Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Wants To Celebrate Valentine’s Day in August!

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

It’s Friendship time! This week, Nicole feels rested but a little nervous to get back to pole dancing. Sasheer wants to go to a flea market because she needs more wall art. Nicole is an art connoisseur but she agrees, it can be expensive to buy and frame. Sasheer is still on a lot of estate email lists. Nicole is excited to wear a hot pink jump suit. Sasheer is going to wear her red jumpsuit. Nicole thinks they should celebrate Valentine’s Day in August... because of the outfits of course. Sasheer wonders why some people celebrate Christmas in July. Nicole visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam. Sasheer wants a shower more than anything else. Nicole shares how she manifested a ride in Mykonos, Greece. They both answer questions about a friend figuring out why a pandemic friendship fizzled out and how to deal with a friend who doesn’t make room to check in on their life. This was recorded on August 18th, 2023. Sources: https://www.ebonyboydart.com/https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/clarissajanlim/airbnb-slave-plantations-house-banhttps://www.southernliving.com/holidays-occasions/christmas/how-did-christmas-july-start#:~:text=Christmas%20in%20July%20started%2084,Camp%20in%20Brevard%2C%20North%20Carolina.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_in_July  Check out Sasheer’s Comedy Special “First Woman” on 800 Pound Gorilla starting August 15th and free on Youtube starting  August 29th. https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/sasheer-zamata-the-first-woman  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, it's me, Sashira Zameda, and I have a stand-up special that is out right now. It's called The First Woman, and it's on the 800-lb. Gorilla website. You can go to 800lb. GorillaMedia.com, and it's a pay-what-you-can format. Donate whatever you want to watch the special. And then August 29th, it comes out for free on YouTube. And please watch and laugh and share and live life and prosper. If you want to see me live,

I'm doing stand-up. September 15th, I'll be at River City Casino in St. Louis, Missouri. September 16th, I'll be at the Pantages Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. September 22th, I'll be at River City Casino in St. Louis, Missouri. September 16th, I'll be at the Pantages Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. September 22nd, I'll be at Meridian Hall in Toronto, Ontario. And September 29th, I'll be at the Newmark Theater in Portland. And September 30th, I'll be in a casino in Washington. And you can get all that at NicoleBeyerWasTaken.com

or just the little link tree on my Instagram. Sasha! Nicole! How are you today? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. I feel rested. I'm a little nervous because Sunday is my first pole lesson in like almost a month and I'm like, am I still strong? Almost a month. And I'm like, am I still strong? Oh, yeah.

Because I guess you've been gone. You've been gone for so long. I am vacation. I went on the longest vacation. You are vacation. You really did. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God. Do I still have strength?

Like, will I forget things? I feel like a month is not so long that you forget everything you know i really hope so i'll be so devastated if i if i can't do the things i want to be able to do you know how often were you doing before like? Like twice a week? Twice a week. Okay. So that is like eight sessions that you have not had. Yeah. Wow. Quick math. She went to a university.

She got a degree. You got your degree and you're so smart. What was it? What's your degree? So fucking smart. What's your degree oh boy oh boy thank you i'm excited about it do you have any hot plans this weekend oh there's a flea market i actually wanted to ask if you wanted to go there's a flea market what day saturday tomorrow in the morning. Where?

In Frogtown. Okay. I'll go. And it's like, yes, let's go. It's, I think there's like a whole, I think there's multiple like estate sale flea market thingies happening. So there's a lot of stuff to look at. Ooh, I can't wait.

You know me. I love stuff. I also love stuff i uh signed up for this mailing list i have many estate sale mailing lists because when i moved into my house i was like all over all of them and they just email me every week like we have an estate sale this saturday you should come and and i don't i really truly don't need anything else i have filled my home but i still i haven't unsubscribed because i'm like what if maybe one day i want to go maybe maybe i need just one more piece of furniture but tomorrow i i think i will probably mostly peruse it's still fun to just go. You know what I do need? Is wall art.

I would like some reasonably priced wall art. I think that's a good thing to get at an estate sale or a flea market because art is expensive. It's expensive. Yeah. I don't like it. No. I don't like how expensive art is. Like there's been a couple pieces that were like really big that I saw

and I would contact the artist and be like, how much? And they'd be like, thousands of dollars, please. And I'm like, oh, that's not what I, that's not how much I want to spend on. No.

Just like something that's going to sit there. Yeah. And it's a funny thing because you're like, oh, I do value your work and your time that you put in i simply don't want to pay that yeah that's not how i want to spend my money i will spend thousands of dollars on other things but i just for some reason currently i don't want to spend that on art no i get it um

i got i got a reasonably priced piece but I don't think it's yours. It's very colorful. I think her name is Ebony Boyd. Yeah, Ebony Boyd Art. She did a custom piece for me and it's delightful. And I remember it being rather reasonable. It's nice. It's very pretty.

I like this. Oh, you do? I do like it. I don't know if I would have it in my home, but I do like it. Okay. It's very, very, it's very pretty. I like this. Oh, you do? I do like it. I don't know if I would have it in my home, but I do like it. Okay. It's very, very, it's very colorful. It's very me.

Yeah, it is very you. Yes, the words say creative, colorful, musical, beautiful, abstract. But it is very you. Yeah. And I'm very happy. I think I have two or three pieces by her. Oh, nice. Oh, so I'm very happy. I think I have two or three pieces by her. Oh, nice.

So I guess you could say I'm somewhat of a connoisseur collector. Yes, I see. That's what I am. Thank you so much. And these prices are much more reasonable than other prices I have seen. Yes. Yeah, she's great. And it came very fast and it comes framed because

sometimes you'll buy art on the internet and they won't you won't read the whole thing and then you'll get it and you're like huh what is this scroll what is this scroll then you go that's art i bought and you gotta go frame it then you look dumb as fuck at a michael's it then you look dumb as fuck at a michael's and framing is also expensive oh child child i just got a poster and i wanted to get it framed went to a nearby frame store and it was like 400 for the frame i guess it's also the services but yeah i was like was there the outside involved or just the frame no not even matting just the frame i guess it's like the frame and the acrylic glass and i guess that's it i feel like it's more like to put the thing on the back to hang it

yeah maybe i don't yeah i don't know but also i don't want to buy a cheap frame because sometimes yeah sunlight gets through it and it affects the picture yada yada yada so it's like i do want to pay for good quality stuff but also four hundred dollars yeah my mom once spent a bunch of money framing a greeting card and boy, oh boy, was my dad angry. Oh yeah. Damn. He was like, what for a card? And she was like, I liked the card.

I still have it. And it makes me smile to look at. That's cute. But yeah. It is. Being an adult is expensive. It's expensive. And they don't tell you.

I feel like they should tell there should have been a class in school that was like taxes art all of it is gonna come out of your pocket and it's a lot and it's a lot yes they should have told you that hey i blame somebody i don't know we have to blame somebody who are you gonna blame i don't know obama thanks obama i don't know how to be an adult obama should have came to my house he really taught me how to be an adult even though i surely was an adult when he was in office you know i mean where's where's the service where's the service of a president? Where'd it go? Where'd it go?

Where'd it go? Where'd it go? I bought a hot pink jumpsuit. And I'm really excited to wear it because I also bought hot pink glasses. And I think I'm going to wear it tonight. And I'm very excited about it. Oh, I can't wait to see it. She's going to be styling.

I did try it on and I was like, wow, this makes my titties look even smaller. Sometimes I'm like astounded by how small they can look in a thing. But that's okay. Yeah. I've learned to embrace my tiny titties yeah no back problems well at least not from the titties no but from my fat ass y'all it's tough to lug this shit around she got that caboose caboose i don't i don't think i have a hot pink jumpsuit but i have a red one that i bought with tess should i wear it tonight should we tell everyone to wear their favorite red or pink

yes and when they go are you celebrating something we should go valentine's day on uh friday august 18th we are celebrating february 14th make that make sense diva get me a drink and they're like ma'am we can't serve you you're not okay well there was there's always like christmas and july things happening right or like why does that happen in the summer i don't know oh is it those sad families where a divorce happened and there's like okay we do christmas in the summer when i have you during the summer oh i mean that makes sense i i have would have never guessed that i don't know i guess i shouldn't say sad families It's happier families because they separated from something that was not going well. Well, I'm a child of divorce and I can say she wasn't happy. Christmas in July started 84 years ago on July 24th and 25th in 1933 at a girls camp called Keystone Camp in Brevard,

North Carolina. Interesting. Can you hit that link? That's like the real story behind Christmas in July. Some people call it half Christmas. Oh, interesting. Country Living's reporting

It started right here in the south Christmas in July But like are they actually Celebrating Christmas I think so I never thought it was unique to us Paige The current director of Keystone Camp

Said in an interview it seems like something other camps would do What Why would you think that's something other camps would do yeah you scroll a little bit more uh yeah this is all about the camp i want to know when people outside of the yeah when did it leave the camp and get into the zeitgeist? But it started in 1933. And you know what that reminds me of? World War II. I went to the Anne Frank house when I was in Amsterdam. Have you been? I have not. No. Okay. Sad vibes. I would imagine. Yes. Sad vibes. And, you know, Hitler, bad vibes.

And I was like, I couldn't like, I just kept thinking while I was there. I was like, it is so beautiful that they turn this into a museum for people to see. And it's like, truly never forget this fucking thing. And then you can go to Auschwitz and like see it and be like, never forget. And then in America, you can have a wedding on a plantation. I was like, we, like, it's so wild how differently countries recognize atrocity. Like, it blew my fucking minds this year. I was like, this is wild.

Yeah, it does suck. We really don't acknowledge as much much of the bad unsavory uncomfortable history that happened in this country as other countries do yeah when you go to to germany it's like they talk about it they have monuments they have museums they're like yeah we were a part of some some bad stuff and uh we'll never forget you know but yeah yeah you're right you can get me around a plantation and then airbnb had to like ask people to stop listing slave quarters as a place you can stay in that wild oh no i didn't know that yeah it was like a maybe a year or two ago were they like saying these are slave quarters or they just were slave quarters and they're like extra bedroom they were slave quarters and i believe it was like stay in the slave quarters oh i think judith do you mind looking it up?

Yes. And also, according to this article about the first time people celebrated Christmas in July after the camp that we stated before in Washington, D.C., a church started doing a summer donation drive in 1942 to send gifts overseas and they called it their mission. So it was like a Christmas in July. it was to support their troops okay okay all right well we're gonna do valentine's day in august and it's gonna catch on i believe everyone's gonna be like whoa good idea ladies good idea ladies good idea, ladies. Good idea, ladies. I mean, yeah. Why not celebrate love more than one time? Wow.

And you're right, Nicole. Basically, Airbnb says that it will no longer allow people to rent out houses where enslaved peoples used to live. The new policy comes after the platform was widely criticized for an 1830 slave cabin listed on airbnb and it went viral on tiktok oh my god wild wild wild that it was allowed to be listed and they're like all right i guess people are mad about it okay wow wow wow yeah what are you wearing on your body what is that it's a sports bra

no shirt belly out oh wow scandalous in your home well i worked out so i came straight from the workout to do this record couldn Couldn't even put on a shirt. You said, I have to talk into a microphone now. But this is, I guess, I feel comfortable just wearing these sports bras out because I do cover everything. I mean, I'm just being a little jokester. Okay. Sometimes I wear a sports bra out. Yeah, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll wear a sports bra out. Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll wear a sports bra out. Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe I'll do that today. Maybe, yeah. It's hot outside, but just put a sports bra on. Yeah, it is so warm. Also, I'm nervous. A tropical storm is a-brewin'. you haven't seen hillary's coming oh no it's called hillary i know she couldn't be our president but she can destroy a couple states who made that decision that sucks why that's now it's gonna be like the butt of a million jokes and memes like what there's so many other h names that's so rude hurricane hillary man leave that lady alone she's minding her business now she's not even like in the zeitgeist anymore like give her a break imagine they named it hurricane hillary clinton and they're like no it's just by it's it's a coincidence don't worry about it we're not implying anything for scientific reasons we had to name it that apparently we're i don't know if we're gonna get as much rain so some places are gonna get like a year's worth of rain this weekend oh my god or something wild when does this episode come out after hurricane hillary

yeah it should come out after hurricane hillary oh well let's hope it wasn't bad yeah i don't know oh boy oh boy yeah i'm tired i don't want hurricanes. I'm over COVID. Listen, I don't want these things. No. I want sunshine, happiness, and more vacations. And I'm over this strike. Let a bitch work. Come on. Come on. Just like, give us what we want. Give us what we want. Give us what we want. Yeah. Okay.

So, Shere, what is the thing that you want bad right now? A shower because I didn't shower after my workout. Oh, she's stinky? She a little ripe? I'm a little ripe, yeah. And I actually don't sweat, but in this Pilates class, I did sweat. Even my knees were sweating.

That's wild. I know. It was like we had to put our knees on the mat, and I was like, whoa, they're wet. There was a day on my vacation where it was so hot. Mano and I were, i don't know i might have said this on why won't you date me whatever listen i talked i talked too much for a living you'll hear stories twice uh mano and i were this is like okay this is also a witch story i'm a witch um but we went to this beach in paros uh this beautiful island in greece and the cab driver

dropped us off and was like it's down there also a cab won't come get you uh it's too hard for our cars too much of a dirt road also it might be a nap time and we were like we said okay and didn't question nap time uh swam had a nice time had cocktails and then we asked the guy working there like how far away is a bus stop because we had to get back to the boat to go back to mykonos and he was like oh it's a 10 minute walk and i said okay and you fail to realize that like a 10 minute walk is further than you think and it was like 102 degrees it was the hottest day that we were there and we were walking on this like dirt road i forgot to bring sneakers

so i was wearing flip-flops and we had our like towels on our heads because we were so hot and i was getting more and more like just angry and the back of my knees were sweating everything was sweating i was just wet and i said to mon i was like nobody doesn't anyone hitchhike in greece which is an insane thing to say out loud and not 30 seconds later a Volkswagen Golf was on the side of the road and she was like hey do you guys want a ride where are you going and we were like to a bus stop she's like yeah but to where and we're like to to get on the boat to go back to Mykonos and she's like I'll just take you and then she just took us um to the boat or all the way to all the way to the boat that's because it's a it's a little bit of a

ride i don't you can't drive to mykonos it's like a 45 minute boat ride um and i was like that's so nice it was so nice but i manifested it i was like you did it's hot i can't do it i don't know what just came over me but all of a sudden i really want to give you guys a ride kind of and there was other people walking as we drove by. And she didn't stop for those. She stopped for us because I was like, I must not walk anymore. It is too hot. My feet hurt.

Yeah. Well, we already said that your power of manifestation is very strong. Yes. But it really only happens when I like absolutely need it yeah it doesn't happen when i'm like i want this it's like you'll get it one you'll get it eventually but when i make things happen instantly it is because i'm like calling to the heavens being like give it to me please that's cool good job yeah thank you should we do a quiz unless there's something you want to tell me you always say it like so suspicious i don't know have you done stuff without me

have i done stuff without you no definitely not this week no we spent a lot of time together this week we did and it wasn't enough i want more let me drink you up guzzle guzzle um oh okay pick a food in every color to reveal your perfect vacation destination i like that me too because i want more vacation and food i love food choose a red food watermelon is not red wait what what would you say it's like pink it's watermelon colored you okay you've done this before but you can't just be like watermelon color as if like that is a color of the rainbow or like as if there's a common color. I think it's a pink variant,

which I guess is in the wheelhouse of red. Yeah. Spaghetti. Which is red. Red velvet cupcakes. It's in the name. Do we say cherries? Cherries too.

Okay. Hmm. cupcakes it's in the name do we say cherries cherries too okay i would pick spaghetti because i love spaghetti i do like spaghetti i love spaghetti the way my mom used to make spaghetti how would you do it you know how a lot of people give you the noodles and then put the meat on top she mixed the meat in and for whatever reason that's like yummier for me watermelon is what i'm picking oh baby i love watermelon i think it's my favorite fruit it's a really good one it's so filling and refreshing. Great summer fruit. Right by a beach or a pool, munch, munch. Choose an orange. Or a Valentine's day celebration. Happy Valentine's day, Sashir.

Happy Valentine's day, Nicole. Now pick an orange food. Orange chicken. Mac and cheese. Orange. Would you say it's more like yellow golden rod yeah which i guess is a variant of yellow and orange mixed together all right i'll allow it yeah i would say it's more yellow than orange or goldenrod yes cheesy puffs mango i'm gonna say mango i'm gonna say mac and cheese even though that depiction is not good looking. It's clearly not baked.

It looks disgusting. Because I'm not a craft girl. You better bake my mac and cheese and give me a crunchy fucking top. You better bake my mac and cheese. Okay, now we're at yellow. Pick a yellow food. Pineapple.

French fries. Corn. Okay, now we're at yellow. Pick a yellow food. Pineapple. French fries. Corn. It looks like eggs. They did not put a label on that. There's no label. I guess it's scrambled eggs. Even though it looks like there's some chunks in there. I don't understand.

It looks like a soft scramble over rice. Have you looks like a soft scramble over rice have you ever had a soft scramble it's bewildering i have had a soft scramble but fuddling like a real soft scramble the one that's the you you stir it the whole time it's cooking i've never seen anyone prepare a soft scramble but i know i've eaten it oh okay but wait do you are you for it or against it i don't know it is a wild texture and consistency one that i'm like what um but there's this place in new york and the lower east side that does a soft scramble that is oh amazing and they do it so it looks like a fucking flower.

Can you even? Ooh, that's nice. Mm-hmm. I wish I could remember the name. They're really nice to me there. That's nice. Mm-hmm. You know I gotta pick French fries.

Yeah. I'm gonna say pineapple. Ooh, yes, bitch. She's tropical. I'm trying to fuck more with pineapple. It is sweet. And I don't usually like the flavor of a pineapple, but I'm trying to get more into it

because it makes your pussy taste better. And I'm getting ready for love to come in my life. And when it comes, I want my pussy to taste good for them. That's smart. And it's also kind and giving. And I need them to know that. Kind and giving.

Yeah. Like, this tastes kind and giving. And I'll look up, I'll sit up and go, yeah, that's who I am. Kind and giving. Does cranberry juice do that too? Or does something? I think you're supposed to drink it so you don't get yeasties.

Or like a UTI. Oh, it's UTI. Okay. Oh, yeah. Also good. Yeah. Choose a green food. Key lime pie.

Kale salad. Broccoli broccoli guacamole and chips i'm gonna i'm gonna pick guacamole and chips yeah i'm gonna pick a kale salad oh look she is tropical and healthy. Yeah, I don't really like salad, but if I get a salad, I'll eat a kale salad because I want it to be. I wanted to have all the nutrients as possible. I don't want to waste my time eating a salad. I'm not going to get the benefits of being healthy. You're not out here trying to eat iceberg lettuce. No.

Iceberg lettuce is nasty. Or romaine. Don't give me that. that oh i do like a romaine though i don't like a romaine soft gentle romaine um that could romaine in the bag wow go home you are home uh go to a different room we have to stop this recording um i like a butter lettuce as well i mean i'll eat a butter lettuce but you're not you really just fuck with kale really kale and spinach the darker greens i do like arugula salad i love arugula it. I love arugula. It's kind of spicy. Mm-hmm. Choose a blue food. Blueberries.

Galaxy cupcake. Blueberry pie. Berry popsicle. That's the wildest thing I've ever seen in my whole life. BuzzFeed found a picture of blueberries encased in blue water. they're they're frozen the blueberries were frozen in a popsicle i'd be so mad if someone served that to me and told

me to eat it i'll say what you want me to do with this suck on it till there's something hard to eat i think that's it yeah that's not a popsicle i mean technically it is not a popsicle i don't recognize that as a official popsicle okay not my popsicle not my not my popsicle well what what do you recognize as a popsicle um uh like just a normal fucking popsicle by the brand popsicle there's a brand called popsicle 99 sure i'm not lying about that oh it's got a fun logo popsicle you get your popsicle i thought popsicle just was that thing no i guess it is it's like a Kleenex. A Kleenex is a tissue. Oh. Yeah, and Kleenex fucking ripped open that market.

And you know, I need a Kleenex. I need a Popsicle. I don't know what a Popsicle is. Yeah, what would you call it otherwise? What do other brands call it? Ice pop? Oh, interesting. I know in the UK, they call it an ice lolly oh no those idiots

can i have an ice lolly it's pretty funny i might start calling them that an ice lolly um that's funny well i can't pick blueberries i simply don't like them i can't pick a blueberry pie i simply don't like them. I can't pick a blueberry pie. I simply don't like it. And I'm not picking a blueberry popsicle because I don't recognize that as a popsicle. So I'm going to say galaxy cupcakes. I'm also going to do galaxy cupcakes. They look very tasty. And I really like a cupcake because it's a small cake.

And that's what I like about it. Because sometimes a big hunking piece of cake is too much for you. Mm-hmm. Mm. Choose a purple food. Unicorn donuts. Blackberries. Figs.

Grapes. Mm-hmm. Mm. I love a grape. Ooh. That's what I'm also going to pick. I also love a grape. Ooh, that's what I'm also going to pick. I also love a grape. And I can't pick a unicorn donut because I already picked a galaxy cupcake and I don't need sweet, sweet.

And those look squishy. And I like a cake donut. Okay. I was going to say a unicorn donut is your brand. It does seem to be on brand for me. I'm just not clear on the density of the donut. Yeah. Yeah.

I get that. Lastly, choose a pink food. Rose macaroons. Strawberry frosted cupcakes. Even though that's a picture of donuts, I'm mad. I'm furious. How are you going to tell me there's cupcakes and there's a donut? Wow. They're really trying to, BuzzFeed is trying to gaslight you. I don't like this. I don't like it either. Strawberry lollipop.

Strawberry ice cream. Hmm. I do love ice cream. I almost cried when i couldn't get soft serve the other day um i'm gonna pick strawberry ice i also was so annoying i kept going up to them being like is it did you fix it uh is is this fixed never got i don't think i saw you go back up there i went up there well the first time the second time and i think i went up a third time back from the bathroom and they're like it really it just really won't work today yeah they're like ma'am you have to go um i'm well if if those cupcakes are in fact the donuts that are in the picture i would pick those because they do look tasty they do look tasty but again not sure about the the density this is the sheer's response or answer ireland you need to go to

ireland there are tons of cool museums to explore and pubs to visit it's also one of the most beautiful countries in the world okay i. I would go with you. Okay, let's go. Because I need to find Donald Gleeson. Greece? You were just there. I was just fucking there. You should go to Greece.

I do want to go back. You can visit historical sites and relax on the beach. There's also tons of delicious food to eat. I ate so many gyros. They were so delicious look at that wow i like buzzfeed today i have been to ireland i went to dublin for a comedy festival and i didn't love it but i was only in dublin oh okay maybe you need to go to these mountainous places in ireland we don't have to go we can go somewhere else buzzfeed doesn't rule our lives

no i absolutely would see there i have heard there's like beautiful drives and beautiful like mountains and stuff like that to look at i would go see that stuff but something about dublin it just felt like i think it was maybe it's because we just went to bars and they drink like a lot and I was like I just want to get messy and everyone's messy here laughter actually there's parts of Dublin that are beautiful and wonderful and I didn't see them but

I had only a fine time there okay alright music music music music music all right should we answer some queries I think that's what we have to do

then let's do it uh yeah yeah hi Nicole and Sashir um this is uh Then let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. This is a really nice lady here in San Francisco. And I have this weird predicament where I became really, really close friends with my neighbor during the pandemic. And, I mean, we would spend time together all the time we'd like walk around laughing like hyenas on our lunch breaks and like really we got along so well we are very opposite of each other

she's like much more measured in her decision making and like gives herself like time to heal after relationships I'm more of like kind of like I'll get over it by jumping off a cliff type of thing and like trying new things all the time and I don't I don't really let stuff slow me down whenever I'm like upset by something I kind of move on quickly but um yeah uh like maybe a month ago we were on a, and she was very short with me and, like, not really responding. And so I asked her, I was like, hey, did I do something to, you know, hurt you or hurt your feelings? Like, are you upset with me? And she was very short with me and was just like, no, and if it bothers you, like, we don't need to hang out.

And I was like, well, you know, I don't mean it like that. Like, obviously, I'll make space for you. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't something I did, you know. But ever since then, like, I can't really get a hold of her. I've tried to reach out a couple times and I've like seen her out. And like, because we live in the same building building I like pass her all the time and she just gives me like the mean mug and I have literally no idea like how to approach the subject I mean obviously I'm trying to give her space but like you know I miss my friend I can tell she's hurting and I have no idea how to help and it seems like she doesn't want my help and you know I just it would help me a lot if you could give me some insight into um whatever you think uh anyway I love you both

so so so so much and um yeah thank you so much for listening thanks bye I think you can say what you told us like I miss you like maybe just in the text like I miss you um say what you told us. Like, I miss you. Like, maybe just send a text. Like, I miss you. I miss our walks. And I can tell something is off. Let me know if you want to talk about it. And see if she responds to that. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's good. I don't really have anything else to add other than like just talk yeah which sucks because like she did already say like or i guess i guess her question

when they were on their walk was more like did i do something but she also was like, you know, I want to give you space if you, if to, to, to say how you're feeling, if you are feeling something. But then she did it. It's hard because you don't know what's happening. I,

I will say, I do think it's more of a them problem than you problem. Like something might be going on with them that they don't know how to tell you about it. I don't know, that's a little tough. Cause it's like, you're not like, cause they're not like close, close. They were just like, they got closer during the pandemic.

Yeah. And what did she say? She was taking a walk with somebody else. Oh, a little cheat happening some walking infidelity oh no oh no yeah i mean i think if you really miss this person i do think reaching out would help and being like If you really miss this person, I do think reaching out would help and being like, hey, I'm noticing the energy has shifted. Yeah.

Can we talk about it? And hopefully, hopefully your friend will. Yeah. Salt? Oh, that was tough for me. Yeah. I mean, yeah, because there's just like very little detail, which i'm sure is also frustrating this person who called in but i think i think basically all you could do is ask what's up and then either you'll get an answer or maybe the person will not respond and then i guess maybe

you at least have the answer of like oh i guess we're not friends yeah i guess maybe they have excommunicated themselves from my life. Yeah. How weird. All right. Let's do another one. Okay. Hey, Nicole, Sashir, Kimmy, Jordan, and Judith. Thank you for making this hilarious podcast that I look forward to every week.

I especially love this episode. And I selfishly hope that you two go on another terrible vacation together just so I can hear about it. I'm having an issue with my friend. She's my oldest friend. We've been friends since kindergarten and our families are also friendly with each other. Five years ago, she moved away from our hometown with her husband and now visits only once or twice a year. And when she's back in town, she is trying to visit all of her family as well. So needless to say, we haven't seen much of each other lately.

Here's the issue. Whenever we get together, I feel like she doesn't really ever ask me, ask me about myself or how I'm doing. She has ADHD. And sometimes when we get together, I feel like the whole conversation is about her or whatever's on her mind. And I come away from the interaction feeling drained and a little bit annoyed. She will go on and on about pretty much any random thing that pops into her head. Last week, she was talking about a plane crash that happened in the 80s, but not ask about my day. Nicole, I know that you're really open about your ADHD on the podcast. I was wondering if you have any experience with this or any specific advice. I know she doesn't mean to do it, but I also have plenty of friends with ADHD who are easy to have conversations with. I don't want to make her feel guilty or ashamed, and I'm also

aware that this might be her personality, and it won't really change her behavior if I point it out and only really spend time with her once or twice a year anyway. So I guess my question is, is it worth it to bring up with my friend and see if anything will change? How do I do it in a way that won't make her self-conscious about her ADHD? Or should I let it go and accept that this is what spending time with my friend is going to be like and just love and accept her anyway? Thank you for your help. Hmm. I'm medicated. So I feel, I could be wrong,

but I feel like I'm pretty good at going back and forth on like myself and letting other people have the floor. But I don't think I would mind if someone said, hey, can I talk to you about a couple of things that are going on in my life? Like, or like if you're done, not if you're done, hey uh can i talk to you about a couple things that are going on in my life like uh or like if you're done no not if you're done but yeah just like oh is there any space are you done are you finished are you gonna wrap this up so i can start talking now i feel like you could

be like uh uh oh is there room so i can talk about a little bit about what I'm going through? I don't know. Do you know what I'm trying to say? I think I do. I think there's nothing wrong with being like, I have a couple things I want to talk about. Can we cover that during dinner or whatever? You can even do that before you meet up and be like hey i'm so excited to see you tonight can uh you know heads up there's like a couple things i want to it's a couple updates i want to give you while we're eating or something so that at least they know

oh there are things that you want to say before you get there um hmm if this also might be this person's personality because maybe maybe it's an adhd thing um i will say you nicole before you were on medication were really good about asking what's up with me like i don't actually i don't remember this as a trait of you, like, not, like, not caring or not asking about what I was up to. And I can't really think about that being a thing with the other people in my life who I'm close with who have ADHD. So there are also just people who, I can actually think of people who don't have adhd who don't ask me questions at all so i think that also might just be their thing so i don't think you have to worry about um you know like making sure you don't make this person feel self-conscious about their adhd because i don't think that's the problem i think the problem is they're the type of person that won't stop for a minute and be like, hey, friend, how are you?

Or like, now I would love to get some information on what's going on in your life. Which may be addressing. I can't tell. Because you also, you know, yeah, you don't want to make them feel bad. It doesn't have to be confrontational but if you only see this person a couple times a year and they were one of your best friends it might be worth saying like I love hanging out with you and I love seeing you but I don't feel like we get a full catch-up when I do see you because I we're just talking about like airplane crashes from the 80s

and other random stuff um yeah i think it's worth a talk and i think it can be more in the vein of i miss you i love you i really want to have conversations where we connect because we get so little time together when you actually come to town um so i'm trying to think of an active thing like an active request but i want to be like could you focus up or like could you could you yeah maybe i just feel like when we hang out we don't spend enough time talking about each other or like giving each other updates. I would love to know, like I would love our conversations to be more personal when we do hang out since we don't see each other all the time. Does that sound good? I think so.

Also, I'm like, maybe you start the conversation by being like hey before before we really get into it can i just give you a little update on my life so you like not like force your way in but kind of force your way in yeah that's a good idea because then then after the updates have been updated this person can go off on as many tangents as they want as yeah if you if that is what if that is like feels good still but yeah maybe like do try to squeeze in your updates at the top of the conversation and see if that feels good Jordan and Judith do you have any ideas I have like one idea but what I can say is that I've been through the a similar thing where I have a I have a close friend and she doesn't really talk to any of other our other friends they've kind of had like falling out so like

I'm typically the one I'll come back into town again like once or twice a year and she kind of unloads off of me because I also know that she doesn't really other than her therapist or family she doesn't really talk to other people so I have had moments where I didn't take it to heart because I knew that she needed to vent um but there have been like dinners or other things where it'll be like an hour in and she'll finally be like I'm so sorry like how are you doing and like she will catch herself but like there are plenty of times where like she doesn't and before that like the dinner's done and I'm like okay cool it was nice seeing you I'll see you in like another six months um but I like I'm also the type of person who like my friends I'm very close with and I can be very like blunt or be like, hey, just, you know, like you haven't asked me about myself. Not that that's like the game plan for the night, but like just, you know, like you've just been talking for an hour and like I haven't been able to say anything.

And I love you and I want you to like vent to me. Like, that's how our friendship is. But like, I also need to vent if you could give me that time and that space. That would be great. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with Jordan. I mean, my friendships are like very therapy. So we're like, do you have space?

Do you have time? Like, we're very like over considerate of each other being present. But one thing that i do like to do with my very close friends is like a random text like i got hot tea for you can't wait to update you i got something you know what i mean so it's like oh okay so they come to the conversation ready to be like give me the tea what's good like flower i'll be like i need to vet can i have your time later and they're like oh my god yes what yes. What happened? I'm like, I'm going to tell you later. And so it's like this. That's a good segue.

I like that. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Tease them. Yeah. Give them a little carrot so they're dying for something later. Yeah.

I like that. I think that's good. Okay. Solved. Solved. Well, that's it for us. If you would like your queries answered, Nicole and Sasheer at gmail.com.

Or you can call, text, leave a voicemail, 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash bestfriends. And we have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at yourwolf.com slash best friends. And we have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at yourwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show.

Okie. Bye-bye. Okie. Bye, Nicole.