Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein’ Ian With Jordan Episode 082: Drinkin’ The Kool-Aid W/ Brendan Sagalow & Mike Recine

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding back so through the night It's a wild ride when you're being eaten Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride when you're being eaten Being eaten But it's a wild ride when you're being in, being in. Life is shit, but you're positive.

Let's find out what it's like to live a life being in, being in with Jordan. No. All right, start. Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of B&M with Jordyn. A few things on the docket. All right. Here's what's going on. here's what's going on. Here's what's going on. I've been being very cunt-y to Ian.

Some of you have noticed, some of you come out to my shows, they say I agree with you about Ian. Don't fucking say that to me. Fuck you. Don't say that to me. No they don't. Yeah, some of them do. No they don't.

Do you know what some people say to me about you? What do I mean? Holy fuck. What? What did I say? I have to go, no, fuck her already. I have to go, she's a good person. You don't know her like I know her. Go ahead. Here we go. What I don't.

What are they? What do they say? Nothing. Nothing. Go ahead. The reason why I've been so cunty to Ian is because he has not been being Ian. Sorry. That's true. Let's introduce our guest. And we had a conversation today and Ian agreed that he's gotta be back in therapy. He says, stop hooking whores.

And I do feel a lot better, but it was really- He can't fuck whores. Shut up. Why do you wanna control what he does so much? I don't wanna control him, but it's really annoying to have to be somebody's therapist when they're not taking care of themselves. That's too much pressure on me.

That is annoying. That's too much pressure on me. That is annoying. That is too much pressure on me. But you can't, you can't, here's the thing, have, I have not gone to as needing a therapist so much as we talk. And it's fucked up. And I tell you things and I don't go, but what do I do? I share with you. No, you do baby monster, which we both know.

What's baby monster? Baby monster is really like, I did this bad thing. Oopsie. You know what I mean? Man, you guys are both right and both wrong at the same time because he's just opening up to you. You're his close friend. Right.

So, but it was making me. And he just wants to open up to you, but at the same time, if you don't change your fucking ways, it's annoying for her. Yeah, yeah. Because there's only so many times she could tell you to open up to you. But at the same time, if you don't change your fucking ways, it's annoying for her. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's only so many times she could tell you to stop fucking horse. Well, Ian does a thing where he shows up 30 minutes late to the do the Adam Friedland show. And then he texts you five minutes at 425 and goes, Hey, where are you? Yeah. Oh yeah. Like he's, he is kind of like a diva.

It's like places I do my podcast. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I got a yo where you at text. And I was like, how it's not even the time. Fucking dare you, bro. You can't text. You can't see yo where you at early. No, I was late.

Yeah. I was running late. OK. Well, he texted me five minutes early. Also, yesterday, trying to find the studio. I was on the fourth floor, calling around, going, where the fuck is this place? I'm going to take a shit.

And I realized it's on the second floor. Because the number four kind of looks like a dick in balls. A little bit if you turn it upside down. I kept licking the signs. I'm going to lick every number four on this floor. That's why I've been mean. And also, I'm dealing with lick every number four on this, on this floor. That's why I've been mean. And also I'm dealing with my own shit. Right. And classic. Like what?

What are you dealing with? Classic. Not classic you, but just classic person, just being like, and I'm also going through. No, I'm not touching my chest. Ian touches his chest and says, I'm going through things. And I get mad and violent because I am my parents where when somebody's like, I need to, I am having a hard time,

but they're not doing anything to help themselves and makes me want to get a whistle. What does Alan say? Alan would say, No, no, what does Alan say? You don't talk about this. It's hilarious. First of all, Alan's gotta be at least 85 years old, right?

If you say one bad word about Alan, I will smash your face. No, I won't, I'm just saying, you know. Alan is incredible. Does he fall asleep sometimes in the middle of a session? Yeah, but that's fine. But he's got to be fine. And everybody has it. Everybody goes through it.

You're just saying shit and he's going, a guy? And you're like, 10 of our friends are going to see. Whatever for you, I pay a lot more than you. Everything. And it's a common oracle. Everybody's big. You know what I fucking hate is that people. I hate what he hates too. For you, I pay a lot more than you. Everything, and it's a common oracle among us. Dude, you know what I fucking hate? Is that people-

I hate what he hates too. Is that people that don't fucking go to him are like, oh, but isn't it weird that he sees other comics? Isn't that fucking weird? No, no, you don't talk about it. In fact, I like it, because I say hot, you know, I see a comic- Yeah, you always-

We high five, we do that fucking high five. I go in, I cry, I come out, I see another comic. We always, we high five. We do that fucking high five. I go in, I cry, I come out. I see another comic and we high five. I said Coyote met Esty and she was jumping up on her in Lictor and it was so fun. And I said, you know, oh, I saw Saggo, we had a blast together and he goes, oh, that must have been fun.

When did we have a blast? When did I see you and have a blast with you? When we have. But I've been like, it was really great. If this happened, you know this really great. Did this happen? You know, this is great. Hey, speaking of Estee, wouldn't that be funny if she choked on my dick and died? No, it wouldn't be funny.

No, it wouldn't. No. He looks like Donnie Brasco. I've just been waiting to do that for a long time. I've just been waiting to do that for a long time. My favorite it. I've just been waiting to do that for a long time. My favorite thing with people of Allen, they go, well, the cool thing about him is when I go, yeah, I got an audition for JFL. He knows what it stands for.

He gets it. It's like, oh, well, the thing is, but okay, just because, hold on, just because you say a sentence and then you go,, yeah, it's a fucking point Yes Because he talks about his other client He talks about his other client and you know who he's talking about the other Funny to be the other day. Oh, Jordan, another client of mine is struggling with their weight.

He never says that. Sackle. Yeah. No, but he did say something funny to me. Sorry, that was low. He's like, I have a client. I am struggling. He's Irish.

He's 300 pounds. He doesn't say that. He's not 300 pounds and I'll kill everyone in here. Listen to me. He just listens and he talks about your parents. His whole thing is about the parents and the growing up. Uh-huh. Sure.

Oh, he hates parents. But yeah, he said something hilarious to me the other day. I didn't even realize it was a joke where I'm like, I'm just talking to him about being like, I can't fucking date any of these fuck. I'm like, I'm done with comics and all that shit. And he goes, he goes, yeah, well, I mean, female comics are out of their fucking mind.

And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, I was kidding. And I was like, oh. Yeah. I was like, yeah. But the thing is not to be a hater or anything, but we do want to have some, but it always goes back to the parents. I want my, isn't there anybody else?

Isn't there anybody else who fucks you up? Who have a child. Isn't there anybody else who fucks you up? Yeah, he talks about that too. Sure. Yeah. He talks about your upbringing and everything. Cause it just feels like it's, it's kind of like when you're a therapist,

like doing the A is to blame the parents. This is so classic. When you fall back. It is classic. Do you go to therapy? No, I've been to Alan and he's great, but you know. Oh yeah. We'll shush then.

But like the parent thing is like, aren't there other people who fuck you up? Has he ever done this to you? Have you ever been like, yeah, actually, like I have a bit about it where I say da, da, da, da, and he just goes, you ever do that? No, he always laughs when I go, yeah, I'm doing this bit about, he's like, yeah, actually, like, I have a bit about it where I say, da, da, da, da, da. And he just goes, you know, he always laughs when I go, yeah, I'm doing this bit about, he's like, oh, it's good. He's like, oh, he says it's funny.

He doesn't laugh. He says that's good. No, he laughs. He doesn't laugh with you. But if comedians- It's great having the same therapist, huh? Yeah, right. Comedians should not be talking to therapists.

They should be going to Haiti and like building schools or something, you know? They should be doing stuff for other people instead of more getting to getting the microphone He doesn't laugh with you ever did it one time the other day I was like I'm actually doing a bit about it where I say this and he was He like always laughs no he doesn't yeah, you say I'm working on He like always laughs. No, he doesn't. Yeah. You say I'm working on a bit about this. No. Well, yeah. Anytime I'm like, I'm doing a bit, he's like, I think me and him,

I think we just get each other like, like humor wise. I think he gets my humor. So he's like, have your street dirty work. He thought what I said was sad. He was like, oh, that's hurtful. It's funny when he goes, when he goes, when he goes, that's sad. You go, yeah, it is sad. Yeah. You know, yeah.

When you go, am I retarded brother, put his hands on my neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I say that kind of stuff, he's like, uh-oh. He doesn't laugh. He goes, uh-oh. Oh, that's sad. My therapist would say. That must have been so traumatic. You go to a therapist.

Oh, no, it's not. She goes, yeah, let's take a step back. That's really true. I'm like, I guess I'll tell you why it's nice to have a therapist that sees comics. It's it is, it is that whole thing of you being like, he gets it with JFL, but take all that fucking little sass that you said that sentence with out of it. That is kind of a thing where you're like, you don't really have to like, cause you can be like, you can have a therapist where you're like, yeah, the booker of blah, blah, blah, doesn't really like, and they can be like, well, why don't you just walk up to

or get her some flowers or something. All three of you need to have children. I'm not having kids. None of us in this room should have children. You shouldn't even have children. No, but I do. And it is what it is. We said a congratulations video to Benny yesterday for taking a shit the toy. I

Congratulations video to Benny yesterday for taking a shit He was holding his little baby potty Did he shitting in the little baby potty now And just and nobody like told him to do that. There's no water in it? No, it's just. Just out of water shit? No, it's just like a bucket.

It's just like a bucket. But he was like... It's not like a bucket. There's no water in a bucket. He was holding the bowl and the piss was like swishing all over the place. Like I had to fall out. Like with this big turd. Were you proud?

Of course. That's great. Yeah, we both were. That wasn't his first. But the first time he just went and did it, he just took it, which is very funny, just take a shit in something. That's awesome.

He just figured it out. Where was he shitting before? Right into his pants. In his diaper. Just shitting right into there. Even though he's like a. He's got size six. He's wearing adult diapers right now.

Yeah, he's huge. They can drop and do something. I'm getting there. He's wearing adult diapers right now. He's huge. Yeah, they can drop and do something Yeah, so where's diapers? No. Yeah, he's wearing size six, but you know training pants two and a half Oh, that's normal. Yeah, right. Is he normal? Thanks. I think he's normal. Is the pooping normal? Yeah, I think so pooping in the pants. What would be irregular about it? If he if he well, it might isn't more normal for Get it out get it out, spit it out. Spitted the fuck out. Fucking mumble mouth. Is it normal? Is it more normal for two year olds to be like, hey, I need to go poop and then you take

him to the bathroom or do they just and shit? Is that why? Yeah, he just but eventually, yeah, I think he'll be, you know, he'll be like, it will be a Burger King and I'll be like, I have to use the body. Okay. We'll sit down. Yeah. But he's only getting to that point now. He just looked like his second poopy on the toilet.

I'm a little baby toilet. Do you wipe his ass? No, I don't wipe my son's ass. Brandon just asked me if I wipe his ass. Do you wipe his ass? Yeah, of course. With with what? Well, but yeah, with wipes, I guess, I guess yeah, you're talking to three people No, my dog had a hair sticking out of her butt. It was a little poopy attached to a little hair She's a puppy. Yeah, and I pulled the hair. Did she cry it went like this and then it was a dreadlock That came out. She was like

I wouldn't lie you don't want to put things in your dog's ass either. That's what I found out. Oh. I found that out the hard way, folks. What'd you do? Your finger? Just keep things out of your dog's ass. Sometimes our butthole is right there,

and you're like, get it out of my face right now. How far can I get in there? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, a little fun fact. So you rented a cat, or adopted a cat, Hey, a little, little, little fun fact. So you rented a cat or adopted a cat, fostered a cat, bought a cat. I say I rescued a cat. Did you phone to the rescue place?

I financed a cat. Well, how long, I don't want to talk about the cat. You saw the pictures of the cat. Let me ask the question. Brendan carries around a little box from when he goes from apartment to apartment. It has a helmet for ex-girlfriend just being like, fuck you. Let me ask the question. Brendan carries around a little box from when he goes from apartment to apartment. It has a helmet for ex-girlfriend. Just be like, fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I got it. Yeah.

Okay. So you went through the breakup and then you saw a cat online and you're like, cute. Well, I was like walking around my apartment and there was just like, aimlessly. Yeah, dude. The air was like different. You know what I mean? Cause it's still the, the apartment used to have like love. Not the one who's so far away. When I feel the snake bite into my veins. Ever did I wanna be there again. And I don't remember why I came.

Was it like that? No. I was walking. Inside, inside out. Slippin' the beat. I'm not gonna. You're a push and pull you down. Was it like that? No. Oh, I was watching. Oh, I was watching. Inside, inside out. She's living the beat. I'm not going to. Pull, pull you down.

Living the beat. I'm not going to. Remember William Hung? Go ahead, guys. You know what? William Hung. Just some fucking retarded Asian guy that everybody made fun of for like two years.

Yeah, but he was good. Who was he? He was on American Idol. And he was like, he sang that song. Really? No, he sang, um, she bangs. Oh, she bangs. By Ricky Martin.

Yeah. So then you saw her online. So there was a, there's a lady in Long Island that puts out cat traps and saves a bunch of cats and then just gives them away. But she gives them away and she like was FaceTiming me and she's like, what cat do you want? She has thousands of cats walking around and I'm like, that one I guess, I mean, what the fuck? And she's like, oh, she like reaches in,

but you know, like fucking this one. And I'm like, yeah, I don't care. Is that a good one? And she brought it and brought it to my fucking house and the cats immediately terrified of me and we're kind of like building a relationship where I should and I talked to Ian about this, should have got a fucking kitten that I could groom,

like a pedophile. I got- That's cool, I like cats though. The older I get, I like cats more. They're just bad air. I love dogs. Well, dogs are cool, but you got people bringing them around everywhere and shit.

Like no one brings cats around. Nobody wants- My dog is at home looking like a cat. Oh, how big is she going to get? She looks like a mini German shepherd. She rules. Although she got shots yesterday and I took her to Graham's house with Pat and a hang and her little bicep to her and she kept going and inviting it people. So I need to let that, that's why she's home. She's resting.

Do you bring her into Whole Foods? Yeah, I bring her everywhere. Is she spayed? Oh, yeah. She's going to get her period. Yeah. You know what's funny? If you go to the Whole Foods in Union Square, there's a sign that says like, you can't shop with your personal bag. And then if you go to the Whole Foods in Williamsburg, there's a sign that says, please don't bring your dog in the store. can't shop with your personal bag. And then if you go to the Whole Foods in Williamsburg, there's a sign that says, please don't bring your dog in the store. Because white women love to bring in their dogs

and the Whole Foods. I know that's right. She's flying for six hours to California tomorrow. Yeah, with you. What's your life? You're putting her in your lap though, right? She goes in my lap and she passes out. She's not going with the baggage.

Cause you know when people bring their dogs on airplanes and they're like, United Airlines killed my dog. Oh yeah. Like what if you fucking think was under the fucking thing? Dude, what do you think was gonna happen? Wait, listen to this. The other day I'm checking into Delta. I told you this, I must have.

I'm checking into Delta. They're taking my ticket. No. And they go, hey. And he like was looking at me weird and I was like, what? What's up? And he was like, I just watched you on the B&N with Brad Williams. Brad, I mean Edward, what's up? And he was like, I just watched you on the B&E end with Brad Williams.

Brad, I mean, Edward, what's his name? Brad Edwards. Brad Williams. Brad Williams. And he goes, and he goes, wait a minute, is that Coyote? And she was in the thing and he goes, can I see her? And I held her up and he was like, wow, in the flesh. And I was like, okay, let's see. That's great.

But isn't that crazy? That's so cool. She recognized. Whoa. She gets recognized more than I do. Yeah. George is like, you want a picture of me or something? The guy's like, no.

Just let me touch your dog. Touch your dog. That's the worst when that happens. When somebody's punishing you and they're talking to you for too long and you're like, I'm a big fan. You want a picture? And they're like, no.

And I'm like, well, I'm trying to get you to go away. I'm trying to get you to go away. And now you think I love you. Picture person, I just want a conversation. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, you've had that. Yes. We're like, you want a picture? And they're like, no. And then they turn it on you.

Oh, I don't mind having a convo with somebody. Yes. I'm a man of the people. I like it. Talk to me. Okay. Hi. Who am I? You're you. Oh, okay. Hi. How's it going? I really like your joke. I really liked your joke about being a royal, a royal queen. Thank you. Thank you so much. That's awesome. Thanks. Where are you from? Why are you talking like that? Here. Why? Oh, you're from what are we complaining? Toronto. Toronto. Yeah. Wow.

Well, thank you very much. What's your name? Amy. Amy, nice to meet you. Follow me on Instagram. OK. And and then I'll hit on you. Which is what I do every time. OK, well, thank then I'll hit on you. Which is what I do every time. Okay. Well, thank you. Have a good one. Thanks. I'm still standing here. I turn to whoever fucking reads.

No, eventually you go, want a picture? Cause maybe that's what they want. And then they go, no. And then you feel like a retard. I've never asked somebody if they want a picture. You're a let here, race. See, you do it here. I'll be a fan.

Okay. Hey. No, I'll do it. I'll be a fan. Okay Yeah, that's right. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with having Arab Muslims, a Muslim fan base? I do have a lot of Muslim and Latino fans. I don't know if you guys know that about me. A lot of Latino guys like my first thing. Was there a podcast where a woman was talking

about Palestinian rights and you were just kind of going, oh, yeah. That was the biggest clip ever. Did I send you that clip? I sent you the clip I like zoomed in on Scott's face. Don't freak out. Hold on, I should have my shot. Yeah, hold on.

There was a woman in a hijab. Just going. Just be left. Yeah, I sent this to Scott. Look at this. Yeah. Hold on. I can't, it's white.

What's wrong with that? Pick the side and defend it with your fucking chest out. Pick a side. Listen. You have fucking chest out. Pick a side. I'm gonna make it stay out of it because what you do in neutral just shows him what your power you are because we all, I can't, it's white. Pick a side and defend it with your fucking chest out. Pick a side. She's right.

What's wrong with that? No, you guys are going ahead with this. Pick a side and defend it with your chest out. Pick a, pick a side. Literally. Pick a, pick a side. Pick a side. Yeah, let's fucking. Yeah, let's meme it in order to do that.

He's just like this. Pick a side and stick it with your chest out. Oh, oh, oh. The political Scott's going to kill himself. Uh-uh. That was great. I thought that was so fucking funny. I don't, yeah.

I mean, you guys could think whatever you want Maybe It's not a joke because actually I think that happened this woman was like I was talking about Muslim You Muslim. If anybody in this room should be Muslim, it should be. Yeah, cover your face up. You would be. And don't talk. Stop talking and get rid of everything. But those bug-ass.

Be an Ian with Ian. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with.

She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She's just being Ian with. She'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Why should I be Muslim though? The other night That's a really Islamabad joke

IDF more like ID GA I didn't want it to just die in the group chat. It was it was funny. You looked between the hands of us in my eyes. Like you were like, no, he's built it out of it. He's in the group chat. He did. I did. I said I said that in a group chat. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. wedding from how much I'm laughing at this. Holy shit.

Don't laugh at that. Okay. Anyway. Well, why would it be good for me to be Muslim? If you guys talk about Palestine, did they like take your seller spots away or something? I must have talked about it. Two years. Yeah, she's got you mixed up with. I must have talked about it That is so funny he said in the group chat is so funny god damn it's good getting the big laughs early in the show Yeah, you can just kind of relax. Yeah, on your phone. Have you got any backlash for your new religion?

No, I mean, what backlash? I don't know. Is Amy Schumer come for you? No, I'm surprised. I'm surprised I'm not. Yeah, dead. Yeah. I'm surprised every day I go. You guys know about these Clinton, Clinton list? What's that? All the people that have killed themselves.

It's a lot of people. Why? It's a lot of people and it's all like, yeah, this guy shot himself in the back of the head four times. Yeah. He drove his car into a ravine. That happened to Officer Yerke, the guy who was the first responding officer

at the Oklahoma City bombing. He started to come out the news and say that there were multiple people there and it wasn't just one person. No, what I'm saying, this list though is like that, but like a million people. It's like thousands of people. No, like an entire squad of cops all shot themselves in the head after they were like, no. Actually, I don't believe in any of that. Really? Yeah, you just hate Hillary Clinton because she's a woman. Well, yeah. Yeah. No, I don't think that the Clinton kill list. Look, I'm sure you're.

Some people think I'm trying to make a joke like, no, but I am one great. Oh, yeah, I know. I was scared to think about it. Yeah, I'm thinking about it in my own head. I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm not thinking about it. Yeah. Well, now I'm talking about it. It's crazy. We got to look into it. Yeah, don't kill me I don't know what happens Okay, what happens when you die? Then what no not that anything would happen just cuz no no just then what what are we looking into what and why many people? Cuz it's interesting that you can just tell why not go for a different thing Why not be like this guy fell off a building this guy?

Right, it's all like Yeah Why not be like this guy fell off a building? This guy, it's all kill themselves. Don't fix it if they name broke. Stand himself with a pen 40 times. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. But yeah. But that was, listen, everybody's innocent until proven guilty.

That was the theory when the dog. Are you saying that's where you don't die? Yeah. That was the theory with Obama's chef. Well, that was funny. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I guess what's the point of being like president

or somebody big if you can't just kill whoever the fuck you want. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I guess what's the point of being like president or somebody big if you're not gonna be sick or whatever the fuck you want. Damn. Okay. Now that it's like a- Well, what's funny is that the Clint had a chef, the Clint had a personal chef that went hiking one day and drowned in like six inches of water or something.

Really? And then yeah, then Marvin Bush, Bush's brother, had a nanny that was like hit by her car one day. She like went out to her car and it rolled on top of her. Jesus. What, they got the fucking night rider? Yeah, they got Wiley Coyote day. Take her out.

So I guess, I think that happens, it's like you get close to these people and then you just overhear the wrong thing. Obama's like, Obama's like, yes, gay? Mr. Love Company. Michelle has a big cock. Michelle's real name is Michael. I'm almost on the floor like, yes, I'm gay. I love coffee. Michelle has a big cock. Michelle's real name is Michael. And you're like, here's your eggs, bro.

I'll just see myself out. Can I leave early today? Here are your eggs. You're not a gay man. I never thought you were gay. And with the side of your wife is not born named Michael. I've a shot. I've never seen a picture of her pregnant.

But I don't need proof. I was like, come out and look at this puddle with me for a second. Yeah. Is that puddle like shallower? Why don't you smell it? Smell that water. Can I show you how I learned to surf on the back of someone's head? By the way, I am totally gay.

And just so you know, I am gay. Three people are good on this. Michelle's like, you tried them, bro! I love Cumbot. It's either this or my cum. You choose. Good job, Barack. Come back to bed. He five-o from.

I would love if this was like a show that Barack watched. He's like, Hey, what the hell? I guess I'm open to you. I'm gonna unsubscribe. We're done mysteriously. That'd be funny if Barak kills us. Everybody's gonna be like, it couldn't be Clinton, they already think, she said she wants to kill herself, so I made it up. I know, what is this, Psyop. What's that? Well, psychological operation. Whoa. Oh, easy to do for me. They just hold up a picture of my ex.

Oh, Jesus. I think you'd be pretty easy to be MK-Ultra'd. Yeah, yeah, totally, of course. Yeah, tell me my ex will be in heaven. Yeah, yeah, it's kinda like putting drugs into Tell me what it looks like will be in heaven. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like putting drugs into you to make you do things through the government. They'll be like, you're actually come back if you die.

You'll infiltrate this mosque. What about maybe instead of killing people, they make Jordan rape people with the MKUltra? I'm just throwing something out. I'm just throwing it out. I'm just throwing a premise out. They can't all be women. She's not paragliding into a music fest in Israel.

I don't think she'd do that. And just because it happened doesn't mean that genocide's deserved. Right. And you got to be on. Hey, if you picked if you're not on one side, then you're like, what are you trying to say? I don't know.

Scott's quietly cleaning a gun. Yeah. This is a great podcast, but Hamas didn't rape a single person. Hamas did not rape a single woman, okay? Just want to be very clear on that. Liar alarm. I do think one of the... I do think one of the...

Very clear on that, if you've... Yeah. I think one of the global sicknesses is that idea, though, that you have to pick a set. Ian, I need you to go back to your seat. Okay. Thank you so much. You're fine. You don't need to go that far, but I have to pick a set. Ian, I need you to go back to your seat. Thank you so much. You don't need to go that far, but I'm just like,

come close to him a little. You have to pick a side. I mean, the thing is you can side with the, you can side with the Terrence, or you can side with the Freedom Fighters. But I'm just saying, picking a side, that's the problem with every political situation. So they're like, if you don't pick one side, you're bad.

Like with the vaccine, it's like, sure, we should get a vaccine to stop people from getting sick. But at the same time, the restrictions were so, you know what I mean? Like there are nuances. Anatomy of a fall talks about it. I took the vaccine and I don't ever want to like talk about it again.

I mean, I don't know. I think I'm fine. Put your shoes go. They're showing up. Oh my God. The vaccines. The vaccines. I mean, I don't know. I think I'm I think I'm fine. Your shoes go there. Oh, my God. The vaccine. Pfizer took my shoes. It's so funny to not have shoes on but to have a leather jacket on.

He's like solving a crime, but he wants to be comfortable. Right. Right. Hey, Tony, got a new rug. I don't want. All right, Mike, you're going to take your shoes off. Everybody take your shoes off. Dude, Tango, I was crying, laughing, watching the clip about if Tony's a brand or evil or emo and you did the.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you do? That's cool. We're having a lot of rest. But OK. Huh? He's going to be funny. Hey, when I was a young boy, my father

took me to the Black Parade. It was so good. I'm feeling this. You got to regret right now. I'm feeling this. What are you doing? You're going on Pornhub. Take it back.

Oh, yeah. My lipstick is calling. Don't bother, Angel. I know exactly what goes on. That's great, Brandon. You know, we had a lot of laughs. I't know how this I'm so sick and also tired of being sick we're both just magnificent lies magnificent lies.

The block parade was good because I could imagine saying when I was a young boy. Yeah. When I was a young boy, my father took me to the city to see the black parade. That's such a don't even think you're good at Carmella too. Yeah. So good. That's more simpsons. Marge is Homer. What was Carmella? Well, no, no, no. So where did you cheat on me again? Everyday Homer, I think about Furio. It's hi Tony. I think about Furio. How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's horse again? How about Furio's I Caramba Come on March

We all cheat on our wives sometimes No He's like that it's like a desperate This family has is from the work I do. That's what Tony said. Oh, what about? Oh, I'm grounds keeper Willie and he never had a makings of a varsity athlete. You lose it.

That's funny, I saw the scene. Oh, I got syphilis again. I'm sick of fucking those horse. Skinner. Oh, you want to hear something? You want to hear something good? I'm going to say it. I have to talk shit about somebody that we know.

Okay. So on our podcast on the Patreon out for smokes, the after smokes show, we said, what if it was a, what if it was Jake Floras, Sopranosos and it's like woke up this morning, ate myself some cum. Got on Twitter and said that Nick Mullin is dumb. I Everyone Let's go back to Hamas and how they didn't commit a single rape. Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Why did you do that? Yeah. We have to do it. Yeah. Why? It's just a part of the show. Is it, is it, Taser? We have to.

Yeah, here, hold on. It's let me charge it to plug it in. Get away from me. No, come on. Don't you get away from me. We don't like it on this couch. Yeah. We're not. No, no, no, no. We're not Taser. I have a concealed carry permit. Will you plug it in for me? So, yeah. Come on, stop. How did you not know he was gonna do that?

He said, he said, he said, he said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L.

He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. He said, I'm gonna get his L. Cause I Now I'm kind of on that couch inside a little bit No way, I'm not going to near you. I love that your this is like how black comedians do you joke? Oh, man? He said oh man, he said I stole it from back to me. And I think it's so funny. He said, that's all. I've listened to the seller to the black table and they literally will be like water bottles on the floor. He said water bottles. And they just all die.

And they said the same thing. Interesting. There's a black table at the seller. Yeah. The tables are segregated by race. They have to be. They self-segregate. Yeah.

We're not putting them there. I don't sit at the black table on purpose. I sit there. Sometimes I go on. I'm welcome. Yeah, we're not putting I don't sit at the black table on purpose. I sit there Welcome, yeah, I'm invited to the cookout, but I'm also a silly I think everybody's invited Get rid of it man. I think scary. Yeah I don't like it I don't want any no, you know, you can trust me Brandon

But just remind you my cuisine did go It's so terrifying feel it feel it You've to touch your leg yeah He's on your leg a little. You have to touch your leg. Yeah, I don't want to do it. You can do it. Just stop. Do it. How about my, how about my dick and bones? No.

My cock and bones. Let's borrow my dick and bones. Let me put it on my dick and bones. I will move towards the leg. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. Oh, man. I don't want to do that again. It's behind here.

How about this? How about this? I guess I can cover that again. Listen, I'm going to bend over. You touch it in my asshole, and that's it. That's it. All right, all right. I'm going to lay in my back. You're going to put your knees on my shoulders. Motherfucker said ow.

Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow.

Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow.

Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. Motherfucker said ow. I'm still in a show Jersey. What time of this guy in the audience was wearing like a vest and pants, but no jacket and the comic on stage. He goes, he got a three piece suit. He got the third piece on layaway. That's really good. That's really good. That's really good. You know, one of the best dev champs I ever saw, a jacked rip black guy came out on stage

with a suit jacket. No shirt underneath the cowboy hat. Looked at the guy in the crowd and goes, look at this nerdy motherfucker, look at he home in venton dicks. Like a gay scientist. He home is funny enough for me. Yeah, yeah. Why the fuck a he home? Yeah, I was in and on he home.

I'm like, whatever comes after this is just the cherry on top. He homes is coming. He homes. You've started a on top. He homes his cousin. He homes. Are you you've started a new podcast? No, not yet. Not yet. Soon. Soon.

We're getting everything already and all that shit. It's going to be a parcel. No. No. We're just we're it's going to be in my fucking apartment. You know, with the cat. Yeah, I'm doing a podcast with the cat. What's the cat's name? No, me and Maddie Smith are starting one

called Maddie and the fatty. What's the cat's name? That you're gonna be the fat butt. I hate it too fat, but There's a lot of them needs an ad you go. I hate that you're the fat cunt Wait, what the fuck? I think you're the big ugly gross fat guy You're the big ugly gross fat guy. I just... I just... I just... I just...

I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just...

I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just...

I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... I just... Why don't you like the name? Because I don't want you to be the red zen full of the being in front of. How weak do you think I am? I've been.

That you think I'm a. Let's think about what the. Three years ago. Last time I got a phone call from you. We can make fun of a Maddie Smith for her. Let's all go around the room and we'll write some zingers for Maddie. Right.

She takes forever to start a podcast with someone. Ever made. At least on the gayest show I've ever seen in my life, where they literally joined our lives. It really is all he-homes. It was, somebody was describing one of the games to me, and they're like, yeah, then they bring a prop out, and you're like, oh, this prop?

Yeah, that product. I was like, oh my god. I know. It's really, so. I picture every time before Maddie goes out, she just goes, fuck me. Yeah. She has to go on stage in the classroom.

Yeah, it's so funny. It's like a game you play when you're in like seventh grade. It's so bad. She's like 34 years old. Yeah. Yeah. And all the insults are crazy. It's like, Brandon's sitting there.

He likes to whack it. And Mike, he wearing a whack jacket. Hey! Fuck you! Fuck you! Shut up! Oh, we'll be right back. We'll be right back.

Nick Cannon is like... Yeah. He's crying in the back. The audience is full of all his illegitimate children. It's a a baby. Babies and nannies. He said what? One of them is like, this is my first time meeting him.

Motherfuckers still made me pay for a ticket. They called me cash number audition for a' out to talk to their dad. That's such a funny thing to do though, just have 11. He's got like 11 kids. 11. He's got way more than that. What? Yes.

Look at how many kids they can. Hey Alexa, I thought you don't have one. No, our Alexa's name is Ethan. Well, that's fucked up, but also like, but people will, excuse me. To our son. Sorry. People shit on him for that, but like,

isn't it weird that Robert De Niro's having a kid at like 80? Yeah, see? No way. Robert De Niro's having a kid at 80 years old. That's just as bad. That's disgusting and terrible. Yeah. Everyone, every human should be taken out back

and shot in the back of the head at 65. I hear you. Yes say goodbye sorry Sorry Bye-bye 71 At a certain point you're just a burden to your whole fucking life like your whole family and shit. I'm not saying that 75 75 get your fairs in order. No Hmm imagine how much change we could make if you knew you were gonna die at 65 Yeah, I'm already paralyzed with fear knowing that I'm gonna die at like 50 something.

No, you have to 65. Thanks. I saw Billy Joel and he took out his kids to like sing a song and they're like four and seven. Oh really? Yeah, he's got young kids too. Billy Joel. It's just what they do.

It's just what they do. They have a career. I'm gonna go to my dad's dinner when I'm seven. I get it. That's why I only fuck 19-year-olds. Hey, that's my thing. Yeah, right. Have you been fucking 19-year-olds? No, no. I would never go to my dad's dinner when I'm seven. That's why I only fuck 19-year-olds. That's my thing. Yeah, right. Have you been fucking 19-year-olds?

No, no. I would never go down that fucking route. Are you kidding? Oh, am I Ian? Imagine Robert Gino's kids being like, yeah, so my dad died when I was seven. I got a podcast now. It's like, yeah.

All right, I don't know. 25? No, that's fine. Absolutely not. that's disgusting. I have where I will. Oh, he was great, dude. It's funny though, he's like so old that he like doesn't even,

and he's so bored of the songs and all that stuff, but he's really good. So it was like kind of like the best Chuck E. Cheese I've ever been to, because he looked like an animatron. He did, he was like, what's the matter, the crowd's at the end with the crowd? I'm like eating shitty pizza. I'll eat a good dime.

I'm like, when did you die? Well, what's his face? That guy Ray, who's a comic. I forget his last name went. DeVito. Romano. Ray Allen. Yeah.

Romano. No. Ray Romano. Ray with the long hair at the celery. I want another baby. Yeah. I'm 80 years old. He went to a Billy Joel and he was like crying.

He said it's the most beautiful. Oh, no, Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney, I saw too. Paul McCartney was great. Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney. I saw too. Paul McCartney was great. Nicky Minaj. I was crying at Nicky Minaj. I got my fake ID taken away at a Ringo Starr concert one time. Really?

Yeah. Both really good. Wow. What are you doing? Where are you getting this MSG money? It's funny. My actually, my dad got the tickets to Paul McCartney, but I killed him for them. But then I, yeah, I slid his throat for section L actually kind of regret it because he's dead. Yeah. No, he couldn't go. So I got the tickets and I took my Canon. You know, I like that. You asked a question. Now you're looking at your phone. You know, why is your dog texting you? Dude, I saw him in 2014. He did the cool shit.

He came out and he goes, I gotta be honest. I haven't given you anything new to sing along to in the past 20 or so years. So, but sorry with you. I'm just going to play the hits. Everyone's like, yeah. And then he went into uptown girl. That's hilarious.

He actually, when I saw him, he was like, we actually might have some new shit coming out. And everyone was like, we don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not here for that. Right. Paul McCartney might have some new shit coming out and everyone was like, we don't care We're not here for that. Right. McCartney though was playing new shit He like he played every song that you could know for he played tons of needles all that shit And then he was like, okay, I'm gonna play you a new song I wrote so if you have to go to the bathroom now's the time to do it. Is that what he said? Yeah He was like, he's like we call this the going to the bathroom song. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, that's great

And then uh, what was this new song? Catch a Goop, go! Oh God, dude. I saw Jackson Brown and all of the old songs were amazing and all the new songs were like, we have to save the oceans. And everybody's like, no! No!

Because the songs he wrote, like Doctor My Eyes and all that, he was like 21. So he's got it. Can I just try this one? And he's like, black people and white people need to be friends with people. And they're like, ah! I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video.

I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. I'm gonna do a little bit of a video. our friends. Get off the bed. Go back and die. You're killing yourself. Good. What the fuck?

Stop. It was true. And then he literally defeated it and be like, all right. Dr. Ma, I just can't say it. We'd be like, yay. We like this. Go back and play these guys. All these guys, 75, right?

They play their songs and you can just tell they're like whatever. And everybody's like creaming their fucking pussies. It's gotta be. Hootily. If you know the songs, it's great. It's awesome. 75 right play their songs and you can just tell they're like whatever and everybody's like creaming their fucking pussies It's gotta be Hootily if you know the songs, it's great

It's great comedy is like that, but it's not But it's nice when you get that new not my comedy a new chunk that new chunk of material. Yeah. Yeah something new Oh, yeah. Oh man. Yeah. Hmm. What's my new? It's like you ever have sex with a woman Yeah, hmm. What's my new? Like you ever have sex with a woman? Trying to make a fat job. Yeah, new chunk around this area. Come on. I love you. You know,

What are you going to do? I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to be on a podcast where that's going to come flying at you and you're going to go, I never should have made funny. Jordan. This feels really, really bad. What's going to come flying at me? Fat jokes with Maddie and the fatty. Is it at least?

I don't care. Did he wise? Uh, no, it's FATT. Why? I don't care. I've been fat my whole life. I don't care. Yeah. Wise. No, it's FATTY. I don't care. I've been fat my whole life. I don't give a shit. What if it's a hot girl calling you fat?

I fuck hot girls all the time. Do you really? What? Yeah. Gale. What is this, the lie hour? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

What? Dude, what if I just, you wouldn't mind. You wouldn't mind. Would you mind? Dumb up. You mind if I do you wouldn't mind? Would you mind? You mind if I started seeing your mom with describe her weight first. Her weight. She didn't wait long. You know, I came pretty fast.

Nice. Just like start with like the number it was of you and her together. And then we'll do some traction. Well, she was wearing a job. At least she had a job. I'm not gonna. That's a good campaign for a Muslim leaving the faith, being like, no more high job and hello, hi job.

That's cool. Hello, hi job. Hello, hi, hey, how you doing? Hi job. Hi, what's up, job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job.

I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. I'm here to talk to you about the job. No more high job and hello hi job Sorry I was late I was annulling my rape marriage. I don't think there are any Muslims. Which is a thing in their land. Sure he is, I know, yeah. I don't think there are any Muslims.

I don't think there are any Muslims. I don't know, it was out for a while. I got hit over the head and dragged back to a man's cave. It's archaic, Mike. It's our Kayak Mike. I don't really agree with that. You were supporting a people that would have your wife stuffed in a bag with a little slit. You really think that? Yeah.

What's your evidence for that? The women that they say should be undercover from God? I think a lot of them are choosing to do that. Misunderstood. Yeah, of course they're choosing to do it because they've been brought up to believe that that's right. Yeah, but why do you guys think that your way of life is so like it's...

Because I think it's great. Because my face is uncovered. You think it's great to... Which it was. You think it's great to just walk around with no hijab? Yeah. Yeah, I really do. You think you love...

Yeah, it's awesome. I love feeling the sun against my skin. Yeah. I like I really do. You think you love? Yeah. That's awesome. I love feeling the sun against my skin. Yeah. I like being able to wear shorts. That feels great. Yeah. To be able to choose who I love.

Right. I think a lot of, I think a lot of. I know, but. He's not kidding. I'm not kidding. Really serious. They also think, they think that if you kill somebody from a different religion that you're going to heaven, that means that a by proxy killing somebody is

good. That's not a great religion. It seems like a lot of people who go to Gaza are like, the people are very nice. I had a great time. And I think a lot of the stuff you're saying sounds like a little bit of a Western propaganda. And when you can, when you can dehumanize people it's easier to Kill them. No, but I will be on the first plane. So when you build the airport, I'll be on the first plane over there Recordings of the men being like daddy daddy. I killed the Jew and they're like you're a good boy. Yeah Yeah, but that's people who like lived in a And they're like, you're a good boy. Yeah. That's a real recording. Not enough. Yeah, but that's people who like lived in a open air prison.

It's not an open air prison. It's where it's what they agreed to confine themselves to. Look, it's all bad. That's true. It's all bad. I don't. Yeah. Everywhere was con, you conquer a place, you get the place, you own the place.

They said you could have this little place. They said deal. And now they're saying we want you all dead That's not true the fuck over Sorry, yeah, but then they said but then they said Sorry, I just have a job on I'm sorry. I apologize but then they say But then they I, but then they, I mean, you can't, if you, if you, if you get close to the fence, you get shot, like it's not like they have any kind of freedom or, may I say a part of the reason why there are such strict placements of them is because

of so many attacks and suicide bombs from, that's not true. But at the same time, you can make the case that it's deserved because they're an oppressed people and they've been fighting for their land, but it's just talking circles. It's terrible. It's all bad. I'm sorry, it sucks.

Right, but you can't- It fucking sucks. I wish I could do anything to change it, but what can we do? We can't do anything. We can talk about it. But what's talking about it gonna do? Fun.

Well, no, it's just weird that you're like, Why do we mark out the landing? Acknowledgements on Sackalos Valley. It's real. It's actually bigger than the world. If you want to go there. We open it up and it just solves world peace. It's just, oh, this is how they come together.

We didn't see the end of it. Hold on, Michael. Well didn't see the end. Hold on, Michael. Well, maybe a mile. If you want to go there, I mean, it's it's weird that you would like look at a group of people who are occupied, who are like brutalized for the past 75 years and be like, Oh, they're terrorists and they're savages. And you're repeating a lot of the Western propaganda that dehumanizes them and allows people to. I hear you. I wasn't that surprised.

Makes it okay to want to get. I mean, I wasn't that surprised. Makes it okay to watch to get, I mean. I wasn't that surprised. To watch me get murdered. By the going in and the murdering. I wasn't that surprised by the landing in. I was like Gaza is a prison. It's not shocking to me that they went in and retaliated. I wasn't surprised by that.

I am surprised at the sympathy now behind the fundamental Islamic people. You know what I mean? Cause I'm like just because. Israels killed like 30,000 people. What about Al-Qaeda? I see dead kids on my phone. You don't know what you're talking about.

I see dead kids on my phone. I see dead children on my phone every single day and you're going like all these sad things. That also is a very nice day. Serving you as well. I mean, people are saying that Hezbollah is spending a huge amount of money to get that shit to your phone.

But it's not like it's made up or it's not really happening. What do you want to say about Al Qaeda? Don't get mad. You're on a fucking hot day. Don't get mad. If you're really a fucking hero, go fly over there and build some houses. They don't have an ampere you said. We shouldn't be coding.

They don't have an ampere you said, retard. Go do something else, don't they? What do you want me to do? I don't do something else. I put a young a your friends We're just trying to have fun and can I say can I say I Defy you to find a picture of the Pentagon that has actual proof that a plane wasn't a miss of course of course They use drones to knock down the twin towers They shot the planes down

They shot the planes out of they use drones to knock down the towers. It's not real dude The towers didn't even really exist. I mean you're saying like Hezbollah spending money Dude, the towers didn't even really exist. I mean, you're saying like Hezbollah spending money. You get the chips on my phone. The images, those videos, they're not they're not made up. They're not fabricated. I know, I get it. But if they are all in a sound stage, they're saying that I'm saying.

Water brother, they're saying this religion wants to wipe all Jews out. They break up all Jews. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They've said that they said that that was in their charter. They have updated their charter That was the old Hamas If somebody if somebody kills your kid and they're Jewish and you're pissed off, you go, ah, fucking Jew, you might be like really upset.

But in 2017, they updated the charter and it doesn't say that we wanna wipe out Jews anymore. And they still harbor those feelings. But you can't, you can't, but people who, well, my family was racist, but I'm not. People are still gonna get mad at you, but I'm going to go racist. People have a right. Oh, they have. And I didn not. People are still gonna get mad at you. But I'm cool with racists.

People have a right. Oh, they have. That's so funny. What? I didn't know they updated the charter. Listen, listen, I don't come on podcasts and bring the stuff up. You guys are the ones that brought it up.

I don't care about it. You're the ones that brought it up. Can I say, since... Stop facing all the content to Ian because he's not listening. I am talking to you about it. I'm not listening. You're yelling at him, you should be yelling at me.

He's not fighting you on it. I'm fighting you on it. So they updated the charter. In like 2017, they updated the charter. Even like when you look at the leaders of Hamas, a lot of them will say our enemy is not the Jewish people. It's the Zionist entity that- It's the Jew pig.

It's the Jew pig. And there's a difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't even look at Jews as people. I don't even like, it's such a, it's such a, it's such a misdiagnosed of the problem to be like the Jews. And some of them, they don't choose their words very well. Sometimes I do see Hamas on TV and I go,

you guys are embarrassing me a little bit, you know? Because I'm like, you guys need a better PR person. I mean, I will admit that their PR is not. Their PR is not. You know, there was a guy that was like a leader of Hamas and he's like, oh, we're gonna do October 6th over and over again. I'm like, buddy, don't do that.

Don't say that on TV. That's not a good look. I wish Hamas would think of me when I'm making his speeches. But there's a video that I'll send you guys. It's all about the relationship. It's all about the relationship. No, no, I'm not's speech. But there's a video that I'll send you guys. It's all about the relationship. No, no, I'm not done talking. It's all about the relationship between like the Palestinian people and Hamas. It's very interesting and you should link it in the description.

It's all said much by a guy who can talk about this stuff much better. Not wearing a leather jacket. Since I firmly believe that Israel's had a right to defend themselves, but the way they went about it and everything since then has been not the good. And it did need to make me change of my opinion. I think that's like a separate. Maybe that's a different kind of thing.

Should we get back to wasn't there such a wasn't there a thing where you want me and Brandon to take our dicks out? I'll take my dick out. I mean, you can't defend yourself against an occupation. But also it's not our battle to fight. Like- But would you agree with that? You can't, you're not defending yourself

when you're occupying people. You can't distill it down to something that simple. Wait, you can't defend yourself when you're occupying. When you have somebody locked in your basement, you're not defending yourself if they try to break out of the basement. I, my issue, my problem is the religion in general to me. You don't know anything about Islam, Jordan.

You don't know anything about Islam. Listen to me, I do know something. Let's have an Islam off. We gotta have, right. But the sin, just hear me out. The religion in general, just hear me out. Let's have a family feud. Let her talk.

Let her talk. Let her talk. I'm not freaking out. Okay, just listen then. Okay. My problem is is that since since this whole thing what has happened is Everybody's turned their gaze and been like holy shit. Yeah, Gaza is a gaze. Okay That's the problem is turn their gaze and then like It's an it's an oppressive and it's all bad which we've known forever, right?

But what I'm saying is I don't want that to be conflated with and Islam is like the best religion because it's not it is Fucked out Christianity is I don't want that to be conflated with and Islam is like the best religion because it's not it is fucked up. Oh no Christianity is. I don't have you talk to our Islamic friends. We have friends. We have friends that are practicing. You talk to them about it. It's a little fucked up how they talk about women and how they feel about women and what they feel about women who aren't Muslim. It is fucked up. I don't know what do they say. I have to get back to you on that. But I don't but I think that a lot of this is like, you know, it's a lot of- People are gonna go to hell that they're the only ones

that are going to go to heaven. But I think there's a lot of Western propaganda and it's like they want to- Ask our friends that are Muslim, they're directly saying- Stop, they want to- Hey, let me tell you something. They have to like- He home ain't the only one drinking a cool drink.

All right. Let's bring it back to funny. I don't know. I don't know that much about this, but I don't think I know more about Islam than like. It's a good old fashioned Islam. I think that they want to. Listen, they want to.

You can praise that they're an oppressed group, but you don't have to praise that they are, they're religion. That's what I'm saying. When you start saying stuff like Islam is bad, then it's a slippery slope to like, you know, to a lot of bad stuff. then it's a slippery slope to like, you know, to a lot of bad stuff.

And it's what they want you to believe. They, Western, Western. Any reformation of our religion is great. Christian reformation is great. The reformation of being like, gays are actually right, or abortion might be okay. All reformation is great, because it is evolution with culture.

The end cannot handle the conflict. And Islamists need to reform. There has to be a reform. I don't think you have like an authority to say that though. That like there's something. I can say whatever I want. There's something wrong with this entire religion. You are going on and saying there's something wrong with X, Y, and Z. I can say as a human being with knowledge.

What Muslim people do you talk to that go, yeah, it's fucked up the way we treat women. They don't say it's fucked up. They say, this is my beliefs about women and it's not great. You know what I mean? They say, I think that women need to be like this, subservient to their husband, ex-wancy. This is a weird conversation we have

when there's people being like murdered. You do this if anybody else turns, if there's a point that's brought against you, you're just now saying which and... What's your point? Is one is bad? No, my point is that the oppression and occupation, the Gaza, that whole scenario, taking a group of...

Even if it was, we took the Nazis, locked them into a thing, and are only making them eat their own feces or whatever, bad, right? But you don't have to be like, but it's a good religion, and we need to allow them to- I'm not gonna get on the podcast and say, Islam's a bad religion. I mean, it's something that's what you wanna say,

but I just, I can't do that. I don't know enough about it. Right, but your support, it's you, I'm saying my beef is everybody who's pro, who's anti-Israel is becoming pro-Islamic. And I'm saying that's a slippery slope. Let's not be pro, just because you're pro, then not be-

Why are you anti-Islamic? I'm not anti-Islamic, but I'm anti- You sound pretty. I'm a little anti-Islamic. I'm not anti-Islamic people who have brought reform to their religion and take everything with a grain of salt, but I am anti-fundamental Islamic people,

which is the biggest sect in Islam. Like Christian has all, because I've done research on it, because I'm an intelligent human being. What do you mean just studying religion, just looking at religions, the growth of religion, the growth of Islam, looking into it, looking at debates between people who want reform versus people who don't. I've looked into it and Christianity

has had time to move, so has Judaism, and Islam is kind of stuck in the fundamental... But if there's a billion... I hate that I'm saying this, I'm worried that I'm gonna get blown up, which is so testifying. Hey, you gotta let it out. Let me tell you something. You gotta let the hate out of your heart. This is America. This is... Fuck you. This is America. This is a free country. I got your back. which is so test This is America this is a free country I got your back

Yeah, who's not gonna get blown up It's hard to do that for yourself. When there's, shut up. I don't think they should be occupied. I don't think they should. When there's a billion people who practice this religion, it's a little like, it's a little, it's a little, shut up. It's a little reductive. It doesn't make you're right just because it's popular. Right, but when they're 86 million Nazis,

it's a little reductive to be like, oh, all these people are bad. Their religion is our thing. I'm not saying what's been happening against me, I'm just calling for answer, Jeremy. I'm just calling for a call. That'saic. I don't think they're bad. I'm not saying what's been happening against me. I do think it's a good issue. But I don't think that they're bad people, but I just think their religion is archaic

and needs reformation. I do believe that. Will you stop? But if there's a billion Muslims, it's, I don't know. It sucks. I gotta look into this. Okay, we'll look into it. But I don't think that Islam is archaic.

I certainly don't think Islam is archaic Okay, I'll be converting This is my last be any in which word Really figuring it out in this fake wooded basement. It's just a weird thing to say as they're like murdering children Who cares about fucking kids? I'm not gonna get it. It's all the time. I fucking murder kids all the time. It's awesome. I don't think all people who are Islamic are bad. I do think Islamic is an archaic.

It has archaic beliefs that need refurbishment. I didn't think that. That's a weird thing to say, but... It's not weird. You're just scared. I think it's weird. You're saying you can't... Everybody has to take a stand on what they believe. I do think that there shouldn't be an occupation of Gaza,

but I also do think that... You think Islam is... They're like cave people is what you're saying. I don't think they're cave people. You think Muslims are all cave people. I think that there shouldn't be an occupation of Gaza, but I also do think that- You think Islam is, they're like cave peoples, what you're saying? I don't think they're cave people. You think Muslims are all cave people? I think that their religion needs to reform and evolve. I'm gonna call Rami Youssef right now

and say you think he's a cave person. Their religion needs to evolve. Yeah, thank him for the wheel. Their religion needs to evolve. Yeah, how wrong do you think that? I mean, you fucking hear yourself. I'm saying that! I'm saying that!

Cave people, they were using higher glyphics, and now we're using a mojiz. What's that about? Yeah. Okay. I guess we're not gonna, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. That Islam is for monkeys.

Do you think that, you heard it here first folks. Do you think that Hasidic Judaism means to evolve? Do you think Islam is for monkeys? Do you think that Hasidic Jews need to evolve? I, um, They were with and have eight kids. Let me talk.

A lot of my landlords. Jordan, let her talk. It's hard because your face is so cute. A lot of that stuff. So it's hard to be mean to it. A lot of that stuff comes from the trauma of the Holocaust. So if you went through the Holocaust, maybe you would be digging tunnels under in-crown heights.

I don't know. Do you know what those tunnels are about? I don't know enough about a special bath that's for purity. That's a good point. But I don't know enough about their culture where I can go like, you guys need to evolve. Maybe if I was more familiar with, yeah, there's certain things they do that's kind of fucked up.

There's things they do. There's things they do. When they have their own How day gone Dude the comments the comments are going to be wild. And this is a subscriber. But yeah, like there's things they do that are not cool. But I wouldn't be like, but I wouldn't be like, hey,

you're tagging your wife with a bag of hammers when she tries to get a divorce. Not cool. How are they going to be attacking me? Why? I don't think it's cool to be like, hey, this entire group of people are wrong and they have to, they're bad.

I don't think the entire group of people are wrong. When you start generalizing and stuff like that, it's like, it just leads to some bad. I think that Islam as a religion is young and needs time and needs to reform itself. Make me a bird so I can fly. That's what I think. Fly, fly, fly, fly.

You know what I mean? The same way that Catholicism and Christianity has evolved into something that is different and more accepting and more holistic. And I don't think it's I'm not saying that. I'm saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that I'm saying this people in a certain place need running water Instagram. I'm addicted to Sean King's Instagram. Oh, Malcolm X. Now he got he got thrown off. This is fun, but I have to go. This is great. Are you having fun? Yeah, I'm thrown off. This is fun, but I have to go. This is great.

Are you having fun? Yeah. I'm enjoying this. I love it. We have to talk more and get into it. I love it because if you don't have other people being like, you are, you guys are gonna kill each other, then you can talk. It is nice, but we also might kill each other.

No, I don't think so. It's good to have dialogue and also it's okay to disagree. We're not making laws. We're not actually Conversations who retard to know basically arguing with you You're saying what I was saying but in a very less diplomatic way, but it's good to talk and not agree Yeah, and you're both gonna jerk off before you go to see In the in the in the bot in that put a link

Put it put a link for a local month You're saying you were trying to say that he's less retired he's more retarded than me listen to say that you should No, no, she was able to guys are both retarded and I said oh, yeah Yeah, you should be able to do whatever they want retarded the mic drive your blow are She goes, uh oh, I'm lost in my head. Uh oh, help me. I'm stuck in a loop of my own making. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha, that's hilarious. I'm all up looped again. Uh oh.

Ha ha ha. I'm less retarded than the less retarded that he is. More, here's what we're gonna do. In the description, we're gonna set a link to donate to a local mosque and a link to donate to a local synagogue. Change my vital high. Choose your, choose your, choose your fire. Choose your fire. Actually, vital. Oh, I see. Yeah. Choose your. Actually, yes.

What are we just fucking? What? Whatever. That's a good job. What is that game where you choose your street fighter? Street fighter. What do you like to eat? Street fighter.

Street fighter. What's that game where you tick and fuck? What's a game where it's a combat and it's like to the death of like a. A game where you's a combat and it's like to the death of like a You grand theft auto Mike I love you say you love me back You can't take on political ideologies as a personal thing if I get a text from you later that's pissed I'm gonna burn your house if anything you're gonna get a text from Jordan later. Yeah pissed, I'm gonna burn your house. If anything, you're gonna get a text from Jordan later.

Yeah. Hey, we're cool, right? I'm not doing that. I'm not an insecure person anymore. I'm very confident until you called me fat. Now I feel bad. Oh, I'm kidding. Um, oh God, we have to take all day.

We do it. Not do it. Land acknowledgement with this. Don't do that. Come here. Mike. It's okay. Mike. What? Say I love I love you Jordan even though you think

Okay, great And my friends in a mass I think Mike just Like a hang glider company or something Fuck or something like that. That's what he's saying. To see him with a bunch of homos. The writers said, like, Mike, what the fuck? Yeah, Mike, we were listening to a B&E. The guy in Hamas after the interview, I said, Hey man, why'd you embarrass us like that? Yeah.

B&E in comes out with a hand bludder at the foreclosure. Come get Racine's hang gliders. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm gonna plug some road dates while I'm here. I'll be in Chicago. I'll be in Chicago on March 3rd at Zany's. I'll be in Raleigh on February 14th. I'll be in Cleveland. I'll be in the neighborhood. I'll be in the neighborhood.

I'll be in the neighborhood. I'll be in Chicago on March 3rd at Zaini's. I'll be in Raleigh on February 14th. I'll be in Cleveland, March 8th. Shut up. And I'll be in a Cincinnati March 9th. Yeah. Just keep going. Just keep going. I'm for tickets. Yeah. At Brendan Sagal Instagram, Twitter and check out my podcast, Alpha smokes. And I followed on Instagram. And at Microscene comedy. Yeah. Alpha smokes and all that. And I got a special coming out in March or April or something.

So come to my, go to my YouTube because that's where it will be. And where's that YouTube? Subscribe to it now so that it comes out. It's. slash Brandon Sagal. Jordan. I'm going to be on the road. I'm going to be an Edison in Prove, Texas. I'm going to be in the road. I'm going to be an Addison in Prov, Texas. I'm going to

be in, uh, uh, I God damn it. I forget this every time. California, bunching California, California, Colorado. I'm coming back there. I'm going to do punch up live.com slash Jordan Jensen. Thank you so much. IanFindance.com. We are doing Zanies Nashville, Zanies Chicago, Zanies Rosemont just a second. I gotta let my dog go. I understand. Zanies Nashville, Zanies Chicago, Zanies Rosemont, February 20th, 21st and 22nd. IanFindance.com for all my tickets for those tickets as well, and I'm going all over the place Sing with us so I know we're friends Okay, bye.