Behind the Bastards - How To Insert Goat Balls Into Human Balls

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

Robert, Katy and Cody read an antique book written by the goat gland doctor John Brinkley.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns. But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science?

And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences in a life without parole. My youngest? I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Behind the Bastards Morning Edition, the early edition of Behind the Bastards for morning people recorded early in the morning. In fact, I have it on good authority that this is the earliest a podcast has ever been recorded in the history of the medium. That's the thing we sacrifice for you. What time is it, Robert?

My eyes won't even focus, Sophie. It's so early in the morning. The clocks don't even display the time. Surely Dawn has not broken. Katie, how long have you been awake? Minutes. It's the horrible hour of 12.34 p.m. Yes, well, welcome to Behind the Bastards. I've been awake for many hours. Katie, Cody, how are you doing on this again, ungodly morning?

It's this hour so early that roosters can't even crow because the sun would be like, don't crow yet, rooster. It's not time for you. It's not time. I can hear them in the distance. They're like... They're trying. They still got that morning phlegm stuff going on. It's hot as fuck and it's still so early. It is hot. It is hot. It is hot.

Just like my co-hosts today, who I guess I already introduced, but I wanted to do another introduction. Yeah, we are both hot. Cody's got his eyes packed to his face. Cody is holding an ice pack to his body because his air conditioning is broken. How are you both doing today? Oh, you know, just here I am here. You're here. I've done stuff. I got a question for you both.

Yeah. We finished our Ben Shapiro episodes a while back. I know. I've been lost without them. Yeah, do you both feel like there's a gnawing emptiness in the center of your soul, a pit that cannot be filled? I mean, yeah, but I didn't make the connection between that and Ben Shapiro till right now. So just like a general sense. Yeah, just a general sense that like the center of your being has been hollowed out by some sort of earth mover, leaving you like a bag of flesh without meat inside.

Yeah, meatless bag. A meatless bag, yes. Yeah, a meatless bag of human, just screeching into the night, wishing he were still there, but he's not. Ben won't give him back to us because we didn't appreciate him enough. I know. You didn't. You the listener didn't appreciate him enough. Every night I mumble, take a bullet for you, babe, over and over and over again. I know. You also text that to our group chat.

It's getting disturbing, yeah. Take a bullet for you, babe. It's called love, so I don't know what the problem is. That's Cody's love language, you guys. That's his love language. I am well informed, Cody, that love is a battlefield, so you might give me a chance. So we need another book, and I was thinking maybe let's try something a little bit different. We may have to go through a couple of things, but there were a handful of different books.

Game of Thrones. I'm just going to read Game of Thrones to you, motherfuckers. Are we ever going to get that last book, do you think? No. No, I don't either. Absolutely not. What a disappointment. I mean, as an author who has written a fiction book, were I to get hundreds of millions of dollars and buy a lighthouse? I would probably stop producing fiction.

Also, they nailed it in the show, so why even bother? Why mess with perfection, right? The power of stories, you see, is the true meaning of the Game of Thrones. Cody's being sarcastic, because I don't think he believes a word of what he said. No, it's terrible, and maybe having one of the main characters practically look at the camera and go, truly, the writers of the stories, are they really heroes? Is it maybe a terrible idea? I forgot that that happened. It's so bad.

I'm going to turn into just a Game of Thrones podcast. Well, I just reached up and grabbed a book from my bookshelf, and this is a special book. You can hear it. I'm doing the Cinema Veritate thing. I want you to hear me open this. I'm taking it out of a very nice plastic wrapped package. And I'm pulling up the really nice business card that the person who sent it gave me, because this was sent to me by, well, I don't know if I should read his name.

I'll just give his first name. A guy named, well, I don't know if I should do that, sent to me by a rare books dealer who is a fan of the show. And I have your business card in front of me, friend, I'm not going to read it, because I don't know if you would want me to read your name out on the air to a couple of hundred thousand people. The person's at home going, no, no, read it, read it. Look, I want you to know that I, well, I'll say it's ellipsis rare books. So this wonderful person at Ellipsis Rare Books sent me a lovely card and a really nice letter

and a copy of, can you guys see what the cover says? No. The goat gland transplantation. Oh, the goat gland transplantation. So once upon a time, friends, there was a man named John R. Brinkley. And we've done a two-parter on John R. Brinkley for Behind the Bastards. And I'm happy that you're both kind of coming in cold to this, because Brinkley's an odd fellow. And we talk about his whole life in the show.

John R. Brinkley was a fake doctor who believed that if you surgically inserted goat testicles into the testicles of human beings, it would make them sexual dynamos. Oh, no. And provide a wide variety of health benefits. I think, okay, I'm sorry, I'm not a scientist. Oh, no, no, no. I don't think that's a very strong hypothesis. And I don't think it warrants an experiment to test this out.

Well, he did more than an experiment. He was one of the most popular doctors in the country. He operated clinics in multiple states. He inserted goat glands. That's what he called testicles, his glands, into thousands upon thousands of human beings. A lot of people died and got horrific infections. He was eventually stripped of his medical license. But he used the money that he made while...

Because he was in prison? No, no, of course not. Yeah, no. He, I mean, he ran for governor of Kansas. And he didn't quite get it. He ran for office a couple of times and eventually fled to Mexico. But he had, he operated in the U.S. in the south of like Texas. A massive, or sorry, and in Mexico, a massive like radio station,

like the most powerful one in the world. And he became a country music pioneer and helped to, because of the people he put on his show, create like the modern concept of country music. So he is a man who surgically inserted testicles into thousands of people, leading to unspeakable suffering and death, and also helped create country music. A true jack of all trades.

Yeah, well, two. Two trades. Well, he ran for office. Three. He's a fascinating fellow. Jack of enough trades. And this... Plenty of trades. This is a book by Sidney B. Flower called The Guide to the Goat Glam Transplantation.

And I don't know who Sidney B. Flower is, but he must be related to... Yeah, because there's a picture of John R. Brinkley right in the center here. So this is one of the books that Dr. Brinkley's... Bill. Like I said, he had offices in multiple states. He had a massive enterprise. This is one of the things that he put out.

And we're going to give it a read on the air. We'll see. It's not a huge book. Maybe this has the legs for multiple episodes. Maybe this is just something we talk about today. But we're going to talk about goat gland transplantation today. And I hope you all enjoy coming in cold to this wonderful story of a man who put another animal's testicles inside human beings.

I'm enjoying it so far. More than once. A lot of times, Cody. A shocking number of times. Did people die? One would be shocking, but yeah. Yes, Katie. People absolutely died.

People died, yes. Just wanted to make sure. You know how if you get like a cut and you rub dirt in it, the cut will get infected? Sure. Well, imagine that cut is your genitalia. And the dirt is another animal's genitalia that are just being crudely shoved in there by a guy

who's mostly into running a radio station. Yeah. Okay. It doesn't work great is what I'm saying. I'll see you guys later. I'm gonna go back to bed. Yeah. So this is as the intro period.

So there's, we've got us a picture of John Brinkley, which is the same picture of Dr. Brinkley that's in his Wikipedia page. So it must be the one that he considered his best photo, which is not a good photograph. Like not, not at all. He looks like shit in this picture. Yeah.

He's toe headed, I think is the fair way to describe him. Toe headed. His head looks like a toe. So I, okay, but I think toe headed is an actual phrase for somebody that's like blonde. Oh, well, I think it's a phrase for someone his head looks like a guy. Maybe thumb headed, thumb headed.

It could be a thumb. Yeah. His whole body looks like a knuckle. Toe face. So the, the, the title page informs us that this is number five in the one best way series of new thought books. The goat gland transplantation as originated and successfully performed by J.R. Brinkley,

MD of Milford, Kansas, USA, and over 600 operations upon men and women. Set up an electro typed May 1921. So this is, this is, you know, three years after World War one ended, people are, are looking for good news and Dr. Brinkley is offering them the good news that they can get another animal's testicle

shoved inside of them. Author's preface. What? Katie, that's good news. Congratulations. You have been selected. Yeah. Yeah.

Imagine if that was what they called you about instead of your car's extended warranty. We have exciting news about the kinds of testicles we can put inside of you. You're eligible for an upgrade. Author's preface. Though dealing exactly with a surgical subject, this book is a layman's word to layman.

It is an attempt to say to the general public a few things about this amazing work of Dr. J.R. Brinkley of Milford, Kansas, which he is debarred from saying for himself in this simple form. He has under consideration a book of his own covering the subject of goat gland transplantation, his experiments, successes, failures,

theories, and conclusions, which will probably be issued in the winter of 1922. So basically he's got a big book for doctors coming out, but we, this is a book for you, the little guy. This is a book for the common man to understand all of the complexities about having another animal's glands shoved into your body.

So that's how this is being built. Okay. Um... Oh, God. Okay, yeah. Some attention is paid to the pioneer work of Dr. Frank Lidston of Chicago in the transplanting of human glands into human beings,

but rather by way of emphasizing the fact that Dr. Brinkley, with the choice of human, monkey, goat, or sheep glands before him, chose the goat glands in preference to any other for his field of experiment and operation. It has never for a moment regretted his choice, or seen any reason to alter it. Never for a moment.

Don't even ask. You have your choice of glands. Human, monkey, goat, sheep. Uh... So without any wish to enter upon a controversy, the author is impelled to take some notice of the statement of Dr. Sergei Voronoff of Paris,

who during his recent visit to the United States announced that he pinned his faith almost exclusively to the glands of the anthropoid apes as most suitable for transplantation into human beings. While he lamented the natural scarcity of obtainable material, Dr. Voronoff has credited with having performed over 120 of transplantations upon rams,

but none whatsoever of goat glands upon human beings, and not more than two or three of simian glands upon human beings. His statement, therefore, that successful transplantation of the glands of the goat into a human being is impossible and cannot succeed, is empirical and entirely unsupported

by any experience of his own in the matter. So they're defending Dr. Brinkley, this other doctor who's putting ape testicles in people, is like, you can't put goat balls in people, that's just not going to work. But these others... First off the bat, we have to argue against that guy,

because Dr. Brinkley, as we're informed by the book, has done this more than 600 times successfully. So, we go through this introduction. It is a fact beyond all gain saying that Dr. Brinkley's operation has in truth cheated old age of its toil in very many cases of both sexes and the improvement or rejuvenation effects,

both the minds and bodies of those treated by this method, and this rejuvenation is lasting to the extent of the doctor's observation. It is presuming to say that it is a permanent improvement. Upon that point, no one has any right to offer an opinion, because there are no facts upon which to found it. But Dr. Brinkley's earliest cases,

operated upon three years ago up to the present time, have shown no demutation whatsoever in the effects secured. Neither the women nor the men have lost any particle of their increased vitality during this lapse of time. Who can say how long the good effects will continue? Dr. Brinkley's opinion is that the improvement will run for possibly 15 years,

at the end of which time, he expects to re-operate upon any cases that show us slowing down in the life pr- Yes, Katie, you have questions about this? This is absurd! Wait, so how many people had a successful transplant and then went on to, like, have... He's saying 600 men and women

experienced an increase in vitality after having these goat testicles stuffed in them. Okay. I'd like to see that data. Well, I mean, I bet by the end of this book, I'll be able to perform this surgery. Katie, you're up!

Okay, so... Yes. This is no poet's dream, but the stern reality of a young surgeon's work in a hospital extending over three memorable years of achievement in a virgin field. Dr. Brinkley has worked out his problem alone, save for the devoted aide of his wife,

who is also a doctor. He is today a poor man, and expects to remain so, because he has refused every alluring offer made him looking to the establishment of this goat-blanned operation as a commercial proposition on a big scale. He is governed by his ethical vows

and retains his independence, but the world would call him a fool for not turning his discovery to his greatest pecuniary profit. Since he prefers to remain true to his ideals in this matter, it is for us at least to be thankful and accord him the recognition to which the artist is entitled who puts his work above his profits.

Okay, so what I'm getting from this is that everyone's like, you're a... No, dude, we're not... You got a profit! And then this is like some fanboy writing the book saying that his work is worth it. Yeah, I mean, this is a guy Dr. Brinkley hired,

and he wants to make it clear that Dr. Brinkley isn't getting rich, although he absolutely was getting rich. He made millions of dollars before he died penniless as a result of all of the malpractice allegations against him. But yeah. Yeah, so he's a hero. He's a hero.

He's a hero. We are not... So chapter one, Dr. Brinkley's theory. Oh, the theory, good. Yeah, yeah, are you excited to hear the theory? I bet it's... I bet it's sound. I am so excited.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it has been a long quest and in the main, fruitless, though it might be said in fairness that Brown Secard's method of using the expressed testicular juices medicine by Mouther Injection for the renewal of youth was probably the true parent of the present method, familiar method

of using the extracts of various glands or the pulverized substance of the glands themselves. What? What? Yeah, apparently. So this was a thing back in the day and I had not heard that they had just expressed testicle juice and given it to people, but I guess that's how this started.

Yeah, you gotta start out... Light? You just juice the balls and give it to somebody, which sounds like you're just drinking cum, right? Is that... I actually think it's grosser and they're just grinding up the entire testicle.

Yeah, you pulverize it, right? Yeah, you pulverize the balls. You gotta pulverize the balls and then drink the ball juice. Jesus Christ. Genius is synthetic, elliptic, and sudden, but always clear and sure.

Dr. Brinkley began with a theory and by no means a new theory. From the theory, he deduced rapidly and acted. The results of the acts proved the truth of the theory. That theory has been variously stated in his most familiar form being, quote, In all living forms, the basis of all energy

is sex energy. That's like, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, this is like tied into all this if you had some... The humors, right? If you ejaculate, you're losing vitality,

so you never want to cum unless you have to because it's going to make you weaker. I know somebody that does that. Last I checked in, he hadn't cum in like four years. That's horrible. That's also someone that is probably not a super safe person,

I would guess. I didn't... I don't think it was benefiting his life very well. I don't think saving up that life energy was doing any good. That's like a proud boy thing, the no-fap stuff. That's one of the things that's so funny about it

is that they're specifically going back to things that... Dudes like this believed in 1920. If you don't cum, you retain all of that energy to be more powerful. And that's... I think in general,

if you're the kind of person who's like, well, I'm just going to save up all of my cum so that I can keep all of the power inside myself, you might be kind of unhinged. I'm going to save up all of my cum so I can make one super baby. One gigantic... It's going to be big.

It's going to be the biggest baby in the world. Oh, boy. Yeah. Looking for the facts to confirm or disprove this assertion, all investigators have been faced with similar phenomena, such as, when the male fowl is sterilized

in order that he may grow big and fat for the market later, he loses his cock's plumage and gains in weight. In the psychic domain, the changes are still mo-marked. The coupon is a coward, shunning the contest for supremacy. He does not forage for the hens, inviting them to feed upon what he has found.

But looks after himself first and last. He is lazy, fuggish and selfish. Oh, boy. So, yeah, this is like some Jordan Peterson stuff where it becomes... It changes its behavior and it becomes lethargic and less aggressive.

And so, clearly, if you come as a human man, you will also become weak. Yeah, your energy is gone. Your energy is gone. It's less Jordan Peterson and it's more Cernovich, right? Yeah, there's definitely some Cernovich here. He literally has...

I feel like he's written stuff about that. Yeah, actually, this next paragraph might be a paragraph. He may have just stolen this. That voice changes from deep to high tone and mentally the man develops inertia and cowardice. Yeah, I mean, for one thing, I'm fairly certain that eunuchs were renowned

to live longer. Yeah, this all seems really based in facts, Robert. It's called science. I don't know what you want. Yeah, and if I'm remembering from Game of Thrones, they could still be very aggressive. That's right. That's the whole point, yeah.

Varys lived through all of it, so think, Varys died then? I think he died eventually. The Unsullied, right? The Unsullied, though. And they were still like... They were only doing Batman, can't?

Yeah, they definitely... The Unsullied were... Very cute. Yeah, they were. But not according to John Brinkley. When women have, for any reason, had their ovaries removed by surgical operation, marked changes follow,

which vary much in detail, but carry certain general similarities. The face and body age rapidly in appearance, and there is a slowing up of functions of the organs with a tendency to masculinity and tastes, behavior, and feelings. I hate this guy. In any notes?

Just... I have science, all right? I go where the facts are. Follow the facts, follow the facts. So, speaking of the facts, Cody, Katie, you want to know a fact that I have?

That I've got for you right now? This is a fact. Is it about... It's about the products and services that support this podcast. Oh, yeah, we gotta do that. Yeah, we gotta do that. So, just the facts, people. It's time for you to motherfucking

listen to ads. During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial justice demonstrations. And you know what? They were right. I'm Trevor Aronson, and I'm hosting

a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys. As the FBI, sometimes, you grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys,

we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy-voiced, cigar-smoking man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse was like a lot of guns. He's a shark, and not in the good-bad-ass way.

He's a nasty shark. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you

that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science? The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful lot of forensic science and not an awful lot of science.

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Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lance Bass, and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that

when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories. But there was this one that really stuck with me.

About a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991 and that man Sergei Krekalev is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth his beloved country, the

Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space. 313 days that changed the world.

Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Oh my gosh. I love an ad. I for one plan to get

all of the good gland transplants advertised on this show. For sure, 100%. Absolutely not. Use those promo codes. It is important always that you realize that though we may seem to stress the physical improvement in human beings

brought about by this gland transplantation, the more important change of the two is the mental. And Dr. Brinkley's theory that all energy is sex energy means exactly that the powerful brain equally with the beautiful face owes its strength and vigor exactly to the right functioning of the sex glands.

We must not be accused here of running to extravagance. It is not stated that all human brains are of equal power or can be developed equal power. It is stated that all human brains of unusual power are brains that are well nourished by the testicular secretions. And it is implied, with full understanding of what this statement leads to, that if for any

reason there is an interference with this sex gland activity, the unusual brain will cease in a short time to be unusual in its power grasp and faculty of clear continuous thought. There are so many phrases in that sentence that I went what? You got notes on this, Katie.

I don't have notes. I couldn't keep up with them. But I just don't like this guy. There was something about sexual secretions. What was here to get that if you have an unusual brain and that means like in a positive sense like a brain of unusual quality, it's because your texticals are bathing your brain

in secretions. That was the first one that I reacted to. I did not know that. That's why men are naturally smarter than women, I think is what the book is saying. Women don't have testicular secretions to coat the brain in. Here I was beating myself up for being

so dumb and now I know the reason why. I do think all energy is sex energy is catchy phrase. It's a catchy phrase. You can see why it works. It sounds like something a dude it sounds like something like a tantric sex guru would say in Goa

to a tourist in order to get her to to fuck it. Maybe some like edgy sport drinks uses it as their like slogan. If there was like a red bull style beverage that said all energy is sex energy

on the can and that was just the name of the drink I would never drink anything else. That would be my water. This is something we should do. Yeah. Maybe we throw it on a shirt. Yeah. All energy is sex energy.

It could just be a picture of the three of us being pals, giving the thumbs up and then all energy is sex energy in big block letters. Can we make it? That has to be a worst year ever merch. Yeah, let's do it. I mean, it's just true. It is true.

We're just trying to spread the word. We keep adding in the hacker legends In page 14 of this ridiculous little book, you know what this guy's scientific field is called? It's science. Al Comey. Oh...

Co-e has been working on that. That's gonna do it for us today. So you see how amazing and far-reaching is the application of this apparently simple Devi that sex energy is the basis all human energy is after all only another way of saying that all things Life is one that mind and body derive from the same source, that energy is so much an

integral of matter that in the final analysis, matter is only static energy since the atom is made of molecules and molecules of electrons, and electrons of electricity or energy. In saying, therefore, that sex energy is the basics of all human energy, we may quite possibly be trending towards a solution of the world-old question of what life itself is. Someday, without a doubt, we shall surprise this secret at its source. At present, we are fortunate to have discovered, through Dr. Brinkley's careful proving of his theory, that human energy, no matter its manifestation to be physical or mental, has

a common basis of supply, the sex glands, and that their activity determines a brilliant mentality or a dull brain, oh my god. So this is the secret to the source of all life, it all starts with testicles, everything. In the beginning of time, there was just a pair of balls flying on the earth that got hit by lightning, and you're going to have to make fish. It's just basic, you learn that in Sunday school. You learn that in Sunday school. Next we have a page picture of Dr. Brinkley and his wife, and he does look like a man

who is bursting with sex energy, like his brain is just dripping in testicular secretions. They aren't touching. Well, no, if you were to touch Dr. Brinkley, you would explode out of lust. You would come so fucking fast. It would be a full body come, which can be a real problem, especially since people only had like one set of clothing back then. Chapter 2, The Practice, Men Dr. Brinkley began his experiments in gland transplanting upon animals in the year 1911,

three years before the European War, using goats, sheep, and guinea pigs as his subjects. He ran beyond the limits of his resources in this experimental work on animals, which was interrupted by his enlistment in the army. Okay, so yeah, we're talking about a little bit of his history here. Let's move on to how you shove testicles into people. Later we will dwell a little more on some of his results. It is worthy of note in passing that his first experiment upon a human being was an unqualified success.

He transplanted the goat glands into a farmer who was 46 years of age, happily married, but childless. And one year after the transplantation, a child was born, who was christened Billy in honor of circumstances responsible for his death. Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's good stuff. Um, yeah, he, he. How did it spell Billy?

B-I-L-L-Y. So it goes on to note, which is something we talk about in our episodes. Billy, middle name goat. I hope. Yeah, Billy. You know Billy. Your mother and I couldn't make you because my sperm was too weak. But then a doctor put an animal's balls in me and now here you are Billy.

Wow. At some point they told him that like, why am I called Billy? Well, son gather round. Um, so yeah, uh, it goes on to note that Dr. Brinkley, Dr. Brinkley prefers the Togenberg breed of Swiss goat, uh, because it has the best testicles. Um, he has picked this because speaking, this is true. Yeah, he picks it because it doesn't smell like other goat testicles. Um, and, and because he doesn't want human beings to smell like goat balls.

So he picks the goat that smells least like, that smells least like balls. Yeah. Um, so there you go. Uh, wait, what years were these 1921 is when this is written? Yeah, right there. Right then. Yeah. That heyday.

Yeah. Cool. You could do anything back then. You really could. God, I wish I'd, I wish I'd come of age then. I would have made so much money. You guys, I'd have been shoving things into people like you absolutely may have been there. I might have been John Brinkley.

You're right. I mean, there is a world because I love cutting things and I love being on the radio. So I do feel like I would have done the same things he did more or less. Um, this is a side note, but a psychic once told me that in the past life, I was a dolphin and, um, I should cut this, cut this, cut this, because everybody will get mad at me. I, whenever I've mentioned anything hooky boogie that I do for fun, people get mad at me. So cut it. Oh, people get so angry.

They get angry at me. They also like to believe it's true. They got angry at me last week, a bunch of people, because I said that we should have a, have bullies go around and beat up Bill Gates when he was a child, so he didn't become a monster. How dare you said I was endorsing bullying. Um, Well, I feel like Bill Gates probably was heavily bullied in that.

He was heavily bullied. Yes. He was very much. He turned into a monster, right? It's fine if people like, you know, not every joke's good, but it's interesting to me that when I talk about, say, hollowing out the center of the United States to make it a gigantic child prison and then shooting children with darts from the air when they turn 18 and forcing them to work as accountants in San Bernardino, that doesn't get, I mean, I guess it's because

more people experienced bullying than were hunted by with adults and also didn't turn into that. Right. My responses. Yeah. And most people don't like kids. What was yours, Cody? Oh, I was just saying also, like most people that were bullied didn't turn out to be monsters.

Yeah, they did. Like I was bullied a lot as a kid. Yeah, exactly. I made the joke. Anyway, uh, uh, it's, you can't, you shouldn't, you can't say anything on the internet, Katie. Without some group of people getting angry, but definitely the thing that makes the most people angriest is talking about like psychics or whatever. That's just people go out of their goddamn minds.

Fuck you guys. I was a dolphin. Katie, I believe you were a dolphin. I am. It's what, you know, it's either you believe in things, uh, that, that, that you can't prove or you don't believe in things that you can't prove. And to me, all things that you can't prove are the same, like Christianity, Islam, dolphins, like all, all in the same spectrum of like, yeah, but whatever, like, I don't know about

psychics, but I would like to believe in past lives. Yeah. What is it? Hey buddy, fuck it. Well, it does hurt a lot of people. I think that that's more comforting to me than the thought of God. But anyway, this is not that conversation. I mean, it's one of those things.

I tend to fall more in line with like the, with like the, the scientific side of things, but also I remember stories like the tale of Dr. John Brinkley, who was at one point a respected doctor who convinced a lot of people that the science said that all energy came from testicular secretion. So you should shove this goat balls inside your body. What do you guys want if anything from this captain, the episode? All of it. Every bit of it, Sophie.

Katie, I don't know. Every inch of it. Let me think about it. Okay. Anyway, whatever. Just remember when you think about whether or not, you know, science is, is the thing that you should put all of your faith in, that a lot of people used to think that this was science.

And maybe the only thing that you should trust is a hearty machete in your hands and a set of goat balls hanging underneath your regular balls, you know, that's all you can really trust inside your regular balls. Inside. Maybe that's where he went wrong. Maybe if you had them because your testicles are outside of your body. Maybe the goat testicles also needed to be outside of your body. Right.

Right. I feel like he's, he's forcing, I guess, you know, testicles into testicles, which is not, you know, not a phrase, but not a phrase because no one else but this man would do that. Yeah. It's not a, not a comp. No, you'd hear that phrase and be like, wait, what? What?

Yeah. You try to park your car into a garage. You try to park this two small, it's like, ah, it's like shoving two sets of testicles into one testicle. Yeah, you're like, yeah, it is like that. Why did you say that? I agree. And I'm going to go now and I'm not going to come back.

But yeah, I feel like maybe just like getting the goat testicles like near testicles or something like that. Yeah. It's like, yeah, like, like, like some sort of, I don't know, religious fetish. Like you, you wear them around your neck or something to make you more virile. Exactly, like a rabbit's foot. Like a rabbit's foot, a goat's testicle just around your neck. Exactly.

Perfect. You guys want to hear about his method of transplanting the glands into a man? I actually don't. Okay. I do not. You're going to hear it anyway, Cody. You can't stop this. It's happening to you.

I can mute you. His method of transplanting the glands into a man is by making two incisions in the man's scrotum under simple local anesthesia, a practice, a practically painless operation. Oh, good. I love practically painless. God. Uh, but from this point on, the technology really doesn't kill you, barely deadly. No two cases are exactly alike and Dr. Brinkley performs no two operations exactly alike.

This is the reason he explains why with the best will in the world to teach his fellow practitioners what to do and how to do it, he is nevertheless unable to state in writing exactly what treatment to use to cover all cases. That's good science right there. It cannot be taught by correspondence and simple though it sounds to hear it, it cannot be learned by attendance at a few clinics. It is delicate in this sense that it is not rightly performed in the individual case if the glands will slough.

That means loss of time, loss of temper and the waste of a perfectly good bear of young goat glands. Ah, lost a pair of glands rotting away in your testicles. Damn. Oh, my God, I really should have muted you. Now Cody is clutching his ice pack like a teddy bear. It's a blanket. It's my security.

Clutching his ice pack like a pair of animals testicles giving him virility and strength. You hold close to your heart. It's called energy, okay, and we all have it. All energy is ice energy, which is just frozen sex energy. Look, what color is ice? White. What color is testicle secretions? Also kind of a whiteish color.

So there you are. That's why Antarctica is the sexiest continent, although not for much longer. Another very important thing, which his experiments have taught Dr. Brinkley is this, the glands on being removed from the goat must be immediately placed in a salt solution warmed to blood heat and they must be used on the human being, all caps now, within 20 minutes from the time they are taken from the goat. You can't refrigerate them. So how do you do this?

You cut open the person, you let them sit, you get the goat balls, you get them goat balls. I mean, maybe you cut the goat balls off. It looks like, I mean, I'm going to guess again, like Dr. Brinkley, you can make that first incision in your balls in under 20 minutes. All these jokes and stuff and like the horror of having duped people into doing this. But this is animal cruelty. Oh yeah.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. No, this is for sure animal cruelty. Unbelievable. No. What he did was horrific. Yes, horrific.

Yeah. He's a monster. Absolutely. Um, but man, it's, it's, it's, it's pretty wacky. Um, wacky. So the more quickly after removal they're used, the more likely they are to take hold and grow. Don't think that ever happened.

I don't know. What I know about science. Pardon the phrase. I don't know if that's going to bear any fruit. Yeah. I mean, you can use pig hearts, right? People can have pig hearts, so why not have, except for the fact, of course, I think with a pig heart, you're like, if I understand the surgery, kind of like weaving it in like

where a normal heart would, so that like it blood flows through it and stuff. And he's just kind of jamming testicles inside of a person. I cannot believe that someone conceived a child after this. Let it, you know, live. I mean, I think his wife may have just fucked Dr. Brickley. I think maybe. Right. Yeah, maybe it was like that was his ploy, it's like if I need to get it for a paternity

test on to Billy Goat. Oh, they didn't have those back then. All they had was, yeah, looks like a baby. That's got to be a good baby. Look at how good it is. Surely that's the baby. Oh man, all the kids in his town growing up. It's going, ba-ba-ba-ba.

Yeah. I mean, the baffling thing is maybe because of the weirdness of the time, the kids were like, I wish I had been born from a goat's testicles. I'm just got my dad's regular cum. Yeah, you're right. There could have been some of that. Now in his men cases, he sometimes uses one gland, sometimes two, sometimes the whole gland, just as it came from the young goat, sometimes a part of the gland only.

But he leans to the opinion that the gland of the three weeks old goat gives the best results of used in tire without trimming. Sometimes he lays the gland upon the outside of the human testes, connecting part to with part. Sometimes he opens the testes by incision and lays the goat gland within the cleft. Very often there are adhesions which must be broken down before the goat gland can function rightly. Very often there are unsuspected hydrocells forming cysts in the testicular mass which

must be cut out, or there may be variocell requiring attention. The patient suffers very slight inconvenience. The local anesthetic is enough to dull the pain, even of this breaking down of the adhesions so that it is at its worst no more than the pain of a toothache and lasts a very brief while. The patient's converse with the doctor while the operation is proceeding. The pain is negligible. The doctor proceeds according to the condition, the age, etc. of his patient.

He may litigate, that is to say, tie off the tubes that connect with one testes or the other, or both. Oh my God. So he does all sorts of weird shit. I have my camera off because of the internet and you guys can't tell how anxious that just made me listening to all of this stuff. Sorry, that was my big reaction right now. Hello Katie, I've got something good for you.

The glowing letters on file of the doctor's office attest to this, this being the success of the treatment. Here for instance, is a letter from a man 81 years of age who says, I feel like a boy of 18. This is something I have not known for more than 40 years. The goat glands have certainly done the work for me, but I wish, doctor, you would fix it so that I could complete the sexual act. Wait.

Wait a second, what? Pardon me? Wait, did he just admit that he couldn't complete the sexual act? Oh, okay. It goes on to explain it, don't worry. This completion of the sexual act is exactly the thing that is to be avoided in the case of these old men. All animal energy is sex energy.

The conversion of this is that sex energy, the conversion of the sex energy into other forms of energy, physical and mental, is the aim and this aim would be frustrated if these old men were given the full power to do as they pleased with their new found youthful vigor. You cannot always trust them. It's the purpose of the litigating of both sides to making the emission of the semen impossible. What?

The life force then, having no other outlet, can do nothing but reinvigorate the entire system by pouring its precious fluids into the blood. So basically they're blocking you up. So you can't come. He's giving us, when old people come in, he gives them vasectomies. Yeah. Oh boy. And he shoves a goat testicle in there too.

Yeah, just for good measure. Because you can't let him come. You can't always trust them. Did he mean the old person or the goat? The old person. You can't trust the old person not to, because they're going to have so much new horny energy. You can't trust them not to fuck. So you have to stop them from being able to come.

Boy, this is thrilling. I feel like I have to point out that it is time for another ad if you want to. Yeah. You know what else will tie off your vast deference and make it, you incapable of ejaculation. That is not tying off the vast deference works. But yes, these ads, listen to these ads and you will never come again. That's the behind the bastards guarantee. During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated

the racial justice demonstrations and you know what, they were right. I'm Trevor Aronson and I'm hosting a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys. As the FBI sometimes you got to grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy voiced cigar smoking man who drives a silver hearse. Standing inside his hearse was like a lot of guns.

He's a shark and on the gun badass way and nasty sharks. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science? The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful

lot of forensic and not an awful lot of science. And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. I'm Molly Herman. Join me as we put forensic science on trial to discover what happens when a match isn't a match and when there's no science in CSI. How many people have to be wrongly convicted before they realize that this stuff's all

bogus. It's all made up. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lance Bass and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories.

But there was this one that really stuck with me about a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991 and that man, Sergei Krekalev, is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space, 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your

podcasts. We're back and we're learning more about when Dr. Brinkley is going to let you come. I mean, we hope soon, right? Suppose now the cases of a man of 50 who is physically run down, married and anxious to be the father of a child. In such a case, if the man is physically sound, Dr. Brinkley will do one of two things. After the transplantation of the new glands, he will either litigate one side permanently and allow one testicle to carry on the work of rejuvenation while the other can be used

for procreation, or he will ligate both sides and say to the man, I am tying off both testes because you will need to rebuild for at least one year before you should think of becoming a father. But I am ligating with linen thread, which does not dissolve, and if you come back to me in one year from now, I will remove the ligatures, one or both, and you will then be able to procreate. This is reasonable and wise talk, and the man makes no objection. In the year of probation, as you might call it, has expired, the man returns to the hospital.

The ligature is removed, and he goes home in a couple of days. These things are not fairy tales, but solid facts, amazing as they sound to you. There are five goat-gland babies today among Dr. Brinkley's patients that he knows of, four boys and one girl. There are probably many more of whom he has heard nothing, for patients have a way of moving out of touch after a while. Oh, that's weird. That's good science.

Why do they go? Why don't they want to talk to the doctor anymore? Call your goat ball doctor. Come on. Stay in touch. He did such a good job. Man, they're really admitting a lot of bad stuff in here. Yeah, they definitely didn't see it.

But they don't know. Yeah. They don't get it. Yeah. Chapter three, the practice, women. So we got a lot of good information in this one. This one's for the ladies. Sophie, can we get a little bit of mood music here?

No. Like some smooth jazz or something for the ladies? No. Okay, well. Don't ever say that again. Dr. Brinkley's Hospital. Okay, I'm going to say it every episode from now on. Please don't.

At Dr. Brinkley's Hospital, a beautifully appointed private residence, it is a comfort to women patients to have the doctor's wife, herself a competent surgeon if necessary, at hand during the actual operation. Mrs. Brinkley administers the local anesthetic or the general anesthetic, if that is what's called for, as it sometimes is. While the bulk of the operations performed on both men and women are gland transplantations, a diseased condition of tubes and ovaries has sometimes made a leporotomy necessary, and many major operations have been successfully performed in the white enameled operating

room. At such times, a woman clings to the presence of a woman, and Mrs. Brinkley's kind and pleasant manner is usually sufficient to banish all nervousness. In ordinary cases of gland transplantation into women, where the patient is in good physical condition with no disease of the organs, the operation is as simple as in the case of the man. The speculum discloses the condition of the vagina, and the insertion of the new ovary is into the mucous membrane of the vagina, leaving the goat ovary about four inches distant

from the woman's. Oh, my God. What? That's basically normal. Oh! Sorry, that's the only response I can have to this. Yeah, you gotta jam a goat ovary four inches away from your regular ovaries, and then you're good to go.

The only incision made is a small one, so it's just a small one, one inch long and painless under local anesthetic. Virtually painless. Where is the incision? Inside your vagina. Oh, painless. Yeah, just a painless inch-long cut inside your vagina to allow the insertion of another animal's ovary.

Sometimes one ovary is implanted, sometimes two, invariably the new ovary is trimmed to a reduction in size, and variably it is implanted within 20 minutes of its removal from the nanny goat. What, Cody? Why don't you do three? Why not three? Why not four? Why stop at two?

What is the problem here? That's too much vitality, Cody. I don't know. No woman can handle that much vitality. Jesus Christ, dude. I mean, not unless you try. You want them to explode from sheer nanny goat energy? I have to think that Jordan Peterson absolutely has read this.

This does scream of all of those buttons. This is the entirety of Jordan Peterson's education, you know? This is some real god-bullshit complex stuff, like, oh, we're going to, anyway, go ahead. Cut that. I'm rambling, Sophie. No, no, no, Katie. No, you're not. And we're about to get the answer to a question that you had posed earlier.

So this is good. Unfortunately for the goat, the removal of her ovaries usually costs her her life. She mopes for a few days, refuses to eat, and dies. She is always given. She mopes. She mopes for a few days after having, oh gosh, she's always given a general anesthetic and their removal is painless, at least if fatal. Just a painless, fatal operation.

It's fine. Pursuing the conclusions drawn from this long experience, Dr. Brinkley has found that women drive more instant benefit from the glands than men with respect to their awakened enthusiasm, improved appearance and recovery of feeling of poise and well-being. Very noticeable is the change of figure, which follows the implanting of the new ovaries in the case of a fat woman. The exchange is equally marked in the case of a fat man, a man of abnormal weight, 250 pounds, lost 50 pounds in two weeks following the operation, during which time he remained

at the hospital, feeling well and strong, but shrinking in girth amazingly. When he left the hospital, his clothes hung off him in bags and full, he was dying in the hospital. Of course he was. Right, like, oh yes, all the patients become very emaciated. After their bodies fight off the decomposing flesh inside of them. This is key to all this weight. It's amazing cure.

Yeah. Unbelievable. It's the vitality. Oh, Jesus. Dr. Brinkley by no means asserts that the woman whose ovaries have been removed by surgical operation will grow two new ovaries after the transplantation has been made, but he cites the case of a woman whose ovaries had been removed by surgical operation some years previous, the uterus remaining intact and whom he implanted two goat ovaries and whose period shortly

afterwards returned on a four-day basis with a 28-day interval. He does not say that the goat ovaries transplanted into the woman have grown new ovaries, but there remains the phenomenon of the renewed menstruation, and it is very difficult to account for. Maybe she was just bleeding because, again, she had another animal's ovaries put inside of her body. Maybe. Perhaps that could cause bleeding.

I'm not an expert here, not like Dr. Brinkley. I mean, do people with such, like, vitality bleed even? Like if it works and you were not going to bleed, right? Yeah, you would just bleed cum, right? Exactly. Yeah. Oh, God. I really hate that phrase.

Oh, Cody. This is... Come a long way from one pump, one cream. We have come a long way, because Dr. Brinkley would say that's not nearly enough cream. No, he'd be like, what? Also, if you've got cream, don't pump for the love of God because you're losing your vitality. No pump, many creams. No pumps, all of the cream possible kept inside of you.

Oh, God. Never. In barren women, from a 28 to 35 years of age, in whom he has not found a disease but an atrophied condition of the ovaries, the transplantation has invariably been attended with success to the removal of the barrenness, the new glands evidently bringing about the development of Ova. Nor does Dr. Brinkley say that in the case of a man who has had both glands removed by surgical operation, the transplantation will produce new glands for the man, and yet he

has had two successes to offset several failures in this very result, without any clue as to why the success followed in the one case and not in the other. What? That's good. That's good science. He said that the doctor has no idea why it worked once. Sometimes you get new testicles, sometimes you don't. Yeah.

One such case was at the hospital during the writers, the writer of this book's visit there in April. She was a paralysis case, quite fat, unable to walk except for putting forward one foot at a time, supported by the arm of someone on each side of her. She was driven to the hospital in an automobile, accompanied by her husband and daughter, from the farm, 200 miles away. Dr. Brinkley strongly urged her not to have the gland operation performed at all, but she insisted upon giving it a trial.

It is too soon yet to speak of the results in this case, but in Dr. Brinkley's view it is asking too much of the glands to expect them to produce favorable results in a case of this severity. Yet at this time, there was in the hospital a young woman suffering from dementia precox, whose mother had been watching over her for 12 years and on whom the affliction of her daughter had so weighed that she told the writer she wished God would take one or the other of them, because it was more than she could bear. This young woman has been confined to the state hospital for the insane and had been

treated by specialists for many years without any benefit at all. There was some homicidal media, much depression, and attempts at suicide. She could not be left alone in her room for a moment. But the day after the transplantation of the glands, this young woman embraced her mother and talked so rationally to her that she called in Dr. Brinkley, and with tears repeated what her daughter had just said. Dr. Brinkley advised her that the results were altogether too sudden to build upon. There will certainly be ups and downs, he said.

You must expect good days and bad days, when you will doubt if your daughter is any better. But to make a normal recovery, she ought to show an alteration of good and bad days with the good days grow. Wow. So, yeah, just this mom's daughter is suicidal. And I'm guessing it's because she has the kind of mom who would have a goat's ovaries shoved into her daughter in order to cure depression. But that's the guess though, we're talking about science, you need to have some valid

theories that you can test out. You can't just be like, maybe it's because of this obvious thing that's going on. Now, Cody, I know what you're asking next, which is can goat ball implantation stop you from aging and effectively bring about immortality? Yes, immortality, I was going to ask in the middle of asking that, thank you. Quite a frequent style of inquiry from women to the doctor runs like this, I'm in good health and in every way normal age 35, I want to remain as I am and grow no older in appearance than I am today.

Do you think that the goat gland operation would keep me from getting any older? To this kind of inquiry, Dr. Brinkley makes a stereotype reply, something as follows. If you are today in good health, I should not advise the goat gland operation, but would advise it in your case as soon as you have passed the change of life in 10 or 15 years from now. To the writer, he said, I cannot conscientiously advise this woman to submit to this operation because I don't know that the glands would advantage her in any way. They might or they might not.

I do not know. It is therefore experimental work and I cannot take her money for an experiment. I must have something definite in the way of experience to go on. There might be some evident condition of ill health to be set right, but on the other hand, okay. So that's ethical? That's ethical. Yeah, that's good ethics.

Question mark. If you're still childbearing, as soon as you have menopause, that's when you're sick enough to get goat ovaries in one day. That's what menopause is, it's a sickness. Or maybe we've earned a right to not bleed every month. Maybe we get to have sex without the fear of having a child. Contrary to that, if you get a goat's ovaries inserted, then you'll keep bleeding. Yeah.

That's good. Yes. Because you know, that's, and he's right though, I'm wrong. That's what women want is to continuously be available to make babies in. That's what doctor, I mean, yeah, that is what Dr. Brinkley thinks. That's what he thinks. I mean, he's a great man. That's what I've gathered from this.

Yeah. So obviously he's this next chapter, chapter four, Dr. Brinkley's own story claims that he's got many cases, ample proof cases, that implementation of testicles to stare, goat testicles to sterile people allows them to bear children. Already, the town is filling up with childless people waiting to be operated upon. Incidentally, cases of insanity are cured within 36 hours after a simple operation. Other diseases also disappear. So that's good.

Wow. Yeah. Well, because clearly if you can't bear children, you're going to go insane. Yeah, for sure. And the way to cure that is an animal's testicles, sex organs that you shove in where your own sex organs go. Oh man. How much more of this beautiful book do we have?

Well let's look around and see what else we got in this. I'm going to see if there's diagrams. Please no. Oh yeah. There's some nice pictures of people. No. No diagrams. Okay.

Well, okay. So we've got, there's a lot of weird stuff here. The goat reacts like human. The goat alone among mammals reacts to poisons, almost identically as human beings react. And the poison gases of the war had precisely the same effect on him as the soldiers. So 1500s goats did their bit in the war in an experimental way. These points in his favor and other similarities to man are the reasons which led me to select the goat as the best possible material for this work.

So that's, I hadn't, I was unaware that his reasoning for why goat testicles were the best testicles is that if you gas goats with chlorine gas, they die like people. You know, you can't fault that science. You cannot fault that science. That's good science. That should do it. They die similar. Okay.

So I'm finding here on page 38 that when you, when you put male goat glands into, into men, all of their babies are boys. And if you transplant female goat glands into women, all of the babies are girls. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. Or probably he says, he says probably he doesn't really know, but he's putting this in the book anyway. Wait, wait, wait.

Yeah. And what does he probably know? Because the women he implanted lady goat glands in hadn't given birth yet. So he didn't know, but he was like, yeah, probably wait, wait. Lady goat glands into ladies, ladies makes them give birth to baby ladies and male goat glands into men makes their child be okay. Well, that's nonsense. What if the male with the male goat glands fucked the woman with the lady goat glands?

If I'm not mistaken, that would create the birth of a sort of human, a blessed with powers of, of, of super sense and, and enhanced sight, far beyond the kin of mortal man. It would create like a kind of Vishnu creature who would, who would be invested with all of the power of the universe. I suspect that's my guess. Um, why didn't they ever try to put lady goat glands into men? Um, well, because, yeah, that would, that would probably wouldn't be right. Yeah.

That would leech your male sex energy and replace it with a female sex energy. Okay. Um, here's the hospital. You can tell it's a good hospital because it looks exactly like a normal house. I thought that was his house. It is also his house. He lived in the hospital. I was going to say, like, that's, that's how you want to do it.

All right. Well, I'm just going to scroll through this a little bit here. Um, yeah. Uh, well, this is just a bunch of, oh wait, yeah, here's, here's a photo from the operating room at the Brinkley hospital. So there's a bunch of doctors, all of those people, all those medical professionals are involved in inserting another animal's testicles into a human being. All of those people fucking suck.

Yeah, all of those people are pretty trash. Um, yeah. Well, guys, I think this is about all we can reasonably say about this, about this book. Um, oh, here's a picture of the goats. No, baby. Here's a picture of the goats that are going to be used for testicles. Oh, how dare him. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, the people at least are making the stupid choice to do this. Um, the goats are just, the goats had no say, the goats are just the poor innocents. Well, this has been very fun. I, uh, I learned a lot. I learned a lot too. Um, I do think we should read something of Jordan Peterson's on here. Yeah. Yeah.

This makes me really, really hung, hunger for Jordan Peterson's work. That's been our read through the goat gland transplantation by Sydney B. Flower, um, which I have to say the cover of this book appears to be like a crude image of, uh, uh, an old Greek statue. And I think it's, I think it's probably saying that like the goat gland transplant will make you virile like the ancient pagan sure that's not just like a mangled goat gland. Yeah. It's just a goat's balls.

Yeah. So they've been removed from their skin. Yeah. That seems likely Cody's one or the other Cody, if you were going to insert another animal's organs into a human being, what animal organ would it be? Human heart and the human heart humans, right? That's not allowed. Uh, dolphin's squeaker, a dolphin's squeaker throat.

Wait, wait, wait. Where would you put it in a person? The balls in the balls. You put the squeaker in the ball so that whenever people, whenever they come, it goes or a baboon heart in, uh, balls. Yes. Oh. Um, or well, I guess like to pump extra blood into them, sure.

Yeah. Um, I mean, any answer I give is going to be in, inside the balls. So okay. I like the squeaker in the throat. Um, or like, uh, you know, yeah, some sort of echolocation, um, in the throat. Yeah. Uh, but, uh, when I say throat, I mean, I mean, balls, I'm sorry. I misspoke.

Balls. Yeah. Balls. Well guys, has this changed your life at all? It's definitely changed the course of my afternoon. Um, and this is mostly all stuff I learned in school. So it's not. Yeah, Cody, you famously went, went to school at Dr. Brinkley's Goat Testicle Hospital.

Um, yeah, which is why you can't read DBGH represent classes, whatever year that was. Um, yeah, it's, um, uh, obviously there's more, like there, there are better updated textbooks about this topic, um, but this is a nice little refresher. Like Dr. Jordan B. Peterson's maps of meaning. Exactly. Maps of how the different meanings that will come into your life when you insert various kinds of testicles into your body. Exactly.

Again, that's what it's about. We've all read maps of meaning. We all know. We've all read maps of meaning. We all know that that's what it's about. Uh, the Goat Testicle of Chaos. Uh. The Goat Testicle of Chaos.

Uh, man, that's, that's, that's going into my next DMD campaign. The Goat Testicle of Chaos. It's like the eye of Vecna. More merch, more merch possibilities all throughout this episode. Oh God. Well guys, that's going to do it for us here at Behind the Basterds. Katie, Cody, do you exist on the internet in some fashion? Uh, I don't know because I've just met you for the first time to record this podcast.

No, this is such a weird way to get to know someone. I know. You are online. Uh, you can check out our other show with, with Robert, which is weird that we haven't met before. Um, uh, we record our parts, you record your parts, and we mix them up together. This has been fun though. Maybe we should do it, uh, live sometime.

Um, and our other podcast is called Even More News. Cody, you do the rest. I've, uh, there's a YouTube show called Some More News. Um, I am on twitter.com and other of those kinds of sites, uh, is Dr. Mr. Cody. And Katie is also on those sites as Katie Stoll. It's, you, you guys know this. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Google the names. Yeah. And see the accounts. Yeah. Yeah. The social media. I have a book. You can find it in podcast form in the audio form at, uh, if you just look for after the

revolution, wherever there's podcasts, any place there's podcasts, you can find it. Or you can find the text of the book and EPUB's updated every week at atrbook.com. So check it out and remember, if you don't have enough energy, don't go for coffee like some sort of an idiot, grab another animal's testicles, shove them inside your body surgically and gain the ability to birth goat children. All energy is sex energy. Don't do that. All energy is sex energy.

The motto of behind the bastards. It is not. Worst year ever. Forever and always. Yep. That's the fucking episode. Yeah. All right.

Jesus. Behind the Bastards is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonemedia.com. Or check us out on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns.

But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know Lance Bass is a Russian trained astronaut? That he went through training in a secret facility outside Moscow, hoping to become the youngest person to go to space?

Well, I ought to know. Because I'm Lance Bass. And I'm hosting a new podcast that tells my crazy story and an even crazier story about a Russian astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. With the Soviet Union collapsing around him, he orbited the Earth for 313 days that changed the world. Listen to The Last Soviet on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science? And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price? Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.