Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Takes Her Annual Pole Class

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Hey friends! Sasheer watched the musical Rent and it still holds up. Nicole and Sasheer do a pole dance and they are both sore. Sasheer feels she only needs to take it once a year. Nicole couldn’t live her life as a nun because they get up too early. Sasheer couldn't be a nun either. Nicole wonders what is under those nun robes. Sasheer wore fishnet stockings during her graduation ceremony. Nicole went to school to make friends… not to learn. Sasheer always did her homework while Nicole just did enough to get by. They are both amazed that North West can eat an onion raw, like an apple. No quiz this week but Nicole and Sasheer answer your friendship questions about hooking up with friends, setting up a complaint night and more.  This was recorded Nov. 06th, 2023. Sources:North West Eats Raw Onions Like Apples And The Internet Is In Shambles-https://www.delish.com/food-news/a45736185/north-west-onion/ No BuzzFeed quiz this week. Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

okay i'm recording i'm recording i never stopped oh look at you it's gonna be one big file can you believe it i'm giving little doses to jordan chapters hi it's a sheer hi nicole how are you i'm good i watched grant last night and i texted you while i was watching and uh dramatic very dramatic very dramatic but also very good and of its time also like not not of this time i was like this holds up extremely well like i mean obviously the stuff is dated to the aids epidemic in the 80s but uh i don't know it just it didn't feel old for some reason no because in 2023 we're how we gonna pay this year's rent yeah and people are cold they gotta light candles

sometimes the power goes out and you need to light a candle you know um jesse l martin it does some of his finest work in rent i love jesse l martin he did a great job oh i'll cover you reprise is so good yeah very good I'll cover you. Oh, it's so good. I also think the lyrics are so sweet. It's like, I'll cover you with like a thousand little kisses or something. And I'm like, oh. A thousand sweet kisses. Yeah.

It's so sweet. I would love for someone to cover me with a thousand sweet kisses. Yeah. It was nice. cover me with a thousand sweet kisses. Yeah. It was nice. We went to pole the other day and I was sore for so many days after.

Oh, same. I feel like I just stopped being sore today. Same. I was like, oh my God, my arms, my back, my leg, my crack, all of it oh lord jesus but you did good thank you i will see you in one year for my yearly poll class where i do it and it hurts and I don't do it for a whole year. It was funny. Veronica was like, I mean, usually at this point you'd be like, ow, I'm done.

But you kept going. And I was like, that's funny. That is a sheer. Yeah, I do feel like the last time I did it because you were like, it goes for two hours. I think an hour and a half. And I was like, we're close to being done. Right. And you're like, no, 30 more minutes. And I was like, oh, oh my god what's wrong with you

it's a marathon baby and then like even i couldn't climb i think because i was getting tired but also my the resistance that my feet have to the pole has gone away. So like just putting my, my, the top of my foot on the pole was hurting. And I was like, Oh, I don't want to do this.

This hurts. And I still have like missing skin on top of my foot. Oh no. A little pole burn, a little pole kiss. One of those thousand sweet kisses. One of them made it to my foot. Oh, Lord. I've tried to do it. Outside leg hang, where you just hang upside down from your leg,

and it's so hard. Very hard. But you did it. But you were doing some really cool stuff upside down. Thanks. It's so tough. And I did do it, and I don't't like it and i don't think i want to ever do it i'm pretty sure there's other things i could do upside down that would feel good and probably look good too yeah there's a lot of things you could do upside down not do that

yeah i don't need to do that where are you you're in the darks this year it look you look like you're in a cave i'm in this same room okay but here's the thing there was an overhead light that was directly over me and i was getting so hot from the bulb just being exposed so then i moved a light from a different room to right next to me and then turn all the other lights off in the in the space but it does look like i'm like making a ransom video or something like i captured someone i am ask i'm i'm recording my demands also the wildest thing happened on my flight so the gate agent came on walked up to the lady in the seat next to me and was like i need to see your id you were not actually scanned in properly

and i was like what and then she like had the whole manifesto and then like looked at it and compared her id to it and she was like okay you're fine and i was like what i've never seen that before yeah why should why would they need the id like and not just her boarding pass i don't know yeah you should ask you should be like what are you what's going on are you a secret agent are you a criminal what's going on are you on the run right now what's happening oh i would hate to be on the run do you know what i mean like very anxiety just like moving from place to place being like am i gonna get caught are they gonna get me yeah so many wigs too many i do love a wig though that's true maybe you thrive maybe i would

what do you have to like go on the run like like if someone witnesses a murder or something you're definitely running right yes yeah if you commit a murder i don't think you have to run if you saw a murder unless it was like the mob or something well that's the whole premise of uh sister act this is true dolores van cartier watches her boyfriend harvey kitel, shoot a limo driver. And then his henchmen go to find her, but she runs away. And then that really nice man puts her in a convent. That's true. So I think that's exactly what would happen if you saw her. You got to go hang out with some nuns. Nun's the word.

Nun is the word. Nun is the word. I don't think I could be a nun. No? Why? They wake up really early. do what i think like pray and stuff like yeah i think that's like they wake up early they like pray um i don't know what else is on a nun's day um wait a second wait a second out of all the things i'm like red because i'm laughing so hard out of all the things that you were concerned with about a nun is waking up early

and praying it's not that you'll never have sex for the rest of your life like 5 a.m is so early 5 a.m the silence of the early hours of the morning is broken when the bell sounds for rising the nuns rise promptly washing a simple basin in their cells i live in a cell for god i don't gotta shower them nuns be stanking you only what no i can't be stinky waking up at 5 a.m not for the lord but you're fine with the no sex i think i can deal can i masturbate no one's gonna know that's true this is you between you and god maybe maybe maybe there'll be a hot little nun there that like we have a secret little fuck sesh for the lord but i feel like the community is so small someone's gonna know no not if she keeps her mouth shut i won't

tell nobody only the lord i would tell all the nuns i'd be like guess who i'm fucking sister over here sister over here we both gotta get out of here yeah i do think my main problem is the 5 a.m wake up call that's nuts yeah that's sick as hell i don't think i could be a nun uh also for the earliness and then i don't know it seems boring it does seem boring i live in a cell i wake up and i wash in a basin and i pray all day also what's under the dress anything can i wear leggings maybe they're commando and just free balling it their pussies are just out for the Lord under those dresses? Whoa. Probably not. I would like

to think so. Although maybe they are having fun all the time. The nuns and sister acts seem like they're having so much fun. They do seem like they're having a nice time. But honestly, I think they're having an okay time until Sister Mary Clarence appears. And then I think the fun skyrockets.

It's true. Yeah, I think being a nun might be, like what's a nun's day to day? Do they teach class? Not all of them. Only if you work in a school. Okay. Do they like sew stuff?

Oh, they do. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, or attending to the community mail. The mail? I'm a post office worker? We often work in common we maintain our monastatic silence except for necessary work i gotta be quiet oh i gotta wake up early and shut up never there go your podcast yeah how am i gonna make money well nuns don't need money. They get to stay in the monastery.

And who pays for that? The people? Which ones? Who ones donating to the Lord? I don't actually know. And then monks are different. Those aren't like nuns, right? Monks are nuns? No, those are different those aren't like nuns right monks are nuns no those are different and i don't know that's buddhist right buddhist monks yeah okay the life

within the walls of a monastery may be supported by manufacturing and selling goods often agricultural products by donations or alms, by rental or investment incomes, by funds from other organizations within the religion, which in the past formed the traditional support of monasteries. Okay. Interesting. Okay. Monks and nuns performed many roles in the Middle Ages.

They provided shelter and taught others to read and write, prepared medicine, sewed clothes for others, and helped others in times of need. What's the difference? The word nun is typically used for female monastics, although the term monox? Monachos.

Monachos. Monachos. It's one of the Christian origin. In the English language, monk tends to be used loosely also for both male and female ascetics from other religious or philosophical backgrounds. Okay. Interesting. Who would have thought we would have learned about monks and nuns today? Who would have thought? Who would have thought we would have learned about monks and nuns today who would have thought who would have thought i do want to know what's under those robes though maybe fishnets i wore a fishnet bodysuit under my graduation robe for college what

why are you being freaky it was a joke it was funny my friend bought these fishnet stockings or like a bodysuit it went truly from your toe to your neck and we thought it'd be funny to wear them under our our graduation gowns and then we did and did anyone see them you could see the legs oh was everyone like so you graduated to being a freak no one no one did say that i wish i went to your school i would have said that to you couple of freaks over here he graduated being a freak dude would you major in freakonomics what did i wear under mine i think i just wore a skirt and a shirt and some huge platform heels

i loved a platform in high school i would wear the biggest heels to school and like a little purse and never had any books with me. I didn't go to school to learn. I was not. I was there to make friends. It sounds like you went to Euphoria High. Those girls always have the tiniest purse and no books. I mean, that's how I was living. I put all my books in my locker, had my little purse and would never go to

my locker in between classes. And I would never bring my books home. I didn't do anything in school. That's very funny. I was there to make friends. That sounds pretty judgy. They were not good. But I got like, I got like B's and C's.'s i mean it's not terrible for someone who's not bringing their books home yeah i don't think i failed anything i don't think oh we're back to nuns bras and panties a petticoat a petticoat oh this is what they were underneath their room i would have to wear leggings so my thighs didn't rub together because i got my big old thighs wait so sheer in school did you like bring books home and stuff did you like have a backpack did you like a rolling backpack wow that sounded very judgmental. No, I did not have a rolling backpack. I can see why you think that, but I did not.

I just had a regular Jamsport backpack. Oh, okay. And you towed it books back and forth? Oh, yeah. Wild. And you like did homework and stuff? Yeah, I always did my homework. I used to get really stoned and do like did homework and stuff yeah i always do my homework i used to get really stoned and do my chemistry homework and i would just like write the same equation over and over and

over again till it looked like i did enough work did your teacher ever say anything no she was one of those teachers where she would just like come around and you'd flip the pages she'd be like you did it oh oh but this is during class no this i would do that at home so during class so we would get homework sent home with us we would do i would do the homework by just writing the same equation or whatever a bunch of times and then she would walk around we didn't like hand it in she would go around and like look through our pages and just like check it off she'd be like you did it that doesn't sound like a good grading system no but i got i got by i mean thank goodness but i think i'd be upset because i'd be like uh i actually did my homework and you're just like checking it off of his filled out

what about the people at the work well i guess you're a fucking sucker like i figured out a way to get get the grade and not do anything although i was put in basic math i think my sophomore year because i was just like i don't want to do algebra like i just didn't want to do it i was like this is not for me and i was in basic math with a bunch of other bad kids oh my god school was a uh a scam nobody has asked me anything from school like nobody's like nicole what do you know about chemistry nothing nobody's asking me yeah it is very strange that we have to take so much math and so much science like i do want some science i don't know how some stuff works but it's not like not many of us are going to continue being people who need that kind of math or science no not at all nobody has asked me about anything from beowulf like do you know what i'm saying like nobody

wait jordan is your tank top from old navy is it a sports bra it's tank top uh it's just a it's just a regular tank top but it is old navy oh i thought we had similar ones but mine's like a sports bra you tank top gotcha i do i do have one of those also really comfortable isn't it yeah sorry back to bail wolf truly nobody all the books we read i was like no they're they suck yeah catcher in the rye get out of here my freshman year of high school we read interesting books we read like the shawshank redemption we read stand by may which i think is called the body or something uh it's like a stephen king short story uh yeah we read like interesting

things and then we will watch the movie after and then talk about why we liked either the movie or the book more that's cool i's cool. I like that. I really like that teacher. She was great. That was great. I can't remember her name for the life of me. Die.

Yeah, dying. I don't remember many teachers' names. I remember Mrs. Craycraft. She was my... My eighth grade English teacher no maybe 9th grade

and I liked her because she also was like a little no nonsense and I remember there was a vocabulary word that was like I think it was juxtaposition or something and she asked me do you know what this word means

and i was like no and she's like just think about it and i was like and you liked this person i did because i was like you're right i'm not trying i could just think a little bit and then I'll figure it out. Just think about it. I don't remember switching classes, but I remember all of my elementary school teachers. Oh. Mrs. Labatch hated me. Mrs. Rooney hated me. Mrs. Fortescue hated me.

Mrs. Hadzinski absolutely hated me. Mrs. Gizzy halfway through became Mrs. Rosado. She, I don't think, liked me much either. Mrs. became ms rosado she i don't think liked me much either ms mahud i think she was so so on me and then i don't remember switching six six through 12 i don't remember oh interesting yeah yeah yeah how did these teachers display hating you or just like when i talked too much mrs fortescue would send me out of the classroom to find my mother who also worked in the school and i was not allowed to return until i found her oh my god and then i have to explain to my mom i was talking

too much and i wasn't listening and then my mom would have to walk me back to class and then i would say my mom would go are you gonna listen now and i go yeah i'm gonna listen and you know an hour later i have to say, my mom would go, are you gonna listen now? And I go, yeah, I'm gonna listen. And you know, an hour later, I have to go find my mom again. What did your mom do at the school again? I don't know. She was, well, I know she was like a lunch lady at one point. She was a volunteer lunch lady.

So she would like be outside with us and like watch the kids like with another mom. And then she did something in the office because she was there like all day oh nice she just couldn't get enough of me she said i want to be near you all the time baby and i said okay maybe she you actually weren't getting in trouble and she was texting the other teachers being like, can you just send her to me right now? Can you send my daughter to me? I miss my baby. Yeah.

I miss her. And I don't remember what Mrs. Hedzinski did, but every morning I had a stomach ache. I was like, I don't, I can't go to school. I have a tummy ache. And it was because I just didn't want to hang out with Mrs. Hedzinski and the other idiots in class. Oh, damn. Yeah. And then I remember once i rolled around in grass like

having a nice time and i'm allergic to grass and we didn't know that at the time and my eye puffed up real big and i finally was like i can't go to school because look at my eye my mom was like fine you get to stay home and then you couldn't stop me from rolling around in the grass trying to have it happen again oh my goodness school's hard you want me to sit there for a hundred hours and like listen get real yeah i don't like how it's formatted i think school should be more like play now fucking read a little take a nap read a little like we should be napping up until high school i think we should nap in school. That would be so nice because you start so early too. Yeah.

I can't learn at 7 a.m., 8 a.m. Get like a post-lunch nap and then go to your next class after that, after 30 minutes. Yes. So sheer. Should we open up our own school? Didn't Kanye West open up a school? I believe so. I don't know where it is i don't know oh yes he did because he only serves them sushi or something that's really funny people were upset they're like my kid needs more nutrients than this

no just sushi did i send you that video of northwest just eating an onion no i don't think she's eating a raw onion and someone asks her they're like do you want to do what your mom does and she's like what does my mom do and then bites into her onion it's wild wait i did watch the video i don't remember the onion though. She's holding an onion in her hands to share. She's eating a raw onion. That's really funny. Northwest eats raw onions like apples and the internet

is in shambles. That's an onion to share this little girl's my god yeah she's really just palming casually she didn't even peel the onion she's eating them flakes too i wonder how that developed like was she given an onion and she was like i gotta take a bite out of this or like someone say this will be good for you who knows wait go up maybe you'll tell us how she got to eating onions um as much as some parents struggle to get their kids to eat veggies there's been a public outcry over the way northwest the elder child kim kardashian kan Kanye West eats onions.

She asked Kim if she wanted a bite and Kim declined. How funny. That little girl's breath must be hot. Oh my God. Kourtney always says North is my lesson on this planet. What does that mean? She teaches you a lesson? It means that I'm supposed to learn even more patience.

She teaches me patience. She has taught me a lot about life. Northie, I'm going to a prison soon. Can you eat it like that? Yeah. You want some? No, thanks. You're just going to eat an onion like an apple. This is what she does, people.

She eats veggies like like apples what do you think about the work your mom does what does she do oh my god i don't think anyone's ever been roasted harder by a child eating a raw onion going what does she do i like i think i'd be eviscerated like this little weirdo is gonna make fun of me what does she do oh wow i mean i think onions are good for you so like good good for north for figuring out how to like ingest a lot of onions in a small amount of time.

But I feel like my taste buds would stop me at some point. Your taste buds would be on fucking fire. Truly your mouth would just be like, this girl is on fire. You wouldn't be able to taste nothing else. Just raw onion all day. Also, I'd be tearing up. I'd be sobbing. If someone just cuts an onion near me.

Your sinuses would clear. Yeah, I would be crying. I can't imagine eating one and having it in my face like that. North is tougher than all of us, honestly. What does she do? That's what happens when you live a life where you're pampered and very rich. You eat onions for the thrill. I need some kind of struggle. that's what happens when you live a life where you're pampered and very rich you eat onions for the thrill i need some kind of struggle i need something to make me feel bad

wait should we answer queries oh yes let's do that what time are we at is it time for that right now we're at 35 22 so we can do another quiz if you want and then answer questions or the question if you know we don't have time for a quiz we're at 35 we only have 10 more minutes it took us maybe 30 it took us like 50 minutes to do a quiz on the last episode all right let's so she's queer you are speaking the truth and somehow the room you're in is getting darker and darker like soon you're just gonna be in complete black it's wild it's because the light's not coming um because you truly look like you're in the

osama bin laden must have been hiding him like truly it is nuts oh boy my stomach hurts it's because the uh sun went down so the light the light that was coming from outside is gone i understand how life works the sun went down the sun is gone yeah this year yes okay hi sit chair and nickel kimberly and jubin that will probably sound that will probably sound funnier in my head but i need your help i have a problem with my best friend and how we communicate. It started this year when I would message him to hang out and we would decide on a time. But as the day got closer and closer, he would just simply forgot we made plans. I started checking in on him the day before and usually the day of our plans too. And it's what still happened. Or he would double book himself. I understand life gets busy, but it's gotten worse from here. Nowadays, I'm lucky to get a reply from

him. I will send him a message asking to hang out, and he will just open the message or leave me on read. I have pretty bad anxiety, so my overthinking starts to blow things out of proportion. I confronted him about it and asked if things were okay between us, which he assured me things were fine, and he values my friendship. But he'll continue to do the same thing each time I ask to hang out. It's a bit exhausting. Maybe we're drifting, but I don't see why. We always get along great when we're together and often try to plan our next hang before we leave.

I'm just so confused why he continues the same behavior, even though I have checked in with him about my concerns more than once now. A friend of his says the less he replies to you it means the more comfortable he is around you i don't know if i believe that but i also think maybe he might have undiagnosed add or something that makes him forget to reply so i'm sorry for the longer message but i truly envy your friendship and communication with each other love the pod and stay safe i love how you read that whole thing left the last sentence for me well i i mean it's totally fine i got tired of reading and then when i stopped i was like oh there's only in yeah and maybe it's one of those things where it's like maybe you feel comfortable not always answering me but i don't feel super comfortable when are we make plans and you don't keep them i don don't know. What's a nice way to say that?

It's like, I want to hang out with you, so when we make plans, I'd like to keep them. Mm-hmm. Maybe you can ask, like, is there something we can do to help you remember our scheduled hangs? Like, you know, you recently just switched to your your google calendar on your phone and uh i feel like maybe if it was if this person uses that which maybe they don't but

you'd be like let's put in your calendar right now as i'm standing right in front of you. So I know that you have it in your calendar or, you know, I can invite you on Google Cal and you can accept it and it'll remind you on your phone that that's what's happening. Yeah. But maybe you can ask and come out of like, I see you're having trouble with this. Is there something we can do? Like, is it helpful for me to call you the day before? Even though I think, didn't they say they checked in? Yeah, they say they check in the day before day of, but it still happens.

Maybe it's like really just being like, hey, I really value this friendship. I really love you and I really want to hang out with you. So I like, it makes me sad you and I really want to hang out with you. So I like it. It makes me sad when we don't get to hang out. So is there anything I can do to be more helpful to help you? Yeah. And.

I think that's worth saying. And then. I guess then you just see if any change actually happens. And then if it doesn't then i don't know because you've already you've already had this conversation so it's like i guess you could stress like it makes me feel like i'm not a priority when you forget our meetups um and it sounds like this person genuinely does want to hang out. But they're just having trouble remembering. Do we think they could be sad?

Yeah, it was just about to be like, maybe you can ask if everything's okay with them. Yeah. Like, do you want to talk? Like, is something happening? Yeah. Mm-hmm. um yeah yeah because something's up i don't i yeah this feels like a lot more than just like a forgetful person like yeah especially if you brought it up a couple times yeah and i want to know what they are saying. Yeah. Like, what are they just like, yeah, I do want to hang out with you.

Like, is there something that's being left out? Like, I do want to hang out with you. I just get confused or. Yeah, like I guess I'm like, I just need to know a little bit more information because I do feel like our listener has done all the things I would say to have them do. Yeah. I also wonder like how specific these hangout times are. Like I've made this mistake before where someone's like, do you want to hang out Saturday? And I'm like, yeah, because in theory I do. But if we don't put a time on it, I might fill it up and I might forget. And then Saturday comes around

and they're like, are you down to hang? And I'm like, oh, whoops. I accidentally planned a lunch and a dinner and a da da da. Because of course I did want to hang out on Saturday, but we didn't say when. So I forgot. So maybe if it's like, do you want to hang out 3 p.m. on Saturday and we're going to meet at this restaurant, then maybe for that person, it's like more cemented. Like, oh yes, we are going to do that. Because yeah, maybe that person has the same thing that I do sometimes where it's like, oh yeah, I would love to do that because I would. But then if we don't actually cement it or like make it specific, I might forget. I wonder if you can set an alarm on your phone for a specific date. Oh, no, it just no, it's just the time.

But I guess you could do it in your calendar yeah but it's like if this person's reminding them is a calendar gonna actually help with the reminder but i think you're on to something with like time a location i think that's helpful for a lot of people yeah i mean it's possible this person's already doing that, but if they're not, maybe try that and make it as specific as possible instead of like, we'll hang sometime this weekend. And then that's hard to know when this weekend we will hang because lots of things could happen.

Yeah, you could join a circus. Maybe, did your friend join the circus did you did you ask did you ask are they part of Cirque du Soleil because of course they're busy they're training they're bending but yeah I think one ask what's up with them if they need like a friend to talk to you about something going on maybe they're sad to i think nailing down a time a time and place might be really helpful yeah judith jordan do you guys have anything i would just listen i'm the type of person who's so upfront with people and if you are constantly standing me up i'm just gonna call you out and be like what's the what is the issue but I don't like as much

as I want to be understanding of if someone is going through something but like if this is something that constantly is happening I'd be like right in texting or calling being like what's the issue like I thought we were friends I don't know why this keeps happening um that's me I'm running a fight I'm just really fight I thought we were friends I thought we were friends what the fuck's going on if you're my friend you wouldn't do that you would make the effort

and like I recently went through something where it was this really big important event and someone who I thought was going to be there like canceled last minute. And I was like shocked. And I haven't figured out like how to say something to them just because I'm that shocked. Yeah.

But yeah, if I if I really care about you and you're my friend, I'm not going to stand you up. I'm going to make sure that I'm there. And so I would be the one calling out being like, what's the issue? What's the what's the problem? Yeah. Yeah, that's why I think it might be helpful to ask how they're feeling, because I think people have a hard time thinking of other people's perception of something if they're like deep in depression or self-esteem stuff or I don't know who knows what. But like, yeah, it sounds like maybe they're like not quite conscious of what's happening around them.

Mm hmm. Yeah, I I'm a bit on the fence because it seems like this person doesn't mean to do it. It doesn't seem like there's an intention there. So I try and give some grace. But I also think if you've already talked to them and it continues to happen, I think, one, try the calendar idea and setting it up on the spot like you guys did, but also maybe start building bigger community, like with people who like follow up and follow through for you if you need it, if it keeps, keeps going on and on, and you might have to start building a distance with this friend. Um, if they're not, you know, reciprocating what you need in terms of like hanging out and community and stuff, not to throw them away, but I think you need to be able to hang out in community and stuff not to throw them away but i think you

need to be able to hang out with your friends that's that's a requirement with friendship depending on the type of friendship that you want to build with this person that makes sense yeah solved solved also give us an update if you speak to them yeah hi. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Big fan. Y'all always know how to make me laugh and cheer me up on even my worst days. I have a question that's friendship related, but it has to do with my sister. My sister is younger than me by about seven years. I love her a lot.

And we've gotten a lot closer as we've gotten older. She is also not as mature as I am, obviously, because she's younger than me. I understand that, but she never takes care of herself in any way, shape, or form, whereas I've been fairly self-sufficient since high school. She struggles with keeping friends, and she tends to hold on too tight to her friends that she has. My question is, I have been having a hard time with her recently. She's been kind of dumping on me because she has lost a lot of her friends recently. But things are going really well in my life, and I'm having a hard time balancing keeping her negativity above my positivity. saying keeping her negativity above my positivity. I don't want to not have her talk to me or anything like that, but how do I spin it? How do I maybe set boundaries? I've never really had

boundaries with her and I just don't know what to do. I've always been kind of her rock and I want to continue that, but also keep my mental health doing pretty well. I love you guys. Thank you. Maybe when your sister is venting about something, you can like you know, you don't want to tell this person to not vent. But maybe you can start the conversation by being like, tell me something good that happened

this week. Or like, what are you excited about today? Or something like that. Kind of give her positive prompts and see if she'll bite. And then, you know, hopefully she'll like spend some time doing that. And then if venting comes up, it comes up. But hopefully it's like doesn't take over the whole conversation. Mm hmm.

hopefully it's like doesn't take over the whole conversation. Mm hmm. Maybe you can have like venting Wednesdays where you like go to a bar, have some drinks and you vent about the things you want to vent about. And then you go Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. We don't vent. Is that wild? That's too crazy. I honestly love that.

I think that's great. Because then, yeah, you could be like, and you don't even have to make it about her. You could be like, hey, I'm trying to be less negative in my speech. Or like, you know, because I feel like it permeates through my whole day or whatever. How about you and I spend every Wednesday night venting the shit out of whatever bothers us and the rest of the week it's like all positivity because i'm trying to like you know

stay up or something for the rest of the week um and yeah hopefully she'll bite but that sounds exciting to me a dedicated time to vent hell yeah yeah i think that might be fun yeah yeah like yeah venting wednesdays vw and then go somewhere dumb like applebee's i don't know yeah i like that have dollar margaritas and vent and be like this food shitty like you know yeah go to a restaurant that not i'm not saying applebee's food shitty if they brought back the apple chimichee's cake it would be better but go to a restaurant that you both hate and then order something you both don't like and then like make it a fun little event yeah or it's like really nasty if it like you can talk trash while you're eating trash yeah talk and eat trash the trash is coming out your mouth and it's going in your mouth wait i really like this can we do this

absolutely i'm getting excited and i was like in my head i was like what nasty restaurant should we go to well we probably shouldn't name it here. No. Yeah. If they're trying to have a business. But if someone loves it. Yeah. Yeah. I think it would be very fun.

Yeah. Bring all your negativity. Wear your hateful outfit. I hate this shirt. Wear shoes that hurt. My feet hurt. This doesn't fit me. Just be angry.

I like that. Yeah, try that. Yeah, I think that'll be fun. I do think it's really important to be like, I'm trying to be more, like to tell someone I'm trying to be more positive in my life. Because then it's like, I'm not saying you're negative.

It's like, I'm just being like, I'm changing. I'm doing something for myself. And I would like you to get on board. Yeah. Yeah. And hopefully they'll pick it up. Yeah. Ooh.

Judith said maybe go to a break room, which is like where you go smash stuff. Ooh, that's really smart. Wow. Yeah. This is great. Get some aggression. Yeah. VW. Go to a nasty little restaurant wearing your ugliest shoes and ugliest outfit.

Bring all your hate. And then after, go smash things. I mean, honestly, it feels like therapeutic. I think so. I think that sounds really fun to just like bring a bunch of hate to a dinner. And then you leave. You're like, all right like all right well gonna have a good thursday now left it there and then everyone at the restaurant is like there's a bad vibe in the air it feels really bad it feels bad i made no tips everything feels weird Solved. Solved. Hey, Nicole, Sashir, Kimmy, Jordan, and little Clyde.

Sorry, I'm so nervous. I had to pull over and call while I had the nerves. So I have a question for y'all. So I left my husband about four months ago in the process of divorcing. And, you know, no regrets, but it's been rough. But I'm ready to get out dating again. It's been hard. I'm bisexual.

So I've been looking in the female route for relationships, but lately I've been kind of craving the male companionship short-term, if you know what I mean. So I recently realized that I am a demisexual, so I really can't, I'm not comfortable with one-night stands, going out Tinder dating and stuff. So I've been looking in my friend group, but also I don't want to ruin friendships that I have and that I've acquired and earned over the, you know, probably eight years. So how would you recommend going further as far as interested in hooking up with male friends but not making it weird? I used to be able to do this when I was younger, like 18. I hooked up with a lot of my male friends. And I don't know, I didn't have a problem with it before, but now I'm in my 30s.

I feel like a totally different person, but the same. I don't know. It's weird. So, yeah. What would you all do? Options, opinions, anything is appreciated. Thank you, guys. I love the podcast.

You remind me so much of me and my best friend, Elizabeth. And I recommend it multiple times. Thank you so listening Lizzie love you all right ladies thank you bye hooking up with friends is like a little tough for me um I personally if I were to make a move on one of my friends that like I care deeply about I would I wouldn't do it just to hook up with them I'd try to date them um because I feel like I don't know like I don't know I I in my 30s I don't want to just hook up with my male friends because I I don't want to ruin it because the the male friends who I have are good friends. And also Tinder, you're not obligated to hook up with people.

You can go on a date with someone. You're not obligated to have a one night stand with anybody. And, you know, if someone pressures you into sex, absolutely. You don't want to be in that situation. But you can say on the date you're like i actually take my time and you know go out on multiple dates with somebody it sounds like to me that you're looking to hook up with your male friends because you're already friends with them and you know them and it seems like it's maybe a shortcut to hooking up with somebody

but in the long run, is the shortcut good? Maybe the ride to the destination is more fun than a shortcut, you know? Maybe you gotta see some trees. Pass a couple Dairy Queens. It's not the destination, it's the journey to get there. It's the friends we make along the way yeah yeah I think having sex with your friends is

tough especially if you want to stay friends I think I'm some people have done it in the world I know people have done in the world and and it and it works for them but these are also friends that are aware that you're newly out of a marriage and that might be strange for them. Yeah. Little sticky, nobody wants to feel like a rebound. Yeah, or that they're just like servicing you. Cause you have to think about their point of view too. Cause they're like, oh, I guess you're just using me for sex but but you're my friend and that doesn't feel good um

yeah yeah i think you can still find someone on an app and make it clear like just kind of have a relationship not looking to date but do you want to find someone that i enjoy being around and could be a friend that i hook up with like can i get a friend like i think you can say i want friends with benefits basically and then hopefully you can develop a friendship and then eventually feel comfortable enough that you are willing to hook up with them yeah and i think with friends with benefits if you write that on your dating app i think you have to be like i am looking for something with friends with benefits heavy emphasis on friends because i would like to get to know you before anybody is benefiting

from anything um because there are some people out there like friends benefits hell yeah give me in the puss and then there's there's no intention. Give me in the piss. It's Cartman for some reason. Give me in the piss. But yeah, I think I would do dating apps. I wouldn't dip

into friendship because it has only been four months since your relationship and it does feel like you're looking for a rebound. But it feels like

you just don't want to be like willy-nilly hooking up with people. Yeah, I don't think this shortcut is good in the long run i agree i also don't think this shortcut is good in the long run yeah yeah i think you better listen to apple maps and not this sleek shortcut you heard of oh my goodness you better take that full route you gotta you gotta make all the left hand turns okay yeah that's how i feel

mm-hmm okay so Okay. So. Okay. This dark room. If you have a question, you can email me and Sashir at Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com or you can call, leave a voicemail or you can text us

or leave a voice note at 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. And we got transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Well, Sash review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Well,

Sashir, see ya. Talk about shortcuts. See ya.