Betrayal - EP 14 - Lorena

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

A box in the garage reveals to Lorena her husband’s darkest secrets and changes her fundamentalist religious beliefs.  If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us at betrayalpod@...gmail.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sometimes where a crime took place leads you to answer why the crime happened in the first place. Hi, I'm Sloane Glass, host of the new True Crime podcast, American Homicide. In this series, we'll examine some of the country's most infamous and mysterious murders, and learn how the location of the crime becomes a character in the story. of the crime becomes a character in the story. Listen to American Homicide on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Emily, revealing incredible jobs
Starting point is 00:00:39 that are out there. Ah, here's Winston with his burning question. Emily, can race cars top jet planes? I gotta know. Classic. He's a charmer, but his timing could use some work. Winston loves trucks, so we'll explore construction, car racing, and more. Join us on Growing Up, the Lingo Kids podcast inspiring you
Starting point is 00:00:59 to chase all your dreams. Listen to Growing Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your dreams. Listen to Growing Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a little girl, you don't say, oh my gosh, I can't wait to grow up and marry a guy who cheats on me and makes me feel like the only way I can leave is if I'm going to be homeless and in a ditch. I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most
Starting point is 00:01:46 and the deceptions that change everything. Lorena is a Midwestern mom who's never met a stranger. When she meets someone, she wants to really connect. If you want to sit there and talk about the blue sky and the green grass, please go find somebody else because I don't have time for that. You want to tell me who you are and what you want to be? I'm all over that." She came to the interview with an extra large iced coffee in hand and the energy level to match.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Caffeine, caffeine, lots of caffeine. This is how I make it. I have 11 children and I have four grandkids. I'm busy. 11 children. She was 18 when she had her first and 40 when she had her last. In that time, she didn't go two years without being pregnant. How did she get here with 11 kids? Well, she belonged to a conservative Baptist church. In her community, big families were the norm
Starting point is 00:02:44 and she loved motherhood. But today, she sees that she was a frog in boiling water. She didn't realize the temperature was being turned up until it was too late. Lorena was raised by a single mother, and their family moved nearly every year. She always envied her friends who had the stability she didn't seem to have. I really, really wanted the nuclear family. I really wanted, well look, it's the mom and it's the dad and it's some kids. Her mom worked in a hospital and would bring Lorena along with her sometimes to sit in
Starting point is 00:03:23 the waiting room. While she was there, she fantasized about a career in medicine, working with premature babies. I wanted to be a doctor. I actually wanted to be a neonatologist. But as she got older and became a teenager, she and her mom started butting heads.
Starting point is 00:03:42 She felt like her mom didn't have time for her. So Lorena started to do exactly what she wanted. When she was 16, she ran away from home. She says it wasn't as dramatic as it sounds. She just went to a friend's house. When her mom found her, she'd been smoking weed and her mom did something drastic. My mother figured out that she could put me
Starting point is 00:04:06 in drug treatment centers. It was almost like a little mini prison. She went to three. The first, wooden keeper, because they found out that she wasn't struggling with any drug addiction. The second was a psychiatric hospital. They assessed her and kept her there for a few weeks before they determined that she didn't need to be hospitalized.
Starting point is 00:04:27 And so she found another place. And the third place she found? They put everyone there on 800 milligrams of lithium twice a day, whether you needed it or not. As soon as she turned 18, she got out of there and moved out of the state with her boyfriend. Within a few months, she found out that she was pregnant. From the very moment I took that pregnancy test and saw that positive line, I was so excited. I just was so incredibly amazed that I could be a mom. But she experienced deception early on in that relationship.
Starting point is 00:05:10 I was 20. He told me he was 25. I found out that he lied to me. He's 35. I found his driver's license. 35. That's a lot of age difference. You're not on equal grounds.
Starting point is 00:05:24 There's not equal footing. So she did what she'd always done growing up, figure life out by herself. She left him, took the baby and moved back to her home state, which we're not naming here to protect her privacy. And back home, she got herself into college. While she was in school, she had another baby. She was excited to have a second, but she didn't want a long-term relationship with the father. I'm in college. I'm mostly making A's, a couple of B's there, except whenever I had
Starting point is 00:05:58 my second child, I was in a class that I really shouldn't have been in and I made a C. Now that she had two young children that she was raising alone, going to medical school seemed unrealistic. So she changed her plans and decided to get her business degree. She began studying to become an accountant. I'm in a business class
Starting point is 00:06:21 and I see the sky across the room. and I'm like, oh my gosh. He was strikingly handsome, well dressed, and the smartest one in the class. He asks me if I want to study. And I'm like, he is setting the standard on all the tests and he's wanting to study with me. And I'm like, yeah, I love that. And so we make plans. And when he comes over, we don't study. We're going to call him Peter.
Starting point is 00:07:02 So she and Peter stayed up all night talking. Anyway, we're talking and he's just listening to me. He left somewhere between 4 and 6 a.m. He kissed me and then he left. The next day he called her. He called me right after he got out of the fort. Hey, I was just wanting to come by and see you. Wow. He made her feel important. They started planning play dates with her two young kids and movie nights at her apartment. And I loved the way he made me feel.
Starting point is 00:07:39 He made me feel seen and heard. He made me feel like I was the smart one and I don't think that I had felt like some man had ever been that interested in me before. Things were moving quickly. After just a few dates they became inseparable. With most of my past relationships, they were like easing into relationships. You know, you talk a little bit, but with him, we never stopped seeing one another. She was into him,
Starting point is 00:08:17 but Lorena had two small children to protect. She didn't want them to get attached to Peter. So three months into their relationship, she said she couldn't continue unless he was serious. And at that point in time, he told me he loved me and he wanted to pursue the relationship with the possibility of marriage, which I was like, what? A few months after that, Lorena went to the doctor for a routine physical. I get a phone call and they tell me I'm pregnant. So Peter came over that night and I told him and I was so scared. I remember we were standing in the kitchen and he
Starting point is 00:09:09 picked me up, put me on the counter and looked in my eyes and said, please, please will you marry me? I don't want our child to not have a father. And I was like, yeah, yes, I will. Peter adopted her two younger children. And now as a mom of three and a wife, getting her college degree became even more difficult. I had basically taken that semester off. In the fall, I think I took one class and passed it. And then in the spring, he said,
Starting point is 00:09:56 well, how about you just stay home with the kids? And I'm like, wow, that's really thoughtful. So I decided, yeah, let's try that. I'm so happy to be on with my kids because I haven't ever had this opportunity to just be a full-time mom. All of a sudden, she had the nuclear family she'd always wanted, and Peter promised he would be their provider. While she paused her education, he excelled in his. His professor had told him, you're very smart.
Starting point is 00:10:32 If you ever decide to go back and get your master's degree, don't sell yourself short. Go to an Ivy League school. You can get in. So Peter started applying to MBA programs and it turned out his professor was right. He was accepted into one of the top three business schools in the country, and the family moved to the Northeast for his education. Alone in a new city with her kids, Peter encouraged the family to start going to church. His mother was very religious. She was Pentecostal, and he wanted me to go to church.
Starting point is 00:11:03 So I went, and you know what? I found God. I found Jesus right there. She hadn't grown up religious, but the church became a home away from home. When Peter graduated from his MBA, Lorena was there at his graduation with their family and now five children.
Starting point is 00:11:24 He even graduated with a high paying job offer. To make it even better, the job was close to their home state. And this is like the biggest energy company. It's huge. And he's got a good job there. Back in the heartland with her five kids and her Ivy League husband, Lorena had a dream life.
Starting point is 00:11:46 She and Peter started looking for a new church. That's when they found this really cool organization, IBLP. Bill Gothard's Institute in Basic Life Principles. Oh, come here and learn about our program and it will inspire you and grow you as a parent. Give you kind of an idea of how to live a better life. How to be a better mother. How to be a better father, a better husband, a better wife. They gave the family workbooks for homeschooling their kids and guides to parenting. They provided free meals and childcare.
Starting point is 00:12:34 It all came with a conservative, fundamentalist ideology. I bought into that. Peter bought into that. We bought into that. Peter bought into that. We bought into that. If you've heard of the Duggar family in their reality TV show, 19 Kids and Counting, you've probably heard of IBLP. The church and the Duggars were featured
Starting point is 00:12:57 in the documentary, Shiny Happy People, that came out in 2023. The Duggars religion promotes having as many children as physically possible, and Peter certainly believed in that. At first, IBLP was a culture shock for Lorena, especially what they expected women to wear. Like the Duggars, like what they have the women they are wearing. Every single one was in what they call a jumper or a long dress that looked like it came out of the 1800s. But Peter thought it was a good example for their daughters. He liked the modesty. He's like, well, I really like for you
Starting point is 00:13:36 guys to be dressed like this. It's more modest and we're setting a standard here in our house. And it did not take long before I conformed and wore what everyone else wore. The church had strong beliefs about gender roles in the household. Women cannot be over men. Men are the umbrella of protection. The women were there to make the food
Starting point is 00:14:03 and to keep the kids quiet. And the most important principle? Allow God to dictate the amount of children you have. So she and Peter had another and another. Sex was every day and sometimes it would be twice a day. Unless he was traveling, clearly, or we had just had a baby and then it was we'd wait two weeks. All the while, Lorena was doing the childcare on her own.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Peter would never change diapers. I think with number three, he might've changed 10 diapers, but then after that, with babies four through 11, I would say that he probably changed each one of them maybe twice, and there may have been a couple that he never changed at all. She understood that their religion had conservative beliefs about gender roles,
Starting point is 00:15:03 but deep down, she hoped that he would do more, especially when it came to the kids. I thought that the church was going to help him to be a better husband and a better father. Instead, it helped him hide things better. One night, as Lorena and Peter were going to bed, he was kind of dozing and I was stroking his head and I was like, Peter I love you so much and he said, I love you too, Crystal. I was like, what? What did you just call me?
Starting point is 00:15:56 Whenever a homicide happens, two questions immediately come to mind. Who did this and why? And sometimes the answer to those questions can be found in the where, where the crime happened. I'm journalist Sloane Glass, and I host the new podcast, American Homicide. Each week, we'll explore some of this country's most infamous and mysterious murders.
Starting point is 00:16:20 And you'll learn how the location of the crime became a character in the story. On American Homicide, we'll go coast to coast and visit places like the wide open New Mexico desert, the swampy Louisiana bayou, and the frozen Alaska wilderness. And we'll learn how each region of the country holds deadly secrets.
Starting point is 00:16:51 So join me, Sloane Glass, on the new true crime podcast, American Homicide. Listen to American Homicide on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Growing Up, the Lingo Kids podcast where we uncover all the awesome jobs you could do when you grow up. I'm Emily, and I'm here to help you find your passion. Oh, wait a second. This noise. Ah, that's Winston who always has some burning questions.
Starting point is 00:17:22 What is it now, pal? Hey, Emily. Can race car drivers go faster than jet planes? It's typical. He's a charmer, but sometimes his timing could use some work. Winston's all about trucks, but hey, we'll explore construction, car racing and plenty more careers. So join us on Growing Up,
Starting point is 00:17:41 where we inspire you to be whatever you want to be. Lingo Kids Growing Up is now available on Story Button, the kid-friendly device for screenless podcast listening. Listen to Growing Up on Story Button, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Lorena quickly fell into a religious community that promised to help her with childcare, marriage, and parenting. And the church wanted families to have as many children as possible. By now, Lorena had seven children with her husband, Peter.
Starting point is 00:18:20 One night, she was taken aback when her husband called her by the wrong name, Crystal. I was like, what did you just call me? Who's Crystal? And he shot out of bed, shot up. He's like, I didn't say that. I don't know who Crystal is. I don't know what Crystal, I don't even know what Crystal, what are you talking about? He blamed the mistake on sleep deprivation.
Starting point is 00:18:43 And it made sense. After all, he was constantly working. His schedule was 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. So it's that 14 hours a day, that's Monday through Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday he'd get called in frequently. We'd get out of church and he'd be like, oh, the office called, I gotta go. Even though he was working nonstop and made a great salary,
Starting point is 00:19:09 their money got tighter and tighter every year. Christmas came and I remember asking him, can I please just spend $7 on each kit, just $7 a piece. And he was like, we don't have any money at all left. I'm like, where did all the money go? Lorena assumed it was the financial strain of being a family of nine. So I made everyone homemade gifts that year.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Everybody got one gift. Despite money being tight, she relied on Peter to be the financial expert in the family. After all, he had an MBA from a top three business school. He printed out spreadsheets with their budgets and gave Lorena a weekly allowance for her and the kids. I keep telling myself, it's gonna get better, it's gonna get better,
Starting point is 00:19:54 because it sure as heck couldn't have gotten worse, right? She was wrong about that. At one point, Lorena tried to investigate what was going on financially. She checked on the bank accounts, wanting to understand their expenses and find opportunities to save. But Peter drew a firm boundary. And he said, if you look at this bank account again, I will cut you off and you will not
Starting point is 00:20:21 be able to see any finances. After her eighth baby, she had serious health complications. While they were in the hospital, the doctor pulled them both aside. The doctor says, listen, I know you have eight kids and I know that you kind of have your beliefs on that and whatever, but in the best interest of your health,
Starting point is 00:20:42 you need to put off having any more kids. Peter looked at him and said, we're not gonna do that. We believe in letting the Lord give us as many kids as we want. That's what we're gonna do. After my eighth child was born, I was in an immense amount of pain.
Starting point is 00:21:04 I could not even hold my baby, let alone feed him. While I'm healing from all of this, I'm not healthy. And I get pregnant with baby number nine. As their family continued to grow, so did their financial problems. So at this point in time, he had a bankruptcy on his record and he owed back taxes to the state we lived in. I know that he makes a good six figure salary, but I'm getting an eighth, maybe not even
Starting point is 00:21:42 that much, a tenth of it to feed and clothe the kids. Lorena couldn't understand it. Peter explained that it was the expenses of the kids and the family that were bankrupting them. In an attempt to salvage their finances, they decided to downsize to a smaller house. And Peter found a new job. And at some point in time, they started requiring him to travel. So here are the kids and I in this dumpy house that he's never put much into.
Starting point is 00:22:19 It was very old, falling apart, dilapidated, two bedroom, one bath for 11 people. It does have running water, but the septic system is a barrel. Lorena rose to the challenge. I can squeeze blood from a turnip, okay? I can show you how. My oldest son at one point in time came to me and said, Mom, that makes a good six-figure salary. Why are you living the way you're living? I was like, we spend it all. They relied on the church as much as they could. One summer in 2015, they took the whole family to an IBLP conference. And the speakers that year were the Duggars. This was right after their oldest son had gotten in trouble with Ashley Madison.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Ashley Madison is an online dating platform specifically for married people. Their slogan is life is short, have an affair. And back in 2015, their user database had just been hacked. All their users' emails were now public and available online for anyone to see. Mrs. Duggar was talking about how you could go on to some website and look up people's email addresses and something just clicked in me.
Starting point is 00:23:57 So right then and there, we're in the middle of this conference and I was like, oh, I need to go feed the baby. I go outside and I'm looking on my phone and I look up one of his email addresses and it shows that he has an Ashley Madison account and I nearly threw up. I Couldn't believe it. She decided to confront him that up. I couldn't believe it. She decided to confront him that night. I said, this is what I found.
Starting point is 00:24:31 And he was like, that's not me. That email must have been hacked. Oh look, I'm gonna delete this whole email. Just get rid of the email completely so that you believe me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so it was enough to go, okay, well, maybe he did, because at this point in time, I believed him because I really had no other options.
Starting point is 00:24:56 I had no other place to go. My mantra is setting it. It's gonna get better. It's gonna get better. She had nine kids. Lorena was independent, but raising a family in a household of this size, going in alone was far too scary to think about. But the truth was, she had been alone for a while.
Starting point is 00:25:18 He was gone, having to travel for quote-unquote work at least one week out of the month. Sometimes it would be two. So I was becoming more and more accustomed to him not being there. September 21st, 2021. Peter was on another trip, because that's what he did. I had decided to take my kids to our state fair. On the way out to the car, I passed by this box. It was just a shoe box of old papers that had been floating around Peter's car
Starting point is 00:26:02 for the past few months. She assumed it was just some of Peter's work documents. Nobody looked in it because it's work stuff. Why would you? I mean, I'm not interested in this work stuff, okay? So nobody looked in it. I must have walked past that box 20 times. But on this day, she was curious.
Starting point is 00:26:22 I'm going to look through it. I'm just going gonna look through it. I'm just gonna look through it. I'm looking through and I'm seeing all these folders and I see one envelope full of birthday cards. And so I'm going through and I see this one and on the outside of it, it's labeled Poppy. Like P-A-P-I. I'm like, okay.
Starting point is 00:26:48 I open up the envelope and in it is a card and it says, Dear Poppy Dong, I hope you like the travel book I made you. I have enjoyed our travels together and I hope to have many more with you. I have enjoyed our travels together and I hope to have many more with you. Love, Princess Buttercup. At this point, my blood had ran cold. My hands are trembling and I am shocked.
Starting point is 00:27:23 I don't know what this is. I don't know what it means. I don't know what this is. I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's a joke. I don't know if it's real. I don't know. Whenever a homicide happens, two questions immediately come to mind. Who did this and why? And sometimes the answer to those questions can be found in the where. Where the crime happened.
Starting point is 00:28:00 I'm journalist Sloane Glass, and I host the new podcast American Homicide. Each week we'll explore some of this country's most infamous and mysterious murders. And you'll learn how the location of the crime became a character in the story. On American Homicide, we'll go coast to coast and visit places like the wide-open New Mexico desert, the swampy Louisiana bayou, and the frozen Alaska wilderness. And we'll learn how each region of the country holds deadly secrets. So join me, Sloane Glass, on the new True Crime podcast, American Homicide. Listen to American Homicide on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Welcome to Growing Up, the Lingo Kids podcast where we uncover all the awesome jobs you can do when you grow up. I'm Emily, and I'm here to help you find your passion. Oh, wait a second. This noise. Ah, that's Winston, who always has some burning questions. What is it now, pal? Hey, Emily, can race car drivers go faster than jet planes?
Starting point is 00:29:19 It's difficult. He's a charmer, but sometimes his timing could use some work. Winston's all about trucks, but hey, we'll explore construction, car racing, and plenty more careers. So join us on Growing Up, where we inspire you to be whatever you want to be. Lingo Kids Growing Up is now available on StoryButton, the kid-friendly device for screenless podcast listening. Listen to Growing Up on StoryButton,
Starting point is 00:29:45 the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. While her husband was on a work trip, Lorena found a shoe box of his old work papers. Or at least that's what she thought it was, until she thought it was until she opened it. And I'm looking through and I can't believe
Starting point is 00:30:10 I'm finding these weird things. At first, she didn't know what she was seeing. This is really weird. It's just a paper. Target population, progress chart, and then self-assessment scores, calendar. That's what it says right here. What age regression?
Starting point is 00:30:33 Only one DOM? Question mark. And then there's a Venmo routing number. She kept reading, and this is what she came across next. I came across this one sheet and it said rewards. I was like, oh, that's interesting. Manny Petty from Daddy? A point system?
Starting point is 00:30:56 Remote playtime. Desserts, dress up, trips, books, watching movies, snacks. And then it said, little gets backwards. And then on another page, make a schedule, 14 points. Workout, 10 points. Nutrition, 14 points. It was like a report card or a list of activities to do with a kid.
Starting point is 00:31:24 But then there was another column. There was a little part that said punish, things that I'd never really heard of. Edging without release. And I'm like, yard work, huh? Little did I know. Time out corner? It was a reward system of some kind, and it appeared sexual in nature.
Starting point is 00:31:51 But that wasn't all. There were credit card statements from cards she didn't know about, and receipts for strange purchases. Like, oh my word. What is this? Adult baby bottles, oh my word, what is this? Adult baby bottles, adult bibs, adult onesies. Like these are receipts for these things that Peter had purchased.
Starting point is 00:32:17 There were things of him paying Baby Bear, that was the name of one particular person he was paying. was somewhere around 20,000 30,000 dollars. He had spent on all of this He'd spent $30,000 on sex toys and kink and who was baby bear Something was very wrong. She and Peter's sex life had always been tame It was all just very vanilla. I remember one time me trying to bring up, oh, maybe we should try handcuffs.
Starting point is 00:32:51 How would you feel if I handcuffed you to the bed? And he freaked out on me. Oh my gosh, we can't do that. What if one of us dies during it? Princess Buttercup and Baby Bear were clearly indications of another side of Peter, one that she never knew existed. The Peter she knew was devoted to a conservative fundamentalist church, but this man clearly wasn't who he claimed to be. Lorena was afraid to confront
Starting point is 00:33:19 him on her own, so she called her eldest son, who was 24. He said he would be there in a few days. And he gave her some advice. And until then, you're going to have to hold down the fort. You're going to have to pretend like everything is fine. You're going to have to play the part of everything is fine. When he calls tonight, act like it's no big deal. When he comes home, treat it like it's any other night. Peter came home two days before her son made it there.
Starting point is 00:33:50 So Lorena did pretend. Finally, her son arrived and they got to work. My son is very technologically advanced, and we were able to go through the computers at home and find things that I never could have found on my own. And what they found there painted a full picture of Peter's deception. We found the real Ashley Madison account that he had.
Starting point is 00:34:21 We found pictures of so many women in various states of undress. We found pictures of women with property of Dom written in Sharpie, property of Peter on one woman. These pictures had timestamps dating back to 2017, four years prior. So how much money had he actually spent on affairs? And why had he spent so much on adult diapers, onesies, and baby bottles? Today, this is her understanding
Starting point is 00:34:56 of what her husband was doing with these women. He wanted to be the Dom Daddy, and he wanted a little girl to play along with him. As far as she knows, all the women were adults. They were just sometimes pretending to be children or babies as part of a kink. Lorena pulled up his social media accounts where she found the messages he'd written to these women,
Starting point is 00:35:24 even messages where he referenced Lorena. The other thing that I found on there that he said was every night that I'm with you or with her, I will call my wife and I will talk to her for as little time as possible. That hurt. Before she confronted Peter, Lorena made an appointment with a lawyer to talk divorce. She had told me the state that we live in
Starting point is 00:35:58 is a no fault state and there's not much that we can do unless you have a picture of him having sex. Basically, she said, you've got to have a picture of his genitalia going into someone else's genitalia. Well, I found about 200 pictures and I think three or four videos. Her eldest son was helping her collect this information for the divorce attorneys. They pulled documents together at night, sitting in their parked car in the garage
Starting point is 00:36:31 while Peter slept in the house. And that's when they found proof of even more financial deception. He was working at several different universities as an adjunct professor. So he's making money there and he's hiding it, we found. Ha ha. This man has been spending clearly hand over fist,
Starting point is 00:36:58 tons of money. And my children were like almost at poverty level. We had no money. He was hemorrhaging money on this lifestyle. After they gathered all the information they could find, there was one last thing they needed to do. My son says, Mom, I know we have guns in the house. He took them and brought them to a friend's place.
Starting point is 00:37:24 And once the guns were gone, he made sure his mom and siblings were out of the house. He took them and brought them to a friend's place and once the guns were gone he made sure his mom and siblings were out of the house and then he confronted his dad. My oldest son went inside to our bedroom and said to Peter, hey dad, mom knows everything and she wants you to leave. And Peter sat up slowly, yawned and stretched big and said, ah, okay. And my son said, please leave. And he said, okay.
Starting point is 00:38:05 And he left. After that, Lorena only talked to Peter one more time, on the phone, to let him know that she was filing for divorce. I don't remember all the nonsense he tried to say, but what he did tell me was, what you are doing is far worse than anything I ever did. What I did, what I was doing was divorcing him. I just laughed. I was like, okay, and we're done. And I have not had a conversation with him since.
Starting point is 00:38:43 That was in 2021. From then on, her son took over all communication with Peter. That was in 2021. From then on, her son took over all communication with Peter. That allowed Lorena to focus on her emotional and financial recovery. She also had to explain to her 11 kids why their father had left. Her youngest child was five. Those early days were just such a blur.
Starting point is 00:39:04 I do remember telling the children that we were divorcing because of Peter making some very bad decisions. I think the words I consistently used were poor choices. But when friends and adult family asked, she told them the truth, how she really felt about her husband. Peter was a black hole. She couldn't believe how strange it all was. He was spending tens of thousands of dollars on sexual fetishes. Fetishes that included things like baby play. But all the while, he was
Starting point is 00:39:46 never interested in child care. One thing that kept coming back to me was how weird he was about changing diapers. And here he is, he spent you know thousands of dollars on diapers. After he left and I had filed for divorce, I was still trying to go to church, taking the kids and all that. But after what Peter did, church wasn't the same. There's this cognitive dissonance. I'm now going, what else have I been told that's not right?
Starting point is 00:40:30 This whole patriarchy thing, how is any of this at all biblical? What's real and what's not real? I still have a difficult time going to church. She stopped going to church and is taking time to reevaluate her spirituality and values. She started going to therapy where she began understanding that what she experienced was spiritual abuse. I'm not going to say all churches because I believe that there are some really awesome churches out there. I've been to some, okay? But the ones that are perpetuating patriarchal abuse are the ones that are saying, wives
Starting point is 00:41:15 submit to your husbands. That allows for men to treat women however they desire with no repercussion. She says she was spiritually abused by the church, but also by Peter. Today, she doesn't know if he ever believed any of the fundamentalist ideology or if he just used it as a way to control her. I look back and I can see Peter used that to keep me under control, to keep me where he wanted me, and to keep me behaving in the way he wanted. And three years ago, I couldn't have told you that. This is three years of heavy duty therapy. And then there was his devotion to having as many kids as God would allow.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Was that also just a weapon of control? Looking back, I see why he did that. It kept me busy. His goal was to always keep me busy and to keep me from looking at what he was doing. Because if I wasn't busy with the kids, then my focus was on him. After all, Peter was smart. Unlike a lot of deception stories, he really did get that fancy MBA from an Ivy League school. And after that, he parked his wife
Starting point is 00:42:36 in a fundamentalist church and began an insidious process. Somewhere along the way, he had started chipping away at my identity of who I was and what I could become. And I believed him. It hurts to look back and think about the life she had before Peter. When I met Peter, I was a strong, independent woman. I was only 22, but I had two children, and I was taking care of them like a boss. I had plans.
Starting point is 00:43:19 I had goals. Still, she adores each of her children, and she says they're the reason she's made it through. She's rebuilding her life and finally finishing her degree. It's important for her to explain that not only can betrayal happen to anyone, but so can indoctrination. People do ask, how does a capable, intelligent person go from, hey, I'm a single mom and I'm killing it.
Starting point is 00:43:54 I'm full-time mom. I'm full-time student. I'm full-time employee. How does someone go from that to, I'm not allowed to look at the financial statements of the house. You're comfortable in the beginning, hey, you know, you're not really that great at keeping track of things you might forget.
Starting point is 00:44:16 You've got so much on your plate. Let me just do all the finances. I'll take care of it. All the way to, if you look at this bank account again, I will cut you off and you will not be able to see any finances. You're a boiled frog. We end all of our episodes with the same question. Why do you want to tell your story?
Starting point is 00:44:43 And Lorena came prepared to answer this one. The reason I wanted to tell my story is so that others who are out there in a similar situation might have their eyes opened and go, wow, if she can do it with 11 kids, seven still at home, and with all the odds stacked against her, so can I. If my story can just help one person to see a little clearer, to feel a little bit of comfort, to think that their life is not over, you're not too old to get out. It is never too late to start over and find who you are. That's my hope.
Starting point is 00:45:42 That's my hope. On the next episode of Betrayal... Who is this person? Have I been with an axe murderer? A serial rapist? I've got to find out this person's real name. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us at betrayalpod at gmail.com. That's betrayal, P O D at gmail.com.
Starting point is 00:46:19 We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five-star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison. Hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning. Written and
Starting point is 00:46:45 produced by Monique Laborde. Also produced by Ben Federman. Associate producers are Kristen Mulcury and Caitlin Golden. Our I Heart team is Allie Perry and Jessica Kreincheck. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Dalvecchio. Additional editing support from Nico Aruca and Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines. Music Library provided by MIBE Music. And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes where a crime took place leads you to answer why the crime happened in the first place.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Hi, I'm Sloane Glass, host of the new True Crime podcast, American Homicide. In this series, we'll examine some of the country's most infamous and mysterious murders and learn how the location of the crime becomes a character in the story. Listen to American Homicide on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Emily, revealing incredible jobs that are out there. Here's Winston with his burning question.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Emily, can race cars top jet planes? I gotta know. Classic, he's a charmer, but his timing could use some work. Winston loves trucks, so we'll explore construction, car racing, and more. Join us on Growing Up, the Lingo Kids podcast inspiring you
Starting point is 00:48:21 to chase all your dreams. Listen to Growing Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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