Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein’ Ian With Jordan Episode 030: Basement O’ Truth W/ Tim Butterly

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

As always , Thanks for listening! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content ! https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code SKA at https://displate.com/beinian?art=63da8bd82253d Support the show & try Honey for free at https://JoinHoney.com/SKA   Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://www.jordanjensencomedy.com/upcoming-shows Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : http://www.ianfidance.com/calendar Follow Tim Butterly on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @timbutterly https://www.instagram.com/timbutterly/   @StonerDadz   @DadMeat  Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by : Jordan Hayman Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Hey everybody, don't click off. I just want to plug my dates real quick. It helps if you come out. I know you don't like it. Anyway, please, IanFidance.com. Buy tickets. Thanks. February 19th, Sunday, Headline on the Hollywood Improv. And then Sunday, March 5th, I'm with Ari Shaffir and friends at Wise Guys Utah. And then I'm coming up Rhode Island, D.C., Detroit, Spokane, Tacoma, IanFidance.com. Come out, hear a joke, have a smoke, and let's get to the show. I know you want to watch it. Wee! Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night

It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're positive

Let's find out what it's like to live Alive Being Ian Being Ian Being Ian With Jordan I like real big fish, I don't like ska I don't mind it if I'm in a good mood Yeah, but you're never in a good mood

I am sometimes. Are you? In a good mood sometimes? That's a good question. Am I? You're smiling right now. No, this is a grimace. This is a worried grimace.

What are you worried about? You in a good mood? Ever? Typically. Really? No, actually, I swing wildly. Yeah, me too. I get trapped under the

weight of my own self criticism. Really? Constantly, yeah. It's a daily struggle. What about your sweater choices? Soft choices. Fuck you, Jordan. I thought we were hurting each other's feelings. No, we're hurting Ian's feelings.

No, sorry. No. I was thinking of that while I was evacuating my battles. You always do this. Please don't. Please don't what? What were you thinking? Go ahead.

No, you tell me what you think I always do. That you don't like your feelings to be hurt. No. I was going to say that I was thinking upstairs, we should be nicer to each other. You guys should be nicer to me. I don't think, I think half the fun is being mean, especially when you have

your old friend on who finally says things that I can't say. If we have one of my old friends on, if you ever let me I would let you I would let you You just made her work in the background. You are Jewish. Wow. The're not Jewish. Wow.

The truth comes out. Am I living in some sort of fantasy world where I think that I'm always welcome, wanted, and people like me around, and then I get down to the basement of truth and find out from you two fucking dickheads, everyone hates you, and everyone thinks

you're a fucking queer. That's not, I mean. Do you not have a voice in your head constantly telling you that though? What? That you're a fucking gay

and no one likes you. Yes, all the time. All the time. When I convince myself I'm not wanted, I shouldn't show up. But then when I show up,

people go, where you been? We miss you. Oh, you're great. Have fun with you. And then I'm like, well, then I get down here

with two of my closest confidants and you're shitting on me. What do we say? He wants to be Rasta? Yeah, Ian is racist because he's too immersed in Ska. Oh, yeah. That's what your feelings are heard about?

No. Forget it. Forget it. This is another Patreon. Ian Spiraling because he said jive turkey to make fun of a black guy. This will be good to send people a list of what they can. Yeah. Everybody loves you. Hey, so brother. You're just easy to rip on because you take it and you talk about being gay, which is

he doesn't make fun of. Everybody calls me a lesbian all the time. Yeah, but fucking. No, please. Okay. That never makes anyone feel better, by the time. Yeah, but fucking... No, please. Okay. That never makes anyone feel better, by the way. Whenever I go too far with somebody and I brush up against their boundaries and they go, okay, man, you're being kind of a dickhead. I go, yeah, but everyone thinks I'm

a fucking faggot. They go, doesn't matter. It doesn't help. Maybe I'll go home early. Maybe I don't need to hang out late tonight at the bar. Maybe I'll head home early and eat some cereal Yeah I love cereal

I love them, my friends are nice to me We always are nice to you Everybody's nice to you We're always nice to you Everybody is I do have a list We're always nice to you Everybody's nice to you

The black people are nice to you The gay people are nice to you Everybody's nice to you Except my two friends Well Oh my god dude What do you mean? What do you mean?

What's he gonna drill? My ass I hope You're a cutie buddy Do you Stop stop stop Who's talking to Egon? You're right What you just sexually harassed?

Shit did I? A Thai boy A Thai lady. Have you ever been with one of those? Really? I've been with it all. Oh my god. How long?

Cover the mic. Cover the mic. He's just building made out of them. What is he trailing through? That's crazy. Sounds like my

computer's having an argument. Is he breaking into a car? He's breaking into a safe. Yeah, I thought this was internet.

Not him fucking nut nut. What was that show? Breakout. What was that? Remember that show? What was that show? Jailbreak. J that? Remember that show? What was that show? Jailbreak.

Jailbreak. I bombed. See, now you can make fun of me. There's no Shawshank Redemption on that one. God damn it. God damn it. That was good. God damn it.

That prison break. Me off a piece of that. Wow. That's illegal. That's illegal. And he's in a basement. And he's in a basement. He doesn't know. There's a power dynamic here. You know what it is? His livelihood requires

him to be in front of you and you're basically Justin Roiland now. It's over. We're recasting you on being in. This isn't actually an open call, dude. We're doing four more seasons. Can I say right now, I've never liked Rick and Morty. Very cool, man. Right?

That was scary. Wow, man. Shut up. Very brave. No, I don't like cartoons. Very brave now. You know what? The time for saying that

has passed. Now you're just another fucking sheep. Damn it. Nah. Yeah, you should remember something. Call me a sheep again.

Call me a sheep again. No. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Call him something else. Call me a sheep. Call him gay. Such a follower, dude. Call me a sheep again. Call me a sheep again. No. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Call him something else. Call me a sheep.

Call him gay. Such a follower, dude. Call me a sheep. Like a sheep? Yeah. I thought the show was bad. You better start practicing saying that about Ghostbusters. Yeah.

I don't like that. No, I could never get into Rick and Morty. I don't get into cartoons at all. And I'm Rick. I just am like, you can make cartoons into anything. It's just Ren and Stimpy over and over again. That was a cartoon. That's a great cartoon.

That guy was also a pervert. What do you bring on the show? Seth Greenspan or whatever that guy's name is? I'm sorry. How do you know all this? John K. Because I love Ren and Stimpy. Let's touch socks, you silly goose.

John K. He had like an animation camp and he was just using it to get 14-year-old girlfriends. No. He'd be like, wow, you're better than everyone else. He'd catfish them. He'd be like, this is what I look like. It's just a drawing of a guy. It's just a stick figure of a guy.

It's just the endorsement for a guy The endorsement for Log Your animation show is real promise What if you came and stayed at my house for a couple weeks No That's smart What if you came and stayed at my house Oh so like some little anime girl Would be like

Yeah but he's like guess what Welcome to being my girlfriend or something like that Yeah Watch out for animators man Can't draw I'm good Yeah same here I couldn't draw to save my fucking life Couldn't draw to get my way into a child's playground Yeah I'm safe

Man Ren and Stimpy was the shit Rocco Modern's Life was great. The best show ever. Doug. I'm sure those are all perverts as well.

If you want to have a good time, look up the YouTube video of the sound guy from Doug. He does all of the sounds and he's a lunatic. The Foley artist.

And they're like, do birds. And he does a perfect bird. And they're like, do, you know, a balloon. He does a perfect bird. They go through other things

and he goes, do a weasel. And he goes, and you you like you like see into the madness of this man's mind that's the skills that he developed to lure children away from their families at the park it's really weasels don't make that noise you want to hear some noises hey funny you want to know what a car sounds like? I mean, maybe. He kind of sounds like that. He teaches, he says how to do a dog. You want to know what a car sounds like? Yeah, I'm pretty sure my parents have one.

Now this is a different car. They want to know what a cool car sounds like. Vroom, vroom. Hey, funny, you ever hung out in a finished basement? Hey, funny, ever hung out in a Finnish basement? I bet you couldn't even keep a secret from your parents, funny. Hey, funny, I bet you're real good at wrestling. Who is funny?

Oh, Doug. Doug funny. Doug funny. And that was his bully's voice, Roger Clons Yeah man I was enthralled by the video I would have been captured as a kid if you were like You make a dog bark sound but you have to have a Thing in your mouth kind of shaped like a dick

You know what I mean I was practicing them He was like you make a dog bark He said you have to do an inward breath Instead of out But if he had been like put a dick bark, he said you have to do an inward breath. You have to go instead of out. But if he had been like, put a dick in your mouth, I'd have been like, yeah, I'll find a dick in your mouth. Basically, if you want it to sound like someone else is on the other end of a phone call, you put a ball gag in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hide out in my closet until your parents give up on looking for you. Oh, I heard you need more allowance, you old lady. I will say when comics do sound effects on stage, I do immediately go pedophile. Who do you know that's doing sound effects? People do it all the time. You'd be surprised. Greer?

Pay attention to it. Not Greer. What's Greer? Oh, well, he's doing voices. Sherrod? No. So what is it? Like people are like, I called my mom the other day.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. Oh, Sagalow. Sagalow. Sagalow. He does so many noises that you're like, you're going to fuck a kid one day. Here's the thing. If I found out Sagalow was molesting children, I'd say even Stevens, those kids have a farting chance. Yeah, 100%. I think he would bail on the sex.

He'd be like, I don't even want to have sex. Can we just hang out? Can we just go to a show together sometime? Sagaloma lets kids to make them hear his raps. Yeah. Come on. I love his raps. I was just going for the joke.

I do. Sagaloma's raps are cool and he doesn't do the rap with any of the other kids. He doesn't M kids. I like his raps. Does he rap in earnestness? Mm-hmm. It's good. Where is his raps. Does he rap in earnestness? It's good. Where is it? You also knew every word to...

This is great podcasting. I know. This is crazy. We're under a time constraint. Who is Ethan? Dude, that's so fucking funny. Do you speak Thai boy? Who is Ethan?

The fucking... Dude, that's so fucking funny. Do you speak Thai, boy? Let me ask. What language is it? I think that's actually hammer. He's not talking. Oh. I think he's speaking woodpecker.

That's baritone woodpecker. It's fucking Morse code from being in the war. Excuse me, sir. How much longer about? Do you think? One minute. We can do a minute.

You could have gotten through that without making it up. Thank God he doesn't speak. Oh, he does. That's cool. Take your time. You could have gotten through that without making it up Thank God he doesn't speak English Oh boy That's cool, take your time I was just wondering, we were just curious Anyway, Sagalow's a good rapper He is I like that

That was the hand of God No, no, no, no What did we say about lying? Oh, man. Every time you lie, one more penis bump. Anyway. anyway so you've been slinging it around town it's a good callback au contraire

that was a callback to our first episode yeah when we unveiled that Ian had been molested he does a thousand miles stare and then he goes so anyway you're a whore to try and fucking au contraire I have not had sex I have not hooked up i am not talking around a girl slid into my dms and i said what's the point yeah what would you look like private profile yeah you didn't follow back and check her out i just saw my ex I don't want to do it anymore

Check this out Let me hurt your feelings What are you going to show me the turning left hand Picture of my ex Boyfriend's new girlfriend And she is So hot How do you describe the girls

They would have the flame nails They have the big fake lips They have piercings. Hot. She's an influencer. Bimbos. No, the girl that you like. The girl that you like.

Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Hot. Hot. Yeah. Hot. That's what I would describe it.

Hot. Yeah. Conventionally attractive. No, no, no, no. No. No. No. Yes.

Or like hot topic type. Don't use that name in vain. No, she's saying like lip fillers and stuff. No, I mean Hot Topic, but like new Hot Topic lip fillers. Alt girls. Alternative girls. Cam girls. Cam girls. She's a cam girl.

Let's see it. I'll bet she looks ugly. No, I don't want to show you. She's a gross pig By the way I have a teenage daughter New hot topic is like Obese otherkin You know That was old hot topic

The tradition remains alive and well Are there otherkin in your daughter's grade? What are otherkin? What are otherkin? Girls are like I'm a wolf Furries and stuff Are there otherkin in your daughter's grade? What are otherkin? What are otherkin? What are otherkin? Girls are like, I'm a wolf. Like furries and stuff. Oh, yeah.

Are there a lot of them? Yeah, well, no. She goes to an art high school. Wait, is that like a new woke word? Otherkin? No. It's not like people identify as animals. No, it's like furries.

Yeah, it's like furries. But why do we not see furries? It's just another offshoot of a thing to rebel. I'm just wondering where it came from, where it derives from. I'm not mad. It's from people who got like way too into drawing Sonic the Hedgehog with boobs online. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And now they wear like foxtail

butt plugs and shit. Little ears. Yeah, so. Do they wear? There are some there are some of those, yeah. God, my friend sent me a, she accidentally stayed at a hotel that was a furry convention going on and she just sent me a video that I think is the best video I've ever seen. And it's just a furry looking straight ahead, holding on to an escalator, just slowly going. And it just killed me for some reason.

Just regular, just a guy. I think if you were dating a furry, that would be cool when it came time for Christmas and birthday and stuff. Because there's so many different things you could get them with like a regular person. That's not, but their gift to you is going to be a soft entry into being a furry. Like, Hey,

I got you those ears that you said weren't that bad looking online. Are you brinking on being a furry? I'd like to see those guys. No. Are you now, how many are there legit otherkin In your daughter's grade I believe so I'd hate to

I'd hate to Is she like they deserve Or is she like look at this nerd I think she was ready I think she wanted to be drafted Into the culture war I think she was like I've got all my paperwork I'm ready to enlist

And then she got a look at them and it was like, ugh. Yeah. They're bullies now. Really? Yeah, the they thems are actually bullies now. How so? It's just they dominate every second of interaction. Like, you can't get through a class without someone being like,

as someone who's actually suffered through this, I don't think that we should be talking about. Like, yeah, that's all they're fucking doing. Really? Yeah. And I thought that she might like be excited to like jump in on it and like, you know, see how many friends she can make. But she's like, I can't handle this, dude.

She's like, she's referred to a group of kids who were like really nasty to people as the its. And dude, it's just been a blessing to me because this is just one hurdle that we no longer have to like get through. This is a painful conversation we no longer have to have. How old is she? 15. Nice.

So there's a bunch of. She's 15 and this is the coolest shit that 15 year olds can do. And she got, she got a front row look at it and she's just like, uh-uh. The coolest shit is to be woke and be like. The coolest shit is to like be the most marginalized child of all time and act like your parents are abusing you when really if like they were presented with the shit that you say, they'd be like,

what are you talking about? But wasn't our generation like that also? What was ours? Yeah, but our generation was like that with like studded belts and cigarettes and shit. They don't have studded belts? No. What do they have?

It's just another form of rebellion. Well, they're kind of going through a 90s phase right now. They're wearing like baggy jeans, a little bit of androgyny, a little bit of like bad haircuts and shit. Okay. Yeah, it's just, it's God. It's just a form of rebellion and fashion and whatever. I did that, but I was not mean to my parents. Yeah, but this is with the added teeth of, if you don't like it, you don't agree with it.

You're a terrible person. Instead of like, fuck you. I'm different. Yeah. Imagine if your parents were like no more JNCOs and you were like, you're a bigot. No, for me, it was like, mom, can we go to the big mall that has the hot topic? And she'd be like, yeah, as long as I can

drop you off there for four and a half hours while you smoke cigarettes in the parking lot. You know what I mean? And we were on the same page. The shit that we did to annoy our parents is them doing stuff that like... Them smoking weed with their friends downstairs and us popping in and stealing food. Here's the thing. When our parents would be like,

yeah, whatever, dye your hair, you'll grow out of it. Who cares? Now, if they go, yeah, whatever, wear a tail or be a they, you'll grow out of it. They're like, no, I won't. And you're assaulting me by saying that. Yes or no bro i can't talk about this because my views i've realized are shit i've got shit views it's me mr hanky just kidding it's ian and guess what it's display time bitch get your own artwork

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So cool, awesome Displate. Use promo. So cool, awesome, Displate. Use promo code SKA when you visit Displate.com to get the discount. That's Displate.com, code SKA, or click the link in the show notes. Thank you. Hey, everybody. It's your old pal Ian here, and I am so excited to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by PayPal Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer. Honey is a free shopping tool that scours the internet

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Probably not. And it probably should because if you use an Android, you're poor and you need all the coupons you can get. If you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out on deals by getting it you're doing yourself a solid and supporting the podcast no joke use honey with promo code ska because it helps us out you like the pod you like us and who doesn't like a discount get paypal honey for free at join honey.com slash ska that's join honey.com slash ska now let's get a back into the show really that's okay okay so the the problem is that now instead of like dressing annoying and dyeing your hair and stuff now it's like i've got've got this, you know, idea that's very popular with people my age. I believe with my whole heart.

Now there's like guidance counselors waiting in the shadows to be like, Ooh, would you like to get on a pipeline that leads to free reassignment surgery in a couple of years? Is that really? There's a serious insidious thing. Well, it's almost like everything I've been saying is true. And everybody just thought I was fucking Bill Maher. I had no, I Maher. I had no

I had no real like input on this. No, I like it. It was kind of like I was an agnostic like, you know, let young people sort this shit out. But now that I've actually like the rubber meets the road, I'm like, whoa, there's kind of like a pretty weird subplot going on. Wait, where are people? Dude, my mother. So, all right.

Let them talk. Go, go. We'll interrupt with mine and then we'll go to you I would rather focus on yours no you have to tell yours if I tell mine yeah I want to hear what Tim has to say because he's boots on the ground

I have boots on the ground it's not going to be funny and people aren't going to believe me they're going to say Tim's just like I'm a reactionist fucking dickhead

and it's like it's just it's nothing it's just bad stuff that's all well what what were you going to say in relation to like your kids?

Is our guy scared right now? Come on, man. You're on being you. No. The free speech platform. There is like a therapy. There's a sector of therapy that's like. You're mad at me. I want to hear what he has to say.

I give up. it's your turn no no no i'm not even going to be coherent but there is this there is a sector of uh like child therapy where like if this kind of stuff even like comes up a little bit for people who like and i've seen this i've been there for. For people who like don't go to the doctor because they are afraid they can't afford co-pays, suddenly your child is in like a program where they have like therapists like actively involved. They have like doctors that are like prescribing

like treatments and medications and hormones and shit. And you never ever see a bill for any of it. And suddenly this becomes the only care that you're receiving that like, you don't pay out of pocket for. And it seems like it's hormone treatment has not hormone therapy and stuff like, like reassignment and all that has become like a human right. Pretty much.

It's like emergency. It's like, is it like Adderall for our generation? Ooh, maybe. Remember when they were like, you want your kid to chill out? You want your kid to focus? Has your kid ever been annoying? What if we hook them on amphetamines for the rest of their life? Yeah, it's kind of like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you not giving your kid adequate nutrition and sunlight and they're acting up about it? How about some free Adderall? Is your attention starved child bothering people? Yeah, totally. Is it like that? Is your child experiencing puberty which is hard to go through?

Well, here's what's really going on. Are our cafeterias stuffing them with sugar and Mountain Dew and having a vending machine where they can buy whatever they want? Alright, now I'm glad I said something. I finally feel like I can relate to people. No, totally. We just had that too. I think it was in a different- But when you say this, first of all,

no one our age has children at all. And then on top of that, I've got like older children. Like I have adolescent children now. Teenage children. And so I have no one to talk to this stuff about. If I talk to my dad about it, he's just like,

what are you- Like he gets spiralized. He has no idea what I'm talking about. And then you talk to people our age about it. I talk to people my age. They don't have kids and they go, like they're extremely judgmental. Or they go, you're making it up or you're overreacting.

But it is. Here's what I thought. And people our age either have no input on it or they've been in college for 16 years and they're like, I'm being serious. And they go, well, maybe the reason so many kids are coming out as trans is because it's finally accepted and they can be who they are. And it's like, well, maybe the reason so many kids are coming out as trans is because it's finally accepted.

They can be who they are. And it's like, well, I just thought it wasn't happening that much. That's not what I thought. I thought that people weren't that there wasn't that big of a. It's like 85 percent of teenagers are trans now or something like that. It's fucking crazy. But it is followed up. Like, like, how old do you have to be to get normal?

Here's what I've noticed. Because in the very recent past, we lived in the hood. My kids went to school in the hood. And now as we're climbing the socioeconomic ladder, the more comfortable a teenager is financially, the more trans they are. The more devoid of actual problems their life is, the more marginalized the identity that they present is.

Yeah. You used to have real problems. Well, it also used to be like the kids who were really fucked up at home would be like being trans. Yeah. And now the kids who are comfortable, like see those kids being like lauded with attention and like,

kind of like praise and like, you know, Oh, you're so brave. And now they're like, I want to be brave. There was something about like the few trans kids that I knew were kids who were like, had,

had had to go through so much like therapy and self-understanding that they were like, I think this is actually something I know about myself after so much analysis. And now it's just like, that's the first thing you hit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be where you would have to go through years of therapy and living with a prosthetic outside of your normal life as a means of like, are you sure you want to take this next step? But now what's happening is- Now what's happening is-

If you don't have reassignment surgery for your six-year-old, I think we're going to call CPS and have them take it away. A child can go to a guidance counselor and say, I feel as if I'm this. And the guidance counselor will fast track them to seeing a nurse practitioner. They won't even have to see a doctor and they can get hormones. They can get estrogen. They can get testosterone. They can get, how young start becoming, uh, they can start taking drugs and they say, and back me up, but this is true or not. But if you tell your parents, don't tell your parents because if they find out, they may not like it, which is gatekeeping

and is a means of keeping you from your true authentic self. Yes or no? I think if it's not already like this, they want to make it so that your parents never have to be notified. Oh.

And if the parents- Like birth control or something. I don't even- Oh, like birth control. Well, here's the thing. Here's my thing. You likened it to Adderall and ADHD. Like, oh, your kid's hyper?

Get them hooked on amphetamines for the rest of their life. My feeling is that this is a lot like opiates to where it's putting a Band-Aid over a bullet wound instead of dealing with like long-term pain therapeutic care. It doesn't matter what age we're talking about. therapeutic care. It doesn't matter what age we're talking about. They're giving medication to people as a means of putting a band-aid over a traumatic bullet wound that needs... If you truly feel you are

someone else, you're living in the wrong body, that's totally valid. That needs to be understood. It needs to be examined. We had that conversation after that initial painful hurdle of puberty, which is a universal experience. I wanted to be a boy so bad. For sure.

The boys were cool. But at the same time, if... Yeah, totally. I wanted to be a mermaid. What I think is more insidious than the ADHD Adderall thing is that now they're giving them medications to where if you don't take this every day for the rest of your life, you are no longer affirmed and you're no longer living in the way you see yourself. So if I'm... You're hooked on big pharma for the rest of your life.

You just have to recognize that the way that they're seeing it is like when somebody is, when somebody is put into the planet, it is their human right to decide what gender they are and how they want to be identified as. And to take that away from somebody is to like, is to oppress them. So it's hard for us to see things like that, but that is how they're seeing it. They're seeing it. Like if my, they're seeing it like gay, they're like, if your parent doesn't allow you to identify as gay, that's a bad thing. This is like, if your parent doesn't allow you to identify as the opposite gender, that's

that. Okay. But yeah, the problem is the amount of the, I mean, the problem, the problem is the accessibility. That's what I think it is. It is like the, I think everybody would be okay with everything. It's beyond accessibility. It's like. It's enforced. It's like taking your car to the car wash and then just watching it go through. It's like when you're a therapist, when you're a kid is like, do you, is your mom, is your mom mean to you?

Is your mom bad? One of my moms went into the doctor and they were like, you have high T. She's like, she's like a CrossFit junkie, incredibly buff. And they were like, I think she came in with something. So like, she was like, yeah, I've been like a little depressed or something like that. And they were like, well, it's because you're trans. This is a 40 year old woman. And they were like, and she was like, I am not trans.

I am a woman. I am a lesbian. I am happy to be a woman. And they were like, I am not trans. I am a woman. I am a lesbian. I am happy to be a woman. And they were like, you're trans. So this is happening to like grown ass. Yeah. And again, it's a way for people to be dependent on medication for their entire life. Because if they don't take that medicine, they will not be seen physically as they feel they are mentally and emotionally as that other thing.

It just feels like there should be a little separation of church and state on this one. Well, yeah, but at the same time your parents are racist bigots. Their parents are evil. Everything that they think is backwards. You know what I mean? Like, go out, rock the vote, vote for Hillary, that kind of shit. Do you feel that when your kids' friends come over

that they're a little bit like, you're a dad. That means you're bad. Well, luckily for me, my daughter's pretty, she got her head screwed on right. And that's a testament to you and MJ. Oh, dude, MJ's the best mom in the world. And you're a great dad. She tries to have a distinct identity

and thought process from me. And I recognize that. And I can't be like, no, that stuff's stupid. I have to let her run the logical course on something and then go face first into a brick wall intellectually and then watch her deal with like the painful regret of like, oh, dude, I sound like a fucking idiot on that stuff. And I have to watch her do that over and over and over again

so that she becomes like a complete whole human. Has she run into the brick wall a bunch? Absolutely. Really? Absolutely. And I watch and I go, I could have told her to avoid that, but then she would have missed out on an important lesson. That's so hard to do.

I can't imagine because you know what's going to happen. You just got to let it. Yeah. It's like, yeah, God, that must be so hard to deal with. And then my career is going like this into computers and acting like I don't give a fuck about anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It fucking sucks, dude. I mean, I can imagine, though,

like it's my, look, I'm not a parent, whatever, but if my kid was like, I'm this, I'm that, I'm like, cool, yeah, yeah, yeah. It fucking sucks, dude. I mean, I can imagine, though, like, it's, look, I'm not a parent, whatever, but if my kid was like, I'm this, I'm that, I'm like, cool, wear your hair, do the thing, have fun. But if someone doesn't like it, that's not a reflection of a hatred towards you. That's not a reflection of, like, a badder thing. Badder.

More bad, sorry. More bad. Badder? Badder. Worstest. Why am I trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about when I just said better watch out dude you're at risk of becoming a brainiac

don't become a brainiac no I just I just think I just think it's such a balancing act between like yeah let a kid be whatever they want but don't fast track it to

medications dude we should have somebody on the pod who disagrees with us who would disagree Who would disagree? Who would disagree? There's a big chance a lot of people hearing this would be like, this is a fucking backwards caveman. But I also feel that it's pretty obvious.

You're in the trenches. I'm in the fucking trenches. You're in the trenches. And I feel like I've been involved in that community in a different way for a very long time. I went through the non-binary phase. It fucking sucks being a female comic and identifying with all the male comics. I really,

I had a fucking full meltdown about it. I was like, I hate this. I hate that. I'm the female comic on the show. Everybody's like, she's the best female comic or she's the, I was like,

I don't like that. I don't identify with any older women besides like maybe Patty Smith. I was like, I don't understand. I hate, I was like, and then I realized that it was just like a very deep latent misogyny happening. You know what I mean? Like, it was

just like, uh, men have more fun. They are more free. Women are fucking stupid and bound to all these things. And it was very, I've totally had the sensation of like, I would love to walk up to somebody and be like, I'm Jordan and have them be like, I'm, I don't know really what you are fully. You know what I mean? Just because it meant that I was a blank slate. You had to avoid some pretty negative perceptions or even like you, just the sensation of feeling those perceptions, even if you're like, imagine, like I'm sure. And then you'd start to like, imagine them when they're not there. You know what I mean? Well, like I walk into your podcast, this didn't happen, but I walk in and you're, and I feel everybody go, oh, great. Ian. Oh, fuck. He brought a girl. And that's me. I'm doing that. If somebody brings it, I'm being like, oh, fuck. You brought a bitch to the poker game, dude. What do we talk about? You know what I mean? And that's my shit. You know what I mean? And that's, you know, how I was thinking. that's you know how we were thinking it yeah yeah yeah i mean a lot of people but i had i talked to people and they're like you don't in no way shape or form is it does my perception of you walking

into a room being like here comes the manipulator but yeah but i do think it's obvious that we're not speaking with condemnation we're not being like I am. I kind of wish this stuff wasn't happening. Really? I feel like our... It would be a little bit easier for my life if this stuff wasn't going down. Our points of view are coming from a place of love, though. It's not, there's no, like, hatred or anything. Yeah. I feel. I call, I like to think I have a compassionate heart, but I'm mostly just confused and upset

all the time. Really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, I'm, like, never sure of my decisions or actions. I just... Yeah, but who is? I'm constantly just looking around, just like, have I ruined my life and the people around me forever? It sounds like you're doing pretty good though. No, I do think that that's just a... Once you start, as long

as you're questioning it along the way, I think that you've got kind of a level of safety. But good kid, good wife? Yeah, I mean... Smart enough kid to not go towards that and then turn their back On their own family I may be the luckiest man in the world, that's all I've got, none of this is by design

I've walked backwards through all of this, this is nuts I don't know man, you've been a dad for a while When all your friends were Plowing pussy Yeah, you were a family guy dude That's a testament to you, not just some luck Yeah, me and my wife were just like complete social misfits. Nothing really made sense to either of us.

It's because you were trans! Yeah, I was trans. Oh my God, I've been trans this whole time. M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong. Yeah, it's because I'm low T trans. Yes. Who brought the woman? M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong. yeah it's called low t trans yes here's the thing though if someone does turn out to be trans let me suck them anyway what do you want to plug oh man guidance counselors really pushing for him interesting my guidance counselors

man until i went to social work college for i went for a semester it's called for yeah for um i didn't realize how many social workers were in my life growing up like i went for a semester and then all of a sudden i was like oh shit all of those people who are like hey you are uh you got some uh bruises on you hey you've been scribbling dark you have a box of dead flies that says good listeners on it are you i'm like oh that wasn't just a woman walking around my school that was a helper and if that woman came in with my short ass hair and my fucking i was trying to look like a boy so much and had been like, do you think you'd be happier as a boy? I would have been like,

hell yeah. I would be happier as a fucking couch, dude. Come on, bring him in. We got two more for the tit jar. Come on. Totally. You have to. That was fun. You have to come before you can transition.

What? You gotta come. You gotta come. You gotta feel what it feels like to come. I don't know. It's so hard being a fucking human and it never stops. Like, I can't imagine what it would be like going through puberty and the anxiety that now with the availability of seeing everyone else all the time on social media, at least like when we were younger

we could like go to our room and you can lie about you could you could invent a human being and say this person goes to another school and it's my girlfriend and she has awesome boobs yeah people would just be like i can't fucking disprove this yeah yeah and now it's like you know you know each other so intimately because you're compelled to share the most like minute details of your life that like it's almost like it's definitely a fake intimacy that's just born out of oversharing.

And it horrifies me every day. Wow. You just described podcasting. It is probably scary for these kids too. That kid who came down that was babysitting Racine's kid who was ticking. Like if they, if these kids are like getting

the, if somebody came up to me as a little kid and they're like, you know how you have these intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill yourself? What if you had the intrusive thought about going like that? And then all over the internet, a million children were doing that. I would start, it probably is. I mean, these kids are probably seriously suffering under the hand of

option. You know what I mean? And now imagine being locked up for two years, not going to school and fucking everything that was available to them during that. I just think that there is a... We have failed a generation! Well, I mean... I think there's a moral obligation to restrict social media. That's what I

think. Absolutely. Yeah, totally. I think there should be it should be illegal to let your kid on. Not only because of like having kids and sort of like I have to, I have to use my fucking iPhone to set limits on what my kids can see and how much time they can spend on their devices because it's like beyond just like the social pressures of

what's going on with like the youth right now. Beyond that the real, like there's a puppet being like manipulated on a stage and then the the person holding the marionette strings is actually a puppet that's being controlled by like chinese software developers yeah so i like they don't listen to you kids one of them dude it's hard enough to tell a 12 year old to brush their teeth and then you're like dude all the stuff that you see on computer screens is just Chinese software developers

trying to like, first, they want to predict your actions so that they can eventually sort of control them. They want to finesse you. They want to slow foot your actions. And isn't it crazy? We just had VHSs

with some 41 music videos and our parents were like, you can't watch this 900 times, okay? That was our like, so media't watch this 900 times, okay? That was our, like, so media manipulation was just fucking calling the box so that your favorite video would play over and over. Yeah, I do. What about how do you, how as a parent

do you make your kid not want to be a YouTube influencer? Because how do you make them do homework and study? Remember 8th grade? Well, okay, this was a little bit easier because we were absolutely destitute. Because they saw you and they were like, no. No way, dude. Become a podcaster.

Dude, my son Ben's 12 years old. He thinks we're all the coolest people in the entire world. Is that real? He thinks we fucking rule. That's great. And it's, I mean, yeah, he's definitely watching this against my wishes. What's up, buddy? Please brush your teeth.

That's so cool. Yeah. It rules, but at the same time, I do have to remind him, like, I'm a fucking idiot. I your teeth. That's so cool. Yeah. It rules, but at the same time, I do have to remind him, like, I'm a fucking idiot. I don't know what's going on. I've been a loser more than I've ever had a good time. You know what I mean?

But... What? Your son is fucking crazy. He's like, I'm a big moron. I might be too old. Why do you have to remind him of that? He's going to his room at night, and good night.

I have crippling depression. Because the cooler he thinks that. You just go into his room and say, and good night. I have crippling depression. The cooler he thinks that like me and all my boys are, the more of an idealized version of me he has in his head. And I have to be like, no, dude, even me, I'm a fucking moron. Let him think you're idealized. It's fine. Yeah, but then he's going to start wanting to like be a YouTuber, like podcast, right?

Well, I mean, he definitely has a creative... He needs to share his vision. And I totally get behind him. I help him. He learned how to do stop motion on his own. Anyway. I love the idea of you just like your kid being like, you're great. And you're like, I fucking suck, dude.

Listen to me. You think this is great? You fucking idiot. My dad fucking sucks. Look, I'm going to be honest. I just read you a bedtime story. I barely got through it. It's just so funny that I thought it was Green Eggs at Home. Like a booker is like, you should do the show. And we're like, we don't deserve this.

And your own child is like, you're doing a good job. And you're like, no, dude, you don't even know the half of it. I thought I'd do dad for you. Yeah. It never goes away. It never goes away. On paper, listen to this. I'm completely uneducated.

I have no job and I struggle socially. Like you can do way better than this. You don't struggle socially. You have so many friends. You love your wife and your kid is the best. And you're great. And none of us have money. But that's the thing.

So, all right. So to get back to your question, to just weigh them from wanting to be like a YouTuber and stuff. That was a shotgun cough in the face. I just felt like. Oh, my God. If you did that into his ear, the other side of his head would have blown out. The fuck, man? He was from your smoke. So I like you owed me one it was from your smoke so i

felt like she was returning the serve that's all it was okay my response would be like she she like my daughter would say something like dad did you hear that like she would she would get like a small kernel of like youtuber news like someone else has been outed as racist and I would say my honey, my darling, the apple of my eye we don't have enough money to care about this. I'm telling you that we're so poor

that we're not, we shouldn't even know Charlie D'Amelio's name. Do you understand me sweetie? That's good. Focus on your air sandwich and get off the internet. Understand me, sweetie. That's good. That's good. Yes. Focus on your air sandwich. My biggest concern is I'm going to work myself to death before I work up the courage to kill myself. Please.

Please don't care about this stuff. You're going to have a lot to care about pretty soon here when you find my body swinging from the rafters. So that's pretty much. That's how we point it that way. Wow. So different than DeStefano, who was on yesterday with his child problems. Is this child trans? Huh? No, he just

is perfectly secure in his He's so rich. He has so much money. He's got a lot of money. The more money I make, the more correct I feel. He's like, I live in a big house now, it's crazy, and you're like, we're gonna die! Dude, I mean, you know,

one thing that I... Dude, our next door neighbor got shot on Christmas Eve. Like, we were living in hell. Oh, in Kensington. Yeah. My kids were watching people on heroin fall asleep standing up at red lights. And I had to be like, I'm going to work us out of this. I promise. All we have to do is not care

about YouTubers, guys. And we got out of it. We're improved already. We're doing better. At least if they transition, it's free. I need you to transition just so we can get some sort of healthcare. Maybe a fucking... Maybe a dentist will give you

the time of day if you get your fucking pussy turned inside out. Dentist will give you the time of day Have you seen how hard men have it out society? Okay, do your plugs, we gotta go Dad meet, stoner dads, live stoner dads at Magoobies, Timonium, Maryland, 420 See you guys there

Great club, great pot I can't wait a good time. And then live dad meet. Great club, great pot. I can't wait to do it. And then live dad meet, Laugh It Up Poughkeepsie on April 28th, the following week. Oh, that rules. See you guys there, twitch.tv slash Simba. Oh, we just found out.

Whip. Just up your smoke in my lung. We're, you're lucky that's all you got down there. We just found out we're doing a live B&E with Jordan of Philly Helium in April. Are we really? It's locked in? Yes. You just had that conversation yesterday.

Now you're locking it in. I forget the date. Come. Cross over. I'll see you guys there. Whatever you want. Thank you. Love you. Bye bye. Hold on. Don't turn the cameras off. Love you. Bye-bye. Thanks, guys. Hold on.

Hold on. Don't turn the cameras off. Hold on. Okay, turn the cameras off. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you say anymore.