Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep127: Urban Legends W/ Brendan Sagalow , Mike Cannon , and Mike Feeney

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, come and see me on the road. This weekend I am in Hartford, Connecticut at the Hartford Funny Bone. Next weekend, Levity Live, West Nyack, New York. Weekend after that, Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut. And closing out the month at Zerikew's Funny Bone and Albany Funny Bone, January 31st to February 1st. Ianfinance.com. For everything, my special, wild, happy, and free, my dates, punchup.live slash IanFydance, again, on my mailing list, punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for hers.

Starting point is 00:00:31 Thank you so much, enjoy the episode. Happy New Year! I'm 40! ["I'm 40"] Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt

Starting point is 00:00:57 It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian, being Ian. With Jordan. 125 pounds. Any Twitch stream streams himself walking through through cities hitting on women and failing 100% of the time and it's and I don't know if he sentient like fully aware of what's happening I think he's actually going for it. It's one of the best streams out there

Starting point is 00:01:35 I know is he is he the guy that went up to the girls and was like, I'm 240 all natural no eight inch thick. Oh my wife just died. I'm alone We're not into is it that guy no, it's not that guy but that guy that's a that's a pretty strong is Is this recording are we starting starting soon? We are recording now. Hit the bell. A clingy clingy clingy cling. Happy New Year! Oh. Oh. Oh God. I hate the ooh. I know that's why I did it because I just disliked it. Dude, something's wrong with this. Or is it me? Good a good a good carpenter doesn't blame his tools. What a good Horner These had hoarder. I was like close

Starting point is 00:02:41 God it's like nails dude board. Should we just sit here in silence? I think I... Let's let this play out. I think I... Shut up, ears. I think I... Good one, mustache. Got him!

Starting point is 00:02:52 Damn, rip me again, hoodie. Yeah, shut up, huge cock. Guys! Enough! Enough! Enough. Take it easy, Consatis-Wire Woman! Oh, dude, this is, this is the beginning.

Starting point is 00:03:13 It sounds like Styrofoam being taken out of the box. Well, we need Jordan. This is... Oh! That's exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is. I want some sort of Brendan Eutland. Just cut him in half. You'll touch my least favorite thing. Oh, I what it is. Some sort of, Brandon, you like just kind of jolted me.

Starting point is 00:03:26 That's my least favorite thing. Oh, I hate it when someone touches Styrofoam. Yeah. When they go, whee! Oh. Oh. Oh. Every package.

Starting point is 00:03:34 It feels like somebody's filing the tip of my teeth. Like, when somebody does that. I'd rather that than touch Styrofoam. Do you get that? Every time I order. Like, do you get sense, feelings, like with nails on the chalkboard, similar shit? What is it? It's so drying. The foam. No, no,? Do you get sense? Like, do you get sense feelings like with nails on the chalkboard? Yes. What is it? I'm still trying.

Starting point is 00:03:46 The foam. No, no. But what is it on your body that kind of fucks up? Nails. It's this thing out of tune. I feel it in the back of my neck. Yeah. Keep it. You guys are good. Let me try.

Starting point is 00:03:58 This is the beginning of my children's book. The boy who lost the ability to play. To know not to jump into my van. I think it's this. Can everyone else but you try? I press your lips. I mean, I was never good at it. Yeah, I'm not going to put my lips on it. What is there you go?

Starting point is 00:04:21 There you go. I just needed the power of laughter. No one laughed. Well, you guys are laughing earlier. You weren't a part of that. Ten minutes ago and I am not in a good place. Maybe I need a coffee or something.

Starting point is 00:04:36 I really need a coffee. Are you doing a Red Bull? I got the Red Bull there. Didn't you have a coffee like 30 minutes before you went to bed? A large ice. You ever you ever do this? You ever wake up to go to the bathroom and then you can't go back to sleep?

Starting point is 00:04:51 Yeah. I went to bed early last night to do that. It's like the most obvious problem. Like here's something that's unique. I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this. Have to get up to pee. And then all of a sudden you can't fall right back asleep Is that what this is gonna be for sure? It's definitely like hyenas feeling the weakness in you yeah, oh I went to bed early last night yesterday. I woke up at

Starting point is 00:05:22 1135 in Panic thinking it was today. Oh my God, I slept through, everybody's here. And then today. You woke up calm as a cucumber at 11.45. Not worrying at all that we've been outside in frigid temperatures. The coldest day of the year by a lot.

Starting point is 00:05:38 I opened the door at 11.27. Is it the coldest day of the year? We were, by the way, Mike held down the buzzer for almost 30 seconds. To the point where they both gave me looks like he got it. You know, like, yeah, you got the point. He's up right now walking towards the door. Dude, I don't know what it was. Your bedroom is three feet from the buzzer.

Starting point is 00:05:59 I was in some sort of fugue state dreamland where... A bell was ringing? Oh, I'm just gonna say it. Yeah. Do you, first of all, do you guys ever have dreams about dead people? Like your dead relatives? Why are you speaking of the cadence

Starting point is 00:06:15 in like 60 minutes Andy Rooney? Like, we never have a dream. You know, it started well. You know, like that kid that had that stroke. You're also, again, saying things that are very of course, we've all had this shared experience. You ever wake up in the morning and just have a coffee? He's like, I do this weird thing where I brush my teeth.

Starting point is 00:06:38 I have had that dream. I thought the Christmas tree was going to be up. There's a fucking chocolate. Merry Christmas. I's the fucking chocolate. Merry Christmas. I got you all chocolate. It hurts. That's legitimately. If you shove this in your ass it wouldn't give.

Starting point is 00:06:54 It would absolutely stay intact. Oh my goodness. Jesus Christ. Do you have whatever just happened to Feeny trying to reach for that on camera? Because that was the least athletic thing I could ever get at. That was a cat on ice for the first time. I'll say this, I don't think I deserve the chocolate throw as much as these guys do. No, you're right, you're right.

Starting point is 00:07:13 This is literally like putting a cat onto a pond on ice and they were just like... It's so far back over there. Is it? Fuck, now it's gonna melt. This is frozen. I'm sorry. No, dude, this is legitimately hurt. This is like the carbon rod that Homer used to save the shuttle. Yeah. If you hit me in a time when the electricity is running through my heart,

Starting point is 00:07:31 you could have killed me, you asshole. Anyway, that a pacemaker bit? No, you didn't know that the electricity runs through your heart. And if you get hit at the exact time that it's running through, it'll stop your heart. What electricity? Even saying yes. But what do you mean? Like time that it's running through, it'll stop your heart. What electricity? Ethan's saying yes. But what do you mean?

Starting point is 00:07:46 Like it's not constantly running through? It's going like, mm, mm, mm. Oh, there's traffic. It's traffic. There's a traffic light, I see. How often? You're gonna feel so stupid for making fun of me ears.

Starting point is 00:07:54 Yeah, when somebody's traffic. You know what? Dude, when somebody just with a simple, like you know when you touch hands and you shock, they just touch my chest, we exchange molecules and I drop instantly. Well, rumor has it there was a kid that was playing football. Right. Yeah. And he got thrown and hit his chest right at that exact moment.

Starting point is 00:08:13 And he died instantly. That's crazy. Look it up. You know what happened to my my cousin similarly is one time she was at this crazy big foam party at this club, having the best time ever. She was just like, you know, I think like 1920 years old. And then she came outside and she looked down, in her leg, there was a needle and it said, congrats, you have HIV. Jesus.

Starting point is 00:08:32 That is such a, I said it because of how dumb his fucking story was. I know you did. I believed it. I was like, oh. I was like, I remember that from Family Guy Cutaway. That was one of those room. Everybody had a cousin that it happened to.

Starting point is 00:08:46 Our rumor was, did you hear that they were having anal sex on the couch? Yeah. The guy, the parents came on, the guy pulled out and then they blamed him. They got shit all over the carpet. So the dog, the dog to sleep. No, they like, yeah, the rumor is the dog, the dad takes the dog out back and shoots the dog. Did I tell dad takes the dog out back and shoots the dog Dude, I tell you the real dog asleep. I know you know, that's great. That was in my high school That was the rumor about a girl in our high school that just graduated that girl Ashley Biden

Starting point is 00:09:17 Wow kidding cuz she went to my high school. I'm sorry for her. Tell you what though I want to pay away my debt to you. Is that a chocolate coin? Yeah I'll tell you what though. I want to pay away my debt to you. Is that a chocolate coin? Yeah Sorry for hurting you. Thanks, Bob. I don't want your Between a coin and a de bloom. They always look for gold to blooms. What's a de bloom? I don't know Like is the just like massive difference in temperature from that cold to this clearly been in Ian's pocket for a while. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's actually a Jews worst nightmare is that is money that can melt. Sorry, I thought that was going to be good.

Starting point is 00:09:57 And then could say it. Not at all. Well, you know what? I was I've been talking about this on stage because like, you know, and someone someone said like, no, you're still Jewish. They're like, that's a rumor. One person said that. And then the other four thousand over my years. No, my dad is fucking full Jewish. And if you knew my dad, if you're if you looked at him, he's like,

Starting point is 00:10:19 it's so cold in here all the time. And it's like I came from that, dude, I'm Jewish. Anyway, I really thought that melting gold joke. I liked it. I laughed hard. Damn. You did not. I did. You didn't laugh until well after it was a late laugh replay.

Starting point is 00:10:37 Yeah. Run it back. I'd like to see it. Yeah. I laughed really hard. I didn't like the last one, but, you know, you're not going to get me. I'm not going to get me 100% of the time. You're not going to get the 100% of the time. I laughed also at the idea of your dad complaining about it being cold and looking at you and thinking you've never felt it being cold. You're always just like, it's hot in here.

Starting point is 00:10:55 Yeah, I'm like, it's so hot. I have mom's fat. I have mom's blubber. Anyway, what's up, Ian? So happy new year. Let's not pretend happy. December 23rd. I see Christmas decorations. How could it be? Before the episode that is a contentious laugh. I was that was on air.

Starting point is 00:11:18 Producer that tried to do his job but was shut down. He did his job. He took him down. No, I don't. Yeah, but I wanted him to be up. Why don't you have any new year stuff up? No that's, yeah. I wanted it to be Christmas time still,

Starting point is 00:11:32 cause it's December 23rd, and I really kinda like the tree. I was coming down here and looking at the tree and playing peanuts. Christmas time is here. What was the name of the kid who played piano? Linus with the blanket, right? But he didn't have the blanket. He doesn't have the blanket.

Starting point is 00:12:03 I thought the blanket, though, Linus was doing his own thing. No, the blanket rests on his lap like he's. I don't think they're the same kid, actually. Yeah, I don't. In my head, I can picture Linus dancing with the blanket. I also get confused and sometimes picture the dog muppet from Muppet Babies. He's the piano player. But kids, all I know is Pigpen.

Starting point is 00:12:26 Pigpen, Linus, Lucy, Chuck. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, Chuck. Were you about to say that was my parents nickname for me or something? Equally so. I thought that was going to go back to childhood for a second. Yeah. You know, my dad used to call me Dogboy because I was afraid of going outside in the dark to walk my dog as a nine year old. So he'd be like, come on, Dogboy. Parents go outside. afraid of going outside in the dark to walk my dog as a nine year old.

Starting point is 00:12:47 So he'd come to me like, come on, dog boy. Parents, well, you should like, you know, my my I used to I used to sleep in a cardboard box and only cheese and make my parents call me splinter because I love splinter. And the turtle now is a unique thing. Yeah. Yeah. You got to be like, really? That's I never brought that up because I thought everybody goes through that. Yeah, Splinter. They call me Splinter and I live in a box. Did you ask them to call you Splinter?

Starting point is 00:13:17 I would only respond to Splinter. And I did that with Peter Venkman. I did that with Ray, with Donatello. See, that's why kids shouldn't get gender reaffirming care. You would have turned into a rat at five if you had your way. To this day, if my parents didn't put a stop to it, I'd be down here going.

Starting point is 00:13:38 I mean, you still are. You and Jordan, now you just found a friend. Yeah. You guys, you really are like medical mice. You and Jordan. Yeah. What is the government experimenting on? They were initially mice, they got injected

Starting point is 00:13:53 with the I am legend serum and now they're podcasters. Yes. Oh, I wish you asked. I wish you asked even for one second because I would have been like, hey, I have a child. I don't want to go home smelling like a father that left. Oh. When I brought them down here, I swear to God, in my head,

Starting point is 00:14:14 I go, make sure you ask. I know. You haven't had your scrambled eggs and cigarette yet. I understand. No, but I lit the cigarette and I was going to say, say the I am legend serum, but it made us podcasters. What? I said that.

Starting point is 00:14:30 Who said it? You said it. What were you going to say? I was going to go. No, it was a WTF serum. Lock the gate! Yeah, you do. Lock the gate.

Starting point is 00:14:43 These guys aren't allowed to leave. Until I have one good riff. God, you're just going to keep it lit. You want me to put it away? Yeah, I'd love that. I would love that. Really? Yes.

Starting point is 00:14:55 It is your house, so you're able to do whatever you'd like, but I'm looking you in the eyes as a friend and being like, hey, as long as you keep it on fire for as long as you possibly possible. Smoke the whole thing as fast as you can. That's the same. He goes, okay, I'm putting it out. I'm putting it on out. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:15:12 I thought we all smoked them when we were down here last time. That was cool. The last time you asked us and we said no and you were pissed. I played fucking Keno all morning in a Massachusetts dark bar. Yeah, your kids will be like, finally, he's a man. What did you guys get your people for Christmas? Well, I don't have anyone.

Starting point is 00:15:32 You got it. You didn't get Ethan anything. I did. You got what I did. Oh, I got Starbucks gift card. We already did our Christmas episode. Oh, a Starbucks gift card. Probably. Hey, I'm sorry. It's OK. It's just becoming overwhelming. Really? Is it? Yeah. You're playing it Hey, I'm sorry. It's OK. It's just becoming overwhelming. Really? Is it? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:47 You're playing it up. I'm sorry. Honestly, which I didn't bring my coat down here. If you need to get your clothes in my newborn, I have some money for you. Thank you, pal. You too. Don't forget, you guys. Don't forget. Don't forget that melt. Don't forget.

Starting point is 00:16:06 We did you just throw chocolate over there? I flipped one. I flipped one as I had to tell. Do we know where it is? Yeah, it's right over there somewhere. Alright, because I don't want the chocolate to melt. What'd you get Ethan? I'm not sure we've done this before. You ready? You're like that kid when someone's like, I'm going to skate down the hill.

Starting point is 00:16:20 You throw a bag in front of there. Yeah, but then we film it too. I'm going to stick in my tires. Yeah, true. So dangerous. Hey, I tried to do it missing an ear. I tried to do it fast before you notice. You're missing an ear.

Starting point is 00:16:36 I know because he hit it off me. Oh, I did not. Physical violent moment. I can do it. Can you? I can't even can you not you could do it I could do it yeah level it just like this oh you freaked me out I have the time for Brendan fucking head and coin yips there you you go. You can do it. If you do this, I will smash this into my mouth. And make myself bleed.

Starting point is 00:17:08 And make myself bleed. By the way, this coin's gonna hit that camera. It's gonna chip my... It's gonna hit my tooth. I wish you guys could see what this looks... This hand looks like from my hand. It's purple. Yeah, I might fucking smack you.

Starting point is 00:17:24 Check this shit out, idiots. I... Dude, we thought... Yeah. Oh, no! Oh, I got Ethan a... Ethan, I'm hungry. Yeah. What'd you get, Ethan?

Starting point is 00:17:54 I got Ethan a stone cold Steve Austin. Like, what material would you say? Yeah, like a big like jersey. Cool. I'm surprised it wasn't like an extension on his fucking Final Cut Pro subscription. Here, this is for work. I got I got Jordan an incendiary shirt. Oh, that's cool. Did you get her half for every episode she shows up to? Well, the cool thing is she left it here. She left it. She left it here.

Starting point is 00:18:21 Can I have that? Yeah, actually, that'll show her. And I got my mom wanted a scarf, so I got her that. Nice. And I don't know if we're seeing each other. Oh, new development. Yeah, I am kind of not seeing a guy, but going on hanging out with a guy and I got him a candle.

Starting point is 00:18:46 Is it a guy guy or is it like a guy that dresses like a girl? No, it's a guy guy. Great, dude. But he's so gay. He's a gay guy. Yeah. Flamboyant. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:57 So it behaves for life. Identifiable. But we give each other shit all the time. It's really fun. Yeah, I bet you do. You fucking. Yeah. Give each other a gift on the tip of your rods. You're going to die early.

Starting point is 00:19:12 Shut up. You're a terrible father. I was on your side. You're all right. That's cool. What you get him, a candle. And because the other day he was like, nobody ever gets me Christmas gifts because he's like, God, I mean, what a fun. That is a gay man. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:34 That's the most passive, aggressive bullshit I've ever. Nobody ever gets me fucking Christmas. God, you're just standing there. Freshly fucking. Well, he like the other night, like he, he was with his friends and I said something and he was making fun of my Delaware accent. He's like, bad, bad, I can't take your Delaware accent. I was like, yeah, well, how do you think

Starting point is 00:19:54 I feel about your faggy lisp? And all his friends died laughing. That's great. That's awesome. That's great. Yeah, so like- Oh, this might work. We like rib-

Starting point is 00:20:04 Dude, we hung out and we played. We'd rip cigarettes all night, listen to Steely Dan and play WWE 2K24. That's such a fun game. I have that game. It was kind of fun. Every comics bit of like, I wish I was gay. We just we understand each other on a personal level. The first time you've been in a relationship with a man. I'm not in a relationship, but this is the first time I've ever seen a guy

Starting point is 00:20:27 more than just for sex. Like we went on a day date the other day. Wow. It was pronounced gay. Nice. This is my life now and are you just going to continue doing this? D-ride, D-ride. I don't know man. I'm happy for you man, it's Christmas. You went on a g'day big date?

Starting point is 00:20:50 Damn it, I tried to figure that out off my head for a while. Why, I met him at Prada. And he was like shh. Why were you in Prada? You thought it meant prod him. A guy. Prada guy. Again? Prada guy. This is going to be his life forever. In his butt. This is going to be his life guy, Prod a guy. Again? This is gonna be his life forever.

Starting point is 00:21:06 In his butt. This is gonna be his life forever, Mike, stop it. Sorry, sorry, you're right, you're right. This guy, this is gonna last. This is like a movie where like you realize. But if you're dating like a stereotypical homosexual man, don't you think he'll walk down in this basement and decide that it's just not for him?

Starting point is 00:21:24 He already was down here, sexual man, don't you think he'll walk down in this basement and decide that it's just not for him? He already was down here and he sent me a thing that was like tops when showing you their apartment. It was a Chinese woman that was a hoarder. And I go, I go, keep them, keep them. This guy's the best. Yeah, that's him on the best. I go, that's him on the show. I go, that's highly offensive. He goes, it's not about you, she doesn't have a cat. I was like, no.

Starting point is 00:21:50 I mean, this is gonna be. Not anymore. Dude, this is gonna be being Ian with boyfriend. That's gonna be the show. Is this a hard launch that you're saying this is gonna be? We're not together. Well, you are, and by the time this comes out, I'm sure you will be.

Starting point is 00:22:02 You're going on dates, you're exchanging Christmas presents. Christmas presents. I have all the power. This is. Not anymore. Patreon. I really like that. Doesn't have a cat anymore. And by the time this comes out, I'm sure you will be you going on dates your shading Christmas present Anymore patreon It took me a minute to chew on My own not funny horseship Feeny said the issues like it was the same except she didn't have a cat and feeding goes anymore And then And then I trampled upon anything he had that anybody possibly understanding that. Oh, that's funny.

Starting point is 00:22:29 I said it for the audience at home. I get it. Another lap around. I appreciate you coming back. I will watch when this comes out. You're going to see a lot of that of me just like throwing some. I've got power. I don't know. Am I gay or not?

Starting point is 00:22:43 Bag it. That's so true. I'm not even saying. But I'm happy for you, man. I think you should, you know, you shouldn't feel shame and come out with it, you know? Thanks. Well, I don't know. I don't think we're together. Be vulnerable. I think you, no matter what your relationship is, heterosexual or homosexual, you should feel moderate shame. Yeah. I agree with that.

Starting point is 00:23:02 Do you know you have the ears on when you say it. I honestly haven't felt them for a while and I just did this and I was like, oh, there's still there. Oh, that's very funny. This is a character I've committed to. I kind of like it. I might fucking roam Comic-Con and find my people. It's cool. Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

Starting point is 00:23:21 It does look good. Slight orc. Yeah. That looks good. Let me see what are you guys Harry Potter? That could be a thing for Harry Potter. I thought those glasses are nice Yeah, kind of look like Egon in the cartoon real Ghostbusters. Yeah, you could Egon it You could also be a college professor that just shows his best pupil. They're gay And then I'll be this guy Wow. Have you been studying, my boy? For a minute. Yeah. And then I'll be this guy.

Starting point is 00:23:49 Yep, this is how I eat them. Usually it's a vulture. Take all the meat off the bone. Yeah, I go. Mmm, crow. Brendan and Thanksgiving. Crow. Crow.

Starting point is 00:24:04 Yum, crow. This is a crow, this has gotta be a crow. Mmm and Thanksgiving. Crow. Crow. Yum, crow. This is a crow, this has gotta be a crow. Mm, crow. Or is this like a vulture or something? I think it is a vulture. My little raven. Hey everybody, you know me and you know I love Bluechew. It's the online service that'll give you

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Starting point is 00:25:27 If you want confidence to perform your best, discover your options at BlueChu.com. Does this work for women? Try it and find out. How come we don't eat other birds? We do. We do. We eat chicken, but we don't eat... Let them cook do. We do. Chicken. But we don't let him cook. Here comes owl.

Starting point is 00:25:51 People probably know who here has ever eaten an owl. I think owls are like if you started eating an owl, they're going to go from who to why. They're not very good. I Was gonna say they're gonna go from who to owl Man, I knew what I knew a kid on my street. We called him owl Johnny. He used to have an owl so fucked up He said what? Is I was so fucked up. It said what? It's every I wish.

Starting point is 00:26:26 No, I just made that. I wish you thought that. I was after our Johnny and gave us a choose your own adventure. What the punchline was going to be. I would have never learned to do an adventure. I would have never lived there. That's that was funny. No, but that's like it feels like like a part of his kind of rhythm is like,

Starting point is 00:26:42 I knew a guy on the street and he had three fingers. We call him Three Finger Johnny, you know? And then he's got a joke about it. That was funny. Stop, stop. What are you doing? I hate Christmas. Bah humbug.

Starting point is 00:26:56 You love Christmas. What did you get your girlfriend? What did you get your girlfriend, Brendan? I'm so happy you asked. Thank you. I feel like I gotta get a little medium gift because I got two. I got one.

Starting point is 00:27:07 I got her a pair of Nike dunks. Yeah. That are really nice. Nice. And I got her a pair of Ray-Bans. Did you customize them? No, I was just like, I went on Foot Locker and I was looking. This is the new thing though, and I love that you're doing it too, because I've bought my

Starting point is 00:27:22 wife sneakers for a long time. But it used to be like women bought their dude cologne to smell like the guy they want him to smell or dress the way they Want them to dress and now we're buying women's sneakers so they can look like the boy we want to fuck Interesting yeah, I bought her a bunch of stuff make her look Latino like a Latino name and a hoop earring look Latino, like a Latino, a teenager. Her name and a hoop earring. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:45 The gel that makes her hair go like this. Like baby squiggles. Yeah, baby squiggles. A brother that molested her. Is that a thing? Large Chicano families. And I got her a pair of Ray-Bans. So I feel like-

Starting point is 00:28:02 Oh wow. Wow. Spared no expense. Sacked Andy to to pod Patreon months one through three spent. They weren't that expensive. Actually, they were they were like a hundred bucks. I'm kidding. I just want everybody to know I'm still humble and I'm, you know, I am still a working man. You got what medium thing.

Starting point is 00:28:22 So I've gotten similarly like all the bulk presents out of the way. But now we also do stocking stuffers and shit like that, which is like a whole separate stress because you have to like make it. It almost means more because the stocking stuffers are the ones where you're like, this is that little thing you mentioned in March. Yeah, exactly. Those are for gift cards. Really? Yeah, I think so, too.

Starting point is 00:28:42 I'm taking it the exact opposite way where it's like this is this shows I care. The big stuff is about running lists throughout the year. Yeah, I try to. But, you know, no. Yeah. Yeah, I have I literally have a I have a I have a pin note in my thing. Nicole Xmas gift ideas.

Starting point is 00:28:59 And it has one from four years ago. It just says be a better man. Get engaged. from four years ago. They used to sell stocking stuffers with pre stuffed things. What's in it? That sucks. Yeah, that's garbage. It was like in the 50s, they would sell like a small, medium, large stock and it would be like little toys for the boy. And it was just like garbage shit. My son loves that shit, though. My son is a Asian woman hoarder.

Starting point is 00:29:32 Like he has every little knickknack he treats like it was smuggled through the Holocaust in somebody's asshole. Like he is it's the most important, precious item in the world. It's just a kid. Like they just love meaningless little knickknacks. Yeah. Yeah. Stocking suffers are just. Yeah, that's a kid thing. Oh, man, there is. What is this? This is like the thing from Aladdin when he's like setting up all the

Starting point is 00:30:02 you know, I'm talking about. Well, this is very cool. Shout out, and all the thing. And when he's like setting up all the you know what I'm talking about? Well, what's this? This is very cool. Shout out. And all this thing. And thank you. Yes. They made those for you. Yes. And you're fucking sick. Is this your teeth color? It's yellow and you would have ugly teeth if you smoked a lot.

Starting point is 00:30:19 That's so funny. That's you ever worn these? No, they're too nice. You should wear it. Yeah, you don't. You don't wear those. No, you don't wear these. I want something that's that's personal to you and that's cool. Yeah, and the box it comes in is very cool. Yeah, really makes you want to develop a fan base. Can you put it on top of the box where it's... I can't do that because my arm doesn't go that clenched. That doesn't go that clenched. Yeah, stocking stuffer. I mean. Do you feel that way too?

Starting point is 00:30:46 Because now the gift card thing is throwing me off a little bit. Well, this is what you do with a stocking stuffer. You put like little trinkets, maybe one thing that you're like, this might be a little expensive, and then a gift card. Got you. $20 gift card.

Starting point is 00:30:58 So are you like. More stockings are good for chocolates. That's what I mean. So my wife actually. They're little things. She set the table to be to make it actually like a reasonable exchange where she's like, no, the

Starting point is 00:31:07 stocking is like your favorite snacks, your favorite, whatever, like stuff like like if you need sneaker cleaner, a sneaker cleaner, that's like any kind of like whatever that could go hand in hand with the gifts. That's that's kind of the I got

Starting point is 00:31:20 her a for a stocking stuff for an Apple like a band of an I watch band. a stocking suffer an Apple like an band and I watch band. OK, nice. I think she's getting one for Christmas from her family. And I don't remember if she told me if she was getting that or AirPods. So I'm like, I don't know what it is, but I got her a black one. So then she's like, you know, I'm like, I'll wear it, which is a

Starting point is 00:31:42 good gift. That's cheap. Etsy is like a personalized air pod case. Oh, that's a good idea. Over the actual. Also not for nothing, but I also got Rockets tickets. Oh my God. Which are massively expensive and I've been to it. It's like, it's great to say, it's like one of those,

Starting point is 00:31:59 get your ticket stamped and then get the fuck out of there. And you did it. You went to the New York show. But you're in there and you're like, you're like, oh, 200. Yeah. 200 bucks. Nikki got her mom an iPad and she got it engraved on the back. Please help me.

Starting point is 00:32:17 I'm trapped here like it was like a child slave wrote it. Oh, hilarious. He's laser. Oh, that's funny. I thought she meant in the business. Yeah, that's how that's funny. Is that a ditty party or something? It's like I've done covered in oil. I've done really awful things.

Starting point is 00:32:35 I think I knew a guy who got a fortune cookie that said that. No, I got a fortune cookie. And when he opened it up, it said, I am trapped in a Chinese warehouse. Somebody help me. No way. You didn't know a guy that that happened with that's like, you definitely saw that. You definitely saw that. I know exactly the guy, but he's not call him reliable enough. Call him. All right.

Starting point is 00:32:59 What's his name? You don't think I will. Here, do you need a wife? Dean. It was Dean. Dean. Dean Ween? Just went for the first word that rhymed. That's his name. Now I don't know. There's a band, Ween, and Dean Ween is the... Dean?

Starting point is 00:33:15 Dean, yeah. That sucks on ice. Now he's got two numbers in here. Call them both. Just announce both. Just FaceTime. Or I'll call Robert Dean. Call Robert Dean.

Starting point is 00:33:24 Oh, is Robert Dean? No, it'll call Robert Dean. Call Robert Dean. Oh, is Robert Dean? No, it's not Robert Dean. When's it on speakerphone? It is on speaker. When's the last time you guys talked? He sent me a meme like two days ago and I was like, ha ha.

Starting point is 00:33:38 Dino. He's. Yo, Dean. Bro. Help, I'm trapped. You're on the B and E in podcast right now with Jordan, although not here. Did you were you the guy that I knew that had that open to fortune cookie once in the and the paper inside said, help me, I'm in a Chinese Chinese bakery. Yes, I'm in a Chinese bakery.

Starting point is 00:34:03 Yes, that's true. How long being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery. Yes. I'm in a Chinese bakery. Yes. That's true. How long being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery? Did you say that? So what do you do with it? I don't know my fridge for years and then I moved like twice and said, so I don't know where to put it on his fridge. Once you sense the person was dead, you threw it away. You didn't try to help at all. I don't know. it away You didn't try to help at all

Starting point is 00:34:27 No, you didn't try to help at all What would you have done really? How old were you Yeah, he's probably dead I I'm calling your bluff Dean this didn't happen I'm calling your bluff, Dean. This didn't happen. One hundred genuine. I might have a picture of it somewhere.

Starting point is 00:34:49 Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah. Send us a picture. Send the pic. Send us evidence. Yes. But this seems so ridiculous. And I just don't know. I feel like this is something someone has like said before. And then you've just. It's an urban legend.

Starting point is 00:35:01 Just been like, yeah, I think that happened. Nobody here believes you. Even I don't believe you I never saw Give us your parents number number will call your parents and you have to be before you talk to them Yeah, three-way call them. Yeah, let's call them. No, don't call. All right. Later, dude. See, I didn't even wait for goodbye. Who's that guy? You're that guy. His name is Dean. He's a friend.

Starting point is 00:35:39 He was an old like you went to my high school. We used to hang out. Oh, we would actually watch every Monday. And it's some of the best memories that I have, is going to his house every Monday to watch Raw for three hours and just get hammered with everybody. Like we'd all go there and just watch these. That's the most fun.

Starting point is 00:35:57 And just laugh at it. Yeah, I mean, no, when we were in college, first year. I'm glad you have all those positive memories of it, because I hope Dean goes back to just 15 seconds before you called him and when you're like, they sent me like a meme yesterday. He really shows what you feel about his fucking friendship. No, I don't feel that way about the friendship.

Starting point is 00:36:16 I feel that way about memes. Am I right, you guys? Yeah. You sent us one an hour ago. But that was funny. Oh, so Dean doesn't send funny memes. Dean's meme game, not very strong. Dean ain't good at a meme. Dean ain't memeing these days.

Starting point is 00:36:36 Dean's so bad at memes, he calls them eyes. You know what? You guys rang out the towel. You'll get in here. Not with that. Man, Dean doesn't sell me. Dean sends yous. Me's, yous.

Starting point is 00:36:55 That was his. No, I think I did it better than him. No, instead of me, it's eye. You said I. Yeah. But I's are a thing. Dean sucks. Dean's a liar.

Starting point is 00:37:11 Dean's a fucking liar. Dean's a fucking liar. That didn't happen. He didn't find the thing. He's a liar and he goes, I'm trapped in a Chinese bakery. He's such a fool. You know what's funny is that I never call him

Starting point is 00:37:25 So he must have thought someone was dead That's why I was saying when's the last time you talked to him because it's like such a jock if someone from my high school Dude called me right now. I'd be like, oh no Dog you're on a pod. You're probably unfamiliar with but I'm on quite a bit right on right now right now Let's play in the phone and whoever it lands on has to call someone they haven't taught you since high school. That's such a great idea, but I would never do that. Oh my, you just did! Oh I did it, I'm done. I did my thing. I paid my nickel.

Starting point is 00:37:58 Alright, the top time. I did not. I'm so glad that sentence ended at the end. You have to put an arrow on it or something. What does this mean? The top where the time goes. You have to call someone from high school. You can talk to. Right. Oh, God.

Starting point is 00:38:15 And would you throw it into something? I don't like this game. It's also like, could you have more shit? All right. All right. Spin the brass knuckle if where this lands this is worse I already did it why don't you phone spun better believable if it's if it's if it's uh or everybody pick a color orange one then it's Mike if it If it's pink, then it's Ian.

Starting point is 00:38:45 And what about you? Well, one landed on you, one landed on him. He meant Mike Heaney. Look at this. That's not at all. Salmon. You. We didn't agree to this.

Starting point is 00:38:55 Said pink Ian. This sucks. Fine. Just do it. It's your show. I don't want to do this. God damn it. It's like, I'm going to go on my phone.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Yeah. Fine. I'm done. I'm going to find someone. Wait, call them anyone from high school or someone we even talked to in years. Someone from high school you haven't talked to. You have to not have called them. You could have a meme relationship only.

Starting point is 00:39:15 I think we've established this could go so south. Yeah, you could call someone and they could be like their mom will pick up. And you're like, where's Greg? It's like, died. Nobody told you. That would be funny if I called someone from A.A. from Delaware. What I knew years ago. I thought they're probably dead.

Starting point is 00:39:31 Yeah, I think this might be tragic. Yeah. Yeah. None of what you said even has a little hilarity. Yeah. The number you have dialed is not not be. I made the name up. I don't know. I don't think you did. I think this name up. I don't know. I don't think you did. I don't know. I think this game sucks. I liked talking about even saying it sucks.

Starting point is 00:39:50 Yeah, he's risking the problem. Say it's the reason why it sucks is because of how much phone is involved. Exactly. If it was an easy, like we could go on the screen and then we can kind of pull it up. That'd be great. But so what did you got a candle for for B, let's go B. B for boyfriend. B for boyfriend. Let's call him R seems for retard.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Ryan, I mean, let's call him T for what I'm what cultural. What is this cultural makeup? Yes. Yes. Hispanic, largely. No, I think white. No, no black. Yes. Hispanic, largely. No. I think white. No. No. Black. Yes. And something else. As the on.

Starting point is 00:40:30 Yeah. And so a bit Asian. Asian. Offset. Wow. Nice. It's like a Michael. Yo. Got you. Nice. So you say when he's fucking you, you're like, yo. Michael. Oh, yo, Michael. Yo, Michael're like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo like my favorite fella.

Starting point is 00:41:09 I think I've gotten her similar sneakers to those before and just Brendan's whole outfit and tried to get her the same haircut. You put cat hair and food all over. Just put these gloves on. Shove these pillows up your hoodie. Here, take these pepperonis and put them on your knuckles. It's like Raggedy Ann's cheeks. It's so funny because after we're like, I got her supplemental stuff and then I realized that they're all like kind of the same gift.

Starting point is 00:41:36 Do you know what I mean? You ever do that where you're like, oh, I got sneakers and then I got her these slippers from Bombas. And then I got her this sick fleece and then I also got her this bubble vest that she wanted. And I'm like, feet, feet, jacket. It's like the same thing. I was like, God damn it. I just kind of got her redundant gifts. What are you supposed to do year after year after year after year?

Starting point is 00:41:56 I've been with this person since I was 10 years old. I've gotten her everything from a fucking turtle necklace to a child. Yeah. What can I possibly give her? What can I give her? Wow. That's cool, though. Bomba. Bomba is where it's at. Yeah, they're the best.

Starting point is 00:42:09 What's Bomba's? They'll like they're this sock company, but they'll do other shit. And they're apparently they're incredibly comfortable socks. And here's the kicker is that if you get a hole, it doesn't matter if it's a year from now or 10 years from now or even infinity years, if you get a hole in one of those socks, they will send you free socks. I didn't know that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:17 I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. kicker is that if you get a whole, it doesn't matter if it's a year from now or 10 years from now or even infinity years, if you get a hole in one of those socks, they will send you free socks.

Starting point is 00:42:28 I didn't know that. Yeah. Can you scam them? I mean, it is a scam essentially, right? Well, they're supposed to donate one to a homeless. No, because that's how little it costs to make socks. Everything else is a scam. Whenever you see a company doing that, you're like, so everybody could do that. But nobody is. And you're all just fucking ringing every cent you possibly can out of us. See, unless Bombas goes out of business, because that was like, that used to be a thing. There used to be this CD store called The Wall. You remember that place? And you pay extra

Starting point is 00:42:57 for the wall lifetime guarantee. You'd pay like an extra five bucks and then your CD is good forever. And I had those on every CD, I had like a hundred CDs and then they closed. And that was worthless. But that used to don't exist anymore. If socks were no longer. At the time, we never thought CDs were going anywhere. It was a wave of the future.

Starting point is 00:43:12 That used to piss me off because the sticker would sometimes get in the way of like a cool thing on the back of the album or something. Yeah, like the track listing. Like, come on, what's one through three? Yeah, in hindsight, we should have put it under the CD in the jewel case of where it went in the bottom corner cover. But even that sometimes they have a hidden cool picture in there.

Starting point is 00:43:30 Yeah, you're right. How about when they had I when bands had lyrics printed in the in the final sleeves? You're like that. You just saved me a lifetime of embarrassment for yelling the wrong lyrics out at concerts. Oh, yeah. I just like sitting there and reading it while you're getting it. Like things used to be more exciting. Yeah. Because it took like forever to get to you. Having the ephemeral like grabbing of a.

Starting point is 00:43:53 And we're also children. It took care. Yeah, but still even as an adult, I remember getting like CDs or like when I started getting into records and like pulling the sleeve out. But I think it's because it reminds you of being a child. I'm trying to think about this all the time now because like so many,

Starting point is 00:44:07 every generation is just like, it was just better when we were kids. And it's like, well, clearly there's just an emotional attachment to whatever it is you develop. I don't know. I think it really was better when we were kids. Because I think we were the last people that when you say that, it's it's like true and it's meant because I'm open to it. Because our killed childhood didn't have the cell phones till later. And that's what I think was like just that,

Starting point is 00:44:29 the freedom of going out kind of a thing. And then coming home and then going on the internet at a, you know, whatever. Also my, our generation's the last generation to have a childhood before 9-11. And I think that is incredibly important to development because everything after that was changed under the guise of safety, you know,

Starting point is 00:44:51 and like all this invasive shit and people, what are you laughing at? Cambridge Analytica. I'm just laughing at just the general energy of this moment. Of you giving a sincere post-9-11 raising children. I agree, raising children. I agree raising children. I agree with what you're saying.

Starting point is 00:45:07 I'm just laughing at the energy of this moment for funny people talking about what happened. Talking to a gay guy about how it is to raise kids post 9-11. You're wearing ears. I'm wearing fucking ears. It's hilarious. Brendan was also six when 9-11 happened,

Starting point is 00:45:25 so it wasn't... Yeah. That's what he did when they saw the building. I went, no! That's not what his perfectly preserved passport says. I'll tell you what though, one of the- I'm not a gay guy. I know, oh my God.

Starting point is 00:45:37 Oh brother. You did the podcast, it's fine. I mean, you're in a loving, committed relationship with a man. I'm sorry, oblation. I'm not in a committed relationship with a man. Allow yourself to be in a relationship. Be happy once. Did he get you something? These are I don't know. We're seeing each other tonight

Starting point is 00:45:51 Oh now if he let me know if you're in a relationship First off if he gets you a present secondly if he doesn't get you a present and it upsets you that means that you're First of all I'd be limited on a human level. I don't care if people get me gifts. I would be limited on a human level if I got somebody something and they were just after complaining and they delivered nothing. No, because you know what he'll, you know what gift he will have given me?

Starting point is 00:46:11 A loose throat. The upper hand. Job. I got you something, you didn't give me something, bitch. And that's a gift that's priceless. That you use in a relationship. Oh, am I the woman? No.

Starting point is 00:46:23 Oh, sorry, buddy. Keep that up there for a while. All right, bud. It was so I don't care. I got my blind spot. It got higher and higher. I got higher and higher. I got him and Jordan. I get people gifts.

Starting point is 00:46:38 I don't care if I get a gift in the same way. I mean, except when there is a when someone says I'm getting you a gift. Like if you say we're doing gifts and you don't do it, then there's a problem. But I also do like getting gifts for people. Yeah, I'm just giving. I'm kidding. I'm Johnny unrequited gifts. I get my friends. But also, like, you really got to put me in a bad spot being like nobody ever gets me

Starting point is 00:47:01 Christmas or birthday gifts because everybody thinks I already have everything. So they don't get me anything. And I'm like, oh, well now I have to. Right. You know. If I got you a carton of cigarettes for Christmas, that would be a great gift, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:17 Well, Ethan, pull them out. Oh, yeah. Oh, I would be so excited. Yeah. I thought you really did. I was, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. I thought you really did. Oh, wow. Ethan? Were you just in North Carolina?

Starting point is 00:47:27 Brendan has to go to therapy. Duty free. I got to go to therapy. Are you going to talk about this? No, he's free. I think we can end the show. If anything, I don't know. I don't think I have to leave, but if anything, I should talk about this in therapy.

Starting point is 00:47:37 Oh, God. I don't know. I don't know about that in therapy. Just that. Take off your rings before you get into me. I'm going to go to therapy. I'm going to go to therapy. I'm going to go to therapy. I'm going to go to therapy. I'm going to go to therapy. I'm going to go to therapy. I'm talk about this in therapy. Oh, God. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:47:45 Talk about that in therapy. Just that. You gotta take off your rings before you get intimate with a guy. No way. Before I get intimate with anyone, I take the rings. Really? I just say, I feel like. Oh, I see you leaving those on like Dante Nero. No, I but sometimes if I have too much salt, I can't take them off. So I have to walk around like this.

Starting point is 00:48:06 I'm getting ready to fuck. I'm getting my blood pressure to go down. This is my getting ready to fuck stance. I feel like it would be worse for a guy though, because with that grip. No, I think it's worse for a woman, because if you are fingering that woman, and you go in with a skull-

Starting point is 00:48:20 You don't wanna get a fucking deal. Silver rain stuck in you. You usually go straight to the mitts, like you don't leave a little bit out. Yeah, I go right in there. Yeah, you're going straight to the knuckles like you don't I don't leave a little bit out right in there Going like Howie Mandel putting on a condom and it's just closer in the 80s He used to kill with that. You guys should have, dude, if you had howie Mandel on the show, it'd be incredible.

Starting point is 00:48:54 I know he would never be able to cover all this. I remember one Howie Mandel bit and it's popped up like so many comics have done this bit. Even Ellen and not her most recent, but the one before that special did a version of it where it's like you're walking down the street and you trip and then you pretend to trip a few ones down to sound like it was on purpose.

Starting point is 00:49:15 Yeah, you start running to make it look like it was on purpose. So many comics are like, you ever just trip and you pretend it's just like part of your rhythm of walking? Right, people need to do research. They need to know their history. That's right. I love that. Ellen, but it was always a fun thing. She goes, how we bet she goes, you started you start telling people like,

Starting point is 00:49:33 hey, what a shout. There's a crack right there. Oh, yeah. It was a how we bet first. Well, she made it famous. Hmm. Hey, everybody, let's end the show. What do you say? Nope. I've had such a good time. This has been fun for me. Yeah, I'm ready to keep going. Yeah, tons of fun. How long have we been doing?

Starting point is 00:49:54 Like 30 minutes. I think. No, we didn't start. We're at 50 minutes now. 50 something. Yeah. Mike, what do you have to plug? You know what? Just the new year, the new me, Mike Cannon, comedy dot com. I'm starting a podcast with Andy Haynes coming out in February. So be on the lookout for that. Oh, that's so fun. And I love Andy.

Starting point is 00:50:13 Yeah, two, two, two, two fellas, two dads. But that's not going to be the premise. But it's called two liberal queer dads. I've already tried that and it's failed. Did you? What? A dad thing? Yeah. I mean, I that and it's failed. No. Did you? What, a dad thing? I mean, I did like a limited dad thing on YouTube that certainly got less eyes

Starting point is 00:50:30 than almost anything I've ever done. I mean, everything that I do gets less and less. It's like, everybody's just, you know, we're just trying to make it. Maybe you should try to give you a hint. We're just trying to let you know that it's about that time. Just fade off into the cornfields.

Starting point is 00:50:47 I watched it. Thanks, buddy. But yeah, mikecattacomedy.com for all road dates. People are still coming out to that. People are still coming out to that. When's this coming out? Feeny, do you have anything better? I am Mike Feeny on social media. come out. Do you have anything better?

Starting point is 00:51:08 I am Mike Feeney on social media comedy. Like Feeney comedy dot com. In I'm doing Soul Joles in January. If you ever want to see Mike or I, I guarantee we're both within two weeks of each other. Just look at whenever I'm there and then likely 48 hours before or after. Yeah, I also dip in from the same well. Yeah, one of us getting fucked. Right. Couldn't possibly go because then the other person can go, hey, oh,

Starting point is 00:51:38 she needs coming next week. Make sure you go and see. Make sure you spend an arm and a leg again. What are you there? Six days. I couldn't tell you January something. Eleventh, maybe seventh. That's what you got to do. You got to go.

Starting point is 00:51:49 You're going to go. Oh, I'll plug you in. We'll see if that works. We'll see if that works. Go see both of us. Soldiers two weeks apart. And then I got a bunch of other dates. Mike Feeney comedy dot com. Punch up dot live slash Mike Feeney.

Starting point is 00:52:03 Oh, yeah. Yes, said daddy to pod, you know what it is. Go see Mike Cannon. What happened to you in the last, are you worried about making it to therapy on time? No, no, I'm going to make it. I'm just trying to think of my dates. Because your whole vibe has shifted into like, now you have not only the haircut, but the attitude of Bubba Sparks. Don't you tell me.

Starting point is 00:52:24 And you look like he's coming home. What it do? What it do? So what up, Shoudy? I'm Paul Wall. Oh yeah, true. Paul Wall is the ice man. Paul Wall. I'm going to be in Vancouver. And those dates are... Cooving it up.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Cooving it up in Vancouver. January 2nd to the 4th, doing five shows. Tickets are available at BrendanSagalow.com. You better believe it. Yeah, been there buddy. Yeah. Yeah, right, I know. Look, please.

Starting point is 00:52:57 Please. Come out now. Anytime a club's like, you wanna do five shows? Brand new market and it's in three weeks. Yeah. Right after the new year when no one wants to spend money. do five shows and brand new market and it's in three weeks. Right. Right after the year when no one wants to spend money when you sell out. Yeah, the base is fine.

Starting point is 00:53:16 Yeah, I can't wait to try to sell out a bonus that you couldn't possibly reach by the time you're here. Yeah, really good. Merry Christmas. Are you a comedian that should be doing theaters? Well, what about doing five shows? Right. It's about dipping your toe in the market and then coming back and doing a big old cannonball splash. Yeah. Plus, I have a bunch of people that are like, you're coming to that group.

Starting point is 00:53:34 You're going to you're going to really you're going to coo it up, dude. I'm going to move it up over there. You're going to have a blast. It's a sick city, too. It's really nice. And that club is very, very nice. The House of Comedy. Yeah. People there are cool as shit.

Starting point is 00:53:44 Oh, awesome. Love that. You'll have a good time. Yes. Uh, hi everybody. December 31st, two shows, New Year's Eve, my 40th birthday, Providence, Rhode Island, Comedy Connection. Come on out. And then, uh, I'm going to be at the Hartford, Funny Bone, Levity Live, Comics Roadhouse, Syracuse, Funny Bone, Albany, Funny Bone, Bananas, Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, Portland, Oregon are gonna be at Helium, Skyline Comedy Club, Raleigh Improv, Wise Guys Vegas. So like guys, come on out, I got a ton of stuff.

Starting point is 00:54:17 IanFydance.com for all my dates, special, podcasts, everything, PunchUp.livelive slash Ian Fydans. I get on my mailing list, see when I'm coming to your town while happy and free is the special and patreon.com slash beanie and pod. And we will see you next week. I think this is a perfect way to end it. Dean just texted me and he go,

Starting point is 00:54:37 dude, I thought someone died. Hahahaha!

Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep127: Urban Legends W/ Brendan Sagalow , Mike Cannon , and Mike Feeney

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