Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer is Excited to Travel to Africa

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

Hey Friends! This week, Sasheer and Nicole wait for a dog to get hydrated before starting the show. Nicole knows that sometimes, dogs are thirsty because of Clyde. Sasheer gets an update on how Clyde is doing. Nicole misses Clyde but can’t travel with him because he bites. Sasheer is excited for their trip to Africa. Nicole is excited to meet the different animals. Sasheer has been wonderful with handling the itinerary. They are going on a train ride to visit different game drives, visiting the Devil’s Pool waterfall in Zambia and they’ll visit the Seychelles Islands. Nicole is getting a new phone so she doesn’t miss any of the animals. Sasheer wants to eat good food and be in the water. Nicole shares a story of her former co-worker Mr. Henry. Sasheer laughs at the time Nicole took food home from a suite at a Janelle Monae concert. Nicole also shares her frustration with the Delta Lounge and how early breakfast goes away. They take a Buzzfeed quiz and answer friendship questions about planning less expensive trips to visit friends as well as how to navigate a longtime friend turning verbally hostile.  This was recorded on November 16th, 2023. Here is Quiz We Took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/hazelyxlee/breakfast-choices-worst-quality-quiz  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions and “Is this weird” suggestion at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. Did you get any socks or bucket hats? Thank you for remembering my Christmas list. I'm going to say maybe, probably. Probably I got a bucket hat. I'm still waiting on my Christmas wishes to come true. Which was world peace. True love. And socks. Mm-hmm.

The most attainable thing. I ain't getting no socks. Damn. I mean. I'm so sorry. It's okay. The dog's just living. I know.

She's just the loudest. Maybe when she's full of water, she'll be. She'll chill out. Maybe. Maybe she was just thirsty. Maybe. How funny. She's like, I will finish this bowl right now.

She's still drinking. So there's a dog where you are, Sasheer. There is a dog where i am yeah and that's okay dogs have to live yeah yeah and this dog was dehydrated we have to wait for this dog okay now she's up yeah get on that couch okay how funny sometimes i will forget to like fill clyde's water in the morning and then in the afternoon i'm like oh fuck i'm so sorry clyde and i'll fill it up and then he'll drink for so long and i'm like uh-oh hey buddy you gotta slow down you got you gotta because sometimes he'll drink so fast look at me me. So happy.

Like you finally you gave me water. I'm so pleased. And then vomit on the floor because he drank the water too fast. And it's just clear. And it's just like the first time it happened. I was like, oh, it's just water. He just drank it too fast. So like anytime I forget, I have to like take him away from the water and then be like hey buddy i promise i just forgot you'll get more water i'm so sorry

oh golly that's very funny how's clyde he's good i get he's right now he's with john john millhiser my old roommate john millhiser and um i had to like berate him yesterday i was like give me a picture of my dog please send me a picture of my dog and he finally sent a very very cute picture of him um i did think he looked a little sad in the eyes and i like to think it's because he misses me probably definitely i really miss him yeah but you go back soon right yeah i have yeah i go back uh saturday um and i wish i could bring him places but he bites people yeah that does because he is the size of a dog that you could bring places. Yes. He's a travel pup. But he's bad to the bone.

Bad. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Golly, what was I going to say to you? Shit, man. I don't remember. Come on. It's so annoying having this mind.

It's a prison. I'll think of things to say and then they slip right out like a loose pussy. Oh my goodness. Should we talk about our upcoming Africa trip? Yes. We are going back home. We're finally listening to what white people have said for years. Go back to where you came from.

So we're doing it. We're going to Africa. I'm excited. I'm so excited. Yes. This will be very fun. I've never been. I've never been to Africa.

We're getting on a train. We're going to go see waterfalls. I'm going to meet elephants. I mean, you'll be with me, so you'll meet one too. It's mostly you meeting them. Yeah. I feel like most of our vacations are you meeting animals and me watching you meet animals. It is funny.

I don't consider myself an animal person, but like, I really like animals. You do. I remember when I first texted you, I was like, what kinds of things do you want to do in Africa? You were like, giraffes. And I was like, oh,

do you want to see a giraffe? And you're like, yes. Wait, what is our full itinerary because you have been really wonderful in handling all of the emails and the veracity at which they were coming was overwhelming and I was dealing with a couple other things and I was like I simply cannot if it was just me planning we would be here in the United States this is true yeah it's it was overwhelming there's a lot because there's I guess I yeah traveling to Africa from the states is not just a easy jaunt it's like no you have to like map out all these different flights all these vaccines like so many things

but yes we're going on a train for like a few days. There is different game drives, which I guess is just going to see animals. And then so we're going to see animals while on the train. And then we're going to see that waterfall that's like the devil's pool. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the devil's pool. And then we're going to the Seychelles. Yes, we're going to the seychelles seychelles islands and i don't actually think we have activities there yet but we're just gonna relax i think yeah

because we're gonna have action-packed see i'm getting a new phone for this trip because my um my camera's been buggy and i don't want to miss a single animal i was trying to take a picture the other day and i was like what if this happens in africa and i miss i miss it i miss a meerkat well i'm glad yeah that would be very sad that's smart yeah see you are planning for the trip. Yeah, just for myself. I really did nothing. Nothing. I was so unhelpful. Except in an email, I saw economy, and I was like, we're traveling, but economy?

And then you... Then I found out we have to get new passports. I was just like, wow, you really did it. You were truly doing things, and I was not. Yeah wow, this, you really did it. You were truly doing things. And I was not. Yeah, it was overwhelming. I do understand. But yeah, someone had to look at those emails. You did it.

And we are going back to where we came from. And I can't wait to report to people if it's good or bad. I think it was good. i'm really excited and like yeah i definitely want to see animals and i want to eat good food and i want to be like in the water yeah i guess those are all the things i want to do yeah those are all the things and i just want to see africa it's a huge continent and we're only going to see like a glimpse of it but i truly have a tiny glimpse yeah i'm excited though because we're doing South and North um and yeah all right yeah South East oh South East yes um well isn't Seychelles isn't that North I think it's just more East oh probably

I mean I don't know technically, but when I visualize the map, it feels pretty close to the southern tip. You know what I'm thinking of? I'm thinking of Cape Verde, which is North Africa off the coast of Portugal. I think you're right about the Seychelles Island. Yeah, Seychelles is considered East Africa.

Yes! Yeah! East Africa, yeah, yeah. Boy, I'm excited excited i can't wait have you done a 23andme and i know we know that your people are from Barbados, but do we know other things? No. Have you done a 23andMe? I have. I have.

And I actually did a couple and I got mixed things, but I do have a chunk from Ghana. And then a little chunk from Nigeria. And what else was in there Cameroon Cameroon and then like I think it was like five percent European or something like that but yeah it's like mostly mostly that area I maybe I'll do one before I go. So I could be like, where are my people at? Um, I knew a man from Ghana.

Maybe I've told you about him. His name is Mr. Henry. And he worked at lame Bryant with me. He was the security guard. And he was this older man who was the only nice person to me when I first started working there. Cause everyone thought I was weird.

Cause I would do things like ballerina day and not tell anyone and just wear a tutu and be like it's ballerina day I'm weird um and he he was like you're creative and you're he's like there's something about you that's magical and I was like thank you Mr. Henry and he was my only friend that's so nice I like Mr. Henry yeah he was really really sweet And he would tell me stories about Ghana. And I wonder where he is. Guys, if you're listening and you have a Mr. Henry in your life who used to work at Lane Bryant, who lives in New York City from Ghana, let me know how he's doing. I hope this isn't like the time I was like, what's my dentist up to? Or no, my old pediatric pediatrician we found out he

was dead yeah that's sad that is sad but i think mr henry's living he's having a nice time he's thriving somewhere yeah yeah god those girls were so mean to me that's not good no and that was like the first time i've ever been like bullied i was like what is this um but then they finally came around to me and they're like you're not weird well actually you are weird but you're like funny too i was like yeah were they all older than you no we were all kind of the same age i mean i guess that's better i guess older people bullying you would be like worse yeah that would be so mean if older women who worked at lane bryant bullied me i'd be like worse yeah that would be so mean if older women who worked at lane bryant bullied me i'd be like no you can't do that yeah we're all here no um yeah and then there was two older women who

worked there and one when i used to come in and smell like alcohol she would rub me down with lotion i can't remember her name sent it lotion so i didn't smell like booze she was really nice that's very nice. Very considerate. Yeah. People really took care of me there after they were like, this is her. It's like, all right, well, we may as well work with her. Gotta work with her.

It's not going to get any better. Yeah. I worked at a Starbucks after college. And it was a mix of people like young people older people and it was so fun because you just hear crazy stories from older people's lives or regulars lives or whatever and I was like oh I like this I like this like intergenerational workplace setting because I'm just hanging out with like other young 20 year old people who haven't lived anything at life yet yeah i yeah i liked jobs with like mixed age people because it was like interesting that's why i like working on sets and being an

actor because you meet people of all different backgrounds and stuff and it's really enriching for your life but yeah like working at a restaurant you're like the old grizzled person who's like been working in restaurants for years like a young girl who like made a lot of money with like tips because she was pretty and she's like going to NYU yeah you just like meet all sorts of fun people I think I've talked about booba on this podcast. Have I? Have I ever talked about Booba? Have I talked to you about Booba? This does not sound familiar at all. When I worked at Chat and Chew in Union Square, my manager's name was Booba.

He was shaped like Grimace. And he would like make fat jokes at me. And I was like, but does he not now? Or is it like a mutual thing? Like, am I allowed to do it back? But when he was mad at you, you'd be like, boob, I'm not on the schedule. And he'd be like, no. Okay.

Look again next week. And you'd be like, okay, am I fired? He'd be like, I don't know. Like he would never give you a straight answer and he would just take you off the schedule for a week. And then you'd have to show back up and look at the schedule and see if you were put back on. And sometimes he would take you off the schedule

for like two weeks if he was really mad at you. Ooh, that's not nice. No, he was terrible and he wouldn't let me wait tables. He was like, you're too big, you'll knock into the table. So I was a hostess and I was like, I still have to walk around the tables to seat people. Your theory doesn't hold up. That's very funny.

It is funny because like like obviously training some training happens at places like restaurants or i feel like there's like um anyone can just work there like they yes and humans are crazy yes like a bunch of people just working there and being like oh right this way but they're like insane backs back behind the scenes yeah we would like like uh i would be like in the front waiting for people to come in to see them and then like a girl would come up behind me and be like we stole mac and cheese do you want some and then i'd be like yes i do and i'd like sneak away from the front like shovel mac and cheese my mouth i'm like how many two oh and then sometimes for a family meal we would get like quesadillas and you'd open them up and

be like this chicken's kind of gray and they'd be like yeah we're trying to get rid of it and it's like through me i don't want this they would give this like rotten food it was disgusting it's closed so i can speak ill of it oh um but i did have a good time working there it was wild i was a caterer in college and i catered the like sporting events and there'd always be so much food left over because these like rich people would buy all the food for their for their sweet not eat it and go home and so which was great because all the college students would just like eat it or like back it up and take it home and then like we weren't allowed to save the wine like they opened a bottle of wine and there's like half a bottle left we had to pour it down the drain and we were like that's so wasteful and so we just drink while we're cleaning

up and it was really the best job i could have as a college student it was great that sounds good remember when we saw janelle monae and your cousin got that sweet and i took food home you wrap little burgers in napkins you're like for later and boy did i have a nice time eating them later it was funny leaving because a couple people were like oh i like your work and i was like i'm holding food i'm taking home from a suite i didn't pay for. Life humbles you at every turn. Hey, you can like free food no matter what your status is in life.

Free food's great. I love free food. On planes, I always take that food whether I want it or not. I guess it's not free, I paid for it. This is true. And so it'd be a waste otherwise. Yes, there we go. you'd be losing money if you

didn't eat it can i talk about something sure what time do you think lunch starts um noon judith jordan what time do you think lunch starts when should the eggs be swept away the pancakes be flopped out the waffles be filled oh what filed away i don't know filed away in a filing cabinet yeah when do the waffles go go to sleep in the filing can i ask for so i am a like breakfast all day type of person so that scenario i'm concerned that you just want breakfast to end at some point but to answer the main question for me lunch is like 12 or 1 that's when lunch is yeah same here 12 or 1 and i love breakfast for any type of meal like it's one of my favorites so yeah breakfast is so fun i have a bone to pick with the delta lounge oh no i had a flight

at noon i believe so i was in that lounge at 11 30 magically early for my flight can you even yeah i said let me go get a bagel fuel for the air i wanted me a bagel with some cream cheese a plain bagel i was so excited i stepped right up to the buffet it's lunch at 11 30 a.m they want me to be eating chicken and sauce and rice and shit where my eggs at where my bagels at where are those waffles where the waffles why are they in the filing cabinet pull them out i was so mad i was like noon, noon. Noon is afternoon. Lunch is an afternoon delight. Yes. We're not lunching in the morning. That's brunch.

And brunch, you get lunch and breakfast. That's why it's called brunch. I was so mad. I can tell you're all riled up. I couldn't believe it. And I was like, I was this close to be like, can I see a manager?

I couldn't believe it. What would they even do at that point? The breakfast is gone. They're not going to make breakfast. I know. I know. But I just like, it just really is insane to me that anyone wants to eat anything but a breakfast thing until noon. Like noon.

Noon is the flip. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. I mean, for me, one is even better. Noon? A bagel at noon? That's nice. nice yeah i still kind of want breakfast at noon yeah i'm not ready for like a meal like a hearty lunch meal at that point give me give me a little eggs give me a frittata give me some fruit i will say my next flight out was a little earlier i again was early couldn't believe it my goodness their watermelon

was banging slapping even oh wait i love a melon melons should we do a quiz or something i just got so angry you did it was a lot of energy i'm like wiped out yeah that's why i cool down with a quick oh my god whoo way oh i'll reveal your most toxic trait but first you have to eat some breakfast oh that seems appropriate it does yeah let's do that ooh wee i this is too much information for this podcast but i've had my period for too long what What's too long? I think it's going on two weeks. Whoa. But I didn't get it last month,

so I feel like it's like, oh shit, we forgot. And it's like making up for last month, but I'm like, bodies don't work like that. I don't think so either. No, I got, do I gotta get a, my tires rotated and checked up under the hood? I think someone should check under the hood. Yeah.

I don't want to. I feel like I've definitely had my period longer than usual, but I don't know about two straight weeks. Okay. Here's the other thing. I could have entered it into my period app wrong. That's always a possibility. And yesterday I was like, but where was I when I started? And I was like, I know I was home and then left,

but then I was home and then left twice in the last two weeks. So I don't know if it's been two weeks or a week that is very interesting it's tough that's really funny because your app supposed to like help you track it but if you yourself enter it wrong if you're a dizzy idiot it can't help you that's very funny one time i did have my period for like 15 days but it's also because i took a plan b so well i don't know if it was because i took a plan b i took a plan b sometime earlier that month i don't think anything happened really then and then i had my period and bled the rest of the month. And I was like, interesting.

I need to go get some Ella's. I think that's the fat lady one. It's wild that they came out with plan B and they were like, it's for everybody. And then you have to read the small print that's like, not if you're over 160. That's the weight limit. 160? Yeah. That's the weight limit. 160? Yeah. That's not.

Whoa. And I feel like very few people know about this, but I think Ella is what we have to use. And then I think Jane might be a new one that is for everybody. Oh, great. Mm-hmm. I was just going to say, even some birth controls, you have to read the weight limit. I can't use more than half of the birth controls. I'm like cool I don't want to fucking be on it anyways that's wild it's that's nuts because the average woman is not 160 she's heavier than

that um so it's like so the fats have to have babies like what is that about what why are we forcing the fats to have the babies? The thins can have a choice. Well, we don't want the thins to ruin their body. That's funny, Sasheer. Ooh, that got me good. Gotta keep them thin. Gotta keep them trim and thin.

Ella, I believe, so plan B is over the counter i think i think you can get it like in an aisle ella you have to announce to the pharmacist that you're fat and usually because you have to get it from the pharmacy damn so it's like you're fat and you fuck you better announce it we've never seen it you better tell us i need to i don't i don't believe it i need to know that's funny that's funny i'll reveal your most toxic trait but first you have to eat some breakfast pick something pancakes breakfast burrito banana bread eggs benedict i don't know what's in hollandaise sauce i don't either i mostly don't like eggs benedict because i don't like english muffins. Whoa. I'm also not an English muffin head.

My dad used to love an English muffin. And I was like, get real. Grow up. Just eat bread, man. Just eat bread. Yeah, I don't eat bread. Yeah. I don't like the bumps and the bubbles in the middle.

It's so weird to me. Egg yolks, lemon juice, Dijon. And for that reason, I'm out. I'm not. I just I'm not a mustard girl. It's nasty to me. Pancakes. I'm going to do a breakfast burrito. You love a burrito.

I feel like you like handheld food. I think that's a fair assessment. You really like to pick things up and then you hold it with like your fingers are together. Like a squirrel or something? Kind of. Next time you eat, I'll be sure to snap a pic. You'll hate that.

Remember when I tried to take a picture of you eating barbecue and you wouldn't let me? Oh, yeah, because I was really hungry and I was like this is gonna be messy and nasty and i don't want any evidence of this please don't do that but you look so joyful and serene i really was and i was like gonna ruin it if you take a picture of me um and i didn't what's next? Fruit bowl. Bagels. Oh, shit. BLT. Chili.

Chili. Oh, shit. These are my items. If I started my day with a fruit bowl and a bagel and then slapped into a BLT, I would be so happy. And that BLT looks good. It does look good. I'm hungry again. I think I would do a chilaquiles. I like them. Oh, man, I think I'm gonna have to go with that BLT because it looks so dang good. I love BLTs and nobody ever makes them. They're hard to find. Really? I feel like they're always

on menus, no? Name a restaurant and I'll tell you if it's there. Exactly. Hold on. Give me a chance um are they at chili's i don't think probably no okay judith can you look up the chili's menu because i really don't think it's at chili's you have to remember chili's is southwest cuisine. I have to remember. I actually had no clue what Chili's served. If someone was like, you will win a million dollars if you tell me what cuisine Chili's is, I would lose.

I don't know what they serve. It's Southwestern Tex-Mex. Okay, scroll, scroll. I can't believe you didn't know that. We got to hit sandwiches. I thought it was like a Ruby Tuesdays. No, it's not a Ruby Tuesdays. Yeah, they do not have a BLT this year. Damn.

All right. And I want a BLT like that, where it's like bread from a bag. I like that pre-'s like bread from a bag i like that pre-bagged bread you know what i mean where it's sliced up in a bag i guess yeah sure well sometimes they try to serve it to you like on a bun and i'm not trying to have a bun i want bag bread got it choose your fav croissants sausages overnight oats omelet can I tell you about what happened to me in overnight oats yeah okay bought the oats the yogurt, bought the almond milk, bought little containers to make the overnight oats, followed a whole recipe, got chia seeds, got it all. I don't know how to make overnight oats.

They were like concrete. It was like they were thick and I couldn't spoon it out. It just like it was a brick. And I don't like it was a brick and i don't know how people do it i don't know how people cook for themselves i don't understand anything i'm gonna pick sausages uh i love a croissant they're just so nice and flaky. They are, but sometimes it gets all over my shirt. Yeah, they're a messy food. It's a messy pastry. It's a deceptively messy pastry because it looks like it has it together and then it falls right apart in your hands.

Like me. Sometimes. That looks good. Waffles. Avocado toast. Muffins. Bacon. Boy, oh boy.

That bacon looks raw as hell. Yeah. It came straight out of the pack. It's in process of cooking, but they didn't want to give us a picture of finished bacon. What are you choosing? Bacon. I think I'm going to go with a waffle because I had a BLT earlier. Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah. Oh, I when I was little used to love filling up those squares with syrup and then trying to cut right on the line so the syrup wouldn't fall out. So I'd have a full bite with syrup. Oh, my God god been fat my whole life um i actually have a friend who has a waffle maker do you have a waffle maker no it feels like such a like it's like i know that i'm gonna make waffles enough that i need to have a waffle maker it's such a decisive product to have in your house and uh and we made waffles and then it was time to clean it and there was no like removal i'm sure there's waffle makers that have removable trays but maybe not it was all like one thing

so you had to like clean the little squares individually and i was like well this sucks yeah oh you gotta get real no i was like you can't just lift it up and put it in the sink that's tough for me yeah that's a no for me dog well that makes me wonder at a hotel continental breakfast how often are they cleaning their waffle makers damn that's a really good question if it's each individual square i don't think that's getting done every day although those look like you can maybe because they're like the ones that you flip right like you smash them together yeah you're right maybe those like unscrew and you can like wash it in a sink or throw the whole thing in the dishwasher maybe okay you're restoring my

faith in hotel continental breakfast i don't want to stop eating waffles at hotels it's the best place to eat a waffle in a hotel in a hotel lobby isn't that funny but the hotel is literally like in the morning come downstairs with everybody else sit in the lobby and we'll feed you lukewarm food and it's free do you love it and we're all like yes and we do love it and we will do it although i feel like continental breakfast is beginning earlier and earlier where they're like it's because it's from 7 a.m to 8 a.m yes yes they don't want you to go they're like it's from 4 30 to 6 and you're like i'm never gonna be awake why are you doing that to me no and it's wild they don't

they don't want you they don't they don't want you to have breakfast they don't want you to eat breakfast they don't want you to have a waffle they don't want you to sit with strangers you don't know in your pajamas they don't want you to look at a streaming child with snot coming down their nose and being like am i still hungry yeah this is true i love dj khaled's videos when he's like they don't want you to eat a cheeseburger they don't want you to swim in water that looks like listerine because i'm like who is they who is that is this man paranoid and we're not treating the symptoms that he is saying out loud that's very funny we just think he's motivational he's like i'm scared i'm scared they are stopping me they don't want me to go swimming.

And I'm doing it despite them not wanting me to. They are following me. What if 20 years from now we find out he wouldn't eat his wife out because they told him that they didn't want him to do it? But that's the one thing he obeyed. He was like, they said they would kill me or they did tell him they want you to eat your wife out but don't he was like i'm not gonna speaking of which eat one last thing tj callan's wife. No, I'm kidding. Cereal. Crepes.

Egg tarts. What the fuck is an egg tart? I really have never heard of that. A yogurt bowl. An egg tart? An egg tart. Tart sounds like sweet, but the egg part is throwing me. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. It's like an egg pastry? Like a quiche? It doesn't look like a quiche. It looked like a tart with an egg in the middle. Yeah, it was like bready on the bottom. Yeah. Let's see.

It looked like a Portuguese egg tart. That's what that looked like. I mean, it does kind of look good. Yeah. So it's puff pastry. What's in it? What are them ingredients? Okay.

So we have butter, flour, water, salt, sugar, more water, cinnamon stick, milk, flour, eggs, and cinnamon. So it's egg and cinnamon? Yeah, it's interesting. Eggs, cinnamon, and sugar? I don't know about that. I don't know about that. No, we're not going to do that. We're not going to have egg tart.

No, no, no, no. What are you picking? I'm going to have cereal. You love cereal. It's such an easy thing to fill your belly. It really is. And I've been eating a lot of cereal lately. But I think I'm going to finish off with something sweet and strong.

I'm going to go with crepe. Crepes are good. Crepes are good. This is Nicole's. Oh, my fucking God. Oh no. Lazy. There's nothing wrong with a little rest and relaxation,

but sometimes you've got to actually earn it. You're the type of person who simply never puts effort into anything they do. And you always seem to have an excuse for why you didn't do something. Focus on prioritizing your tasks and setting some realistic goals. You might feel better at the end of the day. Wow. BuzzFeed. Wow.

Wow. They really roasted you. They really did. Stubborn. I don't agree with this at all. I mean, I guess this is like, what's your most toxic trait? Fine. Yeah.

You take strong will to a whole different level. Once you decide you're going to do something or not do something, you simply won't give up, even when it's to your detriment. You think your ideas are the best. Well, because they are. And you never, ever compromise. But if you listen more and try to hear people out, you might just find life gets a little easier and more peaceful. Wow. BuzzFeed is ableist.

I'm not lazy. I have ADHD. Okay. I have the mentees. All right. I am mentally ill. And that's not kind. I can't do things because my brain won't allow it yes and i am also mentally

ill because i'm mentally ill because i'm dealing with childhood trauma and i'm trying to stand up for myself and speak up for myself and um choose me so yes so buzzfeed we don't have toxic traits we have mental illness yeah get that let's help people yeah now let's help people hi nicole and sashir this is nicole and I am just calling first to say how much I really enjoy your podcast I like to pretend that Shashira is talking to me when she says Nicole even though I know that's not true but uh you're also my best friend so you don't know that yet but that's okay So I am just calling because I have a group of friends who we have been friends for almost 20 years. And we want to celebrate that somehow, some way by taking a trip.

They are both, we're all the same age, but we're all at different stages in our life. And so we have, like, I have one friend that's married, one friend that's unmarried, and then I'm married with two kids. So we're all kind of like at completely different stages. So it feels like it's hard for me to want to plan things simply because I know it's going to be a lot for me and my family. And, like, finances aren't super great with us. We have just, like, a lot of debt because we both went to college and I'm in grad school and doing all these things. And so, like, my one single friend is like, let's go to this place. And I'm like, I don't have the money to spend to go to that place. I want to, I want to do all these things. It also doesn't help that I live two states away from them, and they live like down the street.

And so they're always like planning and plotting, which is so great. But I feel like a little left out. And I don't know how to come across in saying that, like, I want to do these things. It's not for lack of want. It's because I don't think I can afford to do these things. But also coming out to see us and see, like, my family is, like, kind of a boring thing now that they do this all the time. And same thing for us. It's hard for us to go eight hours away to visit with them so i don't know any tips or tricks that you can help with that like i

yeah i don't know how to say i want to go on this trip so badly but i can't afford it without that coming across in a weird way that would be super helpful so anyway thank you bye-bye i think it's okay to say that you can't afford something i think that's i would rather know that my friend is like not coming because they can't afford it and not for like like they just don't want to hang out with me or whatever i think it's very easy to just or not easy i think the best course of action would be like hey guys i can't afford a trip like that um but also you can suggest a freer trip um where you plan like free activities where you paint in the park or roller skate in the park or go to a skate park or whatever just go to a

park um but like yeah like go to a drag show where maybe the cover is not so low uh not so high that's what i meant um and then maybe it's like if you meet in the middle the only thing you pay for really is like a hotel or something um but yeah like think of like ways to like see your friends in a cheap way that's also still fun yeah i totally agree i i think um i think there's a lot of like of course there's stigma around talking about money with your friends but also we're adults and people have different things going on and families and situations and whatnot and i think it's totally i think you'll be surprised at how accepting your friends will be when you say hey i would love to do this kind of trip but i can't afford it because

like people get it like i you know i don't have kids so i don't have to pay the amount of money someone who has kids would have to pay on a yearly basis um so i think taking those things into account some people forget some people truly like your friend who's single and can like travel whenever she wants probably forgets oh i have to like consider my friends who don't have that lifestyle and and think of maybe something else that we all could do and hopefully when you are like hey i can't do this kind of trip can we do something that's more local or something in between maybe hopefully people will be like excited to think of other ideas too but i i think also when you bring this to the group have an an idea. Like, is there some weird cutesy resort in your state that could be cute for people to come to?

They're not coming to your house to like hang out with you and your family, but they're like they're going to this weird resort that's like a mile away from you or whatever. Or is there a kitschy amusement park somewhere in between where they live and where you live? Or something. It doesn't have to be expensive. But I guess it'll be super fun. Because there's like so many weird random things in America or in the States that people don't know about. But if you just look it up, it's like, oh, that would actually be hilarious for us to do. And it's not that expensive. But it will be like a memory for us.

And I think your friends could be down for that yeah i think so too and who doesn't like doing a fun weird thing yeah i love fun weird things me too i love fun weird things and sometimes before i do a fun weird thing i go i don't want to fucking do this fun weird thing and then i do the fun weird thing and i have so much fun yeah i really wish you were able to go to House on the Rock when we were in Milwaukee. I really wanted to go. It sounds unhinged. Maybe we should just take a trip and do it.

I really would. I actually would take a trip specifically for this. Yeah. Then yeah, let's do it. Let's go, let's do one weekend. Although I feel like the last time i went with you somewhere it didn't exist um and i'm just worried about that happening again this definitely exists there were other people there i swear we'll check on it um and like yeah i feel like a specific trip would be in order because uh you were flying in that day and

we were doing a show that night and the whole house takes hours to walk through and i did it but i was still like oh i'm exhausted i'm tired yeah you had a whole hour show to to do two hour shows so i was like you that would not not have been good if we had done that that day. No, I would have been exhausted and brain dead. Because by the end of the second show, I was absolutely brain dead. Couldn't understand what people were saying. We need to make a special trip. Okay.

Speaking of that thrift store that didn't exist, I haven't been to a big nasty thrift store in a really long time with like i haven't even treasures yeah but yeah do you remember that video of the lady who thrifted a giant bird and put a necklace on it oh yes i do so i started following her and then she dm'd me and she she was like oh i i thrift in this area i don't want to blow up her spot um so i'm gonna ask her like if she could put together like a like a little map for us and maybe we'll i almost just said he could you could you tell what what city i was gonna say? I really could not. I almost said it. But yeah, I'm going to ask her to put together a couple thrift stores for us to go to.

Yeah, that'd be very fun. Wouldn't that be fun? Yes. See, that's cheap and fun. You go to a nice, fun place and go thrifting. Yeah, I think, Yeah, just put. I almost just said put pedal to the metal and really think of a good idea. What is happening to me?

What? Put that pedal to the metal. Oh, my God. Should we do another? Yeah. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Love the pod. Love both your standups. Sashir year i've honestly watched your most recent one at least three times i'm obsessed and have demanded everyone i know to watch it too so i can talk about it with them okay i have this friend who i've been super tight with

since ninth grade currently 34 she helped me get out of my shell and become the person i am today i credit her for a lot of my self-growth in the most positive ways. Recently, we've moved to the same region and live about 20 minutes away from each other. Our hometown and most of our friends are six hours away. It was this incredible serendipitous moment of getting a friend in my new town. However, over the past few years, I've noticed that she's gone from being blunt and assertive to just being mean. Instead of laughing at a silly thing I did or said, she takes the opportunity to call me out and often seems to be trying to make me feel like an idiot slash clumsy, etc. At my birthday dinner a few

months ago, she misheard a story someone was telling about me. And instead of ensuring she heard what she thought or just laughing and moving on she yelled across the table in front of everyone ha what in the world is jamie quiet she's so loud and annoying oh in what world is jamie oh ha in what world is jamie quiet she's so loud and annoying i'm so sorry that was tough for me that's mean it was one thing to say that as a joke i guess guess it was another, that it was across an entire table with 10 people. And the kicker was, it was my birthday.

This is one of the kinder examples I can give you. Anything else would also give me away. And I don't want to, and I do want to be anonymous. I've always seen her bluntness as positive, especially because until I was about 12, I did not speak much so i always love meeting women who speak their mind freely but there is a line between speaking your mind and

being unnecessarily rude recently we were driving together and every time i had an idea or thought or literally said anything she said some nasty comeback about about why it was wrong or stupid or whatever i also learned on this car ride that her and her husband talk shit about me and my husband about how we live our lives which is just like why did she tell me this what is that oh she has gone from this person who lifts me up and wants me to be the best version of myself to a person who is so mean at times i am crying just think about thinking about it here's where things get sticky oh here's where things get sticky we have a big group of mutual friends and she is absolutely closer to

them than i am and i know if i dump her as a friend i will lose them all they won't mean to but it's kind of how i think see things but it's kind of how these things go um and she is the only friend in this town I have. So to dump her also means I'm here alone. My husband's amazing, but he cannot be every type of relationship I need. That would be insane. I've tried talking to her both about her behavior, but I'm just met with hostility and often cruel comments. I really do not.

I do not know how to fix this or end this or whatever I should do. It seems like all roads lead to me having to really distance myself, but I don't even know how to fix this or end this or whatever I should do. It seems like all roads lead to me having to really distance myself, but I don't even know how to start doing this. Do I just quietly not see her as often? Do I fully tell her she's become too mean for me to want to hang out with? Do I try to mend this? Literally any advice would be amazing because I'm at a loss and I don't really want to go to my other friends for advice

in fear that it would get back to her. Love you guys and love the podcast. I have this problem sometimes because I my mouth works faster than my brain or vice versa, and I say a lot of really dumb stuff. So people sometimes really love to grab onto the dumb stuff and make me feel dumb um but this seems different this seems like this is an actual mean person so i'm thinking maybe instead of addressing her hostility towards you because that's a way to make her more compact combative maybe it's like when she says something mean you go hey are you okay is there something going on that you want to talk about and she's like no why would you say that it's like i don't know that comment was just like i don't know just seemed seemed like maybe you're

having a tough time i like that yeah because i was wondering if something is going on with the friend because it sounds from the beginning of the email it sounded like they used to be great like they used to be funny and blunt but now they're just straight up mean and i want you know we never know what's going on in someone's personal life until they tell us so like you know maybe they actually don't like the town you're living in maybe they don't like their job or they are having issues in their relationship who knows or they're just like generally unhappy now and so it's coming out in a really bad way uh doesn't excuse it at all but i do wonder if there's like an internal thing happening that's making it come

out so ugly on the outside um but i like your strategy nico, of being like, is something going on? Or how are you? Because that came out really harsh. Or the way you said that was kind of hurtful. And we're friends. Why would you want to talk to your friend like that? Yeah. Because I do think it's worth saying something. Especially if this is your only friend in this town.

Um, yeah. And sometimes people just need someone to be like, hey, I can see you. Like, I'm sure she has no idea anyone thinks this of her. Or like, she's like, I'm the funny one. You know, who knows what she's thinking about herself. But maybe you were just like, hey, I can see you are actually attacking me. And maybe she's doing this to other people in her life, too. And maybe she hopefully will look at this as an opportunity to reflect and hopefully be more conscious with her words.

Or she won't. But it's at least worth saying something so she has the opportunity to change and if she doesn't then you just know okay this is not a person i want in my life because this negativity doesn't feel good and i would like to be around people who make me feel good as opposed to making me feel stupid um but i think it's worth letting stupid um but i think it's worth letting letting them try giving them the opportunity to change if they if they can yeah and then with like public things with her being like she's quiet she's annoying as hell i think i mean i would just be like yeah i'm that annoying bitch that everybody hates like i would just double down on that.

Cause that one I really don't think they meant to be mean. I think, so Shira, like I think you're onto something where like maybe they're like, I'm the funny friend. And you know, you watch enough TV where people are like biting insults at each other that maybe that's what she like really thinks funny is. And it's really it just morphed into mean mean um because i know the people in my life who like sometimes like cling on to when i say something dumb i know they love me and they don't want me to feel like i'm an idiot

but that's just how they're making me feel so i think wow you're inspiring me to have a conversation with a couple of people. But yeah, I think it's just especially if like they say something nasty and you're like, hey, are you OK? If you keep doing that, they'll be like, hopefully they'll be like they keep asking me if I'm OK when I'm like joking. So maybe maybe they'll be like, oh, I'm just kidding. And maybe you'll get to the bottom of that. Yeah, that is tough. And I do want an update.

Yeah, me too. Because that sucks. And yeah, I would hope that that person would want to take the concerned criticism and adjust. But who knows? They could also just be mean. They could also just be a mean person. They could be bad to the bone. Bad to the bone.

Solved. Solved. If you have any questions or queries, you can email us at NicoleAndSashiraGmail.com or you can call, text, leave a voice memo at nicole and sashir at gmail.com or you can call text leave a voice memo at 424-645-7003 and if you're cold and naked we have merch at pod swag.com slash best friends and if you want to read some stuff we have transcripts for our new episodes you can check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. If you've got time to spare,

don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show. Yes! Well, Sashir. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Bye. Bye.