Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep109: Heads up! W/ Pat Burtscher

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

as always , Thanks for listening!  Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod  IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Support the show get some MyBookie money on the house with code SKA at https://mybookie.website/SKA Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l  Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Pat Burtscher Here : https://www.instagram.com/patburtscher/ https://linktr.ee/patburtscher  @patburtscher  Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Hey, everybody. Come and see us live. It's a good time. I am playing Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I am going to be in Detroit, Michigan, Milwaukee, improv, Nashville, Zanies, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Houston, Texas, Pittsburgh, PA, Denver, Colorado. Let's sell it out. Toronto's almost sold out punchline.com slash Ian by dance for all my dates or Ian fight at Cleveland, Ohio, San Francisco. This is all September Austin, Texas, Columbus, Ohio, Petersburg, Ohio, Dayton, Ohio. And then I'm going to be in Batavia. That's Chicago and then Nashville, Tennessee, and then Charlotte, North Carolina. That's all coming up.

More announced. And I'm going to Europe in March to look out for that. And we are going to see you on the road. Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live

alive Being Ian Being Ian With Jordan Pumpkins these are supposed to be green. Somehow a piece of the dried fruit upstairs that you ate you somehow brought it downstairs my hair I brought it on my hair Pumpkin seeds are good. Can you not like drop them on the ground, please? Thank you Gross though

No, they're good eat eat eat no, that's a No, they're good. Eat, eat, eat. No, that's a straw. Eat. Eat. Eat. I like when people eat the food I get. I like when people eat it around me because it's a

good way to share, you know? I like when I allow it. I don't like when you steal it. Out loud. Out loud. Go, go! Makeup. You're making, you look pretty today. Where do you put the shells? There's no shells. You eat it all.

You eat the whole shell? Yes, idiot. Wet. Yeah. I dropped it on the floor. Oh, Jordan. Yeah, I dropped on floor. Oh Jordan Welcome back to another time when I'm like 60 Uh-huh, and like there's some bat mitzvah that I'm at

like helping my grandson or something. And there's gonna be one of these and I am just going to rip it. And nobody will know why I'm so good at it. Oh, it's gonna be great. Everything is preparation for the future. Yeah, you wanna have as many skills as possible at all times.

Just- Hold on to that knife. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Does this look make me look really tough though? Oh, you kind of look like a pirate. Everybody Pat Burschers on the pod. Welcome back to another episode of B and E and Jordan. We haven't had Pat

on. No, I mean life happens. Life's what happens when you're busy making plans. John Lennon. Sean Lennon, his son, likes the podcast. Life's what happens when you're busy making plans. Isn't that crazy? No, it's not crazy. I think that's crazy. John Lennon's son likes us. That's crazy.

If you're watching, thanks. Oh yeah, that is crazy. Right. What is that? I mean, that's fucking nuts. John Lennon, his son. Michael Jackson's daughter follows me. Really? Blanket? Paris. Paris. Paris and Sean Lennon. Oh no. Oh no. Lennon.

Oh no. Lennon. Sean Lennon. Sean. Oh no. Lennon. Oh no, Lenin. Oh no, Lenin. Sean Lenin. Sean, oh no, Lenin. Open invite to the pod. Oh, oh no, hyphen Lenin. We can do this. You don't want to get shot. Maybe don't marry a woman named, oh no. Hey, hey, hey, Yoko. Oh no.

Come on the podcast, open invite. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast.

We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. We'd love it to do it this way or the podcast. Hey, hey, hey, yo, go. Oh, no. Come on the podcast. Open invite. We love it to do it this way or the fucking hard way. Right. Just shout out Matty Stancic for me. Stans Stans Stancic Danzig.

For making the Marlboro pillows really incredible, really incredible, really cool. I like this. I pillow's really incredible. Really incredible. Really cool. I like this. I mean, really impressive. Yeah, it's comfortable. It's fun. It's safe. The aesthetic, it's the aesthetic. Yeah. Aesthetic, aesthetic. Shout out Jordan for hooking that up. It's look at the blanket and the cigarette together.

Yeah, I do think the Henry Rollins needs to go up instead of that one. What? I know. No, no, no, no. Instead of Beetlejuice. The Beetlejuice and Elvis thing is amazing. That's bad ass word art. Thank you. OK, well, they both can go up. You can see that on camera still. Yeah, you can see it on camera.

Yeah, that's art. It looks good. That's art, too. But. Yeah, you can see it on camera. So that's our it looks like that's our too. But that is shout out to my agents at CIA that got me this. I really appreciate you. I know I said it on the phone earlier, but thank you. Things are really nice. Huh? They're doing good. Yeah, things aren't nice for me. Why? I'm just in a. Dip you. I'm a call you case, though, because just in a dip. You? Me.

I'ma call you Keso, cause you always a dip. I'm not always in a dip. Sometimes I'm flying high. You're mostly in a dip. Wait, is the trajectory on an upward slope? Cause there will always be dips. You can never avoid a dip.

You can't avoid a dip. You can't avoid a dip. And you know what helps me is- I was trying to write a joke about men hitting potholes versus women because we kept hitting these huge potholes and every time I'm with a guy I see the pothole. Like you're like, here, now I'm going to watch them emasculate themselves by being overly angry.

Not everything has to be a deep analytical thought of yours. It all does. No, it doesn't. Every day. When a guy hits a pothole, they overreact to the point that it is a cringe. No, you saw one guy do it. You're like, here's a blanket statement Every guy you haven't seen me at a pothole

Let's go out right now because also men understand When I hit a pothole on the bike I don't understand that it can hurt my car Yeah, but you're not a regular woman. It not everything is an example of an existential life is fleeting We're all but ghosts of a flesh. Fuck like this. Fuck. Yeah. Like as if they were doing this, but with their words. Yeah. And what do women do? Who does that? We were doing it a whole bunch. Who's we? Right on Yeah, but mostly girls go oops Yeah, I put it in my hair today walking to Manhattan I wanted to feel pretty I didn't audition for what

a Netflix show where I have to be a guy. A small crab. A very small crab. Where I had to be a guy named Toby at an old folks home and I had to be nice but underlying you could tell I was evil. Did it go well? Was that the direction? Uh huh. So I had to say things like.

Yeah that's like every guy in the world. Yeah yeah run your lines, run your lines. And then tell us why what your motivation was behind the line. Well, I just told you I had to be right. But then you should have a nice night to be like Max, you really don't want to do that again. I might have to sedate you and I don't think that's what you want. Nice. Yeah, that it was. That was what you said. That. Yeah, that it was. That was what you said.

That was good. Max, please. Oh, wow. I thought for a second. My presentation for that line was a stroke of genius. Why are you down? Yeah. I don't feel well.

Oh, can I say, can I say what I wanted to say before you interrupted me with your joke? I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well.

I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well. I don't feel well down? Yeah, feel well. Oh, can I say can I say what I wanted to say before you interrupted me with your joke? I didn't say anything. No, you did. I was saying, you know, it's worked for me and you went, here's what I think. Joke guys go woo and girls go hee hee. OK, I remember now.

They do. Women be do go and hee hee. You know, a fri- Can you not look like you hurt when I talk? Do you have an allergy bill? God. What are you allergic to? Me.

I don't know. Is it grass? Yeah, what is what is blooming right now? I don't know, but it's something. The thing I want to get out is blooming. Maybe it's the flower in your hair. I can't wear a skull ring. The fr- why can't I?

Because I'm doing it. It's very like, you know that old symbol that was like the independent symbol. An iron cross? Yeah. Iron cross is cool. You'd wear that. I'd wear an iron cross? Iron cross is cool. You'd wear that. I'd wear an iron cross. Yeah. Okay.

It wraps skinheads. Skinheads are good. Good? Boneheads are bad. Boneheads are Nazi skins. Skinheads are blue collar workers. I thought boneheads just meant idiots. Street kids with the movement. Huh? When you call someone a bonehead, you're just calling them an idiot. And that's what a Nazi is. blue collar workers, and street kids with the movement.

When you call someone a bonehead, you're just calling them an idiot. And that's what a Nazi is, an idiot. I understand that, but I didn't know it had any direct correlation to Nazis. It's weird to just look deeper into the flesh. You're a skinhead, no, you're a bonehead. You're a brainhead. You're a cerebral cortex face. You're a hair head, oh thank you. Yeah, you're a brain head. You're a blood, cerebral cortex face. You're a hair head.

Oh, thank you. You're a head. You got a soft head. You got a soft head. It's so mushy. Now what has helped me is the phrase this too shall pass is something we always ascribe to negative Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If I could look at them both at the same time. This too shall pass.

I like to think of that when I'm feeling good because the good times pass too. So you got to remember so you can hold on to the good times. So when you're in the bad times, you can remember that it was good. I get bruised when you do that. Well, I get bruised you when you do this to me My arm they get worried about it and I go no, it's just my friend. Yeah Good Bruise it up tomorrow good. I bruise when you behave like this to me this too shall pass

Very good Remember it. The good passes, but so does the bad. Why are you saying these things? Because I'm feeling good to see you suffer. Okay. Okay. Finish it.

Yes. I'm not suffering, I'm quite happy. I'm just very, very under slept. I have not been getting enough sleep. Why is that? I've just been on the road. I've been moving and cruising and then I... Same here. Yeah, I'm very under slept, I have not been getting enough sleep. Why is that? It's just been on the road, I've been moving and cruising and then I... Same here.

Yeah, I'm just tired, I've been boxing a lot. I'm sleepy. I've been waking up early for bullshit. What bullshit? Just the sun coming up and shit like that. It's nice. I was up at seven today and then me and Mattel talked for an hour and then I watched two movies.

At seven a.m. Yes. What? Yes. What movies? I back it again at eleven or twelve and then I woke up late for things. Three? Yes.

Oh my god. And then I rushed and got everything done. When did you get done? Put a flower on my hair. Atel was up at 7 a.m. From the night before? I had fallen asleep. On the phone?

With him. No. I had fallen asleep last night, woke up, my phone had died and I had a bunch of texts and then he texted me and I thought it was from earlier, but it was from 7 a.m. So when I responded, he called me. And then we were a couple chatty Cathy's.

And then I stayed up and watched Scarface and Pulp Fiction. And then fell back to sleep. Scarface is long, isn't it? Aren't those like two, three hour movies? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I watched Lord of the Rings one, two, and three.

And then I watched every Harry Potter. Extended. And then I fell back to sleep, woke up, showered, and then got everything I had to do done, but was late for the one thing, but it all worked out. And then I took a stroll on the island of Manhattan and put a flower on my hair. You have sex or something? Why are you in such a good spirits? Where were you last weekend? Because I didn't have sex.

Oh, cause you went to the, oh, nice. Great. Cause you went to the, how was the Columbus comedy fest? Really fun. Yeah. Oh, Pat was there. Yeah, we had dueling shows. Dueling shows. At the same time we had our shows. Oh.

Separated by a hallway. Just a hallway? No, it was like the backstage was a hallway, but. I was really worried. I always think no one's gonna come and then I, thank you for coming. For everyone to watch. We packed the room out

and I will. I sold really well and thank you everybody for coming out to shows. It feels nice. And I got, I went to fish list. I got stopped on the street five times today. Wow. For pictures, crazy. And I didn't know I had a flower in my hair. That's awesome. That's all right though. And I'm like this. Yeah. We have a lot of fish fans at the fish.

Really? I was getting stopped a lot. Oh, that's cool. Tell us about it. No, it's not. They're horrifying people. Why? What?

You think everyone's horrifying, always. Says a scary man with a flower in his hair. I'm just a crab. I'm just a crab. I'm just a weasel on a fence post. They were actually very nice. I just think I could, I cannot believe how bad fish is. I mean, I really listened with an open heart and mind

and stared right at the stage where everybody else was having a spiritual experience. And honestly, it was like it was literally like the music would be like, don't do don't do do. And then you'd be like, oh, a nice bass line. And then suddenly it'd be like, and the choo choo little trangle guy shuffle wuffy puff puff boy. And you're like, what is going on? And everybody's like, yes. Oh, my God, this is baby music. Oh yeah.

It's for little babies. Although I like a song by them called Character Zero. It's fun. Really? Yeah. Sing it, sing it. It's like, I really don't know it. I just remember liking it.

Ian loves it. And there's a song called Fuego and Ivan the Impaler or some shit that I like. I used to listen to them when I would do lesson plans when I was teaching. What did he teach? Yeah, cause it's little kid music. Not a lot of asking.

Who's getting you in the spirit? Yeah, you're totally right that you'll get into it. And then it's like, skippity-doo sunshine. Pick up the dog from the dog park. Go to the farm with the farmhouse. You're like, what is going on? It's like. Are the lyrics improvised too to because aren't they just like a jam band? I don't really know fish

Hey, I think this is we jam they jam Oh Like the innards are coming out I Thought Leonard Skinner does a great album called skinner's innards That's cool. Are we doing word association? Yes. I would love word association. Let's do it.

Let's go. Kryptonik. Let's go is the name of a rancid album. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. But now do I finish your sentence or do I just do word association?

Yeah, what are the rules? It's funny how close let's go is to let go. They're very opposites. And I think. that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that.

I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that.

I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that.

I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. I'm not sure if I should do that. Oh, anytime Ian gets it out of hand, you just go. What parts hurt besides your heart? I have a herniated disc and a torn I think labrum MRIs next week. He tore my labia once. Really? Did you get stitched up? No. Let it hit you.

I am throwing out a first pitch at a Cleveland Guardians game, September 18th. I'm so excited. Two of my best friends, shout out Fred and Justin, they're coming. I got us a hotel the night before and the night of. So much fun. My doctor, someone in the front office liked me, asked me to do it. Shout out. And. Right when he winds up, we should get the whole whole like stadium go, huh? So he's like, well, I went to my doctor and he said, see him the week of and he's going to shoot me up full of stuff. I can make the. Are you getting cortisol?

I'm pumped. Wait, somebody who works for your doctor got you the gig? No, no. Someone from the front office of the team! Of the Cleveland Indians. Well, they're the Guardians now. But I might wear a headdress and be like, I'm bringing it back! Like Adam Ray just threw out the first pitch at a Pittsburgh Pirates game. Is it anything to do with your location? Or is it just like a random... Are they playing the Phillies? No. Oh, that's interesting. I went to a Phillies game at the, with the Mets,

you know, at city field, like right before the pandemic. And then the opening, it was Jerry Seinfeld day. He threw the opening pitch. Everyone got like bobble heads. First pitch, fucking Phillies hit a home run and everyone just games over. When like five people in the stadium. Wait, the pitch out there and then everyone else is like, he

did the opening pitch, but the first pitch of the game was a home run. First pitch. They have a they have a ceremonial first pitch and they get someone to come out. You stand in front of the mound and you throw it and hey, and I'm very, you're going to do a twirl. I hate it already. I wasn't, but now I am. You should, you should go train. Well, I'm going to get shot up full of stuff so I can, yeah. But I mean, what if I, and they give me a custom Jersey, that's pretty hard. And it it won't say fuck you, Jordan. Whoa.

I would like to play my cards wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Be great. Why are you wearing them? Play the her cards wrong. She played her cards! They're like, what is that little man saying? He's like, play your cards wrong! Your cards are wrong! Crab man saying? Get your jersey and say crab man. Crab man!

You want to come? Yeah. When is it? September 8th? September 18th. September 8th is my birthday. It's a Wednesday, and the next day I'm in Detroit. Wait, is that when I'm in hilarities, like that Thursday or whatever? No, your hilarious is the end of the month, and we're doing a live podcast on Sunday.

Did you see the flyer? I saw you. Well, you need to look. Okay? There's a lot going on right now. Shut up, Pat. We're gonna green screen your chest Tell me you do a pose and then then you do a green screen

Which pose is um grab your own boobs and we'll make them into These boobs nice. I want a cigarette. Oh Yeah, I am in a good mood Yeah, what happened I? Fucking forgot about green screen. I wouldn't know warn this Somebody do it up, please Please while we're like talking make like a video game on his chest Yeah

And also like when Ian's losing his mind and I'm going, you can have him on my chest going, and then put the break dancer from the Olympics, Reagan, kicking his head. Do you think Reagan meant it or didn't mean it? Oh, I think Reagan, it's, there's a lot of deeper stuff going on there. Really? Let's apparently, you did a deep dive. Reagan, going on there. Really? Let's apparently. You did a deep dive. Raygon, it jocked the system for her to get there. Oh, very nefarious things with Raygon. Really?

How'd she jock the system? But is it like, are you proud of her or are you pissed off? Oh. How'd she jock the system, which I don't think is the right word. Jock. Gamed? Apparently she like ran the auditions for the dancing. So then like she pretty much made it where she was the one that was able to go through. Was there anyone else or was she the

sole representative of Australia? Did she do it as a bit? No, she didn't win the Olympic gold and breakdance as a ha ha bit. She didn't win the gold. She didn't win anything. Yeah, she got zero. No, she got zero points. I thought she won. No. What didn't win anything. Yeah, she got zero. Oh, she got zero points.

I thought she won. No. What's wrong with you? Yeah, she did her thing. And everybody was like quite a lot. No, she did win. No, she didn't. She got zero points. Ethan.

She won. That's the whole controversy. No, the controversy. Or the controversy. The controversy is that she got to the point of repping Australia. Yeah, that's and in a way, she won that. Can you imagine if she won the gold?

I mean, that would be... You don't like losing, do you? No. Put a tennis match on a shirt and be winning. No, I am in a good mood and I was in a bad thing for a bit. That's nice. How long? I'm not in a bad thing.

I just, my body just doesn't feel good. And that's okay. I throw kind of hurts. I feel like I have allergies. I'm a sleepies. I fell asleep today. That's good. Yeah.

I'm just sleepies. You're just worn out. I'm worn out. That's how worn out. I'm worn out. Yeah. That's how I feel. Krista Staphanous. What are you laughing at? This is how you combed your mustache. With the mic.

Krista Staphanous. What are you laughing at? Yeah, that's something super ridiculous. What are you laughing at? Krista Staphanous said something nice to me the other night that we are doing it. We are doing it.

And everything is is good and everything that's happening is things We would have loved to happen years ago and the fact that it's happening now Is good and that I'll read his text I forget what Chris is 7-0 at Heather Hardy on his podcast and I'm thinking about training with her. Who's that? She's like a champion boxer podcast and I'm thinking about training with her. Who's that? She's like a champion boxer, but she knows my trainer and she also knows Louis CK.

And the other day Louis was like, you should box with her and Sid's going out of town. So I think I will box with her. Do it. And I'll ask her to do the pod. Yeah. Yeah. That's great.

Yeah. A Warren's Yvonne. No, okay. I'll have her here. Both of us. Keegan did both. Do both. You can did both. Do both. You can do both.

Don't whore. Is there only one or do you have to choose between the two? No. Pat, you never have to choose. Does that mean I'm not allowed? Pat, you can't. You have no choice. Warren Zvon has a great song called Back's Turn Looking Down the Path and he has a line

that says, I hate you who's the person you're texting to stephan oh and I sent him this oh my god look how much you sent him he's not friends anymore look how much he sent me please don't judge he said I said this song came on last night there's a line that hit me what he meant was this look how much he sent me please and then you had to add, don't judge, cause you heard your dick become a little girl's vagina. What the fuck? That can't happen to a crab.

Please, please. I said this song came online saying, there's a line that hit me, took it as a sign. Some may have and some may not. God, I'm thankful for what I got. When I'm looking with my back turned looking down the path Warren's Yvonne check it out great line and as a song and he said we have to remember it's not a competition. His wife is so hot you're in a basement. Why are you

being a fucking rain on the parade? I'm just saying the person you're texting with like has a lot of money in a house. You don't need a money in a house to feel good is what I'm just saying the person you're texting with like has a lot of money in a house. You don't need a money in a house to feel good. What I'm realizing is I have one money. I have one of monies. I don't have all the monies, but I'll need all the money. Money is not going to make you happy. They can. It does. Yeah, it really helps.

It fucking helps. But it's not going to sustain you. I'm just saying it's funny to be texting with somebody who's like doing very well, and you guys are like, we should be so thankful for what we have. Like if you were texting me, it would make sense if you were texting like, yeah, I have texted you that and you're like, no response for 10 days. Yeah, I don't respond to text messages. Yeah, because you sent her into a downward spiral because you made her focus on how stuff's not going that great by saying everything's going great. I'm lost right now. It's okay to text with people that have more because that's not the

argument though. All right. I'm playing the fool right now. Now I'm going to be serious. Fuck you. It doesn't matter if you have money or not or these fucking actual things that you can write down on paper of a family and this and that. At the end of the day, children, at the end of the day, it's about perspective. You fucking rock for a heart. It's about perspective and perception. You can have everything in the world and still have nothing. I got enough money to take care of me, my mom and my cat. Could I use more money? Yes. Patreon.com is like a premium pot. Buy fucking tickets. It helps. Maybe I'm happy because I sold well and I made bonus. Maybe that's why because I equate my my feel good to how well I'm doing with stuff and things are going

nice. So maybe that's why I feel good. And I'm trying to divorce myself of that. But you do have to remember some may have and some may not. God, I'm thankful for what I got. And we had to remember to appreciate what we have as opposed to thinking about what we don't have. Remember this. It's gay, but it's always helped me. Sometimes you're behind, Sometimes you're ahead. At the end, the race is long and only with yourself. And I said, ain't nothing gay about positively affirming a friend. You guys are faggots.

Just a bunch of faggots. But we're feeling good. Fucking women pretending to be straight, wanting to blow each other. No. Yeah. I don't want to blow him. That'd be cute. Will you like me? Don't look at me with the eyes of will you like me then and then make fun of

yourself for looking at me like that. I never said that. You look to be like, huh? And then you caught me catching doing that and when you like it, as if I was like, I wouldn't blow him for you to like me. What is this? I would not start a monogamous relationship with Chris DeSephano. I would make you like me.

But if you would like me and I did that, then that's something I could happen. You were smiling. Hey, life's good. You know, life's good. Life's good, life's good. Oh my God. That's what someone says as they're getting onto the ledge. I've started journaling again.

Yeah? When did you stop? And writing lyrics. Do you want me to read some? What about you? They're going to be mean. Oh, it's in my notebook. It's out of reach?

The song's called, You Will Not to me when you're not around me You will not haunt me while you're gone Wow I feel value when you're not yelling at me That's his. That's great. Wow. I feel value when you're not yelling at me. As the chorus. I'm not going to fart, but if you wanted to bet on if I fart or not, my bookie is the way to go. My bookie lets you get in on the action. Whatever you're into with their amazing sports book and casino platform. You don't even down. You don't even need download an app. You just click my link, sign up and you're good to go. Yes. And you can bet on baseball, football. Can you bet on like songs?

Songs, UFC. Wait, what really? What can you bet on? You can bet on anything. President? President. You can bet on if I'm going to ask out a girl and she says yes, you put it into my bookie. Can we make a bet ourselves?

Let's make a bet. I'll bet. On our bookie, can we make a bet ourselves? Yes. Let's bet that you can't get that piece of food or something off your nose. You would have won the bet. Now, the thing with my bookie is that here's no matter what it is, my bookie, there's no need to download it. Just click the link in the show notes, sign up and you're ready to bet. And guess what? What? You're going to lock in your future now, because while you're waiting for the season to begin and use our promo code,

you're going to claim a bonus of up to a thousand dollars on the first deposit. Wouldn't you like a thousand dollars? I would. Yeah. Then use our promo code. Scott, SKA. I wish it was a different promo code. You can use whatever promo code you want. What do you want for the next one? JJ. Promo code JJ next time. No, no, no. SKA.

SKA? Yeah. Why don't you make a bet on what we'll use next week? That's SKA to start the college football season off with house money. Don't ever miss out on the action. Bet anything, anywhere, anytime, only with... Mybookie. com. Yeah. Everything you said today is weird, like truth serum shit. And then I look at you and you go, no,

no. And I'm like, you just said the thing that you are saying. No, that you said I'm not saying anything. I'm allowed to wear a skull ring. That's what this all stems from. Cliff Burton. How long have you had the skull ring? Recently, I got it in Fort Collins. Did you win it from one of those machines? Bought it from some gay little shop. I got it from the place. I you win it from one of those machines?

You got it from some gay little shop. I got it from the place I got you the horse ring that you don't wear anymore. Interesting. Anymore? I never put it on for a second. You wore it in the episode, idiot! I can't box and ring so I don't put them on. Oh yeah, you can't take them off and put them back on. I just forget to put them back on. Gifts to you no more.

I like the hair clip I wear that. When? The wedding. No you didn't. Yes I did. Picture it, let me see. There were no pictures because my phone was off the entire time. No it wasn't because I saw you read the text messages

because they went through. If your phone was off. They didn't go through until after the wedding. I don't know if I believe that. You sent them day one. You sent them day one didn't you? I don't know if I believe that. I sent them the second you left the apartment.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. They went through. Get out. They might have gone through, but my thing was in my cabin. No, they wouldn't have gone through because I didn't have service.

Whatever. You're insane. I know. I don't know when they went through, but I hate that you're looking for the delivered. The day that I realized that was the day I blew off this guy and I went over to another guy's house to hook up with him. And I had told the other guy that I would meet him at my house and I was and he was like I sent you all these text messages.

I was waiting outside your apartment. I was like, oh, my phone and he's like no they didn't I can see that they were delivered And I remember that was the day that I was like my life is over Because that's what that was my excuse forever. Just my phone died and once I discovered that that was yeah, you're a liar Yeah, wait, so when your phone dies and it's frustrating When your phone dies, it doesn't say delivered underneath. Yeah, really? Yeah, isn't that a narc? Yeah, it's called just being honest You know that guy anything No, who'd you play weird? Oh No, who'd you blow weird? Oh at that time that was um, oh

That I think I was it was it was two people, you know, I'll tell you after No, I'm not whispering on the pod. We decided no more whispers on pod. Did we? No way, did you really hear? No way! Let me see! Holy shit Crazy No Was it? No, this was years and years ago. This was two weeks ago

No, I'm just saying this is what years ago that I discovered the delivered system on the phone. Oh, so then you're lying now Because you said why didn't get my phone was actually I'm telling you the truth. I have no reason to lie now I'm 33 years old my phone it all the text I sense said delivered and it got to a point where I said, please thumbs up if you like No electricity in the cabin so I couldn't charge my phone. My phone was off until the minute. All of my messages went through. Yeah, they went through because you checked it after you sent the last one, which is when

I got on land. Because you were texting me the entire time up until the second. Because things were time sensitive. You can't see if it was delivered now. Ian, I had no phone on me. I had no pictures. I had no way of charging my phone unless I went to the bathroom and I didn't want to do that.

Am I supposed? My mom went deaf. Because she never hear you. What kind of fucking answer is that? My mom's hearing aids weren't working because she couldn't charge them. Your mom has hearing aids? Yeah.

My mom too. Yeah, they're old. Wow. That doesn't mean anything about us. Text me and let me know you're alive. Thumbs down if you're mad at me. And prior sent this. Send a couple, a big black couple.

A lot more stuff too. Wow, look at that. No response from me. Long before the wedding. Pretty crazy. Yeah. Are you the blue? long before the wedding. Pretty crazy. Yeah. Are you the blue? You're the blue.

Oh, OK, OK. Yeah, the fish fest was insane. Yeah, tell us about it. My manager was on mushrooms, which was hilarious. I've never seen him so happy in my life. It was incredible. How was Delaware? We went to the beach.

It was the worst beach I've ever been to. Which beach? Dover. Okay, good. You didn't go to Rojovis. I was gonna say, if you went to Rojovis, you said it was the worst, you're wrong. I mean, it was up to here in muck.

Yeah, Dover. Yeah. You probably went to the Indian River inlet and you didn't know it. And I didn't know it. We went thrift store shopping. It was incredible. Did you go to Axe?

No, we went to Goodwill. Cool too. It was great. What'd you get? This. I had said, I liked that. That's good. Did you?

Yeah, when you walked up. Wow. And there was like giant installations at the festival Had said I like that. That's good. Yeah when you walked up. Oh and There was like giant installations Huh, sorry, I didn't know you knew I was here Oh, you got the pod. Yeah. Pat, you said you didn't like the festival that much. Ian said he loved it. This is a classic. I said the festival was fun, but the after party was weird. What was the after party?

I didn't go to the after party. But then you went to a bar though, right? You went to that place. And I made everyone go on the rooftop and play the heads up game so So we could have like an activity and not just sit and drink. Yeah. Oh, my God, we should do it on the pod. It's that game where you pick animal categories or something. And like, yeah, you get clues, but you can't say the name. It's like dog comes up, but you can't tell me it is. You go on all fours Rover and I go dog.

Yes. And then you touching it with your hand there. That was the phone because the phone has the thing on it. And every time you do that, it loads up the next one. Let's go. And then you're. Yeah. So we played that and it was fun. And then I went to Waffle House with a bunch of comics and we all. Did tarot cards and then a woman was in there and she went crazy and started yelling about Jeffrey Emstein and saying that she was Epstein.

No, no, she was yelling about Jeffrey Emstein. And she was like, I'm Stormy Daniels. And she had fucking, uh, I mean, she, she looked like a fucking scarecrow stuffed with fucking bad dreams. This one was a fucking, whoa, was something wrong. She hung out of her car and was like, Trump, I, he's not a bad guy. I just don't like liars and they're going to kill me tomorrow. Who is this? Some crazy Waffle House lady. And we read one of the Waffle House waitress, her tarot car. It was fun.

I should have gone. And I stayed up and watched Pee Wee Herm until 5 a.m. It was amazing. Yeah, I fucked up. Sold a ton of merch. I saw that. I didn't want to interrupt you. You looked like you were in a flow state.

Oh, thanks. Just fucking hucking stuff out. A group of magicians came to see me and they did magic tricks on me. So fun. Like he put a dot here and then made me answer questions and he goes, it's traveling up your body and it's in your other hand and a dot was here. That's because you went like this. Dot and then he went. Close your hands. You touched it. Your palm. He didn't do that.

No, he didn't. You're really bad at magic stuff. You're wrong. Magic is real. When you're like that magician came on Sam's pod, Sam, where I was fine. He's like. You're like, I don't know how he knows about this photo where I pulled up. What was it? Who did you pull up? Bill Murray. Bill Murray.

No, Elvis. No, it was Bill Murray. Bill Murray. And then we were like, well, is there any way he could know that? And you're like, no, no. And I was like, there's no way he saw that at all. And you're like, well, in the, in the room out there, he asked me to pull up a picture of Bill Murray.

But he was sitting far away from me. Why in the waiting room? Why did he ask me to pull it up? Doesn't it feel good to just think that, believe that magic's real? Never. I think it doesn't it feel good to just think that believe that magics real never I think it does it feels good. I think it's fun and dumb. Yeah, it's like it's yeah But if you know everyone knows it isn't but it's just fun to let go sometimes But yeah, I was so flabbergasted

I was and did not mention to us that in the waiting room before we went into the podcast, the guy was like, pull up a picture of your favorite actor. But him figuring out my Elvis thing was crazy because I didn't say anything about Elvis. He goes, okay, fine. Think of a new celebrity. How in the waiting room did he get you to pull up a picture? What did he say? He said, give me your phone.

I just did magic. I got you to eat the pumpkin seeds that you said you hate. Wait, what? What's in them? Magic. Pumpkin seeds. Just pumpkin seeds. Oh, that's all. OK, how do we play the game? Oh, heads up right here. Heads up. Do I have to get an app?

I downloaded it. Oh, you play with one phone? Yeah. And you see how fast you can go? You have to show the camera first. Yeah, we play it on camera and I don't see. Pop culture. That's a fun noise. What's that noise?

The toilet? Should we do Act out? Superstars? Animals in the wild? We played it years ago at Six Flags. Superstars. That's going to be tough. Okay, act it out. I just know you want me to say animals in the wild. Because you said it really slowly and into my open mouth. Okay, instant replay. the wild. So because you said it really slowly and into my open mouth. OK, instant replay.

I just close the OK. Show the camera first. Dancing. Driving. Skiing. Water skiing. Rowing. Canoeing.

Playing dead. Sleeping. rowing canoeing. Playing dead. Sleeping. Watching the movies. huddling sleeping. Loving loving someone. Laying down on a lap. Laying down.

One word nap Nap. Nap. Nap time. Sleeping. Curving. Huh? C- Laying sideways! Coughin! I said correct. Oh yeah. Whoa. Slinking around.

Sneaky! Sneak, sneak! In the window window cat burglar How many did I get five it was really bad the lying one cuz what was the lying one? No, cuz it was actions, what was you doing? What were you doing? Oh, that's what it was All right ready What were you doing? Oh, that's what it was. Yeah. Uh-uh. Okay. Okay. Here we go. All right, ready?

Ooh. Drawing, coloring, painting, calligraphy. In a notebook. Writing, don't say in a notebook. Writing, scribbling, drawing, sketching, sketching, artist. Rhymes and noodling. Don't say that. Doodling. Go. Doodling.

Oh, giving birth, giving birth, pregnancy, pushing out a baby, having a baby. Travajo. Birth, giving birth. Yes. Going into labor. Stop it. Going into labor. Stop doing that. Come here. Let me massage your back. I'm Chinese. No, being Chinese. No, Ian to me here.

Sexual harassment, assault, unwanted touching massage, masseuse, massage therapy, getting a massage, massage, massaging, massaging, getting giving massage. Yes. Giving a massage. Next one massaging getting giving massage. Yes Next one. No you pass. Oh sewing It's tough, all right You have a fuck everything Look at flip it up. Don't look. Oh It just showed my voice back to me. Yeah.

Stop. I don't want to see that. Oh, I think it's recording. OK, show it on the camera. That's this one. Whichever one. Oh. Falling. Oh, diving, diving in the gymnastics. Why are you hitting me? Stop saying words.

I thought we were allowed to. Miming. Yes. Flirting Stretching slinky yeah Cards playing cards going fish magic yes Now point it down, idiot! Don't tell him I'm an idiot. Okay. Cards, playing cards, going fish, magic. Yes! Oh. Oreos, dipping cookies, eating Oreos!

Oh, fuck. Flower girl. I got seven. Good job. This is so fun. Are people going to go see this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what we're going to do?

Let's do, let's do, uh. What do you have tonight? I have nothing. Yes. Zoe can stay for the Patreon and this will be the Patreon. Accents and impressions. Do you hear me? Did you hear what I said?

What did you say? Oh, I'm hungry. You can't, this can be the Patreon. This can be the Patreon. This can be the Patreon. This can be the Patreon. This can be the Patreon. This can be the Patreon. This can be the Patreon. This will be the Patreon. Accents and impressions. Do you hear me? Did you hear what I said? What'd you say? Oh, I'm hungry. This can be the Patreon.

This is a regular. To warm me up. No, regular will be excellent. That's the right thing to do. Whatever. You're allowed to say things now. It's not just acting. Oh, okay.

No, the opposite of short is? Long. What's a? The opposite of short is that, and what's the opposite of short is that. And then and then a small piece of land surrounded by water island. What? OK, this is a boxer who has a tattoo on his face, but somebody's ear off iron. No, this is accents.

You're supposed to do the accent. And I pick up the blue and what it is. Oh, yes. And I'm gonna bite you. I'm gonna bite you. Mike Tyson. Ayy. Italian.

Italian. Bronx. New Yorker. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My precious. Ooh, midgets. Yes. Brad Williams. Brad Williams.

Dwarf. No. You mean the ring, Gollum. Yes. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep B. B.C3-3-0.C-3-P.C-3-P.C-3- I thought it was a 2d2 for a second Right It's making fun of me They're all playing at the same time and then it turns turns into it. It's really scary that it doesn't. You probably turn it off. Turn it off. The hill. Yes. So this is accent. Yeah, yeah.

Don't say something that they always say, because that's too easy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, gosh, seriously. Come on. South Park. Kyle, Kevin. Specifically, who am I? You got juice. Carver. Carter. Carter? What's his name? Oh my God. Carver. Carter. Carter? What's his name?

Oh my god. Kenny? Yeah, no! What's his name? God damn it! God damn it, Carver. You're doing a really good job, but I forget that guy's name. Come on, I love me.

Fuck you! Fuck you, Kenny! My shopping. Fuck you! I don't know his name, but I know what you're saying. No, Kenny! What is his name? Carpen.

I said Carter. Hoon gotten hoon. Baby. Beesh-da-boot-da-boot-da-steed-da-do-dee. Shop-boong-da-boop-da-do-dee. I know his name, but I know what you're saying. No, can't it? What is his name? Carpenter. I said Carter. Hohengarten, Hohengarten, Lieben. Bish, man! Everything Southern here! Texas. Yep. Ay, park the car in Harvard Yard, suck my cod! There you are, kid.

Ay, everything is big about... Trump! Trump! Yeah! Everything is big. Four. Yeah! Four? You, I mean, calling Cartman Carver is crazy.

I know, I'm not very good at cartoons. Also, this is the regular. This is fun. People need to see this. No. Yes. Oh. Upside down.

Is it? Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. Adrian M. Boogie, New York. Where is he from? Philadelphia. Listen, I'm a boxer. My eyes are weird like this.

Yes. The guy who plays me. The guy who plays me. The guy who plays me. The guy who plays me. Hey, Adrian, I'm from New York. Where is he from? Philadelphia. I'm a boxer, my eyes are weird like this. Yes. The guy who pulled me. Sylvester Stallone. Yes. Sorry. Life is like a box of chocolate.

I love you, Jenny. We're not allowed to say catchphrases. Catchphrases we are not allowed to say. We still try. Yoda? Yeah. You're not allowed to say. We still try. Yoda? You're not allowed to say catchphrases. Heil Hitler! That's a catchphrase!

Every time he spoke, he said that. Hitler? Ich bin lieben. Sport ist Mord. Boring in Germany! I thought it was an actual person. I sound a little bit Australian, but I'm not quite a New Zealander. That's a totally different place. It sounds like this. We love to part

time. It's in a place where there's a lot of people. We hate Nelson Mandela. Oh, that's hilarious. What was that? British. There is a meme online where it goes me, me right before I start to do a British accent is this skinny dude going like this. Blockbuster movies. Oh, boy, this is hard. Show the camera. Can the camera see it? You're allowed to talk alien. Aliens. I'm covered.

I covered myself in mud so you couldn't see me. The other one is not alien. I'm an alien vs. predator. That couldn't see Aliabrs predator. Yeah. Yeah I'm a singer. I think no no no I'm black slave black slave Lady slave Harriet Tubman. No, I'm a lady. It's one one name. I'm a rhymes with Selma Selma. Yeah It's one one name. I'm I'm with Selma Selma. Yeah, they were. I'm not sure. Oh, I'm a dead guy in a car and you're pretending I'm alive.

That's the wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is a crab man. Crab house. No. House of Blues. What's the crab shack? But now it's like a shack. Oh, what a car does. What you were in a car the other day. A car.

Car smash. One word smash. Crash. Crab man. I go to repeat, repeat, got to repeat, go with numbers, go with numbers. No other one. Oh my God. oh my God, I really love this song. I really love this song.

There's something about Raymond. Water falling from the. Raymond. Ray, Ray, Ray. Water's falling, water's falling, and it's a god. I know, Raymond, Raymond, yeah, man, Raymond. You are him. Hey, I got a good try.

You're lucky, gay punk. Oh, Clint Eastwood. I'm not clean. The money. I'm a good try. You're lucky, gay punk. Oh, Clint Eastwood. I'm not clean. I'm dirty, hairy. Yes. Ooh. Sorry. Star Wars.

Yes, but this is another one. It's like the second one, right? Where the... Back to the... No. Star Wars Men in Black 2. Lucky. Lucky boys. The second one, right? Where they. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Lucky Lucky Lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky strikes lucky strikes. The emperor strikes back.

Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. . Oh, it's French little girl for it was Len Mizorab That's okay, I can read upside down I'm very smart Oh Oh You're dancing yes

English word for con Hope skipping. What was it? I had to do it all. Oh, I'm I'm a teacher. What to do? Fire fire coming up. The magic dragon. Yes. And this is drag. If you were to make my dog behave, you would be.

Teaching her the dog word for teaching is don't eat that. No, it's you. Choo Choo. I'm freezing. I'm freezing. I'm frozen. What was it? Teaching her the dog word for teaching is don't eat that. No, you chew chew chew chew freezing freezing Okay, go back Oh All dogs go to heaven. Okay, here's the thing that the people don't know. He's Canadian and doesn't know shit. He's like a homeschooler.

This is crazy. What was the last one? Pat is like a homeschool guy. He carries around oatmeal. You couldn't have acted out the spaghetti. No, because then we would... I can't do that. the spaghetti? Oh, no, because then we would. English word for con with gun me goes, OK, ready?

I really am. I'm going on. I'm going full retard. Why are you in my head? Oh, my God. Black Buster movie. What is acted out? We are. Yeah. OK. Super stars. Mm hmm. This is my favorite thing.

Sorry, Pat. Show the camera. Oh, no. Okay, the thing that a car does when it's driving down the street really fast. I mean not fast, but chilling. Chillin'. Tom.

Tom Cruise. Yes! Another lady though. Okay, this is Maggie's brother. Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes. Oh, this is. Hey man, I got a messed up nose.

I got a messed up nose His brother Okay, this is a guy I don't even know if he's an actor what he does He's like a he's like a I host the ball drop. I host a lot of you're going I heart radio. I heart radio Um, oh, I'm kind of I don't think New Year's guy New Year's guy Anderson Cooper. No, no, he's like then. Um, he's like the Ocean Is what's another name for ocean? No, no, no, what's another name? Yeah, John C Riley. No, no What's another

I don't know who that is. Okay. Yay. First accessory would be higher if yours was better. No, you're doing a really good job. Thank you. Okay, you too. Here we go. Titanic, hold me, Jack.

Kate Winslet. Yes. My heart went out. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Titanic, hold me Jack. Kate Winslet.

Yes. My heart will go on. Titanic, Kate Winslet. Canadian lady sings. Celine Dion. Yeah. If you want it, you got it. Oh, that was weird.

Those two Titanic's in a row. It's a stop off the L train. Lorimer. Keep going. Yeah. It's a stop off the L train. Lorimer. Keep going. And it's a singer. That's not even a stop. It's a street. One name. Why would Graham K be on there?

Cher. Madonna. These aren't stops on the L train. Morgan. Close. Like two more stops. Hughes. Oh, with an H that is like it. Halsey.

Halsey Street. Oh, horse face guy. he was in Girls. Adam. Adam Driver. Yeah. Woo. Same first name as the last one. Maroon 5. Maroon 5.

Oh, Adam Levine. Yeah. Oh, used to be fat black but now he's skinny weather man. He's a skinny weather man. I don't know now he's skinny weather man. Skinny weather man. He's a skinny weather man. Wait. All right. All right. I'll put it on my head the right way this time you're nailing it Oh, yeah No, I didn't know pass that no idea did I pass it Oh

Married to each other an anchorman. He's not gonna know any of these matrix neo for matrix neo for me Oh, this is a Canadian guy. Yeah These matrix Neo from a trick's neo for me. Oh, this is a Canadian guy. Yeah Go pass it Interview with a vampire girl spider-man fuck I'm really bad Why I don't know that I'm really bad at the names of famous people. Oh, God. Hot. Hot. Gay guy from NSYNC. Wanted to go to space.

I know what he looks like. Can I draw him? I don't know his name. Give him animals. Okay, let's just stop you. I'm really bad with famous people's names. I thought I was too, but I nailed it. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I could draw all of them. Give him animals? I'm good with animals. That's how I am with people that I don't really, peripherally know. Okay, go. Animals. Animals, I OK, go animals. Animals. I'm good with animals.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's it? Why is it beeping? Cat? No, no. Dodge. Oh, look, look. I hit one on my car the other day. Oh, snake child. But a type of that. Cobra. A scary one.

Yes. Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes! Amazing. Oh, I'm a horse but I have a thing going on in my head. Oh, a unicorn. Yes! I'm a fish before it's a fish, before it's a frog. And it can be a frog.

The back pool. Yes. Oh! I'm a rooster with a long neck, not a rooster, a bird. A bird with a long neck. And you make boots out of them. Oh, I come up out of the ground. I'm like a prairie dog, but a different one. Oh

Was in caddyshack Yeah My little friend you Disgusting bug oh Yeah Oh this comes up out of the thing. This was in another Bill Murray day. Oh, go for it. Yeah, that's what I thought it was. No, I would've gotten that.

Good dude. I got nine. Oh great. We're at 60 minutes. I'm going. I'm going. I'm getting the record. Do people like watching this? No way. Yeah, they do.

Oh, I was a really big thing that we saw up at the lake house up at the lumineers. They take you. No, they buzz. Yeah. Wow. Another name. Another word.

Be a basketball team. Yes. Oh, I'm a food that you eat in a can. A fish in a can. Yeah. Wow. I deliver babies. I bring babies.

I'm a bird that brings you babies. A bird that brings babies. Stork. Yes. Oh, I peck your. Yeah, woodpecker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I go really fast.

My winter's so fast and I'm so little. Hummingbird. Yeah. I'm like a I go really fast. My winter show fast. I'm so little. Hummingbird. Yeah. I'm like a rat, but little. Little guy. Little guy. Little guy that's in the house. Oh, I walk like this and I look like I'm wearing a tuxedo. Yes. Penguin. Yeah. I'm old. I'm slow.

I'm slow. No. No. Oh no. I'll skip that one then. Where am I? Oh, Matt Richards has a bunch of me. Matt Richards has them. And there's a little baby. And there's a little baby. Emu?

No. I don't know what was it. You get docked one point. Eight? Eight? You got seven because you cheated. Sugar glider? He said Emu.

Yeah. He said Emu. I don't know, I got scared. He was, he will hear you. Alright, and then we'll... Upside down, upside down. Alright, ready? Oh, this is the most fun I've ever had. It's a, it, NBC turned on to this.

I have a beautiful feather. Beep cock! Tony the Hawk! Tony the Hawk! turned on to this for streaming. Peepcock. The hawk. Yeah. Oh, like constrictor. Easter bunny. Yeah. Oh, the ocean's scary.

It has a week of shows. But what kind of. Sorry. Oh, I I smell. I'm stinky. No, no, no, it's a type of it. Yes. Oh, you're doing great. Oh, I come out every seven years or something.

A swarm of bees will come at the end of the world. A locus, the book of revelation. Oh, I'm a cuckoo. A web pussy. A pussy. No, no, no. I jump on trees. I jump on trees and I'm from Canada and I have a big flat tail. A wet pussy. A pussy. A pussy cow. I jump on trees and I'm from Canada and I have a big flat tail.

Beaver. Oh and sticky things. Porky pie. I'm a weird. Platypus. Dude I bet you got 12. Nine. But that was great. Alright one more and then we're going to wrap it up. Dude, I bet you got 12. Nine. Nine.

But that was great. Yeah. All right. One more and then we're going to wrap it up. I'm sweating. Hey. Can we play for the whole paper? Are we doing animals again?

Do whatever you want, Pat. You won't do well. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Do do. Wow. Yeah, do types of grain. What are you into? What are you into? What are you into?

What are you into? Wooden tools? Pop culture. That will destroy me. Oh wow. Yeah, but let's have you actively try and guess. Okay, here. The noises.

Is this pop culture? Yeah. All right, let's go. OK, try and give him everything. I have no idea what that is. Pass. Like the teenage witch. Oh, this is something that you do when you're trying to be present and a type of meditation, a transcendental meditation. When you're trying to be, please be respectful.

Be more of the word for be more of this when you speak because you're being a bit rude. The thing inside your brain is also called a it's a brain, a soul or a brain. The thing that you think. Yes. Yes. Go, go, go. So this is this is a girl who looks like a boy for a while, but now she kind of looks like a girl, but she's fat tits, loves a color green, loves a color green fat tits, a little bit goth. Her first name is sounds like a H for a while, but now she kind of looks like a girl, but she's hot tits, loves a color green, loves a color green, fat tits, a little bit goth. Her first name is sounds like a Hicks name, like Hill Hill Mountain.

What do you call a Hick? A Hill? Billy. Yes. Billy. Billy. Billy. Eilish. Yes. Go, go. Oh, this is a singer. I used to be. Is it me? Oh, I was. God damn it. All right. All right.

Let's. Are you OK? Boy, that's the episode. What are your plugs? Plug your stuff. What time's your spot? Going to the tap. What do you got to plug? stuff. What time is your spot? No, I do.

You got a blog. I just I'm going to be places. Check my Instagram. You want to see him live? Go to confidence dot com. This is a funny thing about Pat. This is the person you see on the podcast. Now go watch his stand up and see how different it is. Crazy. He's a sweet pie cutie pants on here. But on the stage, he gets real mad real quick. No, no, no. Yeah. You get angry. That's when

you let it all out. That's very funny. And he rides a bicycle. Yeah. Yes. Check out Pat. So see him and see Jordan punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen. Where are you going to be? You know, when this comes out, you know where you're gonna be. I'm gonna be in Texas, Columbus, Cleveland, somewhere else. Yes. We're calling. Where Collins is this weekend.

And you're gonna be in Hilarities. Yes. That's Cleveland. Live B&E on September 1st. B&E and Jordan live Cleveland hilarities. Where else? OK, Jordan Jensen dot com. Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen.

Punch up dot live slash Ian Fidance. Winnipeg rumors. San Antonio. Laugh out loud. Milwaukee improv. But live B and E in with Jordan September 1st. Cleveland, Ohio, San Francisco, Austin, Columbus, Petersburg, Ohio, Dayton, Ohio. I canceled Vegas, Batavia, Nashville, Charlotte, North Carolina.

Yes. And you know what? You can also see me. I asked you to be a Houston, Texas, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Tampa, Florida, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Denver, Los Angeles. Guys are going everywhere. Patreon.com slash BD and pod. We got a lot of fun stuff.

We're going to build a table and maybe do karaoke. I suggested no one got back, but we'll see if we do that. I took it back about that. Thank you. So that sounds fun. I hate karaoke more than anything,. Thank you. You're welcome. So that sounds fun. I hate karaoke more than anything. But we do it on the pod.

Remember what we did last week? We sang. Yeah, that was supposed to be private. We love you. See ya. Bye. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.