Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Re-Release: Sasheer is Fiddling with Her Sprinkler with Amber Ruffin & Lacey Lamar

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

Hello Friends! We’re revisiting our Besting Each Other episode where Nicole and Sasheer welcome Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar to the show. Amber’s favorite thing about Lacey is that she is nice and kind. Lacey loves that Amber can make her laugh at the most inappropriate times. Amber thinks Lacey has too many animals. Lacey thinks Amber needs to get more clothes. Amber thinks that she and her sister would die instantly on Survivor. Lacey thinks she would do better because she’s been preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. Tune in to find out how they did on besting each other and enjoy the impromptu spelling bee at the end. This was recorded on Sept. 11th, 2023  Check out the Amber & Lacey, Lacey & Amber Show on iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-the-amber-lacey-lacey-amb-112881431/ Check out Sasheer’s Comedy Special “First Woman” on 800 Pound Gorilla or for free on Youtube. https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/sasheer-zamata-the-first-woman No BuzzFeed quiz this week.   Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hey friends, it's Ashir. And Nicole here. This week we're sharing one of our favorite episodes with comedian Amber Ruffin and her sister Lacey Lamar. They came on to play besting each other and it was so much fun. For the first time on the show, mostly none of their answers matched.

It was hilarious. So I hope you have a tee hee hee. Enjoy this episode. Yeah, let me know when you're fucking starting another and you're ready to go. Can't believe. I'm ready. Poor Jordan. For this episode, you have two tracks for Sashir.

One for me, the professional, who remembered how to do the fucking episode this time. That was wild when I was like, how do we do this? Yeah, you always forget how to do this episode. LOL. Hi, Sashir. Hi, Nicole. How are you? I'm good.

I spent a lot of time outside just fiddling with my sprinkler system like the old man that I've become. I like this. Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what's happening. You've been having fiddle, fiddle. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what's happening. You've been having issues with those sprinklers. I know.

I like, I don't know what to do. I had someone like change the whole thing. And now I can control it on my phone. But also like sometimes zones don't go off and I don't understand why. And I'm like, did I just fuck up my yard? Should I have left it alone? It'll get there, but it's just like, I don't know. I just have to keep it. My sprinklers go off at like 3 a.m., sometimes 2 p.m., sometimes 6.

I've decided that my sprinklers are a living thing and they can do what they want to do. It's just when they feel like it. Whenever they're moved. Whenever the fuck they're moved, they can go off. But it is funny that sometimes I'll be in my room and I'll be like, it's 4 a.m. And there's just like water happening.

Yeah. I mean, I think it is better at night or early in the morning because it's not getting immediately dried by the sun. So it like settles into the soil. It's like that song. I'm gonna soak up the sun. I'm gonna tell everyone that you like me. Okay, yeah, you don't know it. But that is a song, right?

I'm gonna soak up the sun. Yeah, that's Sheryl Crow, I'm pretty sure. Who I saw at Bonnaroo a few years ago. And she was like on one of the, it was like an early slot, like 3 p.m. or something. It wasn't on one of the it was like an early slot like 3 p.m or something it wasn't like one of the prime time slots and everyone was like loving every minute of it singing her songs back to her and she was like you guys know my songs aren't you like 19 and everyone's like yeah but we still know it it was very very funny that is nice can i tell you about something that happened to me today sure i think my air conditioning is too cold i got it fixed and today i turned it on

and my nipple hurts because it's so cold oh my god that's very cold but it's set to 70. i had the have the same problem you were over my house like last week and in the dining room it got so cold and they can't be adjusted and then i have and then i turned it off and then it gets hot again there's no in between what was it set to it's like 74 or something because it because it's cold at 74 exactly but i don't even think it's adjusting i think it just is that temperature no matter what I'm setting it to. Oh, interesting. But the people who fixed my air conditioning, I think, was your recommendation.

So it's those people. It's those people. They said, we want you to be so cold. You know what else is cold? A segment called Best Friends Each Other Haven't. Just kidding. I know what it's called. It's called besting each other.

And today we have Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar on the show. Amber Ruffin is a writer, executive producer, the host of The Amber Ruffin Show, and a writer on Late Night with Seth Meyers. And she's bringing back a reimagined version of the beloved musical The Wiz, which is going to come to Broadway in 2024. And her sister Lacey is a New York Times bestselling author. She wrote the book You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey, Crazy Stories of Racism, along with her best friend and sister Amber Ruffin. Together, they just launched their new podcast from iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network, The Amber and Lacey, Lacey and Amber Show.

Check it out on the iHeartRadio app or anywhere you get your podcasts. All right, let's start playing Besting Each Other. First up, Amber. Amber. Hey. We heard a rumor that your best friend is your sister Lacey. That's true. Yay! That's very sweet, and I like it.

And we're going to actually see if you two know each other in a segment we call, How Well Do You Know Your Friend? So the first question is, how did you two meet? I had just come out of my mother. And she had come home with me and probably in the living room. Great. Love that. Do you remember your first interaction?

Do you remember? Okay. Do you remember your first memory of like, remember, okay. Do you remember your first like memory of like, this is my sister and I love her. My first memory of Lacey is probably when I was mashing up grasshoppers because I could just read, like I could read earlier than I could make sense of what I was reading.

So I had read grasshopper was a drink. It was a drink called grasshopper. So then I didn't read like ingredients and you have to make a thing. I just was like grasshoppers are drinkable. So I went outside and I got a coffee can and I got a bunch of grasshoppers and I mushed them all together well because like i'm like three four i'm a baby baby comes out it was one of my first memories this comes out and she goes oh it's okay it's okay go inside go inside it's okay she takes the thing she shows she's worried I'm a murderer.

Oh, no. I mean, that's a ride or die right there. She's like, I'll take care of it. Don't worry. I'll cover it up. We can bury everything. It's fine. It's fine.

And if I killed a man tomorrow, the same thing. She would do the same thing. It's funny that I'm like it's funny that's so sweet it's sweet and it's horrible oh no i did something similar when i was younger because i thought um like there was obviously different types of food fruit juices and vegetable juices like carrot juice and uh pineapple juice apple juice etc and i was very confused that there was no cheese juice so i i thought i could blend up some slices of american cheese oh no And add sugar and water. No! And make cheese juice. And my parents let me do it.

They're like, hey, this is an experiment you want to try. Go for it. And then they let me have the first sip. And I was like, oh, this is nasty. And they're like, yeah, yeah, it is nasty. That's what you think. We agree. Wait, that's really funny that your parents are like all right let's spin up some cheese juice

the girl's gotta find out yeah which also i explained this to somebody else and they're like isn't that milk i was like i guess i guess cheese juice could be interesting true cheese juice is milk but i'm really glad they went with milk and not cheese juice. Me too. They could have. They could have. Okay, next question we're going to ask is, what is your favorite memory of traveling with Lacey? My favorite memory of traveling with Lacey.

Was Lacey on the trip? You guys will know. Was Lacey on the trip when we drove to Virginia and the only CD we had in the car was, Where My Girl's At, from the front to back. No one thought to bring any music

and my dad can still sing every, where, where, where, where. Oh, that's cute. Was she in the car? Was she there that trip? Or was she not? I don't know. Where would she be?

She was old enough to not have to go. Oh, I see. Maybe she didn't go. Let's think. Where were you going? What's that? Where were you going? What's that? Where were you going? Where was the road trip to?

To Virginia. To mom and dad's families. Oh, shit. I know what the best trip is. When we went to Tortuga Bay and fucking, you didn't say road trip, did you? No, no. Just any memory of traveling. No, just traveling.

It could be plane, train. Me and Lacey went on a train um a plane i mean not a train because tortuga bay is an island um but we went we stayed at this resort and it was so fun and in lacy's room there was a lizard and then we cried because we couldn't catch him but you know he's in there we cried this is one minute ago we know he's in there. We cried. This is one minute ago we went on this trip. How could I not remember? Tortuga Bay.

Funnest trip. Oh, that's fun. That's nice. Where is Tortuga Bay? I was scared to ask that. And I know the answer. Phones are coming out. It's not even a question of Tortuga Bay.

Punta Cana. I knew that. Oh, okay. Where's Punta Cana? Punta Cana is that island. It's the capital of the Dominican Republic. Is it the capital? It's the only city I know in the dominican well listen we are not

geographers we are not uh explorers we don't need to know this stuff we're journeymen we're journeymen just go have a nice time try to catch a lizard um what is your favorite thing about lacy my favorite thing about lacy is that she is really nice and and like kind okay now in my family we're kind we're I mean we're very nice but we're not like oh you're crying oh come here and sit in the not really but Lacey's got that from somewhere and then brought it into the house so then I got treated like that and not I don't know that my brother and sisters got that. But Lacey, I guess, saw different strokes or whatever. And then was also gentle with me. But it wasn't like, I mean, it was a lovely household. But not like, oh, like no one was babying a person.

Does she baby everyone? Like all the other siblings too or just you? No, I'm the baby. I get babied. And if I see someone else getting babied, I will hit them. That's not true. That's what babies do. I'm the baby.

Do you bite? I'll hit somebody. I bite. I'll still bite a person. It's in there. It's your only defense. It never leaves you. You're either a biter or the one that gets bitten.

Truly doesn't. Yeah. You're a biter or the bitten. Put that on a t-shirt. All right. If you had to guess, what would you say Lacey's favorite thing is about you? favorite thing is about you lacy's favorite thing about me is how um loud and bad i am loud and bad uh-huh yeah i like it i'm both loud and bad y'all know we're just meeting i guess i don't know about the bad part. Right.

I did say bad. Yeah, I've seen you loud and I've seen you have a nice time, but I've never seen you like sneaky and being bad. Like I've never seen you bite anyone in person. Right. I guess bad is more of a vibe. Oh, okay. I mean, what we think is bad is like, like having three drinks. Like that. That's bad.

We're bad like that. Okay, like a bad bitch vibe. Okay. Three drinks. Like she's being so bad. Yeah, you gotta be touching your face when you say bad. And it's that kind of bad i see i see oh my gosh that's how bad i am when you have three drinks what are the what are the three

drinks you're having vodka and sprite oh yum yum yum classy baby i know she's bad she gotta get her sugars and her green alcohol and i also like belvedere vodka which is like the expensive shit that's very i'll roll up into the nicest spot on earth and be like belvedere vodka and they'll their face will be like but then they won't they won't say anything. But what they want to say is, why would you do that? Yeah. You're old.

You're ruining it. Hey, to each their own. You can't yuck somebody's yum. That's not nice. It's not nice. What is something you do? Sip, sip, sip. What is something you do that drives lacy crazy

i insist that she gives every date she has four more chances oh i do she could be like he farted and then he blamed me and i'd be like people make mistakes you have to you have to forgive them you have to try to make something of it i do that a lot why because you have to try everybody acts crazy sometimes and you have to just assume that you saw the one time they're ever gonna crazy and give them a couple more chances now do you think this across the board or do you think like lacy in particular is not like like is a hard judge of character i think lacy is a i do think everyone judges their dates too harshly because we've all said something stupid on a date but i do do think Lacey is quite harsh. Lacey does not suffer fools.

Not even a little bit. How she has ever been in a relationship, I don't fucking know. Is she, her requirements are many. Yeah. Yeah, she bad. Yeah. Yeah, she bad. Do you feel like you had to push through and give many chances in relationships in the past?

No. No. I was just as bad as Lacey. I was not handing out chances at all. Lacey is right. And I am wrong. And I never gave it any thought until you just said that i cannot think back to one second chance a motherfucker got so yeah okay so funny yeah

we're going to we're going to tell her everything you said i thought the crux of the show was i tell you secrets and then you never tell the second person no sorry we tricked you you tell us secrets and then we tell the other person after they tell us their secrets and then we tell your secrets together oh and then the public gets to hear your secrets it's recorded did you know oh no guys gonna get in trouble okay um what is something that lacy does that drives you crazy what is something lacy does that drives me crazy um just do this thing it might i mean this is not a good answer but it is the first thing that came to my mind in my um office i have like a little toy xylophone and you know it just looks like a cute little thing and um anytime i get a little too um scared or angry lacy takes the um she takes the thing on the xylophone and goes, I don't like your attitude.

Makes me laugh so hard. And I have to stop being mad. But I'm really mad. You know, I have real things to do and work and stuff. She marches around and goes, I don't like your attitude. So I guess it's bad a little bit, but it's also good. Yeah, it diffuses things very quickly. Yes, that's very funny.

I don't like your attitude. I don't like that. Oh, God. Okay. Which of you would do better on the CBS long-running television series Survivor? Fucking, we would both die instantly. Now, I know no one has ever died on Survivor, but once we stepped outside and that far away from running water, dead.

100%. There's no fucking way on earth. Dead. My goodness. I guess I would say I would last longer. Mm-hmm. Because I would at least see how it could be fun, but Lacey would be furious from the minute she stepped outside of the indoors.

She would be like... And then that there were other people there. No. No, like, do on Survivor, do you have to eat like a bug? Is that Survivor? That sounds like fear factor to me. Neither one of us have seen Survivor. This is true.

I just know that there's, like, alliances, and they put your tiki torch out when you got to go home. And everyone looks kind of vaguely sweaty and dirty i think it's like challenges and teams i don't think you have to like eat a bug but also i don't know i don't know maybe that's one of the challenges eat a bug see what happens if the challenge is eat a bug i can't make it oh wait so they're like sleeping indoors no i do think they sleep outdoors i yeah i think they sleep outdoors guys gotta watch that episode we need to do some research before we ask people all the time

who would do better but we don't know anything about it you're saying survivor and you're thinking like who would do better at singing the destiny's child song okay i went to the wikipedia page i went to the wikipedia page so survivor places a group of strangers on an isolated location where they must provide food fire and shelter for themselves the contestants compete in challenges, including testing the contestants, physical abilities like running, swimming, or their mental abilities like puzzles and endurance for rewards and immunity from elimination.

And then they're eliminated and they're voted out by their fellow contestants until one is given the title of sole survivor and is awarded a million doulas. Damn, that's a lot of money. We gotta watch this show. Sounds great. It does sound fun. People are onto something. What is this? The 20th season?

I don't know yet. I'll start now. I'll start right now. This is for me. No, I can last longer than Lacey, I think. But both of us are out. She's out the first round. I'm out the second round.

Fair. Or it's a double elimination, but you're just named last. Oh, no. Lastly, what do you hope you're both doing 20 years from now? Oh, I really think we're going to be Patty and Selma-ing it. We're just going to be holed up together. She's going to have an iguana. And I'm going to start smoking again. And we're going to have the time of our lives.

Cigarettes or weed? Cigarettes. I would never smoke weed. Well, I didn't know how bad you got. So bad. But yeah. Gosh, remember smoking? Did you guys used to smoke?

What's your... Yeah, I quit and I started again. It's a tough cycle. What brand do you smoke? Or did you smoke? I used to smoke marlboro lights and i smoked a pack a day for 14 years oh my god it's been eight congratulations buddy my life that you're looking forward to down the road when you start smoking again

yeah this is the thing about when you're a smoker. You're a smoker for life. Yeah. Like, you will always want one. It will always be a nice thing that you used to do. The smell will be like, mmm, when I used to do it. Yeah, man. I feel like every once in a while, I'll have a nightmare that I smoked. I'll wake up, I'll be like, why did I? It was a dream, yay. But now, when I used to have that nightmare, it was a dream. Yay. But now when I used to

have that nightmare, it was real and I was really scared. But now when I wake up, I go, I know it was a dream because I don't feel the, like my body can't make the feeling of having had a cigarette. You know what I mean? But it used to remember, but now it's completely forgotten so I have no idea what why I loved it so much I just know that I did but I can't conjure like the physical goodness I know there was some good feeling but who knows what it was hmm I don't know wait if you quit get to that point I mean if I ever quit for more than a year um does lacy want an iguana or do you want her to have an iguana i want her to have an iguana so she's more like selma i want to say i don't know what sister is which but one of them has one but lacy has too many animals fuck that's what i

should have said what gets on my nerves about lacy that bitch got a million animals and i hate that shit she got too many animals wait how many she okay if you look at the amount of animals she has had it's too many she had like two ducks uh she still has a great day she used to have another great day and she has a little um fluffy puff dog um and she has a little fluffy puff dog. And she keeps threatening to get a miniature cow. It has to stop. No more. Does she have a farm? Or, like, does she have land for the cow?

Yeah, you live in Omaha. She got land. She got land like a mug. She could. I don't know why you're stifling this. A duck? The duck was good. We didn't eat it.

It's Nicole's dream. I love a duck and a miniature cow. Oh, what a cutie. Nicole, the duck would come up to you. If you let him out of the duck house, he would come up to you and he would hug you with his wings, man. Oh. It made me want to have a duck real bad. you're complaining about this dog too many ducks i want a little pig i want a duck and a pig some they got those pigs so tiny now that it's really hard to resist they're really small what if he lived in your purse a purse pig a purse pig i would love a purse pig it would be

so incredible wait who's patty and selma patty and selma are the are marge bouvier simpsons sisters on the simpsons you know how marge has twin sisters oh yes yes yes yes oh and they sound like this they sound like this that they live together and that's good and that's why you want to start smoking i guess you can get that voice going sexy guys my voice used to be so sexy just kidding it never was hey i think it's sexy to someone I think it's sexy to someone. I think it's sexy to me. I like it. It's a good voice.

I like your voice. Guys, these are mine. It's fine. Okay. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Anyway, we had to bring Lacey back. Thank you so much, Amber.

I'm just kidding. I love it very badly. Thank you. I like the way you use bad and badly. I love it very badly. I do. And it has to stop. But you know what happened?

Fucking, I met Maxwell. At some setting. And Maxwell came up to me and said emir hi um i saw the this and that and it was great and i said wait oh shut up oh my god freaking maxwell god i love you so bad and he laughed so hard and said oh my god you talk you talk how you talk. You talk how you talk. That's very funny. That's so funny. You talk how you talk.

You talk how you talk. I do. I love it. I love that. Love that guy. Okay. Now we are going to bring your sister back and ask her the same questions

and see if you guys really do know each other yay okay oh did you want to start this year i can do it your mouth was open and i just started all right we're back with the second half of besting each other we just talked to amber and now we're going to talk to her sister lacy hello hello hello hello hello thank you for doing this it was a bunch of hard-hitting questions for you to see how well you know your sister slash best friend are you ready okay i'm ready okay i'm ready i got this first question might sound ridiculous we ask everybody this but how did you two meet um my mom brought uh amber home and we were happy i thought it was a little doll i loved that little thing and i was just glad she wasn't a boy and that's how it happened do you remember that it was a boy yeah yuck

oh so we were so excited that it was a girl he's the only boy so it's all girls it's all girls and just one boy yeah yeah four girls one boy oh no we don't like him no um do you remember your first interaction with amber Do you remember your first interaction with Amber? Unwrapping her because, you know, she was all swaddled. Just unwrapping her like a toy, making sure she was a girl. I'm just kidding. Take her back if she's not. Gotta make sure.

You gotta put her right back inside. I don't want this. Yeah. And that's it. I just remember unwrapping her like a little toy on my mom's bed. Like they laid her down and we were all like, oh, look at the baby. Yep. And how old were you when she was born?

Five. Mm-hmm. So you were a person. I was a whole person. Yeah. Brought home a little burrito. Yeah. Do you have a memory of when you like felt like, oh, she's a human and we're sisters and we're interacting and like actually having fun together?

From the start, I would walk her around and I would put her on my hip and I was like, this is my baby. Like she was my baby. Yeah. And Amber was a little genius. So, I mean, so was I. But she could read at like three. So we would be like, her friends would come over and like have her read anything. And she would be like, backwards identification.

And we loved doing that. It was like Amber was a little toy and she did little tricks for everybody. Watch this. Oh my goodness. That's fun. Yeah. She could spell anything. I love that.

She could read. Yeah. Come over and look at my trick baby. That's what we did. That's what it was. It's like, look at this thing. Look what she can do. over and look at my trick baby that's what we did that's what it was like look at this thing um what is your favorite memory from traveling together

oh oh if she didn't say this story i'm gonna be mad our favorite our my favorite traveling story is we went to a crazy church when we were younger and we had to do this. It was called a week-long retreat. And every year we did the week-long retreat. And Amber is a really bad sleeper. And so we rode on like a big old school bus. And I remember all of our friends, I was like, gather around, look at Amber. And Amber was all like sleeping.

And we were like, Amber, Amber. And she woke up and she was like, show me your hands. Show me your hands. And then she went back to sleep. It's my favorite travel story. I tell it all the time. And if she, she probably didn't say that story because she's embarrassed. But she's crazy.

She's probably a sleepwalker. She does crazy sleep things. And I was like, everybody look at this. Must be asleep. Look at her. Did you ask later what that meant? She has an excuse for why she said it but she don't know she just tried to make herself look sane she wasn't job out of her mind she's a she's a crazy sleeper so that's my favorite travel story i don't know what she told but that's one of the

best ones it's my favorite that is funny that is funny. I can tell she did not say that one, but that's what it is. You know, we'll find out later when we bring you two together. Okay, okay. What is your favorite thing about Amber? My favorite thing about Amber is she's just a silly bear. She's funny. If I am in a bad mood and I call Amber, we are going to laugh.

And I know people don't understand this and they think we're so wrong. I could call Amber and be like, Amber, my house burned down. In five minutes, I would be laughing. She'd be like, oh, you didn't need that house. That raggedy porch, you didn't want that. I mean, that's Amber.

We will always find a reason to laugh in the worst and i mean the worst moments but we share that with ourselves yeah when other people around we're like oh that's terrible and then when we leave we're like we're terrible but we like to laugh that is my favorite thing about amber i don't know what she said about me but that is my absolute favorite thing is that we laugh on everything and probably when we shouldn't but it's just we've always done it oh i love that and that i love that too i always love laughing at things that's like you're not supposed to but it's pretty funny and she's she was always she would always get in trouble at church because

i think she's been kicked out twice for giggling you can't keep giggling she's a giggle no she's a giggle she can't she can't hide it she can't do you guys feel do you feel like you have a sister like unspoken language like of course we speak with our eyebrows. We have hand gestures that mean stuff. When everyone in our family knows, when let's say someone's like, this is my girlfriend, Sally. And Sally don't look right. And someone's going, we need this. And that means fix your face. We do it to my mom.

My mom has no filter. My mom will be like like and we're like gather yourself please and we're just like fix your face we we can just speak with the look yeah yeah have a whole conversation um if you had to guess what is amber's favorite thing about you number there's a lot number one i'm beautiful What is Amber's favorite thing about you? Number, there's a lot. Number one, I'm beautiful. Number one, I'm the most beautiful in the family.

I'm going to say that I am the one, I don't, I'm the one that will, I think, tell the truth the most. I'll be like, don't do'm the one that will I think tell the truth the most I'll be like don't do that no I don't sugarcoat stuff and I think sometimes that makes her mad but I'm like girl don't do that so I'm the don't do that person and I told her I we were just happy if she doesn't remember this conversation I swear it was yesterday I'm like I feel like I am the mean one that's like no if you need someone to tell you don't do it no that's a terrible life i called me i will not be like let's just try believe it no don't do that that's not that's a bad idea i will tell you something this is a bad idea i will not tell you to try save your money amber don't do that that's stupid don't do it i think we all need someone like that in our lives definitely man oh man that's a very important role i think i'm that person um what is something that you do that drives amber crazy oh she i think she hates oh man there's there's a lot i am a sci-fi nerd and she does not care for my sci-fi so maybe that and also i love animals and amber does not love animals and

she knows if i can have my own farm if i could just have one small cow everyone just i am not joking if i could have a miniature cow where i'm at right now i would have one well i would have two but because they told me i could have one yeah steve gonna need a friend of course steven demarcus so steven demarcus yes um yeah i it's animals and my sci-fi she does not care for any of it i don't know yeah i'm gonna go with that i heard you had a duck what was it like having a duck first of all r.i.p peep you were saying r.i.p peep passed away his real name was l.duck debarge oh boy um his government name was l.duckBarge, but we called him Pete. It was great.

Pete would hug you. You would hold him, and his little neck would go around like this. It was more my daughter's thing, but I fell in love with Pete. Pete had his own house. There was a pool on the other side. I'm not kidding. He had a little duck house with a little hay nest, and then on the other side was a pool. Oh, my goodness.

This duck was living his best life. In ground or above ground? It kind of was in ground because it was built up and then it went under like this in the pool. Yeah, yeah. He had an in ground pool. Now do you go, is there a place where you can adopt a duck? Or did this duck just come to your yard?

This is Omaha, Nebraska. I can stick my head out and be like, anybody got a duck and you won't adopt a duck or did you just this duck just come to your yard Omaha Nebraska I can stick my head out and be like anybody got a duck and they will you will get a duck tractor supply so we were going to do chickens my daughter and I everyone now I'm telling you a lot of people have chicken yeah um whatever they don't like anything chicken coops and so um we went to go get chickens and my daughter went and she said oh she called me she's like mom they don't have chickens they only have ducks i said hold on a second so i googled and they were like ducks are easier than chickens and i was like get two ducks we got it wow yeah so that's how we ended up with peace man people's great um what is something that amber does that drives you crazy

oh my goodness amber first of all doesn't like clothing that sounded bad no she's always stressed she just has three things in her closet. She has two pairs of pants and a shirt. And they drive me crazy. And if we're going somewhere, I'm like, is that what you got on? That's what you're going to wear. This is what we're doing. You have a job.

Your job is better than mine. You should have. She does not. She doesn't have any clothes. And that drives me. And she doesn't like things. You want to talk about a minimalist? She's beyond that. She has nothing nothing whatever is behind you on that that is too much for amber she wouldn't

be able to handle anything in a room no no she's just nothing and i don't know how she lives like that she doesn't like to shop for stuff she doesn't have anything have you ever gifted her like clothing or something? All the time. When I go over there, she's like, whose sweater is that? I'll leave something out. And I'm like, that's your sweater. Take it. It's yours now.

Everything Amber has on is probably mine. I leave her stuff all the time. She's just a little nothing. She doesn't want to wear anything. Yeah. No. That really does drive me crazy. Because sometimes I'm in New York and I'm like, ooh, what can I steal from Amber's closet? Nothing. nothing she doesn't want to wear anything yeah no then that really does drive me crazy because

sometimes i'm in new york and i'm like oh what can i steal from amber's closet nothing i leave things for her i'm in omaha nebraska and i'm shopping for my sister it's a whole waste you're in new york i should open up your closet and be like oh my god look at all nothing and she'll wear it till it falls apart she uh one of the times when i was there i took a picture of her feet texted her we're in the same room texted her her toes were sticking out of her um slippers oh okay everybody i'm not ashamed to say that she should be ashamed and so i immediately went to amazon and some new slippers came the next day i I was like, when was that going to be too much for you? Because your toe, when? When your feet were just touching the ground?

Amber does not care. She's a little sloppy baby. And she's always been that way. Well, thank goodness you're going to take care of her. Somebody asked her i'll send you that picture later please i would truly love to see it amber's toes sticking out of a slipper okay which one of you would do better on the television show Survivor? Oh, no.

I'm going to say me. I wouldn't want to do it, but I know how to survive. Amber would lay down and die. Amber would lay down and refuse to run. She knows. Now, she better has said, because she knows I will survive. I told her I will survive the zombie apocalypse. I'm always quizzing her, because she lives in New York. That's ground zero for the zombies.

Okay. And the aliens. And the diseases. And my dad has raised us on like, if this happens, do this. He was really big on that. So I'm still telling Amber, do you know how to survive if something happens? Amber's like, I don't care. So it is me.

Hands down, I would survive. That makes sense. Hands down, yeah. I'm a survivor. That makes sense. I love this. I'm a survivor. Okay.

I'm going to make it. We're going to survive. Okay, what do you hope you're both doing in 20 years? Oh, in 20 years? Amber and I want to be doing nothing in 20 years i'm going to be almost 70 i want to be doing nothing we're going to be sitting around hopefully with my baby cows on my small farm i don't know if amber's going to be with me but we are going to be sitting around doing nothing maybe talking to each other on a zoom but we are going to be doing nothing amber i feel like amber wants to be sitting on an island somewhere somewhere where it's warm

but i need winter so i'm going to be somewhere probably nebraska not sure but i'm just going to be sitting on my couch watching Netflix and ordering food. That sounds really nice. We're going to be doing nothing and chit-chatting. Yeah, I like that. If she said we're going to be working, I would be mad. You're like, please don't wish that upon me. I love that you need winter.

I feel like most people are like, no winter. I'm the only black person that says that. Yeah. My black heart has been snatched so many times. But I love the snow and I love Christmas. And I can't. Oh. Can't be without it.

I'm sorry. I need that snow. Yeah. I ain't running around in it. I'm being my house. Looking. It's beautiful. But he just want it around you.

I'm looking out the window. Oh, and a fire? The fireplace? Yeah. I need it. I need it. That makes sense. I absolutely need it every year.

All right. Well. Well. That's the end of our questions. We're going to bring Amber back. Compare. Okay. Bring her back.

We're going to compare. We're going to see if you're actually sisters or friends. Or imposters. Or, oh, no. Yeah. If not, you have to disown each other. Okay. Yeah.

I'm okay with it. I told Yeah. I'm okay with it. I told her, I'm okay with walking away from this and never speaking to you again. I'm going to do it. That's what's at risk, yes. I was like, guys, we're on this show, and our answers did not match. I never spoke to Amber again. You guys could be responsible for breaking us up. Breaking up a whole family.

I can't wait. I take full responsibility for breaking up a family and a sisterhood. A sisterhood. A sisterhood. Okay. We asked you, how did you meet? Amber said, I had just come out of my mother, probably in the living room. My first memory of Lacey is probably when I was mashing up grasshoppers,

because I could read early, but I didn't really understand things. But I read that grasshopper was a drink, didn't read the ingredients, so I caught a bunch, mushed them all together, because I'm like really understand things. But I read that grasshopper was a drink. Didn't read the ingredients. So I caught a bunch, mushed them all together because I'm like three or four. And Lacey says, oh no, it's okay. Go inside.

Meanwhile, I'm a murderer. But if I killed a man tomorrow, she'd do the same thing. I would, I would cover that up. Lacey said, my mom brought Amber home and we were happy. I thought it was a doll, but I was happy she wasn't a boy. And then my mom brought Amber home and we were happy.

I thought it was a doll, but I was happy she wasn't a boy. There's only one boy, yuck. My first memory is unwrapping her, making sure she was a girl, which is a ha ha joke, fun time. So she was, you were five, you were a whole person when you got to meet Amber. And from the start, you would just put her on your hip and be like, this is my baby.

Also, amber was a genius so i would invite people over to have her spell and read things kind of close because you read about the grasshoppers yeah that's true that's true you weren't even in school then you know how to kill things very advanced in reading and murder. And murder. How to murder. We had no business having that book. Yeah. Why is this book just laying around in your house? We asked, what is your favorite memory of traveling

together? Lacey said, or Amber said. I said it wrong. Amber said, was Lacey on the trip to Virginia? And the only song in the car was, where my girls at? From the front to back. Is she feeling that? And then she goes, wait, I just remembered we went to Tartuga Bay. And we went to this resort.

And it was so fun. And in Lacey's room, there was a lizard. And we cried because we couldn't catch him. And then Lacey said, we went to a crazy church and we did a week-long retreat. And Amber is a crazy sleeper. And we rode on a school bus, fell asleep. She woke up and said, show me your hands.

Show me your hands. And we laughed at her. Yep, yep, yep. That's true. I did. How did I? We just went to Tortuga Bay. We we laughed at her. Yep. Yep. Yep. That's true. I did. How did I? We just went to Tortuga Bay. We just went to Tortuga.

Still brown from it. Look at my tip. You're absolutely right. Yep. But I was thinking back in the day. You messed up. I messed up big. Were you on the 702 Where My Girls At trip or not?

No, I was not on that trip. All right. Good. Nope. But I At trip or not? No, I was not on that trip. All right, good. Nope. But I know the story. But no, I wasn't on that trip. So I get two points for knowing that she was not on that trip. Yes, two points to you. I like how you can add the points in.

We asked, what's your favorite thing about your friend? Amber said, my favorite thing about Lacey is she's really nice and kind. And my family, we're nice, but not that nice. And Lacey has that thing where you're nice. And she brought that into the house. And she's gentle with Amber. And she's a baby. And nobody was babying her.

But Lacey babied her. And then Lacey said, my favorite thing about Amber is she's just a silly bear. I know I can call her up and she'd have me laughing. She's so funny. We'll always find a reason to laugh at the worst things and make it funny. We're terrible, but we love to laugh. She's always getting kicked out of church because she was giggling. We also have an unspoken language

where we speak with our eyebrows and give each other just a look. Lacey, you were right. Thank you. Don't wait. Lacey, you were right. Thank you. It's true. Amber, what does this mean? Fix your face. Told her we have hand gestures.

I mean, you better act right. We asked, what's your friend's favorite thing about you? Amber said, Lacey's favorite thing about me is how loud and bad I am. And I mean, bad is like a vibe. Like when you're being bad because you had three drinks. And then Lacey said, number one, I'm beautiful. The most beautiful in the family. How beautiful is that?

one i'm beautiful the most beautiful in the family and uh i am the one who will tell the truth the most i feel like i'm the mean one or if you need someone to tell you not to do something or that's a bad idea i will tell you not to try i'm the person that's true you know how you'll never be like like you you got friends you that you would never end up here be like but i love him you know because they wouldn't they would be like well you know it's your decision to do it well fucking lacy would be like kill him i'll help you we can hide who we need to hide. We'll take care of it. We asked, what's something you do that drives your friend crazy? Amber said, I insist she gives every date she has four more chances. She could be like, he farted and blamed me.

And I'd say, give him a chance. You have to try. Everyone acts crazy. And then you said, I do think lazy gives people a chance but she has requirements she suffers she suffers no fools um but then we asked amber if she's given someone a second chance and she said no i think she hates that i'm a sci-fi nerd she doesn't like my sci-fi she also doesn't like my animals. I love animals.

She doesn't like that I have so many animals. But if I could have a farm, I would. And then we talked about El Duck DeBarge, aka Pep, who had a little house in a pool and was living his best life. And honestly, Amber seemed to love this duck as well, even though she thinks she has too many animals. Mm-hmm.

Later, Lacey, I did say I hated how many animals you have. We're getting there. Don't skip ahead. Oops. Oh, oh, oh, oh. We asked, what is something your friend does that drives you crazy? Amber said, Lacey does this thing in her office where she has a cute

little xylophone, and anytime I get a little too scared or angry, she grabs the xylophone and says i get a little too scared or angry she grabs the xylophone and says i don't like your attitude and it makes me mad but it's true i don't like your sass mouth and amber also said that lacy has too many animals she had two ducks a great dane a flussy a fluffy little dog. She wants a miniature cow. But then she was like,

I did like that. The duck would come and give you hugs. The duck would hug you. So you put them down. He gonna chase you, but you'll hug you. And then Lacey said, Amber doesn't like clothing.

She only has three things in her closet. And I'll, I'll be like, are you going to wear that? And she's like, were sticking out the bottom of them. Why you didn't tell everybody? And then I sent you the picture. In the same room. Just so I know I look fine. But she's right because tomorrow i'm going to baltimore for three weeks listen to this and i packed you know one of the big suitcases the big one that you have to check and i packed it and i filled it up and it was all of my clothes like everything you own

so this means if there's a fire in Amber's home, she could literally leave with everything. I couldn't even begin. And the clothes are the first thing I'm going to try to say. I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't make it. That's so funny.

Three weeks of clothing is all of your clothing? That's really funny. I have of clothing is all of your clothing? Oh my gosh. That's really funny. I have so much clothing. I like. But yet it's sad. It's not right. Or maybe it's efficient.

Mother Teresa? What are you? Everything I wear, I like. That's good. There's no beating. It's a good way to live. I love bugs. We asked, which of you would do better on Survivor?

Amber said we would both die instantly. Once we were far away from the water, we would be dead. And then she thought about it and said, well, I guess I would last longer than Lacey, but I would be furious the moment we step out. Or no, but Lacey would be furious the moment she steps outside. Amber said I can last longer than Lacey.

Lacey would be out in the first round, but I'm out in the second round. Lacey said, oh no, I'd say me. Amber would lay down andacy lacy would be out in the first round but i'm out in the second round lacy said oh no i'd say me amber would lay down and die i would figure out how to survive i would quiz her i i used to quiz her on how she would survive a zombie apocalypse because new york is the central theme to zombie apocalypse and stuff like that i've watched the walking dead i'm well versed on how to survive did you tell these people what happened when you went to the pumpkin patch fucking but i'm not trying to survive wait what happened to the pumpkin patch what happened to these people try to invite me and

every year this happens um where they try to get me to do outside fall things i mean i mean it's almost fall but they want you to go to the pumpkin fall things. I mean, it's almost fall. But they want you to go to the pumpkin patch, which has a maze. Children running around. You got to walk on dirt. Sit outside. There's bugs. I wore sandals, so my feet looked like a slave at the end of all of this.

I had dust and dirt all over in my toe. It was terrible. And then they want you to pick stuff. Pick? Pick? Where's that picking? I can pick pick you want me to pick apples sir ma'am no this is why she's gonna die instantly it's her but i'm not that wasn't a survival thing that was for fun survival's not fun but I could do it agreed or disagree I mean I guess we'll just take

four points for that answer and lastly we ask what do you hope you're both doing 20 years from now Amber said I think we'll be like

Patty and Selma we'll be holed up together and we'll have and she'll have an iguana I'll be smoking again. And Lacey said, Amber and I should be doing nothing sitting around with baby cows.

I'm not even sure if Amber's going to be with me. Maybe we'll be on Zoom talking to each other. She'll probably be on an island somewhere. But I need winter, so I'll probably be in Nebraska sitting down and watching Netflix. And I definitely need a fireplace.

No! Lacey, we have to go to an island when we get old. No, because there's hurricanes and I'm not trying to die I'm going to hit you so hard there's also tornadoes in the Midwest I'll vacation but I'm not going to live there you have to live there

no say you're open to negotiations okay I'm open to negotiations yay well this might be the first time ever that none of the answers even matched not one question

there was one it was too many animals oh they both did say Lacey has too many animals and that's it that's the only thing that lined up I don't think you're sisters I don't think you've ever met I said if we fail this it's over good day sir And that is it. That's the only thing that lined up. I don't think your sisters, I don't think you've ever met. You don't know each other at all. I think you just look alike.

I said if we fail this, it's over. Good day, sir. I said good day. I don't know you anymore. You guys. That is so funny. No, but I do believe your sisters. I can tell by the energy.

Even though you do not have the same stories or ideas of each other at all. You don't know anything about each other. No, I don't know her. We just have too same stories or ideas of each other at all. You don't know anything about each other. No, I don't know her. We just have too many stories. We have too many pictures. That's true. Yeah, friends only have so many stories. And you're like,

and we will share none of them today. Yeah, friends only got five stories. We've been together for 40-something years. A thousand stories. A thousand. A've been together for 40-something years. A thousand stories. A thousand. A thousand. Thank you for doing this. You guys are truly delightful.

You guys, thanks for having us. Next time, can we just be like math problems? Or like a spelling bee. Sure. We need a plaque behind you saying we failed miserably. Yeah. We're going to get one made. Just for you.

We've never given anyone a plaque, but we will get one made for you. We're going to get one made for you. Yes, I love it. Wait, are you good? You are good at spelling. I'm going to look up a good spelling bee word. No!

No! I can't spell it. Sorry. Everyone who's okay. I'm just going to get a text from you. It's like, did that not say spell? But here's the hard thing about saying a hard word. Those are, they're hard for me to say.

Okay. I don't know. I found a word. Okay. She's having this one. Voracious. Voracious? Voracious. Voracious. like a very voracious reader yes i think it's i and this sounds wrong v-o-u-r-a-c-i-o-u-s no you voracious is that right i'm so sorry v-o-r-a-c-i-o-u-s

uh not only have you failed this best each other segment, but you have failed the spelling before. I failed the segment I insisted on having. Yes, you asked for this. You asked for this? Okay, okay. Just one more. But it's like, what are the heaviest things you can lift?

And then if I lift something heavy, then I win. Okay, I'm going to look up a word. Heavy to lift. No! I just meant it was a feat of strength. But I will spell something that is heavy to lift. W-E-I-G-A-G-H-T-S. Weights.

Okay. Yes! Okay! And now you won. And that's a funny way to do it. G-I-G-A-G-H-T-S. Wait. Okay. Yes. Okay. And now you won. And that's a funny way to do a spelling bee where you go, in fact, I will not spell the word you're asking me to. I'll bring my own word. I'll create my own category. You guys, I lost the sixth grade spelling bee.

Maybe it was fourth grade. Spelling bee instantly because my word was diamond and my best friend's name was Diamond Washington. D-Y-M-O-N-D. That. That's tricky. Yeah. Not a strong spell.

But it is D-Y-N that's Diamond that's my best friend Diamond come up on stage Diamond don't exist well thank you two for doing this this has been very fun thank you for having us we made it

we made it ooh okay we didn't answer any questions today sorry about that everybody i know you're pretty disappointed but there's other episodes where we do answer questions and future ones where we will answer questions and if you would like a question answered you can email nicole to share at gmail.com and if you would like a question uh that's on your heart to come through with words that somebody hears we got phone number 424-645-7003 and if you have a question about where to buy merch you can go to podswag.com slash best friends you've got a question about transcripts the the answer is we got them. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. And if you have

any questions about how to support this show, the easiest way is to rate, review and subscribe. This was brought to you by Big Question. We love questions. Questions are for everybody. they don't discriminate all right bye-bye bye