Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep104: Bus No More W/ Kerryn Feehan

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

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Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian, being Ian, life is shit but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian, being Ian. With Jordan.

Meow. That's why- Don't drop that. You know. Let's go. Just say I know go. I know just say I know I do not know why would I want you to wait name a time when we've done this name a time when I've ever asked you to wait you know the amount of times I've said start without me name a time when we've done that million times Ethan when have we done that when have we started without her on an episode? Yeah, we started without you a million times. On a Patreon. No, we always start without you. You say, I'll be there. And okay, you want to argue? You said you'd be here at 630.

I totally agree, but if I'm late- I didn't know she was going to have a hard out at eight. Didn't know that. And then you text- When did he get here? I'm here. Let me in. 721. When did he get here21 and you called me 715 Getting coffee when I got here I was petrified cuz I arrived at 707 that I was ruining the podcast

Was I was also late, it's not a big deal. I was gonna say You literally could have been like dude, I just walked in five minutes ago. Don't even worry about it It's just gonna be a short episode. But instead you're like you said you were gonna be here You're a dick dude worry about it, it's just gonna be a short episode. But instead you're like, you said you were gonna be here at 6.30. Yeah, the guilt. You're a dick, dude. That's fucked up. Yo, make sure that goes in the episode. That's fucked up.

No, no. No, legitimately, that's whack. This is my, that's, admit that's whack, dude. All you had to say was, I showed up five minutes ago, hold up. Yeah, you're acting like you were here early and the lighting was- At 6.30. At 6.30. I was, I- This is your ago. Hold up. Yeah, you're acting like you were here early and the lighting was-

At 6.30. At 6.30. This is your place to dwell in. I was afraid you were gonna be mad at me. Don't go all, oh, I'm a dumb victim. Say, take responsibility. I'm an asshole. Yeah.

I'm an asshole. Say that you just omitted the truth to get out of it. I omitted the truth and you threw me right under the bus. No, there was no bus. I was the late one. You were here at 6 30 when I thought Jordan was going to be here. Well, I was and then I left to get coffee. Make sure this goes up. I need people to see this. No, you left at like seven to get coffee because it doesn't take that long to get coffee. Ethan, when did I leave? Like 6 30 to get coffee. Yeah, I mean like it was like around 6 40. Ethan is terrified of you. He

is not telling the truth. I did go to the grocery store and look around to see if they had raw beef because I'm trying to do a raw beef diet. And then I lost track of time. I'm an asshole. I'm an ass. You're a little bit under the bus. I will not say I threw you under the bus. You didn't admit that you were late as well.

Yeah, that's the thing. Is that throwing you under the bus? Yeah! Because you could have, we could have been podcasting for about 15 minutes. Or I could have walked in and you would have been like, dude we fucked up, we were both late, don't worry about it. But instead you were like, and you used my lateness to cover up my lateness! Which is... Which is wrong! Throwing me... Say it! I threw you under the bus. I threw you under the bus and I want to grab you and Yankee out and throw myself under the bus. What do you want to do? How do I make it up to you?

That's it. That's all I need you here. Really? Yeah! You threw me under the bus. Have an AIDS card. I don't want it. AIDS in Australia. Shout out for these AIDS cards. How distracting is my Invisalign? Oh, I didn't notice. Oh, hell yeah. There we go.

OK, I noticed because I'm near you, but it's OK. But it's not affecting your speech at all. Really? Yeah. Joliss sounds deaf right now. He's getting Invisalign? Yes. Oh, no, he I know he takes it out before he eats too. And I always want to go on a peek. So I can see the drool. Yeah, it's disgusting. I like it, though. When did you get them? Are to want to peek so I can see the drool. Yeah, it's disgusting. I like it though.

When did you get them? Are they new? I just don't wear them that often, but I need to start wearing them. You've been wearing them all the time. You've been wearing them a lot. Yeah, yeah. Hold you out of the bus a little.

No, stop doing that. I'm gonna yank you out. You're the one who parks the bus on top of her body. I think it's crazy we haven't had Karen on yet. Yeah, here I am. Me too. Well, thank you for cleaning. I think it's crazy we haven't had Karen on yet. Yeah, here I am. Me too. Well, thank you for cleaning. I love you, Karen.

Love you too. Happy welcome. Thank you for having me. It's been a while. The last time I was here, Ian made me hot dogs and eggs. Ew. Yeah.

Years ago. Like it was a gourmet meal. Yeah. How did you, you tricked me into doing so many things. Please. Why is he done? I tricked you into doing one thing. No, you're not. The stripper thing, and then you got mad at me

because you're like, I could have gotten naked. I was like, why did I want to devalue you? Wait a minute, I wasn't even thinking about that thing. Wait, I had a question. And you called me gay. I forgot about that. Did you guys have sex? You called me gay for not putting the moves on you,

for inviting me to, inviting you to my apartment. Was that a relapse time when I was doing that? Maybe, you were like, he invited me over and he didn't try to put the moves on me. He just made me eggs and hot dogs. That sounds like a drunk Karen thing to say. I know somebody in the comments of my other podcast where I don't get thrown under the bus said, said, said something about Karen and do we have a beef? I don't know if we have a beef.

What happened? But I took I made content over something that you and Annie Letterman said about comics who have only fans I used to make a video And where I said comics shouldn't have only well, you guys are just like it's weird. That's because I hate my body But I do but I was just talking but your whole thing is the only fans that's like part of your bit It's only fee hands that yeah, that's different I just used your guys's audio to make it. Oh, is that what people are saying? Oh good. I'm so glad guys It each other no no no

Kiss and make up yeah, we're just a makeup. Oh, yeah, I wasn't just a makeup I was not talking about less established you were taught who else is a comic that has only fans that we know? She was not her. I think you think. Yeah, I probably know. I'm going to see their names. Yeah. No, is she even a comic?

I don't know. That's what I mean, though. Yeah. Yeah. There's wide risk. I used to have a beef a few months ago. I had a thing where I was like, if a woman posted a hot picture, I would unfollow her as a comic. Someone asked why you unfollowed her. I forget who, but they were like, I've only ever been nicer.

Oh, please tell me. Well, don't I'm trying to think. Oh, come on. I really can't remember. But they were like, I think Jordan hates me. I was like, no, she hates that's why it was it. Her to someone else, but her to. Yeah, everybody thinks it's because if you post a hot picture and I'm in PMS saying, I just am like, what are we doing in comedy?

I'm starting to get very upset about. Under bus, look at your arm looks like you. Your arms are really good. What looks like you You guys are my new porn Welcome to another episode of B&E and majority. Please. I really need it. Do you? Yeah. I mean do people have to wear sunglasses on this episode because your shine is blinding them. You are glowing. Listen to me. Are you in a mode where you are- Sorry, we're glowing. Don't wanna fuck me again.

I've never wanted to fuck you. And I totally forgot about, you know what trickery I was speaking of? When you tricked me into going in that van with that chicken, you guys chain smoked the whole way to Mike Colta's house. He did that to me in Florida. Mike Colter?

Colta. No, no, no. That's because there was a miscommunication and Canon- You tricked me so hard. There was no trick. Now you're gonna throw Cannon under the bus? You tricked me so hard. Wait, remember we because there was a miscommunication and cannon there was no Remember we couldn't get a hold of cannon He had the foresight to know that you were gonna trick him into riding in a van full of cigarettes He knew he was smart. You guys hate each other. What's up with that? Why why you should have assumed that he would be smoking right? Look at him

I didn't think I did drive two hours I did drive two hours to San Diego the other day by myself because Jason also wouldn't drive me smoking He hates it that much does he do anything he also wanted to drive with this girlfriend HIV prep who's that? It's in Europe. This is sad What I know like it's a sad thing that happens lady with a baby Oh, this guy's just named Roy Cohn and it's his AIDS trading card You want to trade it for a Rock Hudson?

Do you get the ref 78,000? Your voice gone Do you get that ref 78,000? Voice gone Which one with your shoulder, it's not that many what did you do? Did you grab the ramp? What did you do? I dislocated my shoulder skateboarding with Tony Hawk cool. Yeah, I Went down you do I went down I did Jason and Tony's pocket Yes, and then we all skateboard and dude Tony Hawk said hey Ian. Do you want to go skateboard? And I was like, this is the dad I've always wanted.

He's your age. Tony Hawk, how old is he? He looks younger than you. 20 years older than me. He's like 60. Yeah, but your lungs are the same age. Is he so? Yeah.

So we went skateboarding and him and Ellis, Tony taught me how to do a kick turn on a ramp, a fakie. And then let's go to a ramp. Oh no. And then they had me drop in on a quarter pipe vert. And I kept falling, falling, falling. And I did it. And it was like the coolest thing ever. It was so fun. Tony gave me a hug. Andy Anderson. That's what disassociated your shoulder. Well, they go, we're going to go podcast. I go, I'm going to leave and they go, no, skate around, enjoy it, have fun. I go, okay. It was an indoor skate park. That's when you hurt yourself. When you, nobody's even watching. Nobody was watching. And I did it again to be like, they'll be so proud of me. So I did it and they were like, yeah. And

I go, I'm going to do it again. And I dropped in and totally fell flat and my armpit kissed the ground. It popped out and then I popped it back in. You did not. Yes, I did. It was hanging. No, no, no. The shoulder. It didn't pop out of my skin. I know. But it was dangling from the socket. This ball thing popped out and then I snapped it back in. Did it hurt? Bro. Going back in.

Everyone's like, dude, that's cool. I was like, well, you should have heard the noise. Really? It was bad. It was like, well, you sure the noise I really it was bad It was like But man, oh man did it fucking hurt but I have mobility It's gonna take four to six weeks. I can do this. I can do that, but this hurts So this is out. Well, yeah, it hurts to like reach into my pocket and like put a shirt on. But it's going to go away. My buddy,

shout out Bill Bonner, my doctor. Shout out Jimmy Bonner, my lawyer. If you guys are ever in trouble in a bad way, this guy will help you out. Jimmy Bonner, Esquire. He got me class four felony weapon charge, pled down, criminal mischief, misdemeanor. What? How do we get a lot of scumbags? What's going on? What? Was this a different time? When did you have a weapon? What weapon was it? How did you get from there to there?

Because Bill is my doctor and his brother is Jimmy and his brother. Jimmy is my criminal defense attorney. Spiders. What? In your head. Yeah, creepy dolls. Spiders! They're in my head!

That's a cool song. Karen, where was that house that you guys were all at the other day? Steve ran Aziz's house. Steve has a pool. Right, and a batting cage at his house. I got invited to that and I said I'd go to the park instead. Why are you doing that?

Why are you yelling at me? Aww. You should have gone to that. No. No bus. It was so hot. No bus. No bus anymore.

It was really good food. He uh. That was the 4th of July? No, it was like, like the, that, like we, maybe the 9th or something. Yeah, I thought it was the 4th of July? No, it was like, like the, that, like we, maybe the 9th or something. Yeah, I thought it was the 4th of July. No, no. You weren't invited to that one. The 4th I was on the Cape.

With who? My family. Wow. They live there? Yeah. Wow. I surprised them. I flew there and I showed up at their barbecue.

I've done that for Christmas. Isn't that the funnest thing in the whole world? Oh my god. That's nice. The nieces or the nephews? They lose it and I always bring them money and shit. They fucking love me. You just brought money?

I bring them, I hand them like a hundred dollar bill. Oh my God. That's all. Let's play niece. Are you Karen? Yeah. No, they don't talk like that. Jesus.

You freaking Karen. They're day walkers. I need the money for my shoulders. My nine year old niece does have a mustache though. Yeah. Wait, oh puberty. Yeah nine year old needs to have a mustache though. Yeah, yeah. Widow puberty. Yeah, that's fun to do, because your family flips out, right?

They flip out, yeah. I like watching the kid, the little kid face where they're like, it's not real, it is real. I don't wanna cry, but I'm so excited, but what is happening? It's the best. It's awesome. I'm going home for a week tomorrow.

I'm very excited. Nice, where you from? Yes, Ithaca. Okay, that'll be Okay. I rented a cabin to stay with my ex in and then he broke up with me. What? So now I'll be there alone. But with the fam with the fam. You're gonna come? No, I don't want to. You can come. I'll come. Do you want to? Yeah. You're in a car. I Leave tomorrow. I'm starving. What? I'm fine. What are you going?

Next week, okay She invited me to the Dominican Republic and I bought a plane ticket and she said you can't go So this makes up for this one. You actually could to I'll come yeah, how do I get there? Bye, I'll get a plane Jimmy and Bill Bonner's brother Ryan flies planes I could get him to fly. No, there's a one that leaves from J. Okay. What about a car? How long is that flight? You ran to car? 45 minutes. I ran a car. I'm gonna be training and working out a lot I'll sunbathe No, if you can't train don't do it. I have a fucking shoulder

It's totally fine massage it no listen have you guys ever had sex be honest Ever. I was like, yeah. No, we haven't. Are you lying? No, I meant ever like in the world. No, it's other people. Um, yeah. Shout out Sound and Fury Fest. That was awesome. You missed a fun time. Des Madre fucking rips. Check them out.

Is that a scar band? No. Yeah, we never had sex. I'm like the only comic in New York. Yeah, comics, too. Oh, sure. They're funny. They're funny. Right. You have a hard time dating people who aren't common.

Do you have a hard time dating people who aren't common? Yes! Yes dude, I agree! Secondage! Put that down! Put that down! What's going on? I just want to call off you! You don't need any! Shut up, get her in! You don't need it. Why didn't you get yourself one? Do any of you want to hang out?

You know who was my most favorite comic that I dated the Lucas Brothers I don't know. No, you didn't. Oh yeah, you were with them for a while. They were the best. You did not. I remember that. No, you weren't. I made out with one of them at first, but I didn't know, like,

and then I ended up dating the other one, but I thought that it was the same one the whole time. No, you did not. Until like a few months in, they told me, they were like, yeah, you actually hooked up with Kenny at first, but he was was like you can have her Oh my god Oh my god, that's awesome. I know they're like dude. I was in and out of sobriety, but mostly sober mostly sober

How long sober do you have now? It's like six years Thank you, and I quit You're biting like Samson bites me it's like a cute soft bite that's like a dog That's like a dog. That's like a wolf Break the skin. Why do you just share it? That's what I'm saying So What about you do you have it what do you what you gonna ask me? You guys are Eskimo brothers. Do I find it hard? Do you? Oh, yeah. Thank you. You're welcome.

Do you find it hard to date non comics because they're boring? Yes. And autistic? Yes. You want to hear what happened the other night? What? Yo. What? Yo. I got a story about that.

That Punisher girl. Oh, and I have something to tell you show you okay. Why don't tell me first Okay, I went a whisper. Okay. No one can hear if you whisper. I went on a hinge date Oh, you're on hinge. I know but I didn't go on a hinge date We were just talking and then he was like, I'll come to the cellar dude, did he? You guys guy this guy He I'm not gonna say where he works. Cool job. Cool stuff. Supreme. Motorcycle. Indian motorcycles. Sounds like. Yeah. Everything's cool. And then he shows up. I'm like,

I'm like, just, I'll watch the set and then we'll hang out after. And then I get off stage and I'm like, what'd you think? He goes, he goes, well, it actually wasn't as good. It's the first time I saw you. But yeah, and I was like, oh, who's this fucking joke? What a loser. Wait, you've seen me before. I was like, yeah, well, I saw you at McDougal. You just did like a lot more crowd work that time.

And I was like, yeah, I was really hustling through this one. It's the worst room, you know. And he was like, well, yeah, I just really think. And he like was talking like that the whole time. And it was defensive. Like, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I just really think and he like was talking like that the whole time and it was defensive like I'd be like, oh yeah, so do you race like upstate? He's like, no, I don't race upstate. Oh, God, you were with that guy. Yes, yes. And then I really would need you guys to hear this.

Don't tell me I said this. I said this is a this is a hinge guy that I said to Harry. I want to Harry. I want to know who you are. Know you like. So instead of us going into superficial questions like, what kind of music do you enjoy? You're a lyric. You like music.

Why the poem makes you feel something or why that book inspires you? Because when it comes down to it, the one doesn't really matter. We can all come to the same conclusions But have totally different motivations and their reasons for it I want to transition to a woman get him and then break his heart isn't that's that is Weird that I thought that no not for you seems you get you just transition Okay sounds like a fag you That he like cuz you're a public figure why he's so brave what women would choose that

person would be I Control no, okay. She's barren. Me too. But it's good It's good to not be on birth control. It's good to not be on birth control. Barren Karen and Fjordin Fjordin. What? Abortion Jordan.

Fjordin's an Icelandic word for barren. Oh. She did it on purpose. Because women on birth control are attracted to betas. Most women are on birth control and it like sends out this signal to guys that like they don't have to produce testosterone anymore because they don't have to make babies because our bodies are telling them not to. That just happened.

Is that why it fucks so many girls who aren't on the pill? Because they like men. Wait, women on birth control are attracted to betas. Because their hormones are so fucked fucked like they're shut down like that like this role instinct that where you want like a fucking dude to like You know like fucking dominate you you don't have oh, I need to get birth control. No get off. Oh, you want a beta That guy's a beta. That's what all there is you already date baiters, right? Though that's all there is because there's so many women on birth control they've wrecked the dating. No there isn't. I'm I'm a man. Do you have any kids? No. See? They want my kids. You cry all the time. They call me alpha Ian. You cry. They will. When has anyone, when have I

cried? You cry. Now so all these women. I'm in touch with my emotion because I'm a sensitive alpha. If we aren't going to see each other for two days, you like have to do a ritual. Because I love you. Because I want to. Because I miss you. It's crazy. When I had to get in the Uber the other day, we're leaving LA and I was like, here we go. And I was like, I gotta go. And you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

And I was like, Ian, just like three days. And you're like, just come here for a second. But I didn't cry. That's where you left. I could make you. Huh? You, you're not, you are an alpha, but you're. Dude, I alpha'd the shit out of a guy today.

I was boxing and this guy who came up, he was very cool dressed, black guy. And he was like, oh, y'all are boxing. And I was like, yeah. And he just like stood there and watched. And then I could feel him watching and I turned around. I was like, dude, what are you doing? He was like, I'm just watching you guys.

I was like, it's not a fucking zoo. And he was like, I can't watch. I was like, no, Jordan, get the fuck out of here. What? What? You're like, it's not a fucking zoo. And then you eat your own. Yeah, it's not a zoo.

I start throwing my shit at him. I was like, it's not a zoo. You can't just fucking. And he was like, Jesus. And I was like, it's not a zoo. You can't just fuck it. And he was like, Jesus. And I was like, yeah, dude, what do you think? Like you're standing three feet away from us. Just like, that's crazy. And my trainer was like, whoa.

And I was like, yeah. Good. Anyway, back to my little. Some guy really innocently, my dog was like sniffing these bushes and I couldn't get her out. He was like holding a skateboard. He's like, oh, she won't get out of the bushes.

And I was like, like just with my eyes. He was like, all right, sorry. I'm like, talk to me. Yeah. I don't get her out. He was like holding a skateboard. He's like, oh, she won't get out of the bushes. And I was like, like just with my eyes. Yeah. All right. Sorry. I'm like, talk to me. Yeah. I don't know you. Yeah. It's crazy. But I want to get to know you. Right. Right. That's what they say.

Come on. You don't need a friend. I hate when you're doing something slightly out of the ordinary as a woman. And people are just like, you're doing a thing with your hands there. And you're like, yeah, I don't just like walk perpendicular all day. Sit, stand and do it again. Perpendicular. Is that a female trait? Yes, that's how we walk.

We walk perpendicular. Yes, the sidewalk. We walk at right angles. Yes. You know, when I used to do carpentry and I had a nail bag on, every person would be like, yeah, right, right, right. They recognize tools. Yeah, and they'd be like, we use, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you,

those are ours, we use those. Yeah, it was out of control. Did you steal those from one of us? It was crazy. Or if you have any paint on your clothes, paint, paint you a picture? And you're like, no, I'm not painting a picture. Paint me?

Yeah, you can paint on me. It's crazy. There was a guy in my gym class like, no, I'm not painting a picture. Paint me? Yeah, you can paint on me. It's crazy. There was a guy in my gym class today, Ricardo, and we were doing, yeah, yeah, yeah, we were doing sumo deadlifts. Yeah. Whatever, I have like a pretty decent sumo deadlifts, but we were doing three-

What's a sumo deadlift? Just your legs are wider and you stand, it's a different stance than a traditional. Imagine a sumo. And then a big one. Uh-huh. Anyway, we're on our like third set or whatever, and I'm adding weight every time. And I was like, yeah, just put like the tens on.

He's like, well, if you can do the tens, let's just take him off and put a 25. And I was like, oh, you're talking a lot, Ricardo, for somebody who missed a fucking warm up. Yeah. What the fuck? Oh, man. Get them. That sucks. Fuck you, Ricardo. I'm not trying to fucking throw my back out in the second. I'll get there. Oh, I'm in my mask out.

Take it easy, Retardo. Yeah, you can't do that in the gym, though. Like, you can't do that at Lifetime. It's an expensive gym. You just call people retards. Although my favorite teacher is gay, and he does let me get away with a lot of stuff. Nice.

It was like July 1st hit. I was like, yeah, Pride Week's over. And he was like, Pride Month's over. And he was like, he laughedst hit. I was like, yeah, probably weeks over. And he was like, probably months over. And he was like, he laughed. He liked it. I know. Right. J.K., we see you. We hear you.

He's my favorite. I call him Ron Elizabeth Christopher Street. He's the best. He's so strong. And I love him. I see him Tuesday, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I'm so mad I was getting so strong and now I can't do anything Just work on your legs. I always do this interview. Yeah, you can do other things your legs

But I want my upper body to be really use lighter weight What like squats and also that's your right arm. So even if you build up the left You probably won't catch up with the right arm. Agreed, cause I broke this. I have a screw right here and that's what I did. I built up my left arm, my right arm's still stronger. Really? Yeah.

Your right arm's always stronger. This gives me hope. I'm meeting up with my trainer tomorrow and I'm excited. I thought you said you're eating out with your trainer. I'm eating out with my trainer. We're just having a little meal. I... Was that Zach?

Yeah, Zach. Amiko's your trainer? You're doomed. We're going to do a sit and crunch. That's why we said he crunched. Have supreme. We love you, Zach. You're the best. I know I was like really depressed Saturday because I was like, dude, I was in so much pain. I was like, I'm making all this progress.

Or like pain. So no, right. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I know. You know, they gave me when I broke this, they gave making all this progress. Are you taking a pill or like pain stuff? No, right? No, I'm sober. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I know. They gave me, when I broke this, they gave me like 40 Oxy's. I took two like right after the surgery and then I was done. Those things.

I hate being constipated though and they constipate you immediately. I know. Dude, I'm just raw dogging it. It sucks. That's better though. You can take ibuprofen. Yeah, you can take an ad.

Straight ahead! No, I've been told. While you're guzzling brain meds. La la la la la brain meds. It does. It can fuck up your like mental health, though. I definitely like almost every time I've gotten injured to the point where it's like you have to be on bed rest or you just have to not do anything. I get depressed. I'm like a medical profession. Why? Because that's what they say to you. The messaging is so defeatist. It's like, just rest.

Just rest. You go to any gym, they're like, you can totally still work out. Just fucking hammer your ass. Yeah. Do what? Hammer your ass. Listen, it sounds different when I say it.

Listen. That was hot. That was not. Yeah, it sounds like I was doing work. I'll put a hammer into your ass. That sounded like an invite. That sounded like directions. Oh, let's talk about the OnlyFans thing. I'll put a hammer into your ass. That sounded like an invite. That sounded like directions. Let's talk about the OnlyFans thing.

I have so many questions. Oh, did you know? Can I shut up? This is great. Go ahead. Do you make a good amount of money on it? Yeah. Do you have certain people that are diehard subscribers?

Yeah. Do you know who they are by name? You don't have to say their names, but if I subscribed to you, would you be like, oh, Jordan just- No, no, no, it's all anonymous. Like I have 17,000 Jim Nortons. It doesn't bother you that Mike Racine is-

Oh, no. At least he's getting his heart rate up somehow. Wow. Do you show whole? Yeah. Really? In private, they have to pay for it in the private, no whole on Maine. Do you show whole? Yeah. Really? In private, like they have to pay for it in the private, like no whole on Maine. Do you show yourself having sex?

No. Do you show yourself? It's all solo. Yeah. Jerky. Yeah, but it's like I never come. Don't tell them though. I'm coming.

I'm coming. Dude, bad Bobby. You know that girl, Daniel Bergerola? Yes. Bad baby. You're just reading it phonetically. You're a fucking idiot. What? It's B-A-H. What? You know that girl Daniel Bergerola. Yes bad, baby She Indian People say I look like obviously much older look like her who is she bad, baby

You got a little remember the cashmere side girl from Dr. Phil? Yeah, you know that girl cash me outside had that day? You kind of look like her if someone- Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Don't do it. If someone made a missing person's poster for- And then jerked off on it and lit it on fire. Whatever you're projecting right now is not me.

All right, go ahead. Okay? Yeah, it is. You look beautiful and I'm going to pay for your OnlyFans. No, you're not. Right now. Well, you already bought me. Okay. Yeah it is you look beautiful and I'm gonna pay for your only fans Right now. Well, you already bought me a coffee. It's 25 a month. Fuck you. I'm not doing that. See no offense I'll just haggle you till you show in real life. You don't get whole for 25. Do you wear outfits? Yeah, really? Yep. Is it fun? Yeah, Sheen has all my money Yep. Is it fun? Yeah, sheen has all my money

Sheen I know me too. I was like whoa He's probably helping he probably helps. I wonder how much of it is comics I think I probably a lot of it and certainly comedy fans because I had a following before I started it So it's like that's like the pool. We're different. I tell you something I admire the fact that you do it and you're open about it because people hide it and you're like, you know what? Fuck it. This is me. I'm going to get fucking money during the pandemic. You bought me food all the time. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh yeah. It's a hot pot. Hot pot is a nightmare with Asian people. What the fuck? Oh, thank you so much. You thank you so much! You thank you so much

You sank? I sank when they walked away I have a problem with simian at the cellar because he's half chinese and every time I see him i'm like He's like stop i'm also black. I'm like See I do the opposite i'm like what up brother man Yeah, yeah Uh, no you are very open your honest about you don't give a fuck and I admire that I like that Yeah, thanks. Yeah, I like having money. I don't know what to say. It's hard to like I can't picture going back to being Broke. Yeah. Yeah. Hi everybody. We all have bad habits Stop beating yourself up and do something to change them human is an award-winning flavored air device

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No, no. You know, you would if you were certain only fans, you would dominate. No, they don't want to see that. Yeah, they do. I have so much crepey. I used to be what you're following like gender wise. Do you know the breakdown like it's always more men

Yeah Yeah, do great if you wanted to they would want me to like crush watermelons. Yeah, that's the thing that I'd never answered DM Special take crowd work. They're all like narcissists. They talk to me. Do you want to see my figurines? Will you shove this up you? Karen's requests are like, oh, squad, let's see your butthole. And yours is like, dude, jumping jacks. No, mine is, people want me to hurt their feelings. So many DMs are like, I'm going to be at your show. Make me feel bad. And I'm like, I'm not going to do that.

That's a thing. They do that too. They'll like, there's one of my guys who's my favorite simp of all time. He's like even like off the only fans, just like in life. He's like, he like just bought me a Prada bag. He's like, just send me a video of you telling me that like you own me. I want that. I want to do that. Yeah, that I would love to make money. Just tell the camera. See, here's the thing.

If you pay me a thousand dollars, I will send you a 10 minute video. 10 minutes? That'd get pretty redundant. In detail, telling you what a little piece of shit you are and how your dick sucks. Practice on me. You're a tiny piece of shit and your dick sucks. Your balls are huge.

Your penis is tiny and it turns. I have big balls. It makes a lot of sense. I got a big cock too, you fucking bitch. You don't have a big cock. Yes, I do. You absolutely do not. You have a Yankee standard at best. You're such a fucking cunt.

I've seen it. I've seen it. You tell me I have a big dick. And then other times you don't have a big dick. Tiny dick spiel. You have a little dick. I'm about to show it. You're a little baby dick boy, a crab man. Are you going to show it hard or flaccid? Hard. Samson. Samson, get out of there. The dick folder. Why Samson in the dick folder? I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not.

I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not.

I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not.

I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. I'm glad you're not. It's bigger than Lewis's yeah Yeah, see let me see it's a big cock You're just used to one fucking monster dick and you compare it to that for the rest of your life I'm a bit of size queen. Yeah, you are twice size Queen Jensen High screen Jensen Lucy It's normal. It's above average. It's not above average. Thank

you. It's this big. It's thick and it's sick. It's above average. It's bigger than that. It's bigger than that whore. It's average plus. I will take that. You know the little plus symbol on the chemical? Thank you. Small plus. Doesn't it? Small plus. Sorry you have a fat pussy. Whoa. OK. Listen.

And this thing would go in there and go, anybody in here? I don't know the size of my vagina. I actually do not know. That's funny. How are we supposed to compare tightness? I know. We'd have to have molds of ourselves that we wear on little neckless.

You guys get a lot from outward appearance. You can tell. You know what it is? I have a high cervix I've been told that my cervix is very far in there. Oh, yeah What does like when I had an idea I couldn't touch the strings hardly? Oh, wow, you know, I mean, so I kind of need a long Guy. Yeah, you old long guy cuz you like your cervix blown. Yeah, I need the cervix blown out Yeah Yeah, I need the cervix flow now. Yeah.

I'll shoot it, but I ain't gonna smack it. Yeah, it's gotta get smacked. The way I come, I'm like a pure click comer. So I just need a dick in there. It doesn't really matter the size. And I actually need the guy to be still while I fucking... That's the dream. Calm down. Stop looking at me like that.

Way too much icon. That's the dream. I don't know. I'm going to be like that way too much. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. That's the dream. Yeah. What? I get to play dead. I'm in. But that honestly, it's hard for guys to do that.

They can't. You're going to squirm a little wormies. You can't stay focused. You can't do the script. I'm telling you to just happy to be there. No, I need it. Very, very violent slamming of the cervix. It needs to be painful.

Yeah, that happens to me. I can slam a serve for a little, and then boy do I get winded. When you say it sounds like a volleyball tournament. Slam a serve, ace! Let me put it in your race! Jordan, does your dog get along with all dogs? Yeah.

I'm so jealous. I had her at seven weeks. I had Mabel at eight months. Maybe that's why. Yeah, so she was just with dogs immediately. Yeah. And she had siblings. Yeah.

Oh, it's eight o'clock. Yeah, I know. I'm gonna call her. No. But I wanna hear about Coyote a little. I know, I want you to stay. Where's your show? It's at Soho House.

Oof, yikes. It's gonna take 15 minutes to get there. This has me arriving at 8.36. I can say another two minutes. That's all I need. Who's doing that? Is that McCulloch? No, it's um what's his face? Andrew Yang. Andrew what's his last name? He's like the agent from WME. I don't know. Morris? No, Andrew. Andrew. Philip Morris? Drew, no yeah. Andrew Russell. Joe, Andrew Russell. Yes, you do.

I do. Yeah. I remember it very well. We've met. You're Russell. He's like great guy. This show isn't bad because they give you food. Dude, they gave you food and McCalla shows and those ones always suck.

Those were really bad. I mean, listen, it's still so how so fucking euro trash. So what house is it? Euro trash. That's how I think that so ho houses I don't know what type of fucking people go there loser is gonna spend three grand a month just to pay more money Every time you go there. It's so it's fucking stupid. It's Not all The one that I was I kept. We're friendly, but I kept accidentally taking shots at Ashley Heseltine because she took me there and I didn't realize she was like a member.

I'm like, who the fuck would pay for this? It's crazy. And then, but hey, a girl's got to eat. That when I did those shows over the pandemic, they made the comics where mass and the audience didn't. Oh, fuck. Oh, guess what? I didn't get books. Good job. You're a big boy. Yeah. You're strong. Yeah. You took it off. I'm gonna call the Uber. But that doesn't mean it's here yet. Oh my God. You did it. Lewis, when? For like almost two years. I mean that was a- After Kim?

That was a never ending story that thing. He left me for Kim. He left you for Kim? Yep. FOOL! I don't know. She was like ten years younger than me. Are you dating anybody now? I'm dating- I have like four guys interested in me. It's so exciting. Are any of them comics? Do you like any of them?

Yeah one of them is a comic in Austin. Who's like really hot too young for me Are you working One of them is my gym guy like a teacher at my gym who's so hot Yeah, my other boyfriend is drew mint Montana. Who's that? Oh Dude, he's the best. Yeah. Oh shout out do rag at the deer tag. Wait, are you really looking up with him? I'm gonna see him tonight Amazing. That's the best we have never hooked up. You really the thing for Philly guys, huh?

I think I'm a thing for scumbags. Yeah me too. Right? Yeah. No why we've never worked out I'm a guy with a heart of gold There's no why you guys never worked out? Why all of us? Why me and all the girls? Like me and Jordan just have other options. I just like a guy who's turned away from me. Like they're just leaving at all times.

Was that? Literally there's words on the back of your shirt that says some bullshit like, It's loads of fun. I want to be with you forever. Some shit. What is it? Really? Pupils spun. Blessed be the setting sun. It's loads of fun. Yeah. The back of you forever. Some shit. What is it? Really? People spun. Bless me the setting sun. It's loads of fun. Yeah. The back of your shirt. You can't even look at the back of your body without getting positive affirmations.

This guy must have been just parked on your street because he's literally here. I just put Texas when you get there. That's kind of creepy. Really? Yeah. His name is I've arrived I know his name is Cahendra. Lamar. He's a great district. Hey guys this was fun. I'm sorry that we're late. I'm sorry you have to go do a horrible show you're gonna do great. Come back on. You can come back on whenever you want. Look at your little stuff. Yeah. So cute. We, oh, oh, oh, look at the camera. Plug anything that you want. I'm going to be at Donkers County Club in the middle of August.

Talk with your butt like Acer Chura. What? Bye Karen. Thank you. Be careful. Text us when you get there so we know you got there safe. Bye. No, you got there safe. Bye! I feel bad. Yeah, me too. She'll come back. You want them to leave him wanting more, you know? Yeah.

It's fun. How's your shoulder? Really hurts. Replace it with that one. I would do the gag, but it really hurt. I had cold. Dude, don't shut the fuck up. It's over now. Oh, it's over now. Yes, I was. I went into places with COVID.

Okay. Yeah, right? I coughed on children. Shut the fuck up. Our farm was LA. Dude, I don't want to be here. We got to go. Can we just go? Can we go for February? I spent all of February out West. Let's do it. We should take the podcast on the road. That was fucking fun. When?

The live show in LA. I know. Let's just go to LA. Shout out to everyone that came out to the live pod. I gotta get out of here for a little bit. I gotta go. Dude, here's the thing. You're up. Exactly. Right? You're on the road every weekend. Shout out to everyone that came out to the live pod. I gotta get out of here for a little bit. I gotta go. Dude, here's the thing. You're up.

Exactly. Right? You're on the road every weekend. Cool out touring in 2025. We'll spend a month out West. There's no reason to move until it's financially. I don't wanna move. Like a good idea.

I don't wanna move. I wanna get ready to Airbnb for a month. I don't want to move. I want to get ready to Airbnb for a month. Yeah, let's do that. Cause I just got to get out of here as much as possible or else it's just gonna. Do what I do. I go out to LA every couple months. I'm a waigu.

I'm a waigu. It's great. I'm a waigu. Who I was. I'm a waigu. I'm a bwaigu. That was a great live pod that we had. That one was sick.

That was so much better than the Netflix's joke one. I know. Well, dude, they oversold the venue, which was fucking great. That's great. And you haven't paid me for it. Yeah, I know. I'm cashing the check. They sent a check. Did you look at the footage? Is it good? It's out.

It's out. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Did he do good? Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. That was so fun, man. The improv was great. Shout out to everyone that packed it out. It was so fun. Just so fun. Boxing with Jason. It was really fun to. Yeah. And it was nice to see everybody. And it was cool to get wake up early because our, Yeah, and it was nice to see everybody and it was cool to get wake up early because our circadian rhythm and like bodies were still out here. You know, I was waking up every day jumping in the pool. I was on a new diet, shopping at Arrow One.

Arrow. Yeah, I was staying on the lake. I just and then I went back and I just did this like touristy show in New York with these people that were just blackout drunk. And I was like, it just did this like touristy show in New York with these people that were just blackout drunk. And I was like, it's just the summer. The summer in New York is rough. Yeah. The winter will be better. It's just the summer is like, yeah. And then we get to the winter and it's like the winter's rough. Yeah. What are you reading? What are you reading?

Eric Clip Guy for tomorrow. What was the last sex sexual encounter you had? Dude, that hinge guy. But he got me a no-effect shirt That's cool. Yeah No, it's funny. You made fun of this shirt. I have one coming for you and one coming. I love that Yeah, it was just funny that you turn your back to me and it was like I love you This this girl this girl came up to me and was I was talking to a bunch of people and she was like Oh, this this girl, this girl came up to me and was like, I was talking to a bunch of people and she was like, Loki, I feel like your shirts racist. And I go, oh, no, the

shirt is an I am. And she goes, I go, why do you think it's racist? She goes, because it's a Kool-Aid man with like grape soda in it. And I go, well, it's lean and it's a rip off of a power trip shirt from years ago. And yeah, I think there's something wrong with you. Yeah, you see that. She goes, what? And I go, did you think this was racist? Someone goes, no, I go, did you? And they go, no, I did you know. And I go, yeah, I think there's something inside of you that wants us to be racist.

And she was like, well, I did you see where is this? This is at the comedy store. It was. Yeah. Oh, good on you saying that to a black lady. Well, I was imagining like a white girl saying, no, no, it was a black child. Oh, proud of you. Yeah. If it was anyone, I would have said she was. If you look at this shirt and you think it's racist, there's something wrong with you. I know I said it wrong.

You look to me. You see what you see, not what I am. You know, you got to get into this band, Desmondre. You would fucking love them. You should know. I will. They're so good. Me and Chappelle went to Sound and Fury. Shout out Brittany Duffield.

She came here. Chappelle's the best man. He did so well in the lab. Yeah, I know. Really good job. He's awesome. We are. There's something going on. Astronomastrologic astrologically. Simeon was saying last night, and it seems as if everybody is going through a breakup. And everybody's like doing big emotional shifts. What? And what are you talking about?

Give more than an example than just yourself. Three people I know are going through a breakup. Me, another comic that I don't want to say their name. And whoa, trainer. Like a lot of people are just like overhauling their lives and starting a fret anew, know they are starting a fret a fret Sometimes you got to start a fret. You know look I'm on the subway showtime Showtime

You know I slept a lot today. I don't know really what's going on. I think I'm missing the California sun. I know. It's really hard being back, dude. It's so hot. You have to be inside all the time. It's really, I know.

And as soon as I got back, I started having the scariest about the breakup. And then I, yeah, I just was like, oh, I need to just leave again. I just have to keep getting, leaving. I think you just have to keep running. I just have to keep running from my problems. Yeah, and if you run, you're just not running fast enough.

I think. But I think there is something to be said about getting out of the context. You gotta get out of the context. Getting out of the context? Yeah, like when you're, every time I'm in New York, I'm sucked into this thing, so I'm like, I just wanna get away from it so that I can get clarity.

That's why I said, that's why, that was my big selling point to get you to come to LA for the week. I did? Yeah, and you did And you did. I'm so proud of you. Yeah. And now I'm going to the go. You're doing really great. And I'm going to. Yeah. I'm so hungry. Whether you want it or not. How are you going to get there? I'll figure it out. I don't know the address. I'm in a box all the time. I'm going to train with their homes. There's a lake. Oh, there's a lake. Lake House. That's great.

I know. I'm going to cook. That's so fun. Yeah, you are welcome to come, honestly. I'll think about it. Maybe we should go get another tattoo. I'll do that on a small hatchet. It's I'll do that. I want a sword. OK.

When I get a back piece, the big fucking reaper. OK, so it's like the reapers always on my back, man. Jesus, don't kill the reaper. What else has happened? I went up into the woods, I got COVID, I hung out, I went hiking, I swam all the time, I met up with my buddies, I went to LA, we had a live pod.

Super fun. I've been handling the breakup very well. You really have. I've been, I went on a really gnarly hinge day. I gotta go on another one to cleanse though, dude That one was rough. What made you decide that you were going to date with this guy? Are you got cat? Well, no, I didn't want to go on a date I was just on there to make myself feel better, right? It's like a band-aid to be like see there are other people

You don't have to feel bad. And then he was like, where are you tonight? I was like the seller and he was like I'll meet you there and I was like, oh, okay and it felt like an alpha move and then he showed up and was like, the seller, and he was like, I'll meet you there. And I was like, oh, OK. And it felt like an alpha move. And then he showed up and was like super, super contrarian, super just God, I wish I met him. That would be great. Caitlin met him. Caitlin came up and was like, who are you? And I was like, don't even worry about it. Let's go.

And yeah, I mean, it was I feel bad. But it was like he he was kind of like. Nasty, he had a bad, bad attitude. Fuck him. Bad attitude. But now I feel like I have to cleanse. But I also it sucks going on days of people because you meet up and they're just like, I'm a guy looking for a girl. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not anything close.

You have to know me. You know, I am a acquired. You have to get you have to know what you're getting into, because when you meet me, it's like, wait, I didn't sign, I'm not gay, you know? What? Cause they show up and I'm just like, you know, and then I go on stage and I'm like, you know,

it's hard for me to separate these different. Well, why you not have them see you do standup? Well, how do I have them see me? The only way I can get feminine is that what I usually do, my go-to move horror movie, cause that when I'm skilled Yeah, I went on a date Tuesday night Monday night or some last week a gal and we went out to eat This is actually kind of cool where you're gonna go get pizza, but I Was like no, I'm on this diet. I don't want to eat it. So we went across the street, right?

We order blah blah blah get the check. I had to run to the store. I had a set and across the street, right? We order blah, blah, blah. Get the check. I had to run to the store. I had to set and the guy brings a check and I look at it and it's like heavily discount. I was like, oh, and he goes, it's my pleasure, Mr. finance. I really enjoyed the special. And I was like, whoa, thanks, man. He's like, yeah, I'm a big fan. I love you. I love Jordan. I love the podcast. The special is great. He's like gassing me up right in front of this gal and I'm like, oh thanks. Super cheap meal, so I tip like 100%, tip 90%. But it was cool. And then what?

It was neat. And then I went to my set, went over later and had some fun. You had sex? I'm not kissing and telling. You can't have sex on the first date. I'm not kissing and telling. Who was it? I'm not kissing and telling it was a nice gown.

Was it from an app? No. Was it? Yeah. Do we listen to ceremony and fucking the death tones and everything? It was cool. Why do you have to have sex? Where do you have sex at Jason's? Oh, she is. She is a place. But it was fine. It was fun.

Did you feel empty afterwards or good? I felt fine. Okay. I can't even imagine going on a date and having sex. God, the leaps that would I have to. Why don't you try to get over your like thing? I don't know. You know?

Just going, no, what are you gonna do? Go inside, oh yeah, I don't know. Try it, figure it out. Maybe it'll help you get? Go inside. Oh, yeah, I know. Try it. Figure it out. Maybe it'll help you get over this hump of like having sex with a guy and being like. Excuse me. I don't do that. You mean. I don't do that. No, I go. And then I'm allowed to have sex with them a week later. But I have to do the panting thing first.

But you're saying why don't you just try and have sex with somebody who you don't really care that much about? Yeah. Just to show, because what do you, condoms? Are we out here using condoms? Let's be honest. No, we're out here using trust. Are you using condoms?

Yes. Really? Yeah. You used a condom with that girl? Yeah, and guess what? What? It sucks. It sucks!

What's the point of having sex when you have to use condoms? Because then you have sex for a little while and you're like, and then you're like, I'm going to finish. And then you just jerk yourself off. Can she get off of the condom? I don't think I can get off of the condom in there. It feels weird.

I know. Right? But then you got to find, you got to go and you got to find a gal that you have a connection with and then you are no condoms and everyone else you use a condom with. Yeah. That's gotten me into trouble before. That's what I did with the muscle. In what way?

Cause I was like, neither of us need to use condom. We'll be the other condom. And then we had sex and I was like, oh, that was a mistake. So then you make a mistake and then you fucking move forward. You get tested and you move forward. Oh, I can't believe get tested and you move forward. That's enough to make me gay. Condoms are awful. They suck, right? It feels like you're getting a fricking exam. It is a necessary evil in the game of

finding some love. You know what we should do? What we should patent no condoms with each other. No. Oh, sorry. We should make a new condom. Uh huh. I think the first suggestion is a lot easier than the second suggestion. What are we going to go to a lab? You know what's so fucked up in my head as I was like, who could I use a condom with? Maybe if they were like, I knew them like they were my family. Oh, my stepbrother. Yeah. I step with just any leaps and bounds I could use a condom with, maybe if they were like, I knew them like they were my family. Oh, my stepbrother, yeah. My stepbrother, just any leaps and bounds I could make in my head to get back to my, to have sex with my own stepbrother.

He wouldn't hurt me, we're related. Yeah, yeah. Dude. Yeah, what? You go, you pull it on over your penis. That's generally the way you put on a condom. I haven't used one in 14 years. I guess you're right. You're just having fun with a person.

I'm not gonna do any of this. I'm not gonna date for a while. Try it. No, I'm not gonna do this. You don't have to date, but you can go have fun. You can try it out and then go, oh, this isn't for me, or just get in the practice mode of you know hooking up or like

Maybe you'll hang out with someone for a couple weeks and be like, yeah, well, no, I mean, that's John if he's using John this is John would nitscape you're on B&E and with Jordan. Do you use condoms when you're hooking up with randos? Yeah, I do Doesn't that that suck? Doesn't it? But it's the responsible thing to do and then get tested thing to do. And I get so I have too much anxiety not to put a little something on my on my little penis. Does the woman ever come? They say they do.

But you know, how can you know for sure? I faked it. You fake it. I think it because I can't come. You're faking it. I'm faking it. Well, I just got on Lexapro, so I'm going to be faking it too. Bro, my antidepressants.

It's a, it's a real mixed bag. I mean, I've been, I've been just jacking off an absolute fear these days. Just praying something happens. And I'm only two weeks in, so the coming late is kicked in, but none of that good stuff. Yeah, I have not enjoyed sex in a while, I'll tell you that much. Really? Because I'm like, I can't feel it, the condom, and then I can't come, and then I'm just like, what am I doing?

But it's something to do. You can't feel it because of the condom. For me, it feels like there's a doctor with rubber gloves on and they're poking the inside of my vagina and I can feel, it's not right, it's not warm. That's because your fucking guy's wearing a stethoscope. Listen, I asked for that. I think that's kind of a hot role play thing.

Yeah. Oh, that could work. Okay. Yeah. I bring them in there, doctor, or they're a dirty dentist. They put me under, they rape me while I'm unconscious. Yeah. Yeah.

I wake up. Who are you? They go, nothing happened. You be quiet. They gas me again, put me under again knock me out Love the dirty dentist, would you rather have no teeth for the rest of your life or no penis? You're not allowed to get dentures no teeth. I Think oh fuck. Yeah, you'd be a mush mouth. I'll be much better than be friends with you anymore

Well, I don't want to be a eunuch so goodbye friend You can have balls or you cannot I need you to know that I'm walking through a playground when I just yelled. I know that. This is great. We have another game. This is multiple guests. What you can have balls. Yeah, I think I would just have teeth and maybe find a way to enjoy getting tagged.

Yeah, your your prostate still exists. Where are you going to come out? Yeah, I think I would just have teeth and maybe find a way to enjoy getting tagged. Yeah Your your prostate still exists But where you gonna come out? Yeah, and I'd still get off on making other people Come you know what a selfless guy use a penis anyway. John bike today while we were boxing and I heard Jordan and I went I was almost ready to be like, leave me alone. And then I saw John.

Wait, so you're saying you could not get dentures you could not get teeth you'd have to be all gummy. I was thinking about getting a silver tooth right here. You think that penis? What? No, you can use a dildo with your hand. All right. Yeah. Well, you can't get fake teeth, but you can get a fake penis. It seems like that's the move. And at a certain age, we can't use the penis anyway, but we need the teeth. Exactly. Yeah. But at a certain age, you don't even have the teeth or the penis. This is great, would you rather, isn't it? Yeah. I think when you

start losing your teeth as an old man, that's when you get your penis back. But that would be as cruel. Every tooth you lose, you get an inch. I don't know. Now, you know, this conversation just makes me grateful that I have teeth and a penis. I needed this. It's a little things. It's the little things you have. It's tiny, tiny.

182 status. It's all the small things. I've always wanted to be on the pod, by the way. I've always wanted to be on the pod. You've been on the pod. You've been on the pod, moron. No, I have not. I've been on the Patreon with you. I've never been on with both of you. You always tell me you're going to have me on.

How about this? If you come over right now, you can be on the Patreon. Yeah. How's that sound idiot? Oh, come on. Hang up. I want to come up for a proper episode. Okay. He's during the phone call. Can you put his face in the corner? But I have to go now because we do have to record the Patreon, but I love you. And you've been on a regular episode now, but we will have you on a regular. Okay, I love you both. Bye.

I'll see you tonight. Bye. Bye. Sweetie pie, he's been taking good care of me through the breakup. Good. Yeah, he's great. Um, whatchamacallit? Speaking of taking care of you, did someone get you immunity bone broth? Dude, that's what I should say. I could not get out of bed. What you would call it. Speaking of taking care of you, did someone get you immunity bone broth? Dude, that's what I should say.

I could not get out of bed. I was fucked with Covid. I couldn't move. And then a knock at my door, not my front door, my apartment door. And it was a giant vat of broth and chicken. And I ate it and like, dude, I ate in like five minutes, like I had no idea how hungry I was. And I like my health. I told like dude I ate in like five minutes like I had no idea hungry was and I like My health I told like ten people this my health points like I felt so much better took coyote out to the park. It's that you saved my life. You totally saved my life

I was dying. I was gonna die. Oh, yeah, I got I was in California and I sent Jordan Really really nice Bus no more Really, really nice. Bus no more. Bus no more. Bus no more. But let the record stay the way things go down. Pretty crazy, pretty egregious.

I can agree. But it ends well in the end. Okay, what other juicy tidbits do we have for the people? But it ends well in the end. Okay, what other juicy tidbits do we have for the people? I like Karen. I wanna see her only fans now. She's the best. Should we do her only fans right now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I just did. JK, seamless. I guess I would be worried that I would be scared. I'd be scared that I would get older and people would drop off and it would get weird. Yeah yeah, but do make your money while you're young, man. I never want to hear any woman ever complain. Well, I'll go scan, but about the wage gap or anything, because y'all have ways of making money that we could only dream of. There's no way. You want to fill your wedge in that gap in your leg

Y'all complain about the wage gap when you got the Lord's gap what I did a good rap You want to feel that wage gap? Why don't you throw a wedge in that gap between your ass clap? That's all I said, but that's going to Yeah, put pussy footin around bitch name one guy We know that you think could make 30 grand a month on OnlyFans. A guy that we know personally. Justice. You know. Comic.

Women aren't going to pay for that. Women aren't pathetic pieces of shit who probably closeted men. Oh, oh, Mateo. Women aren't going to pay for that. Women aren't pathetic pieces of shit who... No, it's probably closeted men. Who would pay for that. Oh, Mateo. Oh my god, I would pay for his OnlyFans forever. Yeah. That would be a great one. Yeah, good on him for not doing it. He's so talented though, he wouldn't have to.

Not that you're not talented if you have... Not that you don't have a problem with it, not that you... Or she, or she, or she, or she... Or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or the A, or she or she or the guest we just had. Get it. Get it. No, Karen's the fucking best, man. She she's such a fun hang. She's so funny. Check out her podcast, Only Fee Hands.

Go see her. And when we wrap up, we're rolling to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash BNE and pod. Our adventure special just came out at the Renaissance fair. Dude, what a good one. Yeah. Shout out Ethan for putting that together. Really, really well done. Really great. Really fun. Let us know where you want to go next. Where should we go next and film a thing that'll be fun? Lake house.

Whole West is cabin again. Round two. You'd let us. Let's do it in a more temperate environment. August. Let's do it immediately. Tomorrow. Yeah. We love you. Come and see us on the road. Punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen. Punchup.live slash Ian Fiedand. Or something on a boat. A boat trip. Fishing. Fishing would be fucking sick. So said so to the page. Why don't we say it like fucking forty five hundred patrons will go to like a Ethan hates us because we always over promise. But over promising will do something fun for you.

How about that? And we're going to plan it money to afford it. We're going to plan it. So we need your money. So why don't you start to the page? We're going to fish and it. We need the money. We need your money. So why don't you sub to the Patreon. We go on a fishing trip. We go fishing. We spear fishing.

You got goose flesh. And then come and see me in Naples and Florida this weekend. And then Comedy Fort. Oh boy. Comedy Fort. Fort Collins. Boston. Lab Boston.

Columbus. Cleveland. I'm going to be in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It is a last minute show. Add go get tickets now. And then I'm going to be in Baltimore. Go get tickets now. Magoobies? Magoobies.

I'm gonna be at Magoobies really soon. I'm coming back to the port. Go, I love the port, but I just wanna see Magoobies. I just wanna try it out. Go, get good. Come and see us. Come and see us live. It means a lot.

We appreciate it. See you next time. Love you, bye.