Bellied Up - The Man With No Stomach #57

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

In this episode, we talk to a guy who doesn't have a stomach and discuss the struggles that come with that. The next caller needs advice on how not to look so Midwest on the beach. He's also in the Coast Guard, and we ask him about how he catches drug smugglers. Get yourself a ⁠"Road Huntin For Ditch Chickens"⁠ Hat Want us to come to your bar for a Bellied Up episode? Click Here

Charlie Barons were back with another episode of the belly up podcast. How you feeling, buddy? I'm feeling great. My house, my place. Just and we are yet again here at Matt's bar here in swear miniapolis, miniapolis on Cedar Ave. Well, juicy loose action. Well, the juicy Lucy. Yeah, this after this podcast, I'm getting a juicy loose love for you, man. How are you feeling today, Charlie? Juicy might knock something loose inside of you. You know what I mean? Um, but listen, I'm feeling good, man. I'm feeling great, you know, summer is underway.

Um, not way protein. Uh, a little, a little protein humor for your mile stage of voice. and that on tour this fall folks will take this opportunity to say Charlie parents.com. You can get all your tour tickets. Got my book up there in Midwest survival guide. The whole deal. Ah boy. What's cooking good looking?

Huh? I'm just chilling. Just chilling miles. Are you? When are you going to shave the beard? You know, you have to make it long enough. We get it. You can grow facial hair.

When are you going to make it more interesting? Where you can go with the, the guide chops. When's a good time to go full mustache for you? Huh? I mean, the last time I went full mustache, probably college. Why don't you do it again? And it's never seen me without facial hair. What if you shave and she's like, I have second thoughts.

Oh, I'm not gonna say I can't believe you've been holding out on me. Oh, probably what you would say as soon as you shave. Want to get married again? Because I think what you would say, do you look good without a beard? I mean, I just got like eight more chins under here. You know, that's part of it.

I just want to see you just that full. You should think of a new thing. This a new facial hair trend. You should get it. I should get. So what I'm thinking we get is a take the mustache all the way around. So it's just an. Oh, we can't know. We should shave our cereal. The Cheerio thing. Then you could say cheerio cheerio. You know, it's right by your mouth. You just always smiling you got the big Oh, oh the old face Yeah, that's not what you think it is It's not just just the old face What if we did it dude? What if we did it? Would you do it if I did it?

No dude What if we did it, dude? What if we did it? Would you do it if I did it? Come on. No, dude. What if I do it and everyone, and like I get on the cover of like, vanity fair or something? That is like what they would do though, right? I mean, that's what high fashions all about. Just how dumb can you look? Yeah, it would. Like, Dumber, you look the cooler it is.

Oh my gosh, I don't know if that would catch on, but honestly, I would maybe do mutton chops with you. Mutton chops, but mutton chops have been done. They've been done. I want to do some facially that hasn't ever been done before. Like let's, let's get creative facially miles. Come on. I want to. What do you think it is?

Is it like I told you full face just part of the face. It could be anything. Let's get wild and crazy with it. I'm thinking old face. That's my idea. I'm waiting to hear yours. Well, what I could do is so I can let my, because I shave on my cheek bones here. Is it like I grow up like damn. because I shave on my cheek bones here. Is it like, I close up like damn, I could let that grow in and then shave.

So then it's like that is connected to my mustache. So it's just straight across straight. So shave everything underneath that and then have the stash. Most people out of the stash go down. I have this grow straight across into my hair. Kind of like a clown. You know, it would be like the, you know, you've seen someone on an oxygen tank and they have this on the wall over their ears and into their nose. It could be good. It could be the O2 tank. Nice. Well, and that breathing tube is what it's called. It could be the

breathing tube. The breathing tube. So we got the breathing tube the old face and then finally I'm gonna throw out the Joker so we just cut a smile out of our ears Yeah, either you they're cutting out or you shave everything but like a scar looking thing Yeah, we call that the wine so serious So serious I think I should do the breathing tube and you should do the white so serious. Oh, okay. I can't do the breathing tube. I'm looking at that hairline right now. That's what I'm saying.

That's why I'm calling too. Okay. Let's do it. This is your idea. No, it's my idea. I'm on point. I'm doing it. You go first and I will do it.

Okay. I will go as soon as you go. Uh, I mean, that's not what you go first and I will do it. Okay. Yeah. I will go as soon as you go. Uh, and that's not what you go first. I'll go first. Secondly is what I will do. Well, first, before we do that, I think we have another grand episode of the Bellydub podcast to get to. Um, do you think we should take some callers? Um, are you ready emotionally speaking or mentally speaking, either one physically, I'm very ready. Are you? Let's do it. Where are you at emotionally? It's a complicated question to ask in these trouble times miles. It's complicated

quite tough to say in these troubled times. Are you deflecting and avoiding? Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, we'll save that for when we go to therapy. All right. When is that, by the way, miles is where we talked about last session. You got to keep things schedule wise.

Guys, couples therapy is great. Not just for couples, but also for a couple of guys. Yeah. Good deal. We're honored today. We are just banging, banging. Yeah. Good deal. We're on it today. We are just bang and bang and bang and bang and all right. Let's get to the couple of guys bang and bang and bang and that therapy all day. Let's get to another episode of the belly up podcast. Welcome to the Belly to podcast. Who do we have on the line? Hey, this is Ryan Massachusetts. Brian from Massachusetts. How you doing? How do you spell Massachusetts, Ryan? Uh, M a S a two, F T T.

Yeah. I'm getting a phone about it. Like, great. I like that. Yeah, definitely from Massachusetts. He passed the test Where what are you doing? It sounds like you're driving in the car. I am I'm I'm driving up in Maine along the coast I go to school up here. That's cool. What school? University of Maine. Yeah, all right. I don't know that was gonna be my guess. Yeah. Yeah Well Yeah, all right. Or now that was going to be my guess. Yeah. Yeah. Well, go go. Go Bobcats.

Why don't you belly up to the bar and tell us what's on your mind? Well, that's that's funny. I'd love to belly up, but unfortunately, I don't got the belly to belly up to. I might something taken out a few years ago. So, and actually, please, you know, why, why I call? No, it is funny. It's okay to laugh. Yeah, that's what I want.

You guys and Miles definitely laughed. Miles, I mean, that's a great, that's a great bit. I can't belly up because I have no stomach quite literally. So, that's great. Hot Cheel Loose. Hot Cheel Loose. Okay. Back story.

Okay, you know, I always start asking a question That's great. Hot you lose. Hot you lose. Okay. Back story. Okay. You know, I always start asking a question. And then Miles will back me off of it and say, okay, hold on. Wait, actually, that was a good question, you know, Miles and I have our own issues. We're working through. Okay, so focus on the story. Sorry, sorry.

I have attention, dungeons and dragons. We've been doing this for like three straight days. And it's like one of those things where when you and your siblings spend too much time together in the car, you're fighting that's not true miles. I love you, you son of a gun. Miles kicked me in the pecker when I was trying to get the front seat yesterday. So I'm holding a little grudge against him today. So OK, understandable. We are talking about your stomach. When? No, he doesn't have a stomach. Well, okay.

See, you're locked there. Oh, I guess. Look, there's a funny guy. So give us the backstory. What happened? So it was actually a from cancer. Yeah, it was a, it was either, you know, lose the stomach or the alternative. So I figured I'd take the, the better of the two options.

Yeah. I think that was probably smart. So first question I have for you. Where does it all go? You guys are going to play shoots and ladders as a kid. You know the game, like a board game. Sure. Well, all right.

Well, it's like a bad version of that. It's just like a like a straight shot all the way all the way down from your mouse down the down of the dough. It's kind of wow. That's it. And and so how does it how do you digest food though? It's kind of my question. Isn't the stuff like she will.

It does. It does. I just I chewed really well and it's not Comes back up and try again. Oh Kind of how it goes, yeah, you baby bird yourself kind of with that. So yeah has has it It does it Does it like I mean what are some foods that you really can't eat? Like really greasy stuff like super oily processed foods, really sugary stuff.

I don't get hungry at all. Wow. Whoa, I never thought it. Never feel hungry. What? That's that actually is mind blowing. Yeah. So it is.

Is that where the feeling of hunger comes from? Is the stomach an empty stomach an empty stomach Yeah, there's a there's a nerve in there called a vagus nerve Why don't we just why don't we just all have the vagus nerve Deactivated and then we never feel hungry and we can all stay lean and mean Well then like like I have to remind myself to you, if not, like when I first said it done, I'd go like a week without eating because I never felt hungry. I felt like really tired and everything.

That is wild. Wow. So it's a hell of a weight loss program. If weight watchers isn't to you, this is the way to go. So you got good sense of humor about all this. Now, did you have that sense of humor originally, or have you always been making jokes about this thing, or did that take a while?

They'll come around too. Well, this is a thing that runs in the family. It's kind of like the gift that keeps on given. My dad pretty set for Christmas for a few years. But now it's a genetic predisposition to getting this cancer. So I had about 80% cancer getting it. I was in my first grade when my dad had his gun and ever since then just kind of making jokes of it. I've got to laugh about it and then be fucking bummed out,

you know? Right. Now, go ahead, sorry. Oh, okay, sorry Miles. No, good, okay. So your dad going through that, did that make it easier for you to, you know, to do it?

Seeing him or were you kind of terrified about always getting it, then you got it. Like, you know what I'm saying? Well, like, if things went so far, I probably would have been a little concerned, but it all worked out pretty well. I've had a few family members go through it, and they've all been great. My aunt's a nutritionist, so she's all on board about the whole diet and making sure we're eating right and everything. So I think if I didn't have any of that, it would have been tough. So this truly is a family affair?

It is a truly a family affair. When we get together, so thanks, given it's nice, pretty cheap roll. I was like, over the last crumb. Yeah. Okay. I pretty cheap raw. Like over the last crumb. Okay. Yeah, what do you guys do? Just do a normal meal or do you guys are like, all right, everyone. We're going to split a turkey leg between 10 of us. Well, it's tough.

Like we'll be like, Oh, what do you guys want to eat? And 99% of it will be like, I don't know. I'm not really that hungry at all. I just don't want to eat'm not really that hungry at all. It's a profit. Usually comes down to the one of us that doesn't have it, that has to make the decision. But man, it's good. The good bonding experience. I think that that would be the hardest thing to stomach is not being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner like you used to. You should see the grin on his face. He's so proud of himself for getting in a hardest thing

to stomach in this deal. Yeah, yeah, I expected a little bit more, but all right. Okay. Yeah, you found it. Okay. Okay. I guess this is good. I could have said a pretty mean thing, but now I'll hold back. Oh, I

You're telling me I got the more stomach to go around is what you're saying? No, no, if If you know it's ever tough getting up into the stool or anything like that or if you're if you're pants are getting too tight Call up your doctors. See if you can see if you can get you on boards with this thing So it's a good deal. Yeah, party trip when you pull it out. I think it's gut check time for me. Okay. That is. So they're done. Sorry. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. So does it, does it like like the surgery and all that process, like do you have a big scar from it or was it like, I mean, it's fairly invasive surgery,

but have they figured out, do it without like, as much scarring or something? So now they just like put a couple holes in you, put a vacuum and suck it out essentially, but I've got one that's maybe like 10 inches long, it ends at my belly button goes up to like my sternum. So yeah, my dad's like maybe 14 inches long. No, it's a it's fun. You know, when he went in to have it done before the surgeon came in, it's a surgeon like the super serious doctor, he's got all the

interns coming in and everything, right? So my dad's sitting in the hospital bed before they take him in and he asked the nurse is like hey you got a sharp ear or anything like how they mark out where they're going to cut nurse brings them something in and he's like oh great so what he does is he draws a little pick-tack toe board right on his stomach and he makes the last move like right where they're going to cut right your move doc the doctor comes back in with all this interns and everything and again super serious and I guess like that's not really funny my dad's like what kind of laugh about it it's not that big a deal well yeah we've always we've always tried to make way to the situation

take a lot of the deal. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game.

I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. I'm going to have to take a look at the game. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's nice. It's a good trick getting out when you're pulled over the cop ever pulls you over You just oh my god. I'm I gotta get to the doctors. I said this list up the shirt. Me too. So sorry. Oh god I'm so worried. No worries. Usually worked out pretty well. How does the drinking? Are you able to drink with this or? Drinking, are you able to drink with this or is that work? I am. I am anything like anything over maybe like 12% really just not worth it.

A lot more like cramps and pain that it is a good time. But otherwise fucking cheap date like one beer, I'm good. And then 15 minutes Filvers of door nails. It's awesome. Oh Wow, so one beer gives you 15 minutes of a buzz kind of Yeah, give her take give her take so do you get like a buzz quicker than normal people, but then it also goes away faster? Yeah, yeah, that's correct. Yeah, that's kind of interesting. Now, what is this type of cancer called?

Preventary diffuse gastric cancer. I didn't make it easy. I need to remember that one. What's the acronym? No, no, it didn't, but you know, use a practice. What can I say? Yeah, yeah, is it? No, the scar that you have is it like, you know, you have it. Is it kind of like a cool looking scar? Or are you like, have you, you like the scar? Or you kind of wish it wasn't there? I don't know. I mean, it is what it is. Might as well get used to it. So like I can change it. But yeah, it's, it's alright. It's nice. It makes me look kind of like I got at. I don't. So miles, miles. You do really some good pro. You should

look into it. I mean, isn't this, I mean, that's kind of what they do with gastric bypass surgery. Don't they? They make your stomach really, really small. Exactly. I mean, yeah, I passed the stomach. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I actually, now you say, if you have any brochures or anything that I could take

a look at, that would be great. Yeah. Yeah. I'll send some over to you guys. I actually was cool. The game you picture might not like when I took it out. Hmm. What do you look like? Like, Hey, can I like, I know how to describe it kind of like like wrinkly. Like, I know, I can, I can send you guys to picture a few of that. But yeah, it's kind of just laid out kind of like a brain. I was wrinkling on the top, but kind of what it looked like. Yeah, kind of like brain. Well, brain in the tummy. Well, that's not, do you have any, are you, are, is it, is like, you know,

doing sports and working out and all that sort of stuff? Is that sort of a tough thing for you? Or is that not really affected? No, not really affected. I mean, it's a little tougher. I gotta use smaller meals more frequently throughout the day. And like, if I can't, I'm not absorbing that kind of a few dreams and protein

and all the important stuff. But to begin with, I don't really work out anyways. So it doesn't really matter. So you said you aren't absorbing like protein and fats and carbs and all like, yeah, correct. So how does your body get the nutrients out of it? So I'm absorbing it from the food you have to take. How's it? I'll be honest, I got no idea.

That part they kind of didn't explain too well, and I just kind of even hope for the best, and I'm still here, so if something's got to be working, right? Yeah, so you're probably getting something, maybe just not the full thing, or... Yeah, like, like, Edibles, for example, don't work. Edibles don't work on you?

Not absorbent anything. Yeah. Yeah. What about... But smoking marijuana works. Yeah. Yeah, that works. Definitely works. That makes me feel hungry.

There we go. Yeah, we got it. Well, thanks for calling in. Well, in a good sport. One last thing before you go. If someone out there like has this disease, maybe they're about to go through what you went through. Do you have any advice for them? Make sure you're, make sure you eat all the shit you want to eat before it

happens. That's a really good like last meal because you'll regret it after the fact. Oh, yeah. Other than that, just going to it, open for the best. All right. I appreciate you guys listening to it and taking the call, you know? Yeah, hey, we really appreciate you. Good luck with it and good luck to your family and any of those who may have this coming up on their horizon and we wish you all the very best

and thanks for sharing. And we appreciate it as good attitude about it too. Yeah, it's what matters. And we'll work on our stomach jokes. Okay, we didn't come well prepared. I backed off a little, you know, I apologize for being furry. It's all right. They were tough for me to get down, but not the first time.

All right. Well, you guys enjoy the rest of the afternoon, huh? You too. Watch out for deer up there in Maine. OK. They're running around those big

boost you got to watch out for. Oh, yeah. That too. You drive right under them, I hear. Yeah. All right. Thanks again.

See you, man. Bye bye now. Well, so I read the situation because he made a joke begin with. I read this right away. He made, yeah, he read the situation that he was going to be a, well, one he calls into our podcast. So I think he's heard me make some jokes like this. Oh, I don't think he was.

And then no, but I felt there was a little twinge of like really miles. Well, and I was like, ah crap. Now I got to pull off. I'm sorry. I had a poll host of them lined up that I decided to take to pull off. Yeah. Well, you know what? I misunderstood, or maybe one of us misunderstood

because my interpretation of that was, it wasn't that you were making a stomach joke. It's that it wasn't a good enough stomach joke. Gut check time is a great joke. Are you kidding? Foulas? Jared? What do you got? Got checked wasn't the first one hard to stomach that. I think that I think you went too obvious to early. I know. I think you, but you want I like how you were ramping it up because you can't start with your banger. Then what are you going to close out?

But there was a little I heard a little on his voice that like, I don't, I'm not loving this. So I pulled back. And you pulled back. I misread the situation at first, I pulled it back. And it was, yeah, I just apologized for being a dick. No, you weren't, I don't think you were a dick, Miles. I think, also, I wanted to say that the stomach apparently just looks like a ball sack then. But I didn't. Well, I'm glad you restrained yourself on this

podcast from saying it. Yeah, I would never say that on this podcast. No, especially not. Yeah. Your mother must be so proud. She was probably thinking the same thing. A ball sack does kind of look like a brain. Yeah. That's why it's, is that why it's called? That's why it's, yeah, I don't think that's why it's called. Because I think they're going for head and a brain is in the head. No, I think it's exactly why it's called that. Really?

It's about, well, that's enough sex talk on this podcast. He was, what? I just said, is it? It's about, well, that's enough sex talk on this podcast. I just said, is it? I don't want the brought up getting brain. I didn't say brain. You were thinking that I was definitely thinking of it. Thinking well, should we take, should we see who else we can offend out? Oh God, here we go. Miles, I tell you what summer is here and tippy cow is here

with me. You know why? Because it's the best summer concoction this side of the Mississippi. And dare I say the other side, you just pull out a glass and pour a little bit of this stuff over ice since it's cold and then just suck it down and little, little, uh, feeling a little loose with the juice of the tippy cow and these cows are from the greatest state in the world. No, Wisconsin. Yeah. Were you going to say North Dakota?

Yeah. Almost said Northern Wisconsin, which is a state in about in and of its own. But yes, these cows, um, born and raised in Wisconsin are the milk in the of its own. But yes, these cows born and raised in Wisconsin are the milk in the tippy cow. Make sure you support your local farmer. Support tippy cow. Tip it on back with the tippy cow. You better be prepared to share though,

because tippy cow always draws a crowd. Yeah, did you just read the bottle? No, I just thought of that right now. I always knew you could read it. All right, ladies and gentlemen, back to the pod. Hello, who do we got? Hello. Hey.

Hey, this is Joseph Ross. Joseph, what's cooking my guy? Belly on up to the bar with us. God, I love to. Just got done with work, head down to a wedding here in a couple of hours. So the weekend has begun. Let me tell you, you're five.

We can't create a seriously. What day is today? It's Wednesday. You got a, uh, uh, well, I had no, I had no wedding down in a South Bend, Indiana, South Bend, Indiana. Nice. Where are you driving from?

South Bend is, uh, that's where Notre Dame's at, right? Yeah, Rudy. It's also where the college football fall of, is it called football? No, no, sort of. You would, you would know, Miles, because you're in it, right? From your, from your,

Oh, yeah, and maybe the not so college football Hall of Fame, that's the D three football hall of fame. I was D two. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. Cool. So, but that's the way weddings are going these days.

They're starting on Mondays with the pre-welcome dinner. Then they have a welcome dinner. Then they have a, we're just settling in dinner. Then they have the pre-groomed dinner. Then they have the groomed dinner. Then they actually have the wedding dinner on Saturday. It's kind of how I see it going these days, Charlie. Yeah.

There's also the dinner after you do the rehearsal for the wedding, which nobody pays attention to and everybody forgets. So where are you driving there from? So unfortunately, I'm not making the road trip. I'm actually flying in. I'm flying from Portina, Virginia. I'm in the Coast Guard thumb station here. The coast can be me and the boys are coming from all across the country and we're combining. One epic force. Lots of bush lot days when we put down. Oh, it would be good. I'm

excited, my God. He's for you. But everyone knows that feeling, though, when you're about to go and bark on a trip where it's strictly just to have fun. God, that sounds great. That's fantastic. So, yeah, what do you got on your mind? Good. Right now, well, so we're coming up on summer season over here, right? And we're right by the beach and me, I'm from Omaha, Nebraska. So I don't know, still kind of getting to know the whole beach, going to the ocean kind of thing. And every time we go to the beach, I get made up, fun up, I have my friends, they say, Joseph, you look like a tourist. Stop doing that.

You look like a tourist. You look like you're not from here. I go guys, I'm not from here. We don't have a lot of beaches. You don't want to be on a brass. So I'm just looking for some advice on how I can fit in a little better You know What Midwest things I can bring to the beach?

What you think would fit in and your guy's experience going on the beach you've been there What I can do to fit in or or stand out, you know, let them know hey after the Midwest I'm not from around here. Okay. We'll put there. First of all, I have been landlocked my entire life. So I don't, I'll do my best. But Charlie Elise lives Milwaukee on the lake at least. I'm on the West Coast. But before we dive into it, I got to ask, how does someone from Omaha, Nebraska end up in the Coast Guard?

Well, I was, I was at a college there and I was looking at going to the Naval Academy and Coast Guard Academy. I didn't even know Coast Guard Academy was and I was looking at all the pictures and honestly the Coast Guard just had some really thick pictures. And I said, you know what? That looks kind of fun. Yeah, I could probably do the beach. I think the ocean twice in my whole life and here I am.

So yeah. That's how I thought it might have gone down. And when you said you were looking like a tourist on the beach, what are you doing? You know, I don't know. I go and I run, jumped into the waves, went back to shore. I'm just constantly sunburned. Usually got a good farmer stand on me.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, take your shirt off. We're at the beach. You're like, my shirt is off. Yeah. So Charlie, do you got any advice for? I like to talk.

I like to talk to the people next to us, you know, that good hospitality. And all my friends, like, you're like, Joseph, you don't know them. You don't know what I say, but we't know them. You don't know them. I say, but we could. Yeah. You don't know them yet.

You're just getting there. Well, I think the deal is you gotta treat, here's how you treat the ocean. I don't know how to set this up, but. So you can say it again. All right, you got it. Here's how you gotta treat the ocean as someone from the Midwest. got to treat the ocean as someone

from the Midwest. You got to treat the ocean like a pontoon boat. Okay, I'm sure you're familiar with I'm sure you got a friend who's got a pontoon boat somewhere. You come there with a cooler pact. Okay, you come there with the SPF rock and enrolling and you make sure you find yourself some shade. Okay. All right. so those are the first ones off the top of the dome that are coming to me, all right? And do not go light on that sunscreen, all right? Especially if you look like you got a t-shirt on. What's your preferred STF chart?

Are you a 30 guy, you 100 guy? Thanks for asking. I should be 100 guy. I'm usually a 50 kind of fellow and I'm reapplying. Okay, you want to get that waterproof stuff. All right. You know, miles, miles water you rock and we say, I always start with 30, then I get burnt,

then I got to ramp it up to 55 plus, you know, it's just one of those deals where I think I'm, you know, oh, this is going to be different. Suddenly my skin's going to be able to handle some sun. I only need 30. Yeah. And then it just turns out I got to go to 50 plus start off. Big on your on your first day, be in the 50s minimum second day after your body is somewhat accustomed to it. You can do 30s, but you got to reapply quite a bit.

The important thing to this though is bring a full cooler to the beach. That should smooth over any of your touristy tendencies. Perfect. I'll tell you what, I've got to get it ready for it. It's probably good to go. Yeah, how's the Coast Guard been? What's the craziest thing you've seen off the coast? Coast Guard has been pretty great. Crazyest thing. We actually got back to the control.

Exception drug runners. They're running drugs on the ocean. We only got four out four. They just cruise them along. 100 bales of cocaine. And we actually bring a helicopter with us with a 50 cow in it and they fly up on the boat and we say hey stop with a coast guard and usually they don't stop and so we shoot out their engines with a 50 cow and just get off and you see. So you guys are that kind of a shot you can shoot a couple of engines out from the helicopter I mean mean, that's pretty awesome. Yeah, it's pretty bad at that. They're in the Coast Guard. Well, I know. I guess what was I expecting?

Now, are you the guy gun in or are you flying the helicopter? Now, of course, now I'm neither. I'm the engineer on the ship. So I'm down the end here, making sure everything's running all right. Got it. OK. That's, I mean, that's still pretty cool. How do you get to be the guy like who's talking to the dudes in the boat who's announcing yourself?

Like hey, we're the Coast Guard. Do you do then say hey we're gonna shoot out your engines? Do they know it's coming? Yeah. We shoot, we go over the dinner comms to the store and we're like hey we're the Coast Guard. Stop your vessel, stop your vessel, stop your vessel, and they don't stop for usual. And then they'll try and do a base in the new birds and get away from us with the helicopter. You're not gonna get away from the new bird. I don't know.

And then we'll take our machine, exactly, we're above you, you're not going anywhere. Then we take the machine gun and we shoot some warning shots in front of them. They're going like 39, I have to press that, 59, we're shoot some warning shots in front of them. They're going like 39 or I think that's not 50 knots. We're shooting machine gun shots in front of them, which is the universal warning sign They're like hey stop. It's someone shooting in front of me. I would stop and then they still don't stop usually So then we shoot their engines and then they say oh shoot their shooting at us. Okay, we'll stop now Do they have they jump over? At that point, the engines get blown a bit. Not usually. They do

try and throw the drugs over board thinking that, oh, if you don't have any drugs on board, we're not bad. But yeah, do they sink? So now the drugs off low. Well, why wouldn't it? Okay. We'll see out in the ocean. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was just going to say, well, why don't they just like put some bricks attached to it so then they sink?

Yeah, they probably weren't planning. I think so. You know, Kerry, Kerry of case of Richmond, too, just to help you think you could. So you shoot them up. But I they toss the coke over board and they've got just a bunch of cocaine baubs out there. Just a bunch of cocaine baubs. But then the issue is me being on the ship, I got to take that cocaine and end it's

evident. And so this cocaine, a, you say the cocaine way like 60 pound each, you got 60 pound bail and cocaine and then they throw them in the water. Now they're soaking wet. So you're soaking wet and usually this all happens at 2am too. So you're already a little grumpy because it's 2am. Got woken up. You're lifting 60 pounds of cocaine that's soaking wet.

Now you're soaking wet and usually it'll have like 50 on board. So you're listening. I don't know, I don't know that math, but 50, 60 pound bales and then you'll get that. You'll be doing that for like a week straight. So yeah, lots of late nights on the old open ocean. Late nights with just pulling 60 pound bales of coke. But I imagine you guys are pretty energetic on that boat, you know? I wouldn't bother pretty good, but we get a lot of shit done though.

We're these boats typically coming from. They're coming from South America. And what kind of a boat are we talking about? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, they're little, I mean, they're 26 footers. They call it Cain, that they're super low in the water, and they'll put like three or four outboards on them, and it'll be the two guys, the four outboard engines, they'll go gain, and then just barrels on barrels of diesel or gas rink, and they're just rippin

through the water. So we didn't have a helicopter a lot of times, like we're not going to catch them, because or gas being and they're just ripping through a water. Yeah. So we didn't have a helicopter a lot of times like we're not going to catch them because they're they're way faster than we have. So how do you know that they got drugged like how? Wait, what's your like, how do you know? The cocaine you can see it like, it just fails on failed in cocaine. But so you basically just have people constantly watching for these types of boats is what you're

saying. Yeah, exactly. So we get intel and then we'll like sit in a certain spot where we know classic running routes are and then literally our look how we'll be like, oh, we see one or we'll have a plane up with a camera and no steam, but it's really fun when we look out spots. I'm like, oh, that guy's about to have a bad day. That's the most Midwest way to announce a co-crunner.

Oh, see some coke. Oh, we got a coke boat. Yeah. James Louise. OK, so. But if so you're saying that if Charlie barons and I took a trip down to, you know, maybe Columbia South South America and we bought ourselves a nice little pontoon and we We threw the life jackets overboard and we you know, maybe filled the seats with some sort of substance. Uh huh. And started making our way out. Yeah, baking powder.

And we started making our way back up to the US. Would you, would you think Charlie and I drinking beer? Maybe I got my Tommy Bahama shirt on. Uh, Charlie's got his orange life jacket on. You see us come running through your route and channel on a pontoon and we give you a big wave and actually want to come over and chitchat. I actually think we would throw you guys

off the scent pretty good. Yeah, would you guys know that or do you have like a Coke sniffing alligator in the water? I mean, I think, I think we, we gladly have you over, you know, check you out, make sure you got, make sure you got enough beer and a sunscreen and, check out your bail and send you on your way, you know. Okay. So a pontoon, no, a pontoon miles, if we took a pontoon from Columbia, do you know how long that journey would take? First of all, the ocean would topple us. Yeah, we've done in three minutes.

Oh, that was your joke. Yeah. Just got it super funny. Well, you see the helicopter, but it's for another reason. Probably after being at T for like five days, because you're lost. You don't get nowhere. Yeah. So is a plane a better way to go for the drug runner? is a plane a better way to go for the drug runners. Yeah, yeah, honestly, plan. There you go. You got it.

Plane. I've watched a lot of narcos and narcos, Mexico on Netflix. I'm going to be honest, that show made it seem like the drug runners are winning right now. So how do you feel about the war on drugs and the battle, the new the never-ending battle with these guys? How do you how do you feel about it? I'm going to be honest. Yeah, they're definitely winning. We, uh, we don't get all of it. I'll be honest.

Absolutely not. What you guys aren't stopping all of the drugs coming into the US. I know. That's part of the business plan though. They just send a bunch of bunch over knowing that half of them will get caught, but then the other half pays for all of it. That's why Coke's so expensive. Really, it's probably just us in America. Would you pay in your taxes and we'll keep doing our best? No, like that. I like that. Hey, they had us in the first half, but this second half is going to be, you know, so what you do think? What do you think it is?

Do you think who's more of fault them bringing it over here or us demanding it here? Who's more at fault? You know, it's a real issue supply and demand without the supply. You don't have the demand, but without the demand, you don't man without the supply. You don't have the demand, but I don't see a demand. You don't fly without the fly. You don't demand. You know, I don't want to go back and forth. Have you been diving into the evidence chamber on the boats?

What was that? Oh, listen, listen, listen. You know, we got to make sure we got the right stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you are, you are super excited for this wedding this week. That's why he got invited. He's not driving this out, Ben. He's walking. Yeah, because he said that airplanes are the best way to do it. He would never go there by boat. No, he would never so fast. All about the flying to man.

Well, it's been great, man. I'm excited for, I'm excited that you got a big wedding weekend. This has been very informational, actually. I've got a thousand more questions, but we should probably let you go. Yeah, we're looking at pontoons on this side of the horn right now. Yeah, I got a nice one with like seven. We're going to need a lot of compartments Charlie. Yeah, this one's got seven diesel. I'm going to say, make sure you can't see them from the air, you know, so make sure they're hidden, you know, do you know actually a great in this so that you can, you and the Coast Guard can take this and put it in your handbook because I just thought of a great place to smuggle drugs on a boat.

So you take, you know, if you got the, the coolers that have the big insulation foam ones, yeah, yeah, you just cut that off, you take out all the insulation foam on the inside, not in the cooler, but in between the two hours of the cooler. The coke is your insulator. It's the insulator.

And then you just patch it back up. And I bet that'd be a pretty good spot to smuggle it. So you guys can take that tip. Yeah. And make sure you're checking those coolers. Yeah, make sure on every boat, you bring that alligator on and have them do the little swim around. Do you know, can you get your sniff out, Drugs? That method was sold 2019.

What's the way beyond that one? What's the craziest way you've seen someone hide coke? Hide coke. Yeah. Underneath a bunch of, I like to have, they were a fishing boat. They had a fishing, like it was full of ice and fish. Yeah.

And it smelled horrible. And it just, we were like, oh, it's probably just a fishing boat. We can't find drugs anywhere. Like we've been looked in, but they're super suspicious. I don't know if someone's gonna have to go in there and check the fishing hold. And someone goes in there and they're digging through like two feet of fish and ice and boom drugs underneath.

Wow. But it was disgusting. It was just so gross. Just like, Nat, he's big because fishing boats are not clean. No. Did you ever found him inside the fish? You ever find him inside the fish? Yeah, I personally haven't,

but yeah, it's a method they use. Yeah, that's where I would go next. I think if you guys are onto my cooler trick, not that I would ever do this. No, no. Of course, of course not. No, no, no. All right, now the drug runners listen to this podcast.

There you go. You're getting a free. They're listening to it and there's like, they're runners listen to this list of this podcast. There you go. You're going to free their listen to it. And there's like, there, I got their list of ways they're going to smug. And they're like, damn it. And they've got to cross that one off the list now. We are the most listened to podcast by Colombian drug runners.

We're really popular in Colombia this month. What's going on with that? Well, thanks for the intel there, Fauai. And I hope you have a great wedding this weekend. Hopefully it lasts for the happy couple. Yeah. All right. Well, really fresh. Hey, this has been a dream.

I've been on this podcast though. Oh, man. Hey, it's been a dream of ours to finally get you on this podcast. I'm actually talking drug running is like, yeah, I love that whole world and figuring out what's going on with it. So I just got a dream for me. That's why you wore a white t-shirt for this one. Yeah, I'm, yeah, that was great. So I really appreciate it. Yeah, we'll take care and enjoy the heck out of it. All right. Thank you for calling in Well, do make sure you talk about this is high all right watch out for deer down there in South Bend. We'll see you soon

See you later Well Charlie I think that that you know, it was only a couple calls this episode, but those were some very I think this might be our most interesting educational episode we've maybe ever done. I very educational. I mean did I think that we would have someone who didn't have a stomach and who is Protecting our coast. Yeah, I know our coast from the coax. What'd you learn? I learned how to hide drugs poorly and from the coax. What'd you learn? I learned how to hide drugs poorly. And I also learned, you know, the fascinating on the stomach stuff, man. You know, it's in everyone out there listening, you know, you gotta be grateful for what you got. You never know when it can go, you know. And that's for people with stomachs and people with boats. And I would just love to be able to feel the sensation of not feeling hungry.

Really? Every single minute of my day, me and him are the complete opposite. He never feels hungry and I always feel hungry. You know, speaking of hungry, the juicy, juicy, hey, quit, quit it. Okay. Killing me. You're killing me, Charlie.

Killing you. Killing you. Well, Charlie, I think that was a good episode What do you say? Another one in the book smiles. It's been a pleasure. Really has You're you're you know one of my best buddies in this whole world. There's no one I'd rather be running coke with than you On a pontoon Atlantic

All right folks. Don't forget tip your bartender love you guys, right? on tune in the Atlantic. All right folks, don't forget to beer bar tender. Love you guys.