Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Best Friends Presents: Best Friends With Meatball

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

We are re-releasing a delightful episode from behind the paywall! Join us on a blast from the past, this week as Nicole and Sasheer are joined by the fabulous Meatball! Together, they discuss Zoom drag shows, stand-up at drive-in movie theaters, getting dressed up with nowhere to go, serving lewks, Meatball’s experience kicking someone out of a club, and that hairy queens matter! Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

we are re-releasing for the first time onto the free feed this episode of our premium series best friends friends with meatball this was the first time sashir met meatball it's really fun and meatball stories and throwing people out of clubs never grows old okay bye bye seven six five four three two one happy new year two, one. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Okay, wow. Hello, Sashir. Hi, Nicole. It's another episode. What happened?

Did you fall asleep? No. I started talking and then you started talking. So I was going to let you talk. But I was just going to introduce our podcast. Yeah, I think you should. This is an episode of Best Friends Friends.

It's like a bonus episode with one of our friends. Yes. Let's introduce our guest today. Our friend hosts, co-hosts a podcast with Big Dipper called Sloppy Seconds. Also, very funny drag queen who performs all around Los Angeles. My favorite drag queen, Meatball. Hello. That's from Wicked.

Oh. Do you guys know Wicked? I haven't seen it. I've seen it. Well. I know some stuff about it. I know there's a green witch and she feels ostracized for being green. Right.

Not easy being green. And then there's a good witch, but she's like, not that good. Is that a thing? Yeah. I guess. Yeah. You know what? You've seen Wicked, basically. I know it.

You did it. Yeah, that's essentially Wicked. Yeah. And then someone's defying gravity. Defying gravity, that's the only good part about the whole thing. Yes, Idina Menzel, she gets up in the air and she's screaming,

defying gravity that's not how that song goes that's almost exactly like it all I know is that she just screams she just goes and that's all I care about and I do that just around the house just walking around my boyfriend hates it

I also walk around the house screaming I scream living spaces but do you do it so much that you don't realize that you're even doing it yes uh my roommate John Milhiser his boyfriend was like did you hear me come up the stairs because I came upstairs and all I heard was living living spaces. I was just like alone in my room singing, living spaces. I love it. It's the best jingle ever to have appeared on television. That's great.

My man's also been losing it during this quarantine and just fully screaming nonsense. Not even like songs. Just like, ah! Like, just coming out in spurts. And I'm like, songs. Just, like, it's just coming out in spurts. And I'm like, are you okay? I don't think he is, though. I was supposed to go visit Meepaw yesterday, but I started cleaning.

And then I got, like, too into cleaning. And then I had, like, a little bit of a headache. This whole quarantine is bad. Oh, it's no good. I got into, like, a cleaning thing where I, like, even told my boyfriend to not come into a room while I'm cleaning. Because I was just like, I don't need a distraction. I am doing this. And the whole house is spa-less now.

Oh, nice. My house is pretty fucking clean. But I still don't feel better about myself. I don't feel better either. What? I ordered a new comforter, new pillows, new shams for the pillows. Did you know that a pillowcase is called a sham when it's decorative? It's a sham.

I got some shams. Isn't a sham like a bad thing? Like, that whole thing was a sham. Oh, like it's fake. Oh, interesting. Sham has two meanings. Oh, it's a fake pillow. You're not supposed to sleep on it. Oh. interesting. Sham has two mean... Oh! It's a fake pillow. You're not supposed to sleep on it.

Oh! Yes! We got to the bottom of that one, divas. Can't get nothing out of that. We really did. And we all got so excited about it. That's how bad this quarantine is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, someone... I think I said this last week or on another episode, someone stole my recycling bin and I was so excited for a thing to do.

I was like, now I get to contact someone, talk to someone new. So I talked to Jonathan down at LA Sanitation and he hooked me right up. I said, thank you, Jonathan. He was like, no problem. And I was like, okay, thank you again. And then he didn't respond. Yeah, he's like, we're done. Well, I was hoping maybe it'd be like a meet cute. Girl loses

recycling bin and then finds a man. Jonathan's not going to look for your trash can. Jonathan's at home. Jonathan's at home well jonathan phoning just taking calls and trying to go to sleep but like what if maybe we start looking for my trash can together at six feet apart yeah it's gotta be six feet apart uh i again i think i've said this but i dread the day that there's a movie called six feet apart and it's about people falling in love

via social distancing and they're like, I want to kiss you, but we can't, the virus. I actually think there is a movie called Five Feet Apart. Yeah, that's about cancer kids. Okay. And they're like star-crossed lovers but they can't touch because they have cancer.

Damn. But yeah, I'm sure there's going to be a lot of romantic comedies. Oh yeah's gonna be a lot of um romantic comedies oh yeah there's a lot of screenwriters just bored in their house right now very inspired there's gonna be a whole movie made on zoom oh no have you heard about the zoom sex parties wait what there are oh welcome to the gay world baby they said we can't go out we're taking it to the internet these homos will all sit in a zoom and just like host one person up and there's like one dj in the corner spinning music so it's supposed to feel like a bath house there's just like gays in bed in other like places just jerking off together that resourceful

truly incredible very innovative truly i love the dj setup in his house oh and the thing was like you had to i forgot i didn't do it my friend was telling me about it because i got a man but he um you had to like download a playlist and all started at the same time and then the dj was just like that's so funny wow you had to listen after this i may never leave the house again i mean yeah if everything could come to me that's so funny everyone had to download the same playlist and press play at the same time someone thought about that oh someone put in the hours to make that happen yeah i love it making the zoom group emailing it all out trying to make it happen i just tried to do a

zoom drag show the other day and it was not a success it was so bad because we were it was just a bunch of people in a room talking over each other and then it would be like okay do your performance from your bed please and like that doesn't the arc of drag does not transform from like a stage in a club to a bed yeah i mean same thing with these stand-up on zoom. I haven't done one yet, but it's like, you just perform for your computer and then, then you're like, thank you. That was my time. Yeah. I haven't done it either. Cause it just, it seems it takes away the point of the performance. You want to be able to connect with the audience. And if everyone's on mute and they're just like silently clapping their hands it's not the same no

wait meatball you're like in half drag right now. Oh, yes. I have been filming. Okay, so I do like to do the digital drag shows because it's a lot of money for like maybe two days of effort. So we, now that drag, you can't be out. We've been like going on to the streaming service called Twitch, which is mostly for video games. But you can like pre-record and like basically now drag queens are just making like shitty music videos and posting them and then like people are venmoing us like money so the other night this is great literally spent like maybe five hours shooting a video and got like three thousand dollars oh my gosh that's great because it goes out and it like is played everywhere so it's like so i'm like yeah i'll fucking do it i'll go roll

around my neighborhood and drag for some money i got bills to pay i don't get to travel every weekend anymore yeah so is it like people have to pay to even see the video or they see the video and they just give tips it's free it's like a free stream and if you want to donate ten dollars to to watching it you can but like our venmo are at the bottom of the screen while our videos are playing so people just tip us directly and a lot of people still have jobs and like money so like a dollar isn't a thing totally i wish i had anything like that because comedy truly doesn't work maybe i I'll start making... Someone told me I should start an OnlyFans for pole dancing, and I was like, oh, I don't know.

There's like a stigma to OnlyFans. If there was like another service where you could do it and make people pay, and it wasn't just for porn, that would be great. Oh, maybe I could do a Patreon. But also Patreon has some like rules and i don't know if they'd be like too sexy but maybe i'll just like you know show a titty here and there and get on only fans what have you two been doing for like to get your comedy out

yeah nothing i haven't written a joke in a month and a half. Do you miss it or is it nice? At first it was nice. And then maybe a weekend I was like, oh my God, this is bad. I really hate this. But then I started writing some really offensive jokes with Sashir and that really got my juices going. So I can't wait to go out in the world and show people what I've worked on in quarantine. You come out more offensive. Oh, it's a bunch of like slave jokes and 9-11 jokes and a dash of the Holocaust. So, yep, when I'm touring again, please come out and see me.

It's all Nicole. After every joke, I'm I'm gonna say so sheers a may to help me with that slave joke wait so sheer do you miss doing stand up or working in any way or are you just fine chilling at home I do love being at home I love solitude I love sitting I got a lot of chairs to sit in

but I do like I like the break Being at home. I love solitude. I love sitting. I got a lot of chairs to sit in. But I do like, I like the break. I like being home. It's supposed to be on the road. But then I really do miss performing. And I think I'm still resistant to the virtual aspect of performance. And that's why I haven't done it yet. But I think eventually I might have to figure something out. Because I think I have this pent-up energy and I don't know what to do with it. yet but i think eventually i might have to figure something out because i

yeah i think i had this pent-up energy and i don't know what to do with it and i'm just like i guess i'll buy more outdoor furniture to build maybe i can paint new wait but like maybe we can set up a show no because we can't have gatherings of more than like you and the people you live with yeah because i was like what if you like got into a cul-de-sac everyone is six feet apart i mean they're on their stoop oh we should contact a drive-in movie theater and see if we can perform stand-up while people are in their cars i love that good. That would actually be good. Right? That's great. Do they exist? Yes.

Is there a drive-in theater somewhere? I saw someone on, Kimmy on the keys. Kimmy? Hello. Kimmy on the keys. Can you look up drive-in movie theaters in LA? Sure.

Let me start. One sec. Yeah, that would be awesome. I think this is a good idea, Sashir. Yeah. I think everyone had to bring their own mic, though idea this year yeah i think everyone had to bring their own mic though oh yeah everyone would have to wait and now are you getting out of your car to walk up on stage and then before you the next person you run down yes so we we would have to set up rules

so oh they're temporarily closed of course i've heard of this electric desk drive-in, but yeah, maybe it's not open. That would be really cool. We could... It's in downtown. Maybe we can like contact them and be like, will you open for a show? A social distancing show.

A social distancing show where like your staff doesn't work, but maybe we like take tips or whatever to like help with your rent or whatever i don't know like split the door 50 50 um and then the rules are somebody will be hosting from their car yeah there's a god mic in someone's car yes so you it's byom everyone has to bring their own mic And then the host just does time so people can make it from their cars to the stage. I mean, yeah. I think this is a great idea. I think it's a great idea.

I would love to see a drag show like that, too. Ooh, maybe, yeah. I'm going to contact this fucking theater today or tomorrow. No, I'll do it today. Do it today, girl. What else are you doing? You got other stuff going on? Well, I have so much to do.

I have to. I was watching pole dancing videos until 4 a.m., so I have to try this new move that I think I can do. Which move? 4 a.m so i have to try this new move that i think i can do which move um it's called a juliet spin and veronica like like she taught it to us but it's a backward spin so it immediately left my brain but then i was watching this like eastern european lady who was like you plant your foot like this you swing your leg like this and i think i get it that's all i say sometimes just need someone to scream at you yeah a nice eastern european lady screaming at me telling me i'm strong enough i've been trying to learn how to roller skate well i have been learning how to roller skate

and i've been watching videos of this lady named dirty debbie and there's nothing i like more than a middle-aged like white woman with hair to really teach me how to get around the floor and she's doing it could you roller skate before you started learning uh kind of but not not great but i was a roller blader and it's a very different feeling because there's like So I bought roller skates and roller blades. I keep trying to peer pressure Sasheer into buying some blades so we can blade together on a nice

sunny day. I just don't realistically think I'll use them. Yeah, but you'll use them that one time. Can I rent them? I guess I could return it. You can't be renting

shit that people's feet... You don't want Corona from Rollerskate? I really don't want Corona from Rollerskate. You can get it from a sock. You can get it from a sock? You can get it from a dead body I just saw last night? What? Yes! You can get it from a fucking dead body. Have you been watching the

apocalyptic movies, though? Have you been watching the apop apopaloptic movies though have you been the pop and lot movies the pop and light movie like outbreak i just watched that the other day uh-uh it made going to the grocery store hard no yeah because going to the going to the grocery store is so hard yeah it's scary they got bouncers letting you in one at a time. And then I just saw a picture of people in Ohio, like banging on the governor's office being like, open up our economy. And they were so close together. I don't know if it's true or if it's like a sensationalized picture.

But I was like, people can't be trusted in public. No, they can't. Because they don't understand. They're just like, I want money. want my money back so please let us out let us be free let's go to work i think it's candace owens she's a black contributor on fox news she was like i go to whole foods every day and today they said i couldn't come in without a mask and i was like you've been going every single day with no mask, just spreading your fucking germs at the hot bar? What's wrong with you?

Buy enough for the week. You have to go every day? Who's going to Whole Foods? Who wants to go to Whole Foods every day? I mean, have you had their mac and cheese? Have you had it? It's so good. Is it the baked kind or is it like?

It's baked macaroni and cheese and it's better than some, dare I say, some black people's. Wow. Wow. That's one of her new racist jokes. He's like, does it really make sense? sense it's like who's she offending nobody yep that's my new racist opener it's all about mac and cheese are you trying to work out or anything during the quarantine? By skating? Meatball? No, it's not a workout.

I mean, if I'm getting one by accident, that's great. But I have, like, not looked at a scale. I don't care what I'm eating. I've given up on caring. I, like, don't have to worry about corseting or fitting into costumes right now. Because, like, all you can see is waist up unless I'm, like, eating a point. So then I'm like, thank God I have spandex like i don't care yeah have you been watching what you eat do you care no i don't care i've been doing these stretch classes with nicole our pole instructor has been doing zoom classes. And honestly, that might be the only way I can work out because I have access to online workout videos.

But I'm not motivated to do it. But if you don't know those people. I don't know those people. Why are you in my living room? Who are you? But our instructor is a real person I know. And if she's like, at this time, I'm going online and doing this class, and I can be like, oh, then I will too. It just feels like more real. I don't know. There's a responsibility. There's someone who's like gonna do it for me. So that

feels good. And she cares about us. She cares. She knows who we are. She knows our bodies. I do do yoga with this woman named Adrienne. She's a white lady who, like, giggles at herself when she makes a mistake. And she's always telling me to, like, get in the zone with my body and, like, feel my body. I like Adrienne. Oh, good. Thank you. Thank you. I've been finding some nice white ladies on the internet to help me out. They're the best.

Yeah. I've just been watching nice white ladies on the internet to help me out. They're the best. Yeah. I've just been watching a bunch of cooking videos. Like, I've been trying to, like, learn to cook. So I just started making my own sourdough starter. Which is a very disgusting process. How? I never tried. Because it's just, like, flour and whole wheat, but, but it like starts bubbling and fermenting on its own.

Oh, boy. It's just two things and then it starts growing and you're like, why have I been eating that it has this many germs that it can just grow on its own in my kitchen? That's a good question. How long does it take? Just like four or five days and then you can like bake a loaf. Really? just like four or five days and then you can like bake a loaf really that's yeah well it's because the stores were out of yeast and i was looking for to make some fucking bread everyone's making bread yeah everyone is making bread it's truly the only thing to be doing if you're not making bread are you even quarantined i mean what's happening i guess i'm not quarantining right i gotta make some bread i keep just ordering delivery You're not making bread. Are you even quarantined? I mean, what's happening?

I guess I'm not quarantining right. I got to make some bread. I keep just ordering delivery and risking my life to get some alcohol. Risking your life? In what way? They might sneeze on me. Oh. Wait, but when you order food, here's my question, because I've been afraid to order food. Are you just taking it out of the package and dumping it onto a plate and then throwing the package out and immediately washing your hands?

Yes. That just seems like so much extra stress. It is extra stress, but like I have been eating crunchy noodles because I can't figure out how to cook pasta. So I was like, I have to eat good. So I've been ordering out. It's hard to cook. I can't do it. Okay. It's too hard.

It is too fucking hot. Oh yeah, it's really hot today. But it's a nice break from the rain. Yeah. It it is i don't like the rain what is that song the rain falls down and in my soul oh let the rain fall down and watch my Hillary Duff yeah yes the first day of the rain i was like all about that song. And then I was like, OK, the sun needs to come out. I'm done. And then you're like, I can't stand the rain. Yes.

That's exactly how I was. First I was Hilary Duff and then I morphed into Missy Elliott. Yum. Yeah. Are you going to be doing any more drag shows in your living room? That was a hit. It was a hit. The people liked it. And they did not like that. What was her name mistakes one my roommate john millhiser his drag name is mistakes um but i don't know maybe we'll do another we haven't gotten bored enough i don't know also it took work i had to like learn a snippet of a song

that i've never heard before what do you mean i was reading your lips and it didn't look like you what knew any of the song at all well he synced up i clapped early uh at that part i'm not talking about the clap. I'm talking about the words. Yeah, he synced it to the clap. So all my audio is slightly off. Oh, okay. All right. So whatever.

Also, I didn't, it was hard. And I knew some of the words and I didn't know a lot of the words. So this, okay. You know, that song just came out and you know, I'll say I lip synced it once and I didn't know a lot of the words so this okay you know that song just came out and you know I'll say I lip synced it once and I didn't know a lot of the words either it's hard they don't go with the song

they don't and then when you read the lyrics you're like that's not what I heard it was Dua Lipa's which one? physical yes it's a fun song heard it was Dua Lipa's which one physical yeah yes it's a fun song

yeah maybe it's a bop maybe I don't fucking know the words I think that's what I'm getting at I don't fucking know no words listen I came to the defense I tried to help but if you're still in it it's okay all you gotta do is like move your mouth thank you

yeah you sold it just move your mouth. Thank you. Yeah. You sold it. Just move your lips up and down. You can do some of these. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good. If it's a long part, take someone else's drink.

Well, not anymore. Oh, yeah. Not anymore. Oh, yeah. Dang dang what do you guys miss most i know like everyone's tired of hearing about it but what's like the one thing that you wish you could do the most i i really besides shows i really miss restaurants and bars i just want people to see my outfits i just want people to see me look good like trying to turn looks at home just to feel better yeah i've been buying stuff and then i'm like well this is a nice outfit and then i don't know someone might see it next year i don't i don't know when someone i don't i don't know when people are gonna see it i guess i could just take a

picture of it put it online like online be like did you like this dress yeah you could do that thing that influencers do where they're like outfit of the day yeah I could did you know influencers sometimes they abbreviate it to OOT

I never knew what that meant OOTD oh I forgot the D O-O-T? I never knew what that meant. O-O-T-D? Oh, I forgot the D. I was like, they didn't do that right. O-T-D-D. Yes! Oh my God, guys.

I'm fully stupid. I just realized Star Wars happens in the past and not the future. I, everything is so hard. What? Is what I'm trying to say. What? Is that true? Oh, you guys didn't know either?

No. No. I thought it was the future. No. So the beginning of every movie, someone screenshot it for me and send it to me. No. So the beginning of every movie, someone screenshot it for me and send it to me. The crawl says fucking in a galaxy far, far away, long ago, long ago in a galaxy far away. So I've also heard that argument, but we don't know when we the audience are supposed to be watching this.

Like maybe this was maybe the it's meant for the audience of the future hmm you know how literal is star wars like the bible i guess i don't know now i'm even more confused I mean I guess yeah I just say long ago or whatever okay I'm sorry I wish I could help I wish I cared about space movies it's okay

you can't help me nobody can help me I'm just a stupid bitch Nicole what's going on you're you keep calling yourself stupid yeah you having a bad day i need to leave my house um and do more than just a walk like i've been walking and i'm i need to leave i don't think anything's going i did wake up on the wrong side of the bed today john was like so she texted me asking where you were. Your friend Nick Facebook messaged me

asking me where you were. I think you got a delivery, but the package isn't there. Who was it? And I was like, what? Just let me sleep. It was too much happening today.

I will say a very similar feeling is that now that this is all happening i'm in like seven or eight fucking facebook group messages so it's just constantly going off and so now i just don't check my messages at all i don't answer texts i barely read emails like i'm so tired of speaking to the outside world same and i think i'm tired of speaking to the outside world because i can't be with them so i'm like don't email me we're never gonna talk again in person we're gonna be stuck in our homes for years to come stop texting me but then you'll be really alone you'll have no contact at all i know i think yesterday i just needed it yeah because when i was like when i'd be on the road i would have days where like

like a saturday i'd get no texts really no emails really and i'd be like yay i'm alone and i don't have that now because everyone's like, we need to keep in contact. Do we? Well, yeah, I think a lot of people never have that alone time. They're always either at work or at home where they have families to take care of or whatever. And so having to be home now, they're like,

how do I contact people every day? And I love not contacting people. I love not having to talk to anybody. And so I'm thriving right now, but a lot of people are having issues adjusting to that. So they don't know what to do. And they overcompensate by finding more things to talk about or connecting. And they're like,

I haven't talked to you in 32 years. Do you want to Skype? do you want facetime tomorrow i mean that recently happened to me someone i haven't spoken to in almost a decade was like do you want to facetime and i was like what no weird she's like you want to talk to my kid i was like no i had a routine it was a chaotic routine but a routine and it's been disrupted this is really inconvenient for me this is what I said to my therapist last week well because I was thinking about it because I know I keep like wanting to order things that are like so non-essential like I was I'm out of like certain makeup and like to me it's essential but like anybody else or like an Amazon worker they'd of like certain makeup and like to me it's essential but like anybody else or like an amazon worker they'd be like who the fuck cares about this tiny pot of

yeah but if you order it you're keeping part of our economy afloat but i'm also but also putting people in danger. Yes. Working. Yeah. Fucking eyeliner. Yeah. Yes. You're correct. Maybe look up brands that are giving hazard pay and protecting their workers. Good idea. Yeah.

I bought some clothes from Aritzia cause they, all their money's going straight to their employees. And I was like, Oh really? I already love Aritzia. You'll get my money. What is Aritzia? It's a clothing store. I actually sent you a link because they have that like leopard cowl oh yes yes yes oh is this the place

with the weird font yes it is it has really goofy font can i tell you guys something last night i got so crazy and a little too stoned and i bought two pairs of Skechers and I might buy a third girl you're going insane kind of let me show you the Skechers that I bought first the Crocs now the Skechers are they the shape ups

are they the round bottom ones no they are hold on I'll show you I feel like maybe it wasn't't sketchers but i feel like sketchers also used to have the shoe that had the little dip in the middle where you can skateboard with it do you know no sorry those are wheelies no they no i'm not talking about the wheels i'm talking about there's they had a divot in the middle of the shoe, like in the arch, so that if you wanted to pretend to skate, you could just like...

So you could grind. You could grind, yeah. You could grind down poles. The pole would just go in the middle of the arch. Oh. But show us the picture again. Yeah. Oh, hold on.

Okay. So you can't see. but show us the picture again yeah oh hold on okay so you can't see these ones have a little bit of oh there you go little kitten heel sneaker kitten heel okay and those have a little wedge in them those are cool those are cute thank you and then i'll show you the other ones I really fucking want. I didn't know Skechers had cute shit. They do. I didn't know Crocs had cute shit either. Crocs is the shit. I fucking love Crocs, baby. They have more.

They're like sandals and wedges and strappies. I've been trying to find these ones, but I can't find them. They're sold out in size 11s. Dang. What are those? Are those those Nikes that are all the different animal prints? Because I want those really bad.

They're like knockoff Nikes with all the animal prints. Ah. And I can't find it nowhere, no how. Dang. I might buy these. Those are cute. Yes, those are cute.

We love Skechers! We love Skechers! We love Skechers! We are Skechers stans! They used to be all over the place, and now I haven't heard of them in years. Well, because it was like a real 90s brand, and then everyone was like, Chunky Sneakers, get out of here!

And now Chunky Sneakers are back. They're back. And thank God they held on until the trend came back they did they also have la gear branded shoes they're doing a collaboration sketchers in la gear well well well it is as if sketchers is paying me to talk about their shoes and they're not It is as if Skechers is paying me to talk about their news. And they're not. Well, I've been looking for a filing cabinet. It's hard because they're all really ugly.

No one wants a cute filing cabinet. There's a couple that are cute, but not all functional. Some have a tiny drawer and then one big drawer, but I want two big drawers. And then some don't have keys. It's a mess. You didn't like the one I showed you popping? No. I mean, I thought it was cute. It's one of the cuter options, but I don't personally want it.

It doesn't match my stuff i kind of want to see what it is i wonder if you could find like a i don't know if they even make fun looking filing cabinets not many yeah i found like three but i think mine is cute i didn't say it wasn't cute did you didn't say it wasn't cute did you hear me say it wasn't cute mine's really cute can we play it back I cannot do that

I'm sure I know but yours is cute it doesn't fit my aesthetic wait Meatball did you tell us what you missed But yours is cute. I just, it doesn't fit my aesthetic. Wait, Meatball, did you tell us what you miss from the outside world? Probably like cheeseburgers. I'm trapped at home with a vegan.

We ain't got no meat up in this bitch. Oh, no. I've been eating vegan for a month and a half. I'm ready to die. I'm ready to end it all. Honey, I don't want a hamburger. And I want one of those fat burger ones where you get your picture on the wall. I want a big one.

I want to be wrong. Where's your favorite hamburger from, or cheeseburger from? I guess probably a fat burger. I like the way that their burgers are, but I don't like their fries. I don't like their fries either. Yeah, and everyone's always like In-N-Out's the best, but In-N-Out has gross ass fries too.

I like In-N-Out's fries. They're weird. It's like eating a potato, just putting a potato in your mouth. I like them. Yeah, because I think they're just fresh. They just cut them and throw them in. Yeah, they don't double fry them. Yeah, a double fry.

Get it crispy on the inside and outside, baby. I love McDonald's french fries. I like Shake Shack. I used to eat so much shitty food. What? Shake Shack. Oh, Shake Shack is really good. I forgot that they have them here now.

Yeah, they do. There's one in Glendale. Oh, is that the end of the list? I thought you were... And downtown. And downtown. And Hollywood. And Terminal 3 at LAX.

I guess I kind of miss traveling. Although I hate flying because I hate airports, but like I miss going to other cities. Me too. I miss going to cities and going, why does anyone live here? And then like having a really great show and being like, the people here are so kind,

they should get out. And then like having a really great show and being like the people here are so kind they should get out. But we need them to stay there so that place can be good. You know? I also miss like fighting with audience members. I know I complain about it a lot, but I was like, this is a part of my life now. And no one has yelled at me in a long time while i'm trying to make a point yeah i miss throwing asking people to get kicked out of clubs just for like saying the wrong thing to me what was the the wildest way you've kicked someone out of a club i used to work the door at this

party called daddy issues in downtown and these like three guys that shouldn't like they were straight and i kept on trying to be like listen you're gonna go in there and you're gonna turn around and leave so and i'm not gonna give you money back so i'm just telling you now you're not gonna like it you're not getting your money back um it's a bunch of gays and they're doing gay stuff in the back room and so they like went in anyway and paid me and then when they were trying to leave, they wanted their money back. And I was like,

I told you six times, you dumb, how dare you? And then they wouldn't leave. And they kept like, because they were straight and I'm a drag queen, they were just like yelling horrible things at me. And like,

like just the worst. And finally I was like, okay, I'm just going to get security and just had them leave. But the whole time I was like cackling and screaming like a witch. As they were getting thrown out. Because it felt right. I mean.

But the craziest reason. I think one time someone said my friend was too hairy to be a drag queen. And I was like, you can see yourself out. And like had the whole audience clap as they like escorted these people out of the thing. And I was like, hairy drag queens have rights. Hairy queens matter. That's so funny. Somebody said your friend is too hairy to be a drag queen.

Get out! Leave. That's very funny. I just can't imagine trying to argue. That's like going to someone's house and disrespecting them in their house it's like you're at the club that they work at that's their home that's their home club you can't do that you can't say that you can and it was the worst part it was that they were like in the front row so they were saying it like while the performer was

up there like to them and i was, we're not doing this today. Let's not play this game. But I love when people get messy in a club. Like I think it's hilarious. Like the messier, the better, but like, just don't be rude.

Yeah. My favorite thing at Mickey's, like it'll be like 7 PM and there'll be like a cute little twink passed out in the corner with no friends and then at midnight you'll see the same twink again just alive like having the time of their lives where did the second wind come from and you're like your body isn't meant to hold this like alcohol it's honestly it's like jesus has risen in the form of a little twink. It's so funny. Oh, and the Sundays there are the worst,

but also the best for viewing that because people will do the brunches around and then end up at Mickey's for the in-between time. At like 3 p.m. Yes. Like 3 to 7. 3 o'clock to 6 o'clock or 7 o'clock is not the time to be out. And these kids are passed out sleeping in cages. Like just trying to figure out what's

going on I'm looking for blah blah blah and you're like listen she's not here go home one of these days this year I'll have to take you to a tea dance sounds fun yeah you should come on out yeah i need to

we have mono and betsy and betsy come out one night and it yeah we took her to precinct and we got them wasted and they were like i think didn't mono try to make out with a puppet i think so yeah wow for whatever reason it's like rules don't exist in a gay club, and you can drink as much as you want with no consequences. But there's like, you know, there are consequences. There's still laws. There's a lot. I once left Mickey's.

Mickey's is my favorite bar in West Hollywood, just because everyone's so messy. Yep. I left, and a shop boy was trying to tell me why I was single. And he was like, you need to go home. He was from like Ecuador or something. He's like, you need to go home. You need to plant your feet in the grass and feel the earth.

So me and my friend John went back to my house, took off our shoes. We were in the front of my house, just like fingering the grass with our feet, being like, we need to feel the earth. And then and then i was like oh we should all go to bed this is bad no consequences go-go boys always have the weirdest advice uh-huh one of them was like i was telling him how i was afraid that i was gonna go bald in the middle here but still keep this front tuft and like nothing back here he was like just shave it off glue on a hair piece no one will tell and i was like everyone can tell that you're wearing one what

are you talking oh no just a hard line around the side of his head have you seen hair systems are very popular now have you seen them? yeah well especially in the UK like everyone over there has one you can like see this line all the way around their head I have seen some Instagram videos

of men getting pieces glued on and they're like and it does look good or a good one looks good believable and then people in the comments are all like wow men can do it too

they can also be deceitful deceitful they're lying again I love it men can be deceitful I mean if I was like fucking a dude and like ran my fingers through his hair and his like wig came off

I think I'd be like wow me too and maybe take mine off and then we can rub our little bald heads together swap wig honestly what a dream I would love rub our little bald heads together. Swap wig. Honestly, what a dream. I would love to slap my wig

on a man I was fucking. I would love it so much. That'd be great. Wow. This episode has flown by. It's been so much fun yeah this is so fun Meatball do you want to

promote the Zoom or the Twitch just follow my Instagram at spiciestmeatball or my Twitter at fatdragmeatball and I take money from everybody at my Venmo which is also spiciestmeatball I like the change it used to be you only took white money.

Well, you know, in these times, in these uncertain times, as people are calling them, I'll take money from every color. But for a while there, it was just white people because I needed to make them feel bad. And I was making money off of white people. White people got jobs. And guilt.

Uh-huh. All right. Thanks, people. Nice meeting you. Thank you. It was nice meeting you. I'll see y'all later. Wait, you've never met?

No. Oh, this is wild. We all have to hang out in person. I know. Adam said, I think you've only seen me in drag in person once. Me? I screamed at you. Yeah.

You're correct. Yeah, I only see you as a boy as ever logan as logan all right Outro Music