Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Believes All Titties Are Good But Some Butts Are Bad.

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Hey friends! Nicole is thriving and living her best fucking life. Sasheer got invited to play tennis with her cousin. They both learn that there was a resurgence of tennis due to the pandemic. Sasheer wishes when she was younger she stuck with playing violin. Nicole wished she stuck with piano. Sasheer was so happy after seeing Beyoncé in Los Angeles on the Renaissance Tour with Nicole.  Nicole wants Beyoncé and Kelly to come on the show. Sasheer wants the music group Flyana Boss on the show. Nicole believes all titties are great but there are some bad butts. Sasheer believes we don’t talk about titties like we used to because we are in “Ass Land.” It's all about the butts. Nicole loves the idea of a child section on an airplane. Sasheer was on a plane that cops came on but nothing happened. Nicole recounts an unfortunate plane ride where she wasn’t feeling well. Plus, they give friendship advice to a listener feeling awkward being the only single friend, a person figuring out how to support a friend going through a nasty divorce and a listener dealing with their best friend's anger issues. This was recorded on September 5th, 2023. Sources: https://www.forbes.com/sites/laurabegleybloom/2023/08/30/flying-in-peace-this-airline-is-creating-an-adults-only-section/?sh=724bf29a1cbb Check out Sasheer’s Comedy Special “First Woman” on 800 Pound Gorilla or for free on Youtube. https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/sasheer-zamata-the-first-woman No BuzzFeed quiz this week. Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, Nicole. Hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hi. Hi, Nicole. How are you? How are you? Good.

How are you? Listen, I am thriving. Oh, how come oh you know you just say those things and hopefully they come true so you know you just say you're thriving and living her best fucking life oh i was um my cousin asked me to play tennis this past weekend we did not because it was raining outside um but i he's like i do it most saturday so uh let's do it one of these saturdays i was like great so we'll probably do it and then uh i've just seen a lot of people online playing tennis and i was like is there an increase in tennis and then i looked up like you know is there an increase in tennis right now? And post-pandemic, a lot more people are playing tennis.

And I think it might be because of the increase of pickleball. Because pickleball got super popular during the pandemic. It's the fastest growing sport in America. As you've said. And I think because people were playing pickleball, they're like, well, I need a bigger court. I need to actually do this, do the real deal thing. And then they started getting rackets and playing tennis. Wow.

Who knew the pandemic would bring a resurgence in a sport that I don't understand the point system in? I played tennis in middle school and i forget i know it's like 30 60 90 90 and i know it's like love love is zero but uh yeah i really i don't know the other things yeah yeah i forgot a lot but i remember enjoying it when i was younger but i feel like my parents wanted me to be like venus and serena and i was like that's not gonna happen of course you're a little black girl all black parents were like i can have this too i want it i can have it and then my dad loved tennis and had two little black girls so he literally was like i can have a venus and a serena yeah because uh i, I was like pretty powerful as a child and could like really fucking whack the ball.

But I just didn't have the love for it, you know? You gotta have the love for it. You gotta. I would rather be swimming than on a court with a net, a hard net, a racket. That's what it's called. A hard net. There is a net. hard net a racket that's what it's called a hard net there is a net yeah oh yeah the net in the middle but i was talking about the racket and you know that little box weavy thing it kind of looks like a some netting some hard netting honestly i mean vince and serena are impressive

for many many reasons but it's also really impressive that they they are still doing something that they've done since they were children yes that's like and they love it and they love it well that's like beyonce beyonce's been doing this for 27 years i believe she said at her concert yeah this is a long time i just feel like that's so rare that your parents make you do something you actually like it like my mom wanted me to play the violin i hated it i didn't want to play the violin i wish i stuck with it so i could play an instrument but when you know i didn't like the fact that i was told to play an instrument i would have rather have chosen an interest in it i wanted to play the clarinet is that cooler than a violin not really but yeah you gotta suck on that reed

maybe that's why my mom didn't want me to play a clarinet she's like you're not sucking on anything you're not gonna suck on any piece of wood little or not yeah yeah my sister played clarinet and i would just watch her suck on these reeds and i was like oh and then they go back in her little clarinet box and i was like this instrument is sick this is nasty that does seem unsanitary yeah i think the difference is so like okay if your mom forced you to play the violin and you were instantly great at it, I think you would have a different approach to it. Not that like Venus and Serena were instantly great,

but like seems like they started winning pretty early. And like entered competitions earlier than like coaches thought they should. Cause Dati said, come on. So yeah, if I was instantly good at something i'd be like yeah this is fucking for me thanks mummy and daddy that is a good point yeah i wasn't i certainly wasn't winning competitions but i feel like i wasn't trying hard because i was told to do it if that makes sense like maybe if I tried hard I would have excelled

at the violin. But I just did the bare minimum to stay in class. I don't know. Yeah. I mean I played flute and I could have been Lizzo. You know? Most people think you are.

Duck with it. People already think I'm Lizzo. And imagine if someone called me lizzo i'd be like yeah and what and took out a flute maybe like is she lizzo they're like well wait i'm confused uh i don't really get it what's happening um also piano i wish i stuck with piano my mother used to say maybe i've said on this podcast before she was like you're gonna want to when you're an adult go to a dinner party and be able to bust out songs on a piano after dinner and everyone sing along. And I was like, you're a lunatic. That doesn't happen.

You're stupid. You stupid bitch. And then I'm an adult and I'm like, oh, man, I wish I could play that piano after dinner. That would be nice for us to sing around. It would be really nice. But I can't play piano. No. No. I I can't play piano. No. No.

I didn't stick to anything from growing up. Except for swimming. I do swim a lot. Yeah. Boy, I love swimming. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Did I stick with anything?

Mm. I guess I... Mm. Mm. oh did i stick with anything i guess i i don't think so because i did gymnastics i did basketball i did volleyball i did uh show choir church choir i didn't say with any of it i guess i did musicals in high school that's when you're an actress now yes so there we go you stuck with something i did i do want to take a gymnastics class but i'm like do the uneven bars have a weight limit? Will they say, big lady, you can't swing on these. That's the kind of gymnastics you want to do? I want to do all the gymnastics.

I want to do tumbling, but I really do love the uneven bars. I'm not fucking with the beam. That seems, I didn't like beam when I did gymnastics. I was too hard. Even the beam closest to the floor. Jordan, can you look up to see if there's a weight limit on the uneven bars, please? You're getting so close to the floor. Jordan, can you look up to see if there's a weight limit on the uneven bars, please? You're getting so close to the camera.

There's one thing has come out saying that the bar can hold up to 220 pounds. Okay. That's just one thing. But the only thing I'm thinking of is like, you were like spinning and like jolting on these bars. I feel like I would break it in half, me personally. Maybe, but also you have to remember,

can you actually swing your body around it? That's like a pull. Like a pull can withstand weight on it, but it cannot withstand like a body flying around it. But it's like, can a bigger body actually do that? I don't know. There's also pulls that are a weight limit of like 400 so i think it just depends on which bar you get i i don't let me find out if there's like a max max because sky zone the fucking trampoline place i really wanted to go to it for my birthday they have a weight limit

and i was like oh this makes me so sad to jump on a fucking trampoline if you have a commercial trampoline space you should be able to have the fattest of the fatties jump on it no problem take their money i mean yeah is it because also sky zone is that place with like trampolines in the in the floor, right? I believe so. Yeah. And all I wanted to do was jump. And they said, no, stay on the ground, bitch. But that's also confusing to me because don't they have, I guess I don't know. I've never been there before. But I can't imagine it's one person at a time. Shouldn't it withstand multiple people jumping on it? Hmm. I don't know the Sky Zone rules. I hmm i don't know the sky zone rules i guess i don't know

either but i do just want to jump on a trampoline like i'm dying to yes that sounds very fun it sounds like so much fucking fun like just up and down like move it all around flips and tricks flips and tricks yeah iips and tricks. Yeah. I just want to do stuff that makes me smile. That's all I want to do. The world is hard and I want to smile. I feel like, I don't know the last time I've been on a trampoline, but anytime my body's jostled, I'm not having a good time. Oh, really?

Because my titties are big. I don't know. When my stomach feels like the weight is lifted in my stomach, I feel like I'm getting nauseous. I don't know. I'm old. Oh, I'm sorry. I ain't got no titties, so I don't got that problem.

And then, I don't know, my butt jumbling around. That's fun for me. Okay. Okay. I do want got that problem. And then, I don't know, my butt jumbling around. That's fun for me. Okay. Okay. I do want a bigger butt. Bigger? Yeah. Rounder.

It's already quite round. I know, but I want it rounder. All right. That's what I want. Remember when we were sitting at Beyonce and I was so much taller than you? And I screamed at you. That's what did I say? That's why I have a problem with our height.

Yes. Yeah. We took a picture and I did look much shorter than you. So much shorter. It was really, it was an optical illusion and it felt insane. And you're like, this is why I think I'm taller than you. And that's why i have a problem with that because i was like a whole foot taller than you sitting it's wild

and then we stand up and i'm not i'm small yes that ass is lifting you and then i slouch a little bit so then yeah i think there's a bit of a difference when we sit wow wow wow you know that concert was the first time i had bought an outfit for an event in a very long time yeah i think i told you this because i usually just buy things to be like just in case but i just didn't have any silver I'm never just just in case I need to wear silver to something yeah and then I was like well Beyonce told me I have to wear silver she said I'm not disrespecting Beyonce but people did people did but then you sent me the story where she said that but by the time I looked at it, it was gone. So maybe people didn't get the memo. It's on her website.

Oh, then they have no excuse. They have zero fucking excuse. None. You saw pictures of people wearing silver and you thought it was a choice? You saw all your friends in silver? It's what she wanted. Yeah. I truly can't get over how good she was so good that was a really fun show

really it was so fun break my soul was such a fun it was like it felt like a fucking party and i was like i can't believe beyonce invited me to her party like can you even yeah it was very fun yeah it was just like a good mix of like old classics and then renaissance yes and i was very happy i was so happy halfway through the show i was like wait should we invite beyonce and kelly roland to be on the podcast to promote her tour? You know, these last couple dates, she might have slow ticket sales or something. I think we should reach out to them. You know, the worst that could happen is no one responds. We may as well try.

No, the worst that can happen is an email going, no, like Oprah and Gail did, where I was like, just ignore us. That actually is the worst. Just ignore us. Why would you just actively say no? Pretend you didn't get it. I think we should go out to them again and be like, are you sure? Like, for real, for real.

You actually know? You don't want to promote the own network? You don't want more eyes on the own network? You don't want to promote CBS News? Yeah. I really think, Jordan, can we please make a note that we need to go out to Beyonce and Kelly and Oprah and Gayle again and be like, are you guys one? Please, please do the podcast before your tour. So like, you know, just take an hour backstage

before you go on to do our podcast. It'll only take an hour of your time. You can even do it with Blue, so you don't have to coordinate with Kelly, you know? Blue could just do it. It'll be fine. Or Jay, that is your probably best friend too. Maybe Tina, you know? beyonce she can have we're not gonna assign her best friend she she can tell us yeah yeah you yeah you tell us who your best friend is and i'll just take an hour

right before she goes on stage oh maybe we should have um fly in Boss. I would love them. They are best friends and they're so adorable. And I love that one of them wears ears. And I love that one wears a purse every time they do those running videos. Yes. That is so funny to me. They're so wonderful. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And they're going on tour with Janelle Monae, who we might see in October, which I'm very excited about. Which is great. Might see? I said yes. Has my invitation been recanted? No, it hasn't been recanted.

I guess it didn't feel like a firm yes. I thought it was like a we'll see. But if it was a firm yes, it was perfect. It's in my calendar. Well, then we're doing it. I put it right up in there as soon as you told me the date. Perfect. I'm glad.

We're doing it. Thank God. Okay. I got to get up on my Janelle Monae because I've liked her as an entity for so long, but up in there as soon as you told me the date perfect i'm glad oh we're doing it god okay i gotta get up on my jump my janelle monae because i've liked her as an entity for so long but i haven't really listened to her new music yeah now that she's taking her titties out the tase are out i hope she keeps them out i want to see them i mean they're great i love titties i don't think anyone talks about it enough titties are great you don't even nasty titties. I don't think anyone talks about it enough. Titties are great. You don't think nasty titties are good. You think people have been like on the fence about titties?

Well, I just feel like we're not as open to talk about how great titties are. I think they're lovely to look at. Yeah, yeah. They are lovely to look at. I'm not trying to like suck on none. I just I like I like looking at them. Yeah. And you said even nasty titties are

great even nasty titties are great sloppy dumpy nasty little titties those are good too they're all good they really are how would you naturally bring up talking about titties oh in a conversation yeah oh talk about janelle monae and how she's been taking her titties out and then you go you know here's a thought nobody's talking about titties anymore i feel like that in the 90s we always talked about titties like people had like boob jobs and their titties were out and i was like pam anderson only them titties and i don't think we have a titty person anymore oh you know what because we're in ass land right now uh it's all about the butt we are in ass land we have left boobtopia and taken the train to ass land

yeah butts are hot right now yeah people are getting like uh you know brazilian butt lifts and injections and you know it's all about the butt yeah eating ass eating the booties like groceries which is so funny to say because it's like i don't eat all my groceries sometimes i buy windex at the grocery store and you're not gonna catch me eating no windex okay and i'm going to be cleaning my windows with a butt. Although I would love to see someone clean their windows with a butt and be like, that's what I'm doing. I will say this about butts. There are bad butts.

There are bad butts. I don't think there's any bad titties. I think there are terrible butts. I've seen some butts that I don't think there's any bad titties. I think there are terrible butts. I've seen some butts that I don't want to remember. Like just a big, long, flat, but I don't like them.

Or just like, like badly operated on or like, like misshapen or like bird's just like the lumps are lumping and not doing what they're supposed to do or moving the way it's supposed to move yeah i saw one bad butt on instagram once it was like long flat but then you know like the little w part the little the bottom part it was like drooping and i was like oh it looked like two little chicken chicken chicken cutlets yes oh it was really upsetting for me and my eyeballs

but yeah no bad titties but what about titties that are like too hard those are great i love hard titties i love big surgery titties those are the most fun yes they look like little basketballs on people that's fun but also i love a surgery but i okay have we talked about it on this podcast i love bimbos like on instagram oh i just love them they're my favorite and i thought i lost one but i recently refound her like you have her here or yeah i she got out of my grasp no because sometimes instagram will delete their profiles so then if you don't follow their backups you can't find them and then they're like lost in the ether but i found her on a meme site where people were making fun of her big butt and then her friend tagged her and was like no that's

my girl leave her alone and i was like there she is and i found her again i was so excited oh thank goodness and what is she doing just posing yeah living her life living her life posing and you know having the best time posing in like in in closets in stores uh in bedrooms at restaurants you know anywhere you go you take a picture you you got it this is my butt in the closet this is my butt in a restaurant it's like a elf on the shelf is your butt in different places that's right don't you take the elf on the shelf different places yes yeah i i don't think i knew what elf on the shelf was until this like past christmas because i people were like showing videos of themselves placing the elf in different places before their kid woke up

and i was like damn being a parent is exhausting you also have to do that wake up in the middle of the night and move an elf around and tell them it's real yeah this one woman like created a whole scene where like the elf was like falling out of the microwave and like popcorn was falling around it and so it was like it was like suspended in the air i was like it's a full art project at 3 a.m i that's the thing about kids like you could be a parent who doesn't do any of that and then your kid grows up and they're like wait a minute other kids got fun shit other kids got stories that were made at 3 a.m and then you're like what were you fucking doing your mom's like sleeping um and then also it's like you have to hide christmas presents so they don't find it but you got to get it before

it fucking sells out yeah take them to the dentist all the time and like i just oh the thought of happening like no shade to people who have kids but i i cannot be bothered it's a lot of work on top of any work that you're already doing and i'm doing a lot of work did you hear about the european airline that has a child free like uh section i did i was i was like oh give me give me give me more to quote britney spears give me give me more okay give me more give me more i think it's like closed off by like an actual like partition so it's like you have to go through like a partition to like get there not even like a wall or something not even like just the cloth no i think it's an actual partition where they close them in and they can scream amongst themselves. I love it. Sounds great.

Right? I really wanted to come over here. Me too. Cause I think- Did they say where are the kids? In the front or the back? Are you kidding? In the back. Put them in the back.

Put them on the wings. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're in the back um and i think it's great i think it's great i wonder oh okay we found an article about it flying in peace wow 60 of american adults agree that a child-free area on planes and trains would be nothing short Blessing. It's Corridon Airlines, Turkish Dutch airline. Yeah, you'd be 16 plus to be in one of the 93 seats reserved exclusively for adults. I love that. Me too. And I feel like maybe, I mean, I guess I haven't heard from any parents about this. I don't know how they would feel about it, but I feel like parents would maybe like that question mark because

because then you have to worry about other adults like giving you a side eye and being like oh my god can you shut your kid up or like you know you'd be like oh well my kid's not the only one screaming here so it's less pressure off of me yeah have a whole romper room back there y'all can as soon as we get to a cruising altitude take out the toys and let them fucking crawl on the floor like kids like to do they're nasty oh i just can't just imagine traveling with like a little person who's irrational. It's like, come on, we got to get on the plane.

Why? Why? I don't want to travel with adults who are irrational. Me either. I only like traveling with fun, good times. And I've only really been on a trip with like one person where I was like, oh, I'll never do this again.

I don't think i have any nightmare travel experiences with somebody thankfully but i have travel people where i'm like okay you know maybe we travel differently yeah we travel very differently and this is not for me i had a friend we were driving somewhere and she started painting her nails in the car and i was like no no why what what makes you what no space right now we're in a tiny car yeah uh i remember when we were in rome we drove to like the countryside and that was the loveliest car ride that was so nice oh we had a designated driver who was happy to drive and we just screamed in the back and had a nice time we were the kids in the back

we were the kids in the back also i feel like if you take your shoes off on the plane and you're barefoot you have to go back and sit with the children like i think a flight attendant should be like i'm sorry sir you're not an adult you have to go in the back with the children or if you throw any sort of fit you have to go in the back yeah and it becomes a punishment of children and badly behaved adults sure you're screaming so is the baby one of my favorite videos of all time because he is right he's right i loved it oh i told you how the the police got on board the plane the last uh flight i was on but nothing really happened i was hoping that not hoping i didn't want anything bad to happen but i was like are they gonna take somebody off the plane are they gonna arrest somebody right off the plane

and then nothing happened they just like went back and talked to people and then walked off they were like the police were like our friends are landing let's go hit them up hey man how's it going i just want to talk to you before everyone got off the plane okay i'll see you outside all right see you later man that was fun i'm trying to think of anything wild has happened on the plane. I was on a plane where they were like, is there any medical doctor aboard? And then the flight attendant ran up and down the aisle.

Like she did not calm anybody down. If anything, she made the situation worse. Oh no. And then she had to pull out the oxygen tank and ran that back to the person. And it was just like real scary for a hot second, but then they were fine. And you were in the air when this happened? Mm-hmm.

Oh boy. We were also close enough to the airport that we could have just gone back. But they were like, we gotta get to Miami. We can't. You'll figure it out when you get there. Yeah. Damn.

Well, thankfully they were okay. Ooh. Oh, no. Oh, somebody sent this to me. Robin Fierce sent this story to me. A Delta plane underwent a five-hour cleanup operation where the entire carpet needed to be replaced after a passenger suffered horrific, a horrific bout of diarrhea. No,

but here's the thing. If the carpet needed to be replaced and not a piece of the carpet, did this person diarrhea from the front to the back of the plate? Wait. Okay. Both my wife and I were on the flight. It was a mess. The pilots made the right decision to turn around. The ground crew ripped out the carpet and put a new one in. Considering the circumstances, the ground crew did a great job

along with the flight attendants and the pilot. Wait, did the passengers have to stay on the plane while they replaced the carpet? I doubt that. Oh, wait, I don't know. How do you walk off a plane if the whole carpet is drenched in diarrhea my partner was on that wait let's see uh yeah my partner was on that flight it was pretty bad it was dribbled down the aisle smelled horrible

the vanilla scent to disinfect it used only made it smell like vanilla shit after the plane landed it was thoroughly clean they didn't leave around 2.30 in the morning. Oh, no. The flight was met by emergency vehicles and EMTs carried the sick passenger off the plane. My partner said the plane was cleaner when they got back on at 2 a.m. But it was then the first time it got on.

No smell either. Damn. I hope they're okay. Good job on the crew for working so diligently but yeah why i just really need to know did they diarrhea from the front to the back of the plane for the whole carpet to be removed i guess like maybe let's say they sat in like row 16 and they need to go to the bathroom and the bathroom's all the way in the back of the plane so maybe from their seat to the back of the plane maybe they're just dribbling down the aisle lord lord lord but okay here's another

quandary if you're not feeling that good and i'm sure you had diarrhea before you got to the airport before you got on the plane maybe sometimes it hits you sometimes it just hits you the times i've had diarrhea it came out of nowhere it was not like i was like i feel a feel of rumble coming on it was like oh it's here have you ever had explosive diarrhea where you're dribbling yeah okay we don't have to get into it yeah certainly and i wasn't home we don't have to get into that at all. Although, okay, I did recently get on a plane when I probably shouldn't have.

When I went to Vegas, I was sick. I was so hung over and I didn't feel good at all to the point where like I sat down on the plane and I was like, I need a vodka soda just to even things out. And then we got into the sky and I was like, am I gonna barf all over this lady next to me? And then I didn't. It was bad though.

And then the driver to the casino kept like trying to talk to me and I was like, sir, you have to stop. It was bad, it was not good. And I knowingly got on a plane like that. So I guess I get it. Yeah, see? It can happen to the best of us. It really can.

I thought I was going to die this year in midair. And I slept hard and that is a 30 minute flight. Like we landed and I was like. And I was like, am I the only person flying to vegas with a hangover usually people are flying from vegas with a hangover yeah did you leave something i went home with a hangover too yes yes i went and saw drag race live for the second time and we were uh we got double kettle ones and soda and the lady went that's a lot of alcohol and also pretty expensive and we were like don't judge us but by the end of the

show i was like oh man that lady was right i was fucked up and then um me and my friend uh we were like smoking cigarettes at the casino and drinking more vodka and then we both cried at the casino at the like at the like fucking bar and then the man was just like I'm just gonna replace your ashtray and we were like thank you so much for being so kind and then then we ordered room

service and then had more drinks and then my flight left at 6am and you better believe I said for the car to come at 5. I gave myself an hour from the hotel to the plane ascending to the sky. And when I got to the airport, I was like, oh, I have to take a tram. The line is very long. Why did I do this?

I truly sat down and the door closed and we left. I don't know why I did that. Because she loves the rush closed and we left. It was, I don't know why I did that. Cause she loves the rush. I love it. I love the rush of being hung over sick, trying to make it to a plane. Yeah. That feels awful.

Yeah. Who you telling? I just did it twice. It was bad. should we answer people's questions or do a quiz maybe maybe questions we talked for a long time we talked for a long time we had a lot to catch up on so much to catch up on oh also uh we gotta go to dinner or something while you're here yes okay yeah i am leaving tomorrow but then i come back shit ah shit okay only single friend hi n Sashir, and the whole gang. I absolutely love the podcast. I drive a lot for work, and when a new episode comes out, it makes my day. I was wondering if you had any

advice on how to be more comfortable hanging out at social events with my friends when I am the only one who does not have a significant other. I am the shy one in the group and socially anxious, so just going to these events is a huge step for me but I feel left out and uncomfortable when I attend these events alone my friends and their partners are really nice and it's cool that they invite me but I still feel so awkward in the group without a partner last time I went to a social event I was so uncomfortable I had a hard time contributing to the conversations and it felt like I didn't belong so i left early i have a few social events coming up and i'm considering not going because i do not want to feel that uncomfortableness again any advice will help greatly i mean i like that you're going to these events yeah at all um

because you could you never know you could have fun and you don't want to miss out on like having experiences especially with people who you like and who like you um and then also i like that you're exercising your right to leave whenever you want like you also don't have to stay for these events if you feel uncomfortable or awkward or just are tired you can leave whenever you want um and i don't think anyone will have a problem with it because they're you know we're adults and people leave when they whenever they want also are you telling yourself the truth do every single one of your friends have a significant other or does it just feel like that and maybe if you do have a single friend you can be like hey do you want a carpool

so it's like you kind of go in together as buddies um and kind of like have each other's back and maybe that single friend also feels the same way you're feeling um i don't like i mean most of my friends are in relationships but i don't necessarily hang out with them it's never like a couple's thing do you know what i mean like i usually hang out with like my one friend of the partner but it's never like but then also when i do hang out with my friends with partners and they are together um i'm not uncomfortable because i just talk to them like two separate entities i think maybe you got to get to the root of why you're uncomfortable is it jealousy is it like public displays of affection that make you feel awkward um i need to know more i need to know why you feel awkward

yeah because like you know you're saying you don't have much to contribute to the conversation when you're hanging out with your friends and their partners. I can't imagine that the only thing that they're talking about is like about being a couple. Like if there's a group of people, they're probably talking about other stuff. I mean, maybe they might dip into like relationship stuff but probably not the whole time um yeah and you can always like try to like slip in something that you're interested in which i know is hard for people who are socially anxious um but you know what's the last movie you watched or what's the last like book you read or is there like a i guess like is something going on in space that's cool people love talking about space bring it up is there something going on in space that's cool you know like hey they were they just

saw another sighting of a spaceship or like yeah they discovered a new moon on blah blah blah what do you guys think about it um and then people might start talking about more general things as opposed to maybe a couple things um if that is in fact what's happening but you know these are your friends they like hanging out with you they wanted you to be there so just talk about things that you would talk about with your friends normally yeah i agree yeah i do think if you have a single friend who's also there to like carpool with i really do think that coming in together is stronger than alone but i also really want to know the root of why you're so if it's just social anxiety okay but if there's other things i'd like to know so can i have an update yeah all right solved until i hear more yeah hi nicole hi sashir first off let me say that i found your podcast

while googling something along the lines of happy podcast about two years ago and it has been non-stop giggles ever since thank you for bringing me joy i have a friendship question my friend's marriage recently turned toxic about a year ago after discovering some secrets about her husband that are irreconcilable they have been together for the past decade and she is finding it really hard to end the marriage. As her friend, I have watched her struggle emotionally for the past year and is breaking my heart. She recently confided in me that she got a new job in a new town that would force her to move and get a divorce. However, she hasn't taken the job yet. I could tell during our last conversation that she doesn't want to end the marriage or get divorced but knows that she has to my question is what do i say and do as her friend at this moment i want her to know that i'm here

for her no matter what she chooses but i also desperately want her to get out of this marriage i'm worried sick for her every day but i know it's not my place to force her hand honestly at the risk of sounding selfish even kind words to calm my nerves as i watch her navigate this emotional this toxic slash emotionally abusive situation would help i do think since she has the opportunity to take a job that would move her away and it's an easy way for her to get divorced and i know you don't want to force her hand i do think think you can say, you know, real talk. I won't harp on this, but I really do think you should take this opportunity and maybe bring up some of the things that this man or person has done to your friend

and be like, for these reasons, I really do think you should be out. But again, I do support you, but I don't want you to turn down something on account of somebody else who hasn't been good to you. They may be a good sibling. They may be a good child. They may be a good friend,

but they were not a good partner to you. And that doesn't make them a bad person. They're just not a good person for you. Yeah, you can't force your friend to do anything you can say your piece but um it's up to your friend to figure out if what they're gonna do and maybe you could even ask your friend um hey i want to be supportive of you, but I don't want to like overstep any bounds or like you let me know what you need. If you just need to talk to me and vent and cry while you're processing this and you don't actually want advice, let me know. If you actually want me to give my thoughts on how I feel about what you're going through, I can do that.

But if you don't want to hear that, I'm fine doing that, too. Because it's possible she because she knows she she got she straight up applied for a job in a different town. She knows what she needs to do to get out. She don't want to do it right now. She might do it one day. She also may never do it. And that also has to be OK. Not I mean, it's not OK, quote unquote, but it's like.

It's her life. That's her life. And that's her choice. So she may not want to hear advice right now because she knows good and well what she should be doing but doesn't want to do it right now. And no matter what you say, nothing's's gonna change until she wants to change it so you could also have the conversation of like i want to be supportive but i also don't want to keep giving you the same advice over and over again or be like harping on things or be too pushy if you're not going to take the advice or like actually listen to it so what do you what do you

want or like how do you want me to play a part in? Or do you not want me to play a part at all? Just be a sounding board. And then also, you can be clear about your boundaries too. Because you also don't have to just take all this information in. Because that is taxing. To bear witness to your friend kind of going through a really unhealthy situation. So you can also be like, it's really sad for me to watch this. Like, it's really sad for me to see you go through all of this. And I want to help you process this,

but it's hard for me to listen to this stuff too. So maybe if you like talk to your therapist about it, hopefully they have one or, you you know i hope you have a broader support system than just me because this is a lot for me to take on just by myself yeah i think that's all good yeah yeah solved so hey Nicole and Sashir love from the UK oh cherry oh we love the UK I'm obsessed I'm obsessed with you both and listen and laugh with you every week. I'm having trouble with a friend who's having issues managing their anger. They are my best friend in the world, a wonderful person, so funny, and truly there's no one I'd rather have by my side in this crazy world. However, we've been friends for 10 years and I've always known they had a short fuse.

Aries, am I right? But recently, I've noticed their anger issues getting more intense. It's difficult because I know they struggle with their mental health, but it's getting to the point where it's hard to brush off. They used to go to therapy, but stopped because it quote unquote wasn't helping. And they don't want to seek out a new therapist. They're also pretty inconsistent with taking their meds. I know that anger is never directed at me and their outbursts usually come from road rage or technology failing them, etc. And while I understand that things can be frustrating and people on the road can be

annoying, it's getting to the point where I get more anxious, more and more anxious being around them as I'm always bracing myself for an outburst. We live together and both work from home. It all kind of culminated recently during my birthday weekend. We took a trip together and their angst was out of control. I had a hard time relaxing and enjoying my weekend. And when we were driving back home, they asked me how I was. And I said, paraphrase for the sake of length, honestly, I've had a hard time truly enjoying my birthday because of your anger. Outbursts are really frazzling my nervous system. I understand why you're upset and I'm not saying you're not allowed to feel how you feel, but your actions are now affecting those around you pretty badly. To this, they replied, well, it is literally a

stress response. If it feels bad for you, imagine how it feels for me. It kind of felt like they brushed me off and they weren't interested in how their actions affected me. I've also been going through a hard time and just wanted to have a fun birthday weekend with my best friend and forget our troubles but honestly i feel worse now i don't know how else i can communicate with them that they should really get help it's getting to the point where i think i shouldn't where i think we shouldn't live together anymore for the sake of our friendship i know they feel safe around me and that's partly why they have these outbursts around me, but it's hard because I feel like they give everyone the best of them and I mostly get the shitty parts these days.

I love them like family and I want them to get help, but they don't seem to want to help themselves. Please help me with my angry friend. Hmm. Well, I'm sorry your friend can't be empathetic or aware enough to acknowledge your perception of all this like to say like you know imagine how i feel i'm sure they are feeling bad but also that's not quite uh uh acknowledging your emotions in that moment i mean maybe you need to move out like maybe yeah maybe that would

be helpful for both of you. Sometimes, unfortunately, people take the people closest to them for granted, be it their partner or their family or their roommate or their best friend. So you're probably right that other people are getting in the better parts of this person and you're getting all of the other stuff. And that's not fair to you. And it sounds like you're being very honest and clear and i would i would if you do choose to move out i would try i would say something beforehand like actually like this really is affecting my nervous system i love you but i don't want this to affect our friendship and our relationship and i think it might be best if i leave and, you know, we're still friends, but I can't be around this on a daily basis because it really is creating problems

and stressors for me. And maybe that would be a wake up call for your friend or maybe it won't, but either way, you do need to protect your peace. And to them saying, well, if it makes you feel bad imagine how it makes me feel i would be like yeah i don't feel good so that must mean you're not feeling good don't you want to feel good yeah don't you want to figure out what causes these uh you know outbursts and stuff and again i know you can't like force somebody into therapy but like i think maybe if you phrase it that way that might be helpful um but i do think moving out would probably be your best case scenario and i do think you can phrase it by like i'm not criticizing you for the way you live i'm just taking care of me uh and i'm being a little selfish in this moment because i

do care about our friendship and I do wanna remain friends. But then also you might have to grapple with the fact that that might affect your friendship. They may hold that against you because you're protecting yourself. But just be like, I'll always be there for you. But yeah, I get that. Someone who has a lot of outbursts,

it is tough to relax because you're like, Ooh, when is it, when's it going to happen again? And I'm sorry that you do have to deal with that. Um, but I do think preserving your peace of mind is the most important. Yeah. And it's the only thing you can control. Like your friend isn't going to go to therapy just because you said they should go to therapy they'll figure that out on their own timeline but you don't have to wait around for that like you can you could take action in your own life now and make sure you're not being affected by this so so often yeah i agree yeah it's a shitty situation it is it's that's stressful because

also you want to hang out with that person too and you're like oh but i just never know when they're gonna start screaming and yeah it's like not helpful every time they scream to be like hey i didn't like it but maybe i would start doing that being like hey this was a little too intense for me i gotta go so maybe it's like cause and effect it's like you scream i leave yeah i'm sure there are like tactics that like a therapist or people have created that where it's like either you leave or yeah i feel like probably removing yourself from the situation while they're freaking out i we don't we don't know we're not doctors but i feel like no even though i am nicole byer dds i am not a doctor i think that's a dentist oh I think it's just an MD

a medical doctor dentists are doctors Nicole Byer DDS even though I'm a doctor I'm only a doctor of teeth I only like them teeth don't give me the rest of your body this honestly might be like a good question for

a therapist yeah I'm sure there are actual tactics of how to deal with people's outbursts like that i don't know what they are specifically but yeah maybe ask your therapist or google google google but yeah make make sure i think i think what you can do is be active for yourself and then hopefully your friend will figure it out yeah solved if you want queries and questions answered you can email nicole and sashira gmail.com you can call leave a voicemail uh text a message or leave a voice note 424-645-7003 we also have merch at pod swag.com slash best friends we have transcripts for our new episodes check them out on our show page at your wolf dick yum

lastly don't forget to rate review and subscribe that is the easiest way to support this show yeah see you later bye Bye.