triple 3, 2
7, 4, 8, 2 3-2-3-3-2-7-4-8-2 7774
7774
7774A2 7, 7, 7, 4, 8, 2, 7, 8, 1, 2, 4, 9, 6, 3, 1, 9, 3, 4, 6, 2, 8, 8, 10
4, 1, 8, 2, 6, 9, 4
Double 3, 9, 8, triple 3, 2, triple 3, 2, triple 3, 2, triple 3, 2
7, 4, 8, 2
6 3, 2, 7, 4, 8, 2, 6.
10, 9, ignition sequence start, 6, 5, 4, 9, 10, 2, 3, 3, 3, 3, 2, 9, 3, 9, 4, 1, 0.
All engines running.
Beef call.
Beef call.
Hello caller, you're through to beef call. Who am I speaking to? Beef Call. Beef Call. Hello, caller.
You're through to Beef Call.
Who am I speaking to?
Hi.
Angela Barnett.
Hello, Angela.
You're through to Beef Call.
How does it feel?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
I've been trying to get through for so, so, so long.
So long.
This is amazing.
Okay.
Well, you're through to a new game we're playing on Beef Call.
It's the three questions, the three big questions.
Oh, okay.
All right.
But before we go there, let's just learn a little bit about you, Angela.
What do you do?
Oh, well, I'm very lucky in that I have the gift of robust nipples.
Robust nipples.
Wow.
And does that help you in your working life?
It absolutely does yes uh i work
as a tester a test subject if you will for the suction cups for the milking machines
for dairy milking machines yes absolutely so they try them out on you first is that the yes because
they discover they did some tests that i have the exact equivalent level of sensitivity on my nipples Wow. And why do they not just test it on the cows themselves?
Right.
Whereas you can very much say that. And I have.
Not that often.
They're pretty good at what they do, to be honest.
But I have said it a few times.
Well, it sounds like a lot of fun, Angela.
Oh, it's actually brilliant.
I really enjoy it.
I feel like I'm really contributing to the world. I'm contributing to the comfort of cows.
And of course, I'm contributing to the delivery of millions of of course I'm contributing to the delivery of
millions of gallons of milk. I don't want to be too personal Angela but I'm sure our listeners
will be wondering what do your nipples look like? Do they look like a cow's teat?
Yes extremely long. Well Angela it's time to play the new game here at Beef Call. It's called The Three Big Questions. Are you ready? I'm so ready.
Oh!
Okay.
What's the answer to question one?
I don't think you said it.
I don't think you said the question.
So what's the answer to question one?
Just an easy one to start with.
You didn't say it.
I don't know if it's on the website or anything.
I didn't get it.
Do you want me to ask you again?
Yeah, yeah, ask the question.
Yeah, that'd be great.
Okay, so what's the answer to question one?
I don't know what the question is.
Okay, you're running out of time, Angela.
You didn't say what the question is.
You've got ten seconds left.
What's the answer to question one?
Is there somewhere I can find the question?
Okay, we'll move on to question two.
It's not all lost yet, Angela.
Do not worry.
Question two.
Here we are. What's the on to question two. It's not all lost yet, Angela, do not worry. Question two, here we are.
What's the answer to question two?
You didn't say it.
I just said it then.
What's the answer to question two?
No, again, it's just like the first one, you didn't say it.
I don't know if I'm supposed to be reading it off of something or...
Time's marching on, Angela.
I bet I...
Oh, my God, I've been waiting for this call
to come through for so long and just...
I don't know where are the questions.
OK, you're out of time for question two,
but don't worry, if you get question three right,
big question three, you'll still win, so that's OK.
So it all rests now on question three.
OK. What's the now on question three okay um okay what's
the answer to question three again you haven't actually said it um there isn't i don't know
where the question i don't know what the question is you haven't said it i don't can't see i can't
read it it's quite simple what's the answer to question three i don't i don't you haven't i
don't know what the question is i've just i've just talked to the what the question is.
I've just told you the question.
The question is, what is the answer to question three?
Ascorbic acid.
Let's see.
That's correct.
The answer is ascorbic acid.
Well done, Angela.
You've won the big three questions.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ascorbic acid. Well done, Angela. You've won the big three questions. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
A scorbic acid. It's easy once you look back, isn't it?
And, of course, the answer to question one was Anne Boleyn.
And the answer to question two was either 1997 or Portugal.
Both answers were acceptable for that one.
But it doesn't matter. You've got the big third question.
Well done, Angela. You've've won how does it feel unreal unreal it feels like the perfect level
of suction on my nipples wow that's a big compliment from you angela it's incredible
that's why i get up in the morning so i guess you're gonna to be wondering what you've won. Oh, yeah, of course, yeah.
And this is a big one.
So you've won the following prize.
For the rest of your life,
every time you open your mouth,
an egg will come out.
What?
How can you even do that?
When is it going to...
Oh, my God.
Sometimes a chicken egg, sometimes a duck egg,
sometimes just a handful of hot frog spawn.
Every time...
That's going to happen at...
Oh, that's a big one.
Well, enjoy all those free eggs Angela
you'll never have to
pay for eggs again
imagine that
the rest of your life
free eggs
whenever you open your mouth
another happy customer
here on Beef Call
thank you Angela
people give me a hard time about the whole thing.
I got berated.
I got slanged off on social media.
All kinds of bad mouthing because, oh, look at this guy.
You know, he tossed away his home and his car and his family heirloom and his kids for a quiz.
No, not just for a quiz.
Think of what's at stake, OK?
kids for a quiz. No, not just for a quiz. Think of what's at stake, okay? I came with it in a gnat's hoof of winning a year's supply of top quality beef, right? A year's supply of top
quality beef. I mean, you've got to have a punt, right? Think about it. Set for a full year in the luxury, in the knowledge and the safety,
the security that your beef, it's right there. You've got it. You're set for beef for a year
and top quality beef too, right? I mean, think of the possibilities then. Think of the doors that
opens, the time, all that work you normally put into trying to get your beef so you've got your
beef. Well, I've got my beef for the year, so I've got all that time for other stuff
and opportunities, probably networking, everything.
Beef?
What would you have done?
It was tough hearing my eight-year-old say,
Daddy, did you gamble my life away for beef?
It's hard to realise that your eldest child
doesn't love beef in the way that they really should. These are the terms and conditions of beef corn.
Music These are the terms and conditions of beef corn.
The judgment of beef corn is final.
Do not question beef corn.
Beef corn will question you.
Do not lie to beef corn.
Beef corn knows when you are lying.
You may win a great many things from Beefcon.
But you also may lose.
You may lose everything. The judgment of Beefcall is final.
You may run, but Beefcall will you nothing.
Look around you.
At your house.
At your car.
The things you spend your life accumulating.
The trinkets.
The little porcelain figurines.
You think you own them.
Wrong.
Beefcall owns them.
Beefcall owns you.
When you were born,
Beefcon opened a ledger.
And when you die,
the ledger will be shunned.
Will the ledger balance?
Beef call will make sure of it.
One call to beef call.
And your life will never be the same again.
That's a beef call promise.
Calls from mobiles may cost more than from a landline. Thank you. We'll be right back. We keep moving, doing the B-Five
There's a new dance down at the farm It's just for fun, we ain't doing no harm
The farmers say that we gotta stop
But we keep moving, doing the B-Five
To the B-Five
To the B-Five
To the B-Five To the beef of you.
To the beef of you.
To the beef of you.
To the beef of you.
To the beef of you.
To the beef of you. You love me now. You love me now. You love me now.
Number 5, 9, 9, 6.
Number 7, 9, 9, 9, 9.
1, 5, 1, 1, 9, 9, 1.
1, 7, 9, 6, 1, 2, 1, 8.
8, 8, number 3, 5, 6.
1, 6, 2, 7, 1, 6, 7.
2, 2, 1, 2, 2, 3, 5.
1, 3, 5, 1, 9, 8, 1.
of course you've got to keep going so i i am trying to make a living selling uh beef ices uh i live in a i found an abandoned ice cream van shortly after i lost everything i'm still
i'm still in north cornwall near perinp. We sell a lot of ice creams this way generally,
so I'm hoping to corner the beef ice market.
Not much luck yet, but making a few beans here or there.
What I do make, I spend on a private investigator.
His name is Kenwin Nankaro.
Very good. Recommend him.
He has discovered that my children are in a mine uh working in a mine
um excitingly someone has found what they believe to be a sort of jurassic era seam of what appears
to be very early prehistoric beef um sort of fossilized seam under the ground so they are
they are mining beef.
Very exciting development.
And it's absolutely thrilling that my own children are part of that.
I mean, obviously it would be one thing to see them mine,
but if they would just let me go in, have a look around,
maybe take a chisel to it,
get a couple of chunks of fossilised beef of my own,
then just imagine if I could find a way to finely grate that fossilised prehistoric beef
and use it as little beef flakes on top of the beef ices.
I sell the beef ices for about £1.50 as it is,
but I mean, I could double that if you wanted the option of prehistoric beef flakes.
Double it minimum, right?
And who's
going to say no to that you've already got your beef eyes oh do you want some prehistoric beef
flakes yes please this is paul paul has it really come to this and his breathtaking new album
cold coffee and hot piss.
Jazz called, Paul Paul answered, and the result is magical.
Featuring the timeless tracks, Fat Dog on a Train
What have you been feeding that hound?
So round.
and Moscow Summer
I didn't realise it would be this hot
Paul Paul's Cold Coffee and Hot Piss
On Mitchell's Records
Out now
My king, you have returned from the Black Lakes of Gimbador
Yes, slave
There are rumours afoot
within these very castle walls
that you killed Eldred with your
own hand. Can it be true?
Nonsense.
Pray, who have you heard telling these foul
rumours? The stableboys
and whores have spoken of little else.
Then hang the stableboys and
torch the brothels, for they are
lying.
Did you bring back the riches, sir, that will make us wealthy for a thousand years?
No, I did not.
I was let down by my lack of contemporary film knowledge.
I had to answer a question about the famous line in Gone with the Wind.
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Well, where were you?
Everyone knows that one, sir. Oh, do they? Well, now you shall know the taste of steel in your throat.
Oh, God, I instantly regret that. I'm sorry, slave. It's been a very stressful couple of
weeks.
For those in the know, because obviously word has leaked out a little bit about this mine,
some people are worried, what are they going to be doing here?
There's talk of a theme park. Is that going to be safe? It's also a working mine. There's other people saying, are they going to Jurassic safe it's also a working mine there's other people saying you know are they going to jurassic park it you know are they going to bring in some geneticist somewhere who can you know bring these
beasts back to life and cause untold chaos and wreak havoc um if you want my tuppence worth on
it um is that such a bad idea i mean who wouldn't love to see what a 22 million year old cow might have looked
like, you know? I mean, even if they were quite similar, you know, to a Guernsey, I'd still be
thrilled. But they might be massive. They might have more horns than we would expect. Great big
mega hoofs. We don't know, you know. Do they eat pterodactyls? I don't know. I'd love to see it.
I'd love to ask them. And you never know. It might be that, you know, do they eat pterodactyls? I don't know. I'd love to see it. I'd love to ask
them. And you never know. It might be that, you know, if they're business savvy, they're going
to be looking for someone to be selling beef ices, open up a little, you know, little franchise,
little space for someone to come along with their little neat little beef, ancient beef
shavings idea, throw in a bit of a family story, you know, dad ice cream seller reunited with child
miners. Absolutely lovely. Who's not going to be interested in that? So Kenwin, Kenwin Nankero,
very talented man. The only thing about Kenwin is that he is, he's excitable. He's a doer. And he,
I didn't ask him to, but he came up with a very detailed, foolproof, I would say, plan to liberate the girls from the mine.
It ran to something like 84 pages.
Schematics, diagrams, everything in there.
He even managed to rustle up a few mercenaries that he'd met in Benin on holiday.
And I actually, I had to say, Kenwin, hold your hollyhocks a second.
Chill your whiskers.
Because I think the girls are learning quite a few skills there.
I've seen the pictures.
In terms of physique, they're much shorter than I would have imagined they would be by now.
But my God, the musculature.
So there's that, obviously.
And I think as well, general transferable life skills, tenacity, strength and adversity,
ability to sleep on the sharp end of a pickaxe you know
these girls they're going to learn a lot so i think just let let them go a few years longer
and we'll we'll see what happens um and he was pretty good about it to be fair flip side to that
i did have to to pay the the mercenaries um their airfare expenses and the time they'd already put into reading the document.
But they didn't, you know, they hadn't killed anybody.
They hadn't burglarised anything.
They hadn't smashed in any mine gates.
So I got them at cut price, really.
And we're still in touch.
Lovely fellas.
Absolutely lovely fellas.
They got very into bodyboarding while they were here, actually. Really liked
North Cornwall. Very different landscape
to Benin. I think they enjoyed
the ruggedness of it.
And one thing they said to me, actually,
is, Kevin, you know, one thing you can't get in Benin
is a proper Cornish
cream tea.
And I'm prepared to take their word
on that.
Beefcore. Beefcore. Hello, word on that. Beef call.
Beef call.
Hello, you're through to beef call.
Oh, God.
It feels great.
I've been trying to get through for ages, so this feels fantastic.
Great.
So who am I talking to?
What's your name?
Gary Bewers.
Sorry.
Sorry, that's incorrect.
Sorry, that's not what it says here.
What do you mean?
But that's my name. Sorry, I's not what it says here. What do you mean? But that's my name.
Sorry, I mean, the system says no, so...
Hold on, that's my name. I'm Gary Bewers.
You're not, that's the thing though, you're not Gary Bewers.
It's not what we've got here, so I'm very sorry, but...
No, I think I know what my own name is, don't I?
I'm Gary Bewers, that's me. This is ridiculous.
I'm sorry, you're not called Gary Bewers. That's as plain as I can make it.
I'm not the one who's in the wrong here. You're the one who's in the wrong. My name is Gary
Buers. I am Gary Buers.
I can try it again. I'll ask you again and see what the computer does.
All right, yeah. Let's do it again.
So who am I speaking to? What's your name?
Gary Buers.
No, I'm sorry. It's not Gary Buers. You haven't got that one right.
It is Gary Buers. What are you talking about? Of course it's Gary Buers. No, I'm sorry. It's not Gary Biewers. It is Gary Biewers. What are you talking about?
Of course it's Gary Biewers. That's my name. My name is Gary Biewers. If I'm not Gary Biewers,
what am I called? I mean, if I do give you the right answer now, you're unable to win the quiz.
Is that okay? I don't give a toss about the quiz. All right. Okay. Well well i can confirm then your name is francis crun what front it's a
ridiculous no it's not that's not my name i would never be called francis crud crud or crud crun no
crud dreadful absolutely not that's not let's try it let's try it again i'll say you're through to
beef call who am i speaking to you you say francis crun and let's see if uh let's see what you want
me to say the name that isn't my name? Fine, fine. Go ahead.
You're through to
Beefcall. What's your name? Who am I talking to?
Francis Crunn.
Really?
That's correct. You are Francis Crunn.
Jesus Christ.
So how are you feeling, Francis?
I mean,
I don't know
I've never really felt comfortable
being Gary Buehers
I mean maybe I am Francis Crum
maybe that's me
maybe that's
Jesus I've been living a lie this whole time
you know what
it's time to leave Gary Buehers behind
goodbye Gary and you know what I It's time to leave Gary Bewers behind.
Goodbye, Gary.
And do you know what? I'm leaving my wife too.
You're literally not the man she married.
You're quite right about that. You know what? I'm Francis Crunt and I'm powerful.
Goodbye, Gary Bewers.
F*** you, Gary Bewers.
Beef call. Beef call. Beef call. Beef call.
The only thing I worry about is that I am aware that some people have used me as a cautionary tale.
My story, that is, to ward people off from playing Beef or Bust, or any other Beef Call game for that matter.
To those I say, nay.
You know, come on now, OK?
You've got to be in it to win it. You've got to roll the dice. You've got to take a punt, okay? I've never felt more alive in my life than when I spaffed everything that was
important to me up against the wall in the quest for a year's supply of beef. So to those who are
nervous, to those who have naysayers in the midst, I say, go for it.
Beef or bust.
And if you are bust, remember, if you lose your house, take a look around.
OK, I did.
What was only 50 yards away?
There was an abandoned ice cream van.
OK, look around your own shoulder.
There's probably an ice cream van near you that's lying abandoned, ready to be moved
into and inhabited and used as a place of business.
You lose your job. Bob's your uncle. Don't need to worry about that. You've already moved into an ice cream van.
Start selling beef ices.
And if business is slow, paint a few Disney characters on the back. A couple of the Pixar ones.
People might say, oh, copyright, it doesn't exist.
Once it's out there, as soon as you broadcast these characters,
they're out in the world, anyone can use them.
Fact.
I painted a big minion on the back of mine.
Sales went up 25% the next day.
I made a massive minion out of old bug rolls
and paint cans I found on the side of the road.
Sales went up 78% the next day.
I made a minionion costume out of, there's a lot of yellow tarp.
If you find a dead fisherman in Cornwall, there's a lot of those about.
Stationed him outside the van as an experiment the next day.
Sales went up 400%.
Bimsy, my girl, where are you? Bimsy my girl where are you Bimsy?
Bimsy my girl where are you Bimsy?
I love you Bimsy!
I love you, BMC!
I love you, BMC!
I miss you, Carol. so nice talking to you in conclusion call beef call it'll be the greatest decision you ever make 5585 55371 4286 9703442849 3385261
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5 5 1 0 double 5 double 5 double 5 6 7 4 1 double 5 triple 5 1 5 double 5 double 5 1 6 double 5 7 4 1 double 5 6 5 3 7 2 1 double 5 triple 6 9 4 2 4 5 6 6 7 9 7 9 7 9 7 9 double 1 6 Hope you got that.
So, that's all we've got time for this month.
But if you're after more beef and dairy news,
get over to our website now,
where you can read all the usual stuff,
as well as our off-topic section,
where this month we imagine what basketball would look like
if there was no ball, and no baskets,
and no players, and no crowd, and no basketball court, and instead there was no ball and no baskets and no players and no crowd and no
basketball court and instead there was just you and me and a little bottle of wine and a gun.
To be honest, it's odd and I don't like it. So, until next time, beef out. Graham. Hey, I'm Janet Varney, host of the JV Club podcast.
Ah, high school.
Was it a time of adventure, romance, and discovery?
Class of 95, we did it!
Or a time of angst, disappointment, and confusion?
We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place, but enjoy adulthood, I guess.
The truth is, it was both.
So join me on the JV Club podcast where I invite some great friends like Kristen Bell,
Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Neil Patrick Harris, and Keegan-Michael Key to talk about high school,
the good, the bad, and everything in between. My teenage mood swings are getting harder to manage. The JV Club. Find it on Maximum Fun.
Judge John Hodgman won a Webby in the comedy podcast category.
After 10 years of production, Judge John Hodgman has finally won.
The Susan Lucci of the Webbys.
What is Judge John Hodgman?
Comedy writer and television personality John Hodgman settles disputes between friends, family, coworkers, partners, and more.
Is Machine Gun a robot?
Should a grown adult tell his parents about his tattoos?
Should a family be compelled to wear matching outfits on vacation?
Listen to Judge John Hodgman to find out the answers to these age-old disputes and more.
If you haven't listened to Judge John Hodgman, now is a great time to start. Judge John Hodgman is available on MaximumFun.org and wherever you
get your podcasts. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.