Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 76 - Angela Baker

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

Janet Varney and Ify Nwadiwe join in this month as we hear the story of a woman with an extraordinary ancestor. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.comMusic credits courtesy of www.epidemicsound.com :Trevor Kowalski / Story Is She Left Without A TraceTrevor Kowalski / LuminescenceBill Ferngren / In RetrospectStrom / Sylarna

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Worm FM, the new humane cattle worming solution from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Worm FM is a transmitter which emits a signal at a frequency that only intestinal worms can comprehend, telling them how proud we are of their accomplishments, but that it's time to leave the cattle they're living in and retire to Florida, promising a better life in the humid swampland of Boca Raton. This inspires the worms to leave through the herd's anuses. In fact, a full anal worm exodus is guaranteed within 24 hours. You'll know when it's happening because the sky will darken with birds. The worms will think the

birds are transporting them to Florida, but you and I know that that's not what's happening. For 10% off Worm FM, use the code DON'TTOUCHTHATDILE. Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and printed magazine, brought to you by Worm FM. This month's episode features a story that we first heard about on the Beef and Dairy Network web forums, where network members were

discussing whether they'd ever done research into their family tree. Most people revealed relatively mundane progenitors, generations of hovel-dwelling, pig-milking simpletons and criminals. But one network member from Idaho, who works in a factory putting labels on meat that denote the quality of that meat on behalf of the US Department of Agriculture, revealed an exceptionally interesting ancestor, who she discovered with the help of a new family tree tracing service, the Kinberitum. Her story was so extraordinary, we knew we had to get in touch. Here's our interview with Angela Baker. Hello, my name is Angela Baker.

Hello, my name is Angela Baker. I am a resident of Moscow, Idaho, and I work at the Moscow USDA Labeling Service. Okay, so before we get to the big reveal, because I'm not giving anything away really to say that you found out you were related to somebody pretty significant. I did. I did find that out. Yeah, I just want to say, we found you on the forums. Just a little plug for the forums, actually, because a lot of people think you've got to work really close to the beef and dairy industries to get involved in those forums. But you work in a labelling factory. you know summarizing the quality of beef in America necessarily but the labels that my factory is responsible for printing without those labels no one would know if their beef was poisoned if their dairy you know was poisoned I guess other things other than poison can happen too but I always think that's the most sexy sounding you know in like a spy thriller kind of way

sure so so essentially you're printing the labels that the US Department of Agriculture used to show which of the meats are spoiled and which of them are... Exactly. So some people would say that's maybe the most important part. People all day can do, you know, the investigating, but that information is not going to get to the public without the labels. So in some ways, people would say that's the most important part. You're certainly part of the beef family. That's what I wanted to get across to our listeners. And, you know, even if you, you know, even if you work at a tangent to the beef industry, I think you're still, you know, very close, very close in it like I do.

Of course, of course. You know, and you'll be, I guess, you know, going into work, they'll be printing out thousands of little stickers saying tainted or whatever on it, you know, destroy this meat, things like that. Those labels are a little bit, they're further away from my labels. My labels are, this is okay. Oh, so you're on the positive side of the factory? Very positive side. Yeah. I'm not a negative person. Speaking of taint, I didn't want that to taint me as an optimist. Taint.

Taint. Taint. Taint. Taint. Taint. Taint. Taint. Taint. Oh, so do you feel like, you know, your personal attributes have an impact on the way you're able to print stickers? And so somebody whose job it is to make them more negative stickers, they need to be a more negative personality. Is that what you're saying?

We may start exactly the same way. But you find that you're a more optimistic person if you're looking at stickers that say, you know, that have like stars on them. Maybe they have four stars. Maybe they have a smiley face. Maybe they have like a happy pig. That does put a smile on your face. You know, you become your work. Your work becomes you. The people down at the factory who are printing out those more negative meat labels, what are they like? labels, what are they like? They're very wrinkly. They have, you know, when you can just tell someone is always scowling, even when they're asleep. So just very, very wrinkly. Their faces are very red. They're very angry all the time. And, you know, I would say don't trust them. Okay. Well, what I'm saying is you're part of the beef family, they're part of the beef family, and, you know, all welcome for them to join the Beef and Dairy Network forums online or indeed to sign up to the magazine. Now, let's talk about what we're here to talk about.

You did a bit of digging with your family tree, or I believe you actually employed a service to do this. The kin burritum. Not that catchy. When I heard about the kin burritum, which I was like, what is that? So hang on, that's sort of kin meaning family and then burritum meaning sort of our burritum. Yeah, which I thought it had something to do with burritos. It's a clumsy portmanteau, I think. That's not their strongest suit. But when they said, you know, this is like a fun, laid back way to find out where you come from, I got excited because I thought, finally, where you come from, I got excited because I thought, finally, something that will work for me,

that will give me that feeling of empowerment, of feeling connected to something older. The Kinbury Tim have promised to send you a details family tree based just on a sample of saliva. Too good to be true? I spoke to Angela's husband. Hi, I'm David Baker. I'm Angela's husband. He started by telling me how he met Angela. Well, you know, it was my buddy's birthday, and we were up at Niagara Falls.

And then after that, you know, we got real hungry looking at that water. We went to a diner, and I got real sick. See, it turns out that I ate some donkey meat that was poorly labeled. See, down at the labeling factory, there was some kind of mix-up. And then from the mix-up, they put a label on it saying that it was five-star quality donkey filet when it should have said burn this filthy meat. So, you know, the Department of Agriculture got involved. They went ahead, contacted me, and it turned out that the factory wanted to apologize to me in person now i've never been to a labeling factory so i definitely wanted to go up there

and up by up there i mean moscow idaho because that's where it was so i drive up there and well i was met by angela and she showed me around uh and she labeled my heart and i labeled hers And she labeled my heart and I labeled hers. Oh, that's so romantic. You guys fell in love that quickly. Man, we just hit it off. We were inseparable. We just connected on a level that is unexplainable. And everything was amazing.

And then she got that company to do her family tree. As soon as she saw the advert for the Kinberitum, Angela began collecting spit to send to them. I sent them 18 cups. And I don't mean like an actual cup. I don't know how that translates into kilometers or whatever you people use, but it was a lot of spit. kilometers or whatever you people use, but it was a lot of spit. Consequently, you know, they sent it back to me. They said, we only need, you know, about like one third of one of these cups. Okay. So at the beginning of this interview, I kind of trailed the fact that you did find out you were related to somebody quite notable. And I wonder whether now you could tell us exactly who that is. Well, yes, I was.

I couldn't believe it. I expected like a little envelope. And that's not what happened at all. There was actually a knock on my door. I open up the door. I can't see anyone around. No people around. There's a tiny calf, like a cow calf, standing there.

There's like a box on the top. It's strapped on almost like a saddle. And it's like covered in glitter, which later turned out to be a problem because they could not get it off the calf. But that's like not my problem. I open up the box and inside that was a USB. And I pull out the USB. I tell the calf to wait.

And then I go inside. I put the USB in. And I find out that I was in fact related to Christopher Van Tusschelboot. Christopher Van Tusschelboot. Christopher Van Tusschelboot. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, it was a big day yeah it was a big day it was a big day now i'm sure you know our listeners will have heard of christopher van tuchelboot surely any americans listening uh will yeah obviously you know in the u.s it's the kind of thing you learn at school there's van tuchelboot day which is a national holiday yeah um but for those living outside of the u US, maybe you can tell us a bit about who Van Tuchelboot is and what he means to Americans and what a big deal this was for you. It seems weird to me that you'd be listening to this podcast without knowing this, but okay. So Christoffel Van Tuchelboot was the first beef farmer in America. Van Tuchelboot was the first beef farmer in America. You know, when the early European settlers came to America, everyone knows they were almost exclusively eating turkey, which caused a great deal of laziness across the settlements because of the El Triptofan. So

there was just a lot of lying around. People were like in these what they described as waking dreams. It was like an existential nightmare because all they were eating was turkey. And Van Tuchelboot was able to bring, I'm not even sure, it's like a mystery where he got the cow. So that's a little bit of like a religious thing that I don't necessarily, you know, that may be like, there may be a very practical explanation for it. But that has been lost to history. So we don't know where he got this first well some some historians believe don't they that that he was actually born across the atlantic in a boat that was towed by 10 swimming cows that were tugging the boat

along i i don't know if that's real or not you'll see that on yeah you see that there's like that now there's of course songs about that and like there's pop-up books and stuff depicting that. I don't know how much of that is true or not true, but I do know that he changed America and that is why we all consume the early 1600s, and was a Dutch man. Yeah. I'm noticing that you have, you can correct me if I'm wrong, a Dutch-sounding accent. Do I? Am I doing that? But you're not Dutch, I just want to be clear. You didn't think of yourself as being Dutch? But you're not, just want to be clear, you didn't think of yourself as being Dutch? No, no, I, it turned out that I have a, it's not so much like a gift for languages, because I still don't speak Dutch. But in the study of Dutch, and taking, there was a Dutch, there's a Dutch person named Lydica Geros, who lives here in Moscow. And she started trying to teach me Dutch.

And while I retained almost none of the Dutch, I really, she had a beautiful accent and that's what stuck with me. And now I can't get rid of it. It's a little embarrassing. I've tried. But I guess it brings you closer really to your heritage. Yeah, I guess at the time,

it felt like the next best thing. If you can't master the language, at least if you can master the accent, which again, I want to say I did not do that either. This is a weird accent. I know it's not, it's like all over the place, but it's close enough. when she found out she was related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot. Maybe for the first time in her life, she felt special. But David wasn't so pleased. When she found out that she was related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot, she went off the rails. She was like, finally, I'll get some respect in this town.

And she sold our apartment and brought this huge mansion and it was just me and her and this tiny cow that was covered in glitter. You know, it was okay, you know. Then she started the Dutch accent thing. She just started talking with a Dutch accent. She never sounded like that before. I mean, what the fuck? You know, it's not even a good Dutch accent. Like, no, I just want to apologize to the Dutch.

But being related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot doesn't mean you suddenly have lots of money, right? So you know, there's no inheritance. So where's the extra money coming from for the down payment on this huge mansion? I did get a huge payout from the Department of Agriculture and I should have signed a prenup because she's digging right

in there. I mean, none of it's coming from any of her funds. This is straight up David Baker bills getting tossed into this home. And, you know, I'm a simple man. I never wanted these things. And at first I was like, if it makes her happy, it makes me happy. Then, you know, it just kept getting worse. She started buying fancy things for the little cow.

And I was like, hold up a second. I'm not married to the cow. What kind of stuff is she buying for the cow? You say fancy things, but what do you mean? What does that mean? Well, you know, the technology isn't there yet to buy things like pants, jackets for cows yet. So, you know, she was just buying all types of scarves for this cow. And I'm not talking like your regular mom and pop shop scarf.

I'm talking about every fashion house, you know, Gucci scarf, Louis Vuitton scarf, DKNY scarf, Mason Margella scarf. I'm like, who are these people and why are they making such expensive scarves? And why are you putting them on a cow? Angela admits that maybe she went too far. It was a little crazy at the beginning because it was like, you know, you get high off of this information and you sort of live in a blur for a little while before your feet touch the ground again and you're bankrupt. Right. You're not still living in the mansion.

No, that was foreclosed on me within like two months. Yeah, I couldn't make those payments. I had to sell the calf, which was very hard. Do you get more for a calf that's kind of covered in glitter that you can't get off, or less? Much less. Right. Yeah, significantly less. Right.

That's a shame. Yeah. I hope she's doing okay. Lost track of her. Eventually, she spent all our money. We ran out. And then, I guess to get more money money she sold the little cow without me knowing wow you sound um you sound really sad about that which is kind of surprising because the way you

were talking about the the calf and and how she was spending all her money on scarves for it it sounded like you resented the calf actually it was It was really hard. It was one of the hardest days. Because, you know, the scars were starting to grow on me. And I was starting to see the vision. I was starting to see the beauty of having a little cow that's bedazzled in the home. And right when I get ready to accept it, I actually was bringing home a bunch of hay for, and it was the first thing I bought myself for the little cow. And it was gone.

Do you know how much she got for it? No, she wouldn't say. She wouldn't say. She wouldn't say. All she said was that she organized a family reunion at a convention center in Florida. And what really sucks about that is knowing that that was paid for with little cow money. More after this. There are some things in life that I like to pick out myself, so I know I've got the one that's best for me, like mattresses and bottles of wine.

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I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you Angela had found a Facebook group for people who were also related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot. To her surprise, it was thousands strong. With a few other members of the group,

she organized a huge family reunion event. The first thing to decide was where to hold it. You know, we wanted, we said, like, let's do this right. Let's meet in New England where, you know, he first made landfall with the rest of the colonists, settlers at the time. Come to find out that's not where he ended up he was aiming for that he ended up in florida what is now florida and it and it's what we know as fort lauderdale right he really missed he really sort of he was very

off the mark which that actually suggests that maybe the whole like all the swimming cows thing was true because uh that would explain partially why he was so off course you know i don't know how much you can control very very fatigued cows who have been swimming for weeks yes well it's it's well known isn't it when a cow starts to tire they do start turning left a bit they always veer left they always veer Well, they're left-brained. That's it. You know, it's like when you meet a person who's left-handed, you know, you could say, oh, you're like a cow.

Well, left-handed people have that special bond with cows, don't they? It's amazing to watch, actually. Deep bond. It's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. Yeah. So you find out that he made landfall in what is now Fort Lauderdale and decided to put the conference there. So, you know, lovely, warm place for a conference. Yeah, we did it in the dead of summer, which looking back, you know, we were so excited to get it going that when we did it in August and it was, you know, very, very hot. And then there were also a couple of hurricanes that came through. You know, it was an adventure. It was, you know, very, very hot. And then there were also a couple of hurricanes that came through. You know, it was an adventure.

It was an adventure. You know, a couple of people got blown away. We don't know what happened to them. But that's, you know, that's mimicking the adventure that our ancestor must have had when he was crossing over the ocean. So, you know, I'm sure they're doing great somewhere. Now, when you got to Florida, obviously, you're, for the first time, meeting in person these thousands of other people who share a common ancestor with you. How did that feel? Did you

feel great? These are my people. Or did you feel, oh, maybe I feel a bit less special because suddenly the thing that is my unique thing that gives me my sort of feelings of self-worth is suddenly something that everyone here has as well. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's a moment when I started to realize that I was pushing very hard to stay special within this large group. I was trying to come up with very unique ways of kind of showing off at the convention. You know, a couple other people that I had become pretty tight with. We had, you know, we commissioned like a 50 foot. I don't know how that is in kilometers for you people, but there was like a 50 foot statue of made of frozen beef of of christopher and um in retrospect again with the high winds and the tremendous tremendous heat and humidity uh that did not go necessarily as planned and i think it was in that

moment as i started to see the the clumps of flies just taking giant chunks of christopher and just like you know ferreting them away to lay eggs in and stuff i started to feel like the the bloom was off the rose uh to a certain degree and i realized i had been pushing to do all of these very intense you know big product production stuff because i was feeling a little bit less special and of course your your tattoo yeah yeah that uh like sometimes people say oh i got a tattoo i regret it you know i wish i hadn't done it i thought if i had shaved the back of my head and made his face to scale on the back of my head that i could always grow in my hair if i decided that i didn't want i mean i

couldn't see a time in which i wouldn't want it, but that I could grow that hair in. So I had done that and 50 other people had done the exact same thing. She has this tattoo on the back of her head of the old Dutch guy. And that changes things. Like, I'm going to be frank with you here. There's just certain sexual positions now where I just lose focus. And then when I snap back to reality for a second, my brain thinks I'm fucking an old timey 1600s Dutch farmer. And to be honest, I'm kind of into it.

Now you're currently showing me the back of your head angela and the the sheer amount of tattooing that's gone on there has left some quite deep scars there which i believe mean that the hair can never grow back yeah but also it means that the face has been distorted somewhat and actually i have to say it looks almost exactly like the actor william h macy yeah he looks a lot like william h macy you're not the first person to say that um a lot of people see that now when you think about it you take a long look at william h macy he looks dutch i've been invited to actually join a couple of william h macy fan clubs yes in times when i was you know deeply in debt from all of this stuff uh withudor Boat, I did, you know, I did accept those invitations and I did do some posing.

And it's embarrassing because you have to also wear your clothes backwards and you just have to stand and you have to learn to walk backwards. It was on the final day of the family reunion when things began to unravel. Many of us were just sitting around the pool. It was one of the few places the chlorine fumes were strong enough that the flies would sort of leave us alone if we were over there. So we were all sitting around the pool and people were talking. And I don't know how this hadn't come up before, but someone actually, my friend Milton,

actually came and he had printed out the family tree. It's a large tree. The print is very, very small. Milton worked with computers, so he knew, like none of us did, how to enlarge the image of the tree by some kind of crazy magic. Oh, so he could kind of zoom in on the PDF somehow? I don't know how that's possible. I don't know the terms, but he enlarged that tree to where you could actually read the names. And he had printed it out on like a big old poster board type thing.

And he brought it out because we all thought it would be fun to look at together. And so we started to look at it. And I said, well, let me see if I could you do the same thing with mine. And so he did that with mine. And then many other people said, oh, well, let's look to see where we meet on this tree. And almost try and create a sort of meta tree with everyone on it. We all started to get Milton to get these things printed out. And the very strange thing happened,

which was that when we all took a close look at the tree, we realized that Kinberidum had given us all literally the same tree. All of the names were the same in the same place. The only thing that was different was like the top name, which was each of our own names, and everything else was like a duplicate.

Yeah. Angela alleges that every person who sends off their saliva to the Kinberitum gets the exact same family tree. That's right. They tell everyone that they're related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot.

Yeah. How did you not notice, Angela? Because, you know, your name's there on the family tree, and then if you look up a step... Yeah. Surely then that should look up a step. Yeah. Surely then that should be the names of your parents. So why didn't you realize? I mean, I assume it wasn't the name of your real parents there. So how did you not realize?

You don't know the power of seeing your name on the same page, if you will, as Christopher Van Tuchelboot. When you see that, everything else is like this adrenalised blur. Underneath my name, where my parents' name should have been, yes, it did say Raymond Van Houtman III and Princess Vera of Limburg.

That is what it said in my parents' names. I just hadn't looked. Angela's experience at the family reunion suggests that something is going on. But what do the Kinburitum, or the people behind the Kinburitum, get out of all of this? Well, they're getting our money, and more importantly, they're getting our spit. I don't know what they did with that spit. They've got like a library of spit.

I don't know, they could be like planting DNA evidence on crime scenes all over the world with our spit. You know, this is the dark arts we're talking about here. Have you had any communications from foreign police forces about crime scenes that you've been linked to? Not yet. But it seems imminent. Right. I mean, what are the chances that they're not? They got our money. We all paid a fee into them. They all sent us the same information. But it seems imminent. We're still unpeeling that onion, you know? We're still finding out all the things that they may have profited from because of, you know, this thing that they were telling people.

And I don't even, I don't know where those calves came from. How do you feel now? You know, you've been through a lot. You've gone from a situation where you believed reasonably that you were related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot, then that's been taken away from you. You know, where does that leave you? I'm empty.

The only information I know I can trust is from QAnon. That's the only place I can go to get the truth. That's the only place where I feel like I'm not crazy, you know? Ah. And then we find out she's not related to Van Tugelboe. I'm ecstatic. I'm like, I get my wife back, but I don't know what happened. Maybe she was in too deep.

But for some reason, this made her give him the Q&A. I think she said something about it being Hillary Clinton's fault. And the worst bit is, she's still got that fucking Dutch accent. It's not good. It's not good. No disrespect to Dutch people. I love the accent. But what she's doing, not that. It's not good. No disrespect to Dutch people. I love the accent, but what she's doing? Not that.

It's not good. Well, thank you so much for talking to me, Angela. I just want to say I'm sorry that this happened to you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It sounds like a horrible experience. What do you want to say to our listeners, some of whom may have seen the adverts for the Kenberitum? What's your advice? I would say there's a lot of different genealogy tests out there. Please, if you see anything related to the kin burritum, you might have to read the small print. They could be calling themselves something different. If you notice a real clunky portmanteau, be advised that you need to do a little more snooping. And I would say the only place that you can trust if you want to find out you're connected to someone famous, if your hope is,

you go in hoping, oh, I want to find out who I'm connected to, who's famous, go to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. That is the only place where you're going to send your spit in, they're going to process it, and you will find out that you're connected to Kevin Bacon. So that's a service that exists, is it? You can send off and they can tell you... Do they tell you how closely related you are to Kevin Bacon or just that you are? I think they just tell you that you are.

Well, best of luck with everything at the USDA label printing factory. I hope even though all this stuff's happened to you, you're still able to stay on the positive side. And I think that speaks to your spirit and your... And the power of Q. Yes. Well, no.

Let's not go too much further into that. Thank you, Angela. A big thank you to Angela and David for those interviews. We approached the Kindleritum and were sent the following statement. Generating a family tree from a saliva sample is not an exact science. While it may not be strictly scientifically true that Angela is related to Christoffel van Tuchelboot, as Americans we are all, in a way, the children of van Tuchelboot,

the founding father of beef. Hard to argue with that. Then the Kinburytum offered to do my family tree for free. So I sent them my saliva and one week later the results came back and it turns out I'm related to none other than Christoffel van Tuchelboot. I just couldn't, I mean, I can't think of a person I'd rather be related to. Oh my God. I also sent my saliva off to the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon service. The results came back this morning, and apparently I'm not connected to Kevin Bacon,

which is weird. Anyway, that's all we have time for this month, but if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you can find all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we kick an easter egg into a lake and ask, is this art? So, until next time, beef out. thanks to janet varney and iffy and adeway this episode is coming out as part of the maximum fun block party the idea is that podcasts on the max fun network like this one bring out episodes that

are welcoming to new listeners and maybe this one one was. Who knows? But I also thought it would be nice to have both my guests on this month's show be other MaxFun hosts. So why not check out their podcasts? Janet Varney makes the JV Club. The JV Club podcast, JV Club with Janet Varney. That stands for Janet Varney, but it also sort of works for Junior Varsity because I talk to people about their awkward teenage years. Turns out that some of the most famous and charming among us, including your John Hams, your Christina Hendricks, everybody has like an awkward, weird time as they're growing up. And we also realize that some things haven't really changed that much. It's just kind of what clothes we put over those

feelings. So it's a wonderful way to get to know people you've never heard of, but also hear about people that you are a fan of and find out that you probably have more in common with them on the inside than you realize. So Jon Hamm wasn't born suave. He was not born suave. All right. Well, thank you, Janet. Goodbye.

Thank you. Goodbye. And Ify is a host of Maximum Film. Maximum Film. Look, the general pitch maximum film look it's the the general uh pitch of it is it's a film review podcast it isn't just three white dudes uh we we go through movies that have come out before and new movies that are coming out and i think it's fun interesting takes because we have three very different philosophies and views on cinema okay so what's your what's the biggest clash i think pacific rim is a perfect movie no one else agrees with no one else on earth

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