Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep112: Harley Davidson & The Marlboro Man W/ Jason Ellis

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod  IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast  - Support the show get some MyBookie money on the house with code SKA at https://mybookie.website/SKA -Support the show and get free breakfast for life from HelloFresh at https://www.hellofresh.com/FREESKA Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Jason Ellis Here : https://www.instagram.com/wolfmate/ https://www.patreon.com/ellismate https://thejasonellis.com https://fathergrind.com Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Hey, everybody, come see me live on the road. September 19th, Detroit, Michigan, September 20th to 21st, Greenville, South Carolina. And then I'm going to Houston, Texas, Zanies, Nashville, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Tampa, Florida, Denver, Pittsburgh, Toronto, LA. Pittsburgh, Toronto, LA. I'm going all over Baltimore, Maryland, punchup.live slash Ian finance, Ianfinance.com for my special and everything. Go see Jordan on the road, punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen. Go see her in your town. We're having fun. It's always a blast. And thank you guys for filling up the shows. It's really fun. Enjoy the show. See us on the road, patreon.com slash B&E and pod We love you. Bye Telling jokes and having smokes Riding back so through the night. It's a wild ride

When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt So why ride when you're being Ian, being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life Being Ian, being Ian. With Jordan. Meow. Really?

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Hey, hey, look at that. When mom's not in my house. I might regret it, but I'll try. Dad and son have fun. If I don't smoke the whole cigarette, will you be mad at me? No, I'll smoke the rest of it have fun. I'm dead. Will you be mad at me?

No, I'll smoke the rest of it. OK. Let's go. I even got this nice ashtray for us. Butt stuff. Why is that? Women only butt stuff. Thank you for clarifying.

Although a man I slept with gave this to me. Whoopsies. Shout out, Brandon. I'm sorry that it didn't work out. Well, Brandon's gay. We hooked up years ago. You and Brandon. Uh-huh. Not us. No, not us.

Right. No. To the chagrin of many. Right? What is that? I don't know. Go fuck yourselves, dudes. I think people like when people get along and people want...

And because we've done butt stuff. Yeah. People are like, oh And because we've done butt stuff. Yeah. People are like, oh, you probably butt stuff. You probably butt each other. But no, we didn't. No. And it's...

No one's believing that. I don't want that to ruin our friendship. If we did butt stuff? I'm not... I'm not... Trying. I'm not gonna. Neither am I. Good. But I don not, I'm not. Trying. I'm not gonna. Neither am I.

Good. But I don't want it to ruin our friendship because I know if we did it would turn our friendship to a love ship. We wouldn't do it. It wouldn't be a love ship. The SS love ship. Who, who.

That shit would sink quick. Yeah, Mayday, Mayday, Coast Guard, Coast Guard. We're both going down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rear everything, you name it. No, you're not my type. Sorry. You're not mine.

Well good. Good then. Glad we established that. What is your type that I could possibly emulate to then get you to like me just so I can feel wanted and then disengage? Be a hot chick? That's pretty much my type. But not even that.

I don't really like hot chicks. I don't really like fucking anymore. What? Dude, I don't either. I don't really care. I had to have five blue chews the other night just to get something going. Okay, that's tough. I'm not in that. I was going to, I tried to agree, but I'm out.

Sorry, I was really looking for someone to relate. Less blue shoes now than ever. Sometimes I do. Are you on antidepressants? Nah. Really fucks with me. Right. That's what's up. It is such a roll the dice. You should do, I, what? Nah, you shouldn't. You're, you're like diagnosed of, uh retard, right? What? I'm just trying to be, you know, you come into my home, Riffin, into my studio

and call me a medical retard. No, I'm recovering. No, I'm not with Oh Let's start the box shit out of here Welcome back to another episode of being Ian with Jordan Jordan is on top secret assignment JK no secret. She's on the road. I'm Jordan I know every man of my dad cuz he died from smoking. He likes cigarettes more than me. I'm mad at everyone Okay, I can't ever be happy Whenever anything's good I twist it around Whenever anything's good. I twist it around and make it bad

Yeah, what is that? It's so obvious. Yeah, just let it go. Just fucking smile you fucking liar. Things are good Yeah, she loves shit. Yeah, she loves her dog and shit like yeah, that's out of the bag. He loved things. Yes Me included. Yeah. Oh, she loves the fuck out of you. Well fucking act like it lady Yeah, yes, she just can't do it. She loves it when I hit her and talk mean to her. Yeah. Yeah. Whew, God. What is that, you know?

I don't know, but I feel like if we went to her childhood bedroom, it would be the bedroom from Ray Finkel and Aysen Chura. Yeah, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is to be like, laces out, laces out. I feel like she'd be a good girlfriend for jaws. Like if Jaws had arms and could like roam the streets. Yeah, Jaws the shark. You know what I'm saying?

Is there another Jaws that I don't know about? Oh yeah, the Jaws and James Bond. I didn't know we were anthropomorphizing and personifying horror fiction creatures. No, I've been watching Jaws. I watched your- I think she'd be a good girlfriend for Jason or like Michael Myers. Jason Moskow? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he doesn't say anything. Uh-uh. No, a strong silent guy. In that way she would never know how stupid he is.

She hates dumb people. Oh yeah. Yeah, but mostly when you hate things and others, it's what you hate yourself. Right. I don't see. She's not dumb. You haven't spent enough time with her. I'm J.K. We're having fun. Woo. Now you're so musical. I am a musical guy and I love moving around because dance is in my last name.

Oh yeah. Are you a musical fella? Yeah, I started a band with my girlfriend. I should have just said I started a band. Welcome back to Regrets with Jason, everybody. Why does everyone say that? What kind of band did you start with your girlfriend? What if I'm right?

The Jason Ellis and the Hometown Jug Band. Here it is. What kind of what kind of bad? What if I'm right? What if I'm right? Alice in the hometown jug band? What about this? What about if we were already together in a past life? I knew that was gay than the original statement. We might have. Wow. You just want to. Fuck on this guy.

Oh, wow. We were in a past life! Maybe! Maybe in a past life it was cool to wear cowboy hats! What's the band called? Yeah, what's your band called? Uh, Wolf and the Good Witch. That's cool. That's sick. I like that.

Man, I'm not so fucking gay now, am I? Well, jury's out. And I'm the West Coast cowboy, and I'll be wearing this wherever the fuck I go. And if you got a fucking problem with it, I'll fight you. Those are lyrics to his first song. I'm the West Coast cowboy. We will. You got a problem. I'll fight you.

That instrument won't be in my band. Now, wait, it's a two man band. What are the instruments? Piano and guitar. No one's doing that. Your piano. No. Your guitar.

Yeah, what the fuck? Can you play guitar real well? Yeah, I've already did. Yeah. Oh. It's probably out of tune. You got a pick? Yeah, I got a pick.

Tune it up and let's start. Rat Man and the Wolf coming to you live from the Brooklyn Monarch. Yes. Wolf coming to you live from the Brooklyn Monarch. Yes. He's got a cowboy hat and a bad attitude. He's from the West Coast. He's a skater dude. He's got a lot of things he needs to switch,

but his girlfriend's hot and she's a fucking witch! Yeah! Time for the spoon solo! Wow. That was pretty good. That was pretty great. That's a pretty solid scream. That's good. Yeah. Thank you. I'm currently vocals in two different side projects. I need a third I'm doing vocals I'm not mr. I'm not Jaws All right, play the blues, you know the blues No, I can't. Should I sing you the lyrics of a song I wrote? All the songs I have lyrics for are just bad poems. Isn't that what songs are? Poems without music. I like that.

We're in the basement drinking coffee Henry Hill's mistress name was Janet Rossi Talking the movie, a couple of good fellas That's right ladies, it's time to get jealous It's me and the wolf hanging out. Yes, that's right. I'm short and stout. But I got a punch and give it to you. That's right, baby. I love to eat tuna talking about a woman's pussy. Give it to me. I'm going to eat that meal a day.

Times three. Eating pussy solo. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom. Bob Dylan. Oh

Yeah, Ethan get in on it play the sunglasses Anything's an instrument if you try hard enough Yeah, oh dude if you try hard enough. Yeah. Oh, dude. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Look at that. My boy is wicked smart. Yeah. No one's doing the fucking sunglasses. Sunglasses solo. No, that was good. Yeah. That was great. I told you I'm not lying. But my chicken plays piano proper. Really? Not like I like it. No, that was cool. That was a good little.

We'll do that again in a little bit. I like that. Get the computer computer. Computer juices. Get the juices flowing. If you want to take some cat toys home, Mattel gave me who Rumblebeam will be fucking pumped. Forty cat balls for my cat. He likes them But do you have do you have a kittens toy sponsor? No

Cuz that would be fucking awesome Imagine doing plugs check out to LS 15 for 15% off all cat toys right now like that be fucking yeah I'm trying to like do it's you know, it's always you know, it sucks. Us. Why? Because we're always about us. What do you mean? We should be doing stuff for kittens. Because nobody's doing stuff. What what ayahuasca trip did you go on at a vet? I did ayahuasca and I got off antidepressants, but you can't because you're like clinically retarded. Not what you already established that.

Clinically manic depressiveressive major depressive disorder Those my first Quick quick quick impression Jason. Oh, I'm a left. I'll knock this over with my fact Australian cock. Fuck yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, no, I would love to do an ayahuasca trip, but I'm on SSRIs and that would, it's antidepressants. Oh, right. So that I would have to wean myself off of them.

That's what I did. Because if I did ayahuasca or mushrooms, I would have a serotonin overload and that would be put me in a bad spot. But also at the same time, I have finally found a mixture that works because I've been on and off meds my whole life. Yeah, it's what?

I am good and also I know how to channel everything to be like, look, this is technically work, so I'm like, show up, fucking work, put your shit aside, and then deal with your fucking shit later. And then I, the way I grew up was very much when you're feeling those very bad feelings, you just isolate and you don't talk to anyone. You just go away. So I disappear and deal with my shit and use like sleep is definitely a way of like disassociating, disengaging. And that's something that I really need to, you know,

work on because I'll be good for a while. And then it's like, man, oh man, it just, uh, is all consuming. And I just disappear and then come back. But wow, that was depressing. This is a place to get real. I'm just saying, man, can we go say we go back to like maybe stay on those pills I swear to God I was going stuff for you. I Swear to God dude the other day. We're in Cleveland. Yes smoking bros the other day. We're in Cleveland and Joe break shout out Cleveland comic in New York now we were talking he's like I just want to do a breakup and it's so tough

But I mean look at you, man. You're with the Your man, you're with a cap mo bro and the cap wait was it over a man in the remember There's a movie mo bro man in the remember there's a movie mo bro man in the cowboy Wait, there was a cowboy and a mo bro man and the good Fuck no, no more It was a mo bro man cigarette man and the camel not the camel Oh man, and the fucking Harley Davidson in the Marlboro man You're Harley and I'm Marlboro Man and the fucking... Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man? Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. You're Harley and I'm Marlboro.

We should fight crime. Have you ever wanted to be a vigilante? Yes. This is what I wanna do after I'm successful at comedy and I get older, which is, I gotta be pretty quick with the comedy thing, cause I... Times are tickin'. Oh, TikTok, I'm aware. I might have fucked up thing because I'm so ticked off. Tick tock.

I'm aware I might have fucked up. But I would like to beat up. I would like to kill pedophiles. Because you know how they have those YouTube shows where they go, look at this guy, he came to meet me at Walmart and said, I said I was an eight year old girl. Kill him. Yeah, like put it on YouTube. Tell me where he is and I will kill eight year old girl kill him. Yeah.

Put it on YouTube. Tell me where he is and I will kill him in the back of Walmart. This is fuck. Yeah. This is my take on it. I feel like a lot of these guys are not actual pedophiles. They are, they, they have the mind of a child. They're like retarded adult men that are entrapped by these guys that just want to be perceived as good and physically attack people. And they pose as children, get these guys to come to like a fucking, you know, Michael's, you know, like an AC Moore. And then they just beat them up in the, you know, like fucking aisle.

Well, they they don't really beat them up in the store and then they take them in the parking lot. But it's like, yo, what they don't show us the evidence of these guys. Some of them, yes, some of them are like, here's my penis. Some of them admit it while they're on video. But others, I do think that they are like low, low, low IQ, mentally handicapped people that are like being abused. Yeah, but does that if you're mentally handicapped, which is a lot of people, I feel like you don't realize how dumb most people are. Really?

Sorry, my neck, the accident. Anyway, go ahead. You think I'm really dumb? No. Fuck you, man. I'm pretty smart. Take it back. How do you think I go to school? No. Fuck you, man. I'm pretty smart. Take it back.

I didn't go to school. Take it back that I'm clinically retarded. I'm street smart. Well, yeah, you're clinically retarded and you don't talk to 14 year olds. I'm one of the good ones.

I made it out. I might be I might be retarded for smoking this cigarette because I feel terrible. He's just all of a sudden you're like, are there any 14 year olds around here? Oh, no, no. The SIG feels good. Here's the thing.

You're not allowing yourself to feel it. Follow me. Take a drag. Hold it. Lean back. I tell you what, man. I tell you what, man. Breathe out. Fuck yeah. That's good. Six, man. Yeah. They make you feel casual.

I should be the new Marlboro man, and that should be the catcher. Six. They make you feel casual. Yeah. I've never felt this casual in my life. I'm going to throw up. That's all right. You know put it on the page So you weren't a cigarette guy I did say to double drawback you guys you shot dope but you didn't do smokes I shot dope one time cuz Only one was depressed

Dude, I am killing it. I'm clinically retarded, I don't talk to children. A major depressive disorder, I don't shoot dope. I'm fucking doing great guys. You're a power retard. Speaking of retards, you didn't put the cigarette out. I'm still smoking it. Alright. I'm not quitting, I don't quit. We used to rip Bogues Yes

Wouldn't be so funny if Jordan just floated in it was like put those out Jesus Christ okay That was a pretty hard flex sometimes I get headaches, and I don't know if it's because I'm smoking too many cigarettes or not enough Really, so I smoke a pack just to make sure. God, why does anybody do that? Because it feels good. It's just the I treat them like white girls treat crystals. I'm like, it gets rid of my anxiety.

What is that? I'm like, oh, I need my chakra. Do you go and leave them out in the sun to charge them up? These are my crystals. Yeah, I leave them in the Sun to charge them up. These are my crystals Yeah, I leave them in the freezer to charge them up. So they're fresh Um, which one call it that was a bad idea. No, that was good man. No bounce back. Hmm Maybe you need the power of music to bring you back. Is doing it.

You know that really helped. I would love to play. Is this a fight? I would love to play this like really well and just kind of hop around my neighborhood. You have to do that. Maybe their pants lose. Maybe the rats will follow you.

Oh, you're the Rat King. Yeah. You should play that. Theo Vaughn's a Rat King. Oh yeah, sorry. I'm the Rat Man. I knew that sounded familiar. You know.

You are a Rat. I'm the Rat Man with a plan and a big fan. Don't don't rap. If you do a beat, I could rap, but you probably don't know. You shouldn't. You're going to. I said you shouldn't come straight out of the basement with attitude. Do you always wear black? Good way to end it. You kind of look like Johnny Cashless.

Yeah. Well, that is that is me right now. Yeah way to end it. Yeah. Kind of look like Johnny Cashless. Yeah, hey, wow, that is me right there. Woo. Hey, man. Woo hoo. Married a lot of people. Huh? I married a lot of people, so I got no money. How many marriages have you had?

Three. What? Yeah, I've been married three times. Now, here's my thing. How many times you've been married? None. And I regret it, because I wish I got married when I was younger, got divorced. And then I think there's something cool about being like young and divorced.

Like, oh, my ex-wife, oh, my ex-old lady. Yeah, I never said old lady. I always feel like people who say old lady don't have good relationships. I feel like that. And I mean, I shouldn't, I'm not very good at it. I am now, I wasn't, but I just feel like if you're going to have sex with someone and you call them an old lady, it's just weird because I don't want to fuck with old lady. I would, but not anymore. But I would have for money, but not anymore.

I disagree because I don't think it's an aphrodisiac. I don't like girlfriend Because it sounds childish. Yeah, you're like my girlfriend and sometimes we kiss Well, can we meet in the middle because I don't think my old gal my lady can't say all my chick my bitch She's a woman. Yeah, my gal my woman. Ooh, yeah, I'm a woman my woman. That one's good. I like that one That's what I like. Like you got you don you got a girlfriend. You got a woman. I do. Yeah. And she doesn't have a boyfriend. She's got a guy, my man, my dude, my fella. Not a dude. My touched person.

Yeah, for sure touched. Well, we both are so it works out. Now, I will say, your, can I comment on your relationship? Can we go there? Yeah, fuck it. You fell fast. Yeah. And there was a bit of, as your friend, wanting to go, hey, cool it.

But then on the flip side, as a friend, wanted to go, wow, you seem to really enjoy it. Ride the wave. And, because I like the idea of in a relationship, you go, I'm going to go all in. We're going to ride this till the wheels fall off. Yeah. Don't half step nothing. Yeah. Because I'm in the mind of like, if you're with someone and it's iffy fucking cut and run.

Yeah. But if you feel it, jump all in love with all you got. And then if it goes down in flames, have the wherewithal enough to be able to take care of it and move forward. Yeah! That's what I'm gonna do! That's what I'm doing! Look, this is a...

I laid... This is all the cards. I started dating it and I was like, here's the cards. Here's one of your cards. And they were bad. AIDS in Europe. They were bad. That's a bad card.

I had a... I have several bad cards. I'll have, I also have several fucking sweet cards, but I was like, look, I know from the outside you're seeing a lot of sweet cards, but I just want to show you some of the, some of the bad ones. As a matter of fact, here's all the bad ones. She was like, wow, those are bad. Here's my bad ones. And I was like, God damn, those are some solid bad cards.

You want to fuck? Now here's my question. Yeah. I get caught up in these new terms of trauma dumping, love bombing, trauma bonding. What's the difference between being open, honest and like, Hey, here's what I got going on. Take it or leave it. Let's fucking go. I fucking love you. Let's do this. or that, which I feel is just being open and honest, bleeding it all out or because some would say that that's trauma bonding or trauma dumping and love bombing. Like what's the difference? I don't know.

I feel like trauma when you don't know exactly what it is and you and you bond and you don't admit that there's trauma involved in the whole thing. Cause that's how I've always been. My past relationships have been, I've got a connection with this person because I feel like I'm a piece of shit and so are they. This is more of a, I'm in recovery. Like I have worked, I have admitted, I've stripped down everything that I've done

that I don't like about me and I've started all over again. So this is not a, if you've got issues and you're not working on it, then we're not, cause I met a few girls that I had that again, where I was like, Oh, I really liked this girl. She's evil. She's like into the same kind of thing as I am. And I'm like, wait a minute. Lately, I've been meeting girls that are like, I have a friend that's a witch and I go to her for advice.

That's not good. I always, I don't like, cause everybody that I would end up being with was a witch. And I was like, why do witches only want to have sex with me? There's a witch in San Jose that sent me a dozen roses. They want to keep trying to spend a weekend. But then I realized somebody said to me, you're a witch. And I'm like, no, I'm not. And they're like, you could be a good witch.

And I was like, oh, there's good witches and bad witches. Because I know when I'm not like, I can tell when somebody's a certain kind of person. That's witchcraft. Being able to read someone and be perceptive is witchcraft? Is that just good intuition? Well, if you want to ruin it, sure. It also can be witchy.

I didn't think that there could be good witches. What do you mean? Wow. Yeah, and that changes everything. Hmm. I could be a good witch. I want to do good things. I want to help people.

But first I got to help myself. And I've helped myself help myself and I've helped myself now and I've been cured. I've seen God. Not Jesus. Let's tell, let's get into that. I'm serious. I've seen God. In what way? Well, there was, did it have to do with your ayahuasca trip? No, no, this is, no, I did ayahuasca. I got a fan of depressive. I did ayahuasca and the medicine talked to me and it was trying to help me. And then, uh, when I got a fan of the press as I did a ayahuasca and the medicine talked to me and it was trying to help me. And then when I got, first thing I did was I got real drunk and I went to a hotel and went to a bear party.

And it was where all everyone's a bear guys. And yeah, and it was bad. And then I was back down the bad road again because I couldn't kick this insatiable desire to do bad things. I want to do bad things. I want to take drugs. I want to have sex with random people of all different shapes and sizes and I can't stop it. And if I do stop it, I feel like it's just a matter of time before I give up and go back into it. Yeah. Now. So how did you overcome that? I'm asking for, um, Ethan.

I thought you, I thought you stopped doing gay shit. I, oh, you're still doing it. Just less. You don't want to talk about it? A month ago. Well, I met back up with Brandon. Right. So you're still doing stuff. And that's cool. Well, after I've kind of been dodging him. See, I don't want to do it. I really don't want to, but I also don't want to do like sexy whores.

I was like, you're gonna always want to do sexy whores. I could see myself dating Brandon and I was like, I don't know if I want to get, I don't know if, I don't want to partner right now. That's the thing. But if you did want to partner, it could be a guy. Him, maybe. See, maybe-

He's also rich and and I kinda like that. That sounds cool. I know. But is it dude? But he's so effeminate. Like almost laughable. It's not, almost. It's hey.

And it's like. It's okay to laugh at it if you love it. But he's a sweetheart, he's nice. You might be gay. We get along. I'm not gay. But I had shades of feelings. Yeah, it's kind of gay.

Cause I never wanted to, I see at one point I did contemplate it. When I got the last time I got divorced, I was like, maybe I am gay. And then the one person that I did have a relationship with, I was like, hey man. A guy? Yeah. I was like, do you think I'm gay with, I was like, hey man. A guy? Yeah.

I was like, do you think I'm gay? And he was like, you're not gay. And I was like, how do you know? And he's like, you're not, you're like sexually, you're into it. But when it comes to like, what was the word? Affectionate? You're not. Like you're not a, you're not like a, cause I don't want to spoon.

You ever see, you ever see Boondock Saints? No. With the guy that's the cop in that. I was turned off from that movie because every douchebag I knew like growing up had a Boondock Saint poster in their house and like fucking yeah. And they thought they were like in fight club William Defoe is a guy that hates gay people who's gay so like he'll fuck a guy and then when the guy tries to spoon he's like get off me fag and i'm like that's me i don't say that but i don't want

to spoon a guy i don't want to kiss a guy that was how it was with the guy i had a thing with i do want to spoon a girl i do want to kiss a girl i I do want to kiss a girl. But that's the thing. You like the effeminate. What do you mean? The feminine. Not feminine guys, just girls. You like bear guys. No, I don't. You did. No, no, no, I like no, that's it.

See, bear guys can suck me off because that is. But what about their beard? I don't want their beard near my face. What? And your cock? You can suck me off. I had an Italian guy meet up with me in a hotel in Phoenix and he was Italian and he had a beard and I couldn't get hard and he was sucking my limp penis. I go, hey, man, I don't think this is going to work.

And he goes, OK, and no problem. Did that make you get hot? I came. No, I was like, I see later, Luigi. I can't do this. Hey everybody. You know what season it is. You know what time it is. And that's time to make some bets with my bookie promo code SKA. My book is here to make sure you're ready to cash in on the action. This season, they're pulling all the stops out with awesome promos like weekly risk-free boosts on Thursdays. If your bet hits, you win big. If it doesn't, no problem. My bookie will refund your wager. What? That

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Oh, okay. I thought it was like free breakfast like every day. That'd be insane. One free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast like every day. That'd be insane. One free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life with one free breakfast item per box. Just by going to hellofresh.com slash free Scott. Hello Fresh America's number one meal kit. Go out, get it, use our promo code, enjoy it. Tell us if you like it in the comms. Bye bye. No, my guys have to be feminine. I'm attracted to the feminine. Right. So you you'd be more work more and I don't want trans people to get this twisted, but a trans girlfriend will be good for you. Yeah. Right. Because you still like the wiener.

It's not like you paused you do. Yeah, because I wouldn't say I like it. I love it. Which is fine. I know, no, no, it's, it can be an added plus, but at the end of the day, at the end of the day, you know, like the other day, the other day at a coffee shop, I asked for a cranberry blueberry, uh, like bar, right? And they gave me a, uh, scone and I go, uh, I thought that it was the cranberry blueberry and I bit into it. I go, Oh, actually I asked for the cranberry and they go, you know,

keep that. We'll give you the other one. I go, well, that's an added plus. That game chick with the dick is, you know, that's all right. Look, man, I just be who you are. I think you're younger than me. You need to, cause this is when I was your age, how old are you? 39. Yeah. See, I still couldn't get off there.

I was, I don't want to say this is the easiest way to explain it. I was cursed because the curse has been lifted what were you cursed with with insatiable passion for dicks vaginas and drugs Uh-huh, I could not stop thinking about it, right? I would I would choose that over Anywhat, how did you get cursed? Did you go to a glory hole and you looked in the eye of the penis? I want to say, look, this is how it's a curse. This is how it's a curse. I would run over people I care about to get to sex and drugs.

Right. That's a curse. See, I'm not there. Because I don't want to hurt people that I care about. Of course. And I've hurt fucking everybody. Of course. Because I've chosen these things over it.

Or I'll just mix it in a little bit. What's the harm? And it's like, no, man, if you want it, cause I don't want to be with somebody. I know this now. I don't want to be with a girl who's like, I'm just going to go suck off so-and-so, or I'm just going to go fuck with somebody. I don't want it. I just be with me and I'm just going to be with you. What was your journey to find that? Because I feel sometimes I know myself so well and I know what I want and then it switches and I go, fuck, I don't know what I am. Because sometimes I have, I think my desire is to be comforted and loved and to love, but I want the love where I can go to them and go, hey, I'm freaking out.

I'm having a, I'm having a day and they won't judge me or be angry or not have time. And they can go to me and go, I'm having a day and I go, all right, where are you? Let's, let's take care of it. And I don't know who I can find that with, whether it's a woman or a trans woman or a man. Most of the time I lean towards women with it and I've never fully given it the chance for a guy. But Brandon, we were talking and he started to go,

I go, hey, I'm having a whatever. And he started to be like, what's going on? Like blah, and I completely blocked him out. And I find that when people do inquire, I end up blocking them out. But I desire to break through that and open myself up to it. But I've isolated for so long when things go on. I have a hard time with that because a lot of times I think I just need reassurance and comfort rather than someone trying to fix it. And every time I am truly honest about how I feel in my negative

space, it upsets the person or they try to fix it. And I just desperately want to be held and loved through it. Maybe you need to date somebody who's in the program. But I think what I really need to do is break all that sludge and hold myself and love myself through it. And I have at certain times and I've gotten away from that. That's what I did. I gave up. That is so much work. I gave up. I faced it.

So how did you break the curse? Hold on, Ethan wants to speak. Well, I was gonna say, like it just sounds like, whenever, like, you know, someone confronts you with your problems or something like that, and then it kind of makes you, you know, holds up a mirror to yourself, you have to kind of, you know, it sounds like you're afraid to change sometimes too. Like where it's like, because sometimes it's like you're, you have destructive behaviors or whatever, and then that can bleed into the relationship.

And then when somebody's like approaching you and being like, these are issues or whatever, it's easier to just ignore them all. Yeah. Well, you know, I've, I've in the past and I've tried to work on this. Be honest. I have been defensive in the past, but I've really worked on like listening. And sometimes in the moment I'm like, all right, get the fuck away from me and then I'll go All right what they said there is value to that and it is true and then I'll come back and go Hey, I was and I feel like I've been better at that. Absolutely. Yeah, but it's the bottom of yourself

Well get into the bottoms Yeah, cuz how a lot of lighting a lot of it too is just like scapeism. Like it's just like you're using these, you know, people and situations and things as escape. And, and I've gotten to the point where I recognize that we're like, dude, if we're being frank and honest, I have used sex and masturbation as a way of escapism, disassociating distraction, self harm, and I, self harm. Yeah. And, and I have gotten to the point where I go, wow, I'm doing that thing again.

But instead of like breaking that and going to a more positive activity, which I've done sometimes, I, I do slip back sometimes into going, man, you're doing that thing again. I go, shut up voice. Yeah. I'm going to keep doing it. Yeah. You know?

And so my question is, and we keep getting off and I apologize for going back to me, but how did you break the curse? And are you comfortable to share that? Yeah. Because I was going to kill myself. I'd hurt enough people. The last person I hurt, I couldn't believe, it's the last person I thought that would ever love me.

And I pushed them away. And I'll never get them back. And this is not the first time this has happened before. And I realized it. And I was like, OK, well, if you're going to be that much of a nightmare to the people that you love the most, you should just kill yourself. And I was like, if you kill yourself, you're going to fuck your kids up.

So you can't do that. So here's your last chance. So I gave myself one more chance where I was like, figure it out, get to the bottom of it, try it out, get to the bottom of it, try it out and see if you can really actually be the person that you say you can be and not. Cause that's the thing when I've tried to be sober before, I'm like, yeah, I'm sober, but you, you smoking weed or you drinking. I'm like, oh, if there's a girl that's hot and she's looking at me, I'm like, Ooh, but now from doing the

work and understanding the triggers, because to me I run. If I get too uncomfortable, I run. I'll turn to sex, I'll turn to drugs, I'll turn to something that makes me switch off the fact that there's something that I hate about myself. And I knew that if I could, if you can really trust me and I know that I can trust myself and I can look in the mirror and be like, I love this guy. This guy is a good guy.

And I can't jeopardize that now. So that's why it's like, even if my girlfriend was like, hey, you want to have a threesome? I'd be like, I don't think that's a good idea. Like, because why? Because I could. What if that person isn't 100% in it for the right reasons?

It's just not worth it to me. Well, you said something about jeopardizing yourself. And I was coming home from Cleveland, and I was talking to the driver who took me from the hotel to the airport. We were talking. And she said that she hadn't had a cigarette in 11 years because her father was getting a

really rough surgery and she made a promise to God, if you get my dad through this, I promise I'll never smoke again. He was a smoker quit and hated that she smoked. He got through the surgery and he died two years later and she still hasn't smoked. I go, and you still haven't smoked? She goes, I made a promise. I made a promise and I don't break promises. I was like, Whoa, that

really hit me. You know, like that steadfast resolve to not break the sanctity of that promise. And I think maybe you can relate and I hope I'm not upsetting you and saying guys like us are habitual promise breakers because we've made so many of them. And I've just gotten so used to the fact to go and there's another promise I broke. Okay. And I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word.

I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word.

I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm, this is the difference. I know now that if I do that again, I will end it, dude.

And if I end it, I will fuck my life. I will fuck my children's lives. So you're saying I need to get a gun, put it to my head and go, ha ha, time to change. That's what I did. I had it on the table every morning for a couple of weeks. I told myself- Hey, can you cut to the part when earlier he called me depressing?

I'm trying to get to the bar. I'm trying to be honest about it. No, no, no. I like this. Yes. This is where, this is where it had to be loaded. Fuck yeah. It was loaded. Brutal. So you would see the gun, want to kill yourself. And then what would get you away from the gun? I would grab it and I would bring it into the living room and I'd put it on the table and I would look at it and then there was a couple of dark times where I grabbed it and pointed it at me. A couple of times I had it in my mouth and I was like, what are you doing? Like, this is so sad.

Like, there's something better for you out here. Like, all you gotta do is not be a fuck up anymore. What is your desire to fuck everything and do all this stuff and hurt the people that you care about and lie to these people? When I do, I don't want to lie. There's guys out there that are like, fuck it. She doesn't know. She has no idea. I never was that guy.

I'd be like, oh my God, I did it again. Now I've got a secret. And if I, if she ever finds out, she'll be ruined and she'll hate me. It's like you're worried about her hating you more than the pain that she's gonna go through finding out. It's all about you. That's all you care about is you. And I've been told this several times by several people. And it was like, this is the end for me. No more me show. Sure. Would I like to be a success? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Still me. I still love me. I want me to be famous. I want me to get pats on the back. Don't get it twisted. But I will not jeopardize someone's trust on me ever again. I will never hurt anybody when it comes to that kind of stuff ever again.

Like if my girlfriend and I, sorry, my woman and I, something happens and we don't agree and some chick wants to sleep with me, or I find somebody that I'm like, oh my God, I think I love this person more. I'm not touching that person. I would be like, hey, I think we're gonna break up and then I would go see that other person

before I do anything that's down that road. I can get down with you going. Like, I don't, I try really hard not to hurt other people, but me I'll hurt every single day with these broken things of these ideas I have of what to do and how to navigate. And this is what I want my day to be. And I want you to do these things that that you know for a fact make you feel better and then no matter how much resolve I have the night before the next day it's like in the middle of the night I get men in black and realized and I wake up and I

go there's no point whatever it doesn't matter just stay in this thing. That's the other thing I know the outcome. Yeah. If I get if I bang that chick, I wake up in the morning, I'll be like, oh. I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about isolating and not leaving my apartment. Wait, you still do that?

Yeah. You're so happy when you're around me. Yeah. Who is this other person? I hide them. I tried to text that other person, you didn't text me back, that's when you're doing that. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. Yeah, I hide that guy. You and you didn't text me back. That's when you're doing that. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah, I hide that guy. You gotta sack up, dude. Yeah. It's painful. It's like to me, the worst thing, through my steps, I gotta talk to people,

and I've gotta apologize for my wrongdoings, and some of the people have done wrong to me, and it's like, I wanna apologize, but also fuck you, you know what I mean? But I'm like, I wanna apologize, but also fuck you. You know what I mean? But I'm like, let that go. Cause those are the things that are gonna cause me to go out there and do those other things

that get me back in that game again. And I will not go back in that game. Dude, I know, like I've hit my head so many times, but I will never forget that feeling I've got where I'm like, you did it. You did it again. You fucking piece of shit. And as soon as I start talking to myself like that, then it's okay for me to do all the drugs and fuck anybody.

See, that's the thing. I do, like, I want to be there for you, and I'll show up for you, and I try to for other people. I fall short sometimes, but when it comes to showing up for me, I'm like, nah, fuck it. That guy's alright. You need to make the choice. I know. It's over. It's not a question. Like that's how it goes. It's not a, you believe, you believe in you. You know that you're going to come through for you. There is no-

But I always have, because of that, I always, it's, it's that thing. I do feel good. And then my depression comes back out of nowhere. My fucking brain takes over and then I let that win. And you're right. It is about sacking up and not just going, well, you win. It's harder when I because I don't have I'm not like a retarded sad like you. But I still don't you not, Ethan. I still you. So I can't say for sure. But I do know that that like when I get really down. I'm still in there. I can still make the decision You know like it's like going to the gym when I don't want to go to the gym

Yeah, or not eating cake when I want to eat cake. Yeah, it's like I gotta I For the common good of me and all the people what about if you don't love you, the people you love, like I can't let anybody that I love down anymore. I can't live with myself knowing that I've done that. So it's just an easy choice. And the clarity that I've got now, the love that I have, I see the sun sometimes bouncing off things and I go, I've never been this happy.

And I'm like, you've never said that. You've never thought that in your whole life. You're fucking happy at the fucking sun right now. You think God is talking to you. You've lost your fucking mind, but stay in this pocket of lost mind. It's way better than all the other pockets. Cause there was a time there I was like, yeah, fuck shit up.

I'm fucking bad ass, suck it motherfucker. Give me the fucking doobie. Like just like, give me, give me, give me. I I'm fucking bad ass. Suck it motherfucker. Give me the fucking doobie Like just like give me give me give me I'm a fucking badass. That's my shit. I go fast and I fuck bitches That's what Jason does fire gunshots fucking glory Yeah, and now I'm like no I can still skate like a fucking badass and be happy when I do it Yeah, you don't have to be scary like this whole thing of my childhood I'm gonna grow up to be a fucking scary guy and no one's ever going to fuck with me again, which is a terrified little child who built this bullshit

character that is bullshit. I'm fucking terrified, dude. That's why I train to go fuck kill you with my bare hands because you're fucking terrified. You little bitch. I think that's what I really am. And now I know it. I can admit it. I am a terrified little bitch and I'm OK with it. I'm OK with it. I love me. You can count on me. Yeah, that could be the hot. Viking Barbie is this chick that I think is like the hottest chick ever.

She came on my show the other day. She's really nice person. Yeah. If she was like, hey, I, I'm breaking up with my husband. I want to fuck you. I'd be like, oh man, that is a really fucking cool compliment. But no fucking way. How do you not DM and deal with all that? Because I know tomorrow.

I know the feeling of tomorrow. Because when you've done it that many times, it's like you've got to be fucking kidding me. It's like, I could have two beers in the sun tomorrow and they'd be an hour there. I'd be like, oh, this is the shit, man. But we do some molly, you know, like add to it. And I'm like, and then what? And then the next day and then your job and then your career and then your children and

then the people that you care about. And then I know the feeling of hurting people. and then the people that you care about. And then I know the feeling of hurting people. You know, I'm telling you, the last person I hurt, it will never leave me. Like when I hear about that person, I shudder. I'm like, oh, cause I've lost that person and I'll never stop loving that person, you know?

And I fucking, it's gone, dude, forever. I'll die, and they'll die, we're not gonna be together. And it's my fault. I'm never gonna do that to anyone ever again. So that's the only good thing that happened from it is like this shock of it all, was like, this is it for you, dude.

Like do that again, and just fucking die. And I don't wanna die. You know, I wanna live. And now that I've put in the work and I get these days like where I see the sun and I have this feeling that I'm like, I'm like, I feel like I'm like, Molly is kicking in right now. And I'm like, we're dead sober.

What do you mean you're fucking like, I am fucking titillated motherfucker. I am so happy right now. I'm on no drugs. Can I hug you? Yeah. You know? So just like have little Ian in there go,

oh, I'm gonna crawl in and hide and be like, nah, nah, get out. Text to admit like, you know, I'm not going to drink, but ever since that accident, I've thought of drinking. I don't know what it is. I do. Cause you hit your head, hit your head makes you dark. And when you're dark, you're weak. And instead of hitting it head on and I've got this pride and hubris of like, nah, I'm just going to deal with it instead of, you know, going somewhere and going, man, this is how I'm feeling because I, I feel a feeling of disgust that I only go back to that thing that helps us once my

ass is burnt. And I used to be such a proactive guy and I've kind of let that kind of win. And so I feel the shame and guilt and pride of, and then this insurmountable like doing all this fucking work. I'll rather just be in misery and feel blips of goodness instead of doing all that fucking. But I started therapy again, which I'm excited about, but there's so much more I could be doing and it sucks to admit that. You should say some more nice things about yourself. Nah, I don't want to.

Because you're the light, dude. Like, you're such a fun person to be around. You bring so much joy to so many people everywhere you go. Not just doing stand-up, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about like two in the morning at a fucking cafe. You're the fucking light of the fucking place, dude. And when that's on, that means that's in there all the time. Yeah. And then when I'm with me, it's just this fucking dagger.

Man, you got to be you got to be like the David Goggins of joy. You know me where you go, where you go, you go down that dark road and you go, listen, you fucking weak prick, get the fuck up and fucking smile because you're alive, dude. It's fucking people in hospital, fucking cancer and shit. They can't breathe and fucking oxygen mask their parent. They got no family to come and say goodbye to them. And we're here. You got a sweet mustache, fucking kicking goals, you know?

Fuck everybody. Leave it up, dude. This is a fucking we're peaking right now. Peking. Yeah. Finger blast in your fucking pussy. You fucking girl. Where did that come from? I don't know.

Just riven. Just live it, you know, getting with it. Yeah. It's fucking hug a tree. Yeah. No, no, you're right get in touch with it. Yeah. Fucking hug a tree, you know? Kiss a kitten. You're right. Life is beautiful, man. You know what I should say?

Nice things to fat ladies with cool fingernails. That shit makes me happy all the time. I do! Yeah. Well, fucking really appreciate it. I do! Be like, no, seriously, lady. I like bringing...

I love those fingernails. I like... And your hair? Don't even get me started. I appreciate it. Be like, no, seriously, lady. I like bringing. I love those fingernails. I like. And your hair don't even get me styled. I love it. Bringing joy, and I like giving that gift, but then I feel like I don't have anything. I don't have someone bringing that to me, and I don't love myself enough right now to be the one to bring that joy.

It's a choice. It is, it is. You're a great person. And I'm choosing not to. Whoever says that inside your dark little head where you're not that doubt. How dare it?

How dare it suggest that you're not a fucking blossoming, beautiful person. Fuck, that was gay. No, dude, you are. And any time you doubt yourself, is that that person? That is the thing where I'm talking

about God and the devil. That's the devil. Yeah. I have the God and when I hear the devil raging inside me, I know who that is now. I told you about when I got knocked out and the devil told me to kill myself. No, this is how I got cured, dude. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got cured. So I'm, I'm praying, right? I'm not exactly. When is this? This is probably like three or four months ago. I'm bad with time because I'm not exactly blind. What is this? This is probably like three or four months ago. I'm bad with time because I hit my head a lot. But I go in the I go in my backyard every morning, right? And I get in the fucking three point stance because I got it from my sponsor sponsor.

What's a three point stance? It's like it's like it's like like football. Yeah, like football, even though I got it from MMA fighter. But anyway, then I pray and I go this time this one particular time, I never asked this before, but I'm going to skate that day at Tony's ramp and I go this time, this one particular time, I never asked this before, but I'm going to skate that day at Tony's ramp. And I go, hey God, I know I'm not supposed to ask shit for myself, but if you could just keep me safe today,

because I'm gonna go pretty hard on the ramp and I am in my 50s. So if you can just keep me safe, I would appreciate that. I go to the ramp, I get knocked the fuck out, like out out. I'm out for like five minutes. Oh God. I wake up and Tony's like, hey man, where are you? And that whenever Tony says that, I know that means that I've been out out. I'm out for like five minutes. I wake up and Tony's like, hey man, where are you? And that whenever Tony says that,

I know that means that I've been knocked out because it's happened several times. And I go, oh fuck, I'm at the ramp. What are you here for? Do a podcast. I got knocked out again, didn't I? He's like, yeah man. And then I go, he's like, okay.

I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. And he's like, we shouldn't do a podcast today, dude. You were out out. And I'm like, okay, fair enough. He's like, okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. And he's like, we shouldn't do a podcast today, dude. You were out out. And I'm like, okay, fair enough. He's like, you good to drive home? I'm like, yeah, I'll be okay. I get in my car and a voice goes, kill yourself. Oh, and I go, whoa, that was clear.

Like it wasn't like a, and I'm like, no, I will not. And it goes, kill yourself. And I'm like, oh, we're whispering it now, are we? Creepy. So now I'm arguing with myself on the freeway, driving back to LA and it's like, kill yourself. And I'm like, oh, we're whispering it now, are we? Creepy. So now I'm arguing with myself on the freeway, driving back to L.A. and it's like, kill yourself. And I'm like, no, kill yourself. No. And it's like, seriously, though, think about it. You should probably kill yourself.

And I'm like, OK, this is fucking crazy. But because I've hit my head so many times, I told you the concussion you got in your car crash. Yeah. Bad things happen when you get a concussion. The darkness comes. It was fucking gnarly, the shit that was bouncing out of there. So dude, I get home and I'm like, really, God? Like I asked you this morning, could you fucking keep me safe?

And now there's a voice saying, kill yourself. And I got knocked out. How does that fucking work, dude? I go to bed kind of pissed. I wake up in the morning and the voice is gone and another voice goes, you'll be okay. Like, you know, rest up. You did get a concussion.

You know that that brings darkness. Just rest up, take care of yourself. You'll be all right. And I go, who's that voice? And I'm like, you know what? I don't care how you do religion. I don't, I'm not religious. I go, I know what that voice is.

That's God. That's God. That's good. Ever since then, I hear this other one and I go, I know you, you're the devil. This is just how I label it. It's easier. It's like, Hey man, thought about fucking that chick or thought about fucking smoking that joint. I go, ha ha, I know you. Nope. Not doing that. You're the guy that puts me back in that hole again. And then the other guy goes, Hey man, have you worked out today? Do you eat? You drink a lot of water? And I go, I haven't yet. God, I will. And that's the two voices.

And now I hear them clearly every time I think of doing something good or bad. I hear the decision and I go, oh, I know who said that. Yeah, I'll go because it's God saying it. And I'll go if the other one says it, I go, Oh, I know who said that. Yeah. I'll go. Cause it's God saying it. And I'll go. If the other one says it, I go, yeah, right. And now it's so easy to tell who they are. I never get steered wrong. God and the devil.

That's where they got the bullshit from. At one point it was real. There was God. So there is a God and there is a devil, but it's not a boogie boogie and hell guy with Hitler pineapples up your ass. That's bullshit. Little Nicky. But yeah, but there's, but there, but then it's not God like, Oh, I'm floating above you watching you have sex. Like it's not that, but there is it's you and it's like doing bad or doing good. And you can, once you, once you can like decipher who is really talking, you're in the clear. It's, it's just up to you.

What road do you want to go down? And to me, it's very easy. I want to be good. I want to be a good person because I know if I'm, if I doubt myself, if I think I'm a bad person, I go down that road again. And that road for me is, I know where it ends up. It's not a, maybe it'll work out this time. Like no, it will for sure go bad. So I just will not do it. It's not a maybe it'll work out this time. Like no, it will for sure go bad.

So I just will not do it. It's just easy. It's never been easy. Now it's easy. Yeah. Now, do you think that that's God or the devil or are you slowly dipping into dimension schizophrenia? Either way.

You know, there's, you know, I'm listening to it. I really like sainthood and the idea of saints, Catholic saints. I really like Saint Francis of Assisi. What did he do? He's a patron saint of animals. Animals have souls too. That was a lie. Totally. Whoever made that up is a liar.

When we die, we will be with our loved animals. Well, I don't know about that. I do feel that spirits and souls exist and you can lose your soul and you can earn a soul. You can earn a soul. You mean if you didn't have one. Right. Who doesn't have a soul? A lot of soulless motherfuckers out there. I never thought about that. You can lose a soul for a lot of people and you can earn and have a soul? A lot of soulless motherfuckers out there. I never thought about that.

You can lose a soul. That makes me feel sorry for a lot of people. And you can earn and get a soul through pain and suffering and getting to the other side of it, I feel. And I think spirits and souls exist. And then if you have a strong enough connection with a person or a thing of a pet or an animal, once they pass, that soul and spirit can stay with you. And if you allow yourself to open up to it,

you can see it in other places and things. You know, like when you see that sun and it shines on you, that may be, you can ascribe that as the spirit of something giving you like a smile or something. You know, like I try to see my dad in things and in people and that helps me feel that he's still present my life away, even though he's been gone for, you know, coming up on 32 years. And I think our souls and spirits live on.

But I think that ties into the idea of sainthood in the sense of, you know, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Francis prayer. I remember this teacher used to say to us every morning. And the only thing I remember is I seek to understand rather than be understood. And I really struggle with that because I want everyone to understand me, but I think that goes back to ego of like, oh, poor Ian, blah, blah. But I just got to drop that and understand people more than my desire to be understood. But there's a Saint Dymphna, Saint Dymphna, and she's a patron saint of mental illness. And there is the story with her and I may be kind of blurring some things, but I think she lived a horrible life. Abuse. Her father, I think was having sex with her and

everything and it really fucked her up. But she, the place where she died, her head got chopped off and she bled on the ground. And that place is a place that people with mental illness go to visit. And they swear that when they make the pilgrimage to this place and touched where her head lied, she, they are cured of their mental illness. But it's this idea of like, these people are specific to certain things that people can pray to that because of the life they lived, they can then give comfort to others. And I like that idea.

You know, when I took ayahuasca on the third day, uh, of my dog that passed away, came to me and that's when I realized that there, there are souls that's, you know, it's like I was, it's like DMT in it or whatever. Yeah. What does that do? DMT kicks in, like you make your own DMT. Did you know that? Yeah.

it or whatever. Yeah. What does that do? When you die DMT kicks in, like you make your own DMT. Did you know that? Yeah. So I saw, like I could, it's like I could sense that he was there. And that's what made me realize that people that you care about, that really loved you, when you die in the spirit world is what I would call it. You can see them again, but it's not like you see them and you have pants on and you can talk, you just sense that their soul is there there and that's how you, you know, that they're there. You don't get to have coffee and talk about how your day was, but the

people that you love that are gone, when you go and pass over, they'll be there for you. You will connect with them, but it won't be like, Oh man, dad, I haven't seen you for years. It'll be more like, you know, they're there and you feel their presence, which makes you feel like when you love somebody, you don't have to just like ask them all the time how their day is. You're just next to them and they know you're next to them. You feel each other's presence and you feel comfortable around it.

Cause I could tell my dog was there, which also told me that dogs have souls. But when you take ayahuasca, whatahuasca what fuck happen right now, huh? Ayahuasca, what do you did I say that? Yes ayahuasca When you take ayahuasca, what does that do? Like where do you go? Well the first day the first night I took it and I was like, did you go to a shamanic I had a guy, I had a guy. Or did you find a guy in silver lake that he is in Peru and he, and he met a girl that

came over who lived in LA and he came to visit her and then he stayed and then he stayed at my house for three days. Shut up. We did it every night. When was this like in five or six years ago. Wow. Yeah. And so- It sucked, dude.

That's the other thing. What, you're just like puking the whole time? No, no, that's the third night I puked has this. The third night when I did puke, he fucking brought it on. He changed the music. Like he's doing some chant shit and he changed the chant and all of a sudden I'm like, oh. And when I vomited, it was a black tar.

It's what I thought I was vomiting. So I'm like, I'm vomiting all this black tar up and I'm like, oh my God. And it's like, I'm, I'm getting out of possession. And then afterwards I go to the bucket to pour it in the toilet. It's just vomit. And I'm like, what the fuck? I could have sworn. Cause my eyes

were open. Like there was times where I was gone in this weird spirit world. And then every now and then, because at one point I was getting shown stuff that I don't want to see. And that was what the medicine, the medicine wouldn't let me out of it. See, I'm afraid when I would do mushrooms, I wouldn't do them around other people because I was afraid there was no one I trusted enough for me to share what was coming out of me. So I would just keep it inside. Yeah. It's not that's doing, you could do ayahuasca. If someone gave it to you, you could do it by yourself and different.

No, I want to, I would want to be led through it and have someone to make me feel safe. Cause every time I did mushrooms, I'd always freak out because I was just alone. He carried, he directs you. It's like the whole point of him. Like he, he steers you in and out of things. Like if you get stuck somewhere. Yeah, but thank God forbid you do ayahuasca and then you're an ayahuasca person, you know, I don't know.

And you like wear cowboy hats and you know, tiger's teeth around your neck. Oh, what? I started wearing a cowboy hat because I ride horses now and I'm a fucking cowboy. You want to fucking fight because I'll fucking fight anyone. Dude, I sparred with you. You were giving me tabs and I was like, this is

so hard. Dude, when you sparred with me, I was like, I've won street fights, but in an actual spar thing, I am so terrible. That's all guys. All guys think they're tough. Oh, yeah. No, I need to have an ayahuasca trip where I realize

I'm not that kid anymore that can just like, like take a punch and throw a punch. Like, I was just like- You can still do good in a street fight. Well, that's the thing. My, my record in street fights is 50 50. I had some good ones. That's street fighting, but boxing. I don't know how you're thinking and breathing and moving. That's the thing dudes thinks boxing is a fire. It's a skill. It, totally. It's like, I'm really, I, one time I skated, it's like saying, I've skated at some local bars, so I'm pretty good skateboarder.

It's the same when you say, I've had some fights at some local bars. Boxing is like a fucking sport, and there's all these little things to it, and if you don't know them, you lose fights quick. Oh yeah. There's a conditioning thing, like my face as well. Like, I've been getting punched in the face for like over 10 years when you hit me

to do anything and telling me to punch you in the face. And I was apologizing. I know I would like to do a more. Dude, see, that's the thing. I get involved in these activities and I hit it hard and then I get injured and I can't do anything anymore. And it sets me off into a fucking dark place. That last bit. Everything else. Awesome. Enthusiasm. Great. The dark place.

What happened? Oh, it is. OK, well, we got to go. You had the mic courts going out. So let's fucking with the bottom of the mic. Was I doing that? I was getting excited. That's what happens to you. You get excited and you break shit. I know.

I know. I'm like Chris Farley and Tommy boy. All right. What do you want the people to get their eyes on, Jason? My website, thejasonellis.com for tour dates and all that shit. And then Hawk versus Wolf is a podcast I do with Tony Hawk. And then the Jason L show is a podcast I do with Tony Hawk. And then the Jason L show is a podcast and it's also a Patreon where I do three Jason L shows a week

and one solo show called Awesome World. And that is at patreon.com slash Ellis mate. That's right. Check him out. He's killing it on the road. Punchup.live slash Ian Fidance from my dates, tickets, mailing list. I am coming everywhere. I am in Detroit, September 18th, no, September 19th at the House of Comedy for the Motor City Comedy Festival. And then that weekend I'm in Greenville, South Carolina at the Comedy Zone. Then I'm at the Beacon Theater with Whitney Cummings, opening for a tell at Salt Lake City. No, Vegas wise guys.

And then man, oh man, I'm hitting Houston, Texas, Tulsa, Zanies, Nashville, Denver, Pittsburgh, Cleveland Hilarities. Get the tickets. Come on out. Thank you everybody for coming out and packing the rooms out. It means a lot. We're having fun and a patreon.com slash B and E and pod for bonus apps, live apps, a bunch of fun stuff and punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen. See her when she comes to your town. Follow her on Instagram, Jordan Jensen, LOL stop. Check out her podcast, RIP Jordan Jensen, and we'll see you next week. Love you. Bye.