Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Can Understand Greek… Cause She’s Hot!

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Hope you’re well friends! Nicole is learning to love massages while Sasheer is tired and would love to enjoy a massage. Nicole shares that she fought for her life during a Turkish massage, but her skin was glowing afterwards and magically understands Greek.  Sasheer just saw Janelle Monáe, and Flyana Boss opened for her. Nicole loves Flyana Boss and hopes that there is no darkness in their lives. Sasheer is a small purse kinda girl. Nicole is a big purse kinda girl and doesn’t know how to feel about her new small wallet. Sasheer has to get up on her frozen treats, meanwhile Nicole is on a mission for some good soft serve ice cream.  Sasheer and Nicole do an unexpected deep dive in the many controversies surrounding the restaurant Cracker Barrel. They answer a friendship question about getting more one-on-one time with a bestie who wants to bring their new partner everywhere and how to tell their friend they have a bad body odor.  This was recorded on Sept. 11th 2023. Sources: Cracker Barrel Has ‘Fallen’? Folksy Southern Food Chain Becomes Latest Unlikely Target Of Anti-LGBTQ Crusadehttps://www.forbes.com/sites/conormurray/2023/06/09/cracker-barrel-has-fallen-folksy-southern-food-chain-becomes-latest-unlikely-target-of-anti-lgbtq-crusade/?sh=75f8eaa73665 8 Scandals Cracker Barrel Hopes You'll Forgethttps://www.eatthis.com/cracker-barrel-restaurant-scandals/  Check out Sasheer’s Comedy Special “First Woman” on 800 Pound Gorilla or for free on YouTube. https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/sasheer-zamata-the-first-woman Here is the quiz we took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/hazelyxlee/ice-cream-best-trait-quiz Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, Sashir. Hi, Nicole. How are you today? I'm good. I'm good. Oh, no. Are you good? No, I'm good good i'm just tired i feel like i'm just been bouncing around a lot and i'd like to lay down for a little bit oh you can do that really yes you can just say no to things and not bounce around and just lay on down. Yeah, that's true.

But I am leaving Wednesday. Where are you going Wednesday? To D.C. Oh, yeah. I think you told me about that. And then when are you back? Friday. But then I don't have a set date on when I'm leaving again. So I think I'll have time to chill.

Yeah. Chill in your space. Have a nice time. Look around. Be like, this is my space. Look at things you could change, you know? Yeah. Anyways, this year, I really do think you should take some you time and get massages and lay down.

Those are the things you like. I do love a massage. Yeah. And I'm learning. You should get one. I'm learning to love them. I don't know if I told you about the massage that I had when I was in Greece where I was fighting for my life. No.

Doesn't sound relaxing at all let me tell you it wasn't mano brought me to i think it's a turkish a turkish a turkish massage so we go and they're like here are these tiny panties you can wear and i was like and what else and they're like these tiny little towels and i was like you got bigger and what else? And they're like, these tiny little towels. And I was like, you got bigger ones? I'm big. And they were like, we prepared. So they gave me bigger towels and that was nice.

And then they brought us, they were like, it's hot. And I said, okay. And before, like when we checked in, they were like, do you like the heat? And we were like, ha ha ha ha, I guess. It was like 110 degrees in this little room they brought us in and then they made us put like a mask on but it just kept falling off my face because I was so hot and then there's like a faucet with cold water and I kept like dumping that on me and I was trying not to

get my own underwear wet because they're they're like little disposable ones didn't fit me but it was like that's a wrap my underwear is just soaking wet yeah and it was so hot and then you lay down on a stone yeah and we ate right before we went which was probably a mistake because when i was on my stomach she was like pushing the life out of me i was like am i gonna shit all over this lady but good news i didn't um thank goodness and she kept being like are you okay and in my brain i was like no i'm going to die but i kept saying yes i am and then it felt like i was getting beaten with a wig but i think it was like feathers or i don't know it was something like i think it was leaves bay leaves or something maybe not bay leaves i don't know but it felt like a wig and that was silly to me and then like they like soap you up like palm leaves or something i feel like those are long maybe i don't i truly don't know what it was i wish it was bay leaves though i wish they were

just seasoning your back they were like oh we're gonna eat her that's why it's so hot in here we go clean her up cook her up it's a trap honestly they're all the witch from uh from hansel and gretel they're just like it's a massage yes you're on this hard stone and we're hitting you to tenderize i mean to relax your body um and thenu at one point was like, isn't it refreshing to have cold water thrown on you in this heat? And I was like, you're getting cold water? She was just throwing more hot water on me. Oh, no. And every time it happened, I was like, it's just so hot.

Oh, no. So then she started throwing cold water on me, and that was really nice. Oh no. So then she started throwing cold water on me and that was really nice. And then she sat me up and she was like, are you okay? And I was like, yes, but I don't think my eyes were telegraphing that I was okay. And then she threw a bunch of cold water on me

and then it was done. And it also was like an hour long. Afterwards, I couldn't regulate my body temperature. I was internally an inferno and i was like mano we have to go back to the airbnb and he was like uh yeah i also feel that and i was like no no i think i'm dying oh my god and i took a very very cold shower and then finally like my internal body temperature lowered um also i could understand could understand Greek in the cab ride back. Oh.

Did they slap you into understanding Greek? That's what it felt like. At one point I was like, that lady just asked you if you learned Greek in school or with your family. And Mana was like, yes. And then she said something else and I was like, oh, I think you're saying this.

And she was like, yes. But then as like my body heat was going down a little, I couldn't understand it anymore. Oh my goodness. Whoa. Maybe you lost a superpower. I felt crazy. Yeah, heat me up, I can understand.

The hotter you get, the more Greek you can understand. It was wild. Yeah, and then I wasn't oh but my skin my skin had been i need to find another one i don't know where to go my skin had never looked better than after this interesting because i mean it does sweat out all your talk thank you and it's this is the best my skin has ever looked in my whole life and i feel like it was fighting for my life in that hot room. I feel like there are Turkish baths in LA. I have never looked for one, but I feel like they're definitely in New York. I feel like they're in big cities.

But maybe not. I don't know. Los Angeles is one of the biggest cities. So, you know, feels like maybe they should. I'm dying to get back in one you were dying to get out i know i had one of the worst times of my life and i can't wait to do it again oh june found let's see hammond the wait the, the Raven Spa? In Santa Monica? In Santa Monica. You want me to drive to the west side?

If you really want that. The heat? If I want to get beat up again in the heat. Boy, I really, really loved it. Oh, that's great. I've been doing this thing lately where at the end of my hot shower i'll try to put it on cold water and then like stand there for like a minute which and it sucks every time but it's supposed to be good for your circulation and your sleep and digestion and other other stuff where you just like are in cold for a minute and

i will say my circulation is better because i've been usually i'm like borderline anemic and usually i'm always cold but lately i've been getting hot i'm like it's hot and sometimes hotter than the people around me wow do. Do you do this at night too? Yeah. I mean, it's kind of random. I don't have like a full routine, but whenever I'm in the shower and I'm like, okay, you may as well do it.

Then I just try to slam it over to cold. I know cold water is good for mornings. And warm to hot is good at night. Okay. Because the cold like shock stuff in you, like that's like when people who, when they do like, like a polar plunge,

like people with polar plunges in their house, you do it in the morning. Because there's something, I can't remember why you don't do it at night, but I know warm water for nighttime is soothing and makes your body relax. And it goes, oh, we're warm. Time to get in a bed.

That does make sense. Because when I after I do the cold, I'm like, and I'm like very like perked up and like, get me out of here. So I can't imagine going to bed after that. No. Shocks your body, baby that no shock your body baby it shocks your body um another mono story we were hanging out with some people oh jess mckenna and her husband and morgan who's really they're both they're just the nicest they have like a polar plunge thing and mono did it and I couldn't stop screaming.

I was like, it's so cold. Are you okay? It's so cold. And he was just like, teeth chattering. And I was more affected, I think, than he was. But yeah. You were sympathy screaming? I truly was. Sometimes in the winter, I'll go for a swim when it's ice fucking cold oh uh-huh just to

jump start the like feelings in my body you know the feelings in my body yeah wait you just saw janelle monae i did How was it? Great. Really cool. She was good. She was great. I mean, her voice has always been incredible. Still incredible. She looks damn good.

And I really can't figure out how her breasts are so perky. Did she take them out? They did not come out. She did show us some underboob them out they did not come out she did she did like show us some underboob but they weren't fully out but there was a moment where she was just wearing a shirt and you could tell there was no bra underneath and i was like how are they sitting like that and she got some tico biddies and they're just like suspended in space i mean she is an alien or a robot she is she's an android she's an android yes she robot. She is, she's an Android. She's an Android, yes. She's not an iPhone, she is an Android.

I wonder, I'm always, my titties have been sagging since I got titties. Like puberty wasn't kind. It was just like, here they are and they don't face outward. My nipples, they truly- Face downward. They're like at a 45 degree angle i don't know i i didn't i'm not a mathematician i can't really tell you angles yeah um but yeah some people are just like naturally blessed yeah and she's or maybe she had a boob job but her maybe but the way they move it indicates there's it seems natural

it doesn't there's no stiffness happening well if she had a reduction then there's nothing foreign being thrown into them titties um interesting titty fat leaving. Maybe. I don't know. I have no idea how big they were before because she was wearing tuxedos for most of her career. Yeah. Maybe when she was an android, she said, gotta be a robot. Them titties are too big for me to do anything else.

Is it bad to speculate about a woman's body? Oh, wait, what were you going to say? I don't know. Is it bad to speculate about a woman's body what oh wait what are you guys saying i don't know is it bad to speculate about people's bodies are we part of the problem well we're not objectifying her it's merely a question of fucking hot it is a scientific question how are they so buoyant it's more like i'm just talking physics over here really we are we are physicians no what do we call physics people not physicians yeah physician does not sound right. No, that's like a doctor of your body. Of like medicine?

Physicist? No. Me. A physicist. A physicist. That's dumb. We should have came up with a different name for a physician, for a body doctor. Right?

Yeah. Why do we do that? The English language is awful. It is pretty awful. I can imagine learning it as a second language. Well, if you heat it up real hot, I'm sure you'd be able to easily learn it. Got some sizzling English for you. I know it all now. It was wild this year.

I truly could understand this lady for like a solid six minutes. As I'm like in this cab, like going in and out of consciousness. That's so funny. Great. great should we take a quiz wait you were gonna say something was I oh flying a boss open for to know money too how were they

I love them they're stars they're like so entertaining everyone was on their feet everyone was loving it I only know like a couple of their songs I like put them on Spotify and was trying to like listen to songs other than the one that's like very

popular on TikTok and they're all very fun but like even the songs i had no idea what they were i was like i'm having a blast this is great they're just like pure joy they really are and they seem so happy i hope there's no darkness in their lives yeah yeah i hope not either like you know like they're like like you know sometimes presented like people present as happy then like you find out later they're struggling like i don't want that i want them to just be pure happiness and i don't want fame to ruin them yeah but they seemed

from the from the little i know about them from just seeing them on stage they They seemed like well adjusted and they're also just like genuinely grateful. They were just like, this is the biggest crowd we ever performed for. That's my best friend. We're having a blast. Thank you, Janelle Monae. I was like, oh my God, I'm so happy for you. That's so sweet. Before they get too big, we should get them on this podcast and make them do besting everybody.

Yeah, definitely. Now we can do a quiz unless there's something you want to tell me no is there something you want to tell me i got pizza and it was like a little too salty but like still pretty good and then as i've heated it up throughout these couple of days since i got that pizza because what i do is i order a great big pizza and eat it throughout the week so i don't have to cook which isn't good i need to eat actual vegetables but anyway i'm an adult i can do whatever the fuck i want but as i heat it up it's not as salty as it was the first time and you miss that saltiness no i'm just wondering what happened to this pizza and how come salty as it was the first time. And you miss that saltiness? No, I'm just wondering what happened to this pizza. And how come the older it gets, the less salty it gets?

This I don't know. Me either. Is it in Tupperware or just like the box it came in? You know it's in a Ziploc bag. Okay, that's something. I honestly thought it was still in in the cardboard box it came in. I was going to be concerned. No, it doesn't fit in the refrigerator.

But you know if it did, that's how it would be. Yeah. No, instead I stacked them on top of one another and put them in a Ziploc bag, and it looks so gross when you open the refrigerator. Yeah, seeing a stack of pizza slices is not as appealing as seeing like a full pie it's funny it's funny um but yeah that's all i really wanted to tell you that i'm not sure

why my pizza is getting less salty but like i'm happy about it well thank you for telling me. I appreciate that. Okay. I have another thing to tell you. Oh, okay. I have switched to a smaller wallet and I don't know how I feel. I'm a big wallet girl. I'm a big wallet girl. Always been. I carry all of my stuff, you know, my cracked tooth, drugs, cards, cash, cards that are expired. Business cards from anybody I've ever met in my whole life. My checkbook. I think it's really funny that you carry your checkbook around.

You never know if your tenure, is that what you say, money? Is that tenure? If your tenure is going to be declined, you don't know. And maybe they're going to take a check. I once wrote a check at Gelson's and the whole line was so mad at me. That's very, very funny. Are you fucking kidding me? Do Apple what's that what's wrong with you oh they're hello kitty checks and i love looking at them they're great um i don't i just i don't know how people do smaller what like what do you do without all your things um i guess i just assess what i need

on a daily basis and then put that in my purse i'm a small purse kind of girl and it's you really are you really are and i i truly just bought a huge purse and i put my tiny wallet in it and i was like this is sick this is like usually when i throw my wallet in my purse there's a thud and there was no thud oh no i just it's really oh my god i brought it i bought a tiny purse for beyonce and it was even too big for Beyonce. That was very funny. Because I saw you get in the car and you have your purse, which looks so cute. All your silver was matching, silver purse, silver top, silver pants. And I was like, I have a feeling that purse is too big.

And then you were like looking at the measurements from the website and it was in fact too big like two two inches too big on either side it was really really and then i was like do i not understand how small purses can get i don't think you do i don't think you're like got it small purse it's still a full purse and on on amazon.com because i i didn't i'm silver is not my go-to color gold is um so i don't want to buy an expensive silver purse so on amazon.com it said small purse so i was like this surely will be great for beyonce i wish they had said this is not good for beyonce small purse parentheses don't try to take this to Beyonce. God, I had a good time at Beyonce.

She's so good. She's so good. That was so fun. Ugh. I think about it constantly. Yeah. Her outfit for... Have we talked about Beyonce on this podcast? I don't think we did.

I don't think we did either. Which seems pretty rude um but her outfit for um break my soul was my favorite because she looked like a jockey doing a concert at eight and like doing jockeying at 10 and it was so colorful and pretty she changed into so many different outfits and honestly at the end of the concert i turned to you and i was like well this has to end soon i'm tired yeah i was just dancing along with her with no choreography to remember or lyrics to remember yeah i know i'm like how is she not exhausted right she gotta do this oh my goodness night after night after night she did it i think three nights in a row insane why y'all duh i guess i'm done and i guess we could do a quiz all right okay

oh eat at this ice cream buffet and we'll reveal your burst your bet your burp eat at this ice cream buffet and we'll reveal your best personality trait that was really hard for me to say best you broke down i did do you want to do that one yes yeah listen last night uh at the restaurant i went to they have soft serve one of the reasons why i love this restaurant but they didn't have no flavor I wanted, they only have two, they did not have the one I wanted, which is what? Vanilla. And also I found out it's not soft serve

that's coming right out of a machine. I think they're soft serving it out of the machine in the morning and then freezing it because it's not the texture or the consistency of soft serve. Oh no. But I did find a fabulous soft serve place in laguna beach so the question is will i be driving every couple of days for two hours for soft serve well if you're already

gonna go to santa monica for your bath might as well i mean you can drive the two hours if you want but there's a place in burbank that has some pretty decent soft serve and you can go through a drive-thru oh what the fuck yeah it's called fosters oh i've been to a fosters i think that's what it's called yeah yes yes and so it's it's uh like right in the burbank downtown but it's super easy to go right through like sometimes there's a wait but that's like if i'm really craving a soft serve i just swing over there it's not like the best of the best soft serve i've ever had but like it crushes the craving whoa what are oh what's a twister oh that's like a blizzard yeah a reese's peanut butter yeah but they have some pretty solid soft serve cones that I get and it's very perfect. So you don't have to drive the hours to do it. Okay, I'm into this.

Okay, great. Thank you, Jordan. That was really kind of you. Okay, eat of this ice cream, Buffett. And we'll reveal your best personality trait. I don't know why I can't read that sentence good. It's okay. Pick a flavor.

Chocolate. Pistachio. Birthday cake. Mango. That's more of a sorbet. Buttered pecan. Oh my God. Cherry.

Buttered pecan is sick. Cherry is disgusting. Again, mango is a sorbet. Birthday cake is not blue. Pistachio is not for me. So I have to go with chocolate um um i think i would try butter pecan i like buttery stuff in your ice cream um i guess i don't know interesting it's a good dessert flavor well i did say to somebody i liked a buttery chardonnay and everyone at the table went ew and i was like i'll show you i'll show you i'll break a bottle

one day when you least fucking expect it you'll love a buttery chard i'll show you so aggressive pick a flavor. Mint chocolate chip. Ew. Strawberry. Rocky Road. That barely has any rocks in it. Raspberry. Ube.

Ugh. Rum raisin. I do like ube ice cream, but I also love strawberry. But that one has chunks in it, so I'm going to say ube. I'm going to say mint chocolate chocolate chip why don't you like it why are you making that face i'm really just not a fan of mint chocolate anything like a york peppermint patty is the sickest thing i've ever put in my mouth those things are nasty i like a mint chocolate thing oh

I like a mint chocolate thing oh you like a York peppermint patty yeah I mean I guess I don't like eat it all the time but that is a favorable flavor for me okay a mini Snickers bar

or a York peppermint patty mini Snickers okay thank god oh peppermint patty. Mini Snickers. Okay, thank God. Ugh. I just, chocolate and mint together I think are so upsetting. I don't think there's anything worse. I'm sure there are things that are worse.

Yeah, I guess pickles and mustard together. Yuck. Yeah, there you go. Pick a flavor. Vanilla. Peanut butter. Ugh, bubble gum lemon again more of a sorbet it looks like uh chocolate almond cinnamon cinnamon ice cream i wonder if it would taste like cinnamon toast crunch so sheer driving back from vegas once i had the best milkshake of my whole fucking life from a Fatburger.

And it was a Cinnamon Toast Crunch milkshake. And I was hungover, but it changed my life. Judith, do you mind looking up if they still offer the limited edition Cinnamon Toast Crunch milkshake at Fatburger? God, I love a cold cold frosty treat i'm actually um getting more adjusted to cold frosty treats you'll lick ice cream with me i will lick ice cream with you oh my god oh my god i've had a few licks recently and i think maybe the cold showers are helping, and my body temperature is regulating, and it doesn't feel as cold as it did before.

Wow. Everything is changing. And I typically don't like change, but I typically forget you hate ice cream. So, yeah. So now you don't have to forget. So now I don't have to forget. She doesn't hate it oh my god this is great yes okay craig's vegan chocolate who's craig

oreo cookie they don't have i don't think it it's on the menu because it was limited edition but i wonder if they'll ever bring it fucking back it was so good dang it doesn't seem as such it doesn't say we're bringing you back anywhere we know you've been asking for it we know that you had a life-changing experience with one on a road trip from fucking uh vegas back to la where you were hung over um back by no demand um so it was february 22nd 2022 how do i how do we get to the fat burger headquarters and tell them that i need this specifically back in my life uh you probably just

dm them maybe well okay i i have been publicly saying that applebee's needs to bring back the apple chimichurri cheesecake uh and they won't and i even met a higher up at Applebee's in their corporate division and I told him what I fucking thought and he said I'll see what I could do and I'm pretty sure he didn't do anything because he didn't come back when did you meet someone at Applebee's corporate don't worry about it, but I made it happen. All right. And boy, was I steamed when it didn't happen immediately. And it's been like a year or two since, and it hasn't happened.

So, okay, if somebody listening works at Applebee's Corporate or knows somebody who works at Applebee's Corporate, can you please ask for the chimichurri cheesecake to come back? It's the best. And then if somebody works at Fatburger's Corporateate, can you please ask for the chimichurri cheesecake to come back? It's the best. And then if somebody works at Fatburger's Corporate Office, can you please bring back that Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milkshake? Send it up the ladder.

Yes. Tell the people that one singular person needs this. Pick a flavor. Oh, wait, we already did it. I pick vanilla. I pick vanilla. I'm going pick peanut butter that would be my second pick

I do love a peanut butter creamy creamy ice cream John Millizer was making peanut butter ice cream for a while right and it was so good it was very good he is a real ice cream wizard a while, right? And it was so good. It was very good. He is a real ice cream wizard.

A little Willy Wonka on our hands. Pick a flavor. I don't know if I want to see the Timothee Chalamet one. Did it come out yet? I think it comes out around Christmas. Oh, interesting. I feel like he thinks he's being like really weird and zany. And I'm like, this is barely weird.

I'm weirder alone with my dog. Uh, butterscotch. Tiramisu. Matcha. Cheesecake. Ooh. Lime.

Pineapple. Again, this lime looks like sorbet. She's know what i am a purist you know what i really really do love italian fucking ice there's this place on melrose called happy ice and it is it's like new york italian ice and it's so it's like like you get from the carts like on 125th in the summer and it is oh incredible the cherry is so good and then sometimes they'll have soft syrup that they'll put right on top for you and you can scoop both at the same time for a creamy icy fucking treat can you even now since i'm um new to the cold stuff, is Italian ice ice with like flavoring put on top of it? No, that's shaved ice.

What's Italian ice? So that's like a snow cone that's shaved ice. Italian ice is like creamy, not exactly sorbet. I honestly, I don't know. And like, I think some people call it water ice. But I see. Yeah, know and like I think some people call it water ice but uh oh I see yeah it's like not it's like cream creamy yes it's like creamy fruit creamy fruity creamy fruity great I don't even know how to describe it but it's it's one of my favorite treats can you look

up if there's a Rita's Italian ice because Instagram keeps serving me an ad about Rita's mixing up something into a yummy slush and uh and I was like do I have to go find a Rita's okay there's a Rita's is Palms Boulevard is that Brabant where's that at oh my god I gotta drive to the west side everything you want's on the west side this fucking sucks I gotta drive to the West Side? Everything he wants on the West Side. This fucking sucks. I got to drive to Mar Vista? What the fuck? I don't want to. Isn't there one closer to me?

Judith? That's the closest one because I grew up on the East Coast. I love Italian water ice. And so when I looked up where the Rita's is this was the closest one that's a pretty big bummer but I think I might have to make a pilgrimage because they're making like like custardy milkshake ease with like with I think the Italian ice or something. And I was like, oh shit, I better get to inspecting. Oh shit. There's a Hawaiian shaved ice place, but it's more of like a snow cone.

That's not for me. Well, I guess I shouldn't say it's not for me. I really do love a frosty treat and I haven't really had enough of them to decide whether or not I actually don't like them. Wow. Okay. And what I need to be with Frosty Treats is unbiased. I pick cheesecake. I will pick butterscotch.

Okay. You're really here for like a savory sweet. Yeah. You're really here for like a savory sweet. Yeah, I think the kind of sweets I like are like chocolatey, buttery. Yeah, like richer, I guess, sweets. Remember when you ate a whole brick of fudge and you offered it to people in the wildest way?

Fudge, fudge, fudge. Yeah, we were on a girl's trip and the house manager left like cheese and fruit and and wine and stuff for us and it was so sweet and there was like a brick of fudge and i just assumed everyone would have wanted it so i brought it to the table when everyone's eating dinner everyone's eating mexican food I unwrapped this fudge. And I sliced it with a knife. The smallest little slices you could ever see.

I've never seen fudge sliced like this. Because in my mind, I was like, I want to just bite it because people are going to want this fudge. So I just made thin little slices and we eat it. And they'd be like, well, I want another one. So I sliced another slice. And then eventually when there was a lull in the conversation i was like fudge do you want fudge do you want fudge fudge and i was like no we don't want the fudge your buddy wants fudge it was very funny pick a flavor cookie dough no this is not ice cream and i think we can all agree this is like

this is just cookie dough you but isn't there cookie dough flavored ice cream yes but that's this picture is not cookie dough ice cream cookie dough ice cream is like vanilla ice cream with chunks of cookie dough in it oh like this is just a scoop of cookie dough on a cone who does that um you know i it would have fooled me i thought i thought it was ice cream study up bitch you gotta study up you gotta learn about your treats to learn blueberry Blueberry. Cotton candy. Orange. Ooh, I wonder if they mean orange creamsicle, because if so, I'm in.

Papaya. Pumpkin. I'm going to pick orange, because I love orange creamsicle. Oh. I'm going to pick cookie dough, even though it's a mystery if that's ice cream or cookie dough, but either way, I would eat it. Not a mystery. Even better if it pick cookie dough even though it's a mystery if that's ice cream or cookie dough But either way I would eat it not a mystery even better if it's good, you know This is such years. What is this quiz? Oh, okay So you know what I do

Sorry before you read your result. I want to go to a Chinese buffet. They also have soft serve and all you can eat. I feel like you were describing this to me the other day. And you were like, you want to go to a Chinese buffet? And you were like hyping it up. And I was like, I just, buffets don't appeal to me, especially post-COVID. But you can eat everything you want for like $11. Yeah, I understand the rules of a buffet.

I just... You go back for seconds and thirds and fourths. And nobody tells you no. But there's very few buffets I've been to where I'm like, oh, that like... Like it's like I understand why it's this cheap because the quality is not there. Huh. Like I'd rather have like one serving

of really good mac and cheese steak or whatever the thing is than many servings of something that's like not that tasty. But what if you get a hundred mediocre things and one delicious thing in the soft serve? Couldn't you just go somewhere and get the soft serve fuck off that's not okay i guess this is where overeaters and binge eaters minds uh uh are different than people who don't do that because to me i'm like eleven dollars all i can eat and it's like fine, but I could like pack it in before I go to sleep for the winter.

And by winter, I mean the night. How can I say no to that deal before I hibernate for six months, which is actually just one night because I got to eat again tomorrow. I wanted to take you to a golden corral, but I guess I won't take you to a Golden Corral. I'll go. I'll go. We'll see. Okay. They also have meals at Golden Corral, I think.

They do? I'm pretty sure you can just order whatever you want. Oh, I watched a TikTok of a lady who went for breakfast, stayed for lunch, and stayed for dinner. And they only asked her to move her table. That's it. And that's very nice. And that's why you want to take me to a Golden Crab?

Well, I don't want to eat there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I was like, they seem nice. And I said, I should take my friend to a nice place. Nothing but the finest for my friend didn't they have a thing recently where like their logo is like called out for no it was a cracker barrel never mind i mean cracker barrel what a name yeah i feel like there was like a whip or something in their logo. There's a whip? Something. There was some sort of recent controversy with them. I can't remember what it was.

Deuce meos. But they like maybe changed the picture, the image. Forbes has an article, Cracker Barrel has fallen. Yeah, go to that article. Wait, that's... Folksy Southern food chain becomes latest target, unlikely target, of anti-LGBTQ crusade. What? Cracker Barrel?

They were tweeting, Cracker Barrel has fallen. The Texas Family Project. They were tweeting screenshots of pride and diversity and equity and inclusion and a rainbow colored rocking chair outside. And they didn't like that Cracker Barrel was woke. Oh my goodness. Scroll, scroll, scroll. I don't think this is what I was thinking of, but this is funny.

It is funny. People getting mad at a rainbow rocking chair. Not outside my cracker barrel. Let's see. This is so funny. Like just to be upset that there's a, at least nine gay employees were fired. Whoa, no.

But Cracker Barrel has openly supported Pride Month since 1991. This is wild. The company stirred controversy after it introduced a plant-based sausage. Whoa. That's pretty funny to be like what this is plants i don't want plants eight scandals cracker barrel hopes you'll forget well we better see that also the controversy with the logo the they were saying that the barrel um refers to a barrel that was used to hold whips oh yes and then i think part of their the lettering is a whip the the k is a whip that goes around interesting wow wow so that is truly a restaurant where we are not welcomed and it's like through and through

our logo is a barrel with holds whips and our thing is a whip okay a decorative noose we went through that okay what's next a toxic beverage oh no served a quote-unquote beverage that was actually a glass full of industrial cleaning chemicals whoa and he got a chemical burn on the mouth and then they they had to pay that man 9.4 million dollars how do you mess that up billy bob should i pour this windex in here or seven up a racist code word oh god oh my god they created a code word to refer to black customers when african-american diners came to the restaurant some of the workers would refer to them as canadians oh my god pretty funny what a what a weird word the salmonella shut down wow cracker barrel's been through it a cracker barrel in

kalamazoo michigan just couldn't overcome a salmonella outbreak oh my god it okay so it reopened but later that year another person was hit with salmonella wow unable to expunge the bacteria the restaurant instead shuttered itself permanently oh my god doesn't don't you just clean bleach i you know hard to say i don't know siding with anti-LGBTQ people. In 2013, Phil Robertson, who's on Duck Dynasty, said some seriously ugly things about gay people. Cracker Barrel, which sold a number of Duck Commander items in its stores, Duck Commander being the company run by the Robertson family, pulled many of these items off its shelves, which being the company run by the robertson family pulled many of these items off its shelves which was the right thing to do when many customers complained

the chain put all the merchandise right back and apologized wow cracker barrel imagine this episode of this podcast is what actually takes down Cracker Barrel. Okay. Systemic racism. Okay. They're not limited to single locations. The bigotry. There's multiple lawsuits brought by the NAACP. Black customers are segregated from Caucasians and they're put in the smoking sections. And people of color, they experience longer wait times and poorer service.

Cracker Barrel, no! But also, black people, why are you going to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, we don't need to be going there. Underpaid staff, in the spring of 2021, Cracker Barrel was hit with a major lawsuit

alleging it was not properly paying many of its workers. The complaint alleged that the chain violated Fair Labor Standards Act by applying a tip credit to hourly wages of servers, even though these servers were required to spend more than a fifth of their working hours doing duties for which they could not earn tips from customers. Damn.

Ate the whip. We talked about that. Damn. Ate the whip. We talked about that. Wow. I'm here to say, I don't support a Cracker Barrel. I've never been. I never will. I'm a Ponderosa girl. Oh, Ponderosa?

I've never been. Made some Midwest thing. That was like where my family would go after church. And that was like a buffet place. Ooh my family would go after church. And that was like a buffet place. Ooh, we would go to Old Town Buffet. Or Perkins. Or this diner right by the church.

We had many locations. Oh, this is your personality. Yes, okay. So this is my best personality trait, according to this ice cream test. Loyalty. No one and nothing can come between you and those you love.

You go into full protection mode. Nice. Yeah, nice. My best personality trait is creativity. You see the world in a way completely unlike anyone else. You have an eye for design and art that really set you apart yes i do i live in willy wonka's house for girls oh wait no my friend said my friend who visited me was like you live in peewee's playhouse for girls i like that and i I agree. I fully agree. Wow.

I do think that BuzzFeed got us this time. So I will not say defund them. They can keep going, even though some of the pictures were incorrect. I feel like this is right. Should we answer some queries? Yeah, some queries, some questions, and help the people. Hello, Nicole and Sasheer, and whomsoever is listening. My problem is, I guess, not that difficult, but my best friend has been my friend for 10 years now,

so I get a decent amount of time. But we're both quite sensitive little men who somewhat have problems with confrontation with each other. And this friend just got into a relationship about a year ago, and me and her get along very very well she's the first girlfriend he's ever had in these 10 years who actually likes me so that's good i guess but my problem is is my friend will not hang out one-on-one just me and him she always has to be involved and i don't know how to really tell him, hey, dude, you want to hang out with your girlfriend. I don't want to hang out with your girlfriend.

And he knows this is an issue because he said before, like, not to be that guy who always brings his girlfriend around. And it's like, but you are being that guy. So how do I approach this topic with him? Because, you know, he, as I said, is a sensitive dude, this topic with him because, you know, he, as I said, is a sensitive dude, and I don't want to potentially make a good

relationship that I have with his girlfriend turn into what all of his other relationships with his girlfriend and I turn into. So, yeah. I hope that was quick and easy. Thanks for everything. You guys are fantastic. And yeah, I hope you guys have and easy. Thanks for everything. You guys are fantastic.

And yeah, I hope you guys have a blessed one. A blessed one. So blessed. That's nice when people say, I hope you are blessed. Yes, Lord. I mean, anytime I want just you time, I tell you, because I appreciate that you'll ask if you can bring your partner. And sometimes I'm okay with it. And sometimes, well, I mean, lately, because I haven't seen you as often,

I'm like, I would just prefer friend time or gal time or something. But I mean, there is a chance that they just won't hang out with you because they prefer to hang out with their girlfriend. But maybe you have a talk about that I mean, there is a chance that they just won't hang out with you because they prefer to hang out with their girlfriend. But, like, maybe you have a talk about that. And I don't know.

It's kind of a touchy subject because it's like, oh, so you don't want to hang out with my partner. But it's like, I'm not friends with your partner. I'm friends with you. So I would prefer to hang out with just you. But then there is you know instances where like everyone's bringing their partners um and I don't know if this person has is partnered um but maybe it's like you say to your friend you're like I would like friendship time and then we will do stuff with our partners like I like I will organize a game night or like a dinner or something where like partners are invited um but I do think it's like talking to him and just or talking to them

and just saying you're my friend and I really do love our time together and I just don't want that to get lost yeah I like that I think as long as it's clear that you're not saying I don't want that to get lost yeah i like that i think as long as it's clear that you're not saying i don't want to hang out with your girlfriend it's saying i miss you and i want us time i would i i value our friendship and i don't want it to feel like we're just like it because it is different it's it is different when there's another person especially significant other that's not a part of the og friend group it's a different type of hang um and yeah i think as long as it's clear that it's like you're not saying you dislike the girlfriend or that there's anything wrong with a girlfriend and that also you're open to hanging out with a girlfriend you just need sometimes where it's the two of you and maybe

you can like arrange something where it's like okay every fourth sunday of the month is guys time or something like we we have just the two of us doing the thing that we love to do which is i don't know going to baseball games or what a golf or golf look at cars on the street and fucking kick the tires of a truck kick tires dude i have no idea what ben do. I don't know. But I think we were spot on. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think definitely have a talk. And I think there's definitely a way to come at it where hopefully your friend won't think you're saying that you don't want to hang out with his girlfriend. And also I definitely have friends who got in a relationship and then everyone's like, oh my God, that new person is keeping our friend away from us. Or like, you know, they're like on a tight leash because of that new significant other and it's and then I talk to that friend and they're like I actually love

being home with my girlfriend you know like they actually they're you know some people are just excited to have a partner and use that as an excuse to stay home or not hang out when it's like really they don't want to hang out as much or they just love being around their girlfriend or boyfriend so much. They're like, well, why wouldn't they come? That's who I love. That's who I want to hang out with all the time, which is also okay. But I think you can voice that you do want some kind of balance

because you don't want to like poo-poo on their new love and excitement, but also there can be room for all the relationships in this person's life. Yes. And there is, like, a delicate way to do it, but it is such a touchy subject, because it's like, but I only see you a little bit of the time, and you can spend the rest of the time with your girlfriend that's what i would say that's not nice no maybe not uh well i guess it depends you know like is this person working all day

doing a nine to five and then maybe they come home and fall asleep next to their girlfriend but like that's not quality time or like you, we don't know what the person's schedule looks like and what they consider to be time with their partner. And if it's like, let's go to this festival or whatever. And they're like, well, I should bring my girlfriend because they would want to see it too. Or like, or I want to experience this with my girlfriend. That's understandable. But yeah, I think you could also find a way to have things that are just the boys.

Yeah, yeah, I think if you frame it mostly with like, it's not about this girlfriend, it is about us. Yeah. And she's nice, I'll spend time with her, but like you are my friend, you are the person that i've chosen to be friends with and i would like to spend quality time with my friend and i know it's hard for dudes to talk like that because you're busy kicking tires but you just gotta stop kicking

the tire look at your friend and say hey man who cherishes friendship which is a stupid dumb dumb, or not stupid. It's a thing that I've been trying to do more with people. I try to tell them like, oh, I really value our friendship and our time together. Because I feel like you don't hear that enough as an adult and maintaining adult relationships is hard. It's true.

It's true. Solved. Solved. Oh, wait, here's one last thing kill the girlfriend yeah throw her under the tires and back her up dude then your friend will be kicking the tires for a different reason i'll be like stop it'll be great it'll be great oh no hi nicole hiashier. How y'all doing, girls? I had a question about, I need some advice about my biggest friend who, so she has a hygiene problem.

So we've been friends for 25 years. So this is how non-confrontational I am. But we've been friends for 25 years. for 25 years and over time over the years I've noticed she doesn't shower often um maybe like daily which depending on who you talk to is up to me like how often you shower but I've noticed like hygiene is a little bit of an issue for her and so um a few years ago she came to visit me and she stayed in the guest room after she left like there was just this lingering vo that uh that stayed in the room for like at least a day or two and like my nose was so offended and i was like okay i gotta say something so i call her up and i was like hey this is really hard for me to say and i hope it's not too embarrassing for you but and then she was already like do i smell i was like okay we love a self

aware queen but um that's good something about it so we the conversation went well i just told her And then she was already like, do I smell? I was like, okay, we love a smell-aware queen. But we had to do something about it. So we had a conversation a little while. I just told her, I was like, hey, maybe, you know, you're daily showering. Maybe, you know, get all your crevices. Maybe try to put on a fragrance or something like that to help with the BO smell. So it got forward to, you know, today, a bunch of years later, it's still an issue. I guess the BO smell isn't as strong, but I notice she's just showering is not a regular thing for her.

And I can't really quote. We haven't lived together. We've been in a difficult place for so long. So I really only notice if she comes to visit me. I don't know what her day-to-day is as far as her hygiene, but it can't be that good. So my question is, how do I bring it up again without sounding too, like, I'm nagging or, like, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Like, what would you do in this situation? So thank you for your help. Love the podcast. I mean, I'm impressed the first conversation went so well thankfully your friend was open to hearing the concern yeah they and they knew they stink stank stunk yeah they brought it up um yeah it is i have a friend who's a little stinky and is it me no okay i've told you you were ripe this is i've been like girl lord something something's afoot um i feel like you've told me i'm ripe and that's okay. Sometimes you get ripe.

But my non-sashir stinky friend, I brought up deodorants just like, we were just bopping around the conversation and I was like, I just started using this Dove deodorant. And then they were like, I've stopped using deodorant. And I was like, ah, did not have to do too much sleuthing. And I said, do you think he would ever start wearing deodorant again?

And they said, no. And I left it at that. It is a personal thing. Smells. Because nobody wants to be the stinky person. but if this person's super close to you i do think you could be like hey remember we talked about two years ago it's happening again um or a little stinky um and then maybe suggest products that you like to use. And then, oh, if she's white, be like, do you want to start using a washcloth?

Yeah, I wonder. Multiple things could be the issue. Because it's not necessarily just showering. Because there's some people who don't shower that often who don't smell so bad. So it could be a diet thing it could be maybe they don't wash their clothes as often like it's really hard to pinpoint what it could be but maybe if you come at it at a as as a like um thank god you've already discussed this like um oh who said that jordan jordan changes in hormones yes this is true your body smell can change if when your hormones change um

but maybe if you bring it more of a like um like an investigative, a game. Yeah. To be like, how are you stinky? Is it the clothes? Is it the bathing? Is it the lack of deodorant? Is it a candlestick in the library?

Yes. Like, let's go through it. Like, like if she's like, am I stinky again? And it's like, you are, but like,

let's figure this out together. Yeah. So I had another stinky person in my life. This was not my friend. She just lived in my apartment. And it wasn't my choice because she's not my friend. And her feet stunk so fucking bad that like she would like take off her shoes after work and she would have to put her shoes like in a Ziploc bag with the socks. And like,

it stunk. It smelled like rotting flesh. And then it turned out she had something wrong with her feet. And then she had to like, go get like medicated cream and stuff for it. She had the type of feet where like you took them out for a pedicure and they'd go you gotta go somewhere else like her feet were disgusting and i remember one like i tried to have empathy and like feeling for her but i remember one time she was like in a towel she had just

gotten out of the shower and like walked past me and her feet stunk and i was like you gotta go back in you gotta go back you gotta go back in the shower you gotta do something um and she was like i did wash them and i was like nothing worked which was not kind but when i tell you like it took over your nostrils in a way that you were like like it was like enchanting it was like comical it was like a cartoon like it would just like wave into your nose and you'd be like i'm a different person it was terrible oh no just walk around like pepe le pew yes their feet were like pepe le pew but she got some medicated cream so maybe it's her feet yeah there's there's something going on if it's leaving a smell that stays in the room, something's off. I don't think it's just showering or deodorant or something like that. So yeah, maybe you could come at it as like a concerned friend like, hey, this issue is still around. Are you interested in figuring out what's going on. And then like, you know, if, if this person is open to it, then you can like research together,

maybe send articles on like hormone stuff or like, you know, have her assess her own body and be like, Hmm, I think it's coming from my pits or my nether regions or my feet or, you know, wherever. Yeah.

Maybe there's something stuck in her pussy. That makes stink. Yeah. That happens too. Some people have like bacterial infections or who knows what. But yeah, I think if it's if hopefully if it's if it's seeming like it's coming out of a place of like, I care about you and I want you to live your best healthy life as opposed to you stank and I don't like that, then hopefully your friend will be open to doing some research and figuring this out. Yeah.

Yeah, I really do think make it a game if she's open to it. Just be like, where is it coming from and like go to her house see if the house is stinking um yeah yeah i wonder if it's her feet because this year when i like i cannot describe to you enough how bad it smelled it was like a sweet funk sometimes because she would spray perfume on her feet oh no and that was worse i mean i'm glad she was so self-aware that she herself put her own shoes in a plastic bag and as opposed to being like it's fine or like it's not that bad i think one of us told her to do so i think think one of us said, you got to lock them up. Lock her up. And I remember one time I woke up out of my sleep from the stink.

Oh, no. And I had to sleep in the living room because it was so bad. Oh, no. Jordan said, sometimes people don't wash their clothes properly or use a scent-free detergent and clothes definitely hold BO. Yes, that's why dry cleaning is not real. Your shit will come back funky from the dry cleaner. And I'm like, who's doing what? You're spraying it down with what?

For what? This shit's funky. Yeah, that happened to me once. I dropped off a jumpsuit and it came back stinky. And I was like, did you guys dry clean it? And they're like, they're like oh yeah we dry cleaned it did you want us to wash it and i was like what happens here what do you do if it's not i don't understand i still have no idea what they do with the dry cleaners if they just spray it with chemicals this year there's no washing or laundering happening and you tell me how is that clean yeah it's uh because your shit will be funky as funky as you bring it to them they give it back

to you even funkier sometimes you're like how did that happen because it probably was sitting next to something else that was funky that was just dry clean jordan did you not know this no i didn't i didn't i mean i don't i don't use the the i haven't used the dry cleaners ever i just maybe just hand wash something at home but but no i'm but now i'm also thinking is that why it's called a dry cleaner yes oh i feel so dumb here's the thing if you're not taking the funk what what are you cleaning? It's confusing. I don't know. It's a scam.

And then when you buy something that says dry clean only, so it's like, you want me to stink, Donna Karan. This DKNY dress is never going to smell good again. Why are you doing this, Donna? Why are you doing this? I went to Marshalls for a deal, and now you're telling me I got to dry clean something that I got to Marshall's for a deal. And now you're telling me I got to dry clean something that I got at Marshall's.

I'll never forget when I lived in New York. I bought a Donna Karan dress or a DKNY dress from Marshall's. It was dry clean only. And I put it right in that washing machine and it came out smaller than you could ever. It was something happened. It was like all fucked up. And I was like, yeah, so I can't have this now i can't have nothing nice but usually when i wash things it's fine but this particular dress fucked me right up dang you know what else fucks me up

oh what else fucks you no i want to get the segue no it's it's okay. No, come on. You already did it. You know what else fucks me up? When questions are left unanswered. And Shira and I will answer questions if you email Nicole and Shira at gmail.com. You can also leave a voice memo or a voicemail or a text message, 424-645-7003. Who has the phone?

What? What did you say. Who has the phone? What? What did you say? Who has the phone? To our phone number? Yeah. I think it's, I'm guessing it's like a Google number or something. Yeah. It's through.

Who has the phone? It's been since 2019. And now you're asking. Yeah. You've never wondered before that? Did you think it was like Kimmy's phone number? I knew it wasn't Kimmy's phone number, but I thought maybe Kimmy had the phone. We bought a landline?

I actually think I had to give my number for it to fully process. So you're not kind of wrong, but it's really funny that it's now 2023. You're asking. I thought there was an iPhone floating around that like had this number that we were like ripping things from. Oh my God. Also on newcomers.

I just found out because we're recording new episodes. We always say, write a letterboxd review and then we'll give a review and then i was like i wonder if anybody ever like uh thinks about our reviews again and lauren was like well they go up on letterboxd and i was like what she's like why do you think we give a one sentence review and advertise for letterboxd and i was like i simply don't know i did not make the correlation. Sometimes I'm concerned about the brain that I

have, but other times, I'm happy. We also have merch at podslag.com slash best friends. We have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support Nicole and her brain.

I can't believe there's no phone. Oh, no.