Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Is Worried About Fecal Matter w/ Ego Nwodim

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

This week Nicole and Sasheer welcome comedian, actress, and friend Ego Nwodim (SNL) to chat about her new podcast Thanks Dad, Nicole's fear of throwing up, not wearing shorts on the subway and the non-negotiables that we all end up negotiating.  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/friends.

Wow, Sashir, hello. Wow, Nicole, hello. Well this is a very special episode. Why? It's not just the two of us. Really? No. Who's here?

You want to introduce our guest? No, I like when you do it. Okay, well today we have an actress and comedian, and you might know her from her hilarious characters on SNL. It's Eggo Wodum! Eggo's currently starring on the new Peacock series, Mr. Throwback. Also, Eggo has launched her first podcast, Thanks Dad, which is out now.

Tell us about Thanks Dad. Yeah, and would you say it with that tone? Exactly. I was going to say intonation. Very, very, very, very sarcastic. But you know, it could be anything. That's the whole thing about the podcast. Basically, in short, I was raised by a single mom, don't have a relationship with my dad.

I'm never going to have a relationship with my dad because he's dead now. He died. But that's okay. That's okay. Because I get to talk to a bunch of men who are old enough to be my dad or just dads themselves. And they tell me about their dad because I want to hear about everyone's daddy's daddy issues. Everyone has daddy issues, by the way. Don't let them tell you they got daddy I didn't got daddy issues. Okay? Dig deep. Look for those issues if you think you don't have them. Exactly. I'm like, you got them.

You got them. They're somewhere. They're somewhere. And so talking to everyone about their relationship with their dad, what their dad's like, and then I hear about how they are as parents, what it's like for them to be parents. And then I get a little piece of dad advice from them.

Oh, that's nice. I like that. Have you gotten a really good piece of advice recently? I'm not going to lie. No, I don't know that anyone has stellar advice. They're all like, keep it up, kid. You're like, cool. I guess I will. OK, I guess you really do only need a mom. I don't know.

Yeah, it's all it, it's very fun. Everyone has been so lovely, and it's cool talking to these people about this, and hearing literally everyone's daddy issues. It's juicy, too. So, good time. It is funny to think, like, to be like, I don't have daddy issues. Everybody does. Everybody has mommy issues, daddy issues,

because humans raised you, and humans make mistakes. Totally. So they're gonna fuck you up, whether they're the best person in the world or not. Which is really unfortunate, and I don't know why people are doing it. I simply don't know. The risk is too high.

You're anti-having children, sister. You think we should stop now. I mean, everyone's gonna do a bad job regardless, so let's just stop. Yeah, just stop it. Just stop it right now. No, there are some people who really want to do it and are dedicated enough to do a good job.

So they should definitely have kids. And there's some people who feel like they should have kids or are on the fence, and then they're just my, like, half-ass it, or, like, are just more prone to making mistakes. And then now we have all these people who are just, like, roaming the Earth all fucked up. Proud of that. Roaming the Earth fucked up, fucking other people up,

because you know, hurt people, hurt people. I have said on the podcast, and I believe exactly what you guys are saying, everyone's parents, no matter how evolved are going to fuck them up just a little bit. It's just going to happen. Even if their parents think they're like course correcting for something that happened to them in childhood, that's going to fuck your kid.

So it's all imperfect mess, but how imperfect is that varies. I will say that that varies. Um, but yeah, it's I, But yeah, it's an interesting thing to want to have children. I want to have kids. And the older I get though, I'm a little like, oh, but this is cool. There are no kids. I have a puppy and he's like a child to me. And I don't say that proudly, but I realized yesterday, because he vomited four times yesterday. And he likes to do it in threes. So really you could say he did it 12 times. But he's a comedian.

Rule of threes. He knows. I had to call it back. And it really is, it's like Harold style. Cause the first one is big, then it's a little smaller than the little. There's a runner and there's some group games. Yeah.

So, but I'm like, oh, this is a baby. I had to like drop everything really and be like, oh, and he's a little lethargic, but he can't speak to me. And then it turns out he was fine. I took him to the vet and they're like, you're fine. And I was like, see, I can't ever tell if I'm being too chill, if I'm supposed to be worried. So I have a puppy and I now know that having a child will maybe be much harder.

No, not maybe certainly. Yeah, because it's a human who's puking and crying. When I nannied, I nannied a pukey kid and it was, he'd be like, Nicole, I'ma throw up. And I'd be like, get to the bathroom then. If you know it's coming, go. And he'd be like, I think I'm OK. I'm like, no no go stand in the bathroom

Until it comes out because I don't like puke it like I know I know Which sounds when you say that it sounds sort of like yeah who likes puke? I used to be really really scared of throwing up myself same it was like terrifying Ocean and now I have such a sensitive stomach that sometimes I'm like, we're going to have to just go ahead and this is the only relief. I had a really hard time in the San Francisco airport earlier this summer. Your girl is laid on the floor. Oh, no. Well, I had too much tequila.

But I still I'm still in such denial. I'm like, it's not a hangover. It's just my sensitive stomach. It's the thing is, when I drink a hangover. It's just my sensitive stomach. It's my sensitive stomach. Yeah. The thing is, when I drink a lot of alcohol, my stomach is really sensitive. My stomach is so sensitive. But people are like, yeah, of course no one likes throwing up. But I'm like, some people are truly scared of it. My friend Ashley, I don't mean out her right now, but I'm going to. She is terrified of vomit, like doesn't want to hear about someone doing it,

doesn't want to be around when you're about to. Like we went to Palm Springs, a group of us for New Year's in the year, I think we rang in 2020, spooky. But we went to Palm Springs, a group of us and two of the girls on the way there, I guess a group of people stopped at In-N-Out on the way there, but only like a couple of the girls on the trip got In-N-Out. I wasn't with them. I met them there. One of them was new to the group and was like someone else's friend and it was her first time hanging out with us. And she just vomited the whole time because I think the In-N-Out got her sick. Ashley was there on that trip, right? Ashley just told me a year ago, so 2023, she's like, I also had food poisoning on that trip and was throwing up it.

Didn't tell anyone? And you kept it a secret. That's so wild to keep it a secret. To be hanging out with people and be like, excuse me for one second, and then throw up your whole life? Yes, New Girl is like, shamefully, and we were all, obviously everyone was cool about it, but it was like, hi, nice to meet you, and it's like, I'm just gonna be vomiting this whole trip

and blowing up the bathroom, and it was like, man, first time, we hang out with her still, she's lovely, but like, her first time, I'm like, even in solidarity, Ashley, could it be? Yeah, that would've made her feel a lot better like oh, I'm also And she's like no, you're not gonna get me. I don't know this bitch. I don't know if she's coming back I don't know her. Yes. She's weird. Can you believe she's throwing up? Anyway, excuse me Yeah, exactly. And I was like I'm trying to replay the weekend of so long ago because you're telling me now three years later

I'm like do I remember you excusing yourself a bunch from the, I have no idea. But the girls, I'm like, that's how scared she is after like, she doesn't even want to share with people. I'm like, I can't wrap my head around that fear. But you know, it's not mine. It's not mine to wrap my head around. I used to be very scared of it. I was once in a Wendy's and apparently a kid was about to like puke and my friend knew that I would start crying So he's like Nicole we just have to go and I was like why why I want Wendy's and then he like ushered me outside There was like there was a kid that was about to get sick and then I started crying. I didn't even see it. Wait crying

What is what is that? I have no idea. It is since gone away The older I've gotten. Yeah, but yeah, I would cry if I was gonna throw up. I would cry. I threw up very, I, as a kid, threw up very rarely. Like kids would just be puking in class and I'd be like, what's wrong with you? Like imagine puking on your desk. Like that's so wild.

But what is the fear? What's the fear behind it? Like what can happen? It's something I can't control because it's just gonna come. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. What's the fear behind it? Like what can happen? It's something I can't control. Cause it's just gonna come. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. It is really, it is scary.

Like when I was in, well, first of all, my cousin, I'm also out, I'm just telling everybody. I'm not saying which cousin, I got a lot of cousins, but my cousin growing up used to throw up all the time. And I remember one time we were with a babysitter and we were watching Alex Mack on, feel like was that Nickelodeon? Yeah, and she turns into a puddle and the first time my and like travels to places in the puddle travels The first time we saw it and she turned into a puddle my cousin threw up the babysitter was like, what did you do to make her?

I was like, you can't make someone throw up What did you do? make her throw up? I was like, can't make someone throw up. What did you do? What did you do? I was like, I didn't do anything. I don't like that babysitter. I know, I had a couple bad babysitters growing up. But did she just throw up on the floor? Yeah, she was just on the floor. She would throw up, everything kind of made her throw up.

Oh no. Which is so terrible. But in the San Francisco airport, I remember being in a pinch and I was like, I am in so much pain, which is weird because what I feel like a delayed hangover. So I woke up, I was like, I don't feel great, but fine enough to pack all my stuff from this long trip. Like I'm moving, I'm moving a little slower, but I think I'm okay. And it feels like it's gonna wear away.

And by the time I got to the airport, I was like, this is bad. Yeah. This is very, very bad. And I was like, I think I have to throw up is the only relief I'm gonna get. But I'm like, I really don't wanna throw up. I'm like, I actively, that's so spooky to me. And I'm like, I can't throw up.

It's certainly not in a public place. And then get on a flight, but then I had to make myself. And then it offered me like 30 minutes of relief. And then it was like, and now I have to do it again. Yeah, I felt bad again. Here's what I'm gonna tell you that is helpful. So if you find yourself in an airport and you're not feeling good,

cause you're a little hungover, have another cocktail. Do you know? Yeah. What do you, is that science? A hangover is alcohol withdrawal. Or like, yeah, like I swear to you, if you are not feeling good, have a drink and you will feel better for at least the flight home. Yes.

Yeah. And then when you feel bad again, have another drink. Have another drink. And then never stop drinking. Just keep drinking. Just keep drinking. Just keep drinking. And that's how you become an alcohol- A stable person.

No, but I learned this from being on the road. Like if you like have a show and you like don't feel good and you got to fly somewhere, have a cocktail on the plane and you'll feel good. Okay. You'll feel good until you land and then you can have a cocktail on the plane and you'll feel good. Okay. You'll feel good until you land and then you can take a nap and sleep it off and then hopefully not drink that night. Yes. Okay. This is good to know. I was written, your girl was struggling. I bought every little like, I bought Toms, went back to the little convenience store. I was like, okay, we're going to try Pepto this time. I went back to the thing. I was like, let me get

mints. Maybe mints will help me. I mean, they made so much money. This one little store. And all you had to do was get a cocktail. Oh, get a cocktail. I you know what? This makes sense because I told my friend, I was like, I know I look like a junkie to other passengers rocking back and forth. And the white chalk, like the pink chalk from the pep deals all around my lip. This woman's not OK. It's clearly not okay, guys. But what I did discover and I want to share with the people since we're giving tips is

San Francisco Airport has changing rooms in the bathroom, in the women's bathroom I can speak for. I was like, I need to lay down. So I was on the floor in the public bathroom. I just need you to understand. I was like, I need cold floor. And then I was on the floor in the public bathroom. Okay. I just need you to understand. I was like, I need cold floor. And then I realized on my way out, cause I kept being like, I think I'm okay for four seconds. And I was like, I'm not okay. So I'd go back to the bathroom and on

my way out one time, this was a saga. Cause my flight was also ended up being delayed like six hours. Bad time in the airport and they had no concept of when it might take off or anything. So all of that, I found a changing room. I looked behind me as I was walking out of the bathroom and I was like, Oh, changing room. And I don't think anyone knows that these exist. And so no one's going to bother me.

Fell asleep on the floor of the changing room for an hour. Wow. I was like, it's cold. So guys, there's changing rooms at SFO. I have two slept in bathrooms changing rooms at the SFO. I love that. That is good to know. I have too slept in bathrooms, not on the floor though, just on the toilet seat.

Like you were sitting on the seat? Yep, and just like lean my head against the wall and set an alarm. Wow. Pants down or? Pants down. And you said, Oh.

Yeah, so I could make my flight. What? Yeah. Do you use the liner on the toilet at public restrooms in general? But then sometimes I'll just wipe it down with the toilet paper. And then sometimes I'll, if it's grimy, I'll spray it with a hand sanitizer. Okay, okay.

Create a comfort space for yourself. I've never, you know, I'm torn. I'm like, are we supposed to use them? Do we have to use them? And then sometimes I'm like, isn't it, would it just be okay to sit? What am I really gonna catch? If it looks clean, I'm like, what's,

what would happen if I sit on this? I generally squat. There's just too many bodies. The idea, there's just so many bodies that I get worried that someone has something that I don't want touching me. But I don't think you can catch anything from a toilet seat.

I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know either. Yeah, that's why I'm like, I'm a germaphobe, so I do typically lean liner down, toilet paper down, squat even. But I was recently like, wait, what's what are we worried about catching on the toilet seat if it looks clean?

Now I want to Google, but I won't. I'll stop myself. We can ask. Yeah, we can ask. Can we can we Google what can you what's the worst case scenario from sitting bare ass on a toilet seat? Also, does alcohol cure a hangover? I want to know. Oh, know what we need to know. Yeah. Yes.

I think with a toilet, I'm worried about fecal matter too. Like if someone shat all over the seat and they just wiped it off with a toilet paper, but didn't disinfect it, and now my bare ass is on it, and then I put my ass in my pants, and now, I don't know, it just feels like so many things can be transferred to my world, and I just don't want that. Someone else's fecal matter is in your period.

You're looking at me like you've never thought this before. No, I haven't. That's wild. I have thought it's disgusting. I have been like bodies, the bodies on bodies, like if I wear shorts on the subway, I'm a little like, I don't know if I want my, I would never, I could never,

I never wore shorts on the subway. But if I wear shorts on the subway, I don't let my thighs touch the seat. Yeah, just put your, I won't sit down. You put your tailbone directly on the seat. Tailbone is directly on the lip of the seat. We are, great posture at that point,

sitting up so upright. I, but I'm like, I, I get weird about germs, but then I'm like, I might be going down an OCD path. And I don't want to say OCD lightly because some people genuinely have OCD, but I'm like, I might be going down a path that's unnecessary. Do you wear your clothes outside clothes on your bed? No. In New York? No. No, not in LA. Not in LA either. Not in LA.

Would you wear your outside clothes on your sofa in LA? That I do. Or, yeah. I would do that, yeah. OK. Sofa's fine. Bed is something different. Bed is, bed is sleep.

Bed is sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep clothes. Nightgowns. Yes. So do you ever bed rot? That's where you just sit in your bed? And just like hang in your bed for the night. Definitely. Like, along them. Yes. So do you ever bed rot? That's where you just sit in your bed? And just like hang in your bed for the night. Like, yeah.

I did that this morning because my stomach hurt. I was just in bed. Taking naps, looking at my phone, taking naps. Mm-hmm. It's tough. I love it. I feel guilty doing it, but it's my favorite place. I bought a couch when I moved to this apartment I'm in now in Brooklyn years ago.

I was like, I need to get a couch that will motivate me to get out of bed because I kind of want to live in my bed. And so I got a couch that's basically a bed and I still only stay in my bed. I love being in bed. I just love being in bed. Yeah.

I have a couch that's like a bed and it makes me fall asleep on the couch. And then I get up to go to my bed and I have a hard time going to sleep in my bed. Oh really? Yeah, you should let yourself sleep on the couch, right? I feel like it's fine. Sometimes I do, but then I like wake up

and it's like 5 a.m., all the lights are on. My teeth aren't brushed and I'm like, it doesn't feel good. That feels really, really, really bad. I ate a lot of candy before bed last night. So I do this thing at this really bad habit of what's not even a bad habit. It's like a guilty pleasure. So I feel like a lot of guilty pleasures people are like watching Housewives. Like that's no, for me it's, I want to eat food and then I want to go to sleep.

Like I love that feeling. Immediately. Immediately. What kind of candy did you eat? It was Jolly Ranchers, like sour Jolly Ranchers covered in sugar. So I had brushed my teeth. I went out last night, I brushed my teeth and then I was like, you know, it'll be really nice if I have some

candy and it's like 1 30am and I'm like, but where I'm going to have the candy, I'm gonna have the candy in bed. I'm gonna have this candy in bed and then I'm going right to sleep. I'm not getting even brushing my teeth again because I already did. And I know why we brush our teeth before bed. And I know I perhaps defeated the purpose, but I'm like, did it twice today? That's fine. And I go to perhaps defeated the purpose, but I'm like, did it twice today, that's fine. And I go to bed. That's my favorite feeling and it's disgusting. I know that it's disgusting.

And I woke up this morning feeling like, you can't do that, Ago. I felt like I was in trouble with myself, the adult part of me being like, that's not okay. That's actually really gross. How did your mouth feel? Did it feel like, that's not okay. That's actually really gross. But how did your mouth feel? Did it feel like, like slimy? Not bad.

Yes, exactly. Not bad, but also not like how it felt the morning before when I woke up, which was like, you brushed your teeth right before bed and you went to sleep and that feels lovely. But it didn't feel like gross because I do brush my teeth a lot through the day. But I was like, I do know- How many times a day do you brush your teeth?

Three to four. Like, it depends. I just don't like the taste of like food in my mouth after a meal. Like once the meal is done, I don't need to like still taste the flavors of the food. Hanging out. Have you guys ever dated someone bad breath? No. Really?

Okay. Yeah, I don't think so. Wait. No, that's, I went on two dates with someone someone with bad breath? No. Really? Okay. Yeah, wait. No, that's, I went on two dates with someone who had bad breath. And it was not great. And it was only two dates. Okay. Because of the bad breath? No, it was just because they kind of looked like a goblin. Like they just, it wasn't, all of it was bad. There are a lot of factors.

Yeah. A goblin with bad breath. That's all bad, yeah. Yeah, and he wore suspenders on our first date. Ooh, okay. But you then went on a second a second. Why'd you go on the second? You know, when you're a desperate person, you're a desperate person. I also went out with a man who burped in my mouth and then we went out again. And then he said, I think you like me too much. And I was like, nobody likes you. I'm just trying to settle.

I'm trying to settle with you. So I've done a lot of things. Burped in your mouth, no judgment, Nicole. It's just also the person who is terrified of vomit. I'm like, my friend is so scared of vomit that like if you burp too many times around her, she's like, you're about to. So the fact that someone did that inside of your mouth

is very upsetting to me. Yeah, I am surprised you're about to. So the fact that someone did that in your inside of your mouth is very upsetting to me. Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't cry. So upsetting. Nope. I pulled back, he pulled back and we looked into each other's eyes and I was like, okay, so we're not going to talk about this. And we didn't.

Did we go back in for more kiss? I don't remember. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I've been thinking, like, I've always said, you know, people ask you like in a vacuum, what are your like non-negotiables, number one turn off. And then you find yourself in a situation you're like, this was on my list of number one turnoff. And then you find yourself in a situation, you're like, this was on my list of number one turnoff. Yet here I am. Yeah, don't burp in my mouth. I'm here and I'm willing. And it turns out I don't actually have any true, true turnoffs, non-negotiables. But

the bad breath thing, I've had people in my life they not that I was romantically involved with just friends where I'm like man you have pilotosis That's that's coming from the gut I can look that's not The chemicals are yeah, and I won't have found myself wondering like Man, but then they date people and I'm like, do the people they date not smell it or do you get a use to it or do they also, I'm deeply curious, I'm curious we can Google this.

What happens if you date someone with halitosis? Do you just become accustomed to it and go? But maybe you're not tasting it like when you kiss. I had a date where the person had a bunch of like pickle-y things and I was worried. I was like, I don't want to kiss them. I don't like pickles. And then I kissed them and I didn't taste the pickles.

Yeah. Do you think it was because the chemistry and was so fire? Like I talk like that. The chemistry was on fleek. On fleek and so dope that, um, do you think it's because the chemistry was so much a thing in there that you weren't paying attention? Huh, maybe, but no, because when I went in for,

like, when we were kissing, I was like, pickle? Pickle? You were waiting for pickle tape. I was waiting for pickle, and there was no pickle. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Yeah, okay, this is something. was no pickle. OK. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Yeah, maybe.

OK, this is something. No, what were you going to say, please? No, maybe the halitosis, you can't taste it. You can only smell it. But I feel like smelling it would ruin it for me, too. Because even I wouldn't want to kiss you. Yeah. Yeah, like when you eat something that's really stinky,

it still affects the eating process for me. Maybe I don't have taste. Do you have long COVID? Well, I love garbage food. Like, people will be like, this is bad. And I'm like, I'm munching down. This is good to me. So I don't know.

Maybe I'm not, I don't have good taste. I wonder. I mean, I don't know. Or good smell? Good smell, maybe. Maybe it's the combination yours Those two senses are turned down for for you I don't I don't know though because I dated someone who I was like, I think he has bad breath. I

Remember be like wow, look at me. I said I that's like a thing. I just Doing and here we are And I remember being like I gotta make sure this isn't in my head and that wasn't a one off. And then the next time I was like, okay, it's not as bad, but there's a, there's a stench. And then, then the next time, What did it smell like? dirt? I don't know. What does dirt smell like? No, not dirt. It smells earthy. I think I could deal with that.

No, it wasn't earthy. Cause that's what I'm something like it wasn't that it was just like bow Touch bow like stank like the breath really But then I think it was a matter of I could not and I couldn't discern either I was like I can't tell if this is a matter of halitosis or like You are not getting in there and like there's like a buildup of bacteria in the back of your mouth So I like you should floss You said that? Yeah.

And what'd they say? Don't tell me what to do. And I was like, okay, well, in my mind, it's really just, I didn't say this part, but your breath stinks, your breath stinks. And I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. Did you ever- It was worth it.

Did you say anything alluding to your breath stinks? Yeah, I did. I'm a really direct person. So for better or worse. That's great. Did you stay together? I did, ultimately. For some time, yes.

Did they work on it? I don't think they like, I think, well, one, I think they maybe were a little bit of a socio. So I don't think like anything I was saying was like penetrating the psyche besides like defensiveness and how can I skirt around all of reality. So, so no, they weren't like, Oh, good to know my, you know, there's, I feel like there's a normal interaction with a partner in my mind. There's a normal interaction with a partner that's like, okay,

this is feedback from my partner, said with love, and that's something I'm going to bear in mind and work on. And that's not, that's, that wasn't this person, right? So that there was no version of that happening. But I'm like, I'm not trying to play you right now. There's no audience here. I'm like, I'm not trying to embarrass you. It's just you and me. This is actually gonna make our relationship better. Exactly, and I'm like, I'm just trying to be honest because no one's trying to lean in. So then you gotta just go like, hold your breath, I guess.

But then you do, I guess you do get used to it or you're like, we had bigger fish to fry anyway. What's bad breath when you're a sociopath? I mean, what's there's other issues going on? You got to do therapy. So this says it's unlikely that you'll become used to someone else's bad breath or halitosis. Yeah, I don't think I will become used to that. And I don't think that it's it's really like body odors and you know, no shade to you too if you were a natural deodorant and it actually works for you.

But like, yeah, I just am like, it doesn't actually work. Give me the aluminum. Everyone who wears natural deodorant swears it works. And I want to be like, I, there are people that I know that I'm like, I wish I could tell you it is apparent to me that you were natural deodorant, even if you've never said it. And it's not actually working because you just put your arm up to like grab something and I nearly passed out.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I nearly passed out. Yeah, natural deodorant does not work. Also, there is no real evidence that you need to use a toilet seat liner. Oh. Yeah, oh, wow. Toilet seat covers are porous

and allow microscopic organisms to pass through. Most of the bacteria on the toilet seats are common skin microbes that most people already have. Oh. Wow, okay. Interesting. You should sanitize your phone is what they're saying. You should focus on sanitizing your phone more.

Wow, Google's being real shady. Don't worry about your ass, worry about your hands and your phone. And we should be concerned about the germs in the air. Germs are released into the air when you flush the toilet, which I did know, and so I do close the toilet before I flush. I run when I'm in the public restroom.

You run away from the toilet? And then I run, I run away out of the stall as fast as I can, genuinely, because I know that thing about how the particles are flying. The plumes. Sometimes I hold my breath, or I'll just put on a mask. Yes. Yeah.

Do you fly with a mask still? I do. And I'll wear a mask in the bathroom, because sometimes people believe in their pussy in the bathroom. They leave their pussy? You go in, you can smell that pussy. Yeah, that's true. And you're like, you have something going on.

You're sick and maybe should be fine. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen. This is another thing, traveling. I still wear a mask because now I feel like we know too much and now I'm hyper aware of the germs. And I used to get sick all the time.

And I'm like, oh, maybe that's something. Same. I don't get as sick anymore. Same, same, same, same. Except when we went to Africa and came back with African COVID. You had African COVID. How does it differ from mine? Lasted for like a while. It was a long time and people were like hacking on the plane. We were like, they have COVID. They're disgusting. We also, it was getting worse throughout the flight. It was like, I was like sniffling more, coughing more,

and I was like, it's, something's attacking my body. But I really didn't want to believe it. I was like, there's no way we have COVID. We're just sick. Yeah, after we shared a bed and coughed into each other's mouths and were like, ugh, the air in this room is bad. No, we just had COVID.

We just had COVID. Sorry, Echo, what were you saying? No, I'm dying because that would stress me out. I feel like I go out to eat and someone's coughing behind me at the table behind me. And the whole time I'm with friends, I'm like, the man behind us is sick as a dog. I'm like, cutting, cutting, cutting my state.

I'm like, yeah, he's sick. And there he goes again, just couldn't give up his reservation. And I'm like, the man, he's coughing again. And I said, again, just couldn't give up his reservation. And I'm like, the minute he's coughing again, and I said, and that one sounds dry. So I get insane about that kind of stuff. It doesn't keep me from getting sick. And I'm like, now I'm trying to mind over matter. I read this book as a man thinketh in 2018. And it was like, basically, you can make yourself sick with your thoughts, whether that's true

or not. I'm like, okay, I'm going to try this for 12 months, where I just stop saying I get sick all the time and that man's going to make me sick. And I will say, I just truly between the mask and that I don't get sick as often as I do. The mask, the maskical thinking. I was trying to do something fun with the word magical thinking. It didn't really work. It was not on fleek.

It wasn't fire. What I was going to say is that people going to the bathroom on the plane barefoot. So I was wearing slippers into the bathroom like a week ago. Flight attendant was like, thank you for wearing your slippers in the bathroom. I go, what? She's like, yeah, you'd be surprised people don't wear them. She's like, in fact, a man just came in barefoot. She's like, I can't guarantee you.

She said to me, you know you have slippers and he apparently was like, it's fine. She's like, you're going into the bathroom, there are things on the floor, and I cannot guarantee that that's water. And she's like, that's fine. And I go, that's crazy to me. That's crazy.

I feel like most of the time when I go to a bathroom and airplane, there's liquid on the floor. Agreed, same. Unless you're the very first to use the bathroom when you get on the plane, like, hey, people are still boarding and I'm gonna pop in there. There's always liquid on the floor and ain't no telling what it is.

And then, you know, especially if you go to the bathroom after, like, no offense, an elderly person and they're in there for a while and it'd be stank. And then there's weird liquids and it's like, you missed the whole toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen it. I've seen it all. And I'm like, it didn't even occur to me that anyone would go in the bathroom of an airplane barefoot. I'm like, did not.

Why would you do? What is the benefit of that? I don't know. Especially because if you have slippers, it's not like a shoe. It's not like you have to tie laces. You can just slide the dot in and just go. Yeah.

So I don't, people are strange and far more lax. And I think that sometimes that makes me be like, am I tripping? Am I like doing too much by being disgusted by all these things? Maybe I shouldn't be so disgusted. Maybe it's fine. You'll never catch me in like an airport, excuse me,

in an airplane, bathroom, barefoot. You will catch me laying on the floor. Laying on the floor sleeping. Well, I just, I don't take my shoes off on planes. I know a lot of people do. I just simply, I'm on public transit. That's what a plane is. You're taking your shoes off on a bus?

Yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Have you ever had a friend do something disgusting or have like a disgusting behavior that you didn't know how to handle and maybe needed address? Yeah, I surely because I get disgusted pretty easily. So for sure, I get disgusted by things people do so easily. I feel like there's friends who like chew with their mouth open, and I think that that's pretty gross. I'm a person who

will say something, and that's, God bless my friends, because they're so loving and kind and understand me, and my heart is pure and I mean well, but I'm like, I'm gonna have to say something. And so I do say things, I will say things, but I'm trying to think of something specific because none of it's seared in my mind because it hasn't gotten to a point where it bothered me enough because I'm like, if I bothered by it,

I'm gonna probably find a way to be like, what are you doing? I had a friend, I had a roommate who had mud on their shoes and washed their shoes in the kitchen sink. And I was like, what are you doing? What, what? And they're like, yeah, I'm just, you know, you wash things here, you wash dishes here in the kitchen sink. And I was like, what are you doing? What, what? And they're like, yeah, I'm just, you know, you wash, you wash things here, you wash dishes here,

you wash whatever. And I was like, no, food. This is like where food happens. You can't put your muddy shoes here. Can I ask you guys a thing about that just real fast? In the kitchen, food, it's where food happens. Well, how do you feel about sex in the kitchen? Because that's a thing from like

music videos and movies. It is. I've truly, I've never had sex in a kitchen. I have made out with someone and then we moved to a bedroom. I'm not fucking someone with the, where the knives are. Where the knives and the condom. I have had sex in the kitchen and then I was like, I probably shouldn't do that again. Like, yeah, food happens here. Yeah. And then I'm gonna have guests over,

and they're gonna sit down and eat off the place where my body was, butt was smashing into. Wait, have you had sex in the kitchen? I've never had sex. Who, me? Me? I'm a good girl. Me?

Sex? No. I, yes, I have, but I'm like, I'm like, I, it's not in real time was I like whatever because it was also a house where I'm like, no one's cooking in this house at all. So the kitchen is for show. It's just a part of the house. But it was on set somewhere. It wasn't a fake. Oh, yeah. But it wasn't a fake home. But it was just like, yeah, we live here. But no one uses this kitchen for it's just like, I guess to make coffee or something. But I am like,

I've always I've thought I'm like, is this disgusting? This might be disgusting because it's where food happens. roommate thing you did just remind me. This is not a friend. This is a roommate. I want to make the clear distinction. We are not friends. Not friends. Not friends. I have no qual- not friends. You still work out and go on a run, go to the gym, be sweaty as hell, and then sit on the couch. That's disgusting.

That is so disgusting. Yeah, that's nasty. So many people apparently do it. My friends and I all seem to understand it's disgusting, but there's a sector of the population that I think would be like, yeah, no big deal. That's so disgusting to me. If I wanna sit down after I worked out

and I can't hop in the shower, I'm just not ready to say I'm waiting for a phone call, I will sit on the floor. I'll sit on the floor too. Or I'll change clothes and sit on the floor. Yes, yes, yes. But we're not sitting on the couch regardless of the fabric the couch is with sweaty clothes. Like you work out it. I think that is so gross.

And I did have a roommate do that. I had a roommate also do something, same roommate, also do something very disgusting. She used to like, we shared a bathroom and I'd have to like clean up, like a few times I had to clean up her period blood on the toilet seat, like just visibly on the toilet. And I'm like, my assumption is-

On the top of the toilet or the bottom? Top of the toilet, top right on the right there on the seat. So like she could see it too. Yes, and then she left it. Yes, she left it. And I'm like, maybe she didn't look back at it, you know? If you had looked back at it, she would've seen. She full sprint ran away.

Yeah, she ran away as well. But I'm like, we live here, so someone will look. I will say in her defense, if she was having painful period cramps, she might have left it and then was like, and then returned to it later and been like, Oh my God, I can't believe I left that there. But if I know if it happened multiple times, then no, we can't do that.

It was the multiple times because I'm also like, I don't have roommates anymore. I won't have roommates, but a family hopefully in the future. Ever again, roommates that you birthed, Roommates that literally came out of my body. But like, I am a person who does not believe in roommate beef. It's like not that deep. I don't even, it's never that serious. So I cleaned it the first month and then the next month. And then on the third, I was like, hey, I think I should say something.

So I'm like, hey, just a heads up. You left this and I didn't go, I didn't give history. I wasn't like, I had to keep cleaning because I'm like, I just did that. I'm not here to shame you. So I'm not going to go into, I had done this a few months in a row now. And her response was so poor. And I'm like, again, there's no audience here. This there's no, like, there's not a group thread. I'm like, why?

I'm not trying to embarrass you. And then I'm like, well, little do you know I've been cleaning it for months and haven't said anything cause I'm like, assuming it's a mistake, but now I'm alerting you so that maybe you will look back at it and not run out of the bathroom and maybe I don't have to clean it and you can clean it. And so that went for, I'm sure she was embarrassed.

I'm sure it was for shame. People have bad response. What was her response? How could you? Yeah, what did she say? It wasn't like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry, which I didn't need a sorry. But it was like I didn't realize that was there. OK, yeah, I'll look out whatever. But and I go, OK, and then the attitude attitude attitude big time attitude girly.

And I don't do attitude sets a song an original I don't do attitudes and so she responded poorly to that and then the next month it was like the same thing and I'm like hey again and then she was more defensive I'm like well I think I discern she wasn't well I don't know I'm not a therapist I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm like maybe you're. I don't know. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I'm like, I think maybe you're not well. But, yeah, because I'm like, these are not normal responses to the exchange you are having.

Yeah, I would just be like, I'm so sorry that you had to clean up my bodily fluids. That's disgusting. Truly. Yeah. Gross. So not good, but I did, I will, I'm like, with the roommate thing, I'm like, I'm gonna assume, I'm, I'm like with the roommate thing, I'm like, I can, I'm gonna assume,

I'm gonna assume just like an oversight, you know, with a roommate in general. And then after having to do it a few times, I was like, oh, I should say something because I don't want this to be my norm. I don't wanna clean up someone's body fluids every month. Yeah. But living with someone is wild.

I remember when I started living with a nice white lady, her hair would be everywhere in the shower. And I would be like covered in her hair. And I'd be like, you can't see it? You gotta clean this up. We gotta, we what? Yeah. That part kills me.

I don't do hair in the shower. So even when we were looking for roommates at times, my sister and I lived together and lived in this townhouse in Santa Monica. And my friends from college moved out because it was time for them to move on with their lives and move home, whatever. My sister and I, I would be like, whoever had to share the bathroom with me

and we're interviewing potential candidates to be roommates, I'd be like, I don't do hair in the shower. You're gonna have to clean that up. Like you're gonna have to, after every shower, scoop up all of those strands. Because hair is so disgusting to me. Like that's the loosey hairs. It gets stuck between your toes and shit.

Oh gosh. It was tough. And then living with like people from different backgrounds, some of them wouldn't take their shoes off. And I'd be like, you have to, we live in New York fucking city. Yeah. You cannot stop around a house after New York

and just be in the house in your shoes. Like it was like a struggle. Yeah. Which is insane to me. I, okay, I was not a shoes off person until I moved to New York. I've never like, I grew up in Baltimore, moved to LA after college or where college stayed there.

Never was the shoes off in the house, garly. Moved to New York and immediately was like, we take our shoes off at the door. We're not bopping around the apartment with shoes. My dog's paws get wiped after every New York City walk, all four of them get wiped down. Every city walk. I wipe Clyde's feet sometimes.

Sometimes he steps his own urine. Yeah. Like an idiot. I'll be like, don't do that. And he's like, do what? And I'm like, well, all right. I guess I'll just wipe them off. It is funny when animals are clumsy, because you're like, don't you have like instincts

that should prevent that? I doesn't. But he also, he has this lamb chop doll that's almost as big as him. And he'll try to jump on the couch with it in his mouth, or go up or down the stairs with it in his mouth. And he fell the other day. He tumbled down three stairs and I was like, Clyde!

And then he like looked at me and I was like, are you, are you good? And then he was like, and then had a nice time. And then he'll miss the couch and stare at me. And I'm like, I didn't do it. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, my dog is also kind of, he didn't do it. Yeah. Right. Right.

Yeah. My dog is also kind of, he loves to get, he loves to be underfoot and I'm like, you're going to get stepped on because I didn't know you were there and you're quiet as ever and you come right under my feet and I'm like, someone's going to get hurt and it ain't going to be me. It's not going to be me, baby. Like you need to stop being on the- Wait, what kind of dog is your dog?

It's a shitpoo, and his name is Chief, and he is a year and a half. A shitzoo poodle? Shitzoo poodle, yep. Matt, can you look up what a shitpoo looks like? A shitpoo. Wait, is that not it? Shitpoo.

I don't know. Shitpoo? Or it might be, it might be sheepoo, cause I don't know if it's shitzoooo, shit-zoo or shit-zoo. Oh, they're cute. Yeah. That's very cute. I think. He's like kind of a little model. He's very, he's a sweetie.

And he, if you don't greet him, he's like, come on, I know you think I'm cute to people. No. Which is, I'm like, yeah. Oh, that's cute. He's a little sweet. He's a good boy. He's very good. But he loves to be underfoot. And I'm like, you're gonna get hurt.

You're gonna, you can't, and he's also clumsy. And it's like getting tangled in his leash when he's walking. And like, I want to look at this side of the sidewalk, this side. I'm like, man, people are mad about New York City people having dogs. Have you heard this? Yeah, because they get in the fucking way. Like on the sidewalk? People are mad about you on the sidewalk, in cafes.

Bring your dog anywhere. People in New York are like, we didn't ask for this. There's already too many of us here. Get out! I can see that. It's true. I can sense it. I can sense it.

If I do a decent job of, and it makes me just anxious, right? I feel like people get pets for emotional support, like some truly diagnostic emotional support, and in other cases, just like, it'll be nice to have a buddy and a companion. And I'm like, he gives me so much anxiety when I'm out and about because I'm like, he's a baby. But I'm, I don't want to be an annoying dog person. And I think dog people can be really annoying and really inconsiderate and assume everyone

wants their dog in their face. And I'm like, I refuse to be that. But now it just makes me so stressed having a dog out in the. And I'm like, I refuse to be that, but now it just makes me so stressed having a dog out in the world. Because I'm like, you can't be walking in people's paths. We got to stay this way. We got to be mindful. And he's just a dog. But I feel hyper aware of like, don't be a pain.

Let's not be a pain to the people around us. Yeah. Well, sometimes I'll be walking Clyde and like he'll try to play with another dog. And I go, that dog does'll try to play with another dog. And I go, that dog does not want to play with you. Can you please walk like a normal dog? And that usually makes the other owner laugh and be like,

my dog's friendly. And I'm like, no, we are trying to learn how to walk past people and not jump all over. Yes. But then there's a big poodle on the block who doesn't walk on a leash, but he's a very good boy. And he plays with Clyde. Clyde tries to hump him. and this dog is maybe 50 pounds,

and Clyde is 12 pounds? Yeah. Or 20 pounds? What kind of dog is Clyde? He is, I think he's a Pomeranian Chihuahua, or a something else. Or something else. Well, there's Pomeraniansians and then there's a Papillon.

I think he's either a Papillon Chihuahua or a Pomeranian Chihuahua. Got you, but Chihuahua nonetheless. Yes, little, smiles, happy, good times. Oh, good. Very good. That's a good boy, that's sweet. Do you have any friends who don't like your dog?

It was like period. I got a single friend. One friend bitch. It's hate the podcast takes such a turn. Okay. Um, do you have any friends that don't like my dog? No, no. Everyone really loves chief. Like I went out of my way to train him when I got him. The day he came home, I was like, and we have training the next day. It's immediately. So none that don't like him. There was a guy I was dating who was like, I got to be honest, I don't really like small

dogs. And I'm like, okay. And I don't like, I was gonna say something very mean and I'm gonna say myself, lest he hear, lest he hear. No, it's nasty, Nicole, I'll regret it. I'll dream about it. No, I'll just say this.

I don't like, I don't like what your whole life set up. How about that? Your whole life set up, damn. I don't like your, and I don't like your life setup. But he was like, I don't like small dogs. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, I don't like your life setup. But I'm like, you haven't met him. He is the sweetest, goodest boy. And he that person's no longer in my life. I was telling one of my friends, I was like, this guy doesn't like chief and he's never met him. But it's like, maybe I'd like him, but maybe I wouldn't.

And everyone's like, who doesn't like Chief? He really is a sweet boy, but no friends that, just like my dog, most of them are like, he can come here, he can stay here, I'll babysit him. Yeah, it's helpful. I have friends who are incredibly helpful with him. So I'm not a single mom, totally. Like a few of my friends are.

It's a village. That's nice. It's a village raising this pup. And yeah, it's good. It's really good. Yeah, my dog has bit people and they still like him. This is true. Yeah, he bit Mono. And Mono's still as friendly and nice to me. Really?

Yeah, he doesn't really like men sometimes. He also doesn't like being ignored. He also doesn't like if you stick your hands in his face. He's a very particular boy. Oh. Yeah, he's never bit me, though. And that's all I get. Well, because you feed him.

But also, when I first met him, he didn't bite me. He snuggled on me. Oh. That's how you know it was meant to be. That's how you know. That's the bat in the lachet. Yeah, haven't you met? Do you have pets to share?

Mm-mm. No, I guess I had a dog when I was a kid. Like my parents had a dog before I was born. Okay. Her name was Sharasha, and she was half Pekingese, half Cocker Spaniel, and she bit me. Oh no!

Cause she was teaching me a lesson. I was petting her the wrong direction, and she was like, no. And she was- You're lesson. I was putting her the wrong direction and she was like, no. And she was giving me warning growls but I had no idea what that meant. And then I got bit and my mom was like, did she tell you to stop? And I was like, I don't know.

And she's like, I think the growls meant stop. And I was like, I guess so. And now you know. I feel like your mother should have vocalized the growl and been like, hey, that's a warning growl. Yeah. Maybe don't do that. But I remember my mom being there for the bite. Oh, I see.

So I think it was just me and the dog. And then my mom quickly came after us, started screaming. Yeah. My mom was scared of all dogs. Really? My neighbor down the street had a 10 pound little white dog and my mother would scream like a horse was chasing her. And this little dog would just chase her around.

And I think the dog thought it was like fun. Having fun. What was the trauma with the dog? I have no idea. I don't think she was ever bit. I think she's just scared of dogs. Right. I was out with chief at Sephora last weekend and I was trying to

find like a tinted moisturizer real fast right before they closed 15 minutes before closing walked in there and a girl kept coming up like teenage and was like, he looks like he wants to bite me and I was like, I don't think he's thinking about you. Yeah. You walked up to us. You walked up to us and came up to us and is like kind of taunting. She's like, he like, he wanna bite me. And I'm like, I don't think he wants to bite you. And I go, if that's the case, I would walk away.

That's so funny. If you're really concerned about that, you should walk away. Yeah, I'm like, you should walk away. You don't have to be here. He's also not a biter. I don't think he wants to bite you or anyone. But it's funny, it's the way people engage with dogs,

I think is funny. People saying hi to your dog before they say hi to you. I'm like, oh, cuckoo bananas a little bit for me. I'm like, cuckoo behavior. My next door neighbor always says hello to my dog before me. And then she's like, where is the other dog? I'm like, the other dog has not been here for three years. Oh, my gosh. And also gone.

Yeah. And also, well, what happened to the other dog, by the way? Oh, he went with John Milheiser to his new apartment. Oh, OK. The dog still with us. The dog is still with us. OK. Thriving, living. But truly, the dog with us. The dog is still with us. Okay. Thriving, living, but truly the dog's not been here for three or four years and it's wild. And she's like, where's the other? And I'm like, the other's not here.

You're like the dog, and I've told you this a few times, I hope you retain it this time. The dog is fine. She won't, she also cuts the grass with scissors. Is it a big lawn? I would say you would need more than scissors to really complete it. Is she well? I don't know. Okay. Yeah, maybe not. Maybe not. And that's a moment of silence for that. Okay, I have a question. Okay, what are some what's the best lesson you have learned from a friendship?

Oh, I think the best lesson I've learned is that you can't expect other people to behave or show up like you. So the best it's it was the coolest thing for me to learn and really have that penetrate my psyche, the way I show up in friendships, the way I decide what my expectations are for a friendship. I'm really proud of friendships with people. I have really great friends. I'm really, really fortunate, like the best, the best, the best. I'm really proud of my ability to now, because I wasn't always like this, I don't think, like go, I accept you for you.

That's just you. And that's how I can expect you to be that way. And you're just doing things very differently than I would, but that's okay. That's John for you. Like, and I love John. John's got a great heart, and I like that you're different from me, and you don't do things the way I am. But yeah, I can't expect you to show up. Just because we're friends doesn't mean like, we're friends because you do things the way I do things. Like, that's been big for me, and that's been helpful.

I like that. I like that too. I've been working on that in therapy, that people don't think the same way you do, and they are not going to show up the same way you do. And that's okay. Yeah, that's okay. It is. And then you have to decide like, but does the way they show up work for me and my life? Is there a way for me to orient myself and honor myself and still be in friendship with them? Or is the way they show up so contradictory

and in conflict with the way I show up or care to experience the world that I have to go over this way. I saw, you know, they're like very demure, very mindful. We all know, right? Yeah. I'm those spin offs were killing me online and really making me laugh. I saw me. They really saw a meme that was like, you see how my word is bond? Very New York, very dead ass. Yes. That made me laugh so hard. That's very funny.

That was a favorite. That was so good. And then the one I feel like that sealed it all up for me because it was like wrapping up that whole that whole moment in time was wrapping up. And I was like, I'm so glad I saw this just at the tail end, but was like, you see how your call is not going through very blocked, very peaceful, very dead to me. I will, I think I do a good job of having boundaries. Let's just say that and going, okay, no, thank you. But if I opt in for a thing, I'm all in love you down, but you don't have to be like me.

But you do have to be good and you do have to be kind. And you do have to respect boundaries. Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. On that note, how long are your braids? On that note, how long are your braids? That wasn't on that note at all. It wasn't on that note at all. Twist, it wasn't on that note. And I, well, maybe she meant on that note,

I've been wanting, on that note, note being, we've wrapped up the episode, I can now ask a thing I've been wanting to ask. Perhaps, maybe, maybe. Mayhaps, that was it. Okay, great. No, they are down to my butt cheeks. And I wanted to maybe,

well, I've never gone this long in my life, but I wanted to maybe go longer. And the hair braider who was amazing, her name is Susie. She was like, you still have to live your life, you know, you're going to live your life. Yes. And it really is the exact right length and they're not they're not like ending up in toilets and yes, we're loving that. But they're not sleeping the... I can be very... I'm not trying to be funny right now when I say very mindful about when I'm picking up my dog's poop, not swinging the braids on the sidewalk.

Oh, it's tough sometimes. I have to pull it back and then lean my head back or just put it up before I pick it up. Because I'm not trying to get poopy hair. Poopy hair. I was so nervous the first time my dog pooped and I had these braids. I was like, I'm gonna get poop in these braids. It's gonna, there's gonna be dog poop, but I haven't. And I'm taking the braids out soon. How long are yours, Nicole?

Mine are about probably the same length. The, it touched the top, the top of the bum. Okay, yeah. The tip of the butt. It's fun. I love having long hair. It's a fun little tip. It's a nice job.

Yeah, it's so fun. I just, you're, do you have to get used to the weight of the hair? No, this is human hair, so it's like rather light. Mine too, but my neck hurts so bad the first two days. And I'm not, I posted on Instagram and I think people thought I was trying to be funny, but I was like, oh no, no, no. I'm on a Zoom and I kept like adjusting my neck. And some people, someone on my team texted me after being like, hey, if you need like a neck thing, if you need help, just let us know. Wearing a neck brace.

I was basically I felt like I needed a neck brace the first two days. Not trying to be funny, not trying to be dramatic. I was like, this is a lot of hair. But but we're used to it now. Now I'm strong. I wonder if you were pulling forward as your braids are being put in. You might've been resisting.

I must've been resisting. And I'm like, it hurt so bad, but I think we're okay. We're okay now and they're coming out and I'm gonna do something else. We have enjoyed, we're having fun hair time. Nice. Oh, I love this. Well, on that note, I do think we've come to the end.

Yes. Thank you, guys. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Thank you so much for doing this. Well, we didn't answer any questions or queries this episode because we were chit chatting with a friend. But other episodes, we do do that.

And if you would like to have your question or query answered, we have an email address, Nicole Instachir at gmail.com and then also a phone number 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. We also have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Bye! Bye! Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this chef. Mm!

Bye. Bye.