Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 77 - Marianne Angler

Episode Date: November 22, 2021

Nadia Kamil, Nigel Crowle, Tom Crowley, Clarissa Maycock, Mark Turetsky and many others join in for this episode in which we speak to the head of marketing for the Bovine Farmers' Union and find out how she's marketing beef on an intergalactic level. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Worm FM, the new humane cattle worming solution from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Worm FM emits a signal at a frequency that only worms can comprehend, telling them to leave the cattle they're living in. Once that message has been relayed, Worm FM plays a range of hits from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. For 10% off Worm FM, use the code DON'TTOUCHTHATDILE. Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The number one podcast for those involved, or just interested interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website

and printed magazine brought to you by Worm FM. We have a huge exclusive coming up, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. So let's just go straight into the interview. This month, I spoke to Marianne Angler. I am the Chief Marketing Officer for the Bovine Farmers Union, and I am proud to be so. Now, I don't mean to take away from what it is you do, but I think many people will be listening and thinking, well well surely beef markets itself doesn't it well beef does market itself and you are right to say that and i am right to say that on this planet but where does beef not market itself space right i mean i can see why that

would be it's hard to market beef in a space in which the size of the potential market is basically limited to the number of astronauts that are currently on the International Space Station. Well, you can also think of them as a sitting market. You know, like when you go to the airport and you are rinsed through the nose for a small red wine that is not meat, but also meat meat they charge you so much because you can't go anywhere else and i think those three or four people on the iss are our gateway to all of the rest of the possible infinite people um forces beings out there who we could bring into the beautiful world of beef. Do you think you could sell beef to a force? I don't think I need to be able to sell beef to a force. I think that if you introduce beef to a force, it's going to create its own force and that force is going to be a love of beef.

I see. Just to be clear, when you're talking about forces in this way, do you mean like friction? Gravity. Velocity. Love. Once Marianne realised that the sky wasn't the limit when it came to promoting beef, Once Marianne realised that the sky wasn't the limit when it came to promoting beef, she began her research and very quickly came across what she saw as the first instance of interplanetary marketing. The golden records on NASA's Voyager mission, which launched in 1977. On that spacecraft is a set of playable vinyl-style records made of gold intended to communicate to extraterrestrials the story of humankind on Earth.

The records contained recordings of greetings in different languages, the sound of brainwaves, music from across the world, whale song and more. When I found out about the Voyager mission, I was very excited and I thought, oh, brilliant, what they've done is a sort of, you know, a trial run, if you will, for something that I had been thinking of myself. And it just so happens that they thought of it 40, 50 years ago. And what they did that I thought was incredible from a marketing perspective is they created a record to put out there as a sort of flyer through the the letterbox of the universe now i think that's interesting because you know they made this they connected it to the voyager

spacecraft and sent it off into space i don't think they saw it as a marketing exercise i don't think they felt that they were selling humanity to the cosmos i think it was more of a kind of, if we happen to run into an alien, wouldn't it be cool if they knew about what we were up to down here? I think you see it in a slightly different way. Sorry, but what would be the point of just saying, oh, hi, here's a couple of songs and a drawing

for your own enjoyment? No, come on. Don't be ridiculous. We've got to sell them something. Okay, but what would they buy? Literally everything that humanity has to offer. But obviously from my perspective, I'm selling one thing, and that's beef.

She may have been inspired by the Voyager mission, but there was one thing that Marianne was horrified by. An enormous omission. It's that in all of that culture recorded for the universe, not a single mention of cows or beef or dairy. Wow. No beef. There's a whale song.

There's no lowing of a cow. Like, what is the point? Like, they might as well have just sent out a piece of paper that they'd wiped their arse on, stick it to a rocket and send it out into space and see if somebody looks at it and thinks, oh, that looks like a whale. When you wipe your bottom, does it look like a whale? Sometimes. I mean, it's like a raw shark test, isn't it? Isn't it the same for you?

I often see the face of Ted Cruz. Well, he's come up a few times for me as well, so I don't think that's unusual. So you're saying that they tried to represent human culture to the rest of the universe and did so without mentioning beef. That seems like such an oversight. And I'm amazed no one picked up on this at the time. It's shocking, isn't it? It is absolutely shocking to me. It's like doing the colours of the rainbow and missing out red, orange, yellow, green and blue and indigo and violet. And because I was so outraged about this,

I've developed my own programme to send my own record into space. Well, that's it. And that's why we've invited you here today. Very exciting. Your plan really, I guess, is to again address the universe. Say, here we are.

We are human beings. This is what we're doing. Plus beef. Absolutely. It's to say, this is us. This is Earth. This is our culture. These are our languages.

These are our hopes, our dreams, our fears are everything here's beef and what we're very thankful for marianne you've decided to let us broadcast it ourselves to show people what it is you've made and what hopefully will be listened to by extraterrestrials and we are i believe the first broadcast partner that you're bringing on board to show people this. And I just want to say thank you so much. You're very welcome. I am very excited, a little bit nervous, but I've never been so proud of something in my whole life, in my whole career. I've done a lot of work. I've honestly traversed the planet to collect every single shred of meaningful culture that I could

to make sure nothing was left out. What I've done is what I believe is the absolute correct way to represent our planet, our culture, our species. OK, well, let's play it. culture, our species. OK, well, let's play it. Greetings to you, denizens of far-flung alien planets. The following audio presentation will school you in the ways of our people,

the people of our magnificent Earth. This isn't the Secretary General of the UN. He refused to do this. I'm Ron Banbury. I own a bin hire business. Do you have bins in space? If not, a definition. A bin is a receptacle of any size, which is used for collecting refuse.

The largest receptacle offered by Banbury Binhire is seven foot across, or what we call the Maxi King. Banbury Binhire has won three Binlord awards for excellence in customer service beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.

Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.

Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Beef! Beef! Beef! Beef! Beef!

Beef! Beef! Beef! Beef? Beef. Thank you. Beef. Break an egg over a bowl of spinach and parsley

Add an onion Shallots Flake over some smoked fish Then you dash the whole lot in the bin and go and get some bloody beef! Bloody beef. What does beef mean to me? It means pleasure, old England, stew on a frosty winter's night. The tingle of mens' arithmetic. Mother Earth at her finest. Eroginous zones. The passenger pigeon, which once blotted out the sky in flocks millions strong. These brave birds did not outlast the First World War. Every war is a struggle.

A struggle for beef. I was on the edge of D-Day. But I gladly wanted that beef. We pulled ourselves out of the sea, onto the land, desperate to taste beef. Beef. Beef. Beef, to me, is the glue that holds society together. Everybody knows that the resonant frequency of the Earth is 18.219 hertz.

And scientists use that to tell us that because of that frequency, we can tell the middle of the Earth is made of liquid iron. Now, I have a different theory. 18.219, the 18th letter of the alphabet is R, the second letter of the alphabet is B, the 19th letter is S. R, B, S. Let's beef sausages.

People think that newts live in a pond all year round. They don't. They live in the margins of a pond. They're amphibians. Three species in the UK. Parmate, smooth, great crested. There were people like me who enjoyed the company of Newts as much as I did. It's amazing what you find on the internet. And I became a very regular user of this Newt forum support group, as it were. And I would log on to that and I made some great friends from it.

You find that newt lovers are very good people. They are nice people. They're not nasty, they're not malicious. How could you be if you look into the face of a newt? And I look at them and I think, I don't need lamb anymore. They've been underestimated for years. They can fill the place of lamb in a lamb addict's life. Beef. Beef. Beef.

Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Human beings became what they are today because of a process called evolution, which is a competition between all the animals to see who can get the best beak. We pulled ourselves out of the sea onto the land, desperate to taste beef. You can usually tell a human apart from the other apes because it'll be wearing a blouse

of some kind. Listen to me, Agatha. Listen very carefully. I have in my possession the last passenger pigeon in existence. Such an exquisite beak. Exquisite, gentle, beaked squab. Pearlescent beak. Such a beak.

Humans perceive sound with our ears, which are big meat flowers on the side of our heads. The sound goes into the meat flowers, and then into our heads. We call this hearing. Can you hear? This is a hearing test. If you can hear this, simply nod.

Did you nod? If you nodded, then maybe you can hear. Can you hear this? How about this? How about now? And now? Can you hear this? And what about this?

And can you hear this? Agatha, Agatha, are you listening? The passenger pigeon, she is expiring A sweat is pon her brow Her feathers droop so Her glassy eyes are more glassy still Her beak has lost its luster Oh, dull beak, where is thy gloss?

There is a difference between hearing and understanding. There are so many differences to teach you. But we just don't have time. Maybe you should visit our planet. We just don't have time. Maybe you should visit our planet. But remember, don't burst our skin or all the gravy comes out. The human heart pumps the gravy all around the body. A very special gravy. The gravy is held in by our skin. If

you burst our skin, all of the gravy will come out. In the human body, the most important parts are the head, lungs, liver and anus. You can tell somebody has fallen in love when their lungs really start to move. When a human being is in love, the head becomes hot, the lungs really start moving, the liver engorges, and the anus starts pumping. Agatha, where are you? I have the foulest news. The passenger pigeon has expired. She's as dead as the day I stole her foulest news. The passenger pigeon has expired. She's as dead as the day I stole her from the museum. The batteries have run out. I can't fit any more batteries in its arse. The End Salut! Bonjour mes amis extraterrestres!

Sur quelle planète extraordinaire nous vivons? Sur quelle planète extraordinaire nous vivons. Nous avons sept continents. Nous avons cinq océans. Nous avons cinq viandes. Le bœuf, la première viande. Le porc, la deuxième viande. L'agneau, la troisième viande.

Le poulet, la quatrième viande. Et la cinquième viande. The gravy is coming out. I sent you beyond. This is the sound of a human nervous system when that person is eating beef. There we are. Let's go outside. Let's have a look at one of my... This is one of my ponds here. One of my new ponds. Oh, okay. We'll get down here.

But I'm just going to... Hello. Hello. Got it. Right, there we are. Look, look, look at him. Look at him smiling. Look.

That's lovely. We live on a very complicated planet. Sounds stressful, doesn't it? But it's not all bad. The reason I love living on the planet Earth is, well, first and foremost, just being able to thrive in a sustainable ecosystem where our heads aren't exploding all the time, but also just having the opportunity to live a life that's full, to be able to explore new places and try new things, and be able to make the most out of the life that I'm given. Going outside late at night in the winter and listening to the snowfall. Getting to bury my face in the sweet soft black fur of my cat Mildred.

Walking through the woods in the springtime to see the forest floor carpeted with bluebells. Watching a beautiful sunset. Singing in harmony with a choir. Walking up hills. I'm so grateful to live on this planet because of my 10 cats, Jones, Ricky, Zishus, Romeo, Toddles, Penny and Vince. I really love swimming in the sea. Talking to my parrot. What I really love about this planet is my friend Alex. Sunrise on a cold autumnal morning. Puking into the sea, living under a series of fake names, going from town to town and robbing garden centres. Pelting an elderly vicar with onions.

Trapping crows and magpies in a net and keeping them all in my attic. Shredding documents as the police close in. Onion after onion, just bouncing off that old fool's head. The church starting to smell slightly of bolognese. Pissing in the bath. Selling synthetic steroids on the internet. I think the vicar was surprised by just how long the barrage

of onions lasted. The onion juice starting to stain his cassock. And I thought to myself, I hope he's enjoying this as much as I am. And someone from the back shouted out, Where in the Bible does it say that this is wrong? And the vicar struggled with that,

because apparently there's nothing specifically about throwing onions in either the Old or the New Testament. And the volley of onions continued. A fluke bulb hit one of the pipes of the church organ, flooding the room with music. And suddenly it wasn't about just onions anymore. The sun was streaming in through cylindrical shaped holes in the stained glass windows, and there were tears in all of our eyes, and I thought, this is it. This is what church and community is all about. It was strange. I'd only brought one bag of onions with me, but when I plunged my hand

into it to retrieve another missile, there was always another onion waiting in the bag for me. I thought, this is a bit like that story about Jesus and the loaves and the fishes. But instead of it being Jesus making a small amount of food stretch to feed thousands, it's me somehow throwing an unlimited amount of onions at an old man. And I thought, I'll say that out loud. Maybe it'll impress the vicar. And I could see in his eyes that he was impressed. And he smiled and he gave me a thumbs up. And I felt so proud in that moment. And I felt so proud in that moment. And then I reached for another onion.

Banbury Bin Hire has won three Binlord Awards for Excellence in Customer Service. Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay. A lot to talk about there. After this. As the holidays approach, there are many jobs to fill, like candy cane technician, or snowman maker, or simply bog standard elf. So if you need to hire for one of these festive roles, or any others, there's only one place you should go to, ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter uses powerful technology to find the right candidates for your job, then it proactively presents these candidates to you. You can easily review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply for your job. No wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate

within the first day. Try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com slash beef. Once again, jingle your way to ziprecruiter.com slash beef. Gosh, how does it feel hearing it yourself knowing that you know thousands and thousands of people are going to be hearing that very very shortly shivers absolute shivers it's kind of it's magical it's magical feeling uh oh god oh yeah now i'm i'm also on on cloud nine here but i do feel like it's my duty to maybe preempt some of the criticism that may be coming your way now i don't i don't mean to put a downer on this there's just a few questions that kind of popped into my head as i was listening to it and you know other people are going to ask these questions and i just want to get in there first so um ron banbury ron banbury so the whole thing is kind of bookended by these messages from ron banbury who owns a bin hire business i think was that right yes that is right yeah why did you

make the decision to you know present this through the prism of a man who whose primary thing seems to be renting out bins to people well what's more human than bins someone listening to it and not really thinking too hard might think oh she's just got anyone to do this or even that maybe ron banbury has given you some kind of money to hawk his bin business. Well, I mean, whether he has given me any money or not is beside the point, because I felt that he was a sort of quintessential human representative as a sort of Vitruvian man,

but instead of lots of arms, it's bins. And it doesn't matter that he gave me £750 because he fit the role perfectly. So just to be clear, he did give you £750? That's by the by. Okay, so something else that stuck out for me was was i think a dubious claim that is made that that humanity only has two languages english and french yes now that's uh correct me if i'm wrong uh is not true uh pavre as they say in French. Oh, très bien for getting that bit right. But you're wrong about it not being true because they don't know any different, do they? And the thing is, when you're trying to market to an unknown cohort, you've got to really slimline your info.

If you're telling these lads out there that there's thousands of languages on this planet, they're going to be overwhelmed. That's too many phrasebooks to buy. It's too many different ways to ask for the bill. Give them two, they'll think it's enough variety that they'll have a dip of a toe in each and they'll be really intrigued what happens then if your marketing works as you want it to the aliens decide i do want to go to earth it does sound good um i want to maybe hire some bins from ron banbury what happens if they

arrive on earth they land in let's say indonesia where they speak indonesian and they've you know they boned up on english they've got the french phrase book but suddenly they realize that neither french nor english is cutting it uh where they've landed they'll feel like they've been right? And I don't feel like that's a good place for someone to start their experience of Earth. Well, I'm not sure if that's true, because I went to Germany once and tried to speak German to them, and they looked at me as if I was an alien who wasn't speaking their language. So I think it will just allow them to feel that these particular French speakers are more hostile to them. And they'll seek out friendlier English or French speakers. And eventually they will find their way to Ron Banbury.

So you see this marketing effort very much as funneling people towards Ron Banbury. They'll find Ron Banbury and his incredible deal of a bin of beef. Oh, I see. So this is where you've snuck in the old beef profits here. So the bin of beef. So make this clear what you mean. It's now possible to go to Ron Banbury and buy, not just rent bin space from him, but buy a bin of beef? No, you rent the bin, but you buy the the beef so you do have to give the bin back but the beef is yours to keep but yes an entire bin is available from ron banbury right so the ultimate end goal of your marketing offer here is to get extraterrestrials to rent a bin full of beef i'm just doing my job and I'm doing it brilliantly.

So tell me, we've obviously heard this broadcast, but like the Voyager mission, it will be going up into space. Is it going on a vinyl disc? Is that like back in the day or have you got a more modern way of doing this? No, well, originally I was going to do it on a mini disc and I actually couldn't find one. So it's going on a USB key. So you've taken the broadcast, you've put it on a mini disc and then I actually couldn't find one. So it's going on a USB key. So you've taken the broadcast, you've put it on the USB. Is it like a golden USB?

No, it was actually a promotional one that I got from a supermarket. So just one of your USB keys? Yeah. But I mean, I deleted most of the stuff. There was a few things I couldn't get off it, but I considered them sort of DVD extras. Great. And that will be inside a spacecraft? How is that getting into space? We've sent it up just with a normal satellite launch.

We've just stuck it on the side of a satellite. A near-Earth satellite, that kind of thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one of the ones for phones and maps and stuff. So it's not really going that far, is it it if we compare it to the voyager mission that was a craft that was going right to the edge of the the universe but if you've stuck it on a satellite that's barely a few hundred miles up they'll be able to see the earth before they've plugged in the usb stick and that is great marketing because what you've got there is the product right in front of you. You know when you go into a shop and you've got a little taster on a tray, what's right behind the person with the tray?

A whole pyramid full of the product, the full-size product. Okay, but to use a different marketing metaphor, it's a bit like you're handing someone a flyer for a nightclub when they're already on the dance floor, or at least putting their coat in the cloakroom. Their foot isn't through the door yet. And also they could go anywhere on earth, couldn't they? I mean, they could go to the San Diego Zoo because actually they do have some nice pandas there,

but they don't know about that because it's not on the USB. Oh, so what you're saying is that you want them to go specifically let's not beat around the bush to ron banbury exactly he's got bins full of beef ready to go well marianne thank you so much for letting us uh premiere that broadcast a real high point you know i have a lot of high points doing this job but that was one of them and i think you've done a great job of balancing out the various facets of world culture and of course beef and you've created something truly beautiful so i just want to say thank you thank you thank you so much for for broadcasting for listening for for believing, and I guess look forward to making a lot of new friends. Yes, just a question before you go.

Have you given any thought to the idea that these extraterrestrials might be hostile? And actually, you could have turned Ron Banbury, dear, sweet Ron Banbury with his bins of beef, into a target. Well, the thing is, he has made the full payment already. So as long as the bins are there anyway. So your message is basically, screw Ron Banbury?

No, absolutely not. No, no, I mean, I think he's a great supplier of bins for hire. of bins um for hire um but if ron banbury disappears and is never seen again by human eyes would that be the end of the world it would certainly stop all those questions about that 750 pounds or it might really amplify them anyway uh we'll see what we uh marianne thank you so much for talking to us and goodbye thank you a big thanks to Marianne Angler for that interview

I did follow up with her asking if I could maybe record an interview with Ron Banbury but he has disappeared however if you're interested in purchasing

a bin of beef or should I say hiring the bin buying the beef they are still available from his website. That's ronbanbury'sbanburybinhire, binhirebyronbanbury.bin. And a full to the brim bin of beef with wheels, that's the bin, not the beef, will set you back only £900. And the great thing is, you probably don't have to return the bin when you've finished all the beef, because as I said, Ron Banbury has gone missing. So that's all we've got time for this month. But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to the website now, where we have all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we review a book by an author called Charles Dickens. And I don't want to give anything away, but if you like novels in which children ask for some more food

and are haughtily rebuffed, this might just be the novel for you. So, until next time, beef out. Thanks to Nadia Kamal, Nigel Kroll, Tom Crowley, Clarissa Maycock, Mark Turetsky, and so many others who got involved and lent their voices to the intergalactic recording who answered the call on Twitter.

Thank you very much. Bye. Do you sometimes wonder whatever happened to the kids at your school who really loved Star Trek? You might remember a kid like me, the one who read the Star Trek novels and built Starship models. I also took music classes to avoid taking gym classes that required showering after, but I don't see what that really has to do with- Or a kid like me. I introduced myself to kids at my summer camp one year as Wesley. But when the school year started and some of those kids were in my new class,

I actually had to explain to my friends that I had tried to take on the identity of my favorite Star Trek character. The shame haunts me to this day. I'm sure some of those Star Trek fans from your childhood grew up to have interesting and productive lives, but we ended up being podcasters. On The Greatest Discovery, you'll hear what happens to two lifelong Star Trek fans who didn't grow up to be great people. They just grew up to be people who love jokes as much as they love Trek. Season four of Star Trek Discovery is here, so listen to our new episodes

every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun. It's the Thanksgiving season, and I want to take this opportunity to thank you, the members of Maximum Fun. This MaxFunDrive, your generosity and your love of pins, helped us raise over $90,000 to help bridge the digital divide. Families without internet access struggle to do things that the rest of us might take for granted, especially during COVID. Going to school, applying for jobs, fighting medical care. Your donations help the nonprofit Everyone On.

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