Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 96 - National Beef Lottery

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

Lorna Rose Treen, Tom Parry, Mike Wozniak and Tom Crowley join in this month as we speak to the woman the tabloids dubbed "The Beef Queen", the winner of the biggest ever National Beef Lottery jackpot.Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.comMusic credits courtesy of epidemicsound.com:Kite Lines / Mike StringerThe Light From Within /Howard Harper-BarnesOut Of Time / Martin KlemFinding Dawn / Marten MosesQuartet Pizzicato / Trevor KowalskiEncore Dance / Sight Of WondersMicro Evolution / Howard Harper-BarnesRaintree / DEX 1200Furna / By LotusA Different Landing / By LotusIn Ruins / Synthetic Tides

This episode of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is brought to you by the National Beef Lottery. Your chance to win more beef than you and everyone you've ever met could ever eat. And not only that, remember the Beef Lottery benefits good causes, including Guide Humans for Blind Dogs, the Furby Fund for Lonely Men, and the St. Paul's Cathedral Restoration Fund, which aims to restore St. Paul's Cathedral to what it looked like shortly after being bombed by the Luftwaffe in 1940 and then rebuild it again.

Not sure why. So this week, why not take a chance on beef? Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and a printed magazine, brought to you by the National Beef Lottery. I know that every time I eat beef, I feel like I've won life's lottery,

which gives me just an inkling of what it must feel like to win the jackpot in the National Beef Lottery. But personally, I don't think it's possible to truly imagine what that must be like. The freedom that you'd feel when you win so much meat that you know that one of your basic human needs, beef, alongside of course water, shelter and a decent backpack, will be met for the rest of your life. This month, I spoke to the winner of the UK's biggest ever National Beef Lottery payout. Dubbed the Beef Queen by the tabloids, it's of course Sandy Trevelyan. Hello, my name is Sandy Trevelyan and I won the Beef Lottery. Sandy, who lived in Redditch at the time with her primary school teacher husband Bob,

won the prize in December 2017, on an occasion where the top prize had rolled over for 15 weeks in a row, meaning that the jackpot had ballooned to a hefty 150 million tonnes of beef. I started by asking Sandy what life was like before their lottery win. Well, me and Bob were very happy together. We were not struggling for income. We had a quiet, lovely life with jobs that we loved. I worked in security. I worked protecting the model village, which obviously that started off as more of a passion project. Then it became a more full-time thing the more the youths burnt buildings down um obviously the job really was keeping young hoodlums should we say away from the model village yeah yeah that model village has been at the heart of of your town really for hundreds of years i believe yeah it was their first and the village was built around the model village right i see so it grew up around that. Yeah. And like all happy couples, Sandy and Bob had a deep respect for beef.

Bob and me had this tradition. We'd always say, you know, flowers wilt. So say it with beef, is what we'd say. Right. So beef would be a gift. In 2014, Sandy began buying tickets for the National Beef Lottery, picking her weekly 35 numbers in the hope that they would come up. For those who haven't seen the National Beef Lottery, picking her weekly 35 numbers in the hope that they would come up. For those who haven't seen the National Beef Lottery draw,

it takes place every Saturday night on primetime television. Welcome everyone! It's Saturday, it's 8pm, it's time for the National Beef Lottery! Time for the National Beef Lottery! I'm your old chum, Cedric Toddards, and I'm ready to turn someone into a beefy and air! It's very simple. The presenter, Cedric Toddards, and his 12 glamorous assistants crowd around the base of a huge fibreglass cow arse, which is filled with 144 hollow earthenware balls

made from a mixture of pressure-treated kiln-dried cow shit and earth from the ground where the Battle of Hastings took place. There are 144 balls, with each cow shit earthenware ball representing one of the counties of the United Kingdom. Then, one by one, the earthenware cowshit balls cascade from the arse, and the first 35 that break are that week's winning numbers. Just a reminder that the jackpot has rolled over again for the 15th week in a row, which brings the prize total up to 150 million tonnes of beef! total up to 150 million tonnes of beef. As it got closer and closer to my numbers,

they called out a five. Look alive, it's five. I let out a little squeal, but Bob squeezed my hand and said, not yet, not yet. Lots of beef for you, it's 22. Not yet. Straight from the fibreglass cow bum, 31. They say that you have more chance of a cow falling out of a plane and landing on you than winning the beef lottery. Are the beef gods smiling upon your fate? It's 108.

I don't think I breathed for the next ten minutes. A life without any anxiety about buying beef would be just fine. It's 59. Just watching the balls roll and smash and roll and smash and then when it got to our final number... And the final number. Because we've had plenty, it's 20! number because we've had plenty it's 20. I just threw up. Bob passed out I didn't have any breath left to revive him I was so shocked but he gently came around and then when I told him what happened

as a reminder he passed out again and that continued for a bit and of course every time he fainted he broke another limb but yeah he was mostly really excited and the computer is showing that we have one winner in the midlands congratulations a jackpot of 150 million tonnes of beef. That's all the time we've got this week for the National Beef Lottery. Congratulations to our lucky winner. Now to play us out with their new single, Hammer of the Witches, it's the fabulous Cradle of Filth. Coming from Redditch, of course, I knew Sandy. So it was with tremendous excitement to find out that, you know,

one of our own had landed the huge beef prize, the bovine jackpot. I couldn't believe it. Bob Crack, who has featured on this podcast before, is also from Redditch. Hello, my name is Bob Crack, and I am the Bovine Farmers Union Youth Outreach Officer. And Bob actually knew Sandy quite well through her job at the Model Village. With my work with the Bovine Farmers Union, it's my job to go and find, you know,

as I've always said, the children of today are the farmers of tomorrow. And it's my job to, you know, go to the inner city places where the near do well, the non do gooders. It's the places where, you know, people who society have turned their back on them. You know, as I always say, when society turns their back, here comes Bob Crack. You know, so I'd be going to all the regular places where the near-do-wells would go. You know, the worst part of the park, the bad bus shelter.

And then the model village, because the model village was a hot spot for you know teenage bad behavior my theory on it is it made them feel big it's as simple as that really you know when life makes you feel small go to somewhere that makes you feel big so you know i was always going there to try and you know try, try and recruit. And, you know, a delinquent is also a very good potential dairy farmer, you know. And so I'd often go there and Sandy would be very good at pointing out the ones that she thought, you know. She'd often say, that one over there, you know, they've got a girth to them that would benefit a farm. Bob also knew Sandy's husband, Bob. Redditch is other Bob, as I often call him,

just for a joke, he never really liked that. I'm sure there are other Bobs. But yeah, he was a teacher at the local primary school, so I obviously had been down there with my biannual outreach roadshow. It was initially planned to be annual, but the scale, I mean, the sheer ambition of it

kind of meant that it only was logistically possible to do biannually, really. And I think, you know, I look back now and think, was that maybe a mistake? Maybe a smaller roadshow that I could perform more often. But anyway, sorry, I'm getting distracted. Yeah, I'd be down there, you know, doing my outreach roadshow. And I say it was biannual but i did only ever perform it the once the

fireworks budget alone meant that it was unfeasible you know and we're talking about a show here that was 80 percent fireworks uh and not wise for an indoor show you know uh terrible idea particularly as you know i'd kind of set designed the room with hay very very dry hay to kind of make it feel like a barn not to mention that i'd been passing around you know smell the tractor diesel where i'd pass around essentially buckets of tractor diesel so a bit of a recipe for disaster, I think, is what the judge said. Anyone who was paying attention to the news five years ago, and indeed anyone who's familiar with the structure of a morality tale, will know that the dream of winning the beef lottery quickly turned into a nightmare for Sandy. I asked her when she realised that winning

150 million tonnes of beef wasn't going to be a nightmare for Sandy. I asked her when she realised that winning 150 million tonnes of beef wasn't going to be a wholly positive experience. I think it was the day that I realised that all the beef was going to be delivered at once. I think that was the big turning point. What a day, what a day for the town, you know, and oh my word, who could forget when it arrived and they stacked it high. You know, it looked funny. Everyone had a good laugh. Our neighbour Susan on the left and our other

neighbour Graham and his family, you know, they couldn't stop taking photographs and doing TikToks and... How big are we talking? It's really hard to kind of get my head around how much beef that is. Yeah. It's hard to get your head around it even if you see it to be honest because it's it's you know when you've got you're taking a photograph and the the frame is filled so you have to sort of step back a bit

yeah you can never step back enough I was down the end of the road um right at the bottom of the hill and i could still only see beef in my in my vision and you could see this thing from east redditch you know all the way out to the hills of east redditch you could see this towering pyramid of beef awe-inspiring actually where do you put the beef. Where do you put the beef? Yeah. Where do you put the beef? Where do you put the beef? People would go out there for day trips, really. You know, it became a thing to do

all the way through December. You know, it was very festive. It became a real kind of Christmas event. We hung the lights on it, kind of treated it like a big Christmas tree. People were, you know, writing messages and leaving them around the bottom, their hopes and dreams for the following year. It was a wonderful, festive thing, a big, huge, beefy Christmas tree.

And then February came, and as I like to call it, the Great Thor. We were also highly aware of the time limit on this beef. We were aware that the seasons were fluctuating, and soon... Come spring. Come the spring, the beef... That's a fetid mountain. Yeah. As the temperature rose, the top layer of beef on the beef mound

quickly gave in to putrefaction, creating a giant, rotting pyramid. A putrid Golgotha. A malodorous Mont Blanc. A fetid Foudry. An offensive Olympus. A mouldering Matterhorn. A smelly Everest. The condensation dripping off that thing,

it was forming rivers in the street. A beefy residue. Washing away all the hope. Quite poetic, really. All the hopes and dreams for the year ahead that had been pinned to the bottom of the pyramid kind of were washed away with this kind of beefy juice. It was our own Pompeii in a way. And from that March morning, you know, the stench, the kind of the off beef, you know.

You know the phrase, it was a real pea super, is what they said about the London fogs. You know, this was a real beef super, and not a good beef super. Of course, it wasn't long before the holy mountain of meat, with its decomposing mantle of bubbling hot beef juice, caught the eye of the authorities. My name is Detective Chief Inspector Dexter Whatley, and I headed up the National Beef Lottery Emergency Cleanup Task Force. DCI Whatley was dispatched to Redditch

in March 2018. The sight I saw, bear in mind I've many decades of experience in emergencies, disasters, police work of all kinds it was quite striking the beef mountain for want of a better expression by then had begun to mottle we've had a long cold winter the weather was thawing and you could see on the outer crusts of the beef mound there was the beginnings of putrefaction, colour change, steam beginning to rise. And I knew we had a major, major incident on our hands.

The threat level was increasing steadily. The threat level was increasing steadily. We had now got to the point where there was a self-imposed no-fly zone over the beef mound. Birds were simply dropping out of the sky if they went anywhere near the airspace over the top of it. Buses were warping if they drove past it. There were mega worms being sighted. There was one very hench fox that did seem to be able to manage it and was doing well, thriving off it.

And I think at the time he was shot was something like 18 foot long. And that was quite intimidating for local people. So it was clearly becoming very dangerous. It was causing people headaches and migraines, collapse, confusion. There are people arguing amongst themselves that never argued before and people were going to die i mean in terms of a health disaster on a population scale this is

well what to compare it to i mean it's it's a bit like um if you've seen the HBO drama Chernobyl, that level of seriousness. Yeah, or indeed just, you know, the real Chernobyl. It was like Chernobyl, to what you're saying. What? You're comparing it to Chernobyl. Yes, HBO, that drama. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? I think it was HBO. Well, no, they made an You know what I'm talking about, don't you? I think it was HBO.

Well, no, they made an HBO drama about it, of course, but there was obviously the real Chernobyl disaster which took place in... Was it drama? Well, there was a drama about it, yeah, but it... Yes, it's a drama. A drama about... About an actual event which happened...

I think that sounds very unlikely. Yeah, so in Ukraine in the 80s, a nuclear reactor exploded and... Oh. Oh, good Lord. Oh, that's awful. Good grief, that's cast quite a shadow over that otherwise very very very good

TV series for me I have to admit it is shining a rather unpleasant light on the HBO's Chernobyl themed fancy dress party I held for my

50th a couple of weeks ago it sounds like you didn't know you know it's okay Dexter yeah are we nearly done here I think I need to make

a couple of calls about people's Instagrams and Twitters if that's if you don't mind and sorry can I just check

is the last of us real, if that's, if you don't mind. And, sorry, can I just check, is The Last of Us real? No. No, that's fiction. No, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. Just, hmm. DCI Whatley quickly ascertained that it was Sandy and Bob who bore responsibility for the growing crisis. My first interview with Sandy and Bob was problematic, I would say.

They were in panic mode. They had many millions of tonnes of beef to deal with. I think they were trying to sell it, honestly. I could make them understand that it needed to be moved, and it needed to be moved and it needed to be moved asap they were trying to make a bit of money back they wanted to move it another way they wanted to move it for cash uh they weren't able to sell it fast enough so they're now in a sort of phase b as i called it at the time of trying to secure as many as many fridges as humanly possible. They had nowhere to plug them in.

Bob had two very long extension cables, which he was bragging about, quite frankly. I thought that was a misplaced brag, but they were out of their heads. It was the wrong strategy at the wrong time, and they really couldn't be reasoned with. At the time, journalists from The Guardian worked out that if Sandy and Bob were to refrigerate all the beef, they would need to buy over 200 million large American-style fridges.

And so Sandy and Bob pivoted to another strategy to deal with the growing biological disaster. We called in a lot of help from around the village. Bob's got a lot of friends in the school, friends and pupils, so we pulled in quite a few hundred children to help. It was at this point that Bob

called Bob Crack. He was very cheery, very friendly and said he'd had an idea, you know, maybe I'd like to bring some of the gang, my squad, I call them, down to the beefy pyramid and show them, you know, this is what beef can do, you know. I wasn't sure. I mean, you know, back in December, yeah, great, of course, we made a day of it, you know, dressed up, taking pictures, whatnot. But,

you know, we're talking, this was on the turn, we were right in the middle of the stench. And I said this to Bob, Bob pointed out that, you know, maybe're talking, this was on the turn, we were right in the middle of the stench. And I said this to Bob. Bob pointed out that, you know, maybe it'd be good for these kids to see what beef can do, you know. And I got that. I get that. If you're going to work with beef, you've got to know its powers, you know. You've got to be able to harness it. You've got to know its many different shapes and hues and forms. So I kind of thought, okay, let's do this. I warned the kids. I said, look, this isn't going to know it. It's many different shapes and hues and forms. So I kind of thought, OK, let's do this.

I warned the kids. I said, look, this isn't going to be pretty. But I wanted to show these kids what can happen if you don't respect the beef. You know, it can turn on you. Bob arrived at the wobbling pyramid with 90 children from his local kids' beef squad groups. And within minutes of arriving, he realised why Bob, the other Bob, had really invited them there. Suddenly, he could see his true motive. He was cramming two pound coins into the kids' hands and giving them a trowel. And then sending them up the pyramid.

They'll do anything for a two pound coin. And so there they are, you know, taking it, scaling this pyramid and scraping off these layers of fetid beef. During March 2018, over 500 local children were given two-pound coins in return for scaling the beef mountain to debride it of its rotting outer crust. Bob was instructing them to drag the beef down to the river,

you know, Pied Piper down to the river, you know. Pied Piper of Hamlin style, I guess, but without the music. Instead of the intoxicating sound of a pipe, all you could hear was the threatening jingle of two-pound coins in pockets. It was a sinister sound. So when the waste had been removed, we were left with the good cuts. With the rotten layer gone, there was still well over 100 million tonnes of prime beef to deal with. And so Sandy and Bob quickly put together a sales team to sell it to local residents. Some of the kids who were involved in the cleanup didn't actually

want to go back to school and they sort of weren't allowed as well. So we got them on board. They weren't allowed to go back to school? They were too infectious and demoralising. For the other children, yeah. Yeah, for the other kids yeah yeah for the other kids they were actually very effective sales people we'd send them door to door and because they looked so deeply sad a lot of the the customers would would buy tons of beef it also helped that we said that the the profits were going directly to the children's future which they are in a way because the you know the more supported we are the longer we can keep them employed is it hard to shift beef that people are aware has been part of uh what i i think was described by the eu as one of the worst biological

disasters in europe's history i think people wanted to be part of something. We all want to feel part of a community. And people that bought Beef those six months we were selling it, felt like they were joining an exclusive club. I remember when the Millennium happened and we all went to the Millennium Dome and got all of that lovely merch. It was a bit like that. the Millennium Dome and got all of that lovely merch. It was a bit like that. More after this. When you're growing up, you want to find ways to stand out, right? Maybe that was addressing in a different way, or maybe, you know, as a kid, you felt under pressure and told some

crazy made up stories. Like when I was seven in school, I told my entire class that I looked into a cow's eye and could see the souls of both Adam and Eve. Now that one actually was true, but it did make me stand out. And it's tough to stand out, especially if you're a business owner and you want to attract the most talented people to hire on your team. But ZipRecruiter makes it easy. ZipRecruiter itself can send you potential people for your job and you can look through them and then invite the ones who you like the look of to apply to improve your workforce so you stand out from the competition. Get your job noticed by the best and brightest candidates with ZipRecruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash beef to try ZipRecruiter for free. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash B-E-E-F. This episode of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is brought to you by the National Beef Lottery. Your chance to win more beef than you can even conceive of. And not only that, remember the Beef Lottery benefits good causes, including a rehabilitation program for disillusioned juggalos, archery lessons for CEOs with low self-esteem, and the campaign to build an imposing bronze statue of Christina

Aguilera emerging from the waves in the middle of the Atlantic. So this week, why not take a chance on beef? Over the course of six months, Sandy and Bob managed to sell all of the beef through their network of child door-to-door salespeople, and in doing so became some of the richest people in the UK. Richer than the likes of James Dyson, Paul McCartney, and the shadowy billionaire who invented the curly whwhirly. To give you just a sense of what that sort of money can get you, Sandy now lives in a spacious four-bedroomed house near Stratford-upon-Avon with gas central heating throughout, a garage with room for two cars, and she subscribes to both Netflix and Disney+,

sporadically signing up to Now TV when Succession is on. Plus, sporadically signing up to Now TV when Succession is on. However, that sort of lifestyle, being able to effortlessly flick back and forth between Stranger Things and The Mandalorian, didn't bring happiness. I'd like to say that beef doesn't change a person, that quantity of beef. But ultimately, it did come between us. I remember the night that i won the beef lottery and me and bob actually made love on a bed of beef we thought it was really romantic and then just as we'd finished we we realized it was absolutely disgusting right yeah yeah. I wouldn't recommend it. No, I wouldn't. No. Me and Bob do live apart now.

I hate my life. There was a moment on my last birthday where I opened the mail from the postman and there were no birthday cards. It was just legal case after legal case a postcard from bob that didn't address my birthday just said what a great time he's having how is he he's thriving yeah bob's been able to move on and that has been hard for me he regularly updates me on on his travels he's got a new partner hillary clinton bill knows about it sorry the hillary clinton yeah yeah former presidential candidate hillary clinton right yeah he's dating hillary clinton yeah yeah bill knows about it but they

have an arrangement right yeah they're very happy together. They send me postcards. Right. They've actually made it official on their Facebook. Oh, God. Yeah. That must be really hard. It is hard. It's hard to see how happy he is. And I guess you see Bob experiencing this happiness and you must think, you know, why can't i go out on dates with emmanuel macron yeah

and it's not that you know i haven't asked you've sent him yeah requests requests yeah yeah yeah emails but he's not interested yeah i don't know if it's to do with the beef or not. Yeah. I get quite cold replies from Macron. It's good that you get replies, though. Yeah. Feels like the kind of thing you could just ignore. Yeah, but I don't think he's a rude person. No, but if you're the president of France, you've got a lot going on.

Yeah. I don't think anyone would blame him if he just didn't get back to your letter. No, I mean, it does reflect well on him. Yeah. Yeah, but that doesn't make it any easier for me. No, I mean, it does reflect well on him. Yeah. But that doesn't make it any easier for me. No, I get that. But do you not think that maybe actually the fact that he's even replying and saying no, really, he's kind of saying maybe? Yeah, I hadn't thought of it

like that. You mean he's being aloof? That's given me a little bit of joy in my heart. Yeah, well, I think, you know, you're an eligible woman. You've got tons of beef would you be no don't worry sorry i'm married um okay i mean so is emmanuel macron but he's french yeah i'm also technically still married but just a very long drawn out yeah divorce i think the

fact that you asked if i was interested shows how desperate you are actually. Yeah. Yeah. You know you can take all the beef that you want, the big house but at the end of the day I'm a broken person.

The beef lottery broke me. And maybe actually thinking about it even Macron can't fix you. No, but we'd have fun trying, wouldn't we? Well, if he's listening. Bonjour. Vous avez une bœuf?

Five years on, and it is gratifying to see the product of my labours and the labours of others. I'm thrilled to be able to, and I could say this publicly now, the tap water in Redditch is now safe to drink. Within reason. Sorry, when you say within reason. Well, I mean... What do you mean within reason Well, I mean

What do you mean within reason? It feels like the kind of thing where it's quite binary that, isn't it? Is it safe to drink or is it not safe to drink? Well, it's Well Safe to drink in that Well, safe to drink In that it's

Safe, for example, to Safe to wash a dog Probably A breed that doesn't molt i think if it's got any sort of level of delicacy or fragility in its follicles i probably wouldn't um just towel it down um yeah okay you could water water plants right um for your flowering plants i would probably wouldn't. If you've got a kitchen garden, yeah, not the edibles. I wouldn't water your carrots in it, but certainly, you know, roses,

unless you're planning on trimming them and giving them as a gift. I mean, plants that are going to remain in situ and not be touched and have no chance of coming into contact with a naked eye or the skin. I get that, but, you know, washing a dog and watering non-edible plants, neither of those things are drinking. You said it was safe to drink. Let's talk about drinking the water from the tap. Well, do you need to drink water from the tap when there are so many other options?

You know, when we have lilt um for example so the official advice from the police is you should be drinking canned drinks such as lilt pepsi i would i i would certainly uh i mean i'm not a personal fan of pepsi although my sergeant is so yeah i expect yeah pepsi could you include pepsi so given what you've said why did you think it was okay to to announce as you said well it just feels like great news it feels like we've really feels like a great hurdle that we've got over you can wash a dog with the water is and that's great news that uh that we're able to say that finally the water is able to to to the water is safe to drink within certain parameters, which we've made very clear on the press release.

Can you tell me one situation in which it would be okay for the water to pass the lips of a human and be swallowed? That is what drinking is. If you boil it, you might be all right. Sorry, I've been told to say triple boil it. Then you might... Sorry, so triple boil, you boil, then let it cool again, then boil, then cool again, then boil?

That's correct. Right. Yeah. And then away you go. But bottoms up. Right. So that's great news. The average size of the neck glands of a child in Redditch

has shrunk down to almost normal levels. I gather that the local grammar school is planning to phase back in school ties in the next six years. It's terrific news. So all in all, steady progress. The town still doesn't have any clouds. I guess the question you're probably asking is what's next for Bob Crack, you know. But my motto has always been

Crack don't look back. Bovine Farmers Union youth outreach officer Bob Crack was eventually hounded out of Redditch by angry parents who felt that he could have done more to stop their children being paid two pounds to clean up a newsworthy biohazard but the good news is he is going from strength to strength. The good thing about being an outreach officer is that there's always, there's a lot of inner cities, you know. So there's only about six or seven that I can't go back to now. There's still loads more inner cities for me to go to. Those children of today remain the farms of tomorrow. Just maybe not from Redditch or Derby or don't get me started on what happened in Ipswich

but you know there are plenty more inner cities out there and Bob cracks a head into them he's outreaching you know I'm currently at inner city Gloucester and I've just set up an after school offal club it's going from strength to strength

see time was in Gloucester no one knew the difference between a spleen or a colon or a cow's liver but I tell you what now that's all they're chatting about you know they're in the playground swapping hooves if you've got a child between 7 to 14 in the Gloucester area

you know with a passing interest to the outdoors then send them along to my inner city after school offal club and you know don't worry you don't have to bring your own off or not for the first three weeks we'll send you one of our awful starter packs which you know includes a very fun spleen game and uh yeah really natty trendy kidney hat and don't worry you know that there's an awful bursary you know for those that can't afford it you know you sign up for the Bursary, you'll get a liver in the post every Monday morning for two years, no questions asked. That's our guarantee. Just get in touch. I've got a website, www.bobcrack.co.uk.

youthoutreachofficer forward slash theinternet.co.uk To finish my conversation with Sandy, I asked her whether she'd been back to the model village that she used to protect

with such care and diligence. No, I mean, obviously I live elsewhere now. Yeah. Well, what I'm going to show you is the

Redditch Town Council have set up a live stream, a webcam on the model village so that it can be seen by anyone around the world. It's quite a nice idea. There's currently no security guard there. You haven't been replaced. And I should be able to show you this iPad here. There's a few webcams there. You canams there.

You can see there... Oh, my God. Yeah, it's absolutely overrun with youths. I think what we're seeing there is a young man pacing into the fire station. Oh, God. That's actually quite hard to look at. Sorry, could you put it away and you just have to think if you'd never bought that lottery ticket the defilement of this much beloved local monument and a monument to things being small and miniature and not taking up too much room and kind of

not being this big ostentatious palace like you live in now but being actually a miniature version of of a community and it's literally being pissed on as we speak oh it's live stream as she watched the stream of the video and the stream of hot teenage piss. She became philosophical. I feel like I'm looking at myself. I feel like I'm looking at what I've become. Are you the teenager or the fire station? I'm the piss. I'm the piss.

a big thanks to sandy trevelyan bob crack and dci dexter whatley for speaking with me a dramatized version of the events starring kenneth branner as sandy bob bob dexter and the children of redditch and the beef tower that's right he's eddie murphy in the clumpsing it will air on itV this summer. So that's all we've got time for this month. But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to the website now where you can find all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month former German Chancellor Angela Merkel gives us an exclusive look into her private collection of towels. So, until next time, beef out. Thanks to Tom Crowley,

Lorna Rose Treen, Tom Parry, and Mike Wozniak. Hi, I'm Jackie Cation.ry, and Mike Wozniak. been doing comedy forever and we should both quit. So why don't you listen before we leave this, not only terrible business, but this awful world and find out why we can't because we love it. So Jackie and Lori show every week here on maximum fun.org. I'm sure you've noticed how giant corporations are controlling more and more about what we consume, whether it's our food, our news, or even the shows we enjoy.

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