Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep116: Yield Sign Women W/ Blair Socci

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, come and see us live. Punchup.live slash Ian Fidance for my dates and tickets. Punchup.live slash... Punch... Punchup live. Jordan Jensen for her tickets. You have to finish out buying tickets to the Gramercy Theater on November 9th.

Starting point is 00:00:20 Get tickets for those. Also get them for the Wilbur in Boston. And... Get tickets to see us live. November 9th, get tickets for those. Also get them for the Wilbur in Boston. And- Get tickets to see us live. December 30th, Comedy Connection, live, being Ian with Jordan. And then December 31st, I'm headlining two shows for New Year's Eve,

Starting point is 00:00:36 and I'm bringing a special guest, and it's gonna be fun. Omaha. Yeah, go see her in Omaha. Uh, uh, uh, see me in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And enjoy the show. Being Ian Coffee ice no matter what

Starting point is 00:01:07 Now you know he likes it in the butt So wild ride When you're being Ian, being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life Being Ian, being Ian With Jordan Let's find out what it's like to live a life being in Being in with Jordan Free ones are fart factories. Is that true? Oh, I didn't know that sugar-free candy fart factory gas chamber Holocaust. What about um sugar-free drinks Holocaust. What about sugar-free drinks?

Starting point is 00:01:52 Fine. Yeah, because I drink a shitload of stuff. I drink so much sugar-free. I know. I think it's really bad, but it's really bad. I can't stop. Like all the fake chemical drinks that don't have calories. Oh, like for Gatorade we go, hey, can you get me a blue? Yeah. Let me get a color. Yeah. What's your favorite color blue? Yeah, I like I like green frost white. I love frost and yellow are my two favorites. Oh Fuck fuck fuck great. No, I don't I don't fuck with grape. I like great. Yeah That was a good one. Yeah. Well, hey, you can't. Everything you have in front of you is unacceptable.

Starting point is 00:02:29 Well, I'm right. Banana and Red Bull is crazy. Apologize to my banana. It's not ready. It's ready. It's ready to go. Amazon and Puerto Rico are crazy. Do you want me to blow it or not?

Starting point is 00:02:40 Oh, yeah. What you do? I just got back today. That's where I just flew back. Yeah. For a vacation or for a. Oh, my God. Amazon, Puerto Rico, crazy. Do you want me to blow it or not? What you do? I just got back today. That's where I just flew back. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:47 Right for a vacation or for. Oh my God. Oh my God. That was really good. That was great. Welcome back to another episode of B&E with Jordan. Jordan. Fap lube.

Starting point is 00:03:09 Jordan Fap Lube Jensen. Sorry. What is Fap? Fap lube, Fap Jerkoff lube for the auto blow, one of our products. P Diddy. I almost used it. Of course.

Starting point is 00:03:20 What a melodic name. Do you have orange eyeshadow on? Yeah, do you like it? Yeah, it's nice. You're like a little pumpkin. Yeah, for Halloween. I wanna pull your brains out. Does it look normal?

Starting point is 00:03:30 I just got it in the mail and wanted to try it. I think it's cool, yeah. I like it. Is it on there correctly? Yeah, I think so. Let me see it. I don't really know too much about eyeshadow. Me either.

Starting point is 00:03:39 But you have a wispy cat eye. Yeah, and I've been doing this since I was 16. That's eyeshadow. I just, no, that's eyeliner cat eye. Yeah, and I've been doing that since I was 16. That's eyeshadow. I just, no, that's eyeliner. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Speaking of eyeliner, you know who I've been listening to a ton lately? Who?

Starting point is 00:03:53 A.F.I. A.F.I. I knew. How did you know? Because I grew up on the A.F.I. Really? Yeah. You like A.F.I.?

Starting point is 00:04:01 A fire inside. I mean, I've not had this current moment. Wait, do they wear eyeliner? Davey Havoc? He's like the king of eyeliner. So is Brendan Flowers of The Killers? Yeah. Your ability to bring up The Killers off the beat

Starting point is 00:04:15 has really been impressive lately. The last three times he fucked out, you brought up The Killers. Weird. Yeah. Really? So much so, I was at Penn Station and they were playing a killer song with trumpets and I tried to record it and send it to you. Yeah. You know what really bothers me?

Starting point is 00:04:32 Hmm. Immigration. A legal. Yeah. It was totally fine. Well, yeah. More than Mary. Oh, I should need the uniform. No, but it's in there. Blair Saki's on the podcast. Hey guys. Thank you. Wait, let me tell you what's bothering me and then we'll introduce you.

Starting point is 00:04:49 OK. OK. You know that song that's I push my fingers into my eyes. What? I push my fingers into my eyes by. Huh? It's the only thing. Oh, my God. Slipknot. Slipknot. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:08 Yeah. Once you hit the it's the only thing I feel. But a golden bird that flies away, a candlestick of flame, that cake song is the same as the Slipknot song. Whoa. Do you hear it? Oh yeah. What's the Slipknot lyrics?

Starting point is 00:05:24 When they say. Whoa. Oh you hear it? Oh, yeah. What's the slipknot lyrics? When they say, whoa. Oh, my God. You're right. The duality song. Yeah. But what are the lyrics? I push my fingers into my eyes. It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache. It slowly stops the ache.

Starting point is 00:05:37 But it's made of all the things I have to take. But say the fast part. Jesus, it never ends. It works its way inside. If the fast part. Jesus, it never ends. It works its way inside. If the pink. Oh, I've screamed until my veins collapsed. I've weighed as my times a lot. Now, all I have now, all I do

Starting point is 00:05:53 is live with so much hate. I've wished for this. I've bitched for that. I've left behind this little fact. You cannot kill what you did not create. I've got to say what I've got to say. And then I swear I'll go away. But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise

Starting point is 00:06:06 I guess I'll save the best for laughs. My future is just one big past you're left You're left with me because no one left me no choice amazing amazing song, but cake totally ripped it off a Golden bird that flies away a candlestick of flame to think I held you left today. Your love was just a game total slip not ripoff agree that flies away a candlestick of flame to think I held you left today. Your love was just a game. Total slip-not rip-off. Agree? Well, the cake song came out first. Fuck!

Starting point is 00:06:31 So. Anyway, we're here with Blair Saki. Saki? Saki, yeah. Like the drink. Took me years. Oh, that's fine. Some of my best friends don't know.

Starting point is 00:06:41 Thought it was Sochi. Yeah. Me too. I don't, you know, the kicker here is I don't care at all. However you want to say it, it's interpretive. I can't deal with how amazing your mouth is when you talk. Really? Yeah, you talk like this.

Starting point is 00:06:54 Wow, thank you. That's awesome. Someone brought it to my attention, one Jake Nordwin. He's like, you talk out of the side of your mouth. I was like, that's like devastating. Like a 1942 gangster. I don't think you shut your lips. Really?

Starting point is 00:07:06 It's cause I have a lot of job problems. Really? Yeah. Just finishing a course of Invisalign, baby. Me too. Really? Did you wear it 24 hours a day? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:14 Oh, I only did the night. Don't listen if you're my motherfucking dentist, bitch, that's private. This is not for you. I did it only at night, but I was supposed to do it, but they were the 24 hour ones. Oh, okay. Yeah. I just did like the, I just wore it at night. I was was supposed to do it, but they were the 24-hour ones. Oh, okay Yeah, I just did like the I just weren't at night. I was like I can't do this. Yeah, it wasn't the night ones

Starting point is 00:07:30 It was they want. Oh, yeah Gross I didn't wear my retainer at night when I was younger and that's all my teeter crooked on the bottom Your vibes off not on the pod but I can anything. Ian, what's up with you? Your vibe's off. Not on the pod, but I can just tell walking in. What are you talking about? You depressed? I slept till five. Well, that's magical.

Starting point is 00:07:56 Guess what time I woke up. But I was sick all weekend, so I had to sleep it off. Why? What's up? What's, you know. I woke up at seven, did a boxing workout and then sparred. You're amazing, the boxing. I got hit in the face. How did that feel? Yeah, my vibes are off, what's wrong with me?

Starting point is 00:08:17 You slept till five, that's literally the perfect answer. That's exactly what the vibe is. The vibe is somebody woke up at five. Like you missed the sun. Like, yeah, it's all. No, no, I got out and I went. The sun goes down at six thirty now. And I and I was at

Starting point is 00:08:32 New York Comedy Club by six. So I got on my bike. I rode to Manhattan. What? A six thirty spot? That's what's your problem. It was a Nimesh's show. Yeah, that's brutal.

Starting point is 00:08:42 All this is fucked up. Woke up at five, go do comedy, come back here. Now we're podcasting. Yeah. And it's like so late and I just took an energy pill and I'm going to take another rebel because I got to clean my bathroom and put away clothes and I had something else to do.

Starting point is 00:08:55 I think we should reverse this. Reverse what? I think you should pretend you're still sick. Take the night. We'll go to bed early. Wake up early. Do the clothes in the morning. But I just took an energy pill. Yeah, that was, we both know that that was a natural energy pill and it doesn't matter and you haven't cracked

Starting point is 00:09:09 that Red Bull. No, no, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't try, just try a new thing. Yeah, vibes are better. Vibes are better. No, that fix it for sure. You gotta just try to be normal If you have late spots I get it but you don't even have a sweatsuit a 630 spot

Starting point is 00:09:34 I know so now I'm gonna do all my work tonight after the pod Oh go to sleep and wake up early and do it so that you get sunlight because your vitamin D. I'm getting sunlight tomorrow I'm getting sunlight tomorrow I'm waking up early. I'm meeting with weird. I'm getting sunlight tomorrow. I'm waking up early, I'm meeting with Andrew, I'm picking up a cow from the airport. The whole shit's fucked up. 10.

Starting point is 00:09:53 My shit's fucked up. We need to get you a healer. The doctor said, hold on. No. What happened to me now? You know that Warren D. Johnson? I like how you know his lead in so far. Well, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:10:06 I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:10:12 I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:10:19 I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don always matching? No. Last year she was Beetlejuice and I was Elvis. Oh, that's so cute.

Starting point is 00:10:28 Which is oddly matching in a weird way. Yeah. That looks a little matchy. You know what I want to do that we could do if you were here? What? White chicks. Oh yeah. We could do white chicks.

Starting point is 00:10:37 Wow, that's so flattering. Thank you, Jordan. I would love to do white chicks with you. Right? Wow. Yeah. That'd be amazing. Black face to white face. Totally. Incredible. We don't even have to do white chicks with you. Well, yeah. That'd be amazing. Black face to white face. Totally. We don't even have to do black face.

Starting point is 00:10:47 No, you should do the black face and then white face on top of the black face to get the whole feel, you know? I really want me and my older sister to do it because when we wear makeup, we look like trans men. Come on. We do. No, you're wearing a lot.

Starting point is 00:11:01 You're wearing a gorgeous shadow right now. When I go, when we do lip stuff. Lip stuff? Can you put lip gorgeous shadow right now. When we do lip stuff? Lip stuff? Can you put lip stuff on right now? Like I said, you make lip stuff sound like anal. You're like, when we do lip, lip stuff? Yeah, we need the fat lips. When we do the Jensen lip stuff?

Starting point is 00:11:19 Yeah. Who should we be for Halloween? Are you sure that cake song came out first? Look it up, yes. Wait, you were a slipknot girl? That means you're really hardcore. I couldn't even, I pretended to like a lot of shit when I was a kid. I wasn't a corn girl.

Starting point is 00:11:34 And I could not. Loved corn. I was like, I don't, this is so hard. Still loved corn. But I wasn't, but when I, it wasn't like little, little. It was like. Oh dude, speaking of which, me and Sarah Sherman saw Knock Loose last night. Yeah, where was that?

Starting point is 00:11:45 It was great. Asbury Park, New Jersey. We'd borrowed a friend's car like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Drove down. It was so fun. I ate a good sausage on the boardwalk. I love a boardwalk sausage myself. Yeah. Yeah. How did you know that the other wanted to go?

Starting point is 00:12:00 She asked me because we were talking about like a Knock Loose. Yeah. Wow. That's great. They're really good. How were they? Did a nox loose. Yeah. Wow. They're really good. How were they? Did you see our boy? Awesome. Did you see baby black? No, I didn't. I just well, we got there for the last four songs. Because you know, hard time getting your cars. And then you had to get the sausage on the boardwalk.

Starting point is 00:12:19 It was great. The concert will wait. Sausage is after sausage. Yeah, no, we saw four songs, but it was great. Nice. What day was that? Sunday? Yesterday, yeah. I can't go to a concert these days

Starting point is 00:12:34 unless I know I have a seat to sit down. Really? Yeah. I want a lounge. Yeah. I'm a little, I'm a little energy gal. But you like AFI. You used to see AFI? No, no, I listened when I'm a little energy gal. But you like AFI. You used to see AFI?

Starting point is 00:12:47 No, no, I listened when I was a young child. Oh. Yeah. I could go if I'm dragged. Really? Yeah, I mean, it depends on who it is, I guess. But I love a concert where I can sit down. Wow, those girls in Puerto Rico, I

Starting point is 00:13:01 played turnstile being like, this is pop. They didn't like it. Wait, what? What were you doing in Puerto Rico? Vacationing? You I played turnstile being like, this is pop. They didn't like it. Wait, what? What were you doing in Puerto Rico? Vacationing? You told them turnstile was pop. Boxing retreat? I've never even heard that. That's so cool. How long did you go for? Four days. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:13:14 Yeah, that's bad. It was intense. It was like wake up, run two miles, box, spar. Yeah. Well, you're like in hell week, but you paid to go. Yeah. For it's kind of my vacation. That's my idea of a good vacation, because when I'm on vacation, I mean, you might have this where you just stress out the whole time about eating too much and drinking too much and being a bad person.

Starting point is 00:13:36 When you get in it, when you get in the. And you do this. Yeah. And you're sitting there and you're like, I don't deserve this. I should be doing something else. What the fuck? I'm such a piece of shit. Perfect. Because it was on the beach. but it was somebody being like, faster. That's great. Also, I love sparring and I've decided to just risk the brain damage.

Starting point is 00:13:53 I love it. You already have enough. Wait, what was it like when you when you got hit in the face, though? When I first started, it was like my trainer would be like, just it's OK. Watch hit me in the face and I would hit her and I'd be like, I'm sorry. And then there were girls that weren't at my level on the retreat. And I was like, hit me in the face. It's totally OK. It just isn't scary once you do it enough because you're wearing head gear. Right. So you're totally fine.

Starting point is 00:14:14 But like, has it ever really hurt? Yeah. Yeah. One girl hit me in the gut under. I have a picture of it. I have a video of it. Actually, one girl went jab, lower body jabs, so she went up, so I blocked up, and then she went down and hit my solar plexus, and I was like, ooh. What a bitch.

Starting point is 00:14:31 That's great. Yeah, and so then. Me and Alex, human? Oh, she went with you? Are you all right? Me and Alex. Me and Alex. My solar plexus.

Starting point is 00:14:43 Yeah, she's really good. Really? Yeah. Damn, you guys are cool. Oh, that's great. That's really cool. She's a whipper sniper. I didn't even heard of a boxing retreat,

Starting point is 00:14:52 but they have retreats for everything else. They probably have your fucking knocks loose retreat. Knocks loose? Is that what it was called? Knocked loose. Knocked loose. Oh, knocked loose. Think it's just a trainer that takes you somewhere.

Starting point is 00:15:03 That's all it is. Yeah. I'm bringing Gabby Brian to box tomorrow. See if she likes old Heather Hardy. Dude, I want to go with you. Can I come? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:14 Can we film it? No. Why? Because it's not my. It's like the least. Yeah. I'm bringing Gabby because you know how Heather needs. Heather is the one that was in the fight and she got brained out. It's like, it's like, yeah, I'm bringing Gabby because you know how Heather needs,

Starting point is 00:15:25 Heather is the, the one that was in the fight and she got brain damage in the fight. Right. That's not my trainers. I'm bringing Gabby to be like, here's a, you know, to be like, here, if you're whatever band money is to what's the band her dad's in. Bon Jovi. I wanted us to box on cameras. We can do that whenever you want. Yeah. I'm gonna join in and beat the shit out of you. I would kick your ass.

Starting point is 00:15:50 I would think I would win and then I would get winded so fast and you would murder me. Yeah, the winding is the problem. Yeah. Yeah, cause it's like all footwork. Like on the retreat, I only did these so that I could breathe more because these little nicotine lozenges.

Starting point is 00:16:04 Oh. Because I need to nicotine, but the vape makes me like. Oh really? Yeah. Damn. It's so fun. The funniest thing happened, one of these girls came in from Alaska and she's huge dude.

Starting point is 00:16:18 She's like six foot, just fucking Alaskan. Andre the Giant. Yeah. Came in and she was like, I don't really box and we're all sparring. And she's the only one who doesn't train with Sid. And then Sid's like, just try. You totally got it.

Starting point is 00:16:30 Then she goes, okay. Puts on gloves that are a lightweight glove, which means they hurt so much because they're super light. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then puts on these little gloves. Doesn't change.

Starting point is 00:16:41 Just keeps her bikini on. Takes her glasses off and goes like, I'm legally blind, and then just goes, we go, okay, here we go, and we're all like, you know, Sid will be easy with her, it'll be totally cool. Bell rings, the girl goes full throttle at Sid, is like, ah! Attacks her wearing tiny little gloves, a bikini,

Starting point is 00:16:59 and Sid's like, oh my God! It was crazy, out the gate, hit her so many times. It was so- But she knew what she was doing. No, not at all. Oh, she just did like a kamikaze style, like run. Kamikaze style blind. Like full blind to the point that we're like,

Starting point is 00:17:16 oh, we can't, cause usually when you spar- Was she just swinging? Swinging insanely. Full attack. In a way that was like you had- I thought you were were gonna say full Italian Because she went at it where you were you see her and you're like, oh she's just you know, she's gonna be really scared

Starting point is 00:17:34 She's wearing a bikini and tiny gloves and no she went at it. Like it was her. I like that. Yeah Decided I want to play rugby in college. Because my dream since I was like four years old was to be in the NFL. And I didn't know how to play rugby, but I joined it. They put me on the team. And I didn't know what I was doing.

Starting point is 00:17:58 I thought they would take it easy on me first. And they just tackled the shit. They're like, who's this new bitch that just made a team? And they just tackled the shit out of're like, who's this new bitch that just like made a team? And they just like tackled the shit out of me like one after one. Oh, my God. And it was like five days a week. I was like, I'm not trying to do this shit. Like, yeah, they're like so hardcore about it.

Starting point is 00:18:14 But yeah, I left after a week. I like I've I scored one try and I was just like, good. Yeah. I went to wrestling camp going into freshman year high school and I lost every match in like 30 seconds and I would call my mom crying from the door because I was like there's no air conditioning it's so hot. I never understood like wrestling I was talking about this with Star Wars I was like I just don't understand the appeal of wrestling. Like it looks awful. It's like, who wants to, it's like swim team.

Starting point is 00:18:48 Like you show up and everyone looks cold and like unhappy. You know? You wanna know the hottest thing that happened? I was in a screaming. Was it when I got kicked out of the swim team when I was four for getting too many public erections? Yeah, that's the hottest thing that's ever happened. That's so hot.

Starting point is 00:19:01 I was on the swim team, but I ran into a girl who used to be on my swim team and I was like, I know you from somewhere. And then finally I was like, oh my God, the swim team. And she was like, you weren't on the swim team, but I ran into a girl who used to be on my swim team and I was like, I know you from somewhere. And then finally I was like, oh my God, the swim team. And she was like, you weren't on the swim team. And I was like, no, remember the girl who wore full t-shirts, full board shorts and swam in the far lane. I love you.

Starting point is 00:19:14 Because I couldn't swim with them. And I just was like, hap, hap. Yeah. You know why though? That's because swim team sucks. It sucks. What a horrible sport. There are all these like yield sign women

Starting point is 00:19:25 with just like no, their ass is just sort of like, oh, and they have these huge shoulder blades, like go, go. Yeah. And like what, and it's like something that like no child would ever wanna do. They look like that white thing on the motor. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:38 Oh, this is so beautiful. I didn't even notice this. Maddie Stansig made it. What an incredible decor. Yeah. Wow. It looks so cool incredible decor. Yeah. Wow. It looks so cool on camera. Yeah, this is like a museum piece.

Starting point is 00:19:49 We're trying to get her not to get a real job. She doesn't need a job. Gorgeous. Dude, that Alaskan bitch. I mean, one playboy, we played tug of war in the sand for real. It was all of you versus her. Bro, bro, I'm on one side with this other girl

Starting point is 00:20:02 who's really strong and we're like, okay, one, two, three, and Alaska just goes to the end of the boat and just falls back. Oh shit. And we all just fly. Her tactic was just like. That sounds like the beginning of a porn. She was insane, dude.

Starting point is 00:20:17 It was crazy. Bikini tug of war on the beach in Puerto Rico. It wasn't with these bitches. We were all just. Yeah, that would be terrible, I don't know why. I was trying to write about this. My pussy. We're all beachy on your head.

Starting point is 00:20:31 It is tough. With a concussion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put on my lightweight gloves and jerk you off. Some of them are pretty hot. Some of us are little beefcakes. It's like a team of goalies. Sure. It's like all goalies.

Starting point is 00:20:42 Right. Right, right, right. Yeah. I was the team of goalies. Sure. It's like all goalies. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. I was the boy of the group. I feel like that with every group of girls that I'm in, like I unconsciously, like if there's like a huge cooler or something and it's just girls, I was like, don't worry girls, I got it. And I was like, put it on my shoulder.

Starting point is 00:20:59 I know. They also were like having a different bathing suit every day and I was like, why'd you guys bring three bathing suits? And they were like, having a different bathing suit every day. And I was like, why'd you guys bring three bathing suits? And they were like, so we had a different one. And I'm like, but you just dry it out and wear it again. And they're like, you don't get it, Jordan. I know, it doesn't make sense, right?

Starting point is 00:21:15 And I was trying to convince them all to wear board shorts. Like they were like, they were like, the problem with these shorts is they ride up. And I'm like, you guys have to get like board shorts with the net in the inside. And they're like, like for boys. And I was like, yeah, but it doesn't have to just be for boys. And they were like, no, that doesn't make sense.

Starting point is 00:21:29 And I was like, it does. Trust me. Wear them once. And you're like, oh, my God. That's nice. It's so nice. Board shorts. I'm all in on board shorts. I wear swim trunks. I wear swim trunks as shorts. They're the best. You do do that. Yeah, you do do that. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's very California of you.

Starting point is 00:21:47 They were. Thanks, bro. Yeah. Other boys do it back home. They were the board. I don't anymore, but I had a I did in my whole upbringing. Really? Yeah. I used to like do contests when I was really young. No way.

Starting point is 00:22:04 But when I was really young. No way. But when I was really young. So why'd you stop? Because I just was doing other sports that I knew I was actually going to do like in college and stuff. What did you do? I played volleyball in college. What did you do? What did you do?

Starting point is 00:22:17 I played volleyball at UCLA. Oh, wow. Yeah, but I only did like- I hope you didn't see the doctor. I did Larry Nassar. Yeah, yeah. No, I know those girls. Really? I mean, I did at the time. I thought that was like talk to him now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I only did like those contests when I was like 11, 12.

Starting point is 00:22:39 I have a visceral memory of memory, memory of being on a surfboard in the Jersey Shore early in the morning and just feeling and hearing the jellyfish pop on the board. And ever since then, I was like, I'm not swimming early in the morning. Here's a good question. For everybody here. OK, they hear the only things you can ever go in again. Oh, they Cape Ocean. What's the difference between the Cape?

Starting point is 00:23:10 I don't know. I'm just trying to think of threes. Lake Gorge River. Ocean. Those are the great ocean. They are a gorge. Is it Gorge like the cul de sac of a river? A gorge is like waterfall. I love a wife. Yeah. That's majestic. A gorge is like waterfall. I love a waterfall. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:26 That's majestic. A gorge is like a watering hole. Okay, fresh water or sea water is all I should have said. Sea water. Really? Always have the water moving is my thing. I understand where you're coming from. I have been recently enlightened about the abundance

Starting point is 00:23:42 of sharks that are actually around that they just don't bother you. And like, I spend all my time on TikTok cause I stay off Instagram and I see so much shit on there. And then I see all of a sudden, I don't know how I got on like shark TikTok and it's like all where I grew up. And I'm like, what the hell, those are there?

Starting point is 00:23:58 Cause like they have this like unspoken thing in which kind of like no one talks about the sharks so that you don't get scared of it. That's cool. You know, but it's like, you don't get scared of it. That's cool. You know, but it's, but it's like, uh, you don't know there's like a bomb in the house. You know what I mean? And now I'm like, what the hell? I'm not doing that.

Starting point is 00:24:12 The sharks are right there. They never talk about it. The surfers. We do that in New York boat about guns. We just don't talk about how many people have guns on them. But I think that the sharks like for the most part, they don't bother you, that's why they. They don't bother you.

Starting point is 00:24:28 Yeah, they don't bother you. They don't bother you unless you, you know. But for me, I don't care if they're not bothering me. Look at them or walk by them or are white by them or ask them to turn their music down. Or. No, I'm all, I'm out on the ocean. I'm out on the ocean.

Starting point is 00:24:44 What? You think gorge also? Dude, sand can suck my cock. Waves pull you in and are so scary. I'm afraid of waves also. I'm so afraid of waves. Yeah. It dries. You hear me?

Starting point is 00:24:55 What did you say? He said sand can suck my cock. I said, I wish I was sand. Oh my God. Oh my God. Is this your guys running bit? Like the will they won't they thing? It's his running bit. Oh my God. Is this your guys running bit? Like the will they won't they thing? It's his running bit.

Starting point is 00:25:08 Oh. Are you a amateur? My running bit is me running. Away. Away. Bit by bit. Oh, okay, got it. All right, I'm just catching up.

Starting point is 00:25:16 Oh, what if we got tattoos of Pepe the Pew in the little, in the, oh no, but I would want flower. Oh, and her name was Penelope Pew. Really? The cat? Pepe the Pew. The hot one. And Penelope Pussycat.

Starting point is 00:25:26 That was her name. Wow. Yeah. I'll get. Yeah. Pepe the Pugh and you be Penelope for Halloween. Oh, I really do think that cartoon influenced the way that I see relationships and I just just donned on me like because like that if a man is like Pepe the Pugh,

Starting point is 00:25:44 that's how they're supposed to be interested in you and it's like they're not they need to be a little more low-key than that Yeah for the health. Yeah of a relationship mine is more like Like Tom and Jerry Mine's like bugs and Babs bunny Roger rabbit and Jessica rabbit. Whoa Rabbit and Jessica rabbit. That's a good way. Yeah, you are based off that. Mm-hmm I I want to be more Tisha Adams and my husband be Gomez that's with me Oh, yeah, I've like wanted that love of them and then I'm like, oh, this is completely unhealthy

Starting point is 00:26:24 Yeah, maybe what were you gonna say? You went oh when I said bugs and Jessica I just wanted that love of them and then I'm like, oh, this is completely unhealthy. Yeah, maybe. What were you gonna say you went, oh, when I said bugs and Jessica? I could be Eddie and you could be Roger. Oh. Because Eddie would be easy for me to be. You know what that would mean?

Starting point is 00:26:37 What? Ethan would be. Jessica. Jessica. Even you would be a gorgeous Jessica. Do you wanna be a beautiful Jessica? You'd have to shave your little face for me, Jessica. Even you would be a beautiful, gorgeous Jessica. You'd have to shave your little face for me. Jessica.

Starting point is 00:26:50 Who's a slut we could have on to? Am I not a slut? Do you want to stick around for our Halloween episode? Who's a huge whore we could have on? I am very chaste, unfortunately, in my old age. Really? Yeah. What are you chaste, unfortunately, in my old age. Really? Yeah. What are you chaste?

Starting point is 00:27:06 I've actually kind of always been that, not chaste, but like I'm a relationship kind of gal. You don't really throw it around. What does chaste mean? Chaste means like virginal, like very like. Chaste is the wrong. I thought you were bragging and saying you were chaste. I was like, okay.

Starting point is 00:27:20 No, no, I'm not chaste, but like I just genuinely have, and I've always been this way, like I have zero interest in hooking up with like a stranger. Like I- No, no, no. Yeah, like I don't want to, someone near my body unless we're like in a relationship. I was talking to Caitlin about this.

Starting point is 00:27:37 I was like, I can't have a stranger over cause we might, they might do something crazy like attempt sex. Yeah, I'm like not interested. Like I don't have attraction. They might gain an attraction to me. I can only have physical attraction with like a deep emotional bond.

Starting point is 00:27:51 Yes, which means you fuck your friends. Horrible. Me too. Not you. Not these days. You said it, I didn't. But you could. Ew.

Starting point is 00:28:03 Me? Not you. Thank you. Me? Not you. Thank you. I mean all friends. I'm too. I'm looking for a husband. I gotta get going. I don't fuck my friends.

Starting point is 00:28:11 Oh, we can't talk about it. Yeah. I saw Jordan at Laura's wedding. And so she was getting the update. Oh, I got the update. And everyone was giving feedback. Yeah. About Superchaste. She was getting the update. Oh, I got the update. And everyone was giving feedback.

Starting point is 00:28:25 Yeah. Uh-huh. About superchaste. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Now we're back on the market, baby. Wait, are you going to see him again? I have moved on, yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:42 OK. But we cannot talk about it? No, we can't talk about it. Because... Because he's such a sweetie a sweetie pie. Oh sweetie pie sweetie pie. I don't want to hurt the sweet Yeah, no, I like I was like, this is a wonderful man. Love him. Yeah It's just brutal Because you go updates and then they're like, oh I heard you on this one. You're like, oh, fucking kill myself. No, don't listen. That's me. That's me and my private talk with my private friends. They can blast it everywhere. It's insane.

Starting point is 00:29:14 Yeah. I know. And my mom brings stuff up. I'm like, no. Oh, yeah. That's great. Your mom cares. So listen to your shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's only to hunt for things to hold against you. Don't she wants to go hunting. Yeah, totally. So what are we going to be for Halloween? We could have a horror on to be Jessica. Who's the whore? What whore can we have on?

Starting point is 00:29:40 I mean, I'm not going to start naming people because then that uses me being. I would love to know That would be yeah, but now if we have We have somebody on you've already implicated that it's because they're a whore Okay, just mean somebody that'll show their titties Karen fee him Or you apply for the job there? Or you apply for the job there? Yeah, I'm looking for an application. This is the wrong jacket to wear.

Starting point is 00:30:08 Yeah, it's a big jacket. Well, wait, what about... Do you miss New York? Did you live here? You did live here. How many years? That's how we met when you started. You don't miss it? No. Why?

Starting point is 00:30:24 I'm just like a sleepy gal. You know? Even though it's so fall out? I need a lot of trees and I like to hike. Like I'm a real California bitch. Also I'm very into my family and my family's in California. But yeah, I just get really tired here.

Starting point is 00:30:40 Those are green. Those are green. You get tired here? I get really here? Yeah. I get really tired in LA. I bet. Sleepy. Because you guys are like the, you guys are like really fast paced, like high energy people.

Starting point is 00:30:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like a little sloth like moving around, you know? Yeah. So. But I like going to LA too. I like the people. Yeah. I love the people.

Starting point is 00:31:02 The hang is my problem with LA. There's no hang. It's not. Everyone goes to bed, you know? But I've been going to bed at 9 p.m. on this retreat to wake up at 6 a.m. and it has been life changing. Isn't that incredible? You know what I realized? You don't need as much sleep if you go to bed earlier.

Starting point is 00:31:17 Yeah, they say, I just read this yesterday, that the best quality of sleep is before 11 p.m. I was like, that's bad news. Isn't that? Yeah, but how do you go to is before 11 p.m. I was like that's bad news how do you go to sleep before 11 p.m. until the morning and not wake up at 1 a.m. and then stay up until 8 watching all of love is one right go to bed at 10 yeah you're supposed to wait till time I think wait till 10 6 18 minus 2 is 16 Wake up, what's 10 plus eight hours later? I don't know. Six. 18 minus two is 16. So you wake up at six a.m.

Starting point is 00:31:50 And then you work out really hard. And do what? You work out really hard, you move your body around and then you get so tired that by the time 10 comes around you're like, well I've been up until six and you get into the pattern. Jordan, you're a gladiator. Oh and you don't take a nap?

Starting point is 00:32:02 Only for the less. You can take a nap. Naps are great. We love naps. I can't nap. That's why that's so horrible. I convinced I would be a completely different person. Like I have a fully different personality if I could nap.

Starting point is 00:32:14 Do you have a puppy or a cat? I know I don't. If you have one of those, you can nap. I know I'm definitely allergic. I nap with. It's so sad. I love animals. I know.

Starting point is 00:32:24 Samson's such a cute cat name. Yeah. That's adorable. Thank you. Mixing and matching products that smell like all different kinds of things. Oh, they sent me this in the mail. It smells good.

Starting point is 00:32:37 Yeah, it does. Yeah. Yeah, and what smells good? Jack Black, the deodorant, they sent me a lot of it. They've released four incredible new sense try out Jack Zen, Big Sur, I like Big Sur, Black Reserve and Blue Midnight. Oh and it's deodorant?

Starting point is 00:32:53 Jack Black was founded over 20 years ago according to Sirkana, and according to Sirkana. The number one men's body care brand. You have to give them a try. So you tried it. Why don't you tell us about it? Jack Black was founded over 20 years ago and according to Sirkana is the number one men's body care brand.

Starting point is 00:33:14 I don't know who Sirkana is, but I like it. What do you like about it? It rolls on nice and... Oh, it's... We have some right there. Ethan, toss it to me and it smells like boys which I like to smell like pit boss oh yeah or Jack Zen which one do you like try pit boss black reserve you said you like yeah see bass oh pit boss. Black Reserve, you said you like. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:48 See Bass. Oh, pit boss. See Bass. All right. Let me smell before you put it on. Oh, yeah, that one's good. That's a good one. Get back reserve. It's just deodorant. Wow. This one smells like it. Um, it's just deodorant. This one smells like it. Do you guys remember when you were at like the YMCA and somebody would use suave shampoo and you were like, I kind of like that for some reason. Remember that, that that one.

Starting point is 00:34:16 Let me smell that one you just put on. This one is. Oh, this one smells like. chlorine, but in a good way. Well, I I saw that one. I really like this one. The the cardamom and cardboard, cedar board, part of Moran Cedarwood, Cedarwood.

Starting point is 00:34:35 Oh, yeah, this is really good. This is the best one. This is the one that smells like if you want to do the natural slightly hippie thing, but here, smell me. Does it smell good? Yeah. Anyway, but purchase the verbatim. If you want simple, effective products that do what they say they're going to do, you need Jack Black. Get jackblack.com. To get Jack Black.com. Use promo code Scott for 10% off your order and free shipping. Once again, that's Jack Black. Get Jack Black.com.

Starting point is 00:35:15 For 10% off your order. That's not our fault. What? That's not this isn't our. Oh, it's that's the name of the website. Yeah. OK. It's not Jack Black. No, it's get Jack Black dot com. And I like this.

Starting point is 00:35:35 I wonder how it'll last over time. Does any children place of like a taint stick you can just like wipe on your ass for your taint. For the ad. Oh, shit. OK. All right. Enjoy the show. Bye. No, we were just talking before you got here about like how Ian, I think, was at like some of my first like first, first shows. Open mics and stuff. Yeah, he's very old.

Starting point is 00:35:57 In the village, like in this little cave. And it would be like Cafe 206. Yeah, 206. It would be like Reggie, you, Monroe, Derek. Cassidy. Cassidy. Yeah you hung out with all those Philly guys for a while. Yeah you guys were like the first people I met when I lived here.

Starting point is 00:36:12 And we were like always in the pillars. Did you guys ever have sex? No. I've never slept with like a friend. I'll sleep with people and then we'll become friends. Except who? Oh you're reverse style. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:24 Hannah. Oh, yeah. She was a friend. Yeah, but that's the only one. Special one. Yeah, yeah. I only have sex with friends and then I regret it. But you don't wanna date them.

Starting point is 00:36:38 See that's why we haven't had sex. We do date. Oh. And then we stop being friends. So you mean you date them. Do you think if we had sex it would ruin our friendship? Yeah. You're obsessed. God, God, he wants it bad.

Starting point is 00:36:49 No, I don't. I just asked because it came up. So, so bad. Trust me, you don't want to have sex with me. It's bad. You don't want to have sex with me. I know. It's so good. You'll be addicted. No.

Starting point is 00:37:05 Fucking knocks. Speaking of knocked loose. Oh my God. Don't giggle. It's going to be up till 8 a.m. watching love is blind with Samson now. Oh my God. No, I already watched. Sorry. I already watched. Do you have big balls? Yeah, huge. He sits on them every day. You saw them? Yeah, I've seen them. Really? They're huge. It's hard not to see them. Really? Yeah. He always has his balls out. You have big balls. Giant. No, no, no, no, very small. I mean, I'm a giant. That cock.

Starting point is 00:37:41 Really? No, no, no, very small. I mean, because I was going to say, I haven't heard that many rumors. Usually word gets around. Well, because of, what about my penis?

Starting point is 00:37:55 I'm trying to show a scale. Oh, here we go. It's a Yankee standard. You have it. No, it's like a Yankee candle. That's gigantic. Oh yeah. I've never even seen a a Yankee candle. That's gigantic. Oh, yeah. I've never even seen a small Yankee candle.

Starting point is 00:38:09 Yep. That's crazy. You can get a discount if you find it at the Hallmark store. You got big old nards. You can't just think you're making any windows by going like this. As you say something, Yankee candle. They have it in vanilla flavored. Well, you got huge nards and a huge Yankee Candle. No normal penis giant balls.

Starting point is 00:38:31 OK, he likes to shame my penis normal penis as because she's a weird size. Yeah, I mean, I think I have a decent pipe. Really? Well, then why do you ride a bike so much? I feel like if you had such a big, big ding dong down there, it would be harder to ride a bike. I tape it to the frame. No, you don't. I put it in the basket.

Starting point is 00:38:54 You don't put it in the basket. Yeah, you know, a water bottle holder. I still to this day, like, don't understand how men run, like the ergonomics of it. You guys run with them fat old naners smacking around? It's hard. I got to strap in like fucking Voltron. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:10 So I can't even, like, I can't even, I can't even imagine what you do down there. Well my balls hurt a lot from riding my bike. And I have in my jeans and around in my bike so much my balls, I have a, I have like these holes in my jean. Shut. I don't need this. She is absolutely disgusted. Holes in my bike so much my balls. I have a I like these holes in my jean shut I don't need this She is absolutely disgusted holes in my jeans. It's that even like this I don't know is I have a hole here and then I didn't realize I went so jelly roll took me up to Boston to go to the TD

Starting point is 00:39:43 Boston. I have to tell you something. What? What? What? What? What? I couldn't go to corn. And you guys, they wanted me to go to corn with Jelly Roll. And I was laughing so hard talking to John going, I'm really sorry. I can't go to corn with Jelly Roll. I'm really sorry, Jelly Roll. No, I'm not going to be able to see corn with you tonight because both names of those things will make me into a different person that I don't want to be. Sorry. Sorry, Jelly, sorry, jelly roll. I'm not gonna be able to go see you.

Starting point is 00:40:07 Corn, yeah, but you went. Oh yeah, it was great. It was the best. Wow. And we went. Speaking of huge cocks. Yeah, really. Wow, wow.

Starting point is 00:40:18 My ex was the biggest cock in the whole world just now. Did he call you and go, hey, were you talking about me? My fat cock is burning. They can, no, they can feel it. They can feel it they can feel it. Well, no, she still fucks them. Oh just once That's not a lot once isn't even bad even bad once and it was like on the last time you had him open for you and Then before too. I didn't

Starting point is 00:40:41 Like that this sounds very predatory. Oh, he he asked for me so that we could have sex. OK, yeah, no, it's different. Amanda said anyway, I went in an ice bath or jelly roll and I didn't have underwear and they were like, just free balls. I was like, all right. And then I sat and my fucking balls came out of my jeans. Wait, you went with Jelly Roll and didn't have underpants. Now I had underpants, but I went in the ice bath in my underpants. Oh, good.

Starting point is 00:41:06 And then the underpants were wet, so I didn't put them on, they were just free ball. And I didn't realize that I had a hole in my jeans and my ballsack fell out. You saw Jelly Roll in an ice bath? What, did you see Jelly Roll's nards also? No, no one saw my nards, except- The water stayed in the bath and Jelly Roll got in?

Starting point is 00:41:20 Stop it. Sorry, but honestly? It's a large bath. And- Talk about a Russian bath. He's a nice guy. It's one of our Russian bath homes. Guy, his name's Jelly Roll, I'm assume. That's what I already made that joke. No, you said house and I said, he's a nice guy.

Starting point is 00:41:40 It's a Russian bath home. You really want to clarify that? Yeah. You should have let me walk over it, dude. Well, you walked over something earlier and I brought it back and you laughed. I thought for second time's a charm. That's not how things work. Maybe things will be better now if I just repeat my jokes.

Starting point is 00:41:57 Anyway, my fat nuts were hanging out in my jeans and I cover them up. Sorry, Joey, we're not going to be able to see corn with you tonight because it will irreversibly change the trajectory of my life in a negative way. Because then I'll... Then I want to join a band called Banana. And then I want to join a band called... Wow, you guys are living fast and free.

Starting point is 00:42:17 You've got to go to sleep. Me? You can't sleep till five. You have to stop drinking drinking that there has to be an intervention or something Yeah, you also said you didn't You said you didn't need today I didn't need to do but you did have one of my watermelon gummies Got it. Yeah, what are you gonna eat later? Cuz you didn't need I have immunity bone broth in the refrigerator My god, are you rexy? So I'll just drink bone broth.

Starting point is 00:42:49 Yeah, because I'm so sexy. Eww. I definitely have been hanging out with Anna. I definitely have body dysmorphia. Take time. Yeah, I mean, so does every woman on earth. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. Sorry, I don't understand nays and. I'm on kidding. Oh my god. Sorry, I don't understand nays and boos.

Starting point is 00:43:06 I'm on a dog horse. No, you're a perfect angel. Thank you so much. Yeah, you know, you do look skinny. Don't be rexy though, because you don't think you'll get scared. I feel really fat. Really? You've been doing bad things? Are you about to get your period?

Starting point is 00:43:22 I think I do have some form of emotional period. Yeah. It's manic depression. Totally. It's crippling by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:43:31 Sleeping till five does make it worse though. Yeah, but I was up until six. That is bad. So if I changed it and went to bed at 6 p.m., I'll wake up at 5 a.m. Thumbs up. What time are you waking up tomorrow? 9 a.m.

Starting point is 00:43:52 You have to be up at 9? Yeah. Well here's what's gonna happen. After we do this, we're gonna do the Patreon, you're gonna leave, I'm gonna go to the gym. You're a knight? You already rode your bike to... Yeah but I gotta work out.

Starting point is 00:44:04 I haven't worked out since Alright, so we gotta get concerned He's doing his he's doing his own retreat. It is Monday You're doing your own self-imposed retreat Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna go to the gym Workout come home clean up my bathroom. All right, Brian Regan. I don't mind. What's Brian Regan? He sleeps till five, I think. Really? Yeah, stays up all night.

Starting point is 00:44:27 See, that's the thing. When I do sleep late in the day, I do it to recharge, and then I get everything I need to do done. I just do it at night. You're a true night owl. Yeah. I like staying up late at night.

Starting point is 00:44:37 I don't know what it is. Oh my God. I like to go to sleep. I go for a walk around my neighborhood at like four a.m. I used to. That's why I'm worried about it. Why? You know what I mean? Because it is something you grow out of. We all used to be night owls neighborhood at like 4 a.m. I used to, that's why I'm worried about it. Why? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:44:45 Because it is something you grow out of. We all used to be night owls, but as a certain point. I've been a night owl since I was a kid. Me too. My mom would just stay up and let me watch TV with her until like 3 a.m. when I was in like fourth grade. I always had to wake up for sports. I've never been a night owl in my entire life.

Starting point is 00:44:58 It's very antithetical to this odd career I've chosen. I used to wake up early to go to church. This odd career I've chosen. I used to wake up early to go to church. In the morning before school. Really? Yeah, I'd make my mom take me to morning mass. That really took a turn for you, huh? Yeah, I did too actually, like,

Starting point is 00:45:20 cause I had to do Catholic stuff just for being Italian. Like it was like cultural But and we were such a sports family though So we'd have like tournaments on Sundays and then I would be like but we have to go to church We're all gonna go to hell and I thought I had to save my whole family I took everything so literally and they'd be like chill bitch, but they still make me go and I'd be like, which is it? Are we gonna are we gonna live and go to the high heaven or are we gonna be athletes? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:45:46 Then you turned football into your church. Yeah, no, I mean, I couldn't play football back then. Now things are different, you know? But back then- Girls couldn't play football then? They have flag football for little girls. And I was such a little meathead when I was a kid. I played flag football every day with the boys.

Starting point is 00:46:01 I think you'd love boxing. I've done it before. I should probably get back into it. But I also like, I feel like I'm losing steam. Like for a workout, I just walk five miles a day. Like, because I'm like, I just, it was so hardcore my whole life. I just want to chill. Rest. Yeah. But then I took a reformers Pilates class and I was like, this is Navy Seal shit. I was like, this is the hardest shit I've ever done in my life. And it's like these 90 pound bitches that are like so hot with like all their jewelry and like slick back buns and they could do it so easily.

Starting point is 00:46:34 Yeah. Jewelry with the buns and the nice sports bras and the outfits and the makeup. And I was just like, I can't I just I don't have energy for this goddamn charade. The reformers, the Pilates thing is I don't like Pilates. It's like you're on this big machine. I did it for a while and it's like, I'm like, dude, I need to like drop 15 pounds and then do that. I'm not doing that before. You know what I mean? Well, I are you a do it because I'm on TikTok all the time. And they're like, I used to be a muscle mommy,

Starting point is 00:47:05 and then I became a Pilates girlie, and they're like, less information. Those people should die. You know, but I'm like, you got, you're already skinny. Yes. You know? Yeah, totally.

Starting point is 00:47:16 I mean, Pilates is perfect for my super skinny friends who do it, and they just like, everything tightens, but I'm like, I have to like. I, maybe if I just like, did it more than once, it would be wonderful, I don't know. I did it for a while. Oh really you got into it No, I you did I could you were looking good when you did Pilates I feel like Pilates got you into exercising boxing thing Maybe you're right when I was really into yoga was like my favorite my body's ever looked

Starting point is 00:47:41 When I was in rehab, we did yoga every day and it was the fucking best and I loved it. Yeah. And I got out and started drinking again. Oh, sure. Tale as old as time. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no, the only yoga I'm doing is downward spiral. It does suck that every addiction is the only yoga I'm doing is downward spiral. It's really good. That's really good. That was really good.

Starting point is 00:48:05 Downward big nuts. That was really good. That was good. Would you wake up and do yoga if I did that with you? Yeah. You wanna wake up and do stuff? Yeah, if I woke up and did stuff. But you'd have to go to bed also.

Starting point is 00:48:21 You couldn't. Have you cut down on cigarettes? Do you wanna try one of these lozenges? Cigarettes want to try one of these laws and cigarettes sure if this helps? Put this up here. I Gotta put it in my gum Can I put it down here Have you have you always vaped? Like, no, cigarettes.

Starting point is 00:48:49 That's how we first bonded over fucking ripping cigs on the misfits. Wow, you guys are cool. You guys are rock and roll. I'm less cool, I got less cool. I've gotten cooler. Oh no, I got cooler, but in a different way. Well yeah, you went to corn with jelly roll.

Starting point is 00:49:04 You went to the ice bath with jelly roll. Yeah. Well. But you have a tiny little mini Marlboro thing. I, oh, I thought you were talking about my penis. I thought you were too. I thought she was talking about your weenie. I'll say you have a tiny penis now.

Starting point is 00:49:18 I'll say you have a tiny little innie weenie. It's an innie. So what do I do with this? Keep it up there and it'll bleed into, like you know how you put coke in your gums? That's where the nicotine goes in, into your bloodstream. It's not the nicotine for me,

Starting point is 00:49:34 it's the, I mean the nicotine is great, but it's the ritual and the experience of Yeah. It's the ceremony of it. Having something in my hands and Yeah. I can now light. Nice does. I can light my eyes.

Starting point is 00:49:48 Does it on stage with. But I like it. And now I can write I can light cigarettes riding my bike, which is pretty cool. Great. So while your lungs are at max capacity breathing in and out, you're absorbing. That's what they used to do during the fucking tour to France. They used to smoke cigarettes. Really?

Starting point is 00:50:06 That's really cool. Yeah, yeah. That if you lock your fingers like this, you can light in the wind. You think. And all your rings hold in the heat. Make it solar powered. You let go of the light. Yeah, yeah. I read no hands like all the time.

Starting point is 00:50:25 But then you go like this. What? I ride no hands like all the time. That's so sick. I ride like hands like every day. It's so sick, dude. It's like no problem for me. No, I don't even need hands.

Starting point is 00:50:37 I've been doing hands, no hands so long, you don't even know how long I've been doing hands. When I rode Fixie, I rode all the way from the lower east side to my front door with no hands ever really the whole time that's really cool the whole time no hands Red lights no I I I cuz you can you can control the brakes with your feet That's really cool Ian. Yeah, I don't have a fixie now.? I hurt my knee. What does fixie mean? Fix gear. Oh my god. It's where you, it's one loop. Was it brakeless? Now how many gears you have?

Starting point is 00:51:14 That's cool. You got a lot of gears. Gear head. You were brakeless? I was brakeless. Really? Yeah. Just backpedaled the brake? Just put it cool.'s really cool. And then I put a front brake on it because that's safer. Whoa, that's good. Safety first. I have a 18 speed, Dumani, Trek Free.

Starting point is 00:51:32 Not cool. I got in an accident, the handlebars bent. Damn, you've been getting in a lot of accidents. Yeah, I'm kind of accident prone. Yeah, I kind of live life recklessly. Wow, you do. Renegade, lawless. Oh, I'm cool. Yeah. No big deal. You guys are like boxing, corn. I don't know. What do I do? I don't know. I don't think

Starting point is 00:51:57 I do anything. You do stuff. You do eat ass. Your hair looks like straw. Thank you. That's cool. Thank you. That takes a lot of deep conditioner. Thank you so much. You don't need ass No, I've never tried it. No Still the coolest Do cocaine no, I have I don't do cocaine face People know that they're like that bitch loves to go to bed That bitch would rather I would assume you do cocaine. Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's actually a huge compliment Yeah, you know what's funny is like bond hair cat eyes my entire comedy career

Starting point is 00:52:37 Like people would be like, yeah, they do cocaine. I'm like they do Does that means i've just never been offered it because they're like really because I always want to go to bed Yeah, I I mean weed girl Um, I do the gummy. I can't even smoke because I lose my voice immediately But I see your job. I take a gummy to sleep sometimes. Yeah Lisa style where you get high go on stage be cooked. No, no, I don't do it outside my apartment ever because I go fully mute Do you fuck black guys? I don't fuck anyone. You if I fuck black guys.

Starting point is 00:53:10 I will date someone. Yeah. Well, it tastes terrible. Black guys. She's clearly me. I date black guys. That's how I feel when I date black guys. What do you make me do that for? What? What? What's so bad about that? That's how I feel when I name black.

Starting point is 00:53:26 Why do you make me do that for? Well, what's so bad about that? It tastes terrible. Well, that's not good news for those people. This is strong. Black? No, I'm using it. It's really helpful. Oh, no, man.

Starting point is 00:53:39 I need a cigarette. Sponsor us. No, Marlboro sponsor us. I'm the last fucking person that actively pursues your things. Those boxes are so cool though. Yeah. They look really cool. Oh, the boxes.

Starting point is 00:53:53 Yeah. Right? The Marlboro boxes, they're so classic. Yeah. But you gotta quit. You gotta quit telling me what to do. Okay, fine. Seems like there's a lot of care.

Starting point is 00:54:08 She cares about your wellbeing. In some weird convoluted, fucked up way, yes. Yeah, she's like, you gotta get some sleep, you gotta. No, I appreciate that. Yeah. I hate when you sleep till five, it's so depressing to me. Well, how do you think I feel? Idiot. I gotta sleep until five, it's so depressing to me. Well, how do you think I feel? Idiot.

Starting point is 00:54:27 Sleep until five and sprinting out of bed like Mama Mia, you know. I just want to help you. Fine. No, what you've done. All right. What are the other things? What have you slept with women? No, neither. I know. I had threesome, but it doesn't count.

Starting point is 00:54:49 Yeah. What was your threesome? Two of my friends. Two guys. Girl and a guy. Girl and a guy. And what participation did you do on that? Cutting. Like a blank? that? Cutting like a blank. Yeah, it was like that.

Starting point is 00:55:10 It actually was like that. Really? Yeah. Cold vagina. She had a cold vagina. Oh, my God. Really? It's really weird. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget. Yeah, because in my head, they're really warm. Yeah. How was it?

Starting point is 00:55:21 Cold. No idea. Was it was the room really cold? No, doesn't make any sense. Wow. Was she... Unwell? It's cold. Poor circulation.

Starting point is 00:55:31 Cold on the inside or cold on the outside? Outside. Did you go on the inside? Maybe it was like a burrito that you cook up in a microwave. Cold on the outside but searing hot on the inside. Yeah, it was like that. There you go.

Starting point is 00:55:48 No, that makes sense because... She was probably nervous in the skin, you know, the blood flow, but on the inside, it was probably like warm. Scorching. Yeah. Burn your tongue. The guy couldn't get hard.

Starting point is 00:56:01 Really? You were there, and you were like, you're not even gonna headlamp, I gotta check out my... It's icy cold. It's so cold. Why is your dick soft? The guy couldn't get hard. Really? You were there and you were like, I don't even got a headlamp, I gotta check out. It's icy cold. It's so cold. Why is your dick soft? Why is this pussy cold?

Starting point is 00:56:11 I have a long believed, you know, that's gotta be so nerve wracking to be a man because like it is scary. I hope someone said it. Oh yeah, I know. Men, poor men. Don't joke. It is tough, but I would fully cuz it's like especially when you're like Looking up at someone for the first time. It's so nerve-racking, but they can't tell

Starting point is 00:56:33 But for a guy you can't tell There we go and it helps it go. We can't fucking just lick our hand and smack it and make it hard. Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's a lot of pressure. Well, there's such a lot of psychological pressure. Yeah, it's all psychological. And then the more you put pressure on it,

Starting point is 00:56:55 the more it won't work. And it's very difficult. Like I had a, it- What'd you have? A friend. Oh, okay. That couldn't get hard. So I would have to like help. Like I had a it it what you have a friend Couldn't get hard. So I would have to like help Buddy you're safe here. Yeah. Well, no like say just like have to talk to me. I dude It's okay like this and that like having to hear like another guy. I don't feel like a man. It was a mirror It's it's like really.

Starting point is 00:57:25 And then you're in your head and you're like, you better get hard. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. Don't come. You better not come. Right. You know, yeah. But that's your relationship to sex that's fucked up. You know what I mean? Like your relationship to sex is like, I mean, not yours. All of ours is like.

Starting point is 00:57:43 But if you're with somebody and they have a soft dick and they're like, sorry, it's because I'm nervous as a woman, we're like, oh yeah, totally fine. I totally get that. But men are always like, it's not never. Do you know what you guys say? You go, doesn't this? I swear this never happens. And I'm like, great. So I'm a fat, ugly pig. See, and that's the thing. Women take it personal as if it has anything to do with you. And not the psychological. Maybe don't say that it's only happened with this one person and I won't think it personally. It has nothing to do with that it happened with you. It has to do with this is something, this is an anomaly. This doesn't happen. I'm so nervous and excited to be with you that it's fucking me up in my head. Yeah, which is a real thing.

Starting point is 00:58:18 Is an absolute real thing. And it's not a thing of like, oh, it happens because you're a fucking pig. It's like, no, it's happening because I'm into you and I want to impress you. And I put so much pressure on this moment. And now I'm fucked up and I'm sorry. But because a lot of guys don't have the ability to be in touch with their communication and their emotions, and they're so afraid of like being shamed and all this stuff, they're just like, oh, it's never happened before.

Starting point is 00:58:43 You know, like, yeah, if I totally agree with you, like the whole explaining and like, and then if you open up that valve of like emotion. Your heart is held in. Yeah, you can like get hard because you feel like your guard is down, you're accepted and in your head, you're like, what if I'm not good and this ruins it?

Starting point is 00:59:00 Like there's so much that goes on, but if you have that open communication, it can make it so much better, but it's tough on like a one night stand if you just meet someone to be able to like be in tune with yourself enough to express all that, you know? Yeah, I mean, I think it's so vulnerable to have sex

Starting point is 00:59:17 with someone. It really is. It's crazy. It really, really is. It's insane. Especially sober. Yeah. Sober sex is insane. Right. It's wild. How many people are like, I

Starting point is 00:59:29 haven't had sex sober since I was like 19. I always do this drunk. You know, wow. It makes sense to me why people say that. I mean, I have sex now, but it's totally I used to fuck. I went back to Buffalo with

Starting point is 00:59:41 Segura the other day and I was thinking about how many people in Buffalo. I fucked during three months I was there because I was blacked out the whole time. It was like the most, my body count was that, in that three months was way higher than any other time. Like all of the rest of my time, just because I was drinking and I was like,

Starting point is 00:59:56 absolutely, I mean the quota. I gotta meet my quota. And it was like, I just totally was like, that's what, this is what people do is they just like have sex. So I'll do it. Cause I fucked up. And it was like crazy. Like I can still,

Starting point is 01:00:11 I can montage their weird faces in my head. You know what I mean? I'm just being like, oh, I mean, being like, I guess I'm here. I'm so in touch with my feelings. Like I basically, like I can think of one time where I hooked up with someone where I wasn't like very like emotionally involved and it like haunted me.

Starting point is 01:00:31 And I was just like, this isn't for me. Like I'm a deeply sensitive person. Like I need to be fully connected. I know that's why it fucks me up when my therapist is like, like I know a lot of people will say this, say you go on a date with somebody and you're not into them because they're nice or something, he'll be like, you know, just go out with him again

Starting point is 01:00:50 and see how it goes. I'm like, buddy, that's like self-rape. Like I can't, I can't hook up with somebody or like see how it goes with somebody if I'm not emotionally connected with them. It's terrifying. Same, same, same, same, same, same, same. But I'm trying to learn, yeah, like about attraction,

Starting point is 01:01:03 like healthy attraction. And so I've been dating a lot. And like even I'm so to learn, yeah, like about attraction, like healthy attraction. And so I've been dating a lot. And like even I'm so shy in dating. It's like, it's so bizarre. This is a kid like talking in front of like thousands of people and then I'm so shy like in dating. Cause there's stakes. Dude, what was the thing you posted the other day

Starting point is 01:01:19 that was fucking killing you? Oh, that you like to be snuggled. What was it? Oh, I like cozy guys. Yeah. Oh, my God. She's just screaming at the camera. I want a cozy guy. It was so good. That was that could've made a lot of men mad. Really? Yeah. And I was like, I didn't see. How? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:01:41 I didn't say one bad thing about men in it. It wasn't there. what did they say? I'm a cozy. I'm I'm a cozy guy. They're just so mad. I don't know. I don't know. They just talk about my voice the whole time. Oh, so nothing to do about cozy was just your grading voice. I guess. I don't know. I was like screaming, you know, so it's really good.

Starting point is 01:02:03 Everybody needs to go. So good. But I never understand that. I'm'm like I'm not saying I didn't say when it's not rude to men it's really weird what gets people going and I think it's probably the I Don't know that is it the Chad culture the like anti-chad the incel culture where they're like, oh they just write like women aren't funny I'm like this. I don't think this joke is for you. Yeah. Like I think this is. It's objectively so funny. For women.

Starting point is 01:02:28 You screaming in your gravel voice that you want a cozy guy is objectively the funniest thing. Thank you. I want a cozy guy. And it's how every woman feels where they're like just like enough, enough with the pain. Yeah, but you're going on a lot of dates. Yeah, I am.

Starting point is 01:02:43 Forcing yourself. Yeah. Like get up and go do it. Yeah, because I realized I never really dated in my life. And I'm like, oh, I want to get married. I want to have a family. And so I guess I got to go do this because I just like didn't, since I've been in comedy, I haven't really dated.

Starting point is 01:02:57 I mean, I had some long-term relationships a little with comics. And then I was like, hmm, I don't think this is the direction I'm going to be going for the rest of my life. I don't think this is the direction I'm going to be going for the rest of my life. I don't think that's how I want to move forward. So I'm going on the dates. I know a girl who went on,

Starting point is 01:03:15 I think it was something like 40 hinge dates, like cranked it out like it was a job, part-time job and is now getting married. Oh yeah, I know. I think that's the way it is for everyone. So crazy. Yeah. Well, I'm worried about like dating

Starting point is 01:03:33 and then seeing someone and being like, let's just do this. Let's just get fucking married. Let's just jump into it. And then, cause it's like, I want the love that is like deep and intertwined and like, God, I fucking love this. But then I'm so afraid that I'll wake up from the fog of this infatuated love and be like, Oh, what am I doing?

Starting point is 01:03:55 Because that's not sustainable. Yeah. But then I guard myself and hold myself and don't let you see me and everything. And then I go, well, this person doesn't even really know who I am. So I can cut them loose. So I just don't know how to navigate to get to this thing that I want, which is ultimately like love and partnership. Yeah. I mean, I think this lifestyle we have makes it so that we're always like in and out and like I've had to, I've done a lot of therapy and I like have to get really real with myself and then I'm like, Oh oh I have to really put myself out there and

Starting point is 01:04:25 It's such an also a weird Thing to do like it's so weird. Yeah going on a day's when people do you eat or do you drink? I'll have a drink. I'll usually have a drink I I stopped doing dinner dates for the first date because I because like a lot of these men They're like trying to be polite and take you to dinner. And I'm like, let's just like, see if we vibe her so no one feels like they were whatever. Or they're like owed something because I bought you dinner. How many dates have you been on?

Starting point is 01:04:54 Um, well, I actually set a goal in 2023 to go on 30 dates, just to push myself. I didn't make it. I think I made it to like 14 or something. But I did eventually make to the 30 dates. Not all first dates. Like, yeah. But it's just all like, I've only had really good experiences. Like all the guys have been very nice men. So I'm just trying to now like,

Starting point is 01:05:18 That's great. Do you like FaceTime them first or anything? No, no. When they asked to FaceTime, I go, I'm like, bitch, I'm not putting on makeup to stay in my house. You know, even though my makeup takes me four minutes. Yeah. No, I'm just like, let's just. It's more like I'm not going to take makeup off. That takes longer.

Starting point is 01:05:34 Absolutely. So I'll just like go meet up for a drink. Some of them don't drink, which is totally fine. They're just like, whatever. They've all been good? I mean, it's not like there were connections. Autism? Any autism? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:05:50 I think I have autism, but... I've gone on autism. Really? I think I swiped yes to autism. I think you're autistic. You know, I've been hearing that a few times. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:01 I mean, everyone. It's like, I think we all have it. I realized I might have it because I, there was a couple noise things that happened where multiple people on the trip were like, what is wrong with you? Oh my God, like a song played while one girl was teaching yoga that was like,

Starting point is 01:06:16 oh, oh, oh, oh. And I started having a panic attack and I was like, I need to leave. And then today I was walking behind a guy and he had a Velcro thing attached to his backpack and I reached out, grabbed the end of it and was like, oh my God, and had to stop. And I was like, just because I wanted to feel

Starting point is 01:06:31 the feeling of it removing and I was like, am I actually autistic? I'm not. Yeah you are, yeah you are, you are. You've got some sort of- Extreme sensory issues. So I don't know if that just means I'm a highly sensitive person,

Starting point is 01:06:42 but like noise, texture, light, everything, smell. Yeah, I'm a big texture guy means I'm a highly sensitive person, but noise, texture, everything, smell. Yeah, I'm a big texture guy. I'm a big repeating guy. Same. Repeating to the point where I have to say it or if I hear a noise, I got to repeat it for a while or eye contact and I know what people are thinking and feeling. I feel like that's part of it though.

Starting point is 01:07:01 What? Like pattern recognition. I'm not racist. I'm autistic. But I don't know. I also don't want to like offend anyone. That's all shut up. Just say it. Whatever. Do you think that you think that I'm autistic because I'm safe mean things, but that's where you're coming from. Yeah. I think you're all- Oh, because you're like very blunt? Yeah. That's nihilism.

Starting point is 01:07:27 That's like, I don't care if I hurt you, because I'll clean it up later. That's like selfish. Oh. Not autism. Oh. You mean where I just say the things that I mean? So when you are mean, you know that you're being mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:39 Oh, okay. She really wants you to know that it's intentional and premeditated. Incredibly worse than being autistic. No. So you're know that's intentionally. We were. Yeah, no. So you're a malignant narcissist. More than autistic. I think. I've been giving you the benefit of the. Yeah, you're like my friend.

Starting point is 01:07:55 My friend has this whole thing. It's she doesn't mean it. I spend my night staying up and writing notes. It doesn't mean she doesn't know. That's OK. She can't help. You mean like when I say like like. Of slur or something like that. What I say, my.

Starting point is 01:08:11 Slurred, I say like. What do I say? I need an example. When I say my slurs, is it the slur? Is it one of my slurs? Like you're watching your programs at night. You know, not to talk during my slurs. I told somebody on the trip not to be Jewish and they were like, I was like, don watching your programs at night. You know not to talk during my slurs. I told somebody on the trip not to be Jewish

Starting point is 01:08:27 and they were like, I was like, don't be Jewy. And they were like, my trainer was like, she's a little autistic, don't listen to her. Yeah, like. But I knew that I was being offended. I just assume nobody's ever offended. I assume that if I offend anybody, I can just be like, just kidding.

Starting point is 01:08:42 Wait, what are you in your sibling order? You have siblings? I'm the baby. Okay. Yeah, so my um when where are you from? Upstate, Ithaca Keep asking your questions. I'll answer them. Yeah, cuz you're in love She is I am not I'm not you're right. I am not. I am not. You're right. I am not with you.

Starting point is 01:09:08 I really want to know why you think I'm autistic. I did this test. It said a little bit. Yeah. Is that a scotch? No, whenever I see the things in the checklist, I'm like, I have every single one, every single one. But I got to do like the full testing or whatever.

Starting point is 01:09:25 Oh, we should do that on Patreon. We should take a test to see an autism test or something. Just do an IQ test. You have to be smart a little. You have to be... See, that's the thing. Yeah. When you say stuff like that,

Starting point is 01:09:40 you are intentionally saying it to hurt me. And I give you the benefit of the doubt that you're just a moron, but you're a deeply mean person. Ethan's a little autistic, you're not autistic. Ethan's secretive, right? You have a little autism in there. I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. Yeah, you hear how he says those words?

Starting point is 01:09:57 I think that, yeah. I think I have a little bit like burn it down mentality, a little bit of like. You like to get your little needles? I think it's more, yeah, I think it's more like dissociative where you're like, I'm just gonna say exactly what I'm thinking and then I undissociate and I'm like oops.

Starting point is 01:10:18 Oops, sorry. How does that work? Can you usually get out of it pretty easily? Or does it ever haunt you? Yeah, oh sometimes it really gets me. But you've gotten out of it to the point where You are so used to getting out of it that you continue to do it I've gotten better. Mm-hmm, but I've gotten a lot of trouble for saying things. Mm-hmm. And then Yeah, I've had to clean up a lot of messes, but you're right. I've learned that I can clean up messes,

Starting point is 01:10:45 therefore I don't mind spilling. Yeah, well that's the thing about charisma. That's the main thing about charisma. But what about instead of going, I'm gonna be mean and then I'll just clean it up. Why don't you have a thing in you that goes, oh, maybe I shouldn't be mean? Good question, because I think it's funny.

Starting point is 01:11:03 I was just gonna say, because she enjoys it. Because it's funny. I was just gonna say cause she enjoys it. Cause it's funny to me. Look at his face. I wish that wasn't how I feel, but it is, it can be really funny. She's like, look, I'm having a great time. Suck it up, Ian. I'm enjoying myself.

Starting point is 01:11:18 You know what it also is? It's compulsive. Like if I keep something in that I'm thinking, I'll be like, don't say that, I'm saying it. I think that's a comedian thing. Yeah. You know, I really do. Like we're all like it's all we're all like a little bit compulsively honest compared to the rest of the world. Right. Yeah. Mm hmm. Oh, it's the comedian thing. You wouldn't get it.

Starting point is 01:11:40 Dan, she nailed your ass. Yeah, she gets off to be in a cunt. Ian, while she really made you a sucker. Also, I grew up a bully because I was so ugly. Yeah, I had to bully everybody. Yeah, but you're a beautiful person now and you're in your 30s. So grow out of it. You slore. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:11:59 Oh, so you're on the offensive. Her thing is whatever she's mean or anything. I was just a fat kid when I was younger. That's fine. It's I was a fat kid It's like just fat fucking all one sad and ugly pretty ugly. Yeah me too cunt What do you think this is? Yeah, but you went I was on my whole life you went I'm gonna people please the shit out of everybody my grandfather died. He said make sure people like you Okay, did why do you say that? Okay? So now who's leveraging their childhood in order to deal with their present.

Starting point is 01:12:30 Whose cock are you sucking lately? I gave me one of my watermelon gummies you bitch Wait, so you just came here for one day to go to a baby's birthday. You're such a good friend I am a good friend. That's really good. Yeah. No, I came here. I did some podcasts for my special and I went to SNL and then I'm going home in the morning. Very fast. How was SNL?

Starting point is 01:13:14 It was really fun. I never been, because I never come to New York. Had you ever done it? Have you ever been to it before? No, it was my first time. You just said that. Huh? Oh, I took it as you hadn't done it in a while.

Starting point is 01:13:27 No, I'd never been before. And I had a great time. It was actually really cool. Yeah, like sat in the audience. It was so fun. Oh, that's fun. Nate Bargatzi was hosting. It was really cool.

Starting point is 01:13:37 Wait, did they do the George Washington sketch? Yes. Talking about the words? Yes. That was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. Yeah, no, he was. Holy shit. It was really good. That was so fucking funny. Yeah, it was so fun to see live. Like, seeing, I don't know, when I see like live theater and stuff, which is very rarely, I'm a jock, I'm always amazed though because I mean to do like it's a couple hours like singing, dancing, acting, all of it live is amazing.

Starting point is 01:14:06 And just like seeing all the sets being moved and all this stuff, it was really cool. Yeah. That is cool. The sets were really cool. Yeah. I really want to go and see like a live episode sometime. Yeah, it was cool. Is that Bargatzee's second time?

Starting point is 01:14:16 I think so. Yeah. Crazy, right? Yeah, it was nuts. Yeah. It was super fun. Let's wrap this up. Why don't you tell everyone what you want them to put eyes on?

Starting point is 01:14:26 Oh, so you watch my special. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Plug her special, say its name. Yeah, plug your special, say its name. Yeah, it's Blair Sockies. Yeah, I love it if you watch my special live from the Big Dog. That's what it's called. It's on YouTube now, bitch. And I love it if you watch my special live from the big dog. That's what it's called. It's on YouTube now, bitch And I love it if you watch it. When did it drop?

Starting point is 01:14:51 August Was it out on Veeps first? It was on Veeps. I got it back. Oh interesting. Look who knows. Do you like it? Are you happy with it? I love it. I'm thrilled with it. Where did you film it? I filmed it at the bourbon room in LA. Nice. Yeah, it was really cool. Is that what that thing that I saw us from. Yes. Oh Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Yeah, it was really fun. I'm gonna watch it Also be in Austin on doing Vulcan November 7th Hell yeah, I hate Austin really. Yeah, I going to be in Tampa November 7th and 8th.

Starting point is 01:15:26 If it still exists. Shout out to everyone. There's a storm. Yeah. Big. Another big gang coming in. Fucking people, man. I know. Christ. Fucking heartbreaking.

Starting point is 01:15:38 Oh, that's the one that's also going to Puerto Rico. Yeah. Well, what can you do? It's literally a peninsula in the middle of the ocean. It's gonna keep getting hit until the end of time. I know, it's terrible. Those idiot's choose to live there. It's terrible.

Starting point is 01:15:53 If you live in Florida, what are you doing? Yeah, if you wear a dress out and you get raped, what are you doing? The hurricane, literally one is a moral choice and the other is a force majeure, whatever it's called. The hurricane clip sales in Florida? The hurricane clips that they used to secure their roofing on? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:13 They're insane. And I'm like why would you, why are you buying a house if they have hurricane clips that are that big? Yeah, but I'm still not going to blame them for having everything destroyed. It's sad, but it's time for that to get washed out to sea. It's time for, I think, the coast to get washed out to the sea, you know? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:31 Let the floods come. Take us. It's time. You're a first testament, us bitch. Yeah. Wow. I wouldn't mind it being rounded out. Now thank me for my fucking rib.

Starting point is 01:16:51 Well, you probably have less ribs because you have such big balls. I had a dream I was sucking my own dick last night. That crazy that you need help. I thought about you. What dreams you would have, and that's exactly what the dream I would imagine. That I've had that dream. Yeah, that was a lot. Yeah. And for some reason, all the dream I would imagine you having. That's also not the first time that I've had that dream. Yeah. Happens a lot. Yeah. And for some reason, all the dreams I have

Starting point is 01:17:08 where I can see my father again, we don't talk. The ones where I can fly, I never take off from the ground, but for dreams about sucking my own dick, boy, oh boy, is that vivid into the end. Wow. What's that about? What's that about? I think it's probably because your dick is hard

Starting point is 01:17:23 and you're having like a wet dream. Like if I came in and I was like, I'm your dad, you'd be like, oh, I'm talking to him. Or if I came in and, you know, I'm just saying you're probably stimulating. Right now he's really getting hard. Sorry for being your father. You wish.

Starting point is 01:17:39 You do wish. You do whores. Why? What would happen if you got a hard? You would be like this. Come on, come on, get good and hard. Come on Ian, get hard. We both want you to get hard. What would happen Ian?

Starting point is 01:17:57 What would happen to us? What luxury would we? Wish granted. Wish granted. Oh yay, yay. He's hard. Patreon.com slash BVN pod. Patreon.com slash Ian's nuts.

Starting point is 01:18:08 Punchup.live slash Ian finance for all my dates. Punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for all hers. Yeah. We love you. Thank you. See you next week. Bye. Love you.

Starting point is 01:18:16 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Starting point is 01:18:24 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. dot live slash Ian finance for all my dates punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all hers. Yeah, we love you. Thank you. See you next week.

Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep116: Yield Sign Women W/ Blair Socci

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