Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian with Jordan Episode 023 "Stavvy's Multiverse" W/ Stavros Halkias

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Things get weird in the Den this week as the incredible Stavros Halkias joins the fun! They get into Ian as a silent movie star, their disgust of birds, and Stav weaponizes donuts. Thanks for listening ! Visit http://babbel.com/SKA for up to 55% off learning a new language. Sub to the Patreon for goodies! https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ Follow Stavros Halkias : https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2/ Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by : Jordan Hayman Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian

Being Ian And life is. When you're being Ian. Being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian. Being Ian. With Jordan.

Don't blow the shofar. That's how we start the show. Dickhead. That's the blowing of the shofar to start. Are we going? Is it going? Yeah, we're going. Nice.

We have begun. Do Jews get mad that you blow the shofar? No. Why would they? Because it's their thing. No. We would they? Because isn't that their thing? No. We accept all cultures here. You're Greek.

He's Jewish now. I'm Jewish now. What do you mean? He took a 23 and be like, hey. 23 May Ashkenazi. That's not. Hello. That doesn't work that way. Yeah, it does.

It's matrilineal. It goes to your fucking mom. Yeah, and it's on my mother's side, dick. Is your mom Jewish? No, but my great-grandparents are on my mother's side in dick. Is your mom Jewish? No, but my great grandparents are on my mother's side in Italy. You had Italian Jews? Italian Jews, they mixed.

No. Dickhead. And also, even if I wasn't, blowing the shofar is fine because it's celebrating culture. I don't know what it means. We read out of a Native American prayer book. You read out of a Native American prayer book. No, I don't read out of shit, dude. It's beautiful.

I love Native American religion. What does a shofar mean? Do you know? If you're fucking... A shofar is a goat's horn. But what is it like? Well, it was blown as the start of... Jordy, you were raised Jewish.

No, no, no. No, no, no. Hold on. Stop. Oh, what? You want him to finish about the shofar? I want to learn about the shofar. No, no, no. No, no, no. Hold on. Stop. Oh, what? You want him to finish about the shofar? I want to learn about the shofar. Okay, all right.

I want to see what he knows about the shofar. Well, can you Google it? You know. Dude, also, 23andMe is fake. I've been to Yom Kippur's. I've been involved. Who's Yom Kippur? Quit screaming.

You're right. My buddy buddy whose wedding I just went to okay roommate with for like fucking 16 years I used to go to his family's Shabbats and they would have me blow the shavar okay do you ever see black ladies

on the train and they're always like this with their eyebrows up you ever notice that yeah no matter what is going on yeah that's your attitude right now. Just like. That's the way you're talking. Do like this. Alarmed.

It's not even alarmed. It's judgy. It's just like. Oh, judgmental. Waiting to be upset. I don't think Ian's being judgmental. I think he's being defensive. That's what I mean.

Defensive. That's what I'm trying to say. I don't think those ladies are defensive. They're like this. Those ladies are. Don't care about you at all. Because. They don't care.

Ian cares about what everyone thinks. But they're caring about something in their head. I don't have time for that foolishness. Now you're just trying to steal Jewish and black lady culture. No. Your whole life is foolishness. Look how you look. I enjoy it.

The other day we had a serious conversation. You look like Bill Murray. What about Bob? They got stung by bees. Nice, man. Was it worth it? Look at his eyes. His pupils get wider.

I wrote that earlier today. Anyway, I'm happy to be here on Bee and Ian. On Bee and Ian with Jordan. Do you think that we should change the name to Me and Ian? Well, now that makes you... It makes it sound like it's your show first and foremost. Well, but I would just say if it was called me

and Ian, first of all, it's a bad name. And that's our tag, Bad Name Good Pod. That's not how fucking marketing or like branding works. No, we tell people it's bad. We tell them. It's like McGooby's Joke them. Yeah, that's our thing.

It's like McGooby's Joke House. They swear it was a joke. Like, wouldn't it be funny if we named our club a stupid name? And it is, but everyone think, they don't think you're in on the joke. They don't know. No, we're in on the joke. We know it's bad. Oh, our name?

Beanie. Beanie and with Jordan. The problem is you go to a show and they're like, what do you want me to say? Yeah. And you say, can you say Beanie? And then they're like, Beanie? Beanie. Beanie and with Jordan. The problem is you go to a show and they're like, what do you want me to say? Yeah. And you say, can you say Beanie? And then they're like, Beanie? Beanie. And I'm like, no, like being Ian.

And they're like, Beanie? I feel with my last name, finance. You mean finance? No, finance. Not the same thing. That was not a choice. Finance? That was not a choice.

That's a good point. Right. Well, should we rebrand it to spider brain? Yeah, we were thinking spider brains. That sucks worse. Wait, I had a name the other day. Comptown. That's good.

You should do that. That would be so funny. Oh my God. Jizz Village. There you go. Now we're talking. Yeah, and you know what? We will give you a writer's cut.

Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. It just was me and Ellis all day. We just go back and forth to each other. And that's what it is because it gets stuck in your brain. Yeah.

The theme song. Have you heard it? No. Your little trump hand. Let me guess. It's a gay ska song? No, that's another song that we had done. But Wesley Schultz, my buddy from the Lumineers, did the theme song.

It is interesting that you've stated the guy's yurt, correct? Yeah, a couple times. He has a yurt. He's my guy, man. I've always wanted to be here. He's a shit. He would let us go up. Retreat to the yurt. He's my guy, man. I've always wanted to be a yurt. He's a shit. He would let us go up. Retreat to the yurt.

Okay. Just inviting eight people to this fucking guy. No. You come. I mean, I do want to come, but like- Yeah, there it is. You need advice. You need like this guy-

Pintron.com slash B&E and pod. $15 tier. You're staying at the yurt. Let's go. Just leveraging this tenuous friendship you have with the guy from the Lumineers who did you one favor. Yeah. We talk all the time. If you look at my posts, he does a lot of laugh cry emojis.

Really? Yeah, dude. That's a big deal. The laugh cry emoji. Who is he in the Lumineers? What does he do? Is he the clapper? The singer.

Is he the guy who claps? He's the cleaner. Yes. He's the guy who clapped he's the guy goes hey he's the singer damn dude i have a question have you heard the song how did you meet i haven't my mom says the theme song is way too long and everybody has to skip the class i'm sorry i just wanted to bring it up in a way guess what bitch it's That was a plural. For both. All of them. What was the plural? So we've discussed doing the show in seasons. The first season, 50 episodes.

And the next season, we get a new intro, new theme song. And guess what? How many episodes have you done? About 121. 121. 121. Okay. For 121, we're not over here. So over...

Okay, okay. So you. So, okay. Okay. So you're like. Yeah. In 20 weeks. Yeah. We'll change the theme song. And we'll get a band that we like to do the theme song and we'll make a new intro and that'll be like the thing.

And then we'll, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah. Our favorite band. You can still shorten it a little bit. Stop. Our favorite. Yeah.

When it's in my control. The next time it's in my control. Yeah. Oh, it should be Jordan's choice. Yeah. Yeah. Incendiary. You just told me what I want. I question at the end.

Incendiary? Yeah, maybe. What's incendiary? It's a hardcore band that we love. Welcome to B.E.L. That's really cool. That's really cool. I love the shofar.

Yeah, let's have all different identities. Each time you blow the shofar, it's like a multiverse. Oh, I love Jewish shit. What do you guys feel about these donuts? No, you are such a bad man. Because we're all sugar right now. Hold on. Give me something in my mouth.

Put your dick in my mouth. No, no. Listen, this whole cutting sugar thing has been harder than anything I've ever done. Well, the podcast has gotten a lot hotter. Alright, stop. Eat your sugar. I'm done, guys. You piece of shit!

How dare you! How dare you! Tell me what it tastes like. Breathe it in my mouth me believing you and then see you going I took the blanket down a second later so what I saw was this this is hard though

are you gonna break on on Christmas we get... What's the rule? Tell me the rule. On a holiday or a vacation, Tuesday, Thursdays. No. What's the rule?

On a holiday, we're allowed to have, like, a dessert. A dessert. No gorging on candy. No down with the sickness. And then New Year's Eve, my birthday. candy. No down with the sickness. Yeah. And then New Year's Eve, my birthday. Then we go down with the sickness. Because if we, if you, what happens is if you break the sugar thing, even me, I had a, I had a vitamin C chewable today and I looked and I was like, there's a little sugar

in this. And I was like, could I eat now a full sack of bulk candy? Yes. Because I have a broken. Are you going to start hooking up with fat guys and ask them to piss in your mouth? I could. So you get that diabetic... No, they come in the mouth.

Diabetic. You got to go to the bathroom, brother. Hey, I'm all sugar too. Honestly, my piss for a little while was coming out like a sweet dessert. And I was just like, I was like, if you dipped a scone in that,

I would eat it. It was like the smell coming off it. And I was like, damn, I got to get serious. That is crazy. Well, that's diabetes. I don't have it. I'm good.

Come on. What are you doing? He's going to do it. You're going to fucking smoke? We're in a fucking basement with no windows? Yes. And guess what? Guess what?

Guess what? It's not going to be a lot. I'm only going to smoke two today during the episode. This is... You are being a horrible host. He always smokes. Fucking hot boxing. You think your guests, listen, we're good friends, whatever.

You're being rude to me is fine. It's par for the course. No, every guest. I'm rude to you as well. If the incendiary guy's on here, he'll smoke. It's crazy that you'd have people over and you're like, thank you so much for doing the pike, and then you just smoke inside like it's the 40s.

I will say, can I say one thing? As a smoker, I've talked about this to my late father who's dead from cigarettes he doesn't and good riddance by the way he doesn't have hilarious when you're a smoker you don't realize how offensive it is. Don't say doesn't. Didn't. Didn't? Realize. You said my dad, who died from smoking, doesn't. He's charging you on the tense. Is this the card you're laying down right now? That's the card you're going to lay down?

I'm doing whatever I can to distract from me about to smoke. Here's the thing. You're being a rude bitch, but go ahead. Here's... I'll own it. Yeah. We need to get a pull, an air pull, you know what I mean, out the window that will make too much noise for the cameras. There's a box fan that you could literally plug in

and blow this way. What Ian needs is like a fucking scuba suit. This kitten has grown such claws. Wait a minute. What? You need fucking scuba suit. This kitten has grown such claws. Wait a minute. What? You need a scuba suit and you just sit in the cigarette smoke. I have an air filter.

What if we get a tube going out the window and every time a snooze. What is that called? Snorkel. When you smoke weed. Remember you snorkeled and you put. Spoof. Gas mask. We need a spoof. If you did a spoof like a gentleman, I would respect you.

But you're not going to. I'll fucking spoof. Let's spoof. That's easy. I'll spoof. We're going to spoof If you did a spoof like a gentleman I would respect you But you're not going to I'll fucking spoof Let's spoof That's easy I'll spoof We're gonna spoof I'll make the spoof Okay I'll make the spoof

No we don't You're not gonna MacGyver right now Okay Just sit Stop That's all I wanna do is MacGyver Stop I know when it's in your fucking worm brain

That you have to do that But we're not Why don't you guys start like planning your lives and shit together We're on the same diet We've always been friends but Something happened and now you guys are like best friends Because every time I say I'm gonna do something Like if I'm like I'm not gonna do X, Y, or Z

He goes me neither I'm also not gonna do it Well because it's support. It is support. So pick up smoking and quit smoking. But the lumineers, like I'm going out to my yurt. Me too. You know what I mean?

You have a little bit of a, I'm going to, let's go. I've always owned siblings. Yeah. I'm an only child. And you're like my brother. But you were feeling chubby from the sugar. I was feeling so fat. Yeah.

And I would say. Don't you feel not fat anymore? I do feel good. It's good. A lot. I was like, you're a fat fucking pig. Look at you in hotels. Candy on the pillow.

Candy on the pillow. Scoop. Fall asleep. Wake up. Candy on my body. I will say. Sounds like a pretty good time. I don't see the issue here.

I will say that also comedy is surrounded as much as it is alcohol with candy. For every green room, candy. Every hotel, some fucking candy room. When I was just with Louie, there was a vault key card into a... You could open it like a valve. Yeah, a vault. I think I stayed there. What was the hotel? The Four Seasons. I think I stayed there. What was the hotel?

The Four Seasons. I did not stay there. It was insane. I stayed somewhere else with a shitty candy vault. That's interesting. Damn, the Four Seasons, huh? Was there like a butler? Yeah, he's fully back.

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I got room service in the big cart with the big, you know what I mean? It was nuts. And we took a private jet. What? I know. I've never done that i hate private jets do suck they are like wildly bad for the fucking environment are they really

like cruise ships oh i didn't know that so bad yeah really because they i don't fucking know i didn't even you know yeah but it seems to make sense the way you're responding right now is the way I respond when you ask me what a shofar does. What do you mean? When you're like, tell me about it. I don't want to. Just look it up. I want to look it up. Yeah.

Private jets are really bad. Private jets are bad. I know cruise ships are bad. Cruise ships are bad. At least private jet, I get it. It rules. It's like bullshit. It's fucking awesome.

Cruise ships suck. Cruise ships is hell. Have you ever gone on one? No. Neither have I. They look horrible, dude. You're trapped. Same people over and over again.

Same people over and over. Fucking same thing over and over. Mixed in with moving and water. Yeah. I'm not a cruise ship guy, and I get sick on the boat, too. Holy shit. Have you ever gone on a cruise ship? It emits 14 times more CO2

than a flight by a commercial airliner. That's what I'm saying. How? It's tiny. I don't fucking know. That's bizarre. Yeah, just get first class. Delta One.

Delta One is next level shit, dude. Next level. I had an overnight, like a red eye, and I was like, fuck it, I'm splurging. You guys are gonna do it.

I slept like a fucking, I took like, you know, some edibles, some Xanax. I was out like a fucking it. I'm splurging. I'm going to do it. I slept like a fucking, I took like, you know, some edibles, some Xanax. I was out like a fucking light. The second, relax. I don't want you to get hurt. You don't want me to get hurt.

Xanax rules. Dude, you got to watch it. I had half a fucking Xanax, motherfucker. I'll be all right. But I slept like a fucking baby. It was awesome. But how much more expensive is it? Because when I've looked at it, it's like a grand.

Is that about right? Yeah. I've gotten one upgrade. Sometimes two. Delta one. Oh, that's awesome. That's amazing. It was a gift from the Lord.

Yeah. And my trip to Mexico, I thought was going to be Delta one. So I got first class and I paid on a payment plan, but for like a week it only paid the insurance on a payment plan, so I was paying $11 a month for like... Wait, you went on a payment plan for a vacation?

For a seat. That is white trash. Not for a vacation. He bought the vacation. That's one of the most white trash things of all time. No shit. For a seat. I wrote first class. I'm going to be paying it till I'm dead. Were you trying to impress the girl you were dating?

No girl. Dating myself. No girl. You're going by yourself. I had back issues, so I have to lay down or get up throughout the flight and walk. So I was like, all right, I'm going to lay down. It's a fucking six hour flight, whatever. Turns out Aero Mexico does not have lay down seats.

They have regular seats. I made it work, but I egg on my face. I messed up, but I'm paying it off. He looks great. Still paying it off. Yeah. For the next six months. God damn.

Patreon.com slash bikini and bike. Come on, guys. What were you doing? What was the vacation like? Went to Mexico for a wedding. Oh, dude. Patreon.com slash BDM bot. Come on, guys. What were you doing? What was the vacation like? Went to Mexico for a wedding. Oh, for a wedding. It was great. Oh, you just went?

Yeah. Yeah, don't I look tan? Not really. You look exactly the same. You do. It is weird. No. Do you wear sunscreen?

No. Oh. I like to get leathery. We went ATVing. My buddies flipped 360 nose over tail ATV. Damn. Totally fine. Walked away.

Later in the trip, couldn't turn their neck. Wow. Yeah, that's just aging. That's what that is, where you do something and you're like, I feel good. Whiplash. Whiplash, yeah. How's she doing now, or how are they doing? We don't talk.

No, I talked to the one guy last night he's fine The other guy I haven't checked up with Did you give a speech No You were fucking shaking I have to give a roast at a wedding Ian's hand was fucking Trembling

It's not about me Yeah that's what you were thinking You were holding court at your own table, I'm sure. And they were like, we want to hear the bride's speech. And you're like, yeah, no, listen to me. And I was like, five more minutes. I did, well, the dessert sugar thing. I think we said it before, but I texted Jordan.

I go, I'm at a wedding. I was like, it's okay if you have cake. Whatever you do, don't do the, you know. Crazy, like, yank, yank, yank, yank. And he was like, i've been going around from to every table to people who have finished their desserts and eating the rest of their i brought my own spoon it was top of dinner and there was just like your own there was because there was long tables three desserts at each table and i went out to smoke the desserts were back and people

gotten up to like go dance and socialize so i took a spoon and went and ate i've done it i've done it of the other day at steve's memorial steve at the cellar that guy who passed away they had a big cake and liz caught me taking the massive knife and scraping where the cake was for frosting and licking it off the knife you licked it straight off the knife yeah and i turned absolutely respect j the knife. Yeah, and I turned and Liz was like, Jordan, no. It's a fucking funeral, dude. Yeah, it was insane. It's a funeral, man.

It was insane. This is why I have to quit sugar. It's bad. Are you insane? You did that? I don't feel good about it. I don't feel good about it. Whiting is like fun and cheeky,

but the guy is like, people are crying. People are crying. And you're licking icing off a knife. He has a payment plan for a first class seat. I know, he's dumb too. He's stupider than you, but you have less emotional intelligence. I'm incredibly emotionally intelligent and regular intelligent.

No. Moving on. That second one, not at all. No, we don't have regular intelligence. You don't understand. What don't we understand? I ain't scared of you motherfuckers. Okay.

You don't understand. I'm big boned. I'm motherfuckers. Okay. You don't understand. I'm big boned. I'm long legged. Okay. How do you think quoting Bernie Mac is going to get you out of this? Because it'll take something off in your head and we'll move on. You were definitely a bad student. It's all right.

It's not like cool to be. I'm definitely what? You were not a good student. It's fine. I had to work really hard. Like go after class, extra homework. I had to work really hard. Go after class, extra homework. I had to work hard to be smart. You know what I had to do to stay in school?

We unveiled Unstops podcast. Honestly, Jordan might have gotten more molested than you, Ian. Which I was not expecting. You read wildly molested. And she doesn't. Well, you know what's funny about that? First episode we did together. Oh, but... Well, you know what's funny about that? What's that? First episode we did together.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. First episode we did together, I, like, said something like, Oh, yeah, and then you'd have to take your dick out and did it. And Ian got, like, this thousand-mile stare. I mean, you already saw it. It was crazy. I forgot about that.

And I was like, what happened? Yeah, I forgot about that. And he shut down. Like, you watched, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ain't scared of you motherfuckers. Bernie Mac, honestly, I watched that to pump myself up for stuff. What do you do to pump yourself

up? You don't do that still. No, I used to. I watched Sebastian Maniscalco. I listened to Blacklisted. Aren't you embarrassed? I love him now. Racist Sebastian Maniscalco goes a little something like this can you believe these people

that's good keep going I like that take it to it's logical end say the n word 13% the thing is it would sound great Sebastian Maniscalco dropping an n bomb would sound awesome it would be great. Sebastian Maniscalco dropping an M-bomb would sound awesome. It would be great.

It would be awesome. He's acting it out. He's like putting his back into the N-word. I'm trying to watch my son's football game. And the whole other team is full of... Have you been to a movie theater recently? I ride the M train. It would be awesome, yeah.

It would be great. It would not be... It would be very... It would be natural. If he ever gets canceled, he would have the most natural right wing turn of all. Just by the nature of being Italian. Incredible. Incredible.

Yeah. Like that guy. You guys remember that guy on Staten Island who like burned pictures of Robert De Niro when he was like. No. Anti-Trump. He was like, you have gone too far, Bobby. No.

Dude, it's fucking awesome. Oh, that's beautiful. What about that chick Tina that like tried. She was like a Trump person and she would would record herself in the car and be like, I'm tired of you motherfuckers. And then she ran for Senate and realized it was a horrible idea and made a video that was like, I'm tired. First, she was tired of the motherfuckers being sensitive,

and then she was like, I'm tired of you motherfuckers coming after me. There was a whole slew of like QAnon or just like Trump like video in your car celebrities for like two years. That'd be a good mashup to make.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A good like nostalgia. I love the 90s, but- I will remember. Shout out to Tina though. She could get it. She was hot.

She had a weird sexual energy. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to do a pre- I like vain necks. That's insane. You like veiny women's necks?

Yeah. You know how Roseanne did the Planet of the Apes thing? With an Adam's apple. And that's why she got canceled? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Continue. Oh, can I?

You know how Roseanne did the Planet of the Apes thing but got canceled? Remember that? Vaguely. She was on like um ambien or something and she tweeted a bunch of racism or something yeah yeah i want to do a premise where i'm like the one black guy who's like upset every single time like anytime a monkey is brought up they're like that's racist and i just want there to be one dude who's like can we

stop doing this every single time but then i looked into it roseanne i mean it was like a it was like a direct that woman's black so and therefore you're on the same wavelength no i was saying i was saying like wouldn't it be funny if roseanne was just like that that these people were being crazy like planet of the apes but wasn't equating it but then i looked it up and it was like oh yeah you know now i'm remembering there was it was like obama's like um it was like a spokesperson who even like kind of did yes look like one vert like there was like a character and it was just purely racist yes there was no there was no way around that one did with Michelle Obama, they were like, she showed her shoulders at fucking, she's a blah blah.

And then like Melania came in the office who was naked and they're like, she's a baby angel. How dare you? You know what? These people are hypocrites. Yes, let's go. The left is bad. The right is even worse. Ian the point maker is my favorite Ian.

Let me give up. If I fire up a smoke, truth's coming out. Ian the Point Maker is my favorite Ian. Let me hear about it. If I fire up a smoke, Trude's coming out. Trude is coming out. Ian smokes cigarettes and thinks he's Dave Chappelle. He's like... Let me tell you about this. He smokes cigarettes and thinks he's me. Because I was on the trance train long before him.

Chugga-chugga-choo-choo. Yeah, but you were pro. You were riding the trance train. I was getting ridden. On the trans train. The trans train was riding me. The trans were on the train on me. I ain't scared of you.

Goddamn. You're truly schizophrenic. Another? No. That's a joke. Goddamn. What was your ideal like? Your house would smell like cigarettes If it were up to you right

And carpets There'd be a lot of carpets right I was told that someone missed the smell Of my cologne and cigarettes And plaque she also said plaque She said plaque And I said I have plaque And she goes well cigarettes build up plaque

I go I've been going to the dentist, dumbass. Yeah. And I've been using the little teeth cleaners that you got me. Also, women can have bad childhoods. You know that, right? Yeah. And they can miss horrible things. Women are often abused by a father figure.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I kind of like the smell. I will be honest. Because it reminds me of my dad. Yes. One point exactly. That's why this basement is what that is. Hanging out with your friends. The parents

aren't home. Sleep it over. Smokes. Records. Ian, you're an old man. It's over. Your youth is gone. Don't try and recreate it. We're just hanging. We're smoking. That's what this podcast is. A time before your uncle made you wrestle him. The parents aren't home.

Wasn't that a fun time? You guys remember how cool that was? Before you start having weird thoughts about the other boys in your class? I made a whole podcast that reminds me of those years. This is the basement of innocence. This is going to get taken down. You can't play copyrighted music, though. It just keeps getting darker and darker.

You're in a basement. They're not really here at all. You're just like, welcome to being in with my friends. You're completely alone. Nobody's here. Ghostbusters on the wall. I love this movie. That's a huge fear of mine. Yeah's here. Ghostbusters on the wall. I love this movie. That's a huge fear of mine.

That I'm living in a fever dream and none of this is real and I'm inside the mind of the guy from Identity. You're real, right? Hit me to see that I'm real? Alright, I'm real. I'm real! You're a real boy.

I did write a poem as a joke for a show years ago about getting molested by a hot dog man. Okay. Was it a joke? Yeah. What happened with the hot dog man? That's interesting because you told me a similar story in not a joke format. Yeah. You cried on my couch.

Your couch. No, I was just doing... No, you didn't tell me about the hot dog man. I don't know about the hot dog man. Was there a hot dog man, Ian? Ian. No. It's not gonna happen.

This is what happens. Somebody bring out relish. See how he reacts to it. Do you see? Somebody bring out a bottle of mustard. Okay, all right. This is what happened on Stav's podcast yesterday, where they asked a question,

and I was like, and they were both like, what? Jordan was like fully molested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, truly. But were you molested by a hot dog? This is about you.

No, no, no, no. What happened on the podcast yesterday? No, no, no, no. Don't just say, guys, Stavisworld. You're going to want to check it out. Stavisworld.biz. Stavi.biz. Stavi.biz.

Yeah, sorry, man. Get a calendar. I got the... See his show. Yeah, thank you. The podcast is free. What's the closest you've been to being molested? I sort of, I think I almost molested another kid when I was a kid.

Oh, yeah, me too. A million. May you pay me? You look like you molest a ham sandwich every day. Nice, dude. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody. Ian here.

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Hey, you've heard of me too. Look at this me-oo. Stealing from last generation's you. Yeah, wow. I have a rat face. Stealing from future you. I guess you're allowed to in the wormhole that is you yeah he actually is you're developing his thoughts now you're right bonnie

yeah yeah if bonnie grew up like a different a couple years later, she knew she could be sort of a lesbian instead of pretending she was straight her whole life. She had the funniest fucking joke about Rich being special needs. With his fucking... Woo! Doggy. So you molested... You almost molested a friend.

Because you know when they were like, don't show your privates to anyone. Except your parents and your doctor. Like, you know, the teachers would tell you that, right? And I'd be like, don't show your privates to anyone. Except your parents and your doctor. Like, you know, the teachers would tell you that, right? And I'd be like, well, it must be pretty cool to see privates. Like, the lesson I got was like, other people's privates must be sick. Yeah. If they don't want us to see them.

So I was like, this kid who, like, came, our neighbor kid would, like, come over. And we'd, like, play with action figures and shit. And I'd be like, what's up, dude? Having a pretty good time? Wouldn't it be kind of crazy if we showed each other our dicks or like our privates and he was like nah I'm good like yeah I might be in right now I would have been sucking that kid's dick when I was five. That's crazy. He was just like, no?

He was just like, no, I'm good. Thank God. Honestly, salute to that kid. We would have co-molested each other. That kid was one falling off a bike experience away from saying yes. Oh, yeah, for sure. I feel like we're all one or two head injuries away from an entirely different realm of existence. I think that's pretty fair to say.

Right? Yeah, your brain is pretty important. Yeah. And if you fuck it up, it could change things. Yeah. That's right. Well, so far, let's switch identities again. Switch identities.

Yeah, yours should be this time. Wait. Ooh. All right, what happened in the hot dog? What're in the one that's on you i want to know i would molest i mean Oh, new metaverse! What's up, you mother- We all talk like in Black Set now. It's the racist voice one. What happened? What happened to that hot dog?

Did you get molested, Ian? This time it was a papusa man that molested Ian. The only change to the metaverse is a different food stand guy. Every time we change it, next time it's a fucking halal guy. Next time it's a taco car. Hello, my friend. Let me see your enchilada. So you wouldn't be into hardcore music.

I'm not into hardcore music. No. What music do you listen to. I'm not into hardcore music. No. What music do you listen to? You're a rap guy. I'm a rap guy. Yeah. I hate rap. You hate rap.

I can't spell crap without rap. I would say in AOL chat rooms when I was in seventh grade. And went into gay chat rooms and got in trouble on AOL and told my mom. Isn't there telling people it was wrong? Remember Russian roulette? That's what we need to go into. We need that to come back. Russian roulette? I mean, not Russian roulette. What was it called? Chat roulette?

Jesus, Julie. Do you remember chat roulette? That was the hottest thing. Omegle, yep. Omegle. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like a thing. I want to be able to pull up a disgusting Russian dude who's jacking off and... Go in your DMs. What are we talking about?

Open up your hidden requests. You'll find out. I've tried everything. I go on the road with Louie. Nothing happens. Give it time. Yeah, yeah. Let's see what that world looks like.

I'm not here because I'd be very rich. She goes back. She's wearing makeup. She looks good. She cares about her appearance. I'm tired. Woo, doggy. Yeah.

So, yeah, no hardcore music for me, Ian. Why? It took me a long time to get into it. Long time. Interesting. Yeah. When did you took me a long time to get into it. Long time. Interesting. Yeah. When did you start? When I started taking Adderall.

You started getting into hardcore music? Yeah, yeah. At what age? But you were into punk first. Yeah, punk and then a little hardcore, diet hardcore, which would be like turnstile, and then I got into full hardcore. Wow. Yeah, but you, because you would go to shows and stuff.

I'm not a concert guy. Growing up. That's the thing. I don't want anything to do with that. You didn't have a music scene to go to shows and stuff. I'm not a concert guy. Growing up. I don't want anything to do with that. You didn't have a music scene to go to. Not really. You would just listen to rap, have it at parties,

and then that became de facto the music that you were like into. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm not, you know, mixtape Lil Wayne era, you know. Yeah. Mixtape from older kids

with different bands on it. Not those kinds of mixtapes, just, you know. Remember those VHSs that would have music videos on them? Did you have those? I did not. Did you have those?

Those were sick. I would watch those on repeat over and over. We also had the Tink's Vid Dream. After ECW Wrestling on cable access on Friday nights, this guy named The Tink would play, like, metal and hardcore music videos. Yeah, I don't know. I just didn't know one. It's also weird to grow up

when your parents just don't share any culture at all with you where it's like, you know, my parents listen to like Greek music and shit. What is Greek music? It's just, you know. What's it sound like?

Can you give it? Greek. That's what you think? Your theme song is Did Someone Do That For You or Did You Find It? Yeah, that was Pop Goes the Weasel Was it

Yeah I thought that was like an Italian It is Remember it happens in The Godfather Where he tries That was so great In The Godfather 2 Where he tries to get them to play that song

That's my favorite part And then they start playing Pop Goes the Weasel And he does a good job explaining it That's what's so devastating Where he's like Da da da da da da And you're like Wow he's doing a good job with this

And then the guy's like It's really heartbreaking I've never seen it a metaphor for what wait you Osh Kisnazi god damn Jew an Italian Jew hasn't seen the Godfather huh never you've never seen the Godfather 1 no

this is the first movie we're watching me and my friends used to do we'll follow we'll fire it up yeah look how happy you got let's go there now. The yurt's not happening. Me and my friends used to do monologue offs where we

would read monologues in front of each other and then vote on who did better. And I did the monologue from Fredo once where he's like, I'm a person. I'm smart. I had a weird epiphany the other day that I think my sister thinks I'm the Fredo. You know what I mean?

No, how'd she come to that conclusion? I feel like every sibling thinks that the other one is the Fredo. If you grew up Italian, you watched The Godfather a million times. I don't think that's true. I think she thinks I'm the Fredo. Are you? Look, I don't want to talk about... Ian got molested by a hot dog.

So you're Fredo, even though your sister's some dumb bitch? She's very successful, though. Oh, she is? Yeah. What were you telling me? That she used to be out of control or something? Well, she used to be, yeah. She was the hottest girl ever, so she would get sandwiched by black guys all the time.

That's awesome. One time I saw my truck bouncing. You said black guys. And I pulled a... You and me being her. my truck bouncing? You said black guys. And I pulled a... That would be awesome. We blow the shafar. You go home. Ian's in a dress.

He's your sister now. Jordan! Yeah, he's holding a mixed race baby that's his somehow. But he looks exactly the same. He looks exactly the same. He's in a mixed race baby that's his somehow. But he looks exactly the same. He looks exactly the same. He's in a dress.

Yeah, you're just in my sister's kitchen. Jordan, do you really think you should be eating that? Do you really think you need to eat that? She's getting double stuffed in your truck. We were at a music fest. I saw my truck. I parked it there because I was camping out of it. And I see it like.

And I go in. I pull this black dude out. And then I pull my sister out. And then I was like, I go in and I pull this black dude out and then I pull my sister out and then I was like no way and I pull another black dude out. It was crazy. And my sister. Like circus clowns? They're coming out of your fucking sister's pussy.

It was so fucked up. It was so fucked up. From across the festival I seen my truck and I was like just beelined. How old were you when this happened? I was probably like 17. She's six years older. Okay, 23?

Yeah. No, no, no, no. I must have been six. Wow, but I had a truck though. Wow, she was too old to be doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Maybe she was 25.

Interesting. I was pissed. I wasn't pissed that they were railing my sister. I was pissed that my shocks were getting fucked up. Of course up of course by a couple free safeties now what do you mean she's successful what does she do

she's a real estate person now but she's very good at it it's very easy to become successful especially if you're smart and not like a housewife. Everyone, I know that's gotten into real estate

becomes like fucking wealthy off the jump. I don't think that's true. Well, go to fucking rehab in Delaware and get your life together. My future comic is in real estate

and he has so much money. Dove, Davidoff, I mean, you can be a comic and do it. That means it's the easiest thing. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Well, I think, but see, every time you think about, like you were in rehab, I think Dave, Dove has like, I think him and his brother do it that means it's the easiest thing yeah yeah yeah well i think but see every time you think about like you were in rehab i think dav has like i think him and his brother do it right like i think they have other money like that's the thing you have to have money to be good at real estate no no start off with money no no no you're talking about personal investments

like i go and buy a house and you're talking about real estate agents yes yes that's how you become rich quick. That's not true, dude. How do you, why not? Because it's like, that's just not, then every real estate agent

would be rich. A lot of them are. Aren't they? Not that many, no. The chicken in fucking American Beauty is. My sister did start making money fast.

She did? Yeah. Some people do it, but it's not like, that's why every loser you know is like, yeah, I'm thinking about getting my real estate license. Remember that one disgusting comic that had that, oh, that big mouth that did gross teeth? What was his name? Ian Flydance.

Oh. Big disgusting mouth. Oh, hey. You didn't have a tooth? You didn't have a tooth for a while. I know. She said teeth, plural. The ones he has are...

Who? Who? Who? That dude, Brendan something, whatever. He was like a tall dude. Okay. Did beauty bar a lot. I don't know.

Half black. Oh, that wasn't his name. But yes, I know who you're talking about. He was a real estate guy. And he was like, I'll drive you home. And I was like, that's creepy. But yes, obviously. And he had like a really nice car. and he was like, I'll drive you home. And I was like, that's creepy, but yes, obviously. And he had a really nice car, but he was this garbage person.

I think you can make a lot of money if you're willing to rip off Hasidic Jews. Or if you're just Jewish. No, you don't want to tumble with Hasidic Jews. They'll take you for sure. They have a mafia of their own. Wow. I thought about infiltrating it. Shut up.

Yeah, put it on the pod. We're going to bleach my asshole on the pod. When are we doing this? I really want it done. How bad is it? Hear me out. How dark are the rings? It's not brown, but it's gray. It's gray. My asshole's

gray. Gray's tough. But don't you think every... Shouldn't it be brown? Gray like dead? Yeah, like dead. So here's my question. It's like maybe like a purpley gray. What color is your pussy? Is it gray? Brown.

Oh, it's shit brown. It looks like the fucking wall. Your pussy is fucking wood paneled. Yeah, you go in that thing, you get splinters. Yeah. Yeah you go in that thing You get splinters Yeah So I think everybody Should get an asshole bleaching Once in their life Just sanitary wise

Sanitary Don't you think I don't think it's unsanitary It's cosmetic It's cosmetic It is cosmetic But I'm just saying You wash your ass though

What do you mean Yeah I know But don't you think Imagine if I was like For free We're gonna just bleach it down Start fresh like a baby That'd be sick I think I'm good Really I don't think baby's ass if I was like, for free, we're going to just bleach it down, start fresh like a baby.

That'd be sick. I think I'm good. Really? I don't think baby's assholes are bleached. I have a bad day. I had to hug one girl who had a wildly dark asshole. That's kind of hot. It wasn't hot, but I was like, oh, interesting. Wasn't, you know, didn't really care one way or the other.

It's because I just started watching porn. You just started watching porn? I did, yeah. I'm really into it now. I've never been into it. Yeah. A pink asshole? That seems like unnatural.

Not a lot of guys have it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, men's assholes are all brown, right? No. Some twinks have pinkies. Oh, God. You fuck guys. Oh, man.

So do you Yeah I don't know I think I'm I don't think I need to bleach my asshole It would be fun for the It would be fun Touch your boobs sorry It would be fun for the

It would be fun We're also gonna get I don't know where boobs are Fuck guys I We're also gonna to get... I don't know where boobs are. Fuck guys. We're also going to get tattooed on the podcast. Okay. That's cool. But I really want this asshole bleaching to happen.

Do you guys know some of the bleachers' assholes? No, he's just gone. He's gone to an Asian lady. Any Asian lady will bleach her ass? Any Asian lady, yeah. Shine it down with a lasso when you're sick. You catch an Asian lady the way they catch pigeons in Central Park? Dude, whenever I see a video, I'm like, well, this is insane.

It's crazy. What is it? I don't know it. Oh, dude. Sometimes there are. I've seen plenty of videos where, like, an Asian lady is, like. Stalking. Is, like, capturing a bird. stalking is like capturing with her bird

a duck or no with her hands puts it in like a bag. That's cool. It is honestly really impressive to be able to do that. They're eating it in probably. Yeah, they're eating them or like, I don't know doing something fucked up to it. It's dying either way. Yeah, it's dying. It's a fucking pigeon

right at the sky. I can take it. But it is. It is fucking. I hate birds. I admire their calm. I don't fuck with birds. I don't like them.

Really? Some people really don't like birds. Some people are scared of them. I don't fucking like them. Really? They're off-putting to me. Yeah. I love seagulls.

I love birds. Do you like them up close? Yeah. They're disgusting. They're cool. They got those. They're fucked up little fucking feet. They fly. They're all scaly.

So what do you feel about chickens? I don't fuck with chickens. I'm glad we eat them. I'm glad we factory farm them. Fuck them. I'm glad their lives are misery. Chickens are disgusting. Chickens are made to eat.

I love that when vegans are like, they're just like pets. Oh yeah, Geordie is fucking chickens. They're kind of like pets. You can hold them. They're good to eat. I don't mind. I would have chickens. You don't eat your chickens? No, they're just hens for eggs.

When will you eat them? They're just hens for eggs. Because you like them or because you're against them? What's happening? Why are you getting so cozy? Well, I'm chilly. And it's my house. I can get cozy.

I'm peacocking. I'm fucking jealous. Yeah, you are peacocking right now. I'm jealous, dude. I can get cozy. All right. I'm peacocking. I'm fucking jealous. Yeah, you are peacocking right now. I'm jealous, dude. I'm about to start taking a nap. It's fun down here. The donut hit me, dude. I'm getting ready.

Yeah. The donut, I just crashed off that shit. I'm ready to do a little fucking. Me watching the donut hitting you is the donut hitting me. Let's take a nap on the pot right now. I would take a nap right now. Bring Olivia down here. That girl is nappable, dude.

She's nappable. Do you see her? What do you mean she's nappable? Don't you just want to nap on her? Are you trying to say you want to fuck her? Is this how you're slowly becoming a lesbian? Yeah, dude. Women are so nappable.

I bring my girlfriends over. Come on. We're going to take a nap. We're going to take a nap. Women look like a good pillow. Honestly, nappable is not an adjective. I like that. I like that. Nappable. She's nappable, dude. You're pretty nappable. Honestly, nappable is not an adjective. I like that. Nappable.

She's nappable, dude. You're pretty nappable. I'm nappable for sure. You're nappable. You're nappable without question. I want to nap on you. Yes, you are nappable, dude. I just want to nap on you, man.

You're nappable with bros. Come on. You would do a hair touch? I'd do a great hair touch. Honestly, I'm so good at massages, too. I truly am. yesterday i climb into bed with you know and olivia between them and we're just talking and chatting and i feel like this on my back and i'm like oh god she's just such a like nice lady and i look up and it's ian i thought that was her on body Now why are you going into bed With Ian and Olivia

Cause it was fun It was like a sleepover To be closer to Olivia Yeah You're truly Have you fucked a woman yet or what Yeah Well I had a threesome with a woman

But I didn't like it Cold She had a cold vagina You ever experienced a cold I have But it's only one Only one Explain

Cause every time she says this I'm like what what is this? I actually have. You know what I'll describe this like? I've been waiting for this my whole life. That's why you shouldn't fucking ask about it. Really good one, Ian. Go ahead.

Had to pop up at everything for it. Like a mom. You really. It sucks that you weren't alive during silent movies. Because it's like all your skills. If you could just take writing and speaking away from you, you'd be the most talented comedian alive.

Let's make a silent film. Yes, starting now. Yeah, Ian, guess what? I hired a documentary crew. You won't see them. But it's going to film for the next 10 years. Whenever I'm around, that's when you know they're there. Okay, you know what? Enjoy your time. I'm going to drive for the next 10 years. You know what, guys? Whenever I'm around, that's when you know they're there. Okay, you know what?

Enjoy your time. I'm going to drive away. There he is. Very, really good, man. You touched a cool pussy? I did. I did. How?

What? So I'll say what it really reminded me of is like somebody with a clammy handshake. Yes. Like that's the closest thing I could say where I was like, there's something off here. The one girl I was into. The only time. But it's only happened once. Me too. So you, the luck of the draw is crazy.

It's crazy. That the only pussy you touched felt like that? Yes. Because I've touched tons. Yeah. And that's the only one that I've ever really, yeah, thank you. Yeah, I get my dick sucked. The only one, and it really was like kind of off-putting.

I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Like, part of me was like does this bitch have a fever you know what I mean like it felt like her her son what do you think it is

I'm googling what does it mean if you have a cold vagina I honestly think it's like some kind of temperature literally she might have

had a low grade fever I'm trying to remember if I got sick after I fucked I mean I still fucked her but explain the cold vagina. It wasn't cold. Okay, listen. Is it on the outside?

I'm trying to explain. Does your dick feel it? Was the pubic mound cold? The pubic mound, this whole area was cold. Chilled. Not chilled like ice, but not chilled like ice, but not what you'd think. Yeah, chilled because he was wearing sunglasses. Stop. Shut the fuck up. It was?

You're right. Oh, nice. Would you back out? Fuck. That would have been nice. Back out, back out. There he is. All right, now keep going.

Even your movements are too loud. Even you just do it. I'm like, just shut up. Just be quiet. He can't even be subtle. He's too loud. Even you just do it. I'm like, just shut up. Just be quiet. He can't even be subtle. He's too over the top as a mime. Steven, this is gay as hell. What are you even doing?

I cut a box out of my box Okay You're not even Wait you don't have to explain that Pretending to be using the microphone Oh I see This is still Of audio format

For the most part Ian Put the fucking Pick the mic up What is the next thing Every time Yeah What do you think a mime is? Just a sassy black teen.

Okay. All right. That would be funny. Ian starts miming as the type of woman he wishes he was. He wishes he was a 16-year-old hot black girl. Yeah, that's the kind of dick you want. Does your weave itch? Yeah.

It took me so long to figure out what that was. The amount of times I've been talking to a girl, I'm like, stop it. You didn't know any black people, right? I was totally cheating. Unless they were fucking your sister. They were all in my truck at once. That's how they did the census. They're like, how many black guys? Let's ask fucking your sister. They were all in my truck at once. That's how they did the census. They're like, how many black guys? Let's ask Jordan's sister.

When I was teaching, a girl was smacking herself in the head. And I was like, I think she's mentally disturbed. I didn't know that that's how it did. People itch their weave and wig. But I learned. But you learned. You had to make small talk after you purchased pussy from trans prostitutes with that kind of hair. I tried to make small talk, but they didn't like it.

I would always be like, do you need a ride? You want to eat? You've never made small talk in your life. You've never been like, hi, how's it going? Oh, no, it's loud talk. Yeah, yeah, it's loud talk. It's a lot of talk. Yeah.

You should try that. We need talking. You should try loud talk. Yeah, yeah. It's loud talk. It's a lot of talk. Yeah. You should try that. We need talking stuff. You should try small talk. Just to not try and make an immediate emotional connection. You know what? We should both try secrets. You should. I think that's good.

What's that? I have... I don't have secrets, but I have a lot of people's secrets in me. Those are secrets. I keep secrets from other people. Good for you. But you're only as sick as your secrets. Wow.

And I'm no longer sick because I have no secrets. Because you can't shut the fuck up. I'm the same way. Now let's get back to this cold pussy, can we? Yeah, thank you. It's not icy cold. It is clammy and I'm glad to hear it. But what does it feel like? I just fucking told you.

Compared to something... Like a clammy handshake truly yeah that's the temperature feel my hand this is what it feels like the pressure

feels like a pussy like that's the thing you could still fuck it you know what I mean like yeah ew icky poo

but it was but it was a weird I was like so weird yeah it was shocking it's like when you get like a chicken thigh

and you're like ah if this was one more day, I wouldn't cook it. Yeah. But I'm a little iffy on it. Yes. Totally. That's what this girl's pussy felt like where I was like.

It's a sweet smell on the meat. Oh, yeah. At the grocery store, her pussy is like reduced for quick sale. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it was. Totally. It felt like it was going bad.

It's discount pussy. Yeah. Who was this person? She was a very hot girl who wanted to have a threesome. No, I couldn't. I went down, but then I was just like, oh. You were just looking at it. I can't do this.

I can't do it. Did you get your pussy eaten? Yeah. By her? Yeah. Nice. That was cool? I don't like it.

Did you disassociate? It's because I don't respect women. It's true. That is what it is. With men, I'm like, this is great. I need all of your approval. With women, I'm like, you're trying to take my personality. Interesting. I don't like that. If you don't respect

women, doesn't that mean you could get your pussy eaten by women because then you could be like, yeah, bitch. She's not into degradation, it sounds like. A degradation of men I can do. The degradation of women. I don't like how that, you know what it is? If a woman's eating my pussy, it's not because they're like, you're so hot.

It's because they're like, I want to be your friend. And I'm like, get the fuck out of here. That's how I feel. That's not true at all. Look at the fucking ego on you. They want to fuck you. Yeah, they just want to fuck. First of all, your personality is not that good.

It's not. Let's start there. I'm stuck with you. You're doing a podcast with Ian. fuck out of here dickhead i blow the show bar i blow the show bar jordan my life just got better you're really cool and so is ian oh thank you no but you're right every girl is trying to be your friend by eating your pussy Yeah that sounds right When you say it that feels right

Because if it's like a lesbian Lesbian I'm down with it But the ones that want to fuck me Are always feminine So you think it's like a bonding experience Yeah I don't like that You're being homophobic For sure I'm wildly homophobic. For sure.

I'm wildly homophobic. No, I'm not. What are you talking about? Gay people. I don't like gay incels. No, no, no. By going, you're homophobic because you won't let a woman eat your pussy. No, it's just a preference.

No, no, no. I am being homophobic because I'm saying every woman. I'm basically saying all feminine women aren't gay. Can't be gay. Yeah, that's what you say. If you're a hot woman you want cock secretly Is what George is saying Or you want a man to be jacking off to you eating my pussy

Which is whack And one of my moms is super feminine And like wretches at dicks So this doesn't make any sense She's like ugh My mom who's like way more butch Is like yeah dicks are great But the lipstick lesbian is like, yeah, dicks are great. Dicks rule.

Yeah, she'll play with a dick. But the lipstick lesbian is like, eh. Right. They exist. Yeah, they do exist. Well, that's because we're conditioned to think that all hot women want dicks. And if you're dressing up, it's for a man. Right. When women gun after me, they don't do it.

Men, when they gun after you, they're trying to convince you to fuck them in a way that is like, I'm going to make myself. But with women, they try and convince you to fuck them and in a way that is like i'm gonna make myself with women they try and convince you by by truly like bonding with you like a woman which is the least hot thing they're like oh my god i love your jacket do you want to fuck i'm like gross never why tell me i'm a stupid ugly pig whore and then i'll fuck you yeah yeah you know what i mean you are though that's the interesting thing. Get your dick in there. Hey, oinky. What's up? Yeah, that would work. I'm hard right now.

See, I don't see, okay, that's just difference in styles. Because I also think most of the way I have fucked is by being awesome. What the fuck was that? You used me as a sleeve, dude. What the serious fucking fuck was that? I just needed some room. Well, say that thing. Communicate, pig.

Just don't fucking call on me to get me away. That's awesome. Jordan's nickname on the pod, the pig. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Interesting. Your approach to women. I honestly just, we're just having a good time

it's closer to that yeah lesbian like lesbian like what you're describing of every girl that's tried to fuck you which is like i'm just trying to have a good time we're clicking we're having a nice time eventually we'll just fuck like i just there's no like degrading or what it's just like let's go no you're not like my God, your shirt looks so good. Wait, wait, wait. Go back and repeat. I looked at my phone and I'm sorry. What?

He's not going to repeat himself because you looked at your phone. He's not a goddamn VHS player. That's right. I don't know. I'm not a VHS player. Thank you, Jordan. What did your phone say? What was so great in your phone? Come say? What was so great?

What was so rewind? When I was on your podcast, he was blowing my shit up. And then I'm like, I'm doing a podcast. Stop it. And then he leaves a voice memo going. Hi, stop.

Yeah. Just trying to get on so bad. Try to be the guy calling it on the podcast through a phone. I couldn't escape him. I look at your screen and his Instagram was on here. Did you see the invite? We played some of his choice clips on the podcast. Free plug.

We ran up Samson Vampire a couple times. Oh, wow. I have restructured that joke. Okay. I've added to it. God damn, I love Ian's reels. What? Your reels, dude.

Oh, I thought you said riddles. No, no, no. All your jokes are riddles. I'm like, what? You're reels, dude. Oh, I thought you said riddles. No, no, no. All your jokes are riddles? You'd be like, what? Sort of. Like, why is this funny? Really good at what I do. Anyway, so go back to the thing about degrading.

Put your hand outside of the thing. I'm like this. Yeah, what are you doing? And why are you making that grimacing face like you're... You have your cock in your hand right now? Put it out. Now make Jordan smell it. He wanted first dibs on his own cock smell.

For coughing it on me, I should make you smell this. Go ahead. Give me your dick. No, I farted. It's like baking down there. It was so funny. I say when you farted and then you swung your coat and picked up your own fart into your coat.

And then Jordan grabbed me and farted on me. I farted into your ass yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How directly in? Butt to butt. Not bare butt to bare butt. I have done bare butt to bare butt with Michael Rowland. You've farted from your asshole into Michael Rowland's asshole?

So you got fucked by a hot dog? All right, all right, all right. That's the episode. That's the episode. Thank you. Stop. What do you got to plug? Stavi's World.

It's fucking new pod, Stavi's World. You've both been on it. So fun. Ian's episode, a Patreon banger. We've's World. You've both been on it. So fun. Ian's episode. Patreon banger. We've got some clips up. Release it normal. Is our Patreon?

The world needs to see it. It was fine. No, they, you know, they'll, they'll get it eventually. You're such a cock. Am I? No. Am I, dude? No.

Fucking Ian's like, hey, we're doing two episodes. That's cool, right? He asked me to do. Yesterday. I didn't throw it on you today. You did when you asked me to do it. How, throw it on you you did you did when you asked me to do it how when else am i supposed to ask i said yesterday you were like we're doing two and i was like did you ask him and you were like i don't need to ask him thank you thank you you act like

it's par for the course you fucking prick just admit i'm doing you a favor and i'm fine with that i was like everybody shows up for a podcast. Sharia law. Hey, he's trying to get me to do two. And then he's like, release mine, public, please. Shut my fuck. I'm taking it off the Patreon. You fucking piece of shit. January 11th and 12th, Denver Comedy Works.

January 14th, Fairfield Comedy Club and then January 26th to 28th Coastal Creative Tampa Florida Nobody listens to this Just say your website

It's over IanFidance.com Stobby.biz IAnimal69 Instagram You know it Patreon.com slash

being Ian Pot Thank you Jordan Stob Would you like to plug your stuff? Yeah Go to JordanThePigJensen.com slash B and E and pod. Thank you, Jordan. Stop. Would you like to plug your stuff? Yeah. Uh, go to Jordan,

the pig Jensen.com. I got all my dates up there. She'll be oinking up and down. Yeah. You had to double say it. You started it. You're like, no,

no, no, this is good. Let me sit up a little bit. Thanks guys. Goodbye. Thanks, guys. Goodbye. All right. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.