Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep107: Crash Brothers W/ Ali Macofsky & Keegan Tindall

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

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Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian, being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life Being Ian, being Ian With Jordan

Meow! Are we recording? Oh. Did you do your hair? Yeah. I dyed it. I like it. I went through a breakup and I dyed my hair and bought a house.

Wow. Good job. And had sex with a condom. Why? I don't know. Just the condom. Was it like you saw the guy you were with, you're like, this is one of the few times that I should,

or was it like? He was like, let's use a condom. I was like, well, it's a new year, new me. Pretty cool guy. I got a house. Yeah, I got a house. I was like, I should start using condoms now. I got a mortgage and condoms.

It was weird. That is strange. Safety first. You say strange how Winona Ryder says it. Really? Strange. Strange. Strange.

Strange. Wow. I'm so right. And she goes, it's all strange. And she's talking about like her. Oh, and the new one? No, in the original Beetlejuice. She says it's all strange.

When she's talking about like she's depressed or something and she's like, it's a, we have to think of the line. Somebody knows it, who's watching this right now and is screaming it. It's all strange. Beetlejuice Winona Ryder strange. Google it. No way that's gonna pop up.

Oh, cause stranger thing she's also on. Fuck me. Hi everybody. What? No way. I will ignore the strange and unusual. I myself am strange and unusual. See? She doesn't say it's all strange. Doesn't everyone say strange? No, you whistle when you say strange.

Oh, I whistle all the time. Oh, I thought she was saying it in a strange way. There it is. I'm a whistler. I like that. I myself am strange and unusual. Say that. I myself am strange and unusual. Say that. I myself am strange and unusual.

Now steal that. Yeah, now steal a sweater. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Come back to another episode of being a majority. Welcome back. That's what he said.

Welcome back to another episode. Welcome back. We have to be careful on this episode. Keegan is worried about getting canceled because he's a little. Baby. Wait, why are you worried? No, we're just talking about how scary it is, how scary watching people get canceled is. What is it? What are you afraid to lose?

I guess his generation, this is very interesting, is incredibly woke. How old are you? 23. I disagree. How old are you guys? 33. He's 45. I just saw this photo of you.

Oh, that's when I graduated high school with me and my grandmother. This is crazy. You're like hot. Like I looked at this and then I go, not not here. But then I go inside given seeing this now. Yeah. Compared to then. Yeah. Seeing this. Yeah. You know, I am hideous.

Thank you. It's crazy. A hideous beast. This is really, really disturbing. Never get rid of your mustache. I mean, really, what's going on? Isn't that crazy? Look at my the way my lips curl yeah why do you think I have a mustache nice hate my face thank you Keith I like it you know what don't kind of get rid of this guy don't cancel a lot of gray hairs but I do have some gray's I like it yeah you look nice thank you thank you I appreciate that a lot

more grades recently. I know, is that why? Since the crash. Since the accident. Since the crash. Wait, what happened? I like to say things that are like, well, you know, things have been different

since the accident. This is gonna be the best. The thing I love about this episode is that ever since Ian flipped his car, he's been milking the fact that he's been in an accident and he's been crying in public and grabbing onto comics and going here's Here's why Jordan is a shitty cunt. Okay, because Ready ready cunts McShitty, I and your dog's ass stinks. So she fart. Yes

She keeps farting you keep giving your dog food from everything you grab and then you don't Know I feed her really particular food that makes her not gassy, but she's eating the ground. I've seen your dog She's just she's a dog. I can't stop you can you are perfect. I want to smell one of her farts You put your nose on to her. I am the most disgusting person alive and her farts are like low key. Like, I love a dog fart. No, no, no. They're like raw. They're they're thick. Jordan was showing me a trick earlier today with a dog licks inside of her nose.

And she she couldn't get the trick right. So the dog looks at my nose, I swear to God, and then goes and then goes. That's really what she is. She has a tummy full of boogers. Oh, I have tummy full of boogers. Sometimes she chatters her teeth. Like I think the salt from the snot makes her like do this weird. I love that. It's really, really, really funny. It's got to taste really good. It's probably sweat. Yeah, she's getting. Yeah.

But why is she why she chatters like she's cold. She's savoring every little bit. Yeah. Like, you know, when you do a big fat gator tail coke and then you're like, oh, yeah, that's like her coke. I think that is what that's what it looks like is coke. It really doesn't. She does it. She's like, yeah, more. But I also think she goes into it like a coke addict. The consistency of a booger. You got to.

You know, you can't just. It's that she's licking the coke out of my nose. That's what's, no, cause I'll do it with no boogers. Cause I thought of that. Of course. I was like, are you munching bugs? No, you always have, people always have boogers. I'm not. You are just the vibes. Then why don't you just wipe off?

You are like a booger. Then why don't you just wipe off? Sweat. Your new nickname is booger. It eats his boogers. Your new nickname is booger. That's fine. I ate my boogers. a booger. Just sweat. Your new nickname is booger. Ian eats his boogers. Your new nickname is booger. That's fine. I ate my boogers. Hey booger.

Your nickname is I'm having sex with a black man tonight. That's a pretty cool nickname. I'm going on a date with a black man. That's a long nickname. Anyway, Ian was in a car crash. We hooked up years ago and we've rekindled. Speaking of rekindled. Oh my God.

Kegan was in a fiery inferno of a car crash where half of his body melted off. I'm really glad that I have you both in the same room right now. It's really awesome, dude. Yeah, you tell your story. Upstairs Jordan goes, Keegan was in a real car accident. And I'm like, you fucking cunt.

To be fair, My dad hurt more yeah Was it called tank room the tank room They scrape your burns so they stay fresh did they put fish skin on you No, they put they took it from my leg put on my arm. My dad did tell me he likes He's a big joke guy. He told me that it from my leg, put it on my arm. My dad did tell me he likes, he's a big joke guy. He told me that it was my sister's ass skin. And I'm not kidding, I had been awake from a coma for three minutes and I started crying.

Just a deep cry. Cause they said you put it on your face. He said they took your sister's butt skin and they put it on your face. And then I started crying and then he's like, I'm joking, I'm so sorry. That's so funny. How old were you?

19, I turned 20 while I was in a coma. So this is like somewhat fresh. This was like three years ago. Yeah, he's still on fire. Wow. He smells like fire. I'm still having the dreams and everything. Yeah.

I have dreams too. Yeah. Yeah. I'm putting a tutu on just fucking. Dude, this is so, you would bring, Yeah. Put a two to launch. This is so you would bring you would bring someone who's horrifically scarred from a burning car crash on

just to be like, fuck you. You I can't help but I mean, you're using him as a prop to fuck me. He's a young, hot boy. who was in a worst car crash. Like I just and his dick is huge. Yeah, it's awesome. You have a huge car? No, but no.

He got a cock graft at the hospital. I'm more than my burns in my cock, guys. Come on, dude. I'm pretty good with a playing card, too. Holy shit. I have some things about me. Dude, the level of psychotic petty that's happening right now is like so fucking next level.

He was at my house. You should be studied. Like it is fucking- It's a pretty cool movie. Because you know what happened last night? We were at the cellar and before she- Do you want me to talk about what really happened last night? Before she waddled up

This is fun. We're about to have a table before she one was the first curses. I'm talking about divorce. Oh Yeah, Christmas isn't here yet. You're alright. Keep going She fucking waddled her fat ass up to the table. You know, I don't like that. You're gay homo What do you think of that book? Keep going. So I'm not fat. She I'm I'm sturdy. Keep going. She wanted I am very healthy.

She sauntered her athletic, pretty little. Petite muscular tone, sexy, delicious. And said, is Ian crying again? And before she got there, Ryan Hamilton was hit by a bus. And I said, hey, Ryan, I got there. Not before she even got it. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And Ian's going, does it hurt like mine?

Got the neck brace. So, so Ryan, Ryan Hamilton years ago got hit by a bus and he was all fucked up for a while. And I go, hey, when in your accident, did you like get hit in the head or did you get a concussion or anything? He's like, no, that's the only thing I didn't get. The only thing that didn't happen is I didn't get a concussion nothing happened in my head Everything else is completely fucked. I'm like, oh wow cuz I got an accident and everything is fine Except I fucked my head up and we were talking about it. I'm already I'm doing the same stupid shit. I've always done Good! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- slithers up knocking everything off the table. She's like, you're going to eat that? No, that actually happened. I actually did do that.

With the macaroni. It wasn't even yours. I didn't eat it though. You saw that. I didn't eat it. I'm not eating past nine. So, so. So then she comes up and she's like, oh, I'm going to eat that.

I'm going to eat that. I'm going to eat that. I'm going to eat that. I'm going to eat that. I'm not eating past nine. So, so. So. So. AM. So. So then she comes up and she's like, oh, what you talking about? Yeah, I see it again. Cause you're like. It just so turns out, we were discussing it.

So then. When did this, when did this accident happen? Two weeks ago. Okay. So then I rolled a card three times. And then took a picture like this. He was fine. And then slowly...

So then the fire marshal shows up and said, there's a weight limit in the comedy club last night. Jordan, you gotta leave. So we hauled our fucking fat, tart ass out. Yeah, you like it, huh Chubbs? I'll take it. I'll take it. So we hold Keep going but I feel better though. Oh! I know, I... Huh?

You're telling the story. What are you making up? My brain is jumbled. Fuck you. My brain is all jumbled. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fucking idiot. Keegan's over here, getting on his wound. I have a dent in my head. You can put your hand on my head right now and feel. He's still sizzling. The end dent. Oh, boy.

Wait, is the rest of your family also burned? No, it's not genetic. It's just you? Yeah. You were the only one. Yeah, it was me. It's just me in the car. And then there was another person, but she's fine. She burned her feet.

I don't know how it worked out, but. Your side got nailed. My side blew up, exploded. Whose fault was it? Jesus. It's a guy behind me. Hit me with a car. A hundred.

Do you get money? Yeah, I never asked you that. They're working on it. They're working on it. It takes forever. It takes forever. I hope you get so much money. Forever. I hope so too.

I want to take his kids money. No, I'm kidding. You should take his kids. I'm kidding. You know what's fucked up about it? In the car was a drunk guy and two kids, which are the most like they will be okay when they get hit. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like it's they say they're like toddlers and drunk people. And that car was just stuff full of like rubber. And I got the I got the big hit of it. Yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. It's crazy. It's really cool. Anyway, and back to your story. So I go cargo boom boom. She goes, it's down and she's like,

you got a car accident and you won't shut the fuck up about it. He goes, well, I got in an accident a couple of years ago and she goes, yeah. And how long did you talk about and milk it for? And he goes, well, I made a one man show about it. His nails were painted blue. And he fucking was like, I made a critically acclaimed special. What was it? We fucking died laughing.

I don't know. What he did? That wasn't a bit. No, that was legitimately real. Yeah. Well, I would prefer you talk about it on stage and can I have the ranch? I know you're imitating yourself.

That's what you did last night. More ribs. Can I have the chicken? You are such a fucking. You look at me and you see I'm hot. And I was like, bitch, nah, you always stupid. Anyway. Where do you go?

So crazy. I was also in a car accident. Really? Yeah. It was all my fault. What happened? Oh, you don't say. Yeah. One time I was drunk. No.

That's bad. I know. It's a coyote. Really? What happened? I hit the center divider. You don't have to look at me when you see everybody. Look at everybody in the eyes.

I'll give you some money after the podcast. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. But yeah, the center divider was fine. Yeah, and then the other time I was trying to- Another accident. Yeah, within the span of 28 days. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Did you have your license? Yeah. You could just say a month, I think. Were you drunk? No, I like the specificity because it also ties in. No, the first time I was dick drunk. Dick drunk?

Yeah, because I was trying to hook up with these Australian guys at a hostel. And so I like flipped my car. I found a parking spot right in front of the hostel. And so I made an illegal U-turn and this woman hit me, even though it was my fault, but she hit me. And it was a brand new car. I bought this car with my child star money. And child star money. Yeah. I was like on the radio for a couple of years. Really? Were you a kid DJ? No, I made prank phone calls. Nice. Really? Cool. So I was like a little local celebrity on the radio.

Oh, that's so cool. I got to be in parades. How old were you? I was seven. You called people and you're like, I can do it for you, I don't want it. Yeah, I was like, have you guys seen, I called a bar. Have you guys seen my dad?

What's his name? Dad, he's fat, he's bald. He's at the bar. Yeah. Yeah, he hates my mom. Do you know him? And it was over the radio. Stuff like that. It was over the radio. Yeah. Yeah. He hates my mom. Do you know him? And it was like that it was over the radio. You were seven. Yeah seven. That's great. You little Bart Simpson They let you do that. How'd you get it? Well, I called in once just randomly

I wanted to just like hear my voice on the radio and I was like, hi Can I get Britney Spears tickets? And then they're like we don't have Britney Spears tickets But we have American Idol tickets and I was like, well, that is kind of a bad trade. Yeah. And then they were like, what's this kid's deal? Where's your parents? I was like, who knows? And then they were like, come to the studio. Very random. Oh, wow. And you earned your feet.

That is like the dream of so many kids. Yes. Great. My dad took some of my child money. It was cool. Really? Yeah, he got patio furniture. Yeah. Wait, how? My sister was bit by a dog

and my mom used some of it to save her business. Sure. Yeah. Wait, how did you get paid for that? Richard dropped his newspaper and now he's just staring directly at me. It's kind of weird. Wait, who's Richard? Richard's the rat. He's just staring correctly at me Which is the rat rat wait, but usually the newspapers covering his face and I just looked over and he was like bitch

There's a real live rat that was just roaming. No, we would never get live rat. No, keep them in a basement That's really fucked up really fucked up We would never do that get them and ignore them leave them down here and then eventually have to give them away because they're so Neglect that's like a fucked away because they're so neglected. That's like a fucked up. Because they learned too much. Yeah, because they learned too much. They got too advanced. They started saying that anywhere it was crazy.

That'll get you brother. We put them in ooze, they started teaching turtles how to do karate. Excuse me? It was a whole mess. What's ooze? Green ooze. That's a plot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2.

Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. No, they were not, we would not get rats. Oh, Ethan! They were not neglected. Ethan was their papa. Have a boy to care for them. Ethan was the best dad ever, oh were not. We would not get rats. They were not neglected. Ethan was their papa. Ethan was the best dad ever. Oh my God. Okay. So then second car accident. Well, so I got out. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. How did you, why did they pay you?

Because I was working. So you did prank call. Isn't that child labor laws? Monday through Friday. Well, first it was because they weren't paying me. And then they were like, oh, this is actually illegal. So then they started paying me. Like a ton of money? A good amount if you're seven years old. Oh.

But then I was able to get all the money when I was like 16 or 18 or something. And then I just like went to Coachella every year and bought like ugly outfits. Wait, it was a lot of money by 16? Yeah. Like Coachella money? How much is Coachella?

It's like 300 or 400. But then I was just buying money or I was buying money. I was printing it. I was putting my face on it. I had Alibucks. But I blew it all. And then I got a car and like. Did you get addicted to drugs?

Not really. No. I think if I was like actually famous you get addicted to drugs? Not really, no. I think if I was like actually famous as a child, I probably would have. But I think being a radio star, you can only be so much of a fuck up without it being embarrassing. Yeah. You know, because it's like, why is Ali a mess? She was only on the radio for four years. Yeah. But I bought this brand new car. I was I met these Australian guys and I was like,

oh, I wanna have sex at a hostel. So I find a parking space directly out front. I make this illegal U-turn, I get hit. Because the car was brand new, I got all the money back. So I bought the exact same car, but this time in the color white because I'm like, you'll be able to see it. Because the black car is it's dark at night.

Can't really see it as well if I'm making an illegal U-turn. So I get the white car. Exactly. Oh, my God, I smell the fart. Is it bad? Yeah, but it's a cute little dog stinky fart. Is it bad? It's not fun. I'm not having a good time anymore. I was having fun. I started having this. Also, I'm on my third dog fart, so I'm full.

This is my first. I had dog farts for breakfast. I don't know what came for. I can't think of what it full. This is my first. I had dog farts for breakfast. I don't know what. And it's like. I can't think of what it is. It's so stinky. It's rough, dude. I love it. It's rough.

Michael Rowland smelled the fart and was like, I think I really like this smell. And I was like, there's something not right then. Yeah, I kinda like it. It's like a little sour, yeah. It is pretty thick. It's thick. But it goes away so fast.

I feel like it's kind of there and then it leaves. Look at her face. Oh. Oh my God, it is pretty thick. It's thick but it goes away so fast. I feel like it's kind of there and then it leaves. Look at her face. Oh my god, it's happening again. No, it's not. Unless I got like a second wind. You got a second wind. Do you smell it? It really gets in your nostrils. Yeah, I feel like I'm in an abusive home. I don't like it. Yeah. Welcome to the show. This does remind me of a friend I had growing up where I like went to her house

and she had those like school carpets that are just like really bad quality. And I remember there was like mushroom from like a pizza, like a topping mushroom, like just in the carpet. And then when I went to shower, cockroaches came out of the drain. That's the vibe here, you know? What?

Fuck you, Allie. No, I mean, I think you're doing it on purpose, no? Well, not the cockroaches came out of the drain. That's the vibe here, you know? What? Fuck you, Allie. No, I mean, I think you're doing it on purpose, no? Well, not the cockroaches. But just the vibe. Like if you saw a cockroach. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just the cockroach vibe.

Trying to do like 90s. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. Thank you. The trash is all for that. That's cool.

Yeah. You, and you. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. It's nice. That's cool. Yeah. It's you and you. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. It's nice. Yeah. I like it.

Thanks. She was a good friend. She had stinky feet. Did she? I hate it. My dad wouldn't make her wash her feet when she came over. I get it. There are stinky feet people and it is crazy.

I had neighbors, my mom would have to wash my toys after they would leave. No. Ew. What was she afraid of? Because they got like boogers and everything all over it. They were those kids that always had runny noses. Yeah, booger kids are so gross. And their sleeves are all covered like they have.

Yeah, yeah, because they're always like. My mom said that you could. I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's natural. What is that, bro? It's, it's, I like your green hair and they go, thanks. It's natural.

What's that from? It's just a little kid thing that you'd say to each other. No, it's not. I've never heard this. Never in my life. It's just a you thing. It's not from a movie. Shout out in the comments. Shout out in the comments. If you ever a booger. I think it's like I saw blonde hair.

She was it's a beautiful hair. She said, thanks. It's your hair. I think it's like I saw blonde's hair. She was, it's a beautiful hair. She said, thanks. It's natural. I saw Bruna and then I saw a girl green. I was like, oh, I like your hair. And it's like, thanks. It's natural. And when you're little, you're like, you know. It's not a thing.

Made up a thing. Then power to me. Power to me. Power to me, baby. When I want to hear about your car accident. Yeah, everybody does. OK, we just talked about it. I go for it. What do you want to know? RIP Jensen with Keegan Tindale.

Yeah. And this is the sequel. What do you guys want to know? Your favorite part. Like right before. Top five most epic parts. The moment before was my favorite part, for sure. Yeah. Yeah Like right before. Top 5 most epic parts. The moment before was my favorite part for sure. Yeah. Yeah, life before.

I liked drinking water for the first time was cool. I couldn't have water for like four months. Whoa. Was everything just interesting? There was a thing in my throat. There was a, it's like a tube down my throat. Yeah. And I couldn't drink or eat anything.

Yeah. But the first sip of ice water was amazing. Really? It was really cool. I liked it a lot. Your mouth was all dry? It was dry. Dry as heck. And weird? Yeah. Oh you poor thing. Dry and weird. And a dribble? Yeah. A dribble. I cried. Yeah. This is so good. There's ice in it. The thing that fucks me up is imagining your parents seeing you when you're all burned like that. That fucks me up. Yeah. The baby that they made and raised and you're just being charred, broiled.

No, and you were in a whittle. It was probably so hard when you were also in the accident. I don't wanna- No, also, yeah, when you flipped and the Audi caught you in the mid-air. Did you have like a band-aid or anything? You were totally fine and you know, all that. I couldn't hear you over the munching.

What were you saying? I couldn't hear you over chompers over here. Did you have any injuries? Were you in the hospital? Band-aid or two? Yeah, three. Whoa. Literally zero blood drawn.

I'm really lucky. I'm completely fortunate. I am so fucking blessed. I think cars be like, flippant. And I could not, it's... What? I had a head injury. That'd be so cool if you just like you've gotten your

little car accident. And then you became yeah, like super Christian. Yeah, like wore a button down all the time. I was hoping I could like throw a ball better or something like Rookie of the Year. Yeah. Or like, are there any movies about a guy that gets in an accident and he gets like superpowers? No, those people, those people who start speaking other languages.

Yes. Have you seen the videos? There's people who like get a head injury and then all of a sudden they speak Russian or something. No, they don't. Yeah. It's accents too. It's like people will still speak English, but they have a different accent. There's like a lady who's- You could do that. I did get hit in the car. You're still very bad.

A gay accident. That doesn't make sense. You have to be raised in the culture. It's got a name, but it's like there's a lady who's famous for now having a Chinese accent. She's making it up. No. What if I was like, hi, everybody, I got a car accident.

That is not Chinese. It's a little Chinese accent. That is so moody. He's a bit judgmental Chinese. No it's not. It's a deaf child is what you're doing. No, a deaf child would be like, you know, I get really offended when people do deaf voice.

Are you deaf? Why? No, my grandma was deaf and for some reason that's like the one thing. So should we turn the audio up on the show so she can hear you? She's dead. You want to play a play by your grave? When he has the tongue piercing and he's like, and they think he's deaf, he just has a bad tongue piercing. Who is that? In Rat Race?

Remember the movie Rat Race? Amazing movie. You're full of references today. I know. Really? Yeah. Well, the other one I referenced. Remember the movie Rat Race? Amazing movie. You're full of references today. I know, you're really. What was the other one I referenced? Yeah, you're all roughed up. Maybe you got hit in the head in an accident and now you can just like do all the. It's filing out of there.

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Do it over there and get it. Go get it. Me. Look at it. Goodbye. Have you been in a car accident? Yeah. Well, look at all of us. We're kind of like all on the same car because the guy I was

dating posted a thirst trap and I was looking at the comments and I crashed a car and all the airbags went off and I got out of the car and ran to the car in front of me and was like, dude, I'm so sorry. And he was like, get in your car. I had white dust all over me from the car. And then the and then I the cops were like, you have to leave the car. Obviously it's totaled. And I was like, no, dude. And I put it in neutral and just all the way back to Brooklyn. And then we sold it for more money. My mom was like, good job. She didn't care. My mom. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You use the insurance guy. No, no, the car was totaled and you pushed it all the way

back to your spot in Brooklyn. I was on, I was on the bridge. I put it in neutral and coasted back to Brooklyn. But not to your home. Yeah, to my home. No. Yeah. You were on what bridge?

Manhattan. You were on the Manhattan Bridge and you left the car in neutral and coasted. You coasted the entire way to your house. Left turns, right turns, all the way. Yeah, you gotta push it. With the airbags off and everything?

Airbags were flat. Were you driving it? I was in it, yeah. In my mind's eye, you were having no assistance and just neutral riding the car the entire way. I think I neutral. Yeah. There's no way that happened. I think I neutral rode it.

I think maybe it wasn't all the way to DitmusMAS, but it was down down to Flatbush and then down on a side street. You would have to have green lights the entire time. You don't you stop at the red lights and then how do you because you're downhill the whole way. It's not downhill this way the whole time. You keep going downhill every time it goes like that. You follow that way until you can

park. You cannot do that in neutral the entire Yeah, you keep going downhill every time it goes like that you follow that way until you can park You cannot do that in neutral the entire time I did this in my truck the amount of times I've run out of gas and neutraled all the way back to yes totally But if you run out of gas then you can't turn the steering wheel I know you got to fucking rip it around you have no power steering. It's fine Yeah, but no no I'm saying from the bridge to your house Not to my house, to a side street. It's all so to the end of the bridge No, because even if it's like this you're still fine

Yeah, but there's like lights and turns and people are stopping then you have to get out and push it I think I went down Flatbush. Mm-hmm. And then I think I turned off onto a side street parked it and then had it removed Okay, actually and then I think I turned off onto a side street, parked it, and then had it removed. Okay. Actually, something's not right, because why did it end up, we were at Crown Heights, so it got all the way to Crown Heights. But it was totaled, and they're like, you can't drive this. Did it still turn on?

I remembered it wouldn't turn on, because I couldn't move it, so I got so many tickets. So I must have coasted. No. Yeah, I drove so many tickets. So I must have coasted. No. There's no way. Yeah, I drove the car away. I really want to be Team Jordan on this. Yeah.

But I'm having a hard time. I remember coasting down the Manhattan Bridge, but then somehow I got it onto my street. So maybe I did tow it. After I got it done. Is this another movie reference? No, it's real. You're mixing real life with a movie.

Anybody who's run out of gas knows that you coast so far. You go so far. You think that you can. But not with the power steering. Not really. You got a really. And not in New York City traffic. My truck didn't have power steering for a year.

Okay, I get it. You're jacked. It's not jacked. It's easy. It's just as hard as it would be if you were living in the 1950s. Did they not have power steering? No, they don't turn like we go like this and turn. All you have to do is like this and turn with the wheels.

It's not like impossible. Have you done it? Yeah. I ran out of gas and I had to. Is unraveling. Oh, but that might be because you had like a new, maybe it had like a. I don't know, it was so hard.

I couldn't do it. What? I couldn't do it. My dad's truck never had power steering. It just didn't have power steering. This is crazy. And is it any dead now? There's no way it went from the bridge all the way to your place.

I'll concede from the bridge to the bottom of the bridge. The only thing I get is the only thing that I think might have happened is I think that me putting it in neutral and driving it made the battery start. That could have happened. But I know that I coasted down the car's total. What was wrong with the car? It wouldn't turn on. But that doesn't total the car if the car won't turn the entire back.

The entire front was accordion. No. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about this? I think Jordan's fucking liar. I think Jordan's fucking liar. Yeah. I think Jordan's full of shit. Don't believe it or believe it. I know there are people watching this being like, yeah, dude, you can literally you have done this. You have had your car off and then you've turned it off while you're driving.

And then it kick starts the battery. No. Yes. You can't turn a car off while you're driving it. Oh, my God. How do you guys not? Yes, you can. You can turn a car off while you're driving it. Oh my God. How do you guys not? Yes, you can. You can turn a car off while you're driving it. Thank you. You drive the car is off and then once it starts rolling, it turns back on. Right. Oh my God. No, no, no. The car you can you cannot turn a car off while

you're driving it. You want to bet? Do you want to bet? Yeah. I'll bet you five hundred dollars. Are we going to turn a car off while driving? Is that what we're doing? The amount of times that we had my my truck is on E, you turn the car off, you go downhill, you coast as far into Ithaca as you possibly can. And then when you pull your foot off, the clutch comes out, it starts the engine up.

You're saying that when you have a car in drive, you can keep driving and turn the key and yank the key out of the ignition while the car's in drive. And the car will still keep moving. Yes. I disagree with that. Oh my God. Okay, listen to me. You're driving a car.

My buddy's a car guy. Call him right now. Call him right now. Dude, call him. Oh my God. You shouldn't mess with him. You're in fifth gear. Fuck, hold on.

You're in fifth gear. Let me go get my phone. You turn it off, you can take the key totally out, you're coasting down, and then if you took your foot off the clutch, it'll start the engine. Dude, his car guy's good. Oh, I pisses. I'm with Jordan on this part.

His car guy's good. Should we do side bets? You shouldn't have done that. I don't know. I kind of tuned down, just kind of trying to throw some mischief in there. Okay. How did I get the card to Crown Heights?

Yeah, that's the part that I don't know about. Yeah, that's what I don't know about either. I do remember coasting down Flatbush. I wonder if I started it up. You must have. That sounds crazy to get all the way over the bridge and then... I got down Flatbush. ...keep going.

Maybe you did coast. Who knows? Do you remember at one point getting out and going like this and pushing with my leg? Yeah. And were people just stopped and honking behind you because you're going so slow? I think people could see that my car was a Correa and they were like, we're going to go around. Yeah. But it must have started up from me driving. I don't know. Yeah, I didn't jump it.

I know I didn't jump it. I don't really know anything about cars. Like off a ramp. I don't know how it got to Crown Heights though. That is a good question. It did go down flat push. I don't know any of the places you're talking about. But yeah, it was, my mom was not mad at all.

My mom does not get mad at anything. Also, I feel bad. I made a comment about your dad dying and I thought everyone would laugh a minute ago and everyone breathes past it. And then I was like, oh, is this a sensitive subject? What'd you say about my dad? You said he had power steering

and I said, yeah, and he's dead now. Oh yeah, yeah, he is dead now. But then no one said anything. So I was like, Oh, is this a sensitive subject? Dad, you said he had power steering and I said, yeah, and he's dead now. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's but then no one said anything. So I was like, Oh, no, it's so far too soon. No way. No way. No way. No way. But I will say. I'm loving my family and I'm talking to you from the from the bad world. That's your grandma. It's your grandma. I thought it was your dad. That's your grandma.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You get another accident. I was in my car. A fast act out. Anyway. Where do you get all this? You go to the props. I want you to know that later tonight.

Just I'm going to be imagining you taking a big black man's cock while you're wearing this and it's going to ruin our friendship. Why do you think the hole is here? Why? Why is it going to ruin your friendship if I date this guy? You're going to date him? What do you think of that? Oh, that'd be great. So it's okay to to date them but not hook up with them. I just think you're promiscuous sex stuff is a problem Promiscuous girl you teasing me you got a hole in your throat I didn't ask for your judgment. I don't know your vibe What I didn't ask for your judge call your your friend, faggot. Sorry, vegan. Listen, you fat, dumpy bitch.

Are you gay? No. Oh. My sister is though. Really? Yeah. Before or after your accident? Um, I think both.

Okay. I think it was a sandwich situation. All women turned gay when they saw you. Yeah. They were like, oh, I look close to you. No, I get it, yeah, no, it's fine. No, it's fine. I'm the fucking butt of the joke at this episode. That's fine. Let's make fun of the burn guy. You're the youngest. That's always. Hey, burn guy. Turn it down. Hey, Justin. What's up? You're the youngest. Hey, you're on the podcast. Jordan wants to talk to you. Justin. Justin. Listen to me. Get away. I have the away from me. I have the mic, fucker. All right. Okay, if you're driving in a stick shift car

and you are going downhill and you turn the car off, is it not possible to turn the car back on by pulling off the clutch, activating the engine? It's funny you say that because I was in Cancun, Mexico yesterday and the driver was in the van and he stole the damn van and Yes, it's called pop starting it. So you just wait No, no, no, no, no, no, but the original that's not the original thing we're talking about

Yes, go ali if you can Take the key out of the ignition while you are currently driving the car Take the key out of the ignition while you are currently driving the car Well, that's a little different Yeah, you need because that actually runs the circuit to the ignition Not saying that the car would like still be running But can you can you turn the car off while the car is in drive and yank the key out of the ignition? off while the car is in drive and yank the key out of the ignition. Well, it just depends on how old the car is. Maybe I, you know, yeah. Not on most newer cars. Yeah. Newer cars. You can't, but an old car, you can turn it, pull it out and

start it up. That's how people steal cars. Yeah. Yeah. Like on older cars for sure. So you can have a car and drive and while it's driving the car is on, you can turn the key in the ignition and pull the key out and that'll turn the car off while it's driving. You don't have to put it in park. I think you should rent a car and bro, let's go upstate to my truck and I will show you. I'll fucking go upstate. Oh, now more time with Jordan. What, Justin? I said just go rent a car and then give it a shot and then, you know. Well, I don't know if I'm allowed to rent a car for a little while. You can trash that one too.

If you want a roll, I'm going to make it a trifecta. Was the accident your fault? Thank you for clearing that up, Justin. Ian owes me $500. We'll split it at $250. Alright, see ya. Wait, your dog is so sweet. So we're half right.

Oh my god. She's in my coochie. Illegal, illegal, illegal. Can't do it on a newer car. Yeah, no shit. Possibly can on an older car. Half right. I don't know if you can do it on contemporary

stick shifts. You might be able to. I miss stick shifts so much. Get away from me. Get on your side of the couch. I miss stick shifts so much. You don't even know anything about him. I don't know how to fucking drive a stick. You don't know how to turn it off in order to save gas. You don't have to just say what I say in a more lovely way.

No, the fat jokes are done, dude. You're wearing a neck brace. It's over. Would you please... Get away! Wait, when you have sex with this guy, will you please get away? Wait, when you have sex with this guy, will you please wear the neck brace? Like don't mention anything. Just when he comes over, just be like, sorry,

I have a stiff neck. Can you imagine? I just want to know if you would still. Our date is we're going to meet up and go for a walk in the park. I went on a date today, walk in the park. Whoa. With who?

With who? Some man. Who? I don't know. Keegan? Yeah with Keegan. I went with 23 year old Keegan while he's breastfed. Oh really? Would you date a young guy? Who'd you go out with?

No, never. Huh? Who'd you go out with? A guy that I met in the park the other day. Who? Wait, that park guy? You met him in the park? Huh?

Oh, the park. You met him in the park. I met him in the park. Nighttime guy. No. Nighttime guy. Oh, not nighttime guy. No, not that guy either different guy met the park guy

Some some guy that coyote was talking to so then I talked to him a couple days ago And how'd it go fun? Yeah. Yeah, what's he like? musician Oh my god Listen, I'm gonna tell you what's going on with her. She's about to get her first period. Wait, you haven't gotten her. We should have a party.

And because one of the side effects is that they get more affectionate. She farted. No, she's horny. No, she didn't, bro. There's something wrong. Point towards me, dude. Freaking dog.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. Are you gonna see the guy again? Yeah, totally. Friggin dog. I love it. Yeah, totally. Off with your head. Are you going to have her fart around him? Most people wonder, like, do you fart in a relationship? Why do you have the dog fart in front of the your lover? Freak.

Is that a good good riff? Dude, do you fart? Do you fart in front of the your ghost cat? Huh? Do you fart in front of your girlfriend? Oh, yes. Those cats a sick name for her. Ghost cat. Right. What do you call her ghost cat?

I don't. Jordan just she has a little like she's a little adorable. Creepy girl. Oh, is she like a little goth? Oh, she got like, yeah, ghost cat. Low key should be your name. Bones and like cursed. Like, oh she like a little goth? Oh, she got like, yeah, go, go. This cat low key should be your name. Bones and like cursed. Oh, that's cool. Got all these cursed clowns.

Dude, she's awesome. That's cool. We should have her on the pod. Where did you find her? We met on a we're both we're on the internet and I saw her videos. She saw mine. Oh, that's cool. Follow each other and started messaging. Have you guys been together?

It's been a man. Ten months. Say hello to me. Have a bread of my time. each other and started messaging. How long have you guys been together? It's been... It's been... It's been... 10 months? Since you looked at me. Half a bread on my teeth and I'm sorry. I guess I don't like this. Don't do that. Sorry. 15 since you looked at me.

Bah, bah, bah, bah. You said you... Are you still with that guy? Yeah. Wow. I know. How's it going? That's good.

Really? Yeah. I don't believe you. How'd you guys meet? Tinder. Wow. Yeah. Does he know the Australian story? Did you know immediately? Yeah.

Um, no. Really, it took a while? Yeah, the first time I met him, I was like, I guess I'll go on a second date just to like do my due diligence. And then the second date was nice. And then we just kept hanging out and I was like, this is good.

Nice. Yeah, cause he's like weird, but not in a bad weird way. He's like silly, goofy, weird. I'm used to getting hit by a truck, like, sorry, like silly goofy weird I'm used to getting hit by a truck like no, sorry. Sorry trigger warning I'm used to getting hit by feeling like oh my god. I have to spend every moment away So i'm trying to like not do that this time. Yeah. No, I definitely didn't feel that but now i'm like He's coming in new york stop stop stop. No, she's eating the fucking cotton. So what? Let her live, dude. She's a freaking dog. Um...

Can I see? Well, what did you say? This would be bad for her belly. No, he's like a two years older than me. What are you doing? Why is she farting? What did you eat? Maybe it's because of her period. Maybe she has period gas. I'm a little nervous I'm getting Italian food with some friends tonight.

And then that always gives me gas. That's not a good thing to do before you get fucked in the ass. I'm not going to get fucked in the ass, you dumb bitch. You love getting fucked in the ass. No, I don't. You go on saying, I love fucking in the ass. Anybody fucking me in the ass. That's you. That's pretty good.

That's a good idea. That's pretty good. I don't. You're going to fuck him in his ass? Man with giant beautiful black cock is you're gonna fuck his ass Do you like a stick just lays there? No, I'm gonna lay there. It'll be flopping around It's a pretty ass fuck ritual. Like do you have like a Well, but what I have It's by a woman. it's by a woman.

It's by a woman with a nice tiny penis. You have to douche. You have to clean yourself out. You do it? Anima? I have. You have to give it, yeah. I've never done that.

Anal? Both, anima or anal. I've never done anima, but oh no, one time my mom made me squeeze a whole thing of saltwater in there and then it just came out saltwater. I hadn't shit in two weeks, it was crazy. Yeah. I had a bad pooping, no pooping problem, kept it in. Me too.

Really? Yeah. It was stress. I was just always constipated. And then when I would poop, it would be so painful and big and chunky. And hard. Yes.

Did you ever do the thing where you're like, should I get a spoon and just scrape it out? Dude, yes. Yeah. Totally. That's like so emotional. It's really fucked up. Because you're like, should I get a spoon and just scrape it out? Yes. Yeah. Totally. That's like so emotional. Hey, let's play. Am I going to crawl? Show me the law. Anyway, now I do magnesium.

Oh, it's the it's the love of my life. Wait, thank you for sending me that magnesium. That was very nice of you. Coyote fart right now. You're welcome. Yeah. Did it help? More farts. I don't. Yeah. Did it help? More farts. I don't know.

What's it supposed to do? Erica. Come here. Come here. Give me the present you got me. You want your present? Yes. Oh.

So Jordan is going to a wedding. Wait, which one is it's wrapped? Who wrapped it? Well, a woman at the store. That's OK. Counts. She said, do you want to wrap it on? I said yes. So the first one is it. I don't know if it'll I don't know if it'll fit, but. Wait, so you're giving a gift to Jordan for a wedding that she's going to? Well, one is a gift just because.

Okay. I don't know if it'll fit, but it's a horse ring. Yeah. Wow, it's perfect. Really? Yeah. Oh, cool. It's a horsey. Are you proposing?

Will you marry, give me that one. Nice, thank you. Hey look, I have a cat ring. Oh nice. Does it fit okay? It fits perfectly. I can get it resized, yeah? You can't get it resized.

Yeah, you can. I'm getting a skull ring resized right now. You don't need a skull ring. I got one. No, it fits perfectly my way. Does it fit nice, you like it? It's great, I love it. It's adorable, thank you. You're welcome. Wait, it fits perfectly. Does it fit nice? You like it?

It's great. I love it. It's adorable. Thank you. You're welcome. Is it going to stay on your wedding finger? Which one is not wedding? Anyone besides the one that you had it on?

So now it's on this one. Oh, wait. Hold on. Let me see. Yeah, it's nice. It fits. Oh, look at that. It fits perfect.

Yeah. And then you're going to a wedding and you have a dress. And so I got you this because you said you were going to a wedding and you have a dress and so I got you this Because you said you were gonna put your hair up Wow, what I? Thought you'd look nice in this What it's great Bores

Shout-out Santa Fe I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that.

I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to. That's really nice. You did a good job. I didn't get you anything. Sorry. Now say I was in a legitimate accident. You were in a legitimate accident. Now you say he was in a legitimate accident. I say you were in a legitimate accident.

Oh, sleigh. Yes, mother's cunt. Yes. Isn't that how everyone talks now? Yeah, sleigh queen. It's a brat winter. Oh, do you have some Gen Z slang you could lay upon us? Oh, you guys pretty much nailed it. Slay, mother. Fire.

Cunt. Skippity toilet is one of them things that you're saying these days. Skippity toilet? You look like a fucking skippity toilet. Roblox, Fortnite. You're Riz'd up. Whoa.

Your aura's a thousand. Oh, I'm gonna Riz. Oh! Riz up. Whoa. Your aura is a thousand. I'm going to Riz. Oh, look at her before she takes it off. Oh, she hates it. Oh, my God. She's so cute. Coyote, come here. I'll get it off. Coyote. Oh, she hates it. She says, Papa, please. Oh, Coyote, come here, I'll get it off. Coyote. Oh, she hates it. She says, Papa, please.

Oh, Coyote. Thank you, Ian. That's what you get for farting. Bro, she is fart dog millionaire today. I love it. Good for you. Good for you. It's out of control.

Oh, I really wish I had put the pee. I love when I have bad gas. You guys thought, like when you have a stinkyarts, but you're alone and you really love it Is this one gonna be nastier than the last dude, yeah period parts of the shit, can I show you loud boys? Can I show you a picture of a guy in a plane next to me when I had really Can I show you a picture of a guy on a plane next to me when I had really bad ass? Ian, you have such a problem on planes. Was this a new thing?

I've always had a problem on planes. What was this a new ride or the other ride? Do you guys fart in elevators? Dude, I never have time. I fart before I get on. I got to work it up. I farted today at radio before we got on. Oh, man, the dog.

Hold on, let me find this picture. Talks amongst yourselves. Okay, so you're still dating this guy. You guys live together? Do you have a dog? Yeah, we live together. We have a dog. His name's Beans, AKA Benjamin, AKA Benji.

I love him. He's so cute. He's got a big old dick. Really? Yeah, my dog's got a pretty decent hammer on him. That's crazy. Is he a big dog or a little dog Yeah, my dog's got a pretty decent hammer on him. That's crazy. Is he a big dog or a little dog?

He's a medium dog, 20 pounds. Whoa, that's a small medium. Yeah. Is she far? She's just trying to lick every part of my face. Yeah, she's horny. Why aren't you gonna get her fixed? I am, she has to get her first period.

Okay. Are you gonna put her in diapers and stuff? They have to get the period first? No, she can bleed all over my house. Really? Look at her, she's fricking thimble. What's it going to come out of her? Cool mom.

It might be a lot. She might have a heavy flow. No. Show the camera. Wait, show me first. I farted. Oh no. Is that why?

Yeah. I mean, one time we got off a plane and Ethan was riding with Ian and he was like, Oh, Ethan ratted me out to the whole fucking plane. No, Ethan was genuinely furious. It was like, it's unacceptable. Did it smell like death? It slipped out. His are not normal. They're not normal. They're really shit. Sometimes I don't intentionally do it, but what happens is I'll take a nap and I'll wake myself up with a fart. Wow. Because when you nap you can't control it. That sounds so fun. You're the worst sleeper. You snore, talk, fart. And thrash. Yeah. Nightmare. I know what that's like. What does a thrash look like? Like, oh wow. Stop! Yeah, and he goes like this. When's the last time you guys had a sleepover?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. What are you doing? Oh yeah, then I wake up and ask questions. Are you all right? Yeah. The worst is when I lived with Mike Rowland, I would switch the channel and out of like a snore, like he'd be forever.

And I started to hear him be like, I was watching that. And you're like, come on, bro. Or sometimes we, me and Ethan started being like, you can't sleep on the couch anymore, dude. We do not like it. And then I would come home and Mike would be asleep in front of the TV standing.

Because what had happened is I had opened the door and his brain had been like, you're not allowed to sleep. So he just stood up to be like, I'm awake. And I'm like, nobody watches TV standing up though. You just have to open your eyes and you're good. It's a good show. I like it. This far from the TV.

There's no signal on the TV. Just, what's gonna happen next? I remember taking the movie Poltergeist. I don't know what I do in my sleep. I do. I talk. I sometimes. I don't like it either. Go ahead. Are you a stomach sleeper?

I'm a stomach sleeper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You. You're probably thrashing because you're on your back like a fucking psycho. Are you a stomach sleeper? I'm a stomach sleeper, yeah. Yeah. You? You're probably thrashing because you're on your back like a fucking psycho. I'm on my back. Exposed to all the elements. I'm on my side.

I'm shaped like a fucking swastika. Yeah. You know? I'm a swastika sleeper. You're also a car sleeper, which is crazy. I sleep in the car. I sleep on the plane. I sleep on the train.

I sleep in a mane. I sleep in a pain. I sleep on the train. I sleep in a mane I just sleep in a pain. I sleep it up. It's very good. It's a good vibe. You guys set up a good vibe Thanks. Yeah, really you get that you can't rhyme like that. Oh I can't rhyme words The way here there's some pizzazz for sure for sure She's curds little nerds. Bad. Dog turds.

Bad rhymes. Pickle, girds. You don't know about girds, dude. You got four in you, you got four rhymes in you. He was doing pain. Okay, what about cat? Cat, hat, mat, tap. No, but it's gotta tell a story.

Yeah. Oh, what was your story? He was just saying the word over and over. No, you're saying I was sleeping, sleeping like he said I was sleeping on a train. I was sleeping in pain. I was sleeping. You just have to add in those are all things. I was sleeping on a cat. I was sleeping on a mat. I was sleeping on a tack. I was sleeping on a that must have heard that.

I was sleeping on a tack and chat. Tack is tat. I said tat. I said tat like tat said tat like tattoo this made sense like you could sleep in Maine No, you couldn't sleep on I've slept in Maine. Yeah fact check Use you dude one time Jordan I shared a hotel room and I went outside to smoke a cigarette and when I got back she had stolen the entirety of every piece of blanket available and I didn't know that she was awake and she pretended to be asleep and I walked in the room and she audibly heard me go, that's not fair. Yeah, I'll laugh. I'll laugh and he goes, well, that's not fair.

And then I just was like. And then I laid on the bed using a towel for the bathroom while she burritoed up so comfortable. And I was just like. Yeah. I love pretending to be asleep. Like at a sleepover as a kid, just pretending. Because I always wanted to know if people were going to talk shit about me.

I was a paranoid kid. My best friend would always pretend to be asleep when my mom would walk in. We'd be really high and we would have smoked up the house. Yeah. And she would walk in and be like, you guys. And I'd be like, we and I turned around and every time she'd be like, you're a bitch, you're lying. And I would be like, she's sleeping, I'll yell at you.

And I'm like, no, you're not sleeping. And I would see her just like pop a grin a little bit. Really annoying. Pop a grin. Pop a grin. Pop a grin. Living in sin. Don't.

Really good. He might win. Pretty natural. Swimming with a fin. Ooh. See how forced yours is? It is shin. I feel like I'm in the Truman Show.

Getting air, breathing oxygen. Ooh, that was a good one, because that was double syllable. Thank you. I said tack, and you scolded me. With cat. That's the same word. You're saying the same word.

Tack is one syllable. You're saying the same word. I'll figure it out. Take some classes. Figure it out. Get another class. You know, I saw what you did here. Figure it out, get some clown. If you don you did here. Figure it out. Get some clown.

If you don't get it, you might pal. You were the underdog. So then you sided with him so that I became the underdog. We're weirdo and you're young. I'm just an observer. You're a weird guy. You're a weird guy.

I'm a fun guy. No, people talk about how weird you are. I bring a good vibe. People talk about you. People said that on the way over here. On the way over here, you were farting in the Uber. Uber driver. I don't like how you talk to that Uber driver either.

I had to ask him to turn his his. Now you said it. You hit him in the head and you were like, turn down the fucking music right now. I'm a busy woman. I have a lot of opportunity. And then and it was really I got really uncomfortable. What was the music? Was it ethnic? I picked where you were. You doing a hate crime? Yes.

Do it. What was the music? What did it? R&B. did it sound like? Yeah, R&B is like, uh, that's blues. No. R and B is like, uh, I miss my baby. That's blues also. Yeah. R and B is like, uh, can one of you do R and B? I don't want to try. I got a hound dog. No, it's not an either. R and B is like, a, I love shit, Lindsey and Gret. Is What's Her Face R&B? Is Mary J. Blige R&B? Yeah.

Sing one of her songs? Yeah. One of one of her songs. Ooh, wait, hold on, it's coming to me. I think we all have that hair injury. I'm trying to say goodbye. No, that's Macy Gray. Try to walk away.

But would that be R&B? I don't know, no, that's like a fucking. I don't think so. That's a bit R. I feel like she's kind of in her own genre. It's like the theme song of As Told by Ginger. Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying.

And she was in, I think, the Rugrats movie. Really? Yeah, there was some Macy Gray in the Rugrats movie. And she was great in... What is R&B? Training day. There you go, there you go, there you go. It was like that.

I picked up and my manager was like, are you in an R&B club right now? And I was like, sir, could you please turn the music down? She was on a Bluetooth too. She was just like, hold it a second, please. It's unacceptable to get into an Uber and be blasting music, in my opinion. And he didn't even turn it all the way down. He just turned it a little bit. I know, it was so rude. It was really cool, I really liked that guy.

No, it was really bad guy. And Coyote ate a lot of stuff off of his floor. Yeah, he should thank me. He should tip me. When did the gas start? Oh dude, she blasted in the car, hard. Did he have to put the windows down? I saw him put the windows down as we got out.

Yeah, yeah. It's dumb. I partied in a cab, I saw the cab driver going. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Now I need to smell one of your farts. I want to know. No, you don't. Come over.

I actually makes you nauseous. It makes you feel good. It's really makes you feel fun. Come on, fart. Nice. Hold on. Please don't. Please don't. Please don on. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. I actually will leave.

I'll leave. Do not. No, don't. No, if I did, I'd shit myself. OK. When's the last time you shit yourself? His poops, his poops, farts are his poop trying to get out. Like, it's not, you know, it's not just like air. It's like act. It's not air reacting to poop in the stomach.

It's poop like brinking. Yeah. Yeah.in' and squishing. It's not air reacting to poop in the stomach. It's poop like Brinking. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys ever not flush a toilet for a while because it smells so good? I don't do that. No. You should be sent to jail. And medicated. That's really fucked up. You leave it. I said I don't do that. You're disgusting. I said I don't do that. Sometimes I will not shower for four days, but I see no what I do do I wear a hat That was bad what I'm a show house you do a rhyme again Did the new? Go I hope you get hit by a car again

I just want to rattle your brain, right? You're shaking me You gotta battle your brain, right? You're gonna shake me, maybe it'll get better. Ow! You fucking bitch. 60 minutes is a great show on CBS every Sunday. Whoa, this guy's quick. Keenan, you take this.

I'm Andy Rooney and welcome back to 60 minutes. If you gave him any praise... It was good, it was better than yours. Yours was forced. Mine was, I was only doing the gay game because he was doing it And then I was showing that it wasn't that hard. You're like angry about how good he was you can't let this guy have anything He can't have anything Now he's gonna rhyme all day you just wait you guys will leave. I'm not gonna rhyme all day

But if you want me to I'll find a way I enjoy you Keegan. You see how natural it is It's like it comes to him. You want to try one and just see if it could come to you like off the top I don't want to try once it comes to me. Can't you see? It's just the way it has to be really set him free Do a lot anything for me Just one nothing I say one rhyme is what you're. Ever again. What if I rhyme before you? What do you mean? I mean how do you rhyme before?

What was your plan? What was your plan? To try to figure out what you were gonna say beforehand. Oh my God. You're natural. That was good. Really good rhyming. That was good.

Now I'm on your side. Oh my God. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. I'm on your God. You're natural. That was good. Good rhyming. That was good. Now I'm on your side. I feel alive.

I don't know if I know a better rhymer, to be honest with you. Yeah. What if the accident made me a rhymer? Keep going. Let's see how far you can do it. Relax a little bit and go for it. You got this. I'd like to continue to rhyme, but it's at 60 minutes and I feel that that's time.

We probably should end the show because I know Allie has to go. She's going to a movie in Union Square and Keegan got burned and that's not fair. So I'm here to say I'm going on a date with a man and I'm not gay. Wow, that's really good. Thank you.

You are a natural. Yeah, I'll take it. You're still a little baby bitch who milk stuff, though. I'm not done rhyming because I had to pause the timing. But you kind of already did the rhyme time one earlier. No, I was rhyming and timing and that was you just added the ing at the end. I added another getting lazy, a different way to say it. And if you don't stop talking, I'm going to spray it spit. That's it. You're losing it. You rind. There you go. You said you wouldn't do that. There she is. I've infected your brain with devils.

Last two later in the night that black guy is just fucking me and Ian back and forth. I'm like, I like this. Like Jordan, we're doing it. Alright, that's the show. Plug your shit. Plug your shit bitch. Get with it. Ali Makovsky.com. plug your shit. Plug your shit, bitch. Get with it. Ali McObski dot com. Sorry, I'm PMSing.

Not Ali Max. Yeah, it's getting a bit depressing. Ali. What did I say? What did I say? PMSing is getting a bit depressing. That's it. Ali. Yeah. You got road dates? Yeah. You got road dates? Yeah.

New Orleans, St. Louis. I don't do some stuff. Go to my website. You got to go see her. I mean, stand up is an art. But right now, everyone's falling apart.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Make this end. Okay, Keegan Tindall, Instagram, just do that. Yeah. He's on TikTok. Big guy. Oh God. He's a big guy on TikTok. So are you. You're a big guy. He's at the seller now, doing great. I was gonna make a joke and call you a cow,

but I knew it would make your feelings go out. So I decided not to say it. And instead I'd like to pray it. Dear Lord, give Jordan the ability to rhyme and find a way to heal her funny bone. It's ironically really good. Like it's not, it's really good. He didn't even say bone. He didn't rhyme bone with anything. No, but it's like the passion.

He literally just added funny bone on. It was like an A, B, A, B, C rhyme. That wasn't the idea. You're doing a bad thing to him. What do you mean? You're by giving him... No, I'm not doing anything. Like, Jordan, I'm not kidding. Like look at me now. It's really good. Rhyming this guy has a talent. No, you're going to go home and somebody is going to be like, how is the podcast?

And you're going to be like, Ian is a retard and believes me when I said he was good. He's not going to say the R word because he's nervous. Oh, right. You can, Ian, rock and roll is it, is it is a on the spectrum. Yeah. Ian has the mind of a child.

I think it's pretty cool. I think you guys are vibe killers. That's what I think. No way. Why don't you vibe killers? I think you guys are vibe killers. Ian is on the spectrum. Yeah. Ian has the mind of a child. I think Ian's pretty cool. I think you guys are vibe killers. That's what I think of you. No way. Bunch of vibe killers.

No way. I love you. No skippity toilet. No. No skippity toilet. No, no. You don't even know what it is. No skippity toilet.

That's a bear. Oh my God. What the fuck? You could never. you could never. Woo! This is what it feels like to you. I really, you don't know what Skippity Toilet? You don't know it at all?

Don't tell her, I don't wanna spoil it. I don't think she'd even understand it if I did tell her. What is it? I can't. I gotta know. Jordan, I gotta know. Is it when you leave poop in the toilet so you can smell it for a few more hours? Getting that Skippity Toilet? Skippity Toilet? Is that what you leave poop in the toilet so you can smell it for a few more hours? Getting that skippity toilet?

Skippity? Skippity toilet. Is that what you're doing? When you leave the poop in there? Cause you skip. Yeah. Give me a few minutes, I'm trying to get that skippity toilet.

It's cause you skippity toilet. If you do that, it is so fucked up. Jordan. Oh, when a big old baby, young, a cheepie. I feel so special. Yeah. EandFiveDance.com, get my special. Ranch?

I'll take the. You can see me this weekend. I'm in Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati, Ohio. Next weekend, rumors, or no, San Antonio. You can see Jordan at any all you can eat buffet throughout the country. Toys are bus. The Willy Wonka factory. Oh, you went to candy mall today? The M&M store, she's the yellow one.

You're the green one today. She's a green one. No, the green one's a hot one. She's the yellow dumb one. Yeah, you're the hot one. Easier up in the sky. She'll be the sun, the big planet that's really annoying and burns all day. I don't want to add to this, but I just have a good one. Go for it. Jordan, did you get your dog in

case you go hungry and you don't know what to eat whoa oh my god I have thought about don't you think about eating that cuz I'm like the legs would be so good the back I don't think about that Ali what's in fuck the meat would be so good. No, it wouldn't. I don't. Between the bones? I don't think about the taste. You're clearly Chinese because you play joke.

Uh-oh. I didn't say shit, dude. I didn't say shit. Hey, you're a bystander. I'm straight. I think about how much her body looks like a rotisserie chicken and then I could tear it apart the same way I tear one of those apart. It does, but I don't think about eating it.

Don't try. Don't try. I'm not... I wasn't going to. I will say... I just think the back legs would be good. Do you ever think about kissing her? She does kiss her. I've seen how she interacts with this dog. I do that.

That's OK to kiss your pet, right? Yeah, of course. Like, put your lips up to their lips. Of course. Yeah, they do that. That's OK to kiss your pet, right? Of course. What? Put your lips up to their lips. Of course. Yeah, they love that. OK, cool. Just don't overdo it. Like there is a line.

Yeah, there's a line. There is like a spot where it's like, all right, no more kissing the dog. Yeah, if your eyes are closed. Yeah. It's OK to get an empty toilet paper roll and put jello in it and cellophane. Fuck it while you kiss your cat on the lips, right?

That was too specific. That was crazy. I was, I was, you were painting a memory. That was not okay. Believe it or not, I've never fucked and I've never made something and fucked it. What? Yeah. Yeah.

Good for you, man. You've never created something too fucked? I've never created a pussy to fuck. Well you've dated a couple guys who have. Oh! There it is. End the pod. There it is.

There it is. Woo!