Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Is Finally Getting Her Garfield Inspired Nails

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

Sasheer had a radical experience with mushrooms and now knows the truth behind trees. Nicole will not eat artichokes - forget about it! The ladies are getting their next tattoos soon and brainstorm ink ideas. Nicole remembers the first time she got her first innuendo tattoo and how at the same time she met her soulmate. Lastly, they answer queries on how to handle communication with parents and whether or not to date within your hobby groups. BTW, shout out to Nicole’s assistant Lyndsey for being the GOAT!Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

wow the sun is shining it's a new day wow the sun is shining a new episode of best friends birds Birds are chirping. The wind is blowing leavatures. I don't know. I was trying to say something funner than leaves. More fun? Funner. Foliage. The foliage is quaking with the wind.

That was pretty good. Quaking? Oh! Oh my god. Oh my god. When I... when i i've probably talked about this before but i did mushrooms the first time i saw the trees that were in mccarran park were fully cartoons and they were like moving towards me, but I wasn't scared. I was like, that's who you are. That is who you are. And kind of still to this day, when I see trees, I'm like, I know your real deal.

I know you look like this right now. That's so funny. But I've seen who you really are. I haven't seen any like cartoon things but i ate a bunch of mushrooms and then i didn't feel anything and i went to sleep they were because they were old and i was like might as well just eat them whatever i'll be in tonight and i'll like watch tv and i like watch tv for a little bit they didn't kick in and i went to sleep and then I woke up and I was like this apartment is sparkly like everything was just really sparkly and yeah um that's yeah I have never seen like I wish I've seen like

cartoony things I've never like hallucinated or anything yeah well the first time I did it I did it with someone who I don't think remembered how to do like to teach someone to do it like they like have been doing to do it like they like have been doing much for years and they're like let's drink tea and so we drank tea and then ate what was at the bottom of the tea which was like a step that was not needed for me and so i was gone and unless the day you saw me my friend in the. Everyone was convinced that I too was on mushrooms. And I was like, this is just my... People think I'm drunk or high all the time.

Or like on something. And I'm not! That's just me! You really were on the same level of us. It was kind of wild. At one point, someone was like, look, a duck parade! And there was like two ducks. And I was like, it look a duck parade and there was like two ducks and i

was like oh a dog parade yeah which was just a person walking dogs yes and i loved it too it's funny because i do like mushrooms and i do like drugs but i'm also having a great time just like fully sober just you unfiltered is like you're already on one i was in the car the other day and uh my friend was like saying something to me they said like we were having a conversation about something i said incorrect and didn't understand or something and they were correcting me and i was looking out the window and i went I can't wait and they were like what this has nothing to do with what we're saying and I didn't know how to be like I know I was listening but I saw a billboard for that Megan movie and I can't wait to see it and my inside thought was said outside and then I was like

oh god how do I and then i was just like no it made sense and i tried to like shoehorn it to make it make sense of what they said and it surely didn't and i waited two whole days to be like here's what happened i'm really i'm sorry i had a real inside thought i said it out loud you can say you can say what's going on your friends know you well enough to know that your brain is bouncing sometimes i was you don't have to hold it in by that megan poster and i heard i truly heard every word they were saying and i just said i can't wait that is really, really funny. And then every time something like that happens, it's also shocking to me because I didn't mean to say it out loud.

You're like, it's just here now. Sorry. I don't know. The whole way to my house, they were like really trying to figure out why I said that. And I don't know why I didn't just say, I think I was like really trying to be like no I was in the conversation I didn't leave it I was concentrating oh boy oh boy that's very very funny it's tough it is I I wish, I don't know. Sometimes I wish my brain worked the way other people's brains do. But then I'm like, that's why you're special, you dummy. with keisha i would i felt like each of our brains helped us perform the way we performed like i always thought in the future so i was figuring out how to end the scenes or like how to end the whole show how to wrap everything up call back things that we had done earlier to end

what we were doing keisha worked in the past and so she was thinking about like, where were we just two seconds ago? Where were we 10 minutes ago? Like, and I figured out how to work those things into what we're doing currently. You always worked in the present, which is great and necessary because you, you were creating new things for us to mold into a story. So it's like, you have to have someone in the present who isn't concerned about where we're going or where we were in order to like create what's happening right now

wow that's a very nice compliment um yeah doing show like when we did shows it was always so fun because i never i truly if i did a call back great if i helped end the show all right but like nobody there's no pressure to do any of that where it's like when you were on herald night the house teams at ecb like you have to like kind of be a an every man in a sense um but our shows were fun because i wouldn't put pressure on myself to call anything back but like i knew what was being called back do you know what i mean or like if you were going for something to end it i knew what you were doing yeah those were the good old days those were the good old days i did an improv show last night and oh i it was so wild. I had a move in my head and it was a pattern that someone was swimming. They wanted to meet dolphins, but they were scared of the ocean. So then all the bad sea creatures kept coming over. And I like had a move in mind to be a bad sea creature. And then as soon as I opened my mouth, I did a completely different thing. And I could like, I, and it was like funny, but i like really surprised myself and was like oh when did this happen in my brain my brain is moving so

much faster than or my body i don't know everything nothing's in sync but that's okay and that's what creates surprises it's nice but when you're surprised by yourself, it's crazy. I would imagine, yeah. I don't know if I've ever been surprised by myself. Really? It happens all the time. On stage. Yeah. In stand-up, sometimes I'll be saying things I've said a hundred times, and then something else will come out of my mouth.

And then, because people are always like, why do you laugh at yourself so much on stage? I'm like, oh, because I'm constantly saying stuff I've never said before. And in the moment, it's like, oh! That is nice, stuff i've never said before in the moment it's like oh that is nice though you know you'll never get in a rut no sure won't um and then sometimes sentences fall out of my mouth fast they just don't i'm like like uh wait what did you just say earlier the the leafage the leafage yeah i think i said leafage which is like friend what are you trying to say oh boy what life is fun life is fun have you been in my office right have you been in my

office since i hung up my 500 pig painting from the streets of uh new orleans i don't think i have well let me see that painting oh in the middle prominently displayed that painting is so funny i'm so glad you still have it it is the most expensive piece of art i have in my house and there's glitter on it it makes me laugh every time i see it remember you saying that the person who sold it to you was also surprised that you were down to buy it she said said a number and I said, sick. And I think she was like,

wait, what? What? What? She's like, I'll ship it to you. And then Mateo was like, she's never made a sale. That's why.

She's like, I can't believe someone actually fell for it. Mateo, I feel like most of our hangouts is a lot of me doing something, him going,

Nicole! Nicole! Oh, gollylly i love him i love him i'm so lucky i love all of my friends me too it sounds so dumb to say out loud but like some people don't love all their friends i know yeah it does seem strange because i'm like obviously i love my friends but some people don't love all their friends. I know. Yeah. It does seem strange because I'm like, obviously I love my friends, but some people hang out with people they don't actually like. Yes. Because they're like, well, it's better to hang out with someone than no one.

But like, yeah, I'm sometimes wheezing and like gasping for breath at dinner with like just you or like if it's you me and mateo or like christy i just like oh boy oh boy i think about that sometimes and i'm just like so grateful and thankful that like everybody in my life is so much fun yeah i am super grateful yeah i have top tier friends truly the top of the top of the tears the top of the top of the again change the color of my nails oh should i do should i do nail art should i do a like a color what should i do nail art okay i've got a bunch saved on

instagram oh nice oh boy I'm so excited. I think you should maybe do Garfield. I think I'm going to get a tattoo of Garfield because I am a lasagna hound. Okay. I asked Lindsay, my lovely new assistant who I love. She's not new anymore. I think I've had her for almost a year, but she is truly so good at everything. And like things get done in such a timely, she's wonderful. But on Fridays I go at 6 p.m., will you get me lasagna from Lil Dom's? And I was like,

is this the weirdest part of your job that you just have to go get me lasagna? then i can't remember what she said but it wasn't like yes but it kind of was like yes do you notice she's like well that's the job i gotta go get her lasagna oh but oh baby is it nice but at least you're like i mean at least it's that and not like you being a monster or like throwing your cell phone at her or demanding her to like. Oh, God. You know, like some people have like horror stories of the people they've worked for. I hope I'm not a horrible boss. I can't imagine.

I do spend a lot of time being like, could I should I just do it myself or should I ask her to do? Well, I don't want to do this. And it's like a whole it's like an internal struggle because I'm like, I could just do it myself or should I ask her to do well I don't want to do this and it's like a whole it's like an internal struggle because I'm like I could just do this myself there was a tiktok question that people were like what's the worst celebrity encounter you've had j-lo and there yes there were so many j-lo responses my favorite one was ben apparently tips very well and as soon as he leaves she goes and she goes give me how much he give you give some of it back yes she'll take it back and then give him like a 10 uh-huh and then there was another one where she was laying face down on the bed and asked for a pedicure and that made me i was gasping for air i was like wait what you can't

even roll over to get a pedicure oh and then the drivers can't look her in the eyes you can't even use the rear view mirror because that's trying to look at her and that made me tee hee hee nobody trying to get to j-lo nobody trying to get from the block bitch you're not interesting no thank you but i will be in a movie with you if you would like it and i will find you very interesting then but don't worry i won't look at you that sucks it does suck i mean i guess this wouldn't happen to me because i feel this way but i would be mortified if people like if a number of people came out and were like she was awful yeah i wouldn't feel good oh there was a comment that said maybe the service workers didn't earn their tip. And I was like, what?

I was like, we pay taxes and the government doesn't even take care of people. We have mutual aid and whatnot. I think if you have a ton of money, that's essentially mutual aid if you give huge tips. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like what, they don't need to go above and beyond to get a tip.

They can just be someone who's doing their job yeah and they don't get paid that well that's the way we set up this system that they don't get paid well and they live on tips wow wow i will say this i went to a restaurant and the server was giving me a lot of attitude a lot of judginess i still tipped well but my friend ordered an artichoke i was with michael and meatball and michael ordered artichoke an artichoke something an artichoke i don't know but um and he was like uh does anyone else want an appetizer and i was like rice balls because i don't know how to eat an artichoke and the way the server looked at me was judging me because i i said i didn't know how to eat an artichoke

which confirmed i'll never order an artichoke because i don't know how to eat it and then i found out how you eat it and it's a lot of work for a vegetable get real do you have to like scrape it with your teeth yes i have to scrape this vegetable with my teeth with my pearly whites that i have had fixed constantly through the year 2022 no yeah you spend too much money on these teeth to be scraping things like that too much money i maxed out my insurance but now i can chew on that side again which is really just it's really nice it feels good it's very nice yeah yeah you know it was a little bit of fear a little bit of it hurts uh i famously chipped my tooth eating a french fry yes famously um he and then he like judged me again on like my order he was just like well

okay girl and i was like yeah girl i'm gonna eat that and then um kind of judged my dessert choice so rude so rude so rude damn that was like at my favorite restaurant in new york toast on 125th um go there keep them in business because every time i come to the city i have to go there anywho um this was years and years and years and years ago i was on atkins with that diet um where you eat like butter in your coffee um but i or did you know that's this year no as part of the diet instead of using fucking milk they say take a slab of butter and slip it in your coffee seems raw it seems worse they said get that butter out churn it um but i i ordered grilled chicken with cheddar cheese and bacon on top uh and he was like

do you want like salad with that and i was like no thank you and he was like oh do you want like salad with that? And I was like, no, thank you. And he was like, I guess I'm gonna have to call the ambulance when you're done. And I was like, he was like, I mean, it's not a great meal. And I was like, oh, boy. And I it did. It hurt my feelings to this day. I remember exactly what he looked like. If you put him in a lineup, I would say that's him. That is that tall, gangly man with an ornery face and and hateful hateful uh stuff coming out

his mouth i mean that's no that's not nice at all no in those moments would either of you like if you had to go back in time would you have like done something different or like said something different to them like and i feel like you've there's another story you shared of another restaurant incident but like i've had comments like that being said and i'm like you just are taking it back and you don't know what to do but i feel like i went back in time it was like yeah if i would i could if i could go back in time i would be like hey that's not a nice thing to say to a fat person also i will get fatter i'm on the wrong path i'm on the wrong path there's nothing you can do about it you can't stop this train you can't save me because i was way thinner then and um it's funny being like fat

shamed now i'm being fat shamed when i was thinner because I look at pictures and I was like, oh, you could have been nicer to me. It's just a little chubby. Come on. But yeah, people, it's interesting. People think they can say anything to people who are others. Like I fat in a wheelchair or like, like, I wonder why somebody thinks it's like okay to say like you know how like short people little people um people like to pick them up like i had a friend named katie in college who was like 4 11 maybe 4 10 super super tiny and like people would just pick her up all the time

and i finally was like do you hate that she's like i hate it more than anything and i was like oh shit maybe it's like unfamiliarity like like when this is i mean yeah like when people see black woman's hair and they've never met a black woman or been that close to a black woman they want to touch the hair it's because they are unfamiliar with us as a person and our hair texture. And like, I guess same thing where if they haven't been around someone that short, they're like, oh, so cute. I can't resist.

I gotta pick him up. And they're not thinking about the human who is there and being like, they probably wouldn't want to be picked up. Or like someone who's overweight or whatever. And they're like i don't know maybe they don't have anyone in their life like that well with fat people i truly think it is some people's worst nightmare it is the worst thing that could happen to you is getting fat so then you are like projecting this like you're like oh i would hate being that fat

so i'm going to say something to this fat person so maybe they can like save themselves from this nasty thing that i don't want to happen to me that's what i think with fat people i do think you're right with black women's hair and short people um but they're just like oh oh this is a thing i haven't interacted with. I will, as a white woman, I will never understand why people go up to black women and assume they can touch them and or touch their hair. I was never taught that. I was always taught you do not touch people unless it's consent. But there's never been a desire of me to be like, oh, that person has different hair. I'm going to go touch it.

No, never. It's really strange. It is strange. And I've also had people touch my skin and then be like, you are so smooth. And I'm like, okay, I am. I am very smooth. It's kind of wild.

No, that is horrible. I'm sorry you both went through that. That's bad. Thank you, Jordan. That's bad that that's bad thank you jordan it's bad and thinking it's unfamiliarity and i guess it's not really humanizing the person yeah because if you had a black friend or a short friend or whatever you'd be like oh well my friend would hate that so i'm not gonna do that it is funny and i've dated some men who like are apprehensive about touching my hair and i'm like my god if you've been inside me

you can touch my hair it's absolutely fine yeah they're like i heard you guys don't like that oh my god he's like no you can do it you're inside me speaking of hair i'm on a hair journey it's pretty long okay so it's like not done that's why it's in a hat but like look how long it's gotten damn that is long yes girl it's almost to my eyeball um yes but i found this like mousse that i wet my hair i put the mousse in and i use this like it's called like a damon brush or damien or dommer or i don't know it begins with a D and ends with a letter and then like I comb or brush the curls and then it snaps back into like perfect spirals oh nice nice nice but it does have like a heavy wet look to it but it looks really cute and then I was like oh my god it's 2023 the year I wake up an hour or two earlier than i have

to be to go somewhere which is something i should do anyway and like do my hair like do twist outs and stuff is that how long it takes no but it takes me a while to get out of bed and i gotta get in the shower i gotta pick out an ensemble um i gotta you know put on my makeup it's like a whole thing yeah um and usually i just like throw on a wig but put on my makeup it's like a whole thing yeah um and usually i just like throw on a wig but i was like maybe it's like well this summer i want to figure out how to like have like do my natural hair because i don't wear wigs in the summer um i think 2023 one is going to be my year two is the year i learned how to do my hair and three i don't know how to do my hair and three i don't know okay it's fine it's okay we don't have to have a list of three it could just be those two things oh no what is three um oh i did i'm organizing my closet currently. Ooh, yes. So, you know my big shoe armoire?

Yes. That's now a shirt armoire. Okay, nice. I have all my t-shirts in there, and then where my t-shirts were in my closet is where my jeans are going. And where my jeans are going, I think I'm going to put shorts and tank tops in there.

Those will be like my little some some clothes. Nice. I'm like pretty jazzed about this. I'm excited for you. And then the room upstairs, the other room, it's going to be a closet. Get it. And my friend Ian is making shelves for me currently. Ian, he's on season two of Grand Crew.

I think he's in episode two one two and three he's at the end of one definitely two and definitely three yeah uh he's so fucking funny but he's a woodworker he's a carpenter and he's like we love that yeah i can make you these shelves um so i'm really excited that like a friend is doing it and then it's custom i'm excited for you lord i love decorating me too so much um remember we were talking about art and how we didn't understand it yes um i was like i don't want to buy just like mass produced art that like you could just find in a store. Cherish has some nice art stuff. And then you can just put the amount you want to spend.

So I put like, I think like 400 or 200 is my max. And I found some really fucking cute pieces. Oh, I love that. Because I'm going to hang a bunch. So I'm going to do gallery walls where gonna hang a bunch so i'm gonna do gallery walls like where it's a bunch of different pieces of art and like yeah mismatched and stuff in my um in that front room boy i'm so excited maybe i'll do that because i have pieces i've had i have art that i've had for like in different apartments in my life but i think but i don't want to hang it up in my house because i don't think i feel emotionally attached to them anymore

and so my walls just have been bare because i've been like i don't want to hang these and and then i just haven't found a separate option what you could do is they also have like periods like time periods um uh styles and you can just like toggle the the filters to exactly what you want so cherish but a lot of the like you're a lot of the pieces are so much more expensive than 400 but i was like yeah if i'm doing a gallery wall like i can't i i'm cheap yeah she's a cheap gal at the heart of her um and then also i have this painting that i don't know what to do with i cannot get rid of it so it hung over my parents bed and it's a man and a woman in a boat and then the man's on the side that my dad slept on and then the woman's on the side my mom slept on. And then after they went on their vacation up north,

I was like, oh my God, that like, it feels like it just like really reminds me of my parents. And I think it's like really, really sweet, but I'm like, I don't want to hang it up because it might just make me sad.

It might, or it might just remind you of your parents oh which can be a sad memory or it could be a nice memory like you don't want to not think about them right you are right okay how big is it it's huge maybe you can go in a place that's not like that a place that you see all the time like i was gonna say the guest bathroom but if that's if it's huge yeah i can't yeah hmm i'll figure out something i think it's smart i think i should put it up yeah i think so okay okay and then it might be nice there's a my mother like to frame cards my mother was i would say almost as ridiculous as me i really take after her um so i have that

card that's framed and i'm like i gotta figure out a place to put that in the house because it just makes me laugh my dad would be like why why? Why? Why did you frame the card? And like, was the card open so that you can see what the message was inside or the front of the card? No, she liked the front of it.

That's really funny. Yeah, she's a very, very funny lady. Why am I having trouble remembering today? It's okay. Maybe I take my medicine. Do you think that's it? Probably. Hey, it's all right.

It's really helpful for me when I remember to take it. Yeah. I kept forgetting to re-up my insurance i think i've said this on the podcast but i went to go pick up my adhd medicine and the i almost just said the politician what's that man called back there at the the pharmacist yes the pharmacist at least they both begin with p's but they certainly don't sound alike the oh my god i almost just said it again i almost just said the politician the pharmacist on the counter was like ah you don't have insurance right now and i was like oh fuck and it's 200 fucking dollars without insurance for 30 fucking pills and he wait why doesn't it automatically renew because i wasn't an auto pay but now i'm an auto pay because i can't be trusted

to make the payments um he then giggled just a true teehee and said sorry it's just funny that you take this to remember stuff but you couldn't remember to do the thing that you need to get these to take them to remember stuff. And I was like, really, really nice that you found humor in that. Yeah. But. Glad you found joy. He always has it in stock for me.

He's really nice. Oh, nice. Well, that's good. I've been going there for years. Years. Oh, that's good. Years. Years.

Years. Should we do a quiz or help people? What should we do? We should help people. Let's help everybody in the world. I really got you. There's a few residual giggles there really good wait so shira when should we get tattoos when uh do you want to do when you're in atlanta hell yeah dude let's find some cool atlanta tattoo artists yeah tattoo garfield to me or should i just tattoo i love lasagna all are good options or or a lasagna or should i

tattoo like a piece of lasagna but okay so john millhiser drew this lasagna and i haven't gotten rid of it because i love it it's got my two favorite foods nachos a lasagna it doesn't have mac and cheese that's the third but if i got does it look enough like lasagna no it's um it could be anything it could be like a pie or like a candy bar it's it's hard to tell it looks like tiramisu yeah yeah i think lasagna would be too hard to understand i think so dang visually dang dang dang i also wanted i wanted to like add to my butt but i can't really think of any more like food punny things so right now there's a hamburger a hot dog and it says stick it in these buns um there's a lollipop ice cream cone and a cupcake and it says it's sweet just taste it and then um a strawberry

a watermelon and a banana and it says juicy and then there's um a lemon and it says when life gives you lemon suck a dick so i'm like i want like jordan's never heard these i didn't i didn't know the collection of all the butt tattoos now I do also I said so many words all of it is on my butt that's how big my butt is that I have multiple jokes on my butt

honestly yeah full phrases it's my greatest masterpiece I think it's the funniest thing i've ever done i want one more but i was like pie i've been i've been toying with like pie something with pie like or like stuff it what's like like stuff me or something i'm trying to think of like an in you oh a turkey stuff me get get stuffed get stuffed that's good i'll write that down um let's see that's another one well but the only thing with turkey is oh i guess yeah it could be it's like a whole turkey okay turkey um like a ham

a ham like like honey glazed ham or hot ham hot ham slap my ham it's hard i feel like i've like run out of like things do you like dumplings not a huge dumpling gal but what what's your pitch there's i just googled food but jokes or like bow and maybe maybe put three of them in big bow bow bow that's funny but i hate i don't hate bow i just really hate the short that that i know you do and i think it would just remind me too much of that short that I hate. Yeah, I can see that. Popcorn.

Pop. I feel like if you're going to do popcorn, you'd have to put it in the front because it'd be like, pop this pussy. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, popcorn. That's fun. Pop this pussy's funny. What if it's like corn and it's like, pop this, pop this pussy because you have to pop the corn to get popcorn but is that too much of a leap yeah i was like an a to z like yeah and i want them to be very literal or maybe maybe it's corn and a popcorn was like popping

off the corn cob it It has the juice. Oh, that's good too. But then it's like, that's such a now thing. Like, is that going to translate? And a child said it. Oh, no. Okay. Okay. Take it off.

When I got my first, the first innuendo or silly joke was the lollipop the ice cream cone and the same time I was getting it this woman was getting a baseball bat on her pelvis that said hit it like a champ and we both like laughed because we're like we're funny I wonder where she is now yeah this is your soulmate where's this person yeah it was at village pop tattoos on uh west fourth street oh boy that's fun oh we should answer queries because yeah we answered my queries a little bit hi so um i have a i guess's question. It's not directly about me. I'm going to try to make this short and sweet. So my mom is dealing with my mom and her best friend.

My mom's best friend has three children, and one of them knocked up his girlfriend. So she knocked up his girlfriend and my mom's best friend, like is like forced them to get married, like in a court. Like it wasn't it was just a very rushed marriage. And then the the mom essentially got like she got COVID and her husband got COVID. So they couldn't go to the wedding. And then she kind of she made my parents go in her place and I just saw how stressful this was for my mom and it makes me really angry because my best friend doesn't really apologize or acknowledge that she really like forced my parents to go out of their way to travel also they had to travel like three or four states over they didn't get paid for gas they

didn't get like any kind of like compensation which I mean, like, yeah, like it's something they're doing for a friend. But it's like my mom really didn't want to do this. Like she didn't want to go in the first place. She had to stay at this trashy hotel. Like it was just a mess. And I personally, I've been like mad for her because this is not the first time this friend has been like really demanding of my mother. And it's hard for me being a child to see like how stressful this has been on her. And it's like I've been getting mad for I'm like, why aren't you as angry as I am?

Because this is like it pisses me off. Like, I don't know how else to say it. But, yeah, I'm wondering if, like, you guys were in the situation, like, if your parent, I mean, I'm so sorry, Nicole. But, like, hypothetically, if your parents were in the same situation, would you be, like, telling them, like, you know, like, maybe stick up for themselves a little bit? Because part of me is like, my mom needs to stick up for herself. Like, she didn't want to do this. She got roped into it and she was pretty unhappy about it. And she didn't even get like an apology or anything.

And she literally like stepped up and went to this kid's fucking wedding. And it's not even her kid. And like, she was pretty much like forced to, and her best friend was kind of bitchy about it like my mom was like I can't I'm not driving with you to this wedding I'm not going to this wedding with you because you have COVID and then my best friend was like well some this wedding needs to happen and the wedding did not need to happen it was like the kid got forced to get married by his

own mother like she's a hot mess express i don't know what's going on but yeah i don't know if i'm stepping in too much telling her that like you know maybe she should tell her friend how like she feels do you want to take it first this year since you still have a parent oh i mean you got both of them you want to take it i can't even fathom having parents still what's that like you you say all out mommy daddy i haven't said that in years mommy oh wow feels so foreign coming out of my mouth. Dada. Daddy. No. No. I'm kidding.

Thank you for understanding that I have a little bit of a loss. It is funny that we talked about my dead parents before and then she was like, I have a parent bit of a loss it is funny that we talked about my dead parents before and then she was like i have a parent problem sorry nicole i hope i hope what they were trying to say is like uh like having like older this seems like an adult to an adult thing like an adult with adult parents who don't know how to

have boundaries so maybe that's the experience he's saying that you don't have unfortunately i'm gonna came out like sorry you don't have parents so you don't know how this person the caller is at all but it seemed like uh you know boomers and up are not as therapied or um open about boundaries as their children are. So it's very possible your mom has these complaints about her friend, but doesn't feel comfortable or maybe never has like saying no or saying, I don't like that or, or finding people who don't do these things to her. that or or finding people who don't do these things to her um and and you just kind of deal with stuff like that just because you're used to it and you're like i don't know they still call me every sunday so i just i guess i gotta go to this dumb wedding that no one wants to happen a couple states over but i think it's like since you this person sounds like an adult um who called

and hopefully you guys are having more adult conversations with each other maybe you can say something like hey i'm i'm watching you kind of bend over backwards for this friend and it doesn't seem like it's happening in the other direction, like maybe you should be more comfortable saying no sometimes or like, you know, figuring out what you want as a person as opposed to what your friend wants or needs. Because like, yeah, even though you can help your friend with the thing that they ask you to do doesn't mean you have to. And see what happens. Maybe it'll spur a conversation. Maybe your mom will have some opinions like oh well i feel like i have to do it because of x y and z or or maybe your mom has never thought about it but i think if you bring it up as you would a friend they you know they

might actually be able to like think a little bit more about themselves as an individual yeah i think that's good jordan you have parents right do you want to do you want to chime in yeah i'll chime in for a second um i recently have gone through this my parents will come to me and complain or event and i'm very appreciative of them talking to me and communicating with me but like i'm very opinionated and like say exactly how i feel so to hear my parents be like i just don't know what to do and like they're driving me crazy and be like i would go straight to their face and be like you're driving me crazy like get away from me um so it's funny to be raised by parents and then you're kind of the opposite when it comes to confrontation yeah um but it's hard it's very hard to tell a parent

especially who grew up in a different generation to like stand up for themselves or be like hey your best friend's kind of like steamrolling you. Like you shouldn't be a part of this. And I think it's the same as we had a recent question. I think it was the last week's episode where just the communication is not clear and consistent and people are not seeing from the outside. People aren't seeing inside what people from the outside are seeing. So as much as it's really easy to be like, hey, mom or dad, just do this, this, or that.

It's super easy. Just speak honest. I don't think certain generations were taught that way. You kind of hold back those feelings and just kind of roll with it but if my best friend ever forced me to go to a wedding and drive with them and they had covid i would be like i'm not getting in the fucking car yeah that's not happening you figure it out and we'll talk after yeah so um well okay let me imagine having parents um so i think i would say to my mom i'd be like you didn't enjoy any of that that was all really bad

um and if this has happened more than once where she's very demanding of my mother i would be like mom you gotta tell your friend that there's just some things you can't do and then if my mother i would be like mom you gotta tell your friend that there's just some things you can't do and then if my mother chooses to continue doing those things i think i could say to her hey this is the second third fourth time this has happened i'm not gonna lecture you because it's not my job but i'll say it again you didn't love it so maybe maybe you think twice before you do it again because there's only so much you can tell someone because people are their own people and they're going to do what they're going to do but i would just be like just a little reminder you hated it so maybe maybe no

yeah i like that pointing out the facts you this thing happened you did not like it and now it's happening again thoughts you know like, what do you think? Yeah. Just like pointing out, this is a pattern maybe that's happening. It doesn't seem like you're enjoying it. Maybe assess. Because they never had to before. Yeah.

Like, I don't like mustard. So I'm not going to eat mustard. You know? Just not going to do it. If I see it on the menu menu i'm not ordering that option yeah and it doesn't have to and maybe if the caller is like intimidated by giving their parent advice maybe it doesn't have to be like advice maybe it could just be like more of a socratic method of asking questions like do you like when your friend like makes you do things like this or like

how do you how do you feel when you will you have to exert so much energy for something you don't want to do like drive multiple states to a wedding that you don't think should be happening or whatever the case is um and just and then see how they respond, because it is kind of hard for people to take advice, especially from their kids. Yeah. So maybe if it's just like posed as a question, they'll actually have opportunity to think about it themselves and hopefully get to a conclusion on their own. Mm hmm. That hopefully aligns with what you thought that they should be doing. Yeah.

That sounds good to me. Yeah. Yeah. Solved. Solved. yeah that sounds good to me yeah yeah solved so lastly i also want to say don't force people to get married who don't need to get married or want to get married yeah who is this woman who is she who's this witch this witch that everyone is bending over backwards for bad we don't like her we don't like her okay so i know i've left a few messages already but i wanted to be as clear and concise as possible okay so i'm a busy grad student

and i do have a few hobbies where i go out and meet people like i rock climb which is a really great way to meet people um but for the majority like of the people that I meet that are guys that are single um it's really just they end up being my friends first and while that's super cool um I feel like I have a hard time dealing with possibly being friend-zoned by these guys because they just see me as, like, one of the guys. And while, like, I appreciate their friendship and I think that's really cool, I hate that, like, I guess I keep running into this thing of, like, since they're the only straight guys I hang out with, I end up developing feelings for them. And while it hasn't, like, ruined any of my my friendships, because like we've all been able to be pretty mature about it, it just kind of sucks. And so I guess I just wanted to hear your guys' advice about like if you've had pressures on guy friends before and how you kind of like, I don't know,

because obviously like you need to process it, but how do you, like, kind of talk yourself out of it? Because it does kind of suck. And I want to just be able to be friends with these guys. But, yeah, they're, like, the only dudes I ever hang out with. So, I don't know. That was kind of rambly. Anyways, you guys are all amazing. I love listening to this podcast.

And it's really comforting to have some funny things to listen to while i spend a lot of time at work anyways bye so she's hanging out with these guys and getting friend zoned and developing crushes on these guys and the question is how does she just stay friends with them mentally how does she not get crushes? I have, I'm useless. I meet a man in the supermarket and I fall in love. A man says hello to me and I'm like, we have a future.

So I, I'm out. I'm so sorry. God bless. I guess I've, I've also developed crushes on guy friends. And I think just time. Time passes and then you're like, this is not happening.

Also, the more you become friends with that person, the more you're like, hopefully. We'll discover things where you're like, ooh, I wouldn't want to date that you know like like after a while you're just kind of like oh i can see why we're better as friends because he does that and i hate that or like this is how or you're watching him how like how they actually date women and you're like well that fucking sucks i would never want to actually encounter that um unless all these guys are perfect but probably not yeah yeah you're just gonna make yourself crazy like wishing and hoping and yeah and maybe that date energy should be concentrated on actual dates like are you on the apps like maybe unless you are rock climbing in order to find a partner but if you're rock climbing to rock climb and the people you're meeting are friends let that be that and then if something happens otherwise great but maybe don't expect it and

then if you want to date then date like then go date then like you're going to bars to find a date or like you are on dating apps to find somebody to go on dates with. And then like that energy is concentrated more there. And then that energy isn't bleeding into the rock climbing stuff. Yeah, I think that's like really great advice to be like rock climbing is what I do. It's my hobby.

I love it. I'm not looking for love here. I'm looking for love in these different places. And then maybe love will happen rock climbing because you're not expecting it and you're not like wanting it because allegedly you find love when you least expect it you stop looking for it i've heard that before, apparently that's a thing. But I think that might be, I think if you go into rock climbing being like, these are friends.

Friends. Oh, my God. Oh, no. I really didn't take my medicine because there's a quote that won't leave my brain now. Fish are friends, not food. What's that from? Rock climbers are friends, fuck buddies yeah yeah and also you never know sometimes people are friends for years and then or maybe not even years but you know sometimes people are friends and then they develop feelings

and something does happen after so i don't think just because you got friend zone that means like that's the end don't hold out hope don't be like i'm gonna stick around long because i'm playing the long game uh but you know maybe if you just take that idea out of the equation totally either something will happen and like wow what a fun surprise or it won't and that's. Cause that's what we're doing. We're rock climbing right now. Yeah. We're rock climbing right now.

There's no time for love. We're holding on the rocks. You might fall down if you fall in love. Ah, yeah. You're not trying to fall in love. You're trying to get up the rock. We don't want falling involved in any capacity when it comes to rock climbing

no you gotta stay on that rock and maybe if you stay on that rock there will be a rock of love oh okay okay like the reality dating show with brett michaels baby i loved the rock of love boy oh boy i also loved what was the one with that man flavor of love yes boy oh boy do you remember that episode where one of the girls pooped on the floor i can never forget that will never leave my brain isn't that wild she just bent down and pooped on the floor when you gotta go you gotta go and they just blurred it out but still showed it amazing i mean the 2000s were a different fucking era for reality television yeah that was really the golden era for reality oh it really was oh my god well well that's it just leaving you with that little nugget

uh-huh thank you um if you like this episode and you have a question or a query there's an email address and it's nicoleinstashir at gmail.com there's also a phone number for voicemails voice memos or text messages do you guys want to hear it yeah great because if you didn't i was gonna say it anywhere any anywhere i can't wait! 424-645-7003 We also have merch at podslide.com slash best friends. Lastly, guys, I know we have a lot on our plates. It's the new year.

No, wait, is it the new year yet? I don't know when that's coming out. I mean, we are in the new year. Happy New Year! Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show. Alright. Bye! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!