Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Is Fiddling with Her Sprinkler with Amber Ruffin & Lacey Lamar

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Sasheer spent a lot of time outside trying to fiddle with and fix her sprinklers. Nicole has decided that her sprinklers have a mind of their own. Sasheer recounts her time being at a Sheryl Crow concert. Nicole’s nipples hurt because the temperature in her apartment was adjusted to freezing. Anyways, it’s time for Besting Each Other! Nicole and Sasheer welcome Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar to the show. Amber’s favorite thing about Lacey is that she is nice and kind. Lacey loves that Amber can make her laugh at the most inappropriate times.  Amber thinks Lacey has too many animals. Lacey thinks Amber needs to get more clothes. Amber thinks that she and her sister would die instantly on Survivor. Lacey thinks she would do better on Survivor because she’s been preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. Tune in to find out how they did on besting each other and enjoy the impromptu spelling bee at the end. This was recorded on Sept. 11th, 2023  Check out the Amber & Lacey, Lacey & Amber Show on iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-the-amber-lacey-lacey-amb-112881431/ Check out Sasheer’s Comedy Special “First Woman” on 800 Pound Gorilla or for free on Youtube. https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/sasheer-zamata-the-first-woman No BuzzFeed quiz this week.   Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

yeah let me know when you're fucking starting another and you're ready to go can't believe i'm ready poor jordan for this episode you have two tracks for this year for this episode you have two tracks for sashir one for me the professional i remembered how to do the fucking episode this time that was wild when i was like how do we do this yeah yeah you always forget how to do this episode lol hi sashir hi nico How are you? I'm good. I spent a lot of time outside just fiddling with my sprinkler system like the old man that I've become. I like this. Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what's happening. You've been having issues with those sprinklers. I know. I don't know what to happening. You've been having issues with those sprinklers. I know. I, like, I don't know what to do. I had someone, like, change the whole thing.

And now I can control it on my phone. But also, like, sometimes zones don't go off. And I don't understand why. And I'm like, did I just fuck up my yard? Should I have left it alone? No. It'll get there. But it's just, like, I don't know. I just have up my yard? Should I have left it alone? No. It'll get there, but it's just like, I don't know. I just have to keep.

My sprinklers go off at like 3 a.m. Sometimes 2 p.m., sometimes six. I've decided that my sprinklers are a living thing and they can do what they wanna do. It's just when they feel like it. Whenever they're moved what whenever the fuck they're moved they can go off but it is funny that sometimes i'll be in my room and i'll be like it's 4 a.m and there's just like water happening yeah i mean i think it is better at night or

early in the morning because it's not getting immediately dried by the sun so it like settles into the soil it's like that song i'm gonna soak up the sun i'm gonna tell everyone that you are like me okay you don't know it. But that is a song, right? I'm going to soak up the sun. Yeah, that's Sheryl Crow, I'm pretty sure. Who I saw at Bonnaroo a few years ago. And she was like on one of the, it was like an early slot, like 3 p.m. or something.

It wasn't like one of the prime time slots. And everyone was like loving every minute of it singing her songs back to her and she was like you guys know my songs aren't you like 19 and everyone's like yeah but we still know it it was very very funny that is nice can i tell you about something that happened to me today? Sure. I think my air conditioning is too cold. I got it fixed and today I turned it on and my nipple hurts because it's so cold. Oh my God, that's very cold. But it's set to 70. have the same problem you were over my house like last week and in the dining room it got so cold and they can't be adjusted and then i have and then i turned it off and then it gets hot again there's no in between what was it set to it's like 74 or something because it's because it's

cold at 74 exactly but i don't even think it's adjusting i think it just is that temperature no matter what i'm setting it to. Oh, interesting. But the people who fixed my air conditioning, I think was your recommendation. So it's those people. It's those people. They said, we want you to be so cold. You know what else is cold?

A segment called best friends each other haven't. Just kidding, I know what it's called. It's called besting each other. And today we have Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar on the show. Amber Ruffin is a writer, executive producer, the host of The Amber Ruffin Show and a writer on Late Night with Seth Meyers. And she's bringing back a reimagined version of the beloved musical The Wiz, which is going to come to Broadway in 2024. And her sister Lacey is a New York Times best-selling author.

She wrote the book, You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey, Crazy Stories of Racism, along with her best friend and sister, Amber Ruffin. Together, they just launched their new podcast from iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network, The Amber and Lacey, Lacey and Amber Show. Check it out on the iHeartRadio app or anywhere you get your podcasts. All right, let's start playing Besting Each Other. First up, Amber. Amber. Hey.

We heard a rumor that your best friend is your sister, Lacey. That's true. Yay. That's very sweet, And I like it. And we're going to actually see if you two know each other. And it's segment we call How well do you know your friend? So the first question is, how did you two meet? I had just come out of my mother. I had just come out of my mother and she had come home with me and probably in the living room. Great. Love that.

Do you remember your first interaction? Do you remember? Okay. Do you remember your first like memory of like, this is my sister and i love her my first memory of lacy is probably um when i was mashing up um grasshoppers because i could just read like i could read earlier than i could make sense of what I was reading so I had read grasshopper was a drink it was a drink called grasshopper so then I didn't read like ingredients and you have to make a thing I just was like grasshoppers are drinkable so I went outside and I got a coffee can I got a bunch of grasshoppers and I mushed them all

together well because like I'm like three, four. I'm a baby, baby. It comes out. It was one of my first memories. It comes out and she goes, oh, it's okay. It's okay. Go inside. Go inside. It's okay. She takes the thing and she shows it. She's worried.

I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer. Oh, no. I mean, that's like, that's a ride or die right there. She's like, I'll take care of it. Don't worry. I'll cover it up. We can bury everything.

It's fine. It's fine. And if I killed a man tomorrow, the same thing. She would do the same thing. It's funny that I'm like, God, that's so sweet. It's sweet and it's horrible oh no i did something similar when i was younger because i thought um like there was obviously different types of food fruit juices and vegetable juices like carrot juice and uh pineapple juice,

apple juice, et cetera. And I was very confused that there was no cheese juice. So I thought I could blend up some slices of American cheese. Oh, no. And add sugar and water. No. And make cheese juice. And my parents let me do it.

They're like, hey is this is an experiment you want to try go for it and and then they let me have the first sip and i was like oh this is nasty and they're like yeah yeah it is nasty that's it that's what you think we agree wait that's really funny that your parents are like all right let's spin up some cheese juice the girl's gotta to find out. Yeah. Which also, I explained this to somebody else, and they were like, isn't that milk? And I was like, mm, I guess cheese juice could be milk.

True. Cheese juice is milk. True. But I'm really glad they went with milk and not cheese juice. Me too. They could have. They could have. They could have. Okay, next question we're going to ask is,

what is your favorite memory of traveling with Lacey? My favorite memory of traveling with Lacey. Was Lacey on the trip? You guys will know. Was Lacey on the trip when we drove to Virginia and the only CD we had in the car was, Where my girl's at, from the front to back, no one thought to bring any music. And my dad can still sing every, where, where, where, where. Oh, that's cute.

Was she in the car? Was she there that trip or was she not i don't know where would she be where she was old enough to not have to go oh so maybe she didn't go let's think because where were you going what's up where where were you going where What's that? Where were you going? Where was the road trip to? To Virginia. To mom and dad's families. Oh, shit. I know what the best trip is. When we went to Tortuga Bay and fucking, you didn't say road trip, did you? No, no.

Just any memory of traveling. It could be a plane, train. Me and Lacey went on a train. A plane, I mean. Not a train because Tortuga Bay is an island. But we stayed at this resort. And it was so fun. And in Lacey's room, there was a lizard.

And then we cried because we couldn't catch him. But we know he's in there. We cried. This is one minute ago we went on this trip. How could I not remember? Tortuga Bay. Funnest trip. How could I not remember? Tortuga Bay. Funnest trip. Oh, that's fun.

That's nice. Where is Tortuga Bay? I was scared to ask that. And I know the answer. Phones are coming out. It's not even a question of Tortuga Bay. Punta Cana. I knew that. Oh where's puntacana um puntacana is that island it's the capital of um uh the dominican republic is it the capital it's the only city i know in the dominican probably well listen we are not geographers we are not uh explorers we don't need to know

this stuff we're journeymen we're journeymen just go have a nice time try to catch a lizard um what is your favorite thing about lacy my favorite thing about Lacey is that she is really nice and kind. Okay, now, in my family, we're kind. I mean, we're very nice, but we're not like, oh, you're crying. Oh, come here and sit in the, not really. But Lacey's got that from somewhere and then brought it into the house. So then I got treated like that. I don't know that my brother and sisters got that.

But Lacey, I guess, saw different strokes or whatever And then was also gentle with me. But it wasn't like, I mean, it was a lovely household, but not like, oh, like no one was babying a person. Does she baby everyone? Like all the other siblings too or just you? No, I'm the baby. I get babied. And if I see someone else getting babied, I will hit them. That's not true. that's what babies do yeah i'm the baby do you bite i'll hit somebody i bite

i'll still bite a person it's in there it's your only it never leaves you you're either a biter or the one that doesn't yeah you're a biter or the one that gets bitten. Truly doesn't. Yeah. You're a biter or the bitten. Put that on a t-shirt. All right. If you had to guess, what would you say Lacey's favorite thing is about you? Lacey's favorite thing about me is how loud and bad i am loud and bad uh-huh yeah i like it i'm both loud and bad y'all know we're just meeting i guess i don't know about the bad part right yeah i did yeah i've seen you loud and i've seen

you have a nice time but i've never seen you like sneaky and being bad. Like I've never seen you bite anyone in person. Right. I guess bad is more of a vibe. Oh, okay. I mean, what we think is bad is like having three drinks. Like that. That's bad. We're? Like that. That's bad.

We're bad like that. Okay, like a bad bitch vibe. Okay. Three drinks? Like she's being so bad. Look at her. You gotta be touching your face when you say bad. And it's that kind of bad.

I see, I see. Oh my gosh, you're so bad. That's how bad I am. When you have three drinks, what are the three drinks you're having? Vodka and Sprite. Ooh, yum, yum, yum. What a classy. I know it's very bad.

She's bad. She got to get her sugars and her green alcohol. And I also like Belvedere vodka, which is like the expensive shit. That's very good. They'll roll up into the nicest spot on earth and be like, Belvedere vodka.

And their face will be like, but then they won't say anything. But what they want to say is, why would you do that yeah you're all ruining it yeah yeah hey to each their to each their own you can't yuck somebody's yum that's not nice uh what is something you do sip sip sip what is something you do that drives lacy crazy i insist that she gives every date she has four more chances oh i do she could be like he farted and then he blamed me and i'd be like people make mistakes

you have to you have to forgive them you have to try to make something of it i do that a lot why because you have to try everybody acts crazy sometimes and you have to just assume that you saw the one time they're ever gonna crazy and give them a couple more chances now do you think this across the board or do you think like lacy in particular is not like like is a hard judge of character i think lacy is a i do think everyone judges their dates too harshly because we've all said something stupid on a date but i do think lacy is quite harsh lacy does not suffer fools not even a little bit yeah how she has ever been in a relationship i don't fucking know is she her requirements are many yeah yeah she bad do you feel like you um had to push through and give many chances in relationships in the past

um no no i was just as bad as lacy i was not handing out chances at all lacy is right and i am wrong and i never gave it any thought until you just said that. No. I cannot think back to one second chance a motherfucker got. Not one. So, yeah. That's so funny. Don't tell Lizzie I said that. We're going to. We're going to have to.

We're going to tell her everything you said. I thought the crux of the show was I tell you secrets and then you never tell the second person. No, sorry, we tricked you. You tell us secrets and then we tell the other person after they tell us their secrets. And then we tell your secrets together. Oh. And then the public gets to hear your secrets. The public.

It's recorded. Did you know? Oh, no. That's going to get in trouble. Okay. What is something that Lacey does that drives you crazy? What is something Lacey does that drives me crazy? Just do this thing.

I mean, this is not a good answer, but it is the first thing that came to my mind. In my office, I have like a little toy xylophone and, you know, it just looks like a cute little thing. this is not a good answer but it is the first thing that came to my mind in my um office i have like a little toy xylophone and you know it just looks like a cute little thing and um anytime i get a little too um scared or angry lacy takes the um she takes the thing on the xylophone goes i don't like your attitude makes me laugh and i have to stop being mad but i'm really mad you know i have real things to do in work and stuff she merges around and goes i don't like your attitude so i guess it's bad a little bit but it's also good yeah it diffuses things very quickly yes that's very funny i don't like your attitude i don't like that

oh god okay which of you would do better on the cbs long-running television series survivor fuck and we would both die instantly now i know no one has ever died but once we stepped outside and like that far away from running water dead 100 there's no fucking earth i guess i would say i would last longer because i would at least see how it could be fun. But Lacey would be furious from the minute she stepped outside of the indoors. She would be. And then that there were other people there.

No, like do on Survivor. Do you have to eat like a bug? Is that Survivor? That sounds like fear factor to me. Neither one of us have seen Survivor. This is true. I just know that there's alliances and they put your tiki torch out when you got to go home. And everyone looks kind of vaguely sweaty and dirty.

I think it's more like challenges and teams. I don't think you have to eat a bug. I don't know. Maybe that's one of the challenges. Eat a bug. See what happens. If the challenge is eat a bug, I can't make it. Wait, so they're like sleeping indoors? No, I do think they sleep outdoors.

Yeah, I think they sleep outdoors. We've got to watch that episode. We need to do some research. We ask Yeah, I think they sleep outdoors. Guys, do you... We gotta watch that episode. We gotta watch it. We need to do some research. I gotta watch it. We ask people all the time who would do better, but we don't know anything about it. You're saying Survivor, and you're thinking, like, who would do better at singing the Destiny's Child song?

That's not at all what you're talking about. It ain't easy. Okay, i went to the wikipedia page so survivor places a group of strangers on an isolated location where they must provide food fire and shelter for themselves the contestants compete in challenges including testing the contestants physical abilities like running swimming or their mental abilities like puzzles and endurance for or their mental abilities like puzzles and endurance for rewards and immunity from elimination. And then they're eliminated and they're voted out by their fellow contestants until one is given the title of sole survivor and is awarded a million doulars. Damn, that's a lot of money. We got to watch this show sounds great it does sound fun people are onto something

what is this the 20th season yeah i'll start now i'll start right now this is for me no i can last longer than lacy i think but both of us are out she's out the first round i'm out the second round. Fair. Or it's a double elimination but you're just named last. No. Lasley, what do you hope you're both doing 20 years from now?

Oh, I really think we're going to be Patty and Selma-ing it. We're just going to be holed up together. She's going to have an iguana. And I'm going to start smoking again. And we're going to have the time of our lives. Cigarettes or weed?

Cigarettes. I would never smoke weed. Well, I didn't know how bad you got so bad but uh yeah gosh remember smoking did you guys used to smoke what's your i yeah i still i quit and i started again it's it's a tough cycle what brand do you smoke or did you smoke i used to smoke marlboro lights and i smoked a pack a day for 14 years oh my god it's been eight congratulations whoa buddy my life that you're looking forward to down the road when you start smoking again yeah this is the thing about when you're a smoker you're a smoker for life

yeah like you will always want one it will always be a nice thing that you used to do. The smell will be like, mmm, when I used to do it. Yeah, man. I feel like every once in a while I'll have a nightmare that I smoked. I'll wake up, I'll be like, why did I? It was a dream, yay. But now, when I used to have that nightmare, it was real and I was really scared. And but now when I used to have that nightmare, it was real and I was really scared.

But now when I wake up, I go, I know it was a dream because I don't feel the like my body can't make the feeling of having had a cigarette. You know what I mean? But it used to remember, but now it's completely forgotten. So I have no idea what why I loved it so much. I just know that I did. But I can't conjure like the physical goodness i know there was some good feeling but who knows what it was i don't know wait if you quit you'll get to that point i mean if i ever quit for more than a year um does lacy want an iguana or do you want her to have an iguana i I want her to have an iguana. So she's more like Selma. I don't know what sister is which, but one of them has one.

But Lacey has too many animals. Fuck. That's what I should have said. What gets on my nerves about Lacey? That bitch got a million animals and I hate that shit. She got too many animals. Wait, how many? She.

Okay. If you look at the amount of animals she has had it's too many she had like two ducks uh she still has a great day she used to have another great day and she has a little um fluffy puff dog um and she keeps threatening to get a miniature cow it has to stop no more does she have a farm or like did you land for the cow yeah you live in omaha she got land okay yeah like a mug she could i mean technically i don't know why you're stifling this a duck i don't like the duck was good this is we didn't know his dream i love a duck and a miniature cow oh what a cutie nicole the duck would come up to you if you let him out of the the duck house he would come up to you and

he would hug you with his wings man oh it made me want to have a duck real bad. And you're complaining about this duck? Too many ducks! I want a little pig. I want a duck and a pig. They got those pigs so tiny now that it's really hard to resist. They're really small. So cute. What if he lived in your purse? A purse pig?

A purse pig. I would love a purse pig. It would be so incredible. Wait, who's Patty and Selma? Patty and Selma are Marge Bouvier Simpson's sisters on The Simpsons. You know how Marge has twin sisters? Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, and they sound like this. They sound like this and they live together. And that's good. And that's why you want to start smoking, I guess, and get sound like this. They sound like this and they live together. And that's good. And that's why you want to start smoking, I guess, so you can get that voice going. Sexy. Guys, my voice used to be so sexy. Just kidding.

It never was and never will be. Hey, I think it's sexy to someone. I think it's sexy to me. I like it. It's a good voice. I like your voice. Guys, these are fine.

Okay. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Anyway, we had to bring Lacey back. Um, thank you so much. Amber.

I'm just kidding. I love it very badly. Thank you. I like the way you use bad and badly. I love it very badly. I do. And it has to stop. But you know what happened?

Fucking, I met Maxwell. At some surfing event. And Maxwell came up to me and said, Amber, hi. I saw the this and that and it was great. And I said, wait, shut up. Oh my God, freaking Maxwell. God, I love you so bad. And he laughed so hard and said,

oh my God, you talk how you talk. You talk how you talk. That's very funny. That's so funny. You talk how you talk. You talk how you talk. That's very funny. That's so funny. You talk how you talk. You talk how you talk. I do. Oh my God, I love it.

I love that. Bad? Love that guy. Okay. Now we are going to bring your sister back and ask her the same questions and see if you guys really do know each other. Yay! the same questions and see if you guys really do know each other yay okay oh did you want to start this year? I can. Do it. Your mouth was open and I just started.

All right. We're back with the second half of Besting Each Other. We just talked to Amber and now we're going to talk to her sister, Lacey. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Thank you for doing this. We have a bunch of hard-hitting questions for you to see how well you know your sister slash best friend. Are you ready? Okay.

I'm ready. Okay. I'm ready. I got this. First question might sound ridiculous. We ask everybody this, but how did you two meet? My mom brought Amber home. And we were happy.

I thought it was a little doll. I loved that little thing. And I was just glad she wasn't a boy. And that's how it happened. Because before that, it was a boy. Yuck. So we were so excited that it was a girl. Yeah, that was super yuck.

He's the only boy, so it's all girls. It's all girls and just one boy? Yeah, yeah, four girls, one boy. And we don't like him. No. Do you remember your first interaction with Amber? Unwrapping her because, you know, she was all swaddled. Just unwrapping her like a toy she was all swaddled just unwrapping her like a toy making

sure she was a girl i'm sure take her back if she's not gotta make sure you gotta put her right back inside i don't want this yeah and that's it i just remember unwrapping her like a little toy on my mom's bed like they laid her down and we were all like oh look at the baby yep and how old were you when she was born five so you were a person i was a whole person yeah brought home a little burrito do you have a memory of when you like felt like oh she's a human and we're sisters and we're interacting and like actually having fun together. From the start, I would walk her around and I would put her on my hip and I was like, this is my baby. Like she was my baby. Yeah.

And Amber was a little genius. So, I mean, so was I. But she could read at like three. So we would be like, her friends would come over and like have her read anything. And she would be like, backwards identification. And we loved doing that. It was like Amber was a little toy and she did little tricks for everybody yeah my goodness that's fun yeah she could spell anything i love she could read

yeah come over and look at my trick baby that's what we did that's what it was like look at this thing um what is your favorite memory from traveling together oh oh if she didn't say this story i'm gonna be mad our favorite our my favorite traveling story is we went to a crazy church when we were younger and we had to do this uh it was called a week-long retreat and every year we did the week-long retreat and amber is a really bad sleeper and so we rode on like a big old school bus and i remember all of our friends i was like gather around look at amber and amber was all like sleeping and we were like amber amber and she woke up and she's like show me your hands show me your hands and Show me your hands.

And then she went back to sleep. It's my favorite travel story. I tell it all the time. And she probably didn't say that story because she's embarrassed. But she's crazy. She's probably a sleepwalker. She does crazy sleep things. And I was like, everybody, look at this.

My sister's asleep. Look at her. Did you ask later what that meant? She has an excuse for why she said it. But she don't know. She's just trying to make herself look sane. She wasn't, y'all. Out of her mind. She's a crazy sleeper. Did you ask later what that meant? She has an excuse for why she said it, but she don't know. She's just trying to make herself look sane. She wasn't drunk.

Out of her mind. She's a crazy sleeper. That's my favorite travel story. I don't know what she told, but that's one of the best ones. It's my favorite. That is funny. That is very funny. I can tell she did not say that one, but that's what it is. You know, we'll find out later when we bring you two together.

Okay, okay. What is your favorite thing about Amber? My favorite thing about Amber is she's just a silly bear. She's funny. If I am in a bad mood and I call Amber, we are going to laugh. And I know people don't understand this and they think we're so wrong. I could call Amber and be like, Amber, my house burned down. In five minutes, I would be laughing.

She's like, oh, you didn't need that house. That raggedy porch, you didn't want that. I mean, that's Amber. We will always find a reason to laugh in the worst. And I mean the worst moments. But we share that with ourselves. Yeah. When other people are around, we're like, oh, that's terrible. And then when we leave, we're like.

We laugh and laugh. We're terrible. But we like to laugh. That is my favorite thing about Amber. I don't know what she said about me, but that is my absolute favorite thing is that we laugh on everything and probably when we shouldn't but it's just we've always done it oh i love that and that i love that too i always love laughing at things that's like you're not supposed to but this is pretty funny and she's she was always she would always get in trouble at church because i think she's been

kicked out twice for giggling you can't keep giggling she's a giggle no she's a giggle she can't she can't hide it she can't do you guys feel do you feel like you have a sister like unspoken language like of course we speak with our eyebrows we have hand gestures that mean stuff when everyone in our family knows when let's say someone's like this is my girlfriend sally and sally don't look right and someone's going we need this and that means fix your face but we do it to my mom my mom has no filter my mom be like and we're like gather yourself please and we're just like fix your face I love that

we can just speak with a look have a whole conversation if you had to guess what is Amber's favorite thing about you number there's a lot number one I'm beautiful number one I'm the most beautiful in the family

i'm gonna say that i am the one i don't i'm the one that will i think tell the truth the most i'll be like don't do that no i don't sugarcoat stuff and i think sometimes that makes her mad but i'm like girl don't do that so i'm the don't do that person and i told her i we were just happy if she doesn't remember this conversation i swear it was yesterday i'm like i feel like i am the mean one that's like no if you need someone to tell you don't do it no that's a's a terrible lie. Call me. I will not be like, let's just try. Believe it.

No, don't do that. That's a bad idea. I will tell you something that's a bad idea. I will not tell you to try. Save your money, Amber. Don't do that. That's stupid. Don't do it. I think we all need someone like that in our lives.

Definitely. Oh, man. That's a very important role. I think I'm that person um what is something that you do that drives amber crazy oh she i think she hates, oh man, there's a lot. I am a sci-fi nerd and she does not care for my sci-fi. So maybe that. And also I love animals and Amber does not love animals. And she knows if I can have my own farm, if I could just have one small cow, everyone.

Just give me one small cow. I am not joking. If I could have a miniature cow where I'm at right now, I just have one small cow everyone just give me one i am not joking if i could have a miniature cow where i'm at right now i would have one well i would have two but because if they told me i could have one yeah steve gonna need a friend yeah of course steven demarcus so steven demarcus yes um yeah i it's animals and my sci-fi she does not care for any of it i don't know yeah i'm gonna go with that i heard you had a duck what was it like having a duck first of all r.i.p peep you were saying r.i.p peep passed away his real name was l duck to barge oh boy um his government name was l duck but we called him peep It was great. Pete would hug you. You would hold him and his little neck would go around like this. It was more my daughter's thing, but I fell in love with Pete.

Pete had his own house. There was a pool on the other side. I'm not kidding. He had a little duck house with a little hay nest. And then on the other side was a pool. This duck was living his best life. In ground or above ground? It kind of was in ground or above ground yeah yeah he had an in-ground pool now do you go is there a place that where you can adopt a duck

or did you just this duck just come to your yard omaha nebraska i can stick my head out and be like anybody got a duck and they you won't get a duck. It's tractor supply. So we were going to do chickens. My daughter and I, everyone, now I'm telling you, a lot of people have chicken. What are they called? Chicken coops. And so we went to go get chickens.

And my daughter went and she said, she called me. She's like, mom, they don't have chickens. They only have ducks. I said, hold on a second. So I Googled, and they were like, ducks are easier than chickens, and I was like, get two ducks, we got it. Wow.

Yeah. So that's how we ended up with Pete. That's so nice. Man, Pete was great. What is something that Amber does that drives you crazy oh my goodness amber first of all doesn't like clothing that sounded bad no she's always stressed she just has three things in her closet she has two pairs of pants and a shirt and they drive me crazy and if we're

going somewhere i'm like is that what you got on that's what you're gonna wear this is what we're doing you have a job your job is better than mine you should have she does not um she doesn't have any clothes and that drives me and she doesn't like things like you want to talk about a minimalist she's beyond that she has nothing whatever is behind you on that that is too much for amber she wouldn't be able to handle anything in a room no no she's just nothing and i don't know how she lives like that she doesn't like to shop for stuff she doesn't have anything have you ever gifted her like clothing or something and all the time uh when i go over there she's like whose sweater is that i'll

leave something out and i'm like that's your sweater take it it's yours now everything amber has on is probably mine i leave her stuff all the time she's just a little nothing she doesn't want to wear anything yeah no then that really does drive me crazy because sometimes i'm in new york and i'm like oh what can i steal from amber's closet nothing i leave things for her i'm in omaha nebraska and i'm shopping for my sister you're in new york i should open up your closet and be like oh my god look at all nothing and she'll wear it till it falls apart she uh one of the times when I was there, I took a picture of her feet, texted her. We're in the same room. Texted her.

Her toes were sticking out of her slippers. Okay, everybody, I'm not ashamed to say that. She should be ashamed. And so I immediately went to Amazon and some new slippers came the next day. I was like, when was that going to be too much for you? Because your toes, when? When your feet were just touching the ground? Amber does not care!

She's a little sloppy baby! And she's always been that way. She's a slop monster. Well, thank goodness you're gonna take care of her. Somebody asked her, so true. I'll send you that picture later please I would truly love to see it

Amber's toes sticking out of a slipper okay which one of you would do better on the television show Survivor oh no I'm gonna say me I wouldn't want to do it but i know how to survive amber would lay down and die amber would lay down and refuse to run she knows now she better has said because she

knows i will survive i told her i will survive the zombie apocalypse i'm always cluing uh um i'm uh always quizzing her because she lives in New York. That's ground zero for the zombies. Okay. And the aliens. And the diseases. And my dad has raised us on like, if this happens, do this, this. He was really big on that.

So I'm still telling Amber, do you know how to survive if something happens? Amber's like, I don't care. So it is me. Hands down, I would survive. That makes sense. Hands down. Yeah, I'm a survivor. That makes sense. Hands down. Yeah.

That makes sense. I love this. Okay. I'm going to make it. We're going to survive. Okay. What do you hope you're both doing in 20 years? Oh, in 20 years?

Amber and I want to be doing nothing. In 20 years, I'm going to be almost 70. I want to be doing nothing in 20 years. I'm going to be almost 70. I want to be doing nothing. We're going to be sitting around, hopefully with my baby cows on my small farm. I don't know if Amber's going to be with me, but we are going to be sitting around doing nothing. Maybe talking to each other on a Zoom, but we are going to be doing nothing.

Amber, I feel like Amber wants to be sitting on an island somewhere, somewhere where it's warm, but I need winter. So I'm going to be somewhere, probably Nebraska, not sure, but I'm just going to be sitting on my couch watching Netflix and ordering food. That sounds really nice. We're going to be doing nothing and chit-chatting. Yeah, I like that.

If she said we're going to be working, I'm going to be mad. You're like, please don't wish that upon me. I love that you need winter. I feel like most people are like, no winter. I'm the only black person

that says that. Yeah. My black heart has been snatched so many times. But I love the snow and I love Christmas. And I can't be without it. I'm sorry.

I need that snow. I ain't running around in it. I'm being in my house looking. But he just wanted around you. Oh, and a fire? The fireplace? Yeah. I need it.

I need it. That makes sense. Absolutely need it every year. All right. Well, that's the end of our questions we're gonna bring her back compare bring her back compare we're gonna see if you're actually sisters or friends or imposters or oh no yeah if not you have to disown each other okay yeah i'm okay with i told her i'm okay walking away from this and never speaking to you again i'll

do it that's what's at risk, yes. I was like, guys, we're on this show and our answers did not match. I've never spoken to Amber again. You guys could be responsible

for breaking us up. Breaking up a whole family. I can't wait. I take full responsibility for breaking up a family and a sisterhood. A sisterhood. A sisterhood. A sisterhood. A sisterhood.

A sisterhood. Okay. We asked you, how did you meet? Amber said, I had just come out of my mother, probably in the living room. My first memory of Lacey is probably when I was mashing up grasshoppers, because I could read early, but I didn't really understand things. But I read that grasshopper was a drink, didn't read the ingredients, so I caught a bunch, mushed them all together, because I'm like three or four.

And Lacey says, oh no, it's okay, go inside. Meanwhile, I'm a murderer, but if I killed a bunch mush them all together because I'm like three or four and Lacey says oh, no, it's okay go inside Meanwhile, I'm a murderer. I killed a man tomorrow. She'd do the same thing My mom brought amber home and we were happy I thought it was a doll, but I was happy she wasn't a boy happy i thought it was a doll but i was happy she wasn't a boy um there's only one boy yuck my first memory is unwrapping her making sure she was a girl which was a ha ha joe fun time uh so she was you were five you were a whole person when you got to meet amber and from the start you would just put her on your hip and be like this is my baby also amber was a genius so i would invite people over to have her spell and read things kind of close because you read about the grasshoppers yeah that's true that's true and you weren't even in school then you're not a murderer

not to kill things very advanced in reading and murder and murder how to murder we should we had no business having that book yeah why is this book just laying around in your house we asked what is your favorite memory of traveling together lacy said or amber said i said it wrong amber said was lacy on the trip to Virginia and the only song in the car was where my girls at from the front to back

is she feeling that and then she goes wait I just remembered we went to Tartuga Bay and we went to this resort and it was so fun and in Lacey's room

there was a lizard and we cried because we couldn't catch him and then Lacey said we went to a crazy church and we did a week-long retreat and amber is a crazy sleeper and we rode on a school bus fell asleep she woke up and said show me your hands show me your hands and we laughed at her yep yep yep that's true i did how did i just went to tortuga still brown from it you're absolutely right yep but i was thinking back in the day you messed up i messed up big

were you on the 702 where my girls at trip or not no i was not on that trip all right good nope but i know the story but no i wasn't on that so i get two points for knowing that she was not on that trip. All right, good. Nope. But I know the story, but no, I wasn't on that trip. So I get two points for knowing that she was not on that trip. Yes. Two points to you. I like how you can add the points in. We asked, what's your favorite thing about your friend? Amber said, my favorite thing about Lacey is she's really nice and kind. And my family, we're nice, but not that nice.

And Lacey has that thing where you're nice and she brought that into the house and she's gentle with Amber. She's a baby and nobody was babying her, but Lacey babied her. And then Lacey said, my favorite thing about Amber is she's just a silly bear. I know I can call her up and she'd have me laughing. She's so funny.

We'll always find a reason to laugh at the worst things and make it funny. We're terrible but we love to laugh. She's always getting kicked out of church because she was giggling. We also have an unspoken language where we speak with our eyebrows and give each other just a look. No way. Lacey,

you were right. Thank you. Thank you. It's true. Amber, what does this mean fix your face we asked what's your friend's favorite thing about you amber said lacy's favorite thing about me is how loud and bad i am and I mean bad is like a vibe like when you're being bad cuz you have three drinks Lacey said number one I'm beautiful the most beautiful in the family and I am the one who will tell the truth the most i feel like i'm the mean one or if you need someone to tell you not to do something or that's a bad idea i will tell you not to try i'm the

person that's true you know how you'll never be like like you you got friends you that you would never end up here be like but i love him you know because they wouldn't they would be like like you you got friends you that you would never end up here be like but i love him you know because they wouldn't they would be like well you know it's your decision to do it fuck it lacey would be like kill him we asked what's something you do that drives your friend crazy we'll take care of it. We asked, what's something you do that drives your friend crazy? Amber said, I insist she gives every date

she has four more chances. She could be like, he farted and blamed me and I'd say, give him a chance. You have to try. Everyone acts crazy. And then you said,

I do think lazy gives people a chance, but she has requirements. She suffers no fools. But then we asked Amber if she's given someone a second chance, and she said no. Lacey said, I think she hates that I'm a sci-fi nerd. She doesn't like my sci-fi. She also doesn't like my animals.

I love animals. She doesn't like that I have so many animals, but if I could have a farm i would and then we talked about uh l duck to barge aka pep who had a little house in a pool and was living his best life and honestly amber seemed to love this duck as well even though she thinks you have too many animals later lacy i did say I hated how many animals you have. We're getting there. Don't skip ahead. Oops. Oh, oh, oh, oh. We asked, what is something your friend does that drives you crazy?

Amber said, Lacey does this thing in her office where she has a cute little xylophone. And anytime I get a little too scared or angry, she grabs the xylophone and says, I don't like your attitude. Attitude. And it makes me mad. I would have never said that. But it's true. And I don't like your sass mouth. And Amber also said that Lacey has too many animals.

She had two ducks, a Great Dane, a fluffy little dog. She wants a miniature cow. But then she was like, I did like that the duck would come and give you hugs the duck would hug you so you put him down he gonna chase you but he'll hug you and then lacy said uh amber doesn't like clothing she only has three things in her closet and i'll i'll be like are you gonna wear that and she's like she just doesn't have enough clothes she's a minimalist to the she just doesn't have enough clothes. She's a minimalist to the max. She doesn't like stuff.

And then Lacey will buy things for her and she's like, I'm in Omaha. Why am I buying stuff for you? You're in New York. You can be buying your own stuff. And then she said the most egregious thing

was that she had slippers where her toes were sticking out the bottom of them. bottom of them. Why are you going to tell everybody? And then I sent you the picture. In the same room. Just so I know

I look fine. But she's right because tomorrow I'm going to Baltimore forimore for three weeks listen to this and i packed you know one of the big suitcases the big one that you have to check and i packed it and i filled it up and it was all of my clothes like everything you own so this means if there's a fire amber Amber's home, she could literally leave with everything. Yeah. I couldn't even begin.

And the clothes are the first thing I'm going to try to say. I don't need that shit. I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't make it. That's so funny. Three weeks of clothing is all of your clothing? Tell my clothes. That's really funny.

I have so much clothing. I like. But yet it's sad. It's not right. Or maybe it's efficient. Mother Teresa? Everything I wear, I like. That's good. There's no beating.

That's a good way to live. I love bugs. We asked, which of you would do better on Survivor? Amber said we would both die instantly. Once we were far away from the water we would be dead and then she thought about and said well i guess i would last longer than lacy but i would be furious the moment we step out or no but lacy would be furious the

moment she steps outside um amber said i can last longer than lacy lacy would be out in the first round but i'm out in the second round lacy said oh no i'd say me amber would lay down and die i would figure out how to survive i would quiz her i i used to quiz her on how she would survive a zombie apocalypse because new york is the central theme to zombie apocalypse and stuff like that i've watched the walking dead i'm well versed on how to survive did you tell these people what happened when you went to the pumpkin patch fucking but i'm not trying to survive wait what happened to the pumpkin patch what happened these people try to invite me and every year this happens um where they try to get me to do outside

fall things i mean i mean it's almost fall but they want you to go to the pumpkin patch was which has a maze children running around you got to walk on dirt um sit outside there's bugs i wore sandals so my feet looked like a slave at the end of all of this i had dust and dirt all over in my toe it was terrible and then they want you to pick stuff pick pick you want me to pick apples sir ma'am no this is why she's gonna die instantly

in survival that wasn't a survival thing that was for fun survival's not fun but I could do it I mean I guess we'll just take four points for that answer and lastly we asked what do you hope you're both doing 20 years from now

Amber said I think we'll be like Patty and Selma we'll be holed up together and she'll have an iguana I'll be smoking again I'll be smoking again and Lacey said Amber and I should be doing nothing sitting around with baby cows I'm not even sure if Amber's gonna be with me maybe we'll be on zoom talking to each other she'll probably be on an island somewhere. But I need winter.

So I'll probably be in Nebraska sitting down and watching Netflix. And I definitely need a fireplace. No! Lacey, we have to go to an island when we get old. No, because there's hurricanes. And I'm not trying to die. I'm going to hit you so hard. There's also tornadoes in the Midwest. I'll vacation. But I'm not trying to die. I'm going to hit you so hard. There's also tornadoes in the Midwest.

I'll vacation, but I'm not going to live there. You have to live there. No. Say you're open to negotiations. Okay, I'm open to negotiations. Yay! Well, this might be the first time ever that none of the answers even matched. Not one

question. Wait, there was one. It was too many animals. Oh, they both did say Lacey has too many animals. And that's it. That's the only thing that lined up. I don't think you're sisters. I don't think you've ever met. I said if we fail this,

it's over. Good day, sir. I said good day. I don't know you anymore. You guys. That is so funny. No, but I do believe your sisters. I can tell by the energy. Even though you do not have the same stories or ideas of each other at all.

You don't know anything about each other. No, I don't know her. We just have too many stories. We have too many pictures. That's true. Yeah, We just have too many stories. We have too many. That's true. Yeah, friends only have so many stories. And you're like, and we will share none of them today. Yeah, friends only got five stories.

We've been together for 40-something years. A thousand stories. A thousand. A thousand. Ay-yi-yi. Thank you for doing this. You guys are truly delightful. You guys, thanks for having us.

Next time, can we just be like math problems? Like a spelling bee. I think we need a plaque. We need a plaque behind you saying, we failed miserably. Yeah. We're going gonna get one made just for you we've never given anyone a plaque but we will get one made for you we're gonna get

one made for you yes i love it wait are you good you are good at spelling i'm gonna look up a good spelling b word no everyone who's okay but here's the hard thing about saying a hard word those are they're hard for me to say okay i don't know i found a word um okay uh voracious voracious voracious like a very voracious reader yes i think it's i and this sounds wrong v-o-u-r-a-c-i-o-u-a-s no you voracious is that right i'm so sorry v-o-r-a-c-i-o-u-s uh not only have you failed this best each other segment, but you have failed the spelling before. I failed the segment. I insisted on having. Yes, you asked for this. You asked?

Okay. Okay, just one more. No! But it's like, what are the heaviest things you can lift? And then, I lift something heavy, then I win.

Okay, I'm going to look up a word. Heavy to lift. No, it's not what you want. Feet of strength. But I will spell something that is heavy to lift. W-E-I-G-A-G-H-T-S. Weights. OK.

Yes. OK. And now you won. And that's a funny way to do a spelling bee where you go in fact i will not spell the word you're asking me to i'll bring my own word you guys i lost the sixth grade spelling bee maybe it was fourth grade, spelling bee instantly because my word was diamond and my best friend's name was Diamond Washington. D-Y-M-O-N-D.

That's tricky. Not a strong, not a strong spell. But it is D-Y-M-O-N-D. That's Diamond, that's my best friend well thank you two for doing this this has been very fun thank you for having us made it we made it oh okay we didn't answer any questions today sorry about that everybody i know you're pretty disappointed but there's other episodes where we do answer questions and future ones where we will answer questions and if you would like a question answered

you can email nicole to share at gmail.com and if you would like a question that's on your heart to come through with words that somebody hears, we got a phone number. 424-645-7003. And if you have a question about where to buy merch, you can go to podswag.com slash best friends. If you've got a question about transcripts, the answer is we got

them. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. And if you have any questions about how to support this show the easiest way is to rate review and subscribe this was brought to you by big question we love questions questions are for everybody they don't discriminate all right bye-bye bye